#fic: tmtl

[birgittesilverbae]

The Halo wasn't just hanging around, waiting for you to show up. It belonged to someone.

SISTER BEATRICE & SISTER SHANNON WARRIOR NUN (2020-2022) 2x06 // 2x08

#warrior nun #warriornunedit #sister beatrice #sister shannon #shannon masters #mywn #mygif #myedit #fic: tmtl

[princington]

"Please do," Shannon says softly. Her hand makes its way up Beatrice's spine, lands cupping the back of her head. She presses a kiss to Beatrice's forehead, then pulls back just slightly, her lips brushing Beatrice's skin as she whispers, "I couldn't bear to have anything happen to you."

teach me to love, as you have loved me ch 4 by @birgittesilverbae

#there are very many scenes this chapter that drive me absolutely nuts but this first to heal my heart #fic: tmtl #author rec: birgittesilverbae #sister Shannon #Beatrice #warrior nun #my art

[daisychainsandbowties]

kodaline - brother because I'm an asshole

stop stop stop stop

one of the most compelling things about warrior nun is the fact that the narrative starts at the end. a girl - discarded, left on a cold table. a name and no cause of death.

another girl, perforated with light, carried into a holy place in the arms of her sisters

"if i was dying on my knees/ you would be the one to rescue me/ and if you were drowned at sea/ i'd give you my love so you could breathe"

the way that Shannon is positioned, not only here but in tmtl - as christ-like in this specific sense:

Shannon wrapping her body around a grenade but Shannon as a grenade. she is filled with shrapnel and she is shrapnel.

she tries very hard not to be; but she's in a tragedy. Mary comes along and there is love. Lilith and Beatrice come along and they need love. they need it so much more than they need to be protected from loss.

"and when you're in the trenches and you're under fire/ i will cover you"

that scene in tmtl when Shannon wraps her body around the grenade and Mary flings Beatrice clear of the blast, and Mary saying 'i forgot' and how that whole scene epitomises what the halo-bearer is. a reliquary; a body to carry the long onus of a holy war. to use our favourite term - a meatshield.

but i think it is also revealing of what the halo-bearer needs. what is painful and necessary for them to have, which is a person who forgets that she is not fully mortal. a person who takes her wounds seriously. who doesn't see her as a body for carrying sins.

cut to beatrice: "i'm your best friend, and i cannot watch you die."

from the mouth of a girl who knows that this is inevitable. i think when cam says the whole 'they're never yours. they never last' we all see this an an echo of Mary. words intended for her mouth, probably. words meaning THIS IS A TRAGEDY

struck by the fact that Shannon said to Lilith: 'you're ready'

but she did not say: 'i'm ready'

"and we'll be carrying each other/ until we say goodbye on our dying day"

#i will never ever be normal about tmtl #i have to set aside time each day to lie on the floor about it #fic of all time and absolute 100% cannon story of the brot4 #fic: tmtl #pvp with em : D #casper song recs #birgittesilverbae

[cupcakesmoothie]

...So I may have went a little insane designing the MC from @psychopomp-enthusiast's Blade x Reader fic To Mourn The Living

Am I confident in my art skills? Lmao (No)

I am not rendering this (I did have an idea for the highlights but) it's 5 am oh god and if I don't go lie down right now I am not waking up tomorrow (Today at 8)

I tried to keep the design androgynous but well. Am Girl. So I am a little biased towards Reader being also Girl. I think I did ok tho

The first HSR fanart I've made and it's fanart of a fanfic. Typical me behaviour tbh

I did research for this for some reason like I stared really hard at a couple wiki tabs for a while (Haven't seen actual scales on either of our High Elders) and skimmed the fic again. The scales were specified to be silver?

While doing the aforementioned research I think I've crafted a theory? I somehow completely missed that there is more than one High Elder, like there are other ships that have their own High Elders too and like??? I'm making some connections??? Is this a "I've connected the dots" moment? Who knows.

I did think maybe the whole storms thing had something to with Jing Yuan and his Lighting-Wielding Thunder-Clapping Spirit-Squashing Lord (YESSSSS FIRST TRY BABY OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD) but the whole thing with black hair and evil vibes just felt off to me. AND THEN. Until I get a reply on this/the fic gets updated I won't say anything further, but ough. I am so normal about the media I consume guys

I kinda felt like putting the scale pattern on the outfit was a little OOC since MC was mentioned to not really follow Vidyadharan customs, but I also figured they were close to Bailu and have horns so? Maybe?

I gave MC blue hair because Ice type. I was gonna give them really long hair, but then again, not a High Elder. The hair was mentioned to obscure their horns underwater tho so I think some length is fine?

It was actually really hard to find physical descriptions of the MC? I mean for a fic like this, that's actually a good thing, it gives me more leeway to do whatever I want but also literally one of the reasons why I don't do fanart is because I wanna be accurate as possible (This is probably some kind of anxiety thing, idk)

#Eyes are still my favourite thing to design hehehe #I wanted to do some kind of snowflake pattern maybe with the lighting but oh god it's about to be 6 I need to go #Tfw reading things makes you want to draw #I need to pick better times to draw cause like once I actually do it I just zone out for a couple hours #I started at like 1 #I think I am lowkey a little bit obsessed with this fic rn like it's not good #I mean it is a good fic tho #I literally have it on record that for like 3 days after I read TMTL it's literally just one full page of Blade x Reader stuff #If I get the ok on this I will maybe post it to Instagram #I actually only wanted to draw the underwater scene today but Things Happened so I'm going insane about this at 6 am instead. Such is life #Ok yeah seriously I needa go to bed now bye bye #sweetmountainseeds #Am I allowed to tag this? #To Mourn The Living #honkai star rail #hsr #Blade x Reader #My art

[shanmasters]

#tmtl!shan #artist!shan #fic!tmtl

[wintrsss]

.ೃ࿐ INTRODUCTION

this is a redo my rules/ intro, so if this seems similar, that's why. lots has changed so feel free to reread. ^^

Helloo, I’m wintrsss, and welcome to my blog! I’ll be writing my own little ideas/scenarios for the character’s below, but if you’d like to personally request something, go ahead and request it through my ask box! (Requests are also really appreciated.)

Constructive criticism is much obliged! Let me know if there’s anything I can improve on and I’ll try my hardest to do so!

If at any time something I make contains spoilers, I will try to mark it as such.

I tend to get busy for random periods of time, so please understand.

.ೃ࿐ REQUEST GUIDELINES

what's stated below can be subject to change. if you have any questions, let me know!

(TMTL: too many to list. I'll probably accept most characters requested, if it's not an absurd amount, but don't be surprised if I don't write for someone!)

(Inc. dlc: includes characters in the DLC(s) of the game. Npc's, bosses, etc)

(+: this means that the person mentioned before and after this sign go hand in hand; character x reader x character)

I CURRENTLY WRITE FOR— death stranding (sam p. bridges, higgs monaghan, cliff unger), dark souls 1-3 (TMTL, Inc. dlc), elden ring (TMTL), bloodborne (TMTL, Inc. dlc), lies of p (pinocchio, alidoro, romeo), demons souls (ostrava, yurt, garl vinland + maiden astraea), sekiro: shadows die twice (wolf, genichiro, isshin, emma, owl), witch hat atelier (qifrey, olruggio, easthies, beldaruit, utowin, hieheart)

I WILL ACCEPT— headcanons, fluff, yandere, poly.

I WONT ACCEPT— character x character, character x oc, minor x adult, full-on fics, mental illnesses/ disorders towards the reader (I don’t have much knowledge on this topic and don’t want to write them wrong and offend anyone!), any vague requests like (can you do [character] x reader hcs?) so please be specific on what you want!

