#i genuinely love the way the toilet looks here. cant explain why

[jaasvandha]

Redraw from "PARASITE" for an assignment

#parasite #parasite 2019 #i genuinely love the way the toilet looks here. cant explain why

[peachiikawa]

Hey, I saw your requests are open and I was wondering if you could do a Bakugou x fem!reader where for some reason the reader left her phone alone and Bakugou got a bit nosy and went on it and the last app she had open was tumblr on her messages however you know how all messages are on the left side so it looks like that’s a incoming message if that was on normal texting well what if he read them and the reader was texting one of her friends saying if she is unhappy in her relationship (1/3)

And if her boyfriend isn’t making her happy and making her feel degraded then she needs to break up with him but Katsuki thinks that’s a message what she received even tho it’s one she sent to a friend and he’s actually lowkey hurt and confused because he thought things were going good between him and the reader and he knows he’s not the most affectionate but he does love her so he’s big confusion on why she feels this way and because he read the part about saying she should break up with 2/3 Her bf he thinks reader is gonna break up with him so normally he would be going out to train with kiri that night but he cancels and asks reader if they want to go to her dorm and watch and movie were he just has her laying on top of him cuddling her tighter than normal cos he’s like if this is the last time he’s gonna get to do this he’s gonna make it count so the reader is confused on why he’s acting to strange so she asks and he’s like “do you still want to be with me” clearly glossy eyed🥺 (¾) (sorry I couldn’t fit this on 3 posts) and then she’s really confused on why he’s even questioning that and she’s like of course why would you say that and he’s telling her not to lie just to make him happy cos he’s seen the messages and grabs her phone and shows her and that’s when she’ll explain how that’s her username sending them and just a fluffy ending please I cant handle too much angst🥺💚💚💚💚

omg anon this is cute but also my hEart

so bakugo and you were just straight chillin in his dorm room whatchin some tv doing a little homework overall just enjoying each others presence

after so long though you had to use the bathroom and when you left you set your phone down but forgot to lock it

naturally bakugo saw it was unlocked and couldnt fight the temptation to see what was on it

and what he saw almost broke his heart

“if youre unhappy in your relationship and your boyfriend isnt making you happy and is making you feel degraded then you need to break up with him”

is this how you truly felt?

he literally couldn’t believe his eyes

he had thought everything was going so well where has it gone wrong?

he would have drowned more in his thoughts had he not heard you flushing the toilet

he quickly fumbled with your phone before putting it back down onto the table

you, being none the wiser, just sat back down next to him and continued your homework

and even though bakugo looked like he was just chilling on the outside he was internally screaming on the inside

the next few days he was really dejected just trying to figure out what to do

he came up with the idea of just watching a movie together in his dorm

if you were going to break up with him soon he damn well is going to get the most out of the time he has left

so he actually canceled training with kirishima

“bro cmon youre being weird lets train to get your mind off of whatever is bothering you”

“no leave me alone i have something to do”

bakugo then shut the door in a very confused, very concerned kirishimas face

when you came that night you were immediately engulfed in bakugos arms

you noticed throughout the movie that his hold on you was tighter than usual

and whenever you looked up at him he you could tell he wasnt really watching the movie

so you wiggled your way out of his arms so you could face him

“katsuki, whats wrong?”

you cupped his face, hoping to get a genuine answer out of him

his hand reached for the one that was on his cheek and gripped it like today would be the last day hed see you

you could feel the trembling sensation coming from his hand

his head was hung low

“y/n be honest with me, do you still want to be with me?”

this question shocks you

and when he raises his head to look at you waiting for your answer youre actually speechless

his eyes had a clear gloss on them

he is terrified for your answer

and the silence is only making him shake more

“katsuki i love you so much why would you ask that?”

youre holding his head between your hands now hoping to calm him down a bit

hes letting a few tears escape his eyes along with a breath he was holding for way too long

he then pushes you away and raises his voice a bit

“dont fucking lie to me y/n i saw your messages i saw what your friend was saying, about how you arent happy with our relationship and how you want to break up. youre always one to do things for other people but dont lie to me to make me happy.”

