#he was feeling lonely that his borthers were so busy

[lawluheaven]

i love your superhero/villain chat you did! any headcannons or extra bits you had in mind ♥️♥️

If you were to ask Luffy why he chose to be an anti-hero he would tell you, he was bored. It was honestly a pass time, some nights he would rescue people from muggers in the streets and others he is pulling money out of cash registers for Nami.  

Ace and Sabo weren’t aware of his powers, nor what he did with his friends. In fact as far as they knew Luffy wasn’t even born with powers. His brothers had unlocked their at birth but had only been able to learn control once become teenagers.

His power took longer to arrive, getting them when he was seven one day while playing twister with Zoro. The two had panic for a few minutes before deciding together that it was cool and the two had been best friends ever since.

Ace and Sabo had attempted to keep their gifts a secret from him but Luffy was able to figure it out. After all, how could they explain why so many things around the house suddenly “combusting” for no reason? 

True originally he suspected his brothers of being pyromaniacs and he had prepared for them to start a streak of arson someday. (He would help them get away from the cops he had sworn back then).

  His own power wasn’t as noticeable as his brothers. Luffy was rubber. He was made out of it and able to stretch his body to limits that could have killed any other.  His was easy to hide, all he had to do was not try to stretch and he was fine.   

Since they keep the powers a secret Luffy saw it fit to do the same, swearing Zoro into secrecy than the rest of his close friends over the years.

But then one day two superheroes appeared on tv in one bright orange and blue flashy outfits, fire dancing around them. One used a metal pipe the other a dagger. 

Luffy had watched the fight for a total of five minutes before he was able to identify his brothers’ fighting styles.  He waited for them to come clean and tell him but years past without either saying a peep. (If they wanted it to stay a secret they shouldn’t put their super suits in the laundry room hamper honestly) 

He never pushed them, if Ace and Sabo wanted him to know they would tell him in due time. Being heroes, however, took time, before Luffy knew it his brothers were always too busy with “work”. 

He told himself it was fine, that he understood. And then Koala and Marco showed up.  Luffy could tell how smitten his brothers had become with them, and it wasn’t long before they were taking all of their attention.

Luffy suspected both Marco and Koala were heroes as well, having seen people with similar body types and voices in costumes team up with his brothers. The more time passed the more Luffy grew to dislike being home, spending too many long hours alone as his brothers gain more and more villains appearing to challenge them.

Then they would go be lovey-dovey in their civilian personas and Luffy would only see them maybe once or twice a day instead of not seeing them for that time. He spent a lot of his time at his friends’ houses. He was surprised to find so many school mates with gifts so soon the only ones in Luffy’s group of friends that didn’t have power were Zoro and Ussop.

He couldn’t understand why his brothers stay hero though, after going out on the town with his crew and realizing how boring it was.  Half the people they saved weren’t even grateful, complaining about taking too long, about being the ones that attracted villains and worse demanding he shares his food. 

So he tried to be a villain for a while. That was fun for a while, especially since it let his friends run wild and he. But besides stealing being a villain wasn’t all that cracked up to be since he wasn’t trying to take control over anything and had no real goal like other villains.  

Plus he didn’t want to fight Ace or Sabo when they sprung to “stop him” keeping his crimes low key as to not attract his siblings' attention.

It was all so boring. 

He almost stops entirely. But then the villain Donflamingo attacked Ussop and Chopper putting his friends in the hospital. Chopper was fine beyond some flesh wounds but Ussop had been in critical condition having taken the worse of the beating in order to protect the younger power user. 

Luffy wanted his head. Wanted justice and wanted vengeance. Something a hero and a villain would want but not the other, so he picks a nice middle. Then he started his hunt for the villain and any who worked for him. His crew did the same mapping out the city’s underworld for their targets.

Sufficed to say Luffy got hurt more now since he wasn’t trying to keep a low profile. He wanted people to know him, to wonder who side he was on whenever he appeared.

That how he meet Law. He was his new doctor after Luffy’s last moved away (something about her house getting destroyed too much due to super fights?) and he was the greatest thing Luffy has ever seen. 

Was this how Ace felt when he first saw Marco? Did Sabo also feel the butterflies whenever Koala laugh like Luffy did when Law found his witty comments worth a chuckle? Did they both want to desperately hold the other’s hand? 

