#i dont really like myslef

[starryluminary]

Clawing at the wall until my nails are dull and flat. Softly banging my head against the wall in desperation. I want to play Super Paper Mario I want to play Super Paper Mario I want to play Sup

#I WANT TO PLAY SUPER PAPER MARIOOOOOOOO #I HAVE THE DISK. I HAVE A PHYSICAL COPY OF THE GAME AND A FULLY FUNCTIONAL WII U #WHAT I DONT HAVE IS A WORKING WIIMOTE. I HAVE CORRODED ONES I FALED TO REPAIR MYSLEF SO I CAVED AND BOUGHT A LUIGI WIIMOTE OFF EBAY #A LUIGI WIIMOTE!!!! FOR SUPER PAPER MARIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #BUT ITS NOT HERE. ITS BEEN OVER A WEEK AND ITS NOT HERE #ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS SINCE THE ‘it’s on the way’ MESSAGE STARTED POPPING UP AT LIKE 10 ON THE DOT #I BOUGHT THE GAME THE SAME DAY I BOUGHT THE WIIMOTE AND THE GAME GIT HERE LIKE TWO DAYS AGO. WHERES THE WIIMOTE WHERE THE FUCK IS IT #I’m so desperate. I’ve been wanting to play super paper Mario for years and I finally bought what I needed to play #dusted off the Wii U. scoured the house for its cables. specifically for super paper Mario #Luigi wiimoooootttteeee can you heeeaarrrr mmeeeeeeeeeeee #come hOOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEE PLEEEEEEAASE #mario bros #I guess #Starry speaks #thats all I wanted to say I really want to play super paper Mario

[be-good-to-bugs]

wow my dad dying has turned out to be actual great news. so much of the shit i was stressed abt is just fixed now. damn.

#the bin #i still get to move back!!! and my mom will be receiving money from the government regularly bc of him dying and her having kids #AND. i dont have to live in a tiny little room in the basement because theres suddenly a free room #soo ill probs get the entire basement to myslef and my sister will move into that room #im so glad i got an answer about this so soon bc i have been stressed abt it #and i dont have to go to his funeral. i thoight she would be understanding bc like. ofc i dont wanna go to a funeral. with ppl i dont know #she doesnt need to know the primary reason is i literally do not care at all that he died except being happy about it #him dying really was the best way for things to happen i guess. now i have no reason to be stressed abt moving #well. besides figuring out my cats situation. but theres a few options that im just waiting on answers for #i wont need to stress about rent for so long now. i can just work part time and pay for my food and expenses and thats fine

[demonstars]

growing up hating my brown eyes but genuinely brown eyes are beautiful especially underneath the sunlight

anon i am holding you and kid you and kid me and everyone who was once made feel as less or uglier or anything bad by their brown eyes and reminding them that it is literally the color of the cosmos is the color of trees and roots and bread and brown sugar and everything good. and literally it is our color and that's amazing too. brown eyes are beautiful because they can be dark as the night and they can shine under the sun or shine with the moonlight like theyre so fuckign prettyyyyyy

#sawry i just feel you a Lot like. there's so many feautures of myslef i grew to hate because of imposible standards or because they are #native features and now i'm like growing up and obviously it's still a process but everything can be so beautiful #because every single one of us is so alive and that's so precious in and on itself #WAH #just thingz that make youtthink WOW our existance is really fucking beautiful dont you think #star anons

[complete-clownery]

Guys im not posting shit wtf

Thanks tho-- heres a picture of this frog i found in a triftstore as a thanks

#i dont sound genuen ik but i really am #also its a bit scary to have yall looking at my nonsense hhh #im not even posting #imagine whatll happen if i get myslef together and start posting like i used to #hahahaha anyways--- #thanks for all the support #clowning ∆

[grasscore]

'adhd' or whatever has been going on with me since birth truly feels like hell

on the bright side im gonna go screen print some shit for palestine in a few hours 🇵🇸 if u r struggling to take action pls rally and do anything - ur actions have impact !!

