#i got wrapped up in feels

[crescentfool]

reunion 🌸

#persona 3 #persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #makoto yuki #ryoji mochizuki #aigis #ryomina #lizzy does art #HELLO EVERYONE!!! march 5th is upon us again so i bring... my contribution for this year. my third year drawing for it! #i made the thumbnail for this a few weeks after last year's graduation day #i thought it would be fun to lean into the ryominaigis angle of graduation day (you could read this as minato/aigis if you like- #but i feel like most people would read it as ryoji/minato) #IN ANY CASE working on this made me very emotional over this game :') (specifically minato) #i really enjoy how p3 ends it's such a nice way of wrapping up the narrative's messages and themes #working on this. minato's kindness was at the forefront of my mind throughout the piece #and i really wanted to capture how. ultimately it was his decision to sacrifice himself- to do the great seal #while to an outsider's perspective it is. sad that minato passes. i think becoming the seal is something that minato- #actively welcomes. in the same way that death (ryoji) is a comfort to him because death was housed in him for Ten YearsTM #AND I ALSO GOT REALLY SAD OVER AIGIS TOO. i still get fucked up over how in fes's animated cutscene for 3/5 they portray- #her as human and not drawing the robot parts so i wanted to do something smilar here... #but also i am very sad on aigis's behalf because she discovers her humanity through minato and realizes what she- #wants to do and then. well. minato is like. he's ready to pass on (even if he's scared) and im like. OH MY GOD THIS TRIO GETS ME MESSED UP #this was more coherent in my head LOL BUT ough i like drawing p3 and working through my feelings about it... #anyway! happy (in quotations) march 5th. i love this game to bits. it's so fun to draw for this day every year and see how i've improved #if you've read all this thank you :) lizzy appreciates you all very much. mwah! <3

[a2zillustration]

You know, the thing.

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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#I realized when I finished drawing this that it's technically about a sex thing #so now it feels kind of cringe #but thAT WASN'T THE POINT- #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #croissant adventures #tav #gale #gale dekarios #breadweave #gale x tav #comics #Friends I....got through most of endgame last night :') (it's april) #Fear not - I have...../so/ many comics left lol #I foolishly thought I might wrap this up by the end of May. No.

[radrattradish]

sakulee skater au

still think this couple should have been cannon

#sakulee #leesaku #sakura haruno #rock lee #rock lee x sakura #fanart #my fanart #artists on tumblr #digital drawing #radrattradish #naruto fanart #naruto #modern au #skater au #skateboarding #rollerblading #got kinda lazy towards the end and had to wrap it up #bright colors #sakura x lee #i also feel like sakura is one cap away from being a pokemon gym leader

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next tw: anxiety attack

#as a note that bracelet isnt like a magical ooo anxiety attack cureall #it was the bracelet breaking #their usual stim that helps the calm down and focus #right after talking abt losing emelie #that triggered the feeling of intense loss again #so being able to futz with it again helped them calm down #i mean. they didnt get their aunt back #but they at least got their bracelet back #OH ALSO when they get rlly +++vibes they grit their teeth #which can damage their teeth so they try to chew on the collars of their shirts instead #we've only seen it once before when nino mentioned gabe #also their i tried to add a lil shine to explain but #the bracelet they wear on their right hand has crystal beads #the other has plastic #so it doesnt make the right sound or feel right #anway to wrap this up #nothing like the nostalgia of helping a friend recover from a breakdown after u just had on lmao #feralnette au #my art #felix culpa #marinette dupain cheng #birds of a feather #tw anxiety attack #this update took a bit bc i dipped into my own fun attacks for ref

[insertsomthinawesome]

Okay I started this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back right after Episode 10 launched. Yeah. Ages ago. I actually finished it around probably 1-2 months ago??? I've just been slow to uploading it ^^;; Back then I was... not necessarily theorizing??? But had fun indulging in an idea like this xD

-NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-

#Trigun Stampede #Trigun Stampede Spoilers #Vash the Stampede #Nicholas d Wolfwood #Meryl stryfe #Meryl trigun Stampede #WOlfwood trigun Stampede #Vash trigun stampede #blood #injury #Isa's fanart #InsertSomthinAwesome #June2023 #I had a moment where my energy for working on this seriously disappeared too lol #thats why I only finished it a bit ago despite starting it before episode 11 even came out #There was a freaking wing!!! Got that right!!!! Much happier w Orange's design than my own xD #While this would've been good fuN I much prefer how the canon finale went #I feel its more fitting for Wolfwood's character and just. fits a lot better in total #Being season one having things wrap up so nicely.. not sure it woulda fit

[strawberry-jan]

Back in late 2022, I started working on a long story about Ishin: a tale of two dummies whose weird one-night stand blossoms into a surprisingly caring relationship even as a (mostly) canon-compliant series of tragedies plays out around them. It’s a now-complete series in approximately 125,000 words and three parts, and you can read the whole thing right now on AO3: The Glorious and Bloody Deeds of Okita Soji, Volume 1: Okita Soji Versus the Scoundrel Saito Hajime; The Secret History of Saito Hajime, Volume 2: The Shiraume Incident; and, finally, Brief Notes on the Domestic Life of one Saito Hajime.

