#frequently which was an uncomfortable position to be in but they're my parents and i respect them a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pharahsgf · 3 years

Note

I don't think jiang fengmian is winning any parenting awards but one thing that's really so fucking funny to me especially with cql fans is how they get mad that he admonished jiang cheng for saying shit like "you should have let our peers die" to wei wuxian. Like jiang cheng will say verbatim the same shitty thing madame yu says literally a scene later but fengmian is toxic for reprimanding his son for it. It's also funny because it's one of the only times fengmian sticks up for wei wuxian. The worst part is that people actually start to believe jiang cheng and madame yu's idea that wei wuxian is self-centeredely "playing the hero" just for clout. As if he didn't literally almost die lol.

One thing they don't understand is that like yeah while jiang cheng's relationship with his parents is shit, wei wuxian is the one shouldering the brunt of their abuse and neglect. Anyone who knows anything about abuse dynamics would recognize that wei wuxian is the scapegoat, but they actually get sucked into the abuser's perspective and start blaming wei wuxian for being treated better (he wasn't) and for stealing jiang cheng's parents love. It's not a competition but there is nuance to the different positions victims of abuse have in the family dynamic that effect them differently. And for all intents and purposes, jiang cheng wasn't in as much immediate danger.

Also having shitty parents doesn't excuse jiang cheng's future behavior which is really another common thing abusers will use to manipulate ppl into feeling sorry for them. And something jiang cheng frequently does in canon. It's crazy that the majority of this fandom stoops to that rhetoric just to paint their favorite abuser in a better light. It's honestly kind of triggering. People take jiang cheng and madame yu's comments at face value when you should always take an abuser's perspective with at Minimum a grain of salt. At the very least! Could not tell you the amount of times I've had my own plight waved off because my abusers seemed friendly or pitiful on the face. People do the same to jiang cheng. They're so fervent and over the top with their excuses for him precisely because they know deep down that they are just excuses.

:( i'm so sorry you've gone through that. i definitely understand how the discourse surrounding the jiang family can be upsetting, the dynamics are already uncomfortable enough without fandom adding result-focused analysis and apologia into the mix.

i definitely agree with what you're saying! jiang fengmian failed so hard as a parent & it's awful that jiang cheng doesn't think his own dad likes him, but at the same time jiang cheng did have a horrible mindset that needed to be corrected. him telling wei wuxian off for saving people (including their future brother-in-law!) is kind of horrific & i would have been so much more upset than jiang fengmian was.

i can never take this scene as evidence jiang fengmian prefers wei wuxian - jiang fengmian telling jiang cheng he shouldn't speak carelessly or disregard human lives is deserved, and him congratulating wei wuxian for slaying an ancient monster is deserved as well. having the appropriate response to their different actions says nothing about who he likes better. do people think he should always prefer and praise and agree with jiang cheng over wei wuxian, no matter the context, just because that's his 'real' son and therefore the one deserving of attention and care?

and the thing is! in the end! jiang cheng IS the one getting the most attention and care! when jiang fengmian is scolds him, yu ziyuan instantly launches into a whole speech about how unfairly he's being treated, and wei wuxian pulls himself out of his sickbed to hype him up & reassure him & tell him that jiang fengmian definitely likes him way better i promise! meanwhile wei wuxian himself gets no reassurance for the abusive tirade directed at him, and when he's visibly struggling with his injuries and declaring his own inferiority, jiang cheng doesn't care and just repeats his point about wei wuxian being an idiot for saving people. (which also means the whole reason jiang cheng got scolded in the first place went right over his head lol nice one jc)

anyway. it's a little funny seeing metas that are just repeats of madame yu's talking points, considering half the things she says are textually acknowledged as bs. and she was barely even in lotus pier to begin with. but who cares about canon when taking her words as gospel gets your fav dumbass off the hook right 🙄

#replies #anonymous #long post #abuse #child abuse #i also agree w your point about jc's past not excusing his actions but i feel like i've talked abt that before #so i left it alone for now #though the focus on the impact of abusive behaviour in these scenes does make jc apologism a lot sillier #anyway the original message is 100%

58 notes · View notes

i-am-very-very-tired · 3 years

Text

My parents told me I wasn't allowed to date until I was at least 16. I didn't really have much opportunity, anyway—I grew up in a very small, very conservative town near Amarillo, Texas. And on top of it, I was homeschooled.

