#getting stabbing pains at night but i need to keep trying to strengthen stuff and the crutch is probably doing as much harm as good

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #gonna try going to work with just my walking stick instead of crutch on wednesday #im getting way less specifically walking pain and i reckon i just need a bit of support on my shit foot #getting stabbing pains at night but i need to keep trying to strengthen stuff and the crutch is probably doing as much harm as good #as far as reliance goes. getting back to a standard amount of chronic pain which ya know still fucking sucks but im #functioning better. im anxious about it though. what if i fall or it gets bad. i know it wont happen but I've been using the crutch for #like 8 months now. but gotta carry on. so stick. ill be fine.

[oboevallis]

the diary pt 2

it’s been a hot minute, especially for this series, sorry about that, i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe!

part 1

TW: DEPRESSION, HOPELESSNESS, SH SCARS

please reach out, my dms are open

“You don’t need to follow me around. I’m not gonna throw myself out the window.” Addie rolled her eyes at her mother as she entered her bedroom for the first time in a week.

“I know,” Amelia cringed at her daughter's words, flipping on the light switch. “just helping you get settled in.”

“You’ve been through my room.” The girl bluntly said as she looked around her room.

“We just wanted you to come home to a clean and organized space.” Amelia defended; while her daughter was at the hospital, she spent most of the time in this room, beating herself up for not realizing what her daughter was going through. Unsure of what to do with her nervous energy, she cleaned up the empty bottles and dirty dishes, then washed the pile of dirty clothes, and organized the accumulation of stuff on the floor.

“Well, I liked it how it was.”

“Babe, come on. It was practically unlivable.”

“Wow, look at that.” Addie pointed to the desk that she hadn’t been able to see in months. “You took away my scissors; I can’t even be trusted with a fucking pair of scissors.”

“Addie..” Amelia sighed, trying to pull herself together.

“Get out! Just get out.” The girl sobbed, launching herself on her bed.

“Amelia, are you okay?” Link had been standing outside the door listening to the exchange when his wife made her way out of the room.

“Do I look okay?”

“This is gonna take time. She’s not going to be cured overnight. Recovery is a long process.”

“I know.” The woman nodded as tears stung in her eyes. “I just want to go back to when she was happy and so full of life.”

“Me too.” Link sighed, pulling his wife into a hug. “Me too.”

________________________________________

“Hey champ, we’re all gonna watch a movie. Why don’t you come down? We’re gonna have popcorn; it’s going to be extra buttery.” Link stuck his head through his daughter's door, energetically tapping his fingers on the door frame.

“No thanks,” Addie grumbled, throwing and catching a rubber band ball against her ceiling.

“Come on, it’s gonna be awful, and we’re gonna make fun of it the whole time.” The father tried to persuade, knowing it was one of the things that got his daughter laughing till she hurt.

“No thanks.”

“Do you wanna talk?” Link stepped further into the room and sat at the foot of his daughter's bed.

“No thanks.”

“Champ, you can’t keep everything bottled up.”

“I don’t want to fucking talk! I’m done talking; why can’t everyone just leave me the hell alone?” Addison jumped up from her bed and opened the door for her father. He internally cringed. It was the first time he saw the scars on her legs. Reluctantly he got up and left the room, trying to keep himself together.

“Addie isn’t gonna watch with us?” Anders sighed; he was walking out of his bedroom as he heard the yelling.

“She just needs a little time.” Link mustered up a smile. “She’ll be back to laughing with us in no time. Now let’s go down and watch something with the others.”

“No luck, huh?” The mother turned around on the couch to see the pair walking down the stairs together.

“It’s her first night back; she just needs to readjust.” The optimistic side of Link shone through.

“Why is she still acting like this? She’s being a complete bitch, yelling at everyone. Wasn’t the whole point of the hospital to make her feel better?” Scout asked as the others settled down into the couch.

“First off, don’t call your sister a bitch. But the hospital visit wasn’t to cure her; it was to stabilize her enough to come home.” The mother explained to her other children.

“Well, when will she be cured?” The youngest Shepherd-Lincoln asked, making his two parents feel like they were just stabbed in the heart.

