#i am also writing something i promised myself i wouldn’t write for this blog HAHAHA and in Clari Tradition i kind of want it to be the very

[inkyclive]

Joshua supremacy 😭😭😭 I’m so soft for him. Just let me be his little princess. He can make all the rules idc

omg he’s so gorgeous and like the thing about him—at least in my opinion/my own personal interpretation—is that while he is genuinely so sweet (almost sickly so at times!) and so kindhearted and so so tender, he is also so used to being served and so used to being the Boss, the undying’s precious phoenix prince, the king of everything, and it comes out in these tiny little wisps and hints in certain interactions; a vaguely bratty comment, a gentle yet vehement assertion, a soft chuckle beneath a gloved hand……..

all of this is to say, i think he’d fucking love to have a partner who lives to serve him and be his precious lil doll (to the point where he may even feel guilty about how much he loves it, because he knows it isn’t necessarily right, but he just can’t help but feel this way about you <3). he wouldn’t push it on you, and he wouldn’t hold you back from doing things you wanted to, either, if he deems them good or beneficial for you—he’d definitely encourage you to do things if they were things you wanted to do/made you happy—but oh, to have a baby who’s syrupy sweet and devotedly doting and hangs on his every word; to have a precious lil princess who gazes up at him as if he’s painted the entire night sky by hand, speckled the stars across the atmosphere and carved out the moon himself; to have a soft sweetheart who clings to him in every way possible, hands curled around his fingers or wrists or biceps when he takes you for a walk in the gardens or when you sit down for a meal (always beside him, never across from him, protocol be damned), who snuggles in his lap or straddles his thighs and nuzzles their sugar-sweet lips against his neck or collarbone or jaw, who obediently never leaves his side unless it is absolutely necessary <33333 that sounds like a perfect dream, a paradise, to him <3

#i’m in love i’m in LOVEEEEEE #i’m writing a small piece of prose for him right now that’s mostly angsty but does focus on his bratty bossy tendencies hehehehehehe #i am also writing something i promised myself i wouldn’t write for this blog HAHAHA and in Clari Tradition i kind of want it to be the very #first piece i post but it’s also getting quite long so we’ll have to see #anyway i blame jote for like;;;;; half of this behaviour #joshua could murder an entire village in cold blood just because ‘he felt like it’ and girlie would be like ‘excellent job your grace’ #pls gtfo outta here~ #this post is me beginning my yandere joshua campaign HAHAHAHA #hope ur having an awesome day anon!! <3 #stay safe n drink water okay!!! #inky.bb #inky.joshua #clari gets mail #shOULD I PUT THIS IN THE TAGS??????? #maybe :o #joshua rosfield x reader #omg (^q^)

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

#writing talk #writing fanfics #writing fanfiction #writing fics

[blandmemoirs]

"How have you been?"

To put it simply, exhausted

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I can't fall asleep and stay asleep, instead I sleep for few hour intervals before darting awake in the middle of the night or early morning. Usually three times each night. This has been a pattern for a few weeks now. I've had a mixed bag of dreams that will be worthy posts elsewhere. Some really good, others really bad. And I think that's how my life has been as of late. I do fun things and have a great day and then I get home and feel myself will with dread or longing. I don't have much to long for, but I just feel alone in my day to day. Even though there's not an hour that passes when someone hasnt demanded my attention, I still feel as if I'm drifting through this time in my life by myself. I feel like I'm stuck in my own head, talking to people has been harder as of late. Opening up and telling people how I feel has felt draining or tiresome. I feel like I'm worthless and some voice in me is echoing for a sweet release. It says "please let me die". Of course, I won't be doing that. Ive got too much to live for. Ive got people to help and care for. Ive got a legacy to build and jobs to do. My life cant end here, and wont end here. But something inside me just don't feel right and I dont know what to do about it. I think its just because my life has hit a point of stagnation at the moment. All my friends are busy and doing things with them is becoming more of an every now and then kind of thing instead of everyday. I feel like I'm waiting and waiting and waiting but the results won't be arriving anytime soon. I know what I want to do with my life and what I want to be and what I want to make, but I figured it out too early and everyone is going to keep me waiting until they figure it out themselves. I'm patient, but I'm oh so exhausted of feeling so alone.

