#i can't stop watching it every hour

[allaglow]

#* JUST AN IMAGINATIVE CHILD * #this tiktok has made me feel more seen than anything i've consumed in years #i can't stop watching it every hour #like it's healing #10/10 op! #also #they did an ariel/aurora one that didn't feel on the nose and even with this one idk about the 'attaches easily' #but wow this is therapeutic #it makes me feel like i'm allowed to actually label what i've been experiencing and that it's okay that that's what's been happening #idk i don't want to get too into it but. wow yeah

[running-in-the-dark]

.

#currently crying because I'm alone with my husband's 94 year old grandma and I'm the only one who ever lets her talk about certain topics #so she just talked about her childhood and youth for one and a half hours #which means. the war #I'm not gonna go into it but it makes me cry every time even though I've already heard it all before #how can you not cry about a child who lost two of her teenaged brothers and had to watch the third one very nearly die too #the stories about how careful they had to be because the police constantly went to every house and checked everything #how they had to hide some of the milk from their cows so they could make butter because they couldn't afford to buy it #and how dangerous that was. #idk I'm so tired of people dying over senseless and unnecessary shit forever and ever and nothing ever changes and no one ever seems #to learn from it #or at least the ones in power don't #as long as there's disposable people (men) to send to war it doesn't matter. and now that's not even necessary anymore you can just kill #people from far away and. I'm just tired #and I'll shut up now and not talk about these things again as usual. it's not because I don't care it's because it (literally) drives me #insane to think about it and I know it's weak and pathetic but I have to choose to stay just barely sane enough to stay alive #can't stop crying. 🙃 #anyway. shouldn't talk about it so. bye

[vamptastic]

this is stupid maybe but i wish ppl talked more about public transport outside of dense cities. not even rural public transport (which is hard for obvious reasons, though feasible on a small scale eg a bus to the nearest population center) but just, places that are technically a city in population but are more spread out and have lots of farmland and woods, like where i grew up and where i live now. suburban-rural i guess? but that term doesn't fully encapsulate it, to me. anyway trains and busses actually work very well in these places while walking does not. idk how much walkability you could even achieve because you're just constrained by distance (and here, by the weather- it's hot and rains frequently). but point a to point b public transport works well, especially in conjunction with bikes, scooters, and motorcycles. the assumption always seems to be that there will be a much higher density of businesses than ive ever lived around. like, i live within walking distance of a doctors office and a grocery store now, but i grew up with only car dealerships and a highway nearby, no sidewalks. but i still wouldn't consider my area walkable, i just happen to live on the edge of the neighborhood. i still do a lot of walking in the dirt or on the road. i genuinely enjoy living in places that kind of sprawled out from a downtown area and have a lot of empty space and i wonder how to integrate that with public transport, i guess.

#the bus system here genuinely works well it just only runs every 90 min #and stops at 7 so like. I can get groceries (if i can carry them) but I can't go to the club with it #and even getting groceries it's a lot of planning needed to not have to sit outside walmart for an hour waiting for the bus #with fuck all else to do nearby bc all the budding shopping centers lack say a coffee shop or just a fuckin shaded bench #the last time i missed the bus i had to sit behind a hospital watching med students smoke for an hour #bc it was the only nearby bench except the actual bus stop which was in the sun on a 95° day #stuff like that! the infrastructure is there but it's not fleshed out to not be awful #compared to driving. even tho i genuinely am not great at driving and don't enjoy it

[cringefailfagcat]

the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for

#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group #like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch #korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left #to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them #but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin #and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons #to contribute consistently to conversations #vent #sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly #catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself #i want to stop. #i can't be a human anymore #i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human #i can't be loved. #i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay #like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about #and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes #i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature #but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace #is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me

[izloveshorses]

#north and south #north and south bbc #me for the first 3.5 hours of this miniseries every time i watch: idk this is kinda slow and depressing #me during the last 30 minutes: why can't i stop CRYING <33333 #literally every time i watch #the ending will always get me #last episode makes the whole thing worth it #love makes me feel things #memes #also like?? #she looks back at him SO MANY TIMES!!! throughout the whole show!!! #and for once she doesn't #and he is AGONIZED!!! #i am going insane!!

