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borisbubbles · 2 days

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Eurovision 2024: #27

27. FRANCE Slimane - "Mon amour" 4th place

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Decade ranking: 103/153 [Above The Black Mamba, below Marco Mengoni]

Slimane has a very powerrful voice. 🙂

THE RANKING

Okay, FINE. I suppose I can't leave it like that. 🙄 Although I'd much rather would.

So *SLIME*-MANE. There's a lot to unpack and a lot I know most people will disagree with my takes, but oh well. I've ranked Joost low, and Mustii low, so it's only fair the Slimane fans get some scalding hot truth tea splashed in the face from this deluded overthinker. Disliking men is a much more productive way to run away from my problems than simpling them is.

So remember how I spoke about songs designed to Make People Cry? You know I hold emotional extortion in contempt. "Pity" is just a slightly more charitable way of looking down at others, and shouldn't be strived for. These anthems are inherently designed to manipulate the undiscerning into uglycrying while offering very little sustainance. Yep, we're here yet again. Another song that doesn't pass even a tiny bit of scrutiny, except in a language most viewers do not speak.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that "Mon Amour"'s francophoneness is what made many people sleep on the fact that it's not exactly narratively sound. Most people that I've spoken about ESC to that understand French haven't responded well to "Mon Amour" (lol one of my French friends bursting into chat all "SLIMANE REPS US? EW. HIS MUSIC IS SO BORING AND CORNY 😣" hours after Mon Amour's release passed without comment from any of us ♥).

The indifference makes sense when you read the lyrics. It's filled with cliche's that scream "I YEM ZE FR0NCH~", a little bit too much on the nose. If I thought "Évidemment" was bad, this is worse. Lines such as "reviens à Paris" and ''Es-ce-que tu-m'aimes où pas?" are such clichés they feel thoughtless and expected, like someone writing out the monologue on autopilot.

But what sets me off is the overal narrative. Slimane and France have attempted to retcon "Mon amour" as "the story of an artist reaching out to his fans, seeking validation" but that is not what the lyrics read out. Instead, speak of the aftermath of a broken romance, where SHE has had her heart shattered to a degree that she LEFT THE PROTAGONIST'S HOMETOWN FOR AN UNKNOWN DESTINATION AND BROKE OFF ALL CONTACT. Instead of giving her, you know, personal space or time to reflect, or even lick his wounds, he keeps desperately asking her whether she still loves him or not. Dude, I don't know her, and I know the answer is "no". Give it a rest, and move on. Sadly, Slimane didn't move on and spends a full three minutes wailing on about it. "I want her, I need her only her, why doesn't she love me". We know where this ends - with a restraining order and either her or him dead and dismembered inside a dumpster six months later. (Australia's jury of snarky yet emotionally intelligent gays picking up on this and ranking him dead last ♥ bless them ♥)

As you can perhaps tell, the above realizations completely KILL the romantic aspect of the song for me. I cannot, and WILL NOT get into its grief and sadness. All the parties involved should be GLAD it's over.

Instrumentally, the song's just... generic piano ballad, nothing new or innovative here. Dime a dozen, we've heard it before, bla bla bla. "Mon amour" is a nothingburger, an empty vessel for Slimane's vocal chops.

Which brings me to another problem I have with it - I personally don't really care much about technical skill? Eurovision is an audio-visual SONG contest, not a SINGING contest. It is cool that you can nail those masturbatory vocal projections. You're a singer who can sing. "Loud" however is a pitch, not an emotion. It would have been more impressive if you've also discovered the cure of cancer alongside it. (Curing tumors with vocal vibrations. Medical students reading this, get on it so I can be impressed by Slimane.)

Focusing exclusively on that though, is annoying to me. Good Eurovision entrants start with a SONG. "Mon amour" barely classifies as one. End off.

That isn't to say I cannot respect Slimane's vocal for what it was. I mean THIS:

is a feat only a few vocalists can successfully pull off. It is MORE impressive the first time you witness it before the laws of Diminishing Returns kicks in. But it was immensely clever to trial it at Dora and then include it into the song itself - it gives the performance stakes and gravitas, so why not?

However that brought the song's weakness even more to the forefront to me. My logic is the following: if you can pull off such a stunt, then why aren't you the immediate fave to win? Eurovision 2024 was the most open year perhaps of all times, and I'm supposed to believe a voice THIS strong cannot win it by itself? There are enough examples of strong vocals POWERING through merely decent songs (Céline and Corinne Hermès for instance) into a first place. If you can pull that off and still lose doesn't that prove your song is fucking shite?

Going into the contest I was HOPING to get something out of the live besides Big Vocals and also that France wouldn't morph into a direct contender to win (You would HOPE that 2024's varied and exciting line-up was competitive enough as to not crown a vocal projection exercise as its winner), and ultimately, I got both of my wishes because Eurovision 2024 was BORISVISION. I was the meta this year, bitches, and I think fourth place is a perfectly reasonable result for a vocal that strong on a song that nonexistent.

But more importantly, Slimane managed to inject his performance with EMOTIONS and good god I really needed that.

It took a LOT of effort from Slimane for me to recognize that yes, this man is cooking with gas, and his expertise elevates the whole package. "Seductive" is the incorrect emotion for the subject matter but whatever. Ignoring the subject matter is the only way you can enjoy the song, so if that's what one must to do end the night on a high note, so be it. I let it pass, with few regrets.

Like Nutsa, he served enough for me to respect him ~as a performer~ who deserved the result he got. Like "Firefighter", I still have some contempt for the song itself, and there's a strict limit for how Im i'm willing to place it.

Turns out that boundary lies at Marco Mengoni. "Mon amour" always felt like a lazy, soulless answer to "Due vite" for me, and I'm not willing put it ahead, nor to re-examine my stance on DV so quickly after my 2023 ranking. "Due vite" was a song that ultimately wasn't my cup of tea, but it was the superior composition, and deserves a higher mark.

So ultimately, I end with Slimane a bittersweet note. A man with the capability to win the Eurovision Song Contest, yes and who manifested his impending loss with below average penmanship. If the French are looking for someone to blame for not winning once since 1977, they can start with their failure to recognize their 2024 song needed a revamp.

THE RANKING (again)

#Eurovision #eurovison song contest #esc 2024 #eurovision 2024 #esc #Malmö 2024 #France #Slimane #Mon Amour #BorisBubbles

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scorpion-flower · 14 days

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I just heard on a greek tv show about Eurovision, that the French singer also made comments in favour of Palestine and that the reason Marina was missing from the 2nd flag parade(?) was because she was being bullied from the Israeli team.

#honestly #Eden deserves to have tomatoes thrown at her #the audacity!#also good for the French guy!#scorpion-flower #we were the kings and the queues #esc greece #esc france #esc israel #pro palestine #boycott eurovision #eurovision #eurovision 2024 #eurovision song contest #esc 2024

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bettyg196 · 22 days

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My thoughts on Eurovision 2024 entries

Here are my ranking, my ratings, and my comments on the songs of Eurovision 2024.

Please note that I reviewed the entries before the beginning of the rehearsals, the post has already aged before it was published.

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LUXEMBOURG : Tali - Fighter

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 23th

A nice song sung mainly in French with about 15% to 20% English lyrics. Frankly, it’s a song that could have competed in Destination Eurovision if France Télévisions hadn’t abandoned it. It's a nice entry overall, I would have liked it to be entirely sung in French, maybe I would have ranked it higher. The performance during the Luxembourg Song Contest is convincing in itself, I just hope that Tali will abandon her dominatrix look for her future performance in Malmö.

GEORGIA : Nutsa Buzaladze - Firefighter

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 12th

I loved Georgia in 2022, I loved Georgia in 2023 and I love Georgia again this year! Firefighter is the banger the country deserves. I love the dancebreak before the second verse, it’s a strong and catchy song. Nutsa will slay on stage, I trust her.

IRELAND : Bambie Thug - Doomsday Blue

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 6th

Doomsday Blue is very chaotic, contrasting and noisy. It’s a multi-genre song, powerful and soft at the same time, but above all very impactful. It caught my attention from the start. Okay, the performance during the Eurosong was not perfect but the Late Late Show is not an appropriate show for national finals. Despite everything, Bambie Thug slayed and won the national final by the will of the Irish public, desperate for the country to qualify to the grand final. This entry will stand out from the other songs during the 1st semi-final that's for sure, we can only hope that the staging and the performance are much superior to that of the Eurosong. Either it passes or it breaks. Ireland took a big risk this year and I hope it pays off because for once the Emerald Isle deserves its place in the final for daring and originality.

LATVIA : Dons - Hollow

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 21st

What a voice. It's a solid song. I like how the entry is constructed and produced, it's a track that will attract everyone's attention during the second semi-final, provided it has a much more impactful staging than that during Supernova . It was the best choice to make for Latvia, qualification will be difficult given the competition. However, Dons has an excellent presence and is very professional on stage, and as Hollow is one of the few ballads in this semi-final, I still think Latvia has a chance to advance to the final, but it will be very hard.

SLOVENIA : Raiven - Veronika

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 4th

Veronika is a powerful song, the narration and construction is so well done. This is what I expected from Raiven musically. Slovenia should qualify without any problem provided they have a magical and impactful display. I'm not worried about the performance in Malmö, Raiven will do the job impeccably.

DENMARK : Saba - Sand

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 13th

Finally Denmark is starting to wake up. In all honesty, it’s a very good song even if it’s clearly a Melfest reject. The melody is catchy, impactful and powerful enough to grab attention. It's going to be hard to qualify for the final but I know that Saba will put in a very good performance, she has the skills for that. On the other hand, she must be more confident on stage and the staging should be slightly less bright. For me it's the best Danish entry in the competition since Higher Ground 6 years ago.

SAN MARINO : Megara - 11:11

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 7th

Is 11:11 objectively better than Arcadia ? No. Do I care ? Neither. I'm just happy that Megara is finally going to Eurovision and it's no secret, I really like the song. The track is very different from the one of Benidorm Fest 2023, we stay in rock and in the group's universe. I really appreciate the touch of flamenco in the dancebreak, it sounds more fun and accessible compared to their entry from the Spanish national selection. As they represent San Marino, it is clear, to my regret, that the Spanish group will not qualify for the final unless there is a huge turnaround.

AUSTRIA : Kaleen - We Will Rave

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 19th

We Will Rave is a bop, in fact I expected the worst but it sounds better than I would have hoped. The song is repetitive and not groundbreaking but it is catchy and very memorable. Can Austria qualify ? Everything will depend on the performance, the staging of the song and the dance number of Kaleen, if the whole act is great then the country can go to the final to aim for the top 20 at least. That said, the nation is not immune to the fan flop of the year, the concurrence is tough in the second semi-final.

MALTA : Sarah Bonnici - Loop

Rating : 7/10

Ranking : 25th

Loop is pretty good, Sarah Bonnici performs her song carefully, the performance in the final of the Malta Eurovision Song Contest is convincing. Too bad the revamp isn't as good, but it's far from bad. That said, it's all-purpose, it's clearly Walmart's SloMo and Malta will go unnoticed in its semi-final. Too bad because the performer seems likeable to me and the country just has the misfortune of sending a bop in this very good edition of the contest.

GERMANY : Isaak - Always On The Run

Rating : 4,5/10

Ranking : 33rd

It’s a radio-friendly song, it’s very ordinary but the production is okay. But it’s deja vu and overheard, I would have liked there is something more in this entry because it’s too standard for Eurovision. It's a shame to see that Germany is starting to send too generic tracks to the contest again after a clearly undeserved last place last year.

ALBANIA : Besa - Titan

Rating : 4,5/10

Ranking : 32nd

Besa is a great performer on stage. The Albanian version of Titan had Eurovision potential. Although I liked the revamp at first, I grew tired of listening to it after a second listen. Certainly, the revamp sounds more modern, but the absence of the Albanian language made the song considerably less impactful than the original version. In the end, I give Albania a 4.5/10, which must focus everything on staging because the vote of the Albanian diaspora may not be enough to qualify for the final.

AZERBAIJAN : Fahree feat Ilkin Dovlatov - Özünlə Apar

Rating : 3/10

Ranking : 36th

Yeah meh for the Azeri song. It's going nowhere, I find it boring. Okay, it's more ethnic compared to last year's proposal and at least the Azerbaijani language is present but that's it. I pass.

CZECHIA : Aiko - Pedestal

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 17th

I have loved Pedestal since the first listen and the first performance during the Czech national selection. It’s the kind of song that boosts self-confidence, it’s a song that could have been found in Olivia Rodrigo’s discography. Aiko is an artist who knows how to sing and perform as we saw during the pre-parties, I hope she will have a performance that lives up to her track.

CROATIA : Baby Lasagna - Rim Tim Tagi Dim

Rating : 10/10

Ranking : 1st

I love the beginning, the song is incredibly catchy, fun, epic and memorable. It reminds me of Rammstein. His performances during the Croatian national final are brilliant. I validate the hype and this is my personal winner of Eurovision 2024.

NETHERLANDS : Joost Klein - Europapa

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 14th

It’s a catchy and fun Dutch song. At first, I thought it wasn't really competitive and strong, but it kinda grew on me to the point where I gave her an 8.5/10 haha ! Joost Klein will entertain Europe during the 2nd semi-final. It is a very beautiful tribute to his parents and to Europe.

POLAND : Luna - The Tower

Rating : 7/10

Ranking : 24th

Luna is quite a good choice, the song is very respectable by TVP standards. Overall it's good, but I wonder how it will go on stage in Malmö. Will it be enough to reach the final ? We will see.

AUSTRALIA : Electric Fields - One Milkali (One Blood)

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 22nd

First of all, I am very happy that Electric Fields is finally going to Eurovision. Okay, the song is less strong and impactful compared to 2000 and Whatever, but it's still a good song to listen to, it's not that bad. Australia's qualification for the final will depend on the staging during its semi-final, it's either make or break.

CYPRUS : Silia Kapsis - Liar

Rating : 5,5/10

Ranking : 29th

It's cool to see Liar finally released even if we'll never hear the full version from Melissa Mantzoukis. It’s basic girlbop with a dancebreak, it’s already done, already heard and seen before. It's not the best bop Cyprus has sent to Eurovision and I wish the country would take more risks musically next time because it's getting a bit boring. Or maybe the nation should send a ballad and a GOOD ballad, not Andrew Lambrou's bland ballad from last year. That said, Liar is still pretty memorable. With a good live performance, Silia Kapsis can qualify but it will be hard without the presence of Greece in its semi-final.

ICELAND : Hera Björk - Scared Of Heights

Rating : 5,5/10

Ranking : 30th

Clearly, I prefer the iconic Je ne sais quoi. Scared of Heights is a happy and very generic pop song, it's memorable but it's dated and absolutely uncompetitive. Too bad, Iceland had so many good options to take in it's national final like Anita, Sigga Ózk, Bashar Murad or even VÆB and the country took the worst one among the finalists. But hey, Hera Björk is back, I'm happy for her but it will be very difficult to qualify for the final this year.

UNITED KINGDOM : Olly Alexander - Dizzy

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 20th

Dizzy is a good pop song but it won't win the contest, too commercial. I like the 90s vibes, it’s retro. In the final, the United Kingdom will finish at worst top 20, at best top 10 with a good live performance and a good staging.

ESTONIA : 5MIINUST & Puuluup - (nendest) Narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 15th

It is very funny ! This is the Estonia I want to see in the contest ! I love it, the Estonians too, they clearly made the right choice at Eesti Laul. It was obvious, this entry is very memorable and emblematic. It will go very easily to the final, however the juries will not like it, so I think the country will finish in the top 20 at least.

ARMENIA : Ladaniva - Jako

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 5th

Jako is awesome ! It breathes and sweats Armenian folk music. It’s the perfect song to show and embrace Armenian identity on the Eurovision stage. Thank you Ladaniva !

ISRAEL : Eden Golan - Hurricane

Rating : 3/10

Ranking : 37th

That's it ? It’s painfully basic, bland, weak and boring. It sounds like the discount version of “A Million Voices”.

GREECE : Marina Satti - Zari

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 10th

Zari is an earworm, I always have the rhythms and melody playing in my head. It’s so true to Marina Satti’s musical universe, I really appreciate that Greece sent something bold, ethnic, original and catchy for the competition. I hope Marina will qualify for the final.

BELGIUM : Mustii - Before The Party's Over

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 16th

In all honesty, it's a good song that grabs attention, sounds heartfelt, and is memorable. However, I have a feeling that it won't do better than Gustaph last year, who knows why. Maybe a top 20 in the final ? That said, it remains one of my favorite songs of this edition and I wish the best for our Belgian neighbors in Malmö.

SPAIN : Nebulossa - Zorra

Rating : 6,5/10

Ranking : 26th

It’s a catchy synthwave song, the 80s vibes are nice. The live performance is much better than the studio version, but let's be honest, it will be a miracle if Spain finishes at least in the top 20. Zorra is clearly very weak compared to SloMo and Eaea.

SERBIA : Teya Dora - Ramonda

Rating : 4/10

Ranking : 35th

There are two songs that I don't understand the hype among the fans and this song is one of them. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice song (and Serbia could have sent worse), but it seriously lacks of impact and isn't really memorable. Teya Dora is a good singer but I'm not a fan of her soporific musical universe.

PORTUGAL : Iolanda - Grito

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 9th

It’s a very beautiful, punchy Portuguese ballad, both modern and somehow traditional. It highlights Iolanda's voice well. The live performance is better than the studio version. Grito being one of the rare ballads of the first semi-final, it should and must qualify for the grand final.

FRANCE : Slimane - Mon amour

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 8th

Mon amour is what I expected from Slimane for the contest, so I’m not disappointed. Very good song, nothing else to say. Slimane remained fully in his universe and that is the main thing. It remains to be seen how the staging will be in Malmö, hoping that there will not be too many unnecessary artifices. Bonne chance Slimane !

SWITZERLAND : Nemo - The Code

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 2nd

The Code is a rollercoaster, we hear a lot of musical styles. It’s superbly catchy and memorable. Nemo is very charismatic and tells their story through this entry in a very theatrical way. If the staging is done well, there is a chance that we will go to Switzerland in 2025. I wish the best to our Swiss neighbors.

MOLDOVA : Natalia Barbu - In The Middle

Rating : 4/10

Ranking : 34th

Honestly, I prefer Fight (Barbu's song at Eurovision 2007). In The Middle is a decent song but nothing more, there is nothing memorable in this far too anecdotal entry. The chorus is the strongest part of the song, too bad the live performance is too static overall, they look like statues on stage. Unless the staging and camera work is exceptional, I don't see Moldova in the final this year.

NORWAY : Gåte - Ulveham

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 18th

At first, I didn't understand the fans' hype for Ulveham, I found that the song was slow to take off and that it was quite muddled and messy. But it was after Gåte’s performance during the second semi-final of the Norwegian national final that I better understood the idea and the history of the track. In the end, it's a good rock song in Norwegian with excellent staging and very good camera work. Norway will go to the final without any problem, however, I believe that the international juries will perhaps not understand the Norwegian entry.

LITHUANIA : Silverster Belt - Luktelk

Rating : 5/10

Ranking : 31st

The choreography and singing are on point, the staging is correct. This entry has its place at Eurovision... But I don't like Luktelk as much as most people in the Eurofandom do. This song goes nowhere and has nothing particularly special about it. Dancing on stage is more like a warm-up before a dance class. With Ramonda, it is the most overrated song of the edition. Why this 5/10 you ask me ? For the presence of the Lithuanian language and especially for the overall performance which saves this very average track.

FINLAND : Windows95Man - No Rules !

Rating : 6/10

Ranking : 28th

It's a fun song that doesn't take itself seriously, it's not very competitive for the contest but I like it. It's clearly not the worst song of this year, however Paskana would have been a better option for Finland. I think the country will go to the final and have a similar fate that Fulenn and I Wrote A Song got, a penultimate place.

SWEDEN : Marcus & Martinus - Unforgettable

Rating : 6/10

Ranking : 27th

Unforgettable could have been more memorable as a track, it's a little too boilerplate. It's still a good song though. Marcus & Martinus know how to sing, perform and drive the audience crazy at each performance. The staging is very professional with a futuristic atmosphere. Let's be honest, Sweden won't win for an eighth time this year, but they will make a top 5 without any problem thanks to the international juries and the Nordic televoting.

UKRAINE : alyona alyona & Jerry Heil - Teresa & Maria

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 11th

Great duo, very beautiful song with a lot of impact, Teresa & Maria is a banger. Jerry Heil and Alyona Alyona convinced me with this track from the first listen. Ukraine will make a top 5 without any problem in the final. On the other hand, I hope for a better staging and a change of outfit for Malmö, they look like nuns without their headdress on stage.

ITALY : Angelina Mango - La Noia

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 3rd

What a bop !!! La noia is very easy to remember and very danceable. It fits so well with current music. Angelina Mango is the perfect representative for Italy at Eurovision. She rocked in Sanremo, she’s going to rock in Malmö. I would be very surprised if Italy does not make a top 3 in the final.

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And that concludes my thoughts on Eurovision 2024 entries.

Thank you for reading.

#esc 2024 #eurovision 2024 #eurovision #esc #united by music #malmö 2024 #eurovision song contest

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badgersprite · 27 days

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My 2024 Eurovision Top 37!!!

It's that time of year again! That time where I give my opinions on Eurovision that nobody asked for!

Is this an especially strong year for Eurovision? Eh. Yes and no. There's a lot of songs I don't like, more than there probably has been in any recent years, but there's also lots of songs I really like and would be happy if they won.

I think this is shaping up to be a very interesting year. I would argue that there is no clear and obvious frontrunner. Any winner is really probably going to feel like a "surprise", and most likely a pleasant one at that. There's a lot of songs here that feel like they'd be deserving winners, with no one really so clearly ahead of the pack to where it would feel like they were "robbed" if they lost.

But anyway, we're counting down, in reverse order, below the cut!

XX. ISRAEL - EDEN GOLAN - Hurricane

Ok, full disclosure, this is why I was kind of late to post my top. I haven't listened to this song. Frankly, I don't feel comfortable listening to this song. I don't know if I ever will. So, accordingly, I will not be giving it a rating, review, or ranking. I wish to make no further comment and please respect my decision.

Sorry for the downer start, but that's just how I feel.

36. SWITZERLAND - NEMO - The Code

I'm starting off controversial. I have no idea why this song is so popular in the community. I do not know what other people hear in this. To me, this just sounds like an annoying, disjointed mess.

35. LATVIA - DONS - Hollow

This song is a slow, dirgey wall of sludge. Sorry to this man, but I don't come to Eurovision to feel like I'm at a funeral.

34. BELGIUM - MUSTII - Before The Party's Over

This song is a slightly less slow, dirgey wall of sludge. I don't know, it feels like it's trying really hard to be artsy and ~important~

33. ICELAND - HERA BJÖRK - Scared of Heights

"I'm not one to take risks."

Yeah, Hera. We can tell. Jesus Christ. This song is so safe it feels like getting a lecture on abstinence at a Christian private school.

32. MOLDOVA - NATALIA BARBU - In The Middle

I like the chorus. Shame about literally everything else in this song.

31. ALBANIA - BESA - Titan

What's with the random banjos? Albania in its Folklore era.

30. AZERBAIJAN - FAHREE & ILKIN DOVLATOV - Özünlə Apar

As much as I want to give Azerbaijan bonus points for finally sending something partially in Azeri, I literally cannot remember a single note from this song and I relistened to it about an hour ago.

29. FRANCE - SLIMANE - Mon Amour

Every year at Eurovision be like

Eurovision: "Hey, France, how French do you want to make your entry this year?"

France: "Oui."

He's got a great voice but to me this is just a run of the mill, paint by numbers Eurovision ballad that is also French and mentions Paris.

28. GERMANY - ISAAK - Always on the Run

Okay I actually don't really care for this song at all, it sounds like the kind of generic, inoffensive, slight hint of country so they don't alienate the flyover states kind of song they make American Idol winners sing. He's only this high because I really like his voice.

27. MALTA - SARAH BONNICI - Loop

This is an average Eurovision song.

26. LUXEMBOURG - TALI - Fighter

This is an average Eurovision song.

25. GEORGIA - NUTSA BUZALADZE - Firefighter

By the time this song gets going, it really comes together. It finishes really strong. The problem is the first...half or so? It's a disjointed mess. But the fact that I like at least PART of this song so much is what puts it above all these other songs that are insta-skips.

24. LITHUANIA - SILVESTER BELT - Luktelk

Probably my next most controversial pick. I don't get the hype for this song? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's fine. I like it. But it's just, like...an average song in this genre? It's nothing special.

23. PORTUGAL - IOLANDA - Grito

This is probably a case where it's not the song so much as it's me not getting it. To my ears it sounds pleasant but dated. And slower songs are often fighting an uphill battle with me at Eurovision anyway so.

22. ARMENIA - LADANIVA - Jako

I really like this, it's the fun folk throwback of this year. The only problem with it is, it's basically just straight up folk instrumentation. It sounds very small as a result. It could have used just a bit more modern production to give it that real OOMPH factor.