The world threw a curveball my way the other weekend. I had my first major death in the family and my first car accident. In that order. I dont think they are related but my focus was definitely strained when I was on the road. The death was our beloved housecat, Midnight. She was black, rather small, and super soft. She was feisty at times and loved to run around the house and lay on warm things. Her meow would melt your heart. She, like all our pets, was a rescue. We got her after she was found to be clinging for life to my Father's old truck. He believed she might have followed him all the way from work. She was super tiny then. Our second cat in the house, after Stinky Pete. The third was my orange baby, Jackle. Before we got her fixed she would have her period and be extra moody, usually meowing into the late hours of the night. She waa my dad's cat first and foremost. Always in his lap. Always bugging him. Its natural seeing how he rescued her. Her favorite place to go was the garage, where it was cool or warm and felt the most like being outside. Of all our cats, midnight wanted to leave the house the most. She would always be near windows, especially when they were open. It makes sense considering the earliest parts of her life were spent that way. She was also always affected by fleas the worst. There was a time she lost patches of hair from the bugs. She was most grateful when we eventually adopted flea collars for the kitties. The last year or so she developed a nasty growth on her belly, and it would often pop and bleed. My parents, never having the money for a veterinarian, would just let her pick at it and hope it would go away. It never did. Then last week I recieved a text from my mother saying that they had her put down. I don't know the specifics, its not something I want to ask. What I know is that she had cancer that developed into a heart mur mur. My mom was with her when it happened. My dad said he couldn't be there. He wanted to, but just couldn't. That's incredibly tragic, conaidering she was his cat, but I understand that mix of emotions that kept him away. Shes buried by the garage, her favorite place. My mom said it was one of the hardest things shes had to do in her adult life. I dont think any of us were ready to see Mini go like that. My dad is going to make a tombstone and put a pot of roses by it. That little ball of fur will be dearly missed when I return home. I'm left wondering how the other animals in the house feel, if they even understand that their sister is gone. My dad told me today that Domino, our boxer dog, and Stinky Pete, the old man fat cat of the house most likely know. Stinky has always been oddly empathetic for an animal, his eyes sometimes seem human in how he expresses himself. As such they are all comforting my dad. He says he doesnt spend a minute without them bugging him, and normally he hates that, but hes letting them grieve and doing so himself. My Jackle cat is not the brightest thing, hes just supporting Stinky Pete my dad says. I would expect that. Those two are very close to each other. I've really missed my cat and want to bring him with me to my next place, but I dont think I should seperate him and Stinky at this point. It wouldn't be fair. All in all, Midnight "Mini" Bland was a sweetheart of a kitty and gave us no bad luck despite her fur's reputation. She will be missed and forever loved. She is family, even if it took until now for my parents to admit that. Rest easy.

The car accident was a product of wet roads, traffic, and poor luck. Some dude cut us off and we both slammed on our brakes but I rear-ended the dude in front of me from hydro-planing. It wasnt soft, but it wasn't hard enough to do any real damage to our cars. We both pulled over and traded the important info, took pictures, all the formalities. There was barely noticeable cosmetic damage to his car, and maybe a bump and scratch on my end but I'm not sure if those were already there or not. I bought my car used with a few bumps and scratches. Its personality. Dude was polite and patient. Said he will keep insurance out if I just foot the bill for his paint scratches, assuming he doesnt find more damage later. It being the night in a poorly lit city like Austin, it makes sense he didnt promise me anything until hes seen the sunlight. Said he'd text me in a week or two depending on his schedule. I hope he remains as respectful a guy when I hear from him. I really don't want to work the extra hours to pay for a heightened insurance over something as weak as that. But that's all for the future.

Writing, or I suppose typing, has been very therapeutic for me. I think I've gotten all the thinga bugging me out of my head for now. Time will tell. I'm going to start a storytime series on this blog soon, recounting different life stories that have impacted me or changed the way I am. Y'know, actual memoirs. Hahaha. Thanks to the few who read. You are the most important friends I have and I love you all.

[twistedsimblr]

These  pictures  says a lot more to me as well. And I’m sure noone will take me serious but believe me the story I’ll do you will … lol 

Siren is my favorite out of the kids I just hadn’t figured out what to do with her. Now I have an idea.

As you probably know. The story I  plan on writing all of the kids except Ren die. 

Also I’m debating whether or not to have my simself die He just thinks she had died or something But to be honest I am leaning toward her dying. Leaving just M.K and Ren ( Don’t worry the story I plan has a happy ending of course   Who doesn’t like a good happy ending how if Meg dies? Only time will tell ;) )

But This story allows everything to fall into place in an area where it just makes sense right down to M.K’s tattoos. I also thought it would be interesting to note that M.K spends a lot of time with Meg because he knows this is going to happen  in the future which leaves the other kids sort of neglected. 

And  The other kids seem to be more independent and not as bothered by it but Ren Is curious .

 And she kind of  starts investigating  things. To a point where M.K has to step in and sort of intimidate her  to get her to back off a bit. 

Which only makes her even more curious eventually  in the end she ends up finding it out or he tells her himself making her promise not to say a word to anyone and that could have caused his graying hair  hahah.  But Ren promises him she wont say anything and she keeps her word and he offers her vampire training because of it to  make sure she doesn’t even though she didn’t directly ask for it it’s kind of their thing the way they bond.  When that  time comes when the earth is thrown into turmoil Meg and the rest act a certain way and Ren shifts her focus toward her mother whom shes not as close to but still loves dearly this hurts her brother a bit whose basically her best friend A.J But Ren wants to try and save her Mother because she is aware of the type of man her father is. 

