#ethan is a flop he’ll never be real | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blazedgraysons · 4 years

Text

Killing Me Softly

The one where Grayson falls in love in under 12 hours

A/N: Here’s another fic inspired by literally nothing. I am pretty proud of this one though. To all the people who said nice things about Drunk Off You, just know that I read every single one of them and you own my heart and soul. Also, I know literally no one knows who I am but feel free to send asks or messages. I pinky promise to respond. ♡

Word Count: 1.7K

Pairing: Grayson Dolan x OC (Harlow)

Warnings: nothing really, it’s pretty tame minus a lil angst towards the end.

“Are you B29?”

Harlow removes an earbud, looking up to meet big brown eyes staring back at her. It’s hard not to notice the rest of the man standing in the aisle.

Brown hair flops over his forehead as she moves her eyes down to appreciate the soft scuff lining his chin - not quite a beard, but not quite stubble. He’s dressed casually in a gym shirt that outlines every single bulging muscle paired with grey sweatpants and some Louis Vuitton slides. She nods slightly to his question, hoping the adonis of a man doesn’t notice that slight blush that’s appeared on her face. He offers her a gracious smile and effortlessly slings his carry-on into the overhead cabin.

“Looks like we’re neighbors then.” Harlow hums in acknowledgment, not sure why he’s so friendly. Most passengers would’ve just grabbed their seat and slept or occupied themselves, but this man intends on making himself known.

He slides into the neighboring seat, and Harlow is instantly overwhelmed. If she thought he looked good from afar, up close was even better. Here she could appreciate all the minute details — the dark mole on his chin, the expensive cologne, the 333 tattoo behind his ear. It took everything in her not to stare, so instead, she settles for quick glances hoping he would be too occupied by his phone to pay her any attention. If he did notice, he spared Harlow further embarrassment by not saying anything. She turns back to her magazine, a random Vogue issue she picked up in the airport convenience store to pass the time, mentally telling herself to calm down in order to get through the next three hours.

“ I’m Grayson, by the way. Just in case we crash, and you need to identify me.” He jokes, smiling widely and — oh shit, does he have a diamond in his tooth? Harlow is so screwed.

—-

Grayson’s never been a big believer in fate until now. The idea of some external force dictating a situation in your life just seemed like bullshit. Yet, Grayson couldn’t describe meeting Harlow as anything else.

He had been irritated all the way up to that point. An overbooked plane forced him off his original flight and away from his twin brother. Ethan had offered to go with him, but Grayson didn’t see a point in delaying their trip even further and told him he’d meet him in Jersey. While the airline was over apologetic and gave him (terrible) perks, in order to make the next flight, he had to sacrifice his first-class seat for an economy red-eye flight. But at least he had a shitty hot towel to make up for it.

He scowled all the way through the check-in and tarmac, vowing to never fly with JetBlue again as he passed the first-class seats that he couldn’t help but stubbornly think, ‘That should be mine.’

It wasn’t until he reached his row that he realized what he thought was a hindrance was actually a blessing. Because there sitting in the seat next to him was a beauty that could only be described as ethereal. Her long, dark hair tumbles in tight coils down her shoulders as she sits crossed-leg, hunched over a magazine, biting her lip in furrowed concentration. She bobs her head slightly to whatever song she’s listening to as she quickly flips through the pages. She tucks her hair behind her shoulder, revealing blemished copper skin that reflects the light.

A small voice in his head (that suspiciously sounds like Ethan) tells him to stop being weird and talk to her. Before he can justify themillion reasons why he shouldn’t, an annoying cough comes from the lady behind him.

He turns around to glare at her a little and asks the mystery girl her seat number with a smile that he hopes comes off as charming and not predatory.

And fuck, he knows she has to be a blessing because she looks like she was sent straight from the gates of heaven to Grayson’s heart. Ironically, the plane’s fluorescent lights form a halo around her head (‘Or maybe you’re finally losing it.’ Ethan's voice tells him.) He blinks, once, twice, three times before realizing that the girl in front of him isn’t a sleep-deprived hallucination and is actually real. He tries to act unaffected by the slow once-over her round, onyx eyes give him. Still, when he notices her eyes lingering on his chest and thighs, he swallows hard before throwing his suitcase into the overhead and sitting down.