you stare at him with scrunched eyebrows and a confused look

“what the hell are you talking about?”

he then reaches for your phone and shows you the conversation he was talking about

“this is what i’m fucking talking about! this shit right here! i know you’ve been questioning our relationship so dont fuck around anymore and just break up with me already!”

shit wait no he doesnt want to lose you

thats not what he wanted to say

“katsuki…i can explain”

fuck here it comes

he held his eyes shut maybe hoping that the impact of what youll say next wont hurt as much

“tumblr has a weird way of setting up its texts. so that message is actually one i sent to my friend.”

you took the phone out of his clenched hand touching him softly so that he would loosen his grip

“see that username right there? thats me.”

wait what

he couldnt believe what he was hearing

and he takes the deepest sigh of relief that hes ever taken

then he looks at you and pulls you into a warm, secure hug

“thank god y/n i was so scared you wanted to break up with me”

hes squeezing you so hard but you dont say anything

“i love you so much and seeing that text made me absolutely terrified. i dont know what id ever do without you”

you hug him back as he finishes his thoughts

once hes done you look up at him and poke his forehead

he rolls his eyes you always do this when he overthinks things

“you fire brained dummy youre one of the best things thats ever happened to me dont you ever doubt that”

#hope this is okay!! #bnha #bnha imagines #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha scenarios #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #i’m not great at angst oop

[liluyes]

LILUYE NARVAEZ ( SIVAN ALYRA ROSE ) is a 18 year old SENIOR student at Broadripple Academy. THEY are originally from FLORENCE, AZ but moved to Broadripple 4 YEARS ago. THEY are INTUITIVE and EMPATHETIC but can also be VAGUE and IDEALISTIC. –– penned by sam / 23 / aest / she/her

BASICS

Name: Liluye Narvaez

Nickname: Lu-ye, Lu

Age: Eighteen

Grade: Senior

House: Fenwick

Cabin Room: Senior Cabin Room 5

How long have they been at Broadripple: technically four years but spent their junior year interstate in Florida for Track

Where are they from originally: Florence, Arizona

Extra curricular: Cross Country, Track, and Soccer

Pinterest

lil note: i will probs be sticking entirely to they/them pronouns for liluye because that’s easier for me but sivan uses she and they, therefore liluye’s pronouns are also she and they

TRAITS

Positive Personality Traits: intuitive, empathetic, trusting, loyal, kind-hearted, adaptable, passionate

Negative Personality Traits: vague, idealistic, meek, closed-off, loner, brittle, dishonest

FACTS

when they were young, liluye would never have pictured a place like broadripple being a part of their life. they grew up in the deserts of arizona, living between the outskirts of phoenix and the san carlos apache indian reservation, between two family homes. the thick forests of rural massachusetts felt like an entire world away, something they might never see.

they were always an active child, always moving. either to something or away from. and they thrived in a team, really the only way an otherwise shy child ever made any friends. they tried out all sorts of sports but nothing ever really compared to running. they loved to stretch their long limbs out on different trails and feel the wind through their hair.

when they were nine they pulled their track and field team through multiple meets, and realised what a focus in athletics could do for them. it quickly took over their life, rising early and going to bed late each day to train and study. and they started to feel alone, solitary in that focus. a feeling that is still stuck with them, even though they’re just about twice as old now

they attended a private middle school in phoenix for grade eight and there liluye and their family were encouraged to apply for athletic scholarships to private schools for high school. and so they did. and that’s how broadripple came into the picture. liluye didn’t want to move so far away, not from their home or their family or the very few friends they had. but broadripple offered a full scholarship for all four years, and connections to universities that they could only dream of from claypool az.

so they shipped themselves across the country for school, feeling like a total outsider and completely out of their depth so far from home. during their freshman and sophomore years they tried their hand in just about every extra curricular, trying to find a crowd they could relate to. friends like they saw everyone else making. but they struggled. shyness and unintentional coldness preventing those solid connections from forming

eventually, they stopped trying so hard. refocused their energy on what they knew they were good at and why they were there in the first place. sports, athleticism. those were simple. they could understand those far easier than they would ever understand their classmates.

