#got up at 1am and been going places to get party stuff and groceries and then had a party that lasted forever and ughhhh

[vintagedolan]

forgetful (egd)

it’s not like Ethan to forget things, so there’s no way he forgot your birthday... right?

word count: 4.2k

requested by: anon (thank you beeb!) 

warnings/tags: sad!ethan, forgetting of a birthday, panic attack, mentions of sean, angst (but it’s resolved cause im a weak fluffy bitch oops)

feel free to send in requests! i’ll write most things! hope you enjoy :)

This was one elaborate plan, you’d give him that. And he was hiding everything so well that you were ridiculously impressed. You went along with it, not wanting him to think that you were suspicious of anything.

“You all packed?” You asked, pouting a bit as he zipped up his bag and stood it up on its wheels. 

“Yep. It’s just for a few days, I’ll be back on Thursday. Need some family time with Mom,” he reassured you. 

Thursday. Your birthday. 

You never really made a big deal out of birthdays but after you had gotten Ethan two new custom longboards for his, he had promised you an epic celebration for your big day. And he hadn’t let you in on the secret at all. It took all your self control not to pry and ask questions as you followed him out to the car where Grayson was waiting. Was he even going to Jersey? Or was this all some big ploy? You wouldn’t put it past him. Either way, you knew you weren’t going to see him for a few days, which pulled at your heart strings a bit.

“Okay, well fly safe, and let me know when you all get there,” you wrapped your arms around his torso, squeezing tight. He nuzzled into your hair for a moment, squeezing you even tighter than he usually did. Between the way he was talking and that, you could tell something was definitely going on. 

“I will. I love you,” he said, leaning down to kiss you goodbye. It was quicker than usual. It only convinced you more.

“Love you too,” you smiled at him, letting go and moving to hug Grayson goodbye. You waved until they were out of sight before going inside, with a million thoughts of what he could be up to running through your head. 

He text you a quick made it safe about 6 hours later, right on time for a landing in New Jersey. You sent back some hearts and a response. 

Have fun hanging with your mom, I know you’ve missed her. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you! It was a subtle way of trying to assure him that he didn’t need to be talking to you when he should be visiting with his family. 

He sent back a I will baby, I love you too and you left it at that. 

The next day went by fairly slow for a Monday. You piddled around the house, getting some work done and generally just relaxing. Ethan FaceTimed you around noon, and was acting even weirder than before. Something was definitely up, and you couldn’t help but get a little bit excited. He must be planning something big if he was this nervous about it. 

Tuesday was even weirder. He sent you a good morning text, but you didn’t hear from him again until that evening, and when he called you could tell that he was exhausted and wasn’t much in the mood for talking. It puzzled you some, but worried you more than anything. 

“Are you okay baby? You seem a bit off,” you asked.

“Yeah, I’m just tired. I need to go to bed. I love you.”

“I love you too, get some rest.” 

By Wednesday, you were actually starting to get concerned. You considered texting Grayson - if Ethan was actually upset about something, his brother would probably tell you. But you felt bad at the idea of going behind Ethan’s back so you waited. 

It was 9pm your time, which was midnight back in Jersey, when he finally facetimed you. He was in a bit higher spirits, which made you smile. His day was much more interesting than yours had been, so you listened to him talk about anything and everything, just content to hear his voice. When he finally got through all the events, he asked all about yours. There wasn’t much to tell, but you walked him through.

“I’m sure tomorrow will be more eventful,” you teased, rolling your eyes a bit.

“Yeah, about that. Cam is coming to surprise mom tomorrow, and Gray and I are gonna stay an extra day so we can see her. It’s been ages since we’ve all been home,” he explained. You balked. Was he kidding? You watched him closely, trying to see if he was joking or not. You noticed that he was fidgeting a little bit, one of his nervous habits. Something else was up. 

It clicked for you then - he was probably setting up the surprise, wanting you to think that he wasn’t even going to be in the state. Sneaky.

“Okay, that’s fine,” you responded, secretly looking around the screen to see if you could spot a camera. He would be filming this for sure if there was a video, and you didn’t want to ruin it.

“I was wondering if you could do me a favor tomorrow though. Louis Vuitton is getting a shipment of new stuff in for me and Gray, and we’re supposed to pick specific stuff by Saturday, do you think you could go get it and bring it home so we have more time to decide once we get back?” 

There it was. 

The weird get-you-to-a-certain-place excuse that was customary with any Ethan surprise. You breathed out a sigh - for a second there you really thought that he had forgotten. This was one of his less creative ideas, but you rolled with it anyways. 

“Yeah, I can get it. What time am I supposed to go?”

“Whenever is fine! Thank you baby,” he offered you a soft smile.

Weird. Usually he would be specific on a time. Oh well. He definitely just needed you out of the house so he could set up whatever it was. 

“You’re welcome. Isn’t it like 1am there now? You should be asleep,” you reminded him.

“Yeah, we’ve gotta get Cam pretty early in the morning so you’re probably right. Well, I love you, I’ll check on you tomorrow. Goodnight!”

“I love you too, goodnight baby.”

It was hard to sleep that night. Your mind was racing with a million different things, trying to think of what he would be planning. He was probably on a plane already. You woke up throughout the night, convinced you were hearing him sneaking in. But eventually you fell asleep with no dreams.

And when you woke up the next morning around 9am the house was empty and quiet. You didn’t feel any older, and to be honest it didn’t feel much different from your past few birthdays - you usually spent them alone. You walked around the house cautiously, peeking around corners to see if someone was there to jump out and surprise you. No one showed, so you simply went to the kitchen and made yourself a quick breakfast. 

Once that was done, you went back to Ethan’s bathroom and started getting ready. It had been awhile since you’d done a full face of makeup, and you put on one of your favorite outfits as well just to make you feel nice.

As you were putting your shoes on, you felt your phone buzz. 

Morning baby! what’re you up to? was the text from Ethan that came across your screen. 

morning! I’m headed to louis to get your alls clothes

You felt the butterflies starting to mount as you headed out to the car. Who knew what was gonna be there when you got back. Deciding to make the most of it, you stopped by your favorite coffee shop and got a drink on your way to the store. The workers were nice as always, even helping you to get all the garment bags into your car before waving as you drove off. 

The excitement mounted with each minute that passed on the way home. You were practically bouncing by the time you got to the driveway, opening the gate and pulling in. Nothing looked different - of course, he would have hidden the cars somewhere. 

You gathered all the garment bags, holding them high above you so they didn’t drag the ground, hoping you wouldn’t drop them if someone jumped out. 

Opening the door slowly, you braced yourself.

And nothing. 

Nothing happened. 

You kept walking, placing the bags down over the couch. 

“Hello?” You said, listening to the echo. There was no response. And then it hit you like a ton of bricks. 

No one was here. 

No one was coming.

You’d been forgotten. 

The tears came quickly, hot and angry down your cheeks. It took a moment for you to realize that you were actually embarrassed. You’d made up a whole scenario in your head that your boyfriend was planning some major surprise for you, when in reality he was actually across the country with no idea what day it even was. It stung much more than you thought it would. 

And so, you sat on the floor and cried, leaving tear stains on your outfit and throwing a full on pity party. You felt stupid, and childish, and unloved all at the same time. A tiny sliver of hope remained, but when you got a snapchat from Grayson of them in the car with Cam, it faded too. 

After about an hour you managed to get yourself up off the floor, going through the motions. You hung the boys clothes up in their closets, cleaned up your makeup; it was still your birthday. You were going to try to have a good day if you could. So you went back out to the grocery and bought yourself a cake. A whole ass cake in your favorite flavor, and you had the bakers write “happy birthday to me” on top of it in white icing. 