[eirenses]

someone sedate me, i'm too fucking into the qsmp at the moment. im too obsessed im not okay

#i live and breathe this server #its consuming every minute of my day #like i can't stop thinking about it #this server really creeped up on me and now i find myself being strangled #watching hours of vods #learning multiple languages #and being online watching clips #i embrace the cringe but this is a little too much :'D #qsmp

[hailtotheskull]

i think i'm going crazy a little

#5 hours is enough time. i'm going throw up in the tags so. idk. don't read if you don't want that or whatever #but i so consistently just feel. On The Outside of everything i guess. nowhere is where I am i sit on the edge of everything #i watch other people live and i watch other people function and i go “i wish that was me i wish that was me” and i sit there still #and it's true that i wish that was me but every time i almost get there i break down #i become convinced i'm hated convinced things are out to get me that they'll go wrong so i retreat and go back to sitting on the edge #i keep yearning for a life that feels so within my grasp and that i watch everyone else take for themselves #but every time i reach out i recoil without thinking and i go “why don't i have this life? why do i feel so alone?” #because you shut yourself away because you're so afraid all the time! look nash you can acknowledge it look! #but acknowledging it is pointless because do i do anything about it? do i try to change things? no! i don't! i just do this! #who knows. i'm losing control of my own life and all i have to do is grab the wheel and stop it but i can't do even that

[4thbrighteststar]

</3

#no wait listen to me. listen to me #im south asian. my grandparents were muslim. my great aunt and uncle and their children and my parents siblings are all muslim #my parents aren't. they raised us without any religion. without even our national cultural ceremonies tied to islam #dont let yourself believe for a fucking second that has nothing to do 9/11 happening two years before i was born. two years before we moved #im south asian. my dad's first name is mohammed. when we catch a flight we get to the airport two hours earlier- #to account for the time it'll take my dad to be 'routinely stopped and searched' by airport security #routinely is right lmfao. it happens every time we fly #last time i was on an american airlines flight our checked luggage ended up across the continent and took two days to get to us #(my 12yo cousin gifted us an alarm clock that made an ominous ticking noise and we couldn't shut it the fuck up- #the luggage was labeled mohammed and coming from south asia. my sibling jokes it's a wonder we got it back) #im canadian. i cried my ass off to cfa tonight bc of how touching the story of a small town coming together to help a group of strangers is #(can't help thinking that never would've happened in a bigger city? but thereby lies another tale) #and god normally i hate 9/11 stories bc it feels like two sides of my identity being pitted against each other and it makes me so uncomfy #like as a canadian i should be sympathetic towards the states and at the same time im viscerally aware of the lasting prejudiced impacts #but cfa did it so beautifully #will never get over the 'thorough search' scene. 'you will never understand'. #the lump in my throat i get every time I watch my normally distinguished and tough and coolheaded father be pushed through airport security #how resigned he is to it. how he tries to stay dignified. how scared my mom gets every time. how rough they are with him #when he usually commands respect #and yet also the pride and the lump in my throat i got today knowing it was a little canadian town that made a difference #sigh enough out of me i just have a lot of feelings #come from away #team screams

[mimiri22-6]

You wanna know the worst thing about tomorrow for me is?

I'm gonna be at work when s2 of gomens drops. I can't even induldge and marathon the whole thing because I only get home around 1 am after a shift. And on Really bad nights, wich happen 1-2-4 nights a week? 2am. AND THEN I can't even marathon it the NEXT day because I work the next 3 days.

I want. To Die.

