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senseiwu · 2 years

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What do u think of FSM in the series?

No one really talks about him so im kinda curious on what you think!

I think he's really interesting, and I'd love to know more about him. Until Bentho mentioned it in Seabound, I completely forgot that he was still a kid when he left the First Realm. And it's interesting that they still knew enough about him there after all this time to hope (or, for Faith to hope, at least) he may come back someday.

I don't agree with the idea that he was an awful person. I just can't. He was a kid who fled his home realm because both sides of a neverending war wanted to use him for their own benefit (Oni AND dragon, do not forget that the dragons, aside from Firstbourne, didn't seem to want to end it either). When he gets to what is now Ninjago and finds people being terrorised by Wojira, he's there, helping them take her down.

I like to believe he and Nyad were close. She saved him from Wojira one day while he was trying to fish or something and then just kinda,,, adopted him. He was devastated when she merged with the sea.

I get the vibe that he kinda just wanted to be a regular guy, or to at least be seen as one to the people of Ninjago. I mean, he just lived in a small house with his two sons, and then later the monastery. They don't appear to have lived in luxury, or had like, servants or anything. Wu said something about monks in the monastery, but we don't know when that was, and again - only saw the FSM and his sons (granted, it's been a LONG time since we saw a flashback with them at the monastery).

I also believe that he loved both his sons very much, and tried his best to be a good father for them. It's clear they spent time together, and they felt comfortable enough to come in and talk to him while he was busy. I also appreciate how he didn't get angry at them for fighting in that one flashback in Hunted, when they were fishing. Or at Garmadon for eating all the worms XD Instead of being mad at them, he spoke calmly, and even laughed. ...Maybe my standards for good parents are low, but,,,,,,, also he WAS trying to find a way to help Garmadon with the venom, even if Garm refused to believe at first that anything was wrong. ALSO it seems like the boys didn't get in too much trouble after the Aspheera thing - Wu was more upset about disappointing his father than anything else. IDK about you, but.... I would have had a lot more to worry about from my parents for something like that 😅

Another thing to make me believe he was a good person, or at least tried to be, is Mystaké's trust in him, her continuing to look after Ninjago long after he's gone. And also the whole 'Firstbourne let him ride her because she sensed the good in his heart and they soared through the air with the respect they had for each other'.

Now, of course, he wasn't all good, though I do believe he had good intentions. It's clear his sons, especially Wu, have a lot of pressure on them. But it feels kinda like an Alma from Encanto situation, y'know?

......sorry, that got really long 😅 I just... have a lot of thoughts on the FSM and the backstory I've given him, and what we've seen in the show and Spinjitzu Brothers books.

#asks #ninjago #ninjago fsm #my friend gave him the name izanagi years ago and its stuck to me like glue #mystake was ALMOST another mother figure to him but he couldn't bear the thought of 'replacing' nyad #so he thought of her as his big sister instead

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detelped · 1 year

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my mental health has changed as ive grown, over time as I've matured, moved out, got jobs and learnt what life truly is, my whole attitude to life has changed. at thirteen/fourteen killing myself was all i could think about, if it wasn't that it was starving myself, cutting myself, taking drugs that would take me just close enough to the feeling of death and enable me to breathe for just a moment. almost scrambling, grasping with boney hands at a concept i couldn't quite hold, my attempts came in a frantic fashion, anything to gain control over my reality, anything to help people decipher the blood curdling screams that played on a loop in my head. I can't say i understood them even as they were happening, they were reckless and immature, always done with a tone of bittersweet naivety i was oblivious to. those days I'm sure i believed i was grown, that i understood the world, i believed pain came hand in hand with knowledge. but in reality it didn't.

these days my thoughts come slower, and with an understanding of the real way of the world. i haven't got the long string of unplanned, messy attempts i used to, i don't eat but it isn't so much a conscious attempt of harm, i don't snap at people, nor do i cry. i am in a sense peaceful, i understand the chaos, i am the chaos, but I've learnt to control it, i can still it. I watch the world go by, I watch my friends kill themselves, i see myself in third person getting raped, getting abused, it no longer feels personal. its emotionless, it's not happening to me, merely happening. maybe I'm still grieving the idea of happiness, watching everyone around me live to be the people they said they'd be. I can't hold down jobs, i cant sustain relationships, i cant bring myself to get groceries or iron clothes. there's merely no point, my brain has accepted the fact that when it comes to emotions, i am a shell. I used up my sadness carving words into my skin, used up my energy throwing up charcoal and bleach and pills and razor blades, staring into cracked mirrors and pulling out chunks of hair. I used up my voice screaming for my childhood sweethearts, my family members, teachers and friends to stop, I've been used up. it's taken time but i am an entirely new entity. i can subject myself to everything and anything, sex work, drugs, physical and emotional torment, none of it matters, Im no longer alive, i no longer feel. when i think of suicide it simply feels nostalgic, like walking into your childhood home, it feels like a dark foggy street lit by street lamps, silent, peaceful. it waits for me with open arms. I no longer rush towards it, there is no need. we know each other, we are old friends that keep coming back to each other. someday, we will meet, and whether far or near, i will embrace them for the last time and succom to the feeling i will have been waiting for my entire life. there is no fear, no grasping hands, no spluttering or stuttering, but merely a peaceful, solitary understanding. and a goodbye.

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sorry-ghost · 5 months

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I should tell you I loved you more than the breath could hold in my chest and that I loved you more than I've ever loved any woman or man and I was willing to marry you and not as a joke

it's over and it's been over and you have a family now, two children born from a poison mother feeding them toxins in the womb and still you love and care for them as if they were your own, birthed from your own. I cannot ever fault you for helping to maybe save these children from a perma-victim birth giver, oh the nerves in their arms are damaged from abuse, they were so tarnished. so were you and I. Abuse doesn't make you special, it necessitates help, and not that of a lover but a professional.

I wish I could tell you I see it clearly now. what he did to you was rape. I was in denial because he did the same to me repeatedly, even publicly, but he said he loved me. brainwashed, insecure, I could have healed for you, healed with you, but it took too long for me to realize and by that time you chose the mother over me. them. the. children. I cannot be angry if it's for child safety, but my heart is still broken.

I have moved on. traditional roles, a man who is kind and gentle who will likely want me as a wife someday. I think im a lesbian, still, mostly.

I still miss you so deeply it hurts my soul. I dream of you every night, our laughter, our kisses, our escapades. holding hands in front of the giant chairs stacked statue, laughing in prismacolor as we made love beneath the shimmer of your fairy lights. My nightly escapades with you are now my nightmares, knowing how beautiful we had it and how we threw each other away.

my guilt eats me alive. you meant everything to me. I love you still, and I hate that. I want you to be successful, to be happy, to find joy. I am so scared you won't, hindered by dead weight youve complained so much about to me. they don't care for their kids, themself, the dishes, lied and snuck an abuser into your home and sroll wormed their way back into your graces. I could have intervened sooner. I could have done so much more. I never stopped loving you, Mia, and I don't think I ever will. only time will dull the ache you've left in my chest, even if slowly. painfully. slowly. it's been over a year, and I cry still over you. I love another and still, I cry over you, still. I think I always will.

I wish I wasn't a joke to you. a false commitment, a side project to a fixer upper person and a man you met a day ago. You were far from perfect, as was I, but the love you gave me was something I had never experienced prior and since. Love was deserved, not earned.

outside of you alone, I've had to earn love. to fight to show my worth, desperate to be told I am allowed to take up space in a room or in a heart.

I wish we had fallen in love differently. I dreamed of taking you as my wife so many times. I wrote my wish on a tanabata, perhaps it backfired. My heart lingers with you still, and you have moved on. I am happy for you, sad for myself.

when you reached out to me last there was nothing left to say. I knew you made your decision. the children, of course. I could not compete nor would I want to with the safety of babies.

I had so much more to say, but you had enough on your hands, and I was the only one with a therapist.

do you know that our mutual ex raped me again? and again? after all had ended? and once more after we last spoke? no. threats and pushing me to attempt once more on my life, but the water refused to stsy in my lungs and the cuts were too shallow. i glued myself shut thst night and passed out on the bathroom floor. I moved. I changed studios, more than once. a dramatic walkout, a big thing of it. moving, again. that was a big deal. I lost friends. countless. well, I could count but it would be painful. single digits remain. loyal, but I am empty.

