#honestly the ghosts probably need rental protection too

[strangelittlestories]

Do you know one of the things I hate most about being an exorcist? Capitalism.

Hear me out - financial instability is one of the most common risk factors for a malevolent haunting.

Got disposable income? Good news - you move into a haunted house, and you hire an exorcist. Or, if you can’t find a good recommendation, you just move house *again*.

Come from old money? Even better - you probably live in a generational home and - barring any literal skeletons in the closet - you’re probably haunted by family members. Their unfinished business is probably some *literal* business and they’re just gonna give you financial advice. Sure, they might be pushy and lowkey toxic, but they’re invested in your success - you’re their legacy after all.

There’s a metaphysical reason why rental accommodation is riskier too. It’s way harder to make an evil spirit leave your home when you’re not the home-owner.

First off, having the right paperwork can really add some extra oomph to an exorcism. Secondly, most landlords really don’t invest in salting the foundations or decent silver glazing, so guess what? Your shitty apartment isn’t just damp and cold, it has bad spiritual insulation too.

And especially *smart* ghosts can take advantage of your housing insecurity. Want to get your ghost out of there? You might be able to use rental protection law as the basis for evicting your unwanted ectoplasmic squatter (especially if there’s a ‘no spiritual subletting’ clause in the lease). *But* that gets way harder if it turns out the ghost has been secretly paying your landlord rent! Even a bit of change it scrounged up from your sofa is enough - BOOM, it lives there now.

So the best advice I can give you as an exorcist if you’re one of the unlucky masses who’ve been borked by the housing market? Join a housing cooperative or a renters’ union or go live in a hippy commune. Anywhere you have that extra protection - ideally with a bit of paper that says you own the house.

And if you’ve got that bit of paper, and you start to have ghost trouble, your first step is to get a legal copy made on silver paper and with salted ink. It gives your magical protections a quick and easy refresh.

It’s true what they say: a good deed is its own re-ward.

#writing #microfiction #short story #flash fiction #puns #feghoot #capitalism is the bad guy #honestly the ghosts probably need rental protection too #we need government housing for ghosts is what I'm saying

[datingadviceonreddit]

My Reddit LTR and I finally met, she hooked up with someone else while I’m still here visiting. Feeling pretty worthless, left at the hotel until 6pm. 26MI met someone through reddit during a very emotional time for me after a split of 8 years with a partner. She’s from the south, I’m from the north. I’ve never quite had such a good emotional connection with someone, and I will now always have a thing for southern women. The accents are just awesome.Anyways...we talked for about 5 months. I saw red flags. I ignored them. Love is truly blind. It started with her needing validation from other people online with posting pictures of herself, needing reassurance. Usually in free compliments on reddit. She assured me it was no big deal. Then, a day before I was supposed to see her, she told me she had made out with someone else. I told her I was willing to look past it as we weren’t yet exclusive.Then, a few days later, she tells me that she planned on managing her ex’s rental properties. I told her that was a bad idea and that it’s not really even a moral one, and that she should have more respect for herself. We about ended it. I just kept thinking of how much I cared for her, vs what was best for me.We move on from it, but I tell her she honestly needed therapy and wasn’t really ready for a relationship. She ends up ghosting me a few weeks later. Then she calls me freaking out, telling me that she has problems but she’s not a bad person one day after ghosting me. I do more mental gymnastics and try to tell her that it’s fine, and that I’d be willing to move forward.I come to see her in Shreveport Louisiana. Awful state. We hang out and it seems like it’s going well, at least from my perspective, but she’s seems very low in emotional openness and emotional intelligence. She just seemed very guarded. I took her out to a movie, and we have a decent time. We fool around a bit, and I felt kinda pressured to have sex. It was pretty bad, honestly. I was nervous and had not been with anyone, and I also hate having sex with people without dual protection. I fucked that part up bad. The other stuff went well, but this is probably a determining factor in why she made her decision.She texts me while she is at work, but seems off. I end up asking her if she wants me to leave. She said she feels forced when there’s no connection. We had a pretty good night before, so this freaks me out. I hung pictures up in her house for her and put up a bathroom fixture. We talk, joke around and make out. Cuddle all night into the morning.I Uber to a hotel, completely mind-fucked. She calls me later in the afternoon and say she’s loves me, BUT, you guessed it, as a friend. She said there’s no spark. Which I can understand to an extent, but I’m honestly not much for fairy-tale love. I told her she’s too idealistic, and will have trouble finding someone that will check all of her boxes, and that she needs to be open talking about her problems, as she keeps everything inside and self-destructs, but that I ultimately respected her decision.She’s call me again later, saying that she’s going to take a year off to be single. I lm an asshole at the point and tell her that she will probably be single forever. She freaks out on me and tells me that I’m meek and don’t have confidence, which is partially true. I have plenty of insecurities. But she basically told me I’m a bitch with no confidence. I didn’t take that very well. I’m a very humble person and I’m nice by nature. I’m Also from the Midwest, so we just are Midwest nice, I guess.She keeps trying to be in contact with me as her friend, all while I’m staying at a hotel, drinking and regretting my decision. She apologizes over and says she loves me, but as a friend. She said I’m the only person to break down her walls, and that nobody has ever wanted to do that with her. I keep a line of friend ship open, and hope for the best for her. She’s very hot and cold.She calls me at 5am and tells she did something bad. She’s never done a random hookup but decided to last night. This offends me. I ask for the details, knowing that it’d hurt me. She said she didn’t want to tell me, but I needed to hear it, so I asked. She said the sex was amazing, he was a firefighter, but that she felt dirty afterwards. She said he new what he was doing. Which I get it, I wasn’t in a place to really want to have sex yet. She said that I shouldn’t have even asked and that it would just torture me. She literally just wants to friend zone me for emotional support, and I tell her off, saying that’s not fair.I basically tell her how awful of a human she is that she would put me through this much shit, while I’m still here nonetheless. She goes off about how she loves me, but doesn’t see me as a partner. She goes off saying that she’s not a bad person, but that she’s broken. I tell her that’s bullshit and that she literally has no remorse, and that she needs antidepressants and lots of therapy if she feels numb. She said she slept with the guy because she wants to feel wanted by someone, and felt bad about having me leave after barely a day of hanging out.I can’t fix her problems, that much is true. I blocked her on my phone and deleted all my social media. The last text she sent was about wanting to know if I make it to Omaha okay.I’m completely spent. I don’t really have any emotion left at this point. It’s my own fault for not cutting it off earlier. I feel very worthless and less of a man. I’m 6’2 275lbs and have never been called meek. My confidence really isn’t that great, but it’s especially bad now and I can’t help but think I’m never going to be what anyone wants in a partner. Now I’m stuck at a hotel, coming home a very broken man 🤦‍♂️ I don’t know how to pick myself back up, and I feel awful via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit