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ghirahimbo · 6 months

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Life advice question… Okay here it goes: I have been dating someone who I love very much for more than a year. Let’s call him Joe. It’s a crazy long story, but I have loved him since highschool which was 9 years ago now. We were never together until a year ago but we were friends as teenagers. In 2021 I made a lot of mistakes including marrying someone for 6 months who was wrong for me because of guilt and religion but I never forgot about Joe all along. I moved back with my mom after the divorce from my failed “marriage” in 2021 and reconnected with my long lost love. I know I want to be with Joe and we are thinking of moving in together but my mom and my grandparents will look down on me because they believe that you shouldn’t move in together before marriage. It hurts so much because I too have these thoughts internalized from religious trauma but I want to live with him so bad but I’m scared of my family’s response. They already see me as a dumb slut for staying over with him on the weekends. I already tried the no sex, no anything before marriage thing and I ended up with a lying, psychopathic narcissist that used religion against me so I really don’t believe that it is the right choice for everyone. I know you grew up in a religious home too so you might understand. What should I do? I’m so scared. I’m getting older now and everyone else seems to have moved on with their lives and settled down. My boyfriend says he wants to live together at least a little while before getting married which is understandable because you don’t really know somebody until then, which I experienced first hand.

I feel like I can’t handle the judgment of my family, but I want to be with the love of my life. He comes from a much more relaxed background which sees sex and relationships as natural and without a strict timeline. It’s so much pressure when my mom always says I had a five year old and was married at your age all the time, why doesn’t he love you, what’s going on? she says he’s just using me and doesn’t care about me because he hasn’t proposed within a year, which hurts me so much, and is far from the truth, but when I hear it all the time it messes with my head. I try to explain my choices and my relationship but I just go mute and shut down. I’ve always loved your writing, and although it’s cringy to say, I feel like I relate a lot to Link never forgetting about and loving Ghirahim (my boyfriend is eccentric, artistic, sensual and wild at times, but that’s why I love him) in your story and everyone not understanding and worrying. It hit me on such a deep level to read even years ago. Ive never loved anybody like I love my boyfriend, and I don’t want to marry some random guy because he is “perfect” in my family’s perspective. What do you think I should do in this situation, it just feels so crushing and depressing at times? I’m just trying to live my life and follow my heart without feeling so much guilt and shame. Thank you for reading.

Hi, anon! That is a lot 💖 Deep breath. It's going to be okay 🫂

You're right, I was raised in a very religious home—Mormon, specifically. Looking back, I think a lot of Blind, But Now actually arose from my complicated feelings about disentangling from the beliefs I grew up with, but I hear that it makes a good metaphor for other scenarios, as well. I'm glad you found something to relate to 💖

A few grains of salt before I attempt to offer any advice (along with the general caveats thrown in that I'm not any sort of professional, your mileage may vary, etc, etc):

I can't speak to the specifics of your relationship with Joe, though in a way, that's almost beside the point. It sounds like you've known him for a long time, and you love and trust him enough to want to continue the relationship. No red flags jump out at me from your telling of things (lmao except maaaybe you comparing him to Ghirahim, but I'm going to assume you didn't mean that too literally 😂). It's definitely the widely accepted practice outside of religious circles to move in together before marriage (or with no intention to marry), and his asking does not at all indicate a lack of love.

I also talked to my sister a little bit about this because, to be honest, I'm the only one of my siblings who actually did the whole no living together/sex before marriage thing 🙃 The only reason my marriage has worked out as well as it has is because my husband and I have both grown a lot in similar directions since getting married, but it still has its complications.

That all being said, this is actually the best possible time for you to start looking to disentangle yourself from a living situation that's causing you so much stress and shame. I personally am the type of person to contort myself into knots to keep the peace, often to my own detriment. I think you might relate. Still, imagine the kinds of decisions you'll have to make down the line to keep that peace, and what your life might look like as a result. Imagine if your first marriage had resulted in children before you left it (as an aside, generally speaking, early 20s with a five year old is NOT the aspirational lifestyle some people make it out to be 😂). The longer you wait, the more you let your life seep into the cracks of least resistance, the higher your exit cost will be later on. As hard as it is (and it is hard!) this is the perfect stage of life to rip the bandaid, so to speak.

