#i cringe to look at my old snippets but also it's something easy i can do for u all :-)

[northern-passage]

Hi, I was wondering if you’ll ever make the old Patreon art/writing public since iirc you don’t intend to reactivate it for a long time? I was a member while it was active but I accidentally updated my app so I can’t view them anymore, I understand if you can’t/won’t though.

i can do that if people are interested! particularly thinking about those harvest festival snippets i wrote, those are well over a year (maybe even 2 years? time is fake) old and were on patreon the entire time & it's almost fall here... i say thru clenched teeth while it's still 100 degrees outside....

the majority of the snippets that were up were definitely like closing in on at least a year old so i do think it's been long enough and it would be fair to post them now... maybe i'll pick a random week and post them all one day at a time lmfao since iirc there's at least one for each companion (thinking specifically about the nsfw ones)

the art i don't plan to repost here though, mainly because i don't like it anymore 💀 but also because i dislike the way tumblr is handling their content moderation and i'm not interested in getting this blog flagged after 3 years because some human moderator decided my tasteful nude drawings of trans people (that 100% follow tumblr guidelines btw) are actually too offensive for their delicate constitution... but that's a whole other complaint for another post lmfao. i haven't had any issues at least with posting written nsfw so i'm less hesitant about posting that stuff instead.

but yeah i think maybe next month i can do the harvest festival snippets for october? i'll probably edit them a little bit since they're so old but i think that could be fun :-)

#i cringe to look at my old snippets but also it's something easy i can do for u all :-) #i actually had wanted to rewrite the old lea/merry snippet i had posted like one of the first pieces of Spicy writing i ever did #and i know she needs an edit BAD.... i had planned to rewrite it for patreon before i unlaunched it but obviously. i unlaunched it instead #and the one drawing i would repost is the one of merry which is Certain to get nuked bc she's a trans woman and tumblr hates that so #cool website! i hate it here #noel's could probably make it thru actually and i still like that one too... idk we'll see #unfortunately i am compelled to edit those too if i was to repost them #or at least lea's. their profile needs to be fixed #and unfortunately i really hate clem's lmfao i should just redraw that one completely #anyways. to answer your question finally. yes. lmfao #ask #anonymous

[kittenofdoomage]

📝Share a snippet of an unposted WIP, with or without context.

I'm gonna put it below the cut, it's a snippet from my angsty Dean/reader series "Misery Loves Company" which no one has read yet 😅 this bit is from season four and in the story, it's part of chapter three.

It was easy to sleep for a change. Knowing the house was warded against every possible creature they knew of, and that Bobby was always on guard, helped you settle into a restful slumber that lasted for several hours without any alarms to wake you. Eventually, you were roused by voices from downstairs, curiosity forcing you to open your eyes to the darkened bedroom.

You dressed quickly, making your way out of the bedroom while shrugging on a shirt. The voices, clearer now, filtered up the stairs; you recognized Bobby’s of course, but the other was a masculine tone you couldn’t place. The mystery guy was standing in the study when you reached the bottom step, and you frowned as you approached, meeting Bobby’s eyes where he was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. For a moment, his gaze went wide, and your frown deepened when the unknown male turned to you.

He was tall, draped in layers of plaid and flannel, floppy hair almost in his eyes as he stared at you blankly for a second. You stared right back, finding him familiar but unable to place his features, but then he was grinning, stepping into your personal space to wrap you in a hug.

“Y/N?” he almost squeaked as he practically crushed you. “Wow, it’s been so long.”

Your mind suddenly snapped into place as you realized who he was. It had been over seven years since you’d laid eyes on the youngest Winchester, and you didn’t recall him being that tall. You also knew that if Sam was there, Dean wouldn’t be far behind.

“S-Sam,” you stuttered out, extricating yourself from his enthusiastic embrace, shooting Bobby a glare. It wasn’t clear if this was an accidental visit or a planned one, though you wouldn’t put it past the old man to try. “Hi.”

“You have no idea how good it is to see you,” Sam babbled, though you saw the exhaustion on his face, the drawn lines that probably matched your own. “Oh man, Dean’s gonna -”

“Dean’s gonna what?”

A breeze accompanied the man in question’s words, and an unrelated chill ran up your spine as you convinced yourself to turn. He was standing behind you, framed in the porchlight coming through the open front door, green eyes wide as they fixed on you, his shoulders drawing up slightly with the tension.

“You know, if one of you lot actually called ahead, this wouldn’t have happened,” Bobby grumbled, shaking his head as he turned his back on the brewing drama, disappearing into the kitchen. You sighed lightly, realizing that he hadn’t organized any of this - the universe just had it in for you.

Sam’s eyebrows drew together in confusion, eyes darting between you and Dean. “Did I miss something?”

Dean stood a little straighter, a fake smile stretching his lips. “It’s good to see you, Y/N,” he managed, clearly forcing the words out, and you felt a wave of anger building in your chest. “You look great.”

It was easier to roll with the rage than it was to contain the utter relief and devastation at seeing him again. Months spent clinging to the hope that what you’d shared was real, and now you realized he never meant to call you at all. A burst of spitefulness welled in your throat, and you folded your arms, almost sneering at him.

“Shame I can’t say the same about you,” you spat.

The words wiped the faux smile off his face, and the green in his eyes turned stormy. Behind you, Sam chuckled nervously, reaching out to touch your shoulder. It took a second to remember your anger wasn’t aimed at him, though he visibly cringed at your hard glare when you turned.

“We didn’t know Bobby had company already,” he explained, retracting his hand to wring both in front of him. “We can find a motel or -”

You sagged, suddenly too tired to cling to the hostility. Your stays with Bobby rarely stretched beyond two or three days - there was always another monster, another case. No rest for the wicked. “No,” you sighed, shaking your head as you put more distance between you and Dean, siding around Sam to get to the kitchen. “I’m not stopping long.”

There was visible disappointment on the younger man’s face, but he gave you a tight smile and a nod. You ducked out of sight, slouching into the kitchen as you heard Dean ask his brother to go with him outside. Bobby was at the sink, leaning against it, arms folded as he watched you slink to the table.

“You could just talk to him, you know,” he said quietly.

“And say what?” you scoffed under your breath. “Hey, remember that time I almost died, and we spent a month in a cabin together but then you never called?” You scrunched your nose up in disgust. “Bobby, whatever ship was there has sailed. I can be an adult about this.”

“Sounds like it.”

Narrowing your eyes in his direction only earned you a smirk, and he turned his back, busying himself with the few dishes in the sink.

“I guess you’re gonna be leavin’ soon then.”

You hummed. “Soon as I find a case. Got anything interesting?”

“‘Fraid not.”

“Ugh.”

“Have you ever thought about doing something other than killing things?” Bobby suggested, sparing you a glance over his shoulder. “Like a hobby?”

“I considered crochet,” you murmured jokingly. “Why would I need a hobby?”

“It’s not exactly healthy,” he replied, grabbing a towel to dry his hands. “Even I take a break every now and then.”

The image of him with his feet up, knitting in front of a fire, made you giggle a little before you waved off his concern with one hand. “I’m fine, Bobby.” He was quiet for a moment, watching you closely. You lifted your eyes to meet him, staring innocently at his indistinguishable expression. “What?”

“You should talk to Dean.”

You grunted in disagreement. “Why are you pushing this? What the hell is going on?” Bobby quickly averted his gaze, and you scowled, getting to your feet with fists at your sides. “Bobby. Tell me!”

He shook his head. “Not my news, kid.”

Your skin felt warm as the anger at his refusal to share information grew. Taking a step forward, you glared at him, mouth set in a thin line as you tried to will him to speak. “What the hell is happening that means I need to talk to Dean?”

For the second time that day, Dean’s voice answered your question from the doorway, but the statement changed the angry heat in your skin to deathly ice, filling your veins with dread.

“I made a deal.”

You turned slowly, dragging your gaze slowly up from his feet to his face, almost wincing at the steely expression you found there. Swallowing, you lifted your chin, lips forming to ask a question you already knew the answer to. “A deal with who?”

“A demon,” he replied coolly, eyes flicking over your shoulder to Bobby, who quickly cleared his throat and avoided your gaze.

“Like I said,” he muttered as he passed you, “you two need to talk.”

[iwhumpyou]

I posted 107 times in 2021

57 posts created (53%)

50 posts reblogged (47%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.9 posts.

I added 120 tags in 2021

#envy answers - 31 posts

#whump meta - 14 posts

#batfamily - 12 posts

#writing advice - 12 posts

#whump prompt - 12 posts

#whump community - 10 posts

#compliment - 8 posts

#shitpost - 8 posts

#enemy to caretaker - 7 posts

#whump tropes - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#sometimes your readers' imaginations come up with things more horrifying than you can ever put to paper

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Trope: Enemy to Caretaker (Take Two)

See also: Enemy to Caretaker (Take One)

It’s about the power dynamics, see.

It’s about being vulnerable and helpless at the feet of someone you believe wishes you ill.

It’s about how people react when they have absolute power thrust into their hands.

It’s about how you can tell the depth of a person’s soul by whether they help when it is not required of them, when it is not expected of them, when it is not custom to them.

It’s about expecting pain and receiving comfort.

It’s about breaking - breaking in front of a rival, a villain, an enemy - and being handed the pieces to put yourself back together again.

It’s about what you give and what you take when you don’t have the energy for trust.

It’s about tipping the balance of power - through injury, through exhaustion, through emotional trauma - and watching them reach out and slowly tip it back.

159 notes • Posted 2021-01-14 22:00:41 GMT

#4

Aesthetic: ‘Please’

It’s funny how a single word can change everything.

It’s supposed to be polite.  It’s supposed to be good manners.

It’s not supposed to be a glaring target.

Because please means something.  Because please changes the context of the situation from casualness to desperation.  Because please is begging, is pleading, is hoping and praying and crying.

‘Please don’t hurt them.’

‘Please give it back.’

‘Please stop.’

‘Please.’

Force the plea from stuttering lips, drag it out of cracking defiance and impotent rage, arrange the pieces of broken confidence and control.

Please.

215 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 22:00:51 GMT

#3

me: I want to read something written with my favorite tropes, in my favorite style, with my favorite characters.

my brain: so basically you want to read something you’ve written.

me: yes.

my brain: without ever actually writing it.

me: .....yes.

587 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 01:04:29 GMT

#2

Every piece of work you create doesn’t have to be The Best, Perfect, Most Flawless Work for it to be meaningful.

The first story I ever started?  About teenage girls that get elemental powers and get kidnapped?  If I hadn’t written that, I might’ve never tried getting stories out of my head and onto paper.

The first story I ever finished?  A YA fantasy with too many characters and flat relationships and a unnecessarily complicated plot?  If I hadn’t written that, I might’ve never believed that I could finish a novel-length story.

The first fanfiction I ever uploaded?  A self-insert OC fanfiction that overused italics?  If I hadn’t written that, I might’ve never gone on to spend a decade writing fanfiction.

The first novel I tried to query?  A draft I didn’t much like, a story I was fed-up with, rejections I knew were deserved?  If I hadn’t written that, I might’ve never pushed myself to figure out what the publishing process looked like.

The whump snippets I jot down?  Help me refine writing whump, writing pain, writing angst and emotions and feelings.

The new tropes/styles I try out?  Help me broaden my writing experience, better my writing, allow me to branch out.

The writing, day after day, even if it’s deleted, even if I hate it, even if I think it’s absolute garbage?  Help me write, help me get words onto the page, help me flex my fingers and imagination, help me figure out what I’m doing wrong so I know what to do right.

Everything you create is a step forward, even if you don’t see it at the time.

When you look back at old work, it’s easy to cringe, it’s easy to hide your face, it’s easy to wince and wish you did better and pretend like it didn’t exist.  But climbing a mountain means accepting that you started at the bottom, means realizing that the view is so much better for the effort, means remembering that even when you couldn’t see the clouds, you kept moving forward.

2247 notes • Posted 2021-05-31 15:04:04 GMT

#1

One of the best tips for writing descriptions of pain is actually a snippet I remember from a story where a character is given a host of colored pencils and asked to draw an egg.

The character says that there’s no white pencil.  But you don’t need a white pencil to draw a white egg.  We already know the egg is white.  What we need to draw is the luminance of the yellow lamp and the reflection of the blue cloth and the shadows and the shading.

We know a broken bone hurts.  We know a knife wound hurts.  We know grief hurts.  Show us what else it does.

You don’t need to describe the character in pain.  You need to describe how the pain affects the character - how they’re unable to move, how they’re sweating, how they’re cold, how their muscles ache and their fingers tremble and their eyes prickle.

Draw around the egg.  Write around the pain.  And we will all be able to see the finished product.

60058 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 16:40:09 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #okay for anyone using desktop #you may need to zoom out to see the button you need to press #took me fucking forever to figure that out #this goddamn hellsite

[whumpcollector]

Lucas Pt.7: The Good Doctor

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYONE. We’re back at it with another part of Lucas’ story. We’re going to start meeting some new faces. I hope everyone here enjoys!

CW: Medical whump. (I think thats it? If I missed anything please let me know).

“...he...injured…”

“...put...gently...don’t”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“...doing...when…”

“...alive...not…”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“...any...worried…”

“...patient...wait…”

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Lucas fluttered in and out of consciousness, becoming aware for a few moments before slipping back into darkness. He could hear small snippets of conversation, but nothing substantial. In one of his rare moments of lucidity he attempted to look around, but he didn’t see anyone before he blacked out again.

When Lucas did return to the world it was slowly, almost unwillingly. There was a safety in oblivion, one that a part of him wanted to keep. As he felt consciousness return a small voice spoke out, pleading with him to just stay asleep. He wasn’t being hurt if he was asleep, and if he woke up who kno-

“LUCAS!”

Lucas awoke with a jolt, eyes shooting open and darting around the room. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. The first thing he noticed was the concerned face of… Mehrzad, yes Mehrzad was his name. There was also another man next to him, he had the same dark tanned skin Mehrzad had, but his face was slimmer and with a full beard. 

The next thing Lucas noticed was how sore he was. A soft groan escaped his lips as he looked down at his body. His arms and torso were covered in blood stained bandages, and a thin blanket covered his legs. Lucas tried to sit up, only to have the bearded man gently place a hand on his chest and push him back down.

“Do not waste your energy, my friend. You are still recovering, you need to rest.”

