#he WILL smite a bitch

[cupophrogs]

Which of you three is the best fighter?

Also what would you say your guy’s strengths and weaknesses are?

-beep

“Dogday, easily. Drew prefers to avoid combat, and I am more suited for utility and assisting! I’m not very strong, you see. It isn’t often that any situations come to “throwing hands” as Drew calls it, but should the occasional aggressive stray come up, Dogday becomes all bite and no bark!” (He’s a little protective)

#Dagday #he WILL smite a bitch #Dogday just hands Drew off the Pops like a poodle (he’d tie his ears back if he could) #and yes he does growl #phrart #art #ask phrog #ask the three d’s #the three d’s #drew poppy playtime #dogday #dogday poppy playtime #daddy long legs #daddy long legs poppy playtime #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3

[dragomerepyrrhart]

A sequel to the image where Zeus was standing over Montague. I wanted to do a meme redraw of the “I lived bitch” meme. Monseur Montague gives zero fricks even when in the hospital.

#digital art #dragomere's own homegrown art #fortnite #fortnite fanart #montague fortnite #zeus fortnite #meme redraw #he lived bitch #Zeus doesn’t know whether to laugh incredulously or smite him

[wiseatom]

when mike figures out the difference between platonic and romantic love, it's over for you bitches!

#mike wheeler #byler #it's me. i'm bitches. #bitches is also anyone who is homophobic! he will smite them!!!!!!! #mine

[compacflt]

v common trope in this fandom but, how would your ice react after mav 100% crashes his bike or does something stupid after they've talked about "it"

maverick is canonically unkillable so ice would just shrug and ask him if he wants a new bike

#Maverick is intended for death of old age. if god wanted to smite him He sure had plenty of opportunities by now #i wrote like 2k words about how maverick sprained his wrist while surfing in hawaii while visiting compacflt ice on leave #ice just calls him an idiot once every other word and sighs long-suffering-ly and bitches about having to cut up mav’s dinner for him #’well if i could hold a steak knife i would do it myself!!!!’ #anyway. mav’s fine. as long as mav’s fine that’s the only thing ice cares about #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #asks

[newvegascowboy]

In World's Dumbest Turn Of Events, Cazador targeted Astarion and oneshotted him, then autocritted because he was knocked out. This is what we call a pro gamer move.

#not fallout #kal talks #bg3 #god that fight is so fucking annoying #karlach died like instantly and shart was paralyzed so it was just me and Astarion #thankfully shart saved and i had the brilliant idea to cast sanctuary on myself #and because i was LUCKY i had restored a level 3 spell slot and i used rune to cast revivify because hes a paladin and he can like. do that. #not that i ever use his healing spells. i just use him to cast smite on all these bitches

[galedekkarios]

is gale actually the worst guy alive or do people just have personal issues that give them a complex whenever someone else is a master of their craft and confident about it 🤔 hmmmmmmm

#im sorry but i literally never found him to be abrasive bc yes an archmage and chosen of mystra and wizard and the designated Lore Dumper #is going to be more knowledgeable than you and that's fine LMAO #and him knowing abt the tadpoles isn't him being an arrogant know it all it's just him letting the character know what's at stake #and also the others given that some of them don't know that or feel pressured to act (see: astarion and wyll) #and re the sorc vs wizard stuff.. again... someone that has to go to school and study the art Is going to #be more learned and well read than someone that doesn't #someone that was an archmage and lover to magic itself and a child prodigy etc etc IS going to #know more like . cope #i just never found him to be horrible or as annoying as people say bc i don't take offense to confidence or prowess or info dumpers? #early access is a different beast. but official release gale? the guy who shares crazy life stories every time? and is trying #to bond with your character every chance he gets? and who doesn't admonish your character if you fail to channel #the weave and instead is a good enthusiastic teacher to your character? who has a reasonable reaction to your character #not taking him seriously and is super appreciative when they do? like. L + skill issue + get over yourself + it's really not tht serious #+ i'm telling tara + i'm also telling morena + smiting you smiting you smiting you smiting you smiting you smi #this dude was mentored by magic itself. he was taught by magic itself. he made love and was ''loved'' by magic itself. he was its chosen. #he was in contact with legendary wizards by the age of eight. he cast a spell using blackstaff. he was conjuring things #as early as a toddler. if his early access prowess is still canon then this dude was able to lift entire buildings #and battle beholders super easily and after the game he rebuilds half the city using his magic. #and so on and so forth like i'm sorry to say but gale really is that bitch and he's not an awful person for Knowing that and trying to #make that known so that he can have a purpose in the group like. hello. for the love of god hello whats not clicking 😭 #and i'm not saying he's a humble precious bean i'm just saying that final release gale can be pompous and puffs himself up #but it's not like there's no merit to what he's saying LMAO #🤦‍♀️ anyway.

