#findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

March 2 2024 I am in Finland. Me and a friend (@formulalakana) went kä sightseeing and everything seems surreal. Käärijä grinning down on us from the Vantaa mural. Exploring the Prisma where Jere got kicked out as a teen. Staying at his apartment. I’m squealing of happiness!! I was especially surprised to find how comfortable the bolero was –it fit just right. I fit just right. And this is a feeling I’ve felt more and more since getting into käärijä: he makes me feel okay. Good enough. Just right.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #käärijä's home #käbnb #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #helsinki #sys tour 2024 #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

November 22 2023

Today will be forever be known as t-day!! (Inspired by birth day or b day).

I filmed this video 200 meters away from the clinic since I was so happily overwhelmed.

Here is the bastard:

I feel like Jere with the vog-u-e magazine rn xD

I was so close to buy myself some candy to celebrate my t-day (instead of birth day xD) yet instead I found this 🥹🦭⚡️

#this is so surreal #i am here #i am actually here #t is in front of me #aaaaa #transgender #hrt #transmasc #a bit of a dofferent format from other posts #hopefully you like it #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

October 21 2023 Still sick so let’s talk about birthday boy Jere and the transflag. In Berlin Jere picked up a transflag and he was so confused. It turned out he had no idea what the flag even means so we (the audience) had to tell him. Jere really listened to us and genuinely seemed honored to have been trusted with the flag. I can’t type this without crying. I love this man. I took so many pictures of this moment. It was magical. (btw love the ‘Jere can’t be labelled bc he doesn’t know gender’ theories).

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #jere pöyhönen #käärijä #käärijä eu tour #my gig #berlin gig #transflag #ally energy #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

February 4 2024 Here’s one for my fellow Joker Out fans. Reading through a handful of Damon Baker picture analysis yesterday I have to say I feel like Nace. I had heard he had some insecurities with his body image yet it took me until now to realize how much he is suffering under it. And I get it. While I feel a better than even just a year ago, I still often struggle to find my body acceptable if not desirable. This week has been rough. I hope his week was better – he deserves to be confident with himself.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #body image #nace jordan #joker out #damon baker #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

Today, I’ll do things differently and take you shopping* because oh, did I find outfits that fed my hyperfixation.

Isn’t this shirt perfect for dyi Käärijä!? And for that price???**

I also found this Frank themed shirt and Cha Cha dancer vest (bought none of them tho)

This shirt gives ‘Joker Out energy’ if you ask me. I giggled when I saw the price: 69 dkr***, I needed it.

In short, I got two “slutty” shirts inspired by my BroTP – love it!

Some notes and an additional picture under the line

When walking down the street, I passed this little box when Cha Cha Cha started playing. I found that extremely funny given that it sort of looks like euro-lava.

*You might already have guess but I the ‘shopping part’ is referring to me sharing pictures of what I tried on today going shopping at random stores. **The top cost 10 dkr which translates to 1,34£ or around 1,5$. ***The price translates to 9,26£ or 10,14$ - it is just funnier in Danish kroner because of … yeah you’ve probably already guess when the whole blogpost is about how everything reminds me of Jere/Käärijä and Bojan.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #photos #gender presentation #gender expression #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #bojan cvjeticanin #joker out #esc #esc2023 #entry #findingmicah #yes that is indeed me #in my swimming binder #luckily I felt better about my dang body after putting that on today #and no I will take no criticisms I look how I look

[micahthemoon]

March 19 2024

Today marked the day I told the second person about my theory that the reason we see so many neurodivergent queers being fan of Joker Out and käärijä is because I am pretty sure at least a few if not most of the members are neurodiverse (Jere has ADHD, and you can’t tell me otherwise). And so, us fans can sense this comradery there is between neurospicy individuals even the undiagnosed ones. We tend to flock together. We tend to understand each other better. Find solace in each other.

#transmasc #nonbinary #transgender #neurodivergence #adhd #autism #asd #joker out #käärijä #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

December 18 2023 Instead of sleeping my mind made me think about who I’d prefer to switch bodies with from JO. Jure is definitely not the one, I feel like I’d freak out being this scrawny (sorry my boy). Would love to have Nace’s tattoos yet his build and style is a bit too masculine for me. Bojan would be cool yet I’m not sure if his man tits would make me dysphoric. Kris would probably be the closest to the body I have rn. So, I guess I’ll go for Jan. Fitting, since he was the first to give me gender envy.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #joker out #jure maček #kris gustin #jan peteh #nace jordan #bojan cvjeticanin #gender envy #gender presentation #gender expression #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

December 6 2023

Jere just slayed with his look at linnan juhlat (the finnish day of independence) so it’s only fair that today’s entry is sort of about him. Yet it’s also about @demi-eurovision’s definition of the fittingly named käärijägender. I feel strongly connected to this. Käärijä might haven’t started my gender journey but he has escalated it: I feel much more confident after getting to know him. I love his masculine femininity. I love his painted nails and racoon glitter eyes. I love his bowlcut and how it can look both femme and masc depending on the day and the fit. Thank you demi for putting this feeling into words. And thank you to käärijä for being so unapologetically himself.