they have just spent the past year in florida on a sports exchange, only just returning to broadripple when they were sent to the retreat

HEADCANONS

they try to live very very minimally. part of the reason for that is they are so far from home. carting things back and forth quickly becomes a hassle if they have too much. they dont want to be too attached to anything material at broadripple or arizona, so they keep their belongings to an absolute minimum that way the things they are attached to can always travel with them. the only thing they keep that is not especially minimal is a small decorative box of keepsakes.

back in florence they have a pair of pet rats, both females and affectionately named alex and piper (after alex vause and piper chapman from orange is the new black ....... liluye is garbage u heard it here first) – they share them with their younger brother which very much eases the pain of leaving them behind for most of the year. when they facetime, a huge portion of it is their brother giving updates on their rats.

they’re an avid podcast listener, but they have an absolutely awful habit of pressing play and then not listening to a single word. more often than they would like to admit they just like the sound, using it as background noise. they’d really like to focus more on it, and actually listen to every word, but it’s hard to turn off

they struggle to make and keep friends, they always have. over time a soft childhood shyness became unintentionally harder, more cold. it’s defensive, thinking if they are soft but also such a loner, people will think something is wrong with them. and while liluye can’t say for certain whether or not something is wrong with them, they’d rather people think they’re alone because they choose it. just below the surface they are warm, kind, friendly, and whenever given the opportunity those traits show themselves

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RETREAT

What do they think about The Retreat? the place itself? liluye thinks its super fucking weird. doesn’t like the energy of it one bit. they dont mind the forest, before retreat they ran through lorehill trying to improve their trail running instinct and sense of direction. but there’s something different about the retreat, they feel as though they’re being watched there in a way they cant quite explain.

Do they have any previous experience with camping or other outdoors? yes but in arizona, camping and being outdoors in general in massachusetts is incredibly different. but that being said they dont really think the retreat is “camping”. there’s cabins, tables, a functioning toilet, a bus to and from campus? yeah, it’s not really camping and it’s really not that bad apart from the creepy vibe.

What does their cabin bunk look like? How will they decorate their space? as mentioned in headcanons, they are very minimalist or at least try to be. and their space in the cabin reflects that. they have an orange and white crocheted blanket over their bed. a small poster of the claypool rock tunnel (a4 size) and an old sun tarot card stuck to the wall over their bed. besides those things, their stuff is kept neatly in their suitcase and backpack and as much out of the way as it can be in the cramped space.

Do they believe in the supernatural? To what degree? yes, they do believe but it’s not something they talk about a lot. in fact, they probably actively avoid talking about supernatural things. they don’t like to invite any sort of negativity into their life and they fear disrespecting the spirits by discussing them. they’d rather a quiet and respectful relationship with the things they don’t quite understand.

Are they easily spooked? not really. at least not in a way that is obvious to others. a quickened heart rate, becoming more aware of their surroundings, those sort of things would happen if they were scared but overall, no. it takes a lot to genuinely frighten them.

AND FINALLY,

A very dumb but (hopefully) fun quiz made by your admins, please share what result you got

liluye got “you will sacrifice yourself for someone else” which probably dumbass

#retreat:intro #( about. )

[luwupercal]

heres the most important post ill ever post to this website: the primarchs’ opinions re: platonic ideal of the “Philosopher King”

baseline: i, op, fucking hate it because philosophers suck and kings suck and trying to be both is like. youre just telling me your iq is huge when iq isnt real. youre telling me youre a billionaire when money is a madeup concept. i dont give a shit. youre a privileged little rat and if you had to clean a bathroom you wouldnt even know where to start. you have no emotional intelligence if you define yourself as a philosopher-king or admirer of philosopher-kings not in the sense that oyu dont have empathy but in the sense that you dont know what the purpose of having empathy is. get out 

anyways

lion: came up with the concept of the philosopher king independant of plato and still believes in it, unfortunately, but also considers plato secretly kind of a copycat, so i cant hate him. would claim to be a philosopher king himself but secretly have hangups

