#hahahaha WOW this is so long and self indulgent

[chansaw]

YELLOWJACKETS ANIMORPHS AU????? i had to stand up. PLEASE share some details if you can because. well. the mere concept of this has me standing up and sitting down again.

oh i am so glad you asked anon. this is gonna get LONG so buckle in. animorphs and yellowjackets are the two most iconic stories about traumatized 90s kids so it only made sense to smush them together. it’s a war story. there’s never going to be a happy ending. we were kids, and it was awful. anyways, it goes like this:

it’s around halfway through the season when the team decides to hit the mall after a shutout victory against st. andrew’s. the girls celebrate over a round of orange julius and do some window-shopping. lottie even manages to nick a cute top from tj maxx with a five-finger discount.

and then the mall closes for the night, and it’s dark as hell outside. shauna’s the one who suggests taking a shortcut back to the parking lot through the abandoned construction site.

lottie balks. “i’ve got a bad feeling about this,” she says, but the team decides to take the shortcut anyways.

it’s laura lee who notices it first. “it’s a shooting star, you guys! make a wish!” she says. everyone looks up and sees a streak of light directly overhead, brighter than any other star in the night sky

“i don’t think that’s a shooting star, laura lee,” nat says quietly as the spaceship comes into full view, and nobody moves or says anything. they just watch as the ship careens through the atmosphere and crashes into a pile of rubble.

when the dying alien war-prince hobbles out of the ship, everyone tries to keep it cool. “this is first contact, so we have to make a good impression, right? like, we’re probably the first people ever to meet an alien,” jackie says.

and then they hear his voice. <i am not the first, and i will not be the last,> he says. he doesn’t have a mouth, but they still hear him in their heads. <they are already here, and your planet is in greater danger than you realize.>

his people, the andalites, have developed a shapeshifting technology called morphing, he tells them. it allows a person to absorb the DNA of any living creature, as small as a flea and as large as an elephant, and then transform into it. there is a strict law against sharing this technology with outsiders, but the prince is dying and desperate to defeat the yeerks, who have been infiltrating earth quietly and threaten to conquer the whole planet if they’re not stopped.

he charges one of the team members to go into the ship and grab a small blue cube, so tai grabs it and hands it to him. then he tells all the girls to put their hands on the cube.

shauna, jackie, taissa, van, lottie, nat, and laura lee look at each other. “this is insane. insane!” says nat. “we have to do this,” says laura lee. “we can’t just sit back and let them take over the world, we have to fight back!” van shakes her head. “but why does it have to be us? we’re not soldiers. we’re high school soccer players.”

<but you’re a team,> says the war-prince. and no one can argue with that. <now, please place your hands on the cube. our time grows short.> it’s now or never is what he really means. everyone’s eyes turn to jackie, but she looks lost and frightened, not at all the fearless captain she was just a few hours ago on the pitch. “she wants us to,” shauna tells the team. “let’s do it.”

and so the andalite imbues the yellowjackets with the power to morph. <this is a gift,> he tells them. <but it comes with a price. you must never stay in morph for longer than two of your earth hours, or you will be trapped forever!> all four of his eyes are trained on jackie. <promise me!> “uh, yeah,” jackie stammers, in a daze. “yeah, i promise.” the prince nods weakly. <now go,> he says. <they are coming! go!> and so they run, and they don’t look back.

the next day after practice, the seven of them hang back and hold council in the locker room. they start framing the outline of a battle plan.

van’s older brother has a friend of a friend who works at the zoo who’s able to get them in after hours. shauna acquires a wolf, tai acquires a coyote, lottie acquires a stag, laura lee acquires a falcon, van acquires a fox, and nat acquires a mountain lion (cue the cougar jokes).

and jackie? jackie has never felt more out of her depth in her whole life. she barely has a handle on leading a soccer team. she doesn’t think she’s anywhere close to being able to fight in an entire underground alien invasion resistance, let alone lead it.

shauna finds her pacing back and forth in the petting zoo cradling something in her arms. “is that a rabbit?” she asks.

“a hare,” jackie corrects her. “still cute though, right?”

“yeah, it’s cute,” says shauna, “but will it do you much good in a fight?”

jackie puts the hare down. “i mean… according to that sign over there they can run, like, 50 miles per hour or something.” she sighs. “i don’t know if i’m ready for what’s coming, shipman,” she admits shakily. “running strats for a soccer match is one thing, but this,” she says, gesturing broadly, “if we fuck this up then it’s game over for the whole planet.”