And he tries so hard to keep that from Meg. But she knows too but she pushes it in the back of her mind because she knows He’d never hurt her.  But it is a reason why M.K has grey hair ;)   Of course it would be greyer in the story I keep multiple hair colors SO M.K becomes  Old snake lolol… and goes back and becomes younger again. 

the other two Hunter  Fae and Archie who will be a toddler 

I actually thought Hunter would also survive as he’s uh super hot when he grows up lol but he’d be a teen at the time and Ren would be an adult and Hunter would be some kind of ship mechanic. 

 ( Archie  will be the first to go because I’m horrible hahaha then Fae.)  An Illness takes A.J and Meg and Fae first Archie. 

 I’m not sure about the pets I am thinking something that M.K puts them in cyro sleep or something as an animal lover I can’t bring myself to hurt an animal even if its pixelated. 

But sometimes when situations are dire you can be tempted to eat somethings you shouldnt? of course I couldn’t but I heard stories of survival that were like that. Fucked up really. 

But still exploring this part.I could abandon them which would just add the heart break or I make some colony that allows them all to thrive for a time they take them with them .  until something after they leave earth. 

But an illness causes the Newfie to die or something due to lack of resources. later a warning to M.K that despite the fact they found this colony or something eventually hard ship strikes right? Nothing truly lasts forever. Maxx is put in cyro sleep  thats how he brought him back now.  Or He has the Newfie come back with him to the past. hence why he doesn’t age as well? So many possiblities. 

So this illness or virus   which leads to fae then later A.J then  finally Meg dying I STILL DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT TO MY BABY M.K  maybe become ill im not sure It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. 

Testing M.Ks tolerance more and more until after Meg dies he becomes a changed man full of guilt and hatred toward himself for a decision he made that he thought would help his family.  He becomes a cold hearted and distant pushing away his two remaining  kids and invested heavily in smuggling as well as likely drinking to the point where he’s trying to hurt himself where most would have poisoning. Acting like he just wants to die. He abandons them and goes into hiding for  long time. 

Everything is routine to M.K like he feels nothing. He fights a good fight to defend his cargo from pirates because well it’s his job and it pays a pretty penny who doesn’t like money? But he’s killed alot of people good people. As he’s also an assassin of sorts maybe?  Or just looking out for his daughter ;) despite him becoming this ruthless monster. 

I had an idea that M.K  he discovers a drug that slows or stops his healing factor  for a time like temporarily but eventually over time he becomes addicted to this because to him he sort of deserves to feel pain his healing factor is   thats sort of like wolverines but not as overkill  and if hes feeling weak it wont work as quickly  so he could allow himself to feel pain more intensely as well as  get hurt ..He can also attach limbs if he’s fast enough.Not many try to cut off his legs though  lmao. maybe a toe or something a finger a hand what ever an ear. Lazarus much?

Ren tries one last time to talk to him not having done so after her mother dies  and she finds blood soaked bandages  and blood everywhere or something and all these needles or something But he’s no where to be found at least so she thought M.K almost kills her not recognizing her at first  then  while nearly having a knife or something to her throat asks  How she found him. 

And that’s when she says she’s there to kill him and he just laughs and says everyone wants my ass on a platter Im not surprised what’s holding you back then? Because I’m your daddy?

. Ren being the best Bounty hunter or ranger in the galaxy or something. She and her father  they fight or something 

 But she wins and while M.K destroyed alot of things including maybe killing her lover  or something  a friend  maybe theres some resentment to being abandoned by the only thing she and Hunter had left? 

But she didn’t know the man her father killed wasn’t all he cracked up to be .or so was only interested in her because of him and was hoping she knew where he was she didn’t but wasn’t convinced also stole money from her and cheated on her. Maybe Ren knew she had to kill him  maybe she knew his location but knows she can’t kill him. 

 I also thought a brief arguement ensues with these so called good people her lover included her previous a male and I’m perhaps thinking her current being female.  And M.K kills them because  the man didn’t really love her and was just trying to get closer to him because the reward for him dead was hard to pass up. That though smart She was always so gullable and quite often when she thought she had thwarted her enemies it was M.K who did it all.  despite them being enemies He still looks out for her like I mentioned. And people literally shit thier pants when they run into him and if they want to do business with him well they better be paying good money for it. Or no deal. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if MK kills women too being that upset He goes back to his old ways.. And his sense of humor becomes twisted…  the hilarious thing is that as much as he loves sex I can’t see him even getting involved with someone and if he does it triggers some kind of memory or he feels dirty like a strange tick 

I say this because after sex with Meg he always washes his hands like he feels dirty so I’m thinking he has this thing were he feels gross. But sex to him is a a free meal. of blood despite him liking food. food becomes scarce so He’s gotta go all antique vampire like now which is why he was able to survive him and Ren. 

  He doesn’t really like to leave a trail and he usually plucks off people or women that he feels  wouldn’t be missed.

and had a bad reputation and was sought after she spares his life after winning   He tells her that he was proud of her and she cracks a bit.  Because she sees a glimpse of her father she hadn’t seen in a long time. then says theres a way he could be happy again and it was classfied and hence that’s what you see on my blog. Memories of the past. I actually think I'd have Archie Survive he's so much like his mum I love him 

#long post #mk has a back story now #saviorhide #now I have to check my phone

[entjchasingenfp]

Hey Sukhwinder, I wrote you a letter to make myself feel better.

