#fuck mattel

[toy-capsule]

barbie movie rewrite because it was okay but i know how it couldve been better

ya so i've only watched the movie once and actively as i was watching it i was thinking of ways to rework the plot.. and i wrote none of it down after i saw it. but i like this website and i should post here more so here's my nonsense thoughts :)

so couple of main changes need to take place for this movie to work as a proper feminist movie in my opinion. making it perfect or overly nuanced isn't my idea of fixing it; I would much rather improve the fundamental message and conclusion so it isn't a specifically flawed intro to feminism because that is a really valuable thing for movie's in this climate to be.

change 1: alan deserved better!

one of the biggest philosophy's of feminism i believe in is intersectionality. alan is in a very interesting spot in the barbie world which i believe makes him uniquely suited for the movie's core conflict- an opportunity that the writers squandered (number one pathetic character apologist here). anyways, from what ive seen in the commentary and reactions this movie has, is that like weird barbie, alan is seen as a bit of a queer icon. but instead of his typical pre-movie interpretation of him just being a gay man, ive witnessed many also head canon them as non-binary as well (I'll stick to he/they pronouns for them here!) because of how much he chooses to associate with the barbies over the kens more often than not. i cannot believe that this wasn't explored more in the conclusion.

this leads me into my main argument for alan- instead of simply inspiring the resolution they should've been a much more important key player. how this might happen starts with the dance off in the third act. i think that pitting the kens against each other here was a pretty low blow narratively, it really establishes a pretty unfortunate theme for the ending which is just division between the two groups. (the barbie movie is really just misogyny but in reverse and doesn't attempt to fix any of the problems it acknowledges.) instead of infantilizing the kens -which was fine at the beginning of the movie for shits and giggles but became less funny and more frustrating as the movie went on- i think a much more productive start to the beach dance-off scene could've been alan trying to talk sense into the kens (like gloria does for the brainwashed barbies.) it would have needed to fail at this point for the sake of conflict but it would have brought in an easy applicable solution for our real life equivalent of misogyny into the narrative - men (and those apart of their sphere socially) talking to and checking their fellow peers when they are doing sexist shit

after the barbies take over the supreme court and do their thing we have a bit of tension to resolve still. even though gosling's stereotypical ken (sken) has discovered that he is kenough, that can't be said for the rest of the ken's. liu's ken #2 (real character name) should probably be the one to try to enforce the patriarchy just because of the preestablished tension. i think it would be a wonderful moment to see sken stand up to him properly here and really acknowledge alan's message here of respecting the other Barbie's as people and friends (shout out ace stereotypical barbie!) rather than objects. additionally they ask for respect in turn (equal representation on the supreme court because that ending was so foul wtf) also maybe some hand holding action because i am nothing if not a poly sken/alan/ken2 shipper- this is still a tumblr analysis what did you expect)

change 2: ruth shouldn't have been god, barbie should've

barbie becoming human at the end was weird and gross. who would actually want to be human? i'm sorry but if i lived as an inspirational concept to little girls around the world i think i would've taken that power a bit more seriously.

i'm so glad ruth was included in this movie and she should still play a key part in barbie's crisis and development. but.. instead of being god i think she should've acted more as a guiding spirit to barbie or a silly (possibly vengeful - literally just for fun i have no basis for this) ghost haunting mattel. after all, all of barbie's power comes from being an idea that can persevere throughout generations, and ruth is well... dead. i think instead of asking to become human when she got agency the conversation shouldve gone a bit more like this : ruth: what do you want barbie? barbie: honestly i don't know, is that normal? ruth: yes honey, (big dramatic monolouge about not rushing to find purpose.. etc) barbie: after everything that's happened i still dont feel like i belong ruth : that's okay too. you have all the time in the universe to decide what you want to be, youre in control of your own destiny barbie: the universe sounds nice actually, but there is one thing i need to do before i go *she fucking obliterates mattel's ceo and thats how she debuts as god*

not the best but better than her going to the fucking gyno as an ending

minor changes!

I think gloria and sasha should have gotten more development, making them mirror ruth and barbie wouldve been a nice touch. maybe an ending or after credits scene depicting the two of them having a similar conversation to the one i just described would have been silly. (also please take sasha more seriously that girl is right about everything and is listened to only a third of the time she actually gets lines. she could've been an excellent dead-pan comedic foil to the more absurdist jokes of the film, under utilized fave) big opportunity to make that conversation absolutely unhinged too:

gloria: you can be whatever you want in life kid sasha: *actively pinning up pictures of warner bros ceo david zaslav on a bulletin board with a big red x and looks directly into the camera* I know mom <3

mattel's depiction was barely passable. i have had enough of major companies being posed as villains but keeping them silly and unthreatening- its unfaithful and disrespectful to real life. start them off as silly and shitty, thats fine. it matches the tone of the movie- but as parallels between real life and the movie converge in the third act, mattel should start acting like the predatory company they actually are.

their investment in reinstating barbie as supreme leader over ken despite him making more money in the name of "feminism" would have never in a star death ever happen. literally the entire board only being men was a joke they really fucking made and still had them supporting women- it ruins the entire thesis of the movie and makes the message muddy. fix that, keep them forcefully trying to pair up barbie and ken but change it so its true life: nothing more than an effort to make more of a profit and bring patriarchy to barbieland. this would've brough the climax to an apex and match the stakes to my barbie god conclusion.

anyways yeah i loved the artistic direction of this movie and the casting but not much else! let me know if i missed anything and thx for reading

#barbie #barbenheimer #the barbie movie #greta gerwig #ryan gosling #margot robbie #will ferrell #simu liu #michael cera #ken #kenough #just ken #barbie and ken #barbie 2023 #barbie movie #movie commentary #barbie review #mattel #fuck mattel #feminism #feminist #nonbinary #alan barbie #not super expecting this to get traction because this movie ahs been out for two months but whatever

[belfryprepz]

Why are they only giving us a week's notice for the Elvira doll... and right after the holidays??? Bitch i don't have money

#i fucking love elvira wtf this is the only Skullector doll I've ever actually wanted #fuck mattel #bri ffr #skullector #skullector dolls

[facestabbed]

Oh my fucking god.

They’re making acceleracers NFTs???

Honestly fuck Mattel man I just want movies 5 and 6 not whatever this shit is

#hot wheels #hotwheels #nfts #nft cringe #fuck mattel #acceleracers #acceleracers movies 5 and 6 are preferable to whatever the hell this is

[hearts4kimpine]

what if i was suicidal

#reel drama #fuck mattel

[cassatine]

"Margot had this pink day once a week, where everyone had to wear something pink. And if you didn’t, you were fined," says Gosling, 42. "She would go around collecting the fines, and she would donate it to a charity."

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuuuuuck

#can u imagine being crew on a mattel advertising film and being fined by the lead actress for not wearing pink #good fucking gracious #barbie

[pinkshgum]

a little bit shy, but styled to die, everybody loves this goyle!

#oh to be a transgender french ghoul wearing a fancy dress #shes leaning on nothing shhhh #the trans colors on her dress are on purpose btw #still mad about the price. fuck you mattel #this took me a week bc school is stressful #monster high #monster high fanart #my art #rochelle goyle #fang vote #monster high dolls

[knightofleo]

Trixie Mattel, “Symmetry” (2023, mixed media)

#she really fucked it up twice #in the exact same way #trixie mattel #drag #unhhhh #brittany broski #marcia marcia marcia #rpdr

[darkinclinations]

Sigh… them.

#i’ve wanted these since my collecting days #god the yearning #they’re SO beautiful #the clothes??? #bratz clothes always appealed to me more than mattel dolls #the detail #I would wear all of this #the price of bratz on ebay has skyrocketed horrifically compared to when I collected 8 or so years ago #also FUCK Isaac Larian #that’s a different discussion but oh my god. #gothic dolls #gothic doll #bratz #gothic

[worm-in-a-trenchcoat]

AHHHHHH!!!!

SHE’S HERE!!!!

She got here so fast holy shit 😭

#monster high #Mattel creations shipping is SO fast when it’s not a made to order item jfc #I love her so much her box is so fucking cool I’m gonna explode jdjdkdk

[triplethreat77]

My general outlook on work and most things recently

#trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #katyazamo #trixie and katya #over it #unhhhh #fuck work #me #mine #office #gif

[rebellore]

“Haha cute little show about the children of fairytales”

And it’s actually a fucking dystopian.

#ever after high #eah #raven queen #apple white #ever after high books #dystopian #EAH is so dark #shannon and mattel knew what they were doing #the series needs a revival #screw Descendants #and fuck disney

[luffyismss]

REAL

#mihawk was so fucking attractive in the live action god fucking bless #trixie mattel #katya #one piece live action #opla #dracule mihawk

[but-sometimes-im-not]

That footage of him putting the drops in? It’s being used, bitch.

#i like to watch #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #love is blind #the coloring on this one was fucking hell don't @ me

[malibu-barb]

📷: _tonycone, pabz1

#that is the sweetest fucking hhing ever #yay for Trixie Day #trixie mattel

[princessg3rard]

I just need u guys to know that both trixie mattel and gerard way’s careers have been created because they liked watchmen and were inspired by it.

THEM

queerness is truly a spectrum and watchmen is the eldrich god controlling it <3

#everyone say thank you #watchmen #trixie mattel #trixie and katya #gerard way #gerard way in hibernation #gee way #mcr rox #mcr #my chemical fucking romance #my chemical gerard #my chemical romance

[freaky-flawless]

Something that's really irritating me about the Off-White doll is that when you look at the concept art, she has 0 monster features aside from her green skin. Her monster type was such an after thought, and that's why its so poorly reflected in her design. Like she's supposed to be a fish (I think) where are her scales? Where are her fins? For such an expensive doll, I expected more than just a reused face mold, and a very easily recognizable one at that.

Her concept art really looks like a pale Casta Fierce. And honestly, I would probably like her more if that was the direction they took. Instead of being completely new, lazily designed characters, they could have done something like "Casta Fierce modelling for Off-Fright" or something, and added a witchy twist to the actual Off-White look. I mean, it would still be grossly overpriced, but I guarantee she'd sell better, especially considering Casta only ever got one doll. And it would've been SO PERFECT for an October Friday the 13th release.

#monster high #mattel #mattel creations #casta fierce #off-white #at least that one doll has a cool thing going on #it looks like their using the original concept they had for river styxx with the whole see through skin #where you can see her skull underneath which is cool #the dragon(??) doll would be cool if it didnt look liker her horns were just on her hat #and for a dragon her design is so fucking boring like come on #and aside from her wings and fake horns she also light on monster features #not even fangs?? damn... #idk what the hetereochromia girl is meant to be #apparently they're all available in actual off-white stores #looking on mattel creations it really looks like they're grasping at straws to try and sell her to people #text post #i dont even really know what to say about the clothes #i feel like a lot of rich people might buy them without even really knowing what mh is just for the novelty of doll sized designer clothes