#i have a really tough time explaining why exactly he hides his soullessness

[toffeebrew]

eughhh sleepiness is taking over must write about inky boy. ink sans is by @/comyet

i think upon reanalyzing some asks and the FAQ i have begun to understand how inks err emotions work a little better. a bunch of this is me kinda theorizing sooo yeah. it's not as uhh clear as my other rants are

His emotions aren't really "fake". at least my definition of fake. He still feels.

Instead, their main struggle is to balance and understand his emotions. Like in this ask:

So, he can definitely have quote on quote "normal relationships" with other people

One day you may ask him and he'll be like yeah i care about them alot and the next he doesn't feel very attached at all. As i interpreted "not making sense" as to not understanding why or how he even cares for these people. It seems really dependent on his internal emotional balance. The pretending comes in to play where he may exaggerate or lie about his emotions. Perhaps because he himself wants to have these attachments. Or because he wants to spare others feelings.

more yappage under the cut

According to his FAQ, he realizes his soullessness is an advantage (and theres not any realistic/non morally dubious means to obtain one) and wouldn't change that. However, i don't believe he is completely content with some of the drawbacks. He feels the need to hide his soullessness, as indicated in his design notes. But it "shows through". He feels the need to "pretend to have a soul" -from his backstory comic. This may be because he feels insecure in some way. believing his own emotions are less than others. Or his feelings are invalid or fake because he doesn't have a soul. Or at the very least not as real as others. Because he doesn't feel emotions the way others do, it must be wrong. Because hes chaotic neutral, i don't think these are things others contributed to his line of thought. Rather, something hes internalized himself. not that he would ever tell anyone that.

He may also hide this fact not the freak people out. Man does enjoy a bit of mischief, but it probably be kinda hard to work with other people if you have a large chance they may be scared of/don't trust you. I also think he doesn't actually want to like...petrify people. Which i would imagine many monsters would struggle, if they knew. given what people may assume of him. Or at least that's what he thinks ig shsksh.

Given he fears loneliness i think both of these reasons may contribute. He doesn't want people to abandon him. abandonment issues caused by trauma he can't remember.

But he can definitely feel extremes as well. being "overexcited" so much so he forgets consequences. He vomits up ink when shocked or overly passionate. I didn't expand on this as much because i feel like others have explained better than i ever could.

as his FAQ indicates his emotions can be separate from his morality. so its not necessarily contradictory for him to have these big emotions but still have uhh ig a more neutral way of looking at things. ig

btw this post was inspired from this analysis!! i tried to add my own spin on my commentary

#ink sans #im delirious so i apologize if this doesn't make sense #im very eppy #this is all my own interpretation and opinions! #i need a coffee #oh also ik asks aren't completely canon #and head more into headcanon territory #but i decided it would be interesting to talk about anyway #im not as confident in this analysis #apologies if that shows through haha #i have a really tough time explaining why exactly he hides his soullessness #I'll edit this later

[sebbytrash]

Through His Eyes - Part Twelve

Summary - Bucky arrives at the compound to start afresh but you and him have a somewhat colorful past, colorful being that you met him once before as The Winter Soldier and it did not go well. New beginnings, yeah? If you can learn to forgive.

Pairing - Eventual Bucky x Reader

Warnings - Flashbacks, violence, mentions of blood and torture, spiralling, sad stuff. B E W A R E

A/N -  This one was tough guys, it took a while to get to where I thought it was right. It’s a heavy part, but can be skipped if required and I can explain to anyone who wants a recap. Feedback loved and appreciated. 

Through His Eyes Masterlist

The door is green. Not green green, but a dull, weathered green that looks like it was probably discounted in the hardware store to begin with and has seen many, many storms since. Your not sure why this is the immediate thought you have when you arrive, but it is. The door, the building, it’s all unassuming, nondescript, borderline boring. It’s not the cavern of evil you imagined it would be, there's no blood stains or harrowing screams coming from inside. It’s logical, obviously, but you can’t help but feel a bit surprised that it doesn’t reflect all the damage it’s done to you. That it’s still just a door.

There’s a bite in the air that dances along you cheek like the clouds know and match their mood to yours. You hesitate, do one last check to see if this is what you want, one last search in your soul and find no resistance, find only the need to clear the particular wall from inside you and deal with whatever the consequences are.

You push against the door and find it locked, it takes you less than a minute to sweet talk the lock into opening and step inside, pulling the door behind you even though that in itself makes you feel a little claustrophobic. Inside is much of what you expect, empty halls and empty rooms, peeling wallpaper and scuffed floorboards. You don’t recognise anything except from the pictures in the report but then again, it’s not like you got the grand tour. Nah, you got the pleasure of the basement alone.

You find the door to the basement and open it, swing it with a little more force than you mean to and jump when it hits the wall with a thud. The jolt sends your heart into a sprint, or it was already sprinting, your not sure but it throws itself backwards and clings to the bags of your rib cage. The rickety wooden steps lead down into the dark, a musty darkness that breathes and echos like it’s alive. You ignore the tremble in your fingers as you take the first step, then the next, each one filling your feet with stone, the weight tugs at your ankles like you wading through your own sorrow and its leaden. It’s rivalled only by the fire in your belly, the rage mixing in with that pain and forcing you further into that living darkness. It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust when you reach the bottom, and whilst they do you notice the smell. The staleness of the smell, the undisturbed feeling like maybe nobody else has been back, maybe you were the last one here. Was it possible to smell despair?

The darkness breathes and you breathe with it, step forward and your knees hit against something, hard. You stumble backward until your back is against the wall, fingers thumbling for the torch attached to your belt that probably should have used already, the light pierces the darkness in a way that makes it seem so much darker. It shows a chair, tipped on its side and covered in dust. You know that chair, know how the grains feel against your skin, know how one of the legs has a chunk where it was tipped with weight, know there’s crusted blood on top of crusted blood at the back where fingernails turned ragged against its edges. The fear returns, that cold, familiar fear that made its home inside your bones, taunting and slithering back like it was never really gone. How easily it fits back where it always was, how easily you let it take those long months of fighting and growing, how easily you let all that progress go. If the fear had a voice, a sound, it would be a slow, cruel laughter.

