#i am a different man

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[stoopidstapler]

SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #adventure time #goin insane over him #thers no words to describe how im feelin #i wish i could draw somehtin better but i am goin INSANE #FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. we are being FED. #ALSO?? HOW THEY SHOWED HIM EXACTLY WHEN THE LYRICS GO ''WHATS WRONG WITH ME'. LIKE HELLO??????? #ive seen so many good theories PLEASE GOD WRITE FICS I AM BEGGIN I LL DRAW U FANART BLS HEL P #IDK WOT IM GONNA DO FOR A WHOLE MONTH #SOMEONE KNOCK ME OUT TIL THE 31ST. HIBERNATE ME. HELP. #also i need to put it out there the first thing i thought when i saw this trailer was simon is tryina rewrite fionna and cake #which is why their world keeps changin so much? idk idk #ive seen so many different ideas and they are all so good please help #ALSO GOD. THIS MAN IS JUST GOIN THRU IT. AND ITS ONLY BEEN A QUICK TRAILER. #im sorry for so many tags idk where to put these help #maybe i should make an actual blog for like. whatever. n reblogs. help.

[just-your-average-tangerine]

The line between binary and nonbinary trans people is nowhere near as clean as some of yall think it is

#transgender #trans #nonbinary #like i guess i would be considered a 'binary' trans man #i wouldnt consider myself that for two reasons #first because the idea that gender is binary is bullshit to begin with so why would i identify within it #and second because i am a man only in that i am a gay man #i dont identify outside of manhood im terms of gender #but my gender is so linked to my sexuality that it cant be neatly tracked onto a binary view of 'man' #but because i am a man other consider me 'binary' regardless of how i feel about it #and yet will still refuse to use he/him pronouns in favor of exclusively using they/them #but thats a different discussion #op

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[manyrepulsivethoughts]

that one post comparing ruin's and LN2 endings altered my brain chemistry so now have this

#aAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH #they all can defend themselves just fine but they need to be protected #specially mono and six they've been through some shi- #six would def love freddy's music box and the little music mans #mono would pretty much be vibing with all of them #he would propably enjoy monty golf and bonnie bowl as well #cassie would be excited to show them all her favorite things and gregory be possessive over freddy #am I making an au out of this even though I said I 'd work on a different one? #perhaps #fnaf #fnaf fanart #fnaf au #fnaf security breach #fnaf cassie #fnaf gregory #glamrock freddy #roxane wolf #fnaf roxy #fnaf glamrock freddy #little nightmare mono #little nightmares six #ln six #ln mono

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

We live such different lives... come with me I can show you the beautiful intimacy of literally holding someone's heart in your hands

#doc rambles #like on the one hand i get that people have different abilites to handle gore and i am. perhaps at the far end of the spectrum #but come on man. im a mad scientist roleplay blog #hypothetically #let me have a little fun with vivisections

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile. #This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature. #But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly' #My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out. #Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth. #I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity- #-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly. #Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose. #You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards. #Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever. #To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss. #Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

weeee more fantasy au doodles

#ft. the chanel boots <3 #or. wait. what's a pun on chanel incorporating either 'demon' or 'patron' #cha... chahell... patronel... no that just sounds like citronella #whatever doesnt matter its 6 am i havent slept and i have a low grade migraine I Cant Pun Right Now #on another note i gave poppy a lil neck corset bc. uh. runs away #and her little sling for carrying wally in puppet form! keeping him safe and secure! #and of course barnaby & wally snuggles <3 #yall would not BELIEVE how many doodles i have of them cozy together. its absurd #its just! the size difference i have stuck in my brain is Perfect for wally curling around barnaby's big ol head! #and also Perfect for barnaby holding wally like a stuffed animal! #your honor i love them! #wh fantasy au #scribble salad #I LOVE WALLY'S TALL ASS BOOTS #he needed some HOOVES #and a couple of extra inches. i imaging that while wearing them he's as tall as if not taller than julie/sally #little man on stilts... #and his apple belt! his Eye Shirt! #its not often i so thoroughly enjoy my own outfit design but i think i really did go off with this one

[always-a-joyful-note]

Enstars sure is an experience. Did I miss anything?