.ೃ࿐ MASTERLISTS

—death stranding

#navigation #masterlist #death stranding fanfic #death stranding x reader #request rules #cliff unger x reader #higgs monaghan x reader #sam porter bridges x reader #clifford unger x reader #death stranding headcanons #dark souls x reader #elden ring x reader #bloodborne x reader #lies of p x reader #dark souls 3 x reader #dark souls 2 x reader #sekiro: shadows die twice x reader #witch hat atelier x reader #demons souls x reader

[smokestarrules]

whats tmtl?

teach me to love, as you have loved me is a fic from @birgittesilverbae and it's actively taking over my life. It's in Beatrice's POV and spans across the timeline, starting from when she's a new recruit of the OCS to canon. It's about Beatrice, and it's about Shannon, and it's about Mary and Lilith and it's about family and it's one of the best fics in this entire fandom, by the way.

Everyone should read it.

#hehehe the way I went !!!!!!! when I got this ask #lets fucking go YES I will ramble abt this fic because its fucking insane #warrior nun #sister beatrice #smokey answers #anonymous #fic rec

[alangdorf]

Hi! This is a follow-up post to my kingdom hearts fic Ten Minutes Too Late that I’ve been meaning to make for several years at this point. Under the cut will be some rambling about why I stopped writing it (tl;dr: ADHD, predictably) and then I’ll explain what my future plans for the fic & its universe were and post what stuff I did have written up. I’m totally fine with it if anyone happens to want to use my ideas for their own work btw, I probably won’t be getting around to finishing it anytime soon if ever.

Oh also! BBS Tangled AU writeup is here; I won’t bother with the few snippets of writing I did cause they were all very short false starts.

(Note: I will probably not be making a similar post for my old Undertale au. It’s been too long for me to remember much and I don’t wanna go find my notes, also it’s just not that interesting. The main secret [the Frisk in the comic was from Jerky’s timeline] was guessed immediately anyways.)

The Writing Issue

Guh. So I’ve always been really bad at the act of writing. Results are usually decent, but trying to get myself to write anything that my brain isn’t just coming up with on its own is like pulling teeth. (Honestly it should’ve been a major indicator of my ADHD growing up, but I was the guinea pig oldest child and didn’t get diagnosed ‘til I got to college and the additional time management responsibilities - and writing assignments - pushed things into unmanageable territory.) I’m also an incorrigible perfectionist and rarely manage to force myself to push out first draft material I’m not happy with. Unfortunately this also applies to writing I do for fun, so I have to really really really be inspired to be able to write and even then it’s still often a struggle.

Since I have very little practice with writing, I also just have a large gap between my skill level and my taste, and overall I’m very conscious of issues in my past writing - jokes that are lame because I couldn’t think of anything funny, inconsistent characterizations, over-reliance on plot contrivances (I’m largely resistant to being bothered by contrivances but like it’s a LOT), too much angst and not enough other stuff to balance it out because the angst is all I can focus on, trying to tackle things I don’t have enough personal experience and/or knowledge of and/or tact to handle in a way I find satisfactory, etcetera. I always like my stuff quite a lot when I’m actually rereading it, but the bad bits are what stick in my mind, so it’s hard to even think about my writing without feeling really embarrassed (and meowing). Which makes it really hard to want to focus on writing more of TMTL. Though I also just haven’t been hyperfixating on KH in several years. Maybe I’ll finish my four blaseball wips someday but the odds aren’t looking good…

TMTL Plans

Anyway, hmm, where to start… well, chapter 16 was gonna be a flashback to what happened to Ven & Vani at the start of KH1, namely that they went to the play island while Ansem was there, Ven lost his heart in a Neoshadow attack, and then Vani’s coerced into being a henchman again since Ven’s basically a hostage. He does not have a fun time with that, but he does train Riku (and yes he was the mystery person they saw at Hollow Bastion). I wrote out that chapter but I was a little dissatisfied with it. I guess at the end of this I’ll post all my snippets.

I had a whole plan for all three kids’ paths through KH1 but it was probably wayyy too overambitious to try and write the whole thing given I was never that interested in the kids or in the Disney worlds. To skip to the important bits at the end (also I don’t entirely understand my notes for the rest), Kairi gets to Hollow Bastion before Sora does and Vani ends up removing her heart (it goes to Sora) in a last-ditch effort to stop Ansem’s plan and also keep her safe-ish; in retaliation Ansem sends him to the Realm of Darkness. To be honest this was mostly just to set up Naminé’s continued existence and to get Aqua out of the RoD early.

The end of KH1 goes about as normal except Kairi tags along (also Ven wakes up but doesn’t tag along). Aqua finds Vanitas and Vanitas finds Riku and Vani portals them all out cause I guess he can do that. Then things get a little interesting: since Ven was not involved in the events of Birth by Sleep, Aqua never turned the Land of Departure into Castle Oblivion, so the events of Chain of Memories just kinda don’t happen. Naminé still pops up in the LoD, but Aqua has just returned home and takes her in. For a while. The org comes for her eventually.

The replicas also happen, but under slightly different circumstances; the org occupies part of Hollow Bastion in secret before the Restoration Committee really gets everything under control and they use several stored heart scans: Riku’s (from during kh1) to make Repliku, and, just to see what would happen, they mashed up “Princess of Heart” Kairi’s (from pre-fall of Radiant Garden) and “What I am is darkness” Vanitas’ (from during kh1) to make Xion. (That’s why I draw her with pink eyes in this au, it’s purple + red. Also the average of 4 and 26 is 15, it’s perfect) I dunno what effect them being pure light + pure darkness would have, if any. They’d probably just be a mostly regular keyblade wielder but that’s still valuable to the org.

And with Chain of Memories not happening (also Roxas still exists like normal), Axel gets four kids! I didn’t have any other plans for kh2 and beyond. Eventually Xion gets adopted into Kairi & Vanitas’ family, Roxas into Sora & Ven’s, and Namine is Aqua’s daughter and/or little sister. Also Vanqua happens but I’m not posting most of the stuff I had written for that; it was weird cause I’m not good at writing romance.

I was also very interested in writing interstitials for chapter 3, more about Vanitas and Kairi’s time in Radiant Garden and involving more of the people living there (oh man I remember I had this whole big idea about Cloud and Sephiroth being a really weird heart experiment done by apprentice Nort half-remembering the whole Ven & Vani thing), and also slice of life stuff about everyone living on Destiny islands in the long timeskip between chapter 7(?) and the start of kh1. I’ll put that list of ideas in the snippets section.

The Leftovers

The Chart(TM)

Interstitial ideas list

Ienzo sometimes hangs out with Kairi because Kids; Vanitas does NOT trust him bcuz he is an apprentice and usually brings the wrath of Even with him

Yes Braig is blackmailing Vanitas for babysitting purposes, but he’s also actively protecting him from apprentice Nort?????

Untitled Unversed Game is still so good [Note: this was basically just Unversed wreaking minor havoc in town while Vani’s sick]

All the radiant garden peeps may have had more important stuff going on at the time but they do remember the local cryptid Untitled Goose Game-ing it up for nearly a year and while they may never have seen his face or talked to him, they recognize the Unversed and they’re just like???? The cryptid’s back? And he was just a weird homeless kid the whole time? And Cid’s like yeah duh, I’ve been telling you kids that for the past decade

ALSO I only just had this idea but considering Vanitas got badly enough injured by Aqua as to be put fairly solidly out of commission for a few months, he probably didn’t manage to get entirely off the street before passing out for a while; I dunno much about ffvii Cid, but  I do get the vibe that he’d be the type to pick up strays and then gripe about it constantly while picking up some more, so? You know where I’m going with this. Although this is Vanitas fresh offa bbs and four years with Xehanort prior so he does not trust anyone further than he can throw them. Also he probably doesn’t know that Xehanort got amnesia yet, so there’s that too.

Kairi keyblade training??

Oh yeah by the way Kairi and Vanitas? You have three older sisters now who are absolutely thrilled to have surprise little siblings

If he fits he sits; iF HE FITS HE SITS

Kairi settles in nicely (by repressing her trauma) but hoo boy VANITAS is gonna be INTERESTING

DON’T FORGET THE UNVERSED BTW

Also Ven settling in with Hikari and Sora and becoming a real boy

Vanitas angst but that’s a given

Riku?? Riku???????