“i’m scared too,” shauna whispers. “but we’re in this fight together, okay? it’s you and me. you and me against the whole planet, jax.”

tai, van, and lottie take charge on reconnaissance. they figure out that the yeerks have a front group for recruitment, some “intentional wellness community” thing called “the sharing”. and wouldn’t you know it, kevyn tan just joined up.

lottie tails kevyn to a hidden entrance to the yeerk pool beneath the school in a supply closet. nat doesn’t believe her at first, refuses to accept that it’s true that her best friend is a controller - a puppet for a yeerk host.

they go into their first battle with no planning, no preparation, and no mission to accomplish. they just storm the pool in their battle morphs and try to free as many hosts as possible.

in the heat of battle, shauna feels something thrilling pulse through her as she tears aliens apart like paper dolls with the wolf’s terrible teeth and claws. she’s a killing machine, and she likes it. she enjoys it. and that scares her.

but the yellowjackets are forced to retreat when the yeerks bring in reinforcements. they barely make it out alive, and they lose contact with jackie. taissa drags a demorphing shauna, screaming and sobbing, away from the pool with tears in her eyes.

shauna stays at school long after practice lets out. she sits on a bench in the locker room and she waits for jackie to come back.

she’s not sure when or how she fell asleep, but it’s morning again when she wakes to the sound of jackie’s voice in her head.

“you’re okay,” shauna croaks. <i’m okay,> jackie repeats. she’s still in her hare morph, and shauna doesn’t understand why. “it’s over, jax, you can come back now.” the hare’s nose twitches. there’s an undeniably human look of sorrow in its wide eyes.

“no,” shauna whispers. “no, jackie, c’mon, please morph back, come on -” <i can’t,> jackie says. <i can’t, i tried but i can’t, i had to - i had to stay hidden or they would’ve found me. and you know what they would’ve done if they caught me.> shauna selfishly wishes she had let herself get taken. at least she’d still be human that way.

“so what do we do now?” shauna asks quietly. <we fight,> jackie says.

the sudden disappearance of jackie taylor rocks wiskayok. the yellowjackets keep fighting anyways. shauna’s mom was reluctant at first, but her new “pet rabbit” seems to be helping her cope with the loss well enough.

when misty fucking quigley shows up to practice bragging about the cool blue box she found at the abandoned construction site, it puts a target on the whole team’s back. they take a vote, and decide to bring her into the fold too. they’re ultimately glad for it - “she’d be, like, a zillion times worse with a slug in her head,” nat jokes.

they keep fighting. they don’t win a lot, at first, and the victories they do snag tend to be pyrrhic. but even the smallest victory is still a victory.

the war changes them - figuratively and literally. they can’t go back to the girls they were before. but they keep fighting anyways.

#hahahaha WOW this is so long and self indulgent #would anyone even read this if i made it into a full out Thing #yellowjackets #animorphs

[witchboyjimin]

okay but not you making me go major uwu and then crack up right after with the answer to my last ask lmfaoooo

love and dedication my phone has for your story hahaha. It's brothers in arms with my Browser that goes 'oh she must mean ILHDYS when i type in anything CLOSE to the words i like how' roflmao. It's all off and go from there hahahaha

And the way i cackled over your first reply to my question. It's just quite something, writing smut, huh? I was genuinely gonna say i haven't done that before but then i remembered three separate fics i wrote in teen wolf where i decidedly and irrevocably DID write that lmfao. But not as on the kinky side as yours. I do wonder tho, if you don't mind further questions of course!! How do you go about writing and putting ideas into plot and paper? Like, when do you go oh that's totally gonna be a thing I'll write and what remains a daydream only kinda thing? Hard to answer probably, huh.

I do enjoy all the smut you wrote and write, even though some things are not as much my thing if I'd consider writing myself. But first and foremost, writing is supposed to be self-indulgent imo and i can usually appreciate it the extra bit if it's apparent the authors joy is in the fic and story hihi

- cabin anon ✨

kekeke i was like i can be honest here, can't i?

dkfnsjk clearly u and ur browser are the #1 ilhdys fans wow!!! incredible!!!! you're visiting it more than me kdjfn i had better step up my game

i feel like writing porn/smut is such a...you do have to be in a certain mood and it can be quite daunting. especially because i think people sometimes assume writing porn is easy when it is. really not. i'm super grateful that jimin inspires me so much because idk if i could have written as much porn as i have if not for him. that aside, incredibly exciting that you're writing for/wrote for teen wolf fandom!!! truly one of the best fandoms out there in terms of porn AND creativity. there's some really cool story-telling in teen wolf.

as for your questions: i think i ruminate on fic ideas quite a bit. i also think, for me, i need time for an idea to kinda stew so that i can write it down the way i envision it, too. i think the fic that ends up being written vs the stuff that stays a daydream is just based on what is a reoccurring daydream/how often am i thinking about a certain idea or scene because the more you think about the same thing, the more likely you are to write it down.

of course, there are ideas i think about relentlessly that don't get written but i think usually in those cases, it's because something's missing from the story i'm telling. likely, part of me thinks it's a dull story because the plot isn't giving what i think it needs to give. i find lately i get bored very easily if i daydream about a fic and the stakes are really low or it feels like there's not a lot of tension or points of conflict. one of my current wips has kind of been put on the backburner because the plot's too basic/fluffy for me so i need to ruminate some more and figure out what story i want to tell.

