#his abs have abs i s2g

[ringer04]

Randy Orton

#randy orton #the legend killer #the viper #the apex predator #his abs have abs i s2g #welcome back daddy #wwe #my edit #steph makes edits #pc: wwe on X

[padfootastic]

Ahaha thank you for the nice comments in tags <3 i love Remus but he seems bit like a spineless people pleaser and after dating somebody who would rather lie about their feelings than have people be mildly upset with them..... I chose violence 🗡

no but ur so right because!!! i’ve been sleeping on this for a while but let’s talk about remus’ personality traits and how they have the potential to make him a bad/absent partner, at best, and an abusive one, at worst. everyone wants to turn him into this image of perfection just bc he’s such an ‘uwu victim’ figure in fanon but that’s SO far from the truth omg

(i am…just gonna put this remus character analysis under a cut bc it got unnecessarily long and i wouldn’t want u to read it if u didn’t want to lol)

so, for one, he’s manipulative. he has no combinations in twisting the truth or dodging it entirely for his own benefit. like, the man could stand in front of his dead best friend’s orphaned son & not even allude to the fact that he knew his dad. he had no problem bringing james & lily up in the most twisted ways possible to guilt/emotionally influence harry. so remus in a relationship would have the capacity to either knowingly or unknowingly manipulate his partner. the definition of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss except more sinister.

next, his spinelessness. either as a defensive measure to deal w anti-werewolf hostility or as an innate personality trait, remus has the habit of just—not standing up for things. he looks away when his friends act like assholes, even when he’s in a position of authority (which yes, u can argue that he’s afraid of losing them but atp they’ve literally risked life & magic & azkaban for him so either way, he comes off badly—either he doesn’t mind himself, or he doesn’t fully trust their friendship, or it’s just easier to look away). in a relationship, this can manifest as bottling everything inside u until it makes u bitter or u violently unload on the other person in an entirely disproportionate manner. the dynamic would also be a bit skewed. the people pleasing u mentioned is also such a big thing that people usually overlook. when ur constantly trying to make the other person happy and don’t want to rock the boat, that is a cocktail for miscommunication and breakdown of relationships. ur also constantly putting the emotional burden of constructively dealing w issues on ur partner instead of doing it urself.

connected to his cowardice is his habit of running away when things get tough. remus is conflict avoidant; he does not like to put himself in a position where he has to take a decisive stance, especially if it’s against what others around him believe in. he runs away when things get tough, and tbh, for me, this comes from a constant spiral of self hatred & self victimisation, both of which stem from his experience as a werewolf. in every difficult situation, he centres himself & his discomfort and instead of dealing with it and moving forward for a constructive solution, he decides that stepping back from it altogether is better. which, yeah, works well for him bc he can temporarily put a pin in it but it’s kinda terrible for everyone’s who’s left behind. so i also think that remus is a profoundly selfish character who doesn’t look beyond the end of his own nose. u can imagine how those traits might manifest themselves in a relationship.

and his people pleasing!! so this might be verging on fanon but his gratitude and/or devotion to dumbledore sets an…interesting tone. it’s also another example of how he cannot conceive himself in any other term except as a victimised werewolf. the marauders did a lot for him, arguably even more than dumbledore’s token representation formula, but he never felt indebted to them the way he did for D. dumbledore also kind of makes him feel needed? validates his feelings? and that just speaks to a very twisted sense of self for me. which, again, won’t bode well for his other interpersonal relations.

also, on a very hc note, i also feel like remus just…does not have any significant capacity to love. he takes and takes and takes but doesn’t give much in return. this doesn’t even have to be an actively malicious decision, tbh, just a very self-centred one. he doesn’t realise how much he’s taking bc he’s only thinking about his own circumstances.

all of these are also just why i can’t see r/s working out in any healthy manner. remus is exactly antithetical to everything sirius is/believes in, and not even in the fun ‘opposites attract’ way. but that’s another rant no one asked for lmao

#anti remus lupin #just to be safe lol #(i would not want to read sumn like this for j or s) #i read this harry/tonks postwar fic once #that had part r/s allusions #and it was basically about how terrible remus was as a dad & husband bc he kept running out to deal w his demons #not realising or caring ab who he’s leaving behind #and constantly kept making false promises and centering only his own grief #and harry steps up to take care of teddy and tonks #the romance is cool and all but it’s the characterisation of remus that really struck me. bc it was so new. even tho it’s basically #an extension of canon ykwim? #and i think we should talk about that more instead of turning him into a paragon of virtue and morality and parenthood #dude tumblr just ate my ENTIRE answer for a who monite and i was so ??? fully ready to give up i s2g lol #i also have so many thoughts of remus victimising himself #and consequently spitting on everything his friends and family did for him #bc those are destructive thinking patterns and no one except the person themself can take the first step #regardless of how much support they get #and remus just. never wanted to get out of it lbr #i am so sorry for this rant—u didn’t ask for it but ur fic LIT something in me #and i just. couldn’t stop once i started 😭😭 #pen’s asks #pen’s notes

[celestie0]

Kickoff gojo is the type of person when you mention anything you like he suddenly likes it too you say you like a character from Sanrio like cinnamon roll you bet he’s gonna come back the next day to school w a cinnamon roll headband,shirt,keychain and socks oh you like a specific artist guess what satoru likes them too and suddenly knows all their songs 😂😂 you like a specific series guess what gojo suddenly watched all 8 seasons in a week so now you can talk about it! It probably becomes so bad to the point his teammates keep teasing him about it and calls him a simp for you 😭😭☠️ and he’d be like “and? What about it ?” 😒🙄🙄

omg 😭 the thing ab the sanrio character. i am so obsessed w pompompurin i s2g if i told a man that i liked pompompurin n he showed up with shirt n keychain n just a bunch of merch for me as a gift i would give him the nastiest sloppy toppy known to mankind. like his dick is gonna be like it got buffed out at a car wash, that’s the level of spin cycle spit i’d put on that thing. IM NOT A GIFTGIVING LOVE LANGUAGE GIRLIE BUT THE CUTE LIL ANIMAL MASCOTS AS GIFTS IS GONNA DO IT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

also i know you said cinammon roll as in cinammorroll but im just thinking ab how funnt it wld be if reader really wanted him to pick up cinammorroll plushie or something on his way to her place cuz they had a limited edition selling or something n he’s like ??? okay. and then he drops by cinnabon and gets her an actual cinnamon roll🧍🏻‍♀️n the lim edition plushie is sold out

but yes there’s a scene kinda similar to what you have here that i have planned 😭😭 he’s def tryna impress her for sure

#i want a pompompurin boyfriend so bad #kickoff #asks

[zukump3]

bakugo w/ a black gf

bakugo w/ his brown skinned goddess

some smut at the end

before i even start us off, i just wanna say

bakugo loves black women. periodt

ANYWAYS

if we’re being honest bakugo paid no attention to you when class 1-A was formed

he kinda paid no attention to anyone LMAODD

you know how he was / is with the whole “extra” thing

yeah. you were an extra too he didn’t care

but over time, as the class bonded more and more he began to notice your presence

he liked how you had some attitude on you

you didn’t let anyone of class 1-A talk down on you

like any of them would even dare to anyway

your personality was much different from everyone else’s

different enough to catch his attention

being one of the top students in 1-A, bakugo first talks to you after practice and when you’re struggling with your quirk

“hey big head, your form is wrong.” he says as he approaches you, voice deep mmm

“big head?” you glare at him. “who the hell you talking to?”

he almost doesn’t respond because he definitely wasn’t expecting that response

after that, bakugo 100% always has his attention on you

y’all’s relationship is like his and deku’s but less... violent? HAHDJD

you two are basically frenemies

if either of you notice the other struggling with soemthing, you’re gonna help each other

but you’re constantly bickering

when you’re hanging out with the bakusquad and getting tired of hearing bakugo yell for like five fucking minutes straight you just straight up say

“can you SHUT UP?! all that yelling... your hot ass breath is making me nauseous.”

cue mina trying to hold in her laughter

cue denki, kaminari and kirishima bursting out in laughter though

“say it again bitch!”

“bakugo—please don’t try it.”

he starts to get this little ? obsession ? with the way you respond to him

you always have a slick ass comeback and he loves it

grows more and more comfortable with you the more you two hang out

the type to do a double take if you come into class 1-A with a new hairstyle

slyly compliments it

“...like the hair y/n.”

“is katsuki being... nice?!”