fulgrim: pre heresy, would genuinely unironically consider himself a philosopher-king. post-heresy/laer/etc he has seen the true light that the dichotomy isnt Leader/Masses but instead emotional intelligence/immaturity (chad vs virgin) and has decided to be immature while pretending to be emotionally mature for clout and fuck all else

perturabo: probably buys into the idea and thinks of himself as a philosopher king but i know theres something gnawing at him about it. i know and i encourage it. i know its gnawing at him i know it is im not going to stop

khan: diogenes-adjacent chad so probably doesnt but still pays lipservice to the idea. if he had any doubt philosopher kings arent real i think the heresy threw them in the garbage. post heresy hes literally living in a barrel in the webway pissing in the drukharis amphitheatre i cannot overstate how chad-like this behavior is

leman russ: the worst of both worlds. believes in philosopher kings and takes shits on your living room table. the philosopher king in question is daddy dearest. post-heresy hes probably moved on to be purely diogenesian though in an astounding act of character development

rogal dorn: believes in the idea of a philosopher-king but contends with the realm of ideal concepts thing. halfway there bro

konrad curze: THE MOST DIOGENESIAN PRIMARCH, literally lived in a barrel drinking water out of puddles, nothing but respect

sanguinius: pays lip service to platonic ideals but doesnt truly sincerely believe in it

ferrus manus: Please subscribe to ferrus manus’s philosophy/life coaching podcast today on maximumfun.org and then go to audible.com and enter “ferrusmanus” for a 25% discount on your next Seneca audiobook

angron: please look at him

guilliman: trying really fucking hard to believe philosopher kings are real but oh my god the 42nd millennium is TESTING him (come to the dark side guilliman we dont have toilets)

mortarion: terminally online irony poisoned dirtbag political, spiteful enough to launch a chicken at your face for daring to classify man as anything but Piece of Shit, you tell me if this motherfucker believes in philosopher kings

magnus: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BELIEVED IN PHILOSOPHER KINGS AT ONE POINT probably still does to some extent because hes full of juicy hubris like a pastry. hes like the most niche parts of terminally online soft pastel sangled icon LGBT discourse combined with the hell on earth that is an unironical plato believer. For the love of god montresor please fucking help me

horus: believes in philosopher-kings in the same way a trust fund jock believes in the Dow

lorgar: used to be really into philosopher-kings as an idea to properly articulate the emperors divinity. doesnt do that anymore

vulkan: one time ferrus tried to explain to him the concept of plato’s cavern and the whole ideals/concepts coming before their physicality thing and they both agreed it was fucking bullshit but ferrus wanted to keep arguing the reasons why it was bullshit and vulkan was just like .can we please keep playing minecraft dude

corvus corax: hes literally a prison abolition anarchocommunist you tell me

alpharius omegon: dont know what a philsobbie is and are scared it’s too late to ask

#headcanons #fuck you. indulgence #primarch listicles

[ll-again]

in tyranny

In which Drunk Molly is a tyrant and Sherlock falls all over himself to do (nearly) anything she wants. Goes along with this.

"Whoop!"

The sound was Sherlock's only warning. He glanced over at his astoundingly inebriated girlfriend just in time to see her slide sideways off of the toilet, where he'd sat her temporarily so he could get out of his soiled clothes. Sherlock lunged, catching her just before she whacked her skull against the sink.

Breathing a careful sigh of relief, Sherlock set Molly straight again, releasing her slowly, hands hovering close as he tested whether or not she'd slide sideways again as soon as he let her go. The last thing he needed tonight was a trip to A&E. Given that Molly kept forgetting who he was, she'd likely get him arrested if he took her in with a bump on the head and she cried to the nurse that he was a stranger.

There was some saying about that, wasn't there? Third time being the charm.

The owner of the pub had eventually been swayed around to the truth, but Sherlock wasn't entirely sure he'd convinced the cabbie that he was Molly's boyfriend and not her kidnapper. Of course, the cabbie had been preoccupied with other concerns once Molly had started throwing up in his backseat. Sherlock made a mental note to track him down later and chuck him another hundred quid for his troubles. All things considered, he'd taken the whole episode pretty well.