“It’s something that she’ll always have, but eventually, she’ll feel better and learn how to live with it and still be healthy and happy.” Link explained, stepping in for his wife, who was on the verge of tears. “Now, how about we degrade actors and special effects for our amusement?”

________________________________________

Amelia gently knocked on her daughter’s door, and once she heard a mumble of approval, she let herself in.

“Wow, you’ve already finished that book?” She pointed to the one on the floor that was tossed aside, indicating it had been read. “That was like 800 pages, and you just started it; I’ve gotta say I’m impressed.”

“What do you want?”

“You’ve gotta take your pill.” She placed the pill that was in her hand onto her daughter's nightstand next to the bottle of water.

“Why? It’s not like it’s helping.”

“It takes a while, but if you feel it’s still not helping, we can try something else.” Amelia watched as her daughter took the pill and laid back into bed. “If you need anything, you know where I am.” As she was about to close the door, she could barely make out what her daughter had said as it was so quiet. “What did you say, sweetheart?”

“Can you come to lay with me?” She spoke a little louder. She was causing the woman to smile for the first in days genuinely. She got into her daughter’s bed and was shocked when she was engulfed in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize; this isn’t your fault. It’s going to get better, I promise.”

“You think?”

“It will. I’m going to be here, and your dad, and your brothers. We’re here for you. Life gets so much better, I promise, you’re going to look back and see how strong you were and how worth it, it is to be alive.”

“It doesn’t feel that way. Why can’t we just all die and get it over with? It’s gonna happen anyway.”

“You’re right. We’re all going to die, but I think that’s what makes life so valuable.” Addie had a confused expression on her face as she waited for her mother to elaborate. “It’s a one in a million chance that we’re all here, and all together. And we get to experience the beauty and pain with them. Then you get to look back and see all the progress you made because you fought, and you’ll remember the memories with those people and how much it impacted you and allowed you to grow into the person you fought to become. Life is so worth living.”

“You promise?” The innocent voice sent Amelia back to when her daughter was little, and they were making a mundane promise to one another. There was significant weight to this promise, one she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep.

“I do, I promise.” Amelia finally concluded, twirling of loose strand of her daughter's hair. “It’s not always going to feel worth it, but I promise it is if you just stick around. I don’t think you realize how many people need you, even the people you haven’t met yet.”

“I love you, mom,” Addie whispered, burrowing herself further into her mother.

“Not as much as I love you.” Amelia was met with tears of relief, worry, and hurt, allowing them to fall as she tightly embraced her daughter silently.

________________________________________

“Morning.” Link smiled, stopping at his daughter’s door. “I was gonna go for a run; wanna join me?”

“I’ll walk with you.” Addie compromised.

“Sounds nice.” Link tried to contain his excitement. This was the most normal he felt with his daughter since he could remember. Addison slowly maneuvered herself out of bed and lethargically put her shoes on.

“Where are we walking to?”

“Donut shop?” Link suggested, causing his daughter to smile, signifying to him it was a plan. The two set a slow but steady pace and enjoyed the quiet of the morning. “Did you know I struggled with depression when I was a kid?”

“No, I didn’t.” This information shocked her; he was the most optimistic person she knew. Before this conversation, she highly doubted he had ever been sad before.

“It got really bad when my parents split, and I couldn’t get out of bed for the better part of a year. Everything felt worthless, I felt like a burden to everyone, and everyone would be better without me. Then I went to cancer camp, and I met this kid, he was sicker than I was, but all he wanted to do was play video games and focus on the good stuff. It’s not like that cured my depression or anything, but it helped, realizing there was good in the world, and I was lucky enough to see it if I just fought. Not the cancer but my own mind.”

“But it’s just, it’s just so exhausting; how do you do it? Just exist?”

“I found people I wanted to live for, and I found the joy of life through the little things. And I’m so grateful I stuck around because I never would’ve met your mother if I didn’t. Then we never would’ve had the privilege of having you three, which is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Back then, life felt useless, but looking back, it all led me right here, and I’m so glad it did. It wasn’t always pretty, but it was so so so worth it.”

“It was? It was worth it? Even after Scout crashed your new car? And I was sent to a psych ward? And when Anders got sick and almost ruined you and mom?”

