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paramedicsuicide · 6 years

Text

First responder suicide -- PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the "red headed step child" of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a "typical" shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2. My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can't tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating "lunch" out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. "Ill be diabetic by the end of the week" I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC's turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. "Anything to get out of this job" I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night. Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don't have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today-- "With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking". I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud-- "Great, another bullshit call". Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think -- "I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don't have to walk back outside". Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. "That's not good" I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke. As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. "That doesn't make sense" I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god-- he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again-- and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That's not great news. This kid hasn't made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician-- "why did you bring him here and not children's hospital". I bite my tongue-- its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head-- "they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further". As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. "Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation". Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn't seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police. She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. "Are you ok?". "I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?" "WTF was that all about?". I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every "bad" call I've taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren't. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. "Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration". I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy-- take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with "Hello", not with "whats the chief complaint". I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. "Did you hear?". Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. "That kid -- he has a brain bleed". My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don't make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week-- "Are you sure you are ok?". My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. "Id rather die than come into work tonight". "Pull out in front of this semi truck-- we wont feel a thing I promise". "Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot". In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life-- I am apathetic about living. I'm not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal? I have to answer one question before I leave. "Where will I go?" I am burnt out. Everyone says "go to nursing school", but the passion-- the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I'm up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn't put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don't want to wait in the waiting room. They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes-- fighting off their own demons. "Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral". I don't try and talk these people down because they don't want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just "un-know" the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren't alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

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bnymedic · 4 years

Text

First responder suicide – PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the “red headed step child” of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a “typical” shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2. My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can’t tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating “lunch” out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. “Ill be diabetic by the end of the week” I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC’s turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. “Anything to get out of this job” I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night. Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don’t have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today– “With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking”. I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud– “Great, another bullshit call”. Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think – “I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don’t have to walk back outside”. Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. “That’s not good” I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke. As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. “That doesn’t make sense” I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god– he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again– and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That’s not great news. This kid hasn’t made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician– “why did you bring him here and not children’s hospital”. I bite my tongue– its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head– “they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further”. As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. “Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation”. Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn’t seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police. She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. “Are you ok?”. “I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?” “WTF was that all about?”. I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every “bad” call I’ve taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren’t. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. “Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration”. I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy– take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with “Hello”, not with “whats the chief complaint”. I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. “Did you hear?”. Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. “That kid – he has a brain bleed”. My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don’t make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week– “Are you sure you are ok?”. My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. “Id rather die than come into work tonight”. “Pull out in front of this semi truck– we wont feel a thing I promise”. “Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot”. In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life– I am apathetic about living. I’m not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal? I have to answer one question before I leave. “Where will I go?” I am burnt out. Everyone says “go to nursing school”, but the passion– the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I’m up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn’t put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don’t want to wait in the waiting room. They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes– fighting off their own demons. “Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral”. I don’t try and talk these people down because they don’t want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just “un-know” the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren’t alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

0 notes

carriefisherscokenail · 6 years

Note

GUESS WHO HAS TO ANSWER ALL THOSE QUESTIONS TOO

eat my ass!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?my girlfriend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?depends on the sitch 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?im seeing sierra in like 2 hours so her 4. Are you easy to get along with?i think i’m alright5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i think so6. What kind of people are you attracted to?the nice kind7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?i think so 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?colbert my dad who is drunk in hawaii right now :////9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?no all i do is make jokes abt sex im 1210. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?who even knows11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?it says i cant wait to see you either!!!!12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?ooooooooooooo1) hot knifer by peach pit2) alrighty aphrodite by peach pit 3) storms by fleetwood mac4) california dreamin’ by the mamas and the papas5) one by birdtalker 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?i luv it14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?nope not really15. What good thing happened this summer?this whole summer was really good but being in wa was probs my favorite part16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?duh17. Do you think there is life on other planets?aliens r REAL18. Do you still talk to your first crush?nope19. Do you like bubble baths?i love all baths20. Do you like your neighbors?not really, i like the people who live two doors down though21. What are you bad habits?smoking and biting my lip22. Where would you like to travel?everywhere?!?!?!23. Do you have trust issues?i think a little bit24. Favorite part of your daily routine?sleeping25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?the whole thing26. What do you do when you wake up?lay in bed, get dressed, do my makeup, have coffee, leave27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?a little darker would be nice28. Who are you most comfortable around?my best friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?i dont know31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yes finally32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?obama and jesus33. Spell your name with your chin.no34. Do you play sports? What sports?none sports35. Would you rather live without TV or music?ugh probably music but its tough36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?no i don’t think so

