#i better get my own fucking job back

[pepperpixel]

A pic of my human whirl design and holomatter avatar whirl hanging out together! Cuz I thought that’d be cute! And I was right… it is!

#transformers #mtmte #whirl #tf whirl #humanformers #mtmte whirl #doodles #Srry it’s been so long since uploading anything. I got a job! last month #and! it’s been going good… but also I do not have as much free time… #also… I’m.. it’s at a daycare… and I got a 102 degree fever last LAST Tuesday #2 Tuesdays ago. and I’m still fucking coughing. every time I start feeling better I go back to work and the sickness like resets itself. #also one of the kids gave me pinkeye!!! #im… thinking about looking for a diff job lol #im rlly proud of how well I’ve been handling this one. and its def boosted my confidence! #but.. like… i live with old ppl. who have there own serious issues. also I have my own issues! #espec w the eye thing like i had to go to an eye doctor ever month for like 2 years cuz my eyes were screwed up #and finally last year i got the ok that my eyes were doing good! and they weren’t screwed up anymore. and then i get fucking pink eye! #that freaks me out!!!! and Ive been sick for 2 weeks straight! that sucks!!! #like.. ive just realized… this level of exposure to illness and bacteria.. is not worth it lol #ive still got to do like 2 weeks notice tho so hopefully im not fucking sick for 2 more weeks #I feel like that’s a possibility ghgh #anyway yeah I got a job that’s why arts been scarce. gonna get a new job after this one so art will probably still be scarce lol #it’s ok that just means it’ll be more of a treat when I do post! like u guys’ll cherish it more right? lol #absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that #maccadam

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

#so ive been in a bad mental state lately #because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts) #that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own #which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them #and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too #i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful #and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing #and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas #and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom #so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset #and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?' #its not good. but i havent acted on anything #AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds #i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again #i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best #im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it #but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard #so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk #btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am #and im full of manic energy #tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room

[lovestryke]

LOL my older sister was like "you dont care about anyones stuff, you only care about yourself" ohoho on the contrare my horrible sister of mine, i dont care about YOUR stuff. nor anyone in the family's stuff. i DO care about the stuff of my coworkers and of my friends and also of strangers. i have so much love for those people. just not for you.

#i dropped her razor in the shower and the head of it fell off #i tried putting it back on but gave up #so i just put it back where it was #she got mad that i didnt tell her. what? when was i supposed to have done that? when you were fucking sleeping for work? when i was already #at my own job? get a fucking grip you overgrown baby i honestly dont give a shit that you act this way because of dad anymore youre almost #fucking 30 and cant get a grip that you can change and be a better person

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive. #like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love #and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me #she is. the most important person in my life #and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her #like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this #if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh #what more could i ever ask for #but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right #even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be #in just over a year #when she's making enough money for it #she plans on moving into a place of her own #which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point. #but i just. don't know what i'm going to do. #and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing #i thought we were going to move into a house together #i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke #but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year. #i would still want to be here. with her. #or somewhere else. with her. #like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. #and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t #give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted. #and she's leaving. #she doesn't want to be with me. #sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do. #for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs #its what sufjan would have wanted #fucked up terrible no good week

[grymmdark]

eaaughhhhh siblings are so hard to have sometimes.....

#grymms spectacular fucking posts #my sister is an incredibly frustrating person to live with #she spends all day either at her computer playing games or in her bed #she has back and knee pain that makes it so she cant bend over plus general chronic pain so she doesn't do a whole lotta chores. which i get #but she also complains about our parents not doing enough to take care of the house. like they both have fulltime jobs and have to take care #of 2 disabled kids. it's not fair to expect that they can also regularly do chores ontop of that #and if she spent her time putting in a bit more of her fair share of housework then I'd be a bitmore understanding but she doesn't do that #much. like i have chronic pain and i go to school 5 days a week and i do more chores than her #and she's an incredibly stubborn and emotional person who will flip out at anything and so i feel like im walking in eggshells talking to he #r #one time i was upset and said that if our parents went to jail for me skipping school I'd just dumpstedive for food and she said she didnt #wanna do that and i said she didnt have to. and she took me saying that as saying i wanted her to starve and didnt talk to me for a month #like if i cant even say something small and stupid when im upset and she's the one whose egging me on by saying stuff while im upset then #what can i even say around her aughhhh #anyways i know that shit like this is why i have a therapist but there's genuinely nothing i can do about this because she is the problem #and she's the one who isn't doing anything and aughhhhhh she makes my life so much harder just by being around #and i love her i want her to get better and move out for her own good but it's so hard to love someone who is nothing but a burden who #refuses to be responsible