“Yeah, all of that was worth living for. Because we overcame it and survived, those things weren’t the end of the world. Scout was okay, and we got another car. You are alive and at home. Anders is healthy, and in the end, it strengthened your mother and I’s marriage. It’s going to take a while, but I know you're going to get to a point in your life and are going to be so grateful you didn’t miss it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” The girl’s father smiled, holding the door of the donut shop open for his daughter. Watching her walking in and feeling a sense of relief wash over him. It was going to be okay.

#tw hopelessness #tw depressing stuff #tw depression #tw self harn #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #scout lincoln #addison lincoln #anders lincoln #greys anatomy #greys fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic

[anne-wentworth]

Almost

Harvey chose Paula and Donna walked away once and for all. She hasn’t seen the man who broke her heart in about a year. Until now.

Read on ao3

It had been two years since Donna left New York. Two years since that fatal kiss with Harvey. They had argued like they never argued before, spewing ugly words at each other that neither would ever be able to take back. They were a ticking time bomb that had been building for over twelve years and finally, in the wake of Donna’s decision, they exploded. But for the first time in over twelve years, they had talked. About them. Millions of conversations that were all overdue, blended into one. And it ended where he didn’t choose her. So Donna put herself first for the third time in over a decade and left the firm. Left him. Harvey protested at first. He fought her on that too. But eventually even he realised that Donna had gotten her heart broken by him one too many times. So he did the selfless thing and let her go. He let her go when she walked out of her office for the last time. He let her go when she left the city altogether. At first, merely seeing Jessica on a daily basis was too much because all she did was remind her of Harvey. But after a while, that raw pain faded into the background. It was still there, haunting her, an ever present companion. However she learned to live with it. After all, it wasn’t as if she had a choice. Besides, Donna soon found that she really liked her job at Jessica’s firm. She enjoyed working for and with the older woman. And soon she found herself warming up to Chicago. In the beginning it had been nothing more than a reprieve, an escape from the man who had shattered her for the last time. But it crept up on her and one day Donna opened her eyes at six in the morning and realised this was home.

She still kept in touch with Rachel, Mike and Louis. They were family. In fact, the last time she had been in New York was about a year ago, for Mike and Rachel’s wedding where she endured being the maid of honor while Harvey was the best man. After all the official stuff was over and couples started making their way onto the dance floor, Donna had stood aside, trying desperately to ignore the stab of pain at the sight of Harvey and Paula swaying together. Rachel had soon appeared at her friend’s side, worry in her eyes but Donna swallowed her anguish, putting on the mask she had been wearing for years as she assured the bride that she was fine. Donna could tell that Rachel didn’t believe her and she had to practically drag her back towards Mike herself but she refused to let anything ruin this night for the newlyweds. And a broken hearted Donna Paulsen would certainly diminish Rachel’s happiness. Now, Donna was once again in the city because of Rachel. She had told her the news of her pregnancy over Skype and Donna insisted they needed to celebrate in person so she hopped on a plane as soon as possible. At present, both women lounged on the couch, glasses filled with non alcoholic wine. Donna had also insisted on a show of solidarity. If you can’t drink alcohol then I’m not drinking either. Just for tonight at least. Rachel had laughed, eyes shining and Donna didn’t think she had ever seen her so happy. Mike had done the smart thing and made himself scarce the minute the red head showed up, claiming he had some work that he needed to finish at the office.