The truth is I’ve thought about you a lot over the last couple of years. Not everyday or even every month, but sporadically, on boozy nights and wintry mornings. Oddly enough, I don’t feel guilty, because I know it’s more than you’ve thought of me. I’ve reached a point where I no longer remember why we ended things. I know I was a dick, in more ways than one. Thought we made up when you left, and would never have expected my Bombay trip to pan out the way it did. You’d told me it was your homosexual phase, and I’m sure you had your reasons. We both got salty soon after, meaning we never really got around to talking about it.

Am not bitter about it though, how could I be? The only girl I ever asked out, the only girl who broke up with me. And it isn’t some weird “one that got away” complex (even though I was initially resolute it is). I was madly into someone who I wasn’t instantly sexually attracted to. The guy who’s literal type was “skinny girl,” was into someone larger than him (you knew this had atleast one fat joke). And only you can appreciate that I mean that as a compliment. I can imagine you wincing with amusement as you read that last sentence, or maybe you don’t do that anymore. Do you remember the first thing you said to me when you saw me in Bombay? I seldom have such vivid memories, or maybe I’ve just re-played it in my head too many times.

Now that I’m no longer bitter about it, I guess I can finally admit how much I miss you. Maybe it’s just the effect you have on people, maybe it’s just the effect you had on me. Perhaps what I miss more than anything else was just talking to you. It felt like such a safe space, I could be unabashedly honest - no matter how politically incorrect or socially abhorrent what I had to say was. You dragged me into the world of memes and puns (among other trends I’d sworn to hate), indie music and photography..almost effortlessly pulling me out of my comfort zone. It all felt so natural that it didn’t even strike me till much later (Low-key still say s2g on text sometimes). I miss having someone to talk to like that. The only relationship I’ve had that comes close, was Ardy. And now we’ve grown apart too. Something about living in different countries, pursuing completely different courses, and a general social lethargy. It’s still not the same though, my relationship with Ardy was never romantic (obviously, among other things..I was a homophobic turd), it’s just the only other time I’ve felt as comfortable. Never met someone with such a similar upbringing, reatable parents and an almost identical outlook on life. I’d always been taught to appreciate differences in opinion, not marvel at finding common ground. I miss being in a relationship with my best friend. My time with you made me feel so at ease with myself. You brought out the best in me, yes that dickhead persona you knew was the best part of me. Thank god you never got around to the rest of it. Do you remember the only thing we promised each other? That we wouldn’t forget one another. This is me doing just that; not that I could forget if I tried.

Damn, I’m starting to realise this blog is going to be more depressing than romantic. And also that I can’t write for shit anymore. My grammar and general vocabulary is so off, should probably stick to writing legal essays. I don’t know why I’m writing this, it’s not a “ily take me back,” more like “I’m sorry and I miss you.” Hahaha it’s an exercise in vanity anyway, this is officially the outlet to my metaphorical best friend. You can now fully appreciate what a loser I am, terse kya chupana. The way things have been, as much as I’d like it to be otherwise, don’t think we’ll be talking again. Did you know you were the last meaningful relationship I had? It’s now been more than five years since we last met. Ironically enough, I’m moving to Colaba next week. Didn’t have a girlfriend in college. Don’t know if it was a lack of trying, general disinterest or substance abuse but being single was the new norm. I haven’t been able to be romantically interested in a girl since. The thrill of the chase is now far more tempered. You’ve admittedly set the bar pretty damn high, let’s just hope I don’t die alone at this point.

Do you remember our conversations since then? Don’t know if we were holding back or just being awkward, but it was not the same. The first time you called felt homely, made me realise how much I missed your voice. Wanted to ask you to sing, but I couldn’t get myself to. Your singing, man how I miss your singing. Still randomly log on to YT to listen to your cover of “Set the Fire to the Third Bar” sometimes. Messed that call up by getting drunk anyway. Can’t remember if you’d asked me not to drink, or were upset I was drinking in general, but the end of that conversation was far from ideal..distinctly recall tossing in bed that night. The other time was our WhatsApp exchange. I remember jumping at the mail I’d received from tumblr and frantically texting you. I must’ve said something politically incorrect or offensive, because you weren’t keyed in like you usually were..maybe you were just disinterested, or otherwise preoccupied (maybe both). The only reason I remember is because I’d stayed up hoping you’d text back. Equal parts pathetic and egotistical, sue me.

Meh, it all feels like a distant dream now anyway. Between Anisha’s vilification of me, and my disdain for your sister, I feel like your half of the world is happier things didn’t work out. And given the person I am now, think this worked out better for you too. The ENTJ who wanted to be Ari Gold is slowly but surely becoming an INFJ Bulowski (albeit more financially secure, atleast earlier). Every subsequent conversation feels like a step in the wrong direction, and an injustice to the person you are.