#gomens #good omens s2 #I'm gonna have to do what I did when I watched s1. 1 ep a night NO MATTER WHAT. no matter what cliffhanger. just one. #and THEN marathon it the last night I work. unless something gets planned on tues. T-T I can't have shit. #I honestly might have to quit or ask for like a month off soon because my mental health has been TANKING like nothing else recently #but also i CAN'T because my best friend is gonna go homeless soon because their fam sucks and we still don't have a solid plan for where #we're gonna move in. my life is a fucking mess and this is the worst year of my life and every year becomes worse than the last #god fucking damn it. i need to stop being so sad that my brain hurts now. find me in the w elcome h ome tag bros #go to sleep mimiri #i can't i only woke up 2 hours ago because i slept for less than an hour yesterday and then took 5 melatonin last night #and the melatonin wasn't even the reason i fell asleep last night. i fell asleep like 2 1/2 hours after i took them

[finexbright]

moving to the UK has made me develop an irrational fear of ordering take out

#i simply refuse to order at this point like here you go : #i was craving taco bell after ages and i got back from work at 11:45 p.m and placed an order. like literally they were gonna close in #2 mins. and so i wait and i'm so hungry and i open and it's meat. when i'm a vegetarian and i couldn't even order anything else because #it was already midnight #THEN i ordered taco bell in the afternoon next day and same fucking thing happened #THEN one time i was at work it was a long shift and every one of my supervisors know i'm a vegetarian #so they made sure to tell the guy who was serving food to get me the veg lasagna #and i take my food and go to the backroom and it looks suspicious and luckily my friend was around and i #made him take a bite and he was like yep it's meat #and so because of all of this bullshit instead of ordering take out i went to mcdonald's down the road recently #because i was like absolutely not. and i order a veggie burger. and peep in and check to see it's a green box before heading home #and me and b are sat watching gogglebox and i finish my fries and open this green ass box and lo and fucking behold #it's a meat burger. INSIDE a fucking green box that says veg on it #but i was craving mcdonald's badly so i ordered it online. and guess fuckin what. meat again #i basically stopped ordering food and just physically go out to places to eat #and today it's cold and i'm tired so i ordered food from a mexican place and it took two hours for them to #deliver the food #and it was legit supposed to be veggies beans and rice. and guess fucking what. they put meat in it #i can't even get my money back anymore because i've complained too much but what the fuck honestly #YOU keep sending me meat 😭😭😭😭😭 #i'll just make some quick pasta and call it a day 😔✊ #food mention

[hunterinabrowncoat]

.

#i know using alcohol to cope isn't good #but also like #now I've had a few drinks I just don't care about anything #everything just doesn't feel as awful #the last few days i haven't eaten or slept much at all #every time I've had time to think i just have a complete breakdown #I've been watching Bondi rescue of all things as an escape for the past few days #about 14+ hours a day #cos i can't fucking cope with life #i can't face anything #can't stop thinking about hurting myself #but alcohol in me and I'm like suddenly not as bad #......... it's gonna be a rough January fellas #personal #ignore me #mental illness #mental health #tw suicide

[iniziareold]