The man's voice was smooth, kind, comforting even. Lucas did as he was told, best not to anger whoever this man was. He laid down on the cot he was on, taking a deep breath as a sharp pain shot up one of his arms. 

“You must be in a lot of pain. Hold on one moment.” The man turned away, rummaging around before turning back with a small wooden bowl. “Here drink this, it will soothe you.”

Lucas looked at the bowl held in front of his face. A thick green liquid sloshed around inside. A grimace crossed his face, he wasn’t sure how much he believed this man. Still, an order was given and his kind was to obey. He pushed his lips to the rim of the bowl and let the man tilt it forwards, spilling the liquid into his mouth. The moment it touched his lips Lucas had to suppress a gag. He swallowed it before coughing and sputtering, trying to force out the taste left in his mouth. 

The man let out a small chuckle. “I apologize for not mentioning the taste. However I have found that it is… easier… to convince my patients to drink it if I am not upfront about that fact.”

Mehrzad raised an eyebrow. “What exactly did you have him drink, love?”

“Oh an herbal mixture meant to soothe pain. Effective, but rather… unpleasant to the tongue.” The man turned to Lucas, offering a small smile. “My name is Jawad, you are Lucas, yes?”

Lucas nodded and tried to speak before realizing how dry his throat was. His words came out choked and stunted and another fit of coughing followed after. Jawad quickly reached for a pitcher of water, pouring it into a clean bowl and offering it to Lucas. The boy drank greedily, downing three more bowls of water before feeling satiated. 

“Thirsty eh?” Mehrzad asked.

Lucas froze, panic creeping into his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Jawad had offered him the water so he was allowed to drink it, right? Or was it a test? But they let him drink as much as he wanted, so it was okay then? Maybe they were waiting to see how much he w-

“LUCAS!”

Lucas was snapped out of his spiraling, Mehrzad shaking his shoulders lightly.

“Are you alright?”

Lucas took a deep breath before nodding. His eyes darted back and forth between the two men. Mehrzad and Jawad looked at him with confusion and concern respectively. After a beat of silence Jawad looked towards his husband.

“Perhaps it would be best if you left us for now.”

Mehrzad cocked an eyebrow and turned towards Jawad. They shared a look for a moment before Mehrzad nodded and stood up, making his way out of the tent. Jawad turned back to Lucas and stood up, walking over to a table covered in bowls and bandages. 

“You are a mage Lucas, is that correct?”

Lucas nodded before realizing the man was looking away and couldn’t see him. He coughed, his throat still dry before talking for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Y-yes sir. I’m a mage.”

Jawad let out a small chuckle. “Oh no need for such pleasantries my friend. Just Jawad will suffice. Sir makes me sound old and I would much prefer to deny that fact for as long as I can.”

Lucas blanched. “I’m sorry s- Jawad, I didn't mean to offend.” He looked down, screwing his eyes shut and hoping he would be let off with a warning.

“Oh no need to apologize, no offense taken.” 

Lucas breathed a sigh of relief, looks like he got off easy this time. Jawad finished whatever he was working on at the table and returned to Lucas’ bedside. He sat down, offering Lucas another bowl of water which the boy drank with slight apprehension. 

“You are the first mage I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’ve heard the stories of course, even seen a few from afar, but never have I had the opportunity to speak to one.” He scratched his beard absentmindedly. “If you don’t mind my saying I am excited to have you under my care. There were many rumors in my old university about the physiology of mages, and now I have the opportunity to see how much of it is true.”

Oh. So that was his game. Lucas wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Then again, how he felt didn’t really matter. 

Jaws continued. “You gave me quite the scare a little while ago.” Jawad gently took Lucas’ arm, inspecting the bloodied bandages. “You were in rough shape when Mehrzad brought you to me, but I managed to patch you up well enough. I thought you were just fine, but next thing I know I go to check on you and your bandages are soaked with blood.”

Jawad looked up at Lucas quizzically. “It seems that overnight what must have been dozens of lacerations had appeared all over your body, with no apparent cause.” He gestured towards Lucas. “I can only imagine that such phenomena must be magical in nature, would you happen to know how or why that might have happened?”

Lucas thought for a bit. He didn’t really understand how his magic worked, least of all what might cause something like that. “I’m sorry, I… I don’t know why that, um, happened.” Lucas fidgeted, watching Jawad for any sign of anger or frustration. “Um, sorry. I don’t really...sorry.” 

Jawad tilted his head, scrunching his eyebrows as if he were confused by something. “I see… well, no matter, whatever magical cause your condition may have originated from, it seems my mortal medicine is more than adept at treating it.” He stood up, turning back to the table he had been fiddling with. “Which does bring me to another matter that must be resolved.”

Jawad picked a large bowl off of the table and walked back to Lucas. The bowl was filled with bandages that were soaking in a pungent smelling liquid. Jawad set the bowl down next to Lucas and took a seat, his mouth set into a thin line. Lucas fidgeted, a bad feeling settling into his stomach.

“Your bandages need to be changed. Your current ones are soaked through and I would like to avoid infection as much as possible.” The doctor sighed. “It will be less than pleasant. Bloody bandages have a way of… sticking to wounds. Removing them will hurt.”

Lucas grimaced slightly and nodded his head at the doctor’s words. He knew this was coming. Oh well, he could handle a little pain. Whatever would keep his new owner… owners? Happy. 

“Alright, let us take care of it then.” 

Jawad began to pull at the bandages on Lucas’ arms, slowly unravelling them. The outer layers fell away with no issue, the soiled linen hanging off of Lucas’ arm. Once Jawad had reached the layer attached to Lucas’ skin he paused, looking up at the mage.

“Are you ready?”

Lucas nodded and the doctor began to peel away the last layer of bandages. Lucas cringed, sucking in air through his mouth as the bandages came off. Jawad had not lied, the bandages were stuck to his arm and having them removed felt like he was being scraped raw by rough gravel. Still, it wasn’t the worst thing he had ever felt and it didn’t take long for all of the bandages on his arm to be removed. 

Removing the rest of the bandages on his other arm and torso was an unpleasant but bearable process. As Jawad went to dispose of the soiled bandages Lucas looked down at his now bare skin. He was covered in cuts and scrapes, most of which were still open but not actively bleeding. The leylines on his body were a dull brown instead of their usual red. That was… unsettling. 

“Alright Lucas,” said Jawad as he wiped his hand clean with a wet rag. “Now we come to the next part, applying new bandages.” He gestured towards the bowl. “I will be blunt, this will be very painful. The medicine I use tends to… burn… when it comes in contact with open wounds and, well…”

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. 

“Best we get it over with then.” 

The moment the fresh linen touched Lucas’ skin he had to bite back a scream. The skin beneath the bandage felt as if it were set on fire. His mind went back to master Harold and his performances, when his magic flared and surged through his limbs. This wasn’t as bad, but it was close.

Jawad finished applying the first bandage and began to work on the next. Every wrap caused more and more of his arm to burn, and Jawad was doing anything but working quickly.

“I understand you want this to be over as quickly as possible but I must be thorough. If I don't do it right the first time I’ll have to start over again and I’m certain you don’t want that.”

Jawad was right, Lucas didn’t want that. He bit down on his hand, trying to muffle himself and avoid annoying the doctor. He knew a threat when he heard one and he had no intention of giving Jawad a reason to follow up on it.

The work continued at a slow pace. Jawad made sure that no skin could be seen through the wrappings, that every inch of his upper body was covered in the burning medicine. Tears flowed from Lucas’ eyes by the end and his breaths were shaky and broken up by stifled sobs. Jawad gently lowered Lucas back onto the bed, patting his shoulder softly enough to not aggravate his injuries further. A mercy Lucas was grateful for. 

“There, done. Would like some more of that pain reliever I gave you earlier?”

Lucas gave a shaky nod, watching the doctor walk away. He was… confused by the offer. Why bother doing all this to him if he was going to try and get rid of the pain right after? Him being hurt was the point right? Otherwise why bother wasting medicine on him? He paused his train of thought when Jawad returned, holding another bowl to his lips. Lucas grateful drank the viscous liquid, not minding the taste and waiting for its numbing effects to kick in. The burning across his body did subside a bit and Lucas let out a relieved sigh. 

Well, whatever the doctor’s motivations were Lucas would not complain about any offered respite. 

Jawad sat back down, looking over his handiwork one last time before speaking to Lucas. “Hopefully we will not need to do that again. Your wounds should be healed enough by the time those bandages are to be removed.” Jawad paused, thinking for a moment. “I actually had a question about that. I had heard that mages possessed...miraculous natural healing talents, potent enough to handle even near mortal injury. However, you have not shown such abilities? Are they something mages possess or was that just a rumor?”

Lucas processed Jawad’s question for a moment before thoughts began to race through his head. Why hadn’t he healed yet? Jawad had said it had been at least a day… was there something wrong with his magic? The leylines on his arms had looked weird. What if… what if his magic was gone? 

Panic flared in Lucas' stomach and he instinctively tried to summon a small flame. Nothing came and his panic worsened. This wasn’t the first time his magic failed to respond, but this was different. Usually when it failed it was because his magic had been exhausted, like a well that had run dry. Now it wasn almost like… there was nothing there, as if the well had been filled and sealed away entirely.    

Lugas wrapped his arms around himself, trying to slow his breathing. No, no this couldn’t be the case. He couldn’t have lost his magic. A mage without magic was… nothing. Nothing at all. If he couldn’t do magic… what could he offer? How could he serve? 

Lucas felt a rough shake and turned to see Jawad. The man was shaking his shoulder and talking, but Lucas couldn’t hear his words over the roaring in his ears. What should he say? The doctor probably wouldn’t be happy to learn he had just wasted medicine on a… defective mage. Maybe… maybe he could lie? Say that healing wasn’t something most mages had. Maybe… maybe that would give him some time to figure out how to get his magic back. But if his magic came back then so would his healing, and then Jawad would find out that Lucas had lied to him and th-

A hand struck Lucas sharply on his cheek, bringing his thoughts to a screeching halt and causing him to shrink into himself. He looked at Jawad. The doctor was standing now, bending over to keep their eyes level with both hands on Lucas’ shoulders. The doctor looked troubled, his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips formed a thin frown. Lucas shrinked back further, as far as he could with Jawad’s holding him. 

The doctor’s face softened. “I apologize for that, Lucas, but it didn’t seem like you could hear me and I needed you to calm down.” 

“S-sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It's ok, you are not in any trouble my friend.” Jawad removed his hands from Lucas’ shoulders, giving him space and sitting back down. “Now Lucas, please, tell me what is wrong. If I can help, I promise I will.”

Lucas gulped, his throat felt very very dry. “I… yes. Mages do have healing, at least I think most of them do. I-I do at least. Um… but it's… not working. N-none of my magic is right now.” He looked down, tapping his knuckles together and waiting for Jawad’s response. 

Jawad hummed thoughtfully. “Your magic isn’t working? Hmmmm.” he stroked his chin, thinking to himself. Without a world he stood up and walked back towards the table. He shifted things around before picking up a large journal, flipping through the pages and scanning each one at what seemed like inhuman speed. Once he found the page he was looking for he paused, squinting his eyes and peering closer at the page. After a moment his eyes widened slightly and he placed the journal down, turning to walk out of the tent. “I will return shortly, Lucas.” 

With that Jawad left and Lucas was left alone. He let out another sigh, laying back down and placing his hands over his stomach. The pain across his body had greatly subsided, whatever that substance was proving to be effective. Now all Lucas felt was tired. Jawad didn’t say when he would be back, and Lucas could probably… get… away… with……

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A light shake woke Lucas up, his eyes blinking blearily. Jawad hovered over him, holding another bowl. It smelled like food, and Lucas noticed just how hungry he was. Maybe he could beg for some later on.

“Hello Lucas. I’m sorry to wake you but I brought you some food. It’s been at least a day since you last ate and you’ll need your energy.”

Oh. Lucas took the bowl from Jawad, careful not to spill any of it on the bed. He looked down at the food in his hand. It was a normal stew, with chunks of meat and vegetables swimming in a thick broth. Lucas felt his mouth begin to water and quickly placed the rim of the bowl to his lips and began to drink greedily. The broth was rich and warm, the best food Lucas had had since… well for a while.

“Ha, I see you are hungry. Here, take this.” Jawad held a wooden spoon out to Lucas, who realized how he must look and took the utensil sheepishly. “It tends to make eating easier.”

Lucas nodded thanks and began to shovel stew into his mouth, savoring each bite. The meat and vegetables were juicy and tender, everything coming together perfectly. This wa-

“What in the EVERLIVING FUCK do you think you are doing?”

Lucas choked on his stew, dropping the bowl and spoon and hacking out rough coughs. Stew spilled across his lap, bruning him and covering the bed and his pants in broth and chunks of food. He looked up to see a tall, well built man standing at the entrance of the tent. Lucas cowered back, holding his hands in front of his mouth nervously. What had he done wrong? What… what was going to happen to him?

The man looked at him in surprise before gathering himself. “Shit kid, sorry.” He held up one hand in a placating gesture. “I didn’t mean to startle you like that, my bad.” He turned away to face Jawad and brandished the sheet of paper he held in his hand. “Jawad what the fuck is this?”

Jawad for his part was speaking in a language Lucas didn’t recognize. He scrambled around, grabbing a washcloth and trying to clean Lucas off. He turned to the man and began yelling in the strange language, Lucas didn’t understand anything but he had the feeling there were plenty of swears involved. 

The man held his hands up defensively. “Yeah, yeah I’m sorry alright? I didn’t mean to startle him like that.” He turned to Lucas again and offered an apologetic look. Lucas simply stared at him and he turned back to the doctor. “Seriously Jawad, what the hell are you thinking?”

Jawad finished his cleaning and huffed, “I am requisitioning medical supplies.” He gestured to the list. “Everything on there should be in the next major city we visit.”

The man looked at Jawad incredulously. “‘Requisition medical supplies’? Is that what you call trying to bankrupt us?” He scanned his eyes down the list. “Unghol scales, lyndwurm venom, sylken fibers, fucking....bitterblossom pollen? What the fuck is a bitter blossom?” He looked back up at the doctor. “This is at least 3,000 crowns. AT LEAST! What the fuck is this all for?”

Jawad gestured towards Lucas. “It’s for my patient.”

The man looked at Lucas, properly scrutinizing the boy for the first time. Lucas shrunk under his gaze, still unsure what the man was going to do to him, if anything.

“Ah, so you’re our new guest then.” He walked forward and extended a hand. “Captain Johnathon, I’m the leader of this band of bastards and cutthroats you find yourself mingling with.”

Lucas eyes the hand warily before nervously grabbing it and shaking. “My name is Lucas, Captain Jonathon.”

Jonathan chuckled. “Would you look at that, kid treats me with more respect than most of my men do.” He crossed his arms and looked back at the doctor. “So, let me guess, all of this stuff has to do with some magical mumbo bullshit our mage friend here needs.”

“Yes, Lucas here can’t access his magic for some reason. This is a physiological anomaly that is rather worrying. These ingredients all have reported magical properties and I believe they may be able to help return his magic to him.”

“You… believe?”

Jawad looked away somewhat sheepishly. “Well… magical medicine is a… less explored field than others. Nothing is, well, certain when it comes to dealing with mages and magic. I am confident that they will be beneficial but I can't be certain.”

Jonathan looked at the doctor, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. He sighed, paling a hand on his face and thinking for a moment. “Everyone in this camp, myself included, owes you their life at least once over. You’re the  best there is.” He looked down at the paper. “Are you sure this will be worth it?”

“As I said, I can’t guarantee anything, but it is my duty to provide the best care I can for my patients. I believe this is necessary to do that.”

Jonathan stood and thought for a while, mulling things over in his kind before letting out another sign. “Alright… I’ll approve it. We’ll have someone pick these items up next time we hit a big market.” He turned to leave before pausing at the tent’s threshold. “Jawad be honest with me, is this the last time you plan on making these kinds of requests?”

“Well… as I said… I can’t be sure that those ingredients will work and there are… plenty other theorized solutions fo-”

Jonathan raised a hand, cutting Jawad off. He shook his head and muttered to himself as he left. “Cathrai above save my fucking coin purse.”

With that Jawad and Lucas were left alone in the tent. Jawad walked over to Lucas, removing the soiled sheets on the bed and replacing them with a large tarp that was lying around. 

“Sorry, this is not ideal but some covering is better than nothing. You should rest now. You have been through much today.”

Lucas nodded, pulling the tarp over himself and laying down. Jawad patted him on the shoulder and left the tent, leaving Lucas alone. He turned onto his side, looking at the wall of the tent. This place was… different, as were his new masters. He didn’t understand why Jawad was so concerned with helping him get his magic back. Maybe he wanted Lucas to be able to work as soon as possible. That made sense.

Whatever the reasoning, Lucas didn’t care. He had made it through the day without a beating and even got a meal. That was better than most. As he began to drift away to sleep he began to hear the bustle that came from outside the tent. Various voices and other sounds bleeding through the walls. Jonathon had said that he was with a band of… bastards and cutthroats. That didn’t sound reassuring, and Lucas dreaded the fact that he would have to meet, and serve, them all. 

Still, maybe things wouldn’t be that bad.

TAGS: @haro-whumps @ladygwennn @dramaticcollapse @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @brutal-nemesis @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @inpainandsuffering

#Lucas #whump #fantasy whump #medical whump

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: 4 O’Clock

Chapter 1: Comeback

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

“Dude! Lei!” Lucas cheered into my ear as he (again) combed his fingers through my recently chopped black hair. Independent from those who cried that I ruined my visuals, he boasted, “I love this!”

Lucas was too excited. About my haircut, about my still-secret impending debut in SuperM’s comeback, about getting to work together after years of being best friends. Even as I struggled to escape his reach, trying to smooth my hair before a stylist could scold me for wasting their hours of hard work, trying to force my smile into the hard line that would fail to convince Lucas to behave, I laughed. I was too excited too.

My laughter died with the ever-present realization that somebody is always watching. That curse of being an idol meant that we couldn’t feel this way— carelessly happy— or, rather, that we shouldn’t.

Before I could remind Lucas (he always needed to be reminded), Mom’s voice broke through the on set bustle. “Break’s over, kids! Hands to yourself Lucas— this is why we have dating rumors! You don’t want to end up like the idol who never debuted!” She spoke without glancing up from her clipboard, without faltering in her fast-paced course to who knows where to do who knows what, the fabric of her bright red pantsuit swishing in time each step.

Lucas finally stepped away, instinctively abandoning his assault on me to stare after Mom. As I dropped my phone into my backpack, satisfied that there was nothing worth a response in my inbox or on social media, he whistled. “Dude, Mom is hot.”

Were I not used to that— Lucas referring to my mother as if she were also his, calling her hot— I might have cringed. Indifferent, I forced my eyes to roll because that was the kind of reaction Lucas liked. “Do you ever think that’s why you can’t get a girlfriend? The fact that you lust after my mother— our manager?”

Lucas shook his head. “Nah. I can’t get a girlfriend because everyone things I’m dating you.” He poked my forehead accusingly as if his smothering affection weren’t the cause of those false rumors, and I swatted his hand away. “Plus, didn’t ya hear? We can’t even touch a person of the opposite sex or else we’ll end up like the idol who never debuted.” His breath huffed out of his forever-swollen lips.

The story about the idol who never debuted because of an unplanned pregnancy was some kind of fable, myth, or urban legend that pervaded every aspect of life as an S.M. idol. Maybe nobody ever really believed it. Maybe everyone thought it was some cleverly crafted tale to get us to focus on training. Maybe we thought we wouldn’t hear it after debut, but it was whispered in response to every dating scandal and mentioned by Mom still on the (frequent) occurrence that Lucas ignored my boundaries.

All I know is that Lucas and I hated that story, and we expressed our hatred differently. Lucas was determined to rebel against it not by getting a real girlfriend but by committing to being my best friend in every sense of the word, regardless of what the press said, regardless of how fans often misinterpreted, regardless of Mom’s plentiful scoldings. And I— well, Lucas said that I was the perfect idol because I was as obedient as I was talented, but the truth was that becoming the scandalized idol in the next cautionary tale was my biggest fear. That’s why I strictly observed a self-imposed total dating ban: fear of controversy. And maybe deeper down, a fear of intimacy, but more on that later.

I shied away from Lucas’s reference to the scandalized idol, rationalizing to his widening eyes, “I’m due on B set. I have to re-do my introduction because I kept getting distracted by Taemin’s laugh yesterday.” I wondered what could have been so funny to Taemin, but I never would have asked back then.

Lucas’s mouth fell open, I’m sure, to tease me about being incapable of functioning around Taemin, but his turn to speak was stolen by a boisterous trio of men I would recognize anywhere.

The faces of Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Shindong were among the most familiar of my childhood. I could remember vaguely when they debuted. I was six years old, sitting backstage where Mom could find me as soon as the first Super Junior Stage was completed. Being an unofficial trainee at the time, I was studying Mandarin.

Anyway, what matters is that I couldn’t escape once Super Junior fixed their gaze on me. If I did, they would tell Mom, and I would be in trouble not only for disrespecting my elders from work but also my elders in a familial sense.

“Where’s our manager?” Shindong barked at nobody in particular. Nobody responded because Super Junior’s demands for Mom had become too commonplace to garner any attention.

“Isn’t this a bit bold?” I smiled gratefully while accepting a strawberry milkshake offered by Donghae, who greeted me with a small closed-mouth grin. “You guys have stormed onto the SuperM set every day this week.” Which meant I had a strawberry milkshake every day that week. Oops. Another failed diet.

Donghae said, “We’ll cross improper lines for you mom every day of every week,” and Eunkhyuk added loudly, as if aspiring to arouse Baekhyun’s attention, “Yeah! She was our manager first! She loves Super Junior best!”

Baekhyun appeared out of nowhere. As always, his voice— a bright shout— preceded him. “Not a chance! She’s our manager now! I’ll never let you take her!”

And just as quickly as he had appeared by my side, Baekhyun dashed off in pursuit of Mom with Eunhyuk and Shindong following closely behind.

I shook my head. Goofball Baekhyun, running the wrong way.

“What is it?” Donghae tilted his head to meet my gaze. “She’s not that way?”

Donghae was so earnest, so intent on looking right into somebody’s soul, that these moments when I held his attention were blush-inducing. I squirmed, and Lucas snorted. “Oh, uh, I don’t know. I don’t know where Mom is. It’s been kinda hectic, and I haven’t seen her in a few hours—”

It was hard enough to lie to Donghae without Lucas butting in.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas had been quiet for too long, so he shouted through a mouthful of barbecue chips fished out of my backpack. Thief. “She just told us— ow!” He shrieked as I grabbed his hand and crushed it with all the force I could muster.

“Sorry, Donghae.” I bowed to my senior. “We really have to go! I hope you find my mother!” Guilty, my eyes flinched away from his frowning face.

Once we were out of Donghae’s earshot, and once I dropped Lucas’s hand, he stretched his digits and whined, “That hurt, Lei! Why did you do that? And why did you lie to Donghae about Mom?”

“Because,” I hissed, narrowly dodging an intern running with two tall cups of coffee, “they’re fighting.”

“They’re fighting?” Lucas gasped.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Or, at least, I thought they were fighting. I didn’t know why Mom was avoiding Donghae, but I had overheard vague snippets of her conversations with Heechul when they were supposed to be watching some drama in the living room after dinner. I heard her sigh of relief when she learned that she would be responsible for organizing SuperM’s comeback and tour rather than assisting with the next Super Show. I didn’t need to know the specifics that Mom would never tell me. No matter how much I liked Donghae, if there was a fight, I was on Mom’s side.

“Here.” I passed my milkshake to Lucas after taking one long sip. “You can have this. I can’t take it onto set.”

“Ooooh!” Lucas’s eyes rounded in gratitude. He skipped off before turning back to shout, “Wait, Lei, what’s my schedule again?”

He needed to listen during briefings instead of playing around with my hair.

Having settled into the chair, sitting perfectly still so the audio technician could clip a microphone to the collar of my sheer black sweater, I responded (not loudly enough to disturb the tech), “You’re supposed to take pictures with Mark.”

“Okay! Thanks!” He grinned.

That time, my smile wasn’t forced for the camera; it was a reaction to Lucas.

Taemin and Kai were unapproachable, each for completely different reasons.

Lucas joked that I was the born and bred idol, and most people seemed to agree, but I always thought that if the perfect idol existed, his name was Lee Taemin. Like me, he debuted at 14. Unlike me, he proved himself worthy of fame and admiration with pure talent.

Hate comments didn’t need to remind me of the role Mom played in my success. I was grateful and, under my carefully crafted proud exterior, I was insecure. I was not talentless, and I worked hard almost in a vain attempt to distance myself from the poorly disguised mutters that I was only an idol because of Mom; Taemin was beyond talented, and he worked hard because he knew no other way to stride toward his goals.

“You need to stop being so weird,” Lucas told me after one of my first practices with the group. “You can’t just stare at Taemin when you pout about how everyone stares at you.”

Lucas was right. I hated being lumped in with the millions who failed to acknowledge Taemin’s humanity. But the truth— that I was some kind of hypocrite— was easy for Lucas to see; it was easy for him to say.

Lucas was the only person who didn’t seem to realize that Taemin was the center of every room. He was the only one who didn’t cling to Taemin’s every word. He was the only one who didn’t see Taemin’s other-worldly glow.

I think that’s why Lucas was my best friend: he didn’t see me or Taemin or anybody as idols. He saw us as people, liked us as people, and that was rare. From that first day at practice, I was torn between the desire to be like Lucas and the desire to be like Taemin.

Anyway, Kai didn’t like me. He didn’t hate me (at first) or anything, and he didn’t particularly dislike me, but he was the only member (aside from Taemin, who I admired too much to approach for fear of saying something stupid) who didn’t know me pre-SuperM.

Even once I was approved to debut with them, Kai hadn’t held eye contact with me for more than three seconds at a time. I wasn’t sensitive about it, and I wasn’t in the market for a new best friend— Lucas was more than enough— but Kai’s aversion to me was inconvenient, annoying, and frustrating considering that we were cast into a subunit together.

We recorded our songs (which were the most sensual of my career because they were meant to evolve my image from bubble gum pop Idol to something more “adult”) separately. Despite the quickly approaching tour dates, we hadn’t once practiced our choreography together. Kai was my senior, so I couldn’t approach him with my concerns about our lack of preparation. That’s why he was unapproachable; I had to wait patiently for him to address our tension.

I hoped that he would have taken the first step toward me before we had to shoot promotions, but Kai still couldn’t meet my eyes— despite the photographer’s repeated demands that were carefully phrased as requests— as our bodies were pressed flush together before a swarm of cameras.

Although I would rather forget, I think I can pinpoint the moment Kai decided to hate me. He flinched away from my touch again as I draped my arms over his shoulders and laced my fingers together behind his neck, per the photographer’s instructions.

“Come on, Kai!” I rolled my eyes, whining in unison with the rest of the members, who had gathered around the set nearly an hour ago after finishing their schedules. My face was hot not because of the close proximity to somebody as handsome as Kai, not because of the glare that hooded his dark eyes, but because my patience had run out. “Everybody is waiting for us! Can’t you just act professionally so we can get this done some time this year?”

His eyes widened as if I had slapped him across the face. Note: if you ever want to insult Kai— and I can’t imagine why you would— challenge his idea of professionalism.

Kai’s jaw tightened as he forced his eyes away from me to glance tiredly at Mom. “Manager, do we have to do this? I would really like to avoid a dating scandal.”

My next few words were kind of hypocritical since nobody feared dating scandals more than I did. “A dating scandal? These are pictures for our subunit— for our job. Stop making it weird.”

“It is weird!” Kai argued without looking away from Mom as she pinched at the bridge of her nose. He took two big steps backward, and my hands fell from around his neck to my sides. “And I don’t understand—”

“Just do it like this, Kai!” Baekhyun bounced onto the set, leading Lucas by the hand. After winking at the camera, encouraged by Lucas’s laughter (and Mark’s panicked, “Yo, man, what are they doing?”), Baekhyun threw his arms around Lucas’s shoulders and tossed his head back.

When everyone except me, Mom, and Kai laughed, Baekhyun leaped into Lucas. They toppled onto the hard ground, the only indication that they hadn’t broken their neck or any other bones being their ear-splitting laughter.

“Fine!” Mom was calm despite her sharp increase in volume that made me flinch.  “If you don’t want to be in a subunit with Lei, Kai, then you won’t be.”