And, small miracles, Molly did seem to be done vomiting. Much too late to save his suit, of course. Her very first heave had been right into his lap.

Sherlock grimaced in relief as he was finally able to strip down to his boxers, this time keeping a careful eye on Molly as he did, lest she cant too far off center again. He balled up his clothes, trying to keep the wet areas in the middle so he wouldn't have another mess to clean up later, and set them aside to crouch next to Molly and start unbuttoning her shirt. He snorted as he realized that she'd managed to mostly keep her own clothes clean, although the same couldn't be said for her hair.

A shower was clearly out of the question, Sherlock considered, righting her once again while he wrestled off her blouse. Getting her trousers off was proving considerably harder, and after a few false starts, Sherlock stood her up and wrapped her arms over his shoulders, hoping to steady her.

Molly stared up into his face. "You're my boyfriend," she announced.

"Yes." Sherlock froze. "Please don't start crying again."

"Why?" Her nose wrinkled up in her confusion. "I like it. I like you."

Sherlock decided that now was not the time to explain that she'd spent the cab ride from the pub to her flat alternating between sobbing and upchucking. "I like you too."

"You," she giggled, poking him in the shoulder, "love me. Cause you're my boyfriend."

He'd not yet said as much – discounting the Sherrinford incident – but…

Sherlock lifted a section of Molly's vomit-soaked hair off of her shoulder. Most likely, she wouldn't remember a word of this conversation in the morning, but…

"Yes," Sherlock said. "I do love you."

Molly lifted herself on her tiptoes, wobbling precariously, and tilted her lips towards his. "I love you too," she said, obviously attempting to whisper, although she was nowhere near close to that volume.

Her breath smelled like soured beer and whatever else she'd regurgitated. Luckily, Sherlock had a fairly strong stomach; he spent too much time in close proximity to corpses to be otherwise.

He only had to shift slightly to press his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. Sherlock lingered there a moment, nudging his mouth against hers a second time and then a third.

Molly grumbled when he moved away. "Again."

Sherlock cupped her shoulders in his palms and said with no small amount of regret, "You are very drunk, Molly." She made an unconvinced noise, tried to grab his ass and missed. "You're also mad at me," Sherlock reminded her.

That, at least, halted her attempts to molest him. "Oh? Why?"

He sighed. "I may have done something … inadvisable. In my defense, it was for a case."

She narrowed her eyes at him in just that way she had that made him want to get on his knees and grovel. He'd not actually done so yet, but there had been a few close calls here and there. "What was it?"

Sherlock ran a hand through his curls, mouth twisting in utter bewilderment as he realized that there was vomit in his hair. Since she'd not hurled anywhere near his head, he could only conclude from the mounting evidence that Molly's puke could bend the laws of physics.

"I plied a suspect for information with some light flirting. Just verbal, no physical contact. And I was certain you'd understand that it was only for the case. It wasn't real."

Molly wrinkled her nose. "Well, even if I did understand, it's a bit rude. I don't like it when my boyfriend flirts with other people. Especially when it's right in front of me."

Something about the way she said it made Sherlock think that she wasn't remembering the incident in question – which she had witnessed – but, "That's happened before, has it?"

Molly nodded, looking thoroughly miserable. Sherlock's gut clenched as he realized that her anger afterwards hadn't been so out of proportion as he'd assumed. He caught her chin in his fingers, lifting it so she was looking at him. "I am sorry. I genuinely didn't think you'd mind."

Molly tried on a smile. "I forgive you."

He traced a thumb over her lower lip. "I hope you do."

"I just did," Molly said with an offended sniff. She tried to step away from him and stumbled, Sherlock catching her just in time.

"I meant," he said quickly as she opened her mouth, "I hope you forgive me when you're sober."

"Oh." Molly deflated and tilted her head, studying him. "That's a good point. Sober Molly probably hates you."

Sherlock sagged, more than a little gutted at the possibility. Molly regarded him with wide, liquid eyes, her lower lip pushed out in a commiserating pout.

"It's okay," she said, patting his cheek. "I still like you."

