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#i feel like such a big failure
the0nlyallison · 3 months
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I don't think I got selected for the national honors society
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ofswordsandpens · 4 months
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I'm sincerely very happy for anyone who is enjoying the show but every time I see takes that the show has improved the book characterizations or that the book characters are underdeveloped in comparison to the show...
#our experiences are very different lmao#pjo show crit#sure the show isn't completely out yet#but id argue that the characters (namely the trio) seem way more developed and well-rounded in the book by this point in time (episode 4)#and look im not saying every change the show has made is bad#but by and far there has yet to be a change to characterization that feels like an IMPROVEMENT from the source material lmao#the closest contender I'd say is show Percy does seem a tad angrier than book Percy#but again I wouldn't call that an improvement... its just different and I think that /change/ works because it feels like the same essence#but even that has had some issues because I feel like the show has inadvertently cut down some of Percy's canon book empathy here and there#I think the show has nailed Annabeth's pride and intelligence and her warped worship of her mother#... but they've also made her hyper competent to the point that she's not making half of the mistakes she did in the book#which ISNT good because book annabeth is smart but she isn't infallible#its a big point that she has the theoretical intelligence but none of the real world experience/application#she gets tricked by medusa and goes to visit the Arch just cause she loves architecture and that's okay!! she's twelve and a nerd!#I also dont like that they've cut/toned down her little crush on Luke#actually they've not even showcased the familial bond between annabeth and Luke either in the show so like lmao#and then grover#by now grover's fear of failure and repeating this past mistakes and wanting a license has already been acknowledged in the books at least#in the show?? not so much#and his canon book suspicions and wariness of medusa... were given to annabeth#like medusa in the book was Grover's moment to shine cause his instincts were right!#and in the book fight he even very intentionally attacked medusa#but his highlights there were cut completely in the show#and finally sally#...idk who that is in the show but that's NOT my sally jackson#percy jackson#mine
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thymeofarrival · 5 months
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Gem’s bloodlust is genuinely scary and unsettling and I adore it and her so much
… I hit tag limit on this and I’m not even close to done spilling my thoughts in the tags so I’m going to post so I can copy my tags into real text and keep writing them
#I can’t imagine facing her as one of the uninfected when she’s got my heart rate up just watching from her perspective#she’s a hunter#I’ve written something before about how she talks about murder in the same excited tone as cute decorations#and people sometimes underestimate her because of it despite her reputation as a good fighter#but she’s not a fighter she’s a predator#she’s a hunter and even watching from her perspective sometimes it feels like she’s hunting me#she’s hunting All#and it’s exciting and fun for her#and she needs her pack to some extent but when it gets too big she needs to split off again#idk what’s going on in these tags it’s just. hnnghhh. Red Gem#or even before she went red#just bloodthirsty predator gem reveling in the thrill of the hunt#it’s not nearly as much fun on your own but once you’ve killed a couple people to your side and have the numbers to terrify people#you can do that. you can circle around your prey and corner them and terrify them before you kill them#and it feels like power and it feels like a game and it feels like fun#because it’s not life or death it’s success or failure#but maybe everything is a game to a creature like gem who hops between worlds at will#what if she could leave secret life at any time#like she could hop between empires and hermitcraft at any time#if she can leave then she really is just there to have a chance to enjoy the hunt in a setting where it’s expected#encouraged even#death games as a way to satisfy her bloodlust so it doesn’t spill over someplace where it might Actually Hurt#death games to take the edge off#death games to get a chance to reveal the fangs behind her grin and the sharp points of her antlers#we call her a deer because that’s the closest thing our minds can connect to her appearance#but she’s always been a little too Other for that#oh and now the Void has taken root in her too#it’s claimed her eye and arm#maybe it helped guide her aim#or maybe she’s always been a creature of the space between worlds (what with the way she hops between them)
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tiffanyachings · 1 month
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really sucks how much rsd will prevent you from trying things and approaching people. what if i’m bad at it. what if they say no. my brain will literally initiate self-destruct
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meandmypagancrew · 9 months
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So, I don’t know if I’m the only one who noticed this, but with the exception of Barbie, am I the only one who thinks most movies recently have been really poorly marketed?
Like, Oppenheimer was a critical success but I think we can agree the marketing team did an abysmal job - like Christopher Nolan’s name definitely sold plenty of tickets but for the most part, it seems they just let the Barbieheimer memes carry them to the finish line.