The next thing I'll say is that even if you weren't looking to move in with a romantic partner, I would still be suggesting that you start looking for a way to get out from under your mom's roof. Now obviously, I don't know your exact situation. There might be circumstances or disabilities on your part that make financial stability nearly impossible—and either way, "become financially stable" isn't exactly actionable advice on its own. 😜

What I can say is that there is a freedom and relief you can experience once you don't have your moms' words in your ear every day—freedom that I doubt you experienced during those six months with an emotionally abusive husband. All of my siblings found it much easier to develop their own personal belief systems outside of my parents' house, and my parents don't use language even a tenth as shaming as your mom seems to. I even know somebody right now who's working on a career training program with the goal of getting out of their religious dad's house who they know won't accept their queer identity.

Moving in with Joe could hopefully make that goal more financially achievable in the short term, and I really think that in itself would help you a lot—but I guess I would caution you not to consider that an end to things, either? There are reasons that your living situation with Joe might fall apart aside from the relationship not working out, and I don't know that it would be good for you to have to go back home afterwards if it did. Just... keep the long-term future in mind, I guess. If you don't feel beholden to your family for financial support, you won't feel so beholden to their belief system, either.

With alllll that being said, just from reading your message, I think you still have a lot of religious trauma to work through (which is totally understandable!). I can't quite get a feel for your current state of belief (nor, I'm realizing now, do you specify the religion itself? For some reason, I've been imagining an evangelical situation, though I guess there are plenty of other possibilities). Maybe *you* don't even know your current state of belief.

I know that the advice to get therapy gets thrown around a lot as if it's not often a difficult or expensive thing to obtain, but if you do have the means, I think the right therapist could really help you work through some of your beliefs and shame. If not, I would seek out a community—if not one to participate in, then at least one to observe. Maybe there's a podcast you could listen to, or a subreddit you could lurk in—something to help you realize not only that you aren't alone in your situation, but that there are others who have made it through to thrive on the other end. If some of these feel too intense—if, for example, you don't want to abandon your beliefs entirely—then only take what you need and don't feel pressured into anything you're not ready for. As somebody taking the first, hesitant steps out of Mormonism, I wasn't ready to deal with accusations of ill-intent or subterfuge against church leaders, or sacred things made light of, or speculations that Joseph Smith's visions stemmed from mushrooms, or really any of the bitterness typical of exmos in their angry phase. I just needed to see how the church and its teachings were causing people harm on a systemic level and take my own steps from there.

As for moving in with Joe against your family's wishes, know that it will be hard, but you are not the first, and not alone 💖 When my sister first moved in with her boyfriend, my parents really struggled with how to handle it, but eventually decided not to bring it up, hoping, I think, to be the soft place to land if things went south. Her boyfriend's parents took it much worse, judging them verbally and constantly until her boyfriend, with boundary setting skills that I envy, finally told his parents that they couldn't continue on like that AND keep him in their lives. Things were really rocky there for a few years, but even they've reached a state of equilibrium since then.

Parents' reactions to their children's decisions are as varied as the parents themselves, but a few things I can say: even if they come from a place of love, your mom's words to you right now are not helpful or loving. Her truth is not your truth, nor must her values be your values. While I don't subscribe to the idea that we don't owe anyone anything in this life, what you owe your mom does NOT extend to your life lived in a way that she would approve of. Rather, as a parent, it's her responsibility to realize that children grow up to be their own people and love you anyway. You have nothing to be ashamed of—and though it doesn't always feel that way, your 20s are still young. As hard as it is right now to take the leap, years from now, you'll be so glad that you did 💖

Again, this is all based on my own perspective from a limited view of things, but I hope there's something helpful to take from all this 😅 Wishing you all the love and luck!

#uhhhh how to tag this #long post #religious trauma #i kind of tried to proofread this after writing it but it was very long 😅#sorry about that

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oikawasbliss · 3 years

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hq characters as s/o's!

⇢ suna rintarou & osamu miya

⇢ a/n: it's 12am and i'm supposed to be sleeping. lol priorities💯 just hcs my 12am mind thought of hehe

SUNA RINTAROU

⇢ how he asked you out?

⇢ well you actually confessed to him first at somewhere private.

⇢ which suna accepted, adding with ” wow.. someone actually likes me. ” with a slight grin that you could be able to see.

⇢ he's not really up for pda

⇢ but when you two are alone, he gets clingy.

⇢ ” y/n. ”

⇢ ” yes, rin? ”

⇢ ” please play with my hair. ”

⇢ he enjoys you playing his hair!!

⇢ you guys do eskimo kisses more than single lip kiss

⇢ if you two are alone and are hungry... you two don't even know how to cook so why even 😂

⇢ you guys just order pizza.

⇢ texts one another even though you two are literally beside each other.

⇢ he shows slight affection when you guys are outdoors

⇢ you kiss him on the cheek and wrapping your arms around him out of nowhere for a tease.

⇢ which he easily gets flustered by, because yeah, not a fan of pda.

⇢ he likes it though.

⇢ people are suprised when you mention that you two are dating. every fucking time.

⇢ VERY protective.

⇢ suna doesn't really like going into fights but if he does see you getting uncomfy with someone, he's not afraid to buff up.

⇢ so he sees you getting hit on by a total stranger while he was buying a snack for you two the amusement park. his temper gone bad.

⇢ suna got real impatient with the longing order, he didn't want to see his girlfriend getting lowkey harassed by someone she does not know.

⇢ it happened fast for him, what he ended up doing is yell ” babe! the corndogs are ready, go get yours. ”

⇢ you hearing his loud yet idle voice made you relieved, ignoring the man, walking straight to your partner.

⇢ though he didn't give that man a good ol' punch, he's glad that you didn't get hurt.

⇢ ” woah. that was scary. ” you whispered.

⇢ ” next time, stick with me. okay? ”

OSAMU MIYA

⇢ how he confessed?

⇢ he keeps giving you his homemade onigiris which you always accept because food.

⇢ this has caused a rumor in your class and osamu's class that he might have a crush on you.

⇢ you didn't want to believe the rumors so you asked osamu himself for confirmation.

⇢ and that's when he confessed.

⇢ you were speechless, things you want to say at that moment can't come out of your mouth except for the words I like you too.

⇢ so when you guys started dating, the whole school got bonkers, but really proud.

⇢ though he isn't a fan of pda too.

⇢ but likes when you give him affection in public. clown.

⇢ would come to your house unnanounced to either bake, make food, or just chill.

⇢ your favorite times with him are to bake.

⇢ because everytime you two bake the whole kitchen would be a mess. also he's good at baking, with recipes and intructions of course.

⇢ HE NEVER LETS YOU VISIT HIS HOUSE

⇢ because... atsumu.

⇢ you haven't, once, visited his home. he's afraid that atsumu might ruin you and his vibes.

⇢ ” 'samu, he's your brother, i don't think he'll— ”

⇢ ” —no shush... you don't know my brother. ”

⇢ you both watch buzzfeed unsolved whenever you two are bored.

⇢ shaniacs‼️💯

⇢ you'd caught him taking secret glances on you and confront him about it.

⇢ and his response are always ” cause you're fucking beautiful? what else? ”

⇢ okay so whenever you two make onigiris? you make it a challenge.

⇢ whoever makes the cutest design wins. the prize? nothing cause both of you are broke lol.

⇢ you call it unfair cause osamu has more experience than you.

⇢ but it's a fun bonding between you two.

⇢ when he saw you getting hit on by someone? he'd be calm, but deep inside, wants to throw a brick on their face.

⇢ when he saw you getting more uncomfy he' confidently approach you and say stuff like " hey y/n, babe, how's it going love? " to keep them away.

⇢ thankfully they leave. which you sigh in relief.

⇢ ” wow you didn't need to be cringy. ”

⇢ ” you could've just said thanks? i literally saved you? ”

⇢ ” i'm kidding. thank you, love. ”

#suna x reader #osamu x reader #osamu miya #suna rintarou #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader

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interestsofabookwormbitch · 5 years

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Review

Ok, I've had time to collect my thoughts, and now I shall review my opinions on ASOTM. This will obviously have spoilers for the fic, and also, I didn't take any notes, so this won't be professional.

First of all I want to say I don't how well the representation is, and I will never be able to say that because I myself am mentally...sound? Not quite healthy, but good enough. Anyway, I did read through the comments on AO3, and the only mentally ill people to comment that I seen had said it was really good. I also do not want to really discuss this point with anyone who is neurotypical and completely unaffected by the issues of the story. Sorry, but your opinion on the matter is likely based of off your own assumptions, and I don't want to base my own opinion off of that.

Now that that's out of the way

I fucking loved it. I also fucking hated it. It fucking destroyed me. Like I said in another post, I wrote depressed poem because of it. So I guess I'm saying it gets a 10/10 on emotional investement. Seriously, it had me fucking bawling for half an hour, and I had it on my mind all day today. I just, I still feel it in my heart. You know how your heart feels heavier for some reason when something is above the normal amount of upsetting? Maybe that's just a me thing. Anyway, that's how I felt all day when I would think about it. I think that's a sign of genius fucking writing.

Honestly the writing was so fucking amazing. I felt so many emotions just from how it was written. Some lines that should have been cheesy weren't, and the descriptions. Like, I haven't been afraid of needles for a long time now (an incident from grade 7), but that blood work scene made me squirm (of course because of the ship it was kind of from cuteness too). Or when Bert and Gerard fought. I do have a squeamishness to blood, and I don't know how or why, but how she wrote made me picture bleeding more vividly than anything else I've read.

Also, this was written in first person. That's fucking hard to do. And, being 100% honest, is usually pretty cringy in fanfiction. But it was executed fan-fucking-tastically. Like, the story would not have been nearly as good written in third person. It was just amazing.

Gerard's whole inner monologues were usually pretty good too. And I only say usually because I don't want to say the ones that made me tear up were good (they were, but I refuse to acknowledge that). Also, his illness did feel real. I sympathised so fucking much. And there were times when he was getting better. He'd stop refusing treatement, but then something would happen. Fuck, I feel like if he could have stayed at Bluestone he might have actually healed now. Might have gotten better, but I don't even know. I don't even fucking know if they were real or not. Sometimes it seemed like they really were. But he could have gotten better. He was smart, he was good. He just needed someone looking out for him. Someone to convince him.

I'm fucking crying again. Fuck me. Fuck me and this fucking story. I need to move on. Fuck.

Ok, let's go to Frank. His characterization felt so real to me. Like he was slowly being healed, slowly getting better. It took time, and that was realistic. He went to court at the end. He testifies. I'm so proud. I'm so fucking proud.

Fuck. I'm back to fucking crying. This point on will a fucking mess. My thoughts are scattering because of my pain.

Frank and Gerard. Fuck this will be the death of me. I need to get it out of the fucking way. It was amazing to watch. It grew and bloomed so beautifully. So naturally. It was bumpy at times, but it was real. It was so fucking real. Gerard fixed Frank like he set out to do, and I feel like if they were given the proper time Frank could have helped fix Gerard too. But it was too late. They didn't even get a real fucking good bye. Fuck me. That hallucination of Frank. Fuck fuck fuck. I can't. I'm literally writing my thoughts as they come now. But fuck. Why couldn't Frank have actually said it? Why didn't he get to? It kills me. It fucking kills me. And how protective Gerard was of him. Everything that was going wrong Gerard would try and fix. And he did. Despite his mental state he saved Frank. Fuck I don't even like smut that much, but even that was fucking perfect. The struggles. The care. They loved each other. And I can't fucking deal with this shit.

Let's move on to Mikey. Fucking Mikey. I'm fucking crying harder now. Poor fucking Mikey. Poor poor Mikey. He didn't deserve that, and Gerard didn't mean to. It was all a tragic fucking accident. But their both gone now. Both of them are fucking gone.

The really shitty thing is, since I don't completely know if they are real or not, I don't know if Gerard got to go to an afterlife. Usually I believe there is one. I'm not religious, but I believe that. Usually I can comfort myself and say everyone meets there eventually. Except I can't say that. This really is fucking with my head. If they are real then they wouldn t let move on. Fuck if that epilogue wasn t written how it was then I wouldn t be so unsure. But it was written that way. It fucking was, and it fucked with me real good. Real fucking good.

I did love Markman though. I first I thought I'd hate her. Thought she was bitch, but was really trying. She really fucking tried. She tried. But she couldn't save him. If only he listened and took his pills. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This isn't going well at all. I promise I fucking loved this story to bits. I really did. Really do. But it tore my fucking heart out and fucking carved it shreds. Fuck.

At least Ray and Bob were pure. They were the only purely happy things about the fic. Everything else makes me want to fucking cry thinking about.

But everything in it makes me want to reread. Why the fuck am I like this? Fuck. I cried harder over this than Endgame. 100%. Fuck me.

Overall I'll give it 9.5/10. Anything that makes me cry so much deserves a good rating. Only really downside is a fucking open fucking ending. Fuck are they real or not? I need to fucking know.

Also:

This is how much I cried just writing the review. I'm gonna go read something happy now. I need it. Like, I really fucking need it.

#my chemical romance #mcr #asotm #a slipping of the ming #fanfiction

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mika-shion · 2 years

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Rant Journal #01

I don't expect to be feeling amazing everyday, but can't I just feel okay most days?

I can't help but still be furious about what life has thrown at me. Abusive but now Passive-Aggressive family, bullies for classmates and teachers at a very young age, years of seclusion that's only being challenged now because there's no other choice, having been stripped of my confidence for years and still not getting it back.

This is becoming tedious, you get the point - life is shit.

Do I want you to feel sorry for me/pity or coddle me? Absolutely not! That's part of what got me into this mess.

But that doesn't mean I can be thrown into the ocean and expected to know how to swim back to shore. (okay shit example but hopefully my point was made)

When things started to genuinely look good for me, I became wildly uncomfortable with what felt like a completely foreign world now.

I don't give a damn how edgy, angsty, or cringy people might find this. Mental/emotional health is a very real thing that I take very seriously. If you're not cool with that, leave now. No one's stopping you.

..I'm not used to feeling okay or genuinely happy/carefree. So when it's thrust upon me so suddenly for brief periods at a time, not only is it a massive system shock, but it's basically giving me whiplash at the same time.

Being thrown back and forth between extremes would fuck up anybody. Don't believe me? Go find something you love deeply and literally rip it to shreds.

The trepidation you feel is more than enough to prove my point.

I'm not writing this so someone can come save me. If someone tries to, I'll toss them into a lake(unless they can't swim, in which case, dumpster).

I'm writing this to vent, and to let people know, if I haven't already, that it's okay to feel good, bad, or anything else. It's hella healthy in fact, and burying it in any capacity instead of confronting it is only going ruin you... Probably very much like it did me, though obviously it can vary.

I love life, who I am, and at least some of where I've been. I've got plenty to be proud of, but unfortunately even more that needs work.

I'm not religious, but I feel genuinely blessed to have a few people in my life to help keep me on my feet.

I owe it to them AND myself to not give up, cuz god fucking knows I've wanted to a lot recently.

I don't know who ever bothers to read these posts in full, but for whoever does, you're either very curious, or you have a kind heart. Either way, I appreciate you giving me your time for my rantings.

If any of you are struggling right now, please please PLEASE reach out to someone qualified to help you. A therapist or psychiatrist. Some type of professional, or someone close who can help you to find one.

We're all on our own screwed up journeys, fumbling around in the dark, trying to figure things out. Others can help, you just gotta keep looking, and remember that, in the end, the most important of which is you.

Love and treat yourself right and we'll all get where we want to or need to be someday. Promise~

#mika-talks

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