Ok did Vanitas actually talk through his trauma during therapy or did he just get assistance wrt dealing with trauma & emotions? Either way I think said therapist is extremely in over their head

Chapter 16 + most of the rest of what I had started for future chapters in that same document

[Not edited but a bit at the end was redacted cause I really didn’t like it. Pretty much all Vanitas angst. Very long but there’s pictures at the end. Asterisks are italics cause I use discord too much; empty brackets means there should be other stuff there]

Vanitas let his brother row the boat, since this excursion had been his dumb idea in the first place and Vanitas had never been particularly confident in his nautical navigation skills. He’d gotten off late from work, and Ventus had worked even later, so the sun was already setting. But they were adults. They could handle a little darkness.

There was a bundle of jitters crawling around in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t his own emotion he was feeling. He stared pointedly at Ventus, who was almost a little too focused on rowing. “You’re nervous.” It wasn’t a question.

“Hm?” Ventus looked up in surprise. “Um, maybe.”

Vanitas sighed. “You’re the one who asked me to come, idiot. Why are *you* nervous?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just... we haven’t hung out in a while.”

“Well, I’m flattered you hate me that much.”

“No!” He pouted at Vanitas indignantly. “You didn’t let me finish! I was thinking we should do something together, so that’s why I suggested this. I’m just...” He frowned. “Having second thoughts. I don’t know why, but I really feel like we should go home.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought of that *before* we reached the play island,” Vanitas said dryly, pointing out the dock only five feet away.

“Oh...” Ventus sighed and hopped out. “Never mind, then.”

Vanitas waited until Ventus dragged the boat into the sand to disembark. There was no way he was getting these shoes wet. He untied the flannel from around his waist and put it on, still unbuttoned for now, over his binder. It was going to be an unseasonably chilly night.

He followed Ventus as he headed towards the other side of the island, chatting as he went. “I can’t believe it’s been so long since we first came to the islands, Vanitas! It feels like it’s only been a few days since you and Kairi showed up.” He linked his hands behind his head as he walked, his eyes widening. “Oh, man, Kairi’s *old* now... Those kids grow up so fast...”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “*We’re* pushing *thirty*, Ventus.”

“Hey, your thirties are the best years of your life!”

“Not when you’re a hardware store manager and the town librarian. Did Hikari tell you that one?”

“... How’d you guess?”

“Because she’s forty and misses being younger.”

“Aww, no she doesn’t. Mom just wishes we could all be home more often.”

“She sure sees you often enough at work.”

Ventus stopped and shook his head. “Just because it’s a small hospital doesn’t mean we see each other all the time, you know. But we both like working there, so it’s all good.” He turned around and smirked at Vanitas. “Besides, you love your jobs, don’t try to lie to me. Taiyo’s practically your dad, and you’d *live* at the library if you could.”

Vanitas struggled to keep a genuine smile off his face. “Yeah, whatever.”

They emerged on the other beach just as the sun reached the horizon, throwing yellow light across the waves. Vanitas made sure to stand directly in its path, basking in the last warmth of the day. Ventus just squinted and made his way down the beach, waiting for Vanitas to follow, which he did, reluctantly. He asked something he’d been meaning to for a while. “Did you ever figure out how to summon your keyblade?”

“...I’ve never tried.” Ventus put his hands in his pockets, standing in the same place he’d found two displaced kids almost a decade ago. “I’d rather not get involved with... all that if I don’t have to. And if I never summon it, we can never fight and forge the χ - blade, right?”

Vanitas stood next to him, shivering in the chilly breeze. “I suppose so. But you know, Kairi finally managed to summon hers a few weeks ago. She could totally beat you up if she wanted to.” He felt he deserved his smug expression.

Ventus looked at him, shocked. “You taught Kairi how to summon her keyblade?”

“She’s older than we were when we first learned. I wanted her to be able to fight... just in case something happens.” He shivered again.

“You’re too pessimistic. Nothing bad’s going to happen.”

“Well, you never know. I still think you should learn.”

“And I think you should wear more clothes if you’re so cold!” Vanitas yelped as his brother poked his exposed belly button.

“Hey, you can’t hide perfection!”

“Ugh, you’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”

He struck a bit of a pose, showing off his abs. “You know it.” They both giggled uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of it all.

Ventus composed himself and crouched down. “I’m still in pretty good shape. I’ll race you to the secret place!”

Vanitas got ready as well. “Oh, you’re on!”

After counting down together, they took off and sprinted down the beach, Vanitas already trailing behind. There was no way he could win against Ventus without teleporting, so he just let the wind whip across his face and through his hair as he ran, not bothering to push himself. He lost sight of Ventus as he entered the passage to the other side of the island and slowed to a walk.

As Vanitas reached the other beach, he looked around for Ventus, but didn’t see him anywhere. He must have already made it to the secret place. He laughed at the fact that Ventus hadn’t even noticed he was no longer being followed and took a step forward.

His whole body was screaming. He went limp and collapsed, his legs folding underneath him and fingers scrambling desperately for purchase in the sand. His head felt like it was splitting open, fear freezing in his veins. His senses failed, and all he could feel was his heartbeat in his ears and hysterical breaths ripping through his chest. What was happening to him?

Suddenly, it all stopped. He clambered to his feet, breathing hard, as he immediately understood. Ventus. He’d been feeling Ventus. Vanitas had experienced his upset emotions before, but nothing like this. This was sheer and all-consuming terror. Something was extremely wrong.

He summoned his keyblade and bolted for the secret place without a second thought, trailing Unversed behind him. He hadn’t lost control over his Unversed in years, but he had more important things to worry about.

His boots made a regular thumping sound on the packed dirt floor of the passageway, echoing his rapid heartbeat. It was dark, but he’d never had problems seeing without light. One of the few perks of his situation. He chuckled breathlessly at the thought, trying unsuccessfully to suppress his building panic.

He skidded into the secret place, eyes immediately locking on to the body on the floor as his shattered heart leapt into his throat. His brother’s eyes were half open, and he lay in a pool of his own blood, motionless. Vanitas *screamed*.

“*Ventus!*”

“*He’s not dead, you know.*” Vanitas looked away in alarm, searching for the source of the deep voice. It was a hooded figure turned away from him and towards the wooden door at the far side of the room. Vanitas raised his keyblade with trembling hands and growled.

“What did you do to him?”

The figure just laughed and raised a covered arm. Shadows appeared all around Vanitas and peeled themselves away from the ground, growing in size until they towered over him. Long, spindly arms. Crooked and trailing antennae. Unblinking eyes glowing a sickly yellow in the darkness.

Neoshadows.

He froze in terror, holding his keyblade in a defensive position, but the Heartless ignored him and went after the Unversed already filling the room, ripping them apart, tearing them limb from limb and wringing their necks, slowly, purposefully. Their deaths came back to Vanitas in a torrent of searing agony, bringing him to his knees, gasping for air, without so much as a touch. 

He dropped his keyblade and it shattered. Seeing him unarmed, the Neoshadows descended on him, wrenching his arms behind him, long, sharp fingers curling around his neck and slicing his skin. Claws ripping into him everywhere, twisting in his wounds and holding him down as his blood dripped to the floor. He tried not to scream again, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was suffering, but a distressed sob escaped his throat anyways.

This was torture. The Neoshadows were avoiding serious injuries, instead inflicting pain like he hadn’t felt in years. There was no way this was natural Heartless behavior. They were being controlled by the hooded figure. Vanitas stared at it, utterly petrified. He desperately wanted to fight back, but his body wasn’t responding. He couldn’t even struggle against the Neoshadows’ unrelenting grip. His pathetic fear of them had come back in full force, and he was willing to bet Ventus had the same reaction earlier.

A chill ran down his spine as he thought about it carefully. There was only one person who would know about *that* incident.

“... X-xehanort?”

The figure turned around, but Vanitas couldn’t see into its hood. “*My name is Ansem, but I was once called Xehanort.*”  It chuckled, low and malicious. “*It has been such a long time, my dear apprentice.*”

This couldn’t be happening. There was no way this was real. He was safe here, he... he’d *been* safe, he’d been *free*. He’d had a normal life, a family; he’d been... happy. But it was all slipping through his fingers as he watched in misery.