also, i think with writing now i am trying to veer away from some of the traps fic lands you in eg. i want to write more fully fleshed out characters who aren't 100% likeable. i feel like with fic and especially bts fic, there's like this expectation that you only write wholesome versions of bts who never do anything wrong but that is not how real life works so a lot of my wips are being revisited and will likely be rewritten so that i feel more engaged with what i'm writing. when the characters are perfect and the plot's super low stakes, i lose interest and i'm glad i've realised that.

god! so very sorry for how fucking long this is and kudos to you if you even read this far fjdnk thank you once again for such a fun ask cabin anon ✨ you are so delightful! hope you have a great weekend!

#anon #replies

[datingdonovan]

okay but what about you + hinata + beach wedding

me to me upon reading this ask: please stop thinking about 27 dresses lol😂😂😂😂 I can't stop seeing that wedding setup in my mind and im like no no no a fancy beach wedding???? I'll die of corniness I can't do it hahahahaha

ok but I have DEF imagined MANY TIMES the possibility of not wearing a dress for my wedding and just doing like, white shirt, white shorts, somewhere adventurous and fun. I always envisioned it on some hike but yk what???? short small ceremony on the beach where everyone wears casual clothes and the only thing I care about is getting lost in the eyes of this gorgeous red haired man I met literally right here three years ago??? bc if the beach has sentimental value I guess in my mind it maybe has less corniness value hahhahahahhaha then we kiss and we all play beach volleyball afterward and I get to see him smile doing what he loves??? I can get behind it... maybe. if its not too corny hahahahaha.

#haikyuu matchups #tag :):):) for self indulgent reasons #hinata shoyo #wishterya #ask #asks #haikyuu!! #sorry it took me so long to answer this it just kept accidentally becoming a post about my anxieties around weddings #bc im a woman who doesn't shave so I sort of fear occasions where im expected to wear fancy clothes #bc I don't want my clothes and my body and my gender expression to become a hot topic of conversation during an otherwise fun day #maybe that's a dumb anxiety to have but like???? I do worry about it #idk how other hairy women feel but thinking about that sort of thing makes me sort of nervous #so like wearing casual clothes would make it feel less stressful lol #idk if that makes sense!?!?!?!?! #lol but hopefully Hinata doesn't mind me being a hairy woman???? #wow me being insecure in the tags?? what else is new HAHAHAHA #ok sorry everyone this is such a cute idea despite the fact that I would fear people judging me for being hairy wearing a wedding dress lol #hahahahaha Maria I love your mind though omg. queen of wedding aus who???? :):):):)<333 #thank u for sending🥺🥺🥺<3333

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s April 2019 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

Guess who’s back, back again... I actually wrote that when I drafted this post a month ago and I’m keeping it cause it’s funny ahhaha So this month has been a ride, hasn’t it? I’ve read some amazing fic though, so I’m super excited to talk about it with you! I read quite a few from the Shake Off the Dust collection as well as fics from the beginning of round 2 of @onedirectionbigbang and other various things as I tried and failed to keep up with all the new fic coming out haha We are so blessed to have so much amazing fic. So, without further ado, here are the fics I read and loved this month!

Hazy by @nikogda / nikogda This fic was written for me because I was anxious one day and they saw a post referring to it and they wrote this as a soothing fic for me and lemme tell ya, IT WORKED. It was so soft and... well... hazy. haha I loved it. A great fic to come back to on a rough day, for sure!

Keep Your Hands Up, So I Can See by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse / GMTYUniverse This fic was such a great HP AU! It was enemies to lovers with a touch of misunderstanding and frustrations and just all the good things with cameos by some of our favorite characters from the original series! I loved it very much a lot. It threw me into the world and made me smile quite a bit.

it's in his kiss by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface This is where Maggie took what she wrote through requests on ask and posted them to ao3 for the kiss meme and lemme tell ya! There’s some ships she wrote that I never felt a desire for, and she wrote them so perfectly that I almost started shipping them hahahaa Each chapter is it’s own little world and it pulled me in so entirely that they felt like full fics! How does she do that in such few words? I dunno. But they’re all glorious. Every last one. Defo a great read when things are hard too, i’d read a chapter when I had a moment and it made my busy, stressful days so much better.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 I think this one was written for the short fic fest, and I loved it so so much! She describes Harry’s movements as “giraffing about” or something like that and I will never stop laughing about that. Add to it that Harry in the fic legit thought Louis was a mannequin and I just DIE. It’s amazing. Such a silly, fun fic!

Soju (소주) by @gettingaphdinmomo / gettingaphdinlarry This is a Shiall fic that just drew me in. It has such a visual and atmospheric pull to it, like all of her fics do, and it makes you almost feel as if you’re somehow there. I dunno how she does it, but her magic is worked for sure with this fic and I had to just sit there, and process when it ended. A fun, short fic to easily get lost in.

