#i cannot handle a new wip istg

[george-fabian-weasley]

Watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai for the year (this is an annual event i dont make the rules) and I kept thinking about Avatarizing it HDKSHDJJD

Like I’m just imagining Jake as Rahul and then Neytiri as Tina and probably an OC as Anjali and OH THE SLOWBURN AND THE SILENT PINING AND THE YEARS WAITING UGHHHH

Though im thinking on how to twist the whole “oh btw im naming our first kid after ur best friend who silently is in love with you for years before i die like right now” thing into a sensible thing in avatar because technically neteyam is the first born and well BDKSJDJD IDK I DONT HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN JUICES FOR THIS

#im crazy #I have so many wips going on #i cannot handle a new wip istg #syaf rambles #avatar

[writingmochi]

ｌｏａｄｉｎｇ ｉｎｔｅｒｆａｃｅ．．．

you have reached year 2

lissie: greetings, visitor! this is your flight director speaking~ welcome to the two-year anniversary of this blog (freaking awesome if you ask me). thank you so much for reading, indulging, and/or interacting with this blog, me, or my works. the sentence before cannot describe the gratitude i'm expressing towards all of you. this is a yearly recap for me and maybe for new visitors who come to know what has happened on this blog for the year.

before we get to it, i'm doing a survey to get to know my audience better (and more research). if you have spare time, do fill in the survey so that i get to know more about the visitors, the works, and the audience on tumblr in general! (average time is around 3 minutes~)

survey link! (survey closed)

leggo!

all research done (read: works written and released)

troubled pixies | txt's taehyun (2 parts; 52k [novel])

smirch episode 2: jay | enhypen's jay (27.4k [novella])

isobel | txt's soobin (43.3k [novel])

pizzeria run | enhypen's sunoo (17.9k [novella])

total: 4 works (1 two-shots, 3 oneshots) and 140.6k words written

all the navigators connected (read: mutuals i got within the year. check last year's recap if you didn't find yours!)

@it-rains-blue (via @itz-yerin)

yerin! the other biggest bamtori i know here! gosh i hope you're doing well irl and online... hope for the best for your confession cafe >> check it out folks @the-love-cafe

@heart2beom

hey jazmine! i notice you haven't posted in a while now. so i'm hoping your doing okay, okay?

@tyunlatte / @wave2tyun

alex! if you are lurking, i hope you're doing so good irl! live your life for the best (edit: alex's back!)

@lovejoshua

1/6 angels: ilem istg! hi! you've been like one of the constant presence when i check the discord server. hope you treat yourself well!

@junniieesbby

2/6 angels: whenever i see a heart, it always reminds me of you, angie. i think you're busy currently, so the best i can say is that hope you have a good rest cause you need it and always hydrate ;)

@hanniejie

3/6 angels: hey lex! i just saw the band au teaser on your blog and i wanna punch myself for not noticing that sooner! /j hope you have a great time writing that one :D

@txt-yaomi

4/6 angels: sof!! i gotta have to consult you more for street spirit cause just the way you work with the album for angel is just *chef's kiss*

@talesofyuan

yuan~~ ngl i can't wait to read your kei lovesick series (tho i'm hoping to staying loyal to yixiang) can't wait to see more of your &team fics. check the blog out for &team content, folks!

@choistick

5/6 angels: saph !! thanks for the tag and hope your hiatus is treating you well~

@robin-obsessed

6/6 angels: lee~ i've just seen that you also like riize like akfjbaieufiw okayyyy i hope you have a good day/night whenever and wherever you are!

@dido-of-the-endless

hi nida! tbh you have so many side blogs i'm confused in which one you post your writing (so i'm tagging your main account). feel free to consult me if you have any wips you wanna let out lmao >.< n thanks for joining the txt hub server, i won't know you if not from there...

@pyeonghongrie (via @pyeonghongrie-main)

rie! thank you so much for letting me in the cult (mueheheheh) and hope we can interact more here or on the server

@aduh0308

welcome to the roster, ada! thanks for letting me join the soobin collab and nice to see you!

director's journal entries (read: all the rants i have thought out the past year. some are genuine, some are sarcastic):

wow… i freaking broke tumblr huh

i shouldn't have been too ambitous fook me

bruh my body's crumbling…

i swear i hate college for not allowing me to write

i broke tumblr twice w/ a txt fic alsnskdams

tumblr can’t handle things :(

is my mind running too fast or is it just harder for people to understand me? annoying much…

i’m literally a step away from going out of the kpop fandom. this kind of fan behavior is sickening

^ and the fact is: i’ll probably survive

kinda wish someone could appreciate my writing just like i do for other people here

is there something wrong with how i write asks? i should have put more tone indicators…

the desire for me to revert back to web 1.0 is crazy. like, me owning a blog? ughh yes pls!

i’m getting freaking frustrated!!!

AGGHHHGHHHHHHHH

… will i ever … :")

*queue yoda's voice* you pushing back more wips i see

how the fuck have i made fewer works yet the wc is 20k away from last year's result? (166k for 12 compared to 140k for 5 works)

^ it's quality over quantity now darling

^^ and the fact that the year 3 count will get higher because of the fics you've delayed

notable moments from the past year

established @a-dream-bookmark, a rec blog + kpop writer & reader network

reaching 200!

started writing for ateez!

joining @kflixnet, @k-labels, and @cultofdionysusnet networks

what’s next?

lissie: if you haven't seen it, i'm starting a new big-scale series called terra incognita for enhypen's jake, do check it out if you like cyberpunk, or dystopian fics! also, i an doing the wips that i promised will be released this year (will prioritize evaluation and subterranean homesick alien first)

lissie: once again, thank you so much for following me on this journey! cheers~

#the voyage: year 2 #milestone of the moon #announcement from the moon

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class. 

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening. 

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling. 

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took. 

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally. 

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there. 

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with  feeling their pain. 

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it. 

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

#adhd #adhd life #executive dysfunction #positive affimation #but it's only the begining ig #i might delete positive affirmations #idk #pros and cons #pros and cons of my adhd #nuerodivergent #nuerodivergent friends are the best #i will elaborate at some point #I've been on tumblr too long