[viktortittiforov]

the 2010s sure were a time in my life

#there's just....... there's just something about that time #it might have something to do with 2011 being the year i started high school and 2019 being the year i finished my BA #and also the last year before the pandemic #I DON'T KNOW I JUST. THINKING BACK ON IT THERE IS THIS MYSTIQUE TO THAT TIME. THIS STRANGE EXCITEMENT #which is most likely a result of me finally beginning to feel like i can shape my own life and who i am and daydreaming abt a better future #and like exploring myself. in 2010 i turned 14 and fully realised i'm bi and throughout the decade #i experimented with a variety of different like...... identifications and imaginations of who i am #some of those were quite consumer identities (e.g. i strove to be and was a very hipster teen) but nevertheless #i don't know dudes like. the pandemic took a lot from me in terms of ability to be excited about what's to come i think #even though my life is pretty good i'd say #but also maybe that's just what it's like to grow into adulthood and get a job etc. SIGH why am i writing an entire fucking essay #abt my 2010s teenagehood nostalgia #like majority of those years also SUCKED because i had zero real irl friends and was really lonely lmfao #it felt like life didn't really start for me yet #and i was constantly waiting to burst into it. maybe that's the mystique. constantly hoping i am on the precipice of smth extraordinary #is nostalgia for one's teenage yrs inevitable? even if you feel like you missed out on most experiences considered quintessentially teenage? #i only started having Teenage Experiences™ when i went to uni lmfao (i.e. early 20s) #but idk it's such a loaded period psychologically and it's horrible and frustrating when you're living it but then you think back on it #and you're like man..... sure was a time huh. wow #but idk my experience could also be influenced by so many other variables #e.g. smartphones and social networks becoming widespread and common #that was also a pretty significant thing that happened #anyway i think i'm abt to run out of tags so. that's it #sry this shoulda gone into my diary probably but i inflicted it on you instead #neptalks

[dylawas-reblogs]

me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--

my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with

me:

#dylawa rambles #dylawa rants #this man gives zero fucks about actually seeing me go into what I fucking trained to do he just wants me to make him money #i am literally sick to my stomach right now thinking about job hunting again #'i want to see you successful and happy' okay why are you still charging me rent then #why are you making job hunting even more of a traumatic experience than it already is #literally said to him 'I don't trust my chances of finding a new job within two months' and his response: 'oh well go work customer service #it took me MONTHS to find just this internship and it's a miracle it's paid at all #it's in a nice office with nice people and i have my own computer and they feed me almost daily! #i'll live another six months in this hellhole if it means I get a guaranteed post-internship job like this #is it the ideal job? absolutely the hell not #the commute sucks i don't have work from home so i can't get away with doing other shit on the side #i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make #but good fuck it's better than food service or retail #but nooooo he needs me to be his little rent cash cow without him feeling guilty about it #very tempted to bail even if it means I start eating through my savings a little bit #I don't know if I can go through the daily interrogations of 'did you apply? why aren't you hearing back? it's your fault' again #i have somewhere to go but I'm trying to keep it very 'last resort' territory #A) it would make my current work commute twice as long #B) it would require completely burning bridges with my old man bc I'd have to move out in secret #not just because i don't want him to know where the people who are sheltering me live #but also because if he saw that place even if he was willingly letting me move out he'd say 'absolutely not' #because I don't trust him not to do something weird. not necessarily DANGEROUS but. weird. #I want to burn all bridges someday! #but even now that I own my car it's still not the safest course of action #I'm so sick of being stuck dawg! #dylawa vents