Taken as a whole, it's a story about identity and history and the stories that people tell each other and themselves about those things. And it's a story about one guy getting way too into weird Edo-era egg dishes, and another guy finding himself embroiled in an extended detective sequence, and a third guy composing a series of corny haiku that (almost) nobody wants to read. And, of course, it's also a story about people who are shamelessly and sometimes explicitly in love (so you probably shouldn't read it at work).

This whole big, sprawling thing has been a labour of love on my part: it turns out that I adore writing historical fiction and finding excuses to read books and journal articles in order to write it better. In addition to making not one but four little illustrations to celebrate the fic's completion (and please look at them up-close; I hand-inked all those kimono patterns), I've drawn up a list of some of the sources that I consulted for my writing, and you can find those under the cut.

This is not an absolutely exhaustive list of sources; I don’t think it’s super useful to catalogue the extremely nitty-gritty stuff, like that time that I felt compelled to find out what the state of strawberry cultivation was in 1860s Japan, or when I needed to picture exactly what it looked like when Haruka was repairing Ryoma’s kimono. That being said, I’ve added a couple of things that are really particular to my stories but that I thought were cool enough to share.

Foster, Michael Dylan. The Book of Yokai: Mysterious Creatures of Japanese Folklore. U of California P, 2015. (This one was a really fun read – it combines a short history of yokai in folklore with a little catalogue of yokai.)

Jansen, Marius B. Sakamoto Ryoma and the Meiji Restoration. Stanford UP, 1971. (Super useful as an introduction to the Bakumatsu era and for biographical details about Ryoma and the figures around him.)

“Japanese Wiki Corpus.” https://www.japanesewiki.com/. (This is a machine-translated collection of articles on the Japanese side of Wikipedia related to Kyoto. As with a lot of things on Wikipedia, the citations on these articles tend to be poor or nonexistent, but it’s a useful starting point for information on figures and events that don’t have an English wiki equivalent. Definitely more useful if you can then head over to the original wiki articles and parse them out yourself.)

“Kabuki21” and “The Noh.” https://www.kabuki21.com/section.php, https://www.the-noh.com/en/plays/index.html. (I’m lumping these two together because I tended to consult them in tandem. Without getting too much into my personal details I am – among other things – a non-practicing theatre scholar, so whenever I wanted to have characters in my old-timey fics refer to something cultural, my first stop was old plays. These sites have, respectively, summaries of kabuki plays and full texts of Noh plays available for you to browse. If you’ve read my other fics you will probably have seen that I referred to the kabuki play “Fuwa” in 亀が如く.)

Katsu, Kokichi. Musui’s Story: The Autobiography of a Tokugawa Samurai. Translated by Teruko Craig. U of Arizona P, 1988. (A book that needs to be taken with a grain of salt because it’s an autobiography written by a guy who sounds like a real blowhard, but it’s still a really fascinating look into the daily life of a low-ranking samurai.)

Leupp, Gary P. and Tao, De-min. The Tokugawa World. Routledge, 2022. (Of particular interest is Kimura Sachihiko’s essay, “The Shinsengumi: Shadows and light in the last days of the Tokugawa shogunate” [1104-1124], which gave me a bunch of incidental details about the Roshigumi that I incorporated into the sections of this series that were told from Inoue and Hijikata’s perspectives.)

“Old Photos of Japan.” https://www.oldphotosjapan.com/. (Pretty self-explanatory. Very useful as a resource for picturing scenes!)

“Shinsengumi Archives.” https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/. (A long-running tumblr dedicated to cataloguing resources about the Shinsengumi. There’s an absolute wealth of information collected here, and best of all, the creator cites their sources and even provides links to the original texts. Although it’s focused on the Shinsengumi, it’s impossible to overstate how useful this site is for prospective Bakumatsu-era fic writers in general. The collection of Hijikata’s poems with links to others’ translations and commentary is here: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/683071924948058112/hijikata-toshizos-haiku-poems. The creator of the blog also links to a translation of Nagakura’s and Shimada’s diaries, and while the document is machine-translated, it’s still a great source of historical details: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/678083336614428672/where-can-you-read-the-memoirs.)

