#i dont want to be whiny about it but aughfhffnghd

[one-way-dream]

oughg sorry

#was able to cry a little for the first time in weeks and it worked for a bit but now im. feeling kinda wack again #wish my depression could let me do things to get feelings out but i had to be cursed w executive dysfunction #biting and killing and maiming #i dont want to be whiny about it but aughfhffnghd #when barely anything sparks joy it is hard everything feels hard #i am tired of waking up like this but i don't really. have a right to complain #everything just makes me retreat further into myself i am tired #i don't really know why but i am #i dont think i was able to get the past year out of my system properly and #i keep having dreams about my sister and i and i keep waking up disturbed or anxious or sick or angry or annoyed #weird ass state of burnout and every day i wake up and go through the exact same cycle of just #trying to keep myself calm until i inevitably shut down from something minor in the afternoon and the intrusive s/h thoughts drive me insane #then the rest of my day is ruined so like a solid 12 hours until i can. be stable-ish again #i cannot even do things to get my mind off of it other than brain numbing shit like lets plays on yt #[shrek voice] they cant even afford therapy #something wrong with me and i cannot rly figure out what or if im being overly sensitive n dramatic about everything #nothing is even Happening irl and things are completely normal and fine for the first time in months snd yet? #jesus christ . WHY. #o|-< oughg #tee.xt #vent / #personal / #sory for farty rocking ill probably delete later if i remember