So 16 came and went. My mom told me, "Wait 'til you get to college. The guys are better, they're more interesting, they're more mature."

I patiently waited some more.

Then I went to a conservative Christian college, which was generally a positive experience for me: I became more outgoing and found activities I liked—like Star Wars club, where I was light-saber dueling champion for two years. But by senior year, I realized most of my friends were engaged, and I had never even been out on a date.

I suddenly came to the jarring realization: This is a thing that actually may not happen for me.

Over a decade later, I seem to have been right. Today, I'm 33, and I've never even had a first kiss.

There were a couple of guys in college I had massive crushes on—including one I almost asked out. I'm still friends with all of them. But it was very obvious that the ones that I liked had no interest in me beyond friendship. They had their eyes on the women they went on to marry.

After college, it was hard to even find men to date. The place I ended up working was 90 percent women, so I didn't meet guys at work. Guys at church were mostly the same guys I'd gone to school with (read: already married). To date, I've only had three relationships—all long-distance, all online.

My most recent relationship began on Twitter, actually, and lasted three years. We're still close,—he's a good person. But I had to come to the realization, yet again, that he didn't feel about me the way I felt about him. When we met in person, he didn't want to do anything more than a hug. That hurt.

Even in these Tinder-saturated times, our society tends to focus on the idea that "there's somebody out there for everyone" and "you'll find your true soulmate eventually." But far from making me feel better, it's distanced me from other people. It's made me feel like there's something wrong with me.

So you learn how to smile and nod during conversations about dating. You just sit there and laugh and hope the topic changes quickly.

When I do talk about what my actual experience has been, people get actually, noticeably uncomfortable. Some of my friends still don't really get it. They dated in college and got married pretty quickly after. They never had to stand there and face the prospect of a life truly alone: no partner—committed or even for a night.

What I crave most though isn't sex, it's simple affection. Someone to say, "Have a good day at work!" in the mornings. A hug when I get home after a long day. Basic human contact. I frequently go a week or more without touching another human being; I don't know what it's like to be touched by someone who is attracted to me. The little things are, in the end, the big things.

But I also know that I'm not alone in this isolation. Since writing more openly about my experience, I've been messaged by at least 60 women—and several men, too. Their story is similar to mine: Things just never worked out with anyone in person, and they thought they were the only ones.

Those of us who have no physical experience past a certain age are ashamed to talk about it—and the stigma of being somehow "broken" or "undateable" runs deep.

For instance, happily partnered people have given me the following unsolicited advice:

"You really just need to lose a little weight."

"Oh, there must have been guys interested in you, you just didn't notice!"

"You need to do these things you're not interested in."

"You just have to have a little confidence in yourself!"

"You need to *work* at finding a date."

I don't want to work at dating. Solidly single in my 30s, I've now reached a serene place of "if it happens, great." But I'm not going to make it my full-time job to find someone—anyone. I may be perpetually single, but I indeed have a life—another constant misconception.

What I loathe most from those who haven't experienced extended singleness is that they often try to invalidate my status by suggesting—or sometimes outright saying—that there's something I could have done.

That's not what my story is.

Sure, I'd like to change it, but not at every cost. I don't want to find someone just to have someone. I want it to matter. And I won't change who I am for that.

Follow Marie Claire on Facebook for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.

0 notes

graysonfirewolf85-blog · 5 years

Text

Suicide and Witchcraft

The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person's suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only accentuating survivor's guilt for failing to see it coming).

