#i dont Care abt how late this is I KNOW

[kristiliqua]

A CAGE FOR A CAGE

#im so fucking tires dawg i just wanted this drawing to be Done with #i dont Care abt how late this is I KNOW #let me die in peace now thanks #i never want to look at this drawing ever again /lhhj #sigh . anyway #qsmp fanart #mcyt fanart #philza fanart #philza #philza mcyt #philza qsmp #qsmp philza #q!philza #qsmp #philza minecraft #qsmp art #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #i Guess .? its their accessories idfk

[kithj]

tired of the obsession with "ethical" vampires and also "good" vampires who don't eat.

i think there's a lot to be said about fatphobia and the glamorization of EDs in vampire media, particularly in more modern depictions... i don't want to place the blame solely on twilight because this was happening way before the 2000s but i do think that had a huge impact with meyer's weird obsession and unwillingness to depict the vampires as anything other than thin and pale (and her singular fat aka tall and curvy vampire is described as "intensely feminine" and we don't have time to unpack all of that in this post)

saying that vampire venom "melts the fat" off of people, or that the vampire venom turns a person into their "ideal self" - who is the one saying my ideal self would be skinny? why is that the ideal at all?

i also just find it soooo fucking boring to neuter your vampires in this way. the whole point is to explore these deep desires and impulses and especially in romance these power imbalances that come from human/vampire relationships. i find the "good" vampire to be such a cop out. why even make them a vampire. twc vampires are just glorified super soldiers that work for the government. twilight vampires are just a bunch of mormon models. there's no real substance to them. even if you wanted to make an argument about edward, it falls flat because stephanie meyer doesn't write him intentionally, she genuinely thinks this shit is romantic & isn't ever really interested in exploring their age gap or edward's hunger.

i think interview with the vampire (the show) approaches the "good" vampire in an interesting way with louis. the decision to make him a gay black man adds so much to his desire to be "good" (accepted) and there's more to it than just him not wanting to eat humans; he's worried about the way the world will perceive him. and he still has so much love for claudia despite how different they are and the things she's done (but ultimately he still chooses lestat over her!!!) and he tries to influence daniel's perception of her, too. i also like that they still actually show him eating, versus the cullens, who i don't ever recall being shown on screen (or in the book) eating anything.

when i write about the hunger in blood choke, i worried about how people would react to the hunting scenes in ch2. overall, way more positively than i expected. there's a lot more i want to expand on especially in the next chapter, and i worry about how it may look right now in the game's unfinished state. i don't want the hunger to be something bad, at least not at its core. everyone is hungry. everyone eats. and i wanted to make it so the vampires in my world could not just opt out of it. they can't eat animals, they can't sustain on blood alone, they have to eat.

when it comes to the mc, they struggle with the hunger, but it's more than that. like with louis, it's the combination of that visceral hunger but also being gay and gender nonconforming, someone who has always been an outcast in society struggling to find their way back in after having their memories and sense of self completely wiped clean. their hunger is a manifestation of this idea they have of their past self - the potential for them to become the next Standard - and their physical/sexual desire that they repressed for so long now untethered due to their lack of memories as well as waking up in a more accepting world.

i think this is a much more interesting way to approach the hunger as opposed to painting the actual act of eating as inherently evil. in twilight, all the good vampires don't eat, even when bella is a human she doesn't eat. in dracula, lucy is only ever good when she doesn't eat. and when she does eat, she becomes an evil, indulgent sexual demon that is a threat to all men and she has to be destroyed.

female vampires always get the worst of it; they are sexual deviants, they want to kill all men, they asked for it, they're disgusting and vile for desiring anything from food to sex to independence. this of course goes way back; again, look at lucy. even in more "progressive" vampire media like bit, the lesbian vampire is evil, hates all men, and is tricking and seducing her female companions into it.

it's interesting to see how far back these trends go. dracula and carmilla all the way up to the modern depictions today. the "good" vampire narrative almost never works; i think because the idea of what is "good" is always going to be influenced by the person creating it. edward is not a "good" vampire. he is a 108 year old man who preys on a teenage girl; this should have been far more important to his character than whether or not he, as a vampire, drinks human blood. but instead he's considered good because he only eats deer and he's skinny and white and looks like a model, and because stephanie meyer says he is.

i don't write all this to say that these topics can't be explored (twilight is terrible for many other reasons, and i think iwtv does do it well) but just to point out why, in my opinion, the "good" vampire is usually such a weak narrative. who decides what is good? and there are other ways to explore the themes of desire and humanity than just restricting their diet... just because your vampire doesn't eat humans does not make them automatically good. and to be frank no vampire will ever be ethical!!! that's the point!!!!