The grumpy lady behind him gives him a look as she moves down the aisle, and he whips out his phone for a welcomed distraction. The girl, unaware of the havoc she was wreaking on Grayson’s mind and body, continues to sneak looks at him that were a little too obvious for Grayson to not notice. He debates whether or not to ask for her name until she turns back to her magazine and Grayson figures that she doesn’t want to be bothered anymore. It wasn’t until the voice in his head repeatedly calls him a pussy (‘Shut up, Ethan’ he thinks back) that he introduces himself. And when her plump lips turn up into a smile, Grayson pretends to not notice how screwed he is.

—-

Conversation flows smoothly between the two of them after that. Grayson explains the situation with his original flight and his plans to surprise his mom for mother’s day while Harlow talks about her little brother and the birthday party she helped plan for him this weekend. They talk for so long that their conversation turns from typical discussion to hushed whispers to not disturb the other sleeping passengers. They finally pause for a break when the beverage attendant stops at their row.

Harlow’s honestly glad for the lull in conversation as it gives her time to reflect over what she’s learned. Grayson appears to be very humble despite being heavily involved in the influencer scene in Los Angeles, something Harlow desperately tries to stay far away from herself. Also, despite being one of the hottest guys she’s ever seen, he seems to be so shy that it’s endearing. She notices he stumbles over words, getting so excited about their conversations that he trips himself up.

“So in LA, what do you do for fun? Any friends? Boyfriend?” He asks coolly, trying not to be obvious about his intentions (which makes it so much more apparent in Harlow’s eyes) as he drinks his diet root-beer.

“I work for a high- fashion company doing PR, so I’m always there. I have a couple close friends, but since I’m working so much, I haven’t had that much time for a relationship or finding a guy worth making time for.” Harlow sighs wistfully.

“Ah, that makes sense about the magazine.” He nods, trying to hide his excitement. This situation seems to be working more and more in his favor. “And what guy would be worth making time for?”

“I don’t know honestly. It just seems that all the guys I run into in LA are beyond superficial. All my dates have just been talking about how many followers they have on Instagram or TikTok and just end in hookups. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just hard when you want something more, you know?” She shrugs. And as much as Grayson hates to admit it, he does know. Hell, he’s probably been that guy once or twice in his younger years. Still, as he grows older, he craves the same things Harlow does: intimacy, connection, emotion. He takes another swallow of his drink before responding.

“Yeah, I mean hookups and one-night stands are great in the moment, but it’s hard when you just have love you want to give. It’s even harder now that my brother’s dating someone, ya know. Seeing someone you’re close with have what you want; it’s kinda hard not to be jealous.” He shares, hoping she relates and doesn’t think he’s weird for telling so much to someone he met a few hours earlier.

Harlow sits with that for a second before responding, “And what girl would you want to give your love to?” She whispers.

’Someone like you.’ Grayson thinks. But before he could make the bold confession, the plane announces its descent.

——

Grayson realizes almost immediately that he wasn’t paying that much attention to the flight details because the fact that there was a layover in Colorado flew over his head. He lets Harlow pass by him to stand in the aisle and grabs both his and her carry-on to take off the plane. As Grayson stands behind her (and tries not to stare at how incredible her ass looks in her leggings), he does what he’s best at: forming a game-plan. He realizes that a girl like Harlow is too good to let go. So, he figures he could grab a coffee with her, get her number, and plan a date for when they both are back in LA. He smiles, already thinking of the story he’ll get to tell Ethan when he gets to Jersey. As they both slowly move into the terminal, Harlow turns back to Grayson with a bright smile. He smiles back before asking —

“Do you want to get coffee?” He can’t help his heart from swelling as she bites her lip, a habit he notices she does a lot.

“Good, I thought you weren’t going to ask.” She laughs. “Wait here though, I have to run to the restroom.”

He nods, handing Harlow her carry-on. He sits down and pulls out his phone, already texting Ethan that he met his future soulmate.

Five minutes pass: He’s got the future planned out: the wedding, the kids, the farmland in Jersey and the tiny-home in Australia.

Ten minutes pass: He starts to get worried, but figures Harlow can handle herself.

Thirty minutes pass: He considers sending someone to the bathroom to check on her.

Two hours passed: He’s already cased the domestic airline terminal twice, looking for her dark curly hair.

It’s not until the final call of flight 437-A to New Jersey that he understands: Harlow’s not coming back for him. And he can’t help it when his heart splits into two.