So Donna listened intently as Rachel babbled excitedly about anything and everything concerning babies and it wasn’t long before they started throwing around baby names. They had filled three pages with girls names alone when Donna realised just how late it was. In the middle of their laughter and raiding the fridge Donna had lost track of time. As she declared that she should be heading back to her hotel, it hit her how much she had missed this. And it was that feeling that began to take root inside her which prompted her to promise to visit more often. The feeling only strengthened when Donna was out of the house, soaking in the sensation of the New York air as she stood in the middle of the street. She missed this place too. Caught up in the moment, Donna decided to walk rather than call for a cab, wanting to hold on to the night for a little bit longer. However she had barely made it two steps from Rachel and Mike’s when a familiar car pulled up and out came Harvey Specter. Donna froze, her legs forgetting how to work as the earth stood still. She saw the exact second Harvey spotted her, his eyes widening in surprise as he took her in. He didn’t move either. Time halted and everything around them fell silent. The stars looked down, waiting for one of them to make a move. Surprisingly, it was Harvey who took the first step. He started walking towards her and the movement caused Donna to blink, shaking her out of whatever trance she had briefly fallen into. She made her way towards him as well, trying her best to ignore her pounding heart. Both of them came to stop a few feet away from each other but it was still close enough to make every hair on Donna’s arms rise. “Donna,” Harvey said softly in that way, something fluttering in her stomach as an automatic response. “What are you doing here?” “Rachel told me the news and I just had to fly out,” she replied, using every ounce of her energy to keep her voice composed. “Yeah. I think she and Mike have bought every baby book in the city.” “They have. She asked me to tackle the bookstores in Chicago for her next,” Donna quipped immediately because her friends’ house had been overflowing with books. Harvey smiled, a little thing but it still tugged at the strings of her heart. She had missed that too. “Do you like it?” Harvey asked quietly. “Chicago?” “I do,” she said in earnest. “It’s different from the city. But in a good way.” Harvey nodded but Donna knew he would never understand. He loved New York too much. “What about you?” she questioned. “How are things at Specter Litt?” “You know how it is. One thing after the other.” “Is managing partner finally taking a toll on you?” Donna teased. “Me? Never?” Harvey smirked. “Hm soon all the hair on that pretty little head of yours will be grey.” “I could say the same for you.” “Oh please. I’m Donna. I don’t age.” At that Harvey let out a laugh, one of those rare sounds that she would usually have the pleasure of hearing. Donna grinned in response, flashing her teeth in a way she hadn’t for about two years. Warmth swiftly filled her up from her head to her toes. She had missed being the one to make him laugh. The two of them stood there, looking at each other with the corners of their mouths turned up. He was staring at her the way he used to, the way that set her on fire and oh it still did. It could have been any other night. A night where they both left the firm long after everyone else, working a case to the bone. A night where Harvey would generously give Donna the car because he felt like walking. A night where Harvey would wait for her with flowers, proclaiming I’m a Donna fan, three words that made her heart soar. For a few minutes, they were Harvey and Donna again and she let herself get lost in his eyes one more time as a slight breeze caressed her skin. Standing on the sidewalk beneath the sky Donna felt herself beginning to fall again.

Suddenly, Harvey’s phone rang, breaking the spell. He fished it out of his pocket and Donna caught sight of a flash of blonde hair on the screen. The man before her quickly looked up, uncertainly flitting over his features. But Donna wasn’t going to stay there and watch him choose Paula Agard over her again. “It’s late. I should go,” Donna said quickly, brushing past Harvey before he could say anything. “Donna wait!” he called out and her chest seized. However, she couldn’t. But this was Harvey so she spun around to look at him for just a second. “It was nice seeing you again,” she said with a tight lipped smile, so different from the grin she sported only moments ago. She instantly turned back, walking away as fast as her legs could carry her as she ignored the concern in Harvey’s expression because the last thing she wanted was his goddamn pity. Fingers closed around her lungs, rendering her breathless. She forgot. She let herself forget. She saw him again and he looked exactly as she remembered. They were exactly as she remembered. It was too easy to fall back into what they were. She forgot how easy everything felt with him. She saw Harvey again and it felt like home. But that was the thing. He wasn’t. Everything may have felt the way it used to but it wasn’t. Harvey wasn’t hers anymore. Hell he never had been. They never had been. Donna thought she had accepted the fact that she and Harvey weren’t meant to be. That she wasn’t the one for him. Yet there were still times when the simple fact would slap her in the face. It wasn’t her. It would never be her. All of her old wounds ripped open and she stained the streets in red as she bled out on the pavement. Eyes burning, she tried to swallow the lump in her throat but couldn’t. Because for a few moments, it felt like maybe it could have been. However Donna and Harvey were destined to be nothing more than an almost. A wish that never got made on a shooting star. A whisper that never quite fell from one’s lips. They were merely a story that never had the chance to be written. Incomplete from the very start. Maybe they would have been beautiful. But the world would never know. Harvey may have been the sun in Donna’s universe but he couldn’t have been bothered to even make her a star in his.

