#i do believe vanya should be allowed to be mad at her family (ESPECIALLY LUTHER) but also i'm super proud of them ok

[mellifluousoctopus]

I decided to make a character analysis post about my observations of the tv show and what i know about the comics. I’ve bolded my main points.

abuse TW, canon incest mentioned

On Diego

Diego is often mischaracterized as gruff, insensitive, resentful of all his family, abrasive and rude. Especially towards Vanya. But in reality he’s big softie, although a less emotional one than Luther. Diego hides his feelings and   vents them in other ways.  No matter how visibly present they are, his has a disdain for his emotions. Maybe because they are so present. He feels very strongly. (anger and love being a very easily seen example) Reginald is cold and calculating and emotion is a blindness on the battle field as well as a liability to be manipulated by Reginald and by others. Diego hates his emotions not only to appear competent in his fathers eyes but to also hide from Reginald’s wrath. No doubt that boxing and vigilantism are whats keeping him from going insane.  

He will try to deny it but his father’s teachings have big bearing of who he is now. The duty of the strong to protect the weak, vigilantism, striving to to hone and train your powers and body so that you are useful a better hero. These are ideals that Diego has taken from his upbringing and we see him live by even so much as to abandon all reason and try to save a doomed man at the price of the timeline. This devotion to the teachings of his father despite Diego’s resent of him, is an ironic circle of his father’s manipulation that birth his hero complex. 

He does everything that Reginald instilled in them with the same subconscious motive. He is in confliction with his own emotions and his own motivation. Diego’s strive to be something in his fathers eyes as compared to Luther, who was seemingly given extra attention and praise. As Vanya wrote in her book, they were all starved for attention, but Diego was in such close proximity to Luther, that the extra weight attention that Luther had was in stark contrast to Reginald’s neglect. This explains both his obsession with the numbering system and his connection with Grace. In an attempt to be noticed by his father and to prove himself upon comparison to Number One. Diego pushed himself harder and harder towards more and and more impossible standards of what he thought would achieve his father’s love. But Reginald has no love and Diego broke. He began to resent Reginald and what he believed was a rank system. Before the dinner we find that Diego still believes that number is associated with rank. He appoints them as Team Zero, because the number one/number two bullshit would divide them in the face of Reginald. There is no proof that any of the others believed in the rank system.( Luther obvious believes that he is the leader, but in no way does he use his false authority as a palanquin over the other others.) 

Grace supplemented Diego the attention that he lacked from his father. To all the children she was fair, gentle, calm, and understanding. She was a guiding hand and beacon of love in a cold and isolating household. To Diego she was salvation. A chance at be given love and support that he so obviously was missing. Grace probably spent more time with Diego. Both from the boy’s own choosing and from the duties given to her by Reginald, A cold, commandeering, traditionalist. Diego’s stuttered was stamped out of him out of him by all means. While corrections and punishment would come at anytime, Diego’s real speech therapy most likely given out by Grace, who is the only governess the children the remember and is seen reciting tips to him when he struggled. This extra attention validated Diego and strengthened his connection with Grace. This connection opened his eyes a bit faster to Reginald’s narcissism. Grace is Diego’s mother, she is the only thing in his life that provides unconditional love. He has seen her beyond Reginald’s programming. Seen her think and feel. Shes a person him. A person that Reginald mistreats as severely as he does the children. He treats her like an object despite her humanity and she is oblivious to Reginald’s abuse of her and the others. It makes him hate Reginald even more. Grace’s treatment is confirmation of Reginald’s. He wants to save her, but until he can he will hate Reginald for her.

As I’ve said before Luther, Diego, and Allison were the golden trio, the jocks, the children which Reginald placed most of his attention as they were the first 3 and therefore the three most manipulable. Like Luther, Diego’s emotions and his powers (which require Reginald’s shaping to be a more than average threat) earned him the title of second useful. 

Diego was the third wheel among the 3. When he first began training Diego was most likely like Luther. Eager to learn, eager to help, however he was most likely motivated by fitting his father’s expectation. Later on trying to exceed his fathers expectations in order to compete with Luther. Luther was his rubric, but as it become more and more frustrating to become equal to him in his father’s eyes as well as more and more apparent that Grace was tool rather than a person Diego began to hate Reginald. Luther refused to see their father’s cruelty and Diego began questioning authority as result of this blindness. He saw Allison in a similar light. At this point she was self absorbed denier according to Diego and both Luther and Allison’s relationship (they were not subtle) reduced them to moon-eyed freaks. further fueling Diego’s self isolation and defiance.

Saving Klaus is saving people. To Diego, Klaus is a civilian that should not be. They are a victim much like Grace and their(Diego and Klaus’) siblings are to Reginald, but they have the ability to do more. Klaus is representive of Diego’s frustration with the inabilty to respond to the academy’s greater purpose.