/breathes calmly. Tifa—

#[ tifa lockhart. ] she had buried the twinges of guilt beneath the narcissism of self-sacrifice. beneath the belief of 'the greater good'. #[ one day i will go at that water tower scene one line at a time on here rather than in discord. ] #[ and i'll do so coherently and logically. ] #[ touching on the word choice of teenagers-- their physical reactions. these voice actors' performances of these lines. ] #[ gestures-- everything. there is so much here but it infuriates me because so much is overlooked. ] #[ and then i'm asked to look at an analysis and i truly feel like i'm told to walk through a dense set of woods with two lit matches. ] #[ or like twenty. ] #[ i've been listening to a tower; a promise for the last hour after having watched the scene for almost 2 hours on the 2nd monitor. ] #[ feral. /feral/ i am about this scene. square enix is nothing short of incredible at depicting human nature. ] #[ the spot where she chooses to sit; what not seeing his facial expressions is indicative of. ] #[ when we keep in mind that they haven't actually genuinely spoken before that moment-- ] #[ like remember-- nojima specified (i will find this back i swear) that cloud's recollection of even younger tifa... ] #[ going 'are you ignoring me?!' during that flashback? is not a genuine memory. it didn't happen that way. ] #[ can we stop forgetting that cloud is an /unreliable narrator/? ] #[ but any way-- /stop forgetting they don't know each other/. not beyond being familiar faces. ] #[ but even just in the moment. she can't see him and /he can't see her/. ] #[ can we talk about how... her 'sadness' initially isn't just aimed at cloud leaving? she specifically says 'all the guys are--'. ] #[ i can touch on every line but lemme focus on a few here-- cloud's little attempt at getting a reaction from her... ] #[ 'yeah. so i won't be back for a long time.' the cool guy. not only does it fail-- 'guess not'. immediate. no thought. no hesitation. ] #[ and then immediately goes to 'think you'll be in the papers?' ] #[ this is the first moment she smiles. you can see it amidst the blur but you can especially hear it in her voice. her tone brightens. ] #[ she looks up; wistful. and it's still there when the camera focuses on her and she mentions the wish. ] #[ and her phrasing is interesting-- 'and when you're a famous soldier'. that on its own can be seen as just phrasing but... ] #[ the inclusion of 'please? just once'. just once. it's not about cloud in specific. it's about being saved. ] #[ and ALSO; can we talk about how it isn't cloud who talks about SOLDIERs being heroes? ] #[ she talks about a 'hero'. not him. he doesn't mention heroes at all; can we talk about that for a second? ] #[ u g h. tag limit again-- i keep counting. don't mind me. i'm not saying tifa is 'selfish'. but i'm saying tifa is being selfish. ] #[ and that makes her an increeeeeedibly interesting character. but i need people to realize and talk about this? u g h. ] #[ also-- ALSO-- did this scene even happen this way? nOMURA AND NOJIMA?? ]

[keitheaverage]

my personal rule of thumb is that (typically) if a video essay is longer to watch than the media that it is analyzing, it's not one you're gonna get a lot out of, neither in terms of information nor entertainment. something to have on in the background if that's what you need to sit down and work maybe, but if you're there to get a solid thesis or concise recap of the media in question, 😬.

#I had to look up quinton reviews' icarly essay just to make sure I wasn't dissing him inadvertently with this post #bc those videos honestly slap #he does a good job of keeping those videos from droning on too much #or that lasagna cat video of the guy analyzing the garfield strip for over an hour #tho that one's mostly bc it's a parody that's long on purpose for comedy's sake #also I'm sure at least one of you has an 8+ hour long essay on a 2hr film that Got You Through It. #and that's fine!! every rule's got an exception. I'm just talking abt me and my personal preferences #also if you're an essayist who makes overly long videos i got nothing against you #esp if that's your job. get your bag ig. #but like even when I'm working on something I do like to follow along w/ what I'm watching/listening to #and if you can't get to your point I'm going to stop caring and zone out sorry

[readymades2002]

sick to my stomach (spent money on food when i could have not spent money)

#desperately need to curtail spending. now #had a bit of a breakdown the last hour of work thinking oh god i have no money to leave this apartment #i need to save up so i can at least pretend im going to ever get out of here but im not #started freaking out because i didnt want to come home and try to be my mom's only friend again #my brother is planning to leave in august and my mom can't afford this place on her own. #august is going to come and then i am going to be trapped here with her forever. #finding that out actually does coincide with when i started doing this badly ive been trying not to think about it #i just. i am sick of this. i dont want to share a room with her anymore #i dont want her trying to live my life. she wants me to crawl back inside her and tell everyone my stories and life in her voice #every time i go to do anything on my own she needs to comment on it and assume everything and i just. i hate it #i cant make my own mistakes i cant move on my own i am always being watched i hate it i hate it i hate it #i just want to stop being watched it is all i have ever wanted and it is always fucking happening how are you supposed to stay sane

[skrunksthatwunk]

ranting for like an hour with my roommate about rascal's owner bc i do not understand her behavior (<- furious).