37. What do you say during awkward silences?i start screaming 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?a possum39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?i love thrift stores lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?go to university and all that jazz41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?not everyone42. If youre being extremely quiet what does it mean?im probably tired as fuck43. Do you smile at strangers?all the time44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?how abt i kill myself instead

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my alarm clock46. What are you paranoid about?someone breaking into my house

47. Have you ever been high?yes 48. Have you ever been drunk?only 8 days a week!!!!49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?uhhhh no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?i don’t rly wear hoodies so i don’t know51. Ever wished you were someone else?oh yes 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?i wish i was taller53. Favourite makeup brand?i don’t rly have one54. Favourite store?i like urban outfitters 55. Favourite blog?dicnysian ;)))))))))))))))56. Favourite colour?yellow!57. Favourite food? hmmmmmmm i like strawberries a lot and any sandwich with cucumbers on it58. Last thing you ate?p(ass)ta

59. First thing you ate this morning?p(ass)ta60. Ever won a competition? For what?uhhhhhhhhhh i don’t think ive ever won anything61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?LMAO I GOT SUSPENDED FOR VAPING IN A TRUCK ON CAMPUS 62. Been arrested? For what?no63. Ever been in love? yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?i don’t remember it lol65. Are you hungry right now?mmmmmm yes

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?ive only got like one tumblr friend left (@ emma)67. Facebook or Twitter?facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?nope70. Names of your bestfriends? squidni and colbert71. Craving something? What?im hongry but idk what for72. What colour are your towels?uhhh all sorts72. How many pillows do you sleep with?a billion73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?nope74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?like i have 1 left i think75. Favourite animal?pups76. What colour is your underwear?black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla with sprinkles78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla with sprinkles79. What colour shirt are you wearing?purple

80. What colour pants?blue

81. Favourite tv show?ahs is a hell but i also really love parks and rec and grace and frankie is getting up there

82. Favourite movie?but im a cheerleader is my fave but i tonya was RLY good83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?what kind of animal likes mean girls 2 more than mean girls 184. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?mean gorls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?uh idk the mean girl86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?nemo

87. First person you talked to today?squidni or sierra i can’t remmeber88. Last person you talked to today?uh squidni89. Name a person you hate?BROOKLYN LMAO90. Name a person you love?squidni 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?BROOKLYN LMAOOOO92. In a fight with someone?no93. How many sweatpants do you have?like 394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?like 3

95. Last movie you watched?i tonya!96. Favourite actress?sarah paulson duh97. Favourite actor?i love miles teller98. Do you tan a lot?no never99. Have any pets?two doggios100. How are you feeling?alright101. Do you type fast?ish102. Do you regret anything from your past?like everything i am literally filled with regret103. Can you spell well?i think so104. Do you miss anyone from your past?sure i do105. Ever been to a bonfire party?i think so? ive been to parties with a fire idk if that counts106. Ever broken someone’s heart?who knows 107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes i used to take horseback riding lessons108. What should you be doing?cleaning109. Is something irritating you right now?not particularly110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?oh yes111. Do you have trust issues?you already asked this112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?my math class113. What was your childhood nickname?hoo boy lets not114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?i live in a different country from the one i was born in115. Do you play the Wii?i love the wii

116. Are you listening to music right now?hell yeah!117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?love it118. Do you like Chinese food?LOVE IT119. Favourite book?fried green tomatoes probs120. Are you afraid of the dark?nope121. Are you mean?i dont think so

122. Is cheating ever okay?only on tests bby123. Can you keep white shoes clean?i cant keep black shoes clean124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no

125. Do you believe in true love?hmmm i think so

126. Are you currently bored?yeah127. What makes you happy?getting drunk with my friends128. Would you change your name?in a heartbeat129. What your zodiac sign?Libra130. Do you like subway?yes i never eat there though

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?tell that mans to snap out of it132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?you asked thiss too!133. Favourite lyrics right now?every lyric in storms by fleetwood mac134. Can you count to one million?in theory i could135. Dumbest lie you ever told?when i was little i told someone i was allergic to deers136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed137. How tall are you?5′ 2″138. Curly or Straight hair?mines wavy i guess

139. Brunette or Blonde?im a redhead

140. Summer or Winter?summer141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?july

143. Are you a vegetarian?lol nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?milk chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?thats tea hunny146. Was today a good day?it was alright so far147. Mars or Snickers?snickers but only if theyre frozen148. What’s your favourite quote?i don’t kno149. Do you believe in ghosts?sort of150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Hark! I hear the legions coming, (Hear the cries of triumph well,But, proud Caesar, dead I scorn you, Egypt, Anthony, farewell.)

