#first time ive ever made one of these. oo scary | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lasercruz · 4 years

Text

@quarterdollar fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call? No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1 .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔 i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding? yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery? dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile 😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting? its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

#ask #mine

3 notes · View notes

noonemournsthewicked · 4 years

Text

thanku @dwintu !!

🍓 what do you prefer to be called name wise?

anna but my sister calls me frog :)

🍓when’s your birthday?

feb 2nd !!

🍓where do you live?

england

🍓three things you’re doing right now

listening to betty by taylor swift and being very extra because tHE KEY CHANGE !!!!!! messaging my friend who likes trains because i just saw a train so i took a photo of it (i take photos of stuff my friends like idk), stroking my dog who’s laying on me and i feel honoured :’)

🍓four fandoms that have peaked your interest

hm idk,, the taylor swift fandom (swifties) because i think i’m going back into my taylor swift phase and i’m not mad about it!!!! the killing eve fandom on tiktok, killing eve twitter is too scary,,,,,, the falsettos fandom i saw a funny tweet and it made me laugh aksjskks and hozier i guess me and my friend were just talking about him

🍓how is the pandemic treating you?

at first kinda badly my mental health went doOoown but now pretty good!!! i seem to be a little more carefree which is cool!! i’ve done things i never thought i’d do like i snook out in the middle of the night, prepandemic me would NEVER!! but yeah i’m more happy in myself (that sounds cringy aksj) and ive kinda realised that people will always dislike you so they may as well dislike you being yourself y’know!! just do what you want because at the end of the day who cares (even though last night i cried because i realised that when one of my friends finds out i’m gay they’ll lose respect for me so that’s cool, we’re not even that close anymore but we were really close at one point so that kinda sucks)

🍓song you cant stop listening right now?

i’m gonna say betty by taylor swift but also how you get the girl and i know places!! taylor swift SLAPS

🍓recommend a movie

hm i’m not really a movie person but i love ladybird, it’s pretty good

🍓how old are you?

16!!

🍓school, university, occupation or other?

starting college soon

🍓do you prefer hot or cold?

cold!!! but drink wise hot

🍓name one fact others may not know about you

hm ive got about 5 journals that span over the course of my time at highschool and i like looking back on them because i think it’s really interesting how much things have changed since then but one journal i couldn’t look back on because it was too triggering because my mental health was really bad so i ripped it up and threw it away heheheh

🍓are you shy?

hm it depends, i won’t purposefully go up to people in public and start conversations with them but i enjoy speaking to people so i’ll speak to taxi drivers etc and with my friends i’m not shy at all,, i’m mainly shy around other teens because scAry

🍓what are your pronouns?

she/her

🍓any pet peeves?

noisy eaters, sPicY sTraiGhts, people who are blatantly rude

🍓whats your favourite “dere” type

i googled it and i don’t really know anything about anime sorry!!

🍓rate your life 1-10 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be

oo probably 8!! life is pretty good but i miss my plants,,,,,

🍓whats your main blog?

this one!!

🍓list your side blogs and what they are used for

@stdycactus ,, a study account thing that mOtiVateS me to actually do work, do it for the aesthetic jsjsjsj

@taylordiditforthelesbians ,, i made this a few days ago because there was so much taylor stuff i wanted to reblog but i didn’t want to be annoying so i made another account for it aksjks

🍓is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

hm i’m quite clingy but in a good way i hope,, i’ll message you at random times just to remind you that i appreciate you because i’m scared that people will forget about me so i just gotta remind you,,,,,

i don’t have anyone to tag so anybody can do it if you want!! :)

#tag game

1 note · View note

anihan-spills · 5 years

Text

Girl in the Mirror (Part IV)

VI. Maria

A large number of people assemble every Sunday to celebrate mass in the Quiapo church. While most celebrate mass to continuously become closer to God, it is obvious that Senator Magglabo is on his third time celebrating mass that year — first when he was running for senator, second when the ballots were being counted, third (that day) being the day he won as a senator.

Maria knelt quietly, still in deep prayer after taking the holy host in her communion. Most churchgoers were already loud and noisy, talking about their daily gossips.

Father Arnaiz entered the post and said his closing remarks. “Go in peace! Love and serve the Lord.”

“Thanks be to God!” all except Maria say, for she was still kneeling and deep in prayer.

Senator Magglabo turned to his daughter. “Ang saya, hindi ba!? O, senador na ako! Hays, ang biyayang binigay ng Diyos... at sa sambayanan, ako ang biyaya ng Diyos! Maraming taong naghihintay na bumati sa akin sa labas. Mahal, gusto mo bang sumama?”