Smits, Gregory. “Warding off Calamity in Japan: A Comparison of the 1855 Catfish Prints and the 1862 Measles Prints.” EASTM 30 (2009): 9-31. (Okay, this one is highly specific to my fic – it comes up in Part 2 when Okita tells his story about Kashima and again a couple of chapters later when his pile of remedies includes a crudely-drawn picture meant to ward off indigestion – but I love little details like this so I did want to make a point of sharing it here.)

“Tamago Hyakuchin” and “Tofu Hyakuchin.” http://codh.rois.ac.jp/edo-cooking/tamago-hyakuchin/recipe/, https://toyama-tofu.jp/tofuhyakutin.html. (These are collections of Edo-era egg- and tofu-based recipes. They’re two of the sources cited in Cookpad’s collection of modernized Edo-era recipes: https://cookpad.com/recipe/list/14604664.)

Vaporis, Constantine N. “Linking the Realm: The Gokaido Highway Network in Early Modern Japan (1603-1868).” Highways, Byways and Road Systems in the Pre-Modern World. Ed. Susan E. Alcock, John Bodel, and Richard J. A. Talbert. Wiley-Blackwell, 2012. 90-105. (Some of the works cited in this article also sound interesting, but I didn’t have a chance to dig any deeper as I just wanted to know a bit about the Tokugawa-era roads. Also interesting in this vein is Jilly Traganou’s book The Tokaido Road: Travelling and Representation in Edo and Meiji Japan [2004].)

Wert, Michael. Meiji Restoration Losers. Harvard UP, 2013. (Not directly useful as a source for writing about Ishin – it’s about later events and it mostly tracks the posthumous construction of one specific Tokugawa magistrate’s history – but it was an engaging read and I found it interesting as an exploration of how people continue to look back on the Bakumatsu era and the Meiji Restoration, which is something that the game is, of course, also doing.)

Yamakawa, Kikue. Women of the Mito Domain: Recollections of Samurai Family Life. Translated by Kate Wildman Nakai. U of Tokyo P, 1992. (Another one of those bits of essential reading on everyday life for low-ranking samurai, this time with a focus on women’s lives and households more generally. I didn’t use a lot of from this book in my fic, but it has everything from translations of songs to records of families’ financial transactions, and it’s fascinating to read about all the turmoil in Mito playing out in the background of these families’ lives.)

“Yokai.com.” https://yokai.com/. (The creators of this site make a point of not going into detail about their sources, and they’re very careful to state that they don’t intend for the project to be “the final authority” on yokai, but I enjoyed browsing the site to get some ideas for Okita’s stories – and once you know the name of a particular yokai that you’re interested in, it’s easy enough to go look up other sources on them.)

#like a dragon ishin #crime boys #my art #I know I said I was going to turn my attention to the mainline games after wrapping this series up but #what if I just never got off the ishin train #I mean there's pretty much nobody writing ishin fic at this point and I can't figure out why #it almost feels like I have a duty #anyway I hope if you read this fic you also find yourself thinking about my extremely cringe ishin rarepair

[ferahntics]

You were looking for a friend.

But nobody came.

#i have feelings #i got lazy skjdhg #krtdld spoilers #i am so excited for the epilogue aaaa #quick break from a more ambitious drawing #god i wanna yeet him to space and also wrap him up in a blanket like a burrito #lord help me #mine #my art #magolor #kirby #kirby's return to dreamland deluxe

[tangledstarlight]

wild to think that if netflix werent the worst we could have had a jatp s2, maybe even a s3, by now. like. we could have had so many new songs😔

#julie and the phantoms #most of the time i am okay with cancellation now becuase if you ignore the last 2mins with nick/caleb it's nice self contained story that #wraps up with the boys coming back to life after julie hugs them and i can pretend they went and found willie and hugged him back to life t #BUT sometimes i do think about what could have been and what we lost out on. like i would LOVE to know what the overall plan was #but also maybe i dont because i might have hated it so actually its a win that we never got a s2dfjkhgdfg #anyway i'm a little in my jatp feels today for some reason i guess

