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memoryismerelyarecord · 21 days

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long vent underneath the cut. i did this in my notes app to offload steam when i didnt have wifi so im like hash tag calm now but i still want this to be Out There idfk, also since i dont know if theres a specific tw tag for this jts mainly about fear of dying at the hands of a police officer + bc it spiked my paranoia its written as if im fully convinced i WILL die within minutes of writing this. pls dont read if that will trigger u

RED ABD BLUE LIGHT POLICE CAR POLCIE CAT POLICE CAR DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER THEYRE HEre fOR ME THEYRE HERE FOR MY IM GOIGGN TO BE ARRESTED THEYRE GFGOING TI SHOOY AND RESTRAIN ME SCared SCARED SCARWD ACARED SCARED SCARWD SCARED SCAREDD PLEAS EPLEAS EPLEASE DINT HURT ME FONT JHURT ME I DID NOTBING I DID NOTBJT PLEASE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LOVED AND TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO IMPROVE THE LIFE OF PEOPLE LIKE ME ALL I WANTED WAS TO HELP PEOPLE AND MAKE THEM HAPPY WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME WHYARE THEY comiING FOR KE WHY are tHE PILICE AFTER ME THEYRE AFTER ME IVE BEEN FRAMED FOR MURDER FOR ROVBBERY FOR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW IM GOING TO BE ARRESTED WHATS GOING TOBHAPPEN IM SCSRED I DONT WANT TO GONTO JAIL I DOJT WANT TO GO TO A PSYCH WARD PLEASE IM INNOCENt ALL I EVER DID WAS HOPE AND DREAM FOR A BETTER FUTURE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SDAY AWAY SSTAY AEAY STAY AWAY RED AND BLUE TED AND BLUE SCARY SCARY SCARY ACARED I CANT FEEL MY HEAD MY CHEST IS SO TIGHT SO MUCH ENERGY AND FOCUS IN MY LEGS J NEED TO RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN AWAY RUN RUN RUN RUJ RUN AWAY AWAY AEAY AWAY SWAY AWAY PLEASE DONT ARRAEST ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THEYRE HERE FOR ME COMING FOR ME COMING FOR ME COMIGNAFTER ME COMING AFTER ME ILL BE RESTRAINED ILL BE CHOKED ILL BE STRAINED SHAKING SHAKING AHALIKG HALING SHAKIN G SHAKING PLEASE DOTN KILL ME I WANT TO HOPE I WANT TO DREAM INDONT WANT TO DIE I DONT WANT TO DIE I HAVE DREMAS I HAVE ASPIRATIONS I HAVE WISHES I HAVE LOVED ONES I HAVE FRIENDS I HAVE A GIRLFIREDNN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont HURT ME I DINT WANT TO BE A STATISTIC I DONT WANT TO DIE IF ITS NOT ON MY KWN WILL IBHAVE SONMUCH TO LIVE FIR I HAVE DSO MUCH TO LIVE FOR I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR I HAVE SONGS AND BOOKS I WANT TO WRITEI HAVE ART I WANT TO DRAW I HAVE FRIENDS I WANT TO TALK TO I HAVE MUSIC I WANT TO LISTEN YO BOOKS YO READ SHOWS TO WATCH COUNTRIES TO VISIT FOOD TO TRY I DONT WANT TO DIE I DONT WANT TO FIR IM KNLY SEVENTEEN IM ONLY SEVENTEEN IM BARELY EVEN A QUARTER OF THE WAY THERE PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED BEFORE I DIE DONT LET ME LIVE AND DIE A HAUNTED EXISTENCE I WANT TO HEAL I WANY TO LOVE I WANT TO LIVE I WANT TO THRIVE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT KILL ME PLGREASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE INDONT WANNA DIE TOO MUCH ITS TOO MUCH