[thatonebylershipper]

i swear to fucking god if i see another fucking mike hater account on pinterest im gonna burn that motherfucking website down

#mike wheeler #HES MY LITTLE POOKIE WOOKIE #WTFDYMM “how can you say you love will and then ship him with mike” #“will deserves so much better than mike” #HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE ELSE WHAT IS YOUR DEAL #“ 'he has trauma' bitch what trauma???” #I WILL SMITE EVERYONE

[hbdttg]

stephen schwartz and alan menken were absolutely BONKERS for writing hellfire for disney’s the hunchback of notre dame

and not only that, but they were also totally batshit INSANE for immediately preceding it with heaven’s light

#the hunchback of notre dame #i am frothing at the mouth right now i fucking cannot #combining heaven's light / hellfire as a single track is most metal choice for a disney movie and we are so so blessed #the soft purity and hopefuly innocence of heaven's light followed by the legitimately fucked up lust and hatred of hellfire is UNPARALLELED #the sheer CONTRAST between the characters w/ quasi believing he's someone undeserving of love and frollo just being a fucking typical incel #how they both attribute definitive shifts in themselves to esmeralda #there's quasi who thinks that just MAYBE he's not the monster he's been told every day of his life he's been #and then there's that bitch frollo DAY DREAMING about her and blaming her for it #not only blaming her for it but ASKING GOD TO KILL HER BC OF IT #(but of course don't kill her if she wants me back) #(but if she doesn't want me definitely smite her) #BRO WHAT #i need to lie down this is too much #stephen schwartz #alan menken #hbd

[rateelism]

so that new dod novel chapter huh :)

#mikey manhwas #PUNCHING WALLS AND TEARING BEDSHEETS APART #MOONDAE LIKENING HIS EXP W RAEBINS MADE ME SOOOOO #moondae thinking raebins too young to be experiencing familial death when He Himself exp'd it when he was even younger.... #bitch..... #I'm going insane what the fuck #dod is biting and smiting me

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Hesiod’s Work and Days basically boiling down to “you piece of shit return my stuff or burn in hell”

it’s literally just long winded hate mail to his brother.

#I was looking up specifics on the Greek creation myth #and somehow ended up reading the entire poem #I’m pretty sure work and days is just a long tantrum #can y’all imagine taking something of your brother’s and he sends you over 8k words of ‘listen you shit this is what the Bible says’ #I don’t know what’d be funnier #Hesiod throwing a fit because some king divided the inheritance up unevenly and gave most of it to Perses #or the king make a small error and accidentally giving slightly more to perses then he gave to Hesiod and Hesiod being a stickler about it #a) implies that the king knew full well what he was doing and that’s just what was supposed to happen #and b) would mean Hesiod’s being petty over penny’s #like sure Hesiod claims this occurred because perses tricked the king and stole away with the more then his share #but reading it I kept going ‘did he really though??’ #Hesiod just seems like a little bitch ngl #I find it hard to believe that a king dividing up the inheritance didn’t notice perses taking most of the wealth #also I just sympathize more with crazy relations sending biblically backed hate mail #besides say perses really did steal majority of the inheritance #what kind of whacko actually thinks their theif of a brother would read a long winded ‘Zeus will smite you’ letter and be like ‘my bad’ #Hesiod I have some bad news for ya buddy #also #i had an epiphany #mythology is basically just a bunch of fanfiction #but the original work got lost at some point #so now the only way to know what the original content said is to read all the fanfiction and squint #have you ever tried reading fanfiction for something you’ve never read/watched?? #and you just kinda have to piece canon together from what’s most commonly written #yea it’s like that #siblings #sibling relationship #Hesiod #Greek mythology #shitpost

