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wedreamedlove · 4 years

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Life History of the 4 Men

The Chinese character books provide timelines of everyone's lives, so I decided to translate them all (as part of my epic procrastination ritual).

There are spoilers in these up to Chapter 24. Okay, I'm afraid tables look hideous in Tumblr, so you're all going to have to deal with my terrible text version.

LI ZEYAN

Regarding the Evol he was born with || Li Zeyan was born with a time manipulation Evol but he never told anyone around him.

10 years old || Park meeting || He met a 4 years old you at the park. He made a pudding as an apology to make up for wrecking your sand castle, but he never thought that he'd get a tag along from that moment.

11 years old || Suspending time during a car accident || He used his Evol in public for the first time in order to save you when you disregarded danger to grab a small cat in the middle of the road.

Orphanage kidnapping incident || He was kidnapped with you to an orphanage. He used his Evol to bring the other kids out but wasn't careful enough and was discovered. He was saved by you at a critical moment but, in the end, was unable to bring you out with him.

Start of the endless search || Unwilling to believe that you were no longer in this world, he started his 17 year long search.

14 years old || Mother's death by illness || His mother died to an illness and the details of the cause are unknown.

18 years old || Starts university || He was accepted into the country's famous university with his outstanding grades.

20 years old || Creates Huarui || He created Huarui when he was finishing his third year and, in the second year of its creation, Wei Qian came around to interview.

26 years old || Starts his restaurant || He opened a restaurant called Souvenir and considered this place a "utopia". He met Mr. Cai here.

28 years old || Huarui becomes a business empire || Huarui gradually developed and became a business empire.

Meeting again || Using his Evol, he saved you when you were about to meet with a car accident.

HBS' plot || He was locked in one of HBS' secret rooms with you. That one scene from his childhood happened again and he realized that it turned out the person he strenuously searched for was at his side. His Evol fluctuated and he could use it to twist space and time.

Deep space travel || Obtained a pocket watch from Grandpa Chen and went to the future Lianyu City. He was in contact with you through the pocket watch and, in order to change the ending of fate, he continuously crossed through space and time.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you at the Black Cabin and obtained memories of several worlds— no matter the world, you two would end up meeting and he would end up being attracted to you.

XU MO

Known to all as a little genius || Being a little genius in the eyes of others, he obtained the love of adults but was alienated by those of the same age and his only friend was the neighboring older brother, Fan Zihang.

7 years old || Car accident || Encountering a car accident on his birthday, both his parents died, and he survived with great difficulty only to be taken by a member of the Black Swan organization.

Acquired Evol || Underwent Black Swan's reformation experiment and obtained Evol.

8 years old || First meeting || He met with the very first color in his life underneath a camphor tree and even obtained a single colorful origami crane.

9 years old || Orphanage kidnapping incident || He was one of the victims of the orphanage kidnapping incident and was rescued by the police.

Went overseas || Going along with Black Swan, he went overseas to study.

15 years old || England schooling || He entered an England all-boys high school to study and, using one year, he completed high school and a university undergraduate degree.

16 years old || Studying hard for a master's degree || He entered one of America's leading universities to pursue advanced studies, a master's degree and Ph.D.

20 years old || Obtained a Ph.D. || He obtained a Ph.D. in neuroscience in America and started to work in a laboratory in America. He published many academic papers and laid the groundwork for neuroscience experts.

24 years old || Became a professor || Returning to the country, he founded the Xu Mo Life Laboratory and also held the post of being a guest professor at Lianyu University.

26 years old || Meeting again || He met with you again through the introduction of Professor Zhang Chengxi. He became your neighbor after moving in and also helped with the last episode of Miracle Finder.

The dream's passing || He brought you into a dream but, because he received the influence of your Evol, saw both of your pasts together and the car accident in his childhood. Afterward, he obtained a peace knot from your hands.

Breaking it off || His identity as Ares was revealed and he broke off relations with you. At a press conference about the development of an influenza vaccine, he had a debate about "evolution" with you.

Danger in the dream || In order to save you when you were being chased by radicals of the Black Swan organization, the two of you entered a dream. He used his Copy Evol to get out of danger and your memory of this time was also erased.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you in the Black Cabin and, obtaining the memories of several worlds, he takes you by the hand and hurries towards the next spring day.

BAI QI

Childhood || Although his father was always cold, under the care of his mother's warmth, Bai Qi had a relatively carefree childhood.

10 years old || Father took away his little brother || Bai Qi's Evol hadn't awakened yet. Bai Qi's father believed that Bai Qi didn't have the Evol genes and so he took away his little brother, whose Evol had already awakened.

15 years old || His mother passed away || His mother passed away in a fire and, after this time, "fire" became his weakness.

17 years old || Met you in the rain || He met you when you were foolishly blocking the rain for a cat and feeding it by the side of the road. He gave you his coat and then ran off into the rain.

Obtained Evol || He heard your piano when he fought a gang of people and was kicked off the rooftop. At the same time as he obtained his Evol he vowed to protect you forever.

18 years old || Goodbye || His Evol awakening was discovered by his father and he was threatened until he had no choice but to leave Lianyu High School. Before he left, he wrote a letter to give to you but, because of Han Ye's slip up, you thought it was a threatening letter.

19 years old || Hellish mission || His teammate Li Ye died during the "Hell Mission" and only Bai Qi and Gu Zheng survived. After this mission concluded, Bai Qi was made into the team captain.

20 years old || Training and missions || He actively participated in every country's training and missions and gradually became strong.

22 years old || Obtained an appointment || He obtained a formal appointment and joined the special forces.

24 years old || Meeting you again || In order to protect you, he voluntarily requested to be transferred back to Lianyu City to carry out missions and, at last, he met you again.

Broke off with the special forces || He discovered Commander Lian Ji's plot, questioned the special force's "justice", and broke off with them.

Participated in the NW Plan || Receiving his father's conditions, he participated in the NW Plan, and after the reformation obtained a stronger Evol.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you at the Black Cabin, obtained the memories of several worlds, and promised to be side by side with you in every different world.

ZHOU QILUO

Orphanage for those with autism || He suffered from autism when he was small, was a mixed blood orphan, had no friends, and spent every day curled up in the corner.

5 years old || First meeting || He was labeled as experimental subject 1562 and he met you during his escape. You two promised to eat doughnuts together after you both escaped.

Failure to escape || The escape failed and he became the valuable experimental subject 3684.

Obtained Evol || He underwent Black Swan's reformation experiment and obtained Evol. He is the only success of the orphanage's reformation experiments.

6 years old || Went overseas || Following Black Swan, he went overseas and was adopted by KEY. Afterward, he followed KEY and learned hacker techniques.

Launched his career || He launched his career as a child star in France.

14 years old || Attended high school in America || He finished junior high school in France and, listening to the suggestion of the middle-aged singer Eva Seidel, he went to America for high school.

18 years old || Admitted into a famous music school || He signed with a famous international music company and, after being successful, was admitted into a famous music school.

Set up a band || Created a band, had the position of lead singer, and started touring around the world, setting the groundwork of being an international star.

His master KEY disappeared || His master, KEY, disappeared and, in order to search for his master, he hacked into America's Federal Bureau of Investigation and found a mysterious symbol, but he was unable to crack it.

20 years old || Returned to the country to develop || He returned to the country to expand and Shen Yuan became his manager.

21 years old || Entered the hacker world || He returned to the hacking world with KEY's identity and persistently searched for any clues connected to his master.

Took the entertainment world by the storm || He acted as the young Sun Ce in "Three Kingdoms" and, not only did this take Japan by the storm, this also let more people in his own country recognize him.

22 years old || Meeting you again || He met you again at a convenience store when you both saw the same bag of potato chips and from this moment you were his exclusive "Miss Chips".

Hacker conference || He met you at the hacker conference when you blundered in by mistake and the two of you fell into Black Swan's secret room. His mysterious identity as KEY was found out by you.

Returning home || After saying goodbye on the rooftop, he returned under the identity of Helios and reunited with you at the hospital. He gave you a knife for self-protection and used his Evol to erase your memories of this moment.

Black Cabin reunion || He reunited with you again at the Black Cabin and obtained memories of several worlds. You both gripped tightly onto each other's hands and became each other's light.

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc kiro #mlqc bai qi #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc xu mo #mlqc zhou qiluo #my translations

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translations-by-aiimee · 3 years

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Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 28

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 28 - Immortal

In some remote mountainous areas in the south, Miao women used clay pots and menstrual blood to raise hundreds of insects. They sealed them, placed them in a damp place and cast curses on them. Once the day was done, the poisonous insects will have killed each other and the last one was embodied with Gu poison*. The curse made with Gu poison could make someone's love interest fall helplessly in love with them for the rest of his life, and it could also plague one's enemy with nightmares, madness, and even death. The women who concocted Gu poison were typically loners, often muttering to no one, avoided by the general public.

*(T/N: 蛊 - Gu poison was believed to be the combination of all the venoms from the insects that died and would be used for black magic in southern regions of China)

In Nanyang Black Magic, they would use the body of a baby that died recently, boiled out the toyol*, poured it on a puppet doused in human blood and placed it in the home. The imprisoned baby ghost would protect the house but the curse-caster will be punished. They would also carve birthdates into wood, causing the other to die.

*(T/N: 尸油 - literally 'corpse oil.' I'll spare you the graphic details but basically taking a dead body's chin and boiling it until oil drains out of it)

This black magic flourished in the Ming Dynasty. The Eastern Depot eunuchs* were in turmoil. Everyone was reporting each other, no one would speak to each other, eyes darting between each other daily. These curses were developed as a branch of Daoism to oppose political rivals. A-Yan said that the Daoist practices used to drive out ghosts and save people were declining, but this black magic has stuck around. It was one of the biggest spots in Daoist history.

*(T/N: 东厂 - a secret police & spy agency run by eunuchs meant to suppress political opposition towards the emperor)

Saturday morning was a beautiful day. The sun was shining but not to the point of being unbearably hot. The distant mountains stood silently under the blue sky. A black Audi passed quickly through the country’s tree-lined roads, raising a cloud of grit and dust. A white goose with its head held high on the roadside was startled by the car, flapping its wings and stretching its neck to hide behind a fence.

The car stopped at a small farmhouse in the northwest corner of the village.

In the courtyard, a tall Shuzi tree stretched out dense branches, looking extraordinarily vibrant. In contrast, the entire courtyard was strangely decrepit. A well was covered by a millstone and the stone-paced path was full of weeds. The doors of the three mud-brick houses were closed, with straw curtains covering the doors and windows covered with dust.

Everything was very different from a month ago. Lin Yan remembered that the last time he came here, there were hens and rabbits. The old lady in blue embroidered clothing was kneeling on the futon with her eyes closed. The small courtyard was filled with the mysterious atmosphere of the countryside. The current yard would give people the impression that the homeowner hadn't been home for years when, in fact, a fresh grave in the back of the mountain had only been built a month ago. Rural people were convinced that the houses inhabited by the living were blessed by the gods and sheltered from the elements for decades. Once the owner of the house dies, the gods will follow, so the empty house often collapsed and was destroyed in less than six months.

"When Second Immortal Gu was in the village, she would help children that fell sick with fever, and the adults that were dealing with evil spirits. Young men would ask her when they'd get married and, for the right price, she'd tell them." The village chief said with a cigarette in his mouth.

The village leader knew Yin Zhou’s mother well. He heard that Yin Zhou wanted to bring someone to pay tribute to Second Immortal Gu and waited at the entrance of the village to welcome them. It took ten minutes to drive from the village leader's house to Second Immortal Gu’s house. The village head smoked four cigarettes in a row. Yin Zhou squeezed his eyes shut while Lin Yan and the little Daoist priest twisted their heads out of the window every 30 seconds to gasp for a breath of fresh air. The village chief was the only one of them chatting in the smoky car. Lin Yan saw how the complaints of three people and a ghost just flew over his head.

If a ghost could complain.

Lin Yan found a roll of incense from the little Daoist's bag and lit it. He put the incense burner at the door of the mud-brick house and offered his respects.

"Last time, we left just before Second Immortal Gu had her accident. I should have come to offer some incense sooner, it's just things with school got busy and I haven't been able to make it until now." Lin Yan brushed the straw curtain and the accumulated dust fell on his face. "Cough, cough. Does - Does anyone take care of this place?"

"Of course not. You big city kids wouldn't know. Doing this line of work is only good for putting food on the table. Immortal Gu came out here in her twenties. In less than ten years, her husband and two sons had died and she was the only one left. She couldn't even save herself." The village leader stuffed his yellow striped shirt into his pants. "Don't feel bad. No immortal in this village could escape that fate."

"Come on, let's go, you guys are here to see her grave. We don't put up any gravestones here. We just build a stone platform, but the villagers will remember who it's for. I'll take you up there."

The sun was growing hotter. Several of them used broken branches to smack the grass in case of snakes while they hiked up the rugged mountain trail. A rural cemetery wasn't as neat as an urban cemetery. Each family claimed a spot, with every newly deceased buried next to the rest of their family. The grave was a prominent mound of dirt with a large stone on top. Some of the graves were too old to even make out the mound, the ground studded with small light blue flowers. A date palm tree grew wildly, and they needed to watch their step when walking so they wouldn't disturb the resting dead.

Second Immortal Gu's grave was off on its own. The mound was freshly dug. Other than a crooked wreath lying on it, it was indistinguishable from the older graves that had been abandoned for years.

The scene made Lin Yan feel incredibly guilty. He burned a large stack of paper dollars in front of the grave, playing with his branch while saying silently in his mind: Auntie, if you're still here, please come back and tell us who harmed you. We'll avenge your death.

The village chief took the cigarettes Lin Yan had bought him and squatted off in the distance to smoke. Lin Yan winked at the little Daoist priest and said softly, "Let's start?"

A-Yan nodded and took out a crumpled photo from his pocket that he had found in a frame in Immortal Gu's house. The immortal in the photo was still very young, wearing a floral cotton jacket and staring vacantly ahead.

"Now isn't a good time. The s-sun is too high. The mountains are filled with Yang energy, and the ghosts may not be able to be reached." A-Yan said. He jumped up and grabbed a twig from the date tree above his head. He hung a spirit summoning flag on it and patted the dust off his shoulders. "Here's a picture, here are the bones. Um, Lin Yan, I'm going to borrow your birthdate for this."

Before Lin Yan had time to ask, the little Daoist priest handed him a dagger. Unlike his usual mahogany sword, this one was actually made of metal. The handle seemed to be a few years old, and the tip of the blade gleaming a bright white in the sunlight.

"H-Hold this for a minute. You might feel a little uncomfortable, but don't let it go." A-Yan instructed: "I-I'll read one sentence and you read the next."

Yin Zhou chuckled but he felt that it probably wasn't the time to laugh so he quickly turned his laughter into a string of coughs.

Surprisingly, A-Yan never stuttered whenever he talked about Taoism and charms, Lin Yan muttered.

Time passed by and it was almost noon. The date trees in the mountains couldn't block the hot sun. After standing there for a long time, most of them were covered in a layer of sweat. The village leader couldn't bear the heat and left to join some nearby people to drink some tea. Lin Yan stood in front of the grave with the dagger in his hand. He rubbed the sweat on his cheeks off with his shoulder, hoping that this time it would be over quickly.

The little Daoist started reciting. His voice didn't sound like proper speech, but the slow rate of speech wasn't too difficult to follow. Lin Yan held the hilt of the dagger and along with the chant. Not even halfway through the incantation, Lin Yan already began to feel that something was wrong. The temperature around him began to drop, and the hot sweat condensed on his back. He kept shivering like he was suffering from heatstroke. A chill came from the handle of the dagger. First, the temperature seeped into his palm, and then his whole arm, up to his shoulders, through the bones in his spine to the back of his head in a numb wave. It was as if he wasn't holding a dagger but a frozen fish that had been left in the bottom tray of the freezer for a year.

The spirit summoning flag above his head began to move.

"It's cold." Lin Yan took a breath and scanned the silent mountains around him. "Have you reached the soul?"

"I t-think I found her." The little Daoist hesitated. "Huh. . . that's weird. . ."

After reciting two more incantations, the bone-chilling cold air had spread to his calves. Lin Yan's teeth chattered and he shivered out: "A-. . . A-Yan, are you sure this is okay. . . it's too. . . cold. . ."

The chanting continued, the little Daoist priest shot him a sideways glance, his eyes cold. Lin Yan can only brace himself to keep follow the mantra incantations, a heavy cold sweat forming on his forehead.

"Hold on for a little longer. The soul is bound to something, I want to break it free." A-Yan gritted his teeth, and a piece of talisman paper was slapped against the blade. All of a sudden, the cold washed over him like a tsunami. Lin Yan's whole body felt like it was being stabbed by needles, veins popping on his forehead from the pain.

"A-Yan, what are you doing?!" Yin Zhou knew something wasn't right when he saw Lin Yan's lips turn blue. "If you can't do it now, someone's going to get hurt. Lin Yan, use the ghost that's following you!"

"Almost there. Don't let go!" The little Daoist was flushed a sickly pale colour and he rapidly chanted the mantra. The spirit summoning flag above his head was being whipped by the wind. There was a ripping sound and the whole piece of cloth was torn in half and fluttered down onto the old grave in the distance.

"I-It's okay. . . A-Yan, go faster. . ." Lin Yan was so cold that he could barely get his tongue to work. He tried to move the hand with the dagger to it but he found that his skin was stuck to the metal and he couldn't budge it. He was shivering from his arms all the way down to his legs. Lin Yan staggered back and stepped on the bag they'd brought, almost falling backwards.

A force of strength supported his back. Xiao Yu's voice sounded right when he needed him, but his low voice didn't let him retort: "Let go."

Xiao Yu's hand covered the back of Lin Yan's hand. Compared to the temperature of the dagger, his palm was actually warm. It was just right to block the cold air that kept pouring into Lin Yan's arm. A-Yan's expression changed in an instant and he shouted loudly: "Back off, beast!"

"I'll fucking finish this. . ." Lin Yan abruptly closed his eyes and pressed his palm to the blade. All at once, the bone-chilling cold air felt like ten thousand needles running through his palm up to his arm. At the same time, there was a cold that grew behind him. He quickly opened his eyes but Second Immortal Gu hadn't appeared. On the contrary, Xiao Yu snapped Lin Yan's wrist with completely overwhelming strength, forcing the sharp weapon out of his hand.

The moment the dagger was taken out of Lin Yan's hand, he felt like he was immediately torn out of an ice block and thrown into a fire. The ritual was broken, the hot sunlight licked his back, making his whole body numbly feel like it was going to dissolve. However, he couldn't care less about his body's reaction. What happened next made Lin Yan and Yin Zhou - who was freaking out off to the side - shocked. They saw Xiao Yu holding the dagger inching towards A-Yan, frigid eyes filled with killing intent. When the palm of his hand touched the hilt of the knife, it sounded like searing flesh. But he didn't care. He grabbed A-Yan's collar with one hand, and violently plunged the dagger toward his left eye with the other!

Lin Yan's mind kicked into action. He subconsciously rushed over to hold Xiao Yu's waist, using all his strength to drag him back. However, something was wrong with the little Daoist priest, too. His usual cowardice was gone and his eyes burned with rage. He rolled away and broke free, rapidly taking out a handful of cinnabar and tossing it towards Xiao Yu. His voice changed because of the trembling: "An evil beast is an evil beast. You can't stay!"