"I am glad," Sherlock said with a warm smile. He hesitated a moment, then brushed his lips over her forehead. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

…

Sherlock sagged against the slope of the bath. This was ridiculous. He'd gone days without sleep on cases and not been half so exhausted.

Drunk Molly was a tyrant. He made a solemn vow to himself never to upset her, if this was to be his punishment. Nothing was worth going through this again.

For one thing, she was harder to bathe than Rosie at her worst. Like their goddaughter, Drunk Molly just wanted to splash around in the water and had been most uncooperative while he attempted to wash her hair. Then she'd been too cooperative trying to help him wash his. (Either that, or she'd been trying to drown him until he wrestled the cup he'd been using to pour water over their heads away from her.)

Then, she'd had the cheeky gall to grin and suggest that she had some other spots that could use a wash too, which had sent him and his very unhelpful bits of anatomy scrambling out of the bathroom to cool off. He'd scrambled back a few minutes later as it occurred to him that he'd left his staggeringly pissed girlfriend in a tub of water more than deep enough for her to drown in if she dozed off.

And now, she flatly refused to get out of the bath. She had allowed him to change out the dirty water, but she'd also made him get back in, refusing to drink the glass of water he'd brought until he did.

So now he was lying in a tub full of tepid water, head lolling against the tile, with his cheerfully tyrannical girlfriend draped over him like he was one of those inflatable floats for a swimming pool.

"Molly, what are you singing?" Sherlock said suddenly.

Singing was a hell of a stretch, but it was his best guess as to why she was tunelessly belting out "piggies" over and over.

"It's a Beatles song," Molly mercifully stopped her 'singing' to explain. "You prolly don't know it."

Sherlock did actually know the song in question, and Molly wasn't even remotely close to accurate lyrics, never mind the tune. But he was too tired to argue the point. Massaging his temple, he said, "Drink your water."

There was a splash as she dumped the rest of her water into the tub, then a clatter as she chucked it away. Sherlock slit open his eyes to watch it bounce out of the bathroom and into the hall, silently congratulating himself for choosing a plastic cup rather than one of Molly's glass ones.

"Done," Molly chirped.

Sherlock massaged both his temples. "You are seriously going to regret not hydrating in the morning," he said with a great deal more patience than he ever thought he possessed.

Oh, Sherlock realized, struck by an epiphany. This was why there were countless hours of drivel – music, film, and books like that nauseating novel Molly kept hidden between her mattress and the headboard – devoted to the subject. Love really was life changing. And Sherlock found himself suddenly infused with a great deal of empathy for anyone who did idiotic things in the name of it.

He pushed Molly's hair out of his mouth, again, and craned his head to look down at his girlfriend, who'd finally dropped off and was drooling on his shoulder. At least, unlike most people, he'd had the good sense to pick someone worth turning moronic over.

Sherlock used his toes to unstopper the tub, carefully gathering Molly up. She grumbled sleepily but let him maneuver her out of the bath and wrap her in one of her fluffy towels. His head throbbed and his sodden pants (he'd wisely kept them on to protect his virtue from Drunk Molly) clung uncomfortably, but those were minor considerations as he dried Molly off and carried her to bed.

"G'night, Sh'lock," Molly slurred while he pulled the duvet over her.

"Sleep well," Sherlock whispered. The next words came easier this time, and Sherlock found he was rather liking saying them. "I love you."

#sherlolly #I wrote a thing #drunk!Molly #this has nearly as much fluff as it does vomit and I don't know how I feel about that #it probably says something about me #that the vomit bothers me less than the saccharine fluff

[frenchkissinlife-blog]

Confused / Lost / Indecisive

I have no clue where I should be going - if I am here nor there

We are going to try to put ole blue on the back right now and see what I can come up with because I am here in ole blue is 1300 miles away nothing I can do there - and I am almost certain ole blue will never come - so back to reality here

Life really isn’t all that bad until you put the mix in place where I am asking DH to do things. Is it the way I am asking, is it the things I am asking, I have no clue. Should we have a full time mediator to decide this - probably so I know how to move forward. I do know this - I know I have had someone who loved me and the ground I walked on - today I do not have this and I would love to have this again

I have a man who I believe loves me or loves the idea of us. Was he in love with me when we married - I can honestly say NO. I was the rebound or easy to move on with and well I fell for it.

