#he's a mess emotionally he can't reflect on his actions because he can't come to terms with them and so he avoids his problems | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justmybookthots · 3 months

Text

The Bear and the Nightingale

One good thing (among others) this book had going for it? The MMC doesn't really show himself in great detail until the last third of the book. If he'd shown himself so much earlier, I'd have lost interest fast. He was pretty underwhelming as a winter king/demon, and I'd have felt demotivated to continue. But because he showed up late, the main plot of the story got to shine, and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

I was really sceptical about this book at first. Everyone on Goodreads said it was slow-moving and very dense and sometimes it felt like nothing was happening at all in the first half, and even though that was partly true, I kept turning the pages. The slow, subtle plot beats had some kind of grip on me, and even now I can't tell you exactly why they did.

This book plays on tropes I'm not the biggest fan of: the heroine embracing more traditionally masculine traits and being lauded as better than the other women in the story because of that. But it's a tricky situation because if she was submissive like the other women, I'd have felt unsatisfied too. I don't know what the right move is.

Nonetheless, I liked Vasya a lot. She was pretty likeable for the most part, especially as a child. Sometimes I just wanted to give her the biggest, tightest hug for the stuff she was going through. I hated Anna, her stepmother, who I'd sympathised with at first but grew to loathe. It was unsatisfactory how Anna just died in the end without realising how wrong she'd been about Vasya. I wanted her to wallow in her awful decisions but that never happened. She just died after getting attacked by the Bear and there was no reflection on her part.

(Also, I saw a reviewer feeling sorry for the priest and I'm like, ARE YOU SERIOUS. Guy was the second worst person after Anna. Or maybe the first. I don't know. They take turns to vie for the foulest existence in the book.)

Overall, a pretty solid read, even if not the most memorable. There's some stuff that gets glossed over (marital rape, blatant misogyny) but I guess it's an evocation of its time period and makes sense. I don't think I'll be picking up the next book because it concludes quite nicely and the winter king was meh, but we'll see.

- 5 February 2024

I Hope This Doesn't Find You

I'm really, really sad.

This book was one of my most anticipated books this year because This Time It's Real was my five-star favourite last year, but this just… did not make me feel the same way.

I'm torn about my feelings in two parts. One part believes that if I had read this some time last year, I'd have enjoyed it more. I'd been desperately craving some story with an academic-rivals/hate-to-love relationship. I'd felt Divine Rivals lacked the anger and heat I was looking for but now? This had all the anger and tension I had craved but I just found it tiresome after a while.

The other part of me just didn't get the swoon factor I was looking for in Julius that I got from Henry and Caz. I guess in romances I've always liked proactive heroes who were sweet on the heroine later into the story (not right away, but preferably through a slow burn)—and I don't mean by just doing things for them. Yeah, Julius did some things like running the race for Sadie and cleaning up some of the mess in her house… but for some reason, those actions didn't really move me.

Maybe it's because Julius just isn't proactive about his feelings the way Sadie is. He does those nice things for Sadie—but you know he's still holding back, that he hasn't come to term with how he feels. In the end, all his kind acts do is make Sadie more emotionally beholden to him, and I don't like that.

Sadie is the one who realises she likes him, who decides she's going to have the maturity to try to confess to him, but he fucks it up anyway. He assumes she's nice to him because she pities him, and he makes it about himself, and plays a victim in this situation. All this, when Sadie was the one who stood up for him in front of his brother, who took the courage to take the first step outside their decade-long feud by being nice to him and trying to confess, and he makes it about himself. And he says horrible things about her in retaliation.

There's one part that really got to me: when Sadie says she's been thinking the best of him, and he's been thinking the worst of her. That line hit me REALLY hard, and made me disgusted.

And how does it get resolved? By him overhearing her confession of her feelings towards him. Only when he has concrete proof that she likes him back that he allows himself to be proactive. He doesn't take a risk, doesn't let himself take the first step into the unknown like Sadie did. Never once does he let himself believe the best in her. He only believes that when he gets proof.

This book left a horrible taste in my mouth, and I'm gonna admit I'm quite upset. I don't know how This Time It's Real was 5 stars and this book is like… 2. I was also disappointed by Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands and I wonder if I'm just gonna be met with disappointment after disappointment with all the releases I'm anticipating this year.

The last one that I was really looking forward to is The Prisoner's Throne, so I shall see. I'm no longer feeling as pleasant as I did about it before this book.

- 6 February 2024

#book review #ann liang #i hope this doesnt find you #romance #the bear and the Nightingale #katherine arden #this time it's real

1 note · View note

arllenn · 3 years

Text

Staring down at Ruri- no Chime is his name, before you, you can help but feel tired. None of this is making any sense it’s all too much at once.

Bonderev, one of the dickheads behind what happened at black swan bay, had apparently been alive and living well enough to the point where he could give lessons on morality in his final moments. Imagine that! HIM a man who BLEW UP an ORPHANAGE and who had personally shot you and Renata, what he persumed to be, dead! And he had the nerve to ask you to, no- TELL you to protect his son, to not let his actions get in the way of YOU PROTECTING his SON! You’re so frustrated to the point where you’re not sure if you want to burst out into maniacal laughter, break down and cry or just destroy everything in your sight the same way that dickhead had done to you and your family all those years ago.

He had gotten everything and more. A family, a happy life, power and he was freed from all the consequences of his actions. So what about you what did you get? A permanent fear of trusting anyone because “hey I’ve already been used as a genetic experiment by the man I considered a father who then proceeded to blow me, everyone and everything I’ve ever loved to kingdom come! But sure thing nice stranger who I just met let’s be besties!” Makes so much sense. Oh, oh! What about stealing years away from your life! 20 to be exact, man you could’ve been married, had a family, gone to the capital and achieved everything you had wanted to! But no instead what you’re doing is standing here, the same 18 year old who couldn’t do anything to save your friends, your family, as you watched them die in front of you. You’re the person who even in her last moments Renata had to look after and protect. And wow doesn’t that smart, doesn’t it hurt to look down at Chime to see how weak he is, with a voice that trembles and eyes that seem one glare away from overflowing with tears, doesn’t it hurt to look at him and see the worst parts of yourself reflected back at you? The parts you wanted to bury so deep down inside that they’d be forgotten by even you. But here they are, loud and angry and demanding your attention.

Your throat closes in on itself, the hand on your hip tightens. It’s a painful squeeze that’s only purpose is to remind you that, no you can’t cry here, you can’t let anyone see you like that, you cant let yourself be like that, not here. Not in front of people who you should know, who you should trust but who you don't You've spent more time running around for them then with them. It's mean and the ugly cloying feeling that rises up from your chest makes you look back at your relationship with 'your' uperclassmen. Were you even close enough to be called comrades? friends? Most of the time it felt like you were just there. A living phone running to deliver messages from one of them to another. Running errands, throwing yourself into danger or just escaping death for what? People who, people who you- people who you... what even are they to you? Right now your upperclassmen feel miles away from you, both emotionally and physically.

Your nails were starting to dig into your skin in a way that was more then painful. You could feel the moment the skin on both your hip and the palm of your other hand broke. Pulling your lip in between your teeth you try and tune back into the conversation waiting for the right words, for your upperclassmen to throw another request at you so that you can leave, preferably go outside and beat the shit out of one of the trash cans out back before running off into danger once again to fulfill their orders like you always did. And wow, isn’t that something... even now, even now, you’re still just blindly following people’s orders, never asking questions, never saying no. What... what is wrong with you? Hadn’t you learned your lesson already? Hadn't you learned after Herzog that you don't, you can't, just do that. Last time you did that you grabbed onto a rotten rope, a horribly, disgustingly, rotten rope.

"Promsing to protect somebody so recklessly is a foolish thing... nevertheless... thank you." Chime's retelling of his life comes to an end at a convient time. It's perfect really, and so you take that moment, the lull after his thanks, to leave.

You walk out into the lobby of Takamagahara the slow calming jazz music a horrible contrast to the thoughts and feelings that are swirling inside you right now. You make it two-thirds of the way to the bar when you're met with an extremely unpleasnt sight that has you cringing for more reasons then one.

Crow and Yasha are sitting the bar, resting most of their belegirantlty drunk weight on the actual contertop instead of on their chairs. They're demanding extra achoul, Crow shouting about how he can't take something anymore who knows what. And yikes heres a thought, Chime Gen is in the VIP room right behind them, those two who, even if they are drunk out of their minds, are Chisei's aides. They find Chime or even gain the smallest inkling of an idea that he may be here and you'll have more to worry about then cleaning up the counters from their drunk cry fest. Normally you'd step in here, and take over for Quinton the poor bartender on duty who always seemed to get the worst of the costumers but you really aren't feeling up to it today.

Just as you're about to turn around to give the trashcans outside the beatings of their lives Crow says something that you can't help but stop at. "You know I like Sakura don't you?" It was a question directed at Yasha who was only able to groan out what he thought was a response. You debate staying for a second. This isn't something that you particularly care about, nor is it something that really concerns you. But it just, you just want to know a little bit more about what Sakura was like before she became another one of Herzog's victims. Its with that flimsy excuse and the puppy dog look that Quinton gives you once he notices you're there that has you stepping closer, leaning against one of the pillars that trap the bar in its own seprate space.

As Crow continues to slur his feelings out Yasha seems to sober up a bit, it's not by much but its to the point where you're no longer worried about him getting into a bar fight, more just what taxi service to call for him when he inevetably passes out and where to send him afterwards.

Yasha leans over the bar apparently ready to give Crow some type of advice when the following happens. 1) he trips and stumbles over his words "Don't.. Don't worry. We are brothers. I... will never... mock you." sweet right? It would've been if not for 2) The fact that he lurches over its a face you recgonize all too well.

"Quinton get out of the-" 3) Yasha hurls all over Quinton, your words left to hang just as Yasha's icky face goop is left to hang off of Quinton. And now you're royally pissed. Sure you were pissed before but this is the type of rage that can only be quelled by you being left alone to stew in it. Its not the emotional type of rage that you felt earlier when you wanted to smash every glass surface you came across no this is the cold type of rage that leaves nothing but apathy in its wake. because as much as you've been trying to ignore it theres so much more that you had been trying to ignore, so much more that had been pushed to the wayside that you're angry about. You look up at Quinton whose looking at you like a lost kid in a mall that had mistaken you for their mother. Running a rand through your hair you harshly scratch at your scalp. "Quinton," you let out a frustrated sigh, "Take the rest of the night off, you'll be paid regularly and you can take extra pay if you wake up sick tommorrow." You turn to him and start to walk behind the counter switching places with him.

“Right thanks a bunch, manager." He rushes out. Turing towards the staff area most likely to change into his extra uniform instead of going home covered in puke. Staring down at Yasha's mess which was covering most of his area of the counter as well as the floor under his chair your annoyance hit an all new peak. It's not the chunky kind of throw up that can be easily cleaned up, its a mush that resembles watery baby food. It's obvious that this wont be a quick clean and that both mops and floor wipes are just going to push this stuff around instead of soaking it up.

Today just can't get any worse can it? Pushing your hand back into your head you aggitatedly rubbed at your scalp, pushing and pulling at the skin there. You’re pissed off. To come back after fighting against Herzog, let’s not forget HERZOG WAS THERE TOO! HE WAS THERE, HE WAS THERE LIVING AND BREATHING, AFTER ALL THAT HE HAD DONE, HE HAD THE NERVE TO GET UP ON THE PEDESTAL THAT HE HAD CONSTRUCTED, DESIGNED AND BUILT HIMSELF THROUGH EXPLOITING THE INNOCENT TO TEST HIS FREAKY DRAGON DRUGS ON, HE HAD THE NERVE TO TALK DOWN TO YOU! ACT LIKE YOU WERE STUPID OR SOME KIND OF PREDETERMINED FAILURE! You get back from that battle exhausted , emotionally drained, and wanting to destroy yourself to find Finger leisurly drinking with Humpback! After you thought that he died you thought that you had lost another person, only for him to be there and fine. It was reliving yes, but just fucking horrible at the same time. So when you stare down at that mess and the first thing you see when you look up is the VIP room that the others are in you felt like you were justified in deciding that you would be acting on your tiredness and handing off this task to one of your upperclassmen like they do to you so often.

Actually you retract your earlier statement today can in fact get worst. Crow and Yasha have apparently had enough to drink both uncoordinatedly slamming down the money to pay for their drinks, you really don't care wether or not is correct you just want them gone, they BOTH step into Yasha's puke tracking it out the door with them. Yeah, no- you're not cleaning that up nope, nu uh, never. You blow out a heated breath and start to walk towards the VIP room careful to avoid all of the face mush on the floor. Pulling on the curtains that served as the door to enter you called out to the occupants.

"Right, sorry to ruin the fun but I just had two costumers who puked and tracked the throw-up everywhere so I need one of you to go out and clean it up preferably like," You looked down at your wrist as though you wore a watch. Truthfully it was just to hide the annoyed look on your face, "right now please." You glanced up at them Before clarifying "Chime I'm not asking you to clean it up, just focus on resting." Because as much as you wanted someone to clean that nonsense up right away you were also specially tuned into just how draining it could be to meet Herzog like that. "Cool thanks guys!" You clapped your hands together and prepared to leave the room when Luminous started complaining.

"Aw, come on no way newbie, I don't wanna clean something like that up!" He put his hand to the back of his head, a tick you had noticed he did when he was complaining, nervous or worried, "Come on can't you do it? You were already out there.." And there it was normally you would excuse that tone as just being something that made Luminous, well Luminous but today the whiny tone was grating on your ears and you were two steps away from man handling him like you used to with Anton when he was being uncooperative. The thought of him hurts. Witnessing his final moments, being there when they happened, it was both the same and different then the others. Sure you had watched all the others die but Anton's had always stuck with you in a way that was far too painful for someone who you really didn't like. And now the urge to cry was back, you felt your eyes burn with unshed tears that were a culmination of too many of your emotions to name.

Caesar brought a hand to rest on his chin tapping away at it, before he even got the chance to talk your anger had already started to peak "Luminous is right newbie, theres no reason for us to do it, you were already out there and knew the areas that needed to be cleaned. This just seems like a waste of both yours and our time." Yeah, yeah, you seriously contemplated grabbing Caesar by his ponytail and using him as a mop for a second.

"You just cleaning it up would've been more efficient." Johann unhelpfully chimed in. Yeah, maybe you would use Caesar as the mop and Johann as the counter rag.

"Yeah freshie! Everyone knows that newbies do all the grunt work, you can't expect us to do it can you?" Fingers nasally voice made you want to throttle him the more he continued to talk. Sure he may have meant it as a joke but you really weren't at the point of caring. In fact you couldn't care less about anything right now. The anger that had just been building had condensed into a vengeful apathy that demanded the souls of those around you.

Once again Caesar spoke this time however you decided to cut him off. "That's right newbie, using my authority as team leader I order you to-"

"Damn I kinda don't care," You said scratching at the back of your head in an obviously exaggerated way. "Yeah actually..." you started mimicking Caesar's earlier stance, "If you're invoking your team leader rights then I'm invoking my manager rights."

"Hey wait-" Luminous tried to interject.

"Yeah as your manager I order you all to have that throw-up cleaned within the next half an hour." A bit long of a time slot, sure, but really who cares as long as it gets done.

"No way newbie team leaders out rank managers, which means my order still stands." Caesar's stubbornness in this situation could be something to praise if not for the fact that a) you don't care and b) you're two steps away from bringing your thoughts of using him as a mop to fruition.

"Team leaders outrank managers when we're out on the field sure, but right now we're in Takamagahara not battling death servitors, which means your team leader status is moot." You made a slicing motion over your neck. "You may be the leader appointed by the college but right now that means nothing, were not fighting and this isn't reconnaissance, we're working."

"That doesn't change the fact that Caesar is team leader freshman." You can always count on Johann to speak up for what he believes in. Too bad you're not here to praise your upperclassmen but instead get them to work.

"Cool! And I'm still the manager. Right now you all are technically on the clock at Takamagahara which means what I say goes. Caesar may be the team leader and you may be my upperclassmen but that doesn't change the fact that right here right now what I say takes precedence in all matters that aren't dragon related because I'm the ma.ne.ger. " You smile your best costumer service smile and speak in the same tone that you do with costumers when you say this. Then you turn on your heel and walk out calling out behind you that "I expect to not wake up to puke covered floors in the morning! I'm going to bed good night."

And well if Finger chose not to comment on your behavior because he watched you break down in the elevator through the security cameras then that will remain with him. And if Caesar and Johann chose not to speak on it because they heard you sobbing from outside your room that night then thats something that stays between them. And if Luminous caught a glimpse of the empty look in your eyes that night when you left your room for water then he definitely held that as a close secret to his heart. Choosing not to comment on it. And if you noticed that your seniors were just a bit more gentle with you or asked for your input before sending you off on recon missions when they didn't before then you don't comment on it.

#author is tired #dragon raja mc #dragon raja #johann chu #caesar gattuso #luminous lu #fanfic #writing #finger von frings #chime gen #please send me asks

62 notes · View notes

aqua-eros · 5 years

Text

MONSTA X astro notes: Lee Jooheon 🐝

Ladies, gents and non-binary friends, I welcome you once again on this beautiful day to take your time and appreciate the wonderful person that is the main rapper, composer and absolute cutie of Monsta X. Let's see what kind of stars guide the path of Lee Jooheon!

Sun in Libra

Looking at all personal placements as a whole, that will be discussed further on, I can say that his Libra energy is a lot more present and action-based (as it should be), especially as it's backed up by his strong mars. In a way, neither his mars nor other planets push away or cast shadows on his sun, aka ego, personality and individuality, but embrace the sun even more, let it shine and be known.

The core self of Jooheon is represented by the cardinal air sign of Libra, and as the combination suggests, it reflects the need for fairness, equality, objectivity and justice onto the man as well. As a result, such matters of law can be rather important to him, knowingly or not. Of course, fairness or lack of it is a trigger for many people and signs, but it comes from a very personal place for Libras.

this may result in him being secretly/openly petty for certain reasons, most likely associated with justice or lack of it. if someone isn't being honest or fair with him, that's not something he'll easily forget. forgive? probably. forget? no, sir

would not tolerate lack of manners, impoliteness, unreasonable rudeness towards him or other people. such behavior is simply illogical to him when not backed up by rational motives

fashion sense? on point🛍

I bet it stings his ego every time someone tries to scare him lmao, for he is a known scaredy cat

may be somewhat quick to judge a book by it's cover, even if he's keeping it to himself. but being so observant and good at understanding people, he can't help it, he will instantly know (or not) who he's dealing with

charming💎

knows how to appeal to others, how to attract and make them fall for whatever his motives or plans are. knows how to work with people and how to work them, so to speak. this can be both good and bad, but also just a way of survival

harmony is often the main goal of libra placements, therefore a lack of it throws them off, as well as their balance. it's an eye for an eye, yin and yang, and if that isn't the reality of things... well, there's no telling what could happen. keep in mind that we're talking about an air sign, and half of the time air-influenced individuals don't really know what to expect of themselves

Speaking of air, Libra placements are known to possess certain duality to their personality, for it may be hard to grasp who they really are on a regular basis. Sure, they have their own beliefs and ideals, yet they are fantastic at adapting themselves to other people, situations and environments. Some, usually wrongly, accuse such behavior of being shallow, indecisive, fake, yet it is Libra placements that know exactly how to act and what to say in order to get what they want. They take action to achieve their goals, and they have all the charm, social skills and creativity to win over anyone's heart. After all, it's hard to resist a venusian sign like that🌹 He lives up to his nickname, Joo-honey, for he is too sweet to ignore.

i'm sure every fan knows how much duality is present in Jooheon, for he can change character in a matter of seconds and not even bat an eye. from rebel to sweetheart, from sinner to the most innocent, you name it, he can do it all and leave you stunned each and every time

Libra Moon

More Libra energy!🌙 Having this air sign in the moon, a planet of emotions, feelings, instincts and comfort, provides for quite the peaceful, patient, cooperative and socially-oriented individual.