I hear your songs about me. I write my poems about you. you are marked forever by me, ink in your skin. and yours in mine.

I wish there were no damn kids involved. I'd have loved you for the rest of my life if you hadn't gotten mixed up with that mess.

I miss you earnestly. every day. I hate that you were stolen from me by differing ideals. I would not be a fixture in a child's life that has no relation to me, especially considering the circumstances.

maybe one day I will find a love like you again. maybe you will achieve your joy.

we destroyed each other in the names of bullshit.

I am teetering on the edge and I couldn't take a response that isn't positive, so I won't say anything at all. I'm dangerously close to stupid decisions. I drink to forget and only remember. I cut to numb but only burn.

be it the discord, the romance we had blackened by the heat death of our scorching fire, I am yet still so glad you are alive. Please. Stay with us.

I hate it, but I love you still. Beyond words, I love you.

#obviously im drunk and sobbing #i mjss her so mhch

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1-800-scaryphone · 1 year

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also on the note of crossovers i have more thought on the d.esu one i mentioned the other day (im so sorry skhfjdh)

i'm gonna go over both games bc the first one has some vibes to it too but here we go!

ok so the gist of BOTH games is that the world is in the midst of an apocalypse (both of which are caused by demons), and the only hope of salvation for humanity is to kinda "reboot" the world. in devil s.urvivor 1, it's very heavy on religious themes, and not only can you become godly and save the world THAT way, but you can defy god and literally become a demon king. it's a good game.

in the second game, you literally reboot the world however you see fit, which - in-game - separates your party into several "alignments," because none of them can agree on how they want the new world to be.

so! i kinda wanna talk abt where d.ialtown characters would fall on these alignments, since i just think it's Inchresting. i really wish there was a quiz or something for this. maybe i'll make one someday

D.ESU1

the first game has several alignments, divided into the holy, unholy, and three OTHER solutions to save the world that don't involve the protagonist literally becoming a saint or demon.

Kingdom of Saints

just like it sounds, this is the "holy" ending, where you use the power you've accrued throughout the game to become a saint/godly figure who can control the demons and send em back from whence they came.

i feel like it goes without saying that norm would encourage this route. i also think it'd be really funny if this was a "d.ietown" scenario, so gingi going through all these steps while assuming god is dead only to literally BECOME a godly figure (and probably meet god and have him be like "what the FUCK happened") is really funny. also, obviously, were callum in gingi's position, this would be the route he'd go for. that god complex i s2g

karen might also be part of this one just bc she is SUCH a warlord against demons in d.ietown

King of Demons

the "unholy" ending, in which you use the power you've accrued to rule over the demons...as a fellow demon.

the protagonist in d.esu1 has his cousin encourage him to go this route, but i think gingi could fully go this way on their own, considering that they're literally a demon in d.ietown. i also like to think that stabby and shooty would be part of this route, since, yknow, demons. they'd probably try to get gingi to make them their demonic underlings so they could be super powerful.

Desperate Escape

in this ending, you literally just escape the city (which has been barricaded so that no demons escape) and put the whole world in jeopardy iirc.

selfish as they are, this is definitely something gingi would do. depending on the scenario, i think randy might be the one to encourage this ending too, since he is just cowardly enough to do it.

Silent Revolution

in this ending, the protagonist is able to pacify the demons by using their accrued power, and the world as a whole uses demons and their power to advance modern society. in order to do all of that, they also need to "hack the planet," etc etc.

i can say, without a doubt, this would be oliver's route of choice. a way to solve the problem without changing yourself, and a way that uses his technical know-how, at that.

Song of Hope

in this ending, the protagonist is able to drive off the demons by using music (in a complicated way i won't get into rn).

hilariously enough, i think this would probably be a route that you get into with nathan h.anover, because "music"...

D.ESU 2

the original alignments i wanted to make this post about. god this is so fun to think about.

Meritocracy

a world in which the strong eat the weak, basically. you have to work to prove yourself to the powers that be, and if you aren't strong enough, you fuckin DIE. the world is ruled by those who are stronger, better, etc, and the people who "deserve it" thrive.

imo, this sounds like EXACTLY the sort of society mingus would try to build.

Egalitarian

an "equal" society; everyone is treated equally, given an equal share, has equal talents. peaceful to its core.

despite all the shit i give callum, this would be the society he would back. remember: the dial-up was supposed to HELP. he was so passionate about it because he wanted to help society thrive, to help those who had been disabled, just like him. despite all the "bad" that came out of it, he had GOOD intentions.

Restoration

bring the world back to the way it was before, before the apocalypse ever happened...though there is no guarantee it won't happen AGAIN.

with this also sort of being the "coward's way out" (i'm so sorry d.aichi i love you), reverting to a time that might inevitably doom the world all over again, i feel like this would be a randy route.

Liberation

free humanity as a whole from the looming threat of the septentriones (the entities/aliens/what have you that are currently attacking the world and throwing it into an apocalypse), and from the possibility that the "end" will come again. humanity is free, albeit at the cost of how FUCKED the world became during the apocalypse.

a norm route to its core. fight for your freedom and prove humanity's worth. i could also see oliver backing him on this one (boys gettin on!)

A Brand New World

hey, so what if we said "fuck the septentriones" and ALSO gave ourselves a whole new world to work with? humanity gets to be free, and it also gets to thrive on an earth that isn't completely dead. sounds nice.

this is a sort of "unlockable" route in-game, but i can completely see all of the dateables supporting it, so yay! i think it'd be really fucking funny if by some sort of irony, god was the one to propose the idea too. just "fuck it, i'll give you a new planet if you can pull this off"

there's also endings for record breaker but no i won't get into them, i've talked too long akjfkshfs. thank you for coming to my ted talk

#🎬 || ᵗᶤᵐᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵇᵉᵃʳˑ (ooc.) || 🎬#{ halfway thru this i was like ''eh i dont think this is worth it'' and almost deleted it but god...i spent so much time working on this...#{ i just think its fun okay dkfbjzf }#🎬 || ᵖᵒᶤᶠᵉᶜᵗˑˑˑ (saved.) || 🎬

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happyandticklish · 3 years

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im so sorry to come to you with this, you don't even really know me and you most definitely don't have to respond to this but it's so hard to turn anywhere else with the truth

every minute has felt so suicidal for so long, everything is always either black and white or It feels like a group of people are screaming at me in my head and everyday I sleep in until I can't sleep anymore, I couldn't care less about the outcomes to being lazy or not eating enough because it feels like if something goes seriously wrong, I'll always have suicide to lean back on. It's more than I can bear and I don't even know why I'm sticking through. I'm appreciative for what I have but at the same time I can't stop myself from desperately wanting to end everything and that just makes it all feel even more guilty. Nearly every waking moment Its all just so tired and dark, the only good memories that keep me holding on lately are the ones that've happened in good dreams. I just don't know where to turn to, I used therapy and hotlines out until every session felt the same and I don't want to feel this way. I want to push through and finally move on from the people who have drifted but I really just don't want anyone different than them, I want to call with someone again and be comforted when I hear their voice through the other end because I feel so much safer in company on calls with people. I want to live with a dog someday and feel comforted by the knowledge that I'm not alone so long I've got my companion. It's all gone, I don't know what happened and I want to work on myself and fix everything but the weight is too much, there's too much I have to do in my life and with my parents getting more and more upset with me the longer it takes to finish my work I expect to be yelled at every day and I hate that it breaks me down to nothing every time until I can't think of a reason to move or eat or breathe

It's so difficult, I just don't know how to do this and I don't feel like I can properly turn anywhere else and I'm sorry to burden you with this all of a sudden

on a lighter note I really do like your blog and it's presence helped me find a flicker of light at times

TW Mention of Suicidal Thoughts

Hey anon. I can't know the circumstances of what you're going through, or how it's affected you. But I do know that what you're doing right now, reaching out for help, is super important, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. It's not easy coming to someone with this, and it can make you feel vulnerable in ways you may not be super comfortable with. But I'm extremely glad you did!

Throughout life, we go through stages. Sometimes you have moments where your life feels like its soaring, and like everything around you is exactly as you want to be. And then there are times when we feel like we can't do anything right, and that there's no one around us who can possibly take the place of the people who were there before. And the truth is, no one probably can. You can't replace people in your life, you merely find new people who you care about deeply as well. Whoever they were, it's clear they made a heavy impact on your life, and were people that you shared a lot of love with. I can promise you now that you're going to find people like that again. I've gone through moments in my life where it felt like I had no one, and all the people I had held close had either drifted away or left. And it was hard, and took time, and putting myself out there, but now I'm surrounded by loving people who care about me, and that I care about just as much. I don't forget the people I used to know, but I hold onto the memory of the time we spent together. It's important not to sour that time in your mind, but also to keep from clinging to it. Moving on is a natural part of human existence. And it's hard, and painful, but eventually, you will be okay.

You are you're own human being. You don't owe your work or your time to anyone. You are allowed to live your life however you want it. If what you are doing now doesn't feel right, then don't do it. Find something that you care about, whether it's big or small, and create ways to incorporate that into your life. If work is stressing you out, and the pressure from family to complete it, try talking to them. It might be hard, and they might not get it at first, but it's important to communicate your needs. Explain how it's making you feel, the guilt and the anxiety, and work together to try to find a new system that works better. If they truly love you, they'll listen to what you have to say.

Lastly, there are people who care about you. Even if it feels like you are all alone, like nothing matters, there are people out there where your existence matters to them. Someone thinks about your smile, something you said that made them laugh, thinks warmly on times where they spoke with you. Someone loves all the things about you that make you you-the good and the bad.

You are not a burden. You are a human just like the rest of us, which makes your life one that is infinitely important. Take things slow. Do them at your own pace. But try, because life is incredible, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I hope this helps, at least a little, to ease some of the pain you are dealing with. But at the very least, know that I care about you, even if I don't know you. Someone does care.

You are loved. Remember that.

#asks #answered ask #non tickling #tw suicide #tw suicidal thoughts

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venranae · 3 years

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hey hey, sending this as an ask cuz its quite long lol

i identify as aro because basically my whole teenagehood (life in general too lol) passed without me ever feeling what my friends describe as "falling in love", which i understand as mostly being unable to stop thinking about someone and wishing for their company. to this day i couldn't imagine what that might be like, and couldn't empathize with people who say they feel that way (i'm an empath so realizing this made me 90% sure something was wrong with my then-cisness lol).

i'd be super aware when someone was attractive but i never felt the need to be close to them or have them all to myself. esp when i was younger, i'd fantasize about being friends with someone (hanging out with them, making up conversations between us) but not anything more intimate. i'm not averse to the idea of falling and i'd love to be able to absolutely trust and care and be cared for by a partner someday but i couldn't see myself being smitten the way i see my friends be smitten somehow. still waiting to learn what thats like firsthand lol

learning i was ace was a lot more confusing. i have a strong sense of aesthetic attraction to most anyone so i thought for a while that i might be bi or pan. then i realized i had a bunch of nudelewds on my phone but no numbers to call them with and i didn't want any. i couldn't stomach the idea of personally having sex, period. i'm just.. really enthusiastic hot people exist ig? it's like 'you go you nicely-shaped-person you. go wild with that other nicely-shaped-person but please never touch me.' the term i like using is being a pan-oriented asexual. basically 'i'm not hungry for or eating any of the food at this feast but i'll take pictures and sniff everything all day lol'.

i think i'd like to give sex a try with a loved one someday, but i don't really physically *need to do it unlike, say, one bisexual friend who says she gets withdrawals from not having sex too long (apparently she wasnt kidding cause our other bi and lesbian friends said this much later on too, i just lacked what they had--the drive that comes from attraction ig--to understand she wasnt excagerating)

tbf i only figured my labels out very recently and thought i'd just been a very picky cis all my life (23 years lololol). but id spent college with various people (none of them both aro and ace at once) and hearing how they were when they were when they were yoinger and seeing their love- and sexlives unfold through the years gave me a solid comparison to my own experiences. eg. one friend had a girlfriend after knowing that person for two weeks and i thought okay i can't relate to that so her labels aren't mine maybe. then another travelled 8 hours for a hookup and i was like i cannot for the life of me understand why and she's bisexual so that probably means i'm not.

of course everyone's experiences are different. you may relate to some stuff here without wanting to use the labels i do or maybe experience things totally different and lean towards identifying as aro and ace anyway. tbh i wanna wake up one day and realize im actually demiromantic and demisexual because ive been close friends with someone long enough lololol but for now these are the terms that work for me best.

tldr; in my exp (which isnt necessarily also your experience), if you don't lose your mind pining over people, youre probably aro. if you dont feel the need to *personally jump a hot person, youre probably ace. it may be good to compare labels with others to find out what you feel best with, but this is something only you decide for yourself.

i hope this helps in any small way lolol and i hope these labels give you the comfort youre looking for. but if not, they'll just lead you one step in the right direction! trial and error is frustrating as hell but it's always worth it if it takes you closer to feeling happy and self-fulfilled. best of luck! and feel free to chat anytime if if helps ((:

Thank you so so much for making the effort to talk about your experience, it really helps me so much and i appreciate it to no end you have no idea!! I actually relate quite a whole lot cause I do see people as aesthetically beautiful, hell I even watch porn just to look at pretty bodies cause the forms are just so nice to look at and I wanna draw that?? I never felt any connection or attraction to anyone existing at least. I fall in love with fictional characters or things that seem far off from reality but that's it lol. I spend quite a lot of time imagining stuff and I would even go as far as saying I'm a hopeless romantic in these little movies I have going on behind my eyes of what my ideal life would be like. I don't have a real sex drive either, I thought that was because of my meds but maybe 🤷‍♀️ I get these bursts of really wishing someone was with me to the point I get sad but then it passes and I want to be alone for the rest of my life. Thinks like hookups are the furthest away from my life, never ever could I commit to sth like that It's just sth that gives me a real bad feeling for an unknown reason. And I can't imagine me in a relationship either. I always thought that was from my lack of self confidence but even now that that issue has gotten better I still can't see myself in a relationship. The thing is that I wish for things to be different but somehow I just feel nothing and it makes me kinda sad. I guess I would still call myself demi after all, that is a label I always related too although some people don't accept it as a valid label which makes me a bit nervous to use it. Man i just don't wanna be perceived at all and don't worry about stuff like sex and relationships that is such a big part of our society. I guess I will see eventually I am still 3 years behind you in experience and age and I don't need to rush with finding myself no matter how long it takes. Thank you so much again your message was a big help!! You're a real sweetheart <3

#ven talking #long post

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shyrose57 · 3 years

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Brothers anon back again. I had a sort of writers block for the last like 2 days which made it really hard to do some questions, but I got em done finally. Sorry about the wait. This one is split between the numbered questions, and next ask is the other questions you asked!

I think I accidentally skipped a question in the last one. I honestly don't completely remember but in case I did skip it by mistake, the groups first travel out of the city's limits and even further beyond in a carriage. When they reach the end of how far the driver is willing to go they then get out and start walking. With Jackie screaming about how their finally going on a adventure.

1: It thankfully doesn't get to to bad before the others notice. And he immediately told them about Dream, wanting to be very clear with what happened and what they where getting themselves into. But they accepted him anyway and helped him.

2: Isaac is the leader cause Cletus is too much of a wildcard and too impulsive to lead safely, Charles is too shy to lead, and while Benjamin is perfect for leading he doesnt really like leading and is more of a follower than a leader. But Isaac can joke around and gets along with everyone but also be able to take things seriously and know when something needs to be handled.

5: They do not, they last for a few minutes and unless its a healing or regeneration potion (in which it can take a few days for it to fully go away) they have no long lasting affects. They do know of eachothers past to an extent, they know enough to avoid triggers and enough to know what not to do when around eachother. They know through telling eachother, and they feel awful Grievous and Jackie had to deal with that, but leave it in the past and focus on making their current life better.

6: Yes and no, while Jackie did mean to throw it at Ran, he ment for it to just hit nearby him, not directly hit him. It was ment to be more of a scare/intimidation tactic than anything else honestly. Grievous's luck is for basically everything, he has won the lottery twice before actually but only those 2 times, he's correctly guessed how many items are in a container more than a few times as well.