[applecherry108]

[to the tune of the Lego Movie’s “Everything is Awesome”]

Everything is stressful! 🙃

Every-thing causes anxiety! 🙃

Everything is stressful!! 🙃🙃

When you have ADHD! 🙃🙃🙃

#I can’t take this fucking roller coaster of a housing crisis much longer I’m going to fucking SCREAM #I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by setting a boundary after all the concessions I’ve made but now she wants to push to move in date #back?? HOW DO I KNOW UR EVEN GOING TO MOVE IN AT ALL #LITTLE MISS MONTH-TO-MONTH 😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀 #apple talks #to the tune of spam #alright tw time! here comes the suicidal thoughts! #so my last housemate moved out a few months ago and my parents have been helping me with rent since then #but it’s fucking expensive in California #and I’m struggling to a) find a new roommate b) find a new apartment or c) find a better paying job #the stress has literally been killing me I can’t fucking sleep I eat even less and I’m up with 4 am panic attacks! #and my parents don’t have infinite money! so on Xmas they threatened to pay a buttload of money to force me back to Ohio bc somehow THAT #expense is less than helping me with rent a little while longer #I would rather fucking kill myself than move back to Ohio I am dead fucking serious #bc it’s not ‘move in with my parents again’ it’s my parents paying a whole ass apartment of my own until I find an Ohio job (in THIS economy #??) it’s them paying to fly me my CATS and my stuff out there but not any of my furniture. #it’s being down the road from my father again which I cannot and WILL not do. #I fucking moved to Cali to get away from him. and if my mom would just divorce his ass I’d be no contact in a heartbeat #I cannot be financially dependent on him AND live within driving distance of him #and I absolutely do not want to put my cats through the stress of a plane ride! they can barely keep it together being locked in my room #while I’m at work for 1 day! not to mention I’d be dependent on my parents to drive me everywhere bc there’s not public transportation there #and I’ve been packing in case I have to move apartments or god forbid to ohio and it’s a blurry fucking line bw packing to move #and giving away all my shit in preparation to kill myself #and I FINALLY found a new very temporary roommate and I’ve made a fuck load of concessions for her to move in and I have to draw the fucking #line somewhere and this of all things has her wanting to push back move until February which makes me nervous bc what if she backs out? what #if I’m fucked? girlies if I stopped posting for days on end I am literally dead. pray for my cats to go to a good home bc I can’t fucking do #it anymore

[dirt-str1der]

Do you consider any of the non protagonist yakuza girls well writen?

I think none of them had rights

#Thanks for the ask ! #like you have to actively like girls to notice them theyre inconsequential #also who is this why are you sewing discorse in my inbox #i spelled discourse wrong. my mom ordered the dog trainers to train ollie right now because he is insane and hes eating soo many treats #not because hes a good boy but because they are tossing that shit at him #they were literally almost there with yasuko #i thought her story was so fucking interesting ... #like its really not a fault of the girls they are all pretty good characters in their own right #like we have a variety of them too. we had miss tatsu who was out there turning guys inside out but she randomly had to go get kidnapped in #order to complete kiryus training arc. like how funny would it be for the whole thing to be staged and miss tatsus like Lol good job kiryu #for passing my test. oh this guy ? yeah he did get the better of me but i kicked the shit out of him then roped him into my schemes. dont #you think practical application is more effective than training ? anyway theres nothing more i can teach you but you can come train whenevr #we didnt even get an in game appearance for yuko but apparently she was a massive troll but too cute to get into any real trouble #mirei was. . . i literally said ‘are you kidding me’ when they revealed what happened to her like seriously ? is this real ? they did #that ? like literally she should have been living it up in cahoots with katsuya and being so sexy and divorced forever. she should have #faked her death because every single parentsl figure haruka had leaves her. and god haruka like honest to god i love that she just ran off #like that i thought it was so kiryu of her to be an absent father. but also my friends have all brought up very good points which is that #haruka should NOT have gone back to morning glory like she should have stayed in ono michi with her loser girlfriend whos a boyfriend with #her new extended family and only go back every now and then to see her siblings honestly i hated that .... like girl spread your wings .. #choose where you want to roost stop going back !! just get out !!!!!! its literally okay to tell the rest of your family ‘i dont wanna wipe #your asses forever i love you guys but im out of here’. and god i .. as much as i loved y0 makoto should have left her shitassed husband #girl had a whole ass baby with him ... find someone better im sorry ..!!! like whatever i know that thst was the ‘best’ option for her and #she deserves financial stability and a rich doctor husband but she also deserves crazy sex with a girl with one eye #i think what yumi did was awesome but like. actually i have no complaints about yumi. wait no i do. kazama was a shitass for marrying her #off to that politician because he couldnt stand having a woman in his house. im now thinking of that unecessarily hot doctor from y0 wtf was #her deal. and god the unnecessarily hot cho-han lady from y5.. oh wait ako had rights. she fell in love with kiryu at first sight then got #over him which is literally the best thing a girl could do for herself. PLUS she throws molotovs and is generally awesome #i cant remember any other girl. oh yeah god reina. .. reina .... god milky though .... i think she was fantastic and i want her badly. and #yayoi fucking disappeared after a certain point in time and ran off to another city with her baby daddy and sugared him to open a bar #well its not canon but im certain thats what happened because she literally went radio silence like girl where are you ....

[lockawayknight]

[|87

#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here. #new job is awful. but in a weird way. #i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself #but my boss is. my god. #it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property #she runs everything #and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud #she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like #they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it #every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like #me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent. #then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER #and i just cant handle it man!!! #and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay #and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!! #my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna. #the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still #but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does????? #idk #i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day #hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see. #thanks for reading

[fromthemouthofkings]

.

#i want to cry i'm scared that maybe i'll never be normal and the trauma and anxiety are too much and i'm too far behind #on just normal fucking things like driving a car and holding down a job and learning to do chores and how to be a person #and not be drowning in anxiety all the time #scared that they're right. that I'll never be able to hack it on my own apart from them(because of who i am.because of what they did to me) #that i'll never be able to support myself or travel or have any of the things that i want for my life and that i left for #because of my chronic illness and trauma and anxiety and just bad-at-being-a-personness #i'm so scared i'm going to fail and have to go crawling back to them #i'm so scared i'll never have a life i can stomach #so scared the people i love will get tired of putting up with me #that i'll have ruined my life in a desperate bid for freedom that didn't even work #i'm sorry #vent #personal #I tell myself it would have been worth it #even if i fail it will have been worth it to try and fight to free myself. even if it kills me #to try even if it doesn't work. it's better than not trying. i will never stop trying

[nomaishuttle]

its literally so insane that my brother has like parents who arent young like thats insane... they were 34 when they had him... they were 20 when they had me which like isnt Insanely young but its still young yk. young enough that ppl r like Omg yr parents r so young ! when i say how old they are... but theyre gonna be 40 next year WHICH IS CRAZY. 40 year old parents hes like a kid from a disney channel show.

#and that mf lives in a house my parents own. Not for long lmaooo anyways. #<- bc my parents r prolly gonna lose the house bc my dad lost his job bc he assaulted somebody again. AWESOME FAMILY ! but anyways. #but its crazy. n my mom has been planninh a disneyland trip 4 ages... why r my family becoming like. almost middle class its scary ... guys #go back 2 being poor im scared and also thats so unfair that they waited until like a few months b4 i moved out to start marginally #getting their shit together. go girl give me NOTHING ! #but like its crazy how different our lives will be. like my parents relationship i Highly fucking doubt its gonna get better LMAO theyll #probably get divorced once they lose the house. god willing at least. but yk... #and hes got like Adult siblings.... me in talking abt myself. i left the house the same year he started kindergarten. its insane. and im #not gonna be there to see him grow up. Kills my . #i do like. idk. i want 2 try n stay out here but i also. sometimes i do judt think abt going back home just so i cn be closer to him #but. yk. thats not rly feasible rn. so. #hopefullyyy next year theyll all be able 2 come up n visit me for the summer... since ill have my own place #my like Prayer is that maybe in a couple years him n annie and lamp could start spending the summer with me.... thatd be rly cool #lamp idk what their plans r i think theyre gonna stay down there #weve talked a bittt abt them moving up here and it seemed like theyd enjoy that ? but theyre rly close with annie as well so idk...