Just Go With It by @rainbowsandlovehl / rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife) This fic!!!! Meet Cute heaven! It was light and fluffy and awkward and silly and I loved it so much and for real this Brett character was TOO MUCH. hahahahaha With the added fun of the little jokes like talk of organic guacamole etc and I loved it so much. It was the smile I needed.

All I Want Is To Fall With You by @2tiedships2 / 2tiedships2 Mel keeps posting fics that are so fun! How does she do it? This time the crew takes on a ski trip and Louis has to deal with stupid alphas staying in the same cabin without knowing about it beforehand and of course nothing goes to plan! That’s half the fun, though, right? Besides. The alphas aren’t that bad. haha

Do You Wanna Ride by @phd-mama / phdmama She wrote this fic for @justalittlelouislove and I screamed reading it the whole time. I took so long reading it because I kept stopping to scream and share how uncomfortable I was over the obvious awkwardness and sexual tension and it was just SO SO SO GOOD. The embarrassment just gahhhhhhh I loved it.

Strawberries & Cigarettes by @dimpled-halo / dimpled_halo A year later I FINALLY read this and I loved it as much as I knew I would. I wanted pain, and it gave it to me! It gave me pain and healing and a gorgeous story. It was such a great read, I’m so so happy I finally had the time to dedicate to it because it was just. So much of everything I love.

Let It Down by @red--special / red_special This fic has also been on my to read list for ages and I am also so so happy I got to read it finally! It was such a great fic and so much fun and so sexy and funny and awkward and I wanted to bask in it a little longer. It was so so good. hahahaha I keep thinking about the tattoo and I can’t stop giggling. Just do yourself a favor and read this fic. haha

Like A Siren In The Night by @crazyupsetter / whoknows This is an a/b/o fic that I could not get enough of or read fast enough. It’s historical, though that doesn’t play a major role, and the playing with the world building was SO MUCH FUN to read. The way their relationship developed as well was just DELICIOUS. I loved every second of it.

please forgive me if my lips quake by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface Girl direction! With a cat! I was heart eyes the entire fic and once again, such feeling was evoked in it that I wanted to just sit and enjoy it for awhile longer. Sigh. What pure enjoyment! I loved it.

I was the King (tonight let it go) by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren I... Okay listen. lollll I didn’t write this obviously, but it felt like such a self indulgent read I almost wished I had? If that makes sense? It was everything I love. I LOVE the emotional side and thought behind BDSM. Like, that’s most of what makes it so so so interesting and fascinating for me to read, and Sada gave that to us with this fic in DROVES as well as the fighting against natural inclinations etc etc etc. It was just a fab fic and I loved so so so much of it.

Failure to Launch by @all-these-larrythings / Rearviewdreamer Michelle has a way of taking things I don’t know about and making me love them so so so much. This film was one that many I knew loved and I felt mainly meh about it, but I knew if Michelle wrote it I would love it, and I WAS RIGHT. She took all the things I was not fond of in the original and twisted them so it still referenced the original source, but made it so much better. I loved it so so so much because it was so very much like the original film, but also very much her own. 

Come Home to Me by @pocketsunshineharry / ishiplouis I wanted pain, and pain was what I got. I cried and I kept waiting and waiting for things to come together again and they finally did! But WOW the pain leading up to that! It was amazing how much was harnessed in it. I will say, please beware the tags. Some heavy topics are handled in the fic - including some depression/anxiety etc - so please be safe with that. A great read, though! 

fondre ton absence by @scrunchyharry / scrunchyharry OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I just. I’m a sucker for WWI and WWII period anything. It’s one of my favorite periods in history for the social, political, militaristic, just EVERYTHING historically. I find it fascinating and I adore it. I was both excited and wary how this would go then, knowing how much I love it. Well. I cried the entire way through and was in awe of how the time period and everything was handled. It’s an amnesia friends to lovers wartime period-typical homophobia acknowledging fic which basically means it is my dream fic. I cannot rave about it enough, much less the incredible art that was done by @whenthebodiesspeak!!! It was STUNNING and yeah. Just. Amazing. A masterpiece.

An Unbalanced Force by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie MAROLD HAROLD with art by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse! I cried a few times during this one and it was such a realistic and beautiful and comprehensive view of a relationship, of adulthood, of trying to find love again after, just... all of it. It is a study of flawed individuals trying to make do and learning where their lines are and it is gorgeous. I loved it so so so much and I keep randomly thinking about it. A great fic and worth the wait and teasing she gave us over the months! hahahaha

That's What I'm Here For by @taggiecb / taggiecb ANOTHER DREAM FIC, ANOTHER FIC THAT MADE ME CRY! I cannot rave enough about how this big bang has kicked off, like, I just truly cannot. @noellehenry did a gorgeous moodboard for it as well, and I just. Demisexual farmer Louis who has been on his own for so long he just. Hardly knows how to be social anymore and Harry has to come and teach him and I’m about to give away spoilers so I’ll stop but this fic is so close to my heart, okay? I love love love love love it.