But anyway, all’s well that ends okay, here’s a playlist that I hope you’ll see some day ( https://open.spotify.com/playlist/66ldRlxNzIDTWrC0kbb8kp?si=NVLezfJCRVO93T_JSiJEKg). I’m sure you remember Romeo&Juliet and Laughter Lines. I still smile every time I see the FB dp you can’t change. To Live a Life was from a playlist Swrang had shared when you just moved to Bombay(I stalk him religiously now btw). It’s called “the Blanket as a home within a home”..the title and the lyrics just seemed to make perfect sense. And the last is a classic by Adele, can’t think of anyone else when listening to it..too many lines align with how I still think about you. Didn’t add Stateless because it didn’t seem to fit the whole “woes of the past” theme I had going. Do you remember what I planned to do if we had exited Delhi platonically? Was going to give you a letter with only 4 words on it - Do I wanna know? You said you’d have killed me if I’d done that. It’s the only other song I couldn’t get myself to add. Still hope you listen to these songs sometime though, and maybe you’ll think of me while I’m thinking of you. “I wish nothing but the best for you.”

Yours sincerely,

Kanishka

[justafangirlwithideas]

This summer and thank yous!

Oh wow, I can’t believe the holidays are (basically) over for me!! 

This summer has just been incredible, a huge adventure. I made a TSC tumblr blog in the very beginning of summer because I just couldn’t get over LoS and I needed to talk about it. And damn, making that blog probably changed my life. For the better of course. I’ve learnt a lot about myself and grown as a person, but most of all I’ve made amazing new friends.

Do I even need to introduce the first three anymore?

Probably not but here we go.

@alexandraherondaleblackthorn - I’ve said thank you so many times you probably  no this speech by heart. But I love you and I’ve been so lucky to mistake you for someone else. I can’t imagine tumblr without you. And I promise, I will talk to you EVERY DAY even if its just to send you a picture of a cookie I’m eating. 

@lvdy-midnight FAI FAI!!! My older sister, basically. You walking meme. You have just made life so much better! Letting me get something off my chest, always being honest with me. God girl, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! From your amazing music taste to late night talks (whether they include memes, gif wars or actual serious topics) you have just been all around amazing and I don’t deserve you. At all. 

@blackthorn-twins SAS!!! BABY!! Omg girl, if it weren’t for you I would have probably quit tumblr after a week XD You have been my favourite person to rant to since the beginning, because or you are very understanding and calm me with your reasonable reaction, or (more likely) you just join in!! And arguing with you has been the funnest! We should fill people’s dashes more often XD Love you!!!

Really girls, what I wouldn’t give to eat waffles with Ali, or for a hug from Fidan, or to go shopping with Sas’ and her crazy friend.

Next, the rest of the Pluto Fam!!!

@kiaaan Ahh Ki you have no clue how loud I squealed at that ask you sent me. But I’m so happy you did because look where that led us!! Girl I love you and thank you for dragging me into that groupchat…

@blxckthorns Listen I know you probably won’t see this Inesa because your tumblr was taken away but you deserve a thank you too. You’re not only an amazing writer but an amazing, adorable person too!! I loved writing with you and I can’t wait for you to come back to tumblr! Love you Yam Potato!!

@ladyofroses Ella, they weren’t kidding when they called you a literal angel. You are the sweetest and I love you!! I can’t wait till you publish your first book, and girl, I expect a signed copy!!

@livvyswifi Ahhh again, you are so sweet and calm?? How do you do it? Seriously some people on this world are too perfect: kind, sweet, adorable, sassy and just all around amazing. Wow, and of course, I love you

@annalightwoodthequeen Ale, you brighten my day with your weirdness and fun personality. And I could not believe when you followed me!! I am not worthy!! I love you and thank you for getting mad at Will haters with me!!

@sania0810 I really think Sunshine is an appropriate nickname. You just have that kind of personality and happiness around you that makes others happy too. And do I still need to say this? I love ya!!

@heronstqirs ShISh keBAb!!!! Must I say much more? You’re the most fun!! And you keep the groupchat entertained!! Love ya girl!

And to those amazing sweet people I talk to and absolutely love!!!

@illgiveyoutheshadows Remie I say it so often but I really really don’t deserve you. You’re too kind, too wise and just such a sweetheart to talk to. I’m so happy you gathered the courage to talk to me all that time ago and I love you!!

@brigitteisntfrench Hahaha our ask game was amazing, and you’ve been an amazing friend since. You sent me asks whenever I needed some and I love you!!

@turtlesnook Again, you are was one of those people I just don’t deserve. Your kindness is palpable and just wow… your kind words have brought tears to my eyes before. I love you, for your encouraging words and endless support!

And lastly @catarinalosss For giving me the confidence that I was doing well, folloowing me and reposting my stuff when I didn’t think they’d be noticed. And for complaining about those stupid GCSEs with me. Love ya!!!