Luffy watched Law a lot. The way he spoke, the way he moved, the words he chose to express his thoughts. Yes, it was filtered by a professional customer service voice- he was working whenever Luffy saw him- it wasn’t long to connect him to the supervillain Surgeon.  Luffy thought a man couldn’t be more attractive but somehow Law proved him wrong by being one of the best villains in the city.

It was many fail attempts to flirt with his regular doctor that Robin suggested flirting as the Anti-hero Strawhat. It took him a while to find the perfect moment, but when his crew rescued hostages- one of them being Nami’s sister- at the bank he was finally able to see Surgeon face to face who confused him for a hero.

 And an allegiance was created that would rock the whole city.  They were able to get into the Ball that Donflamingo hosted. Luffy thinks Law had a plan at some point but it was long and he got bored. Midway into the night, he had convinced the other man to dance with him under the star lights and actually almost forgot about the other villain looking into Law’s masked covered eyes. 

But he had to avenage Ussop and he wasn’t going to let this chance to take the villain out, especially since he didn’t a chance to hide in the shadows again. So Luffy set the dance floor on fight smoking out the foaming villain and let his crew break hell.  

Law was screaming a lot, and he was very stressful but they were able to beat the supervillain by the seat of their pants

Then Luffy romance the shit out of him. He stole all the diamonds for him and helped him overthrow a corrupted councilman who made it hard for Law to get his sister the medicine she needed. Watching Law blush was the biggest rush he had in a long long time.

“Will you be mine?”  He asks watching the older man look over the fight of goons that tried to take his territory. 

Law stops his sword swigging letting his men take out the remaining gang members.  “What?”

“Be mine. I can be yours and no one will come between us. I really like you”

“You don’t even know who I am”

“I don’t know what you haven’t told me. But I do know that you are a kind and compassionate man, and someone I would gladly die for. I want to be your boyfriend.” 

“Huh. You know what, Anit-hero, we can try that. I do warn you.  I don’t usually feel romantic or sexual attraction so I may not know what to do. But I think I like you too.”

Luffy happily presented his brothers- the superheroes- to Law- the supervillain- a few months later wondering if Law knew that he was sitting across the same men that threw him through a building earlier that day.  Or if Sabo knew Law was the one who had cut the left side of his hair, forcing him to get a new haircut he did not like.

Would his brothers let this relationship they approve of contuine if they learned?

Luffy squeezes Law’s hand under the table happy that he squeezes it back, and decided that it doesn’t matter. He’s an anti-hero he does whatever he wants.

#Lawlu #Lawluheaven #Superhero/superVillian Au #Orgin story #Law is demisexual #Luffy is asexual but gayromantic #he was feeling lonely that his borthers were so busy #the Strawhats are a terror on the battle feild #friend or foe is the question when they appear #cxasandt

[dreiicee]

Clouded Mind

krii7y drabble

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John wasn’t afraid of falling in love. Afraid was the wrong word. He was, if he had to pick a word, apprehensive. The thing he was afraid of was getting hurt. Sure, John was rather introverted, preferring to keep to himself when he wasn’t recording, but he didn’t really fancy being lonely. He felt like there was a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. He didn’t mind being alone, but he didn’t like being lonely. He nearly laughed to himself at the thought. It was ridiculous. He took a hit from his vape and laid back on his bed.

Sometimes the thoughts got dark, interweaving themselves with happy memories to taint them with doubt. Filling his head like the smoke that filled his lungs and leading him to wonder how much nicotine it would take to kill him. He stared blankly up at the cloud floating above his bed, above his head, before it faded out.

The buzz of his phone on his desk snapped him from his daze. He forced himself to sit up and check it. It was a Discord message from Jaren. John hesitated to check it. He didn’t want to do anything right now, but he knew if Jaren asked, he’d say yes. It was this horrible, awful habit he’d gotten into where he just couldn’t say no to him. He loved to hear his laugh and see him smile on the off chance they went into a video chat. He loved how Jaren could always finish his jokes and laughed at them, even when he didn’t get them. John felt his cheeks get hot and ultimately opened the message.

Smii7y: we’re gonna play golf it, u in?

John smiled. A simple invite, one he knew Jaren wouldn’t push if he said no, but one he knew he was going to accept. Because he always did.

Kryoz: yeah, let me set up then i’ll join the call

Smii7y: heck yeah borther!!

He took a deep breath and got to work. He sometimes wondered if Jaren realized how tightly wound John was around his finger. Other times, he hoped he didn’t know.

~~~

By the end of the session, John was giggling, his worries momentarily forgotten. The guys signed off and went about their lives, but Jaren stayed. So John stayed, too. There was a silence, one that made John hear his heartbeat in his ears. He tried not to focus on how sweaty his hands felt.

“Are you okay, John?” Jaren finally asked. John was quiet. Did he tell the truth or wave it off? It was a debate he had with himself often when Jaren asked him that. He never knew what the right choice was.

“I guess so. Just thinking a lot, I guess.” He ended up being honest, to a degree. There was another beat of silence and what sounded like Jaren shuffling around at his desk, maybe changing how he was sitting in his chair. John took a hit and tried to stop thinking.

“Well, what’s on your mind?” It took a lot of self restraint for John not to burst into either laughter or tears. You! He wanted to scream. He thought about Jaren more often than not and it was awful. He shouldn’t. These things he feels are the exact opposite of the things he should be feeling. Jaren was his best friend, he shouldn’t have gone and fallen for him. And it wasn’t the falling he was scared of, it was the landing knowing no one would be there to catch him.

John tapped on his desk and hummed, pretending to organize his thoughts when he was doing just the opposite. He chewed his lip and tried to figure out how to be honest without being explicit.

“Everything. Nothing.” He settled on saying. He sounded tired. He was tired. He felt like he was lost at sea, floating on a raft that was barely above water. He wanted to scream and cry for help, but his throat was dry and sore and he couldn’t force the words out. So he floated and waited to sink.

Jaren was quiet. It made John nervous.

“I love you, dude. You know that, right?” A beat, a pause the length it took for John’s heart to beat four times.

“Yeah… Yeah, I do. I love you too, Smit.” He mumbled. The thought that Jaren wouldn’t love him the way John loved him shot through him and he swallowed it down like a bitter pill. He began to fiddle with the junk on his desk, trying to keep his hands busy. He felt stupid.

“I just… You can talk to me, John. I don’t want you to think you gotta, like, be happy all the time when we talk.” Jaren explained, sounding almost desperate. Suddenly John felt like a monster. He made Jaren worry. He put his head on his desk and forced himself to breathe.

“I know that, man. I just don’t wanna bother you--”

“That’s bullshit, John.” Jaren interrupted sternly. “You let me vent to you all the time and you rarely ever come to me. Or any of the guys, for that matter. We’re all here for you and it stresses me out that you just… bottle it up and pretend it’s fine.”

John tapped on his desk again before taking a hit from his vape. This isn’t how he expected this to go at all. He sighed, giving up.

“I’m in love with you.” He blurted. Another beat, this time the pause lasted the time it took for John’s heart to beat out of his chest. Ten beats. Eleven. Silence.

John hung up.

~~~

John hadn’t joined either group for games for three days, uploading solo stuff and keeping to himself. He barely checked his phone or Discord. He couldn’t face Jaren. He’d totally fucked everything up and he’d have to quit YouTube and move and change his name and pretend that he wasn’t hopelessly in love with Jaren.

A knock on his door took him from his thoughts. There was a moment where he almost decided not to answer. But he did.

Jaren was at the door, out of breath and his face blotchy, probably from the fact he’d been running. He had a backpack and a suitcase with him and looked relieve and angry and overjoyed all at once. John took a step back.

“You dumbass! You can’t just-just-just say that and then ghost me!” Jaren yelled. A wave of guilt washed over John and he avoided Jaren’s eyes. Jaren pushed his way in and dropped his bag with a huff before facing John again. John opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he didn’t get the chance to get a single word out before Jaren’s mouth was on his.

The kiss was sloppy and awkward, filled with trembling lips and breathless gasps. John grabbed onto Jaren’s shoulders, desperate to ground himself. John felt like a teenager getting his first kiss. They pulled apart almost reluctantly and John’s grip on Jaren only tightened. He was trying to process everything that had just happened.

There was the silence again, haunting him like the ghost of a thought. This time, though, it was Jaren who broke the silence.

“I love you too, you moron.” He said, voice barely above a whisper. It felt like they were sharing a secret, something only they had to know. It made John’s chest warm. He pulled Jaren into a tight hug. He didn’t know what to say. ‘Thank god,’ maybe. ‘Thank you’ or ‘I’m not a moron’ were also candidates. He didn’t know and, truth be told, he didn’t very much care.

“You flew all the way here to say that?” He ended up saying. Jaren pulled back and rolled his eyes.

“You wouldn’t answer your phone and I’m impatient!” He replied in a whiny voice. John managed a breathless chuckle. Of course that’s his reason. Sometimes, John forgot that Jaren was younger than him. Though, he supposed that didn’t matter much.

With warm eyes, John reached up and brushed his thumb lightly over Jaren’s cheekbone, which turned pink at the touch. He smiled. He was here.

And for once, it was enough.

#krii7y #fanfic #krii7y fic #kryoz #smii7y #i was bored #shut up quinn

[crowned-ladybug]

I'm curious to know what your headcanons are for Robbie's relationships with Anti and Marvin and the other egos! 80c (And don't feel bad! We're here to support you, muy dude! 💜) -Asri

!!!!! 💜

Sorry in advance for all spelling mistakes, I'm using my SmallLaptop Irwin rn who for some dang reason only has US spellcheck and Idon't fuck with that

(Also, this got long bc there's so many egos that I had ideasfor.....heck.)

Anti p much adopted Robbie as his baby brother like right away(and Marvin teased him about "collecting brothers" but Antitold him to fuck off. He will collect a hundred brothers if he wantsto. All the borthers. Let him have them.) and he's really protectiveof him. But amongst many other things, he's loud, still doesn't fullyunderstand his own strength and expresses affection through physicalcontact a lot, and that's all something that on most days Robbiedoesn't really want any of. So it took them a bit of work to beProper Good Siblings but they got there and they're really close now.Anti doesn't have the patience to teach Robbie stuff but they hangout and play a lot, and Anti likes getting Robbie cool gifts (likehis chewy necklace and a couple other stim toys). He's also veryproud of Robbie no matter what he does. Robbie calls him Annie.

In my verse, Marvin isn't the reason Robbie exists, but he stilllikes him a lot. Robbie is absolutely fascinated with magic andMarvin is more than happy to entertain him. He also likes setting uppuzzles and games for Robbie that they can do together and bond over,and he was the one who got Robbie legos to help him with his finemotor skills. When he's hurt/scared/needs help, Marvin is one of thepeople Robbie usually runs to (Anti being the other), and Marvin willdrop pretty much anything to help him. Marvin also knows decent firstaid, how to treat/stitch up wounds and a bit of basic healing magic,so he can fix Robbie up if he happens to lose a limb or two. Also,Marvin likes to draw and sometimes he'll just do that while Robbiesits next to him working on a colouring book of his own. Robbie callshim Marr (previously Ma, but Marvin very quickly denied that).

At first Jackie didn't know what to make of Robbie bc all he knewwas that he's a zombie, so Jackie was scared he would be a danger tohis family. When it turned out that Robbie is just an uncoordinatedsweetheart, he instantly grew on him. He's one of the two people whousually cook for Robbie (he doesn't need to eat, but he likes to),and just like Marvin, he knows how to fix him up too. Robbie looks upto him, both bc he's tall and strong and bc he's a hero, and Jackieis a big softie who's convinced he doesn't deserve that adoration.Robbie is very much aware of what's between Jackie and Marvin, and sowhen Marvin is sad and Robbie doesn't know how to help him, he'llfind Jackie and drag him over by the hand, all the while repeating"Marr sad, hel' Marr, love Marr". Robbie calls him Jee (heshortened Jackie into just one syllable).

Chase and Robbie get along well, though they don't hang out thatmuch bc Chase is busy with his own life and kids, but Robbie is likea kid in a lot of ways and Chase has undeniable experience on thatfront. He loves playing with Robbie or telling him stories or singingto him (Robbie can't sing but he hums along enthusiastically), and hedefinitely has a drawing or two from him on his fridge. He's also theother person who will cook for Robbie sometimes. Robbie has only metChase's kids a couple times before for everyone's good, bc Robbiedoesn't really know his own strength and gets startled easily bystuff no one really sees coming. He's also usually the one to fix upany tears in Robbie's clothes (if not him then Marvin). Robbie justcalls him Chase, tho sometimes he'll try to call him "bro"and get stuck on making "brr" noises bc it's amusing.

Schneep enjoys Robbie's company bc he can be surprisingly tame andquiet. Their friendship started with just Schneep fixing Robbie upevery time he got hurt and Jackie or Marvin couldn't help, and Robbiestarted liking him bc he would always give him sweets or stickers andwould always be very gentle with him. Now Robbie will sometimes justsit in Schneep's office while Schneep is working on his own things,colouring or drawing or building stuff, or maybe practising signing.Schneep likes having him around bc he's good company who doesn't makemuch noise or demand his attention a lot. Sometimes Robbie will reachover and pat him on the head though bc while he doesn't exactly likephysical contact, he's learned from Anti that patting ppl on the headis a Good Thing to show that you Love Them, and Schneep always smilesat him sweetly when he does that. Robbie calls him Schneep, Sheep orHen (from Henrik).