#I decided to not have a word count today so enjoy the 182 extra symbols in this one x'D #transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #käärijägender #kingender #gender identity #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

April 4 2024 There’s a month left until I will see Käärijä live at Helsinki! Which means there’s less of a month until I can (hopefully) get my next tattoo (yes, yes I know I am addicted). So I went through all the different Helsinki tattoo artists I follow on IG to take screenshots of the flashes I was considering. I have given myself until next week to decide and then I’ll have to contact one or more of the tattoo artists just to be sure one of them actually have time for me.

In the next ones I'll point out which ones I am thinking about:

The sunflower (1), the deer (2), Eevee (3+4), the third fox (5), the hedgehog (6), the 'love u' phone (7), the acorn or the fox (8)

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #body modifications #body modification tattoo #tattoo #flash tattoo #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

August 2 2023

Honestly, I’m not sure what to say today so here’s more outfit photos that reminds me of Jere and friends.

First up we have Häärijä:

Then we have the combo of Jukka, Jaakko, and Aleksi aka the pink men:

Here’s my Bojan. Fun fact: this will probably also be the outfit I wear when watching Barbie in theatres in the middle of August.

And let’s end with my käärijä cosplay taking the minute before going to the showcase where I’d later perform my Cha Cha Cha cover.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #gender expression #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #bojan cvjeticanin #jukka sorsa #Jaakko Jokela #aleksi nurmi #häärijä #selfies #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

December 14 2023

I had 2 videos I wanted to film today; Two milestones I wanted to document. I decided not to share the diaryblog t-update here (that one will be on the music blog). Instead, here’s the t (hehe): Two years ago I drew on my first mascara beard. I had been out to myself for around nine months at this point. At that time I had experienced some gender euphoric moments, yet this was definitely the biggest one so far, so I didn’t understand my feelings at the time. I do now. Happy beard-versary.

#I know it is technically the second time I post some of this 2021 clip #it is just so good at showing my feelings :'D #gender euphoria #gender expression #medical transition #minoxidil #transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #entry #findingmicah #2021 #2023

[micahthemoon]

October 29 2023 Since Halloween is around the corner, I keep seeing more cosplays around. I got the strongest gender envy from one käärijä cosplay. The person was a transman with top surgery scars and an eyeliner tattoo on his chest. I want that too! Gosh I want that! The whole thing got me down memory lane when I first went as Castiel to a costume party at a high school (not my own) or as Pippin Took at the local Hobbit movie premiere. One day I might finish my Lucius Spriggs cosplay. Or go to a convention.

#nonbinary #transgender #transmasc #cosplay #gender expression #gender envy #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #kääryleet #spn #supernatural #castiel #pippin took #lord of the rings #lotr #lucius spriggs #our flag means death #ofmd #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

October 25 2023 While not fully recovered I went to group today to talk about my experience watching Käärijä live. I’m so grateful not only for everybody who let me vent about the boy but also for him for giving me something to be this excited about again. He brought out of one of my bleakest periods of my life and has helped me find confidence in my gender identity, -expression and wellbeing. If only I could thank Jere at some point. Yet I’m also afraid to meet him and/or that I never will.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #käärijä #jere pöyhönen #käärijä eu tour #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

September 7 2023 Finally, a boring day this week. So let me talk a bit about how each member of Joker Out feels gender affirming for me; Jan = as already mentioned his smaller chin is very affirming to me (myself having a tiny one). Kris = cis guys can have big butts too! Bojan = his height aka that funny feeling where you are not short but many of your friends are taller and that’s okay! Jure = it’s okay to be a dork! Nace = his age (still valid even if you might be a tad older) and his dimples (twinsies).

#this entry is quite silly but let's go for it #transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #joker out #jure maček #jan peteh #kris gustin #bojan cvjeticanin #got thinking about this after seeing some fanart of kris #(a while ago yet was just reminded of it now) #so yeah maybe I'll come back to this and explain further what in the world I mean #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

April 22 2024

No symbol limit this time because it’s my birthday!! And guess what: I celebrated it by being at a Blind Channel concert in Copenhagen! (aka the real reason I’d gone to the capital this weekend). I got so many birthday songs and one of them were even during BC’s set! Everybody was so nice!! And the accidental gifts!? I mean somebody gifted me their vip bag, my friend I was with caught me a pick from one of the support bands and the second support band (the frontman looks like a doubleganger of Bojan, and I won’t ever get over it! – he also decided to hold my hand during the concert like Bojan had done it in Sweden) got so excited about my birthday and especially the flag cape (Danish flag with ARMS!?) I’d brought with me that the drummer got to wear it and I almost gave to him because he was so excited!! But yeah, because we were standing so long talking with Cold Culture (the name of the support band) I was at the right place right time when a merch person came out with a ‘defect’ t-shirt they couldn’t sell so I too got a free t-shirt. Also, also, only one person the whole evening misgendered me in my presence as well!!! I see this as a win!!

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #blind channel #gig experience #birthday #bojan cvjeticanin #< sort of #cold culture #late entry #entry #findingmicah

[micahthemoon]

April 19 2024

Last day before going home to celebrate my birthday. It was a day filled with baking and cooking which I am not normally that into. I ended up making myself sausage rolls and baking some two-ingredient vegan muffins to share with my friends tomorrow (the lesbian couple who also have their birthdays in April). Once again I am reminded that my family is weird given I feel the most masc when wearing the apron. It is hard not to when it always was your dad cooking when you were younger.

#transgender #transmasc #nonbinary #gender roles #late entry #entry #findingmicah