[goemon-fan]

fujigoe

#this will likely be the last of my recent twcfm posts #but i did love goemon's (and fujiko's) depictions/relationships #all goemon wants is a friend like him since he feels so alone in the world #but he fell in love with a person who doesn't exist #and he keeps setting himself up for failure by hoping for fujiko to change into the woman he thought she was #only to end up more lonely since before meeting fujiko (the ending of twcfm “resolves” their relationship but it felt wrapped up too soon) #also i'm specifically thinking of the scene where they're on the beach and goemon interprets her actions as having been good and honest for #once only to end up disappointed when she hadn't changed for the better to be more in line with his values #as for fujiko she got closure from her trauma but her relationship with goemon went nowhere #she was too traumatized to understand that goemon was trustworty and genuinely did love her unlike all the other men in her life so far #but it was interesting to see her being comfortable “alone” after she dealt with her trauma as well as her new outlook on life #but i still feel bad for goemon; he deserved better and all he wanted was for someone to want/love him and make him feel he belongs #lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon #fujiko mine #twcfm #the woman called fujiko mine #fujigoe

[rebouks]

Waddle waddle.. 🦆

#ts4 #sims 4 #where's he goinnn #gif warning #hi hello #feeling a lil better now #i think.. #me and mr husband have been playing wow classic hardcore so that was a nice distraction #realised i kinda got too far ahead of myself with screenies n such which is pissing me off lol #cos like.. there's a chunk in the middle i gotta figure out before i can continue n i hate it when that happens #but i'm just gonna forge ahead cos i wanna wrap up this lil setting up arc i've been kinda doing #this probs makes no sense cos u don't know what's in my head but sksjdks #u kno how it be #slow posting for a while maybe #got a week off this week so i'm being lazy/working in the garden #✌

[mycryptidisqueererthanyours]

[Redacted] Hanahaki AU

Hunched over the sink, [Redacted’s] body trembled as familiar pain blazed through him, before being overwhelmed by familiar nausea. Familiar tears streamed down his face, as he ducked his head and retched. He seized and writhed as he threw up, vomit and blood pooling in the sink, clinging to skin in a way that made him want to claw it off. 

‘Angel,’ he croaked, voice reverent almost as if he were in prayer. But they couldn’t hear him here. And, even if they could, what could they do? Hold his hair back? ‘They could love me. They could love me like I love them,’ he whispered to the empty room, with its cold, empty countertops.

After being sick a few more times and finally being reasonably certain that he wasn’t going to be again, they peered into the basin below. Although he already knew what to expect, his doctors always advised him to confirm before doing anything else. Sure enough, hidden amongst his filth, stained white petals shone through. 

Despite their beauty, what they symbolised or - rather - who, he couldn’t help but breathe out a pained swear. Almost entire Brugmansia Arborea or angel’s trumpet blooms were coagulated in the sink, baptised in ugly shades of browns and reds. He had tainted them, as he always did. 

He reached up to open the mirrored medicine cabinet but his reflection gave him pause. God, he looked like shit, covered in assorted bodily fluids, eyes haggard and hair ill-kept. He needed a shower, badly. He tranced a hand over the scar on his chest, like it could in any way quell the lingering pain. It never did. 

Especially with how fully formed the flowers were, they might have to crack open his ribs and clear out his lungs again within the year and he’d barely recovered from the previous round of surgery. 

[Redacted] knew how unusually severe their case was. How - no matter how many times they operated on him - they just couldn’t fully eradicate the roots that were so deeply enshrined in his flesh, how it only ever seemed to progress faster each time, how their beautiful petals secreted sweet poison but he would sooner die than give up on his Angel.

His Angel would reciprocate in time. He’d make sure of it.

They opened the cabinet and grabbed a new needle. He checked the packaging for the dosage of physostigmine, as he always did in case it had magically changed in his sleep (it hadn’t), before peeling the needle open and filling it. Finally, with ill-deserved tenderness, he lined the needle up with his arm and gritted his teeth. 

This part always hurt. 

@14dayswithyou because I think I saw somewhere where they said they like being @ ed but I can remove it if that’s what they’d prefer

#first post #hello would you like some pain with that pain #why am i doing this #because i can #suffer #ren 14dwy #ren 14 days with you #redacted 14dwy #redacted 14 days with you #angst #hanahaki au #I was going to write a full fic where Angel fell in love with [Redacted] curing their symptoms but i got lazy #sorry #so feel free to imagine them riding [Redacted's] motorbike arms wrapped around him and just thinking 'I love you' #fanfiction because I'm too lazy to come up with more of my own original characters #I have too many already running amok in my brain as is #14dwy #14 days with you

[merverelli]

just a couple of dirty bean boys!

#jacksepticeye #just like art #this was SO CLOSE to never being finished #art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it #uni is............. going #even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man #i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING #like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just. #just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it #im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in #and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy #to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant #i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure #JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON #the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming #besides that ive been good thanks for asking!

[edelgarfield]

i think bell's hells is the most realistic depiction of what would actually happen if you took a group of random people and told them the fate of the world was on their shoulders.