It’s been an amazing summer and I’m definitely planning to stay on tumblr and be here as much as possible!! And I also have a queue going, so my job is staying active

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS!!!!

#ahhhhh #this is so long #but i mean every word #love love love you all #this is not goodbye #i love you

[fundabidozi]

♥ A Whole New World ♥   (Get to Know Me!)

Note: (play & listen to the video while reading to enjoy this better!)

          * .   -»¦«-·´¯`*♥*´¯`·-»¦«-**-»¦«-·´¯`*♥*´¯`·-»¦«-* *-»¦«-·

                     Have you ever felt like being new to a place             Hoping that people would welcome you with grace                       Yeah that’s what I’m feeling right now                  To fit  in a whole new world,  I wonder “HOW”

                                                       ♡

          Tumblr, what’s this all about?                  Is this where I write it all out?                      Is the main purpose to entertain or educate?                             I don’t know , but I’ll try to evaluate                  

                                                       ♡

                                                     Blog, please be good to me                             Lead me to where I should be                               On my own i will learn and see                  If a world like you could set me free.

                                                  ¸.·´¸.·*´¨)*´¨)

                                              ¸.·´¸.·*´¨) *

                         (¸.·JOURNEY STARTS HERE*´¨)

                                             ¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) *

                                          (¸.·´*

 •·.·´`· The Beginning .·•·.·´

     *♥* Though I find writing somewhat “unsettling”, I will try to  keep this in the best way that I can. Allow me to introduce myself. Hey everyone, my name is Mona Liza Frans B. Catral. And no , I’m not your Mona Lisa *insert laugh here*. By the way , you can call me “Moli” for short. I’m from Philippines ,17 years old and a Senior High Student from SPUP. Currently, I’m taking the Accountancy , Business and Management strand.  I want to personally say that I’m new to blogging ,so I hope you would welcome me very well. I used to be an active forumer on a site and I’m not really sure if blogging has some similarities on that thing. Anyway, my goal is to make my blog something “worth reading that people would always come back and look for more”. I then hope some experts reading this might give me some advices. I really do hope that  I could use this blog to express my ideas, vent out my feelings, learn a few  things and probably  meet some new friends. I hope so. Anyways, here’s some more facts about myself that could probably make you feel comfortable with me. (or maybe NOT :D) *♥*

۞ Anyways, I usually like making jokes around. It’s just so good in the feeling when you make someone happy. When you see someone laugh because of you, isn’t that just GREAT? Though sometimes I would go overboard and still jokes when it’s not time , and then  my parents would rage at me :-( LOL! ۞

۞ Moving on, I can honestly say that  I am a  very sweet friend. I’d like to say this in the humblest way that I can. Since 2011, I’ve been playing this online game and just recently I met a new friend (a girl) that I’m talking to now everyday. I consider her as an older sister since she’s way older than me. Since I treasure her a lot, I keep sending her gifts and surprised her “big time” on her birthday. 

And yeah as expected, she told me that I’m the best(est) friend she ever had and never ever in her life did someone did it for her. She even told me I made her feel very loved and asks me how could she top it on my birthday? I wanna laugh - but actually deep inside of me , I was  touched....so much. So if you would be my friend, you’ll know that I would surprise you as well. I’m good at it. *winks*

Anyways, I do feel like I’m a boring person. But hey! Maybe, I could also be fun sometimes. (Probably!)

I used to love reading books. I don’t know now. Maybe because I don’t have much time? Or just because I’m lazy? Or got better priorities to do?

Btw, I’m not that kind of person who keeps up with the trendy international english musics. My taste really goes to those from my own country and some OST’s from the k-dramas I’ve watched.

Well, I’m also a person who used to be scared of taking challenges. Lately, I can feel myself being open to experience them though.

And yes, I’m contented with my life. I’ve got a perfect family, got a lot of friends and I can buy what I want (not those that are too expensive though). But of course, this life of mine wouldn’t be possible without God. So I do promise to do my best to love and serve others in the best way that I can because I know that serving them is serving God as well.

        •,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,• •,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,••,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,••,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,•  •,¸,.·´ 

OMG! Can’t believe I’ve wrote something that long.  Anyways, here’s some questions this blog  shouldn’t miss.

•,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,• •,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,••,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,••,¸,.·´ `·.,¸,•  •,¸,.·´ `

1. Where do i see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in SPUP vital to where i’m leading to?

Ten years from now, I can see myself working in a good accounting firm , doing some presentations and closing a nice deal to investors. Yes, SPUP  taught me the value of friendship and prayer. It taught me to just have fun while learning . It clearly taught me that what matters most isn’t  being on top and leaving others behind , but being on top and helping others make their way up to you. You don’t need to compete with anyone, but yourself. Fight until you make it, and you must do it with a prayer. For me, God is my greatest inspiration and through all these years, prayer is my best weapon that I’ll make sure to bring wherever I go.

