#he's so nerdy and anxious i want him to be happi with his bf and his adopted trans daughter for the rest of his life 😭😭😭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eatyourfruitkids · 3 years

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and i thought, oh shit, what about my hot female body?

my female ego was toxic. it wasn’t her fault, she thought her presence in my brain was necessary. my family never quit gave off the vibes that the one daughter, the one sister, was ever allowed to deviate from such a norm. though i love and loved him dearly, my twin brother’s role in my view of gender was one of contrast. from the youngest age, as in, when we were born, connor got the blue teddy bear, s***** got the pink one. later, when our mom dressed us, connor wore the hats and s***** wore the bows. connor got the bionacles for christmas, s***** got the zuzu pets. that was just the way it worked. i was a girl and he was a boy, after all.

it’s not like i ever really minded. i’ve always loved animals, hoarding their stuffed counterparts felt natural. my brother and i would play together, littlest petshop pets living in lego spaceships. our genders were defined, but we never let that separate us. i never let that grave burden, being a girl, bar me from playing with power rangers, even if i was immediately cast as the pink one.

in middleschool, something changed. i became hyperaware of my gender, though i never once questioned it. while i had always been a girl by default, now i was beginning to feel the social anxieties of a young, adolescent Girl. i stuggled greatly for an identity, finding one for a short while in anime fandoms and watching gaming letsplays (i never played; girls were bad at video games, as according to my three brothers. i just had shitty hand eye coordination, fuck me) and later in an obsession with emo bands and new cartoon network cartoons and being pansexual or a lesbian. my fashion sense was terrible until i saw cute girls on instagram wearing “aesthetic-y” clothes in seventh grade and decided to emulate them. this was just one of many instances of me confusing my attraction towards females as desire to be like them.

with today’s insight, i can say with confidence that i would far rather put my head in a nice pair of tiddies than own that nice pair of tiddies.

i came to realize that my female ego was a problem close to the time where i realized that smoking weed was the best shit ever. here, i’ll take a break to rip bong and reminisce on this night, the night of the smoke off. im kinda high rn lol but its okay i turned adult recently lol. anyways *bong rip*

ok anyways sry

i didnt realize being a girl was a problem for me when i first started smoking weed. in hindsight, i now know that smoking everyday longterm while mistakenly identifying as female highlighted some less-than-savory areas of my psyche.

my dysphoria makes me think that people are simping for me, sometimes when they’re not. although i am a sad, emo, five-foot-seven twitter meme cat boy of a trans “man,” i’m a cute nerdy stoner girl with winged eyeliner n a sexy female body, relatable-if-severe social anxiety and a porn addiction i’m, unfortuately, not always too shy to talk about.

long story short, something i now know to be dysphoria pushed me to start Smoking Weed With The Boys frequently, and something called dysphoria-plus-my-female-ego created this weird, unhealthy narrative that my friends only all liked me bc i was Hot Sessy Girl and they were only friends with me to hold out past my sweet, sunshiney (beta?) bf. this narrative fucked with me (probably because it wasnt true and created by the same part of my anxious brain that would repress my fucking transness, also because i love and care for my bf and felt terrible “letting this continue”) and yet, i continued hanging out with The Boys (besides when sometimes id flake on everyone for periods of time bc i felt Too Bad for bf lol) not even for attention-- although sometimes id get it, word-- even if it was magnified through the lens of my dysphoria, but because i had this deep urge to fit in with them.

besides having a legit problem with the way i use weed and being high literally all the time, i wasn’t a huge “stoner” by my town’s standards.

so, without getting into the elaborate details of my life and my twin’s cool fucking weed basement and my real life picture of marilyn monroe’s tiddies, The Boys had a smoke of at my house. i realized i wasn’t that much of a stoner when i got too high (something that deadass never fucking happens) and violently shook for like thirty minutes until my friends sent me upstairs for ice, i put on a hoodie, looked in the mirror and realized id prefer life as a boy.

