#i also didnt wanna do it while my grandmother was alive bc me and kaily were her only redheaded children/grandchildren

[britneyshakespeare]

when i was younger people used to tell me “you’re really going to love your red hair someday”—mostly unsolicited, because i never actually hated my hair, and i did have self-image issues but it was never about my hair, in fact that was the one thing i always received compliments on—people just see a redheaded little girl and decide they’ve got some words of wisdom to outsmart those bullies that are all making fun of me because im chubby and socially awkward, not so much the hair thing, but anyway.

as an adult i really do like having red hair. not because i find it beautiful. i was neutral about its beauty when i was a kid and i still am. i dont really want to be beautiful anyway, bc i dont want to be noticed and looked at and judged by my appearance, beautiful or otherwise. i dont consent to that. but because i exist as a woman people make that mental appraisal of me before they hear anything from me about it.

but as i was saying. being a redhead is nice because it has distinction. it’s not an unheard-of trait, but it's still a genetic rarity. it’s not unnatural but it is a little odd. that’s pretty much the way i feel about myself. i am not unnatural but i am a little odd. if i were in charge of the choice i’d be a redhead in the next life as well.

#unless i die of skin cancer in this life which is honestly a too-serious fear for me ahahahahah anyway #im metaphysically a redhead. it suits me. #also if i were famous id have beef w bella thorne just because #id be like im the better redhead...... pull up #anyway the problem w capitalism is that she has published a book of poetry and i havent #tales from diana #ive just wanted to post this rant ive had it stuck in my head for a few weeks now #im just obsessed w the fact that i can draw a little stick figure and put red hair on it and it looks more like me than #a brunette who draws a little stick figure and puts brown hair on it. #it has distinction! it's not special. it's not superior. it's not really anything except it's just a little bit different. it's distinct. #altho since i was a theater kid obsessed w old hollywood i have always wanted to have some phase in my adult life where i go bleach blonde #to see if i really do have more fun #i always figured thatd be in my mid 20s or smth #i also didnt wanna do it while my grandmother was alive bc me and kaily were her only redheaded children/grandchildren #out of 28 descendants. and my grandfather had red hair so we were like the ones she had been waiting for (we were the last born too) #and my grandmother died a few months ago but that doesnt mean i wanna... ya know... mourn that way. i want it to be unrelated to her. #wanna go through a really weird life stage that prompts me to finally do the thing