"What the fuck is going on!" Yin Zhou couldn't see Xiao Yu. He could only see the little Daoist tumbling on the ground alone trying to avoid a shimmering dagger. Lin Yan's nerves were fried. While dragging Xiao Yu back, he roared towards Yin Zhou: "How the hell should I know? You grab A-Yan!"

He had never seen Xiao Yu so angry. The midday sun was burning and blinding. The ghost's whole body was emitting a faint greenish-black aura. The knuckles of both hands snapped open, sharp claw-like nails grabbing the back of the Daoist priest's head. Lin Yan thought he was seeing things and closed his eyes, but the scene stayed the same. The place where the ghost stood glowed a greenish-black and the place where the human stood was a dancing orange fire, intertwining with each other, but the orangish-yellow flames were gradually dying out. . .

Later, he would learn that people have yang energy and ghosts have yin energy. When the energy was extremely concentrated, he could directly perceive the yin and yang without his eyes confusing it in his mind. This was the foundation of excellent Taoism. He had inadvertently opened a long-closed door to the mystical arts.

However, the current situation was extremely dangerous. Xiao Yu held A-Yan’s neck with one hand and the dagger cut inch by inch into the little Daoist priest's arm blocking it. The hand holding the knife was searing black from the contact with the blade of the evil spirit's. A Yan's face grew purple, his eyes bulging. Lin Yan didn't dare to hesitate for a moment and scrambled over to protect A-Yan from behind. There was a clanging sound and the dagger rolled to the ground.

The little Daoist broke free from the evil spirit's hands, clutching his bleeding wound and groaning intermittently: "Lin Yan. . . Immortal Gu. . . Immortal Gu's spirit is trapped. . . I couldn't get her. . ."

Lin Yan supported the little Daoist's shoulders. His eyes gleamed, and the soft deer-like eyes were different from those when he had when he cast the spell. "The curse. . . Be careful." A-Yan whispered. Lin Yan hadn't gotten the chance to ask what was going on before his thin body couldn't support his own weight. His eyes rolled back and he fainted.

Lin Yan and Yin Zhou looked at each other, shocked by the outcome, unable to utter a word.

#dig a grave to dig out a ghost #dig a grave to dig out a ghost translation #english translation #chinese bl #chinese novel #danmei novel #danmei #yaoi novel #yaoi #bl novel

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bookworm9653 · 4 years

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Chibs/OC One-Shot

A familiar voice calling my name from the opposite side of the bar caught my attention and I looked up from the conversation I was having with a Son from a sister charter to see Happy, Tig, and Chibs smirking at me. Excusing myself, I grabbed refills on the drinks they’d been ordering all night as I made my way to them with a roll of my eyes.

“Hey, beautiful. Who’s that?” Tiggy asked gesturing with his head to the guy I was just talking to, talking the beer I held out to him with a ‘thanks, doll’

“His name’s Jacob,” I swap out Happy’s drinks, giving him a warm smile despite the glare he was aiming above my shoulder,” I don’t know much about him except that he’s a recent patched member.” I said with a shrug before giving Chibs his whiskey with a wink at the slightly frowning man, “Why, Alex? Something wrong?”

Tig shoots a glance at Chibs who glares down at his whiskey before taking a drink of it. “Nah, doll… just a good-looking kid, huh?”

Tiggy wiggled his eyebrows at me which I rolled my eyes at. “I mean, I guess? Didn’t really notice. You interested? I could go put in a good word for ya?”

I laughed when Tig only rolled his eyes, shaking his head, but I only grew more confused at the guys reactions. Happy looked more relaxed, no longer glaring over my shoulder (I didn’t have to guess at who now) while Chibs finally looked at me. It seemed some tension had leaked out of his frame, the frown gone from his face.

“Hey, you ok?” Skimming my fingers against the ones holding his glass I looked curiously into those warm brown eyes that always seem to suck me in

“Yeah, gaol. Tha mi ceart gu leòr.” (Yeah, love. I'm fine.) When Chibs first learned I was fluent in Gaelic, along with six other languages, it was the most excited I’d ever seen in and since then that’s the only language he’s spoken to me in unless the other’s needed to hear what he had to say

Disbelieving his words I took him in for a couple seconds longer, but a call for another drink called for my attention so I pursued my lips before narrowing my eyes, telling Chibs without words that this wasn’t over. Looking to Happy and Tig I winked goodbye before getting back to work.

It was almost 2 am when the party finally started to slow to a crawl and people were heading back to the dorms or their houses for the night, either with someone or not. Most of the brothers were hanging around the clubhouse waiting for the non-SAMCRO members to leave before they retired to their dorms. Juice was behind the bar with me helping to clean up and restock for tomorrow as I served the two to three people still at the bar, including Chibs and Jacob. A weird tension had filled the air as I served them both, neither allowing me to stay with the other for very long before they needed a ‘refill’.

I had just served Chibs his eighth whiskey when Jacob asked me for another beer, his tenth. Completely fed up and at my wits end with both men’s ridiculousness I slammed one of our remaining beers down in front of him before storming off to the women’s bathroom. For the first time since the party started I slid down the bathroom wall for a break allowing the exhaustion of the night to roll over me. Unconsciously, my eyes drifted close at the coolness of the bathroom tiles against my overheated skin and a tired haze clouded my mind.

I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep until strong arms lifted me from the bathroom floor and cradled me against a warm chest. Mumbling my protests, I weakly fought against the person until a familiar Scottish accent filled my ears.

“Shh mo ghaol, chan eil ann ach mi.” (Shh my love, it’s just me.) Calming down I allowed myself to succumb to the lure of sleep once more.

The early morning sun brought me out of my slumber the next day to a very interesting sight. A bare-chested, still asleep Chibs had me cuddled against him with our legs entangled and me tucked into his side. My arm was over his stomach with his lightly grasping it as if to keep it in place while his other arm was curled around me giving me no chance of escape without waking the man. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep now that I was awake, I relaxed against Filip and took in the side that I’d never been able to see before. I wasn’t aware of how long I laid there looking and feeling the man before his breath hitched, eyes popping open as he came into full awareness.

His whole body tensed when his brown eyes met mine before taking in the calm expression on my face. His body remained tense as if he didn’t know what to do but his arms remained around me so I responded by propping my chin on his shoulder, letting him know I was okay. The tension left his body in one fell swoop.

“Gaol madainn, bòidheach.” (Good morning, beautiful.) The deep timbre and sleep huskiness of Filip’s voice caressed my ears, sending a shiver down my spine that he had no problem smirking at.

“Gaol madainn. A bheil thu airson innse dhomh dè a bha ann an-raoir?” (Good morning. Want to tell me what last night was about?) Now it was my turn to smirk as Filip winced, unconsciously pulling me further into his side and running his fingers along my spine

“Mura h-eil mi ag ràdh gu dearbh an bhuail thu mi?” (If I say not really will you hit me?) Rolling my eyes at Filip’s stubbornness I move to get up only for his arms to tighten around me

“Gabh fois. Tha mi a ’dol don taigh-ionnlaid.” (Relax. I'm going to the bathroom.)Despite huffing in protest Filip released his hold on me so I was able to climb over him and pad over to the connected bathroom.

Comfortably going through my routine of using the bathroom, washing my hands, then slashing my face with some water I stared at my reflection in the mirror as thoughts whirled through my mind. It was only when Filip called out to see if I was okay that I came to a decision. Opening the bathroom door, I leaned against the doorframe and curiously took in the man sitting back against the headboard. There was an unlit cigarette in the corner of his mouth and he still hadn’t put on a shirt.

“Thig, fras.” (Come, shower.)

That was all the warning I gave him before I turned, stripping off my top as I moved, going for the shower while keeping an ear out for any movement for the man. I had just stepped underneath the spray when he appeared in the doorway, shock evident on his face but desire darkening his eyes as he slowly took in my naked form.

“A bheil thu dìreach airson seasamh an sin?” (Are you just going to stand there?) I playfully call out while grabbing his shampoo and lathering up my hair

That was all Filip needed to snap out of his stupor and quickly whip off his clothes, hesitating briefly at the shower door before sliding it back and stepping in. His eyes were nearly black as they slowly memorized every inch of my skin, stopping longer at my chest and hips.

“D-dè a tha thu a ’dèanamh, gaol?” (W-what are you doing, love?) Leaning back into the spray to wash out the shampoo I kept my eyes on Filip

“Bha farmad agad a-raoir.” (You were jealous last night.) It wasn’t a question but Filip nodded anyways, trying to keep his eyes on mine but they flickered down every couple of seconds anyways…I smirked. “Tha thu nad dhuine stòlda mì-mhodhail. Tha mi air a bhith coltach riut airson ùine mhòr, Filip.” (You are a stubbornly oblivious man. I’ve like you for a long time, Filip.)

His eyes snapped to mine, a spark of hope joining the growing arousal and desire in his eyes, but he still stayed where he was. His mouth twisted down as I witnessed insecurity cloud his handsome features.

“Tha mi 12 bliadhna nas sine na thusa, ghaol. An obair a nì mi-“ (I’m 12 years older than you, love. The work I do-)

“Tha mi gu math mothachail air na nì thu, tha mi air a bhith ag obair aig a ’chlub seo fada gu leòr. Cha chanainn nach eil dragh agam, ach tha mi a ’creidsinn gum b’ fhiach thu e.” (I'm well aware of what you do, I've worked for this club long enough. I won't say I don't care, but I do believe you are worth all of it.)

Disbelief colored Filip’s face, but faced with the resolved, determined stare I fixed him with Filip really had no choice, but to finally reach for me. The shower not large be design, one step had him nearly pressed against me as his arms circled my waist. Desire and arousal curled warmly in the pit of stomach as Filip lowered his head to place his lips against mine. Fire burned between us wherever we touched as he took control of the kiss quickly. Pulling me closer so no space remained, Filip brought a hand to the back of my head to angle it perfectly.

Spearing my hands through his hair as his tongue entered my mouth I became breathless at the passion nearly overwhelming me. The hand not holding my head in place couldn’t seem to stay in one place as it roamed over my body, pulling and squeezing. Seemingly sensitized to everything he did I couldn’t help the gasps and moans he drew from me, earning small growls from him in response.

Filip, seemingly having gained more confidence from my reactions to his light teasing, brushed a thumb over my nipple sending electricity shooting through my body and a strangled gasp leaving me. Encouraged, he flicked it in time with his tongue causing the heat in my belly to grow rapidly. It was almost too much but not nearly enough at the same time.

“Filip!” His name tore from my throat when he pulled my nipple and shoved his tongue against mine at the same time.

“Fuck.” Body tense, eyes blazing, and body hot to the touch Filip tore his mouth from mine before shutting off the water

Apparently, having reached his limit Filip grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me against him, my legs automatically going around him. I laughed at him impatience despite the fire coursing through my veins

"Gluais suas, mo ghràidh.” (Shut up, my love.) I laughed harder, body quivering against his as he walked up out of the bathroom and to his bed

As punishment, Filip flung me onto the bed chuckling at my squeal of protest before climbing on top of me. Bodies still slick with water Filip fit against me like a perfectly matching puzzle piece as he settled himself between my legs. Wonder and love present in his eyes as he gazed down at me, pressing a sweet kiss against my lips once more.

“Bidh thu leamsa gu bràth.” (You will be mine forever.)

Moving the hair that had fallen in front of his face I answered with a kiss. Pouring all the feelings I had for the man since I’d met him into the act along with the promise that he would forever have my heart. I’d been in love before, lusted after men before, but never had I so completely wanted someone with everything I had. Never before had I seen someone for the first time and that they were it, they were all I wanted out of life. Things would never be perfect, we would fight and get on each others nerves, but at the end of the day I knew that if I still had him then everything would be fine.

#chibs telford #soa #fanfiction #soa chibs #chibs smut #chibs imagine

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mattsunie · 4 years

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murdered seoul. (series)

“𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬”

GROUP: Nct

ANALYSIS: In which a group of teenagers are determined to solve a case involving an infamous serial killer.

GENRE: Horror, mystery, thriller, angst.

WARNING(S): Kinda gorey? Unrevised.

WORD COUNT: 1k+

A. NOTE: This was originally posted on wattpad by me but I felt like wattpad wouldnt appreciate it tbh. Also, it’s been a while since I’ve posted something. I hope you guys like this series. Please look forward to it! Give me ur feedback pls I can take criticism I swear.

PART 1

Contrary to popular belief, not all teenagers hated Mondays. Not all teenagers hated going to school and having to deal with crowded halls, obnoxious & unnecessarily loud students, and waking up early.

No, Jisung Park loved Mondays. He loved seeing his friends after the seemingly long weekend and he loved seeing the teachers he was close with. Chenle would be the first to notice him approaching in the morning, yelling at him to hurry his ass up. Jisung had always been the last person to arrive in his friend group, which would then lead to him getting a nuggie from each one of his friends. His once neat hair always ended up being a mess with stray hair pieces all over the place.

School for Jisung Park meant being around people he loved. School for Jisung Park had been an escape for him. An escape from his parents constantly arguing. So every time he parted ways with his friends at the end of the day, he walked home slowly to avoid staying at home more than he already had to.

That night was no different. Other than the fact that he was going home later than usual as he stayed after school for soccer practice. Despite the night overcoming the city, despite the awfully quiet streets of the backroads he took, despite the lack of people around him, Jisung continued to walk slowly home. That night, Jisung couldn't care less about his safety. All he wanted was to not go home. His parents were fighting more than usual, and frankly, he didn't want to hear it anymore. He was tired. So he didn't notice the footsteps that had followed him, he didn't feel the eyes that bore into the back of his head, nor did he notice the harsh breathing behind him.

And once the knife had sliced vertically on his neck, cutting open his larynx all the way down to his trachea, it had been too late. The last thing Jisung Park saw that night was the full moon that overlooked Seoul. When did the moon become so pretty?

....

Yuta groaned and rolled his head back inbetween his shoulders as fatigue overcame him. The coffee he mixed with five hour energy was definitely not doing him justice for his graveyard shift at the police station. It was two in the morning and all he wanted to do was sleep. His eyes shifted over to the glass front doors, watching the droplets of rain slide down.

"When the hell did it start to rain?" He muttered to himself and stretched his arms behind his back.

"Dunno, seems like it came out of nowhere honestly." Jaehyun replied as he leaned against Yuta's desk with his left hand as he sipped coffee with his other. He shifted his police badge, which rested on his right chest, and sighed.

"It's summer, this is ridiculous. This right here is an example of climate change." Taeil comments from the front desk and leaned against his rolling chair, 'tsking' away.

"Okay, boomer." Yuta snidely remarked.

"That right there is a false allegation because boomers don't believe in climate change, try again Nakamoto." Taeil grumbled and crossed his arms.

"Whatever, know it all," Yuta shrugged and stood up.

"Where you goin'?" Jaehyun asked the rather tall man who sported a man bun.

"To pee. Why? Wanna join, Jung?" Yuta smirked and chuckled at his own snarky comment.

Before Jaehyun could reply with his own comeback, the phone rang suddenly, causing the three men to jump in surprise. Truth be told, this scared the men. Despite them being in Seoul一an awfully large and urban city一they barely received night calls from their district. Due to them being surprised, there was a moment of silence in the police station of the Nowon-gu district, the only sound being the ringing of the phone.

“Well answer it, Taeil!" Yuta shouted at the man who had frozen up at the front desk.

As if he snapped back into reality, he clumsily reached for the phone that sit beside his computer, and picked it up.

"Nowon-gu police station一" He stopped abruptly as the yells(which were loud enough for the two other police officers to hear) came through the phone. "Ma'am please, I can't understand you when一 Yes... Yes.. Can you tell me the address?" Taeil then had grabbed a nearby pen and a random paper near him and began scribbling the address down. "We'll be there soon, ma'am."

Taeil hung up the phone and quickly stood up from his chair. As he put on his vest he turns to his colleagues, "A teenage boy is missing. Jaehyun, come with me. Yuta, watch the station."

“Yes, sir." Jaehyun said quietly and followed Taeil to the police car. Before closing the glass doors behind him he turns to Yuta, "Call the Chief."

....

Jisung's mom was hysterical. She couldn't even breath correctly; so much so that she nearly passed out as she explained to the two police men in front of her the situation.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to calm down, please." Taeil assured her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Or else we won't be able to help you."

The woman breathes slow yet jagged breaths and grips her left arm tightly. "W-well... I- Where the fuck do I even fucking start my little boy is missing!" She cries out.

A man, who the two police men assume to be her husband, jogs over past now crowded area and sets a hand on her shoulder. "Jisoo, I'll talk with them."

As she left, the man had turned his attention to the two officers and rubbed his temples and sighed. "My name is Minsung Park," he introduced himself. He hesitated as he collected his thoughts. "My son... Jisung... He usually gets home late and goes straight to his room. My wife and I... Well, we were too busy fighting to notice that..." The man scoffed angrily. "We were too busy fighting to check on him. Jisoo-my wife, she has trouble sleeping. She went to check on Jisung, you know? How parents just check if their kid is sleeping and shit. That's when she didn't see... He wasn't there."

“Did you check with his friends or his friends' parents? Maybe he's just sleeping over?" Jaehyun asked the man after he took notes.

"They would've told us if he was," Minsung answered quickly and pulled at his hair. "He-he had soccer practice today until six. He always went home right after—always." His eyes begin to water and before he knows it, Minsung Park is sobbing with grief. With regret. Regret for not spending enough time with his only son. With his only child. "G-God!" He exclaims as he grips at his hair. "I should've been there for him more.." Taeil locks eyes with Jaehyun, as he spots another police car arriving at the scene, and nods.

Jaehyun led Minsung away with a hand rested on his upper back, rubbing it in a reassuring manner.

"Chief Kun." Taeil greeted his colleague as he got out of his car.

"Taeil." He replied as his eyes scanned the scene. Before Taeil is able to explain the situation, Kun spoke in stoically. "Missing teen? Could just be a runaway, you know."

"But chief, I have a feeling this isn't-"

"Don't let your past influence this case, Moon." Kun interrupted him, his tone cold. "Understand?"

"Yes, Chief." Taeil muttered and looked at his feet. Taeil didn't realize his tightened fists beside his sides but released them. He heard Kun's footsteps walking away from him and Taeil finally looked up and closed his eyes. He strained his neck up so he was facing the sky and sighed as he opened his eyes slowly, his gaze finding its way to the full moon in the night sky.

A full moon. Just like that night.

PART 2

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mfaunlv · 5 years

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Meet the New Class!

It is our pleasure to announce the 17 writers who will join our UNLV community this coming Fall 2019 semester! Congratulations to everyone, and welcome to Vegas!

PHD/BLACK MOUNTAIN INSTITUTE FELLOWS

Robert Ren is a writer and teacher in New York. He has a BA from the University of Chicago and an MFA from Columbia University. Having escaped a corporate career, he currently tutors kids in standardized test prep. He managed to avoid the whole college admissions scandal, but that's only because his photoshop skills are terrible.

Dorothy Solomon (not pictured)

MFA Fiction

Bronwyn Scott-McCharen was born and raised in Jackson, Mississippi and graduated from Hendrix College in 2014 with a degree in Sociology and Anthropology. She then lived in Buenos Aires, Argentina for three years, where she immersed herself in the country's vibrant political culture under the guise of academic research. Her interests outside of writing fiction include travel, photography, international politics and history (especially Cold War history). She is currently hard at work on two novels in distinct stages of development--one completed manuscript in need of polish and another in the earliest phase of drafting and intensive research. She speaks Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese and hopes to soon add Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian to her budding repertoire of languages.