You right the chair, an inexplicable need to truly see what was taken from you, to see the bits of you that were left behind. It brings you to your knees, desperate, cold, broken.

He stands in the shadows, his face devoid of any feeling, just watching, always watching. His eyes are cold, dead even, like he’s just as steel and soulless as the knife he holds. You stare right back, refusing to balk at him, refusing to cower. The bonds on your right chafe against the already angry skin, dimmed only by the pain in your face, chest, the product of hours of “interrogation” at the Soldiers hands, him and the asshole beside him who does all the talking. The dark room doesn’t his identity as well as he thinks. Perhaps he doesn’t care and that scares you more, tells you exactly what they plan to do with you.

“This can all be over.” Pierce says, the false concern in his tone making your lip curl, “Tell me where Fury and Rogers are hiding.”

“And I suppose I get to walk out of here after, right?” You say, and then if only to annoy him further, you add “Pierce.” As good as signing your own death warrant, you know, but you can’t help but want to fuck with him a little before you do. His jaw clenches and you know you’ve hit a nerve, he steps forward into the light and lets you see him, you almost smirk before his hand comes down hard on your cheek, the shock of it jarring your teeth together and forcing your head to snap back.

“Perhaps you need a reminder, agent, as to who you stand against.” He nods to the Soldier who stalks towards you, presses his knife instantly under your jaw, “No, not yet. I have something else in mind.” And just like that, he brands you. Taints your flesh with the words you hate, takes what little you had left and destroys it with just five simple letters. H.Y.D.R.A. Simple, awful, permanent. “Where is your Captain now, agent? Or are you not important enough to warrant a rescue? No, that’s for the real players, the people who matter.”

The pain is never ending, it’s been minutes or hours or days, all you know is the pain. Days and nights no longer exist, it’s only pain and more pain. His eyes are always dead, never meeting yours, always looking toward the agony. Your arm is molten, strips of fire where there was once flesh, the sweat drops down your chin and yet your body is wracked with tremors, eyes heavy with exhaustion or infection, or both. Pierce has gone now, everything is quiet except the roaring in your ears, the loudest silence of all.

“Please.” You whisper, beg, throat hoarse from screaming, all promises of bravery long since forgotten, “Please don’t.”

He says nothing, face never changing. Just the same dead eyes and the same cruel knife. You don’t hear the sounds of your bones breaking over the ringing in your ears, the smallest of mercy’s from a god you’ve long since given up on.

The dark starts to welcome you, raise it’s hands every time you return. Faces you don’t remember when you’re awake smile at you in the abyss, murmur gentle promises and issue threats, the distinction between dreams and reality has blurred, you are no longer able to tell the difference between your own thoughts and reality.

The pain lessens, your blood turns thick and slow, the sad steady beat of your heart as it tries not give up even though you have. Is this what death feels like? Just fading away into nothing, alone and broken on the floor, still tied to the chair that you tried to break free of. A failed attempt that left you on the ground, dead eyes seeing but not seeing, a declaration from the living that you should be left to lie there, a nod of understanding from the dead. It’s been days or years since anyone last came down so you know they have truly left, and left you here to die.

Your eyes flicker against the light, the familiar creak of the stairs as someone descends and you hope, pray, that it’s time. That they’ll end this misery, finally. The bonds are snapped free, your arms hitting the floor with a thud, no fight left in you to do much against the arms that hawl you up from that floor, every step another wave of agony. Not so dead eyes meet yours as you are propped against a wall, words that you can’t hear said, something pressed into your hand that you grip for a second before your fingers fail and it falls to the floor. You watch the shadows fade, get smaller and then disappear before the darkness comes for you again, the final time, you think, hope.

The memories assault you, strip away every layer, tears away every piece of you until your raw, exposed. It’s like you never escaped from this room, you’ve just carried it around with you all these days and months. A weight, a sea. The shame bores down more than anything, because for everything you feel about this place, shame is the thing that haunts you in the night. Shame for how easily you gave up, how ready you were to die here on this filthy floor, alone, forgotten. That’s what you carry everyday with you, not what you endured, not the scars and the pain, no. You carry the knowledge of your weakness, that you welcomed the escape of death with no regard for who you were leaving behind. That’s what scares you most of all. And so the memories assault, and so does the voices. Steve, Wanda, Sam. Oh, Sam, if he knew.

Except, there’s another voice. A quiet but defiant voice that demands to be heard, that whispers to your heart. Tells stories of kindness and strength, of long nights and early mornings, of every single step you’ve taken since that day. Reminds you that despite it all, despite that lowest of lows, you still stand. You fight for every single day, the long, never ending fight for your own soul. The words wrap tight around your heart and your let their roots take, no longer willing to be complicit in the undoing of your progress. No, you would not fall again. Would not succumb to the fear, to the shame.

As if called to you by his voice in your head, Bucky stands at the now open door, face stricken and chest heaving like he ran all the way here. He barely makes it to the bottom of the stairs before your in his arms, clinging to the back of his jacket like you might float away without it to anchor you to the earth. He grips you tight, holding on for as long as it takes, just waiting for you to be OK. He’s always waiting for you to be OK.

Finally, you pull back, he looks at you with soft, sorrowful eyes and lifts his fingers to gently wipe the tears you didn't even realise were falling. “I'm sorry.” He says.

“I know.” You reply, and then all of a sudden you are struck by this image, both of you crouched here in this place of your shared past and secrets, know exactly what it must have cost him to come here for you and get lost in that wave of guilt again, “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

He says nothing, only looks at you with more pain than one person should be able to stand, then finally he says low like a confession, “You know, Y/N. I don’t think I ever want to hear you apologise to me ever again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask, not angry but curious. “That it was you who saved me.”

His jaw twitches and fresh pain sweeps over his face, “I didn’t save you.”

“You came back for me. Called 911 from a cell that you left with me so they’d find me. Without either of those, I’d have been dead before Steve and Sam found me.”