People who've survived suicide attempts have reported wanting not so much to die as to stop living, a strange dichotomy but a valid one nevertheless. If some in-between state existed, some other alternative to death, I suspect many suicidal people would take it.

In general, people try to kill themselves for six reasons:

1) They're depressed. This is without question the most common reason people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a pervasive sense of suffering as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression warps their thinking, allowing ideas like "Everyone would all be better off without me" to make rational sense. They shouldn't be blamed for falling prey to such distorted thoughts any more than a heart patient should be blamed for experiencing chest pain: it's simply the nature of their disease. Because depression, as we all know, is almost always treatable, we should all seek to recognize its presence in our close friends and loved ones. Often people suffer with it silently, planning suicide without anyone ever knowing. Despite making both parties uncomfortable, inquiring directly about suicidal thoughts in my experience almost always yields an honest response. If you suspect someone might be depressed, don't allow your tendency to deny the possibility of suicidal ideation prevent you from asking about it.

2) They're psychotic. Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to mask than depression, and is arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise. Schizophrenics are just as likely to talk freely about the voices commanding them to kill themselves as not, and also, in my experience, give honest answers about thoughts of suicide when asked directly. Psychosis, too, is treatable, and usually must be treated for a schizophrenic to be able to function at all. Untreated or poorly treated psychosis almost always requires hospital admission to a locked ward until the voices lose their commanding power.

3) They're impulsive. Often related to drugs and alcohol, some people become maudlin and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sobered and calmed, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The remorse is often genuine, but whether or not they'll ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable. They may try it again the very next time they become drunk or high, or never again in their lifetime. Hospital admission is therefore not usually indicated. Substance abuse and the underlying reasons for it are generally a greater concern in these people and should be addressed as aggressively as possible.

4) They're crying out for help, and don't know how else to get it. These people don't usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often don't believe they will die, frequently choosing methods they don't think can kill them in order to strike out at someone who's hurt them, but they are sometimes tragically misinformed. The prototypical example of this is a young teenage girl suffering genuine angst because of a relationship, either with a friend, boyfriend, or parent, who swallows a bottle of Tylenol, not realizing that in high enough doses Tylenol causes irreversible liver damage. I've watched more than one teenager die a horrible death in an ICU days after such an ingestion when remorse has already cured them of their desire to die and their true goal of alerting those close to them of their distress has been achieved.

5) They have a philosophical desire to die. The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision, often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people aren't depressed, psychotic, maudlin, or crying out for help. They're trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in death. They often look at their choice to commit suicide as a way to shorten a dying that will happen regardless. In my personal view, if such people are evaluated by a qualified professional who can reliably exclude the other possibilities for why suicide is desired, these people should be allowed to die at their own hands.

6) They've made a mistake. This is a recent, tragic phenomenon in which typically young people flirt with oxygen deprivation for the high it brings and simply go too far. The only defense against this, it seems to me, is education.

The wounds suicide leaves in the lives of those left behind by it are often deep and long lasting. The apparent senselessness of suicide often fuels the most significant pain. Thinking we all deal better with tragedy when we understand its underpinnings, I've offered the preceding paragraphs in hopes that anyone reading this who's been left behind by a suicide might be able to more easily find a way to move on, to relinquish their guilt and anger, and find closure. Despite the abrupt way you may have been left, guilt and anger don't have to be the only two emotions you're doomed to feel about the one who left you

Powerless

So you feel powerless? You feel like you don't know what to do and think you're a failure as a witch. How do we use magick which requires our full sensibilities, willpower, emotional functions such as love, passion, and desire if they are dulled by medication? That is a good question. Is crossed my mind quite a bit. Our Magick is definitely affected.