#grayson dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan x y/n #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan blurb #dolan twins x reader #dolan twins x y/n #dolan twins fic #dolan twins blurb #grayson dolan oc #grayson dolan x oc #grayson dolan oc fic #grayson dolan oc blurb #blazedwritings

93 notes · View notes

onlyyyariii · 3 years

Text

My Alpha

Part three

Liana’s POV

*******

As we walked out into the vast field of training men, women, and children, they all turned to stare at us. Some were whispering to one another. I couldn't hear what they were saying however Ethan did.

"Hey," he shouted, "Shut up! No one cares what you have to say! And I would never!" he growls at the end.

I looked at his face. His once beautiful hazel eyes turned to a dark brown. A scowl prominent on his face. The people all quiet immediately although a few mutters of 'sorry alpha' could be heard. His eyes stay dark. I reach up and turn him to face me. Eyes immediately softening as he looks down at me.

"You don't have to yell at them." I say lightly, not wanting to make him angry.

"Trust me if you heard the things they were saying you'd yell too."

"What did they say?"

He sighs deeply, "They were wondering how long it'd take until I refused you. Until my-"

He stopped, seeming to be struggling with the next words that were about to leave his mouth. Looking away from me, he finished.

"Until my wolf kills you."

I gasp. I thought that the mate thing- I thought he wouldn't be able to kill me. I thought his wolf loved me. If his wolf didn't want me then why was I here?

"Your wolf doesn't want me?" I mumble, knowing he'll hear me anyway.

"He does. He wants you more than anything."

We continue walking in silence. What does his wolf look like? I knew what werewolves looked like in movies but there was no way that's what real wolves were. Ethan walked up ahead of me as we were now walking through the woods. Turning around every so often to make sure I was still behind him, I'd catch a glimpse at his eyes. They were now back to the hazel I've grown to love. I feel like I could spend all day looking into his eyes. Not noticing that Ethan had stopped I continued walking only to bump into a hard surface.

"Ow." I rub my nose as I look at his back.

Moving to his side I see a clearing of beautiful flowers. Wildflowers flashed through my mind as I now walked into the field. Turning around I smiled at Ethan who stayed where he stood. I walk up to him grabbing his hand and pulling him into the field with me. I fall down and lay on a bunch of violets. Ethan stands above me with a look of confusion on his face. I pat the spot beside me and he quickly lays down. Turning over to lay on my stomach I place my arms out in front of me and cross them, letting my chin rest just by my elbow. I look at Ethan. His eyes closed, his chest rising and falling with his soft breaths. He looks at peace. I find myself staring at his beauty. His jawline is sharp, his nose is perfectly shaped, and his lips are full. Here I am, lying in front of this gorgeous man and not doing anything about it. I believe, with no doubt in my mind, he's more attractive than Aaron.

Looking back up towards his eyes I find him looking at me as well. He's looking at me with such curiosity. Before I can register what I'm doing, I find myself moving closer to him. He sits up and moves closer also. His eyes glance down towards my lips and I let out a shaky breath. He's leaning in and closing his eyes. Before I can stop myself I begin talking.

"Can I see him?" I blurt out.

He stops moving altogether. I don't move my face away. He lets out a deep breath, the warmth fanning my face. He smells so good. I close my eyes and breath in.

"Who? Who do you want to see?"

I open my eyes to see he hasn't moved either. He's looking right into my eyes. His eyes are a deep chocolate brown.

"Y-your w-wolf."

He frowns, "I really don't think-"

"Please. Please let me. I won't get scared." I beg.

I don't know what prompted me to beg him.

"Okay," he stands, "you might want turn around." he blushed.

"Why?"

"I have to get naked."

"Oh! Of course. I'm sorry." I turn around blushing.

"This may sound bad. But I promise you I'm alright."

I stay turned until I hear cracking. My face scrunches up as I can only imagine the pain. I feel a soft lick on my cheek. Opening my eyes I see him. My eyes widen at his beauty. His eyes look into mine as I reach up and rub behind his ear. He lets out a soft purr, letting me know that he likes it. His fur is the darkest black. He nuzzles into my hand. I let out a soft laugh as he looks at me. Ethan lays down in the grass by my legs and rolls on his back. His tongue flops out of his mouth.

"You want me to rub your belly?" I say, as if I'm talking to a dog.