He lets you drive the bike back home, offering a little control in the only way he can, clings to your sides and says nothing when you deliberately take the long route. The streets pass in a blur, colours all melting together as your thoughts trip over and over. The journey, the memories, that voice. That wires edge almost cleaving it’s way through you, gone, leaving you to free fall into oblivion.

FOREVER:  @manawhaat @theashhole @captainrogerss @a-little-hell-to-raise  @peculiar-persephone  @captain-rogers-beard @chrisevansnco @howlingbarnes @poealsobucky @samingtonwilson @vintagevalentinexx @abovethesmokestacks @imhereforbvcky @avengerofyourheart  @carriefish-er @stormy-thomas @danijimenezv   @betheboo55 @palaiasaurus64 @raxacoricofallapatoriuspotter @johnmurphys-sass @katbird787    @sexyvixen7 @jobean12-blog  @justreadingfics @justareader @smoothdogsgirl @theliarone @aikibriarrose @timeladylaurel @badassbakers @earinafae @crushed-pink-petals @tardis-is-mine @httpmcrvel @bucky2-0 @mocking-rain @sociallyimpairedme @jezzula @bless-my-demons @ign-is @indominusregina @-supernatural-coffee-llama @alwayshave-faith @itsonlysarah @superwholocknda @shifutheshihtzu @mizzzpink @yknott81 @haven-in-writing @xtina2191 @reniescarlett @notsoprettykitty @wickedwerewolf @ayeputita @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky  @tatalopes23 @pineapplebooboo @mizzezm @thefridgeismybestie @memory-of-a-goldfish @supernatural-girl97 @standing-onthe-edge @ruinerofcheese @rosescentedblood @mysweetcookie99

#through his eyes #kale writes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #marvel fanfic

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 6

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -this may look like a love triangle but ill do my best not to turn it into one. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- this will definitely be updated more often now :) i just like writing this and even if no one reads well its all good :) but if you do read, ILY!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 6 : His chapter

Niall

"Truth!" I immediately said as Harry let out the exact same word.

I turned to him and he did it too, making Livia laugh, putting her hand over her mouth. I never really understood why she did that and I didn't see any reason for her to hide herself but I took a mental note to ask her someday.

"It's like a mirror or something." she explained when I sent her a questioning look.

I probably made a weird face again because she started laughing harder, her upper body swinging back lightly before she uncrossed her legs and let herself slide on the carpet. Harry and I remained silent but when I raised my eyebrows, she smiled more.

"Okay, I'll ask both of you the same question." she finally proposed. "And I know exactly what i'm gonna ask."

Her smile turned into a smirk and I shook my head slightly. I had always refused to answer some questions because I always thought that what happened on the road, should stay on the road, but I knew I was about to hear a question I had been asked before.

"Don't cheat." I warned her before she sent me an innocent look.

"That's not cheating! That's a game, Niall, and you have to answer the question because you picked truth!"

I groaned low knowing it amused her more than it should and when I glanced at Harry, I realized he was smiling too. Poor Harry knew how to get around a question in an interview but he had no idea of how Olivia's brain really worked yet. When she wanted an answer, she could be quite persuasive.

"How do you guys masturbate while on the road?" she let out, her innocent look still gracing her face. "Do you do it in the bunks behind the curtains? Or maybe you wait until you're alone, or when you can have your own hotel room? Or is it some sort of collective thing that you share?"

I grimaced at the thought but Harry started laughing and I knew I was fucked, I would definitely have to answer that question because Harry was going to tell her anyway.

"Sometimes in the bunks, sometimes in the shower, sometimes in a hotel room, love."

Her smile fell down slightly. "So, nothing collective?"

"No, nothing collective you soulless dirty woman!" I let out a bit too loud before Harry could say anything, throwing the first thing my hand landed on which was the golf magazine I had left on my coffee table.

Liv started laughing, trying to dodge my projectile with her elbow, while Harry hit me gently on the arm, making me shrug and frown at him.

"Don't worry, Harry." she started, reaching for an other jello shot and leaving the magazine on the floor. "That's how Niall and I talk and treat each other. You should know by now, he doesn't mean it."

She threw her head back to eat the shot and somehow, it made my lips curl. I didn't know why but she was endearing tonight, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because Harry was there. Was she different around him? I didn't really notice.

I decided I wanted something else than those a bit too sweet jello shots and walked to the kitchen, coming back with three beers. I handed them one each and sat back on the floor, between Harry and Liv, making sure not to hide them from each other. They thanked me but kept talking and I tried to get back on track with the game.

"I'm not sure it's fair." Liv said, shaking her head.

"It's totally fair." Harry argued. "One truth, and one dare."

"No wait, you can each ask me one truth, just like I asked you." she bargained, wagging her finger his way. "Which is more than fair because Niall didn't even answer anything."

I grimaced and groaned low before opening my beer and taking a long sip. As I expected, Liv extended me hers and without thinking, I opened it for her and took a short sip, making her let out a loud "hey!" as a complain, the way she always does.

"Tax, you know how it works." I pointed out with a smirk as she grabbed the beer from my hands. "If you can't open it yourself, then there's a one sip tax."

"Fuck you, Horan." she let out, raising her nose and taking a sip too.  "You could have just been a gentleman, you know."

"Okay, I think i've got a question, then." Harry cut out little banter and we both turned to him. "Niall can ask his after."

I suddenly felt very curious to know what question Harry had thought about, especially that for some reason, I felt like it was going to be either embarrassing, or just plain wrong. I knew we were all drinking but I was pretty sure we were far from being drunk or even tipsy and it made me sort of hopeful that the game would remain basic but with Harry, I could never be sure.

"Have you ever had a crush on Niall?"

Silence fell in the room and without thinking, I held my breath. The question lingered around and my lips parted slightly. I couldn't really think and for some odd reason, I burst into laughter. I tried to stop when I realized I was the only one laughing but it was tough and I ended up with a huge smile on my lips as I turned to my best friend.

"That's a ridiculous question, I mean, I think i'd know if my best friend had ever had a crush on me!" I waited a few seconds but they both remained quiet. "Right?"

