#fed a cat on friday at uni

[skyfucker]

Obi-Wan and Anakin are in the national fencing team. Anakin is sweet, and so is Obi-Wan.

Fluffy and smutty one-shot written to feed your Obikin feelings.

#I wrote a thing #my writing #obikin #fanfic #now if you will excuse me I'm gonna study until I fall asleep #other than not sitting my ass down and doing uni work that I should be doing #I had a great weekend #I went out for a walk in the park #got to pet cute doggos #fed a cat on friday at uni #baked a cake today #had fish on saturday #read my book and enjoyed the weather

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad dream about your cat, that's so shitty! Your cat is healthy and safe, I hope you're feeling better now that the day has progressed! Are you & your cat okay??

Also I've actually made a phone call with a lecturer regarding my circumstances with going back to uni, I can't believe I did that!! It's looking up so far but I don't want to be too hopeful!

- 🌺

Heyyy ~ ❤️

You're right, my kitty is healthy and safe!!! I caved and told mum I'd had a bad dream about Lyssa (but I didn't tell her the details, I just said I had a bad dream) and asked how many times she'd been fed today and mum said she's been fed 3x today so far as normal and I've had a cuddle with her before I went to work and just now.

Neither cuddle was long enough and this morning I wanted to cry because of that. I did cry at work but I pulled through and I raced home to make sure Lyssa is still safe and she is. So I've been wanting to cry all day but that's nothing unusual for me.🥺

My cat is her normal purrfect self and I'm a bit overwhelmed with everything and just wanna curl up in Eddie's bed and have a good cry, then wander out to go see Uncle Wayne and cry a bit more. Not doing so hot right now but with how emotional I am, I'm thinking I'll be on my period soon... listened to Ozzy on the way home and didn't even smile, which is🚩🚩🚩

Gonna write some Munson fluff tonight hadfghjk I'm off work now til Friday so I have plenty of study and Munson time ahead of me 🥹💖🙌

How are you???!!!! Aaaaaaaa!!!!!!! All the best with the phone call, I really really hope things come through for you!!!!! I'm so so proud of you and I have everything crossed for you!!!!!💖💖💖💖

#🌺 nonnie

[ussjellyfish]

My laundry card isn't working so my soapy clothes have to wait until tomorrow.

My trash bag broke so I had to sweep the whole kitchen.

Made it across town to return my textbooks in order to discover the uni bookstore shuts at 4, not 5 on Fridays.

I somehow have to prep for two demo lessons and two job interviews for real teaching jobs (because math is short staffed, start early!) By Monday and also write two papers and also get caught up in my classwork that I'm behind on because nannying 60 hours a week and taking classes two nights a week and being pregnant is hard. It is physically hard. I am tired. Not just...drink more coffee and power through tired, but genuinely tired.

Sister in law, without thinking, sent me and Eleanor on a three miles walk to the post office (round trip). She's been fussy lately so she hated the stroller after about half a mile, then you have to carry her and push the stroller. Which is hard, and slow.

Yes it took forever. An hour longer than you thought. How many poopy diapers have you changed in a public park? How many times have you fed the baby sitting under a tree?

I am sorry I didn't look at my phone, she's heavy and fussy. (you know, I do a good job with her doing things you have never done).

If my class goes to incomplete (possible, I'm exhausted), my financial aid gets screwed up, BUT if I get the job it doesn't matter. I would just be able to pay for my damn classes.

I did somehow manage to get my books to Fed ex so I don't have to pay rental fees, and get my blood test in and get more stupid finger poking test strips and go get cat litter and new bras.

(when did I get Ds?? Like...fuck).

#today sucked #and yet I was awesome

[20yearstostart]

Wednesday 26th September, 2018

Dear Blank, 

There are three things that I want to talk about real quick before I go sleep. It is so cold tonight, I’m covered in three blankets and a jumper, but I’m still shivering. I can feel the iciness on my skin, but it feels like I’m freezing from the inside? Almost as if my heart is cold; I can feel it shivering too. I really am like an old lady from Fiji - nervous giggle. Speaking of old people from Fiji, my aaji came yesterday and it’s nice. She cool. 

Okay, so the three things; I thought of the whole day today and my friends (two people) asked me if I was okay. I am okay; my mind is just thinking up stupid theories that have already been established and existing for a thousand years. That is what I do with my life, and I so tired physically and my resting face is of a depressed bitch. Therefore, even when I am fine and thinking about GOT7, I look like my cat died and I loved it too much. 

By the way, Blank, did you know I am scared of cats and dogs? I ain’t scared of insects, fish or thunder and stuff, but I am scared of cats, dogs, loud nosiness and people jumping out and scaring me. 

But that’s not all, I am scared of inanimate things too; like height, and the water. And this leads me to the first thing I wanted to discuss. 

After going to a girl’s dorm today (I really don’t know her well), I realised something about myself. Well, a few of my already known things were reaffirmed, eg, I am super awkward, groups of three’s suck dick and I will eat or do things I don’t like just to avoid talking and have a purpose for my hands. 

Hold up, a little sidetrack, soz Blank - but, hands! 