As you drove back to the house, your sadness started to turn into anger. You didn’t deserve this shit. You deserved to be celebrated on the one fucking day of the year that was about you. And you were happy that Ethan was getting to see his sister - you really were. If he had told you about it and been apologetic that he couldn’t be there for your birthday, you would have understood. But it was so very obvious that he’d completely forgotten, and that was what bothered you the most out of anything. 

When your phone rang with a facetime from him, you knew better than to answer it. You would say something that you really, really regretted. You let it ring through as you pulled in the driveway, carrying your cake inside and sitting it on the counter. Your phone rang again, and you ignored it. 

He seemed to give up, and sent you a text instead.

Hey baby, we ended up needing to get a flight tonight so I should be home around 11 or so your time. didn’t want you to get scared if you heard me. can’t wait to see you, I missed you!

You closed your phone. You didn’t trust yourself to not be an asshole. You knew that as soon as Ethan realized what was going on he was going to feel absolutely terrible. So you didn’t want to be a complete asshole. But... that didn’t mean you couldn’t be a little bit petty. 

So you decided to stay up until he got home. And by stay up, that meant waiting in the kitchen for him with your cake on the counter so he could realize exactly what had happened. Petty. But justified. 

The wait was long, but worth it when you finally heard them coming down the driveway. You started eating the cake, making sure to just get the corners because you wanted the words to stay visible.

The door clicked open and shut, and you heard the rustling of the boys coming in.

“Tell Y/N I said hey if she’s up, I’m going the fuck to sleep,” you heard Grayson explain, not even coming into the kitchen.

Good. You didn’t want him in the middle of all this anyways. 

Ethan almost passed you on his way to his room, but you caught his eye. His entire face lit up when he saw you, and you felt your resolve to be petty crack a little. He was so damn cute, it was hard to stay mad at him. 

“Baby you didn’t need to stay up! I figured you’d gone to sleep early since you didn’t answer earlier,” he grinned, coming over to you. 

“I’m awake.” Your tone stopped him in his tracks - he was on his way to kiss you, no doubt. You were even surprised at how mad you sounded. It wasn’t like you to pick a fight. 

“I can see that. Are you okay?” He was more cautious now, looking around to see if he could figure out what was happening. You gave him a minute before you took another bite of cake to give him a clue.

He looked down at the icing, and you watched him mouth the words as he read it. 

“Did you buy a clearance cake or something? What’s going on? I’m confused.”

“I can wait until you figure it out.” 

You watched the gears turn in his head. When he looked up from the pastry, his eyes were wide. 

“What’s today’s date?” He asked, his voice meek.

“I’ll give you one guess,” you murmured, taking another bite.

“Oh no. Oh no no no no,” he said, hands coming up to his hair. He held his head for a moment, and you noticed that his chest was rising and falling too fast. He stumbled a bit, reaching back to catch himself on the counter. His hand slipped slightly - was he sweating?

You pieced it together immediately. 

Panic attack.

Any anger, any pettiness you had flew out the window. You dropped your fork, running over to him and grabbing his hand. 

“C’mon, come with me Ethan it’s okay,” you said, guiding him as quickly as you could to the room you shared. They always resolved quicker if he was in his most comforting place, so when you got him in the room you immediately guided him to sit on the bed. 

You knelt in front of him, holding his hands in yours. 

“Breathe in while I squeeze, out when I let go, okay? Just like we always do, and it’ll stop. I’m right here,” you reassured him, squeezing his hands. To your relief he was able to take a deep breath in with you, but he exhaled immediately, panic still overriding. 

“You’re. You’re gonna - leave.” He was gasping through the words.

“Ethan I’m right here. I’m right here, I’m not leaving, no matter what. Just breathe baby, just breathe.” 

It took almost 15 minutes to get him fully calmed down, and you only knew it was over when he opened up his arms for you. You climbed onto his lap, no hesitation, wrapping your arms around him. 

It didn’t matter how angry you were - nothing was worse than seeing the man you loved in pain. You couldn’t stand it. 

“I am actually the biggest piece of shit to walk the face of the earth,” he mumbled into your shoulder a few moments later. You shook your head, pressing a kiss to his hair. 

“No you aren’t, I’m -”

“If you apologize, I swear to god,” he cut you off and you fell silent as he sat up and looked at you. “Please, please do not try to make me feel better right now.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” You asked honestly. You felt guilty that your pettiness had caused him to panic so quickly. 

“Yell at me, scream at me, be fucking pissed off that I literally forgot the most important day of the fucking year,” he said, exasperated. 

“I’m not gonna do that.” You couldn’t do that was the correct answer. “Besides, I already had my fun. With the cake.” 

Ethan looked like he was going to explode.

“So I forget that today is your birthday. Not only do I not have a whole party and surprise for you, but I don’t even say happy birthday. And you spend the entire day alone, while I’m just fucking around on the other side of the country.”

“You were with your family, that’s not fucking around.” 

“While I’m just fucking around on the other side of the United States-” he repeated. “And your revenge on me was to buy yourself a cake...”

“And be petty about it,” you shrugged. He looked at you in disbelief. And honestly, you were surprised at yourself too. You’d been so hurt and mad earlier, but all that anger had left you somehow. Something about being with Ethan put you at peace, even in the most unsettling of situations.

“That wasn’t even being petty! What do you even mean!? How are you not screaming at me right now!?” He practically yelled. 

“I mean yeah, I was sad, but I pretty much hurt my own feelings.”

His face was actually red with frustration.

“Please explain what ridiculous way you’ve convinced yourself of that.”

You hesitated.

“It’s gonna make you sad.” 

He didn’t say anything, and you sighed, knowing he was gonna make you tell him. You looked down, toying with the hem of his shirt as you explained.

“Well, I thought it was kinda weird that you were going home so close to my birthday, so I kinda convinced myself that maybe you were surprising me or something. Like pretending to be gone, but actually you were gonna be here. And you seemed off while you were home, so I thought maybe you were just planning stuff, or maybe you were nervous about pulling it off. And I thought you asked me to go to Louis to get the clothes so you had time to set stuff up. But then when I got back I realized you were still in Jersey. So really it was only bad because I thought something was happening.”

“I am a piece of shit,” he repeated after a moment. 

“What was going on in Jersey that had you acting so weird?” You poised, trying to change the subject. He was going to continue beating himself up over forgetting, and there wasn’t much you could do to stop him, but you were genuinely curious as to what had been going on. You knew him well enough that you were sure that it was something - you’d just assumed wrong when guessing it was about you. 

His arms tightened around you slightly, pulling you to his chest while his cheek rested on your shoulder. Sometimes, he found it easier to talk about things when he wasn’t looking right at you. 

“It was Mom and Dad’s anniversary last week. It’s always really hard for her, and Grayson and I wanted to go see her to make sure she was alright, but we couldn’t get out there on the actual day. But we went to his grave on Tuesday, and I realized I hadn’t been back out there since the funeral. It stirred up a lot of emotions for everybody, but it was really nice being home with my family, even just for a little while. We facetimed with Cam while we were there, and she got upset too and wanted to see everybody so we got her a flight to come up for the day.”

You took a minute to process everything, and then you leaned back so that you could look at Ethan.

“Baby why didn’t you tell me? If I’d known all that I would have told you to stay longer.”

“I just... I didn’t want it to be a big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal.” 

“Yes it should. Your family is the most important thing to you, it always has been and it always will be. That comes before anything,” you reassured him. “If your mom was having a hard time, you did the right thing by going to see her when you could.”