#darvey #darvey fanfiction #darvey fic #darvey angst #donna x harvey #mine

[thesirgonian]

Character Sheet Thing

Don’t mind me, bored an should probably start this down somewhere.

Name: Varren Revenant

Race: Dragonborn(Black)

Age: 18 15

Background: Haunted One(Harrowing Event:  “ You did terrible things to avenge the murder of someone you loved. You became a monster, and it haunts your waking dreams “)

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Class: Paladin(Oath of Vengeance at level 3)

Languages: Common, Draconic, Undercommon(Haunted One background)

Skill Proficiencies: Religion, Survival(Haunted One), Light Armor, Medium Armor, Heavy Armor, shields, simple Weapons, martial Weapons(Paladin), Insight, Athletics(Paladin)

Feature: Heart of Darkness, Draconic Ancestry(Resistance to acid, acid breath)

Spells: Breath Weapon(Acid,  5 by 30 ft. line (Dex. save)), Divine Sense, Lay on Hands

Equipment: Halberd, Shield(Paladin), Monster Hunter’s pack, common clothes, “  Veera’s dagger, belt pouch containing 15 gp(Haunted One)

Personality Traits: I refuse to become a victim, and I will not allow others to be victimized. And I feel tremendous empathy for all who suffer.

Ideals: I try to help those in need, no matter what the personal cost.

Bonds:  I would sacrifice my life and my soul to protect the innocent.

Flaws: I assume the worst in people.  My hatred of my sworn enemies is blind and unreasoning.

Figure I should wait to roll these until I actually get a game, but here’s the stat bonuses I get.

stats:

Strength - ?+2

Dexterity- ?

Constitution- ?

Intelligence- ?

Wisdom- ?

Charisma- ?+1

Flavor Stuff & Background

Religion: Worships a Triumvirate of gods from the Draconic pantheon consisting of  Lendys, Tamara, and Bahamut.