21. NETHERLANDS - JOOST KLEIN - Europapa

I probably would have liked this song a lot more if I hadn't heard Finland first. Spoilers for later. Also maybe I'm just too Australian and not European enough to really be able to relate to this song.

20. UNITED KINGDOM - OLLY ALEXANDER - Dizzy

This song feels like a throwback to a lot of the kind of British pop music that would cross over onto the Australian charts here when I was a kid. Like, remember when Billie Piper was a pop singer? Remember Craig David? This song doesn't sound like either of those per se but it does sound like the kind of song that would be on like one of these albums that I have in a box in my garage somewhere

19. AUSTRALIA - ELECTRIC FIELDS - One Milkali (One Blood)

Listen, I love Electric Fields. I've seen them live, and they were great. And I love this song. It's very meditative, it gives some good kind of spiritual advice that I vibe with. I think the song is only this low because, well, the video is meh, and this kind of feels like a "safe" Electric Fields energy? It feels like they could have done more.

18. SERBIA - TEYA DORA - Ramonda

See even though this song is a slow ballad, it avoids being a dirgey wall of sludge because it actually has like dynamic range to it. It's mostly quiet and gentle, and it builds to a big high point. It doesn't just feel like a wall of melancholy sound slowly drowning me.

17. GREECE - MARINA SATTI - Zari

I think I'm not hip enough for this. I feel like I'm going to come back to this later and like it a lot more than I already do. And I do like this. It feels kind of like a Greek Russian Woman in terms of vibe, and I mean that as a compliment. This is really good. It just may be a bit too weird, too out there, and too current to really land at Eurovision. Like this song definitely feels like it belongs on the internet. This song has iPhone face.

16. SPAIN - NEBULOSSA - Zorra

I love her lack of energy, go girl give us nothing!

Seriously though, this song is for the girls and the gays. And as I am a girl and a gay, I can appreciate it. This song is about, no matter what you do, people are going to call you a bitch and try and drag you down. So she's like, OK, fuck you, I'm going to go take on the world, be an empowered woman, and be successful, and if that makes me a bitch then fine, I'm the best bitch here. And I think that's a good message, and I support it. Women shouldn't have to make themselves smaller so as to not threaten your insecurities.

15. CYPRUS - SILIA KAPSIS - Liar

There is just something absolutely FILTHY about this beat that makes me want to throw it back. Fortunately for everybody, I am incapable of throwing it back, so you don't have to be subjected to that. But, like, I feel it in this song. This beat does dirty things to me.

14. ESTONIA - 5MIINUST & PUULUUP - (Nendest) Narkootikumidest Ei Tea Me (Küll) Midagi

Every time this song comes on, I can't resist the urge to get up and start dancing to it, so it must be doing something right. But also fuck you for making me write a title that long.

13. SWEDEN - MARCUS & MARTINUS - Unforgettable

Swedes are too OP at pop. Like this song is basically perfect. Fortunately, I am too much of a lesbian to be nostalgic for boy band music. If I had been into the Backstreet Boys or N*Sync back in the day, this song would make me super nostalgic, and it would probably be my number one. But as it is I'm nostalgic for different things, and it's all those songs that are in my top ten this year. As you'll see.

12. UKRAINE - ALYONA ALYONA & JERRY HEIL - Teresa & Maria

Ukraine doesn't miss at Eurovision. If the Vidbir staging had like...any budget at all, this would probably be higher. That's really all that's holding it back. I love this song. It's great.

11. CROATIA - BABY LASAGNA - Rim Tim Tagi Dim

This was hard. I went back and forth with this and other songs in my top 10 so many times. If you ask me to make this list again five minutes from now, this is probably there. If this song wins Eurovision, I'll be happy. I love it. If there's anything holding this back in comparison to the songs in my top, it's: I'm more nostalgic for other genres apparently; there's no real vocal moment in this song; the production kind of sounds like this was made in Garageband? Don't take any of this to mean I don't like the song. I do. But I like this a roughly equal amount to like half of my top ten and I had to split hairs.

10. SLOVENIA - RAIVEN - Veronika

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This is art, mama. This was the first Eurovision song I heard this year and it really started everything off on a good note. The insane vocal moment at the end is what kept this in my top 10 above Croatia. I cannot wait to see the staging because this has a vision.

9. NORWAY - GÅTE - Ulveham

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This feels weird having it this low. It was my number four for the longest time. Like, until I made this list today. I think it's the verses holding it back for me. The verses are a little bit nothing. It's just a lot of "this happened, and then this happened". And that's the one thing that docks an execution point from this otherwise excellent song. But it's lovely hearing Norwegian at Eurovision for the first time in forever

8. AUSTRIA - KALEEN - We Will Rave

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Things Badger is nostalgic for, entry #1 - Cascada, apparently. This is taking me back to playing fucking DDR at the Time Zone outside of Hoyts at Hornsby Westfield when I was like 15. This was one of the songs I was juggling with whether to keep in my top ten, asking myself "Do I really like this song as much as I thought I did the last time I played it?" So then I'd play it again, and every time I played it...I'd get this feeling. And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.

Wait.

7. ITALY - ANGELINA MANGO - La Noia

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OK, full disclosure, if I were ranking the songs "objectively" in terms of which one is the best, like if I were taking personal taste out of this and just telling you what song I think will or should win Eurovision, this would be my pick. This is by far the hippest thing Italy has ever sent to Eurovision. It's great. It's fun. It's fresh. It's vocally challenging but executed with unbelievable ease. Angelina Mango is style, she is fashion, she is an icon, she is the moment. She's everything. Also, BUSINESS PRINCESS. What more can you want?

6. CZECHIA - AIKO - Pedestal

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Things Badger is nostalgic for entry #2 - late 80s/early 90s girl grunge rockers. This song is stuck in my head all the time, and it's awesome. You just want to scream out the chorus. Because, you know what, I relate to this. I am currently going through a phase of loving me more, loving me more than your bullshit. And it feels great. It's empowering. It's a good message. Sometimes we do need to learn to put ourselves first, and learn what self-love actually means.

5. DENMARK - SABA - Sand

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This is Scandinavian pop perfection. And I am not immune to Scandi-pop. Far from it. It's a well-known weakness of mine. I apologise if it makes me boring, but I fucking love this. I love every single second of this song. I'm probably going to vote for it in the Grand Final. If this wins the Jury I will be the one person who was like yeah I told you.