#hello. can anyone hear me #this is just a steam of consciousness rant. i dont know #also i still have like 2 or 3 episodes of iwtv left so 🙉 #this was inspired by a video i watched on youtube the other day and also people complaining abt twc on the reddit again #and that post going around about how its probably way worse to steal blood from a blood bank than to just drink it from someone LOL #where people then recommend increasingly unethical ways for them to be ethical #like feeding on prisoners (jfc) or tricking people in a spa #even the hotel in blood choke is unethical. i wrote it that way. i purposefully made it so the woman changed her mind #but the mc nor hana care #anyways. sorry im watching a lot of vampire stuff lately lmfao #and im still disappointed by bit i will never get over it #ed tw

[sleepyseals]

[Image Description: A digital painting depicting Feldspar standing to the right of a campfire, facing away from the viewer and upwards. They are holding an arm outstretched above them and the other gesticulates as if they were telling a story. Several fireflies surround them and their shadow falls to their right. Wreathed in the smoke of the campfire is a scene of their campsite in Dark Bramble. Three large twisting brambles, the anglerfish fossil’s teeth, and three pine trees are suspended upside down, stretching downwards toward Feldspar and the campfire. A plume of stylized curling smoke stretches across the top of the scene from Feldspar’s ship in the top right corner. The ship is sparking with electrical failure. End Image Description.]

my piece for the @travelers-encore-zine !!!  I think this came out a bit more conceptual than I wanted but I still like it!

Thank you to the mods for making this happen, putting everything together and being an amazing support team!!! Thank you to my fellow contributors for being so lovely and making such amazing things and sharing this project with me, I'm really happy I got to be a part of it!!

#I'm so late to posting this omg sorry!! I got stressed abt writing the caption bc its hard getting the words out of my brain sometimes #but its already been a few days since the zine came out I can't believe it #expect some sort of process video or post for this maybe!! as soon as I figure out how I want to do that haha #idk I put a lot of work into this that I don't want to leave unseen but I don't know how I would even go about formatting smth like that #I dont know how to feel abt this piece lol I definitely got very tired of looking at it by the end but I think I'm still happy with it #there's so much going on for me atm but I'm happy! I'm so happy I have things to be passionate about #crazy how life is messy as ever but so much more manageable when you have something you care a lot about #videos game. <3 <3 <3 #I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts on what this means like symbolically ::] #both lonely and claustrophobic #Stories are the basis of so much in game but give feldspar room to breathe god damn it #I have to go to class and stop rambling in the tags now #outer wilds #feldspar #dark bramble #my art #outer wilds spoilers #ow spoilers #how did i forget spoiler tags... smh my head XD

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[umbrvx]

Hi! Genuinely curious. I know a lot of artists don’t like qrts on Twitter because they remove engagement from the original post, but on tumblr, the engagement stays with the original poster, so I’m curious why you don’t want comments on reblogs. Is the engagement thing why you don’t like comments on your art, or is there a different reason?

hi! so im going to write this post with the assumption some people who read it may be unfamiliar with tumblr so pls excuse me if im explaining things you personally already know/is considered common sense/etc... i am also unsure which parts i should consider common knowledge/how far to explain so please forgive me if i overexplain a bit!

so on tumblr, comments on art do not affect engagement, but it is still commonly held etiquette not to add comments directly onto reblogs of art.

the reason for this is that when you add a comment directly onto a reblog (ie, not in tags nor the reply function) is that the comment becomes permanently affixed to that version of the post. it becomes a secondary caption, basically; it is not the same as a reply on twitter or a comment on insta. if the reblog with the comment is reblogged by someone else, that comment will remain and can continue to be shared, even if the commenter were to later delete the post. you now then, effectively, have a new version of the post that has additions to it.

this has become somewhat more of an issue lately, as tumblr recently updated to remove the ability to go to where somebody reblogged a post from. which is to say, if somebody encountered a post that has a lot of additive comments on it, but wanted to reblog the original/a version with less or different comments, they can no longer do so unless they scavenged someones blog for the post manually.