My best friend frowned slightly and looked down, licking her lips. She moved her knees up and wrapped her arms around them slowly before inhaling deeply.

"I had a crush on you when we were kids." she admitted blatantly.

My smile fell and I stared at her, surprised. I didn't know why I was so shocked, perhaps because I always thought all we had was platonic but it seemed like a big reaction for a simple confession.

"I mean, I even asked you to the dance but you didn't want anyone to think we were dating and..." she moved her head from side to side lightly, avoiding my eyes, and finally shrugged. "So yea, I actually had a crush on you."

I was speechless and it seemed like I was not the only one. It took me a few seconds, almost a whole minute, to get back to my senses.

"I'm-I'm sorry I laughed." I apologized. "I didn't know. You never told me."

She chuckled low but without amusement. "Why? There was no reason to, I knew you didn't feel the same."

I couldn't tell if I ever had a crush on her and it bothered me. There was no specific moment that I could remember I wanted to date her but at the same time, it felt stupid to say it never crossed my mind because it had. Of course, when you get so close to someone, you ask yourself if it could be more at some point. Yes, I had thought about it, but it never went further than that and deep down, I couldn't help but try to convince myself that it was the right thing to do.

The dream I had about her only a couple days before rushed back to my brain and I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the image of her moaning my name as she came. It was so vivid, more like a memory than a dream, although I was well aware that it never happened, but it bothered me to remember it so clearly. This couldn't be considered like a crush, though, right?

The room had been silent for too long and I grabbed a shot, swallowing it quickly.

"Okay, my turn then." I finally said, trying to ease the tension in the room.

I breathed in and looked at my two friends, my eyes moving from one to the other for a few seconds before to straighten my back and turn to Liv. At this point, i think we were all aware that something was going on between the two of them and I sort of wanted to get back at her for the masturbation question. At the same time, I wasn't against a tiny revenge on Harry for his crush question.

"Have you ever thought about having sex with Harry?"

I expected her to blush, to hide her face, to feel a bit embarrassed, but instead, she started laughing, throwing her head back again in a fucking cute way.

"Everyone on the fucking planet thought about having sex with him." she explained, raising her shoulders in a shrug. "Heck I bet even you did."

This time, it's Harry that started laughing while I sent my best friend an other dead glare.

"Answer the damn question, Liv."

"Yes!" she quickly replied, almost cutting me. "And it was good, and It turned me on, and in my daydream, he had a big dick."

I looked at her as she turned her eyes to Harry, sending him an amused smile, and I suddenly felt like a third wheel. I didn't want to be the one who would stop them again, I didn't want Olivia to be mad at me, and I surely didn't want to be the one who would make whatever they had disappear. The truth was, though, that I didn't like what was happening. I promised my best friend I wouldn't get into her business and that I'd respect it, and I was going to, but that didn't mean I had to agree with what was happening right on front of my face.

"Too much info!" I let out, raising my hands up before quickly drinking was was left from my beer.

Thinking about them having sex was making me cringe inside but I would never admit that to her. Perhaps, thinking about my best friend having sex with anyone was something that made me slightly uncomfortable. My dream came back once again to my mind and I shook my head. Clearly, even imagining my best friend having sex with me was upsetting me I just wasn't sure why.

"Okay, back with the game, Niall, your turn." I looked at Harry and raised my eyebrows as I swallowed the sip I took and put my beer between my thighs.

"I'm not drunk enough for dare so, truth."

I could feel my beer getting warmer but I held my breath, a bit scared of what Harry was going to ask. Since the game started, the questions had been more and more embarrassing and I feared it was going to go somewhere it wasn't supposed to go.

"Who's the last person you thought about having sex with?"

Like there.

I blinked a few times, my eyes finally moving from Harry to Liv, who was looking down at her beer, making it turn around with her fingers in a nervous manner. I couldn't say I had a dream about me and her having sex, and I definitely couldn't admit it had somehow upset me so much that I couldn't stop thinking about it.  So i decided to lie. I held my breath a few more seconds and eventually just shrugged again.

"I mean, it was Heidi, last night." I let out as if it was obvious. "Nothing really surprising here."

I heard Livia scoff and looked up at her, sending her a frown. I wanted to be pissed at her for judging who I was having sex with when she didn't want me to judge who she wanted to date but I bit my tongue and cleared my throat, trying to let it go. There was no reason for us to fight. Not again. I hated it.

Silence once again took over and I finished my now tepid beer quickly, putting the bottle away and taking an other shot. Suddenly, I wanted to be really drunk, and I reckoned it was my turn, tonight.

"Okay then, Harry, I bet you're gonna choose truth?" Livia continued as he nodded. "You know guys, at some point, someone's gonna have to pick dare."

"Maybe you should." I pointed out, putting the now empty cup of jello on the coffee table.

"Maybe I will." she replied quickly, sending me an unamused smile. "Okay, Harry, tell me. How many times did you almost kiss me?"

This time, Harry's lips curled into a smirk and it made me want to punch him. He moved from his spot, spreading one of his legs on the carpet and moving his hair away from his eyes. My best friend was staring at him and I could bet they had both completely forgotten about my presence in the room.

"It's hard to count." he admitted after a while. "That time with the jello, obviously. And also last night."

Livia glanced at me but put her eyes back on him as I sighed low. I knew I should feel guilty but I couldn't help not to.

"The problem is that I probably always have it stuck in the back of my mind but I just never feel like it's really the right time."

I was expected a banter to start, I was expecting Liv to laugh and flirt, I could even see them just move closer and kiss but instead, I saw my best friend, look down and nod slightly, letting her fingers brush nervously on the fabric of the couch. I wanted to ease the moment, I wanted this awkwardness to stop and I wanted us to be joking and laughing together like we used to, even if it felt like forever ago.

"And you, Olivia, how many times did you almost kiss me?"

Her head jolted up so fast I thought she may have broken her own neck and I held my breath again. I couldn't decipher her facial expression but I kept trying, my gaze dived in hers as she frowned in confusion. It felt like an eternity before someone talked and somehow, I was grateful to Harry for speaking.