“*Look at you, Vanitas. All grown up and mature...*” One of the Neoshadows ran its hand down his face, leaving a slit through his lip with its trailing claws as it caressed him. It made him feel sick. “*The years have been kind to you without me, have they not?*”

He tried not to hyperventilate. “How did you f-find me?”

“*It is but a simple matter to find one with the mark of the Recusant’s Sigil on their heart.*”

“Th-the recusant’s...?”

Oh.

*Oh no.*

Vanitas had a myriad of scars littered across his skin, both from battle and from cruel discipline, but by far the deepest were a pair of intersecting gashes that spanned the entirety of his back. They had been carefully and painfully carved into his flesh time and time again, and even after a decade they hadn’t faded. He had thought they’d been compelled by thoughtless sadism, but he realized now that they formed a recusant’s sigil, the intersection of which lay directly over his heart.

Xehanort never did anything thoughtlessly. He’d been branding Vanitas, marking him as his... *property*, making certain he’d never be able to slip from his clutches.

Vanitas’ heart sank. The past ten years had been for nothing.

He’d never escaped at all.

The hooded figure drew closer, observing him. Its cold voice permeated the air between them, twisting its way into his ears until he could hear nothing else. “*A being of pure darkness... how utterly fascinating. Surely, leaving you behind was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.*” He felt the Neoshadows tighten their grip on him possessively, and his breath hitched in his throat. ”*But it’s a mistake I intend to correct. It’s finally time to return to my side, Vanitas. Imagine all the great things we could accomplish together.*” 

“N-no.”

The figure came to a halt. “*... What was that?*”

Vanitas bared his teeth, ignoring the sting of his split lip and glaring up into the dark hood. “I said *no*!”

The figure waved its arm and the Neoshadows roughly forced his head down until he was bowing, staring at a growing puddle of his own blood. Their claws sunk even deeper into his neck. He had to struggle to stay conscious through the pain and panic, trying to breathe but failing miserably.

The voice was absolutely venomous. “*You misunderstand the situation. I wasn’t giving you a choice, boy.*”

Vanitas felt bitter tears collect in the corners of his eyes. He’d thought he was better than this. He’d thought he had gotten stronger, able to put his past behind him, and yet here he was, practically a child again, forced to his knees in anguish in front of Xehanort and completely helpless. Nothing had changed. He couldn’t protect Ventus, who was still unconscious and bleeding on the floor next to him. He couldn’t even protect himself. There was nothing he could do anymore. Nothing at all.

Tears dropped to the floor, mingling with his blood, swirling in sickening patterns as he watched, his vision blurring. He squeezed his eyes shut, choking out a desperate plea. “P-please... just... d-don’t hurt Ventus anymore... I-I’ll... I’ll do whatever you want.”

“*Excellent. I’m looking forward to it. Your first task is to bring Ventus to the castle in Hollow Bastion and wait for me there. You’ll be supervised by the Neoshadows for now.*” He could hear the cruel smile in the voice as it whispered in his ear, the rest of the world melting away around him. “*Well? What do you say, Vanitas?*”

He felt numb.

“... Yes, Master.”

[]

Riku threw Soul Eater down in frustration. They clenched their hands into fists. “Fight *back!*”

Their knuckles impacted solidly on Vanitas’ cheek, but he just slackened and slid to the floor, hair falling around his face. He made no move to get up. “Riku...”

Riku felt tears pricking at the corners of their eyes and slammed them shut as they kicked Vanitas in the side. “I said fight back, you *idiot*!”

His voice was quiet and strained. “I don’t want to hurt you, Riku.”

“*Then why’d you hurt Kairi?!*” Riku tried to shout, but their voice cracked halfway through.

“I - I didn’t mean...” He swallowed hard and with some difficulty, looking at Riku imploringly. “They already have you and Ventus... I... I couldn’t let them have Kairi, too.”

Riku choked out a laugh. “Nobody ‘has’ me! I’m here because I want to be!”

Vanitas only seemed more distressed. “You’re being manipulated, Riku, we all are! The Master’s grooming you to be his new vessel!”

“*I DON’T CARE!*”

Vanitas was taken aback by the outburst, but Riku just kept yelling.

“I *don’t* care, I don’t!” They were really crying now, tears angrily streaming down their face. “I want to be *strong!* Strong enough to protect myself, and strong enough to protect Ventus and Sora and Kairi! Strong like *you*, Vanitas!”

Vanitas lowered his head. “I... I was never strong.”

“You’re right,” Riku croaked. “You’re *weak*, I see that now. I’m weak too, aren’t I?” They sank to their knees, laughing and weeping bitterly. “Sora and Kairi don’t need me anymore. And I’m not even worthy of my own keyblade. The darkness is all I have left. I’m just like you!”

[]

“They’re both important to me.”

“Remarkable, then, that you’ve managed to lose both of them through your foolish actions.”

Vanitas gave Ansem a hard glare. “I swear, I won’t let you or any of your dumb Heartless lay another finger on Ventus. But Kairi...” He looked at her lifeless body, still crumpled on the floor. His stomach turned. “She’s better off without me, anyways.”

Ansem coolly considered him for a moment, thinking. “Well, Vanitas, you may be a fascinating creature, but frankly, I’ve already got all the data I need. And if you’re refusing to follow orders...” He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Then it seems you’ve outlived your usefulness. However...” He smirked. “I do have an idea for one last test.”

Vanitas scoffed, looking away. “I won’t do it.”

Ansem stepped closer, crushing a Thornbite under his boot and chuckling as he saw Vanitas flinch. There was clear amusement in his voice when he spoke. “Don’t worry, it’s a very simple observational study. It doesn’t even require your active participation.”

He retrieved Soul Eater, pressing the tip against Vanitas’ neck, just carefully enough to avoid drawing blood. Vanitas involuntarily went limp as the sword tilted his head upwards, the sharp blade threatening to dig into the exposed flesh below his chin while his dull yellow eyes met a pair of cold teal ones.

Looking at the unfamiliar expression on that familiar face, he realized he could never fight back, not against Riku’s body. Not against this child who was still precious to him. He was powerless. Just as he had always been.

A foreign, vicious grin spread across Riku’s - Ansem’s - face. “Let’s see how much it takes to *break you.*”

[]

“But you’re a creature of pure darkness. A monster.” She leveled her keyblade at him. “This is where you belong.”

He laughed, but to Aqua’s surprise, it didn’t sound at all the way she remembered it. When they had fought, his laugh had been a taunting sound, hysterical and malicious.

The way he sounded now was... heartbroken.

Instead of raising his keyblade, he dropped it, falling to his knees and slumping over, clutching at his chest. “You’re right, Aqua... Th-this *is* where I belong...”

Aqua let her keyblade lower slightly, confused. She hadn’t been expecting him to agree with her, much less with so much sadness in his voice. “What?”

He laughed again, shuddering violently, then without warning his head drooped and he fell sideways. He hit the sand and went completely still, his breathing slowing.

What in the name of Kingdom Hearts was going on? *Vanitas*, of all people, shows up in the Realm of Darkness, has the gall to act surprised to see *her*, then passes out? She was tempted to just leave him there and go on her merry way, but it had been so long since she’d seen another person (although applying the term ‘person’ to Vanitas was questionable) that she decided to have a look.

She carefully approached, wary that he might be faking it. That certainly seemed like something he would do, pretend to be unconscious until Aqua got close enough for him to execute a surprise attack. But there continued to be no indication that he was awake. She even had to kill a few Unversed that were poking around his body.

Aqua used the toe of her shoe to flip him onto his back. To her shock, the action left behind a horrifyingly large bloodstain in the sand. She took a sharp breath as she knelt down beside him, checking him for wounds as best she could through his thick bodysuit. From up close, the coppery stench of blood was nearly overwhelming.

He was bleeding profusely from a gash on his neck, running vertically from his chin all the way down to the middle of his chest. Aqua’s heart skipped a beat as she found a series of almost methodical cuts across his torso and arms. These weren’t made by the indiscriminately attacking Heartless. He’d been deliberately hurt by somebody, and badly. It was a wonder he was even still alive.