To Carry Onward by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry THIS LITTLE FIC!!! I keep yelling, I know. Sorry not sorry. But for real it’s 500 words and just...so full of love and longing and mystery and hope and I cannot. I love Emmu’s words and worlds and this is no exception.

A Spell and A Spark by @dinosaursmate / dinosaursmate It’s out in the world! This fic was everything I needed when I read it. I was having a really rough time, and I would get to the end of those days and get to read this fic and it soothed me, cheered me, and took me away to another world. It was so much fun and just pure joy to read. And then the art that @londonfoginacup made for it! It was such a great combo of writing and art. Another wonderful fic for big bang!

{insert acclaimed artist} was never even in love anyway by underthesunlight This is the first of several fics I read from the Shake Off the Dust collection and it was such a fun read. It was domestic and silly and soft and it made me smile.

Primtemps by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry She’s just so good, isn’t she? I finished this fic and almost immediately went back to the beginning because I wanted to read it again. It’s so soft and you could almost SMELL what she was describing. It was a perfect read of a perfect day and it made me long for the days in the past that I’d had like it. Glorious.

Taking Care of You (Is My Favorite Thing) by @allthelarrylovex / cherrylarry Niam! Not usually my pairing of choice, but I loved it so much. I also very much identified with the shitty allergies aspect of it as I am dealing with that myself at the moment, so it just had me sitting there nodding like IT REALLY DOES SUCK BABES I GET IT hahaha

You Keep Me Warm by @crinkle-eyed-boo / crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks) I’ve not read Own the Scars yet, but I still read this despite it being a time stamp, and I’m so glad I did. I loved it and it made me smile. It also made me want to read the original, so I can’t wait until I have a chance to!

Love's Gentle Spring by @laynefaire / Layne Faire (HisDarlin) This is also a continuation! It’s a fun addition to her spring drabbles from last year, which are not necessary to read in order to enjoy this, though it does add to the fun hahaha I loved that little series so much and was very very glad she made this addition!

Housewives of Our Lives by @homosociallyyours / homosociallyyours I’ve never watched any of the housewives shows, but that didn’t matter. As usual Megan wrote a fic that had me wanting to be their friend and hang out with them as they did these ridiculous things because it sounded like such fun. I loved it as well.

A Larry Limerick by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie I know this was mostly silly and to be funny, but I enjoyed it so I’m including it here hahaha

sun, here it comes by @louandhazaf / YesIsAWorld and It's been a long, cold, lonely winter by @kingsofeverything / FullOnLarrie I’m putting both of them here, because if you haven’t read them yet you should. They are two sides of the same story, and I fully recommend you read them in the order I listed them too haha I did and it was wonderful and delightful and basically all things good. SO much fun.

just me, him, and the moon by HazHas4Nips This was cuuuuuuute! I don’t even know what more to say, I just keep sitting here and smiling thinking about it. So I guess if you want a fic that makes you smile, this is a great little one. 

Spring Break by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 This fic came out of a partially true story and it was so much fun to finally be able to read what Anitra did with it haha I was giggling and loving it so so much the entire way. As usual. Can’t go wrong.

What's Mine is Yours by @uhohmorshedios / yeah_alright This fic is listed as a Narry fic, and it is, but it’s Narry friendship which made me giggle so so so much! hahaha It was so funny and the way Harry was described and Niall’s just...almost annoyance? I can’t even explain. It’s so much fun. 

Latching Onto You by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain This fic is pure fluff. Fluff and silliness and all things sweet and good. I was trying to find the best way to describe it and the first thing that came to mind was it was a bowl of sweet dessert and I finally realized it’s a parfait. It’s got layers, but all of it is sweet and soft and yummy. hahaha SO if that sounds like something amazing in a fic, then you defo wanna give this a read! 

Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren I’ll be honest, I finished this one around 2 am after a very long day and had to wake up too early again this morning, so I still haven’t fully computed this fic lollll Just know the pain is real, it is glorious, the journey the characters all take and the way Harry and Louis’ relationship grows is so incredible, I just... this fic is everything I’ve wanted in an a/b/o since I started reading a/b/o almost five years ago haha 

And that’s my very long fic list from this month! I hope you enjoy them as much as I did if you give them a try. And please remember to leave nice comments and kudos for the authors who work so hard to gift us with these stories! Happy reading :D

#mine #fic list #my fic rec #fic rec #april 2019 fic list #28th appreciation #fic writer appreciation