“My dad always handled everything so well. Always had a million things going on at once and never dropped anything. And I can’t even remember two fucking things.” His voice was getting rougher, and you could tell his throat was tight. You put a hand behind his neck, running your fingers through the hairs at the nape of it.

“I just wish I could be more like him. I always fuck everything up.” 

“You don’t Ethan. You’re more like your dad than you’ll ever know, he raised you to be an amazing man. I see parts of him in you everyday.” 

And for some reason those words broke him down, and he began to sob. You hadn’t seen him cry like that in a while, but when you had, no words could comfort him. So you just held him tightly and let him cry his way through it, running your fingers along his back gently and occasionally pressing a kiss to his temple. 

When he had finally cried himself out he just melted into your shoulder and let you hold him for a while. It was a few more minutes before he spoke.

“This must be a wonderful birthday for you. Your asshole boyfriend forgets about it, then comes home and spends the last hour of it in a panic attack and then bawling like a baby over his dead dad. I sure do know how to bring the party huh.” 

You leaned back to meet his eyes, and he had been so monotone through the whole thing that you couldn’t help but laugh. Your giggle caused him to start to crack, and before you knew it you were both cackling so hard you were crying.

“We’re quite the duo,” you teased, taking his face in your hands and wiping his tears away.

“I really am so sorry baby. I feel terrible.” 

“It’s alright Ethan. You had a reason, and to be honest it was kinda fun being petty for a minute. I don’t get to do it often,” you said. He was already forgiven. To your surprise, instead of arguing, he took your wrist in his hand, turning it to look at the time on your watch. 

11:58

“It’s still your birthday. Can I give you your present?”

“You got me a present?” You perked up.

“Of course I did, I’m not that shitty.”

“Gimme,” you smiled, holding out your hands. He smiled at that, putting his hands on your hips and lifting you off his lap. You watched him as he went to his closet, reaching behind one of his shoe boxes to pull out a small blue wrapped box, followed by an envelope. You made a grabby hand at it, making him chuckle as he handed them over.

“Which one should I open first?” 

“You’re the birthday girl, you decide,” he grinned.

You opted for the envelope, pulling it open and looking inside. There were a few pieces of paper, but you chose the one with Ethan’s handwriting on it first. In his messy scrawl you read:

plus a shopping spree for anything you want to take with us :) 

“Take with us? Where are we going?!” You exclaimed.

“Open the rest of it,” he urged. 

You reached in and found two plane tickets to Maui. 

“Holy shit! We’re going to Hawaii!?” 

“We leave in two weeks. I figured it was about time we went there by ourselves. I got us a nice little villa to stay at, and we’re gonna go clothes shopping for whatever you want. Though, I do request you pick out many, many bikinis.”

You smacked his chest before you kissed him.

“This is too much. Way too much.”

“Not possible. Here, open this one. It’s not as exciting, but I think you’ll still like it.” He passed you the box and ripped off the paper. What else could he have possibly gotten you?

When you pulled open the box, you gasped. It was a beautiful ring, with a raw black crystal on it that had a tiny blue stone nestled in it. It was obviously hand crafted, and it was just your style.

“Ethan this is beautiful,” you said, picking it up and admiring it. “What kind of crystal is this?”

“It’s black tourmaline, and the little stone is zircon, which is my birthstone. Black tourmaline is for protection, so it’s my promise to you that I’m always going to keep you safe.” He took the ring from your hand and slid it onto your finger. 

“I love you,” was the only response you could form as you crawled forward and settled yourself back in his lap. You kissed him hard, trying to say what you wanted without the words. No one had ever gotten you a gift so meaningful. He kissed you back, responding to each move you made, reciprocating as you lead, hands wandering. 

He took you by surprise when he stood up, hands moving to your ass as he lifted you and carried you towards the door.

“Where are we going?” In all honesty, you didn’t care. 

“I’m declaring it birthday week, and we’re celebrating every day. So we’re starting day two with cake.”

“I have sad news.”

His feet stopped and he looked at you, quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s not dairy free.”

He gasped a bit in mock hurt, but it turned into a smile that you kissed off his lips a moment later.

“Well then, I’ll just watch you eat cake and think of all the ways I’m going to spoil you until your next birthday to make up for this one.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” 

#this was so hard because I KNOW he would spoil the shit out of his girl for a bday #so this was the only realistic thing I could think of happening #i hope I did your request justice beeb! #thank you!! #lynds writes #ethan imagines #ethan dolan #the dolan twins #dolan twins imagines #ethan dolan imagine

[12b-nondo-blog]

Set Free

William Sendo

I’m never allowed to go to ‘foreign’ places without my driver.

Growing up, I have always been accustomed to being fetched either by my parents or my driver. It was only when I entered De La Salle University last grade 11 when I was taught how to commute. There’s a catch though. My mom said that she I am only allowed to commute only when it is an emergency. Believe it or not, I do not even have Grab downloaded on my phone. Never have I ridden a Public Utility Vehicle alone. I always had to be accompanied by someone that I know.

One odd thing is that, mom does not let my driver accompany me to a place that we seldomly go to. Basically, the only places that my driver is allowed to accompany me is to anywhere in Makati City, Bonifacio Global City, Pasay and/or Taft. I have to admit; my driver really is bad when it comes to navigating unknown places. You might ask, why won’t my driver just use GPS applications like Waze or Google Maps? Simple answer. The ability to connect to the internet is very expensive. This made my trip going to Binondo delayed, and sketchy. If I tell my parents that I have to go to Binondo, they would probably suggest that they would come with me. But, where’s the fun in that?

I had to create a plan. To a relief, it wasn’t that hard. I just had to find a friend to come with me and accompany me in commuting. And so luckily, I had found Jericho and Joseph. Jericho had a restaurant near Binondo. I saw this as an opportunity I cannot pass. Joseph however, gave me a counter-offer to come with me to Binondo. Being very passionate about cinema and photography, Joseph, together with his PracRes groupmates, asked me if I could help them create a film for their thesis. The good thing is that, the location of the film was only in Arroceros forest park. The said place was only a few steps away from LRT Central Station; which was also just a station away from Carriedo Station – the closest station to Binondo and Jericho’s restaurant. What a perfect combination. We set March 9, 2019 as the day we execute this plan.

Aside from the Binondo trip, I was supposed to go to my friends’ party in BGC. I wasn’t sure whether or not I would be able to go since I did expect that this day would be filled with everything academics related. I expected that I would be really tired by the end of the day and I also prepared myself to not feel sad just in case I wouldn’t be able to go. Besides, academics first right?

I told my parents that I had classes on a Saturday; thus, classes will start at 7:30am – 5pm. I didn’t tell them that I had a birthday party later on the night, since neither was I sure if I would even have the chance to attend it.

I was off to school at 6:30 in the morning with my driver. He dropped me off and I told him to fetch me at 5 in the afternoon. I arrived at school 7:00. I waited for Joseph until 7:30am. We rode a jeepney going to Arroceros Park as we cannot take the LRT since Joseph had a toy gun that would soon be important for the film. Admittedly, I was pretty nervous. As far as I can remember, the last time I rode a jeepney was about 5 years ago with my mother. Filming started at 8 AM and ended at around 12:30 PM. The plan was to go back to La Salle to drop off our stuff. We booked a Grab going back to school.

We arrived back at school at 1AM. I texted Jericho that we were already in school. He promised us the day before that we would go together to Binondo. He wasn’t replying to any of my texts and messages in Messenger.

1:00 PM – 1:14 (Me)

Jericho, san ka na?