Mir Arif developed the idea of storytelling at an early age from strangers—astrologers, street magicians, herbal medicine sellers and other con-artists—frequenting the quiet alleys of his childhood neighborhood in Comilla, a small town in southern Bangladesh. He graduated from University of Dhaka with a degree in International Relations and worked as a staff writer for Arts & Letters. His short stories have appeared in various magazines and e-zines in the US, Singapore, India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh. One of his short stories was longlisted for the Commonwealth Short Story Prize 2019. He likes to hike and spend time with parakeets.

Karen Gu's fiction has appeared in Paper Darts and The Margins and is forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly. She has been awarded fellowships from Kundiman, the Jack Jones Literary Arts Retreat, and the Loft Literary Center. After five years in Chicago and four years in Minneapolis, she is looking forward to the desert.

Mohammed Jahama often introduces himself as Mo. He likes to write about those kinds of borderland identities and to talk about words. And is excited and grateful for the opportunity to do such things at UNLV.

Sylvia Fox has too many interests and a wandering soul, which is why she writes fiction. Most recently, she spent the last two years in Baltimore, MD, surrounded and inspired by artists. So many aspects of her identity have led her to believe in the subversive power of showing up, taking up space, and creating space for others. She looks forward to continuing to explore this in writing and in community with others.

MFA Poetry

Nick Barnette, an Alabama native, attended Texas Christian University where he received a BA in English and BS in Film-Television-and-Digital Media. Upon graduation, Nick received a Fulbright Fellowship to Greece where he taught ESL in an elementary school in Athens.

Sarah Spaulding is a Tennessee native and a lover of the mountains that raised her. She graduated summa cum laude with her BA in psychology and English with an emphasis in creative writing from Carson-Newman University. There she discovered her penchant for digging around in people’s heads. She often writes poems to dig herself out of her own head. Her work appears in Tennessee’s Best Emerging Poets, Aletheia, Ampersand, The Sigma Tau Delta Rectangle, and soon-to-be a guide to Southwestern Iceland. When she’s not busy exploring the mire of humanity, Sarah enjoys dancing in the sunshine, petting other people’s dogs, and helping her father type his memoir.

Jo O’Lone-Hahn is from rural Pennsylvania, and is now on her way to Las Vegas, continuing on her lifelong mission to see the world. She has a B.A. in poetry, studio art, and religious studies from Hampshire College. She writes poems that focus on misunderstood people, naiveté, and the imagination inherent in remembering. Jo has held jobs such as: social worker, tattoo-shop-front-desk-chick, archivist, and tarot-reader-on-the-streets. She is also a member of the Departure Collective, a literary group which conducts workshops, organizes poetry readings, and creates chapbooks. When she’s not writing, she makes mixed-media artworks, wanders around, and befriends grumpy old men.

Nicholas Gruber is a native of Wisconsin, where he earned a BA in Economics from UW-Milwaukee. He is an emerging poet, and--hand to God--a human.

Kathryn McKenzie is a Las Vegas native with a BA in English. She drinks enough tea to match the annual consumption of the entire country of Ireland, and prefers snuggling up in her reading chair with a book, toast, and tea to almost anything in the world. Beyond her deep love of poetry and literature, her passions include: asking to pet every dog she sees, cracking her back after standing up in the movie theater, planning Halloween costumes years in advance, and talking about all the parties she is going to throw, but never actually throwing them. Her poetry has appeared in Neon Dreams and Unincorporated, and her interest in publishing has led her to work with Interim, Witness, and Helen: a literary magazine.

MFA Nonfiction

Christina Berke is a Libra and a teacher from Los Angeles.

Jordon Smith, raised among the Tetons in Wyoming, is a nonfiction writer who enjoys the pleasures and curiosities of the natural world. She completed her undergraduate degree at Utah State University where she met her husband. After graduating, she and her husband moved to Oklahoma where they welcomed a baby boy. Jordon discovered a love of distance running during her time in Oklahoma and is currently training for a marathon in July. When she is not running, she is working in the public library, taking long car rides, or watching children's television shows.

At first look, Soni Brown's life is a series of parodies. She is an immigrant who planned and spent her first vacation in Dubuque, Iowa in January; a former flight attendant afraid of heights and a classically trained chef who prefers Stouffer's frozen meals. As a nonfiction writer, Soni uses her journalism training to write about women, immigrants, and the vagaries of life. A wife and mom since 2016, she is constantly trying to have it all especially a partner who picks up after himself. At the end of the world, you will find Soni nursing a tumbler of herby gin while recounting the year she spent in Brooklyn with Jay-Z. So what if he doesn't know her.

Alyse Burnside: I am a writer and educator currently living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I received by B.A in English and Gender Studies from the University of Iowa. While I consider myself primarily an essayist, I am interested in working between the confines of genre, combining poetry, narrative, and speculative nonfiction. I am currently working on a collage project of interviews with spiritualists, metaphysical myth, and the neuroscience behind how one creates their own reality. When I’m not writing or working, I am reading, traveling, or watching reality T.V. I am thrilled to be attending UNLV in the fall and am excited to meet the desert for the very first time.

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darkultimatefrisbeecamp · 5 years

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Looking For Some Silverlinings: Chapter Two

The following is part of the dark!frisbeecamp au. To learn more, visit @darkultimatefrisbeecamp. There you can find ghoulish headcannons, spooky stories, and more. Feel free to comment or submit content. Enjoy.

Warning: The following story, as well as the rest of the dark!frisbeecamp au content includes graphic content, and viewer discretion is advised.

“Hey, could you pass the blue beads?” Gus asked. Jonah handed him the box, and returned to sitting in utter disbelief from the past 24 hours. Right now he was making a friendship bracelet. Last night he was being told that he was now a part of a cult. At some point a person has to wonder why their life ended up the way it did, and nothing will raise that question more than being forced into a satanic cult where the first thing they have you do is make friendship bracelets. Jonah shook his head, and continued making his bracelet, looking down at the bracelet Andi made him. Though the pain of leaving her seemed trivial now that he was faced with an even greater tragedy: the unknown fate of his parents. Curtis nor any of the other counselors mentioned what exactly happened to them, and every possibility scared Jonah to his very core. They could’ve been tortured or killed, already a frightening possibility, or they could’ve known what they were doing to Jonah. Even then, Jonah couldn’t be concerned about that because he needed to think of a way out. The biggest problem was going strategy, as any one of the campers around him could be working for the cult. The only person he knew for sure wasn’t with the cult was Gus, and this understandably left Jonah feeling a little hopeless.

“Jonah, you ok?” Gus asked as he finished his bracelet.

“Are you freaking kidding me right now Gus? What part of this is ok?” Jonah snapped. Gus looked down at his bracelet, and passed it to Jonah.

“I just wanted to let you know I made you a bracelet.”

Jonah looked down at the bracelet; it had blue and green beads and Jonah’s name in the middle. Jonah sighted. Gus wasn’t the enemy, just a kid in the same horrifying situation as him.

“Thanks Gus. Sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s fine. You know, you just got to try and stay positive.”

“How are you not freaked out by all of this?”

“Eh, I guess I always figured I’d end up with a cult. I’ve always been more of a follower than a leader if you what I’m saying.”

Jonah just sort of sat there and stared at Gus, and before he could respond, one of the counselors came into the mess hall. Her name was Nancy, a tall blonde who seemed to be one of Curtis’s right-hand men. She had the same dead-eye stare that Dave had, but unlike Dave she didn’t even attempt to smile. She was just stone-faced, and anytime she looked at someone it looked like she was staring into their soul. Hell, Jonah thought, with everything that’s going on she might actually be able to do that. She blew her whistle.

“Alright children that’s enough bracelet making. Clean up your stuff and head to the field. It’s time to start practice.”

Practice. Jonah had been dreading it ever since orientation. Anything could happen. They could be sacrificed, or someone could be revealed to be the Antichrist. It could be anyone, Jonah thought, oh god what if it’s Gus? Jonah looked over at Gus cleaning up the beads, and shook his head. It was definitely not Gus. But Gus might know more than he’s letting on. Jonah couldn’t trust anyone, as at any moment they could be revealed as the Antichrist. Just make it through practice, Jonah thought, just try and survive.

The kids followed Nancy out onto the field, and Jonah frantically gazed around trying to find anything odd. For the most part it looked like an ordinary field; bright, trimmed grass, some benches on the side lines, nothing unusual. Just as Jonah was about to let himself relax, he saw a familiar face walk across the field. Natalie. Carrying a cooler, wearing the camp’s shirt. Her eyes met Jonah’s and she walked over to him.

“Jonah, what a nice surprise!” she said, “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

“Um, are you serious?” he asked, backing away a little bit.

“Of course I am! Ensuring our campers are having a fun time is almost as important as finding the Antichrist!” she exclaimed, with the same unnerving smile Dave had. Nancy called her over.

“Oh I gotta go. Have fun at practice Jonah, I’m sure you’ll do great!” She ran over to Nancy and Nancy blew her whistle.

“Listen up campers. Today we will be seeing you raw ability in destroying your opponents. Joining me will be our counselor in training, Natalie.” Natalie gave a big smile and waved to the campers. Gus waved back before seeing Jonah’s bewildered look and slowly putting his hand down.

“First, we’ll run some drills, and by the end we’ll divide you up into teams. The rest of the week we’ll be determining which campers are best fit to be the team captains. Any questions?”

Jonah looked around at the mix of horrified looks, and Gus slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” Nancy said.

“Will snacks be provided?”

“Of course snacks will be provided, what kind of institution do you think we’re running here? That’s enough talk, let’s get started.”

The campers head out to the field when Nancy blew her whistle again.

“Wait, one more thing,” she yelled out, “while only one of you is what we’re looking for, the rest of you still have a purpose to serve. However, any campers that are viewed as weak and therefore of no use to this institution will be disposed of. Permanently. So, I would try my best out there.”

Jonah could sense the panic from the rest of the campers, Gus looking like he was about to cry. It was in that moment that Jonah knew that there was no hope of escape, no way out. He was truly gone. He looked over at Natalie, still smiling. She had been home, she had left this place. But she must have been here before if she was a counselor in training. Jonah had to push it all out of his head because he needed to do his best. He couldn’t screw up like he did last time, cause not playing ultimate was a matter of life and death.

They spent about four hours on drills, taking water breaks intermittently throughout the afternoon. After what seemed like an eternity, Nancy blew her whistle once again and called the group over.

“That will be all for today. Before you head to the showers, we will be giving team assignments. There will be two teams, team A and team B. There are no reassignments, no trades, what is given will be final. Now, will the following campers please step forward.’

Nancy rattled off some names, one of which being Gus, but not Jonah. Gus looked noticeably disappointed but didn’t object, seeming to despite his past shortcomings understand that complaints were a quick way to be disposed of.

“The rest of you will be in team B. That will be all. Head to the showers and meet back in the mess hall for dinner. Curtis will be giving a special presentation,” she said, and for a second it almost seemed that a twinge of a smile appeared on her stone face. Jonah began to head to the showers when Natalie ran up to him.

“Wait, Jonah you left your bracelet.”

“But I have all my - “ he looked down to see a small note tied to the beaded bracelet. He took it and Natalie ran off. He took out the small piece of paper and opened up. Meet me outside cabin 4 at 2:00 am tonight. Come alone. Jonah looked down at the note, unsure as to what to make of it. For all he knew it could be a trap, but right now it could be the chance at escape. He put the note in his pocket, and looked back at the bracelet. It had glossy rose-colored beads with two eye ball beads and the word “Mirror” spelled on it. He put it on and met up with the rest of the campers.

At the mess hall, the campers dined on a rather odd soup. It was a brown broth with what appeared to be vegetables, but when Jonah went to take a bit, he realized that all the vegetables were plastic. Confusion quickly came over the campers, and before anyone could say anything, Curtis walked onto the stage.

“Good evening children. As I’m sure you’ve all realized, the vegetables in your soup are not real. Throughout your time here, we won’t just be searching for the dark lord’s offspring, we’ll be teaching valuable life lessons. The first lesson here tonight will be that of altruism. We don’t want a group of Satan’s minions who consume will little regard for one another. No, what we want is a group of Satan worshippers who are willing to give up everything in service of our dark lord. To learn more, we will be watching the following education video.”

The projector screen lowered and a video in a similar format to that of the orientation video began to play. It was as if someone had taken the script of a low budget after school special, gotten even worse actors, and added occult overtones to it all. Jonah couldn’t entirely concentrate as he was focused on the note, and kept trying to catch a look at Natalie. She was in the front of the mess hall watching the video intently, not seeming to notice his stares. Nancy was next to her, eyes glued to the screen, mouthing along to all the words of the video. The whole thing seemed to drag on forever until the screen finally faded to black, and Curtis walked back on stage.

“Now I hope you kids learned a little something about altruism that can help you in serving the dark lord. Go on and get some sleep, because tomorrow the journey really begins.” He continued to smile as the campers filed out of the mess hall, gazing proudly at the work he had done that night.

In the cabin, Jonah laid restless, looking at the clock on the night stand every few minutes. Around midnight he decided to get dressed and kept pacing around the room, careful not to wake up his bunk mates. Around 1:45, Jonah quietly slipped out of the cabin and walked over to cabin 4. It wasn’t too hard to find with lanterns lighting the path to each cabin. He found Natalie standing behind the cabin, gazing down at her watch. She looked up at him.

“Good you’re early,” she said, “I wasn’t sure you’d come.

“What do you want Natalie?” Jonah asked coldly, trying not to show just how terrified he was.

“Well for one for to calm down cause right now you look like you’re about to shit your pants.”

It seemed Jonah could not hide his horror.

“Well, in all fairness Natalie you asked me to meet you in the middle of the night when we are in the middle of a satanic frisbee camp!” he exclaimed.

“Shh! You wanna get us killed? Listen, I told you to come because we need each other.”

“For what?”

“What else? To get the fuck out of this camp.”

#dark!frisbeecamptheory #looking for some silverlinings

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callie-the-snarky-geek-blog · 5 years

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RvB16 Episode 3 Review: Lost Time

(Old Blog Repost)

Wasn’t last week fun everyone? I thought it was fun! But yeah, a lot of shit happened despite Grif’s attempts to not let shit happen… that we can argue caused the shit to happen. Isn’t meta humor fun kids?! But yeah scary alien woman attacked (and converted Tumblr into her own group of worshipers from what I can tell), Donut is a God, and everyone’s been separated ala Season 3. Only this time with time travel… ala Season 3 but the separation happened before that part. I just gave myself a headache. Well.. lets get on with the review while my brain is still intact.

Overview

We begin on… IDK if it’s a planet or not, but someplace with snow! This is where Grif and Doc got sent… so this is the second time a portal sent Grif off to same snowy wasteland. Man, this really is like Season 3 only he’s taking Church’s role as the grumpy one while Doc is… Doc. Well at least he didn’t get hit in the nuts immideatly after this time or thrown in a cell! Anyways, yeah snowy wasteland. Doc is freaked out about the entire thing and what it means while Grif is trying to figure out how the portal gun works so that they can get out before they freeze. He’s also grumpy. But to be fair, if I saw a perfectly good pizza parlor blow up in front of me, I would be grumpy too.

Grif is also refusing to let Doc help or even get near him. Why? Well he’s pissed off cause they got roped into bullshit again, but the biggest thing seems to be that he got stuck with Doc who… you know, is a piss poor combatant, bad at his medic job, and had betrayed them not too long ago. To be fair, Doc… completely understands Grif hating him for that. Heck, he feels guilty for what he did. I’ll get into it more int he analysis portion, but it looks like Joe may be giving Doc character development… or is leading up to a joke later. but hey he’s giving Doc attention. More than I can say for Miles’ run (sorry Miles, I love you but I’m gonna point stuff like that out). Grif ignores the sob story to work on the gun,a nd to his credit he gets the thing to work… on shuffle. Okay, why did God put a shuffle function on the gun? Then again, God has his ways and as a Christian I should know to not question it… assuming that that’s the God we’re refereeing to anyways. Lets just pretend that’s the case for now.

Meanwhile, Tucker and Sister have made the same revelation. The two of them have ended up, to my glee, in Valhalla! Since the Recolleciton Trilogy is my favorite storyline, seeing it again makes me SO happy. IDK what point this is at. It could be before the Reds and Caboose got sent there, could be after the Reds fought Wash and the Meta, I don’t know. But who cares? It’s Valhalla again! I am happy! Also we learn that Tucker is atheist and Sister, like her brother, is agnostic. Good to know!

Tucker tries to figure out Donut’s cryptic warning of ‘the key to fixing the future is to fix the past’ or something along those lines. Sister however wants to hold it off and have a little ‘fun’ with Tucker… boy going through time to bang various historical figures! And Sister is officially more sexually ambitious than Tucker could ever hope to be. Tucker, being Tucker, is unhappy that… you know, she doesn’t want to bang him and all. He also refers to them apparently having had sex in Blood Gulch that… I forgot about I guess. But Sister says it didn’t happen and it wasn’t all that memorable anyways. Ouch… you know, when binging I found Sister pointless all in all and writing her out would have changed nothing. But now that she’s back and Joe is actually giving her attention, I freakin’ LOVE her. Keep it up Joe!

So now over to Simmons and Sarge with Simmons trying to figure the gun out. Him being a nerd, he’s far more confused and nitpicky about it than the others have been. Sarge is more than happy to accept having a ‘magic gun’ though and wants to get on to the ‘fixing the past’ thing. How? Well his first thought is to go to The Battle of Broken Ridge. Apparently it was rather traumatic for Sarge and going back would reopen some old wounds, but he’s willing to face it to fix it. We’ll talk more about this later. Simmons wants to instead go to a lab to get the gun taken apart to figure out how it works since nothing else had made sense and he wants to have something explainable. But Sarge convinces him to just figure it out by actually using the gun, leading us to the Battle of Broken Ridge… so using Ancient Egypt last episode was a total copout so no mummy fights. Damn it!

So yeah, after Gus, I mean Simmons, I mean Gus (come on, you can’t tell me he WOULDN’T do the same thing cause nerds) acts like a nerd by making a log, he and Sarge see the battle in progress. Past Sarge was a lieutenant at the time and sends his men out to make a surprise attack while he covered them from behind the ridges. This ended with them all getting massacred, and present Sarge figures that this is because the went in the wrong direction. SO he goes and tells them to go the other way.. which past Sarge makes them go back and… well, you can figure out how it ends. From the afterlife, I can just see Church laughing at them cause now they know how he felt during his time travel stint (yeah it was a simulation, but still)

Finally, we have Lopez coming back online after his head came off and Caboose fixed him. Shock of all shocks, I think Caboose has understood what Lopez is saying moreso than any other character as he tries to figure out Donut’s warning. He concludes on… universal savings… okay who let Joel write on the scripts?! But yeah, Caboose wants to create savings accounts for everyone in hopes of saving the universe. Too bad that he lost the penny he had on him, but it’s okay! Cause he actually figured out how the portal gun works! Because of course he did!

So the two end up back to the opening scene. Caboose tries to find his penny and… remember when Caboose seemed to lose focus and Grif had to remind him to find Donut? Turns out that it was resent Caboose and past Caboose actually didn’t lose focus. Ah, I love it when jokes come back around like that! So Caboose goes through another portal to keep looking, Lopez resigns himself to the end of the world, and somewhere Burnie is probably wondering how even with Church dead his character somehow always gets saddled with Joel’s. I guess we’ll never know.

Review

This was shorter than last week, but BOY does it leave me plenty to talk about!