They are so weird! What do I do with them??? Do I always just keep them stuffed in my pocket? When do I take them out? What if I don’t have a pocket? Is it okay to hold the rail while going up the escalator? When I’m walking next to a boy do I not put it in my pocket? If it’s cold, do I leave the one on his side out? Or do I let them both awkwardly fumble cause one hand is too obvious? Well, that made no sense, but I tend to overthink things a lot if you haven’t noticed. 

Okay, after being in a place alone with her and Dreamy, and not in a lecture hall. I realised I may be kind of weird. Okay- no, that wasn’t the point. The main thing from there was I feel like I know her cause Dreamy talks about her so much, but then when I see her in person, I realise she is a complete stranger to me. 

Nowadays, Dreamy looks like a stranger to me. Its weird, but every time I see his face. I register that it’s him, but I don’t know, it’s almost like he’s not how I remember him? 

Maybe it’s just uni work drowning him; he’ll be back to Gucci in a few days. 

Wow, I still haven’t made the first point yet, okay here it is:

People are like everything that I fear.

The things I fear are all so beautiful and lovable. The rest of the world seems to be in love with them too, just like I am. But I don’t go all the way through like them; I stop at a distant. Everything is so much more beautiful and better from a bit far. A dog is so cute from far away, a kitten is adorable, the ocean is beautiful and calm, and the view from the height is breathtaking and intoxicating. However, the closer I get to it, the more dangers I see; the more scared I become. 

The dog can bite and chase me, the cat can scratch me or just- I don’t know- touch me. The ocean is endless, deep and chaotic underneath the surface, sometimes above too. And standing on the edge of the view is scary; the plummeting floor, a step beneath my feet is terrifying. 

Everything is beautiful but from a distance. 

I think I am like that too; from far away I seem cool. At a certain distance you only see how sad and broken I am, but if you get closer you see how ugly I am. I’m not made of sugar goodness and sweet. I am mean and selfish, and no matter how hard I try I’ll always be bad. But there are good parts to me too; I always try my best to make others happy. I try to be nice, and uhh, there must be something else too. 

I went off topic again. 

People are like the things I fear because from far away, I feel drawn to people. I want to know them, to talk to them. I want to just indulge myself in exploring them. The thing is everyone I ever met, never turns ugly. If anything they shine brighter and it really is amazing how wonderful people are. But when I stand on the edge of diving too deep; when I find myself at a distant where I see them blinding beautiful, I get scared. I get terrified of them; well, not them, but what they can do. Can you imagine finding the most precious jewel and keeping it your pocket, and it sits there bringing you luck? 

However, there is a catch to it, it’s power fades away the more expect from it. And as humans, you can’t stop your wants from increasing, and you can feel it fade away slowly, the glow fading away. And then you find yourself with a dark rock, as the red glow faints. It doesn’t make any sense but that’s how I am with people. I feel like my neediness makes me more expectant, even if it doesn’t, any moment when I do expect the slightest, I stop myself. 

I feel like I’m being too clingy, and needy and annoying. When I am probably just normal, but I can’t help that feeling, and I shut them out completely until they are far away again. Once again beautiful, and slowly starting to shine brighter, but never for too long. I can’t become addicted to them. 

Is it possible to be addicted to people? I mean, I am addicted to GOT7 and Jaebum. Okay. 

So that ramble of a mess was the first thing. 

The second is too generalised and may be triggering: 

All boys are immature and girls drama-queens. 

I got this idea when I was on the train on Monday and the girl said, ‘people asked me how I couldn’t like my friend, and I just looked at them baffled because it’s pretty damn obvious he is an idiot.’ Okay, so it was those words exactly, but something along the lines. 

In my very well experienced experiences with boys, I have realised that in a more than average rate: boys are immature. The word immature means childish. My sister’s boyfriend, my cousin brother, Dreamy, homegirl’s boyfriend, best friend, sunshine, no offence to any of these them, but they are. You can’t do anything about it except for love them for it and I do love all of them (except for homegirl’s boyfriend- I really don’t know him well). 

And my extremely well-fed experience with girls; they tend to be drama queens. By this, I mean sentimental, especially around periods. Last Friday was a field trip for me and my angst loving heart, cause Dreamy, would say the slightest thing and my heart was like ‘nooo!’ I loved it, and so did homegirl with her boy. I mean, we’re not crazy heartbreak addicts all the time, just most times. 

And here is my conclusion on this very new result; people are fucking annoying, and it’s sort of a like hint from destiny to find the one for you. The thing is everyone sucks dick, but there are some people who you can love even if they suck dick. If you can handle their immaturity and mood-swings and love that along with their good qualities I think you’re doing great with your choice. 

It’s just that people are made of different ingredients, therefore we have different levels of immaturity and dramatic-ness, and different limits of being able to handle the levels; the correspondence that matches your limit/level is a great match, g. 

I’m too cold to write the final one so I’ll just sum it up. 

Sometimes people are having a shitty day and are in a shitty mood, and it’s not your fault at all. Some days are meant to be gloomy, too much sun is annoying. So, don’t blame yourself or try to solve them. Just ask if they aight so they know you care, and if they talk cool, if not then cool too. All I’m saying is don’t put other’s emotions (which is out your control btw) on you. OK, blank?

Good kid. 

It’s too cold. I’m freezing. 

Goodnight <3

#diary #ramblings #dear blank #I dont have a life #so I write about random shit #viola!