[jewishfalin]

I am a kafka lover myself but some of u guys r gettin a little antisemitic and weird up in here pls check urselves 😬

#franz kafka #on the topic but not exactly what ive been noticing here specifically... #once i was like looking for kafkaesque playlists bc i just want music that has the vibes of his writing ykno #and i listen to some and i look up one of the bands and its literally a neo n/zi band like 💀💀💀 #HE WAS A JEWISH MAN BITCH IM GOING TO SMITE YOU TO PIECES #a thousand plagues and deaths upon u. the disrespect

[oceansprompts]

text message prompts

[text] You okay?

[text] GO TO BED!

[text] hey you better be alive in there

[text] SOS save me please holy shit

[text] call me this date is going so bad

[text] I have way too much shit to do.

[text] Honestly I'm really worried about you.

[text] Why are you trending on Twitter?

[text] Please let me come over and pet your (pet).

[text] We are in the same building, you could come talk to me.

[text] It's not going to work out.

[text] This is a terrible idea.

[text] people have fetishes

[text] They really do crucify anyone these days huh

[text] I don't know why but that really means me want to stab you

[text] That movie was awful.

[text] For the love of god please help me

[text] I fucked up. I fucked up really bad.

[text] I'm blocking you.

[text] YOU ONE BRAINCELLED BITCH

[text] I regret swiping right.

[text] Everyone lies on their dating profiles.

[text] That absolutely can't be an actual picture of you.

[text] This forced open my third eye and I saw the devil

[text] I'm like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

-

[text] That's just all fucking sorts of fucked up

[text] Why are we here? To suffer? Every other day I get messages that cause pain

[text] In the department of old man fucking, we've got you beat.

[text] have you gotten any work done?

[text] I am beyond shame, try again

[text] You left your left your underwear at my place.

[text] Don't you dare put this on Facebook.

[text] My brother in Christ you're being haunted

[text] I want to wring you like a wet towel and slap you against a wall

[text] The mind is weak but the body is funky

[text] I'm a zombie the law can't stop me.

[text] Jealous of my massive honkers

[text] We left you to die to play minecraft

[text] She would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

[text] I puked all over the Uber driver's backseat.

[text] I just took a screenshot of that and posted it to Reddit

[text] You said you'd be right back and it's been months.

[text] Can't we talk about this face to face?

[text] Yeah, you'll come learn I just have a thing for milk

[text] Why did you like one of my pics from 2014?

[text] Now's as good a time as any to exchange nudes.

[text] Why would you send me an eggplant emoji?

[text] I write five paragraphs, pouring my heart out, and all you reply with is k?!

[text] Who would dare to lie on the internet?

[text] When I die, please delete all my shit off the internet

[text] He's so hot, I briefly started texting like a straight person

[text] And because I'm god and I've decided that; no, in fact, I'm not done.

-

[text] I know you love bloopy reggae jams, now is not the time.

[text] You better not be standing catatonic in your room again.

[text] God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

[text]: My neighbor just told me he can fix my water heater for 50 bucks. I’m skeptical.

[text]: Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy apples? I paid 10 dollars for 6.

[text]: I mean, I wouldn’t say I have a problem with buying Squishmallows..

[text]: Hey, so you know how you told me no dog? *sends pic* I don’t do well with no’s.

[text] Stuart Little is a bitch and Remy could take him any day.

[text]: My roommate just said that Lola Bunny is hot. I’m moving out.

[text]: Hey I posted that vid of you drunk, singing Ariana Grande, wearing all black and people said not to do it again. Sorry.

[text]: Do you think the price is ever right? Like, I feel like it’s not.

[text]: I booped your nose. Boop the last five people you texted or–nothing happens really.