The episode seems to exist to explain how the time travel will work, some more character development setup, and just to have some comedic hijinks after last weeks more plot heavy episode. And I thought it was great! Like I said, it reminds me a lot of Season 3 when everyone was separated and the first episode with it jumping back and forth between the pairs, setting up their situations. IDK if this was an intentional callback, but I liked it nonetheless. And everyones current situations and the pair dynamics were done very well. So lets just go in order here:

Grif and Doc: This is the one I’m most interested in, and so far I’m pleased! Beginning with Grif, he’s reacting exactly how I expected him to, ala being angry at the whole thing. t makes sense. Despite his efforts, the universe decided to shit on him again and thrust him and the others into another adventure and one arguably more insane than ever before. He’s also stuck with Doc, who he’s never particularly been on good terms with. Heck when he WAS friendly to Doc back in Blood Gulch and even got validation for using CPR to cure Sarges head wound, Doc threw him under the bus when he realized that Grif was the butt monkey. That was a dick move. Of course Doc has been shit on by everyone far more at this point, but still Grif’s got a bit more of an excuse than the others. Plus again, he was’t there when Doc turned on them and he at least had the dignity to just quit an tell them that he quit before things went to shit instead of just turn his back on then in a dire moment.

But going to Doc… his reaction is good. He actually takes responsibility for his actions, feels guilty that it contributed to everything that happened (Wash getting shot), and that he ultimately couldn’t talk the Blues and Reds out of their plans. He feels that he failed both sides and that in doing so, everyone got hurt. He even completley understands Grif hating him for it since he feels the same way about it. He doesn’t try to make excuses, even when honestly he has very valid reasons to make excuses. He’s been constantly shit on, forgotten about, and even got trapped in another dimension before and everyone just forgot about it and didn’t care. But we could say that betraying the guys when he knows that the Blues and Reds have fallen off their rocker was going a tad too far, even if he did try to use it to convince them to stop and failed. But its a nice look into Doc’s current psyche and Matt did a great job expressing how disappointed in himself he is.

Now will this lead to anything? It might. Normally with Doc, it’s hard to tell. I feel there may be a point where Doc either sacrifices himself to save Grif in a pivitol moment, like shoving him through a portal when one of the villains find him, or he goes all O’Malley to make a sacrifice play so that Grif can escape. IDK, but going off the self-loathing there’s a god chance that something’s gonna happen and this time it may have more of an impact. We’ll have to wait and see, but hey it’s something. Can’t wait to see what happens with these two next!

Tucker and Sister: Their moment is mainly for comedy but it was good! Like I said, I loved seeing Valhalla again. IDK if they’ll still be there later, but hey I appreciate the callback. It’s also nice to see Tucker being… well, Tucker again. Hes had a lot of character development since Chorus, and it was very well done. But after last season, while I personally didn’t find him OOC, I an see why the way he was written was frustrating for people. Plus after all the events in Chorus and S15, I think we needed to see him in a happier state of mind, and it looks like he is. I said before that it felt like S15 was Joe trying to put the bookend on Blue Team’s problems, and I think it shows. Tucker seems far more relaxed and comedic, like during Recollection. Hopefully he still has his newfound competence, and I assume that when things go to shit again we’ll see that. But he’s in a place where he can be comedic Tucker without him coming across as an arrogant idiot, so this is good.

Then we have Sister… OMG Sister. SO as I said above, I did not care about Sister when I was watertight Blood Gulch. She wasn’t particularly bad, her personality was strong and fitting for the cast of characters she was in. But… she didn’t really do anything. According to Burnie on the DVD commentaries, he had wanted to add her for a while and S5 was the only place he could, but still you could write he rout and very little would change. Her being gone for over half the series since then doesn’t help. But the upside to adidng her back is now they can actually do stuff with her, and so far I’m happy!

Okay so Sister’s so far only expressed wanting to bang historical figures and I kind of hope we can see her do more than make sex jokes. But hey, we can officially confirm her bi now so yay canon bisexual character! Plus the way her and Tucker’s banter was written was very well done. It was really funny and her proving to be far more ambitious with her sex life and finding Tucker not worth remembering was hilarious. Plus her just not giving a shit about Tucker’s advances are both hilarious and make me very happy. Sorry Tucker, but hey at least our probably the only guy who an claim to have had sex with an entire planet… and still paying the lawsuit for it XD

Sarge and Simmons: It was hilarious, Plain and simple. It’s been a pretty good while since these two had one-on-one time and so far I’m pleased with what we have. Simmons wanting to study the gun and have some kind of explanation he can cling to when noting else is making any kind of logical sense is perfectly IC. I’m also glad to see him actually disagreeing with Sarge and trying to get his own point across. Simmons has mostly grown out of the kissass phase, at least tot he extent he was in Blood Gulch, and I’m glad to see that sticking. He feels a lot mroe independent but still the nerd we all know and love. Character development, yay!

Then we have the Battle of Broken Ridge and all the continuity stuff it brings up. If I had to guess, it takes place early in Sarge’s military career before he became an ODST or this was before he got put into Blood Gulch. Considering we don’t completely know how these outposts operate aside form how they use the SIM troopers, I don’t find it hard to buy that Sarge has been on multiple Red Teams before getting recruited for Blood Gulch. But these guys have brown armor so… IDK. But still, it’s good to see some backstory and it was good to see Sarge try to save his men. Sure it looks like he failed, but hey he tried.

Still, it really DOES make me ponder on this whole ‘fixing the past’ thing. Like… what does Donut mean by the past? For the Reds and Blues to fix their own pasts? I’m assuming not since Sarge only inadvertently caused it. Did the villains do something in the past and damage it? Why didn’t Donut just say that though? Or is ‘God’ just using the Reds and Blues to invoke what will fulfill the prophecy mentioned in Episode 1? After all, it’s said they end the world and this may be the catalyst that cause sit, hence why Huggins (where is she BTW?) has to follow them around. But I would hope that the puppetmaster would have made a reasonable explanation about what had to be fixed to provoke that. IDK, it’s way too early to tell and this is a multi-part saga, so we’re just gonna have to see how it plays out.

And finally…

Caboose and Lopez: THIS WAS EVERYTHING I HOPED FOR. Caboose being… Caboose, but also showing that he CAN be competent in his own way. Sure he got Donut’s message wrong, but at least he was thinking about it. Plus he was able to both fix Lopez and actually understand what he said. IDK if Caboose can speak Spanish, but I absolute believe that he can just until what Lopez is saying. And unlike everyone else, except maybe Simmons unless they just used shuffle enough times until they got the right portal (which if that isn’t the case, kudos to Simmons for figuring it out on his own), Caboose is the only one who figured out how to make the gun work. So now hes on a Penny Quest as Lopez continues to regret his own existence. I love it!

I admit I wasn’t sure how this was going to work since Caboose and Lopez are the two most incomprehensible characters int he show. Caboose is random and dimwitted, and no one an understand Lopez at all. But it’s surprisingly really funny so far! Normally having characters together alone like this without someone else to keep it balanced can be annoying very quickly. But in this case, it came off as really funny and not exaggerated. I guess it helps that Caboose can understand what Lopez is saying, but still it’s just the right balance. Which is good since I assume that they’re going to be the comedy relief pair for now. But who knows?

Final Thoughts

As I said, this seems to be here to show us how the time travel will play out and I assume the next episode will either cut to Chorus or focus on one pair for the majority of it. We’ll have to see. Still, this was good! The interactions were really good and I really enjoyed seeing it play out. Everyone felt IC and leaves plenty of setup for their respective situations. It leaves the question of what happened to Donut, but I guess we’ll find out eventually. But overall, this was a fun episode that perfectly sets up what we can expect. Hopefully, we’ll be delivered just what we’re hoping for.

#rvb #rvb16 #rvb reviews #old blog repost

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bicoastalbip-blog · 6 years

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EPISODE 1 RECAP

Welcome to season FIVE of Bachelor in Paradise! We are ready to attack this season from two coasts, simultaneously, armed with way too much wine and a hysterically apropos gif folder. For week one, we want to make sure everyone knows our cast of characters for this season, even if those characters turn out to be a major WHO, or Woefully Humdrum Occupant.

Tia:

A heavy hitter this season [read: someone the production will focus on for star power and sheer drama], Tia comes to Paradise on the coattails of dating Colton (from Becca's season) and stealing him away from the Bachelorette. In theory, anyway, since she hasn't made a move post-season, pre-Paradise. She is first on the beach, eventually starting a dialogue with anyone who will listen about her need to see Colton in Paradise. This is shaping up to be a very Ashley I. situation, and for anyone keeping track [Kevin], that could potentially be a good thing! Tia spends the entire first half of the episode awfully disappointed that Colton hasn’t dragged his gorilla knuckles down the sandy steps of Paradise in the time frame she was aiming for. When the producers ultimately dupe her with a date card, she chooses Chris. Tia wants "a serious relationship," and "something lasting," or at least that's what she tells the dude she's kissing right before Colton shows up. Colton eventually arrives the next day, and after artfully wasting his time pretending to talk to Kendall & Angela, swoops in on Tia and whisks her away on a yacht, during which time she rescinds her earlier, "Colton WHO?!"

Kendall:

An adorable ray of sunshine, far removed from the dead animal obsessive of Nick's season -- oh wait, she's discussing cemeteries and corpses with Grocery Store Joe. Old habits! Kendall tells the camera that "there's more to Kendall than just taxidermy and ukulele," and the editors cut to Kendall half naked in a yellow bikini, offering America the world. Kendall stays low key this episode, offering not-too-deep cuts and only slightly biting commentary throughout; she tells Joe sweet simplicities like, "I like talking to you," and, "Have you ever seen a dead body?" finally sealing the deal with a makeout session on a day bed while the producers lure Krystal away for an interview and then break the news to her.

Krystal:

Krystal is a blonde woman with whitened teeth and a fitness influencer on Instagram here to explain the "adversity" she has faced since appearing on Arie's season. In true editing reflection to Kendall's scene, Krystal says she has "a lot more to offer" while the camera pans over her bikini bod on the beach. She tells us that having a dog and knowing how to cook are the prerequisites for being a wife, which means that 70% of the men we know are going to be excellent wives. After a brief montage of Krystal's voice from the previous season, we're left wondering if she's woman who has just completed an orgasm and is rushing to meet the mailman, or, a white woman at a country club that has just crushed two Xanax into her morning Chardonnay. Krystal steals Joe away, much to Kendall's chagrin, and a fascinating conversation ensues as two white people discuss their heritage and bond over their exotic Norwegian backgrounds. Krystal licks her chops and moans, "Excellent," after finding out Joe is untainted and hasn't watched her season. She finishes off the episode in Kevin's arms, and they make out with the fervor and desperation of a man whose girlfriend has just left him for JARED and a woman who has had to adjust her voice several octaves to join this cast.

Wills:

The producers try their best to give Wills his moment of adorable redemption by putting him in various printed shirts and having him dance in a goofy way in a park.

Jordan:

Jordan whips out his slightly pudgy "model body" and declares that he's finally "in a place as beautiful as" him. He shows his relaxed, redemption ready side with a glass of white wine on his sofa whilst petting his cat. He slobbers over most of the women, including Annaliese, who doesn’t seem to mind the fact that he thinks chickens go, "Quack, quack." After multiple awkward silences with multiple women, his next victim is Nysha, whom he tells, "You only get this one life, right? You don't know where your soul or your energy is going to go after this." Nysha awkwardly agrees, and Jordan proceeds to tell her he wants to be a crab on the island. He later stirs drama by telling Chris that Colton is "a serpent" that he needs to cut the head off of, setting up next's week's storyline nicely.

Chelsea:

Our Klonopin mommy wanders down the Paradise steps with all the vigor of a woman sentenced to death, managing to say "hopeful" with all the hope of the string quartet aboard the Titanic. Chelsea spends the episode unobtrusively floating around, a human Xanax with eyes that beg you to end her suffering. She tells the producers, "I have no idea what I did to be here," followed by, "I am loving it," spoken with the cadence of someone who had to put their dog down today and then locked themselves out of their car. Chelsea's great contribution, however, is a brief dialogue with Nick that turns out to be the highlight of the episode.

Nick:

Nick starts out the ep by being a big WHO, and ends up in the hall of fame. He takes a drunken seat next to untoasted Wonderbread slice and single mother Chelsea on the day bed, and pours out his soul. "You're fucking cool as shit." Chelsea tells him she's not making the first move.

"Chelsea's a snack. A woman that has a child doesn't really bother me at all." You're right, you could just ship it off to boarding school and then it wouldn't be a bother at all.

"I love moms and moms usually love me." For a man who has had exactly .3 seconds of air time, he's managed to fit in 90% of the episode's memorable quotes.

The producers rightfully question Nick's future parenting style. He tells them, "I think I would be a great role model," and follows it up with a huge guffaw. They ask him Chelsea's son's name and he cycles through "Joey," "Danny," "Johnny," and "Slippy," before landing on "Sammy." Fifth time's the charm. He tells Chelsea he has a "super weird attraction" to her and offers to walk her up "towards her area." After she gives him the slip, Nick laments that he's spent too much time putting in groundwork with Chelsea, and now he's "thumbing his own asshole." Chelsea's kid is gonna love this guy, especially after he uses Sammy's vintage baseball card collection as coasters for his Coors light.

Eric:

"It's miracle season!" Eric trills with 20% less enthusiasm than a year ago. He has several memorable moments with Tia, telling the producers that "she's got nice teeth, long hair, nice feet, nice body," which goes hand in hand with "I have a lot more to offer," since the women are judged almost strictly on their appearance and Instagram sponsorship-worthiness.

"I like your toes, is white your favourite colour?" is another loaded question, during which Eric mentions feet again while also questioning Tia's ethnic preference in a partner right out of the gate.

Annaliese:

Annaliese gets a flashback to Arie's season, and a new clip package where she lets us know her fears include: "the dog thing," sand, thunder, large bodies of water [all literally included on the notoriously stormy coast of Mexico she's headed to], class one recycled plastics, guys with red hair, sombreros, birds, AND, the biggest thing that scares her, "not finding love." She cues the "Evan and Carly" buzzwords, a true love story for the ages that included Evan faking serious trauma and trapping Carly in a hot yurt. Annaliese tells the camera that she wants a ring, followed by marriage and babies. She seems as if she's not sure how the babies are made following the marriage, but is enthusiastic about finding out.

Chris:

Chris has a brief intro during which he feeds swans and compares himself to a goose, trying to convince the viewers that he's a goofy and fun loving weirdo and not an over perspiring sociopath. Following his date with Tia, Chris acts entirely proprietary, laughing as Nick says that Colton is getting "sloppy segundos," and generally being misogynistic.

Colton:

Colton isn't exactly worth mentioning this episode, briefly shading Tia for being the reason that he had to leave Becca after he fell in love with her. She says she understands, and feels guilty, but doesn't exactly look guilty aboard a gorgeous yacht on a date with her best friend's ex. Colton is "here to figure his shit out," and Tia wants to give it a shot. They jump happily into shark infested waters together, but escape on a Jet Ski. That last one's only partially a metaphor.

David:

David is a "former chicken," who we strongly believe should hook up with Tiara the "chicken enthusiast" from Ben's season. David provides the producers with a clip package involving him living with his mom in Florida, where she waits on him hand and foot. "Unfortunately I can't marry my mom." No, David, but you can marry a similarly aged retiree in Boca Raton and keep living the same lifestyle you're accustomed to. David has beef with Jordan, but they shake hands and go their separate ways without the bloodbath everyone predicted would follow.

Kevin:

Kevin is wearing a firefighter outfit in his intro despite harboring the needlessly creepy glare of an arsonist who's girlfriend just left him for JARED. He shades Ashley I. hard, accusing her of cheating and not helping the relationship work. He's *yikes* 34, and has heard through "The Bachelor Grapevine" i.e. the entire internet, that his ex is engaged to JARED. Is Kevin into being dominated by "fit" Krystal? Between the arson and the masochism we have some deeply rooted trauma to dig up this season.

Joe:

Grocery store Joe was kicked off of Becca's season night one, and admits he only had himself to blame by being awkward and nervous. Shortly after, "Twitter blew up" and now he's on a rainbow ride to a pot of gold filled with hair gummy vitamins. Joe's low self confidence somehow makes him more charming, and Chris Harrison tells him not to "screw it up this time." He briefly speaks to Tia about Colton, saying "I like him, he's nice" with the same enthusiasm that Chelsea uses to approach just about everything. Joe sticks with Kendall throughout the episode, which we're big fans of.

Bibi:

Bibiana is a gorgeous ray of sunshine and has brought a multitude of bikinis for Paradise. She tries to add some humour to Chris Harrison's life by declaring that the bumpy SUV ride there was "more action than her uterus has seen in a while," but he doesn't take the bait. She also lets us know that she's waiting for her "hoohah" to send her a sign, and wishes the producers would blur her ass.

John:

Venmo John deserves love! He has convos on camera with multiple women, including Angela and Annaliese, but we here at Bi-Coastal BIP ship him hard with Astrid, who is pretty and safe.

Astrid:

Pretty-but-safe Astrid is back, keeping her catty screentime to the confessional and generally staying out of everyone's day whilst posing as a plastic Solo cup filled with lukewarm water.

Angela:

A WHO straight out of an eighties Dynasty episode.

Nysha:

A sweet but misguided WHO, getting points for letting everyone know she was "blink and you miss me" on Arie's season. Nysha decides to tell Jordan she believes in reincarnation and that her soul gets "transferred somewhere else."

Kenny:

Another fan fave that is back to try, try again, Kenny is now FORTY-SIX?! And still chose to dust off his dad flip flops and matching dad tank top. We meet his eleven year old daughter and pray that her friends don't make fun of her at school.

Preview thoughts:

This season's preview has us seeing Krystal with Kenny, Angela with Eric, Krystal and Jordan, Kevin & Astrid?!, Kendall & Leo,

Joe tells us he's falling in love with Kendall, and Leo calls him a "grocery store bitch." Kendall cries, David plots ruining Jordan's summer, Jenna shows up (WHO?), Shushanah faces some assholes calling her a witch and Euro trash, Tia and Colton shed tears, and Chris claims he's falling in love with Tia. Ben shows up to shout his one and only memorable line, "I am unlovable," Amanda makes an appearance in DiffEye shades that came straight from her Instagram, and unfortunately Arie/Lauren show up as well. Human mannequins Robby and Jordan square off, Raven reminds us that she had her first orgasm in Paradise, JARED proposes to Ashley I., Carly/Evan and Jade/Tanner show up with tots in tow, more tears are shed, fights are briefly glimpsed, and Chelsea misses a Xanax dose, sobbing and struggling to breathe in her confessional. See you guys Monday!

#thebachelor #the bachelorette #bachelor in paradise #bip5 #tia booth #colton underwood #chris harrison #bachelor nation

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calliecat93 · 6 years

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RvB16 Episode 3 Review: Lost Time

Wasn’t last week fun everyone? I thought it was fun! But yeah, a lot of shit happened despite Grif’s attempts to not let shit happen... that we can argue caused the shit to happen. Isn’t meta humor fun kids?! But yeah scary alien woman attacked (and converted Tumblr into her own group of worshipers from what I can tell), Donut is a God, and everyone’s been separated ala Season 3. Only this time with time travel... ala Season 3 but the separation happened before that part! I just gave myself a headache. Well.. lets get on with the review while my brain is still intact.