She cast a Curaga without a second thought. He may have been an evil brat, but she wasn’t about to leave him to die.

His breathing evened out and Aqua felt herself relax slightly. She settled back on her heels, wiping the blood off her hands. For a moment, she just sat there, contemplating her sleeping enemy. Although she had said he belonged here, in truth, she had no idea how he’d ended up in the Realm of Darkness, let alone with so many injuries. What had happened since the last time she defeated him?

Vanitas continued to lay quietly inert while Aqua’s curiosity grew. She cautiously placed a hand on his helmet, remembering when she had fought him in... what was the name of that city, again? She had nearly removed his mask before he’d yelled at her and run away. But if he was really out this time...

Taking a deep breath, she gingerly pulled the helmet off, exposing a cascade of messy black hair and, beyond that... a face, wet with tears and blood and marred by bruises and old scars. Aqua’s shoulders fell in surprise. He looked just like those boys she had met here not so long ago: Sora and Ventus, if she remembered their names correctly. Perhaps Vanitas had been telling the truth about being Ventus’ brother. She wondered if they’d ever found each other, and, if they had, whether Ventus had made it out of the encounter alive.

Aqua found herself brushing hair from Vanitas’ forehead in spite of her distaste for him. Aside from too-sharp teeth and a pair of pointy ears sticking out from his tangled hair, he could nearly pass for human. She sighed, her eyebrows furrowing. Had he really just been a child this whole time? A child who did horrible things, but.....

Well, he certainly wasn’t a child anymore. He was still pretty short, but he was unmistakably older than he used to be, probably even older than herself. And if his strange behavior was any indication... *maybe* he’d changed. It seemed unlikely, though, especially if he was still running around as Xehanort’s apprentice.

What had happened to Xehanort? To Terra? Aqua was desperate to find out, and Vanitas could be her only chance. If she could manage to wake him up without him trying to kill her, that is. She looked around for something to restrain him with, but, finding not much more than sand and coconuts, she resorted to using her sash to fasten his hands together behind him. It would most likely end up being useless, but it was better than nothing.

A barrage of freezing water against the bare skin of his face. Hands roughly pulling him upright as he coughed, attempting to clear his lungs. He tried to get away, protect himself, *something,* but he couldn’t move his arms and he panicked. His coughing soon turned to gagging, black bile forcing itself through his throat before he could even think.

The hands quickly drew back while a voice he didn’t recognize cursed loudly. The muck splattered on the ground, writhing in agony as beady red eyes formed within it. A keyblade was on it in an instant, sending a jolt of pain through his chest as the fledgling Unversed was destroyed. “*Light,* Vanitas, what is *wrong* with you?” He couldn’t answer, shaking and gasping as he struggled to calm down and remember what was going on.

The hand reached for him again, and though he tried to flinch away, it caught his shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Hey, relax. I’m not gonna hurt you unless you attack me.” It definitely wasn’t the Master, then.

“H-hurts when the... Unversed are k-killed, though...” The other voice said some more words he wouldn’t dare repeat in front of the kids.

Oh. The kids...

Water dripped down his face as his vision cleared, washing blood and black sludge away with it. He could tell that his hands were tied behind his back, although considering his history with the person he’d run into, who was now sitting in front of him looking perturbed, that seemed fair. “Aqua?”

“Yeah? What?” She narrowed her eyes as though he’d said her name as a challenge.

Vanitas could no longer feel the injuries left by Ansem in his last assault. “Did... did you heal me?”

She sighed, sweeping wet hair out of his face as he shivered. “Don’t take it personally. It’s so lonely down here that I didn’t feel like letting you die, that’s all.”

[]

“You mean...?”

Say it. Get it out in the open. It hurt less that way.

“... Yeah. Xehanort abused me.”

She looked horrified. “For *years?*”

He stared down at his shoes. “Yep...”

Aqua’s face cycled through several shades of upset before settling on disdain. “And is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you?” It was pretty obvious she *was* pitying him, but Vanitas didn’t call her out on it.

“I’m well aware it doesn’t excuse what I did to you.” He locked eyes with her earnestly. “I don’t know if you’ll care, but I’m sorry. *Really.* I was hurt and mislead, but that doesn’t make it right.” He looked down again, curling in on himself. “I can understand if you won’t forgive me.”

After a minute of awkward silence, she huffed and turned away. “Well, you’ve certainly become more mature. I wasn’t expecting to ever get an apology out of you. I... appreciate it, I guess.”

“... You’re welcome?”

They sat quietly for a few moments while Aqua contemplated something. Eventually, she faced him again in concern. “What I still don’t get, though, is what reason you’d have to go back to Xehanort *now.* You seem like you’ve become a semi-decent person, so I doubt you’re in it for the apocalyptic aspect, and he treats you terribly and nearly *killed* you when given the chance, so... why?”

He broke eye contact. “I... didn’t have a choice. He took Ventus, and I...” He took a shaky breath. “I *can’t get away* from him, Aqua. He’s constantly tracking me. He knew where I was this whole time, and he just... let me *think* I was free until he wanted his... f-favorite toy back...”

He could almost feel the weight of the sigil on his back curling around him like a vise.

Aqua’s hard expression finally broke. “Vanitas...” She took a deep breath as well. “For what it’s worth, I... I’m sorry, too. For being rude and calling you a... monster.”

He scoffed. “It’s not like it was unwarranted.”

She shook her head. “Maybe not, but I’m sure it didn’t help. I let my anger get the best of me and I didn’t see you were hurting. So... I’m sorry.”

He felt very small then. “... It’s fine.”

Ch 16 pics I never posted cause spoilers

A bit embarrassing though jfhsghd. I generally don’t post my gratuitously angsty/edgy stuff

Xion intro scene

[Notated for edits which I never made]

She chewed her lip nervously, twisting her hands in the hem of her dress. The lower levels of the castle always put her on edge. People in white coats stared at her expectantly as they all pretended not to hear the scary noises coming from deeper in. The silver-haired man who called himself Ansem but was *not* Ansem asked her about her new friend while the one-eyed guard smirked behind him. She didn’t tell the silver-haired man anything. He sighed.

//add

She sat down in the big chair and worried. The man who was not Ansem hadn’t asked to see her in a while, not since soon after the other Ansem had left and the silver-haired man had taken his name. The new Ansem wasn’t as nice as the old one. He’d sent the one-eyed guard to her house very early this morning, and she hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell her friend that she’d be busy today. He’d be upset. He didn’t like being alone. He was -

He was completely alone. He’d been used to being alone, a long time ago. But it felt so *different* this time. This time, he had known what it was like, to be happy, to actually be loved and wanted. And the stark absence of that almost hurt more than anything else.

Almost.

/*The dark claws ripped him apart slowly, almost reverently,*/ as if watching him suffer in their grip was the most fascinating thing in all the worlds. Maybe it was, to Ansem. The creature may have been calling itself his Master, but it seemed more inclined to research rather than actually teach, and the constant threat to the lives of the others caught in its clutches (and his own *pathetic* cowardice) left him a perfectly cooperative subject for its study. Though he couldn’t imagine what this sort of sadistic exercise was actually supposed to achieve, other than leaving him broken and empty.

Then again, maybe that *was* the point. What /*new and interesting thing*/ would Ansem find when it examined his heart? A battered shell, the already shattered remnants of another torn out and ground to dust until all that was left was a hollow, dark void? It wouldn’t surprise him, honestly. It already felt that way.

A sudden streak of agony shot through him as the claws sunk deeper, and he desperately tried not to scream, choking down his sobs as silently as he could. He’d promised himself that he’d be quiet, because otherwise *Riku* would hear, and then -

Who was Riku? She didn’t know a Riku.

She fidgeted, a bit confused. She could tell she was still laying in the chair, but it felt far smaller than it had previously. Or maybe... *she* had somehow grown much *bigger!* She giggled at the realization. If she showed up to the courtyard like this, she’d nearly be as tall as her friend -

He was a little too small. He almost laughed bitterly at that through the pain. He’d already been unfairly short; now he might even be able to properly share clothes with his closet-raiding (spunky, sassy, precious, perfect, *missing, in danger, better off without him*) sister -

*Vanitas!*

*Kairi...*

She beamed with happiness.