[text]: I’m actually in the ER and it’s a long story that involves Best Day Ever from spongebob.

[text]: I fucking hate you–wait you’re not my ex. Who are you?

[text]: You ever ask yourself if birds see a bee and just go ‘wow a bee’? im high.

[text]: sometimes all i think about is–sour patch kids. bet you thought it was you.

[text]: I love you—not as much as I love my dog. But still a lot!

[text]: I found a cat on the way home and now it’s mine. But it hates my guts so this should be fun.

[text]: I have questions about the marvel cinematic universe…how long do you have?

[text]: why do donald duck and winnie the pooh not have to wear pants but other people do?

[text]: Hey you know that show floor is lava? I may have turned the apartment into that..this isn’t a joke, btw. the floor is sticky.

[text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America.

[text]: On a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me? This isn’t a tiktok trend…or it is.

#rp sentence meme #roleplay memes #sentence meme #sentence starters #text message prompts

[vael-fire]

Jesus Christ Halsin is heart-wrenching. First he's all nervous and eager for his first romance scene, then...

More Halsin spoilers below...

---

The Scene: Paladin!Tav/Halsin hook up with the drow twins in Sharress's Caress. A good time is had by all.

The next morning:

Tav: So you're famous in Menzoberranzan? That sounds like a fun story!

Halsin: Oh it is! [Proceeds to tell a tale that would trigger the shit out of Astarion.] :D

Tav: Babe...

Halsin: :D

Tav: You okay, babe?

Halsin: You know what, maybe not? Love you for noticing tho! :D

---

Between that and "Sometimes I think people look at me and think my feelings can't be hurt," Tav's just like: "The next person to reference Halsin's body in camp gets a blinding smite up the ass DO NOT FUCKIN TRY ME you dizzy bitches."

#bg3 #Halsin #Halsin romance spoilers #alonza #this is officially a Halsin stan blog

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Someone asked me to write Lucifer's take on "Bitch what's for dinner?!" Soooo...

First, Lucifer saying it to you.

He sees it somewhere online and at first is like, "this is dumb" but then he thinks about it. He knows his relationship with Lillith was rocky but he'd never once raised a hand or voice to her, but he's The Devil from The Bilble, so he has a reputation, undeserved or not. He wants to see how safe you feel with him and make sure you don't have like, an ingrained response to take treatment like that, and he's too awkward to just talk about your relationship like a normal person.

Honestly thinks you've probably already seen the video and that you'll laugh it off or playfully smack him ans then you guys can talk. So when he storms into the kitchen at the Hotel, pretending to have just gotten into an argument with Alastor, and snaps at you, his horns growing a bit, "Bitch, what's for dinner?!" He's not expecting you to look shell-shocked.

He thinks its because that was so out of character for him and you're just stunned but then you just quietly look down and respond "grilled cheese?", like you're expecting him to reprimand you the whole act goes out the window. He's in your space, not touching you yet, and babbling apologies, practically on his knees. Eventually you catch on that he was joking and hug him and ask him please not to do that again.

He agrees immediately and follows it up with, "Of course! And, lovely, darling, light of my life, if I, or anyone, ever talks to you like that, you better smack the shit out of them. Or, like if it's someone else, I'll knock their ass out. Seriously, don't ever let me treat you like that."

You do it to Lucifer.

You saw the video online and thought it would be funny. After all, there's no way the KING OF HELL would take that. You set your phone up to record secretly and brace for some sort of sassy response, slamming your hand down on the counter next to him for dramatic effect.

"Bitch, what's for dinner!?"

Lucifer's wings pop out, ruffled, defensive, hissing like a cat, long forked tongue dripping fire. Once he realizes it's you, he blinks, frowns, and makes himself small.

"Uh...I...I can make grilled cheese? Are you mad at me? Did I forget a date? Was I rude to you on accident? What did I do, I can fix it."

Oh, oh no. You're crumpled. This poor man. You're holding him, petting his ruffled wings, apologizing through tears because of course he didn't do anything wrong. You tell him it was a dumb internet trend, that you didn't think about how it could upset him, you're so sorry and won't do it again and eventually he calms down and kind of laughs it off. It was an honest mistake.

You don't let it go so easily, and cup his cheeks, forcing him to meet your eyes. "Don't you ever let anyone talk to you like that, not even me. Anyone talks to you like, you better smite the fuck out of them. Full fire and brimstone. Nothing left. Dust. Ash. Obliterated. Understand?"

He thinks it a bit excessive of a response, especially if you're including yourself, but he agrees anyway, practically swooning at your protectiveness.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer x reader

[outlawedmando]

SOMEWHERE SAFE

pairing: sihtric kjartansson × poc!reader

warnings: violence ; sihtric not married here

summary: scared of losing someone dear to you.

a/n: this is so inaccurate but i desperately wanted to write for my one love <3 kicking myself for not watching the last kingdom sooner (that's on me). this has not been edited/beta read.

also! would really appreciate reblogs + comments!!

word count: 1,3k+

COPYRIGHT ® 2023 OUTLAWEDMANDO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THIS ORIGINAL WORK IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE REPOSTED ON ANY PLATFORM IN ANY FORMAT.

SOMEWHERE IN DANELAND

The aftermath of any battle came with its own consolation prizes. Both sides of the war lost many on their sides. There were dead bodies scattered everywhere, decorating the barren field to completion. You do not remember being dragged violently on the ground, only that you could not see properly as blood had gotten everywhere—into your eyes and all.

Now as you sit on the bloodied earth surrounded by Danes jeering about how they caught one of Uthred's most trusted men. But, you knew how the men looked at you. You rather the Saxon's and their god smite you then be laid out on a platter for these savages. You did not know when your back up would come, if they would notice that you were gone. You could be dead for all you knew.

Your hands shuffled across your body, patting down all over. Your fingers had found the small dagger strapped alongside your pants on the right-side. You would die with honour if worst comes to worse.

A Dane you haven't seen before strutted in his glory towards you. You glared as he laughed drinking his ale. Most of it spilled all over the ground. He swiped his long dagger from his hip and brought it directly in front of you.

“What a prize you are,” He dragged the tip of the steel from your cheek down to your chest. “I wonder what Uthred would say now that we have one of his own.”

You spat at him, “I will cut out your tongue and feed it to you and I will watch you as you choke on it.”

His smile turned into a frown. He chucked his empty cup away as he dug his dagger into your throat drawing a sliver of blood. You winced but you sneered even more as you struggled in your binding—the rope cutting into your wrists.

“You shut your mouth bitch or I will make you.”

You swore under your breath. You eyed this man before you spat at his shoes. “Fuck you.”

“You little…” He grabbed the back of your neck. You knew there was going to be a large bruise left after. That was the least of your worries. You had endured worse. Women always bore the brunt of men’s actions. That was written in history.

The Dane brought the hilt of his dagger and smashed it against your cheekbone and switched the weapon so the blade got dragged down your neck. He was making incisions amongst your skin, the flesh open and gaping; letting blood run its course.

You steeled your face. You must show no fear. He kept on beating you, wearing your body down. Until, there was a commotion at their camp. One of the men came and addressed his leader that they found dead bodies scattered at a river.

“The sickness, it has travelled from afar. From those Christian bastards. We must prepare.” The leader addressed his men, he stared directly at you, “If you see anyone that is not a Dane, kill them.” He smirked.

You cowered in hurt as you coughed up blood. It splattered against the earth. Your body collapsed against the ground, eyes dizzy. You didn’t remember anything, only blackness.

—

Screams were heard, the ringing in your ears faded with time. The screams continued. Metal clanged against another, the sharp thrum of violence. You could hear a name being shouted, multiple times of different voices.

Everything rushed to your head, a sharp tinge rung through. White light blinded your eyes as they fluttered open, trying to refocus your gaze.

The chant of your name repeated until you saw someone crouch by your side, pushing your shoulders back and letting your body lay on the dirt. You settled your gaze upon the shadow overcast your body, you gasped.