4. POLAND - LUNA - The Tower

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OK, I initially had this lower. This was always in my Top 10. I always loved this song. But I always kind of had it in my mind of like, oh yeah, this is a really great song, but I like other songs more.

But, do I, though? Because, other than my #1 song, this is the song I've listened to more than any other song this year. And, as I was putting together this list, I kept thinking, oh yeah, The Tower is going to be the song that I listen to the most (other than my number 1) after this contest, it's going to be on all my playlists.

And then I stopped and thought, wait, hang on. If I keep wanting to listen to this song more than all the others, and I'm already looking forward to listening to this song for years to come...doesn't that mean I like it a hell of a lot more than I keep thinking I do? And, yeah. The answer is yes. I really love this song. I think the reason I kept underrating it is because it's just a great song all the way through with no real big epic Eurovision moment, right? But this list isn't what song I think will win Eurovision, it's what songs I like best. And I like this song almost the best. This is the kind of music I listen to.

3. FINLAND - WINDOWS95MAN - No Rules!

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Things Badger is nostalgic for entry #3 - Y2K era Eurodance. This is basically just Planet of the Bass with only slightly less irony. And I love literally everything about it. Eurodance is a fundamental, defining characteristic of who I am. The first album I ever owned was Aqua's Aquarium. This shit just speaks to my soul, OK?

2. IRELAND - BAMBIE THUG - Doomsday Blue

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*stands and applauds* You did it. You fucking did it, Ireland. You sent something interesting. Thank God. And, like, OK, interesting in and of itself does not equal good. This song is a stylistically experimental mishmash of different genres that could very easily be an unlistenable messy clusterfuck, but it's not. It's unironically actually very good and...oddly coherent? It's honestly bizarre how well these stylistic shifts that should be jarring just flow seamlessly. Or at least to me they do.

Is there maybe a part of this song that is trying a little too hard to be different and edgy? Yeah, sure, maybe. But I was once a teenager trying too hard to be different and edgy, and maybe this song speaks to that part of me that I haven't accessed in a while.

1. SAN MARINO - MEGARA - 11:11

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Man, it sucks that this is going to go out in the semi-finals because I REALLY love this song, and I don't get why other people don't.

But apparently it's because...Thing Badger is nostalgic for, entry #4, mid-2000s electronic rock, which was absolutely fucking huge in Australia at the time. This song reminds me so much of that time in my life when I was listening to, like, The Rogue Traders, The Veronicas, TV Rock, The Presets, The Potbelleez, Sneaky Sound System. I could keep going. Apparently I was hugely nostalgic for this exact sound and I had no idea until I heard this song. But apparently this is also an experience entirely unique to me because it seems like nobody else likes this song, or cares about it at all.

Whatever, it will always have a fan in me.

OK HAPPY END

#esc #eurovision #eurovision 2024 #esc 2024 #Youtube

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cparti-mkiki · 5 months

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brave french redditor timidly proposes the idea that it looks kinda bad for the french to publicly blame the referees, the weather, the place, the time, that cheating opposing team etc every time they lose… comments proceed to talk about how the french national team is the best in the world and how evil fifa stole the world cup from them LMAO

the 120.000 signatures to try to get the match annulled after they lost to portugal at the euros remind me of the ridiculous french media push to get manneskin disqualified for “doing coke at eurovision” (lol) after they beat france and the media push to get every spanish athlete who won against them tested for “doping” (lol) and— well mdrr

#my posts

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frenchly-anxious · 1 year

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"Oh that's why the australian commentators were so well dressed, they knew she'd come to see them. Us? We're only wearing shorts"

— critical info being shared from the french booth, followed by a loud "NO WE'RE NOT!" from the second commentator

#eurovision #eurovision 2023 #esc 2023 #eurovision france #eurovision french commentators #stéphane bern #laurence boccolini #stéphane was NOT on board with this

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french-eurovision · 13 days

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"It was holographic ABBA. It was nice. A bit scary — but nice"

— the french booth is unsure

#eurovision 2024 #esc 2024 #esc 2024 abba #eurovision french commentary #eurovision french commentators

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mstornadox · 1 year

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Thoughts while watching Eurovision semifinal 2

Wish I could watch this live. Dadi Freyr is in the audience!

Denmark - why are the vocals so quiet?

Armenia - like the raked stage with the visuals. But. I want dancers.

Romania - liked him better in the vid peacock is actually showed the lyrics in romanian!?!?! Earlier, even French was captioned as “non English”

Estonia - another solo performer. Where are the groups? The backup dancers? That piano does not count. And ya lost points when you sat at the bench and pretended to play

Belgium - finally, a faster tempo. And the backup singers are good. Wish the drag queens in the visuals had been on stage. At least the vogue dancer appeared towards the end.

Thoughts so far:

not liking the lineup

Want more variety

Want more spectacle

No crazy zany or weird energy

Excuse me while I watch a video of Scooch’s performance from a while ago.

Cyprus - best love song so far :/ Maybe because it reminds me of a song by Imagine Dragons

Iceland - dramatic disco ballad. Best performance so far

Greece - really, what is up with sound mix

Poland - backup dancers! Finally! Who are wearing different outfits and colors! Song even has a dance break, so much energy.

Slovenia - omg a band and they are having fun. alt-disco vibe

Georgia - finally a solo performer starting the song loud and vibrant instead of quiet

San Marino - another band! But the singer is not good. Now I want to watch last year’s entry

Austria - oooh, a duo and they are bringing the weird. Fitting for a song about Edgar Allan Poe

Albania - yes.

Lithuania - good energy, the performance was all about the song

Australia - metal band; too much focus on the lead singer. Everyone else in the band was much more interesting

Other observations:

Tonight’s vid intros are showing lots of sports.

Most of the songs have had the same structure. As do the performances. Is this because there have been so many solo performances on the stage alone?

If Malta had been in this semifinal, they would have made it through to the finals. I’m retroactively adding them to my favorites from this year

The last 5 acts were the best sequence

Seriously, the sound mix is not good tonight

When they started singing the Carol of Bells, I really missed having a commentator

Hannah Waddington is awesome

Favorites today: Portugal and Croatia (even though they performed on Tuesday); Belgium; Slovenia; Georgia; Austria; Albania; Australia; and the drag queens medley

#eurovison song contest #eurovision 2023 #american watching eurovision #esc 2023

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liquidisedfrogs · 1 year

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EUROVISION ABSOLUTE FUCKING BRAIN DUMP

Tonight, the night where... some... of Europe comes together and sings in an ..... something way, is the night I am willing to barf my brain out onto a page and commentate on the entire thing start to finish. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION!! Strap in motherfuckers....

