#i hate myslef so so much.

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol #and ik its stupid but just idk. im just always in my stupid feelings abt the idea that like ohh i always care abt other ppl then they do me #and like !! the thing is ik it tht that isnt true or at least not laways true and i do have people who really do fully care about me #and like. that really means a lot to me like so so mucch but idk sometimes it just like #i feel like the way that i care abt other people is so like intense in a lot of ways and like idk. #its just such a big thing for me and i feel like i put so much of my heart into it and like sometimes ill find myslef getting so intensely #emotional about it to the point of crying and almost feeling sad and writing stupid bad poetry and it just feels like the huge #vulnerable thing for me so often and i just feel like it rly isnt for anyone else or at least not for the people ik abt me #and like the thing is i dont even want them to feel that way bc ik they do really care about me sm as is #but yk like. idk on a selfish level tht means theres a feeling that its all one sided which really really doesnt help at all with it #to the point were i do sometimes wish tht others cared abt me the same amnt/way bc then i wldnt be alone in such intense feelings #and then i wldnt feel like im the only one not worth caring abt tht way but idk ik im selfish thinking that #its not even fully that i want other people to care more its that i want me to care less #but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things #and now im acting like annoying and obnoxious. whatever #its 4am im going to go to bed now. goodnight <3 #flappy rambles

[boldlyvoid]

would've could've should've hits me harder than any song that's ever been written and its not the girlhood line. its "the gods honest truth is that the pain was heaven"...

#i hate myslef so fucking much because of this #and the fucking fact my uncle makes stain glass windows. of all fucking things. #and the dude who groomed me in middle school kissed me for the first time in a church under the mary stained glass. like bitch what the fuc

[be-good-to-bugs]

i NEED to take a break from work

#the bin #:/ hhhhh. #well. i think i can take a break in the second half of march #if my next paycheck is big enough and my sister pays me back soo like she said she would then i will request like 10 days off #im tryna get my life fixed. it was doing ok for a bit but my apartment being a mess makes it hard #im gonna try to get that fixed asap. i was preoccupied with a new source of stress this past week but its gone now i think #idk. there was time recently when i was cooking food nearly every day even thevdays i worked and being more functional and i wanna #get back to that but my apartment is just too big a mess for me to do it #well. hopefully i can actually do it. i always feel like work is gonna totally drain me but my job is really ok #idk why i so often have this stress reaction to going to work :/ its so stupid #i dont wanna use my requested time off just to clean so i wanna get stuff cleaned before i take time off #i just really need a mental health break. im dealing with way too much stuff and i need a preplanned proper break #theres so much stuff im tryna fix. i hate having all this mess on top of it. i hate that my sister just completely ditched me and left it #for me to clean up myself #i wanna be completely free of her altogether #i wanna focus on fixing my weird brain issues. not all this trash. hhhh.w #i wanna ditract myslef but my brain is like incapable of enjoying anything without making me feel weird. i hate it. i git into some stuff #more recently and my brain did the thing again where it makes me feel cringe for it. why?? i hate it so much. thinsg are either boring to me #or i REALLY like them and my brain makes me feel weird abt it. i just wanna escape from reality but my brain makes it so hard to

[single-left-sack]

Im.going fucking insane

Im.goign fucking insane i wish I'd never been made aware people weren't joking about having crushes on fictional characters it cursed me to like anime men

#this is FUCKED UPPPP augghhh #why must i like other men shit would be so much simpler if i was straight #i wpuld hate it but it would be much simpler #GOD IM SOOOOOOO BI #AAAAUUUUUUU #“suprisingly domestic” i will wine and dine romance seduce and marry this man #i need him in a way that i cant even put into words #i #oh my god #please #smash #stone cold fucking sober istfg #id rather kms then tag his tag and put myslef on blast like that so this is simply going into the recessed on my tumblr with the #kakashi my beloved #tag

[olliecoded]

whyyyyyyy am i like this

#fuck dude i cant be left alone for five fucking seconds. im so sick im so fucking sick of myslef i hate myself so much #im just so. shaky all the time now. #god i fucking. god god god god god i shouldnt be here i shouldnt have EVER been here #hello world

[nthflower]

Ideal gender (real)

#teiresias #elliot #i hate writing their name teiresias its a hard word #i want to be like them so much #teiresias is literally everything i want for so long just being a concept without need to categorise myslef to explain others #just being a liquid existence #doom patrol