7: I use the height charts and they help mostly for comparison, problem is I have trouble applying it to real world stuff and because of that I still have trouble knowing if something or someone is to tall or short. Jackie can get very mean, like he can make fun of someone who just lost a loved one or experienced a traumatic event at the worst. But he usually doesn't get nearly that mean, most he does normally is making fun of how someone looks or how they do certain things. The others comfort him the best they can when he gets sad, and when he gets mean they either encourage it (Grievous), or discourage it and stop him (Watson. Ran is between either encouraging or discouraging it).

8: He was! He spent most of his life adventuring actually! He misses it somedays now since he lives in Subbin, but he believes giving up his adventuring life for a family and friends who needed him is a more than far trade and would happily pick his family over adventuring again. For around 4 years after Ran left Mizu (including the day he left), Ran traveled everywhere, and learned how to survive himself and taught himself different things, like sewing. Ran has made new socks, fixed clothes, and made blankets for everyone at least once. Watson also designs bows and arrows for show, for top functionality, and for just simple (training) gifts to the others. Ran (and Watson) has visited the nether, though Ran tended to stay in it longer than Watson cause he could withstand the temperatures better. And while digging a new tunnel across the nether he ran into ancient debris, which he then messed with until he figured out to mix it with gold and coat his sword in it. He tried to find more ancient debris but sadly hasn't found any, leaving his sword permanently damaged and at risk of breaking. Jackie isn't good at all at painting, its more of a hobby he's trying out. They try to camp out there at least once a week, where Grievous will sometimes build a pillowfort and either force everyone inside or play a game of capture the fort with them. Sometimes Ran will also read during the pillowfort nights, but not to often. Jackie wants to vist a Snow, Savanna, Jungle, Tagia, and if possible, a Ice Spike biome. He also wants to vist the nether but he'll have to fight Ran on that. Ran and Jackie's secondary titles are in Javanese!

9: Ran just kinda went "Hey Jackie, stand still for a second." "Ok?" And then he just picked him up and threw up.

10: When he's first given dinner after already eaten lunch, he just kinda stares at the food. Then asks if they meant to give him food, and when the others say yes, he asks why because he thought people only ate once every few days. His answer shocked the others and they ask him to explain, and he explains futher that he was only allowed to eat and drink once every 3 days. Their horrified by this answer but explain to him how theres 3 meals a day and he can drink whenever, he doesn't believe them at first but eventually accepts it.

11: When the fishermen first come to Ranbob about their worry, he expresses the same worry as them. But says that it's unlikely Ran will hurt the fishermen specifically, because Rans haunting are already friends with them, and Ran wouldnt risk breaking the friendship unless he deemed it necessary for their safety.

12: Ranbob is sad that Ran goes to such lengths to avoid him and keep people away from him, but he has resigned himself to it. As he knew that if Ran was alive it was greatly unlikely that he would trust him and knew he would be avoided. Which is actually particularly why he believes Ran will never trust him again and why he views Ran as a kind of lost family member. One he'll never get back no matter what he does.

13: Their first stop is a nearby flower biome, and after that Watson has planned to lead them to a waterfall he found with a shattered Savanna somewhat close to it. They plan to travel for a minimum of 6 months, they can actually travel for as long as they want to, but Prokius made them agree that they must be back before the next General Pit Battles (which happens once every 5 years).

14: He would 100% run himself into the ground until he's barely alive while searching for them. Benjamin compares Ranbob wanting to go back to Dream, to an abused person wanting to go back to their abusive lover. They believe they've changed and that they truly do love them and want the best for them, but in reality that's not it at all and others have to help them see thats not true and help them save themselves. So it doesn't surprise Benjamin or Isaac that much (it surprises Charles and Cletus though), and after its explained to them, their all more than willing to help Ranbob get over Dream and help him be himself again.

15: Oh definitely. Once they hear the Green-Eyed Enderman is back from hiding they all set out again, and after the group gets attacked and once word spreads that its in a group and there's another enderman with them, they all get targeted. With the Gladiators and Fishermen being targeted as bait or hostages to try to trick the enderman into following a trap. Ran wasnt affected like his brother was. Im talking about trauma and maybe even a bit of PTSD that came from Mizu, caused by Dream. Though both of the brothers have gained different amounts of trauma and PTSD from Dream. I may give the raven to either Watson or Ran, I think its fits both of them really well. I want to have them come across ruins of other Tales but im not sure which ones. Maybe they could find the remains of the Wild West Tale and the Haunted Mansion?

Glad to see you, Brothers Anon, and excited to read!

1: The perfect start to an Adventure. And a funny mental image. Imagining these two groups cramped into carriages is pretty amusing. How ready was everyone to get out by the time they could?

2: The fishermen are really great, and Ranbob is very lucky. I love them.

3: Isaac sounds like he’s a pretty good fit for it then. But nobody’s perfect! What are some flaws of his, leadership-wise?

5: Interesting. What makes Regeneration and Healing last longer? I suppose it’s not relative to the AU, but I am a bit curious. What’s the world’s potions mechanisms, if you don’t mind me asking? And that’s good! They may not know everything, but they know what to avoid, and that’s important. Everyone’s moved forward and are making the best of life, and honestly, that’s pretty cool of them.

6: Welp, Jackie, it seems intimidation tactic failed. However, you have managed to anger Ran, so..there’s that. He won the lottery? Dang. Well, if they ever need money, they can just send him to the nearest casino, I suppose.

7: Aight, so I may have a solution for you there. Whatever height you’re going for, find something in real life that’s just about the same height. Like a tree, or something. Or not, we can always just leave it at short enough to be tossed and tall enough to be the tosser. Jackie sounds like he knows where to hit to make it hurt, honestly. It’s good that they comfort him, though I am curious why they all react as they do to him being mean. Why does Grievous encourage it? And is it more of a depends on the day thing for Ran, or a depends on what was said to Jackie, and what Jackie’s saying thing?

8: Nice! What kind of places did he go? Does he have any particularly interesting knickknacks from that time period? And Ran personally sounds like he knows what he’s doing. Watson’s weapons sound really cool, where did he learn to make them? Is visiting the Nether not a common occurrence these days? Or is it simply that the others never got around to it before? Well, hobbies are always fun to try. Does Jackie keep at it and get better or get bored and try something else? How does Capture the Fort go with these guys, considering they’re gladiators? Why does Jackie want to visit those particular biomes? Is there a reason, or do they just sound cool to him? And why would Ran not want them going to the Nether? Because of the danger?

9: FDXGHJ- He just- tossed him?? No warning?? Oh my gods, I’m dying. How did Jackie react to that? Heck, how did Porkius react to that? I doubt anyone was expecting that display.

10: Oh, no. Now I really want to punch Dream in the face. What the heck, Dream?! He legit asks if they meant to give him food...If one of the fishermen or gladiators doesn’t eventually find a way to punch Dream, I will be forced to travel realities and do it myself.

11: Kind of sad that Ranbob was equally concerned about it. But hey! He won’t have to be, one day!

12: Poor Ranbob. I hope he’s proven wrong, eventually. Do the fishermen know that he thinks this? If so, how do they feel about it? Or does he kind of just keep those thoughts to himself?

13: Flower biomes are really pretty. What did everyone think about it? Did they bring any flowers with them? So this roadtrip could possibly go on for a few years. Did they leave just after a General Pit Battle, or do they have like, less than five years? Speaking of General, is Jackie still the General in this AU? Does he have extra duties because of it? Or is that not something that happened in this AU?

14: Yikes. Reactions to this? Why does Ranbob believe Dream’s changed, as you put it? Is Dream still able to talk to him, or is it because he just misses being there? So Benjamin and Isaac aren’t all that surprised about it. Do they take the reins in helping out? And how do they all do so? It’s good that they’re helping him though.

15: Well, this sounds like it can’t end well. They try to use the hauntings as bait? Is anyone actually captured? Rescue missions? And alright, that makes a bit more sense. I can see how they’d both be effected differently, and honestly, they’d probably both have very different perspectives of the event, all things considered. Ravens for the win! And it’d be really cool for them to come across the ruins of old Tales buildings. Can you imagine the kind of things they’d find? Diaries, faded photographs, moth-eaten clothes, blood stained floors...Like a walk in the past, but they’ll never know what came to be for the people of that time.