[bbhyuckie]

jaehyun x reader

librarian! au

genre: fluff

words: 1.7k

warnings: realistic portrayals of college life lol

ive said before that im being self indulgent with posts

but this is really it

im really out here writing this

lets get into this mess

so youre studying right

and you yourself do not have a laptop of your own

bc welcome to being a broke college kid im calling myself out

so you decide that youre gonna go to the library on campus bc sis,, cash in on the tuition money ok

so you go and youre like wow hahahaha i dont have a library card better sign up for one

so you go to the desk and theres no one there

just your luck really

you decide to wander around a little to see if theres anyone who can help you

and low and behold you stumble across someone

this young man knelt down by a shelf with a book rack next to him just humming softly and organizing books

and you catch his attention by clearing your throat slightly

he looks up and his eyes are big over the rims of his wire framed glasses that are clinging to the tip of his round button nose

and his hair is a little mussed from being bent down

but holy hell

youve read enough novels to know that this must be exactly what the characters are talking about when they say things like ‘love at first sight’

“sorry” he says as he standcs and brushes himself off “can i help you with anything?”

starstruck really

you manage to stutter out something about needing to register for a library card and he smiles so kindly it makes u want to melt

“sure!’ he says, motioning for you to follow him back up to the desk

is this what a trance feels like???

he asks you a few basic questions, like your name, your age, and what building your dorm is in so he can put it all on your new nifty library card

and then he turns around this lil webcam on top of his computer and asks you to stand in front of it and smile

and you do, awkwardly

and as hes looking down at the computer counting “3, 2, 1” he has this smile on his face like hes trying to hide it

and if that didnt make ur heart jump you dont know what ever would holy

so he prints off your card as youre still trying to recover from being in the presence of an angel

and he hands it to you and smiles

“library hours are 8 am to 12 am every day, but on the weekends i’m the one that closes. which means if you ever need some extra time to finish that essay you pushed off,,, i wont tell anyone”

aND HE W I NK S

and not lot a hot wink

but a cute?? wink??? if thats possible

like you have a secret with him now and its safe

you wonder absently as you stare down at the black and white picture of yourself on the back of your new card if he tells everyone about him closing on the weekends

and if he doesnt does that make you special???/

you smile and thank him again, maybe a little more confidently than before and head for the door

you realise as youre halfway out that you came here to study on the computers but you really need some time to sit down and process the fact that you just say an actual angel

you can do your math homework on your phone for one more night if it means you can turn down your body heat from screaming blushing mess to slightly embarrassed rosy cheeks

the next time you get a chance to run by the library on campus, it just so happens to be sunday

you catch yourself wondering if dream boy meant friday and saturday or saturday and sunday when he said weekends

thats not important right now

what is important is that you have actual business to do in the library today

and that business is to pick up hamlet for your english class

you check in and someone else is at the front desk

you try not to let yourself feel disappointed

i mean you met him once for christs sake

the guy at the front is equally as attractive as dream boy from the previous week, but a little more relaxed to talk to since he isnt giving you any flirty subtones

the kid is all business really

he tells you that his name is doyoung if you need anything else

you ask how he got the job there, out of curiousity

because really, both of the librarians youve encountered seem pretty young for the standard librarian stereotype

doyoung explains that its a work-study job, so nearly all the people that work there are students at the university and work in between classes or on their off days to make some extra cash or pay off some tuition

and you can get behind that!!

so doyoung is cool and you decide you can go to him to ask questions instead

because while dream boy is a dream boy with pretty cheekbones and nice lips and a smooth voice and a good sense of style and a great height without insoles and looks great with glasses and has the most captivating eyes

hes a lil distracting lol

anyway you find yourself in the shakespearean section

and you grab a hamlet off the shelf and head back up to the front to have doyoung check the book out to you

and as hes handing you the book back you get a classroom notification saying that, despite common belief, the book rental wasnt due by tomorrow, but the whole book reading is due by tomorrow

you wonder how the fuck professors get away with shit like this and then you remember that you didnt bother to read the syllabus so you cant really get too mad at anyone but yourself

so you find a table that looks like it has the comfiest chairs and cozy up for a long evening of reading and annotating

(depending on who you are you either love or hate hamlet, either way it is exhausting to annotate anything from that man so bear with me ok)

five hours later and ⅔ of the annotations later it is 11:56pm

and you havent noticed

you hadnt noticed much of anything happening in the real world after you popped in a headphone and started reading about guards seeing a ghost

that is until someone plops down in the seat in front of you and asks

“so what are you studying”

and you look up, a little delayed because youre finishing a notation

only to find that its dream boy

and your brain blanks for a sec bc wow every time you see him its kinda like?? ouch???? my heart bro

so you just kind of shake your head and mutter some “im not really sure anymore”

and theres some truth to that!! first there were ghosts and now theres dead girlfriends dads and dead girlfriends and talking about a skull in a graveyard

that play is really a wild ride brother

and dream boy sits there and laughs, wholesomely

you could die happy

“yeah i get that” he says, rubbing the back of his neck

theres a pause that carries on a bit too long

“wanna hear a dumb joke?” he asks suddenly

you smile then, partially out of exhaustion and partially because wow?? cutie

“sure” you say

“okay. what do you call a nervous javelin thrower?”