He looks at me and whines. I laugh and run my hands through the fur on his belly. I sigh sitting back down after petting him for five minutes. He gets up and lays his head in my lap. I look down at him with sad eyes. He whines and looks up at me. He gets up and sniffs my face. I give him a sad smile. He's not mine. No matter how much I want him to be I'm still with Aaron. I have to break up with Aaron before I can get anymore attached to Ethan. I'm brought out of my thoughts by a big wet tongue running from my chin to my forehead.

"Ew Ethan!" I cry out, laughter erupting from my body.

Even in his wolf form he's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Can we go back now? I have to get back to my house to get a few things."

He nuzzles my leg and I turn around. This time silence follows until I feel a hand on my shoulder. Turning around I'm met once again with those beautiful hazel eyes.

"Let's get going."

He grabs my hand and continues to walk back to the pack.

*******

We get to meet Grayson soon 😳😳😳

Taglist: @grantzarrr @blindedbythelightt @fangdolan

#dolan twins #ari’s fic recs #oc #ethan dolan #madisonrosemorrison #lianamariesummers #ari’s masterlist #my alpha

6 notes · View notes

wildflowergrant · 5 years

Text

initials of you || ethan dolan x reader

A/n: whoooo!!! first fic on this blog. pls give me feedback I would love it a lot.

Summary: You never were of a fan of people getting initials or names of their significant other tatted on them, but that is exactly what Ethan did.

warnings: cursing

Grayson was about to go and get a tattoo next and of course, Ethan said he’ll go with him even though he didn’t know what to get. But then, he thought of one that’ll make his girlfriend hate him (for only like a day). Your initials tatted right on his ankle. He remembers what she said a few months ago when he was thinking on what to get as a tattoo

“I don’t know, Ethan.” You said while tossing around the bed. “It’s late. Just ask Grayson.” “But Gray doesn’t have the same style as me. He’s going to give me something colorful and it’ll ruin my vibe.”

“Hm I don’t know E I can talk about it in the morning when my brain can give you a good answer. Right now let’s just sleep.” Your eyes were slowly shutting into sleep until you felt he started talking again.

“Maybe I should get your initials tatted on me..” Your eyes opened wide and you sat up facing him. “NO” He starts to laugh at your sudden movements then went on saying “Why, what’s the big deal? I was joking anyway.”

“I don’t know, i just feel like it’ll jinx our relationship if you get it. I see all those guys with girl’s names tatted on them and they’re like ‘oh, yea we broke up.’ And I don’t want that to happen to us.”

“Ok, I guess I have a superstitious girlfriend.” you roll your eyes while he lays down on the bed and pulled you closer. “But now I’m ready to sleep. We’ll think of one tomorrow.”

He started smiling at the thought of it and decided that he’ll buy a custom temporary tattoo of the initials when he gets there and make a prank video about it.

The day came and in the morning, he grabbed one of the cameras and went into the guest house to do the intro.

“Hey guys, by the title of this video you would already know that I’m going to prank my girlfriend with her initials tatted on me. I already know that she will hate it because she told me a while back that she won’t allow me to do that.” He was talking with a mischievous grin the whole entire time. “Oh yeah, I’m in our guest house right now because she’s still sleeping in our bed and I don’t want her to wake up and find out. And today she’s going out to brunch with her friends which is perfect so Gray and I will go to after she leaves.” He stops recording and goes back to the house where you were already getting ready in the bathroom.

________________________________

At the tattoo place (i forgot what we call it ahhh), Grayson already got his tattoo and Ethan got an actual tattoo on his thigh. But it was time to go back because Y/N was about to come home soon.

(In the car)

Ethan pulls out his camera. “Ok guys, we just came back from getting new tattoos and we’re rushing because I need to do something before Y/N gets home.”

“Guys, I don’t even know what he’s doing he just rushed us out there and now he’s telling me to drive faster, which I can’t” Grayson said while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Trust me, Gray. Do it for Y/N. You’ll find out when we get home.”

And soon enough, they got home and he brought the temporary tattoo to the kitchen where Grayson was standing. His eyes went wide and even in the camera you could see the fumes coming out of his nose and ears.

“ETHAN! SHES GOING TO FREAK OUT!” E started laughing.

“Exactly, that’s the whole point of the prank. Plus, it’s temporary so it’ll come off.”