Overview

We begin on... IDK if it’s a planet or not, but someplace with snow! This is where Grif and Doc got sent... so this is the second time a portal sent Grif off to same snowy wasteland. Man, this really is like Season 3 only he’s taking Church’s role as the grumpy one while Doc is... Doc. Well at least he didn’t get hit in the nuts immideatly after or thrown in a prison cell this time! Anyways, snowy wasteland! Doc is freaked out about the entire thing and what it means while Grif is trying to figure out how the portal gun works so that they can get out before they freeze. He’s also grumpy. But to be fair, if I saw a perfectly good pizza parlor blow up in front of me, I would be grumpy too.

Grif is also refusing to let Doc help or even get near him. Why? Well he’s pissed off cause they got roped into bullshit again, but the biggest thing seems to be that he got stuck with Doc who... you know, is a piss poor combatant, bad at his medic job, and had betrayed them not too long ago. To be fair, Doc... completely understands Grif hating him for that. Heck, he feels guilty for what he did. I’ll get into it more in the analysis portion, but it looks like Joe may be giving Doc character development... or is leading up to a joke later. but hey he’s giving Doc attention. More than I can say for Miles’ run (sorry Miles, I love you but I’m gonna point stuff like that out). Grif ignores the sob story to work on the gun, and to his credit he gets the thing to work... on shuffle. Okay, why did God put a shuffle function on the gun? Then again, God has his ways and as a Christian I should know to not question it... assuming that that’s the God we’re refereeing to anyways. Lets just pretend that’s the case for now.

Meanwhile, Tucker and Sister have made the same revelation. The two of them have ended up, to my glee, in Valhalla! Since the Recollection Trilogy is my favorite storyline, seeing it again makes me SO happy. IDK what point this is at. It could be before the Reds and Caboose got sent there, could be after the Reds fought Wash and the Meta, I don’t know. But who cares? It’s Valhalla again! I am happy! Also we learn that Tucker is atheist and Sister, like her brother, is agnostic. Good to know!

Tucker tries to figure out Donut’s cryptic warning of ‘the key to fixing the future is to fix the past’ or something along those lines. Sister however wants to hold it off and have a little ‘fun’ with Tucker... by going through time to bang various historical figures! And Sister is officially more sexually ambitious than Tucker could ever hope to be. Tucker, being Tucker, is unhappy that... you know, she doesn't want to bang him and all. He also refers to them apparently having had sex in Blood Gulch that... I forgot about I guess. But Sister says it didn’t happen and it wasn’t all that memorable anyways. Ouch... you know, when binging I found Sister pointless all in all and that writing her out would have changed nothing. But now that she’s back and Joe is actually giving her attention, I freakin’ LOVE her. Keep it up Joe!

So now over to Simmons and Sarge with Simmons trying to figure the gun out. Him being a nerd, he’s far more confused and nitpicky about it than the others have been. Sarge is more than happy to accept having a ‘magic gun’ though and wants to get on to the ‘fixing the past’ thing. How? Well his first thought is to go to The Battle of Broken Ridge. Apparently it was rather traumatic event for Sarge and going back would reopen some old wounds, but he’s willing to face it to fix it. We’ll talk more about this later. Simmons wants to instead go to a lab to get the gun taken apart to figure out how it works since nothing else had made sense and he wants to have something explainable. But Sarge convinces him to just figure it out by actually using the gun, leading us to the Battle of Broken Ridge... so using Ancient Egypt last episode was a total copout so no mummy fights. Damn it!

So yeah, after Gus, I mean Simmons, I mean Gus (come on, you can’t tell me he WOULDN’T do the same thing cause nerds) acts like a nerd by making a log, he and Sarge see the battle in progress. Past!Sarge was a lieutenant at the time and sends his men out to make a surprise attack while he covered them from behind the ridges. This ended with them all getting massacred, and present!Sarge figures that this is because the went in the wrong direction. So he goes and tells them to go the other way.. which past!Sarge makes them go back and... well, you can figure out how it ends. From the afterlife, I can just see Church laughing at them cause now they know how he felt during his time travel stint.

Finally, we have Lopez coming back online after his head came off and Caboose fixed him. Shock of all shocks, I think Caboose has understood what Lopez is saying moreso than any other character as he tries to figure out Donut’s warning. He concludes on... universal savings... okay who let Joel write on the scripts?! But yeah, Caboose wants to create savings accounts for everyone in hopes of saving the universe. Too bad that he lost the penny he had on him, but it’s okay! Cause he actually figured out how the portal gun works! Because of course he did!

So the two end up back to the opening scene. Caboose tries to find his penny and... remember when Caboose seemed to lose focus and Grif had to remind him to find Donut? Turns out that it was present!Caboose and past!Caboose actually didn’t lose focus. Ah, I love it when jokes come back around like that! So Caboose goes through another portal to keep looking, Lopez resigns himself to the end of the world, and somewhere Burnie is probably wondering how even with Church dead his character somehow always gets saddled with Joel’s. I guess we’ll never know.

Review

This was shorter than last week, but BOY does it leave me plenty to talk about!

The episode seems to exist to explain how the time travel will work, some more character development setup, and just to have some comedic hijinks after last weeks more plot heavy episode. And I thought it was great! Like I said, it reminds me a lot of Season 3 when everyone was separated and the first episode with it jumping back and forth between the pairs, setting up their situations. IDK if this was an intentional callback, but I liked it nonetheless. And everyone's current situations and the pair dynamics were done very well. So lets just go in order here:

Grif and Doc: This is the one I’m most interested in, and so far I’m pleased! Beginning with Grif, he’s reacting exactly how I expected him to, ala being angry at the whole thing. It makes sense. Despite his efforts, the universe decided to shit on him again and thrust him and the others into another adventure and one arguably more insane than ever before. He’s also stuck with Doc, who he’s never particularly been on good terms with. Heck when he WAS friendly to Doc back in Blood Gulch and even got validation for using CPR to cure Sarges head wound, Doc threw him under the bus when he realized that Grif was the butt monkey. That was a dick move. Of course Doc has been shit on by everyone far more at this point, but still Grif’s got a bit more of an excuse than the others. Plus again, he was’t there when Doc turned on them and he at least had the dignity to just quit and tell them that he quit before things went to shit instead of just turn his back on then in a dire moment.

But going to Doc... his reaction is good. He actually takes responsibility for his actions, feels guilty that it contributed to everything that happened (Wash getting shot), and that he ultimately couldn’t talk the Blues and Reds out of their plans. He feels that he failed both sides and that in doing so, everyone got hurt. He even completely understands Grif hating him for it since he feels the same way about it. He doesn’t try to make excuses, even when honestly he has very valid reasons to make excuses. He’s been constantly shit on, forgotten about, and even got trapped in another dimension before and everyone just forgot about it or just didn’t care. But we could say that betraying the guys when he knows that the Blues and Reds have fallen off their rocker was going a tad too far, even if he did try to use it to convince them to stop and failed. But its a nice look into Doc’s current psyche and Matt did a great job expressing how disappointed in himself he is.

Now will this lead to anything? It might. Normally with Doc, it’s hard to tell. I feel there may be a point where Doc either sacrifices himself to save Grif in a pivotal moment, like shoving him through a portal when one of the villains find him, or he goes all O’Malley to make a sacrifice play so that Grif can escape. IDK, but going off the self-loathing there’s a good chance that something’s gonna happen, and this time it may have more of an impact. We’ll have to wait and see, but hey it’s something. Can’t wait to see what happens with these two next!

Tucker and Sister: Their moment is mainly for comedy but it was good! Like I said, I loved seeing Valhalla again. IDK if they’ll still be there later, but hey I appreciate the callback. It’s also nice to see Tucker being... well, Tucker again. Hes had a lot of character development since Chorus, and it was very well done. But after last season, while I personally didn’t find him OOC, I can see why the way he was written was frustrating for people. Plus after all the events in Chorus and S15, I think we needed to see him in a happier state of mind, and it looks like he is. I said before that it felt like S15 was Joe trying to put the bookend on Blue Team’s problems, and I think it shows. Tucker seems far more relaxed and comedic, like during Recollection. Hopefully he still has his newfound competence, and I assume that when things go to shit again we’ll see that. But he’s in a place where he can be comedic Tucker without him coming across as an arrogant idiot, so this is good.

Then we have Sister... OMG Sister. SO as I said above, I did not care about Sister when I was watching Blood Gulch. She wasn't particularly bad, her personality was strong and fitting for the cast of characters she was in. But... she didn’t really do anything. According to Burnie on the DVD commentaries, he had wanted to add her for a while and S5 was the only place he could, but still you could write her out and very little would change. Her being gone for over half the series since then doesn’t help. But the upside to adding her back is now they can actually do stuff with her, and so far I’m happy!

Sarge and Simmons: It was hilarious, Plain and simple. It’s been a pretty good while since these two had one-on-one time and so far I’m pleased with what we have. Simmons wanting to study the gun and have some kind of explanation he can cling to when nothing else is making any kind of logical sense is perfectly IC. I’m also glad to see him actually disagreeing with Sarge and trying to get his own point across. Simmons has mostly grown out of the kissass phase, at least to the extent he was in Blood Gulch, and I’m glad to see that sticking. He feels a lot more independent but is still the nerd we all know and love. Character development, yay!

Then we have the Battle of Broken Ridge and all the continuity stuff it brings up. If I had to guess, it takes place early in Sarge’s military career before he became an ODST or this was before he got put into Blood Gulch. Considering we don’t completely know how these outposts operate aside form how they use the SIM Troopers, I don’t find it hard to buy that Sarge has been on multiple Red Teams before getting recruited for Blood Gulch. But these guys have brown armor so... IDK. But still, it’s good to see some backstory and it was good to see Sarge try to save his men. Sure it looks like he failed, but hey he tried.

Still, it really DOES make me ponder on this whole ‘fixing the past’ thing. Like... what does Donut mean by the past? For the Reds and Blues to fix their own pasts? I’m assuming not since Sarge only inadvertently caused it. Did the villains do something in the past and damage it? Why didn’t Donut just say that though? Or is ‘God’ just using the Reds and Blues to invoke what will fulfill the prophecy mentioned in Episode 1? After all, it’s said they end the world and this may be the catalyst that causes it, hence why Huggins (where is she BTW?) has to follow them around. But I would hope that the puppetmaster would have made a reasonable explanation about what had to be fixed to provoke that. IDK, it’s way too early to tell and this is a multi-part saga, so we’re just gonna have to see how it plays out.

And finally...

Caboose and Lopez: THIS WAS EVERYTHING I HOPED FOR. Caboose being... Caboose, but also showing that he CAN be competent in his own way. Sure he got Donut’s message wrong, but at least he was thinking about it. Plus he was able to both fix Lopez and actually understand what he said. IDK if Caboose can speak Spanish, but I absolute believe that he can just get what Lopez is saying. And unlike everyone else, except maybe Simmons unless they just used shuffle enough times until they got the right portal (which if that isn’t the case, kudos to Simmons for figuring it out on his own), Caboose is the only one who figured out how to make the gun work. So now hes on a Penny Quest as Lopez continues to regret his own existence. I love it!

I admit I wasn’t sure how this was going to work since Caboose and Lopez are the two most incomprehensible characters in the show. Caboose is random and dimwitted, and no one an understand Lopez at all. But it’s surprisingly really funny so far! Normally having characters together alone like this without someone else to keep it balanced can be annoying very quickly. But in this case, it came off as really funny and not exaggerated. I guess it helps that Caboose can understand what Lopez is saying, but still it’s just the right balance. Which is good since I assume that they’re going to be the comedy relief pair for now. But who knows?

Final Thoughts

#rvb #rvb16 #rvb reviews #callie reviews

15 notes · View notes

blacksunradiance · 6 years

Photo

Nurarihyon no Mago Season 1, Volume 1: Charge Forth! A Memorial to School Drama in Nurarihyon no Mago (魁！ぬらりひょんの孫で学園ドラマをやったらメモリアル)

Cast: Rikuo, Tsurara, Aotabo, Kurotabo, Kubinashi, Gyuki

Released: September 23, 2010

Running Time: 33 minutes

Summary: Nurarihyon no Mago has finally been made into an anime! How should the plot of the cast’s first drama cd go? They have some ideas...

Translation was done by a member of the now defunct NuraMago mangafox forums, but I believe they are the same user pika318 over on mangahelpers.

EDIT: Translation was done by x0401x!

Translation below.

Charging ahead! Nurarihyon no Mago in a School Drama-Making Memorial ( Sakigake! Nurarihyon no Mago de gakuen drama wo yattara memoiral )

[wind and footsteps] Yoru: Here, huh? Municipal All-Boys High School Nurari... from now on, this is the place where I’ll develop as man. (TL:Tsurara’s narration was hard to understand at this part, since was talking in a sort of old-fashioned way. But I could figure she was talking about men having to toughen up and how Rikuo was the same, and that was his story.) [stuff being broken] Ao: What’d ya say?! Try to say that again, you rascal!! Kuro: I’ll say it as many times you want – a blockhead that can only rely on an exaggerated physic like you is unfit to be a first-year. Ao: Heeh... then, you think you can do this, Kurotabou? Kuro: Don’t ask what you already know the answer to, Aotabou. Where do you think there’s anyone stronger than me amongst the first years... no... in this entire school? Ao: Ya wanna know? Then I’ll tell ya right now. The one much stronger than ya is right here in front of ya!! Kurotabou: Foolish sack of meat. I shall teach you a lesson!! Kubinashi: Oi, oi!! Stop quarreling, you two! Ao: SHUT UP! Don’t interrupt us, Kubinashi! Kubinashi: I can’t not do it. You know, right? Today comes a transfer student. Let’s all get along, ne? Ao: Hmph! Kuro: Be it transfer student or not, they can’t escape from our reality. Ao: That’s right! If that “Nura” kid is just another weird brat, this ain’t no place for him. Kuro: Hoh, don’t you know that very well? That must be because you’re the weirdest one around here. Ao: What did you say?! Kubinashi: Haa... it has started again... Ao: GET READY, KURO!! ORAAAA!!! Kuro: AAAAH!!! Kubinashi: Like this, no one will be able to stop the– [hitting sound] Ao/Kuro: Huh?! Kubinashi: Eh?! Rikuo: Hm... isn’t it still early for such ruckus? Kubinashi: *thoughts* It’s a lie, right?! Ao: *thoughts* He... Kuro: *thoughts* Stopped our fists... Trio: *thoughts* With dodging?! Rikuo: As the rumors say, this is a very fun-looking place... for this “Nura Rikuo kid”. Ao: Ngh... what the hell are you...?! Rikuo: Nura Rikuo. From now on, let me develop as a man here. Kuro: “Nura... Rikuo”? Kubinashi: You... could you be... the transfer student that was coming here today? Rikuo: Well, guess you could say that. Ao: Haa? What are you implying? I don’t care if you’re transferring or whatever, but hurry up and get out or I’ll smash you! Rikuo: Heh, don’t think I have to obey you or anything. Ao: What?! Rikuo: Then? Where from and what are you? Ao: Oh, I am Aotabou. I’M NURA HIGH’S NUMBER ONE STRONG GU... Kuro: Wait, Aotabou. I already told you the number one is this Kurotabou! Ao: Haa? You’re still sputtering nonsense?! Kuro: You too... Rikuo: Oi, oi... either way is fine for such thing, right? Anyways, if people like you are the number ones, this school’s no big deal... Kubinashi: Ugh?! Ao: What did you saaay...?! Kuro: Underestimating me... UNFORGIVABLE! Rikuo: Alright. Come. The two of you. Ao: Grr... DON’T MESS AROUND!!! *launches forward* Kuro: *does the same thing* Kubinashi: Ao!! Kuro!! [hitting sound] Kuro: Agh!! *falls* Ao: Aaaugh!! Hah...! *falls too* Kuro: The two of us... Ao: Ugh...! Rikuo: Well, just like that? Kubinashi: This dude... by himself... really defeated Ao and Kuro...! Rikuo: Anyhow... it’s settled like this, right? From now on, the strongest first year is... this me. Tsurara’s narration: And so, that was how Nura Rikuo congregated true men and took a big step at Nurari Koukou. After Rikuo transferred and defeated the enemies called Aotabou and Kurotabou, other fearful enemies started coming to him, one after the other. [motorcycle horns] Rikuo: How many of you are here doesn’t matter! If it’s either 100 or 200 of you, doesn’t concern me! Cowards that can’t stand on your own feet... aren’t fit to be my enemies. [motorcyclists start surrounding Rikuo] Rikuo: These guys... Kubinashi: RIKUOOO! Rikuo: Hoh?! [Kubinashi, Kuro and Ao come running] Kubinashi: We’ll fight too, Rikuo! Rikuo: Kubinashi... and you guys...! Ao: Oi, don’t misunderstand. It’d just be troublesome if something happened to ya here. The one who’s gonna defeat you... is this me!! Kuro: An entire group against one... there’s no way I can’t forgive something so unfair! Rikuo: Ao... Kuro...! Kubinashi: Let’s do it, Rikuo! Rikuo: Hmph. Aah. Let’s go, YOU GUYS!! Tsurara’s narration: The motorcycle group members, from the Gagoze alliance, were powerful enemies. However, the one of Rikuo and the first years outshone theirs. And then... Rikuo: *scrolling* “For the students of Nurari High School, we’re calling you out to settle things between us, three days from now. The four fearless ones should come to Jigoku Doujou (Hell Dojo) after class. –From Hebidayuu”. Kuro: “From Hebidayuu”? It can’t be, those guys... Ao: You know them, Kurotabou? Kuro: Hm... they’re said to be merciless killers that formed some sort of assassination group. It seems they have pleasure in committing inhuman acts against others. That’s what I heard from the Gedou group. Ao: W-what did you say...? Rikuo: Fear not, you guys. I’ll just go there and finish everything quickl... Kubinashi: Wait, Rikuo. You’re going alone again? I won’t forgive that. Rikuo: Heh... what’s gonna happen if you don’t forgive me? Kubinashi: I say we... go the four of us together. Rikuo: No way... you... Ao: I’m going too, Rikuo. Rikuo: Ao? Kuro: And with me... we’re four. Rikuo: Kuro... Kubinashi: We’ll follow you anywhere, Rikuo. Because, we’re... nakama, right? Rikuo: Hm... it can’t be helped, right? Let’s go... you bunch of idiots. Trio: Ou!! Tsurara’s narration: After receiving the challenge letter from Hebidayuu, Rikuo and his nakama formed their strong bonds. Moreover... *sounds of wind and earth shaking* Kuro: *falls* Aaah! *grabs onto something* Rikuo: Kuro!! Kubinashi: Kurotabou! Kuro: Gh... Rikuo: Take my hand! I’ll pull you up in an instant! Kuro: Don’t mind me, Rikuo! Hurry up and climb this mountain! Towards where that Kyuuso bastard is! Rikuo: Idiot! And leave my nakama behind!? To fall from this height, even someone like you would... Kuro: I’m telling you to leave! Right now, what matters is to fight that Kyuuso bastard and earn our victory! For that sake, I’d offer my life if necessary! [landslip] Kuro: Ugh! Kubinashi: Kuro!! Kuro: *falling* MAKE SURE TO WIN, RIKUOOO!! Rikuo: KUROOO!! I’M GONNA SAVE YOU RIGHT NOW!! Kubinashi: Wait, Rikuo! Rikuo: Why are you stopping me, Kubinashi?!? Kubinashi: We can’t save Kurotabou anymore! Let’s go by ourselves! Rikuo: Oah...?! You... are you serious? Kubinashi: Obviously! We don’t have time for trivial matters! Rikuo: What did you say?!! You!! *punches him* Kubinashi: Gah...! *falls back* Rikuo: It wasn’t just Kuro, but even Ao... and other first years, too... became sacrifices when coming here... so that we could go forward. Even so, you... don’t feel anything? Kubinashi: I don’t. Rikuo: What?! Kubinashi: Now, let’s go. If we stop here... if we... stop here... Rikuo: Kubinashi... Kubinashi: This way... Ao, Kuro... would have sacrificed themselves in vain... Rikuo: You’re... crying... Kubinashi: Your punch hurt that much, that’s why... heh... Rikuo: My bad... Kubinashi. Kubinashi: There are things you need to do before apologizing, right? For Ao and Kuro’s sake... we’ll defeat that Kyuuso bastard! Rikuo: Yeah! Tsurara’s narration: After the tragic parting with his nakama, he defeated the darkness-lurking Kyuuso. By then, Rikuo thought he had no more enemies. However... [tempest] Tsurara’s narration: The last and worst of the enemies, who controlled Nurari High School from the shadows, the great king of terror, revealed himself before Rikuo. [thunder] Kuro: Here, huh... the castle where the third years are at... Ao: Where the elite men in Nura high gather... the top third-year monsters are... in here... Kubinashi: Huh? Don’t Ao and Kuro seem strangely okay? Ao: Uh... SHUT UP! And are you fine with this, Kubinashi? Kubinashi: I’m fine! Because... there’s no way Rikuo would lose. Ao/Kuro: *sigh* Kubinashi: Right, Rikuo? Rikuo: Hm. Even though we’ve come this far, no matter what, nothing happens. In any case, let’s take a look inside. [creaking door being opened] Kuro: Hm? The path has... Kubinashi: Guess it means the preparations are ready, huh? Rikuo: Then, shall we make our move? Let’s go! [steps and door being opened] Group: *gasps* Gyuuki: You have arrived... little ants. Ao: Aah?! H... HIGH...! Kuro: Such height... he’s in a completely different angle from ours! Kubinashi: It can’t be... like this... Rikuo: Don’t act like you’ve already lost, you lot! Trio: *gasps* Gyuuki: Fufufufufufu... There’s at least a brave one. Rikuo: I’m Nura Rikuo. You’re the third year guy... Gyuuki? Gyuuki: Hmph. You’ve come this far just to get to know me? Looks like you don’t need your own lives. [thunder] Rikuo: You guys, step aside. He and I will settle things by ourselves. Ao: You, alone, against that freak...?! Kuro: Don’t overdo it, Rikuo! Rikuo: I’m not overdoing anything. I’ve come to this Nura High with the intention of developing into a man. For the sake of becoming this place’s number one man... I’ll defeat him. Kubinashi: Rikuo...!! Gyuuki: Fufufufufufu... “Win against me”? Hmph! Says the ant! Fine... mightiest third-year Gyuuki will show you no mercy. Hmmm!! *gets up* Ao: This guy...! He was already huge just sitting! Kuro: Such size... is he really a high-scholar?! Kubinashi: I wanna believe, but... can you win, Rikuo?! Rikuo: Believe, Kubinashi. Watch it... I’ll win with a single strike. Gyuuki: Hoo~? Funny. I was actually thinking the same thing. I’ll turn you into dust... in a second! UUUUOOOOAAAAAAGH!! Kuro: T-this technique is...! Ao: You know it, Kuro?! Kuro: I’ve heard about it. According to tales from China, Ba-haro is a fighting energy that resides within everyone. The concept was brought and incorporated into Tokyo and consists in making said energy return to its original concentrated form and used as an attack. That’s something the Onmyou-shogun from China have been trying to keep as a secret. Kubinashi: Wait!! If it’s Rikuo, he won’t lose!! Rikuo: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Kuro: T-this technique is...! Rikuo: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Ao: You know it, Kuro?! Rikuo: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Kubinashi: I’ve heard about it. According to tales from China of the third decade, it’s said that if one can keep their voice up for longer than anyone, they’ll be able to collect the space around them and open a dimension wall. It’s used as a last resource in a situation of despair, and will combine the limit break of the person in said situation of despair into a blow. That’s something the Onmyou-shogun from China used as basis for Yakiniku Toushoku and Yakiniku Teishoku. Rikuo: ...Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... a-aah... a-ah... *takes deep breaths* Ao: Aah, seriously?? Rikuo can use such amazing technique?! Kubinashi: Oi, oi, oi... where did you learn all of that? Kuro: I guess you could say he had vast knowledge... my last leader. Gyuuki: UUUUOOOOAAAAAAGH!! Rikuo: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaah... Ao: *gasps* The power of the two has become immense!! Kuro: It’s very unpredictable what happens... once these two forces... clash...!! Kubinashi: Please win, Rikuo...!! Gyuuki: Let’s go, ANT! Rikuo: Come, Gyuuki... Kubinashi: Rikuo!! R/G: UWOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Kubinashi: Woah?!! [explosion] Gyuuki: Gyuu... kh...?! Kuro: This is...!! Ao: A bunch of earth?! Kuro: No! Wrong! Rikuo: *gasps and rises from the pile of wreckage on him* Aaah...!! Ao: *gasps* Gyuuki bastard...! Kuro: Rikuo... stood up before he did... Kubinashi: Win... IT’S RIKUO’S WIN!! Rikuo: *pants* I told you, right? That I’d defeat this guy. Kubinashi: *runs to him* Rikuooo! *hugs him* Rikuo: Ooh?! Kubinashi: You did it! You did it, Rikuo! Rikuo: Damn... don’t cling to me... Kubinashi: I believed, Rikuo! That you’d win!! Rikuo: Idiot... the one who won wasn’t me. Kubinashi: Eh? Rikuo: The ones who won... were us, right? Kubinashi: *cries* Rikuo... you idiot...! Rikuo: *starts laughing* Kubinashi: *starts laughing* Tsurara’s narration: And so, Rikuo became the number one man in Nura High. However, it didn’t mean Rikuo’s battle ended there. There would surely be many more enemies standing before him in the future. More bloody fights of men against men would come... would come... khhh... Tsurara: *holds tightly onto the novel papers and rips them* N’aaah, mou! What is this?! I don’t want any more of it! Kubinashi: Wai—Yuki Onna, the novel I had taken so long to write...! Tsurara: Kubinashi, that’s not the sort of thing I want to do! Kubinashi: But... this thing about doing Gakuen Drama was your idea! We were finally able to record a DVD together, and you just come up saying you don’t want to do it? Tsurara: This isn’t the sort of Gakuen Drama I wanna do! Only men, hot action, not to mention, too many fights!! Kubinashi: But... the human manga I read was like this... Tsurara: Besides, there’s no place for me! Kubinashi: Because... it’s about growing into a man... well, even I... think it was a little too much... Tsurara: Anyways, no! Definitely not! As I thought... what about I write the scenario? Kubinashi: That’s fine, but... will it be okay?