(sent this multiple times)

1:15 PM – (Jericho)

***o, kagigising ko lang. Sabi ko sa inyo gisingin niyo ako.

No one told me that texting already had a built-in alarm that you could send to anybody. This conversation basically just repeated until 2AM. He was very late. I started thinking about my friend’s debut. The party is 5 hours away. Binondo to BGC? Will I make it on time?

We took the LRT going to Carriedo station. I trusted Jericho so much. He told us that he lives near the place and that he is very familiar with it. Contrary to this, he was very confused on where to go when we arrived there. We walked around this market full of unusual (well, at least for me) objects. This included: airsoft guns, sex toys, knives and stalls selling/offering fake ID/documents services. We came to a point that he admitted he did not know where he was going anymore. Joseph, being the braver guy in our company, asked some of the locals where Sta. Cruz Street was.

We arrived at Kim Hiong: Food Garden at around 3 pm. His grandfather sat on the cashier half asleep. Jericho gave a kiss to his grandfather while we proceeded to our table. The walls were painted and green and were filled with old pictures of their menu. In my opinion, the restaurant may have looked a bit cheap because of the plastic tables and chairs. The servers welcomed us warmly. One of the managers then approached us to give us the menu.

Ah ito pala mga kasama ni sir! Said the manager.

The menu was crumbling. It looked like they didn’t even bother reprinting the menu since the store opened decades ago. I happen to ask Jericho when they started this restaurant. There I found out that they weren’t really the first owners of the restaurant. Jericho told me that they purchased and renovated the restaurant about 10 years ago. I’m still hopeful that the food will be good. We weren’t able to choose our own food. We actually let Jericho pick his favorite from the menu. Besides, he was going to be the one to pay for the food anyways.

They first serve us Beef Stew soup. I get to be the first one to have a taste. Jericho waited anxiously for my review whether or not I liked it. Was it good? YES. The soup was warm and was mixed properly. I just wish that they should have at least put some beef bits in it. They soon serve us Beef Shrimp Fried noodles. The noodles were good. Maybe I give it a 8/10 for a score. It was fine but I got satiated really fast. The serving itself looked like they just poured the noodles in. Lastly, they served us Fried Wonton. In my opinion, the fried wanton did not taste good. One of the reasons that I hated it was because for me, it did not taste like Wanton. For me it tasted more like Chicharon – and I hate the taste of Chicharon.

4:00 pm – We finished eating. Before leaving the place, we noticed that Jericho’s picture when he was young eating was posted outside the restaurant. It was literally the center piece of all of the advertisements. We found it very funny and decided to take a picture with it.

We started walking to Binondo. Even though Jericho’s place is basically Chinatown already, we still wanted to experience what it was really to be like in Binondo. Weird but, I’ve been to other countries’ Chinatowns more than the number of times I’ve been in Binondo - well, this is my first time in Binondo. I already had some ideas and expectations of what we will be able to see in Binondo.

I expected that it Binondo would have a lot of stores – especially those stores that sell herbal medicines. Indeed, we actually saw a store selling those stuff. Personally, as someone who prefers prescribed medicines over DIY herbal medicines, I find it quite weird to see Chinese herbal stores. I asked Jericho why they love selling different types of herbs, and he told me that the Chinese have a lot of beliefs when it comes to the benefits that different herbs bring.

Next, we visited this lucky charm store. The store was full of gold items, gems, lucky chrms and many more and plus, they differed in sizes. My personal favorite was a globe that was made out of (fake) gold. I really loved how it looked like. I personally don’t believe in lucky charms, but I have to admit that the amount of work put into these items are phenomenal.

The third store that we went to was this specific store that sold Chinese delicacies. Jericho brought us there because he wanted us to taste his favorite snack/dessert there. He brought us to the side of the mini-grocery wherein the Almond Jelly were to be found. The Almond Jelly looked like a white Leche Flan. I personally did not like the taste since it reminded me of the scent that my dad loves to put in our car. It was that specific smell that you would smell from an item that stayed in the car for a long amount of time.

Lastly, we went to Binondo Church. Outside, I was really amazed of the old architecture. When we went inside, I was astonished of the painting on the ceiling of the church. It’s really uncommon to see painting on the ceilings in churches here in the Philippines. That’s something I only see in churches abroad. Of course, I offered a prayer before leaving. I prayed that I would be able to catch up to my friend’s birthday.

It was already 5:15pm when we arrived back in La Salle. My driver was already there since I did tell him to fetch me at 5pm. Now, I had the choice. I was really tired, smelled bad and wasn’t even wearing party clothes at least. Will I still go to her party?

I hope she understands why I wasn’t able to go. I technically did it for academics. The Binondo trip was really something special. Not because of we are required to go there for CNF, but what I have experienced with my friends. Casing point, having to make your own decisions felt so amazing. The spontaneous decisions that I have made me feel that I was set free. From going somewhere I’m really not supposed to go to (alone), to riding PUVs even though I’m not allowed to, to eating food that I’ve never really tasted before, to going inside stores I normally never bother to even look at or to simply just going to a Church with my friends. And that is what I traveling should be, go where your feet could take you and try to keep it as spontaneous as it can be.

[sevenkookiejars]

“We’re both in the vegetable isle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages” + namjin? 👀

Pairing: NamjinPrompt: “We’re both in the vegetable isle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages” AURating: PGWord Count: 1,726 A/N: I got carried away writing this so for the sake of everyone’s dash, I’ll put half of it under the cut ^~^ (p.s. the cute/fluff stuff is near the end, so read this all the way through!)

This probably isn’t the best idea Seokjin has had but while some people drink away their pain or indulge in retail therapy, grocery shopping has always been the best sort of comfort for him. Which is why Seokjin finds himself welcoming the blast of warmth from the 24-hour hypermart’s interior as he steps through its sliding doors. 

Except it’s past 1am and Seokjin’s probably drank one shitty mix too many and he feels a little less in control with the alcohol running through his system.It isn’t Hoseok’s fault for dragging him out of his apartment to a party though. Seokjin understands, really, because he’s been a moping mess if he says so himself, and Hoseok is one of those people who finds comfort in loud music and bad alcohol.

“It’ll be fun, hyung” was Hoseok’s response to Seokjin’s weak excuse of “I don’t party”. And Seokjin’s grateful for a friend like Hoseok, even if he doesn’t particularly enjoy parties, because Hoseok’s trying to cheer him up and comfort him in the only way he knows how. 

“Who knows, it might be good for you, you know?” Hoseok’s tone was light but Seokjin still caught his meaningful gaze, heavy with concern. He pretended not to have noticed it. 

Hoseok took it upon himself to bring drinks over in the next few hours at Jackson’s place, seating himself down to accompany Seokjin instead of joining the mess of bodies on the makeshift dance floor. Seokjin tried to lose himself in casual conversations with strangers and overbearing music, but three hours in and he’s had enough. 

He convinced Hoseok that he was tired and wanted to catch some rest, insisting that Hoseok stayed on to enjoy the party. Shrugging on a single heavy coat, Seokjin then stepped into the darkness of night to make his way across the wintry streets.

But of course, the mart with its bright lights and toasty heating distracted Seokjin, which is how he ends up inside, a basket in one hand, walking towards the fruit and vegetables section. It’s Grocery Day tomorrow anyway (or today to be exact, since it’s past midnight), and Seokjin figures there’s no harm doing it a little early. 

The familiarity is comforting and at this time, it’s almost void of customers. Seokjin takes his time, steps still a tad sluggish from drinking as much as he did. He picks up bananas first, before moving to select some apples. The fruits look pretty good this winter despite the early chill, and Seokjin’s glad he can keep up with his whole “an apple a day” ritual. Hoseok laughs at him for it but Seokjin’s adamant that it’s what keeps him from catching a cold when the seasons change. 