It’s from a poem in this book i stole from my dad

0 notes

themagicaltunaa · 7 years

Note

You must answer everything tuna

Wow thats a lot a questions

alright lets do this

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

IZZY NO

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Never kissed anyone like that so???? ok theres a lot of questions with relationship or kissing shit so im just gonna put this ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ every time i see one that i cant really answer

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

hmm I don't really know??????

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yup

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

nope i dont think ive ever wanted anyone

7. What does your last received text say?

is this you?

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

9. Where was your last kiss at?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

never because i dont have a sister

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffee. cant start the day without coffee

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my room

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

tbh yeah

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

oh my god yes theres so many things that i regret doing my dude. hell just let me go back one day im fine with that

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy because it give an excuse to just stay in my house and lay in bed all day

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

oh man i hope not. i feel bad for anyone that has the same middle name as me

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

basketball shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

20. Does anyone like you?

lol no

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

myself

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

nope

25. In the past week have you cried?

dude i cry at least 5 times a week. last time i cried because i didnt have any mac n cheese to eat with my chicken nuggets

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

a black lab!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

outside of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ also i hope you mean like before theyve played because holy shit im pretty sure someone could die standing next to one of them. you ever been near a football player after a game??? most disgusting smell ever like fucking hell its so bad

29. Do you think you’re old?

im not even 20 yet so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

id rather talk face to face with friends. im not so good with keeping up with texting

31. What type of day are you having?

ive been having the same lazy day for the past 2 months. its never gonna end

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

nope

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold. id rather freeze than die in the floridian heat

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

lol nope

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

a relationship. never understood flings

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

both. im horrible

37. What song are you listening to?

nothing atm, but these two songs have been playing on repeat in my head for the past week

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

it depends

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

hmmm

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

i dont like anyone so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

41. When did you last receive a text message?

at 10 AM

42. What is wrong with you right now?

Everything my dude, everything.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

ive known them since middle school so pretty well????

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

nope

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i dont remember the last time i was in a good mood

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my mom

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

black

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah my mom yesterday

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no??

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yeah a few times with some people. there are some that i have finally given up on tho and i feel a lot better now

53. Do you like rain?

yes!

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

as long as they dont do it too much im fine with it

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

nope ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

56. Do you like to cuddle?

57. Are you shy?

very

58. Do you get along with girls?

it depends really??? hmm yeah i guess i get along with other girls a little better than guys but thats not saying much because im terrified of talking to people anyways.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and my headphones

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

bruh i dont care if i get killed by a ghost or some shit thats 1 million dollars imagine what i can do with that money. like its either i die from like a heart attack from seeing my own shadow in a haunted house or i get 1 million dollars its a win win situation

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

lmao hell no

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cats exist thats the cute thing that happened

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

neither

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

i dont even have a car

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

neither. also whos luke bryan?

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?

android

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

man i havent had any in like 4, maybe 5 years???? good thing im getting some on my bday courtesy of my friend

73. Do you like diet soda?

ew no

74. What color are the walls in your room?

theyre the same purple that theyve been since middle school

75. Are you 16 or older?

yup, turning 20 this month

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

nope

77. Do you have a job?

nope :\

78. What are your initials?

79. Did you ever have braces?

nope. my mom was never able to afford them

80. Are you from the south?

well im from south florida. is florida even considered part of the south????? like im pretty sure florida is its own thing

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

dont have one

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

definitely my mom

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

nope

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

the lego batman movie. 10/10 would recommend

86. Do you smoke?

ew no

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

flip flops

88. Is your phone touch screen?

yeah???

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

curly

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

i cant even walk out of my room at 2 in the morning without my mom waking up and telling me to go to sleep. also im pretty sure my mom would beat me with a chancleta just for thinking of sneaking out

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

i prefer beach but pool is good too i guess

92. Have you ever made out in a car?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

93. …Had sex in a car?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

94. Are you single or in a relationship?

single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

on youtube watching lets plays

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

new years

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

eh its not as good as an iphone camera but i dont take pictures so yeah i could care less about the camera

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

i dont drink

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

i dont have facebook

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ dont you have to have sex in order for that to happen ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

nope i lost them ages ago. im so pale

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

1. i dont like wearing shorts

2. why would i ever wear cowboy boots

3. why the fuck would i wear cowboy boots with shorts like yall think im gonna walk around lookin like that i look like a hot mess 110% of the time what makes you think i can pull that off. yeah lemme walk around with my pasty ass white legs showin and boots, lookin like the saddest goblin cowgirl you’ll ever lay your eyes on. no thanks.

ok i think im done for the day

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