#are you guys all okay? i definitely am not okay #this is not the type of media that i usually go for yet it is EXACTLY the type of media that i would like #so many gaps so many stories WAY TOO MUCH READING I DONT HAVE THE TIME #i know i missed a lot because ive only watched the anime and read the main music story up to ch 4 of the second part #and i have read some events stories that were free #and maybe one or two outside from translations #but like thats it #this is like reading orv and getting hit with its deep metas on human life and the importance of stories #but instead im being clobbered by the most deranged storylines known to man (and again. i read ORV and am a bsd fan) #this isnt fantasy but there is nothing realistic about enstars and i unfortunately am attached #every day i spiral into east asian media that gives me an aneurysm #bsd -> orv -> link click -> enstars....i wanna say they keep getting more unhinged but theyre all unhinged in different ways #anyway please help me.... #enstars #ensemble stars #fandom spamdom #stuff i say #i will admit i am mostly into the game for the stories #a consistent gamer i am not #but to unlock the stories ill push back the animes i have to catch up on etc etc #again. please help me.... #edit: updated to remove queerbaiting because apparently i dont know whats going on

[mrs-steve-harrington]

#steve harrington #joe keery #stranger things #steveharringtonedit #stedit #mine* #idk man #i'm making an entirely different set right now #but i saw this while looking for a scene #and am obsessed with the hand on his hip

[clownsuu]

the way you draw howdy and Wally is so euphoric

they make my brain go brrrrr

Evenly distributed personality smhhhh

#Welcome home #welcome home wally #welcome home howdy #welcome home frank #welcome home eddie #wally darling #howdy pillar #frank frankly #eddie dear #wallypillar #howdydarling #i am wiggling drawing blue gremlin and worm man while y’all ask for literally anyone else KDHDHDHHDD #ITS TOO ADDICTING TO DRAW THESE GAY PEOPLE SJCHJDDJDDH #the height differences shock me every time KJDFHCHD #Sometimes I be like “wait is he actually this small/tall”? #I go check #And y e p- #Anyway gotta now draw Barnaby having a midlife crisis

[butchkelev]

feeling like a pathetic boy tonight i would love to make out and pant and moan and grind and fuck till i sleep

#wouldn’t take long admittedly i am sleepy.! #man. man sigh. i took some pics today i’ll post later :P two different little sets nothin super special #wearing my glasses in them i guess that’s kind of new? #t4t nsft

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 2 - Psyche Skills

Part 1 - Part 3

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #disco elysium #MDZS disco elysium au #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #yu ziyuan #While it's more in vogue to draw a character's skill roster tailored to them - #One of the more subtle details I love in DE is how some of the skill portraits parallel character portraits of people hbd associates with. #Theres somethine rather poetic to be said about how other people shape out thoughts and sometimes act as a 'voice' in our head. #How we are in part a collection of impressions other people left behind on us. #I am a huge Skillhead (Those are my friends! My party members! They love me! They have their own agendas and alliances!) #so of course a healthy portion of this AU is dedicated to them <3 #the Int skills go basically unchanged from DE. Psy as well (with changes to a few quirks in voice). #Fys skills though...well...wwx is in a different body! Those voices belong to Someone Else. #Esp electrochem (MXY in this AU also partied to near death. WWX is withdrawing and craving substances he's never even heard of before) #While I personally don't fully subscribe to Volition Jean I *do* see Volition Jiang Cheng. The voice of your Not Brother keeping you afloat #All three of these parallels make me unbelievably sad. They are also both purple. Art is like that sometimes. #Empathy Jiang Yanli...oh man do I have a lot of thoughts about her. Disco fans Who Know....you can probably see what I'm cooking. #Authority is a really interesting skill in DE because *yes* its about power and intimidation - but it's also about finesse and respect #Titus Hardie and YZY both abuse *and* finesse how they establish their authority - in a way that leaves quite an impression. #2 more mdzs disco posts that I *need* to create and then I'm off to working on raffles <3