 I know that I am thankful and blessed to have all three of my boys, and can’t imagine NOT having them. I am thankful and blessed to have a good job (there are more days than not recently I wonder why I didn’t take the chance to move north to MT or south to LA again - but that is not here nor there right now). I am thankful and blessed to have a sweet ride and a lovely home in a good area. So you wonder why I am complianing or what ever it is you want to call what I am doing...it is right here:

I am tired of having a one sided relationship with my DH. I want the man who helped me to fall in love with him. The man who was there and would step up at any given moment to be a father to a then 5 year old little boy who didn’t have a father, who showed me that we could laugh again to the man who made sweet love to me and showed me how much he wanted my entire body and how he wanted me to melt in his arms at all times. Who would just do to do. However I fear that now 8.5 years deep all that was just a ploy and now that we don’t have to put that ploy on he is going back to who he really is or could it be life changed him, I have no clue. I know that when I ask DH to be a father (which by the way I shouldn’t have to do that), it is a fight. We got past the part of mostly parenting with his phone in hand and moved on to some parenting. I am trying to get him to step up and take on the rolls of giving baths again, and getting kids ready for the bed. Yeah I would love to have him help cooking in the kitchen or come home and decide ya know what, you cook all week long, I will handle the weekends, but that is outside of the reach and I will really just like for good solid parenting. 

It isn’t that he hasn’t had classes - we had to - Court Ordered (that is for another blog) to take Love and Logic classes. So we know how to handle the kids. Now we don’t really follow it (calls us helicopter parents) but we can follow some of it. Like when we get home, I get the kids in a solid routine - please don’t deivate from it. I know that I can let loose on some of the reins that I have now and just let them be kids, and it makes getting some things done eaiser (cooking dinner) now when DS#3 wants to help cook, that is different and I love that he wants to be there, but there is no need to yell at the fact that they are playing or running around. They will start to learn that if they run, they will get hurt, if the horse around, they will get hurt and THAT is when they ALL get in trouble unless I can easily identify who or whom the culprits are. Well DH would rather come home and start yelling at them for things like that - why!? So when I say just let them be or why are you yelling at them, he flies off and says THEN I WON”T TALK TO THEM! No I am genuining asking a question - lets talk about this - wrong. It ends right there. 

Okay well then it is time to get up to go shower and such - he is starting to slightly step up and take this in, but at the same time, he is expecting me to complete out the rest or he half asses it. So for last night, he argued with the boys about getting in the shower for what must have been a half hour or more to get them in the shower - WHY!!! They don’t want to wash their hair - SO FORKING WHAT, let them not wash the hair and just get the shower over with. Nope - we had to argue that and he just sat on the toilet in the bathroom and said over and over - it is time for bath, it is time for bath, it is time for bath. So I had to get up the stairs and threaten the kids with a whoppin’ if they didn’t get to it! That is when things started to move. Okay so I put one kid in the bath your sitting there - LITERALY sitting there - please grab the clothes and lotion and lets tag team this - NOPE!! So I get one out, get #2 in, lotion up #1, and catch attitude with him because he could be doing this too ya know. Like when I do the baths I am doing ALL of it ALL OF IT!!! So he catches attitude when I say something about it and he gets #2 showered and lotioned up. Are you kidding - why on earth do I have to tell you or ask you and why do you have to get an attitude with me. Like if you are not going to help with baths and such, then do something else- like put the sheets on the babies bed, and put the clothes away I asked you to do on Sunday (it is Wednesday) that you half ass did then to!! 