“Well, I already know that you’re going to ask me to help you put it on, but I’m not going to help you.” “Why?” “Because I don’t want any part in this. Bro, she’s going to get so mad at not only you, but even me.” Which is true, because although you seemed like you couldn’t even hurt a fly, when you get mad, you get mad.

Ethan rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom to try and put it on successfully. After reading the directions for the longest time he put it on and waited for a few minutes.

“Okay guys, I think it’s done.” He peels of the paper off and his jaw drops “Ohhohho my god guys… It looks so real.” He shows the full view of the tattoo. It was a small tattoo on his ankle with the other cluster of his tattoos. It was in a simple font and he actually thought that it looked so good that he wanted to get it permanently tatted on. But he had to see your reaction first.

He showed Gray and all he did was shake his head and roll his eyes. Ethan went to put on saran wrap to make it look more real and give the impression that he really just got it. After about five minutes, you came back and he was just casually sitting in the living room, hiding cameras all around the room and your guys’ room.

“Hey, E I’m back. How was it?” You asked while sitting next to him on the couch kissing him on the cheek and waiting to see it.

“Good, do you want to see it? You’ll really like it.” You were smiling and he put up his ankle and began to take off the saran wrap. When you saw it, it took a while to figure out it was. But then, your face was slowly fading from a smile to a mixture of anger and disappointment.

Your hand goes to cover your mouth then they both go up. “You got my initials tatted on you?! What the fuck Ethan!” He starts laughing a bit because he can’t keep it in. “Don’t you dare laugh. You already know that I didn’t want my initials on you.” You say standing up and pointing your finger at him. Gray tries to pass through the hall to go to his own room where he will be safe from you, but you already saw him. When both your eyes met, Grayson knew this was the end for him. No reasoning will make you not mad at him.

“And you! You were with him and you still let him get that?!” there was poison in your voice and fear in his eyes.”I-I-”

“That’s right, no explanation. I am so disappointed and frustrated with you guys… my god.” Ethan looked at each of the cameras in the room with his turtle face as you were walking to your guys’ shared room.

“Y/N, wait. Come on it’s not a big deal. And it’s not like I’m going to break up with you; I want to stay with you.” “It’s not that, E. It is a big deal. And I know that we will stay together but it just makes me anxious that we will end up like those couples that will break up and you will still end up with that. It just makes me think abut stuff I don’t want to think about and that tattoo doesn’t help.” And with that you shut the door.

“Babe, hold on.” With a smile still on his face, he goes into the bathroom and washes the tattoo off, pics up one of the cameras, and goes back to the door of the bedroom. “Open the door, Y/N. It was just a temporary tattoo.”

“… are you kidding me.” You didn’t open the door but it could be heard through the door. “No I’m not. Now please let me talk to you.” A few seconds later the door opens. You saw the camera and immediately put your hands in embarrassment and went back to flop on the bed. You just snapped at both of them right in front of everyone.

Ethan pointed the camera at you and started laughing. “I can’t believe that actually worked oh my goooddd.”

“E, you literally scared me to death I was thinking like ‘oh my god how am I going to live with this.’” Both of you started laughing. “Aww I’m sorry Y/N. But you went off.” You smiled and looked up at him. “Damn, I did, didn’t I.” You saw Grayson peeking through, still obviously slightly frightened from you a few minutes ago. “Gray, I’m so sorry. But you should’ve seen the look on your face.” He went into the room. “Dude, I didn’t have an explanation because I was going to spoil the prank. And E gave me the most threatening stare.”

“I even said that I didn’t want to help him with any of this because I didn’t want you to get mad at me or anything, which ended up with you still getting mad at me.” Ethan cut him off before he could say anything.

“Ok ok I think that’s enough for you so get out and let me talk to my girl.” And he pushed Gray out, closed the door, and stopped recording. He jumped on the bed and wrapped his arms around you. “I’m sorry” “It’s ok. Just don’t ever scare me like that ever again.” “Ok.” He kissed you on the neck. “Let’s stay like this. It’s comfortable.”

He could see you go on twitter and type:

Ethan got me good guys. He got me good.

He smiled to himself but didn’t say anything about it.

“Yeah I did.” He said aloud shouting in your ear.

You did an immediate faceplam.

A/n: AHHHHH IM SO MAD AT HOW THIS ENDED IDK ITS JUST AWKWARD T.T tell me how you guys like it

Tag List: Tell me if you guys want to be in my tag list!