Maria turned to her father, smiling politely. “Paumanhin, itay. Maaari po ba akong magdasal pa?”

Senator Magglabo frowned at this, but accepted it anyway. “Sige. Sa labas lang ako. Oh! Sina Tita Cori at Tita Rani! Ibabati ko na muna sila.”

Senator Magglabo sat up from his pew and went to Tita Cori and Tita Rani. He soon proceeded into having a small talk with them.

Maria continued to sit down in prayer.

“My Father, you are the light of my life, the light of my love, and the love of my life. You have never failed to listen to my pleas. You were always the one I could trust. I long for you as the deer longs for the stream's water. I long for you as to how King David's subjects long for the notes he plays on the harp. I long for you as much as Bathsheba longed for you when she was betrayed by the same king.

My Lord, I know I am just a woman, but I'm tired. I need your presence. I need you. Help me try to forgive. Help me try to live. Protect me, my Father. Protect me. Amen.”

I remember Maria standing up, tears still welling down her face. She walked to her father and soon overheard his conversation with Tita Cori and Tita Rani.

“Pero alam mo, parang nagbago na si Maria. Maslalo na noong pumasok ka sa pulitika.” Tita Cori remarked.

“Oo nga, eh. Parang hindi siya kasing sigla noong bata pa siya eh. Naging mas mahinhin pa.” Tita Rani added.

Maria interjected in the conversation. “Nahihinayang lang po ako, tita. Parang nahahawa na ako sa pagod ng aking tatay. Ngunit, walang dapat pag-abalahin sa akin.”

Tita Cori, Tita Rani, and Senator Magglabo laugh at this.

“Alam mo naman ang mga babae: napaka-emosyonal.” the Senator smiled, going behind his daughter.

The comment made Maria laugh uneasily. She turned to her father and said, “Magpahinga na po kayo, itay. Maraming nangyari kahapon. Senador ka na at dapat masmarami na ang paghinga mo.”

“Siguro nga. Maraming salamat.”

The four bade their farewells. Maria and Senator Magglabo walked together on the street on the way back to their house.

“Anong pinagdasal mo kanina?” her father inquired.

“Nagdasal ako para sa inyo, at kung gaano akong kagalak maging anak mo.” Maria replied with a smile.

Senator Magglabo blushed. “Aww…”

Senator Magglabo and Maria were surprised to see four Japanese soldiers inside their home. Senator Magglabo was not scared, however. He was actually very delighted.

“Mr. Akinari!” Senator Magglabo smiled, extending his arms, “Good to see you! How was Bulacan?”

“Good to see you, Senator Magglabo. I heard of your victory.” Mr. Akinari nodded to him. He turned to Maria. “Good to see you again, Maria.”

Akinari held Maria’s hand and kissed it. He turned to Senator Magglabo once more. “Bulacan was great.”

Maria gulped. “I should probably go to my room.”

“Wait!” Akinari stopped and turned to the other soldiers, signaling them in.

The soldiers brought in the mirror and removed the cloth that covered it.

“This mirror is taken from one of the American bases. Some would say it dates back to the Spanish era. But it's still so beautiful.” He turned to Maria and smiled, “As beautiful as you.”

Maria gulped once more. She inquired, “Where will you put it?”

“Inside your room, of course.”

Maria and Akinari watched two Japanese soldiers bring the mirror in before exiting. Akinari moved closer to Maria.

“I missed you.”

“I didn’t.”

Akinari tried to moving closer again but Maria resisted.

“Not right now, please.”

Akinari nodded before leaving the room.

Maria lied on her bed and quietly cried.

I remember her face when I appeared in front of the mirror. I remembered looking for Eugenie and then seeing her.

She stared at me a bit, quietly. It was almost scary.

“Oh wow. I’m surprised. You didn’t scream.”

Maria gulped. “I’m turning mad now, am I?”

“Mad?” I frowned, “Oh no, honey. I’m afraid you are.”

Maria sighed and turned over. “Yes, I am.”

I smiled at her, trying to radiate comfort. “If it could make you feel any better, I can introduce myself. Hi! I'm Lucia. I'm no ghost. I don't think I'm reflected light either. I'm just… Lucy.”

She smiled at me as she sat up, “Hello, Lucy. I'm Maria.”

“Yay!” I grin, “Now we’re friends!”

It was late that I realized her tears. I frowned and breathed in deeply. “You’re crying. Is there anything bothering you?”

Maria sobbed and nodded.

I asked, “What’s wrong?”

She sobbed once more before looking away and shrugging.

I deduced. “Was it the man who tried advancing on you.”

She sobbed in the very same manner as she did before. “My father can’t know what happened two weeks ago. My father can't know that I was raped by Mr. Akinari! What my father did, his election, his position, what he stands for — all of it would just be lies.”

I frowned before a knock on the door was heard. I disappeared.

Senator Magglabo entered the door, gleefully. “Akinari is inviting us to a party,” he announced.

Maria was in sudden shock for a while. She looked at the mirror, and then at her father, and looks at the mirror, then at her father once more. She smiled at him. “Tell him I'll be happy to see him.”

As he left, she went to the mirror to fix herself.

Akinari and Senator Magglabo laughed and drank on the same table. A Courier entered and gave a document to Akinari, who then passed it to the senator. Magglabo laughed and jokingly elbowed his Japanese friend. The two had a soft conversation, pointing at each other as if offering each other the honor to announce something. In the end, Akinari stood up, making Senator Magglabo applaud.

Akinari announced with enthusiasm, as he held his glass up high. “I have an announcement to make…”

Maria climbed downstairs just in time to hear the proclamation. After observing Akinari standing, she turned to a waiter to ask what was happening.

Akinari continued, “I am to ask Ms. Magglabo’s hand in marriage.”

Maria’s heart wrenched. She felt everything fall down — as if Atlas had decided to let the heavens go.

Akinari met eyes with his betrothed. She went up to her, held her hand, and kissed it.

“No need to worry, my love.” Akinari told her in assurance, “You’ll be in safe hands.”

Maria stared at Akinari, waiting for him to release her hand. She gave up waiting after a while. The night continued, strings latched all over her numb body.

Maria arrived in her room. She laid down, face flat on the pillow. The nap broke when she heard the door opening, making her jot up.

Akinari opened the door and smiles at her. Maria started to breathe heavy.

“What are you doing here in my room?” “Am I not allowed?”

“Kind of not.”

Maria breathed in heavier as Akinari sat beside her.

“What’s your goal with me, exactly?”

“You’re just really beautiful — and easy to acquire. Who would want to pass the chance on that? I know I wouldn’t.”

Hours passed. Akinari awoke, got up, and put on his clothes. Maria stirred, panting heavily, before waking and getting up.

As soon as Akinari exits, I appear in the mirror.“Hey,” I smile at her, “How was the party?”

“Tiring.” she told me, “I’m marrying him.”

I frowned. “Did you consent to it?”

“When did I ever?”

I sighed and sat to listen to her.

“I pray to the Lord every day. I pray that I could have the strength to move on. I pray that I could have the strength to forgive. I pray that I could have the chance to live with my shame.”

“Being a victim does not put you to shame. Being raped does not make you any less of a person. Raping does. You’re human. You get hurt. You feel lost. You feel abandoned. You feel shamed. You think this is your fault, but it’s not. I believe in you. You can always choose to move on. You can always choose to forgive. But that choice is yours. Even if you do or don’t it still does not make you any less of a person.”

Maria walked through the bustling streets of Manila, carrying a basket of crops with her. She notices the glum, monotone environment despite the vibrant, colorful harvest of produce the summer had to offer. After a moment of brief observance, she bumps upon a woman her age, wearing a shoal around her face. The woman’s fruits fell from her basket. The two knelt down to pick up the fruits. The woman, however, was stopped by people passing by her, “accidentally” kicking and hitting her along their way. Maria notices this, and then the two stand up, the woman is pushed once more.

“Dahan-dahan lang!” the man shouted violently at the woman.

The woman stood up and wiped a tear from her face. She quietly walked out of the scene.

Maria watched the covered woman go before realizing that, in her hand, was a tomato that did not belong to her. She grabbed her basket and called out for the woman.

Upon nearing, the woman looked worriedly at Maria. Maria approached the woman and was about to give the fruit to her, before being pulled over to an alleyway.

The woman hushed Maria beneath the darkness the building had constructed for them in the deep corner. “Please be quiet.” the woman pleaded, “I’m not supposed to be outside.”

Maria frowned and handed over the tomato, which the woman accepted.

“Where are you taking the foods?” Maria curiously asked.

“To my friends…” the woman answered, “for us to eat.”

“Where are you going?”