"Wow, guys, where is this going exactly?" he started with a chuckle. "I mean we're supposed to have fun right?"

Liv ignored him but her face softened and she raised her eyebrows, leaning against the couch and grabbing her beer.

"Not once, I knew you didn't want it."

It was the second time she told me that tonight and it was starting to bother me. What did she know about what I wanted, exactly? I was close to ask her when Harry cleared his throat and spread his other leg out, crossing his ankles together.

"You said you'd pick dare, Liv, are you game?"

Her eyes fluttered while still looking at me before turning to him and moving her chin up in a daring way. It both Harry and I smile as the tension seemed to ease slightly.

"Shoot."

Harry licked his lips, his smirk reappearing quickly as he moved closer to her again. For some reason, I felt a bit out of place and move closer to them too. I could see that Harry was getting tipsy and he became even more of a flirt when it happened, and that's saying something.

"Send me the naughtiest picture of yourself on your phone."

Her face changed and it made me chuckle, shaking my head a bit.

"Liv has no nude on her phone, she's not the type."

Olivia licked her lips before biting her bottom one and I noticed her fingers squeezing her phone tighter.

"Define nude?"

Her comment made my heart skip a beat and I almost choked on the jelly shot I was trying to eat. Was it possible that I knew my best friend so poorly? Or did she change and I never bothered to get to know the new her?

"A full body shot, or even just a tits picture." Harry explained, not completely amused as his eyes glanced at her shirt.

Did he fucking say 'tits'?

"This is disgusting guys, i'm still here y'know." I grunted, making both of them turn to me.

My best friend let out a laugh and then shrugged with one shoulder, turning to me. Her eyes met mine and at that exact moment, there were so many things I wanted to ask her that I wouldn't even know where to start.

"Niall's right, and it's late anyway."

I thought it would disappoint or piss Harry off but he laughed and nodded, trying to get back on his feet with difficulty. I got up too and grabbed the empty bottles as Livia started helping me.

"Thanks guys, i'll text you both."

I turned around and grabbed Harry's shirt in the back, making him almost lose his balance. I could see he was past the tipsy phase and I was surprised since I hadn't seen him drink that much but perhaps, I was too busy to notice.

"You're not driving, you're spending the night here." I pointed out firmly. "The guest room is yours."

"I was gonna call a cab but..." he thought for a few seconds and finally nodded. "Alright, works for me, thanks mate."

We cleaned the living room as best as we could and I tried not to be too anal about it. I found a few extra blankets and gave them to Harry, telling him there was all he could need waiting for him in the adjacent bathroom of where he was going to sleep. We all stood awkwardly in the hall when Harry opened the door and let the blankets fall in the bed, turning to us.

"I'd ask you to join me, but..."

The way they looked at each other made my heart twist. I had no idea why they were reluctant when they clearly both wanted it a lot, but I couldn't say I was not happy about it. I didn't want anything to happen between them under my roof, that would be just too weird.

"Too soon, too drunk..." she pointed out with a chuckle.

"Wrong place, wrong time."

I groaned low, trying not to let this stupid conversation affect me, and decided to leave them alone. I walked to my room and took my clothes off, putting them in the laundry basket before looking through my drawers for a clean pair of boxers. I took a shirt out too and put it on the bed for Liv before going to the bathroom. When I came out, she was there, eyes closed, laying on my bed wearing only her panties and my shirt, and I cursed at myself for not lending her sweatpants too. Why did this dream fuck me up so bad?

"Hey, you okay?" I asked gently, sitting on the bed and turning to her.

She sighed and move her arm away from her face as her eyes opened to immediately meet mine. It made my lips curl fondly and I licked them. I waited a few more seconds for her answer but she remained silent and I moved my head slightly.

"You want to get some fresh air?"

The thankful smile she sent me  made me happy and I got up as she followed me, stopping at my drawer to take a pair of sweatpants and I thanked heaven for that. She almost tripped on her feet as she tried putting them on while following me and I chuckled, making her groan.

"You're such a clumsy ass, I swear." I whispered, making sure we don't wake Harry up.

"Says the guy who never once used tact in his whole life."

I turned to her and sent her a fake offended look before she grimaced. I laughed again and she cursed low, calling me a loser or something as eloquent that I couldn't quite hear. I took a seat on couch I had placed on the porch while she closed the front door behind herself and finally took place next to me. Her thigh pressed against mine and for the second time, I thanked whatever was responsible for the fact that she decided to put pants on.

"I'm sorry." I finally apologized after a few minutes of silence, looking straight in front of me. The night was warm but a shiver ran across my back as I looked at the dark and empty street in front of us. "I didn't want to laugh at you, put you in a weird position with Harry, or make you feel bad."

She didn't answer and I turned my head to look at her, noticing she was playing with the fabric of my sweatpants that she was wearing, making sure we didn't have any eye contact. I didn't know why I felt so guilty but I did. I know that game could have turned worse but it could also have turned better.

"Hey, i'm honestly really sorry." I repeated, pushing her lightly with my upper body, trying to catch her attention.

"I don't know, Niall. This whole thing is becoming so weird and awkward." she admitted with a shrug. "I think i'm gonna tell Harry we should just stay friends."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and I immediately felt like shit for being happy about her decision. I couldn't let her do that, even if it's what I wanted. I had no reason to feel like that and she was right, she clearly deserved to be happy. If Harry could make her happy then i'd have to suck it up.

"No, it's worth a try." I argued, swallowing my pride with difficulty. "Do it. Go on a date with him, kiss him." I shrugged and turned back to look at the street again. "You never know."

"I don't know anymore, Niall."

I breathed in and sighed before leaning back, extending my arms and placing them on the back of the couch, one around her shoulders.

"Okay, you give Harry and you a chance and i'm gonna tell you a secret."

Suddenly, he head moved up and her eyes met mine. They were sparkling in the darkness and something twisted in my stomach. I felt like I was going to regret this.

"A secret?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "Okay, it's a deal!"

Just to see the smile plastered on her face at that exact moment made it worth the horrible secret I was going to spill and it made me realize that what matrered the most to me was my best friend's happiness.

"You know that question about who's the last person I thought about having sex with?"

She remained completely motionless, staring at me for a few seconds before to raise her eyebrows more.

"Yea? So?" she wondered impatiently. "It was not Heidi? Who was it? Harry?"

I ignored her recurrent joke about Harry and cleared my throat, squirming slightly on my seat. I knew that after those words would come out of my mouth, I could never take them back but I felt okay with it. Perhaps it was the alcohol running in my veins or maybe just that I thought that saying it out loud would make the vivacity of the dream stuck in my head die a little bit, I wasn't sure.

I let my eyes roam on her face, just noticing now how all her features seemed to fit perfectly together.

"It was you."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan fic #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #idek why i tag this lol

[aphotictale-blog]

Aphotictale - characters

Welcome Welcome one and all to the character list for the main character of Aphotictale, in this I’ll be covering the backstories and personalities of the...well...main characters. If you don’t want read all of this the last paragraph has basic information on everyone. Also, the second to last paragraph has the backstory of everything in this timeline, yes, this is an alternate timeline, not universe, and you can ask “what’s the difference?”, and the difference is that an alternate universe is on the same plane of existence, while an alternate timeline (what is about to be said is not scientifically true in any way so don’t come to me saying I’m a liar if you go telling people it’s true and then finding out it’s not) exist in the fourth dimension, where everything in the timeline exists in the third, but all the timelines live in the fourth together. Also, in this timeline monsters live an average lifespan of 5000 years, don’t speak English but rather speak “soul speak”, and they reproduce by taking a part of each partners soul and putting them together, which grows into a new soul. Their food is more air and liquid then solid, and they can even eat plasma. They don’t exactly sleep but rather have like a battery that lasts five days and needs to be charged for one with rest, but like a phone battery they can be chared whenever. Finally, they can live without their body, they do feel pain when they get hurt (except the undead) but even if their body dies, as long as their soul lives they can make a new body. Anyways, let’s begin.

We will start off with everyones favorite, sans. In this AT, sans is the son of Gaster, an abusive mad scientist who lost his mind at the death of his wife and beats sans and experiments on him. Lucida, who died in the great war is Sans's mother. He is a heavy alcolic who usually drinks 10 bottles of 75% Vodka before getting buzzed. He is also an apprentice to Gaster and a scientist himself, although no one ever gives him credit for his works. He has a human soul (which will be explained at the end) of Justice, and when killed, will turn into his...de"termination" mode, which was made accidently when Gaster was experimenting on him. He doesn't really love anyone but cares deeply about his brother Papyrus, technical son Napstablook, and Toriel. Sans looks the way he does due to his father, Gaster, injecting his magical dna into child sans in hope that he will become as smart as Gaster quickly, although while it did give him his wits, it also gave him some of his problems like addiction and carelessness. In general Sans is a careless hero. (Echotale sans is made by Yoralim on tumblr and gastertale sans is made by borurou on tumblr) Next we have Papyrus, sans's older brother and Gasters and Lucidas child. He is the golden child everyone loves and respects. He seems very unloving and rude to many, only thinking in equations and strategies. He is the royal strategist of the royal knights, planning attacks and giving orders. He secretly cares about Sans in a brotherly way, his father Gaster in a fatherly way (unless all you fontcest shippers want more, in which I can't stop ya) and he is in love with Mettaton. Him and Mettaton are lovers who secretly had a child named napstablook, but when the child was found they said the child was sans's. He has a soul of perseverance (again, will be explained at the end) and never gives up on his goals, doing anything to achieve them. (Gastertale papyrus is made by borurou on tumblr). In all Papyrus may seem cold and soulless, but deep down cares about many. Moving on we have Mettaton, star of the underground, mother of napstablook (yes in this Mettaton is a female) and Papyrus's lover. She publicly hates Sans for "rape" but in private is very sorry for pushing it onto him, telling Sans all the time of how sorry she is for having to lie, he eventually forgave her and accepted the role of being napstablooks father. She is very compassionate and caring, always willing to help everyone she meets and just wants to make the underground a better place. She has a soul of compassion (a pink soul is a soul of compassion) and in Omega form her soul is cracked. She was originally a ghost monster, but then Papyrus came along and made her a body to her liking, which is part of the reason she loves Papyrus. All in all she is a compassionate soul (pun intended) and cares for the whole underground like family. Now to the son of Papyrus and Mettaton, Napstablook. Napstablook is very shy but yet kind, putting others before himself. He admires who calls his father Sans and tries to live above Sans's expectations and do whatever it takes to make him happy. He goes to a high school with other monsters and tries to help them with there problems, but is usually bothered a lot and constantly has anxiety attacks due to him being the son of Mettaton. Mettaton tries to help him as much as possible, but usually has Sans or one of her employees babysit him. He feels alone and unloved a lot, but acts happy and cheerful, hoping to be like his mother when he grows up. He loves music and makes many songs of his own, usually romance and techno, the romance songs being about his crush Alphys. He has a soul of patience Alphys is a highschooler who is very intelligent and has a crush on Napstablook (sorry everyone but the Undyne x Alphys ship isn't cannon in this). She is short and chubby, usually wearing a t-shirt and skirt with round glasses. She is kind and helping with a sharp mind and straight A+'s, always being called the monster calculator (like someone calling someone else a human calculator for humans). She is very shy and has anxiety problems coming from years of bullying, one of her only friends being Napstablook, which is part of the reason why she loves him, another reason being that she has heard some of his romance songs secretly. She has a soul of integrity and thinks of Undyne as and older sister or mother since she is an orphan that lives with Undyne. The royal knight herself, Undyne. Undyne is a tough soul who isn't afraid of anything except herself and Gaster. She fights for the betterment of her kingdom and will stop anyone in her path. She loves action movies and her trusty katana termination. She has a small crush on asgore and thinks of alphys like a little sister, helping her be strong and teaching her how to fight when Alphys wants to learn. While she may teach Alphys, Alphys teaches her too about science and math, helping Undyne finally get her education. Undyne works for King Asgore and Gaster, although she doesn't trust Gaster due to his closed off nature and how his sons look so much like him and not their mother. She has a soul of determination. Asgore is the older brother of Toriel (yes they are siblings in this not married, when i first played undertale i thought they were siblings due to their resembling looks) and King of his side of the underground. He is a rough and evil person in battle but can be kind sometimes. He is tall and muscular with black hair and a black "goat T" (puns are awesome), a red stripe going through his sleek, pulled back oily hair. He has huge horns that circle around and point up and foward, wearing heavy armor and a red cape. His sister Toriel and him grew up fighting each other and lost their parents in the great war, they ended up growing up to hate each other and even splitting the kingdom in two. Asgore cares for Sans and Papyrus like they were his brothers and cares about Undyne like the sister he never had and always wanted. Asgore has a soul of Bravery, afraid of much but always standing up to his fears and laughing at them. He asked Gaster once to make a son for him so Gaster injected a bit of every soul type into an echo flower and Asgore named the flower asriel. Toriel is the queen of her kingdom and rules with a soul of Kindness. She always helps everyone she meets and always allows people into her kingdom, giving them hospitality and friendship. She is in love with Sans and has told him many times, although sans doesn't know whether he loves her or just thinks of her as a sister. She cares the most about her nephew Asriel, who is a flower made by Gaster and is Asgores son, she tries to help him with confidence although it's hard for him since he is so weak. She does not have her own army but has a peace treaty with Asgores kingdom. All in all she just wants to make the underground a better place for everyone. Asriel is a kind echo flower with a small soul consisting of every soul type and has the only white soul and because of it called a soul of life, made by Gaster because Asgore wanted a prince to his throne. Asriel tries to be normal and goes to school but gets made fun of a lot for being a flower and called a traitor. One of his only friends is napstablook, who he looks up to and tries to hang out with as much as possible. He tries to help everyone he meets but has a tendancy to lose control when people attack him or make fun of his family. He hates politics and violence and either fights or hides when anyone bring it up to him. Gaster is a malicious being with a soul pure black, discomfort. He is cunning and smart, easily manipulating people and hiding many dark secrets. He is the father of Sans and Papyrus and husband of Lucida. Before Lucidas death he was a nice man with a blue soul, but when his wife died his soul turned black and he began to hate everything, beating Sans day after day as he grew up. He soon became the royal scientist due to his amazing schematics for the new kingdom, and ever since has been helping the underground be a better place while secretly experimenting on people for science and his own sadistic pleasure. He hides his black soul in his skull and shows an artificial blue soul, making everyone think he has a blue soul. Now for the backstory. *cue undertale intro music* long ago many tribes and colonies lived in harmony, such as the dead (ex. Sans, mettaton), the atlantians (ex. Undyne), the goats (ex. Asgore) and many, many more. One day a new tribe was discovered called the humans. These colonies treated the humans with kindness and hospitaliaty but the humans were afraid of them so they started a war. The humans won and cast a spell using millions of human souls (because in this monsters and humans has the same soul types) that made it so nothing could ever leave the underground. Present day: 2772. Those who fall underground are said to never return, being eaten by the horrid monsters that ruled 2772 years ago. But you, a human wandered to the hole, whether it was stupidity, hate for humans, or who wanted only for death to come and take you, and fall into the underground...APHOTICTALE. Okay so now we got what happened before the great war and how you, the human protagonist, have fallen underground, let's talk about what happened to the monsters. The monsters first freaked out, war raging against themselves as all hell broke loose. But one day, the undead colony and the goat colony signed and peace treaty and ended the great war that strarted with the humans attacking. Soon a goverment and civilization was built and most of the "first generation" (ex. Gaster, lucida) had died off, leaving the prince Asgore and princess Toriel in power, at the same time Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, and Mettaton had become adults, these were know as the "second generation". Soon a battle broke out between toriel and Asgore, causing the kingdom to be split in two and a peace treaty being made. After that mettaton had gotten a body and had napstaton, while alphys was born and then abandoned, Undyne finding her and taking her in. Alphys, Asriel, and Napstablook are known as the "third generation" and the ones who are in school right now. Sans: son of gaster and Lucida, brother of Papyrus, accused father of napstablook and alcoholicic scientist, soul of justice, 2nd generation Papyrus: son of Gaster and Lucida, brother of sans, royal stratigist, mettatons lover and real father of napstablook, soul of perserverence, 2nd generation Mettaton: mother of Napstablook, star of underground, soul of compassion, 2nd generation Napstablook: son of Mettaton and Papyrus, goes to highschool, musical sensation, has crush on Alphys, friends with Alphys and Asriel, soul of patience 3rd generation Alphys: adopted daughter/sister of Undyne, has crush on napstablook, anxiety problems, smart, soul of integrity, 3rd generation Undyne: royal knight, step mother/step sister of alphys, has minor crush on asgore, doesn't trust Gaster, super tough, soul of determination, 2nd generation Asgore: king of his kingdom, brother of Toriel, hard and tough on outside but is a bit of a softy, asriels father, soul of bravery, 2nd generation Toriel: queen of her kingdom, sweet, kind, helpful, Asgores sister, asriels aunt, soul of kindness, 2nd generation Asriel: son of Asgore, echo flower injected with a bit of every soul type, nephew of Toriel, friends with alphys and Napstablook, prince to kingdom, soul of life, 3rd generation Gaster: royal scientist, father of Sans and Papyrus, crazy, seems sane on outside, has artificial soul of integrity, wife died, soul of discomfort, 1st generation. Thank you so much to everyone who has read this far, this took me a couple of hours to write nonstop and I am very excited for this AT and I hope others are too, so please, tell your friends about this, write about this, even draw fan art about it! Just please credit me if you do, I've been working on this for a while and I want it to work out. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great day, thank you for reading about Aphotictale.