He wept in anguish.

His tears ran down her grinning face as he opened her eyes, and nothing had changed. She was still in that horrible room, in that horrible chair, with the silver-haired man that was and was not Ansem staring at him. She brought a hand up to his cheek, surprised to find it dry, with only the ghost of a smile and a faint memory of sorrow left.

He looked down at her unfamiliar hand, catching a glimpse of her hair out of the corner of his eye, shorter than his but a different color than hers. It... it wasn’t right. None of it was right. He trembled, carefully studying the rest of her. Everything was just a little bit wrong. She wasn’t quite him, but he wasn’t quite her, either. She could feel the panic and confusion bubbling up in his chest.

Who was she?

Who was he?

...Who were *they?*

//add

The awful man who was and was not Ansem smiled coldly at them, and gave them their name.

*...Xion.*

The one single Destiny Islands slice-of-life-ish drabble I started one time

Vanitas huffed into the pillow in his arms and pressed further into the corner where his bed met the wall, as he often did. [] He felt the pressure of several unmanifested Unversed threatening to tear themselves free, the incessant prickling of one escaped Thornbite’s vines curling around his ankle - or wait, maybe his foot was just falling asleep from putting pressure on it weird - and the unmistakable beginnings of a tension headache. Fantastic.

He opened one eye at the sound of his door creaking open (he did *not* tense up, he *didn’t*; he’d have to be an idiot to think there was any need to) and caught sight of a sliver of dim light from the hallway growing briefly and then shrinking back to nothing with a careful click of the door handle. He barely had enough time to process what that had been before there was a gentle tug at the one corner of his sheets that was still hanging off the far side of the bed, a wet sniffle, and a whisper.

“Vanitas?”

“What.” He replied flatly, trying not to be *too* annoyed that Kairi had showed up to interrupt his brooding.

“H-had a bad dream...” Kairi paused to take an unsteady breath, rubbing at her eyes with a blanket she’d dragged there with her. “C-can I..?”

He sighed and turned to face the wall. “Whatever. Not like I’m using that side of the bed anyways.”

Kairi stuttered out her thanks. Then with some effort, she hoisted herself up and onto the bed, pulling her blanket up after her, and situated herself in the empty space. Vanitas laid still, listening to her quiet sniveling as she tried to settle down and also blow her nose.

After a few ineffective minutes of this, he grumbled and pushed his irritation away as a small Flood. (Just to get rid of it. Obviously. Might even lessen his headache, if he got lucky for once.) It zipped straight to Kairi, nosing at her face and making her giggle just the tiniest bit. It flopped down beside her as she scratched the back of its neck and pet it gently, and it started warbling contentedly in a way that *aaaalmost* sounded like purring. Tch. Smug little bastard.

Vanitas was... still not quite used to receiving positive feedback through the link he shared with his Unversed, and the phantom sensation brushing up and down his own spine was bizarre, to say the least. It also felt *really* nice though, unfortunately, and he just barely managed to catch himself before the tension would’ve dropped from his shoulders entirely. Kairi hummed mildly behind him and tickled the underside of the Flood’s jaw, making him scowl even harder into his pillow. He heard a few quiet chuckles find their way through the sniffles. Ok yeah, she knew *exactly* what she was doing.

“So, any particular reason you decided to bother *me* instead of your parents?”

Kairi stilled at that, wrapping her arms around the Flood like it was a stuffed animal. “My dream... it was, um. Of home.” Vanitas peeked back towards her apprehensively, catching sight of her quivering lip and still-runny nose. “Of when we left.”

“Do you... remember it?“

Kairi shook her head. “I forgot after I woke up. It was... s-scary, though...” She squeezed the Flood a little tighter. “You got hurt real bad then, didn’t you?”

He hummed noncommittally in response.

“My grandma, the other kids, everyone...” Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “Do you think anyone else made it out, or are they all... d-did they...?”

Vanitas looked away. “...I don’t know.” He very nearly caught the inside of his cheek between his teeth. He’d been utterly useless during the attack on Radiant Garden. *Worse* than useless; he’d barely escaped with his own life. And in the end, he hadn’t even really saved Kairi, had he? “...S-sorry...”

[]

“And what have I done to deserve it?”

[]

“Would *anything* be different if I’d just-“

*If I’d just died that day at the graveyard like I was* meant *to?*

“...I-if I’d never made it to the city?”

Interstitial of Sora talking to the folks at Traverse Town about Vani

“Why, if it ain’t Squall” - Leon grimaced but didn’t correct him - “an’ Yuffie. Heard you two beat up some kid earlier?” Cid raised an eyebrow.

Yuffie placed a hand over her heart in mock supplication. “For once, I am innocent.” Then she grinned as she elbowed Leon in the side. “This one was all Leon.”

“Sora here claims to know the...” Leon’s brow furrowed as he looked away. “Uh...”

“The cryptid!” Yuffie helpfully supplied.

This did not seem to help Leon. “...Right, that thing.”

Cid almost looked surprised for a moment, but quickly turned dour, squinting at Sora, who was casually standing with his hands behind his head, entirely lost as to what they were talking about. “Well that’d be one heckuva coincidence. Ya sure about that, kid?”

“Uh. Maybe?” Sora wasn’t sure where this was going, but Leon was looking between him and Cid expectantly, so he continued. “What do they look like?”

Cid chewed thoughtfully on his toothpick. “Black hair, yellow eyes, would be... oh, maybe ‘bout Squall’s age nowadays? An’ always had those weird li’l buggers with the red eyes - not Heartless, but kinda similar.”

“Oh!” Sora started in recognition. “Looked kinda like me?”

“Yeah, picked ‘em up off the street ‘bout ten years back. Real piece a’ work, that one. Darn near took my head off trynna get away after they finally woke up.”

[]

“Got the feelin’ he was expectin’ every hand to hurt instead a’ help. An’ looked to me like he learned that from experience, if y’know what I mean. Not too uncommon for kids ya find on the street, but he was worse off than most I seen.

Welp, that’s about it! Asks are always open but I can’t guarantee I’ll answer them. I also usually don’t respond to comments anymore just cause my fics are so old and hard to think about. Thanks for understanding!

#tmtl #writing #tangled au #unseentale #? #i guess #very very long under the cut #A few years ago my dismayed noise of embarrassment turned into meows #I’m nothing if not on-brand I guess

[chiaroscuroverse]

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fleurdeneuf replied to your post “Author Profile”

you did NOT write too much....so much good info here! :D

Ha, glad to hear it. I had a lot of things bouncing around in my head and in some half-written posts that I wanted to kind of get out there, so threw it all into this one. It was a good exercise in thinking it through.

chocolatequeennk replied to your post “Author Profile”

GITF... in Eleven's run. That is an idea I had never considered. But it fits so much better with a Doctor designed by Moffat, and not in the middle of developing his relationship with Rose. SO much better. It matches how Eleven talked to Cleopatra, too. (I mean... the fact that Eleven treats historical ladies like conquests is an issue... but at least it would be consistent.)

It’s been there in my head for awhile, and I’m not sure where the thought originated, though I know it’s been discussed on Two Minute Time Lord (I remember listening to that and yelling “yes!” at my phone :P) It’s a way to reconcile the irreconcilable facts: 

It’s common to hear: “Nine wouldn’t have done that” and I totally agree! The Nine we saw in S1 wouldn’t have done that to Rose. But Ten wouldn’t have either!

 Except that he canonically did and we have to deal with it and thus thousands of fics were born to fix or handle or redeem or punish Ten or what have you. So, boo Ten!

EXCEPT that the episode was ordered and written before they knew the Doctor was going to regenerate! (Wish I had links handy) So if Chris had not left the show, Nine literally would have done the exact same thing and we’d be dealing with THAT. 

So we have this episode that M*ffat wrote early on that has little connection to the ongoing character arc. I suspect, especially based on the Confidential, that there was a lot of hero-writer-worship of SM going on among cast and crew and probably RTD. That’s the only explanation that makes sense to me about why RTD let this happen to his love story arc. (That and that he seemed to be allowing some relationship complications to arise after the falling-in-love arc of s1 that culminated with that Very Important 😉 kiss.) 