“shut the hELL UP KAMI!!”

he becomes more sociable the more you’re around

texts you a lot, surprisingly

sometimes about random shit

definitely softer in private

can be surprisingly calm

is secretly very curious about you and your culture

bakugo is farthest from dumb and knows how to phrase his questions so they don’t offend you, his parents taught him good

does a lot of research about it in his free time

constantly calls mineta a “weak link”

“he’s deadass the weakest link of this class.”

it’s soooo attractive how he does his best to understand you

your relationship just comes easily and naturally

he’s obviously a little shy and nervous, he’s never dated anyone like you before

but he feels accepted by you—loved, even

cooks with your mom lmao

always busting a move at the cookouts wtf 😭 this mf dances better than you

definitely the type to randomly do the woah when you two are hanging out

ALSO MATCHING BONNETS I DONT MAKE THE RULESSSS

somehow knows how to do acrylics and will do your nails for head for free

nsfw 🤤

whew boy

in shortest terms... he beats the pussy up

you swear he has the highest sex drive you’ve ever experienced

how is he ?? always ?? horny

morning sex

sex after classes

sex before he sleeps

SO MUCH SEX

it’s very well known that bakugo loves ass and trust me

he does

fucking loves when you sit in his lap

he always gets hard underneath you i s2g

even if you sit in his lap in public, he can stay flaccid for a few minutes but as soon as his arms wrap around your waist and his chin presses against your shoulder

you know he’s gone

pretty rough with you

usually after sex you’re covered in bites and bruises

and you’re sore as hell

loves to fuck you doggystyle, with his chest to your back

he likes to be very dominant in the bedroom, and that position gives him good leverage to wrap his hand around your throat and fuck you till you see stars

says “fuck” a LOT

he does dirty talk but it’s mainly stuff he says to himself?

like “fuck... this pussys squeezing me so fucking tight.”

“god, look at the way it creams... so fucking sexy.”

wants you to cum at least three times in the bedroom and doesn’t mind overstimulating you till you get there

when he gives head...

😩

lawd have murthay

can i just say that he definitely eats pussy from the back

and he buries his entire face in your cunt

loves to finger you while he does it cause he wants it to be messy. he wants your juices everywhere

“taste like fucking peaches,” he’ll comment after bringing his head up, his red eyes staring deep into yours as he fingers you with so, so much strength. “this pussy is all mine, yeah?”

you don’t respond, too lost in your pleasure to say anything

that’s when he leans down to suck harshly at your clit and you probably scream.

“answer me.”

“yes! yes—it’s your—your pussy, katsuki...!”

“that’s a good girl~”

he grabs onto your hair when you give him head

he tries not to tug too hard but he can’t help it

his abs clench every time you deep throat him and you swear he twitches in your mouth

overall a wild little boom box boy

creds to artist ^^

#bnha x poc!reader #bnha x reader #bakugo smut #bakugou katsuki #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x black reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x poc reader #bakugou headcanon #bakugo headcanon

[godofsunlight]

Devotee Challenge, 7

Discuss your UPG for your deity. What inspired those UPG? Afterwards, do a little research and try to find other popular UPG. Do you agree or disagree with that UPG, and why?

Apollo has brilliant, star-like freckles. Honestly, I drew him one time with golden freckles and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Apollo likes caramel, chocolates, cinnamon, and other sweets. He just seems to love the treats I give him. This seems to be a popular UPG.

Apollo is a great god for mental health. He’s such an amazing balance of forgiving, empathic, and stern. I think a lot of people would agree.

Apollo is the ultimate Atheist converter, LOL. Is this techincally a UPG? I’ve seen this couple of times. A lot of my Hellenic friends that were Atheists (myself included) were converted by Apollo (I mean have you SEEN his abs???).

Apollo (and Hermes tbh) love to go on drives in convertables. Every time I get in the the car they want to put the top down and listen to Abba, I s2gs...

He is a candle hoarder! Honestly, same though.

He calls you out on your bullshit! I’ve seen this UPG everywhere and like yeah. He’s also very gentle when you need it though.

I think he likes a lot of music, if not all, but I’ve seen a lot of people say he vibes with Abba, Queen, Cavetown, etc..

Not entirely a UPG, at least right now, but there was a post I liked about APollo hair being different lengths based on the seasons, and I kinda like the idea of this but based on the time of day.

Honestly, the only UPGs I disagree with are from people who treat Apollo as their “uwu sunshine boy” and, not even UPGs, but any opinions people from the L*re Ol*mp*s fandom. I just tend not to agree with them, but you know *shrug*

#apollo #apollon #hellenism #pagan #hellenic pagan #pagan witch #newbie devotee challenge

[arthurs-wife]

Okay following along the line of DILF Arthur, the laundry room bit got me so can we get some HCs for when you two are finally able to get some alone time (maybe someone from the gang picked up on the frustration and volunteered to babysit?) Maybe you do the do, maybe the two of you just spend proper time together for one of the rare times since the kids came along, maybe both ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I don't have or want kids but I'm thirsting over Arthur as a dad so hard)

my pal you dont need to want kids to want a D I L F

its finally the end of the week and abigail surprises you by coming over and literally just shoving the both of you out of the house and locks the door

“dont come back until tomorrow!!”

sweet abigail

so you both book it to the nearest hotel and 

promptly fall asleep

..

you wake up a couple hours later tho just holding each other and actually talking about your weeks together 

you take a shower???? like for longer than three minutes??? 

and you finally get a good look at arthur because your mind just hasn’t been there for a good while but got damn them shoulders

those abs

them thighs

and hes so clueless i s2g he legit turns around, shower spray all over him and looks bashful

like hes not the most gorgeous thing youve ever seen 

and you two may have scampered across the street to grab some wine and come back to lay in bed together drinking your respective bottles and watching TV

eventually you make out and good lord you forget the stamina this man possesses

youve seen his limitless endurance when it comes to wrangling the kids and going all day non stop taking care of stuff

but you forgot that he could apply that to other things

like getting you off at least 5 times in the span of thirty minutes oops

dont worry you return the favor

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x male reader #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x gender neutral reader #papa morgan #good lord the thirst today #is real

[dovahdoes]

JSYK-- the HB fics DID go up on AO3.  c:

Links, summaries, etc. are below the cut. :]]

#1 - Two of Hearts

Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen Relationships: John Myers/Nuada, John Myers/Original Male Character(s) Characters: Nuada (Hellboy), John Myers, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s), Narza, Prince Chulainn Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, Pre-Relationship, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Love Triangles, Whump, (Since two of them are still injured), Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Oblivious John Myers, Antarctica, Go to sleep John ffs, and take your medicine, That's a quote from everybody he talks to in this fic i s2g, Love Confessions, Or at least 'Feelings Confessions' to be more realistic, i guess? also there is, Humor, Or at least an, Attempt at Humor

Summary:

A night of mediocre sleep doesn't bring clarity to John regarding the downright surreal conversation he had with Prince Nuada and Chulainn the evening before. Conveniently, the two aforementioned parties provide some clarification on exactly why everyone was acting so weird yesterday.

In fact, honestly? They probably provide a bit too much clarification for the unprepared human in their midst when they both somewhat clumsily try and ask John out.

*

OR

It's been a day since the quasi-showdown between Chulainn and Nuada in the infirmary, and as far as each of them is concerned, they have "dibs" on courting Agent John Myers without the interference of the other person.

Agent John Myers, however, definitely has something to say on the matter, himself. *

[[Next in the series after 'Occasionally the Twain Shall Meet'']]

_________________________________________

# 2 - Weary Winter Coming Fast

Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Teen Relationships: John Myers/Original Male Character(s) Characters: John Myers, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s), Narza, Prince Chulainn Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Antarctica, Canon-Typical Violence, Whump, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Wonder if this is actually worth posting..., Characterization I guess?, Humor, Attempt at Humor, Stubborn!John, Protective John Myers, Protective Chulainn, .....and Narza tbh, everyone's just trying not to let anyone else get hurt basically lol

Summary:

A simple day out with the science team takes a turn for the perilous when enemies of the Winter Court ambush the BPRD caravan that Chulainn's tailed along with. And since John is along for the ride, he's along for the fight, too.

OR

Prince Chulainn wants to spend time with John, even when he's working his 9-5.  Unfortunately, some blood-thirsty assassins end up ruining what was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill outing. *

[A lil fic detailing the events directly ahead of what happens in 'Occasionally the Twain Shall Meet'. (It's literally earlier the same day.)]

_________________________________________

# 3 -  O’er His Heart a Shadow

Chapters: 5/5 Rating: Teen Relationships: John Myers/Nuada, Original Character/Original Character Characters: John Myers, Nuada (Hellboy), Original Characters, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmates, Fae & Fairies, Captivity, Medical Experimentation, Medical Torture, (not particularly detailed for the last 2 tbh), Angst, Dark, but only a teeny tiny bit here and there (with more implied for the future), Amoral BPRD, (which is honestly kinda canon as per the comics...), The OCxOC is for John's family, Fae!John, specifically though it's, Unseelie!John, or my version of it anyway..., Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, also Nuala/Abe is implied, also there is very briefly mentioned, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Nuada

Summary:

The Unseelie fae royal family loses their estranged crown prince (who'd fled the kingdom years ago) and his young son, who the king and queen never had the chance to meet.

Meanwhile, young John goes out hunting for his missing father, leaving the woods for the first time in his life. Not long after encountering civilization, he ends up being shuffled around the foster care system until the BPRD (who has been watching from the wings for several years) catches up to him. The amoral organization's Midwestern chapter then does its damnedest to unravel the cause of his mysteriously manifesting injuries.

Lastly, Nuada and Nuala's twin-bond has all but dissipated since Nuala's soulbond began to form. However, while she is content to wait for the fates to bring them together organically, her brother is far less patient while waiting to meet his soulmate. Nuada shirks Bethmooran tradition for the sake of his Bonded, whose torture he can see and feel mirrored on his own skin: if his mate can't come to him, he will go to his mate. * OR

John is (apparently) Unseelie fae royalty, is held captive by the BPRD, and Nuada (eventually) seeks him out- waiting be damned.

((This fic is a new AU in the JxN Meet-Cute series.))

#fic update #fic #hb

[steponmepinkjun]

hes a good noodle but he wants to be a badboy so bad bro it shows. he'll be the next one to strip im calling it. he the type to be confident doing things if his friends do it first or with him so you bet your ass now that chans done it hes waiting for his moment to strike. dont let his sunshiney smile distract you hes a demon in disguise

i honestly dont Care how hyunjin comes back at this point. i do not give a singular fuck and i dont even have a Preference i just want him back like Yesterday. come on vlive come w an announcement burst out of a box on stage i dont CAREEEE JUST GIVE US BACK OUR LOVESTAY BOY -felix bi anon

The idea of Felix being like "oh so we doin it like THAT? Okay bet" and just goin tits-out abs-out for everyone to see is UMMMMMMMM................ I can and will eject myself from this world and through earths atmosphere to chill with the aliens until I calm the fuck down

Tbh all of skz should just go topless if they wanna 👀 because like they work so hard they should feel empowered to show off their bodies if they wanna 👀 that is the ONLY reason I would encourage it obvi 👀 it has NOTHING to do w the fact that I want Changbin's massive pecs to literally poke my eyeballs out of my head 👀 it is PURELY FOR THEIR SELF ESTEEM AND SELF EXPRESSION. THAT'S ALL. WE ARE NOT SELFISHLY MOTIVATED IN OUR STANNING HERE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. NO SIR.

Okay no but fr like Hyunjin could post a selfie he took sitting on the fuckin toilet at 3am and caption it "surprise bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me" and I would be like YAAAAS KING!!!! YOU DROPPED THIS SIR 👑 THE ELEGANZA #GAGATRONDRA YOU BITCHES COULD NEVAAAAA PEEP THE KING OF KPOP KILLIN THE GAME WE ARE WITNESSING A MURDER RN IT IS THE BIRTH OF A NEW ERA #CULTURALRESET all fuckin day 😭😭😭 I s2g JYP put the LoveStay boy in the bag and no one gets hurt I am repeating this for the LAST TIME or I am coming to your house and digging your eyeballs out with a melon baller ahs coven style I swear to jeebuz christy

#Felix-bi-anon #JYP.... I'M COMIN FOR YA LEFT SHOES AND IM SHITTIN IN EM BUDDY #I will absolutely resume a life of crime asap my guy #In the name of Hyunjin stans I WILL PUNISH YOU #HYUNJIIIIN STAAAAAN POWERRRRRRRER #*sounds of far off explosions in the distance* #asksteppie

[roman-reigns-princess]

The Finn Balor peanut butter video finally made it onto my Twitter TL...why he have to ruin peanut butter for me :/// I s2g I’m gonna mute before I see him spreading hummus on his abs or smth 🤢😂

#personal #bayley is also at fault here 😭😂 #cant ever eat peanut butter again smfh

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 11.08.17 lb

plain text version here.

pinky’s back home and being all uncharacteristically familial with rudra?? 😕😕😕

daaaaaaamn, rudra isn’t in the mood tho. rudy boy, you savage! 😗😗😗

... no but really, pinky is usually quite cutting with rudra, but she’s being kinda... like... how to explain? she’s acting like lovingly reproachful choti maa from the days of yore, when she used to be kinda affectionate with omRu... oh pinky, please revert to those days. i miss that pinkyyyyy. 😔😔😔

chota mooooh, badiiiiii baaat. 😐😐😐

news mili nahi hai, toh bataana kya hai? 🤔🤔🤔

my godddd, anika, honestly. this hugging his clothes thing is getting a little TOO much. go spend time with sahil, to keep your mind off things. 😑😑😑

omg please, BURN THAT UGLY BLUE SUIT WITH THE GREEN AND YELLOW STRIPES. PLEASE. 😩😩😩

i haaaaaaaate when ppl see you crying and ask RO RAHE HO???? y u gotta make shit awkward like that???? 😒😒😒

standard “aankh mein kuch chala gaya hai” excuses have been given. 🙄🙄🙄

awww, rudra distracting with pari ka feeder. (why they call it that and not a bottle, idgi.) 😊😊😊

god i love rudra so much. what a cupcake. this boy’s love for anika truly knows no bounds. 😚😚😚

and anika KNOWS it. 😘😘😘

excuse me: why no rakshabandhan special for these two????? 😞😞😞

gosh i thought that was pinky skulking in the bg, but thank god it’s bhavya. 😐😐😐

ok, reallyyyyy fucking awkward editing, that anika was in the room, and now SUDDENLY back in the mandir? like... you could have shown us the rudra/anika scene yest and the whole of the mandir scene today? what the fuck is even wrong with the editing team of this fucking show? 😟😟😟😖😖😖

ouff gauriiiiiiiiiii, yaaaaaaaaaaar. matlab vishwas koi sweater toh hai nahi ki jab chaaha cupboard mein se le liya, jhaad liya, aur pehen liya. 😣😣😣

lo the Star Plus waala Dramatic Dhaarmik Music™ has started. 🙄🙄🙄

ok, won’t talk about this scene anymore, you can read my thoughts about it here. meanwhile, fwding. 

Awareness™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😯😯😯

RUN ANIKA RUN! 😥😥😥😥

(i’m already sobbing btw 😭😭😭😭)

again, explain to me why she’s running down the stairs, when the mandir is on the lower level of the house. matlab, kuch bhi. 🤔🤔🤔

(goes back to sobbing. 😭😭😭) 

and the award for the most dramatic entrance into OWN damn house for 2017 goes to.... 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

imma enter my house like this when i return from work every day from now on. let’s see how the mother and cat take it. they better be this amazed and wowed and grateful to see me. 😎😎😎

lol look at his face, the fucker, koi emotion hi nahi. as if he just went to the kirane ki dukaan to buy a pack of smokes and came back. 😐😐😐

ok girl, calm down with the verbal diarrhea. 😕😕😕

okaaaaaaaaay, she just damn near confessed everything! WHY IS THIS FUCKER SO NON REACTIVE THO? IS HE OK? KAHIN SAR-VAR PE CHOT TOH NAHI LAGI? 😟😟😟

yo bro, sayyyyyyyyyy something. 😧😧😧

LE. ISSE TOH KUCH PATA HI NAHI. SAB KO ACHCHA KHAASA CHUTIYA BANAYA. 😑😑😑

TIME TO GIVE HIM THOSE KAAN KE NEECHE THINGS THAT YOU PROMISED RAGINI, GIRL. 😒😒😒

he’s still on this BS. even after she said everything that she said rn????????? 😧😧😧

lmao vikram be like “kahaaaaan phas gaya main yaaaar.” 

boy be looking fireeeeee in all black though. mmmmhmm. 😏😏😏

EXPLAIN WHY YOU COULDN’T BOTHER PICKING UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE THEN???????? 😤😤😤

shakti - eternal optimist and #teamAnika. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

omg bitch, after EVERYTHING SHE JUST SAID?!?!?!?! HOLD MY PIZZA SLICE, IMMA KICK HIS FUCKING ASS. 😤😤😤

still the hope in his eyes - hoping she’ll say NO. 😥😥😥

SAHIL PLEASE! KNOCK SOME DAMN SENSE INTO THIS ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!! 😫😫

ouff sahil, chamchagiri bandh kar. yahan pe sab bigaadne waala yeh tera SSO hi hai. 😒😒😒

he doesn’t even know they’re divorced. how even are they gonna pull this shit off without him knowing? 🤔🤔🤔

meanwhile, sobbing because:

whoooo boy. private mein confrontation. 😬😬😬

“ek mauka diya tha maine tumhe...” 

my god this vengeful bastard. 😧😧😧😡😡😡

MY GOD, YOU TWO ARE SUCH FUCKING STUBBORN ASSHOLES. YOU BOTH. LORD. 😤😤😤

“rishta hum dono ka tha. decision tumhare akele ka nahi ho sakta.”

oh right, as if you asked her before signing those divorce papers. which btw, why were you still holding on to??? don’t try to paint yourself as the ONLY victim here. 🙄🙄🙄

my god this fuckerrrrrrrrrrrr is soooo fuckkkkkkingggg blinddddd. i s2g i want to slappppp the blinders off him. 😡😡😡

OH GOD GIRL. WHYYYYYYYYY????? YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID THINK WHAT YOU WANT, BUT I WON’T MARRY VIKRAM. WHY ARE WE BACK ON THIS BS??? 😫😫😫😫

i hope rudra is storming in there to beat the sense into bhaiyya. 😡😡😡

ugh i really dgaf about these two. i realllllllllly hope svetlana murders them. 🙄🙄🙄

yaaaaaas, rudra CALL. HIM. OUT.  👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

“aansoon khushi ke bhi hote hai.”

yeah those really looked like khushi ke aansoon. esp that part where she asked you to STOP THIS FUCKERY. yeah, now i have zero sympathy for this fool. i want anika to actually marry vikram and go cheer him on in his marathons, instead of wasting her life with this loser. 😒😒😒

btw, this asshole used to be the one who used to be like MAIN TUMHARE AAKNHON MEIN KABHI AANSOON NAHI DEKH SAKTA. today he’s perfectly okay with it. i’m so fucking done with you shivaay. 😑😑😑

god, that “haq” thing realllllly fucked him over. 😭😭😭

pft, yeh kya apna stupid defective heart follow karega. idiot. 😒😒😒

oh. sahil knows. 😐😐😐

bulbul here, to make a valiant second try.  may the force be with you, bulbul. 🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽

oh my heart, shivaay expresses himself naturally in english, but he’s translating all the english into hindi for her. i can’t. i just can’tttttt. i love these two together soooo muchhhhhhhh. 💖💖💖

le, yeh ittu sa bachcha bhi samajh gaya, lekin yeh do idiots... khair chodo. nothing more to be said. 😒😒😒

ok tearing up at sahil baandhofying rakhi for anika. 😭😭😭

“baandh sakte hai na?” *biggest, most earnest bulbul eyes* 

“poonch kyun rahi ho?”

LEGIT CRYING LIKE A BITCH BABY HERE COZ OH MY GOD THESE TWO ARE LIFE. THESE TWO ARE EVERYTHINGGGG TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I WILL DIE TO PROTECT THESE TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“main waise bhi tumhari koi baat taal nahi sakta tha; ab toh bilkul bhi nahi taal paaonga.” 

bulbul laughing through her tears at “maayke waale” like... what even is this chemistry between these two... i just want to set everything on fire from how perfect it all is. 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

how quickly these obros switch over to bhaabi/devrani sides, lol. bhai jaaye tel lene. matlab bros before hos ka koi concept hi nahi hai is ghar mein. 😆😆😆

oh god, her face and voice, so heartbroken and small, as she says “woh haq toh hai hi nahi humare paas.” i legit died. 😢😢😢

oh god shivaay, pehle apna shaadi aur biwi toh sambhaaaal. ouffff. tang aa gayi hoon main is ladke ki samaaj sevak mentality se. 😣😣😣

but he promised her, COZ SHE’S HIS CHOTI BEHEN NOW. 😭😭😭 PRINKU WHO??????????? LOL FOR THAT MATTER, OMKARA WHO?!!?? SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI NOW HAS BROTHERLY OBLIGATIONS TO ONLYYYYYYYY ONE PERSON, AND ONE PERSON ALONE!!!!!!!!! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

HP number plate? not in mumbai anymore? 🤔🤔🤔

wow, a vacay in manali. WHEN YOUR HOUSE AND FAMILY IS ON FLAMES BACK THERE?????? 😧😧😧

waise yeh bhi theek hai. matlab, if you wait for things to settle down there, you’re never gonna get to go anywhere. so why NOT now??? 😌😌😌😌 

self contained bungalow. mwahahahha. OH MAN. I CAN’T WAIT TILL SVETLANA COMES HERE AND FUCKS YOUR SHIT UP AND THERE’LL BE ZERO WITNESSES. HAHAHA FUCK YOU TWO. 😆😆😆😂😂😂

isn’t this the same house used for the hacker bhavya went to visit? also the same house that anika came looking for dobin during her amnesia track??? also it may have been the cabin shivaay and anika stayed in, in the jungle???? 🤔🤔🤔

ok it’s fucking august. how cold can it even be? 🙄🙄🙄

lol you two gonna fucking dieeeeeeeeeeee. 😈😈😈

SVETLANA. MY GODDESSSSS!!!! YAAAAAAAS! FUCKKKK EM UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! 😊😊😊😎😎😎

yaaaaaaaaas, bulbul to the rescueeeee. LIKE ALWAYS!!!!!!!! 😇😇😇

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #110817 ib lb

[meadowmines]