While Kai sighed in relief, I wheezed, dejected. My heart sank down to my ankles. It was bad enough to lose the opportunity to be in a subunit with one of the best dancers at S.M., it was worse to lose it at work where I couldn’t express disappointment, and it was worst to lose it in front of Taemin, who stood stiff and red at slack-jawed Taeyong’s side.

Embarrassed and eager to escape the stares, I bowed to Kai and set to scoop Lucas off the floor, where he still laid giggling with Baekhyun, because he would make me laugh hard enough to drive away this sinking sensation.

“Where are you going?” Mom’s voice stopped me in my tracks. “Stay where you are, Lei. Kai—”

She didn’t have to finish the order. I understood mainly from Kai’s wince that he was ejected from our subunit— not me.

“Wait,” Ten said slowly, in time with my realization, “Lei’s subunit is still a thing?” His eyes sparkled. He smiled because the choreography he created for me and Kai would still find an audience.

Lei’s subunit. My subunit. The title was exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

Who would replace Kai? I wondered, watching him sulk to Taemin’s side. As Taemin’s eyes flashed to meet mine for the briefest second before he muttered something to Kai— probably words of comfort, probably words to condemn my role in Kai’s semi-public disgrace— I could only think Please not Taemin. Don’t let it be Taemin. Anyone but Taemin.

And I looked at Mom pleadingly, as if she would be able to read those thoughts through my eyes. She blinked back at me.

“Oh my God!” Mark shot both hands up in the air and waved them excitedly. “I’ll be in Lei’s subunit! Let me do it, Momager! Please!”

Oh God. Please not Mark. Don’t let it be Mark. Anyone but Mark.

“Why should you get to do it?” Ten glared up at the standing Mark from his metallic folding chair. “I choreographed their dances, so I should be cast.”

“But I’m, like, the king of subunits!” Mark rose to his tiptoes and waved his arms again in an effort to secure my attention. “If you pick me, Lei, I’ll get you into NCT Dream!”

That was a bit of a running joke— my longtime aspiration to perform with Dream. Hearing it in that moment of high stress made me laugh out loud. One of those side-splitting laughs. Real. Mark smiled at having untangled the knot in my stomach with little effort. In moments like those, I thought it wasn’t so bad that he had a crush on me.

“First of all,” Taeyong interjected, ever the mediator in NCT conflicts, “Mark, you can’t get anyone into Dream—”

“Who do you think talked the agency into making Dream a fixed unit?” Mark’s face turned scarlet as he yelled, and Taeyong didn’t bat a single eyelash.

“— Second of all, Lei doesn’t get to pick who takes Kai’s place.” We all shifted at Taeyong’s casual acknowledgment of Kai’s ejection. “Ms. Kim does. So both of you—” Taeyong eyed Ten and Mark sternly, and I wondered how they didn’t fall apart under his gaze— “be quiet and let her make her decision.”

Mom nodded at Taeyong gratefully. “It’s not much of a decision to make; I’ll just employ the second choice—”

“It’s me, right?” Baekhyun finally jumped off of Lucas, stood upright, and brushed off his all-black suit while flicking his bleached bangs out of his eyes.

Baekhyun’s goofy smile faltered when Mom shook her head. “Lucas, get up. Your dream is coming true: I’m giving you permission to touch Lei.”

“Oh yeah!” Lucas flew to my side.

Before I could wrap my mind around the fact that I would be in a subunit with him— my best friend, my rumored boyfriend— Lucas grabbed me around my waist, which was exposed under a fitted white crop top— and pulled me flush against him into the pose Kai had struggled with for hours. “Leicas forever, suckers!”

As Mom ushered Baekhyun to stand with the others off set, and everybody groaned at Lucas’s ever-enthusiastic embrace of our rumors, I laughed.

The camera flashed at last. Finally relieved enough to breathe, I returned Lucas’s embrace and joked, “Is that going to be our subunit’s name? That silly ship name?”

Lucas laughed as he lowered to press his forehead to mine. That was how things should have been all along: me and Lucas free to smile at each other and express our friendship— as silly and affectionate and beautiful as it was— to the whole world without fearing backlash.

“Look at this.” 

I slid my phone to Lucas across the glossy light wood floor as we sat, stretching in preparation for dance practice. I watched his eyebrows knit together as he scooped the phone into his hands; I watched his jaw fall open as he scrolled past the headline and through the fans’ comments. 

“Hey.” Taeyong kicked at Lucas’s foot before joining us on the floor. Always the leader (even without the title in SuperM), he reminded, “Phones aren’t allowed in practice.”

Lowering effortlessly into a stretch that resembled the splits, Ten defended, “Momager isn’t here yet, so—”

“Look at this!” Lucas shoved my phone into Taeyong’s face. Then, as if Taeyong couldn’t read for himself, Lucas said, “Pop News is writing about the idol who never debuted!”

As Taeyong gripped the phone with his slender hands (and a curious Ten and slack-jawed, messy-haired Mark gathered around him to gawk at the screen), Taemin plopped onto the floor next to me. His knee brushed against mine, and I stiffened while he smiled despite the room’s tension, skin shimmering without the aid of makeup. 

“We don’t have to worry if it’s Pop News,” Taemin said. “They aren’t exactly a credible source— remember how they covered that ‘Any Other Name’ scandal?”

Nobody could forget the chaos surrounding the Korean adaptation of a best-selling novel written by a young American woman. The love triangle between the author, a scandalized actor (Jungkook) and the author’s best friend/famous fashion designer (Jimin) was the biggest scandal in recent history. Everybody knew that gossip as if it were the plot of a classic blockbuster film or an almost distant, almost tangible high school memory, so I shouldn’t have been surprised by Taemin’s reference. 

“You keep up with celebrity gossip?” I asked Taemin quietly, my eyes narrowing to see how this information fit with my conception of him.

Taemin’s face flushed pink. He mistook my interest for criticism as he often did in those days, and I didn’t know how to correct him. 

While trying (and failing) to connect his phone to the Bluetooth speaker, Kai started, “Maybe Pop News isn’t credible—”

“They’re definitely not credible.” Ten crawled to the side of the room to tuck my phone into my bubble-gum pink backpack. Turning back to the group, he grinned, “Pop News is, like, if Mark was a news outlet: cringey, baseless—”

“Hey! I’m not baseless!”

“Anyway.” Kai puffed his cheeks full of air. “Pop News may be a scam, but they have a lot of followers. Sometimes if a lie is heard by enough people, it becomes like the truth.”

It would have been nice to be able to disagree, to believe that truth is truth, and lies are lies, and rumors are just rumors. I wanted to disagree. But I couldn’t. 

Kai continued, “And obviously Pop News isn’t wrong about everything. Jungkook and that author were dating! They’re even engaged now!”

So Kai kept up with celebrity gossip too. Was that the kind of thing he and Taemin talked about over meals? 

While my pulse quickened at the talk about dating scandals and I tried to ease my anxiety by resuming stretches, Baekhyun stirred from his nap in the corner of the room. 

“Well!” Baekhyun yawned. “If you ask me, Momager is the idol who never debuted.” 

“What?” The rest of us shrieked in unison, and Baekhyun laughed like a maniac at our identical wide-eyed open-mouthed expressions. 

“Just think about it! When Taemin, the king of dance—” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taemin stiffen at Baekhyun’s playful compliment despite the bashful smile pulling his lips taut— “kept screwing up that choreo, Momager demonstrated. And she was no amateur.”

Considering Baekhyun’s evidence, I gnawed on my cheek. Mom was a gifted dancer; her precision, like Baekhyun said, rivaled Taemin’s. No, her precision enabled her to find fault in Taemin— perfect Taemin. 

Baekhyun wouldn’t mention this, but Mom was also a natural singer. She proved that on the first day in the studio when she coached Baekhyun through a challenging run. After he crossed his arms and whined, “What you want is impossible!” she stunned him silent by belting the notes in one attempt. 

But Mom couldn’t be the idol who never debuted, I frowned, because that meant I was the reason—

“Look, Mom is totally hot enough to be an idol,” Lucas smirked before his eyebrows lowered skeptically. “But don’t you think Lei would know if her mom was a former trainee?”

At that remark, everybody turned to face me. 

No, I wouldn’t know if Mom was a former trainee. 

I knew very little about Mom’s past because I hadn’t asked many questions. I knew that I was born in Atlanta, Georgia, her hometown. I knew that I could not remember the last time we spoke to my father. I knew that life didn’t really begin until Mom started her career by managing Super Junior. 

I didn’t remember anything before Donghae started bringing me milkshakes, and Heechul started making me laugh with funny faces, and Ryeowook (or Wookie, as I had always called him) started fitting our tea parties into his busy schedule, and Eunhyuk started unofficially training me to be an idol through dance lessons. I didn’t remember anything before Super Junior became my family. 

As I crumbled under my members’ stares, as I drowned in the guilt of having neglected Mom’s pain if she was the idol who never debuted (in the guilt of knowing I had never asked about her because the spotlight had always been on me), Baekhyun repeated, “Momager is the idol who never debuted!” “What?” 

We all turned to see Mom’s ghostly pale face in the doorway so quickly that we whimpered and rubbed at the backs of our necks. Whiplash. Great. 

“Don’t say stupid things, Baekhyun,” Heechul scolded as he nudged Mom’s motionless body into the dance studio. “Of course Kimberly isn’t a failed trainee! That story about the idol who never debuted is just something we tell you kids—” he jabbed an accusatory finger at me and Lucas— “to keep you from dating!”

Lucas boasted, “I knew it!” And everyone laughed as he triumphantly pumped his fists into the air. 

My laughter was forced, though.  

A glance down at my watch confirmed that Mom was half an hour late; Mom was never late. Heechul never escorted her to her schedules. Heechul never called her by her full name; to him, she had always been Kimi. Heechul never pressed a comforting kiss to the top of her head. 

Something was wrong, and I couldn’t ask what because we were at practice. And I wouldn’t have been brave enough to ask in the privacy of our home. And I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stomach the answer. 

#superm fic #superm au #superm texts #exo texts #shinee texts #shinee au #superm social media au #taemin au #taemin social media au #taemin fic #super junior fic #super junior au #kpop fic #kpop au #kpop texts #kpop social media au #shinee fic #shinee social media au #taemin drabble #taemin drabbles #taemin imagines #kpop imagines #kpop imagine #nct texts #wayv texts #superm fanfic #kpop fanfic #kpop angst #kpop fluff #lucas wong texts

[bolbianddolanhouse]

Book 3 FAQ!

Need to catch up? Heres all the previous FAQs 1 * 2 Heres the master post of all three books 1 * 2 * 3

Wow...you would think that with the whole pandemic that I’d get these chapters out faster. But alas this year got the best of me too. I’ve been a lil vulnerable in the tags with y’all and the check-in messages really touched me. So thank you very much to everyone that has checked up on me and enjoyed the chapters! I appreciate all of you :3 So lets roll out the questions!

Q: Who is Iwata based off? A: Iwata is based off my self-insert, which is also me. I know that sounds a lil narcissistic but it’s that real life reference that you’re a spitting image of your parent. Iwata was designed to look and act very similar to his mother based off that. What made him a little more original and not a copy of my self-insert is the tropes I added. I mirrored the trope of that of the relationship between Steven and his mom in Steven Universe; where he adored, then hated but then came to terms that he is not his mom but someone better. A whole journey of self-discovery and self-worth.

Q: The representation is amazing! How did you come up with these queer characters? A: Glad you liked them! Like I’ve said in previous FAQs and in the tags, all these characters were dreamt and I just build upon them in writing. So yes, most of my characters were created queer in my dreams but I make them more in depth by setting up how they discovered they’re queer. I did a bit of research on coming out stories and self-discovery epiphanies to have these characters more relatable so a fellow queer reader feels seen in a way. There’s already too much hetero works out there, I just want to gay it up in a respectful way. 

Q: The culture mixing is really good and consistent, how do you do it? A: For starters, I am latina. But the culture mixing stems from my knowledge about other cultures through language. I’ve been studying Japanese for almost a decade now and Chinese for about 4 years, so it’s no surprise that I’m referencing them in my work. Maybe what I depict isn’t what other half-Japanese half-Latinx families do, but it’s what I’d do if I started such a family. Plus there’s some overlap within those cultures and it makes it easy to put into writing.

Q: So. much. drama! Why is this book more dramatic than the previous two? A: Book 3 is were main on-going plot gets picked up more and shows signs of resolution. In book 2, it was to focus on not only Lili and the family dynamic but to remind the reader that life moved on with little resolve for the self-insert character. Iwata has a HUGE role in the resolution but in his own special way. And I’m not saying the answer is love...but it’s leaning there. 

Q: You reference specific food and snacks in this AU/ what are your favorite Cheetos? A: Like I said, I’m latina! Of course I write in the food of my home culture. Mainly the home cooked meals my mom would make for me and my siblings. It might not seem like much to the reader, but those simple meals add to the narrative of being home and traditions that help them embrace their mixed heritage. The reference of Cheetos are all over this AU because they’re my favorite hot chip. Naturally, my favorite Cheetos are the Hot con Límon with chamoy. 

Q: Love that there’s no canon character deaths in this book so far, but are there any major deaths planned? A: Just one but it’s not a tragic, hero fallen type death. It’s a natural death but it’s gonna be a tear jerker. That death won’t come until the WAY end of this AU, so I’m not gonna spoil anything yet.

Q: Can’t believe you predicted Dabi’s true identity. A: It was obvious tho. I didn’t really predict anything canon if you’re an anime only for BNHA. In this AU (without spoiling too much) there’s no Endeavor redemption and Dabi doesn’t cause that big drama on live TV. So if you’re an Endeavor hater like me, you’re gonna love what I have in store for them in the next book!

Q: I love Tenya being a dad and loving husband in this AU! Will we see more dad moments? A: Glad you like those snippets of dad Tenya! I love writing them for my own indulgence since there isn’t enough love for this character in the fandom. Plus I see a whole lot of consistent readers are Iida-stans and that makes me want to write more married fluff whenever I can.

Q: Beizu is best boi/Who is Beizu based off of? A: Beizu is the genius trope in this book. I made his character a more chill version of his mom but with that ‘who is my dad’ trope. Beizu is part of a trio that’s to mirror the agent trio of Ita, Jin and Mimi. The third member is yet to be revealed but they’re a BIG plot device in the coming book. But Beizu is one of my favorite OCs, maybe I’ll do a ranking of my OCs when everyone is introduced. 

Q: The villains and Hawks plot has me SHOOK! What’s going to happen to hero society when this case gets solved? A: Without spoiling it, the truth is going to expose the corrupt higher ups in hero society. The kids in the household has a part in taking down hero society as well but in their own, special way. Iwata has the biggest part in closing the case (but it’s spoiler if I say how), Lili and twins help tearing down minor things like education systems and laws. I will say though, the case gets resolved after the trio retires because Ita gets to return to America and found an heir to the company before they could draw to a conclusion. Which is a happy ending at the end of the storyline, no major deaths!

Q: Confirmed weddings? A: Yes :) because Lili and Iwata deserve good things and love. The twins have it easy in the coming book. Lili’s comes first and Iwata’s comes later than expected (can’t say why yet, gotta keep reading :3). I guess I can say that all of them get married but Lili’s and Iwata’s are the only queer ones. All the spouses that marry into the family take the Iida name, so Lili and Hanaka don’t change family names when they get married! Y’all already know those wedding chapters are gonna be lavish and take up most of the chapter, you’ll love them.

Q: But are the kids Joji stans? A: Oh jeez...they are the same way we like 80′s music. It’s pleasant to listen to but kinda cringe when you see your parents dance to it. I don’t really portray it, but the family digital library has all of Joji’s music in a playlist called ‘Sad hours Soundtrack’. If you ask Mr Muffins 2.0 who last listened to the playlist, they’ll snitch who and how many times it has been looped. That’s how Tenya knows who needs cheering up.

Q: I love the little references to their childhood, what else can you tell us about their pre-book childhood? A: As I said a few times in the tags, I cut a ton of stuff that isn’t relevant to the plot. Most of it was their childhood and how they manifested their quirks. Lili really liked to scream before she learned to talk, a very fast learner and at 3 years old got her engine quirk and later that year showed signs of a second quirk. Iwata was very quiet child, hardly cried or gets upset but latched on to mom a lot. His first words were in Spanish but struggled a bit with Japanese before entering kinder. Tensei was born first, then Hanaka followed 10 minutes later. Hanaka’s fire quirk manifested after the first breast feeding when she was getting burped by mom in the hospital. Mom likes to believe Tensei came out first to warn everybody that Hanaka can breathe fire. Tensei didn’t manifest his metal quirk until the age of 7, making him a very late bloomer. Though very different in personalities, Hanaka and Tensei get along and get very creative when it’s playtime. Up until the age of 5, mom would place Hanaka in kindling to get the BBQ grill or bonfire started. Hanaka has been known to randomly burst into flames as a baby, so Tensei had to sleep in a different crib for his safety. Tensei spent more time reading as a child because everyone was focused on managing Hanaka’s flames, thus making him a very studious boy.

Q: Not an AU question, but how are you doing?/ We don’t mind waiting for the chapters! Please take your time. A: I’ve been getting check ins and validation in my asks for the inconsistent schedule. Too many things came at me this year, both good and bad. I was doing well in speech and debate that I went to nationals and prepared myself for some serious competition, leaving no time to do chapters. Then I fell in and out of depressive episodes during lockdown where I’m from. In the summer my grandmother passed away from the virus in Mexico, then my beloved dog Mr Muffins passed away of old age. Those deaths hurt me and my family the most that I was having a hard time trying to cope plus trying to be responsible by adhering to CDC guidelines (I’m in the immune-comprised group). In my want to get over my grief, I trained and received my certificate in ordained ministry (yea I know that’s not the best first step, but I just needed to feel like I’ve achieved something being cooped up at home). I’ve very grateful that theres some readers that see the tags and check up on me. All your kind words gives me a little strength to write and finish every chapter at my pace.

Q: More art please? A: Yes :3 I have one coming up real soon! After the end of this book is where I’ll be releasing some art as a sort of place holder.

Q: Is the the estate drama eluding to the ending? A: Yup! And it will show up every now and then in the next book.

Q: This is a really good self insert AU! There’s complexity to your character and others...how do you write these interactions/relationships really close to actual ones? A: Thanks for the complement :3 When I first started this AU, I was in the middle of my semester of a creative writing course. Near the end of book 2 was when I finished the course work for it and by then you could see the progression in writing. ALSO, I’m a communications major as well! Writing these relationships and other social things were things that I remembered learning in my interpersonal communications class. I was a bit on fence on whether or not to start this AU because I didn’t think my writing skill was at all that good. With some encouragement from my classmates and friends, I pushed myself to write this whole AU out. I don’t plan on stopping until I finish the storyline, plus I hate leaving things unfinished.

And that wraps up this FAQ! Hopefully I got everyone’s questions since most were check-ins for me. But expect the last chapter for book 3 in the next few days. After Book 3, I’m going on a lil hiatus until the end of February. I have so many life events happening in the upcoming weeks that I’m gonna need time to recharge before resuming this AU. Y’all know I bounce back as promised, in the meantime, I have some art things queued to remind y’all that Book 4 is in the works. Only 2 more books to go! Thanks again for reading and I’ll talk you y’all again later in the tags~

-Love, Palma-sama

P.S. Heres the end of Book 3 for your connivence :3 other links are at the top of this post! 

#mha #bnha #self insert au #not canon #FAQ 3 #Book 3 #ask me anything

[lessattitudemorealtitude]

Ezra’s Return

So you know how I’ve been posting snippets of my Post-SWR headcanon?

Well this is the last one. I’m posting it separately because it works as a standalone too.

They walked down the ramp off their ship where a Resistance trooper instructed them to follow her. “The Admiral wishes to speak with you.”

Ezra stayed to the back of the little group. This was all just so surreal to him. He was back… He was really back…

And nothing had changed.

They had just been saved from a First Order contingent, jumping to some unknown point in space. He felt like he was walking on Sato’s Imperial vessel they had taken from Ryloth. Troopers everywhere of various races and backgrounds, overworked, but determined.

Everything they fought for nearly forty years ago, everything they had lost… And the galaxy was no different. Ezra’s heart was heavy. Kanan’s death, his sacrifice… Had it been for nothing?

As they followed the trooper through the hanger, one ship suddenly caught Ezra’s eye. And it made him stop in his tracks.

It took a moment for Ni’rada to realize he had stopped following them. “Ezra…?” she said softly, looking back at him as the others continued walking. She followed his gaze. “What is it?”

Ezra swallowed down the lump in his throat. “That’s… That’s the Ghost.”

Ni’rada’s eyes widened slightly. “You mean the ship you grew up on?”

Ezra nodded numbly, a fine tremor running through his body. If the Ghost was here…

The others completely forgotten, Ezra walked towards it. All the noise in the hanger fell away, and even though the ship was clearly powered down, Ezra could hear the Ghost’s hum.

When he got to the base of the ship, he could only stare at it. It looked exactly the same. A few scores here and there, but otherwise in immaculate condition. Same paint job, even.

Ezra’s eyes wandered downward. He walked up to the control panel and activated the ramp. It wasn’t locked down.

“You wanna ride?”

Swallowing hard, Ezra slowly ascended the ramp, his footsteps echoing loudly in the empty ship. There were some storage containers in the loading dock, but nothing else. He ran his hand against the wall.

Ezra let out a grunt as he was shoved back into the empty containers, the stack of them easily falling over. “Hey! No fair!”

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to spar me,” Zeb said with a grin. “I told ya I wouldn’t go easy on ya.”

Ezra thrust an arm forward, and Zeb yelped as he was thrown back. “Hey!” he barked.

“What?” Ezra said with a smirk. “If you’re allowed to just pick me up and throw me, then it’s only fair that I can throw you too!”

The barest of smiles donned Ezra’s face at the memory. Zeb really had been like an older brother to him. Much much older brother.

He continued walking until he got to the Ghost’s central ladder. Looking up, he started to climb. Little bits and pieces of memory kept bubbling up inside of him. Echos, whispers… All from a lifetime ago.

Swinging off the ladder, the door in front of him whooshed open automatically, revealing the crew’s quarters. Trembling slightly, he walked down the hall when the smell of fresh paint suddenly hit him.

“New portrait?” Ezra asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Yup,” Sabine said. “Though I’m still keeping the old one…” She pointed to the family portrait that was above her top bunk.

It’s been two years since she made that one. Ezra leaned in, taking a look at her new piece in progress. Her style had definitely changed. Ezra may not know the fancy names for art things, but he could tell that it was much more realistic now. It was certainly a far departure from the cartoony depiction of Ezra crushing Zeb that still adorned their cabin.

“You’ve gotten really good,” Ezra noted.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Gotten?”

“I-I mean, you’ve always been good!” he said quickly. “It’s just…” He cringed, trying to think of a good way to put this. “Your pictures of us are a lot more realistic looking now.”

Sabine sighed and nodded. “Yeah…” she said sadly.

Ezra frowned. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “It’s nothing, Ezra. Don’t worry about it.”

Ezra sighed. He never did find out what was making Sabine so melancholy. Although it likely had to do with the escalating war. They had still been on Chopper Base at that point. It seemed that every other day, friends and colleagues were dying. There had always been danger, but in the early days… things seemed easier. Lighter.

He walked passed his own room without a second glance, but when he saw Kanan’s room, the door closed, something in his chest clenched painfully. He paused in his footsteps. Then he stepped over and opened the cabin door.

Ezra gripped the lightsaber tightly, his arms folded across his chest. He looked over at Kanan, who was sitting on his bunk. Kanan got up and Ezra fixed his eyes eyes to the ground as he hesitantly stepped inside. He still wasn’t sure of this. After all, he barely knew these people.

But there was something about Kanan. Something he couldn’t really put his finger on. He seemed… almost familiar. As if he already knew him, although that was obviously impossible.

They stopped once they were standing in front of each other. Ezra looked up at him, hesitantly offering Kanan his lightsaber back.

Kanan took it, looking at it for a moment before smiling at Ezra and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Ezra kept his arms crossed, but his shoulders relaxed. He couldn’t help but smile at the comforting touch. Something in him warmed, and he knew he had made the right decision.

Ezra stared at the empty room. The air was stale, and it was just as empty as when Ezra had first broken in. Except this time there was no hum, no song from the crystal in Kanan’s lightsaber. There was just… nothing.

His eyes burning he stepped back, letting the cabin door close. He turned towards the cockpit. He remembered back to his first nights on the ship. He couldn't sleep. Not with so many strangers nearby, and especially not with Zeb’s snoring. So he would wander the ship during the sleep cycle. Finding all its nooks and crannies, learning the layout…

He stepped forward and the cockpit doors opened. He walked in and they closed behind him. Right now, the Ghost was simply looking out into the hanger. But he remembered one night when they were orbiting a gas giant. Ezra had ended up here, in the cockpit, sitting in the co-pilot’s chair as he stared out at the colorful planet. Ezra put a trembling hand on the seat.

The door opened behind him.

Ezra jumped, spinning in his seat to see Hera walking in. “Hera!” He jumped up. “S-Sorry. I-I just…!”

“It’s alright,” she assured, sitting in the pilot’s seat. She waved back at the co-pilot’s seat. “Go ahead.”

Swallowing, Ezra hesitantly sat back down.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked.

Ezra shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest as he looked back out at the planet.

Hera also looked out the viewport with a smile. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “I never thought I’d see stuff like this. I… never thought I’d ever get off of Lothal. Not really.”

Hera chuckled. “Most people don’t. It’s why so many people become pilots. It’s an excuse to get out and see the galaxy.”

“Is that why you became a pilot?”

“Partially…” she said softly. “Honestly, I feel more at home up among the skies and stars than I ever do on the ground.”

Home. Ezra looked downward. He hasn’t had any home in… well, years. He supposed the tower counted, although it never felt like it. It was just a relatively safe place to hide.

There was a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Hera’s bright green eyes gazing at him sadly. He shrugged her off. He didn’t want her sympathy. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Hera sighed, putting her hand back in her lap. “For what?”

“For coming in here without your permission.”

“Ezra?”

“Ezra, you don’t need to apologize. This is your home now.”

Ezra turned, his shoulders trembling as saw her.

“It will be, for as long as you need it to be.”

Hera’s eyes filled with tears. She was older, her skin paler and more wrinkled than Ezra remembered. But it was still her.

His own vision blurred as he managed to smile. “Hera…”

Before he could say any more, Hera had him wrapped up in a fierce hug, a hand on the back of his head as she pressed her cheek to Ezra’s cheek. Ezra returned the embrace, trembling as he held her tightly. “I-I’m home…” he croaked, choking on tears.

“I’m home.”

#star wars rebels #post-rebels #ezra bridger #hera syndulla #Garazeb Orrelios #sabine wren #kanan jarrus #headcanon #Rebels UR AU

[lovetheplayers]

TAYLOR SWIFT KICKS OFF AUSSIE LEG OF 'REPUTATION' TOUR

“Are you ready for it?” - The first words uttered by the pop star at Taylor Swift’s Perth leg of her Reputation world tour at Optus Stadium on Friday night.

I mean, I just watched two incredible support acts (Broods and Charlie XCX) for 90 minutes, I think I’m more than ready.

In what felt like I was in an epically giant industrial cathedral (stay with me now), Taylor Swift, her barrage of dancers, back-up singers and huge 33-metre tall screen presented Perth with a grand performance that was as theatrical as it was bad-ass, or, tried to be.

“…Ready For It?” opened with a solo Taylor in the centre of her giant screens, donning latex and a lot of it. This was obviously not the sweet old “Love Story” Taylor we grew up with (and boy did she like to make a point of it!).

Seamlessly transitioning to “I Did Something Bad”, all 15 of Swift’s dancers marched on stage like they were ready for business. We get it. You got “swag”.

Having so many dancers on such an enormous stage, it was easy to lose sight of little Swifty. Thankfully her giant screens are always on her so you don’t miss a moment while also providing epic Gatsby-esque visuals and backgrounds.

Enter the grand cathedral vibes.

Swift’s backup singers had such strong vocals that amplified the star with a grandeur that genuinely impressed. As Taylor has such a “sweet” voice some would say, on stage, it feels powerful and commanding.

Even when “Style” came on next, Taylor was by herself again and yet, it was such a strong song that I felt a little hypnotised by.