What SM wrote was his personal vision for the Doctor that he’d probably had for a long time. So I can sit and imagine the whole thing with Eleven, Amy, and Rory and only minimal changes would happen and it’s immediately like “ohhhhhh, of course!” And really all I’m picturing is changes that the actors would bring to their characters, like Amy’s facial expressions when she’s talking to Reinette. But I can hear all of Ten’s lines in Matt Smith’s voice and inflection and it fits perfectly. Someone could rewrite it, but there would hardly be anything to rewrite, just a recasting! 

And I know SM doesn’t care about the Doctor/Rose relationship, but if this happened in s5, it would make sense there too. 

I recommend listening to that podcast episode - super interesting commentary! (TMTL I have found to be pretty safe for shippers unlike some other podcasts I like and listen to but occasionally make me want to throw things. :P)

#fleurdeneuf #replies #chocolatequeennk #wheee apparently what I need to write a whole bunch of meta #is a pressing need to be cleaning my house for company instead! #(now I just need to take another college class so I can clean my house instead of studying) #anti gitf #csv meta #dw meta #man I really don't want to attract any arguments from the people that go looking for those tags #but I don't want to leave it untagged #my meta #anti moffat #hopefully that's late enough in the tagging not to be in genpop #:P

[birgittesilverbae]

tmtl: after the ark

Camila is the one who finds her, the one who sits at Beatrice's side, pressed against her at shoulder, hip, knee. The Ark hums behind them, turns their faces an eerie, flickering blue. 

"With me, Sister Beatrice," Camila says finally, once Beatrice's breathing has settled back into an even rhythm. She stands and reaches out to Beatrice.

Beatrice grasps Camila's hand and lets her pull her to her feet.

Camila leads her to the front seat of the van, gets her buckled into place, cups her cheek in her palm. Beatrice can barely feel the contact. Can barely feel the weight of Yasmine's eyes on her, pitying.

The drive is slower this time around, Camila careful and settled behind the wheel, glancing over at Beatrice again and again. She doesn't push the point, doesn't question, doesn't pry, and for that Beatrice is grateful.

In the courtyard, Camila gets Beatrice out of the van and turns to begin unpacking gear, a learned habit. Beatrice can't do anything but stand, blank, as her sisters stream past her, seemingly unaffected in the face of Beatrice's incalculable losses. 

"Bea," Camila says softly, shaking her arm. She has a backpack on and a rifle case slung over one shoulder. 

Beatrice makes a noise, something along the lines of asking to help, to take the burden, but Camila shakes her head. "Let's find Mother Superion, okay?"

Jillian's scream echoes through the compound. Beatrice begrudges her the release. She had known Michael was going to his death. Beatrice had been lied to and misled and sheltered like– Like a child.

She catches sight of Vincent on the way inside and snaps. She puts him up against a wall, knife in her hand, and Camila's urging is not nearly enough to pull her away. Asking him how he has the audacity to show his face here when she's lost everything to him. 

"Beatrice, carry yourself!"

It's all Bea can do to choke out a broken 'Ava' and then Mother Superion turns on him herself.

There's still blood on her knuckles where they rest on the handle of her cane when she sits Beatrice down in one of the mansion's side rooms and asks for an explanation.

Beatrice sits, quiet, staring, for an eon. And then- "I didn't take care of our girls."

#warrior nun #fic: tmtl #myfic #mywn #sister beatrice #ava x beatrice

[birgittesilverbae]

Mother Superion presses the pendant into Beatrice's palm, folds her fingers over it. It is formed from the steel of Mary's shot, she says, and from the divinium shrapnel Mary had so tenderly removed from Shannon's body. From the shard Beatrice had kept for weeks in her pocket and then given over into Mother Superion's care back before Switzerland, before everything. ("So you'll know," she says gently, her hands warm on Beatrice's skin, "when she's come back to you.")

#fic: tmtl #myfic #mywn #sister beatrice #warrior nun

[birgittesilverbae]

idk if this is the kind of question you meant, but do you have any thoughts on the in-verse happenings when beatrice gets sick for the first time in the ocs?

bea's never been one to search out help when she's sick; her parents felt having to deal with an ill bea was an Inconvenience and so she's gotten used to muddling through it on her own. the next recruit to join the ocs after bea brings a little something extra with her, and four weeks later bea feels like she's moving in slow motion as she tries to brute force her way through the day

mary notices first; they're working on shooting from prone and bea, usually one to take to training with alacrity is sluggish, a half step behind her sisters at every turn. mary escorts her up to the infirmary, all but dragging her by the scruff of her neck because bea is "fine, actually" (this would have been a lot more convincing if she hadn't yawned in the middle)

sister jordan says it's mono. mary drops a "ooo who've you been kissing, babygirl" and bea goes scarlet. bea's given a strict prescription of bed rest and fluids, and mary wrangles her back to her cell

bea sleeps through the afternoon, only wakes up again when mary comes back with chicken noodle soup ("good for the throat"), a framed photo of the moment she nailed lilith in the face with a water balloon ("good for the heart"), and shannon ("good for the soul")

shannon has some macho army ideas about treating colds ("she wanted to pump you full of some fucked up-" "language" "some truly fucking unhinged cocktail of coffee and pickle juice"), but she sits perpendicular on bea's bed and lets bea lay her head in her lap, curl her hands in her shirt, press her face against shannon's stomach when her body aches are particularly bad

lilith physically keeps her distance ("you couldn't pay me to go anywhere near patient zero") but brings books up from the library and sits at bea's desk and reads them aloud to her. a lot of poetry collections, and when mary calls her soft lilith threatens to throat punch her

lilith is the next one of them to come down with it

#warrior nun #ask #anon #fic: tmtl #this is exactly the sorta thing #sister beatrice #myfic

[birgittesilverbae]

teach me to love, as you have loved me [5/5]

fandom: Warrior Nun

pairings: Ava/Beatrice, Mary/Shannon

rating: T

chapter word count: 12K

fic word count: 35K

Beatrice joins the OCS. Through it, she finds loses a family.

The recently-renovated pair of study rooms off the Cat's Cradle library are typically reserved for studying the more fragile of the old tomes. Or, more frequently, for stumbling over Mary and Shannon curled in on each other in the armchair in the corner, heads bent together, laughing over the outcome of one prank or another.

Today, Beatrice instead has the second room set up with lab equipment: a microscope and slides, sorting trays, an array of desk lamps, every book she could pull from the stacks on divinium artefacts. She's not sure what time it is outside, but the room is lit up bright as day, shadowless.

All of this preparation falls short. The divinium shrapnel lining the table in front of her refuses to bend to her will. She pushes her headband magnifier up onto her forehead and rubs at the lines it's left around her eyes. She's searching for a puzzle, a pattern, anything that will give her a clue to unlocking the larger mystery here.

It won't bring Shannon back. Nothing will bring Shannon back. But perhaps in telling the story of her last moments healthy and whole, of the first moments of her undoing, Beatrice can find what she needs to lay Shannon's memory to rest.

Or she could, if only she weren't failing her again.

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#fic: tmtl #warrior nun #warrior nun fanfic #sister beatrice #ava x beatrice #avatrice #mary x shannon #shotgun mary #sister lilith #sister shannon #shannon masters #myfic #mywn

[birgittesilverbae]

It hits her slowly. A headache, pain when she swallows. By the end of the week, Beatrice feels like she's moving in slow motion. 

She's never been one to seek out aid when sick. Never had someone to go to. The maid taking her temperature once, she can remember vaguely, four years old and burning up. The nurse at boarding school dispensing ibuprofen and bandaids with equal gravity.

But Mary takes one look at her, half-slumped over her breakfast plate, and the next thing she knows she's being bundled off to the infirmary, half-carried and half-dragged, strong-armed up onto an exam table. Sister Jordan does a workup, explaining everything in a low gentle voice, ends by palpating Beatrice's spleen. 

"It's likely mononucleosis," she says, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the handwashing station. 