He’s just picked up two packets of Brussels sprouts and is turning around to see what other vegetables he feels like buying when he sees it. The section with a whole lot of cabbages on display. 

Seokjin freezes. No, not now. He can feel the lump in his throat growing and Seokjin fights to swallow it back down. This isn’t the right time and definitely not the right place for this kind of flashback. 

No, Seokjin tells himself sternly, but his body doesn’t exactly obey his mind with the alcohol running through him, and he feels tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. His vision blurs and Seokjin stands helpless as hot tears flow freely. It’s pathetic how affected he is even after two weeks. He can’t control the tears, so he only hopes that the cashier doesn’t hear him in the quiet of this enclosed space. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands there sobbing as quietly as he can. Maybe it’s a few minutes, or something much longer, but there’s a tap on his shoulder and Seokjin glances up out of reflex. 

“Hey, you alright there?” There’s a boy who looks about Seokjin’s age frowning a little at him in concern. 

Seokjin blinks back at him through swollen eyes, sniffs once, twice, before coming back to his senses. Turning his face away, Seokjin hastily swipes at his eyes before muttering a soft “yeah, sorry”. 

“Here.” The boy extends a pack of tissues into his line of sight and Seokjin hesitates before taking it. “I was passing through this aisle and saw you crying so I figured I’d… you know, see if you’re fine." 

His voice is low and gentle, somewhat comforting in Seokjin’s mess of thoughts and he finds himself calming down a little. Seokjin ducks his head again in apology, not trusting his voice at this point (he might just break down again if he opens his mouth). 

"Hey, you look kind of familiar,” the boy starts again, and Seokjin almost snorts at that despite his teary state. If that’s a pick-up line, it’s probably one of the worst he has heard. Seokjin hazards a glance at the boy to find him staring back, rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

Seokjin’s about to retort with something when the boy’s eyes light up. “Oh! You’re the lead role in last year’s theater production, senior Kim Seokjin?” At Seokjin’s dazed nod, the boy smiles, dimples showing. “My roommate Taehyung has been gushing about how great a senior you are." 

Of course it has to be Kim Taehyung that’s roommates with this guy. Great, so Seokjin possibly just threw his reputation that he’s worked hard to earn down the gutter. Because if Taehyung’s roommate over here spills whatever happened today to Taehyung, half the faculty’s going to know about it by the next week. 

Seokjin holds back the urge to collapse dramatically to the floor (it’s not his fault that he’s a theater major). Instead he lets out an oddly strangled "thank you”. 

The boy, oblivious to Seokjin’s internal struggles, continues with growing excitement evident in his voice. “Taehyung says you’re really good at acting, and that you’re really nice and are always teaching your juniors." 

He’s starting to gesture exaggeratedly, all hesitance lost. Cute, Seokjin thinks, before catching himself, because hold on a second, wasn’t he still sobbing over his ex just a few minutes ago? 

”… and Taehyung also says you’re an amazing at cooking.“ Seokjin stiffens at that, eyes automatically darting back to the cabbages. He can feel the waterworks starting again, even as he wills himself not to cry. 

"Hey,” the boy stops rambling. Somewhere at the back of his mind, an irrational part of Seokjin thinks that he kind of really misses his voice already. A sob escapes his lips and Seokjin tries to muffle it with the sleeve of his coat. There’s a hand on his arm now, touch light and hesitant. “I’m sorry, Seokjin-ssi, I must have said something wrong." 

Seokjin shakes his head in disagreement, taking a shaky breath. Because this boy has been nothing but nice and sweet to a random stranger that is Seokjin (aside from hearing about him through Taehyung). It’s probably nearly 2am now and Taehyung’s roommate was probably just dropping by to grab something. He can very well be in bed sleeping right now if not for Seokjin, and yet here he is. So really, as cliched as it sounds, it’s not him but Seokjin that’s the problem, and Seokjin really should get that out to him to take away that frown of concern on his features. 

But as always, Seokjin and alcohol means that his mind and everything else just don’t cooperate. "My ex broke up with me because he hated my cabbage kimchi,” Seokjin blurts in place of a “I’ll be fine, I’m sorry for taking up your time”. 

The boy blinks once, twice. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he says. 

And Seokjin really should shut up right now, but his mouth decides against it. After all, it’s about food. Food and cooking, and Seokjin without alcohol can’t shut up about that, let alone his mildly inebriated self. “I wanted to surprise him with my kimchi stew but he said it was too bland and horrible and that he hated it. Hated my cooking,” Seokjin says queitly. “I swear I stored the kimchi over the last winter though." 

Seokjin knows he’s whining by now. Hoseok chides him teasingly for it but Seokjin really can’t help it, especially when it’s about his cooking. But now that he’s done it again, Seokjin feels a flush creeping up his neck, embarrassment setting in two paces too late. Belatedly, Seokjin realises that he not only offloaded his sob story on a stranger, but also came out to him. Great job, Seokjin, great job. 

"He doesn’t know how much he’s missing out then.” Seokjin glances up, surprised. The boy’s gaze is on him, steady and calm. 

“What?” Seokjin says. 

“I would never have broken up with you over homemade kimchi,” the boy replies. There’s a beat of silence, before the boy colors, eyes widening at the realization of the implication behind his words. “I-I mean, I uhh, Taehyung says you’re amazing at cooking, I can’t even trust myself with a stove and I only do microwaves so… umm… no, what I meant-”

This time Seokjin cuts him off with a hand around the boy’s wrist. The boy’s ramble trails off and Seokjin smiles the first real one he’s had in two week. As much as Seokjin loved the boy’s calming presence before, he finds this flustered side of him undeniably adorable. God, he’s got it bad this time, and it isn’t even the alcohol thinking, Seokjin is sure.

“I’ve still got some kimchi for stew left,” Seokjin starts. “And my apartment is in the block next door. Care to join me for supper?" 

The boy locks gaze with Seokjin, surprise evident on his face. "You’d cook for me?" 

Seokjin nods, grinning despite the tightness in his cheeks from crying. "Come on, let me grab a few things and we can head back. By the way, I never got your name." 

"Kim Namjoon, sophomore, English major” the boy says. “And you’re saving me from microwavable mac and cheese.” Seokjin laughs at that and Namjoon flashes him a dimpling smile. Seokjin thinks he can definitely get used to a smile like that. 

“Call me hyung,” he replies. “And you’re helping me with my English script in exchange for the free food." 

Seokjin decides then that this grocery run, is maybe the best idea Seokjin has had. 

A/N: This prompt honestly caught my attention when I first looked at the prompt list because it’s kind of funny and cute all at once, so thank you so much annonie for choosing this prompt! (and namjin!! bc awkwardly-cute and kind namjoon is too hard to resist ♡)

Send me a prompt and a bangtan pairing, I’ll write you a short fic ♡

#networkbangtan #armiesnet #jinseoknet #rapmon-net #rapperlinenet #replies #anon #namjin #namjoon #seokjin #storyboard #bts #bangtan #bts fanfic #i'm sorry if i'm not that good at fluff stuff #i'm not sure if i did this prompt justice >_<

[dknc3]

Well, grad party weekend is almost over and I appear to have survived. It was a close thing for awhile there, though! 

Long text post under the cut summarizing the weekend’s adventures. (And giving a pretty good illustration as to WHY I’ve been a tumblr absentee of late, LOL!!)