 2. Was ABM the best choice after all?

For me, yes it is. I can feel that I really “fit” on this strand. I can truly say I have never ever regret choosing it. Challenges will surely come but I’m 100% contented that I will surpass this path. Since my dream or career is being an Accountant, I believe this strand would provide me primary knowledge about it. What I love doing or my passions lies here. Trust me, I know I wouldn’t enter something that will surely waste my time. 

 3. What course will you take in college and why?

Accountancy. I want to follow the footsteps of my father and since I believe I could also pursue a good future on this path, I’ll do my very best. I also think that I work well with numbers. And if someday, that I’d like to put up a business of my own, it wouldn’t be much a big problem anymore. I also believe that Accounting touches my life in one way or another.

4. What topic would you like to learn more in Empowerment Technology Subject?

Honestly, anything may do. I believe that every topic would be fun and exciting. But one thing I probably wanna learn is how to do coding to put up a site of my own. In the future , I wanna create a virtual game like the one I’m playing and addicted into. (Yeah it’s the GIF up there ^)

My Teacher says :

“ ASK ME ANYTHING ”

I say: So far , how was this blog? :D ( At Sir, marami ka na po bang na-hack? HAHAHA Joke lang po. Peace :V  Btw, may chance pa po bang mabawi ang account kapag na-hack na? :-( Kapag iniba na po yung email )

* Okay some of you might prob not get what’s inside that parenthesis. I just asked if there’s any chance for me to get back my hacked account in a game. *

Yeah, I would really want to learn the art of blogging. Being able to do this far gave me so much joy.   

  Most of you might wonder what’s with the name “Fundabidozi” ?

Let me explain to you 

Ok so the origin of that name is from the word “Fandabidozi” which means great or very good. Since it’s taken, I thought of just using “Fundabidozi”- so that would mean I am a person that do good things in a fun way!

Ok I think i’m done for today! As for now, I think that’s all that I have to say.  Till next time! *waves*

#blog1

[doughnutislove-blog]

To the one that got away

Hey there. Been thinking twice if I should really do this crap. Well, I’ve already moved on. I really don’t have to do this. But then, I want it to have its closure. I promise, for God’s sake, this will ever be the LAST time I will write something about you. Probably the LAST. So here it goes… Expect this to be long, a really long one.. *tangina magtatagalog na ko nauubusan na ko lmao* Simula nung nagsimula tong taon na to or before pa, alam ko sa sarili ko I’m over you. I’m done. Kasi after ng mga pagkikita natin nung mga late july and early august medyo natagalan na yung sunod. December na ata yung next. Syempre, magkalayo tayo, nawala na din communication kasi may mga iba't ibang ginagawa na. You got back to Saint Francis, you also got back to the dormitory. Kaya pagpupunta ako BF, wala ka na. Of course, I won't just let myself to not get over you because I know I wouldn't benefit from that, I got a lot of important things to consider than to think about that we should've ended like this and that, we should've ended together and all the bullshits. In short, wala kong mapapala. In between of the happenings in my life, may mga dumating, you know what I mean. But as usual, walang tumatagal. It's just that, wala sa priority and I don't wanna give myself a "headache" and another heartbreak. And theeeen, early this year, may mga times na nagkikita tayo, bonding lang ng Team Japs ganern. I remembered the first time we saw each other again after august, mga december ata last year. I felt that, something really changed. Like, ang laki talaga ng pinagbago.... Mo towards me. Gosh, what just happened? Hindi mo na ko pinapansin just like before. Kung hindi ka pa asarin sakin ni Kuya April, hindi mo talaga ko papansin. I'm shookt. Really didn't see that coming, really didn't expect that. Excited akong makita ka kasi alam kong close na close na tayo, you know the feels na ang tagal mong hindi nakita yung kaibigan mo and you've been longing for them. And of course, when you're about to meet, you expect that he/she feel the same way too. But in our situation, it feels like ako lang nakaramdam ng excitement. Sadnu? Ni ho, ni ha, waley teh! By that time, you made me wonder. Why is he even like that? Did I do something wrong to him? Why? What? How come? Like really, ganon ganon lang yon? Parang wala naman tayong pinagsamahan, respeto naman. Lol. Pinalampas ko yun, maybe you're just in a bad day kaya ganon, okay. Nasundan ng mga ganap early this year, and kaloka ganon ka na talaga. You've been so cold. Back to being strangers again?!? It really made sad and depressed. Bakit bigla nalang ganon? Then, nung birthday ko tune-up ng Team Japs sa Arista, didn't know na tune-up niyo and nasabi sakin ni mama na pupunta kami BF kasi magtatagaytay DAW kami. Nagulat ako kasi bat parang papuntang Arista? Ano meron? May nagrrent sa unit ni mommy so bakit dun? Ano meron dun? Tapos ayun dun lang nasabi na may tune-up daw kayo. Excited ako kasi makikita ko Team Japs sa birthday ko and I was hoping nandun mga crush ko. Di ka kasali wag kang ano haha lol. And yeah, you guys were there, Kenji was there, John was there. Kotang kota lang bes. Beside to mommy, Kenji was the one who greeted me first. Kilig much hehe. Tapos ikaw, ano na?!? Tapos na tune-up dai, bumati na lahat sakin ng "happy birthday" ikaw ni ho, hi ha, waley ulit. Kaloka ka talaga. And then, parang pinagtatagpo talaga tayo ng tadhana, or baka ikaw lang din. May dala kaming car, maluwag pa naman, kasya pa mga bente ganon charot. Nagyaya si Papa na sumabay na samin yung iba kasi on the way rin naman. So sumabay ka. Nung una, si Tito Akong katabi ko, nasa window side ako and nasa other window side ka, pero magyoyosi si Tito Akong kaya kailangan dun siya sa window side. Edi magkatabi na tayo! Sobrang awkward that time. Di ako mapakali. Ako ba dapat mauna magsalita or siya? Di niya man lang ako babatiin? It took him around like 5-10 minutes just to say "happy birthday" to me. Jusko thank you Lord! Kinausap niya din ako ulit. "Happy birthdaaay" "Haha thank you!" "Ilang taon ka na?" "16 haha bakit?" "Tanda mo na" "Luh OA hahaha" End of convo. Tas yung next usap namin, pinakita niya sakin yung wall paper niya and yung wallpaper niya yung jowaers niya. "Ganda no" "Naks inlove si Jibblo" "Syempre" End of convo. The whole night, ayun lang usapan namin. Kumanta naman siya ng happy birthday nun tapos wala na. Mas madami pa ata kaming napagusap ni Kenji at ni John nun pero keri na kilig much hehe. Hanggang sa umuwi na kayo, hindi ka man lang nagbabye. Or even a last happy birthday greeting. Nasad ako ulit ng slight. Kasi sobrang nakakapanibago ka pero hinayaan ko nalang. Aaaaaaand something really interesting came in, I just heard that... You will becoming a Dad very soon. I don't know but when I heard that news, I remembered, I smiled very wide. My heart melted. It lightened up my mood that day. Medyo gulat pero deep inside masaya naman. Nagtatalo yung puso at isip ko. Sabi ng isip ko, grabe parang napagusapan lang namin to nung last summer tapos ano, nakajuntis na siya agad? Kaya siya siguro cold no? Ewan ko. Sabi naman ng puso ko, wow magkakaanak na siya, it might be too a little bit early but that's great because something "life-changing" will happen to him very soon. Who's the mother kaya? Yung pinakita niya kaya sakin last time yun? Of course, bilang dakilang stalker, I stalked his girl. I find her attractive. Same girl din naman. From that day on, hindi ko na binother sarili ko na kung kesyo kung bakit nagkaganon. Wala nalang, hinayaan ko nalang. Wala na naman akong magagawa eh. Pero these past few weeks, days okay na naman tayo ulit. Not really like before pero naguusap usap na ulit. Nagaasar asaran na ng konti ulit. Kenji talaga ko ngayon eh sorry haha charot. So ayun pa lang yung kwento.. Here's the true message of this blog talaga... To my TOTGA (The One That Got Away), again, I just wanna say thank you for the memories we'd shared together, good thing or bad. For the lessons I've learned from our last summer 2016's "ganap". For the happiness and laughter you'd brought to me. For the heartbreak. And for everything you've given to me, unintentionally. You taught me how to tell stories. You pushed me to write again on my blog. I will really not forget about our "ganaps". Though, it looks like I'm the only one whose treasuring it. It doesn't matter anyway. What's in the past, is in the past. I hope you know that you will always be special to me kasi may napagsamahan tayo kahit papaano, sa Team Japs ikaw lang, you owe a little bit part of my heart, you're one of the stepping-stones of my life. Like what I said on my previous blog before, I will never forget, maybe I'm just letting go the thought of you. I hope that you're really happy on your "ganaps" on your life today. And yes, you will becoming a Dad very very soon. That would be a such a big big big responsibilty and you should be responsible for it, it's a must. Hindi na biro maging tatay, alam mo yan. That would be a new chapter of your life. I'm happy for you. I really am. I also hope that, you will make a happy, full of love, God-centered, and precious family. I will pray for the betterness of your life. Magkahiwalay man ng landas, magkalimutan man, alam kong maaala't maalala parin nating ang isa't isa. Gumaling ka pa lalo, sa pagbabasketball. It's nice seeing you play and cheering for you. Magtapos ka ng studies for the future of your fam oki? Ever since I really wanted you to be happy always coz hindi bagay pag malungkot ka, lalo kang chumachaka hahaha kidding. Do great on everything. Really wishing for your best! I hope you're doing fine right now. We're about to see each other again later hehe, see you. Lastly, I want you to be faithful to your girl. Siya nalang please??? Wag ng tumingin sa kung sino sino. Be a goodboy, lalo na't may parating na baby kay ate girl. Pak! Haha. Again, thank you so much. It's never a goodbye just see you later lol. Paalam sa mga kabullshitan ko sayo, it's been great lmao. This would be probably the LAST. Thank you. Hanggang sa muli, jibb john. Yours truly,...