#aphotictale #sans #papyrus #mettaton #napstablook #alphys #undyne #asgore #toriel #asriel #gaster #alternate timeline #undertale

[bainhardt]

FALL 2018 ANIME - STRAGGLERS PART 1

Ore ga Suki nano wa Imouto dakedo Imouto ja Nai - No doubt about it, the word here is: SOULLESS.

It’s basically like “bad Eromanga-sensei.” And I watched Eromanga-sensei to completion, so believe me when I say that that show sucks. For this one to register even lower on the scale is an impressive feat in garbage.

It has all the same features, so really I could review it exactly the same. Incest overtones, starring a sister hiding her job with the help of her who-gives-a-shit older brother? Check. Extended cast of other girls who are attracted like moths to the flame to our milquetoast lead? Check. It threw in more nudity too, with three distinct fanservice scenes in one episode (by my count).

And I’d assume there are other things that will hold equally true despite there being no evidence of such in the first episode. I bet this show will simultaneously glorify and bastardize what it’s like to be a Light Novel author, and that everyone will fall in love with the protagonist despite him sucking so, so much.

In the end, it’s presentable but unimpressive. The animation gets weak at times and the characters look... uncomfortable. The music was annoying. I’m not even sure why that is, but it really was. I think even at my lowest points - times in my life when I’d watch literally anything - I’d still feel this one was a waste of time. Absolute No.

CONCEPTION - The opening credits for this one were perturbing; shot after shot of statuesque, overly-reflective bodies posed in suggestive ways silhouetted against a blinding red background.

Then the show actually starts, and everything suddenly looks drab by comparison. It’s not outright ugly, but the contrast was a poor choice. And the first scene has a girl talking about being pregnant... I think this show is pregnant with some not-so-subtle themes.

Well, it’s based on a game. The story has the protagonist and his cousin isekai’d hardcore into a world of magic and fantasy that is being threatened by generic evil X, this time called Impurities. These two isekai’d people, as well as 11 other chosen women, are the only ones who can purify the evil, but they gotta make babies to do it, for some reason.

For about half the episode, the protagonist is handcuffed spread-eagle to a bed in his underwear while a sexy nurse explains all of the game-mechanics-but-oh-wait-we’re-not-a-game-this-time to him at length. What I would describe as a needlessly high number of these shots feature his clothed dick prominently in the foreground. Then, he’s ushered directly into gettin’ it on with his cousin in their first act of saving the magical world.

I’m someone who relies a lot on my gut instinct when making judgments, and when I watched this anime, I said, “This is so ass.” If the idea of a bunch of generic moe characters having forced sex while a weird raccoon mascot flies around making perverted jokes sounds like your cup of tea, try it out, but I think this might be a case where playing the game is the better choice.

Or who knows, maybe the game sucks too. No.

Beelzebub-jou no Okinimesu mama. - In one word, this show is: FLUFFY.

The first thing that stands out to me is how gorgeously animated every scene is; this anime looks fantastic. Buuut... I think that’s the only compliment I have. It’s somewhat cute, but not especially funny or interesting. And the plot is baffling in a way that’s tough to pinpoint.

The story takes place in hell and features a variety of demons who work in a sort of “government,” with Beelzebub at the head. But therein lies the chief problem I have with this anime: how it portrays “demons” feels almost like a complete waste of the concept.

Couldn’t Beelzebub have been a princess or something instead? The setting is like a city, and the cast all look like people. Practically nothing about this show says hell, or demons, or underworld in any capacity. I understand it’s difficult to draw accurate judgments from just one episode, so maybe there’s more to this later. Currently it simply seems made up or tacked-on.

I don’t feel there’s any reason for me to come back for episode 2. No.

Karakuri Circus - Oh, it’s got a Bump of Chicken op. That’s usually a good sign.

A boy is the heir to a huge family fortune and is being hunted by some weirdos in suits. A random guy on the street working as a circus promoter gets involved keeping him safe, a bunch of crazy shit happens, and they end up at the circus. The third lead character is introduced, a foreign woman who seems like a circus performer of some kind and who can control this enormous battle puppet. She kills the guys in suits, who were also enormous battle puppets. And some other guy shows up at the end who has his own enormous battle puppet...

I think it’s an action show, but it’s really not bad in the slightest. The art is goddamn fantastic, the music was cool as hell, the characters were appealing. There’s a lot to like about this one.

Watching this reminded me a lot of Hinomaru Sumo; it’s an excellent show, but one I might not be particularly interested in seeing through to the end. I’m not certain.

Perhaps if I had far fewer shows already lined up, I’d squeeze this one in (it might even be superior to some other shows I’m watching). I’ll toss it a Maybe because I don’t want to rule it out.

Merc Storia: Mukiryoku no Shounen to Bin no Naka no Shoujo - I sincerely thought the dad was going to be the protag in this one, before he disappeared in the first 3 minutes. Woops. I think I would’ve liked that, actually.

In a fantasy world with monsters, there are magic users called Healers who can effectively tame the monsters so they can coexist with humans. Our protag, a young boy, is from a line of Healers, but he’s not confident in his abilities. A souvenir bottle from his father’s travels happens to have a fairy inside of it, and when the show picks up, the two of them are traveling by themselves. We don’t learn why right away.

The fairy is cute, and I like how she ends her sentences with なのです... it reminds me of the owls from Kemono Friends. The two lead characters have a good dynamic, and it’s actually pretty funny watching their interactions. I appreciate that the protagonist has believable shortcomings: he’s prone to complaining, he’s nervous under pressure, and he’s also afraid of monsters. Hey, I can’t blame him; I think I would be afraid of monsters, too.

I honestly started this one with low expectations, but I found myself smiling by the end. It’s well done, and I kind of want to watch more, even though my schedule is looking pretty packed already. I’m going to give this one a Yes in spite of myself, lol.

CONCLUSION - Calling some of these stragglers might be sort of inaccurate given that other shows I watched also aired this week, but roll with me. There are still 3 more shows I have to watch (by my rules), but they all air next week or even later, so it would be a waste to wait that long to post this.

#Fall 2018 Anime Binge #Jeffu watches Karakuri Circus yo #Jeffu watches Merc Storia yo