Diego shed tears on his missing brother, but there were few good memories behind it. Five is a self assured asshole, he’s pretentious and spends little time with the siblings (except maybe with Vanya). He’s also able get to dads attention with little effort which Diego wants. His powers allow him shortcuts too. Diego was bound to be jealous and feel slighted. Diego does not instigate competition with Five because Five does not bathe in the attention nor acknowledge it. Diego also thinks the attention is less of something he compete with as such attention comes from the meeting of minds.

Ben was a great friend. They had quiet and limited friendship, though  as there was a rift between their motivations. As much as both hated how they were used by Reginald, Diego focused on Reginald and his experiments rather than the powers and crime fighting (which was where Ben directed his ire) but they had great times.As we know Ben and Diego played at least one prank on Allison as children however it is implied that this was a common occurrence. These pranks could have been a form of rebellion or simple play by them that didn’t involve their powers or Reginald. I’ve chosen to believe that Ben was actually a large part of these pranks creating them and doing a lot of heavy work with them, and that Diego was the enabler, willing to help, and coming up with wackier and wackier ideas. Luther, Allison, and Five were the likely targets because they were the ones that refused to have fun on their own time, or chose to eat out of Reginald’s palm.

A lot of people think that Diego hates Vanya, for some reason. He doesn’t. He loves her. She’s his (little) sister. She sweet and timid. And she’s an innocent and a bystander to the teams greater responsibility to the innocent. When Hazel and Cha-Cha broke in, Diego is mad at Vanya for being there. Not because she’s there but because she is unable to protect herself. She has no training and she is at very very dangerous site. She is still his (little) sister and he still is obsessed with protecting the innocent. The reason people think he hates her is he feels betrayed by her.  He is short and sharp, but that’s his defense. It keeps her away and keeps him from showing any other emotions. To him, she first banked on their trauma. Not only is this grossly upsetting and violating. Having all your scars presented in a public sphere is wrong especially without your consent, especially when you refuse to be vulnerable. The book is also dramatic from Diego’s point of view. Diego shuts down any extra emotion that isn’t rage. In his mind Vanya should have dealt with it and kept dirty laundry unaired or at least have been direct in her grievances, especially since she had nothing to complain about. He (and the others) believed that Vanya had it the easiest. She has no training, she was not put in the ways of violence, he believes she was never subjected to experiment. She is ordinary. She has no greater responsibility. She should be fine. His distrust is granted and validated in the second season. Born of further betrayal and fear. Vanya has gone against Diego’s raison d‘etre, she has also wiped out entirety of earth and after years of underestimating her. Shock and distrust, (but not despise) are bound to arise.

#diego hargreeves #the kraken #tua #The umbrella academy #character analysis #analysis #ik this is super over due #the one on #luther #is already out #reginald hargreeves #grace hargreeves

[serendipitous-posts]

I see your Au’s where Klaus is the one with his powers suppressed and I raise you an Au where Ben’s power is the one suppressed

(May call this Cthulhu au? Sounds about right. I also somehow made Reginald worse??)

So, Reginald Hargeeves is a dick, but he’s also pragmatic, right? He doesn’t care for these kids, as long as they can live up to his expectations

He is absolutely determined for them all to reach their full potential, mental and physical safety be damned

So in this verse, he doesn’t give up on Vanya. He remains certain that he can control her and that she can control it

It takes a lot of time, but he’s persistent in his belief she can achieve greatness, which would be amazing virtue if he wasn’t such an abusive ass

The violin, he learns, helps a lot, helps hone her abilities and fine tune them to her advantage

The press love the little musician, with her big shiny eyes and careful nature and gentleness

You know who the press doesn’t like? Ben. Hates him actually. 

Or rather, they hate what is inside of him. They hate the Horror

(once, when ben was very young, he had tried to explain to three that he was the horror and the horror was him. like conjoined twins, but she had looked so disgusted that he had shut up)

Because it’s hard to spin a weird eldritch abomination that kills people into a positive light, and in the aftermath of every mission there’s always a group, growing louder and louder with each one, arguing that just because they were criminals doesn’t mean they should be murdered. That the Umbrella Academy were playing judge, jury and executioner when they shouldn’t, that they had no legal power and what were they doing?

An even smaller group, but potent in it’s ferocity, points out just how terrible it is, forcing a child to kill people

And normally Reginald would write it off, ignore it except-

Except he can’t ignore the way the Horror has been acting lately-hungry and aggressive and mad. But not towards the other kids, no. Towards him. He steps into the room and Ben’s skin starts crawling and twisting.

(if he didn’t know better, he would say it was trying to protect him)

And Hargreeves, as we see in season 2, is an experienced fighter, but he’s not going to kid himself. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance against the Horror. The only ones who might are his siblings

But, as he realises with horror, he doesn’t know if they would side with him against number 6.

Because Ben is the shy, quiet kind one. If he ordered them to kill them- Number One might do it, but the others? No, no way, he sees how they look at him sometimes, all quiet fuming hatred and anger and-

They’d probably try and kill him themselves

But they’re young, and easily manipulated so he starts - leaving suggestions really- makes them watch any videos of the Horror attacking, showing it’s rampage as Ben wilts before them all. Suggests 6 shouldn’t be near the cameras anymore because he’s too frightening. TV shows now have movies like Alien and documentaries about parasites that burrow under the skin

They see a hulk figurine in the store one day and he makes sure to tell One, loud enough for everyone to hear, that he’s not a hero, he’s a monster, because he can’t control his impulses

At the end of every mission, he finds a reason to critique the Horror and Ben and their brutalness, all the while sending them out to do so anyways

The Horror, perhaps sensing the amount of bullshit that is happening, grows worse, grows even more agitated over time

4 and 5 and 7 rally behind him, because 5 and 7 are his isolation buddies and 4 and him have been friends forever. But 1 and 2 and 3- they start to pull away, little by little

Because they believe that he’s going too far that their father may actually be right, at least on this, it is a little freaky, and it’s not just their father saying it, it’s everyone and they can’t all be lying

He makes them all sit in on Ben’s special training- killing a rabbit, and now Vanya starts to flinch whenever he comes into the room, stops inviting him to her recitals

(it’s not a coincidence that rabbits were her favourite animal)

Five stays loyal though, making a point of going with him to the libraries or talking to him about books he’s read. Ben’s- he’s paler now, even quieter, but he enjoys the company and the Horror always seems to settle down in his presence

Then Five disappears one day and never returns. 

Reginald is torn because on one hand- he’s one asset down and Five was always a very useful asset and very very clever but he always thought he was so clever, working around all of his rules

Vanya and Five were the closest and now she’s alone. And even though Vanya is one of the nicest people out there, she just lost her brother, and she needs someone to blame to lash out at and she remembers how Ben and Five would talk for hours about Five’s powers

She yells at him, screams at him that this is his fault, and Klaus tries to intervene but it doesn’t really work, because in this universe Vanya isn’t forgotten or ignored, she’s the most powerful and that comes with a certain amount of respect.

She’s more confident and sure of herself and she is sure that this is Ben’s fault

The Horror, sensing Ben’s stress, lashes out. It slams a tentacle down on the ground in front of her, causing her to scramble back, suddenly aware of the fact that she is in a room with someone who has a literal monster in his stomach

Diego walks in on Ben attacking their sister and immediately grabs his knife, stabbing into it and Ben howls, the tentacles sliding back under his skin

Diego is praised for his quick thinking, one of the few times his father ever compliments him and he holds it close to his chest

(she’ll realise her mistake much later of it not being Ben’s fault, but she doesn’t apologise, too scared of the Horror and what it could do to her)

(she full on avoids him now)

All that leaves in Klaus, but to be honest? He has his own issues to deal with. At first, he clings to Ben because he gets it, the absolute hatred you have to your powers

And Ben is so so so happy to have someone be there for him, someone who hates their abilities as much as he does. They comfort each other after their own personal lessons, talk about which powers they would like to have, how they would love to get rid of their powers entirely

And then Klaus does. Get rid of them. 

Well, kind of. Drugs as it turns out, cancels out his abilities. They learn this during a mission and he’s so happy. And Ben is so happy for him

Except . .  after a while, Klaus starts to pull away too, so caught up in the world of drugs and addiction and leaving him behind to deal with his own issues

He tries to confront him on it, but Ben was always the meekest of his siblings, and it doesn’t go well

“You’re just jealous” Klaus spits “you can’t turn off” he gestures towards Ben’s torso “that thing.”

All the while, the Horror is growing more and more agitated, squirming under his skin like an itch, stretching it and bruising it, awful and visible. His siblings, sickened by this display, start to avoid him, which just makes him agitated, which just makes the Horror agitated, which makes it more active, which makes his siblings avoid him more, rinse and repeat

(he can’t move, somedays, from the pain of it all, muscles stretched beyond their limit by the thing that should never be beneath a persons skin)

And then- and then, after a very bad mission, where his siblings had all looked away as he emerged bloody from another room, his father tells him he doesn’t have to do missions if he doesn’t want to

Holy hell. Holy fucking shit

This is- it’s- everything he has ever wanted since his first ever training exercise 

He says yes, of course

(The Horror hasn’t been this calm in years)

And he doesn’t have to go on missions anymore! He gets to stay home and read and be alone but in a good way and it is everything he has ever dreamed of and more

(in another room, their father announces that Ben is too dangerous to be allowed on missions anymore, and that he won’t be training with them anymore)

His siblings are torn between relief-that they won’t have to see another killing spree, and jealousy-because he doesn’t have to go on missions or have personal training

(none of them are relieved for ben, who always hated going on missions)

Klaus especially is jealous, and is snippy towards Ben for the remainder of the week, but he’s on cloud freakin’ nine, and he doesn’t really notice any of his sibling’s odd behaviour

But as time passes, Ben starts to feel more and more left out and excluded. The main reason why the siblings are so close is that they go on missions and train together, and Ben is no longer doing that.