[popcorn-kitten]

Bleggggh

#i was 195 friday mroning and 201 this morning howd i gain 6 lbs in 62 hours??? #i can't lose that much in 62 hours unless im exercising for over an hour each day and eating /nothing/ #im so tired of trying im so tired of gaining weight im so tired of hating myslef im tired im tired im tired

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #personal #i think i pushed it too far bc my screen protector for my phone just broke and now im like one step away from a meltdown #or something. like. im just scared to ask my mom to buy me more bc what if she gets mad! #dissasociation #ive been feeling like im just looking through a screen as ive been living my life. #i hate it here. im so so so so so so so tired. #ive been. like. really stimmy and hypertensive to shit today. #so like. MAYBE i shouldve noticed earlier i cant handle much anymore. #but nope i pushed myslef too far and now i gotta live like this. hopefully its a bit better tomorrow. #drugs tw #if not i think ill have to get high or something. i was so happy and energetic today too. what happened even?

[at1nys-blog]

Freedom pt.2

Pt.1

Pairing: Crows x fem!reader

Summary: New life, new name, new family. This is what your life was going to be.

Masterlist

tag: @queenofshinigamis

Faking your death wasn't as easy nor painless as Kaz Brekker made it to seem, but you trusted him, and you just went along with the plan.

The plan was easy: they would drench you in water; put some make up on you and Nina would make your heart stop for enought time for the doctors to conclude you were dead and that nothing was to be done to bring you back and least but not last the Crows where to exhume you.

It took them longer than anticipated but at the end you were out and surrended by the Crows.

"Now the only think that I need is to become unrecognizable. A Tailor I need one." you were about to walk out the graveyard when Kaz stopped you.

"Where are you going like this? Here." he said trowing a hoodded cape at you. "follow me." you walked opposite to the Katterdam, Wylan started rambling about the pox and some other historical facts you, and maybe no one else, cared to know about. At least not in that moment.

Kaz made Jesper open up an entrance to some sort of chapel, you didn't care much, the only thing that matter was living your life feeling free and doing what you liked the most.

Sleep was not coming to you, but at least you weren't alone. The same went for Kaz. The man was in his little bubble thinking only the Saints knew what. You pondered if it was a good idea to strike a conversation with him. No, let the man alone, he is going through so much just for you, it was what your thoughts kept telling you.

"Can't sleep?" you nodded your head.

"I'm just not used to..." you looked at the ground. "sleeping on concrete. I never had to before." Kaz smiled, for just a brief second but you noticed. "Yes, yes I know what I told you, but just because I'm not used it doesn't mean I'm never going to get used to it."

"whatever makes you sleep at night, your highness" he joked, making you roll your eyes. "Jesper and Inej will miss you" he added, tone once again stoic as his usual. "I know is been just a month but they grew fond of you." a pause. "and so did I." he said not looking at you.

"Same goes for me, but we all knew today was coming. I can't stay in Katterdam any longer. If my father's..." he stopped you, asking you to not even think about it. You were dead now and he saw it, there was no reason for him to search for you.

"You can always say you are not her, if asked." you never thought Kaz Brekker would go an extra mile for someone he had meet just a month ago, but here he was, trying to figure out a way for you to stay.

"Kaz, I'm very sorry for everything that happened in this past month because of me, but you were my only hope to escape the hell that was home." you didn't mean to out your abusive father, but there you were. Telling him the secrets you were too scared to share with anyone, feeling finally free from all the horrors you had to endure for the simple facts that you were born a girl. "he is going to pay."

"Is not worth it. I think you saw him acting like a caring father, sad about his little girl that is now with the Saints." you kissed your thumb and bringing it to your forehead, eyes closed a pray wishpered in the dark. "he always hated the sight of me. I made him and myslef a favour, now I'm in debt with you Kaz Brekker, for saving me." another small smile adorned his features, this time it was on display much longer.

"Now try to sleep. You need it."

It was after a couple of days that Nina came back, followed by a girl. She was a Grisha, one that could help you escape Katterdam without drawing too much attention to you.

"A tailor. I found her at the market. Kaz I promised she is to be payed good for her services and her silence." Nina left the girl inside the little chapel and went back out.