you pause for a sec bc wtf

“dunno. what do you call them?”

he flashes this cute fucking grin that you know is supposed to be slick but just comes off as wholesome and says

“shakespeare”

and you shouldve seen that coming wow

and its so dumb that you actually??? giggle????? and that turns into a laugh??

youre probably just exhausted from annotations but maybe that was actually funny

and his smile softens like hes made progress on something

“y/n, right? i dont think i ever actually introduced myself. i’m jaehyun”

he smiles and reaches across the tabe and you take his hand

its warm and strong and you try not to think about it too hard

“well, y/n, library loses here in another two minutes or so.”

he sees the look on your face fall

“but never fear!” he leans forward and lowers his voice

you hold your breath

“i told ya you could stay, didnt i?”

his smile is closed lipped and cute and genuine

before you can say anything hes up and ushering the last few people out of the library, telling them good night and good luck with their classes tomorrow

youre kind of caught in a brain dead daze after finally being pulled from your studying to watching this cute librarian named jaehyun bustle around and lock doors and turn off lights

and when he finally gets back to you he clicks on the lamp on the table youre working at and sets a cup of coffee in front of you

he mustve made it as you were falling asleep with your eyes open

you thank him copiously before asking

“i thought you let everyone stay after hours when you closed”

he looks up over the rim of his mug with a surprised look in his eyes

he shakes his head as swallows the clearly too hot coffee

“not at all. most of the time i kick them out and study by myself.”

he blushes like its a confession and it makes you feel,,,, something

but you dont want to press

so you just reach out and offer your other headphone to him because if you dont know what to say then you can both enjoy some good study music

so he pulls out his homework for the night and the two of you sit there and study

you sip off your coffee occasionally and both of you nod your heads to the music playing in your ears

he hums along to the ones he knows and a thought skips across your mind

you could get used to this

(theres a 100000% chance there will be a part two to this)

#nct #nct imagines #nct x reader #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #doyoung #nct doyoung #nct u #nct127 #librarian au #i love jaehyun #hes my closet bias #library.txt

[rontra]

Hey Rontra. Sorry is this is too personal, but I was recently diagnosed with autism (high functioning) and even though it didn't tell me anything new per se, I've been trying to wrap my mind around it. Do you have any tips for getting through the transition period?

Hi there friend!Omg yeah getting th diagnosis can be super weird even if it’s not necessarily new information, I totally get what you mean lmao

Even tho it’s personal I don’t rly mind talking about it at all; just remember that this is a suuuuper individual experience and you might not relate to my thoughts on it at all–and that’s okay! I’m happy that you decided to ask for advice, but if mine doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay–and I’m sure there’s other posts out there that can add to this you might relate to more (but I’m on mobile so sadly can’t help much there djfhshs sorry). This kind of advice is hard because everyone’s so different xD ahhhhSpoilers: my tips are very mushy and sentimental ;9

But this DID get long so I’m gonna cut the post fbdbdhdhhs I’m very chatty ;v;

So for context’s sake: I was also diagnosed with autism relatively recently–at 20 years old (am 21 now). While I don’t know how old you are, I’ll assume that you’re an adult or close to it as well–which to me made the diagnosis feel really weird and time-displaced! Like I wasn’t “supposed” to be diagnosed so late, bc it’s “supposed” to be noticed in childhood and thus I’m somehow not “allowed” to relate with other autistic people (obviously, that’s not a correct line of thinking). I felt like, even though it totally makes sense and it’s def the appropriate diagnosis for me, it was weird–definitely difficult to sort of keep up and get my head around it. Everything in hindsight of my life makes 100% sense through this lens, and yet, it felt surreal. Not WRONG; but it was complex.

I think a lot of that stemmed from those two decades of suppressing the traits associated with my autism; things like downplaying or ignoring hypo- and hypersensitive sensory experiences, actively suppressing stims, and expending 90% of my day-to-day energy on just trying to slip “under the radar” in social interaction(let alone do well at it, God forbid). It wasn’t something I did out of conscious self loathing or anything like that; I actually assumed everyone grew up this way, and the world was just supposed to be a fuckin incomprehensible mess of unpleasant sounds and obscure subliminal social cues that people drop just for fun and sometimes things just swirl together into a big mess and you can’t focus and you can’t talk and this is just how the world IS. That we all grow up feeling like aliens and we’re all just pretending. That specific feeling wore off as I grew older and more prone to feeling directly isolated (so now IM the only alien), but the idea that “the world just Is Like This” stuck. It was HUGE to me when I realized that neurotypical people don’t usually relate to that mess. And, more importantly, that all this time-and-energy-consuming self-discipline was suddenly unnecessary, because those things had a reason and they had a meaning and they were mine. That’s weird. It’s good but it’s weird. To take in that those things have patterns and explanations and other people feel them too is overwhelming and beautiful and weird.