I DKNT KNOW WHERE THE COP WENT BUY I KNOW THEYRE AFTER ME THEY CAME Y TO WARN ME THATS WHY THYEG DROVE PAST RHEY WANT TO KILL ME IM GONNA DIE PLEASE PLEAAE PLEASE DONT GHURT ME PLEASE I JUST WANT TO LIVe

i want to live i wan to live please dont hurt me dont hurt me dint hurt dint hurt me i want to live please please please please i dgont want to die if i die it will be by my own hand i dont want yoy gdie i sint wanna please nopleasepleaseplease all i ever wanted was to be happy and make others happy wwhy cant i even have that why does every part of my life have to be a big dark terrible nightmare i just wanted you to be happy please please dont hurt me

more than anything in the entire world i love you pie

#👑🎤🪽#ask to tag #triggering vent #death tw #suicide tw #violence tw #tw police #tw abuse #tw unreality #tw paranoia

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pepprs · 4 years

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ive already used this one but

#purrs #its ljke. do u ever get tired of being mean LOL like can u just. stop being mean please!!!! doesnt judging ppl and makng derogatory comments #abt ppl who are different than u like.. ever get exhausting. esp when ur like.... esp when its stuff that!!!! ur own daughters!!!!!!!! i #know i said i would stip doing this and i just. am mad so im gonna delete it i just like. need other ppl 2 know im mad cuz im a clown but.#its like little shit. its like the littlest shit and now im gonna be paranojd abt my posture and my filler words and my laugh for the next #2 weeks JDHSJDHDJJB 😔 like i get its all joaks and i jbow i shouldnt take it seriously vut also it hurts and like. why are ppls choices abt #how they present themselves and own their bodies and identities so... whatever to u that u cant just keep that to urself u know? eap when #we’vd fucking told u not to say shit like that and why its hurtful and u dknt. listen. listening is more than what u think it is lol like i #know im saying all this w a sink full of dishes still to do but. im so angry and sad rn like fucking stop!!!!! or at least ljke stop #pretending ur a balanced spiritual peaceful person ans that yoga and meditation are actually helping u when u turn around and like. cloud th #atmosphee in this house with fucking ****** ***** podcasts and the tiny manipulative comments like this. idk how to articulate it it just um #Hurt’s and im sad abt it um 🙈#DELETE LATER #ask to tag #like... 2 make fun of girls who talk and act anxious like we do when you are. Literally yhe reason why i for one am anxious. thats a whole #other type of cruelty i think. idk jow to articulate it im on thin jce even posting abt it publjcally chz That is cruel and i need 2 learn h #how 2 cope w it w/o seeking superficial attention but. AUUGGGHGHHHH the epic highs and lows of ***** * ****** *****#its like u go out of ur way esp when iys someone who we identify w or when theres obvious comparisons to be drawn.. u just go out of ur way #w the side comments and the mocking and. not to get my feelings hurt but Squidward Im Insane.jpg

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eitelle · 3 years

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imagine biting kenma to show that u love him

#naw fr tho #like i aint even playing #would he bite back?#what if he like scratched me in responde #i swear im not a feral animal #i just dknt know how to show affection #my ex gone messed me up #i need words i dont know hoe to show tho #abyways so tired rn #working ln maychuos #harder than u think #michelle rambles in tags af #elle works the night shift

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toadbelly-remade · 6 years

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#when i saw my advisor last week and she asked me if i was interested in the counseling offered by the school and i just.#the entire situation had already made me so uncomfortable and i had jusy got done crying in the car on the way to the school and i had #already been made to feel like i was makinng a huge mistake by my mom and i just wanted to get out kf there you know and i dont rly know any #thing about the counseling at school so i have no idea how it works or what it deals with so i just awkwardly laughed it off and said no and #i sort of regret it (even though i can probably go through with it anyway whenever i want to i guess) but every time i think about talking #about my problems i can already feel sting in my eyes before i start crying #like just the mere thought of venting makes my heart pound really fast and i feel like crying and fuck im just so pissed that im even in #this position where ive fucking ended up with such shitty feelings you know #im so mad that ive been a bystander to my own misery and just let everything happen to me because i dknt think im worth the trouble of defen #ding i guess and i think i still feel that way but at the same time i just wish it never happened #and like i fucking know im responsible for a good portion of the fucking shitty things that have happened to me so i guess i dont know i #guess im just so angry that i am who i am #i wanted to add more to these tags cause ive been thinking about somr other stuff that j wanted to vent about but i get so fucking tired you #know? like im suppose to only write these thijngs for myself and it shouldnt matter whether they make sense or not cause its just my trying #to get the thought out but i know at least someone is going to read it so i always find myself trying to edit my thoughts into something und #erstandable despite myself and it actually and literally makes me physically tired and i cant bring myself to do the thing i intended to do #which is simply vent and get my thoughts out and ya thay fucking sucks but Oh Well I Guess #personal

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zafirosreverie · 2 years

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Hi, I know I don't really know you but I've followed you for quite awhile and I've seen that you have conversations with alot of anons who I think you know? So I have a bit of a problem kind of and I was wandering if you could maybe give me some advice on what to do? If you don't want to or think this is strange or whatever I completely understand, you can ignore this ask.

Okay so if you chose not to ignore this then basically one of the people who I went to school with last year (I am in college now) keeps asking to meet up which is understandable but when we went to school she was apart of my (small) friend group for awhile then she suddenly left to go hang out with other people and would barely talk to us. And once I was planning to go to my girlfriend's house and to the beach with her when my other friend asked to meet up, I told her I had plans and she asked if she could tag along. I found that a bit weird cause she's inviting herself to someone else's house and to what might have been a date. When I told her she'd have to ask my gf cause its her house she told us to meet up in her town (we all went to the same school but live in diffrent small towns near each other except for where I live which is bigger and where our school was) cause she wasn't allowed to go to my gfs town.

That was really long sorry and I haven't explained much so far but basically she was really clingy and overstepping but abandoned us abruptly and now she keeps asking to meet up all the time when I have a job and I dknt like to meet up with too many people, even when it was with my girlfriend that was the first time we saw each other out of school in months. I just really don't want to meet up with her but I don't want to he rude either. And in the nicest way possible if I were to meet up with a friend it wouldn't be her. I feel so bad about that but I really really don't want to see her.

Again that's really long so I'm sorry and if u don't want to answer this that's fine but if you do then do you have any idea what I should say?

Oh dear, I'm having war flashbacks here. Yeah, I used to have a "friend" like that and let me tell you something: it's gonna hurt, no matter what.

If you cut her off, she's going to be hurt for sure. If you keep her close, you're the one who's going to end bad in the end.

What you need to do is really think if this person is actually good for you. Does she really bring something good into your life? The good things someone brings to your life must be more than the bad things.

And I know this might sound harsh, but it's not. It's your own well being what matters here and it's not selfish wanting to be good. It doesn't mean you didn't like her or you were a fake friend, it only means your Journey together is over and that's alright. You can thank her for the good moments she gave you and wish her all the best 💕

I hope this helps you, dear. It's not going to be easy, but remember that putting your own welm first doesn't make you a bad person. And I'm here if you need anything 💕

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

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aw shiro, my love, don't worry about it!! i only hope you're okay and safe :d please only reply when you're free, and don't feel bad about it!! >:(

my day yesterday was okay, i've just been relaxing, and studying occasionally. went out to explore a nearby town too, it's so pretty there. and much colder (since it's a highlands) of course!! Today was great too. I bought doughnuts (they're amazing?? I love doughnuts), and I had instant ramen, but it was SO spicy I nearly died. (Three bottles of water later, because someone finished all the milk in the household *cough* me *cough*) and I'm still just reeling. Sucks having such low spice tolerance HAHA. I'm listening to some old school hip-hop rn, while typing this out :D how were your two days?

here are some i'll be using to teach english :d and that would honestly be much appreciated, he's getting on my last nerve rn. (I included the first few, what do you think?)

thats such a priceless feeling i so totally agree. you're so precious 🥺🥺 i'm sure they're prouder thank you imagine. you're so dedicated!! i'm sure all that extra research you've done will definitely pay off. it's good that you know what the job is roughly like, so you'll be really prepared when you finally do start it. you know that one scene, in the 2nd season of the great pretender? when the chinese mafia boss emphasizes the importance of a translator in literally everything? (like that book award example) i may be getting the thing muddled up, but i found that so cool. like yeah, a book or speech could be absolutely beautiful, but if everyone can't enjoy it due to it being a different language, it would be such a shame. i just find translators really important. sorry, i'm really dorky haha 🥺🥺

awww but i think your personality type is wonderful. a lot of my favourite characters are intj (they're all so precious istg grrrr) yes!! i was in a tooru brainrot yesterday too 😭😭😭 (saw a bunch of couples on my walk, and I was like "if only Tooru was real grrrr") and yes?? there'd be so much to learn from each and every one of them. dedication from hinata, savage lines from tsukki, kindness from yams/yachi, how to be a dork 101 from atsumu. aaaah 😭😭i'm sorry they're all so wonderful.

No pftttt I totally feel you. I saw some people without masks today and I was like "bro wtf" and just really loudly said "I sure hope everyone starts following the rules so the cases don't increase" because I'm a lil bitch like that xD

awww okay!! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Mayo makes everything better, tbh >.< aww that's understandable! I don't have specific preferences but hearing the phrase "soggy cheese" makes me want to cry somewhere :( I don't like nuts in chocolate. I'm very passionate about that? XD ikr??

I'm surprised too, I usually never pass on murder, but I guess you're just special like that 👉👈 sir I'd get married to you as many times as you'd like 😼 oops sorry for being cheesy, but—you like cheese ;)

I won't ask why, don't worry. Since I kinda feel the same about Malaysia tbh. It's a love hate relationship, I think HAHA but yeah 😣😣 i don't look up to US at all, and it sucks because people generally do. And I'm just like ;-; why (no offense to Americans tho lol)

is that even legal omg they're so chaotic?? XD how cute tho. Angel does stuff like that all the time too, but I'd never know that when I first met her (she has the most perfect exterior, and then when you get to know her; she's the biggest dork) Schools opening on the 20th, I can't wait to see her then :] (I can, however, wait for the exams which are scheduled for the 25th ugh)

peanut butter is indeed yellow, not up for discussion hehe :) here's my favourite hues!! I love gentle, soft hues like these (pastels) , for yellow; I don't have a favourite. they're all wonderful

ahhh no that's so precious of you!! :)) I'm smiling rn.

yeah skdhskdjsk I'M JUST SO GRRR. Whenever someone goes "hey Ari can you ______" and we both respond?? The tension?? In the air?? Bro skdjskks. 😔🤚 You share a name with one of the most precious characters too tho!!;

This is Shiro from Voltron hehe. I love him so much, just like I love you (tho I'm sure we both know I love you more <3)

I share a name with a book character. His name is Aristotle Mendoza, but his crush-turned-boyfriend calls him "Ari" (which has been my nickname since I was 12). Reading it for the first time was the BEST feeling ever. It's also my favourite book, "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe".

—Ari :D (no pfttt I love the tag so much. I have my own tag, that's like the best thing ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

Heyyy I'm so sorry for answering so late!! I know you said not to apologize but..... well hmm no excuse I just feel like apologizing, but either way thank you for your patience!!♡ This is the third time I'm rewriting this, and this time I'm doing this in my notes because fuck it😔

Im glad to hear that!! Highlands are always so pretty. Wish we had those here, but it's only steppe here:( Boring~ ooh, donuts!!! They're really good. I havent much, but I tried them like 3 times and they're so good. I really hope I will get to eat more<3 also WHAT'S THOSE NOODLES' NAME I WANNA KNOW- Are you feeling okay now, though? XD

My days were nice!!! Felt as if I had been hiding three bodies, but I've been feeling better lately. We had online school yesterday so I'm excused from the errands for the half of the day, thankfully. But your messages make me very happy. Though I dont always feel like writing a response (or I get stressed because it doenst save) so very sorry for that😔

Ohh those look so pretty!! I'd totally join to just look at them. The colors are so nice🥺 it looks like one of our olympiad prep slides, though better. I dont have the screenshots sadly😩 Either way I really love the little details like the squiggly thingies or the Ж .... they seem unnecessary but the energy changes a lot without them hehe

I really hope they will be🥺 that'd mean a lot to me. And I'm also really hopeful itll work out. I really don't wanna disappoint my family, which is literally just one person. The less people there are, the more it hurts, you know?

Yeah, that scene meant so much to me!! I dknt remember much, but I was very happy they said something like that, because I've been told being a translator wont work out for me. Now look at me, I'm about to tell them to fuck themselves<3 I was also so surprised to see Laurent know that many languages ..... I aspire to be like him😩 And honestly, I havent though so deep of that but you opened my eyes and now I'm about to float off into the next universe😭 dont apologize though, its very cute!!!♥︎♥︎

Heheh, I guess you're right.. every single anime INTJ is a silent sexy mastermind and I love them . ... YEAH every single time I see a passing couple i cry because I dont have anyone 😡💔 and sometimes when I see people doing something amusing (which includes people failing cuz I'm evil) I just imagine one of the characters doing that and I smile all the way xD Honestly, I'd sell my father on black market for a single day with one of them:( though that may sound like a really low price because his cigarette filled lungs wouldnt cost a lot... I sound like my 7th grade self again I'm so sorry

BAHQHHANEJWJD I HOPE THEY WERE EMBARRASED. I HOPE THEY FELT AWKWARD AND OTHER PEOPLE DID TOO, they deserve it. Like, learn your lesson bitch, it's been a year!

Yeah!!! I love mayo, not to the point where I would gulp it down from the package, but it does make dishes taste good. Same, soggy cheese on itself sounds like a dish served in the ninth circle of hell. You should try nuts in honey!! Like, just straight up dip them in honey. Sounds weird, and it doesnt always taste NEJFJKSKF (depends on the honey)but I think it's worth trying xD Walnuts are the best with honey I think

That was so funny ... TOO FUNNY, I LAUGHED FOR LIKE . 3MINUTES STRAIGHT and I do not laugh when I'm tired. You really are special 😭😭😭😭 cheesy ... HAHRNFJJSF

I'm so sorry for being a bully like that but it's so funny how you left a single U there . Its so mysterious, was it in purpose? Or were you lost in the excitement if messaging me?

I was one of those people, honestly 😭 but mostly because I wasnt aware of its political condition, I guess. Maybe theres more than just politics that's bad about US, but honestly, it has more opportunities than this hellfire. Though now I'm more into Norway and Japan. Really wanna travel there :(

Heheh, yeah, we never really show off to strangers at first. I dont know what exactly I mean by we, but you get my point ♡ Good luck though!! I hope it goes well for you<3

Oh they looks so pretty!! They're really wonderful. Like bubblegum and cotton candy and literally anything sweet... it's so cute !!! And I totally agree, there isnt a bad yellow.

HAHAH, honestly, that reminds me of how there were 4 people with the same name in my class, and whenever the teacher did the attendance thing, they would all stand up. Teachers usually dont say the last names, so we always gotta ask which person they mean if theres more than one person with that name, so yeah.. That happened on accident at first, but then they just did it for trolling xD

OH MY GOD HES SO PRETTY? HES SO PRECIOUS?? HUHHH??? I gotta thank Kuro for this wonderful opportunity of sharing a name with someone like .... him🥺

Oh that's so cool!! Also, he has a boyfriend ... I really need to start reading xD it's so cute though! It sounds like such a good book, I'm glad you share a name with him, hehe!!

I also share my real name with one of the characters in a kids' show, and its SO ugly, I'm in pain. Every time my friends see one of those on TV they go

Which is a pain in the ass, it's so embarrassing...........

Awh, okay!! I'm glad you love it, cuz I do too. Because it's your name.... cuz I love u. That was so lame PLEASEJWJDJSJF I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS GREAT !!! LOVE YOU

#Ari💕#💞💞💝💝💗💖💗💖💕💝💕💝💓💖💗💖💓💖💕💖💞💓💝💕💝💖💓💖💗💖💞💝💕💘💕💘💖💖💗💖💓💖💖💞💖💝💕💘💘💗💝💗💖💓💖💞💖

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