"You are Pekka's daughter? I thought you were dead. The news is all over the walls of Katterdam." she said looking at you up and down. You gave her a little smile, hoping she wasn't to out you to the Stadwatch or your father directly. "Don't worry, I won't say a world to him" she said rolling up the sleeve of her shirt showing you a bunch of bruises all over her arm.

"Oh he likes to hit on ladies now? New hobby of his?" said Jesper noticing the condition of her arms, imagining the rest of her body was filled with purple and green signs. You apologized for your father's wrong doings but is not like he meant those words you spoke and you knew it. You and him were two completely different people.

The Grisha in front of you started to move her hands like if they were dancing with each other, rays of color moved in the air between the two of you, sparks adding a sense of magic and mystic to the experience. You started to feel your flesh morphing under her spell and you imagined your face changing shape onto her magic. Some seconds were needded before Jesper handed you a tiny mirror and you noticed how different you looked now.

"is temporary rember this. I suggest you to leave now, and for my payment... Just for the service, I would not out you." she said and turned to Kaz, hands in a cup form waiting to receive her kruge. The man rolled his eyes but payed her non the less.

The port was calm and not as busy as in the morning. The fishermen were getting ready to leave in the early morning, but Kaz did not stop there. He walked until he stopped infront of a boat of a privateer. At its front two people, siblings you noticed.

"Where is Sturmhond?"

"Inside." said the woman and she walked in, you thought to call whoever that Sturmhond was.

"Is she the girl Nina talked us about?" was the man turn to speak. Kaz nodded. "Great. We are leaving anytime soon so say goodbye to your friend and on we go." he added, he too walking back on the boat.

"Take care of yourself." was the only think Kaz said to you

"I'll pray the Saints to keep you safe at all times and remeber, no mourners..."

"No funerals" you ended the phrase with her. "Take care of Kaz for me too, and tell him before is too late, promise me Inej you would tell him" you said.

"Oh come on now, is my turn to say bye" said joyfully Jesper hugging you and spooning you around. You giggled and when your feet touched land you asked Jesper to keep being like this, no matter what.

"One more think Jesper, do not hide your true self. Not anymore." he gave you a shy smile and then moved closer to Inej. You thanked Nina for the big help and wished for her to be reunited with her man, then it was time to say goodbye to Wylan.

"You left me for last" he joked.

"The best is always left for last. Take care of yourself and keep Jesper in his place from time to time" you hugged him as strong as you were able to. Before you could add something Kaz was talking to someone behinde you.

"keep her safe, if something has to happen to her you know I'll find out Sturmhond."

"Geez man, I haven't even spoke a world and you attack me like this. Do not fear I'll protect her, well actually Tolyan and Tamar will."

"WHEN DID I AGREE ON THAT?" he said surprised to hear his captain's words. His reaction made you laugh a little getting the man's attention. "why are you laughing uh?" You turned to Kaz and the rest of your new friends, that you were already leaving behind.

"I will write to you as much as possible so keep an eye to the mails. Now go, you guys need some good rest." to this Sturmhond accompanied on his boat and you gave a last wave before sailing to Saints knew where.

"Inej, would you pray the Saints to protect her for me too?" the Wraith didn't say a world, just prayed for him too with a little smile. Maybe she had a change at the end, maybe she had to wait for him to break out his shell but a change whatsover.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #inej ghafa #inej ghafa x reader #inej ghafa x you #inej ghafa x y/n #jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x you #jesper fahey x y/n #malyen oretsev #the crows club imagines #the crows x reader #nina zenik x reader #nina zerik x you #nina zerik x y/n #nina zerik x yn #nina zerik imagines #shadow and bone season 2

[hubrisbracket]

Hubris Bracket Side A Poll 12: Five Pebbles (Rain World) vs Laerryn Coramar-Seelie (Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited Calamity)

Propaganda below (contains spoilers)

Five Pebbles

in his pride and arrogance he thought he could solve the great problem, he got interrupted during one of his experiments because in the process he was killing one of his neighboring robots (he is a robot btw) and she was asking him to stop, now he blames her because the creature he was making mutated and essentially led to him developing 'the rot' which slowly eats away at his superstructure until it eventually kills him.

hes like a pathetic wet cat to me. guy who tries desperately to break out of his doomed narrative only to doom himself further and drag those he loves down with him. he didn't want this he didn't want any of this but in his rage and arrogance he was blind to the consequences of his actions. and now he stands slowly rotting away while his sister suffers because of his mistakes. he is sooo full of regret and anger and shame i love him