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #ranbob #tales from the smp #ran #jackie #watson #grievous #isaac #benjamin #cletus #charles #porkius

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johnnys-so · 4 years

Note

I recall you saying you don't know Day6 well enough for an analysis, but what about now? If you can, we'd love one. Thank you!

HEYOOO!

Umm a lot hasn’t changed on that front but I feel like the distance might be a good thing so I’m going to attach some small mini-analysis after the cut.

sungjin

Bob is literally the most dad friend ever and I think he really takes the cake (though GOT7′s JB comes a close second). He looks so constantly done with all of his members, and yet - probably the one who cleans the kitchen and makes sure to stock up on water/ramyeon/veggies etc.

I feel like he was born to be the hyung, you know? He is the responsible and primary caregiver type. Even though he doesn’t make a big show of it, it seems to be a big part of his personality that he takes care of other people

Also, my god his humour is just.... something commendable, truly. He can’t be funny to save his ass but atleast he keeps trying and i think THATS what so funny about him??? sungjin-ah.... never give up bby

I feel like he’s the least complicated of all members. He doesn’t seem to be the emotionally volatile type and seems very centred in his personality, he also seems oddly like he might have a sister? a younger one (does he? idk, mydays pls let me know). it’s just that other than the protective bear stereotype, he does seem emotionally well-adjusted. Maybe he’s just at that point in life where he can encounter a shitty day or some sort of hardship and look at it straight and say - ok, that’s fucked up. But I guess we gotta just work through it. (in comparison, wonpil would be shrieking through his lungs AND working through it)

in terms of a temper i think he most certainly has one but it takes him a while to get there and i don’t think he’d talk through it AT ALL. maybe cleanliness would be his pet peeve? (im just shooting in the dark here)

to wrap it up, sungjin is the sort of guy (in my opinion at least) who has a strong and steady value system and he’s sort of ok with dealing with the world as long as he has it figured out in his head. He knows who he is, and therefore there is little conflict he brings to the world. If he wasn’t playing in this band, I’d 1000% see him settle for the corporate life and clean9 to 5 job which lets him come back home by 7pm and have some cold beer while watching football and hearing his kids play in the living room

Jae

Aww man this skinny bitch. I feel like the fandom is sleeping on his ‘annoying prankster’ potential because i think he’d give peeves a run for his money

derives great joy from the misery and anguish of others (probably has Wonpil maniacally laughing in the background)

on a normal day Jae is the sort of person who’s probably going through memes on the phone while everyone’s having a serious conversation about their tour or like their everyday schedules. He has a few things he cares about in life and is okay to take a backseat when it comes to the other shit. As long as he gets what he needs (a possible slytherin mofo?)

But that’s not to say that he’s easygoing or wishywashy about the things that he does care about. Music, matters a lot to him. Even though he’s not academically musically instructed (as young k is) he has spent a whole lot of time and effort into educating himself to the point that it really shows in their albums (i could wax poetry about the complexity of Day6′s music and how its so refreshing in it’s personality of being both goth and peppy i-). So Jae is most certainly determined, goal driven and very intrinsically motivated

Also, very much in his head. If he doesn’t have a strong pisces placement, I’m willing to eat my foot. I feel like while Young K is very intense about his emotions, Jae gets very emotional about the people he surrounds himself with.

With people: not very trusting of everyone. Has a chosen few that he goes to certain things about. Might be the kind of person who distributes his troubles by categories to various confidants. But also, trust is something that is earned with jae. But that is not to say that he won’t get along with other people. He’s cordial and is good in engaging a crowd (as a performer, MC, friend, VJ) but he’s also good at drawing lines and boundaries

the most incredible part of his personality for me has always been his work-ethic and his drive to be better. He’s always challenging himself through his existing skill set, but also pushing himself to learn new things. Sounds like a bloody workaholic to me.

probably shit at figuring out his own feelings/emotions/attitude about certain things. But always up for being the wise advice-giver to other delinquents (read: jamie)

sarcastic wit to sass everyone for days. probably a loki over thor guy

Kink master extraordinaire. Likes cooking up shit and encourages people to sin.

Young K

emo baby af. But we all knew this so more on that later

The ultimate Onion of a personality. Young K, off the bat, seems like he hides so many layers. Not purposely at all, but simply because he’s unable to communicate the extent of his mental world to the public

one beautiful way he has found to channelise all of his thoughts and ideas about the world is clearly through his music and lyrics. But he’s also extremely creative in other ways (art and fashion). I feel like he’s the sort of person who feels most confident and assured in himself when he’s creating.

socially, what a mess. I wouldn’t say he has trust issues like Jae does but im pretty sure he’s made some foolish mistakes about choosing friends and not realising how to navigate that friendship (friendships where he has demanded too much or has been demanded too much of??). But otherwise a jovial fool the kind of person who laughs the loudest (and dorkiest) at a dinner with friends

how’s his alcohol intake? I have this super funny intake of a drunk young k trying to write mini love poems for all his friends and sungjin being called to take him home and the call actually begins with “did he try to be poetic again?”

while im trying to paint a picture of him as a jester (because young k also needs to be seen for beyond his emotionality) he’s the kind of guy that would surprise you with how brilliant he is. An actual wisecrack/genius, and very underappreciated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he someday returns to teaching

Right. Emotionality though. If he isn’t some pisces (sun or moon) i will actually yell. He’s the definition of ‘someone who navigates an alternate plane, is open to a world that most people don’t even begin to understand exists’. i feel like speaking to him about abstract concepts - such as the existence of truth, the point of life, the definition of beauty, other existential phenomenon - would be so much fun because he’s have such an interesting and unconventional take on things. I feel like he’s make me humble with the words he has (he already makes me feel so secure with all of his lyrics because i realize, even if the world is shit what a relief that someone like young k exists)

probably would be a guilt-ridden but a wonderfully emotionally supportive boyfriend. Someone who understands your demons all too well and would go the extra mile to provide whatever help he can

1000% has high neuroticism scores that would be cause for concern. someone give him a Beck’s depression inventory right away.

HAHAHAHAH probably the fucking kinkiest mofo, after Jae

Wonpil

An actual baby!!

No ok but wonpil has matured THE most in all of Day6 and i really didn’t realise it until i notice how his expressions have become more closed during airport pics, and his voice has gained a new level of emotionality in live stages, and he’s also a lot more reserved these days on variety shows

still the most extrovert in the group. I just think the fame, the crowd, the possible betrayals as a result of their growing fame and having to be an adult in this tough situation - has gotten to him. But that’s inevitable really. None of us can be protected from the reality of life that leeches away at our innocence

such a vibrant soul. Such a giver. As a friend, he’s literal sunshine. Not much of a protector, but more of an amicable I’ll-always-be-there-for-you sort of person (though im guessing the amount of people he extends this courtesy to nowadays has probably reduced.

fucking made to be an entertainer. He’s naturally funny and attracts all the energy (and eyes) in the room to himself. A very good mood maker if you will

in terms of neuroticism, I think he’d be more on the depression (from the constant stress workstyle and the increasing loneliness) than an anxious person. I think he probably is a bit volatile in his emotions but that’s because he gets lost in the moment. He’s literally someone who lives in the present far more than he lives in the past (sungjin or young k) or the future (jae)

don’t think he's intrinsically motivated much. Prone to a lot of lazy days, a lot of extreme gaming and just randomnly playing jokes and pranks on people. he’d need some strongly external guidance/deadlines to get his work ethic going

high extraversion and agreeableness, probably low on conscientiousness (especially discpline) but fascinated by aesthetic beauty (openness to experience).