generally speaking, many artists prefer no direct additions be made to their posts (although sometimes people add image descriptor IDs, which i dont mind people doing) so that only the original iteration exists and can be reblogged, without anything extra added onto it that isn't meant to be there. the reply function (looks like a chat bubble at the bottom of a post) is a newer addition, but most people still prefer to add thoughts/commentary in tags -- since reblog tags only serve an organizational purpose within someones own blog/exist to help filter content warnings, it is very commonly used to add comments, since that will stay within someone's specific reblog and will not affect or change a post. original posters are still notified of every reblog and their tags (and i really like to go through and read/reread tags), so any commentary can still be appreciated and seen even without having to attach it to a post directly

tl;dr: id just prefer my art posts to be able to stand alone and be able to be shared that way w/out extra comments/a comment chain on them

i hope this helps answer the question...!

#umbrvx.ask #ofc different ppl are different too... idk if there r ppl who dont care abt additive reblogs but #in my experience using tumblr since like 2012 ik this has been the generally held etiquette...! afaik at least #anyways im sorry if i am overexplaining #ik quite a few new ppl are joining so i didnt know how much to consider common sense or not #also i hope it doesnt seem like i am making a big thing of it i dislike telling ppl what to do... #but ive been seeing it happen a bit more lately n thought itd just be worth at least trying to say something rather than hope ppl just know

[elytrafemme]

friendship is cool bc you get to have these funny little guys who make you happy and become a better person or whatever and laugh a lot. but then there’s the horrors (trying to see and message them frequently enough when you know you can’t possibly juggle all of them all at once and never knowing the best answer)

#nightmare.personal #maybe i tell my irls to fuck off for a week so i can just get to work repairing all my online relationships #i won't actually do that but like. my social battery is so fucked #also there's the other issues but we don't talk aboutu those <- diseased interpersonally #we do talk abt those a lot but im turning over a new leaf to be normal #this is late night confessionals. hi i know cool people. wish i fucking knew how to talk to anybody #its so stupid too bc when i message them or join a vc everyone accepts me like i was never gone and is friendly and kind and all that #but then it's like. do ppl think im not committing. do they think i don't care #and like how do i convince people i care when im barely here and barely know whats going on #idk. wish klav was here he's better at fucking online things i think #i think im doing good socializing with my irls at least. like scheduling hangouts #when my gf comes back i need to see her like asap bc my brain is fucking obliterating itself but thats unrelated #sorry this is litrally late night thoughts #dont rb btw #my irl social life is better and i think part of me sees that as more important? #like obviously all my friends are important to me diffeerently but. if i disappear on an irl for a while they'll give me shit for it #versus online that's just life you know but. i don't know. #sometimes i wonder if my online friends know how much they mean to me and i realize they probably don't and i get scared #and then i wonder how all of them have to feel about me at that point and we don't really have to go into that but like #i don't know. it's always a little a lot scary #and people seem to be so natural at doing this online but i meanwhile just fucking can't #i'm allergic to discord servers its a thing. except the one im active in which makes me happy but i still forget to talk there all the time #so im still allergic but im choosing to partake. its like the lactose intolerance of the whole group

[sixftmp3]

sotd! pulled this one out of left field but it slaps

#sotd 2023 #ok i am just going to be using the rest of these tags as a diary so if u dont care abt my life. just dont read them el oh el #i have been. thinking. lately. abt how if i keep talking to this guy right #like we're going to evolve from 'guys we are each talking to' to boyfriends at like. some point. probably soon #and. and boyfriends. oh you know. #and i dont know how to tell him i've literally never slept w anyone ever #or when. like how does one bring that up casually #idk man. at least i know im not his first so it'd be less awkward but im just so hhhhhhh about it #😣😖 gay sex scary

[toastsnaffler]

not always great at small talk but sometimes I get so used to being asked the same little questions that throughout the day im mentally accumulating tiny happenings into enough material for a decent answer just to condense it into a one word reply bc I know theyre just being polite by asking. but anyway today I didnt get asked how my day was + now im surprisingly sad abt it I had so much to say even if I was only going to deflect the question as usual :-(