Tsurara: Isn’t it obvious it’ll be okay~? If I were to make a Gakuen Drama, it would be– Tsurara: *opens door* I’m leavi~ng! Aah, I’m late, I’m late!! Tsurara’s narration: My name is Oikawa Tsurara – first year in Nurari High School. I’m a little clumsy, but overall a bright and healthy girl. Tsurara: *breathing tiredly from running* Why did I oversleep again? *eats toast* I can’t even eat breakfast properly! *eats more runs until she dumps into someone* Ah! *falls* Rikuo: Oops! Tsurara: Ow, ow, ow, ow... Rikuo: Ah, are you okay? Sorry, I didn’t look forward. Tsurara: My apologies, I’m the same... hah?! *thinking* w-what is this...? Just by looking at this person... somehow... somehow, my chest feels warm... Rikuo: Hum... are you really okay? Tsurara: AH! I-I am fine! Definitely fine!! *runs away* Rikuo: Aaah! Hey...! Tsurara: *thinking while running* What is it...? What is it, this feeling?! C-Could it be... by any chance... l... love~~~?! [school bell] Tsurara: Haa... Why did I run like that? But, could it be true? Have I truly... for that boy... Kubinashi: What is it, Tsurara? Tsurara: Ku-Kubinashi...! Kubinashi: Your face seems red... did you catch a cold? Tsurara: I... it’s nothing. And also none of your business, right? Kubinashi: Ah, “none of my business”? Wouldn’t something like that be of your childhood friend’s concern? If you stay like that, you won’t be able to score a boyfriend. Tsurara: Don’t say such rude things! No need to worry either. Someday, I’ll surely find a wonderful Ouji-sama and... hah...! O-Ouji-sama and... Kubinashi: Aah... really, what happened? Tsurara: Huh... like I said, nothin... Gyuuki: *opens door* Ora! You guys! *closes door* Go to your seats! Kubinashi: *sitting* Ara, Gyuuki-sensei is here. Gyuuki: Today, we’ll welcome a transfer student. Please, enter. Rikuo: *opens door, walks into the room and closes door* Tsurara: *gasp* Rikuo: I’m Nura Rikuo. *bows* Nice to meet you all! [applauses] Tsurara: *thinking while clapping* L-lies...! That boy... was a transfer student?! Besides, we’re in the same class?! Could this be... a fateful encounter?! Gyuuki: Well then, Nura’s seat will be... oh, next to Oikawa. Tsurara: Eh?! Next to m-m-me?! Rikuo: Ah! You’re this morning’s... Tsurara: Ah! I-I’m sorry for back then! E-E-Etto... hum... *gets up* I’m O-O-O-Oikawa Tsurara! N-Nice to meet you! Kubinashi: Tsurara? Why are you getting so worked up? Tsurara: “W-worked up”...?! I-I’m always like thi– Rikuo: I’m in your care from now on, Oikawa-san! Tsurara: Ah? H-Hm. I’m in your care too, Rikuo... kun. Tsurara’s narration: That was mine and Rikuo-kun’s meeting. After the encounter with Rikuo-kun, which I felt that was fate, as the fateful days with him followed, I... came to love Rikuo-kun. Tsurara: Aaah! The homework notes have...! Rikuo: Are you okay, Oikawa-san? *starts picking up the notes* Tsurara: Rikuo-kun...! You don’t have to do that... Rikuo: I can’t leave a troubled classmate alone. Besides, it must be hard, ne? Always doing your best at class duties... Tsurara: T-that’s... I... *giggles* Tsurara’s narration: Such a gentle one, Rikuo-kun! And not only that. Rikuo-kun was also a man of courage. He came for me when I was in a pinch. [motorcycle horns] Ao: Ehehehehe... just a little bit, won’t it be fine? Tsurara: S-stop! Please let go! Ao: Don’t say mean things! It’s fine, just hop onto my bike and come on a night dat– Rikuo: *running* Stop! Ao: Aah? Tsurara: Rikuo-kun! Rikuo: Let go of Oikawa-san! Aren’t you too forceful?! Ao: Who’re ya? Rikuo: I’m Nura Rikuo. Oikawa-san’s classmate! Ao: I dunno about this classmate or whatever, just don’t interfere! Rikuo: Ah! *pushes the bike* Ao: *falls* What are you doing?! Rikuo: Run, Oikawa-san! Ao: You... picking up a fight with Aotabou-sama, huh?! Rikuo: Oikawa-san, hurry and leave! Tsurara: B-but... Rikuo-kun will...! Rikuo: I’ll be fine! Hurry!! Tsurara: Rikuo-kun...! Tsurara’s narration: After that, a lot happened. That horrible person ended up becoming Rikuo-kun’s friend later, but that’s a different story. And... I quickly noticed my feelings towards Rikuo-kun on a rainy day. [rain] Tsurara: Uh? Close to the river bank is... Rikuo-kun? What might he be doing in such rainy day? Random dog: *whines* Rikuo: I see... you’re all alone. Dog: *whines* Tsurara: Rikuo-kun... is talking to a little dog... Rikuo: I’d like to take you to my house, but... Okaa-san has dog allergy, you see... sorry. Dog: *whines* Rikuo: That’s why... I’ll stay here with you... until the rain is over. Dog: wan, wan, wan~~~! Rikuo: *giggles* oi~! Don’t lick me~! *laughs* Tsurara: Rikuo-kun... Tsurara’s narration: Rikuo-kun’s smile of that time... I definitely will never forget! Because Rikuo-kun was so wonderful, even random people would get along with him quickly. Kubinashi: Let’s go home together, Rikuo! Rikuo: Hm, Kubinashi-kun! Tsurara: Eeh?? Wai—what’s the meaning of this, Kubinashi?! Kubinashi: Hm? “What’s the meaning”, you ask? Tsurara: That... going with Rikuo-kun... filthy! Kubinashi: Ah... yes? What are you saying? Tsurara: Because... because...! All this time, Rikuo-kun and you... have gotten along so well... Kubinashi: Hm... let’s go, Rikuo! Rikuo: Hm! Tsurara: Aah!? Wai...! I-I’m going home with you too~~~! Tsurara’s narration: In a bit, Rikuo-kun was able to befriend everyone. But, the ones he got along well weren’t just classmates... [baseball bat hitting a ball] Kuro: *bows* That’s exactly it! Rikuo: T-that... please raise your head, Kurotabou-senpai! Kuro: This baseball instructor, Kurotabou, is asking you a favor! Please, on the next match, become my baseball team’s batsman! Rikuo: That... I’m not even a club member! Kuro: No... if it’s you, it can work! I’ve been convinced of that after seeing your move. Please, Nura-kun!! Rikuo: Understood! If I can become everyone’s strength, that is! Kuro: *gasp* Thank you, Nura-kun! You’re a... baseball benefactor! Tsurara’s narration: It was like this that Rikuo-kun became a noticeable person at school. Not even the teachers would leave Rikuo-kun alone. Rikuo: *opens door* Excuse me! Gyuuki: Oh, you came, Nura? Rikuo: Gyuuki-sensei... you called me? Gyuuki: Aah, in fact... I want to invite you to become student council president. Rikuo: Eh?! Me?! But... I just transferred... Gyuuki: That doesn’t matter. You seem to excel in everything, and you are already popular. I don’t think there’s anyone more appropriate than you. Rikuo: That... but... Tsurara: Do your best, Rikuo-kun! Rikuo: Oikawa-san! Kubinashi: If it’s you, it’ll work, Rikuo! Rikuo: Kubinashi-kun too... Gyuuki: Fufufu. Actually, they, too, wanted to invite you to become student council president. It’s the class’s general wish. Tsurara: If it’s Rikuo-kun, you can definitely become council president! Definitely!! Rikuo: Oikawa-san... thank you. Kubinashi: Oh? So that means... Rikuo: I don’t know until when I can keep up with it, but... I’ll give it a try! Kubinashi: Alright! Then we, too, will assist Rikuo in his duties! Tsurara: Ooou! Tsurara’s narration: With everyone’s help, Rikuo-kun’s existence grew bigger, as well as inside of me. And so, I finally decided it – that I would confess to Rikuo-kun! Rikuo: *opens door* Are? Oikawa-san? Tsurara: Ah...! Ri... Rikuo-kun... Rikuo: *comes in* What’s wrong? Staying all alone in the classroom... since it’s late, I thought everyone had already left... Tsurara: B-because... I wanted to talk to Rikuo-kun... Rikuo: Me? Tsurara: Uh... hm. Rikuo: Oikawa-san... could it be... Tsurara: *gasp* Rikuo: You have any favor to ask me? Is there anything troubling you? Tsurara: Uuh? Aah... hm-hm, it’s not that... Rikuo: It’s okay not to be shy! We’re classmates, after all! I’ll do anything in my power! Tsurara: Li-like I said, that’s not it... Tsurara’s narration: As someone who didn’t think of Rikuo-kun as just a classmate, I tried to level up our relationship a little. I made my first obentou for that sake, but... Tsurara: *opens obentou* Rikuo: Aah, this is...! Tsurara: H-hm... how is it, my obentou...? Rikuo: Could it be... Oikawa-san made it? Tsurara: H... hm... Rikuo: Amazing, Oikawa-san! Tsurara: *gasp* Rikuo-kun...! Then... Rikuo: Actually, me too! Tsurara: Eh? Rikuo: Hora! *opens obentou* How’s it, Oikawa-san? Tsurara: “H-how’s it”, you ask? Eh, Rikuo-kun... that obentou... Rikuo: Truth is: I also made it on my own! I’m glad I have a tezukuri nakama! (T/N: nakama who does home stuff) Tsurara: “Te-tezukuri nakama”?! Rikuo: With a nakama, I feel I can do even better! Bye! Tsurara: Ah! That’s not it! I was thinking Rikuo-kun could try it...! Rikuo-kuuun~! Tsurara’s narration: A lot happened, but, I failed a lot. In order to reverse that, I even went as far as going to Rikuo-kun’s house, but... Tsurara: *rings bell* Rikuo: *opens door* Yes? Who is i... ah! Oikawa-san? Tsurara: G-good evening, Rikuo-kun. Rikuo: What is it, Oikawa-san? By the way, you sure knew my address well... Tsurara: That’s... I checked the attendance card... Rikuo: Anyways, come in. There are some rumors going around this area... Tsurara: *thinking* Aah... finally... finally, I’m able to come into Rikuo-kun’s house...! Rikuo: You don’t need to be shy. Right now, I’m the only one home after all. Tsurara: Eeeh?! Rikuo: Everyone’s at a relative’s house, you see... I’m alone until tomorrow. Tsurara: *thinking* T-that means... that means... all alone with Rikuo-kun... in Rikuo-kun’s house??! N-No way... my heart is... a-a-a-ah!! Rikuo: What’s wrong, Oikawa-san? Tsurara: I... I... *runs away* I CAAAAAAN’T!!! Rikuo: Ah! Oikawa-san! Oikawa-saaan! Tsurara’s narration: I ended up not obtaining success in anything... but, I didn’t give up. Because... I really... really... towards Rikuo-kun... And so, three months passed after Rikuo-kun transferred. Finally, the fateful day came. As Rikuo-kun was alone in the classroom after class, I... Tsurara: *opens door* Rikuo-kun! Rikuo: Ah. Oikawa-san... Tsurara: Ne, is it true?? That Rikuo-kun will... Rikuo-kun will... transfer again?! Rikuo: Ah... it’s true. Tsurara: No... no way... Rikuo: Thank you for until now, Oikawa-san. Even if I go to another school, everyone in class– Tsurara: I... like Rikuo-kun!! Rikuo: Eh? Tsurara: Always, always! I liked you ever since we first met! I liked you... Rikuo: Oikawa-san... Tsurara: I’m sorry. I’ve burdened Rikuo-kun, who will have to transfer again, with something like this... but, no matter what, I wanted to say it. Because... I... towards Rikuo-kun... I really... *sobs* Sorry... sorry, Rikuo-kun! Rikuo: Me too. Tsurara: Eh...? Rikuo: I, too... liked... Oikawa-san. Tsurara: *gasp* Lies...! Rikuo: It’s true! Tsurara: Rikuo-kun... Rikuo-kun, towards me...?! Rikuo: Oikawa-san... Tsurara: Rikuo-kun... Rikuo-kuuun~~~! *runs and hugs him* Rikuo: Oikawa-san... I won’t let go of you anymore! Tsurara: Rikuo-kun... Me neither! Tsurara’s narration: And so, that was the moment Rikuo-kun and I shared. But, hardships awaited the two who had just been bound together. What will happen to me and Rikuo-kun from now on? Will the power of our love be able to cut through the fateful uneasy waters? Kubinashi: *claps* Okay, okay! This goes as far as here. Tsurara: Wait! Don’t interrupt me, Kubinashi! That’s where the novel’s second part– Kubinashi: No, no, no. There’s no need for a second part. It’s become long enough up to this point. Tsurara: Anyways, this is a true Gakuen Drama. A Memorial about a young woman’s bitter-sweet youth. Wonderful, right~? Kubinashi: Hmm... well, if that’s what you want to do, I don’t mind at all... Ao: *clears throat* I MIND!! Tsurara: Aotabou...! Ao: What’s with that?! There’s just almost no place for me! Kuro: For me, neither. Tsurara: Even Kurotabou... Ao: Not the slightest bits as pleasant as Kubinashi’s! Our real hot action-packed men Drama! Tsurara: No! A Love Story is okay! Ao: It’s fights! Tsurara: It’s romance! Ao: Fights! Tsurara: Romance! Kubinashi: O-oi, oi! Calm down, you two! Kuro: Hmph... it always ends up like this and we can’t choose. As I thought, it’s better to hear Waka’s judgment... Rikuo: Eh?! Me?! I... hum... don’t have an opinion yet... I think Gyuuki can do it in my place! Gyuuki: “You’ve finally come, little ants. If you’ve come this far just to get to know me, *flips page* looks like you don’t need your own lives”... (T/N: he seems to be reading the scenario) Rikuo: *sweat-drop* Gyuuki...? Kubinashi: He seems pretty motivated, ne, that Gyuuki-sama? Ao: FIGHTS! Tsurara: ROMANCE! Ao: FIGHTS!! Tsurara: ROMANCE!! Gyuuki: Third-year Gyuuki!! I’ll turn you into dust in a second! MUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Ao: FIGHTS! Tsurara: ROMANCE! Ao: FIGHTS! Kuro: Can’t you just cut it out, you guys!? Tsurara: ROMANCE! Gyuuki: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Ao: FIGHTS! Rikuo: If you don’t want to do either, just don’t do anything! Tsurara: R-O-M-A-N-C-E!! Ao: FIIIIGHTS! Gyuuki: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Rikuo: I still haven’t... this... mou... HEY, EVERYONE!! Ao: FIGHTS!! Tsurara: ROOOMAAAANCEEEE!!