While there is definitely a rebel living inside of Jooheon, he is able to tone that fire down at least for a moment and display great skills of diplomacy, open-mindness and communication, for it is in his nature to get closer to people, form various relationships and bonds, explore them from every corner. He has great understanding of human nature, therefore enjoys finding out as much information as possible about the people he interacts with, relate to it, filter it in order to connect to a person as much as he can. This can grow into a natural gift of negotiation, observation, wider perception of the world and a fair, level-headed mind. Libra moons are good at listening and providing objective points of view in a situation that seems too emotionally heavy or subjective.

The paradox, often founded with Libra moon individuals, is their wish to avoid conflict and keep an emotionally balanced environment and relationships with people, yet somehow, they keep attracting that same conflict, arguments and misunderstandings into their lives unintentionally. It is possible that during these instances, Libras tend to mask their feelings too much and reflect on what others want from them too often, which is, sooner or later, perceived as something fake. Libras might even lose themselves in the process of dealing with others, seeing as no one appreciates their attempts in relating to others, keeping things surface-leveled and comfortable.

Such occurences take a huge toll on their mental and emotional stability, challenging them in ways they do not appreciate. At the same time, it is oftentimes relationships with other people that hold the many life lessons that Libra moons need to learn and accept throughout life. Such instances are even harder when lunar Libras keep ignoring their own feelings and needs for other people, bending down to please or being too accepting and understanding. Sooner or later, the glass becomes full and can break any moment. When that happens, the sharp pieces of glass will cut through anything in their way, as they shatter all around the place. Just like that, Jooheon may have his moments of sudden and intense emotions that hit him like a train, piercing his heart with unpleasant memories, experiences, silenced words and unhealed wounds. And usually, others get really taken aback from such uncalled behavior from someone who seeks peace, meaning that the bad Libra qualities can show themselves, such as detachment, coldness, shallowness, verbal attacks, along with all of the truth a Libra has observed and can't wait to expose about you. This is a cardinal air sign, and as much as they are kind and considerate, they see and know things you don't want to hear. Ever.

For Jooheon, it's important to be honest with himself, his emotions, experiences and naturally, other people. In order to keep the water balanced and even in the glass, he must steady the waves and stabilize the many quakes within him before the water can become calm again.

Scorpio Mercury

In addition to his already very perceptive sun and moon, his mercury provides an incredibly intelligent mind and sharp eye for understanding others' actions, words and motives. In fact, he craves receiving as much information as possible, especially the one that is hidden, secret and full of mysteries. You can barely hide anything from him, for he sees it all, in ways that you may not even suspect.

always thinks of what things he should/should not reveal about himself, therefore you probably won't get a lot from him unless he actually wants to open up. it's a very big step for Scorpio mercury people to open up about their genuine thoughts and feelings, so by doing that they might be overcoming themselves, in a way, showing that they are willing to trust you with their soul

no wonder Jooheon's rapping style and lyrics hit you like bullets. He has a clever mind, plenty observational skills and a wish to speak up about things that are not okay or not discussed enough. And when he pulls you into his spell, he shoots sharply and quickly, leaving the darkest stains behind

thus, on a certain level, his rapping can feel provocative. like an attack. a callout. a statement

has an opinion. a lot of opinions, actually, but will reveal the truth only in the right time and place

mischevious and playful, but his ways are not light-hearted. his interaction with others can seem confrontational

sarcastic💣

as much as he is an enigma, he also yearns for deep connections, therefore you might even catch him wishing to open up more often than wanting to hide

Venus in Scorpio

oof🌌

add his venusian loveliness and charm to his marsian/plutonian magnetism and strength and you have one powerful individual

the definition of alluring. doesn't matter if you want it or not, you're already caught in his web and you probably like it, even if it's a bit uncomfortable🕸

Jooheon is most likely private about his personal life or anything, really, which only sparks more interest in people

intriguing. you don't know what to expect from him next but you like the suspense, the mystery, the unknown

every venus sign is attractive in their own way, and Scorpio venus is attractive because of their confidence and intensity. first inpressions are strong and unforgettable with this placement

that intensity stems from the all or nothing attitude towards life, and it's taken very seriously

another thing is Scorpio's natural caution and sensitive instincts. they take their time to adjust themselves to new environments, as well as getting to know people. their defensiveness and sensitivity are spreaded deep withing them like roots, and they'll be damned if they ever show vulnerability. if they do though, it means they trust you with everything they have

which brings me to this: do not break their trust. one way or another, you will regret ever messing with a Scorpio placement. they don't easily forget or forgive

likes getting close, physical and touchy. maybe even too close sometimes⚡

driven, passionate and posessive lover. in fact, the intensity goes beyond love and touches on all things venus: art, friendships, material things, even beauty

ultimately, emotions rule over his body and mind, therefore he acts according to what he feels, no matter how suddenly or thought out🌊

Leo Mars

you think his Scorpio venus is confident? WELL let me tell you this: his Leo mars excels in that field

in any situation, no matter how loud or quiet Jooheon remains, he's always one of the most noticeable in the room. his aura shines and the attention comes naturally to him, which, btw, he absolutely loves and craves. Leo placements often live for the spotlight and won't be satisfied with a lack of it

hella creative and expressive of his emotions and intentions. sometimes a bit too dramatic or over exaggerating

can be easily offended at times, he's pretty sensitive

the whole world is his stage and he is the biggest star of the show called "life"

goofy, funny and playful🎈but also loud, bold and demanding

C H A R I S M A T I C, another reason why his first impressions are not easily forgotten. his presence is strong, his confidence is obvious, and his goal? is to dominate the scene and ultimately, win, either the competition or your heart🔥

passion is the fuel to his actions and he cannot function properly without it. there needs to be a constant goal he can pursue or do what he loves the most and because of that, grow as a person. his inner fire should never be put out, it is crucial for his survival and well-being

a true performer and skilled entertainer, born to fascinate and capture audiences🎭

prideful🗻

being recognised for his efforts is very important to him, on a much deeper level

as much as he might enjoy fulfilling his own needs and feeding his desires, Leos are also notoriously kind, generous and supportive to their loved ones. they love inspiring and boosting others self-esteem, so any obstacles and difficulties could be overcome even by the most insecure. they are wonderful motivators with insanely big hearts💝

That is all, folks! Thank you for stopping by💕🌟 and check out my other posts with Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun, Shownu and Wonho. As always, these are made for fun and should not be taken too seriously.

See you next time for the last, but never the least, post about I.M⚡

17 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 6 years

Note

I heard that you like Pandora Hearts so I can't help but ask: what are your thoughts on Oswald's arc? Particularly in relation to his role as Glenn and his conflictual relationship with Lacie. I liked him quite a bit but I don't think I've ever really understood him 100%

I think it’s fair not to understand him, because we mainly only see Glen through both Jack and Lacie’s filtered perceptions of him. That being said, I think the center of Oswald’s character is fittingly enough revealed in the chapter with his name on it.

I genuinely believe that both Lacie and Oswald’s desire was the same underneath it all. Outside of romance and responsibility as nobles, both of them genuinely liked the days they spent together with Jack just as friends. He was the first person from the outside world who came into their lives and treated them differently outside of being Baskervilles. They both loved the normalcy Jack represented, even though Jack did not necessarily ever understand his importance to them because he was too traumatized and distanced from his own emotions at the time.

Lacie and Oswald both share the same flaw as well. They both had a desire, Oswald for Lacie to live, and for Jack to continue being his friend and spending their days together, Lacie to spend careless days with Jack and her brother and not to have to die, but they both tragically decided to accept their fate at different points and do things they did not want to do simply because they were told they had to.

Lacie, Jack and Oswald all project their loneliness into the abyss. Lacie believes the center of the abyss must be lonely to give birth to child of misfortune and eventually chooses to go along with Past Glen’s plan to create Will of the Abyss partially because of this reason, and because of the loneliness of her impending death. Oswald projects the loneliness of his sense of duty onto the abyss. He sees everything through the lens of duty, it’s what motivates him but restricts him at the same time.

Unlike Leo who is almost completely unable to act at the right time due to confidence issues and his own mournings of his losses, Oswald in his strict servitude to duty always can act when he needs to. However as a drawback he ends up doing things he does not actually want to do at all.

In Oswald’s own words he chose to be the head of the baskervilles instead of her older brother, but those were two different duties. The duty to protect Lacie and the duty to protect the family he was a part of and the abyss. However, he never actually chose one side or the other fully, not really as with his actions afterwards he was clearly too plagued with regret. He wanted to choose both. Instead of trying to choose both he pretended to choose one, and then deluded himself after the fact.

Oswald’s weakness spotted by Jack, his contradictory behavior lies in his inability to be even remotely true or recognize his own desires. He knows that he clearly regrets killing Lacie, but when he assumes control of Leo, his first instinct is to just go into the past and kill Lacie again even though that is the mistake that started this whole mess.

Oswald at first is too plagued by duty to recognize his desires, then after killing Lacie he’s plagued by both guilt that he’s suppressing and also a second desire in the form of simply wanting to have Jack.

The thing about tragedies is there are multiple instances in which they can be averted. The die was not in fact cast, even after Lacie died. Jack was not beyond help, even 100 year old Jack was able to finally empathize with somebody when someone confronted him directly about his own lies, and his own selfishness and accepted him.

The point of this scene is that Oswald already knew these things about Jack, he knew he was a liar, he knew he was somebody who could put on any face he wanted to in a moment’s notice in order to obtain his desires. He also knew that when confronted about these things, about his own lack of identity Jack will do anything to avoid it including running away.

Which is what prevented Oswald from every confronting Jack about his motivations until the last possible moment, because after Lacie was gone Oswald still wanted to remain friends with Jack. Oswald had a chance for redemption still even after doing something as unforgiveable as killing his sister, there was Alice and Will of the Abyss to take care of, and even with the central member of their trio gone Jack still remained.

Oswald even as Glen wanted to remain friends with Jack. The two of them could have rebuilt to make up for what they lost, but Oswald was too busy wallowing in his own guilt to notice Jack. Jack is just… the one nice thing that Oswald was allowed to keep outside of his duty to the family. The one thing from the outside world that was allowed to visit them and interact with them as friends. His last remaining tie to normality after he killed his sister.

In a way Oswald reflects Jack. He wanted to keep Jack around, selfishly, for the same reason Jack wanted to keep Lacie around. Part of their identities, their normal selves, were divested in the friends around them. It’s why Oswald, Lacie and Jack have such a strong bond, but they’re also an example of a toxic failed trio.

Both Oswald and Jack also fatally misunderstand Lacie, because they’re too swept up in their broken dude emotions. Oswald his guilt, and Jack his lack of identity.

If he had listened, Oswald at the time would realize that even if he killed her Lacie still truly cared about him and forgave him. Both Jack and Oswald forget about Lacie’s genuine love for the world, and the fact that she was at least allowed to be alive and live in this wonderful world for the short time she was, in their own feelings of mourning her.

It’s finally in admitting his feelings that Oswald makes the step he should have made a long time ago. Not in using time travel to fix his mistake, but rather simply deciding not to repeat his mistake again which he was in danger of doing. Thematically, what Oswald was doing wrong was forcing himself to make the same mistake again out of “duty” even though he knows he doesn’t want to kill Lacie and he only lived in regret last time and nothing good came from it.

With that he also finally achieves his rest and is able to come to peace with his regrets instead of continually persisting in them even after his own death, to the point of trying to break the time stream to resolve them.

His moment of growth is what he should have done to begin with, simply been honest about his feelings and in the case of things that already happened resolved to not repeat the mistake rather than living in regret over it forever, but that is tragedy. He reflects Jack in that final aspect too, if Jack had been honest with himself about his own cowardly and terrible personality to begin with he truly could have emotionally connected with those around him instead of only connecting through a performance that he himself did not know was real to the bitter end.

Also it’s thematically relevant that Jack finally experiences an emotion towards Oswald when Oswald was honest with himself about Lacie, especially since the reason for the divide between them was Oswald lying to him about Lacie in the first place, and Jack’s decision he could not trust Oswald from then on and had to consider him as the head of the Glen Household and somebody to manipulate.

Which as I said before in tragic fashion, if Oswald had allowed himself to mourn openly in front of Jack they most likely would have been able to mourn together instead of both continuing to lie to each other until their relationship ended in the worst way possible. What are you going to do though that’s conseqeunces for you.

#metasks #pandora hearts #oswald baskerville #glen baskerville #bloodycarnations #ph meta

220 notes · View notes