Chuck Tingle Continues To Be A National Treasure

Pounded in the Butt by My Own Podcast E4: I’m Gay for My Living Billionaire Jet Plane (read by Erin Markey)

Before I go any further: I’m going to try my best to keep my recaps of PitBbMOP PG-13 but look, there’s gonna be mention of dudes Doing It with various other dudes, mythical and supernatural creatures, cryptids, sentient objects, and personified abstract concepts and I’m sorry but there is just no way to completely desexualize that shit. So from here on out, all recaps will be tagged “god bless chuck tingle” because FOR SOME STRANGE REASON tagging them with the show’s proper title trips the Tungle Dot Hell Smut Alarm or whatever the fuck, I can’t imagine why *snort*. So if you don’t want to see these, please blacklist that tag.

Okay, let’s do this. First I should clarify: the living jet plane does not belong to a billionaire, the living jet plane is the billionaire and I did not wake up this morning expecting to have to offer that bit of disambiguation but here we are.

Anyway. The reader cracks up multiple times throughout the episode and I love it. I mean, props to anyone who can read through a Chuck Tingle novelette with a straight face (so to speak) but the ones where the reader loses their entire shit are the best.

So... a dude named Alex (snrrk) is flying the red-eye from New York to LA on business. He’s the only person on the plane. There’s turbulence. He’s kinda freaking out. The plane its own self then starts talking to him to calm him down. The plane’s name is Keith (snrrrrrkkkk) and he flies passengers around, but he makes most of his money at blackjack. Because he can count cards. You know. As living jet planes do. 

Eventually they land and apparently the crew--or at least the pilot--knows this particular jet is sentient because Keith says he’ll have the captain give Alex his address so they can hang out while he’s in town. Information comes to light later in the story that raises several questions regarding how much the captain knows about the sentient jet he’s flying and I’m not really sure I want answers to any of them, but we’ll get back to that.

Alex goes to the address he’s been given and it’s a gorgeous mansion and there’s an infinity pool and Keith, a full size goddamn passenger jet, is lounging out by the pool with his shirt off (shirt???) and has really nice abs (abs??¿) and they get to talking. It comes out that Keith has never actually been inside his house because, being a full size goddamn passenger jet, he can’t fit through the door. So when he’s not flying or playing blackjack, he’s chilling by the pool.

And then, this being a Chuck Tingle story, they get to Doing It and of course the full size goddamn passenger jet has a set of tackle that is large enough to be impressive but not so large as to hurt the human person it’s being stuck in.

The simile “like a tight rubber band around a rolled-up newspaper” is dropped. You can probably guess what it’s describing. The reader loses all of her shit. So do I, on an elliptical at the gym, and once again I hope like hell nobody asks me what I’m listening to because I don’t want to have to tell them I’m listening to a dramatic reading of a story about a guy taking it up the butt from a sentient full-size goddamn passenger jet with abs.

I can’t believe I’m actually about to type this paragraph but... Keith wants Alex to come inside him, literally and figuratively. He rolls over, pops a hatch, invites the human person inside and there’s talk of blowing a load on a first class seat and I am grinding my teeth at this point because the word “cockpit” has not yet been uttered and I s2g if Dr. TIngle did not pluck that low-hanging fruit I am going to have Words about it.

But no. Of course Keith wants him in the cockpit, I am sorry I doubted you even for a moment, Dr. Tingle. BUT WAIT. In the pilot’s seat, there is... a hole.

TIL: living billionaire passenger jets have assholes

TIL: living billionaire passenger jets’ assholes are in the pilot’s seat

Remember those questions I have about how much the pilot knows about the living plane he’s flying? Remember how I’m not sure I want answers to them? 

tl;dr: they finish their business, Keith teaches Alex to count cards, they start falling in Luv, Keith asks Alex to stay, Alex makes noise about needing to go to his meeting tomorrow or he’ll be fired, they talk a little more, Alex says fuck work and they go to Vegas. THE END

#podcasts #god bless chuck tingle