"Witchcraft is the craft of the wise. Wise people don’t become wise simply because they have acquired some knowledge. They become wise because their knowledge is enhanced through experience. Strong Healers were often inspired through needing healing in the first place. Through our own healing, we can be inspired to heal and without the experience of being a patient we can not fully understand how to healing process can work."

The Pretty Pill

"Drugs often interfere with real magick. The nature of how anti-depressants work is in how they “dull the senses”. It changes the chemical balance in the brain to enhance the mood which often takes away emotional aspects of what we draw from when creating and manifesting from desire. But… So does depression… There are many physical causes of depression that can be managed through other forms of treatments and yes, many of them are holistic. If someone is suicidal or dealing with depression, should they NOT take their anti-depressants? I am not saying that at all. For many, anti-depressants are necessary at least for a while. I am saying there may be another solution to look into as part of the long-term treatment plan."

have too agree with the above from Summer in her article in Witch Digest. Drugs for depression are designed to dull the senses. It's also a teeter-totter in the sense that some cases require the use of anti-depressants. YET, again, not all drugs are designed to dull the senses and sometimes the drugs don't even work

6 Ways to Improve

Balance and Grounding

The mind, body, and spirit work together. When one part is out of balance, it can throw the other parts of us out of whack. That is the theory of finding balance. The art of trying to keep all three aspects in balance at the same time. I believe it takes a lifetime to master and I don’t believe it is actually 100% mastered even by the masters. That is how grounding helps us regain our balance.

Diet

Sometimes the food we eat doesn’t work well with our bodies and throws off the balance of our overall well-being. Finding a diet that works for us through a process of elimination and cleansing to help us feel our best can have positive effects but it may not be the end all solution. That also may include a dietary supplement. Care must be taken when changing one’s diet or adding a supplement. A good example is St. John’s Wort because it is known for being a mood enhancer. The biggest problem with St. John’s Wort is for those with Bipolar it can make things worse and increase the cycling effects of the disease. Not to mention how it works is by changing the levels of serotonin, a chemical in the brain, and so does anti-depressants and the combinations can be dangerous and even life-threatening.

Exercise

Adding exercise to one’s lifestyle can have many health benefits. Exercise is known to increase endorphins that can have a mood enhancing effect. But, we have to be careful not injure ourselves and care must be taken. Exercises that get our bodies in motion are great. I enjoy a dance night where I get up and dance in my living room and have a blast being silly or going for a scenic walk around my neighborhood when safety permits or even walking in the local mall. Chi gong, Tai Chi and even Yoga is said to have positive effects on mood and energy.

Holistic energy healing

Holistic healing techniques such as Reiki for some can make a huge difference as part of the whole healing and recovery process.

Meditation

This can help us regulate our balance and grounding through trying various techniques. These techniques can be found through counseling, learning through teachers or masters and even through internet searches.

Counseling

Most of all, counseling if done with the correct mindset can also add to recovery in the healing process. I have seen people go through years of psychotherapy and never recover and I have seen someone go through just a few sessions or a few years of therapy and do more healing than ever expected. Finding the right type and quality of counselor is necessary. Remembering that a counselor can only guide you on your healing path and the healing process is up to you is a key factor in benefiting from counseling.

Permanently Medicated

If one is permanently medicated or even temporarily, How can a Witch work magick while medicated? Well, there is a way. You have to work around the constraints and only you, the magickal practitioner can discover what that is for yourself. Knowing how your illness works on your overall health, which contains all three of the mind, body, and spirit and how the treatments affect your overall health is a good place to start.

Trial and error is often the only way to figure out which options work best for you.

Conclusion

Healing one aspect of our whole being requires the complimentary healing of each of our three parts; Mind, body, and spirit. At least that is what I believe. For some, medication can actually enhance their well-being and therefore increases their magickal abilities.

[Source 1|https://witchdigest.com/25707/can-depression-affect-my-magick/]

[Source 2|https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml]

[Source 3|https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/the-six-reasons-people-attempt-suicide%3famp]

0 notes