He also notices that the others are . . . blaming him a lot. Even for things he didn’t do

“Why is there a hole in the wall?”

“Ben must have let the Horror out”

“You’re bringing an animal inside the house? Don’t let Ben see it”

It’s lonely, but the alternative is going back to training, and he would actually rather die. It’s just- he’s being selfish. The Horror is a monster (he is a monster) so it makes sense that others would think he was the one doing Bad Things

And Ben spent his entire life trying not to be a Bad Person, but everyone keeps saying that he is a Bad Person, and he isn’t sure what to do. Sometimes people recognise him on the streets, pull back, hide their kids, some the same age as him

(once Allison and Luther were with him when this happened, and they looked at the woman shielding her baby with something like-understanding? empathy? whatever it was, it made Ben’s stomach open, but not in a Horror way in a Bad Way)

He breaks down in tears, finds his mom in the middle of the night, feeling like a baby because he is fourteen years old and he shouldn’t be crying except this morning Diego had turned to Luther and asked “where’s the freak?” and Luther had grinned and said “Ben’s still in his room” and neither had realised he was standing behind them

(family scapegoat syndrome is a very serious thing.)

He goes to her, crying and wishing that it would just go away, that awful, awful monster in his body, why won’t it just die already?

Grace tries to comfort him, but Reginald knew this would one day happen, and put certain  . . things into her coding, things she can and can���t say.

She sits there and tells her son awful things about him and the thing that lives inside of him, a parasite, she is forced to call it, to call him

(and you may think Diego hates Reginald the most, but that title has, will and always shall belong to Grace)

“You’re disgusting” she tells her son and thinks of the man who made her

Ben wails, loud and strong, and the Horror responds to his horror, jumping to life and slamming into Grace and then Ben is screaming and he can hear his siblings footsteps, rapidly approaching, but he’s trying to get to his mom and-

He blacks out

He wakes back up in the infirmary, where Pogo is waiting for him. He explains how their mother is damaged, and will take a while to fix

He has to go about his day with Diego’s glare scorching his back. Breakfast is burnt porridge and milk.  The first chance he gets, Diego accosts him, knife missing by inches

“A-a-asshole!” He shouts, brandishing a knife “h-how could you?!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ben squeaks, because he was always the shortest brother and his brother loves their mom and he hurt their mom and his brother is armed

“Diego stop” Vanya says, tugging on his arm “you’ll anger it”

Ben looks down to see his skin ripple and flushes, pressing himself even further against the wall

“You saw what happened with mom” Allison chimes in, glaring at Ben because their breakfast that morning was awful

“He’s not worth it” Luther says, and for once it seems they’re in agreement, because Diego turns and walks away, the others trailing behind him

Klaus stops, and gives him a sad look before scurrying after them, leaving Ben alone

Afterwards Ben is pulled into dad’s office and he’s handed pills. “To suppress your more . .  animalistic side” he said by way of explanation. 

Six blinks up at him. Suppress? As in . . get rid of? No more Horror

“It has come to my attention that you are far too dangerous to have running around unchecked” dad says when he asks, and Ben wilts

He takes the medication, and tries not to get his hopes up about it, but the Horror is gone

Instead of the usual aching chasm in his stomach there’s nothing. Just a sense of stability, of calm. He doesn’t feel like bursting into tears or crawling away in shame

(he doesn’t . .  he can’t feel much of anything really)

But he does feel excitement. His siblings are going to be so amazed- no more Horror!- and- and his dad can give Klaus some medication too, so he doesn’t have to use drugs anymore- or other drugs anymore!

His father pulls him aside and tells him that he must never tell anybody about this medication. His siblings have to keep thinking he can summon the Horror

Ben loves their father so much, wants to impress him, wants to make him proud. Except-Klaus. Klaus deserved to have this medication too, right? His- his powers were way worse than Ben’s

Reginald tells him, point-blank, that if he tells anyone about suppressing the Horror, he will take him off the medication

And that is-Ben feels kind of muffled right now, as if he’s under a weighted blanket but-

Terror is the only way to describe it, because he just found peace and now it is being threatened to have it ripped away

He lies about the Horror. The others continue to avoid him, but he also avoids them now, guilt over his lie causing him to cut himself off from Klaus, who cared for him, who deserves to have this as well, but Ben is just so selfish-

The second he hits eighteen, Ben leaves the house. He’s been on medication for 4-5 years now, and it shows. His emotions are basically gone.