#like I just got so used to it.. dont take my brief moment of connection + feeling like someone cares away from me 😭 #im spending a lot of time alone + in my head lately which is making me kinda crazy but I never get asked sincerely how I am #so it never goes anywhere it just clogs up my brain and makes me feel lonelier than ever #but its ok I like hearing abt how other ppl are and what theyve been doing even if theyre a bit disinterested in me + my life #this makes me sound ungrateful I really don't mean it like that but sigh #anywayyy gonna take some ibuprofen + read a bit then go zzz goodnight everyone <3 #.diaries #like not to sound like a whiney little baby but im having a rly rough time and itd be nice to have someone meet me in that space but- #even if they dont want to know abt it or its not that kind of relationship its still nice to be asked how I am so I can lie and- #they know I'm lying but just for that moment we live in a more hopeful world where we're both doing OK now im actually going to bed bye

[tvxcue]

misogyny moment maybe but i do think the “support all women on spn” mentality did damage to ppl’s ability to think critically bc there is no reason for donna to be as liked as she is. like with jody she at least gets more development but to be honest, it’s barely anything. both of them just exist to be super special cops who give sam and dean an in with cases when relevant so they can aid their vigilantism and perform vigilantism of their own! like they literally use their jobs as cops to make them more efficient hunters! and to be honest, i do hate how sam and dean’s inclusion into the hunting community through jody turned out and ive said a thousand times before but it never stops annoying me.

but like with donna her introduction into hunting is as like a. girl power thing. with jody, they were still following the narrative that acknowledged the harm and violence of hunting and she became involved in it bc her child who was brought back to life killed her husband, it was traumatic and horrific. but for donna it was abt empowering herself and being a better cop and shit like. the whole show is premised on the idea that hunting is destructive and horrific. and yet as the show goes on, hunting becomes a super special secret club abt how cool it is to shoot people.

#like i didnt care for her bc she just wasnt that interesting to me and i just. didnt like how hunting was being treated in late seasons. #but what really pissed me off abt her was when she made fun of alex for not wanting to kill like she was literally exploited since she #was a child by a family that manipulated her into helping them murder people and now that shes finally out of that #and now that shes supposed to have found safety the fact that she doesn't want to kill people or help anyone kill people makes her weird? #dont piss me off. and like she literally said she just wanted to help jody and the rest of them by healing thats why she was a nurse! #she was still helping their stupid little cause she just didnt want to kill but wahhhh little miss cop knows best or whatever. #speaking #spn

[isabelguerra]

300 points for 'Isabel takes the L'?

the wizau isabel catches feelings fic :-)

#paranatural #asks #telephonestalker #wizard au #u sending this ask and making me go into the doc helped me solve a plot hole/characterization issue ive been struggling with for like #OVER A YEAR. so u get a little extra for that #the L in isabel takes the L stands for like-like. it stands for crush. it stands for losing her sanity #the OG writing (tht i really didnt like but couldnt figure out an alternative) was ‘johnny gets serious hurt and isabels stressed about it #because it impacts a bunch of stuff including a huge quidditch game they have coming up which is now in jeopardy since they dont know if #johnny will be able to play and since shes team captain she’ll be responsible for her team losing. but johnny does something idk what #bc he cares. its something heartfelt bc he felt bad abt being careless and causing her stress and that action makes her heart flutter’ #and then i thought hm. i dont like this. #the angle just isnt the foundation i want to build a romance arc on. so now its much less about johnnys feelings and the actions they make #him take. and then isabels reaction TO those feelings/actions. and now much more feelings are gained because despite building a friendship #on teasing and tussling and violent sport partnership this is someone shes grown to care about and doesnt want to see hurt at all. #she’d cancel the game without a moment’s hesitation because thats her teammate and she’d do anything to keep them safe #but why does this worry feel different. why does something feel worse. she’d feel this way about any of their teemmates but #by now her nd johnny hang out together and walk to class together and study late together and practice 1on1 together and she likes it #she really cares and is suddenly freaked out bc she doesnt know when that started and how she didnt notice it. and now this is someone #she cares about that got actual-not-for-jokes-hurt and shes worried #hes fine btw. maybe hes got a broken arm but ultimately he spends a night in the informary and comes out of it with a cool new story #but even after hes fine isabels still left with the aftermath of her realization. and she marinates in it for a while #this was way more than i meant to write ANYWAY my point was #her crush isnt gained bc she realizes everything he does and cares abt her. her crush is gained bc she realizes SHE LIKES HIM #its about HER feelings. not her reaction to johnnys #this au makes me unwell #johnny does still do his little ‘heartfelt sorry my carelessness made you worry im ok see? bigger n badder than ever’ thing but rather than #‘apologizing for getting hurt’ which is STUPID its more about checking in on those u care about after u made a thoughtless action #it still makes her heart jump but for a different reason. idk im still working out the kinks