Like if we are trying to teach our boys to be respectible men, then you have to do it right too ya know. Which brings me to another point - I been asking him to go get the babies boots out of the truck (mine) and he went out there, and was like I don’t see them. Are you kidding he wore them home so they are in there, go look again. He did. So yesterday I decided I had to bring in a few things an I was going to look for the damn boots. Guess what if you would have moved the sweaters that are on the floor (not too hard) you would have seen the boots. Yet when you ask DS#1 to go look for something, if you know it should be easy to find, and he can’t find it you yell at him. SO explain to me how I am supposed to handle this one! You know what his answer to me was - I didn’t think it was too important so I didn’t look hard. What the hell kind of answer is that!? Really?!!! You may keep your truck (really mine) in a damn mess, but I refuse to let that happen in mine! Nope not gonna happen, but really you cant lift a freaking sweater to find something! UGH!! So again I am doing something I asked him to do the right way the first time but I had to do it.

Do we see a pattern here - lazy and I get stuck with the end result because I am that person who can’t leave something undone or half done or not done right.

This morning he gets up (well he should get his ass out of bed at like 445 every freaking day - but that is a mute point) and finally gets moving, he is supposed to be the one dressing the kids while I am making breakfast downstairs. Well I went in and said good morning to the babies and DS#3 was up and he said he wanted to help me make breakfast, so I pull his clothes down and he got himself dressed and then came down and helped me make breakfast. I let him help me, DH doesn’t let him help. He gets frustrated with him and it just snowballs from there. So he just has to get DS#2 up and dressed. Well DH comes down and I said well why don’t you help make lunches for the kids. Okay well he just dissapars and DS1 comes down and starts to make lunches. I lost it because he said dad told him to come do it - HELL NO! I asked you to freaking do it, and you need to do it. Your morning is too crammed well get your ass up earlier or better yet, lets make them at night like I had a thing going - but NOPE you say “No I will do it in the morning” well get your ass down the damn stairs and get that done, don’t ask your older son to do it because you are moving slow or what ever the hell else you are doing. I mean I am making breakfast, with one, getting our lunch ready b/c I had to grill the chicken this morning, and now I am trying to babysit your ass. I don’t have time for that are you freaking kidding me!!! UGH! Well he made lunches with attitude, decided he was going to send DS2 back to school with spoiled - YES SPOILED lunch from yesterday because he didn’t eat it. Okay hell no not gonna happen, because I am the one who will have to deal with the end result of a complaining sick kid - NO! DAMN just be a freaking dad and do what you are supposed to do!!

Well the kids don’t want him to take them to school they cry over it every single morning - I can’t recall one morning where it went smooth - i mean walk out the door and head to school with no fail. Pipe dream there!! So after all the above mess I decided I am going to take the kids to school I am tired of this and so single mom is in force here because well I feel like that anyway. He argues that he will take the kids to school. Well I am about ready to have that conversation with my boss that says I have to be drop off and pick up out there because my husband is a looser and can’t get along with his kids and it is likely because for the past 6 and 4.5 years he has been that absent pain in the ass parent and only wants to parent when it is convenient for him. WELL NO MORE!

I am on that single mom roll now and it is about to be - you get your stuff together and pull it together or get your stuff together and move the HELL OUT! When you are ready to be parent, then you walk back in here, but not until then! I am tired and I am always doing it, always. I signed up for the mommy role, and would love to have another baby or two, but with someone who wants to be there, with someone who would be that person who could see that things are not going right and say you know what, let me help fix them, what can I do, what do you NEED right now. Not let me dive into my game and zone out and let you handle it ALL. UGH! I am so done and so frustrated.

Most recently I have had almost every bone in my body tell me to pack it up, and move home and start over again. Why would I want to do that I have nothing there besides family and some friends. I hate the weather, it is hotter than hell (not that I have been to hell), the crime is HORRIBLE, the air is just as bad, seriously I get sick every time I go back home...then why (just like the thing with ole blue - WHY). I love it here, the weather is great, snow is difficult at times, there is so much to do here, the crime is not HORRIBLE, the air is clean, and my boys lives are here. I have no family here, and what friends I do have, well I don’t see them often (one is sick - can’t blame her there, and the other - well I am not sure what to call her besides a hermit and lazy). I am so lost and confused because I want my family I want the friends I left 16 years ago, I want the love I KNOW exsists that was torn from me (well we tore ourselves apart) - DAMN FANTASIES - GO FORK YOURSELF