He stays away from everyone until the funeral, when Five returns, telling him about the apocalypse, and he believes him, wholeheartedly believes him

He’s so frazzled by the announcement that he goes off his medication, forgotten in the moment of the literal apocalypse

(Reginald Hargreeves was a man trying to play god. He tried to lock away a beast too strong to be tamed)

(Someone should have taught him;when you cage a beast, the beast will get angry)

#umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy au #ben hargreeves #number 6 #reginald hargreeves #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #umbrella academy allison #klaus hargreeves #number 5 #number five #umbrella academy vanya #vanya hargreeves #Cthulhu au

[moonexile]

the most important thing about luther’s apology to vanya isn’t him taking responsibility for his actions or accepting that he did something wrong  (  though that’s very important too,  given that he did not understand what he was doing was so wrong at the time and recognizing that now is vital.  )  the most important part is the way he validates her anger.  

his apology to her is not about him.  he’s spent the last year feeling both guilt over how he handled things / what he did to her / how he feels he failed her and the rest of his siblings when his job has always been to protect him  --- and feeling scared of what she’s capable of  (  which i think is fair because to not be scared after the limited knowledge and what he saw would be invalidating to her powers.  )  he’s scared of himself + he’s scared of what she’s capable of,  but once he sees her,  and once he realizes she’s been here too + she’s got a family she’s with + she seems genuinely happy,  he wonders if she’s doing better and if she’s better off out on her own than with her family  --- especially him.  

because after everything,  their entire childhood + what transpired during season 1,  he knows she has every right to be angry at all of them.  but he carries a lot of it on his own shoulders because of what he did to her right before the academy was destroyed.  in an effort to try to protect his family + her,  he only hurt her more.  that was not his intention.  that was a failed attempt at being the leader and a quick realization that that was not his place anymore.  but allison nearly bled to death + he saw a man brutally murdered by her  ----  he had every right to be scared of her.  he knows that.  but after a year of thinking about this over and over again,  he knows he should have taken a different approach in trying to help her and understand her  ---  because he didn’t take that time with her before locking her up.  he should have and he knows that.  he takes responsibility for that.   he has no reason to blame her for not wanting to be around her family,  if that’s the case  ---  because so much has become clear to him since then.

luther didn’t read vanya’s book with the same perspective as everyone else.  everyone else knew that their father hurt them all.  luther didn’t recognize that until after reginald died.  a lot of vanya’s book was very confusing to him because of it;  a lot of the abuse they faced was pointed out in the book,  and he didn’t feel like she had a place in saying any of it because he didn’t think she understood.  but vanya understood better than luther did  (  keeping luther so close to him that reginald was able to twist luther’s perception of him was the height of luther’s abuse. )  he was less resentful in the way his siblings were towards her and just a little more lost by her book.  i mentioned this before but the similarities in vanya and luther really come down to the fact that vanya was on the outside of everything and luther was too close to it all;  both of their perceptions are skewed because of that but it makes their perspectives both very interesting.  it’s why it takes him longer to understand that what he did to her in his attempt to help was wrong  ----  because he’s still trying to process,  for the first time in his life,  that their father was a bad man and that he treated his kids horribly  (  ‘ i was naive enough to believe dads don’t lie to their kids.‘  /  i cant believe how much time i just wasted believing dad.  ‘  )   

coming to terms with the fact that he hurt vanya and failed her + his family in the process is part of him recognizing the way he was abused,  too.  the more he realizes reginald has hurt him and the others,  the more he realizes just how bad it was for vanya and how valid her anger is  ---  not just at their father,  but to all of them.   so it takes him until his first year in the ‘60s to start understanding her book more and more and how that anger that came through the pages was so valid.  all these pieces came together for him and he saw vanya in a new light.  all the siblings  (  maybe just excluding five  )  played a part in excluding vanya while growing up;  it was engrained into their minds to do so.  but he didn’t want it to be that way anymore.  he believes he deserves her anger,  but he also hopes that he can still be a brother  ---  so there’s a line to balance on between her valid anger + how rightfully destructive her anger can be + how he wants to be there for her,  this time in a better way that he was before.  

but luther knows that her anger is far more valid than his desire to be a family again.  he puts that first.

he didn’t bring a gun there with intent to hurt her  (  he’s spent the last year feeling awful for hurting her before,  purposefully letting himself get beaten + exploited because he wanted to be punished for what he’s done.  he has no reason to want to hurt her again.  )   he brought a gun because he knew how powerful she is and how destructive she can be and how valid her anger is.  i’m not saying it was the right way to handle it but i do think it’s fair for him to be scared of her and it makes it clear that he recognizes why she should be mad at him anyway.  he always wanted the chance to apologize to her,  that was the most important thing  ---  but he was immediately blindsided when she didn’t know who he was. 

but he recognizes the way he (especially) + the others have hurt her.  he is recognizing that she is hurt and that she is allowed to be hurt and she i allowed to be mad at them,  whereas season 1 luther felt like the rest of their family  was her victim,  not fully aware of the other side of the story.  but now that he is aware,  and now that he is starting to understand,  he sees that she has every right to feel hurt and be angry,  and she’s allowed to deal with it in her own way.  no one ever let luther deal with his pain in his own way;  he’s constantly belittled for it  ---  he doesn’t want her to go through that too.  so she needs to hear that it’s okay for her to deal however she needs to.  that validation is something she needed in season 1 and luther could not give it to her then,  but he’s trying so desperately to give it to her now.  he wants to help her right now;  if the only way he can do that is to leave her alone,  that’s fair + it’s her choice that he’s going to respect.  assuming that she’s lying and purposefully trying to hide out rather than actually not remembering any of it is just his way of trying to respect her boundaries.  

he wants her back.  he wants her to be part of the family.  at this point,  she’s only the second family member he’s seen  ---  after a year of wondering if she’s dead or if she’s okay.  he desperately wants his family back and to atone for hi mistakes with all of them,  especially her,  but more important than atoning for himself is protecting + validating her.  that comes first.  but he understands that she may not be ready to see them or want to be part of that family anymore and that’s her choice,  he’s going to respect her for that.  because if hiding away + trying to move on with her life is the healthiest option for her,  rather than coming back to their family,  she’s allowed to do that.  he’s not going to force the family together like he tried to do before;  he didn’t always recognize that when his siblings left,  they were abandoning the academy / reginald,  not him.  he thought it was about himself.  but now he understands that it was about them and them having their own lives and being who they are  ---  just as this is for vanya  (  he assumes,  given that he doesn’t know if she’s lying about losing her memories at this point.  )  if this makes her happier than she feels she can be with the family,  then that’s the best thing for her.  he didn’t get that chance when reginald took away his options;  so luther won’t take away vanya’s.

if the best thing for vanya is to be away from them,  despite him wanting to make up for their lost time as siblings,  then he’ll respect it.  but when she does decide to come back to the family,  he makes a conscious effort to ensure she’s always included.  he becomes her advocate.  it’s such a little moment but before they meet their father,  she suggests they use the shell to talk,  and when diego doesn’t have the shell,  luther calls him out for it  ---  not to be funny,  but because it was vanya’s suggestion and he wants her to be heard.  in season 1,  there’s a lot of instances when there are family meetings that don’t include everyone or don’t pull everyone’s feelings into account,  but it’s different now,  and they’re all making sure of it.   he’s just really showing her that she is part of this family and that she is being heard and is important in their decisions and i think that’s extremely important  --  because he’s recognizing why she was in pain before and why her pain is valid,  so he’s trying to give this a fresh start and do better than he did before.  it doesn’t mean he’s always doing it perfectly,  but he’s actively working on himself and trying to do right by all of them  ---  especially vanya,  because she has every right to hate him,  and if she did,  he would understand.   

so luther’s apology was not about himself;  it was not about trying to ‘ make himself feel better. ‘   it was entirely about her.  it was about putting her before himself.  it was about validating her pain and her anger in a way that she needed last time he saw her,  in a way he didn’t give her then.  it was all about respecting her and trying to make sure she was okay.  

but beyond validating her anger and her pain,  he is actively taking responsibility for what happened.  he tells her that she was not alone in causing the apocalypse  ---  yes,  she was the bomb,  but there was a series of fuses and canon mentions multiple times that harold is the fuse,  but luther will always believe he was.  that’s why he mentions himself first before saying they were all a part of it;  that’s why he explicitly states “i destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance,”  because he’s recognizing just how valid she was in her response to what he did to her.  she destroyed the world,  but would she have if he didn’t lead her to it?  

that’s how he sees her now.  he is scared of what she’s capable of because he is impressed by her powers  (  he told her that  )  but more than that,  beyond her powers,  he is actively trying to validate her all season and understand her pain and that really emphasizes the way luther is starting to get a fuller picture of the way they were all abused.  he has always been a protector,  but he’s realizing now that the way he’s gone about it hasn’t always been the best for people,  and that’s why we see him take a step back + try to put himself as an equal to the others rather than their number one.  

of course we don’t get vanya’s genuine reaction to his apology,  since she doesn’t remember what happened between them and doesn’t have a way of truly understanding his apology / accepting it,  and that’s the worst part,  because she deserves to be fully conscious of what he’s saying to her and how she feels about it,  but the way he insists on validating her pain + the way she chooses to cope is the most important thing about this,  for me personally,  and the most important thing for luther to communicate to her.  he leaves there after his apology not certain if he believes that she doesn’t remember or not  ---  because he knows how valid it is for her to want to stay away from him / the rest of them,  and he knows how valid it is for her to want this life,  where she looks happy,  instead  ---  so he doesn’t insist on pushing because he wants her to have what’s best for her,  not what he wants  (  which is his sister back + a chance to treat her better.  )  he puts her before himself and that’s so important to the way his mindset has changed and how he’s come to terms with things since leaving 2019.

#dont rb/ #i just think this is important to say..... #i know people are so quick to write him off and say his apology is stupid or that it means nothing but #given who he is / what hes always believed... the way he validates her is SO important to the narrative #its not about just him saying sorry and feeling bad. its about her and him recognizing that she’s allowed to be hurt #(like diego tried with him in s1... he tried to tell luther he was allowed to be hurt by dad and back then luther didnt believe it. #but he does now). #and he wants vanya to be happy and healthy not just for the sake of the world bc he KNOWS what she’s capable of - but because #she deserves it more than anyone he knows and if thats not with him in her life then thats okay with him and he understands / respects it #i just have a lot of feelings about this dynamic and i do wish we couldve seen her genuine response to him but !!!! #hc.

[moonexile]

thinking about how luther and vanya are foils of each other and about how luther was such a big advocate for vanya this season, from the very beginning  ( while of course he was cautious before he knew where she was at after everything - ---  but how could he not be?  watching someone blow up the moon is uh? terrifying?  )  

but really from the very first conversation he had with her,  he was so open and trying to protect her mental state.  yes he showed up with a gun but he literally had no idea what he was getting himself into;  it had been a year and he was convinced his entire family was dead,  it’s reasonable for him to be scared and cautious,  but he had no intent of hurting her.  he’s been haunted for a year by what happened,  both of his homes blowing up,  his siblings almost dying,  her losing herself before he ever got the chance to truly know her  ----  but he was considering how she felt. 

he told her that if she was just hiding away from everyone,  then she was allowed to do that,  and he would respect her and stay away,  because he believed that she deserved that.  she clearly looked happy on the farm and that’s all he wanted for her.  he saw last season that she wasn’t happy with them,  and he wants her to be part of this family,  but if she found a new one that’s better for her,  that’s where she should be. of course he wanted her back in his life but when he’s standing there talking to her in the farm,  not understanding that she doesn’t have her memories,  all he can think about is,  “she’s happy here,  she’s happy without us,  and that’s because she’s not with us  --- so why should i take her away from that?”  she has every reason to be mad at all of them,  but luther takes a lot of the responsibility for that,  he harbors a lot of guilt for what happened to her because he believes he is the cause  ---  and everyone in this fandom seems to think he was too but he is not the only one who got her to that point. 

diego says that vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb.  always.

but there are so many people who get her to that point.  and even still,  as luther gets to know who she is now,  he puts the responsibility on his shoulders.  “-- since the last time i destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.”  he believes he’s the fuse and he takes her out of it when talking about it to someone else,  the more and more he begins to understand what he did and what role he played in it,  even though we know now that vanya will always be the bomb no matter who/what the fuse is.  

“you [caused the apocalypse]. but not alone. i was part of it. we all were.”

five and luther have different ways of explaining this to her and both had the same intentions of protecting her,  both of them were trying to care for her as they did it,  but both of them were in different situations with her.  it’s so caring and gentle that five doesn’t tell her she’s the cause of it and in that moment,  he is valid for doing so.  but it’s also so caring that luther tells her the truth as gently as he can,  because at that point,  vanya knows that five lied to her to protect her and she is desperate for the truth.  when she approaches luther about it,  at that point,  she needs the truth,  and not giving it to her wouldn’t be fair.  when she approaches five about it,  not giving her the truth was fair at the time,  because she was just learning everything for the first time.  they were both valid.   but i think it’s important that luther is the one who does tell her the full truth,  because he wants to take responsibility for it too  ---  he wants her to understand that she is not the sole cause,  and to him,  he feels like he played the biggest part in that explosion. 

 “i let you down.  i did horrible things, things i’m not proud of when i could’ve just tried to help you. i thought it was my job to keep everyone safe,  but i just made it all worse.  i never wanted to be the bad guy.” 

it was the worst way he could have done it,  he knows it now,  but when he locked her up in season 1,  he thought that was the only way to protect his siblings and her.  he’s number 1, he’s supposed to be the one people count on,  but that doesn’t mean he’s got all the answers.  he messes up all the time but his intentions are always in the same place  ---  he wants to protect people.  he just never knows how to do it properly.   and i think the fact that he isolated her to figure out how to deal with it is so reflective of his own experience  ---  reginald isolated luther when he didn’t know what to do with him either.   and luther was so twisted in reginald’s web not at all recognizing that he was being abused by reginald all his life,  just now starting to see it,  and it’s just so interesting that he ends up doing something so similar  ---  because for a long time,  he thought that was the right thing to do because reginald made him believe it was.  and that year after this,  it’s all he can think about  --- how he did to her what reginald did to him,  what he was so destroyed about himself.  he hates that he played that role.

so he has this restart with vanya  ---  and it continues on through the whole season.  he tries to validate her every chance he gets.  he sticks up for her when he can,  when he sees that she needs it.

he tells her it’s okay to stay away from them,  if that’s what she wants / needs.  he tells diego off for being upset with her.  he scolds klaus for saying it’s always her  (  because he knows they all played their own part.  )  and at dinner with reginald,  it’s such a small thing,  but when she suggests that they pass around the shell,  he tells her it’s a good idea,  he tells diego that he needs to have the shell to speak -- not because it’s important to him, but he knows it’s important to vanya,  he knows how badly she wants to play a role in this family and if this is her idea,  then he wants to encourage it.  and when reginald asks about her powers,  and none of them realize what she’s capable of now,  they’re all scared of her  ---  and he holds her hand.  he tells her it’s okay,  that she doesn’t have to show anyone anything.  but when she does,  he tells her it’s impressive.  he is so proud of her.  