#Nurarihyon no mago #nura rikuo #Tsurara Oikawa #Kubinashi #Gyuki #aotabo #Kurotabo #nuramago drama cds

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geekade · 7 years

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The ABCs of the Stanley Cup Finals, 2017 Style

Hi there, fellow Geekade enthusiasts. I know you’ve gotten used to seeing me share my opinions about the latest in film and television, but this month, with apologies to my good friend and fellow Geekade writer Dave Diorio, I’m taking a break to write about the greatest sports events on earth. No, not March Madness, the NBA Finals, The Super Bowl, The Masters, The Triple Crown, The World Cup, The Olympics or even the World Series. Those are all worthy events, but they cannot match the absolute excitement and nail biting grind that takes place on a frozen stretch of ice in April and May every year. Without a doubt, the greatest sport tournament is the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

This year has been no exception. While the NBA playoffs have literally felt like a two-month slog in the muck that lead to a championship series that every single basketball fan on Earth KNEW would happen, this year’s Stanley Cup playoffs have been absolutely thrilling. The number of games that were either won in overtime or by one goal has been astounding. And for our dessert in the Stanley Cup Finals? We have a potential repeat champion, the dynasty-in-the-making Pittsburgh Penguins facing off against what has to be the feel good story in all of hockey, the Nashville Predators and their city’s explosion as a honkey-tonk, hockey-loving town.

So, dear reader, to help you fully embrace the excitement and immerse yourself in the Cup-Craziness to unfold, here are the ABCs of the 2017 Stanley Cup Playoffs.

A is for… Advantage, as in a man advantage. Hockey is the only sport that routinely has one of the players sit in a penalty box if they commit a penalty on the ice. (Alright, settle down soccer fans. Yes, your sport can lose a man too, but it’s not a routine function of the game. It only happens when a guy gets tossed. And besides, I included the World Cup up above. Take a seat and sing your team’s drinking song.) Watch this final series for man advantages. At the time of this writing, we’ve already had a controversial 5 on 3, which turned the tide of Game 1.

B is for… Beards, as in the playoff beard. Hockey players are notoriously tough athletes. It is not uncommon for a player to get cut or lose teeth by a stray stick in a collision, get stitched up in the locker room, and then come back out to get back into the game. As a point of reference, in my beloved Philadelphia, we have two star basketball players who sat out for a year (or two) with injuries that should have healed in far less time. For lack of a better term, hockey players are lunatics. So is it any wonder that there’s a tradition of growing beards for the playoffs? As if we need another reminder that these guys are burly he-men? By the time the Stanly Cup is awarded, it’s like looking at a team full of the Brawny Towel guys.

C is for… Crosby, as in Sid the Kid, a.k.a. Sidney Crosby. Point of disclosure. I am a Philadelphia fan. (Ok, you can stop laughing now. I mean it.) And it is a tradition that Philadelphia fans absolutely abhor the players on the opposing teams who have talent. And who whine. Players like Larry Bird. Michael Irvin. Kobe Bryant. Bryce Harper. And Sid Crosby. To keep my Philly cred, I have to say that Sid is a crybaby. Truth be told? He’s also one of the best, if not THE best player in the world. He is a force on the ice, and the bigger the game, the more likely it is that he will be a huge part of it. The Penguins are not THE PENGUINS without him. Count on Crosby scoring a huge goal in an important game in this series.

D is for… Day with the Cup. In what is one of the greatest traditions in all of sports, every player on the Stanley Cup winning team is given a chance to take the Cup for 24 hours and do whatever they please with it (short of melting it down) under the watchful eye of a chaperone with the greatest job ever (more on him later). There are amazing stories of players who have take the cup to their hometown where they grew up, players who have their children baptized in the cup, players who take the cup fishing, sailing, swimming, skydiving and, in one famous case (by a player who’s name rhymes with Lark Lessier) to a strip club where the dancer on stage worked the cup into her routine.

E is for… Emrick, as in Mike “Doc” Emrick, the primary NHL play by play man. For the uninitiated, listening to Doc Emrick call a playoff game is like listening to Verne Lundquist call an SEC overtime game between Alabama and Auburn or Gus Johnson call Duke versus North Carolina. You know how fans from around the country universally seem to dislike Joe Buck when he calls the NFL or the World Series? Yeah, that doesn’t happen with Doc Emrick. Coming back to hockey after a bout with cancer, Doc is now a hero to so many and is famous for his list of verbs to use to explain the different ways a puck can be moved up and down the ice.

F is for… Fish, as in Catfish. Hockey is a sport with some strange traditions. When a player scores three goals in a game, it’s called a hat trick. Why? In 1940, a haberdasher in Toronto offered free hats to players who scored three goals in a game. And so a legend was born. Today, when a player scores three in a game, fans litter the ice with hats. In Detroit, it’s been a long-standing tradition for the fans to throw an octopi on the ice in the playoffs. In 1996, the Florida Panthers got to the Stanley Cup Finals where at least once per game, fans would litter the ice with rubber toy rats when the Panthers scored. This year, we can add a whole new take on the “throwing stuff on the ice” thing. Nashville fans are now throwing catfish on the ice. Why is this perfect? For one, it absolutely trolls the Detroit tradition – Detroit has long been a tormentor of Predator fans. Second, is there any more perfect aquatic creature than a catfish to represent a team in the heart of the south? Third and last, a fan from Nashville got a ticket to see Game One in Pittsburgh, drove the 560 or so miles to Pittsburgh, vacuum-packed a dead catfish doused in Old Spice so it wouldn’t smell, taped it to his leg under his pants, took it out of his pants and threw it out onto the ice during the game, much to the dismay of the Penguin faithful. Love this game.

G is for… Goalie. Quarterback. Closer. Goalie. The three most pressure packed positions in all of sports. Stanley Cups have been won by teams with inferior talent simply because they had a goalie playing at the top of his game, or to use a hockey euphemism, “standing on his head.” In May of 1974, my Philadelphia Flyers beat the Boston Bruins in six games in what was considered to be one of the greatest upsets in all of hockey history. Why? Because we had the best goalie in the world at that moment – a lovable French Canadian named Bernie Parent. To this day, 43 years later, I doubt highly that Bernie Parent has ever had to buy a drink in the City of Brotherly Love. The goalie makes or breaks your team. And the Stanley Cup finals are a pressure cooker for goalies. Grab your popcorn!

H is for… Hockeytown, a name sports writers gave Detroit at the height of their greatness in the 1950s. When Detroit returned to hockey prominence and won the Stanley Cup in 1997 (against my Flyers…) the name was reborn as the team won a series of cups after that. Why is that significant to these finals? I would argue that both of these teams could contend for the title of Hockeytown right now. Pittsburgh has a chance to be the first team to repeat as Stanley Cup champions since the Red Wings did it 1997 and 1998. They are, for all practical intentions, a dynasty. And in a city where the Steelers are like a religion, the Penguins have become the biggest story in the city of three rivers. And if Nashville wins? Well, that city is off the hook for this team. More on that later.

I is for… Icing. When a team dumps the puck all the way down the ice to escape intense pressure, icing is called. It’s significant because the team that dumps the puck has to now survive a face-off in their own zone and they’re not allowed to send in any new players to replace the tired skaters on the ice. In the old days, players would race down the ice to decide whether icing would be called; if the team that dumped the puck touched it first, the icing would be waived off. That rule was changed because…well…hockey players would beat the hell out of each other to race to the puck. Maybe they needed to save it for another part of the game. But they’re hockey players. You know…lunatics.

J is for… Jinx. Professional athletes are notorious for being superstitious. An interesting superstition in hockey is that players who have not won the cup can’t EVER touch the cup. Even when NHL players are in the presence of the Cup, they dare not touch it. When the Staal brothers (Marc, Jordan and Jared) were celebrating with their brother Eric who had just won the Cup in 2006 with the Hurricanes, none of them would lay a finger on the Cup - even though it was right in front of them. If you play in the NHL, you just don’t touch the Cup until it’s yours. Another famous jinx followed the New York Rangers. In 1940, when they won the Stanley Cup, one of the players on the team…relieved himself, so to speak…in the cup. The Rangers would not win another Stanley Cup until 1994. Baseball had the curse of the Great Bambino and the Billy Goat. Hockey has the piss cup. (Bah dum bum.)

K is for… the Keeper of the Cup. When players get their Day with the Cup, one man goes from town to town and place to place with the cup. His name is Phillip Pritchard, and he stays with the cup at all times. So, when players travel to the tops of mountains to have their picture taken with the cup, he goes along. When players take the cup to their hometowns or high schools or to pediatric cancer wards, he goes along. When players have their children baptized in the cup, he attends the service. And when Mark Messier, or rather Lark Lessier, takes it to Scores in Manhattan, he goes along. Phillip Pritchard: The luckiest guy with white gloves and a dust rag you’ve ever met.

L is for… Lord Stanley, a.k.a. Frederick Arthur Stanley, the 16th Earl of Darby, was the governor general of Canada in the late 1800s. Because his sons were hockey players, he donated a cup to be competed for by all of the amateur teams in Canada in 1892. Soon after, the cup became the trophy sought by professional teams, and in 1926, the Stanley Cup became the official championship trophy for the National Hockey League.

M is for… Montreal, the home of the Les Habitants, the Bleu-Blanc-Rouge, a.k.a. the Montreal Canadiens. The Montreal Canadiens have won the Stanley Cup more than any other team, a record 24 times. Interestingly enough, Montreal is also the last Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup since 1993, which is a sore spot for anyone who comes from Canada. (Trust me, eh.)

N is for… Nashville, the newest team to the Stanley Cup finals party. Let’s see. A game adored by Canadians. Played on ice. What city in the lower 48 would be a great host? Well, if you thought anyone would have chosen Nashville, you probably would have laughed. But who’s laughing now? The Nashville Predators have become the city’s greatest draw; packing in fans in what is the greatest party on ice. The Predators have a house band. They have a crazy tradition of throwing catfish on the ice. They have a bonkers mascot who rides an ATV on the ice. And in the heart of the deep south, in SEC and NASCAR territory, the Predators now boast a legion of stars who cheer on the Preds. Vince Gill, Amy Grant, Keith Urban, Trisha Yearwood, Kelly Clarkson, Paramore, Marcus Mariota, Kings of Leon, Lady Antebellum and Carrie Underwood are all fanatical followers. Besides the Grand Ole Opry, and the clubs on Broadway, Bridgestone Arena is the place to be.

O is for the Ottawa Canal. Remember that “day with the cup” thing? After a night of celebrating their Stanley Cup victory in 1905, members of the Ottawa Silver Seven felt it necessary to see if one of them could kick the Cup into the Ottawa Canal. One of the players actually connected and the cup was sent to the bottom of the canal, where it stayed until the next day when the players, having sobered up, realized where they had left it.

P is for… Pittsburgh, the home of the Penguins and what is now hockey’s reigning dynasty. If you think Pittsburgh is the “Steel City” with a working class population, you would be right. If you think of Pittsburgh as a city in decline with closed steel mills, you would be dead wrong. Pittsburgh has reinvented itself over the past 20 years and turned itself into a leading city in technology, business and medicine. And Pittsburgh is now as strongly identified with the Penguins as they are with the Steelers.

Q is for… Quick Whistle. The most dangerous places in sports have to be the opening turn of the Indianapolis 500, the starting gate of a triple-crown race, a goal line stand in the fourth quarter and in hockey, the front of the net in the last five minutes of a close game. It is not for the faint of heart. Sticks flying. Players punching. And a rule that says as long as the referee can see the puck, the game is still live. Watch for quick whistles by the referees when the action seems about to boil over into actual violence.

R is for… Rinne, a.k.a. Pekka Rinne, the extraordinary goalie for the Nashville Predators. He has been stealing games throughout the playoffs (standing on his head). His goals against average is under 2, which is outstanding, and he has two playoff shutouts so far. His success will determine whether Nashville can challenge the mighty Penguins.

S is for Subban, a.k.a. P.K. Subban, defenseman extraordinaire. Subban was a stalwart defender with a cannon slapshot who was traded to the Predators this year and has been a steady leader for this up and coming team.

T is for… Trapezoid. Hey, wait a minute. I didn’t know there was going to be any math on this thing. Well, if you look closely at the ice behind the net, you will see a red outlined trapezoid. It’s there because it’s the only place where a goalie can go behind the net to control the puck.

U is for… Underwood, as in Carrie Underwood. The singing of the national anthems of both Canada and the United States is a truly emotional moment. In one memorable game, the PA system broke down in Edmonton and the fans sang the AMERICAN National Anthem, a.k.a. NOT their own anthem, perfectly word for word. Try to catch Lauren Hart sing God Bless America before Flyers’ games, or the anthem before games in Chicago and Boston. But topping them all right now is country music superstar Carrie Underwood who has upped the ante of memorable anthems in Nashville.

V is for… Video Goal Judge. Hockey has turned to technology to make sure goals that are scored are legitimate. Quick story. In 1980, my Flyers lost the final game of a hotly contested Stanley Cup final to the New York Islanders. There were two separate goals scored in that final game which would have been disallowed if we had a video goal judge then. (Curse you, Leon Stickle…) Should I mention the final goal scored by the Blackhawks against my same Flyers team in 2010 from a seemingly impossible angle (which may or may not have gone through the side of the goal and not the front)? Let’s move on and hope that the Video Goal Judge doesn’t play too large a part in determining the outcome of a game. (Although for game one, that wish has already been broken.)

W is for… Wraparound. In hockey terms, when a player flies around the net with the puck and tries to tuck it into the other side of the goal. See: Sidney Crosby.

X is for… Extra Time, a.k.a. Overtime. During the regular season, hockey games are settled with a brief overtime period with three players going against three for five minutes, followed by a soccer style shootout if there isn’t a winner. It’s not the greatest way to settle a game. But in the playoffs, they play until there is a winner. Period. My Flyers beat the Penguins in 2000 in a game that went 5 overtime periods after the regular three. And what’s even better, there aren’t may breaks in the action. In the first three periods, there are planned “TV” timeouts. In overtime, they don’t follow that pattern. The game flies by. Playoff overtime hockey is as good as it gets for excitement and heart-stopping action.

Y is for… Yinzers, a term of endearment for anyone who hails from Pittsburgh. It comes from the “Pittsburghese” accent. If you’re lucky enough to attend the finals in person in Pittsburgh (hopefully with OUT a catfish doused in Old Spice strapped to your leg), you might hear people use this term. Yinzer seems to be a term Pittsburgh residents like to call each other, but they might not like it so much if an outsider calls them the same. Use at your own risk.

Z is for… Zamboni, the name of the machine that “cleans” the ice between periods. It was also the nickname my team gave me when I was playing pick-up hockey when I was a kid. Maybe it was because I spent more time lying on the ice rather than actually skating.

And so, there you have it. Enjoy the Stanley Cup finals. Embrace the craziness of the Predators’ fans. Admire the true talent skating for the Penguins. And remember that you need to shave those playoff beards once the last game is over.

#sports #Sports #articles

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putaloadintrucks · 7 years

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From hell to paradise

“You’re no son of mine”

Shayne winced softly. It hadn’t been a good week so far for him. After being fired from his last job farther up state, he had been pulled over in V8 Valley for speeding. Lucky for him, the cop there had given a very different and…pleasurable… way to avoid the ticket. The cop had even given him the address to the station afterwards when he had told him about his job situation. It had been.. nice of him to do so and Shayne had really appreciated that he been thoughtful enough of a stranger to do so (Of course, just the thought of the cop made Shayne’s engine flutter, but that was something else entirely) Afterwards he had rushed to make it home, tired from everything that had happened and just wanting a chance to relax before plunging back into the job markets. Of course, it had even gone further down hill from there, as his mom had not been pleased to see him. Not that she was ever pleased to see him it seemed, but she had been really not happy at all when he had come home. It never ended well for him when she was really pissed.

“But mom” he started to say, earning a hard smack on his hood from the older mustang, an angry glare in her eyes as she growled at the Mustang

“Don’t mom me, you disgusting piece of shit” threatened his mom, the sound of a tire hitting a fender sounded again, a whimper escaping from Shayne as he eyes his caved in Fender. That was gonna suck later to get out, if his mom didn’t kill him right here and now. “You have failed me as a child. Not only getting yourself fired, but I have been hearing certain things from around town. About how a certain fox body has been getting awfully close to the men of this town. You have anything to say, faggot?” she growled, pushing Shayne up against the wall, a whimper escaping from him as his moms blue eyes narrowed at him.

“Mom I swear, I didn’t-“he tried to say, push a rough shove and the sound of a mirror snapping of his body quickly shut him up.

“You are not allowed to speak; I’ve had it up to here with your antics. You are a lazy fucker who can’t seem to hold a job to save your pathetic life, BUT now it seems you are a faggot as well. Do you enjoy sucking their cocks huh? I bet you are selling yourself on the streets at this point” she uttered, earning a whimper from Shayne as he felt his fenders slowly push in on themselves, the force against the wall causing his body to softly creak under the pressure. He wanted it to stop, all of it. His mom had never been this angry before, and now he was generally worried he might die here.

“Mo-om, please, You-u’re hurting me” whined Shayne, tears forming in his eyes as his mom gave another shunt, the dry wall behind him cracking as a result.

“You don’t get to call me that, I want you out of this house” she said angrily, pushing the fox body towards the door with a hard shunt, his grill bending inwards from the impact as he whimpered.