Background: Varren’s parents died when he was young, leaving him with only his sister Veera. An anomaly in the Dragonborn world, Varren and Veera were twins and through each other’s help, they survived in the harsh world and grew to rely on one another for everything. Until one day they came upon a village being razed by bandits. Veera insisted on going in to see if any of the village’s people required help, despite Varren’s protests. She told him to wait outside the village and that she would be back soon. And so Varren waited, he waited through the evening, waited through the night as rain poured down and his eyes finally succumbed to sleep. When his sister had not returned by the morning, Varren ventured into the village, the last smolders of the night’s fires finally dying down. The village was in shambles, the survivor’s grieving and trying to rebuild what was lost and bury their dead. That’s when he found her. She was dead in the village square, dagger still gripped tightly in her hand and covered in blood. Varren asked around, she had apparently fought off some of the bandits so that a few villagers could get away; she even managed to kill two or three before she was run through. The locals gave Varren what little hospitality they could, and offered what they knew of where the bandits made their hideout. Varren stayed long enough to see his sister buried and took her dagger with him, his last reminder of her. That night he tracked the bandits to their home, the villages had warned him against, saying that they were fine, that he needn’t worry, and that they would figure out this problem for themselves. But this wasn’t about them. These monsters killed his sister, his twin. They had taken Veera, his only friend and family in the world, from him; and Varren was intent on taking everything from them in return. Varren slowly crept towards their hideout, but it appeared as though there was no one keeping watching. Stupid, Varren thought, or perhaps just cocky? After all, who would willingly step foot into a hive of bandits willingly in the dead of night? Once inside, Varren continued to tread lightly, there were scant few candles still lit, they made just enough light for Varren to just vaguely make out the numerous forms lying prone on the ground. The bastards are all asleep! the thought quickly dawned upon Varren, probably tired from raiding the village, or drunk, or most likely both.; but it made no difference to Varren, awake or not, these men had to answer for what they had done to Veera. Varren spotted one of the prone forms on the ground more secluded from the others and made his approach. As quietly as he could, he retrieved his sister’s dagger from his belt and gripped it tightly in his hand; the man murmured in his sleep, but otherwise remained still. Varren was tense, he had never killed someone before, but he had to do it, he had to make them pay. Varren lined the dagger up against the man’s throat, brought blade to flesh, and slid it across the bandit’s throat. It was... easier, than Varren had expected, the skin gave no resistance upon the daggers edge and parted, a surge of blood pouring forth. Then, the man’s eyes shot open, Varren panicked, he had to keep him quiet, so he threw one hand over the man’s mouth an another over the wound in his neck; hoping to suppress the attempted shouts for help and pained gurgling. In those few seconds where Varren quieted the man, he looked into his eyes and was horrified, he saw the fear in them, this man who he had never met, he saw him watch his life flash before his eyes, and then he saw the light go out. Varren was in absolute shock, terrified even. It was all he can do to keep himself from falling backwards. His hands now slick with blood, Varren moved to his next target. This one was more restless, occasionally tossing and turnin; but Varren couldn’t be picky, after all, his plan was to kill all of them. He couldn’t waste time needlessly moving between them. Varren took a deep breath, still shaken from his first kill, the blood on his hands making it harder to properly grip the dagger. When the man suddenly turned in his sleep, Varren panicked, he hastily attempted to slit the bandit’s throat but went off to the side. The man’s eyes shot open like the first’s and his arm swung wide, knocking Varren over, he started screaming for help, to sound the alarm; and then Varren was on him like a wolf, stabbing over and over trying to make the man shut up. The man eventually laid still, and that’s when Varren felt an excruciating pain in the back of his head, one of the bandit’s friends had managed to get up and club Varren before he could react. Varren faded in and out of consciousness, awaking to various levels of pain as the bandits beat and cut him. And that was the last thing he could recall before blacking out. Varren awoke back in the village from before, extremely sore, but bandaged, with Veera’s dagger by his side, and being taken care of as well as the village could. A fisherman from the village had apparently found him floating down a nearby river(and Veera’s dagger came by a short while before him) and took him back to the village. Varren was many things right now, but most of all as he sat in the village, he was amazed. Amazed at the generosity of these relative strangers, at these people who had lost so much, and yet still gave to him. He and these villagers were alike, he thought, they had both suffered greatly at the hands of and they were now tied together. It was then that Varren knew that if he ever wanted revenge, if he ever wanted Justice, for Veera, this village, and all of the people those bandits had made to suffer, that he had to start here in this village. And he did, Varren lived in that village and did what he could to help its people rebuild for a whole year. He helped them renovate their damaged buildings, fended off wolves to protect their livestock, and caught or drove off the occasional thug; but most importantly, Varren trained during that year.  Varren grew close to these people in that time, they were his Clan now, but he knew he could not stay there forever. The time came for him to leave the village, though he promised to return one day or should they ever need him. Setting out from the village only strengthened Varren’s resolve, and reinforced what he knew he must due. He wanted to protect those who could not protect themselves, and bring justice and punishment to those who would do evil; and he could not do that in his village.    and slaughtered them without mercy. At first one buy one, sneaking up on them and slitting their throats. Then more brazenly in open combat once the alarm was sounded, moving from one to the next like whirlwind. Making sure each of them tasted the steel of his sister’s dagger. Until it was finally just him and the bandit’s leader left. Varren managed to wrestle the leader’s spear from his hands and run him through; before mustering the last of his strength to lift the man into the air and plant the spear into the ground. Varren collapsed onto the ground and watched as the man bleed to death. After the fight, Varren returned to the village, haggard and covered in wounds. The only remaining doctor in the village treated him and the people celebrated him for ridding them of the bandit menace. The praise rang hollow to Varren, however, as he now knew what had to be done and what work laid ahead for him. After all, there was more evil out in the world that would seek to take from others what it had taken from him, and he was going to show it the same mercy it showed his sister. Varren stayed in the village a few more weeks, helping its good people and protecting them from what evil came their way; but he had to leave eventually, Varren wanted to help others the way Veera helped the village and preserve what little Light in the world that was left. and Thus began Varren’s path as a Paladin. Varren forsook his Clan’s name and took up the name “Revenant,” for that is what he was now, a vengeful spirit of one who met a cruel, undeserving fate. He was Veera’s Revenant, and a Revenant for all those taken by the Dark and evil, and they shall be avenged.