Dowoon

Honest to god i cannot figure him out. I think it’s a case of - im trying to look deeper and harder but the truth is, it’s not even that complicated

underappreciated oppa potential 100000%

still comes through as a dork of a maknae. has zeROhand eye coordination outside of drumming. the kind of kid who breaks the glassware and blames it on his sibling (wonpil) and his parents totally believe him because he could do no wrong (aka sungjin grudginly yells at wonpil, again, about house rules)

just a man dedicated to his drums and his food. if he can play some solid beats, get some work done on the albums, play a nice set on a tour, have some chicken and beer while he is resting, have his hyungs fool around in the green room --> he good bruh

but by no means does that make him a fool (though i do think he’s a bit of a fool sometimes when it comes to picking up social cues about wonpil/jae making fun of him. he lacks the 눈치 you know what i mean)

Also (maybe I just love plot twists) but i think he’d be eerily good at picking up on people feeling sad/depressed/lonely/off in general. He’d be like that guy who just walks into the room and sees you just slinking away on the sofa and he thinks.... nah im just going to give them space and go get myself some food. But literally a few seconds later, he sits by you on the sofa, offers you food, and asks what’s on your mind. The silent supporter kind. Willing to listen, willing to be there for you

i don’t know much about dowoon so im just going to end this with: arms that can lift kids/ crush you in a bear hug/ pin you against a wall and leave bit marks on your neck

sorry if that didn’t cover much. I sort of only know day6 with their music. If im extremely wrong or way off about someone, please reach out and correct me!!

#day6 #character analysis #sungjin #young k #jae #wonpil #dowoon

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

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ariesdelaiglesia2001-blog · 5 years

Text

MY FIRST BLOG POST

-Filipino youths are making noise in the social media world.We spend most of our time browsing the internet ,scrolling newsfeed on our accounts,posting our stuffs we are currently into and such.

Nowadays,there is this stuff that a lot of netizens are using to unleash their sentiments,express their thoughts and updating people about the current creating blogs.

Truthfully,I Didn't yet experience making blogs.But if I'll be doing my first writing,I will introduce myself simply.

I will tell the blogging community regarding my not-so confidential personal informations.This will help other people who don't know me yet to take a look at my biographical background and to know me that much.

Attributes that I have will be elaborated.I will convey to the social media enthusiasts my wonderful story.I'll be telling them that I am ARIES DELA IGLESIA a simple person with great personality 17 years old live in LUBO STO NIÑO CAGAYAN.

Also,I'll be reminding them that I am accepting criticisms.The comments that I might receive from the readers are responsible to improve my own craft and to continously writing meaning blogs and I thank you.

1.)Studying in a best school is one of my dream and I Didn't expect that it will come true.Yes,SPUP is one of the best school for me and Im studying here right now.Because I know that this school can lead me to be succesful person someday.And I'm looking forward with it.I wanna be a succesful civil engineer someday and thats what I see myself from 10 years from now.

2.)Well for me i choose this Stem because I want to be a succesful civil engineer someday.Yes I admit that Stem strand is very stressing but i think it's the best choice after all.

3.)Civil Engineering.Because this is my father wants and also my dream.

4.)

5.)How to make an APPS?

*TECH REVIEW*

I Choose Phone Technology

-A mobile phone is a wireless hand held device that allows users to make and receive calls and to send text messages,among other features.The earliest generation of mobile phones may also be known as a cellular phone or simply a cellphone.The earliest cellphones let users acces emails,and use the phone as pager, and address book.In recent years the purpose of the cellphone is to make a easily communicating into others just like family,friends etc.

SUMMARY

-Base on the story of Saroo Brierly who,at the age of 5 year old lives a very poor but happy life his mother Kamla,his younger sister Shekila and his older brother Guddu.Saroo and his older brother Guddu works carrying a stones.One night,Saroo insists on going to Guddu to his work.Guddu leaves Saroo sleeping on a bench chair and asks him to stay there until he returns.Saroo wakes up in the middle of the night and decided to seek out his brother in a train.And he sleep again inside the train and he wakes up and he finds himself alone ang trapped in the moving train.He sleeps again and he wakes up and that train takes him to Calcutta,West Bengal 1600 kilometers east of Khandwa.And Saroo lives on the street of the big city.And one day,a young man brings Saroo to a organization that finds adoptive parents for orphans and lost kids.Saroo is adopted by an Australian couple the brierleys and moves to Hobart,Tasmania.And he is raised with love by his foster parents.Until Saroo met lucy and they become a couple.After 25 years Saroo remember his lost family in his adulthood and that time he began to searching for his Indian family.Until he find his lost family

*GUIDE QUESTIONS*

1.)What life lessons can be learned from the movie?

-For me the lesson that I learned in this movie lion is that have a loss and hope.Because in our life we suffered first and it so many struggle or problem that you will encounter just like what happen in Saroo life because of this problems and struggle in Saroo life he didn't give up and surrender until the time Saroo life have given a Hope and this hope is his family.So remembered that face alk tha challenges and dont give up because thal challenges make you strong.

2.)What part of the story told by the movie was the most powerful ?Why?

-For me the most powerful scene in the movie is when Saroo was separated in his family in India because in his age compared to the other children they will not pass all the struggle that happen in Saroo.But Saroo all tha struggle and problems he face it all he didn't give up and he is a brave child to pass this all the struggle in his life.

3.)Who was your favorite character in the movie?Why?

-My favorite character in this movie is Saroo. Because he is a very brave man enough to face the challenges he encounter to his life and I saw myself to Saroo because we both love our family.

4.)NO

5.)If you had a chance to ask a character in this movie a question,what would it be?

-For me if I was given a chance to ask a question.I like to ask Saroo I would ask him what motivates him to face all tha challenges and struggles in his life at his age 5.

SUMMARY

-In a movie entitled

Wonder,there's a ten year old boy named August Pullman.He is suffering from severe birth defects which have left him disfigured.After years of homeschooling his parents decided to enrol him at Beecher Prep where he meets new friends named Jack Julian and Charlotte.

When halloween arrives,August unintentionally overhears a conversation between Jack and Julian.Jack says he's only nice to August because the school principal asked him to be.Back then,August avoided Jack.

One day,Jack punches Julian for saying mean things about August.Charlottes warns Jack that Julian is turning the entire class against him convincing people that Jack is unstable.Jack start eating lunch with August and his friend Summer.

In a unexpected moment,August was attacked by a group of seventh grade.Julian's bestfriends help August and Jack escape.In the end August wins the henry ward Beecher medal which reserved for an examplary student.August is amazed that he survived fifth grade.His friends and family make him feel like a regular kid.

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xonepeacelovex · 3 years

Note

It's what?! Did I heard right?! Why are you not sleeping🥺

Yep, but hey at least it gives you sense now😅

Also is there's something I can call you too?

And I wanted to ask feel free to ignore it if you find it uncomfortable but what's your pronouns..i think I didn't find them anywhere and I don't want to disrespect you in such sensitive way👉👈

Aw fellow proud stay!✊ Oh yeah I get it😒😔 I think we all are disappointed..But hey that's good, Chans always such life saver🥺

I fell out of Stray kids and kpop for like 2 months so.. I was stupid enough to think that not being interested in Stray kids is possible and legal.. Find out its not😔😂

Yeah, I mean i throw the idea of eating and sleeping away but I'm trying my best! but it's only 5days in week I work 18 hours, the other 2 I work 10 so it's the time to keep up with things!! I mean 18 hours sounds kinda crazy but it's nothing really difficult mostly because I do my dream work so I can't complain!^^ there's always excuse to.. I mean your personal life comes before anything. I never understood fanwars and never probably will, its something so unnecessary yet it still keep on happening.. I don't know, feel like the world is turning more and more toxic.

And yep I also listen to them~

Ooh, that's cool. There's so much groups what are underrated yet realise top songs..I would have if any specific group come to my mind🥺

Well there's too much reference you can do with 3RACHA's songs..but love you too😌💕

Yep that sweetheart, exactly. hating Chan should be crime. He's such soft boy and than he turn 180° on the stage. Ah I see!! That's some pretty interesting thinking you have🤔 Aww Seungminie🥺 I started to write because of Lee know so I know perfectly what you mean. Yep I can see it!👀👀But hey the more Chan fic the more happier starlight gets^^

With me and writing what am I supposed to say: yes, no, maybe? I do write sometimes..yet I start new blog so my works are lost somewhere in black hole~

Are you trying to kill me with that Chan meme and your words🥺💕

Of course you do make me smile!!

Ooh and infj, i heard they're pretty rare👀😱aww and I love sending messages like this! Awh it's your first time?🥺💕 That's so.. Im so honoured to be your first mutual, it really means a lot to me🤧 I'm so glad we can talk about everything as well. Thank you for letting me stay on anon, its just mostly the bad thoughts comes to me you know like 'am I enough'. I would never think you're rushing me! Thank you once again!