#like ur fine with letting us (basically strangers) take him for weeks at a time with little communication but you still call him your son?? #you leave him alone with your physically abusive roommate (knowing what she does to him) all day and still he's your son? #you tell everyone you and roommate are the dysfunctional/deadbeat/abusive parents and we're the loving foster parents and you feel no shame #you dont try to change this? you don't take him to a shelter or clean up your act or change roommates at all??? #and yet you still act like he means something to you when the only time he is cared for is when he's in our home #he is a sweet little boy who you took in on purpose and chose to keep and choose to keep every day #and you're fine with dumping him on us for weeks only seeing him for minutes at a time and now youre gonna take him home over break to get #him used to your pets?? like you want to keep him??? #i feel like ive been played for a sucker. like yes i inserted myself in this mess and i feel idk like. arrogant? for judging her #but at the same time i can't look at her roommate locking him in a dark closet full of his own shit or waving a taser at him or throwing hi #across the room ('look' metaphorically; i was told afterwards and they acted like it was funny) and go #yeah well. maybe we're all bad parents. YOU LEAVE HIM WITH HER? ON PURPOSE. EVERY DAY FOR MANY HOURS #like im glad to take care of him i will and am doing it for free i love him dearly. but watching her come back for him like it doesn't #matter that shes been gone this whole time and like it doesn't matter who he's with or how they treat him after we mop his shit up for week #like goddamn. ive been doing you a favor haven't i. #ive been a free cat nanny and at the end of the day he'll go right back into that shitcloset. and you won't bat an eye. #it's worth it to get him out of there even if im being taken advantage of but i fucking still don't like it #but im worried that if i confront her she'll take him back for good. aughh Hes Literally Not My Cat I Don't Have Any Right To Take Him #But He Needs Somebody Who Can Take Care Of Him. and im not even sure that person's me but fucking. at least i try #at least i give a shit about how he is and spend time with him and be patient with him and. god. i need to pack im stopping here #it makes me mad okay. he deserves so so much and they give him nothing. like i can't understand getting a kid/pet on purpose and not even #trying to understand or care for them or even Resenting them. theyre innocent and they need you. they're yours. be theirs. but seeing it in #person and having this stupid fucking mental custody battle is just. really frustrating and disheartening. #im going to go kiss babycat on the forehead now. fucks sake #edit day after but i went off about this to my mom and she pointed out that his owner kinda put her roommate in that situation too #like her behavior toward rascal is unacceptable but shit she Didnt Want A Kitten In Her Room #and shes probably the one who has to take care of him. at least we opted into this #like if my roommate got a high maintenance pet who fucking bites me all the time that i didnt like without asking and then made me take care #of it alone all the damn time In My Room bc it's a dorm so you can't escape like shit id be pissed too #and the owner just foisting him off on whoever not giving a shit about whose care he's in or how good it is like.

[kenzie-ann27]

would love to stop feeling guilty all the time

#i give myself one hour a day to play games and i stream so it's semi productive but like #any time i hear any noise i have to immediately stop and shut everything off because i just can't be happy #and like. i don't think i've been a completely terrible child #i'm severely anxious and agoraphobic but like. i don't do terrible things #any time i want to sit down and watch a tv show or movie or play a game it's like my mother just fucking hates me #i can't be happy for one hour and shut the world off for a little while #i know i'm not like. i don't make money. but i never spend money. and i clean and help whenever i can #i don't know how anyone in this generation is going to be able to work when all we've grown up seeing is how fucking useless it is #especially in this country. and i know like blah blah american so self centered but like it is hard #it's hard not having health insurance. it's hard getting shit wages. it's hard never having vacation time to fucking live life. #it's hard being scared to death every second i'm out of the house because i don't know what will happen. it's hard. #and i don't try because how could i #no one is trying for me #idk if it's my mom's residual guilt from eight years of catholic school but i shouldn't have to make myself miserable for 90% of my life #to justify being okay with being slightly happy for the other 10% #i make myself miserable as is so like why can't i just enjoy the one thing i have left #:( #anyway