#Went through and edited some parts of the backstory and getting some suggestions and criticisms #old is striked through new is bolded #dnd #varren

[dailyaudiobible]

05/31/2021 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 17:1-29, John 19:23-42, Psalms 119:129-152, Proverbs 16:12-13

Today is May 31st welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's wonderful every day to be here including today. We’ll begin our work week, even as we and the month. This the final day of the fifth month of the year. We are five four months into our journey, and we’ll just keep going and step-by-step we’ll…we’ll conclude our journey but tomorrow we’ll be stepping into month numbers six, but that's tomorrow. And, so, today we’re going to finish well the fifth month, which will lead us back into the book of second Samuel, and this major coup attempt it's happening. Absalom the son, the prince, but the son of King David is…is in the process of…of taking over Jerusalem. David has fled the city. Absalom and his people have moved in. So, let's pick up the story second Samuel chapter 17 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, here on the final day of the fifth month of the year we, for the final time this year fully experience the crucifixion and death of Jesus and burial of Jesus and. And the details in the gospel of John. It’s just a horrible, horrible scene and you’ve got these executioners who have stripped Jesus and their gambling for his cloths, who gets to have the dead man's cloths. You have Jesus, mother at the cross. O…can you…I mean…I'm not a mother, I’m a father, right, but still, I don't…I don't know how you can imagine that kind of suffering and pain. But we see Jesus’ compassion, we see Him taking care of His mother as He dies, as He…as He’s in agony that you can't even comprehend that he takes care of His mother. And then because they need to get these bodies…like they’re on a time schedule here. And I don’t suppose they had watches and stuff but they’re on a time schedule here. And we need to get these bodies off the cross, so we need to get these people dead. So, they ask for the legs to be broken, which is a way of speeding up the death because when you’re being crucified, and you’re suspended there you need to…well…basically you need to push down on the nails in your feet to suspend your body to get enough strength to get breath but then when you can't do that because of the pain you’ve gotta suspend yourself on your hands and it's just exhausting and eventually they die, but if you break the person's legs then they have no support anymore and so they suffocate and that's what happened to those two criminals crucified on either side of Jesus, which just thinking about not alone, that's so gruesome, that's so barbaric, it's so horrible. Jesus was already dead, so they don’t break His legs. They just stabbed Him with a spear instead and blood and water flowed. There was that and then there's this skirmish to get His body down from the cross and so they ask for permission and they get His body, and they have 75 pounds of spices to…to stave off the stench of human decay after a person has died because it’s Passover now, it’s Sabbath. And. so, they wrap Him up and they put Him in this tomb. It’s like an available tomb. They need to get this body down. They need to get this body protected and then…and then observe the Sabbath and Passover and then deal with this when that's over with. And, so, He's in this tomb for now and they'll figure it out later. Jesus isn't going to need anything, but that borrowed tomb for you know…for…for…for a couple days, but there’s all this scurrying around. I mean if you don't know the end of this story this is a tough story. If you’ve fallen…if you’ve fallen in love with Jesus and you didn't know…even though Jesus told His friends how this would go they did not understand it and so this is a very, very tough time for the people who remain. And they've got a go into Sabbath, and this is all they're going to be thinking about. And, so, maybe it's worthy. I mean we’ve mentioned in all four Gospels but maybe it's worthy of thinking about, maybe this is the thing that we think about today, this…this kind of love, but also the capability of this kind of injustice. This is the “created” attempting to destroy and kill the “Creator”. That that is even a category of possibility requires us to think about it and meditate upon it. How can we be seduced away into a mob mentality? How can we remain in the darkness squirming when the light comes because we don't want to be exposed? There is so much here when we look at the cross, so much more than an innocent person being executed. And as I've communicated many times this is…this is the last time through this story this year. And, so, we need to seal this in our hearts and in our minds as we continue forward because everything that we’ll read in the New Testament that comes next is because of this story. And, so, let's meditate upon it today again.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit we invite You to help us to be somber today, to be…not be depressed or sad but to move through this day reverently, that this is the thing that we keep coming back to, the unspeakable love of Jesus on our behalf that gives us life abundantly. Once again, may we consider deeply that this is a costly gift. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And that's it for today and that's it for our first five months. Tomorrow we we’ll begin the sixth month of the year together and I look forward to that very, very much. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi there, it's Hallie Hart calling in to pray and praise some DABbers. I'll start with my praise for Renzo following God's call for him to street ministry. Renzo may God bless you and keep you safe while out trying to harvest and sow seeds for the future. Father God please find a partner for Renzo to go out in spread Your word. He wants to follow Your calling but would like someone with a solid foundation in Christ to help strengthen him and allow him to reach those he would not otherwise. Also Father God please allow him to get the scholarships he needs for his education and make his parents realize the importance and quickly deal with their obligation in the matter. You have a choir of angels cheering you on Renzo. Also, as a mom I'm guilty of this with my daughter in college as well and you spurred me to get it done really quickly this year. Also, Rick from North Carolina who called in on his marriage. Dear God please help create a path of reconciliation for them. Help Rick and his wife overcome what they're lacking right now and let it strengthen their marriage for the future. Also, I am continuing...continually praying for many dabbers but for husband of the wife Jess sitting in the hospital as she nears her ascension. Your prayers linger with me day after day. I'm continually praying for both of you, and I hope that you can feel the presence of the Lord and that He brings you peace. We love you. Amen.