About 30 hours prior to party time, I received a call from #2 telling me he felt like death and had been unable to rise from his bed except to stumble to the bathroom for nearly 24 hours! Why he hadn’t felt it necessary to tell me this when texting with me the night before about coming home from school for his brother’s party, who knows? Anyway, he NEVER complains about being sick even when he is and he sounded like death and answered “no” to questions about having Advil, water, or cough medicine in his dorm room or any way to get them or any capability of driving his car around the block much less home.

So, I embarked on a 3 hour round trip to fetch my sickly second son, guiltily leaving my husband with an insanely long party prep “to do” list in my absence. One of us at least had to work on preparing both the deck and yard (where we WANTED the party to be) and the big ugly unfinished basement (where we feared a lot of the party might have to be because the weather forecast was getting shittier by the moment.) I had to be the parent who took the road trip because A–I am willing to drive much faster than my law abiding husband and therefore could accomplish the rescue mission more quickly, and B–MAMA is the parent best at caring for our ill babies, regardless of age.

When I got #2 into the car, he was burning up with fever, hacking like someone with tuberculosis, and complaining that EVERYTHING hurt! I gave him Advil and water and apple juice which I brought along and told him if it wasn’t May I’d swear he had the flu. Those words proved prophetic when I took him straight to the doctor’s office once we got back into town and he tested positive for INFLUENZA A!!! Seriously? Who comes down with the freaking flu in late May?!? Apparently, MY KID. On the eve of his brother’s grad party.

So I got him a prescription for tamiflu, a bunch of decongestant and cough meds, and tucked him into his bed before launching back into full force party prep.

Mr. DKNC, quite proud of himself, had purchased two nice canopies which he set up on the deck. They would do beautifully to shade folks should the sun shine and protect well enough from potential pop-up showers without bad wind, but at least overnight, potential thunderstorms with heavy winds were predicted. I mentioned we might want to take the canopies down until closer to party time, but this suggestion was met with “It’ll be fine.”

A few hours later as I was rethinking whether or not I had enough food in the house and ready for pick-up the following morning (after receiving a gleeful call from #1 that several more of his friends had just let him know they’d be able to come after all and three text messages from family friends letting me know their entire families were coming), the severe thunderstorms showed up, and at a rather ominous sound from out on the deck, Mr. DKNC raced out back and shouted, “Dammit! I didn’t know there was going to be a fucking hurricane!”

So the two of us set to work dismantling the canopies before they were torn apart by the wind. In a torrential downpour. While he swore and complained the way he only does when he feels he should have more control over situations which are completely out of his control. Sigh.

He’d done a ridiculous amount of work all day long–the house and yard truly did look amazing, and we’d actually begged, borrowed, and stolen enough tables and chairs that we had outdoor seating for nearly fifty people at a time–over half of that at tables. The house, after 3 days of cleaning, was about as spotless as it gets, and I’d figured out a plan to set up the musicians in the basement rather than on the deck and move a bunch of chairs in there if we really had to–while praying we didn’t have to.

Son #1 came home from dinner out with his girlfriend (he had cleaned the barn earlier in the day), and I sent him right back out to pick up our only non-driver–Son #3–from his job at the hardware store. (I cannot WAIT until May 31st when that kid can get his license!)

I made Ramen noodles for flu boy and ordered pizza for everyone else and decided to call it a night.

Party day dawned grey and rainy, and Mr. DKNC (aka my personal Lord of Winterfell) got all “Winter is Coming” on me with various dire weather disaster predictions. I made him take #3 to work (yes, the kid worked evening shift the day before and opening shift on party day so he could get off early enough in the afternoon not to miss much of the party) just so #1 and I didn’t have to listen to him. #2 got out of bed, showered, dressed, said he felt a bit better, sat up and talked with me while I began setting up the buffet area in the kitchen, then began to feel crappy again–because FLU–and went dejectedly back to bed.

Mr. DKNC had come home after dropping #3 at work and picking up a few things I’d realized we’d forgotten about and put on a list for him. The rain had slowed to intermittent drizzle with only very brief spotty showers so I crossed my fingers and assigned him and #1 to put the canopies back up while I went out and picked up all the sandwiches and barbecue and fruit and vegetable trays and pasta and potato salad, etc. I’d ordered from the grocery and our local meat market. Then I headed to the bakery to pick up the great big cake.

Got home and just had time to say hi to the musicians who’d arrived and we’re setting up and then get all the food actually ready to serve and all the drinks (which Mr. DKNC had gone out and bought using my shopping list my road trip to rescue #2, calling me at least fifteen times from the store because apparently my directions weren’t always clear, LOL!) iced down and the balloons hung at the end of our road (because it’s easy to miss if you don’t know the way) when the first guests arrived, rushing onto the screened in porch with umbrellas up to protect them from the sudden downpour.

That rain lasted 30 minutes and then disappeared did not return for 6 hours. Seventy people ended up at the party and no one went inside except to get food, use the bathroom, play pool, or take a brief AC break because the temperature soared into the mid-eighties. The guests ranged in age from 2 to 84, and both the youngest and the oldest danced to the music which was fabulous. Our musician friends played for 5 hours straight, only stopping when the rain started to threaten again close to 9pm. Most of the older people and the families with small kids left around 9, but at least thirty people were here until after midnight, playing pool, sitting on the screened in porch watching the storm, snacking, drinking, laughing, and generally having a great time. The last of the guests above college age left around 1am, and Mr. DKNC and I decided it was time for bed. No idea what time the last of #1’s friends left or availed themselves of various sofas here to sleep on.

But it WAS a really good day–family from 3 hours away, friends we hadn’t seen in years–we really felt blessed by all the folks who came out to celebrate with our son. And while my husband and I both felt we never got to talk to anyone over 5 minutes most of the day as we kept trying to talk to EVERYONE (and keep food hot and drinks cold all day long), we had fun. More importantly #1 had fun. And I’ve got the video of him singing Johnny Cash with the band!!

The only person who didn’t have much fun was #2 who spent most of the day in his bedroom with Netflix and Advil. He did rally enough on two occasions to put in brief appearances to at least talk to relatives who hadn’t seen him in a long time–but he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone, I had to fix his plate as he wasn’t allowed NEAR the food, and he wrote BIOHAZARD all over his cup so no one would accidentally drink after him! And he still only spent maybe an hour total out of his room, poor guy.

This morning I woke early to take #3 to work (yes, again–this kid needs a driver’s license), Mr. DKNC went to church, but I stayed home because #1 (who as far as I know slept almost none at all) went out to breakfast at 10 with his girlfriend and two couples from her college who had come down for his party and I didn’t want to leave #2 (who didn’t have fever this morning–YAY!–but was still pretty achy) on his own.

I discovered the college kids had attempted to clean up a bit as there were several garbage bags filled and left out on the screened-in porch. Unfortunately, these must have been city kids who don’t realize why all of our outdoor garbage cans have lockable latches on them. So … Our local trash pandas had their own party on the porch some time in the wee hours. Their nasty, muddy little foot prints were all over everything, all bags were ripped open, and trash was strewn everywhere! No offense to my dear @thefairfleming, but trash pandas are evil incarnate!!

So … that was an hour of my life I won’t get back. I rewarded myself for doing that thankless job by eating cake for breakfast. Hey, the little bit of cake left was too big for the plastic storage container I had by only a couple inches!! I had to solve that problem!!

I’ve now cleaned the rest of the house. I don’t even want to know how cake crumbs and empty beer cans found their way to some of the places I found them! I’m almost afraid to check the barn as there was a veritable parade of folks going down to visit the horses yesterday.

But the only task left for today is another road trip to get #2 back to school. He isn’t well, but he is better, and he has only TWO days left. This time I’m taking Mr. DKNC with me. As long as we have to make the trip, we’ll take most of his stuff home with us so he can just leave on his own when he’s officially finished. I’ve got his drugs packed up and clean linens to put on his bed there, and that’s the best I can do for him at this point. I seriously hate taking him back still sick, but he has to finish the term.