(this one is very long so we have opted to keep its original formatting for reading's sake)

GOD where do i even start with five pebbles…the hubris contained within this bitch…the angst…the regret… for a basic rundown of general rain world stuff, everything in the world is trapped in a looping cycle of life and death. eventually people adjacent things were like "dam this sucks i wanna. kil myslef" and then they dug really deep into the earth and found void fluid which kills you so hard you don't come back. however if youre a bitch or too attached to the earth u turn into a terrifying ghost thing. so the people were like "fuck that lets find a different way to kill ourselves" so they built big supercomputers called iterators then they all killed rhemselves anyways with the kil juice.so you have these godlike teenagers basically locked in bigass boxes just. everywhere every fucking where theres so many.

five pebbles is one of these iterators, and whats special about him is mainly the place and reasons he was built. iterators need a shit fuck ton of water to function (and they exhale a shit fuck ton of water vapor "turning…world, into rain world." -daszombes) so generally iterators aren't placed too close. another iterator named looks to the moon was built very early on, and eventually she couldn't make enough stuff for her people who live on top of her (forgot to mention that) so they fucking. built another iterator RIGHT next to her. pebbles and moon are like siblings, right. hes kind of an angsty guy but i mean his creators literally all killed themselves and left him solving their problem so its ok hes allowed to be. hes like "damn i hate veing trapped in this cycle and shit it sucks" and then there was a very big event that i DO NOT have the time to get into but essentially one of the iterators was like "hey guys i solved the problem" and then she fucking died which is very hard for an iterator to do so everyone had an understandable freakout.

five pebbles was of the opinion that killing herself was the solution so hes like "i have to make them see that killing yourself IS the solution" (killing yourself and/or genetic mpdification are very very taboo topics among iterators) so he goes to one of his close friends and has a real heart to heart about how much he struggles with knowing that his creators CHOSE to leave them all behind and that the iterators are all still here solving their problem even tho they're dead. this friend, in a moment of weakness sends pebbles instructions on how to circumvent the self-destruct taboo (a taboo is like a law coded into every single cell of an iterator) and five pebbles, desperate to prove to himself and others that he isnt just another useless thing that can be abandoned, so he looks at the proper, safe way of doing the procedure and goes "FUCK THAT NOIIIISE" bye running so many parallel processes he consumes five times the amount of water he usually intakes, as well as shutting off all communications. moon, having been dehydrated to the point where he structure is in an awful, awful state, eventually uses a last resort in the form of forced communications, essentially the buggest loudest discord ping of your life. her messages are pleas for pebbles to stop, that he is hurting her, that she WILL die if he continues.

on pebble's end, as he tries to concentrate on his absurd amounts of processes, moon messages crash through his communications network, COMPLETELY shattering his focus. due to the nature of this method, involving genetic modification, what is essentially cancer is allowed to burst free, uncontrolled, from his experiments. they call it the rot. pebbles, having killed his sister and cut off everyone else, desperately tries to cure the illness ravaging his structure, an effort that proves futile.

Laerryn Coramar-Seelie

Laerryn devoted her entire life to making the city of Avalir capable of teleporting to the Upper Planes so that the entire city of mortals would be walking as equals amongst the GODS.

laerryn my beloved. the OG hubris wizard, dead before the story even started & it was her own fault. she used all her city's magic supply to be able to TELEPORT the ENTIRE CITY to a DIFFERENT PLANE because she COULD. because she wanted to prove that SHE COULD. because she thought the gods weren't all that special and wanted mortals to be equal to the GODS THEMSELVES. COME ON. she could have easily made it safe but she was so determined to accomplish this in time that she used way too much magic and put the whole city in danger. she wasn't thinking about safety, she was thinking about what she could accomplish. she also got one of her best friends, who was a husband and a father to a young child, KILLED, due to experimenting on said aforementioned 'attempting to teleport the entire city to a different plane' thing (complete disregard of safety once again). to list her lesser hubris crimes, she neglected her marriage and got divorced bc she was so focused on her work and herself even though she loved her husband dearly and convinced herself she was doing all of this for him, even though this is never something he wanted. also she cast blight on a super important tree that could have saved the world, and destroyed it. and yeah it was because she wanted to protect her friends/out of love/grief BUT she basically set in motion the rest of the events of exu calamity (aka, oh yknow, the DESTRUCTION OF MOST OF THE WORLD) by doing that. by thinking she COULD save her friends by destroying the tree. basically, she thought she knew better when she very much didn't. i'm not saying she caused it (the betrayer gods caused it obvs), but she for sure had a large part to play in the destruction of her own city (and also in saving it, but still). basically i love her. HUBRIS QUEEN.