#critical role #bell's hells #like i still need to watch some of the previous episodes but like #bell's hells are so tragic #and i think that might be why theyre less popular than previous campaigns #bc people came in expecting a heros journey #and they instead got a complete deconstruction of why herosim is a curse #part of me feels like i need to rewatch from the beginning #just so i can fully appreciate everything that got us to this point #like largely these people never wanted to be heroes #at least not on this scale #and all of a sudden they got wrapped up in something so much bigger #and theyre BREAKING under the weight of it all

[skunkes]

mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up

I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.

I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.

and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!

None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening

#talkys #a week before i started taking it i had one day where i just never felt ''sleepy'' despite taking 2 melatonin #and feeling very Tired so i just didnt fall asleep. and then when night came again I still went to bed at 5 am and struggled to fall asleep #now we get to 3 am and my body is like ok start wrapping it up im sleepy i want to go to bed i want to go to bed #last nite i didnt fall asleep until 6 am but that was because I forced self to stay awake for comms + got engrossed in phone #time and also the dogs kept howling outside. i woke up at 12pm and did I feel tired? yeah #does the tiredness feel like extreme pain behind my eyes and a hollow aching empty head that keeps me from moving? it does not...! #its like in the very back of my mind...its present but not demanding all my time #in college i would go thru a daydream to fall asleep and i wouldnt even make it to the end before i dozed off #that hasnt worked in years and now its working again

[mysteryboy1249]

Finally went and watched Zero Tea Time and like, how is this man still functioning at all??? If we're to assume that Furuya sleeps about 2 hours a night regularly, I'm sorry but this man would in no way shape or form be able to do what he does. - Sincerely, someone who has legitimately slept 3AM to 5AM regularly for several months due to having pre-existing sleep issues and a job that started at an ungodly time.

Like, yes I get that I shouldn't be thinking too deeply since anime logic, but also on this same schedule I felt like I was about to die by week 3 and was essentially a human zombie with my mental health down the sink by week 6(and technically I was sleeping more than 2 hours since I would take some naps as well) so I have some strong feelings about this. Hell, there's no way this man would be able to keep track of what time it is let alone all his jobs and secrets with that amount of sleep. Even if we go under the assumption that he sleeps 3-4 or even 4-5 hours usually and the 2 hours was a special case this man would still not be able to make all those deductions and chase all those criminals. Sure you won't feel as shit, but you definitely will still be feeling quite shit.

No wonder this man depressed and insane with a sprinkling of anger issues and seems to be constantly lowkey disassociating in Zero Tea Time. Yes most of it is because he's the only one left and is horribly traumatized but also like Furuya, have you considered taking a nap? It doesn't solve the trauma, but give yourself 8-10 hours of proper sleep and you'll be waking up ready to take on god.

As a side note, are there fics where Furuya is severely sleep deprived and how that impacts him? Because so far I haven't seen any but I also don't usually go out of my way to find Furuya centered fics. Because if there isn't I'll write one myself, not enough chronic sleep deprivation rep round here in general. Mans mother hens everyone around him, he deserves someone to mother hen him back to force him to sleep because the world will not in fact end if he takes some time off.

#sorry for the mini rant y'all #but I'm intimately familiar with chronic sleep deprivation and this ain't it chief and I want my rep lol #where's the chronic headache where it feels like your brain and sometimes eyeballs are being squeezed out of your skull #not to mention the brain fog struggle to focus and feeling like you're not in control of your body bc your reflexes and stuff get real shit #at least they got the recklessness depression and temper issues kinda down pat since many inhibitions go down the drain #seriously I want to lock this man in a bedroom wrap him in a blanket and force him to sleep 8-10 hours #great way to start my dc side blog I must say #furuya rei #amuro tooru #zero tea time #dcmk #detective conan #detco #on a slightly unrelated note it's good to see he at least gets some sleep a night #I've gotten up to 50 something hours without sleep before at my worst and it was a *trip* I'll tell you that #10/10 do not reccomend

[moon-down]

GO GIRL!!! WORK YOURSELF TO DEATH!!!

You guys do not know what I have went through these last hours </3 /silly That's a lot of new information bud

Background below cut

#iterator logs #rain world #a golden strand #moon.png #mutually shaking Strand's hand. Anxiety fucking sucks #I feel so bad for her man she literally got everything taken from her right before her eyes #holding her close and wrapping her in warm blankets and telling her that she is loved and people do care about her #Things really went from 1 to 100 so fast. And the implications from the minisode really effects how you view her actual log #like. bro. that is so fucked up