And then, Mr. DKNC and I will come home and finally get to rest and relax. Just kidding!! We’ll sleep for a few hours and then I’ll go to work and he’ll fly off on a trip tomorrow! And as we realized as we got in bed last night, we’ll now be expected to do this crazy thing at least twice more!!! We both lay there and laughed hysterically when that thought hit us because really … no other reaction was possible!

#my crazy life #I do love all my boys though #wouldn't change any of it #well maybe Son 2's flu #We could definitely have done without that!

[this-blog-should-not-exist]

It’s a blog for a reason

Idk if i’ll keep up with this actually or not but its a blog for a reason, they’re places were you can talk about whatever the fuck you want. I said Id do the same thing with my personal blog but also I follow some friends on that blog and they probably don't want to hear about the stuff I get up to or my little depressive episodes. I mean sure they’ll show their concern but that only goes so far I guess. 

Idk I mean it’s just a place for me to talk, I once started a google docs document where I had the idea to start writing like a guide? i guess you could call it but where I would write the name of someone I knew, one of my friends, a family member, ex boyfriends, whoever then I would create an entry of who they were, their interactions with me, my relationship with them and what I thought of them or their like defining character traits or actions that stood out to me. The benefit with this though I guess is that I can just type whatever comes to mind as i type it. Sometimes it could be organized and tie into older posts if I keep up with it or it could just be on the fly stories and recollections of thing that have happened to me or what I’m feeling at the time. Ive meant or at least had the idea to actually physically write this or start a journal where I could do the same thing but that would take me much longer to do where typing I can do much faster and get more thoughts out. Plus writing for so long and about so much makes my hand hurt after a while and I can’t talk about all I wanted to because I can't keep writing. I don't have that problem with typing XD

I guess I could start with some recent events that have been on my mind. So I guess about like 2 months ago? I had gotten a Tinder. That in itself was an event XD Ive always been both curious and scared of it because in my mind meeting someone on tinder doesn't feel as genuine when meeting someone by chance or passing or words between friends to meet someone new. But I had gotten one and within a few weeks I had made quite a few matches, however none of them seemed really into it. Half of them never messaged me back and only seemed to be there for the sake of getting a match, others may have talked back but didn't seem interested in trying to start something or meet up for a date. I had finally gotten one guy to go on a date with me, I had never really talked to him but Ive seen his face around because we had some friends within the same social group but like I said, never really met or talked to him only seen him on like instagram before. We had gone on one date and texted a bit but he just wasnt for me. I called him a “real flower child” is the best way I can describe it. Now I don't mean to offend anyone but also who the fuck is gonna read all this, this is only my first like text blog post no one really cares its more for me to get this out. Anyway I call him a real flower child because he's very outdoorsy and loves nature and Lana Del Ray and has the whole nose ring piercing, curly hair, circular glasses, he actually said once “the world make me sad” as he took a bath with candles and a bath bomb, he also said “wine makes me cry” which I mean ok maybe wine does make people drunk cry but still its all about his aesthetic. Its a fun aesthetic but that’s just not for me.

After him I had an occasional match but I ran into the same problem where either no one wanted to talk and was just there for a match or they never seemed interested. I had given up on the app really but I kept it around because in the back of my head I'm thinking like alright, its all good, I'm a patient person it just takes some time, you never know I may meet someone actually, and then last week I matched with two guys. One that lives on the other side of Columbus and one that lives just outside of Easton. The one on the other side of Columbus is really cute and had a lot of the same interests and is just kinda quirky and fun, I just haven't met him yet but we both want to meet up. Now the other one I’ll just say J, he lives outside of Easton and I went on my first date with him on Sunday. It was a good day, we had wandered around Easton, gone out to eat and saw a movie. He also has a lot of the same interests as me, video games, some anime, youtube, but thats about it actually now that I think about it. He's a little rough, like more aggressive but in a sarcastic way I guess. But we vibe well together i feel. Shorter than me, has contacts, wears glasses occasionally mostly at home really. He's 21 as well which I mean sure Im 19 but I guess thats where Im also attracted to him because he's a little older, he’s more mature than some of my past boyfriends but also has a childish side like me. Thats where we’re similar. We went and saw Mother! which I guess was supposed to be a phycological thriller but it was really dumb to us, it didn't make much sense. I was during the movie where I first kissed him, I had wanted to earlier as well but I didn’t feel like it was right yet. It made me laugh though that that was the movie we saw and decided ah yes, this is a good movie to kiss and cuddle and hold hands to. 

After the movie I didn't quite want to leave yet because I was getting pretty attached to him that night so we went back to his apartment for the night. I watched him play Skyrim for a bit, he let me try out Overwatch while him and his roommate had gone to get her some pizza. Which I thought like alrighty, this is okay, just leave me alone at your apartment even though I literally just physically met you today. They came back after like a half hour, eventually me and him went back to his room, we made out for a good while on and off. He wanted to take a bath together which I had never done before. My last boyfriend had suggested it but I never really wanted to much. We got the water running for a second but I was really anxious, I had gotten my shirt off but I didn't take off my pants. He was already in his underwear, it took me a second but eventually he also kinda forced me as in getting close and kissing me then pulling down my shorts and underwear. I was really awkward at that point. It took me like 2 months before my last boyfriend had seen me naked and no one before him has seen me naked, its just not my thing its weird, I just don't like it much. But anyway so we had gotten in the shower instead, I was still pretty anxious. My legs were shaking I was hugging my body, it was just generally uncomfortable but within a few minutes I had mostly gotten over it. It just make me feel really weird. After the shower we got out and just laid on his bed for a bit still naked. I had gotten over it by that time but there was still some after feelings that I guess I didn't notice as much since we were making out again. Eventually we but our underwear back on and a t shirt and went to bed after about another hour or so.

The next morning we just stayed in bed really until I had to leave to go back home because mom was wondering where I was, I had texted her last night that I was staying there with him so that was taken care of. Eventually I got home and that was that. He had actually invited me to a party one of his coworkers was having that night but I had already stayed with him one night and I had to but up early the next morning for work so I told him no I couldn't which of course he was pouting over a little but in a playful way that you would when your flirting with someone. So that night I actually ended up going to a party at my other friends house till like 1am but THAT was ok because he only lived like 5 minutes away from home compared to an hour that J lived. That was  Monday night, the first date was Sunday and I stayed with J Sunday night. I worked early on Thursday morning but then he came out to my house that afternoon. We played some Mario Kart Double Dash at my house then drove out to my friends house Ive been housesitting for to technically grab some wires for my Wii but then we ended up taking another bath in their huge bathtub with jets for about an hour and a half which was nice. I was used to being naked with J by now. We watched some youtube while in the bath, made out for a bit again. Then we got dressed and drove back to my house. By the time we got back it was about 1am when I wanted to get to bed because between Sunday and Monday night I had gotten about 8 hours of sleep total. So he left and that was Tuesday. Now yesterday, Wednesday I worked again early in the morning, then I went back out to Columbus and saw J again for a few hours, we played some gamecube again, I went with him to get groceries, then me and him went out to eat. Came back and laid in his bed in our underwear again watching youtube and cuddling and kissing until it was about 11:30 then I went home again. 