Also.. What do you think do I or do I not? I mean your writing is what brings me to your account you know? So yes I do read your amazing masterpieces!💕 -✨

I am trying to come up with a story but no luck. 😅

Yes. Yes. You can call me M. About the pronouns, I use she/her/hers. I’m trying to write a gender neutral aus that’s why you'll see nothing in my Tumblr. Though I’m still learning how to include everybody especially I write a self-insert aus. What are your pronouns?

Chan is indeed a life saver. 🥰

Hey. I feel you. But I’m glad you��re back. There’s no way out in KPop. ❌

Very true. I’m happy you are doing something you love. 😊 It’s really rare to love what you do. Mostly, my day was spent with sleeping so my personal life revolves around sleeping. We need more love. ❤️

OMG!!! 😝

That’s okay. Spotify can come to the rescue. 🦸‍♂️

My heart~ Receive my heart~

The duality Bang Chan have... It’s fun writing for SKZ. I’ll dedicate the next Chan au for you, only if it’s okay for you, of course. 😄

Oh no. That sucks. 🥺 But at least you have a new blog where you can write again. I’d like to read your works someday. 👉👈

Then my mission on Earth is accomplished, make someone smile today. 👍

Yeah. I feel like an 👽 sometimes. We complement each other, aren’t we? 🤔 Aw... Sweetheart... Chan would say otherwise. *let me hug you virtually*

I think you are. It’s really just... heart melting... to know someone likes what you write. And you’re even calling it masterpieces... 🥺

#✨#xonepeacelovex personal

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aroherse · 4 years

Text

— I’m sorry

[ Trigger Warnings — Suicide, Cancer Mentions, Child Death, Mentions of Child Suffering ]

And as fate has it, while the sweet innocent girl fought for her life, across town the stoner boy gave his up.

In most cases, on the outside looking in the person has an amazing life which leaves their friends and families there to wonder what had gone so wrong that the only right the person saw was an ending so tragic. In Arlo’s case, though, even on the outside looking in his life had been one tragedy to the next, back to back, barely leaving him enough time to mourn the tragedy that fell before. Most of which he had hidden from everyone because to him, dealing with it alone was better than putting his pain onto the people he loved. Looking back he couldn't remember the last time a smile of his was genuine, you could say he was good at acting. Even though most of the time Arlo spent in life he was shadowed by the sadness he couldn't shake, he was glad all of the other attempts had not worked. He was grateful to have had the opportunity to meet such amazing people that he was blessed to have called his friends.

Admittedly, Arlo hated the fact that he knew what he was about to do was going to be the thing that stopped him from being able to see his friends again. Knowing he'd never see Abbie and Cyder hurt the most. Still, the sadness, the pain, it was too much to bare. He had tried incredibly hard to live with the pain. For a really long time, he had tried. But, tonight his fight was at its end.

Arlo stared down at the papers, his eyes like empty voids. There were a lot of people he wanted to write something to but he knew he didn't have the time to. And so instead he wrote to those he could.

Abigail,

Im sorry. I am so sorry, Abigail. You have lost so much in life and I hate myself for adding to that. You have always only ever deserved the absolute best in life and yet you were given so much pain and so much suffering. If there is a God, and if I end up where ever he is ill make him suffer more than he has made you suffer. I promise.

I never got the chance to tell you this but you need to know. You need to understand.

I was fifteen when I really started realizing I was gay. But I was a child, and I was scared of the truth. So I ran from it. And I kept running from it, until one day a girl knocked on my door and told me she was pregnant with my child. I remember the moment very well, I remember feeling scared and shocked but I also remember the feeling of having purpose. When the baby was born we named him Aaron. He was so beautiful, so precious. But like all things beautiful and precious in this world, god gave him a terrible fate. He was just days before turning one when we found out he had cancer. From there everything fell apart. He had made it to four when God decided his time was up. When he died my life flipped upside down, nothing matter and yet everything hurt. Everywhere I went I saw him, Chicago reeked of him. And it hurt because it was like he was so close but in reality he was gone. That's when I decided to move to Salem. And god am I grateful for doing so. If I hadn't I would have never been able to have gotten close to you. You may not know it Abbie but you created most of my happiness. And While i lived in Salem, you were my reason to live.

Please don't be sad Abigail. Please don't cry. Let yourself be the reason your life from here on out is a great one. You deserve happiness. And Xavier could be just that for you, so let him be.

I love you, Cage.

You have been an angel in my life, now let me be an angel in yours.

Cyder,

You can't read this now but I would never leave without saying goodbye to you. But before I say goodbye I would like to say a few things. You may never read this but with the small chance that you do someday here it is.

You filled a darkness in me with the brightest light.

When I think about how much pain this world put on you at such a young age I want to hurt the world. Make the world pay for what it did. You haven't even realized it yet but you have lost so much and for that I am so sorry. But please know that I love you. Take what the world gave you and show the world it couldn't break you. I know you'll do great things in life and i'm sorry I wont be there for it.

But never forget, I love you with everything I am and everything I was.

Noah,

I know things got complicated for a while but i hope you know there were feelings there. I have never been good with expressing feelings but just know I liked you a lot more than the word like could have explained. One day you'll find someone that will mean the world to you, someone who will treat you like your are the world, and you will be their world. Don't settle for less. You're perfect the way you are, Noah. Don't let the world change you.

Keep me in your heart, my love.

Harley,

You were right. I couldn't run from my problems and I should've listened when you told me that but instead I tried to run from them. Maybe if I had listened things would be different. Maybe I could have fixed the problems but instead I ran and allowed them to eat me whole in the process. But that's not what this letter is about. I need to say goodbye to you. These goodbyes are getting hard. Because truthfully I don't want to say goodbye to any of you, you all mean so much to me. Still, it is my time to go. When your babies are born life's gonna change. For the better, I promise. It will get hard, at times but don't let that discourage you. It'll be worth it in the end. You're strong, Harley. You're strong but you hurt still. And i'm so sorry for adding to the pain. I love you, and I hope life treats you right.

Mason,

Marlo was a mess, that's for sure, and maybe it was life's way of telling us you were meant for Harley and I was meant for what i'm writing this letter about. Either way, you're a good person, Mason. Treat Harley good, don't let small things like alcohol or petty fights get in the way of what you two can have together. Even though I won't be there I know your wedding will be amazing. This is short, but i'm running out of time. Hopefully the world eases your pain, you deserve to be happy.

Levi,

Im sorry. I know that doesn't change anything but I need to say it. I don't want to die, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't live. Not like this. Don't let this ruin you. Maybe, wherever I am as you read this, im happy now. That's all I ever really wanted. I love you, know that I died loving you.

To those who care,

I wish I could write a letter to everyone. To all of the people I love. But I can't, and for that I'm sorry. I don't want to fight to live in a world where pain is more common than love. Where sadness is lurking around every corner. Even so, I hate how my death will cause other’s sadness. Remember me as who you all saw, because that is who I wanted to be. I thought that if I tricked everyone into believing I was that happy, high guy who flirted too much and had no care in the world then one day Id trick myself into believing it to. But that's not the case, under all of that was the truth, and I couldn't handle it.

Its sad, don't you think? How someone could care more about hurting others than they do about taking their own life. Yet that's exactly what life had become for Arlo as he sat on the ledge of the hospital window. He had placed the notes on his bed before he had climbed throw the window. His feet dangled over the ledge as he stared down at the streets under him. Closing his eyes he stayed still for a moment. Listening to the cars drive by, Occasional horns being honked. The cold air nipped at his skin as his hair flew around him. Opening his eyes he looked down again. One move and he'd fall down 8 flights. And that's just what happened.

———————————————

Arlo Aaron Herse — 04/20/1998-12/31/2018

— "Sorry for the inconvenience, we're trying to save the world."

#// putting arlos ending here

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

1:50pm, suck my cock and balls.

Sunday, January 19th of 2020.

I decided to make a vent podcast about my ex.

It was fine.

Even if i did blatantly say i got an eating disorder, depression, and suicidal thoughts upon the ending of a relationship that had never needed to happen.

But, screw that guy. He didn't give a fuck until I actually put my foot down and stated my boundaries, or when I had left him.

Newsflash: maybe don't let random girls dictate your relationship, that they are 100% not fucking involved in.