#hubris bracket #Laerryn Coramar-Seelie #critical role #Five Pebbles #rainworld #rain world #exu calamity #exu laerryn #(mod bee here: both extremely strong contenders with a lot of similarities. anyone's game for sure.) #(however am i biased towards laerryn? yes. i love her.) #round 1

[intotheseas]

Hello 👋. I hope you take requests. I have just a little tiny one. I would give my arm and leg to see someone being brave enough to call us a MUDBLOOD in a way Ominis and/or Sebastian could hear. Ahhhh, the angst and drama would be perfect for a crippling insomniac reader (like myslef) Thank you so much in advance. Love your work btw

One, I'm honoured you'd say that, so thank you! Two, absolutely! Writing violence is kinda foreign to me, so this is short and I'm sorry if it's awful haha. Also, I hope you don't mind but I took this as an opportunity to play around with present tense a little. Here's what I came up with. Hope you like it! :)

Tainted - 1,014 words - contains graphic violence, read below the break or here on AO3.

The library’s floor-length windows cast the last of the sun’s light across Sylvia’s table. The dusty smell of books and sound of pages turning surrounds her, lulling her into a stupor. She’s yawning, diligently scratching the last of her essay onto parchment. Plans for a night spent by the fire with her friends Ominis and Sebastian form in her mind when a malicious voice speaks behind her.

“Can’t believe they let that filthy Mudblood into Slytherin. It’s like this school doesn’t stand for anything anymore. What’s the point of being proud of your house when they’re allowing any old trash in now?” The voice is cruel, mocking. Clearly, he wants her to hear. 

The bitter words cut at Sylvia like a blunted knife. Mudblood? Yet another thing to learn about this strange new world. Compared to the orphanage she spent her life in, Hogwarts is another beast entirely. Coming in as a fifth year has been intimidating enough, but the politics and prejudices of wizardkind mystify her. She assumes she’s supposed to feel insulted, but it’s difficult when she doesn’t even know what the word means.

Sylvia turns around to see two older Slytherin boys leering at her and sniggering. Probably seventh years, she guesses. She meets their eyes, an eyebrow raised. “Sorry, Mudblood? Care to explain?” 

They stop laughing and glare. “We don’t speak to subhumans,” one retorts. Venom drips from his voice, and Sylvia’s a little surprised at the overt malice in his eyes. She hasn’t spoken to them once, yet they clearly hate her. “Do all of wizardkind a favour and go back to the muggles. Your kind isn’t wanted here,” the other boy says. They rise from their seats, passing her in a huff, the latter knocking his bag roughly against her shoulder.  

She stares after them, bemused. Insults are nothing new to her; she’s more than used to hearing things like “worthless”, “peasant”, and “pity case” from muggles. They stopped hurting a long time ago. Growing up in an orphanage quickly taught her to fend for herself and stay out of petty arguments. Sylvia shrugs, returning to the last words of her essay. 

Later, she relaxes in front of the fire with Sebastian and Ominis. The warmth is comforting as they joke and share a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. Sylvia has a soft spot for Ominis and picks the nastiest beans out of his pile, furtively puts them in Sebastian’s for a laugh. His expressions when he tastes the earwax flavour are all the reward she needs. It’s a comfortable dynamic the three have built in the months since Sylvia came to Hogwarts, marked by a love language of banter and trust. 

She’s about to open another box when a hand grips the back of the sofa, knocking against her shoulder. “Dirty fucking Mudblood, already getting cosy with Slytherin boys, huh? Bet you’re as easy as your blood is filthy.” She turns back, meeting the eye of the older boy who taunted her in the library. She’s about to tell him she doesn’t know what a Mudblood is, but Ominis is already on his feet and facing the boy, his wand out. His face contorts into a livid scowl.

“Pardon? Care to elaborate, Williams? Or perhaps you’d prefer to fuck off.” His voice is icy. 