“But But” he whined, the glare being given off from his mom just making him whimper as he slowly rolled backwards to the door

“OUT!” She screamed chucking a lamp at Shayne, the lamp bouncing off his hood with a loud clang as tears flowed from his eyes. He barreled himself through the door as his mother continued to throw things at him, screaming and yelling coming from the home as he barreled down the road. His motor rumbled widely as he drove down the road, tears freely flowing from his eyes at this point as tried to get as far away from his house as possible. His dented and abused body rattling softly as panels loosed in the abuse rattled in the fast wind speeds.

He just wanted to get as far as away as possible.

After a certain period, He pulled to the side off the road, away from the eyes of passing motorists as he whimpered. It just wasn’t fair, it had never been fair to the little car for as long as he could remember. Job from job, boyfriend to boyfriend, nothing had ever managed to stick with him. No matter what he tried, it seemed like giving his all just led to more and more failure. He was tired, oh so very tired of all of it, from the abuse to the failings, and he did not know how much more he could do with it anymore it seemed.

His tires softly unfolded the paper the cop had given him, a crudely written address starring back at him. Maybe a change of scenery was best in order, somewhere with fewer cars to judge him and his attitude. Plus the cop had been cute. His engine rumbled softly at the thought of him, his oil fuel pump pumping as he thought more of him.

Yes, Maybe a Scenery change was exactly in order.

---

“Dodger, tell me the truth, how many this time?”

“Well, I mean Vic, there wasn’t- Okay stop glaring at me, It was like three. They wanted a good time, I gave it to them”

The Inline Fuel stop and Café was busy during this type of day, the season in full gear for tourists as they came all over the country to see the beautiful peaks and trees of the surrounding lands. Trees and flowers where flourishing in the beautiful landscape and many a vehicle where taking pictures or camping along the hiking trails that crisscrossed the land scape. The sky made the valley even more perfect at the time, No a cloud in sight and the rich clear blue of the sky settled the scenery nicely. Over all it was a beautiful day, and many vehicles, from the tiniest beetle to the largest Helicopter where buzzing around, taking full advantage of the gorgeous opportunity.

With the increase of vehicles, came an increased workload for the limited stations around the valley, and two cops from a nearby station where currently on break, after having to deal with a rather large accident earlier.

“God damnit Dodger, How is this station gonna make money if you keep fucking and letting go the speeders” grumbled a larger vehicle, a Suburban to be more precise. The white, blue, and red of his body framed him nicely, with the words Sheriff painted clearly on his hood and sides near his police stripes.

“Hey now Vic, I don’t fuck all of them.. Just a lot of them. ”mused the other cop known as Dodger. His smaller form, that of a Caprice, was decked out in the colors of a deputy, the black and white color scheme softly shining in the sunlight.

“You fuck enough of them that I am getting worried, sometimes I wonder why I hired you” grumbled Vic, nursing a cold can of Grape oil as Dodger cackled.

“Cause you hired my brother, and when you hire one, you get the other” stated Dodger, grinning as his sipped his warm can of Cherry oil, all the while cheekily grinning up at his boss.

“Don’t remind me” Vic mused, mumbling softly about deviant behavior as Dodger blew a Raspberry at him. The sat in silence for a few minutes, nursing their drinks as the traffic coming in and out of the café grew larger, the afternoon crowd coming in for the day.

“Any luck on finding a dispatcher? I know ya have been having issues finding one since the last one quit” asked Dodger, earning a grumble from Vic as he pushed away his drink.

“No , No one’s applied since that thieving bitch left. I swear, it’s like cars are avoiding applying here like the plague or something “growled Vic as he stomped down on his empty can, the metal crushing easily under his weight.

“Maybe our luck will change? I mean the city is thinking of sending a officer up here during the season to help with all the bullshit, maybe will get a dispatcher as well?” mused Dodger as Vic shook his hood.

“Honestly, I doubt we will see that officer. Apparently the head honcho down at their police department is being a prick about it” he said, sighing softly as a waitress removed the can, sliding a new one towards Vic before moving onto other customers.

“Eh you never know, someone could come right now from that road and ask for the dispatcher job” said Dodger, giggling softly as Vic gave a sigh and went to his new drink. Both went back to their drinks, not noticing Shayne slowly pulling into the café, spotting the two cops as he did so. He slowly drove towards them, his mind racing as he pulled up to them. Vic was the first one to notice, eyeing the fresh dents and broken grill, raising an eye ridge in the process.

“You look like shit kid” he muttered as Dodger looked over the Fox Body, his eyes lighting up in recognition as Shayne gave a soft smile towards Dodger.

“ Nice too see ya back, you know when you are not speeding through here like a Plymouth outta hell” stated Dodger, earning a soft giggle from the Mustang as Vic looked at Dodger with a puzzled look.

“Th-hanks, I gu-uess?” Shayne said, stuttering softly as he pulled out the piece of paper. “ Im, uh, here about the j-job you told me about?” he said softly, earning a cackle as Dodger nudged Vic.

“Told ya” he said simply, earning a sigh from Vic as he softly rubbed at his eyes.

“God damnit Dodger” muttered Vic as he looked over the Mustang, Shayne wiggling softly under the much larger Vehicles gaze as he sank himself towards the ground, nervous as all hell as the Suburban looked him over. “You applying to be a dispatcher?” he asked, earning a quick Nod from the Mustang

“ Ye-es Sir!” he stated, giving the Suburban a quick salute with his antenna, earning himself a giggle from Dodger and an eye roll from Vic.

“Fuck, Guess beggars can’t be chooser I suppose. You’re hired kid, head down to the station so we can start the bullshit that is paperwork” grumbled Vic as he crushed the second can flat and drove away from the two, leaving Dodger and Shayne at the café.

“Welcome to hell kid” grinned Dodger, giving Shayne’s grill a lick as the Stang sputtered. “Get yourself patched up, than I can show you the ropes~” he said with a smirk and a wink, Shayne’s hood turning an even deeper red from the blush that was quickly engulfing it. Dodger cackled, reversing away and back onto the road, leaving the Mustang to sit there, a wild blush on his body as the cars around him chuckled at the scene. All the while, He had the biggest and goofiest grin on his bumper. That had been surprisingly easier than he thought and he couldn’t wait till start as soon as possible. An added bonus was that he was gonna be close to the Caprice, which made his fuel plump flutter at the thought.

It was gonna be good here, and he know it deep down in his engine that he was gonna enjoy himself in this beautiful valley.

#OC: Shayne #Backstory #Cars #Cars Fandom #Pixar Cars

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deniscollins · 4 years

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The Three Abductions of N.: How Corporate Kidnapping Works

In 2019, the State Department reported nearly 500 new child abduction cases in which one parent took their own children overseas during marriage disputes. If your spouse took your child overseas without your approval, what would you do: (1) work within the family court orders in a foreign country which can be very bureaucratic and corrupt, favoring the local parent, or (2) hire an abduction business to kidnap your child back for $14,000? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

1. $14,000 and a new passport

A few days before Christmas 2013, Stuart Dempster hired a car to take him from Bangkok to the rural town of Ban Phai, in northeastern Thailand. Mr. Dempster, a 55-year-old track and field coach from Australia, was accompanied by a tall, burly security contractor. The two men were preparing to abduct Mr. Dempster’s daughter.

As they sped north, winding past the mountain-rimmed Lam Takhong reservoir and Khao Yai National Park, Mr. Dempster wasn’t sure what to expect. He had not seen his 5-year-old, N., in almost a year. At home in Brisbane, he had agreed to spend several thousand dollars to hire the contractor, Brad Stilla, through a company called Child Recovery Australia, one of a handful of agencies that reunite parents with children taken by estranged partners. Mr. Stilla met Mr. Dempster at a hotel in Bangkok, after flying in from China, and boasted that he knew kung fu.

After several hours, the car pulled up outside Holy Redeemer Ban Phai School, a private Catholic academy on a busy, tree-lined street in the center of town. Mr. Dempster and Mr. Stilla walked toward the entrance — a wide, airy atrium next to a basketball court. Mr. Dempster felt a nervous sensation in his stomach, the way he often did before important races. Inside the school, he asked where he could find N., and a teacher pointed toward a classroom up a flight of stairs. He wondered whether his daughter would recognize him.

Eleven months earlier, Mr. Dempster’s wife, a Thai woman named Atchariya Chaloemmeeprasert, had taken N. to Ban Phai to visit relatives. It was an unhappy time in the marriage: With a 24-year age difference, they argued often and had been sleeping in separate bedrooms. During her trip to Ban Phai, Ms. Atchariya never called home. The day she was scheduled to fly back, her uncle, a Scot who ran a business in Thailand, told Mr. Dempster that she no longer wanted to speak with him. She planned to remain in Ban Phai with their daughter.

“It was difficult to think straight,” Mr. Dempster recalled. “I just thought, ‘Have I done anything wrong?’ Nobody’s perfect, and there’s no hard-and-fast rule for bringing kids up or for relationships. But I had done nothing to justify that.”

There is often little the local police or family courts can do when one parent takes a child overseas without the other parent’s permission. But in Australia, the United States and dozens of other countries, the parent who is left behind can seek the child’s return under a 1980 international treaty, the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Countries that adopt the pact agree to help resolve international parental abduction cases by returning children to their “habitual residence,” where local family courts can determine custody.

In early 2013, not long after N. vanished into Thailand, Mr. Dempster contacted the Australian attorney general’s office to seek his daughter’s return. He soon became frustrated with the process. The paperwork was complicated. His caseworker was slow to return his messages. And once the Australian government broached the issue with Thailand, local authorities claimed they could not locate Ms. Atchariya. “It’s a failed system,” Mr. Dempster said. “It fails us all the time.”

As the months passed, Mr. Dempster started considering another option. He had read online about bounty hunters who retrieve abducted children — an entire industry of self-proclaimed “recovery agents” who operate in legal and ethical gray zones, snatching children off the street in foreign countries.

A lawyer at the Australian attorney general’s office urged Mr. Dempster to avoid these groups, which often break the law, bribing police and smuggling children across borders. Some parents have lost tens of thousands of dollars to agents who turned out to be dishonest or inept. Even a successful “recovery” can put a child in harm’s way. “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” the lawyer told him.

But Mr. Dempster was impressed by the website of Child Recovery Australia. In late 2013, he traveled along Australia’s Sunshine Coast to meet the company’s founder, a silver-haired private investigator named Colin Chapman, who got his start tracking children for an Australian television network in the 1990s. After listening to Mr. Dempster’s story, Mr. Chapman showed him images of Ban Phai on Google Earth and explained how to obtain a new passport for his daughter.

He said he could arrange a recovery for around $14,000. He told Mr. Dempster to meet Mr. Stilla in Thailand.

2. ‘Help me! I can’t breathe.’

When Mr. Dempster peered inside the classroom at Holy Redeemer, he immediately spotted N. at a desk by the window. He picked her up and walked out as Mr. Stilla followed, talking by phone with Mr. Chapman, who was overseeing the operation from Australia. “All right,” Mr. Stilla said, in Mr. Chapman’s recollection. “This is good.”

But the sight of two foreigners removing a small child caused alarm at Holy Redeemer. Taweerart Nilda had taught at the school since Ms. Atchariya and her older brothers attended decades earlier, and she followed Mr. Dempster and Mr. Stilla as they hurried out. She tried to ask what was happening, but Mr. Stilla brushed her away. “They walked in as if they had authority,” she recalled. “They did not care about anything.”

Outside, it was a typical Thai winter day — about 70 degrees, with a clear blue sky. Some older students were playing soccer. Ms. Taweerart and a few other teachers followed Mr. Dempster and Mr. Stilla through the courtyard, past a statue of Jesus underneath a red-and-white awning. By the time Mr. Dempster and Mr. Stilla reached the street, a crowd was beginning to form. The driver refused to open the car door. Ms. Taweerart started pulling N. from Mr. Dempster’s arms. She recalls the girl screaming in Thai: “Help me! I can’t breathe.”

Still on the phone with Mr. Chapman, Mr. Stilla made a futile attempt to use his bulky frame to fend off the teachers and explain that N. was Mr. Dempster’s daughter. “Now what do I do?” he said into his phone.

“How much cash have you got on you?” Mr. Chapman responded. “Start waving that around.”

The confrontation was escalating. Police officers had appeared on the scene. One reached toward Mr. Dempster, who tried to elbow him away, only for the force of the crowd to push them even closer together. A group of male teachers grappled with Mr. Dempster, trying to wrest N. from his arms.

“How long can you hold onto a kid?” Mr. Dempster told me recently. “It was a tug of war, and I thought, ‘This is too much stress for her.’ So I let go.”

3. The child abduction industry

When people think of kidnappers, they often imagine strangers in dark vans, luring young victims with candy. But most child abduction in the United States happens within families. In 2019, the State Department reported nearly 500 new abduction cases in which parents took their own children overseas. Partly because of its large number of cross-cultural marriages, Australia has a relatively high rate of international child abduction: Parents apply through the Hague Convention to seek the return of as many as 140 children a year.

That legal process is notoriously complex. Some countries, like India, have never signed the Hague Convention. Before Japan agreed to the pact in 2014, it had such a poor record of returning children that it became known as a “black hole” for child abduction. And even when both countries involved in a custody dispute have joined the treaty, the process can take years to unfold. In many Hague cases, countries side with their own citizens, regardless of the evidence.

It’s those weaknesses and inconsistencies that drive some parents to seek a high-stakes shortcut: snatching their children back. There is no official tally of the number of companies purporting to offer “child recovery” services, or of the number of parents who use them. But interviews with child advocacy groups, law-enforcement officials and the companies themselves suggest that the industry is small: a dozen or so agencies active over the last decade, usually executing only a handful of operations a year.

For everyone involved, the industry is fraught with dangers, from scams and scuffles to botched border crossings and international arrests, according to nearly 50 interviews with parents, psychologists, family lawyers, law enforcement officials and child abduction agents. Some agents say they work with local authorities to enforce family court orders. But often they intervene without hearing both sides of the story, sometimes bringing children back to parents who later lose custody in court or who have been accused of domestic violence. A snatchback, even a successful one, can be harmful to a child, leaving psychological scars that last into adulthood. And parents assume much of the risk: A company might conduct surveillance and plot an escape route but require the left-behind parent to physically grab the child.

“It’s an unregulated industry, and we have seen things go very wrong,” said Vicky Mayes, a spokeswoman for Reunite, a British charity that helps parents of abducted children. “It’s just a massive risk for parents to take. It’s a big financial risk, and it’s a big safety risk for themselves and for their child.”

For decades, many parents have worked with agents who have military experience, such as Gus Zamora, an ex-Army Ranger in Florida, and Michael Taylor, a former Green Beret best known for engineering the Nissan executive Carlos Ghosn’s escape from Japan. In recent years, others have turned to companies with names that evoke corporate power, like ABP World Group.

Preston Findlay, a lawyer for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, a Virginia nonprofit, keeps a stack of printouts about child abduction companies in a desk drawer. “Not everyone in that drawer is a straight-up concern,” Mr. Findlay said. “Sometimes it’s a group I’ve never heard of. Sometimes they pop up and change names. One group may post a picture that includes a guy who I’ve seen posted on another site.”

Typically, child retrieval groups employ few full-time employees, more often delegating on-the-ground operations to freelancers paid by the day. Many agents advertise aggressively, announcing snatchbacks on social media, granting interviews to reporters, or denigrating industry rivals in long-winded blog posts. In 2015, two operatives for Child Recovery Australia cornered a man in a shopping mall in Malaysia while his ex-girlfriend, the Australian soap opera actress Eliza Szonert, grabbed their 6-year-old son. Mr. Chapman, the company’s founder, filmed the operation, and the video circulated in the Australian media. (Eventually, the father won sole custody in an Australian family court.)

Over the years, a network of middlemen has developed within the industry — lawyers and advocacy groups who put desperate parents in touch with agents, sometimes for a fee. For more than a decade, Eric Kalmus, a Los Angeles businessman who was separated from his own child after he split up with his wife, served as a conduit between left-behind fathers and ex-soldiers who claimed to recover children. For $1,500, Mr. Kalmus would coach fathers to sweet-talk their estranged wives and, if that failed, would refer them to abduction agents in the United States or Europe. Occasionally an operation would collapse and the parent would turn on him.

“I did this because I loved helping people,” Mr. Kalmus said. “Ninety percent of the time it’s great, and then something goes wrong, and I’m the devil. For $1,500, I’m the devil.”

The agents themselves often charge much more, and for parents, the costs can be crippling. Kerry Bartlett, who works as a secretary at a hospital in the London area, sold her house to raise the roughly $60,000 she needed to extract her son and daughter from Northern Cyprus in 2017. When she returned to England with the children, she was homeless and had to move into a government hostel.

“It was my only chance to get the kids out,” Ms. Bartlett said. “I didn’t want anyone to try to dissuade me.”

Even a relatively straightforward operation can cost tens of thousands of dollars. In the spring of 2018, Keith Schafferius, a private investigator in Australia who claims to have recovered more than 100 children over several decades, was hired by an Australian father to get a kindergartner back from Lithuania. One morning, Mr. Schafferius waited outside the mother’s house until she emerged to take the child to school. “We took him off the street, and she screamed and shouted a bit, but we got back over the border,” said Mr. Schafferius, 78.

“It was a fairly simple one,” he said. “I probably cleared about $15,000 out of that.”

4. ‘That’s the difference between us and criminals’

Not long after the scrum at Holy Redeemer, Mr. Dempster sat in a cafe in Ban Phai, scribbling in a notebook. Once he had let go of N., the police had cut him loose. He was trying to stay positive. In the notebook, he made a list of everything that had gone well. His daughter had recognized him. He was not in trouble with the police.

On a blank page, he wrote, “Next plan for N.’s return.”

Back in Brisbane, he called Sean Felton, the founder of Abducted Angels, a British-based charity offering advice and legal assistance to the parents of kidnapped children. Mr. Felton advised him to contact an abduction agent named Adam Whittington.

A former Australian soldier who later worked as a policeman in London, Mr. Whittington runs Child Abduction Recovery International, a company based in Sweden. He has successfully extracted children across Europe and Asia, once accosting a child’s grandparents in a quiet neighborhood in Poland. At 44, bald and baby-faced, he is personable and eager to please, always prepared with a colorful anecdote about some especially complex operation.

He also has a history of embellishment. He once admitted to using stock images of photogenic children in some of his Facebook posts announcing snatchbacks, although he insisted the operations themselves were real. And four years ago, he orchestrated an abduction attempt that failed so spectacularly that it made headlines in Australia for months.

In 2016, the Australian TV network Channel 9 paid Mr. Whittington more than $70,000 to extract the two children of an Australian mother named Sally Faulkner from Lebanon, where they were with their father. One day that April, a team working with Mr. Whittington seized the children off the street in a Hezbollah-controlled neighborhood of Beirut. “We work a lot in the Middle East,” Mr. Whittington said. “There’s a lot of corruption, which works well for us.” But the Lebanon operation ended in disaster: Before the children could leave the country, the local authorities arrested Ms. Faulkner, Mr. Whittington, and a Channel 9 news crew that had come along to document the operation.

Mr. Whittington spent more than three months behind bars, until he was granted bail and allowed to return to Sweden. (Ms. Faulkner’s children remained in Lebanon with their father.) The botched recovery was embarrassing, and Mr. Whittington’s industry rivals seemed to sense an opportunity. Mr. Chapman, who had traded online insults with Mr. Whittington in the past, denounced Child Abduction Recovery International in the Australian media. “They’ve been a bit arrogant in their behavior,” he told one local journalist. “What were they thinking?”

LONG ARTICLE CONTINUES ...

#Child kidnappings

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