There was no reason for it. At all. Patrick knew me. Deadass. You think he DIDNT know i wrote on here about him, or my exes, or the things i do? I dont hide shit from people I care about, fuck that girl for ever getting way too nosey for no reason.

What logic is "im just looking at all of her social media to get to know her?", and then..... refusing to get to know me, when given.... several chances, trying to villify me?

You can't be shocked that I'm uncomfortable hearing you talk shit about me and somehow reading miles deep into all of my accounts, then be surprised that I wrote about you on here? (Funny enough, I wrote about her on here, since back then, i didnt know that stalker bitch had found my tumblr and had been actively watching it?)

.....But, whatever. Clowns will be clowns, and I'm not one to wanna be in the circus, not anymore.

Since Patrick could have easily went "you're being weird creeping her accounts", "why haven't you bothered to talk to her if you're so interested?", and "if you realistically can't attend my party, without threatening to sabotage it.... dont show up."

.....

He chose what he chose, and it said all that it needed to.

So, with that said, I think I've stopped wanting him. I just lack joy in him.

Yesterday was very nice, watercoloring and talking in the sun. But, what's the point? There's not really one.

He's still gonna ignore my texts or cancel hangouts, if it means he can hang with the people who openly excluded me.

He can't do anything for me.

He couldn't even shower before a hangout. (I already have such a low bar for men that I'm not dating, but jesus fucking christ, he smelled like he smeared dickcheese all over himself then drove over to pick me up that day....)

He also smelled pretty bad yesterday, but that just seems like his designated scent, so.... ew.

Anyway.

Niggas ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

Gonna do better. Even if it takes longer. Since I could care less if one pile of shit person is slightly less shitty than the men that have approached me so far....

It doesn't mean I have to accept it for what it is.

When the options are "stick around and see if maybe, someday, Patrick will want to fuck you again", or "Accept the fact that you're just gonna have to deal with unhygienic, unattractive, and broke men who care nothing about your needs in life, romance, or sex".... Then I can always choose the secret third option, called "I'm too good for this", and just walk away.

Since even as a friendship, I'd:

Eventually get anxious out of nowhere. Random thoughts of "is he seeing other people? if so, why is he around me? if not, then why does he still wanna see me? is this weird? am i weird?"

Keep having him do that guilty face he does whenever we meet up, looking like he stole a family heirloom or some shit. (He did basically crip walk all over my heart and emotions, but im not even gonna start on that right now...)

Lose interest in seeing him. (The classic case of "im not used to platonic male friends, and especially exes", and preferring the company of someone who can call me hot, instead of someone who's afraid to make direct eye contact... you know?) [Speaking of which, hes still a bit too attractive to fully see as platonic right now. Damn, a cute dude, I'll say...]

It's not a healthy friendship, if I just am hoping to bang. [So no head?.... *SMASH*]

Inevitably it's gonna get confusing.

And I hate his conflict avoidance as a whole. Its the very thing that always caused problems for us.... And, resulted in the ending of an otherwise fine relationship.

.....

I woke up fine. I didn't furiously masturbate cry over them, I felt okay. My mind went offtrack a bit and I thought, "Well, would I be fine seeing him with someone else?"

Yes. Better someone else than me, if we look at how well he's managed to fuck things up with me in a very consistent constant manner.

(I don't like the image of him banging someone else, but that's just gross intrusive thoughts... It'll suck, knowing someone else will be plowed and cuddled and kissed by the person I really liked, buuuut...... Eh, he chose not to do that with me. Didn't value our relationship enough to keep it. And just probably never liked me as much. So, ew, but its better that i leave either way.)

"Do I wanna bang him?"

Probably not.

If I was asked yesterday, it would be a yes. But just reflecting on.... everything, no. He's... different. Even if we fucked, it would be different. It wouldnt be "look at these two cute anxious fucks having fun", it would be me getting fucked, dropped off at home, then ignored and forgotten until it was convenient for him.

"Would I date him again?"

Fuck no.

I'd be flattered at the suggestion, if he did, but he never had. And if it was on my terms to go "Ask him out first! Show him you're interested and he will take the bait!", then I'd rather eat a fucking jean jacket than ever open up to him about my feelings again.

He never listened before. And I don't need another round of, "Everyone else blatantly sees the problem, but you'll deny it, and claim that your stalkery childhood friend, your inability to relate to others emotionally, and your gaslighting nature are just *things im supposed to accept*, and will get condescending if I feel upset hearing that."

Truuuust me. If a fucknigga cant even so much as tell someone to step off, whether its a complete stranger spitting in my face, or one of his supposedly most understanding and close friends trying to tell him not to have me show up to his fucking party...

Then he's shown me how "faithful" he is, and I don't need that trash ass shit in my life.

Go fuck yourself, Patrick.

.......

Hatred aside, I've been doing well today.

Cutting out pictures from magazines to make vision boards, finding funny memes relating to stories I wanna write, feeling good.

Making the podcast made me feel great, honestly.

Since.... If a man doesn't show me that he cares, I have no obligation to him whatsoever.

If I wanna make a podcast that actually has me opening up about my experiences, feeling suicidal, and whatnot... I lose nothing, man.

Since if he was my friend:

I wouldn't be so hesitant to talk about something that had really fucked me up these days. Its been a month since our very first initial breakup, and i want to get over this fuckface as quickly as possible. My method? Venting. Recordings. Podcasts. Its not a good friendship or dynamic, if i either refuse to make content for the sake of pretending nothing bad ever happened between us, or if i make something that could potentially hurt him if he heard it all himself.

I would be healed from everything.

He would've understood why shit was so fucked, and acknowledged it fully.

.....

So, I made the podcast.

No more "what if he does wanna date me someday?", no more "what if he wouldve banged me?", no more "its so close to being like back then!"

No, he won't. He would've if he wanted to

No, he won't. Plus, you can really do better, he was adorable but you can always find someone that you don't feel awkward or bland with in bed.

I don't care. It never will be. For the reasons above; he does not have hidden feelings for you, or feel sorry for anything that he's done. He will never be like he was that day at the Bolt Halloween Party, or at the Ports. He is an entirely new person, and all that lingers is his awkwardness and his mistakes. "A good friend" my ass. He's literally just a constant reminder of how nothing gold can stay, so, fucking leave him.

I never wanted things to get this fucked. Period.

All I wanted were simple things; a nice guy to be with. We'd get food, talk about life here or there, have a good mix of really intelligent versus really really stupid conversations. And if he wanted to fuck, cool. We could drive to his place, bang while watching Murder Party, relax for awhile, then part ways when he went to work.

I didn't expect a relationship; it just so happened to be a really good one.

Then, it ended.

And now, the idea of my ideal situation with him is stained. With memories of crying in my bed over him, not eating for days, and wanting to take my life. And the knowledge of, "he'd do the same things again, in a heartbeat if he could rewind time and try things out."

If I was at gunpoint by a random robber with Azalea, he'd be the one to jump into action, by pushing me at the gunman. :)

If I was in quicksand and had no way to climb out, unless he could manage to get Azalea to grab a branch and drag me out of it, then he'd go, "That seems unfair! What if she got splinters? I cant do that to my best friend, I've known her for years!", and letting me drown.

(Insert another metaphor about him being a people pleasing, conflict avoiding asshole, who doesnt realize he causes more problems than he defuses by running away, and would be more prone to drop me than to even slightly inconvenience that other bitch here.)

Yeah!

A person like that is not a friend. At most, an acquaintance.

I could picture us meeting to paint again, but I doubt we'd ever be close again. Not enough to talk about our past, the present, or the future. It'd be hiding talking about relationships, or wincing at the idea of.... anything past a movie i guess.

He just really made it hard to like him again, and i really dont think i can forgive him again.

2:32pm, I am hungry. Gonna grill me a cheese and continue working on these poster boards... peace and love, fams. Have a nice one.

#god bless and amen #feels nice #self care is acknowledging your own cravings for independence without consequences #and realizing your ex was not a great person #so yes #you can survive not speaking to him #he wont die either #considering hes leaving you on read even with you around #aaaaand that life will be fine #talk about your ex as much as you want #stop caring about what hurts his feelings #hes never cared about yours and your life goes on either way #god bless and amen to that #nice #exes #awesome #loveliness

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