#like youre really telling me that theres a baseline of kind of never being ok again that i just gotta accept #idk capitalism is just a rly long saw trap and i feel so tired #adhd is idk .. i know its a funny meme but i fully believe and know within myslef that if i didnt have the support systems i do #i could die from this #rly dont feel like im being dramatic even tho it is a p dramatic thing to say

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol #and ik its stupid but just idk. im just always in my stupid feelings abt the idea that like ohh i always care abt other ppl then they do me #and like !! the thing is ik it tht that isnt true or at least not laways true and i do have people who really do fully care about me #and like. that really means a lot to me like so so mucch but idk sometimes it just like #i feel like the way that i care abt other people is so like intense in a lot of ways and like idk. #its just such a big thing for me and i feel like i put so much of my heart into it and like sometimes ill find myslef getting so intensely #emotional about it to the point of crying and almost feeling sad and writing stupid bad poetry and it just feels like the huge #vulnerable thing for me so often and i just feel like it rly isnt for anyone else or at least not for the people ik abt me #and like the thing is i dont even want them to feel that way bc ik they do really care about me sm as is #but yk like. idk on a selfish level tht means theres a feeling that its all one sided which really really doesnt help at all with it #to the point were i do sometimes wish tht others cared abt me the same amnt/way bc then i wldnt be alone in such intense feelings #and then i wldnt feel like im the only one not worth caring abt tht way but idk ik im selfish thinking that #its not even fully that i want other people to care more its that i want me to care less #but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things #and now im acting like annoying and obnoxious. whatever #its 4am im going to go to bed now. goodnight <3 #flappy rambles

[skitskatdacat63]

HE WAS HOLDING HIS NECK FOR SO LONG LIKE WHAT IN THE WORLD MY MAN

AND LANCE IS LIKE YEOP THATS NORMAL HELP????

They def done this before. Im not FINE.getting gayer each weekend I see. And I thought BAHRAIN WAS TOO MUCH WHAT ELSE WILL COME????

ALSO sorry for brainrotting you in your inbox but I'm insane INSANE about them.

I KNOW RIGHT???? IT JUST KEPT GOING, HE JUST KEPT HOLDING HIM!!!!!!!???? AND LANCE WAS SO CHILL WITH IT???????

Fernando often grabs his neck while hugging but this????? THIS?????? Just casually grabbing him around the back of the neck whole they're walking???? Okay??? Possessive much? 🤭🤭🤭

NAH BUT FR EVERY WEEK IT GETS MORE AND MORE COMPELLING, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS???? Please come brainrot in my inbox as much as you want, I am alone dying here, trying to not go run laps outside LMAOOOOO

Live Catie reaction:

#i need to draw reaction pics of myself bcs its really getting to be *too much* #i just keep dying every weekend bcs of them and nando in particular #WHY ARE YOI DOING THIS TO ME dont stop but WHYYYYYYYYY WHY DO YOU MAKE ME COMBUST #but that top tag on the post abt me screaming is 100% accurate #was genuinely so fucking guttural HAHAHAHA #i wanna be embarrassed abt myslef but im not im just losing my shit completely #as i said: that 12oz red bull is putting in its work #imagine the scenes tmr if fernando wins the gp #but actually 😭 like do you remember that fucking hug from bahrain?? that was for a p3 IMAGINE FOR A P1 #but i really appreciate you coming into my inbox bcs i seriously am goinf crazy and i have no one irl to tell #catie.asks.