he has always been impressed with her powers,  but he was introduced to them in such a horrible way.  his sister was almost violently murdered,  pogo was violently murdered,  leonard was violently murdered  (  obviously he doesn’t care about him,  but that sight?  it’s not something you forget about,  especially for a man so against killing.  )   when it’s someone who has only ever wanted to use his powers to HELP people,  not hurt,    of course he was scared and worried in the beginning,  but now he’s had all this time to process it.  he’s seen her use her powers for something not so destructive,  and he can see that it’s impressive and that she belonged with the rest of them all along.

he is one of her biggest advocates this season and it started in a place of fear from her,  but he clearly respected her so much.  and he cares about her.  and he wants to help her because he sees that he should have been the one rooting for her all his life,  and he’s mad that he didn’t get that chance.  but even in the flashback,  we see that he didn’t invalidate the way she felt.  when she tells everyone at ben’s funeral that it’s not their fault,  and diego tells her she can’t possibly know that,  luther is quick to tell him off for it  ---  meaning that he did still see her as part of their family,  despite how we know they all pushed her aside in some way  (  and he did too,  of course,  but i think this moment is very important in understanding that even though it was his duty to reflect reginald’s lead,  he never fully left her out,  he encouraged her being part of this family too. ) 

luther and vanya are foils of each other.  they were both so isolated as children but in very opposite ways  --- one who is ordinary and one who is supposed to be the best.  being the one that close to reginald,  the one who was gaslit to the point of genuinely believing this is all they are ever supposed to be,  who had such a twisted perspective of everything because of it,  he suffered from his abuse too  ---  to the point where he never,  until he was 30 years old,  believed that there was more he could be / more he could do / more than his powers + his duty to save the world.  he didn’t think he was allowed to have a normal life.  he didn’t stay back while the others left because he thought he was better than them;  he stayed back because he thought it was his responsibility,  because reginald engrained that in his head since he was a kid.  and that’s why he feels abandoned by all of them  ---  because shouldn’t they think that too? 

all the siblings have formed their own opinions about reginald and they all recognized the abuse they dealt with - ---  but a lot of luther and vanya’s abuse didn’t come out until after his funeral.  it is so recent and it is so NEW for them to discover.  luther finds out that he was sent to the moon for nothing; five years he was isolated,  five years he spent every moment just analyzing the moon because that’s why he was sent there,  it was his duty,  and he was spending all this time trying to impress reginald + make him proud,  and do something that would literally save the whole world,  only to find out that reginald only sent him there because he didn’t know what to do with him  (  and this fandom still thinks this is a joke??? )  imagine spending 5 years of your life dedicated to a cause that doesn’t exist.  and then we find out that reginald was just trying to keep him busy so that he would be there for the team when they all needed to reunite,  meaning that he was scared that luther would discover he could have a life outside of that house,  so he had to do everything to stop him from thinking for himself.  he literally did not allow luther to form his own thoughts.  he put things in place so that luther would continue to be his puppet.  it is such a parallel to allison rumoring vanya that she is ordinary + keeping her on meds.  reginald forces both of them into theses thoughts, in some way  --  because he’s forcing vanya feel ordinary,  and he’s forcing luther to feel purposeful.  and to get what he wants,  that’s what he needs from them both. 

reginald’s abuse is what leads luther and vanya to the position they get into at the end of season 1.  they both do what they do in response to their trauma,  and how they’re just learning about it for the first times in their lives.  luther is trying to prove that he is a good leader,  so he does something destructive.  vanya is trying to prove she is not ordinary,  so she does something destructive.  it’s not the same thing but the reasoning / way they get there is.  

they are both on very opposite sides of reginald’s abuse,  and it’s very important to see them start to understand that.  reginald’s abuse of vanya is very obvious and very clear to the siblings once they learn about it.  luther’s abuse is less obvious because he was gaslit into following his lead so loyally,  so his siblings saw him content with what was happening and believed that he just genuinely liked their father.  but all through season 1,  we see diego try to spell it out to luther to get him to understand that what their father did to them,  especially to luther,  wasn’t right.  we see klaus immediately respond to reginald by coming to luther’s defense and telling him that what he did to luther was wrong.  they all start to recognize how luther was abused and they try to show luther that too.   neither vanya or luther understood what reginald was really doing to them until the end.  it’s so important that they both are the ones to really set off the apocalypse  (  despite their entire family playing their own role.  )  

still,  i don’t believe luther is the fuse in the first apocalypse because the commission’s order to “protect harold jenkins” tells us everything we need to know  (  and even then, that goes back to everything he learned from reginald,  who is the real fuse  ),  but luther will always feel like he was the fuse anyway,  he will always take responsibility for it even though it was reginald’s abuse that led him there.  he takes responsibility and he works really fucking hard to make sure he is never vanya’s fuse again,  and more than that,  to try to make sure she never has one again.

#dont rb/ #hc.