Mary grins down at her. "Who you been kissing, babygirl?"

"No one," Beatrice whines around a yawn that threatens to split her jaw in two. She tries to hide it in her elbow.

"Likely story." Mary winks at her, looks to Sister Jordan. "Nothing that can be done for that, right?"

Sister Jordan shakes her head. "Rest, fluids, no combat until the swelling in her spleen has gone down. If she gets worse, bring her back in, but otherwise just try to get her to take a break. You hear that, Sister Beatrice? Rest."

Beatrice tries to plead her case, but she barely has the energy to sit upright, let alone argue with the doctor. 

Mary diverts her attention, though. "Hey, you better listen to her. Don't go putting more work on her plate by being a dumbass, alright?"

"Not a dumbass," she mumbles, and Mary claps her on the shoulder. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, our Baby Einstein."

"Not a baby."

"C'mon, Bea, let's get you to bed."

#fic: tmtl #myfic #mywn #idk why I'm writing so much sickfic lately let me be #warrior nun #sister beatrice #shotgun mary

[birgittesilverbae]

tmtl: anniversary

There's a thump behind the couch, in the space between the living room and kitchen of the too-cramped short-term rental, and Beatrice stiffens. She sets her book down, retrieves the knife stowed beneath the couch cushion and silently unsheathes it. Notes the shimmering reflection in the television screen, just enough detail to give her a location, and then vaults over the back of the couch. She sweeps out her leg, knocks the figure to their back on the floor and presses the knife to their throat.

Beneath her Lilith arches an eyebrow, but doesn't fight back against the pin. "Hey, Beatrice." 

"Lilith." Beatrice keeps the knife tucked tight beneath Lilith's chin, drawing a thin line of blood, as she takes her in for the first time since she'd left her in front of the Ark. Lilith's in a too-small hoodie and sweatpants, an extra inch of exposed skin at her wrists and ankles. There are scratches across her cheek, too fresh to have begun healing, and tear tracks glisten wetly in the light of the reading lamp.

Lilith has a pile of fabric clutched in one hand, and she looks up at Beatrice with unmasked sorrow in her eyes and presses it up against her chest. "Happy anniversary," she rasps, voice rough with disuse, careful with the weight of Beatrice's knife at her throat.

Beatrice has to take a second to breathe deeply and work it out in her mind, what exactly Lilith thinks they should be celebrating. She hasn't been keeping track of anything but the time that's passed since Ava went through the Ark three months, ten days, seven hours, and sixteen minutes ago.

"Five years," she says finally, a lump growing in her throat. Five years since she'd joined the OCS, since she'd found a family that it had taken only a fraction of that time to lose.

Lilith nods slightly, a small movement but still enough to drive Beatrice's knife further into her skin. She almost can't pull her eyes away from the blood droplet that leaves a trail down Lilith's neck as it slides beneath her collar. "I meant to wrap it, but I took a far more… direct route than I'd intended."

The corner of Beatrice's mouth quirks up despite herself, and her free hand brushes across the line of scratches on Lilith's cheek. She watches enthralled as they scale over and fade into her skin. 

Lilith takes her wrist and ever so gently draws her hand away. "I've been looking after that cat for the better part of six months and she still can't stand me half the time," she remarks.

"Only half the time? That's an improvement"

Lilith scowls up at her and shoves the bundle into her hand. "Twerp."

"Bitch."

And then Lilith's gone in a ripple of fire.

Beatrice rests there on the floor for a long while, the scene of brimstone heavy in the air, her knife blade dark with a smear of Lilith's blood. It's not until she remembers Lilith's gift that she moves, settling back onto her heels and putting the knife aside to retrieve the bundle of fabric from where it had fallen to the tile beneath her in the wake of Lilith's departure. She grabs a handful of cloth and pulls, letting it unfurl as she lifts it. 

Beatrice stares open-mouthed at the waxed canvas jacket, her throat tight, tears burning at the corners of her eyes. She'd never expected to see Shannon's jacket again, the same she'd worn on a flight back from her personal hell, the same Beatrice had pressed her face into again and again when drawn into a hug. She'd assumed it had been left abandoned in the destruction of Shannon's room. Not, presumably, tucked deep in a closet at Mary's apartment, only just now unearthed by Lilith.

She takes a shuddering breath and pulls the jacket over top of her sweater, brings the collar to her nose and inhales. The scent of cedarwood is so heavy in her nose, verging on cloying. She feels as though she might drown in it.

#fic: tmtl #warrior nun #myfic #mywn #sister beatrice #sister lilith

[birgittesilverbae]

"What fuckin' time is it? Christ." Mary bats away the hand shaking at her shoulder and rolls over, pulling her pillow over her head as she goes.

"Not Christ, Shannon," Shannon says, and then a belated "Language", with that clip to it like she's biting back a grin.

"What fuckin' time is it, Shan?" Mary amends, clutching at the pillow as Shannon tugs at it.

"Five thirty." Shannon releases the pillow, turns her attention instead to stroking the back of Mary's neck, pressing kisses along the notches of her spine.

Mary groans into the mattress. If there's anything that could make her question whether she loves this girl, it'd be her incessant need to rise before the sun and draw Mary along in her wake. "Why," she asks, "the fuck–" Shannon's lips on her neck are replaced with something freezing cold, slipping down the back of her shirt. "Shannon!"

But she's gone, laughing uproariously to herself as she darts out of the bedroom, and Mary's left to wrestle the ice cube out from under her shirt on her own. 

She cradles it in her palm as she tugs on a hoodie – one of Shannon's, judging by the faint smell of incense – and follows in Shannon's tracks, scrubbing the sleep from her eyes with the heel of her free hand. She finds her in the kitchen, poking idly at something on the stove. 

"Smells… faintly charred," Mary says, hooking her chin over Shannon's shoulder as she hugs her from behind. Her fist sneaks up the front of Shannon's hoodie – her own, judging by the splotch of grease staining the hood – and skates over the lines of Shannon's abs.

"Second attempt," Shannon admits readily, turning her head to kiss Mary's cheek.

Mary nudges at her hip until she turns more fully, enough for Mary to capture her mouth. She tastes like coffee, which would absolutely have been a better thing to wake up to than an ice cube down the shirt. Shannon tilts her head, deepens the kiss, hands burying themselves in the front pocket of Mary's hoodie. 

Mary strikes, opening her fist and pressing the remnants of the ice cube to the space just above Shannon's belly button. She holds firm, even as Shannon shoves at her, until the heat of their bodies has melted the last of it.

"Mary," Shannon laughs fondly, turning back to the stove. 

Mary kisses the space below her ear, grins against her skin. "All's fair in love and war, sweetheart, and a five thirty wake-up is absolutely a declaration of war."

"Yeah, yeah." Shannon waves a hand, shooing her away. "Coffee's on the table."

Mary sinks into a chair and slumps forwards over the steaming mug. "Caffeine, my one and only."

"Careful, a girl could get jealous."

"True, where is Princess?"

"Hilarious." Shannon joins her, presents a plate with a flourish. "Heart pancakes for the pancake of my heart."

Mary arches an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, but it's provocative. It gets the people going."

"You get me going," Mary corrects, tugging Shannon into her lap. "What's the occasion?" 

"Aren't I allowed to do something nice for you?"

"Waging another battle in the war of Shannon versus The Stove goes far beyond 'something nice'." She peppers kisses along the line of Shannon's jaw. Her lips drift to the soft hollow of Shannon's throat, briefly brush a kiss there like it's sacrosanct before moving back to her jaw.

Shannon shoves weakly at her shoulder. "Eat up before they get cold," she cautions, but she's growing ever so pliant with every passing moment.

Mary pulls back and Shannon regains her feet, her cheeks flushed pink. "What's the rush?"

"I want to watch the sunrise with you," she admits. There's a careful ease to her stance when she says it, something unspoken buried beneath, and Mary nods her understanding. 

"Feliz día nuevo," she murmurs, "Happy Valentine's Day, Shan."

#fic: tmtl #warrior nun #mary x shannon #myfic #mywn #shotgun mary #sister shannon