#for runs >:-[ im always to fucking brain saturated by then and its a ll static and bees in my head

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#theres a quote somewhere abt an adviser of a religious leader in... maybe the middle ages? where the adviser is like: we need to convert X #group of people gently. if we force our beliefs down their throats they may just expell it back up #and im thinking abt it bc thats how my brain engages with things. like: oh i like a thing. i must consume as much info abt it as possible #right this very fucking second. and then suddenly its very stressful and my brain tries to reject it #but i cant bc the fucking metaphorical evangelical in my brain is like: no. u fucking listen to me #and im just like 😵‍💫 #which is to say that i didnt sleep much last night and overdosed on 0ne piece. which was not a good move bc now i just feel terrible #which i knew would happen bc i was like hm reading this fic sounds like a bad choice. lets fucking gooooo #and then i fucking trigger myself lmao. partly bc of the material in the fic and partially bc the last time i was reading 0ne piece fics i #was a lot more fucked in terms of my lack of self awareness. so it kinda inherently makes me think of back then and im like oh yea i used #to do X bad thing. i should go back to doing that lol. and its like No. stop. fucking. no #make better choices for the love of god. ugh fuck ive got too much i didnt sleep enough energy #im sure ill burn out way hard by the end of the day. channel that energy. channel that energy into finding an apartment in a fucking city #with a fucking housing shortage 😭 i dont wanna go back to having roommates. nooooooooo 😭😭😭 #bleh. im procrastinating going to work. work that i am voluntarily doing for no fucking reason except thst i have issues with #compulsive behavior lol. not lol. sad face 😭 hhhh im vibrating. i wanna run around in circles. why cant i be like this when i actually go #for runs >:-[ im always to fucking brain saturated by then and its a ll static and bees in my head #whatever. time to get tf up and take measurements #unrelated #lmao y did i start this with allusions to a religious quote i dont fucking remember hahahaha #ah its bc i find the contrast of serious academic and philosophical topics funny when i go from thinking abt them to fucking anime and #my petty bullshit. idk i habe a weird sense of humor maybe