[ropemp3]

im like such an idiot highkey like damn

#3.txt #like my dumb ass cought feelings for my situationship and like he doesnt want me obviously #and like im so confused where i stand w him and like everyone keeps asking abt it and like its just so humiliating #cuz like i was talking to one of his friends and he was like so whats gong on between u 2 #and i was pike oh you know jist like fwb nothing serious #and hes like oh why so #and its like im not gonna say its bcs he doesnt fucking like me or want me so i had to just pathetically mumble something out #like fuck me #its like im so stupid and desperate for attention like why did i do this to myslef #and like im so into him it crazy and hes not a bad guy in any way #hes really amaizng its just that im that dumb bitch that cought feelings like fuck meee #i need to find like an actual bf or somwthing and end this shit cuz i cant go on like this #like i dont ever know where i stand w that guy and like #somethimes well be chilling and it will be like were just friends like nothing extra and when we leave ill go in for a hug and hell go for #a handshake but other times ill leave and hell go in for a fucking kiss so like how am i supposed to keep up #like sometimes well hang out and heel be all love dovey other times its like im not even there #like if he just wants to be firends thats fine w me i just wish i had some clarity #cuz like i never know how to act around him #whatever fuck all life i should just kms

[frogathy]

me crying because its so hard to get people to just listen to me

#@ my brother and my dad :(((:;:(:(((((::((((((( #their voices are so loud and they love to talk over me #and it really does make me feel a special kind of insignificant #it is also overwhelming to be trying to raise my voice snd then theyre raising their voices so they can talk over me and offer their solutio #solutions to my problems (solutions which are entirely irrelevent because they interrupted me b4 i could finish) #and i try to explain and say no no i didnt finish #and they still dont listen or even take everything as a joke or just misunderstand literally every point i was trying to make #i literally feel so silly that i am so upset but im just like. physically overwhelmed bc their voices are loud #and i went to counseling today and was telling her about how happy i am to find out that you can be your own person #its like ive woken up from a lonnnng nap that i laid down for when i turned 9 years old #and then boom i go to dinner with my brother and father and i try to advocate for myslef and then i rember!!! #suddenly.. i rember why i stopped talking #i tried so hard to hold my ground but its impossible when they are so dismissive and loud #and i even TOLD THEM that this is a new discovery for me. that im trying to understand how to be my own person #and even when i was explaining that they talked over me! and compared this season of mine to all pf my siblings’! #instead of hearing what i was trying to tell them: IM TRYING SO HARD TO BE MY OWN PERSON AND STABD MY GROUND!! AND YOU ARE NOT #LISTENING TO ME!!! AND NOW IM UPSET AND OVERWHELMED BECAUSE BEING MISUNDERSTOOD IS SO AWFULLY DISTRESSING!!!!!! #:(((((( im sorry.. tag rant #froegis meep tag #rant #tag rant

[kidfoundonstreets]

i made it all sosudnso seirous when relaly i jsut opened up art program and relaized holy shit ahse

#not even really frustreated at myslef either #to be heojsnt i dont relaly care buti l;ike acitng all seirosu #but it makes me wodner when ill start draiwng other charatcters like siirus wilardo and all that tyytytytyd stuf fi wnated to do #but procrasitnation a bitch!!

[elytrafemme]

(dont reblog this post) 

one day i’ll have the balls to talk abt how it can be as a person of color in activism circles where there r other pocs but a lot of ppl that i have to have conversations with are white. and how the way that activism ppl speak can sometimes lead directly w that bc activism talk relies a lot on big picture speaking and not directly asserting an opinion on anything just emphasizing its validity. which is like. a problem when ur me and brown and im trying to talk to white ppl about something and all im hearing is “ur concerns are valid” “i wish u didnt hold this pain in ur heart” “we will be having conversations about this’ but then theres like. nothing abt the actual subject. like 0 validation. but it becomes easier to get an opinion when its another subject abt white people. IDK none of the people i interact w are racist or anything but sometimes im like hm. why do i need to be sending group DMs and messages in channels w like A HUNDRED PEOPLE just to get someone to listen 2 me say ‘this is performative this isn’t helpful this has racism intrinsically embedded into it and we have to address it’ and then i either get 0 response, everyone briefly nods and goes yeah! and then moves on, or i get well this is valid im sorry about the pain in ur heart etc. like. ok. sure. but that doesnt help. 