The woman hesitated to answer before sighing. Maria noticed tears rushing to fall from the woman’s eyes as the woman shook her head. Maria went over to the woman to hold her.

“To the fort.” the woman answered.

Maria knew exactly what fort. The fort that had been the torture place for so many years. In that fort were churches that should have served as a place of protection for its people, but instead were converted as sites of hell.

“I-Inside?” Maria asked.

The woman just nodded. “Why did you think people shoved me away?”

Maria frowned and watched the woman go. She then felt the urge to run up to the woman to hold her. She fed into that urge.

The woman cried in reply.

“It’s okay,” Maria said. “I know that feeling.”

The woman laughed. “Really? Have you ever felt what it’s like seeing your husband tortured and whipped in front of you while you were being defiled? Have you ever felt what it’s like witnessing your father skinned alive, and your brother being stabbed? Have you ever—”

“No.” Maria pulled away, shaking her head. “But I know what it feels like to be abused. This is not a competition.”

The woman was silent. She stared at Maria as she continued.

“I’m sorry this happened to you. But it’s not your fault. Being a victim does not put you to shame. Being tortured like that does not make you any less of a person. Torturing does. You’re human. You get hurt. You feel lost. You feel abandoned. You feel shamed. You think this is your fault, but it’s not. I believe in you. You can always choose to move on. You can always choose to forgive. But that choice is yours. Even if you do or don’t it still doesn’t take away you being a person.”

The woman snickered. “They all say that. But what do they do? Nothing.”

Maria looked away before staring at the woman sincerely. “I could help get you out.”

The two heard Japanese soldiers approaching. They run towards the other corner of the alley.

The two pant as they were able to safely arrive outside the alley, back into plain sight. She smiled at each other as they caught their breaths.

“My name is Maria.”

“My name is Asiang.”

“Alright, Asiang, here’s the plan…”

And the two conspired to escape — with every detail for every thought-of circumstances. The thought of, not only an escape for themselves but for everyone in that comfort station. It’s the least Maria could do. For, after all, she too wanted to escape like them.

After the planning, Asiang looked up at Maria and smiled. “Salamat.”

“Walang ano man.” Maria replied, “Mag-ingat ka.”

The visions came by fast. First I saw Maria carrying a gas lamp as she placidly walked by thick stone walls, sounds of explosions and gunshots all around her. She walked alleyway after alleyway before eventually arriving at a building. She looked through the window and saw Asiang waiting for her alone in her room. Asiang, likewise, noticed Maria and slipped a piece of paper through the two walls that connected her room to the others’ rooms. A loud knock was heard from the door, hurrying Asiang to escape. Maria helped Asiang get down through the window. As soon as Asiang got down, the two slowly back away from the window. They were stopped, however, as they both bumped into a big soldier, holding a bayonet. The two stared in horror.

#Girl in the Mirror

1 note · View note

otpofotps · 7 years

Text

did i grow up in 2016? have i made progress? is this what i came to japan for?

i honestly don’t know how to answer that and i don’t think im in the right place to answer that right now. but let me elaborate on the dinner with the kouhai, finally, because it led to….a lot. of internal ramblings…. some of which became external.

so this kouhai says lets get dinner and im like sure! but inside im like ummmmm but its not like we talk often or much at all and i only told one person about the upcoming event and he was like yeah idk maki sounds like a date and im like yeah ikr. but it was wishy washy like, it was also very plausibly not a date and just him wanting to get friendlier with a senpai. i have trouble understanding that maybe only because its never something i would do. this…is only the beginning of things that i do not see myself agreeing with the kouhai on.

so the dinner happens and it was like…. ooooookay. for me, it was just one of those things. if the cards were clearer i could’ve played it better. but i didn’t know the line and he didn’t make it clear and i fucked it up. because how presumptuous would it have been of me to treat it like a date and flirt? not that i know how. but i played it off super platonic because im incapable of putting myself out there like, hey maybe i have romantic intentions towards you. i just cannot do that mentally. its a hard knock life but its mostly just me making it hard. if he had made it clear it was non platonic i guess i could’ve done better. but…. then there was the other problem

we talked. obviously, duh, thats what dinner is, but because of the societal position we are in (as in our commonality is ipse) then like…yeah obv we are going to end up talking about ipse, and japan, and so many other things i’m uncomfortable talking openly about. guess what, i am not 100% satisfied. or even like 50%. but he was like its been a good year, hasn’t it? and im like, internally, dude, what in the fuck do you want me to say to that. you’re a kouhai and i’ve had a years longer worth of experience in japan and my answer is no, i’ve not had a great year. i didn’t want to say that. i didn’t want to say that to someone who still has a lot of potential to do whatever he wants in japan. it is entirely possible for him to achieve/maintain happiness in japan. but we are not the same people. and my experience of ipse is probably very different from what yours will be.