Good morning family this is Anonymous I've called a couple of different times to talk about this situation, that I took my eyes off God and found myself in a pickle. And, so, I've been working really hard to, you know, be in His will and to talk to Him and to hear His voice and it's come to my attention that I am a sex and love addict, so I've been attending meetings for that and I…I just need your prayers friends. This world distorts how we feel about ourselves and how we think we should be able to relate to others and I just…I'm reaching out in my addiction to ask for prayer for others like me. I know you're out there and I’ve heard some calls recently of other people who are struggling with addictions and whatnot. But family just lift those of us who have been distorted by the society in this world to think that there can be anything more important than a relationship than God. And I ask specifically that you would speak in a very clear and open way to my heart to tell me my next steps do the next right thing. So, thank you family I love you. Thank you Brian and Jill I'm excited for Ben in China and their little girl Reagan. And I'm just in general so thankful, so thankful to be God’s girl. Alright, love you family have a great, great day.

This is Eltalee Maxwell in Colorado Springs Abiding in Jesus of 9:07 AM on the 27th and I just heard that dear man that wants God to mold him and feels called to be a pastor. I just want to praise God for this young man, and I just pray that you would just mold him Lord into who You want him to be. Help him to get all the support he needs and if Your will, lead him to a godly wife that has the same calling. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen.

Heavenly Father King of Kings, Lord of Lords, I just heard the prayer requests of two husbands. Both their wives have cancer and both of them are in very, very great need of Your hand, Your fingerprints upon their life, Your guidance, Your healing in so many ways. Lord please may they be able to see Your presence and their wives be able to sense Your presence. May they have a great wisdom about themselves. May it not be all about just finding answers but being able to share the beauty of each day each moment as they have been given and that they would find that together in You. Lord, please bless the community around them with a wisdom and a love and compassion and a presence of heart and mind and soul of demonstrating Your love to them. Lord, please do an incredible work within their lives. Thank You, Lord for Your generous love and each day that You have given to us in Jesus’…

This is Doctor John in Illinois. I just want to respond to…to the folks that I heard on the 28th of May. Number one the brother that his wife is suffering. Found, I guess the diagnosis of cancer maybe on her phenol organs. Brother I just want to tell you that my wife six years ago was diagnosed with breast cancer, very aggressive. They give us a 20% chance to live in two years and by infinite mercy and the grace of Christ she's doing wonderful. Every time we go back her scans, her blood work is great. So, every day we depend on Christ. Every day we have a day to rejoice and be glad. So, brother hold…hold onto your trust and believe. Every day God is healing, every day he's doing miraculous wonders. It reminds us there are things that He's doing that we don't know anything about. But He's faithful. And the other brother, Daniel Johnson Junior called about his dad who once was a minister. And instantly the story came to mind when Christ describes the shepherd that had the 100 sheep and 99 were in the fold and he’s last one, but did he not go out and do everything he could to retrieve the one? So, brother I'd say to you…you've…look of all the things that you've been through…I've heard your name so many times and God is always faithful. And would He not go out, would He not retrieve the one? So, brother hold up your head and have faith and you have a whole host of brothers and sisters standing in faith with you.