Williams sneers. “No surprise that the Gaunt blood traitor would defend the Mudblood. Is it just the two of you, or do you share her with Sallow?” 

Sebastian barks out a laugh. His arms are crossed, a defiant look on his face. “Why? Are you interested in joining?” 

Sylvia leans over to Sebastian, whispers. “What on earth is a Mudblood, anyway? He called me that earlier in the library, too.” He looks back at her, the humour gone from his eyes. 

“It’s pretty much one of the worst things you can call someone,” he mutters back. “Means someone who has magic but was born to muggles. It’s supposed to imply their blood is dirty.” 

Sylvia laughs. “Wait, that’s supposed to be hurtful?” She turns around again, tilts her head up proudly and meets Williams’ eye. “Why should I feel insulted by something I have no control over? If you wanted an excuse to talk to me, you could have just said hi, you know.” 

Williams’ jaw clenches, his eyes narrowed. “Know. Your. Place. Mudblood,” he spits. His fists shake at his side for a moment, and then he slaps her, hard. The crack of his open palm against Sylvia’s face stuns her for a moment, and when she gathers her wits, both Ominis and Sebastian are already on top of him. 

Ominis holds the boy down by his robes while Sebastian lands blows on Williams’ face. “Call our friend a fucking Mudblood, will you? How’s this feel?” William’s head smacks against the stone floor with a loud crack as Sebastian lands one last punch. Blood trickles from his mouth, bruises already blooming across his cheek.

Sebastian stands up and spits on him, his face a mask of utter disdain. “It’s filth like you that taints the name of Slytherin, not muggle-borns. Fucking disgusting.” He looks at the crowd gathering to see the spectacle. “Anyone else want to call anyone a Mudblood?” 

No one speaks.  

He kicks Williams’ side and returns to the couch, grabbing the box of sweets from Sylvia. Ominis joins them. “I’m sorry you had to witness that,” he murmurs. “Utter pettiness. If that happens again, come to us. We’ll take care of it.” 

Behind them, Williams crawls toward the exit to the common room. Sebastian turns his head casually. “By the way, Williams, you tell anyone about this and they’ll hear all about what you’ve been calling Sylvia!” he sings. “Hope you have Wiggenweld handy!”

“You guys really didn’t need to do that, but…thanks,” Sylvia says. She feels warmth spreading in her chest. It’s a little foreign to her, but not unwelcome. Maybe it isn’t so bad to depend on others, she thinks. She picks out the grossest beans from Sebastian’s pile and tosses them into the fire.

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy ominis #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #hogwarts legacy imagines #hogwarts legacy requests

[pochacosicon]

FUUUUCKME

ate 1500 cals today again

i fucking hate myslef i wanna purge but i have to wait till 10 pm to do that

i fucking hate it

im gonna drink sm water so it’s easier but fuck why did i eat this much

doing omad tmrw and i’ll try fasting till 6pm on friday

i hate everything i hate fucking myslef

[nothinggold13]

Would you ever write a romantasy (aka romantic fantasy)?

I'd guess you're more of an actual fantasy type and would love to hear your opinion on it.

Not a fan myslef, but in the bookstore I work at, finding actual fantasy that isn't just a romance novel with magic and dragons and The Chosen One trope is becoming quite a challenge. Like almost every new "fantasy" release is a romantasy (complete with plot holes, modern street language with opulent profanity in medieval-esque enviroment, smut, using adverbs to describe everything and a vocabulary you could fit in a matchbox).

Like no hate, I read trash too sometimes, great to get out of reading slumps, but as a fantasy fan I'm feeling frustrated about it 😅

Have a great day!

Personally, I tend not to approach romance much as a genre, but I do love a romantic subplot!! So it would definitely depend on the story I was trying to tell. For example, most of my current fantasy or fantasy-adjacent story ideas that I may or may not get around to writing actually... don't have explicitly canon romance in them? (I mean, two of them definitely have inklings, but they're the kind of relationships that, with how my brain currently looks at them, I think I'd rather leave them open ended/open for interpretation.) And, as I said, I love romantic subplots, so it's not as if I'm avoiding romance on purpose; those particular stories just don't feel contingent on writing those kinds of relationships.