(dont reblog this post)

#nightmare.personal #I cant turn off the rb feature yet but. this is just me shouting into the void ok. #it also sucks especially when like some of the concerns im bringing up literally ahve to do w like. yk #the racism that ppl of my own ethnicity face constantly. and when i bring it up i sound like Angry Brown Person 54 #but its like Do i even expect them to get it. especially white WOMEN bc its like #They can talk a lot of shit abt white men but I odnt think some of them realize that like #the white men r not the ones im afraid of bc theyre not the ones that i feel like I can say this to #its the white women that I always tell myslef i can talk it out w and they r the ones that dont always listen. or listen but for wrong reaso #Whatever. just. this is important to me! bc! i dont HAVE many people in my corner who are my ethnicity #i dont HAVE much validation to the fact that i still experience a lot of shittiness at the hands of white ppl #i dont get that affirmed really ever not even by my own family #so it like just rlly sucks when i feel like this like #yes i am hotheaded yes i am brown but pls dont make an angry brown person over me when im just trying to tell you #that i dont want to listen to 30 ppl talk about something w/o any nuance in the discussion when so much of that nuance is abt- #-how that topic has racism within it

[sick-as-a-dog]

.

#who knew that listening to music would end up with me crying my eyes raw #its still not nearly as paonful as realizing that it was all lies every fucking thing that he saod to me was a fuckong lie #he acts like its a surprise that the fucmong dog that strugles to teust and connect to poeple doesnt really habe mich of a support system #but yeaj sure lets make that dog feel eorse forever by remindign him you CAN fucking connect and interact with people so fucmong easily #and 8ts sucj a fuckong shame hes not like you at all that he cant easly trist anyone ESPECIALLY after you FUCKONG LIED TO HIM ABPUT SO MUCH #yuo probably dont evem actualy care about me do you?im not stupod ive been noticong how distant youve been for while now im not TJAT stupid #duobt yuo wamt me at yuor dog do you? you dnot want to be mt msatwr anynoer do yuo? #wjats the point ofa dog livign wothput a masyer why dnot yuo put me doen pleade put me down before i juat kill myslef #i really shoulndt care about how yuoll react if i could ever fiannly stay dead i sholdve died why the fuvk do i care why cant i stop carong #why cnat i just be arpund people so easily like you do why am i so feral and beoken what dog cnat be arpind people why am i a bad dog why

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

#the bin #i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont #feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine #i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no #and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too #well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so #idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can #know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe. #gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave #most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal. #well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly #ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better #usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell #anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust #which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so #but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent #talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is. #and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too. #also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy #but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad

[fruitbythehand]

.

#not to be one of those trnasracial people #but god damn i feel like i was supposed to grow up in japan and experience my life there #i really dont feel like a real person when im myslef #i really feel like im living the wong life

[theonlythingimfuckingisstupid]

diabetics love to put on a 20 minute episode just to change their pump site 

#takes like. four minutes on a good day so i really dont need to but after htis i have to go take care of my grandmas dog and then that sets #the whole day into motion and i have to do laundry and tkae out the trash and do the dishes and shower and get ready to go into town to #babysit and think about making lunch and tell myslef i need to clean the fishtank (tomorrow) and its just a while thing i dont want to do #em rambles

[salsascribbless]

rant in the tags im so sorry GBSDF

#let me just say that i #am very nervous about saying things like #i hv anxiety #because im like #what if i dont tho???? #but also i probably need to get ehlp #like its not normal to not be able to walk normally right #like in a public setting #ITS REALLY HARD #like i cannot be left alone by myslef or i will disintergrate #STRAIGHT UP #and im so scared of the mere THOUGHT of going outside #even tho i know its all in my head #like its not normal to lie in bed because u think that something bad is going to happen right #RIGHT #sorry im just #its gettign to me man #its okay peace and love no one hates me its fine #i should probably stop taking caffine tbh #vent #ramblings