We started the evening with the performance of last year's winner Ukraine (MWAH) starring Kate Middleton for some reason and Sam Ryder stood on top of some building in Liverpool. I had totally forgotten how earwormy that song was. I literally can't get it out of my head even now. We saw the countries come out onto stage to a very random compilation it seemed. I think Australia stole Germany's flag though.

PERFORMANCE 1 : ALBANIA- WHO THE HELL IS EDGAR? - TEYA & SALENA I'm not lying here when I say I LOVED this song. I loved how it took so much inspiration from Michael Jackson in the dance moves. The girl with the black hair was mind-blowing. Like, she was unbelievably gorgeous. I'm not saying the other one wasn't- they were both incredible. I loved how much colour and enthusiasm they seemed to have. IT WAS SO RANDOM AND I FREAKING LOVED IT. Rank no.5

PERFORMANCE 2 : PORTUGAL- AI CORAÇÃO- MIMICAT The dress. Oh my god that dress was DIVINE. I loved how like bright it was to be honest. It was just so dramatic and it felt like it had a lot of variety. I don't really know why it just really appealed to me. Her voice is DIVINE too. Rank no.6

PERFORMANCE 3 : SWITZERLAND- WATERGUN- REMO FORRER I'm not lying when I say that this song brought a tear to my eye. It was so moving but god, that guy needed to put a few more clothes on. I really liked it. Remo Forrer can sing so beatifully and yet I didn't know who he was before tonight. That low note made my jaw drop. Powerful. All I can say really. The guy also reminded me of Noah Schnapp for some goddamn insane reason. Rank no.7

PERFORMANCE 4 : POLAND- SOLO- BLANKA I had to rewatch it cause it was kind of forgettable. Felt like it had been done so much before. I don't mean any hate by this but I just didn't like it. I wasn't as WOW as other songs have been. It gave me the vibe of the Stuck In The Middle theme mixed with Despacito. It just didn't feel if you know what I mean. Rank no.23

PERFORMANCE 5 : SERBIA- SAMO MI SE SPAVA- LUKE BLACK Perfection. It was so.... I don't have words for it. It was just fantastic. It showed so much talent and I loved the Graham Norton description of the nerdiness and that definitely came across so incredibly in the performance. It was just like smoke sweat and tears. I LOVED THE VIDEO GAME BIT. It's a great song, it's a wonderful performance. It's the best. Also, take a moment to consider how fit the guy was. This was no doubt the best act in my opinion but I know not many people have the same opinions as me so I'm accepting the fact that he's probably not gonna win. Rank no.1

PERFORMANCE 6 : FRANCE- LA ZARRA- Évidement It had such a french vibe to it for some reason. It's stuck in my head. I really enjoyed it to be honest. The outfit was genuinely on point and the vocals were stunning. The chorus kinda gave me Dua Lipa vibes but there's nothing wrong with that is there. The lyrics were kinda dramatic. Overall, I ate it up. Freaking glorious song there was just a lot of good competition. Rank no.10

PERFORMANCE 7 : CYPRUS- BREAK A BROKEN HEART- ANDREW LAMBROU Not memorable. It was quite sad. He's got a good voice, there were just better songs to be honest. It was quite repetetitive. I didn't enjoy it particularly it was just there. A few more layers would be nice. He sung quite high and it wasn't necessarilly appealing. THE FIRE THO. That arena must have been so hot. His voice at the end was beautiful, fight me. Rank no.16

PERFORMANCE 8 : SPAIN- EAEA- BLANCA PALOMA The bit at the beginning with the vocalisations (I think that's what they're called) was incredible. It gave off quite a middle eastern movie vibe which I wasn't expecting from Spain. Her top genuinely looked like it had been melted by heat which made me laugh. It gave off a Satanic ritual vibe. I liked the song but the electronic parts really didn't fit her talented and gorgeous voice. Rank no.22

PERFORMANCE 9 : SWEDEN- TATTOO- LOREEN I loved the vibes she gave off espescially in the introduction bit to the song, she looked like a batty pintrest witch which is a look I adore. Her hair was just stunning but for some reason it didn't look real, I don't know. THE NAILS!! God, they were so long. Her whole set was just tattooine(hmm maybe she thought about that) to me. It gave Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus. I really liked it. The whole song was so nice. There's not really any other way to say it than that. I really liked it though. I'm happy it was her that won. Rank no.12

PERFORMANCE 10 : ALBANIA- DUJE- ALBINA & FAMILJA KELMENDI I really looked forward to this one because it was a family quite like me and my siblings but I felt quite sorry because only one of the girls really got to sing in it. You could tell who was the favourite child. I loved the sister's outfits and the bit where it basically turned into the parents' love song was great. It was a good performance but it wasn't anything special. Rank no.15

10 down, 16 to go!

PERFORMANCE 11 : ITALY- DUE VITA- MARCO MENGONI I liked the top, make me one. He has a gorgeous voice. It was quite moving in some ways but I did get distracted by the trampoline guys in the back. I LOVED THEM. The lyrics were a bit random, I had it on translating subtitles. It was okay, I didn't think it was anything special though. It was a sway with your arms in the air type of song. He's such a good singer, I swear, I just didn't love the song. Rank no.19

PERFORMANCE 12 : ESTONIA- BRIDGES- ALIKA It was a magical song. I really enjoyed how it gave off fairy Elsa vibes for some reason. I don't really have many words it was just lovely. She has such an incredible voice. I loved her outfit as well it was fabulous. It was just a gorgeous song, I really liked it. She has such a powerful voice. It was divine. Rank no.8

PERFORMANCE 13 : FINLAND- CHA CHA CHA- KÄÄRIJÄ If you're here for a specific song, it's probably gonna be this one. The hulk forgets to put on his chestpiece and he's on the stage at Eurovision singing a heavy-metal-techno-pop number. I still can't understand what the fuck this song was about. It's really confusing but it's a bop. I'm just blasting out CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA in my brain the whole time. I really liked it. It was a proper random Eurovision song and I LIVE for em. The guy's got a good voice on him though, the prolonged shouting must have been hard. Rank no.9