Whereas my current WIP (which may lean sci-fi/fantasy, but I am always confused about the genre; where do superheroes fall in?) is also technically not supposed to be a romance first and foremost, but as anyone who has ever heard me rant about the series will attest: I often obsess over the romances far more than the actual main plot. 😂 (I have had one friend inform me twice already that she got so caught up in the relationships that she forgot it was an action story, to which I say: same. 😅)

Long story short: a fantasy with romantic subplots is theoretically right up my alley, even if I don't have specific plans for one, whereas a romance book in a fantasy setting (especially featuring smut 😖) would be a pretty solid NOPE.

(Although I must confess....... I love adverbs. I do. They're what give me fun phrases like, "Beautifully, wonderfully, and against all my wildest expectations..." and "delightfully tacky," and as much as I'm trying to focus those phrases on one character and her particular voice, I definitely still use them more than I probably should. 😂 That doesn't mean I'm going to stop, though.)

Thanks for asking! ❤

[sparknightdrawing]

some of the nicest things people have said to me

‘I like your skin, it’s all bumpy, like a sensory board, I wanna touch it!’

‘you’re flatter than my face after my girlfriend sits on me’

‘IF YOUR LANKY TREE ASS DOUBTS THAT I CAN EVER BECOME SICK OF YOU THEN YOUR WRONG MY LITTLE GAY FRIEND I AINT GETTING SICK OF YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOUR STUCK WITH MY DUMBASS NOW WEATHER YOU LIKE IT IR NOT YOU ARE SO MUCH TO ME AND I CANT SEE MYSLEF WITHOUT YOU 💙’

‘I don’t hate you! You’re one of my best friends!

‘bitch, fuck off, I love you platonically’

#Vent in Tags? #acne #flat bodies #flat chest #happily flat #Friendships #im so glad I have these people #they- #are anazibg #im so tired #i hate my face #But ah well #what can you do? #I try skincare #It sometimes works #im worried I’ll scar my skin #But- #i just want to say thank you to anyone who is my friend #Or to my mutuals

[bleakbluejay]

maybe i'm just saying so because i am wizard high at the moment

but i'm actually kinda cool. aren't i? because like. i have a fucking GREEN MOHAWK. i wear cool dark bold makeup that takes cue from other cool people like trad goths and punks, but is still distinctly my own. same for my fashion! i have such cool fashion! it's gotten lazy with the gym shorts bc of managing my residual limb, but like. almost always all black, with skulls on my shoes (or boots!), sometimes fishnets, ripped jeans or dykey black shorts, the most badass t shirts you can imagine with the coolest designs -- skulls and decay and roses and poppies and bold colors and all depicting the things I love, my mothman sweater, my mushroom sweater, my button-ups, my sheer mesh undershirt covered in velvet rosettes, my tendency and love for layering and accessories, my big metal leg with the mandalorian on it (also something very cool). i LOOK like that. and i'm so silly and so funny!! silly funny people are the best people i always say. ive got amazing taste in music that i'm so excited all the time to listen to (i am listening to "cadilac car" by playboy manbaby btw if you cared). and im so nice, i'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet i think. at least i try to be! i am so full of wanting to be helpful and being friendly. who cares if i talk too much??? im talking about cool shit!! im talking about cultures and bones and epic fantasies and vide o games and animals and music and all of those things are so cool!! i've held bones that are tens of thousands years old and older! isn't that cool? i've seen amazing things like the ozarks and the great lakes and the pacific ocean and the atlantic ocean and the grand canyon and meteor crater and so many animals and so much art and so many beautiful faces and so much of everything and everything is so awesome! im a witness to the beauty of the world :) and the world is awesome and i'm awesome and my freinds are awesome

i spend so much time hating myslef which is so stupid because im so cool. all the aspects about myself i hate i love in others! so what's the problem, elliot, dipshitt???? get over it and love you!

#eli talks

[starstoyourmoon]

ifeel sobig i need to lose weight

idont know how much i wiegh anymore and its scsring me i hate thst i cant weigh myslef at my gfs house

she definirely thinks imso big and ugly imtoo heavy and wide i cant fit into her small clothes she wants me to borrow

ihate this so much

#4n0r3xia #edshitpost #i need to lose so much weight #4norexi4 #i wanna lose weight #tw ana diary #i want to ⭐️ve #i will reach my ugw #i wanna be skinnier #i wanna be tiny #i want to be skinnier #i want to be weightless