[mortysmith]

i have got to stop posting on twitter like seriously

#it is insane how stupid people are #it is genuinely abnormal like in the ram fandom specifically #i be like proshp dni. and fhen they interact #i am very public about not wanting rckrts anywhere near me and STILL everytime EVERY TIME i post ram fanart #they are there. my likes my rts my follows. whyyyyyyy #its absurd to me #sorry im frustrated by this like genuinely #i tend to not care abt pro/anti discourse in the sense that like. i have friends irl and i know how to turn off my phone #i wouldnt even label myself an anti i think its stupid but if i say stuff like 'prship dni' #then it (FOR THE MOST PART) keeps away the people i dont want to see #ughghgggghhhhhhh. whatever man i dont wanna see incest. how does that make me a bad person to these people its crazy #they act like i come to their house i knock over their shit i kill their families etc. I JUST dont wanna see that shit😭😭😭 #ok whatever. i am over it. i hate the ram fandom its part of the reason ive felt sooo demotivated/uninterested in the show lately #esp post full meta jackrick. blegh #on tumblr im lucky to at least have some circle of friends/mutuals but twt is just sooooooooo crazy annoying

[dunsbar]

the scott and gerard dynamic is one of my faves of s2 its so compelling to me… like gerard is an annoying villain especially post s2 but in terms of scott’s dynamics with the villains of the show his and gerard’s is one of my faves for sure

#scott and deucalion and scott and theo are obviously up there #as well as scott and the nogitsune but its less about the dynamic between the two and more about the fact that stiles is scott’s best friend #so its very interesting and sweet to see him try so hard to help stiles DEAL with the nogitsune #and how their 3b dynamic is… sciles 3b dynamic is actually so romantic but jm not getting into that now just know that its like. #first love/late spring by mitski the archer by taylor swift dont swallow the cap the national etc. #THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY ABT GERARD SORRY FOR THE SCILES DETOUR #teen wolf rewatch #talk tag #anyway gerard’s a freak for inviting his granddaughter’s ex to dinner i do not care what psychological shit he was trying to pull that is a #FREAK MOVE.

[caruliaa]

so great how my mum is making me change my diet for the sake of loosing weight nd making me feel like i have to eat less nd esp much less carbs nd the its leading to me feeling worse physically nd feeling so tired physically nd mentally and lacking energy and feeling angry nd miserable constantly. nd also deeply hungry ndf craving which makes me feel guilty.

#NOT LOOKING FOR LIKE. ANYONE TO TELL ME LOOSING WEIGHT IS A GOOD THING FUCK OFF IF U WERE GOING TO GO TO HELL #also like the feeling physically bad thing nd the tiredness i tihnk are in part caused by not getting much sleep #(but im getting around the amt i usually do its j tht ususally its not a lot so) #but this is def def contributing to it like majorly i think #also feeling angry nd miserable is prob also in part bc of like. well still the diet but more in how it bieng forced onto me #(someone w already a lot of issues w guilt over eating made MUCH MUCH fucking worse by this) #is making me feel #but again also majorly impacted by the actual diet itself #i mean also part of it is tht um. yesterday nd today i skipped lunch #which ik i rly rly rly shouldnt make a habit of ik i shldnt nd im gonnatry not to nd hopefully if i dont thtll help but like #idk i this is still obvs having a negative affect on me !! both mentally and physically !! #i mean see if my mum gives a shit i already know she doesnt care abt my mental health ig physical health isnt much of a streach after that #anyway it so late speaking of tired i need to get to sleep rly so badly huh #um. #vent #fatphobia tw #weight loss tw #diet mention #ask to tag

[mxdotpng]

actually the relationships between each party member & luke in this game is really, really good. i wasn't expecting a lor because typically rpgs forget to have something dynamic with all of their party members, but they very pleasantly surprised me with this game.