Then, a quick dip into the back catalogue with actual “Love Story” being performed, but a far more rock-styled version, no less. The screens separated in the centre, revealing her band and I couldn’t help but think “Oh,… You poor things, being hidden there” as if they were stuck behind a curtain. But they make reappearances.

Queue the first interlude video - again, its Tay Tay making sure we know she’s not the same Tay Tay anymore with quick snippets of old songs cut with a darker, more fiercely striking, snake-wearing Taylor (a symbol she took upon herself after being called a snake by Kim Kardashian and Kanye West).

It’s swiftly apparent (see what I did there?) the “snake” is a common theme here, as a giant inflatable snake appears on stage during the next track “Look What You Made Me Do” behind a golden seesaw, the first actual prop used in the concert so far - one of very few which is surprisingly refreshing.

It’s gold overload during “End Game”, with stunning screen visuals and costumes, however I couldn’t help but slightly cringe at Taylor’s “gangster” walk along the stage that appears here and there throughout the show. While it was as awkward as her award show dancing circa Grammys 2014, props to her doing her own thing without a care in the world. You go Tay-Tay.

Halfway through the show, Taylor delivers a fairly deep monologue about her experience with gossip, rumours and fittingly, her “reputation”. She sends the right message to all the little girls and boys in the audience how awful it is to spread rumours and how strange it can feel to have your reputation not accurately reflect how you truly feel yourself. Basically saying, be kind.

There was a common juxtaposition of bad-ass Taylor seeking revenge or telling us she doesn’t care with her conflict-driven tracks and then her sweet and innocent interactions with the audience telling them how humbled she is, how kind to be, how she wants to “see every single one of us in crowd”. What’s your end game girl? (Ok, I’ll stop).

After plenty of time on the front stage, Taylor hops on a bright, carriage sort of vessel that slowly carries her over the crowd and onto a smaller stage at the back of the stadium while performing “Delicate”. It felt ethereal, warm and I have no idea why, but it was one of my favourite parts of the show. (Who even says that about a get-me-to-the-other-side-of-the-stage song?)

After the sweet, sweet song that was “Delicate”, Tay-Tay livened things up with “Shake It Off” accompanied with another two giant props that I’m sure you could guess what they were. Yep… Snakes.

It was in the next two tracks that were another highlight of the show. No dancers. No band. Just Taylor and her guitar. She began with an acoustic version of “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” followed by “I Knew You Were Trouble”, both a beautiful part of the show that proved she didn’t need her epic set and dancers to put on a show. Even though I was one of 45,000 in the crowd, it felt intimate and something else that was different from the rest of the show, pure.

It was then the other side of the stadium’s turn to get closer to Taylor as she literally hopped off the stage and ran in between the crowd shaking the Swifty’s hands as she went by. It was a little weird waiting for that to be over as there was no filler performance by dancers or interlude video - just Taylor running across while saying hey to her fans. Sweet… but weird.

Two of arguably her most successful songs were next. “Blank Space” and “Bad Blood” and I’ll confess - this was the loudest I sang during the concert. I was so caught up in the moment and before I knew it, she was already whisked back to the main stage at the front in another vessel in the shape of a, you guessed it, snake.

The final part of the show was as strong as the start, if not stronger. “Don’t Blame Me” made being villainous cool with her dancers wearing costumes you would see in a “Predator” film. It was dark and it was wicked, only to get even better with Taylor, her bold backup singers and the large screen with a black steel structure as the backdrop bringing those intense cathedral vibes I was talking about (with a hint of an electro feel to it).

From dark to light, the show ended with a super bright and playful mashup of “We Are Never Getting Back Together” and “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”, topped with a large water fountain centre stage. It wasn’t the kind of conventional closing song, but I didn’t mind it. The fountain, pyrotechnics, smoke blasters and fireworks atop the stage closed the show with a fond farewell to the crowd.

Instead of an encore, the black screen displayed the message “And in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive”. It was a show of mixed messages. On one hand Taylor is trying to send the message that she doesn’t care what people think of her, while also making a point of how her reputation really affected her.

The production value in this show is huge, and rightfully so, it’s a stadium tour. But Taylor Swift proved she can sing with her and her guitar only and still bring the house down. Reason enough to see the show itself.

Link

#perth #rep tour #perth reviews

[47mel47]

47mel47 Fanvid Masterlist: Kurt and Blaine

Thanks to @jackabelle73 for suggesting this little project.

These range from my most recent work (which is not all that recent) to my earliest works (and these are actually links to YouTube, not links to Tumblr posts, which goes to show how old. And they are also cringe, but hey, let’s celebrate what we've created, right?)

Glee| The Final Countdown: Top Five Kisses

I really felt this video needed some editing. Here are my improvements and suggestions.

Fearlessly and Forever (Kurt and Blaine)

From beginning to proposal. Their hands were meant to hold each other…

This Old Coffee Shop (Kurt and Blaine)

Their story, through coffee.

Five Times (Kurt and Blaine)

Love, music, hurt, laughter and life

I’ll See You In The Future (Kurt and Blaine)

To have and to hold from this day forward… and from these moments we know our favourite boys will- fearlessly and forever.

With No Regrets (Kurt and Blaine)

Getting to celebrate the wedding of two incredible people is magical. Celebrating the years leading up to the union? Even better.

Marry Your Best Friend (Kurt and Blaine)

Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with.

You Look So Good (Kurt Hummel)

Created for spaceorphan18 as part of her birthday shenanigans. Yes, I know that you appreciate Kurt for much more than this aesthetic value, but let’s face it, that aesthetic value is pretty damn awesome.

I Wear Your Grandad’s Clothes (Blaine Anderson)

And he looks incredible.

I Will Find Any Way (Kurt and Blaine)

Season six has really hurt with our two boys, but it has been oh so good.

We Light Up the World (Kurt and Blaine)

A celebration of those days that were early Klaine. Inspired by @todaydreambelievers Weekly Challenge: Original Song

Captured Your Heart (Kurt and Blaine)

Just a little vid reliving and celebrating seasons two to five with our favourite boys

But We’re Still Standing Tall (Kurt and Blaine)

Created for the Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 58: Favourite ship

Anywhere You Take Me (Kurt and Blaine)

Created for Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 150: Most romantic moment

Give My All To You (Kurt and Blaine)

We all know what Blaine was thinking during ‘All Of Me’- I just wanted to try and show it.

Crowd Me With Love (Kurt Hummel){created for Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 24: Favourite Season 4 Male Solo}

This performance was perfection. Chris Colfer and Kurt Hummel at their truly magnificent best. And while I have nothing to fault from the actual performance, I thought that the audience shots could use some tweaking.

After all, you cannot tell me that he did not cross his mind at least once during this song.

This Feels Like Falling In Love (Kurt and Blaine)

Created for Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 101: Favourite kiss

Throw Your Arms Around Me (Kurt and Blaine)

Created for Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 100: Favourite hug

All You Need (Kurt and Blaine)

Created for Glee Hiatus Challenge Day 74: Happiest moment

“So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love…will you marry me?”

“Yeah…yeah.”

Rhymed With My Body (Kurt and Blaine)

Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets… and sometimes it’s more.

Then and Now (Kurt and Blaine)

Befores and afters, highs and lows, comparison and contrast …” I wanna grow old with you”…

Miles From Where You Are (Kurt and Blaine)

No great love ever came without great struggle. No distance could ever completely come between these two.

I Am Not My Own (Kurt and Blaine)

An old video of mine that I never uploaded to YouTube, but given that it has been 3 years since ‘Original Song’, I thought I should celebrate.

Just Like When Harry Met Sally (Kurt and Blaine)

“It’s not easy putting your heart on the line, and baring your soul to someone you care about.” (Unknown)

You’re Still My Best Friend (Kurt and Blaine)

The phone call that told us everything was going to be ok. The point at which we moved from the dark to the light. The moment in which we knew we’d see them together again…soon.

A Moment of Affection (Kurt and Blaine)

“I wanna go to your house…”

The Light The Heat (Kurt and Blaine)

The way these two look at each other is so damn beautiful- I love that they can say so much, without a single word.

For Another Day (Kurt and Blaine)

There is hope for our boys. It has been dark and angsty and downright horrible, but now we are at the point where, I believe, we can just enjoy the ride these two are going to take on their journey back to each other.

We Could Have Had It All (Kurt and Blaine)

Let’s just call this…part of my catharsis? I just had to get this out. Focusing on eps 3x03 and 3x04.

You Were My Original (Kurt and Blaine)

This much history, this many memories- there is no way any of it can be forgotten or swept aside. They are endgame. That is all.

Where My Demons Hide (Blaine Anderson)

To me, there are so many things that have been left undeveloped with Blaine. We were introduced to this strong and confident characters, and then little by little we were hit with these tiny clues. The unsupportive father, victim of a hate crime etc. And then, of course, there was what went down in ‘The Break Up’. There is a darker side to this character, he has his demons, and I can only hope that in the aftermath of the last episode, we get to explore and understand this character a lot more.

You’re Like A Party (Kurt and Blaine)

Happy, sweet and beautiful moments- it is what we all need at the moment…

Such A Long Way To Go {2x06} (Kurt and Blaine)

So, with all the feels that we are certainly experiencing at the moment, I wanted to take it back and remember when it all began. *Sigh*…

You Made Me Believe (Kurt and Blaine)

So, after seeing the latest episode (Makeover), and the previews for the next, I just needed to focus on some happy memories…

I Will Wait For You (Kurt and Blaine)

Just playing with the whole NYADA, New York storyline…

Throw Me A Line (Kurt Hummel)

A video exploring the early episodes of season two. Our boy really copped it, however, there were moments that I believed shoed that he was not as alone as he might have thought…

I Don’t Know Just Where You Came From (Kurt and Blaine)

These two are born performers- I could watch them sing and dance all day…

Make Me Happy (Kurt and Blaine)

So, many, many rumours are flying about season 4, but I hold complete faith that these two are endgame. This vid shows that- that no matter what, these two do make each other happy and will continue to do so.

Story Through Song (Kurt and Blaine)

So, I had this plan to tell the story of these two, through snippets of the songs they perform on the show. The way it played out in my head was completely different to the final product, but I still think it worked out- I will just have to wait and see what any viewers think.

You Will Find Me (Kurt and Blaine)

A collection of Klaine, from seasons 2 and 3. The dialogue plays out chronologically, while the visuals are a mish-mash of moments.

Hear Your Heart (Kurt and Blaine)

The early days. While I love watching these two together, there is still something so sweet about the time we were all waiting anxiously for it to happen.

The Reason Why You’re Around (Kurt and Blaine)

These boys make me laugh. Just a little vid revisiting some of the giggle and laugh out loud moments. Pure joy.

Do That Brand New Thing (Blaine Anderson)

The boy is adorable, and I just want to celebrate that.

The World Belongs To You and I (Kurt and Blaine)

Klaine moments- from the kiss in 2.16, up to episode 3.18. A bit of a companion piece for my ‘I Keep Waiting’ vid.

What Is Love? (Kurt and Blaine)

Klaine-every relationship had it’s ups and downs. It’s those tough moments that make the great ones all the much more sweeter.

I Keep Waiting (Kurt and Blaine)

All the wonderful, amazing and somewhat angsty Klaine moments- from episode 2.06 to 2.16.

Bedroom Hymns {3x05} (Kurt and Blaine)

A video exploring all the Klaine moments from the amazing episode that was ‘The First Time’.

Move Your Feet (Blaine Anderson)

Just a fun little vid, focusing on our favourite moves from the one and only Blaine Anderson- from the smooth to the downright dorky.

Space They Cannot Touch (Kurt and Blaine)

So, I am addicted to these two, and am having a good time experimenting with making these fanvids. The used comes from the amazing Kate Miller-Heidke. I remember hearing it for the first time, and falling absolutely in love with it- the lyrics are so incredibly beautiful. To make it even better, the first time I saw her in concert, she informed the crowd that it was actually her husband who wrote it. Luckiest woman alive…

Anyway, I just felt the lyrics were so perfect to showcase the Klaine relationship and could not resist.

#fanvid #my fanvids #masterlist #masterlist: klaine vids #glee #klaine

[ramheavenandhell]

Fanfic Excerpt from “This is the closest to time travel that you can get – Chapter 1”

Giving you guys another snippet from one of the stories that I’m working on. I hope that you’ll like it :) Warnings: Rick/Morty (there will be smut in chapter one, but it’s not included in this excerpt) Summary: Rick and Morty travel to dimension Y-809, which is behind in time to their dimension. After losing his Rick, Morty is being drawn by some band posters to a concert hall, where this dimension's Rick is still playing in the band Flesh Curtains. He ends up getting to know the rock star personally, who starts to flirt with him and involving some alcohol, one thing leads to another…