so talking to him brought out a lot about what i was thinking applying to japan and what i think now. this dinner happened like second to last week of december. fitting or just a downer for the end of the year, can someone else clarify for me because oh dear god it did get worse from there

it became incredibly, amazingly, horrifyingly clear how different we are. in almost everything we talked about that i had an opinion on, he had the opposite. and worse, he reminds me a lot of this particular person in my department that i have decided from here onwards i hate… i cannot remember what i call him here. maybe [y]. they have such…similarities.

it scares me because ive spent an entire year understanding why i don’t trust people like [y]. i hate being like oo emotions scary the world is bad and cynicism is the answer im not one of those people. but there is always a part of me that distrusts certain people. most people (all people?) maybe, until i feel some certain tick where i feel like suddenly i can show that i am emotionally invested in our friendship / whatever. it feels so dumb typing that out. but its something i need to confront. this text post isnt the time…. but [y] has been such a justification for why i do this. because people like [y] exist. people that i feel like i can be friends with and then go and humiliate you or make fun of you or imply your friendship means nothing to them. this sounds like [y] fucked me up or something and i promise he didn’t, i’ve always been like this, but it sucks that [y] is someone i still have to deal with, and i really don’t want to see the only kouhai i have a connection to become someone that i never can invest feeling into a relationship with.

so yes. i do not see myself being able to smoothly befriend the kouhai. or like…whatever, you know. but then the Key conversation happened which led to…some drunken ramblings that unfortunately i don’t recall very well but i’m sure my friends do.

so. god….. it was just such. i overreacted. but tbh its not a topic to have been talking about on a potential date not date. basically, it went like “well i came to university in japan because i want to marry a japanese person” (him)

and just like that i just. was like ….no. i cannot explain what took over me but i was just like. no. “you chose the country of your university based on who you want to marry? aren’t you like 18?”

“well…yeah.”

not that the conversation really exploded after that but for me at that point…it was not a good evening. the rest of that conversation was basically “so you wouldn’t base your career decisions depending on your spouse?” (him) “fuck no” “…thats…unusual…” “really? i feel like thats something you could expect from rikejos” (i am so dumb please don’t punch me) “not really?”

for him, he probably meant that not as a wife in japan obligatorily follows husbands career path trajectory and abandons her own career if necessary, but as in partners will consider their partner (non specific genders) in times of career choices. i took it as the first one because i am so dumb, and girls and feminism and japan and marriage is really, really, apparently /really/, touchy subject for me.

so i was touchy and a little miffed for really no real reason, and then a week later i drank too much vodka and went on a rant about this specific conversation and girls in japan, and how that’s not who i want to be, i want to have a career, blah blah blah i am really the worst. not because i have strong opinions about something that is certainly a valid topic to have strong opinions about but i put down other types of woman. i basically said something (on the vodka fueld rant) about how i don’t want to be a housewife, how im meant for more than that. and it breaks my heart that i said that (my friend told me later). because that’s not who i want to be. that’s not feminism. feminism shouldn’t be that being a housewife is a shameful thing or lesser thing. feminism is the right to CHOOSE. you want a career as a researcher? go ahead! you want to stay home and take care of the home? go ahead! its about not being reduced to stereotypes. its about that there shouldn’t be the assumption that the wife is the one who does the household chores. its that society assess the value of a job based on the money it brings to the house, but how can we ever assess the value of the housewife.

i am shamed and sad that i said things that i didn’t realise i believed. or maybe i knew, but i didn’t want to know, and hid my eyes from it.

and not that its entirely the dinner’s fault, but it certainly did bring it (my later drunken rant on [y], the kouhai, and girls in japan) out.

so yes. 2/10, the dinner was an interesting but not entirely positive (as of yet) experience.

#personal #i just thought of the corniest line from what is probably jdrama #人とちゃんと向き合うのが怖くて逃げてんのかよ #but it is true if only slightly #i also realise this then does not explain my previous text post about the kouhai dinner #lets say he is very different and that partly inspired me to make plans with some people ive never #tried approaching before and it went incredibly well #so i will not say it was not a dinner that didnt have any positive outcome

1 note · View note