#.text #tales #tear and luke are. tear is where it all started and where it all ended. she both metaphorically anf physically freed luke from his prison #and watched over him. she was one of the first to believe he could change. and he did. with her guidance #luke and jade are. they make me emotional. jade sees himself in luke and has an endless pit of Guilt that never seems to go away #whereas luke AND ion are both beyond greatful to him. he is the reason they are alive afterall. and luke also sees him sort of as a mentor #they are Friends. and i think jades conversation with luke before the tower of rem was one of my favorites. i think abt them a lot. #luke and ion. they are the Same. created to be replacements and created to die. they both want to live so badly. and they both #dont want to be anyone but themselves. they Are themselves. and they support each other through that. even when its too late. #guy and luke. oh god. i dont even know what to say about these 2 without going on a massive rant. #his best friend only met him in order to kill him. but somewhere along the line guy ended up raising this poor newborn child #learning to walk and learning to read and write learning how to sword fight and how to take care of himself. healing wounds and #scolding after temper tantrums. being too soft because luke ended up being more than just a revenge plot. #from waiting till the day luke died to waiting till the day luke died. same circumstances. different reasonings and feelings and. #and to luke. guy is the one who stood by him through absolutely everything. and the person he chooses to trust no matter what. #anise and luke. i think theyre so fucking funny. anise is 12. she kept going on about 'marrying' luke so she could steal his money and #maybe even fake an accident later. whoopsie! but then they became Friends. and i think siblings too. #but they are. the same. their attempt at forgiveness. for redemption. and them extending trust when its needed most. #i think anise and asch are the only ones id put a lable on in regards to their relationship with luke. and anise is only because i think #itd be REALLY funny if she called herself his 'older sister.' shes TWELVE after all! and hes only seven 😌 #natalia and luke. natalia spends so long. nearly the entire game. trying to find the line between asch and luke. she tries so hard to #see luke as his own person and not as an extension of asch. and while he's trying to do that too. for himself. he spends his time #with her realizing he's her childhood friend too. and he makes sure she understands the circumstances of her birth #dont take away the time she has spent with her family and him. and they use that as the foundation of fixing their view of each other #asch and luke. i cant say anything else abt them ill genuinely become ill. like i really just Cannot. but. im sure i dont have to say #anything anyways. they are mirrors. and they reflect each other with a passing glance. they are reaching out #and staining each others hands with the blood found from their mistakes. but still they reach out. that is all. that is all. #oh!! luke and mieu.. :]. mieu. the very first person (cheagle!) to see luke Change. and the first person to forever stick by his side. #even guy left. even though he regretted it and turned back. tear hadnt stayed for him either. but mieu did. and i think luke knows that #one of his bigger regrets too. but mieu understands and he still cares. they are the similar. the same. and they go hand in hand

[chisatowo]

I love Hina she's such a fun character to dig into cause like. The second you start actually thinking abt her as a character it's like oh god damn u were depressed at the start huh

#rat rambles #band posting #like damn you rly were cripplingly lonely and constantly regected by those around you huh #also when hina talks abt how dull everything was to her before pastel*palettes and how she had such a hard timr finding joy in things #just like its easy to forget that hina was in a rly rough place at the start of things #also the way that hina autism #also also the way that hina bounces off of chisato and aya are both very interesting to me #I feel like hina and chisato especially make for an interesting pair of characters because of how it shows chisato's struggles with #empathy and understanding others and how chisato kind of tends to project their own issues onto others and has a hard time understanding #other's issues when they cant personally relate #but that doesnt mean they dont care cause god knows they do but that doesnt change the fact that they can be quite judgemental #basically two low empathy bitches hanging out and not getting eachother but still caring deeply anyways #yknow I feel bad every time I talk abr pastel*palettes cause I feel like Ive gone on and on abt most of them and then theres poor maya #I adore her shes soooo transgender but also she isnt a character parallel or foil to chisato so she doesnt matter /j #shes so good though I rly should talk abt her more Im just not as well versed in maya lore as with the others #anyways its late so Im gonna try and sleep now gn

[myriadsystem]

.

#must not text him texting him is the growth killer #must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend #im not letting me do that to us #but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮‍💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about?? #the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant) #but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling #this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me #idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be #but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent #and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change #the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here #fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day #and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why #why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop #thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back #hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp #and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok #and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real #and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in #and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems #personal #i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head. #i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad #idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things #i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once #i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows