#he is so fucking fineeeee. GOOD LORD

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price guest stars as himself

Here's Lucy; Lucy Cuts Vincent's Price (1970) s03x09

#vincent price #heres lucy #lucille ball #lucy ricardo #i love lucy #vinny p #vintage tv #tv show #art #i fucking love him #i need him 😭 🥵 #he's so sexy #*makes grabby hands* #he is so fucking fineeeee. GOOD LORD #bicon #bisexual icon #horror #old horror movies #vintage #movie #actor #handsome #gif #gifs made by me #gif set #my gifs

[zombies-apocalypse]

So I’m giving the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina a try.

Imma keep this in one post instead of spamming, for once. 

So hit the read more. Beware of spoilers for episode one.

Shit, she’s me when it comes to horror moves. Yup, still me, babbling about slow movies.  Why is she me? Why am I Sabrina?

Oh, she’s into gory horror? Nevermind, not me.

Ummm, inviting a teacher to join you and your friends? But why? Oh, that’s why. Still, that’s not a typical teenager reaction.

Oh dude, I like this song. Though it bodes ill for - oooof course. Of course. 

Okay her post “I love you” dance was cute.

Okay, but what was the point of that? Why murder the nice teacher???? Dark lord? Goddamnit. An evil, satanic witch already.

Dark baptism. That doesn’t bode well.

Oh no, the poor bat! T_T And I’ve seen the trailer so... Nooo. T_T Absit omen? ABSIT? As in Latin for Far?

Demonomicon???? 

Wait, why is Ambrose under house arrest? You can’t just drop that on me with no explanation for why he’s been grounded for 75 years?

You really had to question what they meant by half-breed? You’re not that dumb, are you?

Succubitches. Nice.

WAIT. Who’s bullying poor Susie??? HARASSMENT. Bring them in for review? Excuse me, you don’t review, you expell. Goddamnit. I hate this guy already. WAIT WHAT? Telling her to tell Susie to find another school? MOTHERFUCKER. 

Wardwell’s fashion sense changed quite a bit. Witch-demon thing masquerading as her isn’t even trying to play like the teacher.

And you don’t think that’s sus, Sabrina? That the teacher’s poking you towards fucking with the principal? 

PRAISE SATAN? That’s not how you respond to... Jesus, I hate Zelda. Why is she so different from Hilda?

I get she’s hiding shit from her, but being that suspicious of her? Like shit, her having some weird family tradition for her sweet sixteen shouldn’t be that big of a weird mystery. It’s a family thing. Her moving and not saying anything sooner, well, I understand him being shocked by it, but jeez. There’s such a lack of trust.

Okay, seriously. First episode and she’s already dropping the truth on Harvey. Like, for real? ALSO specifying warlock for a male witch. Fine, fineeeee. Whatever.

Oh, no Harvey has a reasonable reaction. Yup, jump to her lying about it as some weird excuse to break up with her. JEEZ SABRINA. Throwing a spell at him to make him forget what you told him... Jeez. Jeeeeeez.

Also seriously, why the hell are the aunts so blase about their niece being cursed? 

Come on Zelda. Is there any other way you could’ve delivered those lies to make it any less convincing?

Ummm.... What the heck? 

Oooh, I Put A Spell on you. Good song. Oh, this show doesn’t linger long on the non-atmospheric songs.

Interesting claw marks. OH, interesting... Wait. WAIT. WAIT. That’s Salem? Are you seriously telling me that’s Salem?!?! Some dark spirit that heard her in the forest, clawed up her window... 

WAIT. What???? Satan expects the witchlings to be virginal? Saving herself for him? EXCUSE ME. WHAT? 

Path of Light or Path of Night? Okay, so she’s an anomaly but yet still expected to follow the Witch Laws despite her existence being caused by the breaking of one of those laws. BUT doesn’t this mean Path of Light is an option??? But they kind of refer to that as human...

Also Malum Malus means Bad Bad or Apple Bad in Latin so... 

WICCA? You named the club WICCA???? Woman’s International Cultural and Creative Association. And the mortal chose that name. Really stretched to reach that one, didn’t they?

Also why is this school so dreary? Do they not believe in florescent lights? In lights in general?

But why would you poke the birthmark? Oh, witch’s mark. I guess that’s why he’d poke on it.

OH. They’re cannibals too? WHAT THE FUCK ZELDA?!

It’s a maze, Sabrina. Not rocket science... She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed...

Oh, there’s arrows on the maze walls. Also WHY this? Like, what mart of this makes any sense? Do you really want to turn her against you? Cause that’s one way of doing it, you assfuck. Could’ve just planted a false apple for her with fake visions to guide her the right way. Or rot them all.  I mean, come on...

Also Salem’s a beasty. An adorable one.

GROSS! I didn’t need to see that damn apple twice. Once was enough. 

Ummm.... So... That didn’t really answer anything but okay. I mean... She’s been raised to believe the Dark Lord is like, their god... If that was him, then seeing him rise would be, like, #Goal, right? 

Oh, Salem doesn’t wanna go inside. Gee, wonder why...

So that’s the end of episode one... And I’m just... 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

The lighting is appalling. Everything, even the outdoors, is so dim and dreary. The school, something that is generally so bright, seems like it’s lit only by natural light and they live in Forks, Washington.

The camera work, something I rarely say anything about unless it’s shakey cam, is strange. Like, we randomly get this weird blur around the edges? I’m not sure what’s that called but I know there’s a name for it. It can be a stylistic choice, but it seems arbitrary. 

The effects are decent though. I’ve seen worse.

The contrast between Zelda and Hilda is interesting, but doesn’t sit well with me. There’s no explanation given for why one is so Evil and one so Nice - especially since they’re both followers of the Dark Lord. It just doesn’t make sense for them to be nearly polar opposites like they are.

I have mixed feelings about Salem, but I don’t hate it. I do miss the OG Salem’s sass though.

 My initial thoughts during the trailer was that the witches were EVIL and SATANIC - something that this first episode has NOT done anything to counter. It’s also clear witches are hereditary, a bloodline, and that they have powers before their Dark Baptism so why is it so damned important to sign the book? Also the Path of Night, Path of Light thing. What the fuck is the Path of Light, exactly? The Path of Night is obviously serving the Dark Lord, Satan... to what means, I don’t know, but what the fuck is the Path of Light? It’s kind of implied that’s mortality, humanity - but beyond that? I don’t know. I don’t like that all witches are being shown as evil and Satanic, save Sabrina who, for whatever reasons, isn’t Evil like Zelda or more morally grey like Zelda. Like, why is she so damn good despite being raised by two witches of the Path of Night???

Some of ya’ll know I was a fan of the show Salem. While I despise witches being Satanic and shit, because that just further underlines the ongoing misconception which still affects witches in real life, I can get down with a show despite that if it’s good enough....

So far this isn’t winning me over. The writing for this show... man...

I mean, this is only the first episode but I’m sorely unimpressed.

I’ll give episode two a shot...

#zombie watches CAoS #spoilers #spoilers under readmore