(Morty is backstage and ran into the Flesh Curtains when he actually only wanted to get out of the concert hall as quickly as possible; thinking that he’s a fan, Rick invites him to hang out with them) "Come over here." Rick inched a bit to the side to leave some room for Morty on the couch between himself and Squanchy. Morty reluctantly seated himself next to Rick, who immediately held his bottle to him. "Um, no thanks." Morty reclined the offer. How old did Rick think he was to actually offer him alcohol? "Don't worry, I won't tell your parents." Rick still tried to persuade him. "W-well, fine I guess…" Morty finally gave in and took a sip. Whatever liquid was inside the bottle burned in his throat, as he swallowed it and he tried to not to cough from it. "Atta boy!" Rick congratulated and took the bottle out of his hands again to take another gulp himself. Morty felt a little uncomfortable where he was right now, which was kind of weird, considering that he knew these people. However, they didn't know him. And not only that, but they were a bit different than Morty knew them and he didn't just mean their younger appearance. Though that partially, too. It was probably the fact that Rick acted much friendlier with him than what he was used to from his grandfather. The young man's grin seemed to be permanently etched on his face and it wasn't like Morty hadn't seen it before, he just didn't see it that often. Young Rick had swung an arm around him and drew him a bit closer as he was talking animatedly with him. "So. How'd you like the concert?" "It-it was amazing." Morty admitted and looked with big eyes into Rick's icy blue ones. That wasn't a lie. He really had been fascinated by the performance – enraptured even. And he saw no point in hiding his awe. "'M glad you liked it, cutie." Rick said with a wink. Whoa, hold it a second! Morty blinked. Was Rick actually flirting with him? He must be imagining things… "My name is Morty, not Cutie." He corrected the other. "Morty." Rick let the name roll off his tongue. "That's a really cute name for such a cute boy." Morty couldn't fight the blush that was creeping on his face. There was no way that it was only his imagination. Rick was flirting with him! He wasn't sure what to think about that, much less how to react to it. A little wave of heat creeped through his body, because he wasn't used to being hit on. Especially not by attractive people and even though this was his grandfather, albeit a younger version of him, there was no denying that this Rick was attractive. Hell, even regular old Rick still held some charms, despite his age and grossness and usually it didn't take him more than one or two sentences and one look and he'd be vanishing around the corner to the next restroom or bedroom with whoever he had picked out to lay with. And up to his knowledge there had never been any complaints from his partners afterwards, at least if they hadn't passed out before they had left. The brunet rolled the idea around in his head to just tell this Rick the truth. Tell him that he was his grandson from a future dimension. Obviously this Rick couldn't know who he was! His Morty – if he ever would have one – wasn't born yet in this dimension. Heck, at the current time he didn't even have a Beth. Morty just hoped that he wouldn't be the cause that she wouldn't get born in this dimension because even if his Rick said that they shouldn't have to worry about messing up, since this isn't their past, he really didn't want to be the reason why the version of himself in this dimension wasn't going to exist. Then again, it would be probably too arrogant to think that he could leave such a big impact on this Rick. At any rate, he worried that he had already ruined some things in this dimension. Surely just by having met this younger Rick, he must have caused some changes already. "You're too tense, Morty. Relax a little." Rick said and used the hand that he had flung around the boy's back to massage one of his shoulders a little. The contact caused Morty to stiffen up, as a memory of something similar happening in the restroom of a small tavern flashed in his mind again. He tried to force the ugly memory out of his head and reminded himself that this wasn't like last time. This wasn't some disgusting Jellybean, it was only Rick! Taking a deep breath, he stood up from the couch. "I'm sorry, but I really need to go—go home now." Rick blinked at him, clearly taken aback by the abruptness of the boy's want to leave. "You sure, you can't stay any longer?" "Yeah. I actually shouldn't be here in the first place." Morty accidentally blabbed. Rick made an "oh" sound, as if he finally understood. Well, he figured that the boy's parents forbid him from going to their concert, but the little brunet snug out and came to watch it anyways. Of course, that wasn't true, but Morty felt like in his current situation he wasn't all that far off from that scenario. If his grandfather found him, he would yell at him for just running off and if he found out, for what reasons Morty did it, the scientist was probably going to kill him. Not in the literal sense, but he might use Morty for an experiment that would make him wish that he was dead. Wouldn't be the first time either… "Hey, if you're getting into trouble for coming to our concert, then at least let us take you home." Rick offered now. "Ah. No, no. You du-don't really have to." Morty put up his hands and shook his head vehemently. That would be bad. He didn't know his way around to just tell him to drop him off somewhere and fake living there. "Rick, did you forget that we wanted to go to that bar to squanch?" Squanchy threw in now. "Yeah, I know. Then I will drop the boy off and you can go on ahead." The blue haired man rolled with his eyes, but still smiled. "That's a really bad idea! I'll just go on my own!" Morty still protested. Rick sighed. "I can't let you do that, kid. It's late and I won't let a cutie like you just run around in the night all alone like that." Squanchy whispered to Birdperson "Wow, he really must have a thing for the boy if he's insisting that much." The feathered man nodded in response. Morty was running out of ideas, so he clung to the only one that still came up. "A-actually, I don't really want to go home right now. Would it be okay, if I came to that bar with you?" His plan was to go with the trio and then use the next best opportunity when they would be too preoccupied with something else – or just too wasted – to slip away unseen. It was probably really rude, especially since this Rick had acted like he sincerely cared about his safety, but he ran out of options on what else to do. "You sure?" the bassist asked. "I mean I don't mind if you tag along and the boys won't either, right?" He turned to his two bandmates. Squanchy shrugged as if to say that he doesn't care and Birdperson answered. "I see no reason why the boy shouldn't accompany us." Pleased with the response of his friends, he turned back to the brunet again. "So yeah, we don't mind. But I thought you'd get in trouble if you don't go home now?" Morty was sweating. He had to be really careful with what he was saying so he wouldn't talk himself into a corner. He was still dealing with a Rick and Ricks were geniuses, even if this one didn't look particularly like one. If he said the wrong thing, this man would be able to look right through him and who knows what would happen then. He might be forced to really tell him the whole truth. "I-I really don't wanna go home yet." Morty sounded a bit too desperate, even in his own ears. "So, are we going now?" The sooner they got to the bar and Rick was getting wasted, the sooner he could leave and look for his grandfather. "'kay. Let's go." With those words the band grabbed their stuff and made to leave the music hall. On their way out, they ran into Squoochu again, who threw such a dark look at Morty that it made the boy cringe. Rick only put an arm around him again and laughed. In his other hand, he still held the almost half-empty bottle. Once outside they walked over the now empty parking lot and stopped in front of an old station wagon. Morty honestly hadn't expected that the band was touring around in a car from earth. Rick must have probably brought it from his home planet. Or maybe he just built it. After the band had put all of their stuff in the car, they also got in. Squanchy was driving while Birdperson sat on the passenger seat. Rick had grabbed Morty and got in the back seats with him, where he continued to sip from his glass bottle. The drive to the bar wasn't very long. They all got out of the car and went in without any diversions. Morty's hope for an easy chance to weasel his way out, was quickly squashed as he was guided to a table and Rick insisted on him sitting in the corner with the blue haired man sitting next to him. If he wanted to get up from the table, he would have to get past Rick and that would either mean, ask the man to stand up and let him through or try to crawl over his lap. "Um… I have to go the toilet real quick. Could you please let me through?" He asked and mentally patted himself on the shoulder. His hopes were quickly shot down again, as Rick answered him with, "Good idea. I have to take a leak, too. C'mon, let's go." Going with him to the restroom left no chance for Morty to just get away. Even though he choose to take a stall, he couldn't even wait it out because Rick was actually waiting for him. "You don't really have to wait!!" he insisted, as he sat on the dirty toilet. "Nah, I'd feel bad to just leave you back here." Rick talked back. "Some old guys might like to get a little too friendly with little cuties like you. I mean, there aren't many of those on Planet Squanch, but you never know…" "You mean guys like you?" Morty asked in a joking voice, even though he did feel a little uncomfortable. Truth be told, he was actually glad that Rick wasn't leaving him here alone because he still had a bit of a problem with restrooms. "What? Me?!" Rick sounded offended. "I'm not one of those guys! I'd never do anything to you that you don't want me to." The blue haired man huffed and muttered something under his breath that sounded like, "Damn kid thinks I'm a rapist." Morty felt so bad for having said that, even if he'd meant it only as a joke. "I didn't mean it! I know that you wouldn't do such a thing." Giving up, the boy finished "his business" and came out of the stall to wash his hands. As he was done, Rick put out his cigarette that he had been smoking while waiting for Morty and they went back to the table. Rick was ordering for his buddies and himself. Of course, he also ordered something to drink for Morty, which wasn't as alcoholic as the beverages that he and his buddies drank. Having run out of ideas how to get out of this situation, the brunet just shrugged and drank what the older had ordered for him. He was surprised that it actually tasted pretty good in comparison to the stuff that had been inside Rick's bottle. While he continued to sip on the sweet beverage, Morty wondered if his Rick had already abandoned him in this dimension. He still had that coupon for a replacement Morty after all. His grandfather had probably given up on finding him and got himself a new Morty by now. With nothing else left to do, Morty finished off one glass after the other, as Rick kept ordering more for them. After a while, he felt warm and a bit tired and without even thinking about it, he began to cuddle into Rick's side. He just felt so cozy and the older smelled almost exactly like his grandfather, which was comforting. Morty barely notice, when the man that he was snuggled against, began to place kisses against his neck. He almost purred from the nice feeling that the other's passionate attention caused him though. A mewl escaped him as the man left a rather visible love bite on the otherwise unblemished skin. Rick chuckled as he heard the adorable sound that the boy made. "Man, you're really cute." He couldn't help, but comment. Morty didn't try to argue it. He was more than just a little tipsy at this point and probably wouldn't remember a few things of this night. As it was, he had already forgotten that he was the one that started to make out with Rick. What he hadn't forgotten was the fact that the man he was currently making out with was actually his grandfather, but blame it on the alcohol that he stopped caring about that. Their kiss was wet and sloppy and if the boy wouldn't have been inebriated as he was, he might have been ashamed for his pitiful performance. The other didn't seem to mind though and suckled on his overly eager and wriggling tongue. Time was lost on Morty and he couldn't even tell, how long he had been doing this with the older man. However, it felt as if it hadn't been long enough, when the other suddenly released his pink, swollen lips. "C'mon, let's go." Rick pulled Morty with him. "Hm?" Morty's tongue felt too heavy for him to speak properly, so he could only slur. "Wheeere duw go?" Rick laughed and thought that he probably should have cut the boy off sooner. "We're going home." He bid goodbye to his friends, saying that they'll see each other later. The brunet didn't notice it and mumbled a protest, though he didn't fight back against his elder. "Dun wanna go hum yt." "Nah, don't worry. We're going to my home. Not yours." Rick clarified, as he stopped a cab. As they stumbled in the back of the car, Rick told the driver his address, but Morty couldn't focus enough to catch where they'll be going. When the cab started to drive – or more like hover – Rick was all over him again and they continued to make out. Morty practically laid fully on his back on the backseats and Rick was above him. The man's kisses wandered down his neck while his hand pushed up the yellow t-shirt. With a loud moan, Morty arched his back while Rick licked and kissed over the exposed skin and dipped his tongue in his navel. The boy barely heard, when the driver was complaining "Hey! No squanching inside the car!" Rick replied to it, sounding amused. "Don't worry, we'll keep it in our pants. You just watch the road." (...)

#hopesfanfictions #fanfic excerpt #rick and morty #ram #rnm #rick #morty #flesh curtains rick #squanchy #bird person #rickmorty #rickorty #rorty #rick/morty #spoilers?

[afoolsingenuity]

Shift Series: Bearly Married & Trust the Wolf // I Started Nervous And Ended Wanting More

So… there’s an author I had on my radar whose books I was dead excited for… but was also hella nervous about I feel like I got to know Zoe pretty well back in her blogging days so when she announced she’d disappeared in the blogosphere to write a book I was excited. And then when she emailed over a copy of them I suddenly got all kinds of nervous because what I about if I didn’t like it? Can there be anything worse than trying to break that news to someone? And then it was agreed that if I didn’t like it I’d read and we’d never speak of it again. I’ve probably got her all twisted about it actually because I got these books ages ago and I’ve said no words to her… well, these are all my thoughts. Good and bad. I am not going to avoid any negatives but I am so totally invested in reading the next book in the series so you know it’s not all bad.

Bearly Married (Shift #0.5) – Zoe Ashwood

Source: Author/Newsletter Genre: Paranormal romance My Rating:

Love is a great reason to marry someone, but so is desperation.

Alexandre Thibault needs to marry an heiress: his clan’s finances are decimated, and his cousin is challenging him for leadership. He has even found the perfect woman—a pure-blood bear shifter with a hefty dowry—though he never expected the attraction between them.

Christine Bergeron will do anything to escape her family home, though exchanging the city for the Canadian wilderness isn’t as easy as she’d imagined. Especially when she’s in danger of losing her heart to a man who might never love her back.

But as enemies threaten their family, Alexandre and Christine will risk everything to keep their safe haven.

Bearly Married is a prequel novella and it was released as a freebie for joining her newsletter but she sent a copy across in case I hadn’t grabbed it already. It was such an easy novella to read and whilst it had that annoying problem of leaving me wanting more it was in no way unsatisfying as a novella. It was a great introduction to the characters of Alexandre and Christine who play a more significant role in Trust the Wolf (although you have to wait for them so patience is a virtue).

This novella was the first time I’d read any of Zoe’s writing and like I said at the start, I was all kinds of nervous but I want in with an open mind and the writing style I liked. I didn’t instantly love either Alexandre or Christine. I was trying to figure out their world and everything which was happening and so whilst that was happening I wasn’t certain what to think of them. Especially as they come together in some weird archaic arranged marriage. But as I began to figure out their world and how things worked in this shifter realm I began to like them. Especially as you caught glimpses of how Christine is badass and will not take things lying down when her new husband she barely knows tries to stick in a role without any consultation and expects her to be happy with it. And when Alexandre accepts her push back without blinking an eye and actually praises her for it I figured I was going to like these guys.

They were a cute couple who had some crazy stuff going on considering the shortness of this novella. I lot of story was packed within its pages. I think my biggest grumble is I felt like a lot of the secondary characters didn’t get developed enough and I found myself needing more. I didn’t mind shifter culture wasn’t explained too in depth as this was just a prequel and that was to come, but I would have liked more… but that’s a grumble I have with all novellas. It was enjoyable and it did get me excited to continue with the series.

Trust the Wolf (Shift #1) – Zoe Ashwood

Published: 24th January 2019

Source: Author

Genre: Paranormal Romance

My Rating:

You never forget your first wolf.

Emilia’s first encounter with Jason is memorable: it’s not every day you see a stranger change into a wolf. Her attraction to him is undeniable, but the secret he shares shakes the foundations of her life.

Jason’s need for Emilia unnerves him. It’s his job to report shifters without proper ID, yet he can’t make himself do it this time. The decision bites him in the tail when he discovers exactly who she is. He must keep his distance—or there will be hell to pay.

Their fates entwine when rogue shifters learn of Emilia’s identity and will stop at nothing to get to her. Emilia and Jason will have to fight together or risk losing everything.

But most of all? Emilia must learn to trust the wolf.

I’d enjoyed Bearly Married and I was intrigued by where Trust the Wolf would be going but I was still a touch nervous because a full-blown novel is a different kettle of fish to a novella. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, though. There are no doubts to be had about that. I mean, I am eager for the next book to be in my hands because of the little snippet at the end of the first book… it was nowhere near enough to satisfy my cravings.

I will begin with my grumbles to get them out of the way. They are minor things of the grand scheme of things but it did affect my enjoyment.