Sihtric cupped your cheek gently, “I’m here,” his fingers caressed the cuts. “I am here,” he whispered. You groaned in pain. Whimpered at the soft touch.

He coaxed you from the ground, hand cradling the small of your back as he helped you up from the ground. Sounds of throats being slit reverberated in the decrepit environment; Uthred, Finan, Osferth and Aethelstan took care of the rest of the men.

Sihtric called Osferth over to tend to your wounds. His look of worry worsened as Osferth approached in concern. He swore openly in undiluted anger. He stabbed one of his weapons; his dagger into the ground. Uthred grimaced. Osferth tended to your injuries, mixing a salve to apply to the deep cuts. He tore fabric and wrapped it tightly around your arms.

Osferth gazed directly into your eyes, “You know he’s not angry at you. He’s angry at himself, right…?”

Silence filled the space. You replied, “I know.” Your hands scrunched into the dirt, burying your anger and sadness into the specks of soil. “I know.”

Osferth got up and smiled gently towards you. “Thanks baby monk.”

His ears tinted a pinkish red.

Finan called him over after he saw that he was done tending to you. Uthred came over. It seemed like a domino effect; each man lined up waiting to speak with you on Sihtric’s behalf. When all you wanted was that oaf of a man.

You glared at Uthred, “Do not speak of it.”

“I do not know what you mean.” He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. He lifted you up and brought you over to one of the horses and helped you up.

“Let’s get back home to Rumcoffa. We will ride as much as we can before we settle for camp.”

“Hmm.”

“You’re riding with Sihtric.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell by the way you placed me upon his horse.”

He laughed. Sihtric approached the horses side and pushed himself up and behind you. He snaked his hands around your waist to grab the reins. His left hand settled against your stomach and gently pushed you back into him. You felt the warmth of his palm. You relished in it.

A throat cleared and you snapped out of your thoughts. Finan smiled like a lunatic. You glared. The horses neighed and set off riding. Only the sounds of hooves hitting the wet ground as the group rode into the horizon safe from danger.

—

Night came upon the land quickly and Uthred decided to set up camp in favour of you being deeply unwell to continue riding in your state. Their were no complaints from the rest of the men. You needed rest.

The fire crackled, the rabbits spit roasted and charred from the fire, chewing of the cooked meat traversed the environment. No one spoke until Finan couldn’t handle the silence and started talking about one of the women in the taverns. An old tale, a tale heard many times before.

You smiled deliriously and yawned.

“Here use this,” sweet Aethelstan gave you a fur to cover yourself. It was a cold night.

“Thank you,” you said.

Sihtric stayed quiet. He stayed quiet until everyone finally dozed off into sleep.

He stayed right by your side; close by.

You awoke soon after. You could feel someone staring into your back or it could of been a nightmare. You’re not sure which. Sihtric gaze settled on you, his fingers clenched.

“Why do you hate me so?”

“I don't hate you. I hate them for turning you into this.”

“Into what?”

“Someone I deeply care for get hurt.”

“You know bloodshed will never end. Especially because of who our loyalties lie with.” You turned over to face him. You stretched your hand across and placed it onto his thigh.

“I still do not like it.”

“Well, you have to deal with it.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t pain me to see you hurt this way.”

“Neither do I when I see you hurt.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I do.”

Your hand grabbed his. “Then lay with me and rest.”

His fingers tightened around yours in agreement.

#the last kingdom #sihtric x reader #tlk sihtric #sihtric one shot #sihtric kjartansson x reader #tlk x reader #tlk imagine #the last kingdom x reader #sihtric #uthred x reader #finan x reader #osferth x reader #tlk #tlk fandom #tlk reader #poc!reader #sihtric x poc!reader

[giggasnap]

The Lich must have Betty/Golbetty on speed dial at this point. He gets so sick of Simon's transdimensional bullshit that he just goes "oh my god. Betty if you don't come get your main bitch before I smite him."

#ice king #simon #simon petrikov #adventure time #the lich #golbetty #betty #its so funny please #the lich gets so sick and tired of simon hes just like oh my GOD golb why is your malewife so fucking annoying!!!