PERFORMANCE 14 : CZECHIA- MY SISTER'S CROWN- VESNA It gave ballet recital gone wrong for me. It sounded a bit too like the winning song from last year for my liking but it was incredible with the harmonies. I didn't really get the hair message. They were doing feminism stuff but sticking directly to the gender roles traditionally set which I didn't understand. It was powerful and I did like it. Rank no.18

PERFORMANCE 15 : AUSTRALIA- PROMISE- VOYAGER I love watching forty odd year olds dance around on stage like they're twenty one. It felt like someone had gone through my playlist, taken the best bits from each song and melted them into a pot together. It is an anthem and I adore that. I loved the woman on guitar. She was so good. I loved the vibes it sounded like it could be in a video game and honest to god it was one of my favourites of the night. Rank no.3

PERFORMANCE 16 : BELGIUM- BECAUSE OF YOU- GUSTAPH The Boy George vibes were real. His outfit gave rich man goes on safari but there's been an incident with a red sock. It was a BOP like literally. I just wanted to do the macerena the whole time. The start bit reminded me of a musical I can't remember the name of. It was kind of repetetive which I didn't like. It was okay to be honest. Shoutout to the guy who was willing to be a furry stripper for this. Rank no.17

PERFORMANCE 17 : ARMENIA- FUTURE LOVER- BRUNETTE The singer gave me Ariana Grande vibes. It was average. It was a bit like an I'm not like other girls. She has a lovely voice but it did get quite lost in the other countries amazingnesses. It didn't really stick in my head so I had to rewatch the full thing whereas with most of the others I either don't have to watch it or I only need a memory jog. The getup was stunning. The boots should have had black laces though, it would've fit do much better. She's incredibly talented but there were better songs. Rank no.21

PERFORMANCE 18 : MOLDOVA- SOARELE ŞI LUNA- PASHA PARFENI Welcome to the stage... satanic yoga teacher. I liked it. It was so European. It was a great watch. It reminded me of the Mandolorian theme which is a massive compliment in my book. The horny women were great. (They had horns in their hair.) It was very Eurovision esque and I really liked it. It was quite funny and my little brother voted for it. Great song. Rank no.13

PERFORMANCE 19 : UKRAINE- HEART OF STEEL- TVORCHI After last year, I had very high hopes for Ukraine. I enjoyed it. I really liked all the staging it was stunning but it didn't stand out to me very much. The phantom of the opera guy got the night off though! It was a great song. It would be great at a festival, I can see it now. I don't have a ton to say about it. It was good but not mind-blowing. Rank no.14

PERFORMANCE 20 : NORWAY- QUEEN OF THE KINGS- ALESSANDRA This whole song makes make me want to yell with happiness. It just like scratches my brain for some reason. It was the only song this year that I had heard before and even though I had, it did not disappoint. I swear it was a whole vibe. Her outfit was literally straight from SIX, bite me. I loved it. I loved every second of it but there were better songs. The high note showed talent. I mean, I can do it but, but it still shows years of effort and training. Rank no.11

Only 6 left!

PERFORMANCE 21 : GERMANY- BLOOD & GLITTER- LORD OF THE LOST HUGE SLAY. I loved it. In my honest opinion, I would've loved it to be in German but I do speak German so it wouldn't be that hard to understand. They really reminded me of Ghost with the whole red satan type vibe and the song itself. The makeup was FINE! I mean that in an attractive way. The start was so INCREDIBLE. He looked and sounded quite like Bowie and if you know me, you know I love Bowie. The heavy metal singing was on point. I'm suprised that they came last because they were pretty much tied with Serbia in my book I decided the ranks at like 1 am and my 1 am thoughts are always the best. Rank no.2

PERFORMANCE 22 : LITHUANIA- STAY- MONIKA LINKYTÉ The start made me think of the Lion King- just getting that off my chest before I dive into this one. It was lovely, it was beautiful but that's not really the winning characteristics. It was incredible. It gave off the sort of 2014 'Fight Song' vibe which I feel has been done so much already. I want to be able to mark this one higher but I feel I can't because of how high rated the other songs are. Rank no.20

PERFORMANCE 23 : ISRAEL- UNICORN- NOA KIREL Before I say anything, this is just me putting my opinions out there to get them off my head. I really didn't like this song. It was weird and it wasn't a song that I enjoyed watching. It's started off okay with a slight Melanie Martinez vibe but honestly shit hit the fan pretty quickly. It turned into a feminine anthem and, to me, all those songs sound the same. The worst bit was the bit where she said watch me dance and stripped off and basically became a stripper in her dance moves. There were children watching. You can't do that. Rank no.26

PERFORMANCE 24 : SLOVENIA- CARPE DIEM- JOKER OUT This was one of my favourite songs of the night. I adored the whole performance. It was like a step back into the past when Eurovision wasn't as big of an event and they didn't have all the feathers and glitter. It felt quite wholesome to me for an unknown reason. Personally, I don't think it was Eurovision standard. It was a lot more indie than all the other songs and it popped out of the page because of that. It had a very different view and appearance to the viewers. I have listened to this song about five times this morning I like it so much. Special mention to the guitarist because you look fantabulous. Like, you're so good-looking I can't understand wether it's gender envy or attraction. I loved the fits by the way. Rank no.4

PERFORMANCE 25 : CROATIA- MAMA ŠČ- Let 3 This performance made me really uncomfortable. They looked like a rip off of the YMCA and the song wasn't that good to be honest. It was just a bunch of people's grandads singing a dumb army style song and then stripping off. It wasn't enjoyable, it was very mildly funny and I just really didn't like it. It wasn't as bad as Israel or the UK though. Rank no.24

PERFORMANCE 26 : UK- I WROTE A SONG- MAE MULLER It was really just a mid song. She doesn't have the nicest voice and the song choice emphasised that. It was really repetetive and definately deserved the ranking it got. I do feel sorry for Mae though, she must have tried so hard. The staging wasn't that appealing and her outfit didn't fit the set. I would probably rate it 5/10 if I was doing that but I'm not. There was a lot of good competition and it simply wasn't as good. Rank no.25

AND THAT'S A WRAP MY DUDES!!

I think Tattoo winning was a great descision. It isn't one I would've made but it really stood out. I do think Germany deserved a lot more than it was given and I feel extremely sorry for Spain who only got 5 points for the public because that must've hurt.

Shoutout to Sam Ryder with his really nice song at the end, I though it was great. Also, they managed to get ROGER TAYLOR for it. FREAKING ROGER TAYLOR!!!

Have a nice day/night reader and I hope you return next year for another unnecessarily long Eurovision rant.

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