it could’ve been because my toxic, ill-built stoner female woker-than-u ego had finally been popped, kinda like a bubble, or it could be because i was wearing a crop top and had gone silent because i was fixated on how i wished boys wore crop tops, and the hoodie had alliviated that.

now i only think one friend simps for me, but hes such a nice dude that i could never say anything, fuck. hes such a homie tho if i were ever single id take his v card as a favor lmao

i figured out what i wanted to be called that night,

stu. idk if its short for stuart, which is gross but fuck it, or if i want to be a stew/art or what the fuck but. stu.

a few friends and no family know. i chopped my hair off and a binder is on route. im lifting weights w one of the boys.

happy adulthood to me

#trans #ftm #lgbtq #weed #420 #420 friendly #trans tips #help a dude out #add me to a group chat idk #what the fuck do i do now

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gaspdl-blog · 5 years

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ok hi im late to the partay mostly bc my shit wasnt together but now it is!!! so hi im kenny, im 21, in the cst & i prefer she/her pronouns. this is my tragic texas baby boy jamie!!! he’s basically the product of me stress watching breaking bad and becoming v interested in fall from grace tropes lol. but there’s a bunch of details about him under the cut if you want to learn more about the vipers’ mechanic, otherwise tldr;; like this and i’ll hit you up to plot !!

﹄MIN YOONGI, CISMALE, HE/HIM, TWENTY-FOUR ﹃ a new car has been dispatched in search of JAMIE KIM. he is known for being a MECHANIC for the VIPERS, for about six months now. he has proven to be resourceful and quick-witted, but also reclusive and arrogant, please proceed with caution.

more in-depth bio of me rambling here, please for the love of g*d dont read it

the gist ---- tiny bi chaos gay got a lucky shot out of the deadend future of running his family’s auto shop in texas via a full ride to ucla. mechanical engineering was the route he was set up on, + a stable friend group + a boyfriend, but he got hit with a big wave of depression and things spiraled downward from there. he walked in on his boyfriend cheating on him with his best friend a week before finals, failed all his exams, failed out of college, the ex kicked him out and he ended up on the street for a long while.

eventually, bc irony is so, so cruel, he ended up working in an auto-shop wondering how the fuck, after all that, he was going to end up just like his father. jamie was sleeping in the backseats of cars saving up that tiny min wage paycheck to eventually get his own place. he lucked out, though. jamie had done work for the right person, and got a cryptic phone call offering him a job that he took without a second thought - he’s been the vipers’ mechanic ever since.

he’s quiet, southern, a smart ass. jamie thinks he knows more than anyone about cars, which sometimes he does. he’s mostly motivated by the fear that he’ll end up on the streets again, and fullass refuses to put trust in people or spend any of his money until he feels sure that he won’t end up cold again.

random hcs;;

has a tiny bit of a texas accent but it only comes out when he’s angry or really happy.

part time JOBS - he used to work as a night guard at a museum (mostly as insurance to have somewhere to stay if things fall apart again, he’s really scared of being on the streets a second time and it feels inevitable when hes mega anxious) he wont give up the job bc hes scared he’ll need it in a pinch so he volunteers two nights a month to guard for them for free

hasn’t talked to his family in a really long time

spends a lot of his day alone // if you cant find him he’s probably asleep on his skateboard under a car

old hands

gross and sweaty and covered in grease

cap sun cancer moon taurus rising

has a couple weird quirks he picked up when he was experiencing homelessness - wears a lot of layers, eats fast, scared of cold weather

definitely an asshole at times , if he feels like ur bein a meanie to him and making fun of him he’ll def go into arrogant piece of shit mode where he’ll try to make you feel stupid ,, mega yikes

he’s the kid asleep in the back of class that the teacher calls on to be like GOTCHAbut jamie says the right answer even though he was snoring 10 seconds ago

can’t flirt so if he likes you he’ll fix all your shit & try to take care of you

skeeeeny repair man smart boy typa shit

hes a human cigarette when he’s stressed which is most of the time

GRUMPY TIRED NERDY

he’s a lil bit of a pacifist, so he doesn’t attend any of the fights. he knows speaking out against them would be stupid, so jamie keeps his mouth shut, but the violence sort of makes his skin crawl

he’s gotten meaner as the vipers have gotten more successful, he doesn’t let people fuck with him so he knows how to defend himself - he tries to inspire the intimidation and fear that would come with his reputation, but he thinks saying less is better and more effective (ie less scary).

playlist;; just his vibe kinda

001. I THINK – tyler the creator 002. baby boy – kevin abstract 003. this life – vampire weekend 004. the louvre – lorde 005. sunflower seeds – bryce vine 006. love$ick – a$ap rocky 007. waiting on the warmth – mormor 008. hold on – alabama shakes 009. cringe - stripped – matt maeson 010. empty – kevin abstract 011. o-o-h child – the five stairsteps 012. feel good inc – gorillaz 013. WEIGHT – brockhampton

wanted connections;;

a friend, pls give the kid a friend

someone outside the vipers who pays him to do work on their car

someone who rlly exposed him to something violent, ie jamie avoids them and prob freaks n thinks they’re the antichrist

the ex bf??

i’m open to anything!! it’s a lil tricky bc he’s a mcisolato but pls plot w me <3

#pyramidsintro.

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curlsandinbetween · 3 years

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To be honest, in the fangirl world, I think I'd been trying to stan people throughout my life with whom I aspire to be or be with. Let's start from my earliest fangirling days up to the latest one:

Note: I will consider myself a fangirl of certain people, show or movie if I have at the very least bought or kept some merch related to them.

1. SAILORMOON (and other anime I liked back in my childhood)

- I think I liked Sailormoon a lot because she seemed like the girl I wanted to be at that time

* good friends to hang out (and fight bad guys) with (cool ones too)

* great fashion sense

* talking cats

* pretty

* had a crush on someone who later became her boyfriend

Notes: until now, I still like Sailormoon a lot along with a bunch of other people or groups. It gives me really pretty images of my early fangirling life. Plus, it helped me spark my creative side many times.

2. HARRY POTTER

- I think I liked Harry Potter a lot because it was different in such an imaginative, adventurous way

* I wanted to have loyal friends like Harry did

* I wanted to be Hermione who was very bright. I wanted to become studious like she was and so it sparked my love for reading books even more.

* I wanted to explore Europe, UK and more besides Asia and USA.

* I wanted to have a nice teenager's life like the trio did in Hogwarts

* I wanted to explore more and be adventurous and brave like the trio.

* I wanted an eventful, adventurous teenage life without being too conscious and anxious about what others might say.

3. FULL HOUSE (Korean Drama)

- This drama started my passion to learn Hangul. This motivated me so much to learn another language.

* I was at a stage where I would face new challenges such as my college life and this drama was comforting to watch.

- I wanted to be like Jessie / Han Ji Eun who was very pretty and also very lucky when it came to meeting Rain's character and ending up marrying him.

- I wanted her fashion sense at that time too.

- I wanted to experience how it was to have Korean acquaintances.

4. 2NE1

- Sandara was my SCQ favorite so I naturally gravitated towards her girl group. This was one of the best girl power experiences ever in music.

* I wanted to be strong and fierce just like the members

* I wanted their dorkiness so that when I think of a negative thought, I can always feel positive, as long as I listen to good music.

* 2NE1 made me want to go after something if I wanted to and just be fearless about it and work hard

5. TWILIGHT (books)

* I wanted bf and gf moments like the characters did

* I wanted to experience what it was like to live in a colder country

6. SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS

* I was entering my 20s and I wanted to experience travelling with friends to different countries

* I fell in love with Santorini because of this movie and book series. I wanted to be like Lena and draw beautiful sceneries while travelling.

* I wanted to be like Lena who was the artist that got lucky and got all those gorgeous men. LOL

* I wanted the way the girls always had each others' backs

7. LETTERS to JULIET

- at this point I was starting my early 20s with new jobs so at this point of my life I like watching movies that involved exploring after college life. Ahaha

* I wanted to be like Sophie who was a genius in literature and language and met a hot guy while travelling.

* this movie reflected every single thing I wanted at this stage in my life: travelling to Europe, meeting a great guy, having a career related to what I like and meeting amazing people who believe in me.

8. DISNEY MOVIES

* I wanted a life that had happy endings

9. SUPERNATURAL (show)

-the reason I liked this show was because I liked how they face their fears and challenges head on. You could also say the actors were visually satisfying but all in all, it was different in a way that what was supposedly something we run away from, become things which need to be dealt with in order to move on.

Believe it or not, this show helped me grow throughout my 20s.

- I wanted Dean's adorable nature, big heart, fearlessness.

- I wanted Sam's kindness, practical nerdiness and desire to do good no matter what.

- I wanted cool brothers who I can turn to anytime.

10. GOT7 and Jackson Wang

* I wanted to stan people who release good music but are down-to-earth, funny and lovable. Why? Because during this time in my life I felt so low countless times and had trouble lifting myself up. This group was so real and genuine that it gave me a sense of hope that I can have 2 dreams even if I didn't realise dream no. 1. They made me feel like I was a girl who was worth all the love from a good guy. They made me believe I shouldn't give up just because I failed to get something the first time.

Until now, I love that about them. They spark joy whenever I see them or play their music.

I feel like God put GOT7 in my life during that time because He knows it'll help pull me back up especially my self-esteem (for my art).

10. KIM SEONHO

*I haven't bought any merch related to Seonho but I am definitely trying to watch every single show and drama he was in.

- I think the very thing that made me gravitate towards Seonho was the fact that he seems to be the kind of person I wanted to have in my life right even as just a friend and will definitely be an ultimate plus to have as a partner.

- in this pandemic era, Seonho is the kind of person I want to be with: kind, chill, reliable and sleeps well. Haha he can be funny too and look good.

- I'm in my early 30s so that means I'd rather spend my energy on stuff that matter to me the most. Spending some time to watch Seonho and his appearances onscreen is satisfying to watch.

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emilycaldwin · 7 years

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All of them

ahhhh thanks so much, i feel special

what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

- how i grew up, or maybe i told that, idk i tell all my secrets and infodump

if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

- answered

what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

- cyndaquil because he’s JUST GOOD, i feel like we would be best friends!! i also love snorlax, gengar, and also rayquaza.

if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

- fairly equal in every aspect, and people all have some respect no matter their class

what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

- a bear stole my lunch and i had to chase it into the woods but i ended up alone and in the dark, feeling afraid and anxious, and then something crept behind me and i got startled awake with an anxiety attack

what do you like the most about your best friend?

- she’s so precious and the best person i’ve ever met! we share a lot of interests and she’s so pretty and funny, i love her so much she is so sweet and i miss her so much!!

talk about your crush or partner

- i love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul he makes me so happy and makes me feel really secure and nice and i would kill a man just to see him happy and he’s literally the world to me, he deserves the best and i love him so much, i have all the cliche romance feels towards him and its gay

if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

- yes or i’ll be really petty, but it depends who. for a friend, yeah, for a stranger, i’ll ignore it and continue to be nice

what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

- my jawline is really nice

- i have nicely colored eyes

- i am pretty good at some things, like writing and working with animals

what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

- not knowing my purpose for the rest of my life, i can overcome it by eventually coming to a conclusion, and my biggest fear is the universe itself. it’s so mysterious and large, it makes me feel uneasy, i can’t overcome it

what never fails to make you happy?

- animals!! also my lovely bf!!! it’s a bonus if i’m with him and animals

what annoys you about some people?

- how they sometimes act overconfident and overstep their boundaries constantly, trying to be “cool”

do you get angry easily?

- yes, and i used to be a lot worse, but i’ve calmed down a bit, but my anger is still fueled very easily

what do you always daydream about?

- just gay shit usually, or story ideas

if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

- ending corruption, creating peace among everyone, and getting rid of debt for everyone

send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

- there weren’t any names so i’ll skip!

what is your dream city and why?

- rome! i love the architecture and the history associated with it, also cairo would be nice too

talk about your ideal day

- spending time with my bf, hanging out with animals, being able to express myself without interruptions, going to a museum or aquarium or something, just somewhere i could see something and spend time.

are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

- introvert

when was the last time you cried?

- couple hours ago

name 5 songs you love at the moment

- frank ocean - bad religion

- frank ocean - ivy

- the weeknd - a lonely night

- drake - pop style

- bruno mars - versace on the floor

if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

- time travel so i could go back and fix all my mistakes

if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

- don’t stop being nice, keep going about your day, don’t care what people say behind your back even if it’s annoying. it’s not true, you are very smart and you will make it.

who are you jealous of and why?

- usually like most people because everyone has more talent and good looks than me, i’m just suffering.

which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

- kindness: the world is a cruel place and even smiling towards someone will brighten their day, and being nice and kind to make people happy makes me feel good

what are you ashamed of?

- how pathetic my life has been, also my body lmao

which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

- english and a little bit of russian and ukrainian. i want to be fluent in russian/ukrainian and maybe learn a bit of latin

if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

- i would definitely be the outsider’s [dishonored] best friend, i want to hang with him and know his lore

talk about your dream universe.

- everyone is happy and our knowledge is so expanded that we know more about space, also one where i’m preferably not alive

which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

- be nice and supportive, compliment, do chores for my family, be there for those who need it, pay attention to people

if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

- dragons because they’re cool and fierce and are just so damn cool

talk about someone/something you really dislike

- religion, i will respect it but it has torn so many people apart and created standards that damage human relationships

talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

- my family, myself, school, some of my friends, my inability to succeed, my laziness, my cat who destroys everything, etc etc etc

what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

- a veterinarian and now idek

what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

- brownies, cookies, hershey bars

what are you obsessed with?

- not really anything, i just have recently been very into pokemon

what happens to you when you’re stressed?

- i usually panic and breakdown, i cry or get angry, i try to take a nap to avoid the bad feelings, and i feel so uncomfortable

what are you sick of?

- living honestly, but also school and talking

are you an adrenaline seeker?

- no

what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

- not that i know of, i really hate cheese though and think it’s disgusting

would you consider yourself a good person?

- i’m one of the best people i know i think

what do you like to do as hobbies?

- write, listen to music, occasionally draw, play video games, sleep

what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

- take on me by a-ha lmao

what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

- my jealousy, and i’m trying to appreciate what i have currently

what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

- just different faces or cats

what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

- money and motivation

what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

- infj, because i care about others a lot and can be very devoted

send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

- can’t answer

who are your favourite celebrities and why?

- rami malek because he plays really unique roles, oscar isaac because of the same reason, and chris pratt because he’s really funny

opinion on __?

- can’t answer

do you consider yourself an emotional person?

- oh yeah for sure

share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

- the feast of crows, lotr: the fellowship, and the song of achilles. too lazy to get quotes

what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

- try to sleep or talk to someone, and yeah sometimes

what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

- my pets, some friends

which country do you live in?

- usa

describe yourself in 3 words

- annoying, nerdy, angry

which quotes changed you?

- none

do you keep a diary?

- yes, but it’s a journal and always with me

who inspires you?

- my friends

do you believe in ghosts and why?

- yes because i believe souls can be trapped

what’s your fashion sense like?

- terrible, all i wear is jackets and pants

what are some of your favourite films?

- taxi driver, the bee movie lmao

what is one treasured childhood memory?

- meeting my cat for the first time

if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

- frank ocean because i love everything about him

#anonymous #answered #me

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