[daechwitamv]

story time with sari 😀

#im working on my CV rn and it made me rmb my first job at uni and how it ended and oh god why #i had to quit bc my mental health was so fucking shitty i couldnt deal with the work load so i went to one of my colleagues whos- #responsible for us student workers and i told him i had to quit and he asked why and i said bc of my health bc i cant lie but also didnt- #wanna tell the full truth and he very carefully asked whats wrong and i said i didnt wanna talk abt it was so awkward #AND THEN #at the time he wasnt only a phd student but also doing his psychotherapy training (insane man) and he happened to work at the practice- #where i went to get therapy at the time so basically what happened was that i sat in the waiting area and suddenly he comes walking around- #the corner and we just look at each other like 👁👄👁 #and he left bc he was with a client but ten minutes later he came back super nervous and reassured me that hes under- #patient therapist confidentiality and that he wont tell anyone at work that he saw me there etc etc and it was NICE #but it was also . such a weird situation and my lil anxious mind was like well at least he knows i wasnt fucking lying ! #why would he think that in the first place but oh well dhjdjdk #anyways i just got reminded of this bc i read the certificate i got from working there and it said i quit out of my own choice hdjdj #ah memories #also reminded me how im in a much better place now mentally which is nice bc i felt rock bottom yesterday lmao #okay story time with sari is over i gotta get back to writing that CV

[quietwingsinthesky]

i am being genuine, i think Zachariah is one of my favorite characters on this show

#him 🤝 Castiel: shits fucked I’m gonna go get drunk about it #literally he fascinates me I wanna poke him with a stick #‘whatever happened to personal loyalty’ NEED TO POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES AND FIGURE OUT HOW HE WORKS #okay okay okay okay it’s. like there is something to be said. about heaven’s reprogramming vs actually kicking angels out/killing them #that is last resort methods. I am gonna take Zach as being genuine there. what ABOUT loyalty huh? #the worst thing that can happen to an angel is getting kicked out like. Zach is one of the higher ups he’s an administrator of punishments #but is that punishment not better than the alternative? #an angel lobotomized is an angel saved. kept with the flock. personal loyalty. they worked so well for Heaven right up until they didn’t. #and he just. sets them right again. painfully. but sets them right. a gift for past service. forgiveness for new sins. wipe clean the slate. #also he really is just chilling at that bar. acting like he got fired. #but we know what him Actually being fired would look like. Heaven does not just let angels go #and when Michael arrives he assumes it’s to kill him so… #what im saying is zach’s getting mind games played with him too. he fails to get a yes? toss him out for a while. let him boil in the shame #and when he’s offered his job back he looks like he’s about to cry for the joy of it. LIKE #I DONT KNOW MAN I JUST FIND HIM SO COMPELLING THIS REWATCH #TERRIBLE TERRIBLE MAN. COMPELS ME THO. #he also gets points for singing when the saints come marching in. lmao. that’s the football song <3 #I need to rewatch the Naomi episodes so I can compare them… angels dedicated so much to Heaven they’ll hurt their own siblings… #my favorite little cult leaders <3 well. leaders is misleading. cult middle management. #spn #Zachariah spn

[insanechayne]

Of course I fucked up again, because when am I not fucking something up? Being a dumb bitch is truthfully just my state of being at this point, ain’t nothing else here but idiocy

#oh boy I’m pretty sure I blew it this time #let my anxiety get the better of me and then I spiraled and for no good reason #so I ended up just basically blowing up at the guy I like over this stupid missed first date #and I was trying not to put it all on him but I ended up doing just that I guess #so rightfully he corrected me and now I feel worse cause it’s like great you got in your own head over nothing and you weren’t even right #and now you might lose someone you actually like because you fucked it up before it even started! good job! you fucking idiot! #I did apologize and try to make sure I took full responsibility #but I’ll be lucky if he texts me back at this point tbh #personal