Idk what to make of J, I like him, he's the farthest Ive been on a first date thats for sure. I enjoy his company but do I? Or is it just because I haven't had any sort of attention like this in almost 6 months? Like I had said we share some similar interests. Video games, some music, a little bit of anime and legos. He's pretty sweet with me but also he's a little more aggressive than me, which I mean Im okay with kinda. challenge me a little, don't be afraid to playfully challenge and fight me. But don't be an ass about it. Idk theres the other kid on the other side of Columbus who I've been snap chatting as well but Ive been giving J most of my attention. 

#me #relationship #gay #relationship advice #boyfriend #tinder #blog writing

[sashaynwhistle]

This is such a great piece by Gayatri Jayaraman (BuzzFeed Contributor, India). There’s an underground dance bar in Santacruz West where I saw a former national-level beauty pageant contestant perform. According to the person who took me there, she began working there when she was looking for a Bollywood break. To land roles, she needed to be seen on red carpets and at parties, for which she needed heels and dresses. While acting gig after acting gig fell through, the dance bar turned out to be so lucrative, it became her primary vocation. I know a young marketing executive who bought a car with her first salary and now sleeps in it. Between rent and loan repayments, she was starting to starve. I won’t tell you where she parks, but thank god Mumbai is still safe. Then there’s my junior journalist friend. For a period, she was coming into work less often. And she was growing thinner. She insisted it was because she was jogging every evening. When she started to disappear at lunch time, or nurse a cold coffee all day, I knew. (I didn’t miss the signs, because I’ve done it too.) I WhatsApped her. It was the only way to be discreet. “Do you have enough money for a meal?” She didn’t. She explained that when she did, she’d wait to go to Le Pain Quotidien and pay ₹200 for a sandwich. After 6pm, the day’s stock is discounted. The office canteen offered meals all day that she could afford, but eating was a lower priority than keeping up the appearance that she could, when she chose to, do it at Le Pain Quotidien. These are the urban poor. Objectively and relative to a vast majority of Indians, they aren’t “poor” at all. But they’re certainly hungry and broke a lot. These are the metro-dwelling twentysomethings who’ve internalised the pressures surrounding them, and spend a majority of their salaries on keeping up the lifestyles and appearances that they believe are essential to earning those salaries. The expenses that rack up are notionally non-negotiable: the clothes and the grooming, the bar nights and office dinners, the Olas and Ubers you have to take because you’re networking until 1am, the Starbucks coffee you have to buy because that’s where your job interview is. The heels and the dresses. As the bank balance crashes past zero by the 22nd of the month, they concede that the math may not work today, but they hold on to hope that it will work out in the end; when that increment comes, when the promotion arrives, when Dad sends a little extra one month. Their influences are not difficult to spot. Their startup economy’s success stories are of entrepreneurs who spent VC money to create their own wealth, who spent every paisa immediately to multiply each into a rupee. The stories they hear are of Mukesh Ambani, who inherited an empire and built a very expensive home, instead of Dhirubhai, who lived in a very small home and built a very big empire. They read about Katrina Kaif’s hair costing ₹50 lakh to dye correctly. They internalise the lesson that to earn any money, you’ve got to spend a lot of it. For admission to good colleges, we spend uninhibitedly on tuitions. For job placements, we throw savings at GMATs and MBAs. For promotions, we spend on suits and drinks. We dress for the jobs we want, forgetting that most salaries are tailored to afford dressing for the jobs we have. Every newspaper and media house has it in neon lights: how you need to eat, look, and dress to be successful. Where you need to vacay, what you need to smell like, what car you should probably drive. But they don’t tell you how to pay for any of it. What we’re left with is a flood of twentysomethings running hard to leave behind roti-sabzi for a perception of burger-coke. From there, they sprint with equal abandon toward the cheese-champagne. When I first moved out on my own 15 years ago, my salary was ₹10,000. My rent was ₹4,000, my creche fee was ₹4,000, and I spent the remaining ₹2,000 on my commute and electricity. I used my credit card for groceries. And, because I was 25 and my son was 1 and sometimes you need ice cream, or a movie, or to be able to laugh at life, I used my credit card to do those things too. By the time I moved to a higher-paying job, I had a maxed-out credit card to pay off. I had spent all the money I was about to earn. I quickly learned that with each salary hike, the price of earning it goes up. While in my first job I’d gotten away with rotating three tops with one pair of jeans, more advanced roles brought the need for better clothes. I was asked to “grow up”. Then a lunch here, a happy hour there, a meeting at a high-end coffee shop. I worked hard to defy the circumstances conspiring to push young professionals into bankruptcy. I did the mental math of each outing before committing to it. I got only one beer and drank it slowly all night. Now, at any table, I can easily spot the person verging on broke: the vegetarian who didn’t eat any starters, the teetotaller who drank only water, the junior who pretended she already ate dinner, no thanks. And when, after all that, someone else casually suggests divvying up the bill equal parts, you recognise theirs as the faces that fall. You don’t say no because not only might you cry, you’d also look cheap. I’ve been there. You don’t say no because not only might you cry, you’d also look cheap. So, regardless of whether you can really afford the drinks and appetisers you intentionally didn’t have, you sometimes suck it up and pay for them. Later, you count coins. You pull ₹1 out of the sofa corner. You wait until everyone’s out of sight and then you board a bus home. Now, I make it a point to stop my younger colleagues and ask: Have you eaten? Can I buy you a coffee? Are you walking home? Need a lift? Sometimes, they stay strong and pass on the offer. Other times, their facade crumbles and they nod. Their parents, subscribers to a new-age refusal to openly discuss finances, taught them that no expense is too much for their happiness and mobility. Now, in phone calls, when Dad asks if he should send more money, they say it’s fine, everything’s under control. Yes, eating well. Yes, all good at work. Raised by parents who sacrificed everything for their comforts, a whole generation is nonetheless learning discomfort quietly. People who survive this stuff get called “strong” all the time. Strong is just a quiet hunger and a stifled sob. Most days, I think I’ve put that time behind me. Recently, I was at an interview when the person I was speaking to stopped me in the middle of my question. “Babe, my driver has a better phone than you,” she laughed. “Buy an iPhone, for Chrissakes!” I’m better dressed now. I own my home. I have an actual bank balance. But the humiliation rushed back like the last 10 years never happened. Last month, I began tweeting about this particular brand of urban poverty, and watched an outpouring of “me too”s. One person confessed that for three years in Germany, he ate only tomatoes, saving money so he could buy his family chocolates when he went home. Someone else said “everything’s fine!” on long-distance phone calls to justify his mother having sold her bangles for his move abroad. Someone sleeps on a single mattress and stashes sneakers under his desk so he can walk home 8km from work every night. I got stories about marketing guys who starve all day to buy one coffee at a five-star hotel. About a father who hasn’t taken vacation days in 13 years to be able to pay for an international education for his child. We’d rather spend a lot to appear full than spend a little bit to buy food. Someone survived on water all day and hitched rides on trucks to get through university. Someone got called a miser for not eating out. In a country where genuine hunger is ubiquitous, this brand of it comes via lifestyle choices. Somehow, we’ve built a culture that places such immense value in appearances that we’d rather spend a lot to appear full than spend a little bit to buy food. The hunger has touched different people differently – briefly or permanently, lightly or severely, maybe once or maybe over and over again. But once you’ve felt it, it’s indelible, marking you forever as a member of a tribe that understands what’s going on when someone starts bringing their own lunch to work one day, starts losing weight, starts spending nights at the office to avoid paying for the commute. If you’ve felt that hunger, even briefly, even a long time ago, you see it everywhere you look.

The Urban Poor You Haven’t Noticed: Millennials Who’re Broke, Hungry, But On Trend.

Too many young professionals have internalised the lesson that to earn any money, you’ve got to spend a lot of it.

#uhhuhhoney