It’s weird as hell to feel like some kind of spy in a foreign country trying to blend in with a culture you don’t understand for 20 years, or some kinda alien, an animal in a cage doing tricks for a faceless crowd, only to have that moment where–it’s OKAY and things MAKE SENSE. It’s mine and it’s good and i don’t have to work so hard to be “like them” because I’m not. I can’t be.

I can’t be! Even when people call me (and you) things like “high functioning” it’s measuring my ability to be “like them”–which is something I can’t be. It’s measuring how I function compared to a neurotypical person, and it feels moot, because I’m NOT. It’s a measure of how good I am at pretending to be neurotypical. And guess what: after 20 years, I’m pretty damn good at it! :p

It makes sense, but it’s scary. Because I can finally get to know me, the autistic person–the person I’ve been subconsciously smothering for 20 years. That’s scary, and exciting, and comforting, all at once.

So after all that rambling, here’s one tip: lean into that. Hard. Indulge in something that makes you go “wow, this is pretty autistic” (whatever that might entail for YOU; I get really into obnoxiously elaborate organization systems for my hobby supplies, as one example) and just…let yourself enjoy it. Try a bunch of stim toys if you haven’t had the chance. Find a friend who has an hour or five to spare and tell them about your special interest, if you have one. Explore how you feel when you’re treating yourself to this kind of thing. Feel it all the way through. Take your time to get to know it.

I didn’t really go out and do research and look up more than I already knew–I focused way more on what I was feeling and how this new set of facts interwove with that, that it all made sense and for the first time I was in control of that and could indulge it consciously in a very pleasant way. I am more at peace than I have been in a long time because I’m expending less energy suppressing myself, while simultaneously spending more time being gentle to myself and indulging those autistic traits to bring an overall soothing. I think reviewing your own history and figuring out what makes your autism tick is super helpful in making you comfortable with it–finding what things appeal to you and utilizing those tools fully with the “armor” of your diagnosis. Before, I was often worried because “other people don’t do this” or “doing that is weird”–now, I do these things (stimming, accommodating for my sensory needs, etc) without feeling as bashful about it, because I know now that this is part of my experience with autism. I have that word, I have this diagnosis, and I can use that as my shield against those 20 years of pressure and shame. And if someone thinks my stim or my avoidance of certain touch IS weird–well, that’s their problem, lmfao. I spent 20 years suffering; I’m going to take full advantage of this new flourishing beauty.

To me, this experience isn’t about learning something new (as you said; it’s not new information)–but leaning into it and embracing what was there from the start. If you’re like me and have spent most of your life suppressing these things, indulging them may help you transition through the “whoa” into the “this is good” :p leaning into it HARD was def one of the best things I did hahahaha

another thing I did a lot was just reflection–I’ve spent a lot of time going over my own behaviors, reflecting on the past through this new lens, that kind of thing. I’ve been exploring my own mindset and how my brain works all over again, and connecting the dots to my diagnosis like some huge constellation chart, and it’s one of the most soothing things I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s because I’m big on organization :p Just kind of training myself to apply this new sexy word to it was important to me. To be able to say “oh, I do this thing because autism” or “hey I’m autistic too” and use these terms in a real way helped make the diagnosis and how it applies to me “real” to me as well.

People (neurotypical people, that is) talk to me about “acceptance” and “coming to terms with” and such–and they’re saying the right words but they don’t mean the right thing. They say it like I feel bad about autism. They’re saying it like autism is bad. It’s not. This wasn’t a difficult diagnosis to get–its not really one i struggled to cope with receiving. But they’re right that it is about acceptance, and it is about coming to terms–it’s just a far gentler thing with a different emotional starting point. I was learning from scratch how to take care of myself, with a whole new box of tools and terms to help me; it was flourishing, it was thriving. It was not a scary new disease or some threatening Autism $peaks rhetoric; it was merely understanding, and accepting, and giving myself positive things I’ve been keeping away for too many years.

Step 1 to managing my difficulties is understanding them. Step 2 is being kind.

Upon receiving this diagnosis, things may simply seem to make a lot of sense. Maybe you don’t really feel like it’s a “big deal” the way people around you seem to. It might just be that perfect moment when a puzzle piece clicks into place and it was always meant to be there. That dissonance between other people’s behavior and how you feel might be confusing too (I had this!).

Now, you probably understand things in a new light. It’s a good thing to become closer with yourself. Be nice to yourself and explore your experience of the world with a new light–you don’t necessarily have to do anything huge with that new info, but acknowledging it and naming its root and learning to use it to be kind to yourself in the future is cool. Don’t pretend like it isn’t there; name it, in your head, when you notice a trait in yourself that stems from it. Let yourself know what those things are and what they come from, and make adjustments where necessary to accommodate them. Be kind to yourself and don’t worry.

It’s good. You are good. You have always been good. Thank you.