Robbie's relationship with Shawn Flynn didn't exactly startsmooth. To be precise, it started with Robbie knocking stuff over inShawn's workshop and wanting to adopt every plushie he saw. Robbiestill feels bad about it. Shawn knows he doesn't have the patience orcapacity to handle Robbie for long, but he tries to visit him asoften as he can and bring him little gifts to show that he's not mad.Robbie usually gives him little drawings in return, and don't tellanyone, but Shawn keeps all of them tucked away in a separate drawer.Robbie calls him Finn (most egos call him Flynn, bc Shawn sounds thesame as Seán).

Most things Dark knows about Robbie he knows from Anti. Theyreally don't hang out much. Dark knows he wouldn't be able to put upwith Robbie for long, and if this were the old Dark, he'd just takehis frustration out on Robbie and enjoy making him cry. But thisisn't the old asshole Dark, so he mostly just avoids Robbie until heknows how to handle him. But just like even if you don't like kidsyou should never be mean to them, Dark is never mean to Robbie ifRobbie approaches him. He usually just smiles, says something nice inresponse to whatever Robbie has just told him and moves on with hisday. Robbie finds him very cool and mysterious, and the other egosfind it amusing, but he thinks Dark is a very pleasant person, he'sjust quiet. He also understands that Anti loves him very much. Heusually approaches Dark to give him flowers, because he sees Darkwalking around with a lapel flower sometimes and deduced that okay,he must like flowers then. Robbie calls him Dark or Darr.

Wilford is not allowed around Robbie bc he keeps trying to get himinto dangerous shit. Robbie kind of likes him, kind of doesn't, bcWilford gives him candy, smells nice and is Very Interesting, buthe's also a sensory overload on two legs. He recognises now whenWilford is trying to talk him into something reckless that the restof the egos wouldn't approve of, and his Perfect Response to it issticking his tongue out at Wilford. No one knows where he got thatfrom, but it's absolutely hilarious to watch. Robbie calls him Willor Wilf.

Host very openly calls Robbie his friend, and everyone wassurprised the first time he did that. Most of Host's projects aredark and lonely, except for when he's working on teaching Robbie signlanguage with Oliver. Without actively trying, Robbie can cheer himup or just make his day a little better, even if it sometimesinvolves sticking band-aids onto Host's face when his eyes arebleeding really badly. Robbie sometimes brings him flowers to cheerhim up (he probably gets his love for flowers from Jackie'sinfluence) and Host keeps them on his desk in his recording studio.Robbie calls him Host or Hosh.

Bing adores kids and so he adores Robbie too. If Robbie is doingsomething noisy and just...all over the place, chances are Bing isinvolved. He'll never do super dangerous stuff with him likeskateboarding, but he's definitely guilty of introducing Robbie tothe magic that is water balloons. Bing sees Robbie as a little cousinwho isn't entirely human just like him. Robbie used to just call himBing, but once he called him Bee and Bing laughed at it, so now heonly calls him Bee.

Google Red, Green and Blue don't really care about Robbie, butOliver finds him adorable and unlike the other three, gives him thecredit he deserves for his intelligence. Oliver teaches Robbie signlanguage along with Host, so he spends a lot of time with him whenhe's not working. Outside of lessons they don't get to hang out a lotbc Oliver is busy working with his brothers, but he'll never shooRobbie away when he approaches him (and once the other egos startmoving out, they do start spending more time together). Robbie usedto see Oliver as some sort of teacher, but when he said it Oliverwent "wait i thought we were friends?" and Robbie gotreally happy about that, so now they have a closefriendship/brotherly bond. Robbie calls the Googles collectively Googor Googly, Red and Blue just that, Green Gree or G'ee, and OliverOli.

Bonus for relationships I don't have worked out but love Robbie'snames for: Angus is Ann, Jameson is Jame' or Pal (bc Shawn callsJameson "pal" a lot and Robbie has come to associate itwith him), Dr Iplier is Iiiiipp and Robin is Ro or Robbrr'n.

#robbie the zombie #headcanons #kata's chatter #i don't think i'm gonna tag the rest rn bc there's a lot #maybe this is why ppl don't like me huh #bc i talk way too much #i love robbie he's precious #Anonymous

[bloggerista]

The f’d life

I am a typical millenial i would think... working and supporting myself...

I am bisexual and sometimes thinking about the possibilities that after my 40’s if i dont have a million in my bank account no one would ever possibly take care of me...

I’m 29 and geeze I will soon be out of the calendar... I have 6k on my name where it was 10k originally, saving for a new apartment so I would live nearer my office...

I have bigher debts vs my life savings... overall around 160k and earning roughly around 30k per month.. less my utility bills of around 5k monthly..

I started earli, at the age of 20 i asked my mom if i can live alone since i am not in good terms with my father... and she is leaving bound to go with my sister in japan...

We were not rich to begin with... we are a family of 5... i have a brother and a sister... both has families and i have no plans of having mine soon... but we will get there eventually...

We lived as a normally household where i grew up mostly with out my father since he is working abroad when i was still young... when i am comming to age things went a little sour down the road and eventually my dad came home and did not wanted to go back... so to cut the long story short we tried to live by each day hoping for a better tomorrow... we barely made it but my wonderful mom tried to patch things through and you know tied things together... she was amazing.. by those times she only has a few thousands to budget and feed 5 mouths.. but she still manages to pay all the bills and feed us... she was so amazing i wish i could be just as good as her in terms of finances...

But no, i was bad at it... growing up i felt so deprived and though of one day... i will get on my feet and make things better for the both of us... thinking my brother got married ealry with two daughters.. and my sister getting married after graduation and had 2 sons in the long run...

My sister helped me out through college... she promised my mom that she would support my studies... and i was not a pretty good student... it came to a point where i was confused and almost tear my mothers heart through all of those dramas and stupidity.. i learned to drink and smoke (but not drugs or weeds or any sort).

I had girlfriends and had my own share of heart breaks, then my turning point after my last girlfriend broke up with me.. i was soo fkuced up and started believing that no one would ever love me again... until one day a boy from my town started courting me.. he showed me a new world can be explored and i liked the attention.. so that started my life as a bisexual.. its around 2008 that i had my first relationship... it was fun and exciting after it went on one after the other... currently i have a partner... we are turning 7 years in our current relationship and i dont know how long this will last... his family dont know about us, i guess... since i am just a best friend or a tropa when he introduced me to them...

For the longest time i’ve been living with people that i barely know... i just grew accustomed with them as the time passes since i am living with them under one roof... the mommies and the tita’s whom i choose to live with... maybe longing for a mothers touch i guess so i was confident that i can love with them..

But the time to fave my own demons comes... i have to stand on my own and learn to live life as an individual... in 3 days my partners borther and father would come home so i had to pack my things and leave... but the apartment i am planning to get is not yet completed (construction) a few more weeks to finish...

I can’t help but feel sooo sad and lonely... even with true friends i feel so stupid and weak... week that i have to ask for help everytime that i am down low and dont know what to do... i stopped blaming my past and learned to get along with my current but it fees like i am drowning every single day... it feels like i am slowly dying inside.. like a candle on a dark night that is slowly waiting to be used up...

All of my dreams got derailed due to some stupid decisions that i’ve been trying to keep up and clean until now...

There are people that has bigger problems compared to mine i agree... but we had our own share of difficulties.. for sure some of those who can relate would trully know what it feels like to be helpless...

I am still thankful for all the beatiful people that are in my life... my best friends who is always there to listen.. even if i am like a broken record... i dont really know why i am writing this down for some random stranger to read... i just felt that i haven’t had someone to talk to about this that i wont feel ashamed and a bit awkward after..

My mind right now is full of shit as i type these down... though my partners family and my partner is good to me all this time... but i cant help to feel that i’m a useless piece of shit trying to be a better person that might not happen anytime soon...

I’ve tried and hoped in my mind what if i work double jobs... trying to make my ends meet... trying business but no opprtunities available...

I tried cutting down my expenses.. no more starbucks, no more fancy restaurants, no more new things and use em as far as i can... but why does it feel so suffocating... i tried lowering my standards but there will always be times when you feel you are already on it but something will happen that would bend you down to your knees and would force the tears down... right where you started... right where you wanted to go out from... right where you wanted to grow out from...

Is life worth fighting for really? , there are things that are pushing me off the edges... i dont know how long would i take these nonesense... how far i can endure... i sometimes just wosh that i can give this life to someone that is deperately wanting to live and maybe give her the chance to live... and maybe this time i can rest from all of those that tormented me inside out...

I dont know if this is my last entry... but so far its not... 🤪😘