Now, I’m not sure if this is related to the strike, if marketing teams for movies completed before it but not released yet are striking or if they’re one of the exceptions that was carved out - which, if they’re striking, good for them, but if not, I don’t think they’re doing very good jobs. I think a good example of this is A Haunting In Venice. This movie comes out in less than a month, and I haven’t seen a single trailer for this movie despite going to the movies several times over the past few months, and while my local theatre does have a poster up for it, this is it.
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Now, this is a bad poster. The only thing it’s inspired in us is confusion. After Indiana Jones and Barbie and all the Ghibli Fest movies we’ve gone to we’ve stood and looked at this poster and all we’ve felt is confusion. I mean, we recognized that that’s the actor who played Hercule Poirot in Death on the Nile and Murder on the Orient Express, but did that mean this was another one of those or is it a mere coincidence that he’s in another movie? Actors do that, you know, they play multiple roles. And especially since the Agatha Christie book this is based on is actually called something different, it really doesn’t convey enough information to actually get people interested, I feel.
So I took five minutes and improved it. I feel this poster is 50% more likely to sell tickets because it’s at least 75% more informative and has 100% more false advertising because I couldn’t resist.
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littlemisssyreid · 5 months
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Started my next painting! Designed the rough layout of the house, farm plots, and beehive digitally and then printed it out with a picture of a cat and a blue jay over the top. Traced that onto the sketchpad and then sketched everything else over the top!
Should be a nice autumnal Stardew Valley scene once it's done! 😁 I'm really pleased with how the sketch looks, so I really hope I don't fuck it up when I start doing the acrylic hahaha
(Narrator: "she absolutely would ruin it with colour")
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irish-belle · 2 months
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Struggle city this morning.
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sznofthesticks · 1 month
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the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.
That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.
If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.
(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )
The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.
And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.
The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.
They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.
Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.
The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.
he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.
I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.
Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.
Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.
Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.
But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.
So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.
It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.
And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.
I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!
#i think gojo has such a big emphasis on giving kids the tools to protect themselves because no one ever did that for him or geto#geto snapped under the pressure and was lost to gojo forever#Gojo repeatedly focuses on giving the kids the tools to enjoy their childhood without being hurt#like with yuuji--he doesn't want him to sacrifice his youth and happiness with the others#so he focuses on giving him the strength to protect himself when gojo isn't there#in my mind that's also why gojo was always trying to feed yuuji the fingers#like when i first started the series it seemed kind of weird to me because gojo very obviously didn't want yuuji dead#until i realized that yuuji canonically had a good chance at suppressing sukuna even at 20 fingers as long as he had them spaced out#if yuuji had sukunas power level and had gotten it in increments eventually the higher ups couldnt touch him and hed still be under control#honestly none of the adults are doing well right now#a little under a decade ago the issue with the zenin came to a head and megumi ended up being very small and very hurt in a hospital bed#and they promised him that it would never happen again#now he looks very small and very hurt and he's in a hospital bed and the zenin put him there#as much as he's an angry teenager who hates displays affection he really is their little boy and they adore him#nanami was the one who took him from the zenin the final time all those years ago and he personally promised megumi that he would never eve#go back to that place. he feels like a complete failure right now.#gojo always blamed himself for not digging in his heels and refusing the custody compromise and now he's FURIOUS that this happened under#his nose a second time. i think gojos really interesting in the hero role because he's canonically low empathy and struggles with homicidal#impulses and let me tell you he thought about just killing all the zenin back then and he's REALLY thinking about it right now. there's one#fucking way of making sure this never happens again.#shoko generally feels like shit because this is supposed to be the one thing she can do to help and she /can't/ do it right now to help#megumi. also she privately thinks she had the most opportunity to realize how bad it was with the zenin back then and /didn't/.#she was going through a lot of her own issues back then and the zenin had some kind of believable excuses for why megumi was always banged#up. like. he was already getting into fights at school. its not like the zenin had issues procreating. they said he was picking fights#with other kids and that's where he got hurt. they actually blamed maki more than once. and some bruises here and there is expected for a#kid in combat training even at what was meant to be a very preliminary level. he was supposed to be in like. kiddie karate classes and they#didn't realize the zenin were training him like a fucking marine. it was SO obvious in hindsight and that tortures them.#protecting yuuta right now kind of feels like a chance to get it right the first time and all of them need that now that they feel like the#fucked it up with megumi a second time#sea glass gardens
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sailor-aviator · 7 months
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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coffee-bat · 6 months
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im sad
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dutybcrne · 3 days
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From a very young age, Kaeya held such a fondness for handholding. Whether it was his father clinging tightly to him to make sure he didn’t get lost, Adelinde’s gentle, grounding hand closed over his to comfort him whenever his nerves got the better of him, Crepus’s rough-palmed, firm yet comforting grip as he brought him back home, or, as it was most often of all, Diluc’s warm, yet at times uncomfortably tight hold as he dragged him anywhere, everywhere, determined to always keep Kaeya close and eagerly show him all there was to see, Kaeya treasured the gesture greatly.
Of course, being as shy as he was, initiating it himself was always the harder part. So much so, he would tend to hold pinkies, rather than outright take a person’s hand in his own. Eventually, it would become his most common way to go about the gesture of affection.
#hc; kaeya#//Handholding is one of his favorite ways of affection bc 1) it’s not too overwhelming when it comes to his touch aversion#//The sensation is all focused in one spot; and even then; it’s more grounding than uncomfortable bc of how firm people’s grasp tends to be#//He really took to holding pinkies bc he realized he could ‘test’ people that way#//If it was a bother to them; they wouldn’t blink twice before moving their hand from his hold. so rejection isn’t as BIG; more subtle#//And if they Liked it; they could either accept it as is or make him happier and take firmer hold of his hand#//Once he was more confident; he would go straight to more outright handholding. Klee ofc got that RIGHT from the getgo. Bc she is smol &#liked him from the start. Even if her Pyro energy did make him uncomfortable at first; but he got used to it. for her#//Luc made it easy to go right to it to—the kid would always seem to know when he wanted to hold hands for whatever reason and grabbed hold#before Kae could link pinkies. kae did like the fact that Luc would Pout the few times Kae did link pinkies instead of hold hands#//Pout; & snatch his hand firmly in his like ‘Why did you do that? THIS way’s better’. Love the image of bby!Kae grabbing bby!Luc’s sleeves#but lbr; they deffo held hands a lot as kiddos. Bc we all know just how (canonically) indulging Luc is with whatever Kae wants. Once Luc#//figured him out; it was a Very common sight; seeing Luc tromping around like the proud lil protector he was; & Kae scurrying after him#//Lil subtle delighted gleams in his eye compared to Luc’s more overt confidence and joy. So common a sight; it was no surprise that#Kae was Deffo distressed when Luc inevitably grew out of it. Adjusted; yeah; but the sudden Change was deffo NOT good for his nerves#//Clung to Addie a lot to make up for it; until he heard the maids tittering abt how childish he was being#//He quit that FAST; finding other ways to stave off his nerves and show his affection#//Sometimes when he’s drunk at Angel’s Share; he gets tempted to hold Luc’s hand—an old habit dredged back up bc he wants comfort#//But any sudden moves Luc makes; whether bc he noticed Kae reaching out or not; utterly scare the urge away every time#//He’s made his peace with Luc resenting him; but it still stings that the ONE person he felt closest to is now practically a Chasm away#//Not like he helps any with that; running away or lashing out every time Luc tries to bridge gaps or shows concern#//Sends him into fight or flight mode every time—who’s to say Kae won’t fuck it up and make a Luc regret trying?#//Might as well sabotage it all himself—at least THEN he knows with utmost certainty it will end failure. Whoops veered off topic#//The closer he is to someone; the more likely he ends up toying with their hands a bit—esp if Interested in them#//Likes playing with their fingers; linking; unlinking and slotting them together; tracing lines on their palms#//Cute shit like that. He likes seeing how they fit together; the differences in size and how they feel#//This was all bc I saw a detail from a show pointed out on the Twitter ndnfn. And thought the pinkie thing was SO cute. Anywho#//Hi. Shit happened irl & I am still not 100%. Not saying what bc it’s not a pleasant topic; but know I am ok#//Just a lil tired. But kinda wanna hcs for rn. I had a lil burst of energy earlier today. that was nice. Over a long dead show; no less#//But it helped lift my mood a bit. I still kinda wish I could drink rn tho. Think it’d help my brain rn
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sketchdeath · 1 year
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thinking about how i legitimately have a learning disability that was never ever caught despite [insert all the horrors] and now im an adult who has barely an elementary school childs basic grasp of math 😐🤨‼️👍
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ptsd-tiger · 2 months
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isn't it amazing how every single attempt to try and fix myself comes immediately crashing down on me because tiger always resurfaces. really funny joke, it is.
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healingheartdogs · 2 years
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You know what else is underrated? Litter box training and use for toy and small dogs, even when they're adults.
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vanishingmoments · 3 months
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i still don't know if i want to settle for an Associates or not
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