First off, I struggled to get a clear idea of what I felt like the main characters would look like. Now, I am not saying I have a specific person cast in a role every time I read a book, but I tend to have some kind of fuzzy image in my head as I’m reading. My fizzy image for this book was fuzzier than usual. Now, this is partially the way I read. I have a habit of unintentionally skimming as I read and so skip things without realising (this is especially confusing in sex scenes when you’re like how did they get in that position?) and so I often find myself going back and rereading a scene and this was something which did happen here. There was a description of characters but my brain did not process it and I skipped bits without realising but other books my fuzzy image still develops... I didn’t get that as much here and it bothered me as I read.

I also had some issues with the pacing, but this again a me thing. I didn’t get totally invested in the book until like 20% of the way and I could see some interesting storyline developing, but before that, I honestly didn’t know where the book was going. But then at 50%, it seemed to have stalled a little and I was like where’s my action? And then action happened, but it hit 80% and I was questioning where the action had gone again and wouldn’t if there would be a book that sort of fizzled out. But then I felt like I was on a bit of a rollercoaster to the end so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. I think I would have liked a more constant pace of story… but then I’ve probably complained in reviews before that the book was moving too fast and couldn’t keep up. I guess I can sometimes be fussy. This one didn’t hinder my enjoyment, but since I was never sure what path the book was going to take I was very aware of the pace of the book and it took me out of the story at times.

Like I said, it wasn’t all bad because I am making grabby hands at the second book and there was plenty which kept me reading.

First off, I liked Emilia. I admit, when I first started reading I thought she knew she was a shifter so it was fun to see her reactions to this whole new world which was revealed to her. And I loved that even when this whole other world was revealed there was never any doubt that she would still want her old life. There seemed to be a constant assumption in the shifter world that once you’re a shifter the human world would be forgotten and shifters would be #1 which grated. It was good to see Emilia speaking some sense and putting folks in their place. I have to say, because I read the novella first I was constantly trying to figure out how it connected with this book and so I sort of called it with Emilia’s heritage (why yes, I did high five myself) but I still wasn’t spot on so I really enjoyed seeing her heritage revealed and how that affected both her but also how other characters (namely Jason) saw her.

I was frustrated by Jason in the book, though. I was there enjoying Emilia’s shock and reactions to shifter society whilst wanting to shake Jason. The man was all kinds of hot and cold (and occasionally arctic) with how he was with Emilia and I just so did not have time for that. It was explained pretty well why he was bouncing back and forth with how he felt for Emilia but damn did I want to give the boy a shake and tell him to sort his head out or get lost because I do not have patience for folks being messed about and there was a touch of that at the start. Thankfully, he figured himself out sharpish before I got genuinely annoyed with him otherwise we would be having a very different discussion about my feelings for this book. It was written well his struggle with himself and you couldn’t hate him too much for it because there were reasons!

I have to say the best part of this book was the relationship between Emilia and Jason but especially the sexy times (without being weird). The romance was so strong, though! Like, I knew Zoe could write good romance from the novella but damn did it shine brightest in this book when she had more time to develop the relationship. From the sexual tension building between the pair in a shifter club to a mutual masturbation scene during their road trip right up to when they actually have their bow-chicka-wow-wow moment later on. All were written well and I may not have been fanning myself, but it was close guys. The romance and sex were written so well and there was no cringing (seriously, I’ve had folks use decidedly unsexy language which throws me right out of a book so this is important to note). One moment which clearly stood out for me was when Jason backed all the way off during a heated make-out session towards the start and the couple had banged into a wall or something and Emilia let out a sound which he interpreted as him hurting her as he was being too full on and she then reassured him that it was good and more would be appreciated. I love little moments like that because they feel genuine, but also I like to see couples in romance discuss their boundaries. I don’t need an alpha male dominating with his whips and chains, I want mutual respect and a demonstration that it’s a partnership. I think that moment both set the tone for their romance together but also demonstrated what kind of romance author Zoe is. She will not be writing overbearing alpha males and unbalanced sexual relationships where the male dominates and the meek woman is just along for the ride. She wrote a woman who knew her sexual pleasure and was not afraid to grasp it with both hands and so what she wants. Why is there not more of that in romance?

Now is it a romance review if I am not complaining about folks not using their words? Yeah, there were moments of miscommunication and withholding of information which was annoying because you just know that’ll blow up in their face later on, but instead of falling into the trap of using that as a plot device to push Emilia and Jason apart it actually brought them together. It made them both question what they wanted from the other but it didn’t break them! And another time Emilia had shifted into a bear and was wondering around and you questioned if the designated bad guys were going to get her because woman wondering around alone, feels like a plot device to get her captured and in need to rescuing (boring, because why would want another example of how women need rescuing when we totally don’t) but nope. She gets told she’s leaving shifter territory and to get her ass back in the opposite direction to stay safe. And she even does some rescuing of her own later on, because Emilia's a badass like that. I just felt like this book was refreshing in not falling into the usual plot device traps which can be boring and have you rolling your eyes.

Look, I enjoyed this book. I do still have unanswered questions, but the kind of unanswered questions you expect to see explored in later books. I enjoyed this book a whole lot, far more than I think even I realised when reading because I write this up into more coherent words (you guys did not see my original word vomit take on this book, it was 2000 words long and I wrote it in like half an hour). I am eager for more, especially from the small glimpse I got of Truth or Bear. I am hoping as I continue on my questions about shifter politics and the story behind the bad guys (called the Guard) and I’m hoping we get to see more of the characters I’ve grown to love in this book. Look, it’s a debut, I am not claiming there is perfection, but it’s showing strong potential for some good stuff. I still need to learn more about the shifter world because from what I saw I do not get why Emilia would want to join (they’re a touch controlling in their government) but I do think there is a really interesting world to explore and I can’t wait to return and see this world from a new perspective.

Have you ever read a book by someone you sort of knew and felt nervous about it? And have I convinced you this a series to check out and give a chance?

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#a fool's ingenuity #books

[6onmyshoulder]

wroteuplikethis*

Having watched countless concert compilations on youtube, and having been to The Weeknd’s concert when he touched down in Singapore, I think it’s safe to say that when it comes to hip hop, there is a slight(and I use this carefully) disconnect in the hip hop concert culture, as compared to the crowd’s energy and hype in the US/UK/Canada/Holland etc. The recent A$AP Rocky performance at Marquee seemed to be a testament to that, as the crowd only seemed to know two songs Rocky performed, one of which wasn’t even his own song to begin with...goddamn ‘Plain Jane’.

Some of the performances that have stood out in those compilations have been Playboi Carti’s performances, whenever and wherever.

(Now, I just want to add a disclaimer that I’m not dissing Singapore’s concert crowds. And that I would love to have had the opportunity to fly over and catch my favourite artists live. But my bank account doesn’t let me, which pretty much sucks...)

Carti’s performances seem like the place where you’d...die...lit h a h a. He’s barely singing along to his own song, and seems to spend a large majority of his stage presence hyping the crowd up and screaming 10 of his 1026 ad-libs at any given point. The crowd vibes along, going completely ape-shit.

It’s raw. It’s animalistic. It’s loud. It’s in your face. It’s wild. The fact that Carti fans sing along to his snippets at concerts is amazing to me. A 30 second snippet completely changes the mood of the crowd, sending them into a frenzy, as evidenced by the countless concert recordings of Carti performing ‘Cancun’.

It’s in this raw energetic sphere that Carti absolutely thrives in. And that’s exactly where Carti’ sophomore release, ‘Die Lit’, exists.

‘Die Lit’ has also become kind of a comfort album. I was on a bus at night a while ago, and as usual, I felt this overwhelming urge to listen to ‘So Far Gone’ or ‘Take Care’(2 Drake albums notorious for putting one in their feels). As my thumb hovered over the ‘Drake’ artist arrow, something shifted and I found myself playing ‘Die Lit’. Granted, I was initially feeling kinda sad(what’s new), but ‘Die Lit’ weirdly put me at ease with my emotions. I didn’t think, I didn’t reflect and I didn’t feel, as I’d usually do with those two Drake albums(or other sadboi albums). ‘Die Lit’ allowed me to sink into the beats and Carti’s repetitive hooks that were catchy and easy to listen to.

The album art features a black and white photo of Carti jumping into a mosh pit while flipping people off and it serves as a perfect metaphor for what the album is about. The picture looks brash, unadulterated, insane, chaotic and yet, weirdly poetic, and the album itself, sonically, captures all those.

Die Lit opens with ‘Long Time - Intro’ with Carti talking about how he hasn’t ‘felt like this in a long time,’ while repeatedly ad-libbing in the background(pss, slatt, ooh, pow, pa, yeah). Some really nice synths on the instrumental that sound organic. Carti saying ‘I’d rather get caught with it than without it,’ is the highlight of the track. A fun track that serves as a nice opener to an enjoyable album.

I don’t know how many of you have watched ‘The Matrix: Reloaded’(reloaded is the second movie and it’s trash, so is revelations. only the first movie is fire and worth the watch.) but there’s this underground rave scene where people absolutely lose their minds and party like there’s no tomorrow(i mean they have to seeing as they’re living in a technologically dystopic world). The second track off ‘Die Lit’, ‘R.I.P.’, sounds like it could have been the perfect song to accompany this particular scene. If organised chaos was a song, it would be R.I.P......stripped back production, a slightly overblown bass that has a weird metallic quality to it and Carti’s flow over such a simple instrumental creates such an intense atmosphere, a chaotic one. At certain points, the song is literally just the bass line, one synth and ad-libs, and it somehow, fits into the whole ‘organised chaos’ idea. ‘I’m on demo lit, I’m on migo lit,’ raps Carti. He fits into the track perfectly, and finds the perfect gaps to spit his ad-libs. Him saying that he ‘bought a crib for momma, off that mumbling shit’ begets a sense of awareness of exactly what he brings to the table lyrically.

‘Lean 4 Real’ feels like a mellower ‘R.I.P.’. Slower but just as stripped back, the instrumental has an animalistic quality to it, probably because of the weird background synth that makes it sound like it was recorded in a forest at midnight. Skepta comes in with a reliable verse, countering Carti’s chaotic nature and giving the listener a sense of uniformity with his verse. Carti hops back on and re-hypnotises the listener by repeating ‘I’m on the beans 4 real, i’m on the lean 4 real.’ Simple in its execution, insanely good in its presentation.

Old Money picks up where Lean 4 Real left off, with Carti repeating ‘old money, new hoes,’ then throwing a bunch of ad-libs around, peppering the song with a few more simple rap lines. The bass kicks in with a vengeance through out the song, and Carti’s effortlessness is just put on display for one to enjoy.

Love Hurts(lmao) comes in with a jarringly metallic synth and a hypnotic bass line that just seems into every nook and cranny of your mind, creating a very dark and slightly hellish soundscape. This track genuinely gave me Stockholm Syndrome, as I found myself listening to this insanely jarring song on repeat. ‘Shawty want a rockstarrrrr okay!’ sings Carti, while Travis Scott comes in with a pretty good verse, encapsulating all that’s good with the entire track. His delivery fits the mood of the track perfectly, and the auto tune blends in gorgeously with the grungy vibe of the track.

Lil Uzi Vert and Carti can’t do anything wrong together and in the wake of wokeuplikethis* and left, right, Shoota becomes another song that strengthens their power couple status. Uzi flows on the track even before the beat drops, and once it does drop, Carti picks up where Uzi leaves it on this bouncy and slightly happier sounding track, with the shimmering synth creating an upbeat vibe.

Right Now and Poke It Out are pretty fun to listen to. Bouncy production, Carti’s effortless flows and Pierre’s and Nicki’s features are decent(Pierre’s is actually pretty good not gna lie...would write more but I really just wna focus on my faves).

I like Home(KOD) enough and it’s mainly cause Carti says ‘bring that money home, daddy waiting for it’ over and over and over again...

Fell In Luv’s production is something else man. Really simple lyrics from Carti(i mean did you really expect anything else?). Pierre’s production throughout the album has been special and Fell In Luv is no exception. The vocal sample is such a minor aspect of the song but adds so much character to the beat, and Bryson Tiller’s lofi feature(sounds like he recorded it on his iPhone) actually adds to the aesthetic of the track.

Foreign and Pull Up are pretty decent tracks. Not really my faves and felt a bit ‘filler-ish’.

Mileage has one of the funniest choruses I’ve heard in a while. ‘Molly cyrus, catching bodies, don’t care if your pussy got some mileage mileage....’ Carti dismantling the idea of slut-shaming in one line that’s who I stan uno. Chief Keef’s deeper voice lends a certain gravitas to what feels like a ‘higher pitched’ track cause of Carti’s voice and the production of the beat.

Flatbed Freestyle gives us a good look at baby voice Carti. The beat’s high synth and repeated bass create a repetitiveness that’s unrivalled by the other beats, and Carti literally starts of with ‘BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH’. The beat and Carti compliment each other insanely well, and the track actually ends up being one of the most fun tracks on the entire album. ‘Beeh!’ is my favourite ad-lib after ‘Buh!’ on here. Baby Voice Carti really shines through on this track. He doesn’t sound annoying and doesn’t sound cringe. The Baby Voice is actually...here to save hip hop....

No Time is such an underrated track. Feels like a trap nursery rhyme instrumental, and the sleepy and shimmery xylophone type synth creates an innocent atmosphere as Carti sings about having ‘no time’. Gunna flows over the instrumental like he was born into it. He’s smooth and charismatic, and is perfectly positioned between two Carti verses, forming the perfect palate cleanser within the same song. Definitely one of the better beats on an album already stacked with excellent beats.

I honestly skip middle of the summer...don’t really fuck with it...

Choppa Won’t Miss is an absolute bop in terms of production, and Carti going ‘pew pew pew pew’ in the back is TO DIE FOR. I also just want to ask if anyone can explain the line ‘suck on my dick like a tick’ to me. Thug is pretty good as usual. Flows in and around the beat mans a fucking GOD among men.

R.I.P. Fredo interpolates the R.I.P. beat and sounds amazing sonically. Top is...decent I guess.

Carti created something timeless and fun by sticking to what he knew. Insane production from Pierre and an insane beat selection helped Carti create one of the better albums of 2018(okay i will not play into the 2018 aoty meme).

An album that I enjoyed vastly in 2018, and am still enjoying in 2019, it has snuck into my all time favourite albums list. Carti worked to his strengths and the reception the album received is testament to that. While Playboi Carti may not be for everyone, and especially not for hip hop purists, the effortlessness and simplicity create amazing soundscapes within and across songs. Carti is definitely an acquired taste, and I’m really glad I got into his music.

*^!