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singingcna · 6 years

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Elephant on the Table- the Forgotten Rent

Oh my God, look who just walked in. Is she staring? I cant believe shes here. Ugh.

We all have had a moment like this, where we walk into the store or the movies and see a face we may not find so friendly. She first thing we think of is how horrible it is they are there, and second is if they are staring or watching us.

First things first, this is what I call, "mental rent." You are taking up time by thinking about this other person simply by wondering if they are thinking about you. You are allowing them your time of day, which we all know is precious. Why allow someone that causes you so much stress and anxiety take up so much of your personal time?

Secondly, why ignore it? If you do this on your personal life, it is ok! Tomorrow is always a brand new day to START TRYING. That is the ultimate key; that you start trying.

I know for me it happens a lot. I have to rein in myself on how much this is hurting me more then helping me- to constantly think about something negative. Its not even the person. Its something simple- something negative. Simple things like that have a big impact on my moods, and just the simple flick of a switch (just like with bipolar) I can produce positive or negative energies. Its all up to me.

So...am I going to ignore that elephant in the room? Or am I going to do something about it by changing it?

Added on 8-27-2018

Letting someone get to me by just exercising their presence is something I hate about me....it is something I truly do not like to do, but it still happens. It is a weakness in myself that I find to be truly life altering. I am still learning not to do this; I have surrounded myself with people I enjoy to be around however, at work and at home. However, these behaviors can be incredibly faulty being that they have been TAUGHT to us....I watched people around me in my inner circle (unfortunately) say they did not care what someone thought about them, or they didn’t care how people viewed them in public, and then turn around and stand in the mirror for 20-30 minutes before work, making sure they looked good for the day.

Recently I had an issue with this “mental rent.” I let someone who was just present in the room get to me. Yes, I know what they are thinking, as I have heard how they speak about people, and it is UGLY....so much negative energy....so first things first I have to remember that it is ok to disagree with someone about their personal opinion, EVEN IF they opinion is a lie about me. I can accept this person has a faulty perception of me.

Second off, I have to ignore this person. Completely.

Now, in the situation, did I do this?........

Oh dear lord, no :(.....

I LOST IT. :(

I became so angry, KNOWING this person’s intentions were not honorable and that they were out of spite and negativity. It FLOORED ME that someone I loved was being around this individual, and throwing me to the curb. ...

It took me months to recover from that, and it still makes me sick to think about :(

My mental rent is not being saved in my emotional banks right now.....yet everyday I do make a generous effort to brush off those thoughts....especially right now as I write this.....

I keep fighting for a negative free day. What about you?

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