263 notes · View notes

northstarfan · 4 years

Text

Mag7 AU: Dead Man Banging

So, @lazaefair and I did a thing.

Spinning out of this post, the fandom now has a Mag7/24 Hours To Live not-fic. (24 Hours to Live is currently on Netflix. It is... a lot of not great, but Ethan Hawke gets to be a shirtless, beaten-down human disaster with soulful eyes. That's plot bunny Viagra right there.)

Also, the name of this particular AU is by @hellolittleogre, and it's just too perfect. Thank you, hon! <3

Third twist: Travis’s hallucinations of his wife and kid start getting intercut with hallucinations of Billy.

Fourth twist: The Company decides to test just how long Doc Helen's refined procedure works. They turn off the kill switch and just put Billy and Travis in a room together to see how long it takes before Travis just up and dies.

(None of them - Billy and Travis included - have put two and two together that love-related hormones have been fucking with the revivication cycle; Billy's just allowed on because the presence of his fuck buddy/partner keeps Travis more tractable.)

Travis is ready to chew rocks and spit sand because he assumes Billy's been strong-armed into this. Billy shrugs and says he volunteered.

Yes, Billy started fucking Travis after he found out Travis is technically dead. It’s against his better judgment; the association with necrophilia is unavoidable, and people in their line of work who have or develop anything that messes with their impulse control - like strong sexual fetishes - end up dead very fast. So he successfully ignores his attraction for a couple missions.

And then after yet another narrow escape Goodnight spouts off something about how "You make me feel alive again" only phrased much more stupidly poetically while they're squashed together into a very small hiding place and he— Billy can feel the warmth of Goodnight's body seeping into his side, can hear and feel his chest moving as he breathes, can smell the tang of his sweat and blood, knows if he touched Goodnight's skin his hand would come away slick with that sweat. Absolutely nothing about him suggests that he'll be a corpse in half a day, everything about him says that he's alive. And his whisky-hoarse voice brushes so softly at Billy's ear...

Travis has his own hesitancies about getting emotionally involved too - his wife and kid were killed by his old outfit, and his best friend was in on it. They made it look like a revenge killing, but it was really all about trying to keep Travis in the game when he was thinking about getting out of it for his family. (Had the opposite effect, hence the human disaster period.)

But in the end... fuck, what does he have to lose? (Or so he tells himself. He knows the answer.)

Extra points if Billy is Travis’s first time with a guy.

But it's Billy. Billy is his soulmate across the fandom multiverse, so their first time is surprisingly easy, for all that it's in some dank bolthole of a safe house and neither of them can ever forget the clock that's always ticking down. But Billy's plastered all along his front, intense, ferocious, dragging Goodnight with him into passionate pleasure with the same uncompromising focus he brings to his work, and hey wow, dead or not, apparently Goodnight is really into that.

All tangled up in each other on a narrow mattress, nerves humming with the kind of contentment touch-starved Billy hasn't felt in a long time, and Travis hadn't figured he'd ever feel again. The bruises Billy's left on his biceps are almost as satisfying as his first tattoos. Even if no one ever gives the order to wake him up again, at least he had a choice in that much.

After that day, and after a few more missions where he revives to Billy's voice and Billy's face, his hallucinations start coming on later and later in the cycle. He's winding down much later and more slowly. Until there's one mission where - of course you can't say anything with absolute, 100% scientific certainty - but that's the mission where it looks an awful lot like the only reason Travis dies at the end is because of the kill switch, not because of the drugs metabolizing.

(I am 100% here for "Death itself is held at bay by true love" in this ridic wannabe-John Wick setting. XD)

But regardless, that curiosity as to why the treatments are lasting longer is how he and Billy end up in a glass-fronted room, watching garbage TV on the overhead, shooting the shit, and playing cards to pass the time. Until the hallucinations start. The Boss wants to pull Billy out then; even unarmed, Travis is dangerous. Doc Helen wants to wait and see how it plays out. First round of brainfuckery ends with Travis' face hidden against Billy's shoulder, shuddering as he uses the familiarity of his partner's scent to try and ground himself in the here and now.

(The penny doesn’t drop for anyone even then; no one in the business is at all body-shy - can’t afford to have hang-ups in life-and-death situations - especially if they work with a partner.)

Second round is quieter - Travis goes into a fugue and stares into space for a while, before he abruptly jolts out of it. Doesn't say a damn thing, just joins Billy on the cot and goes back to watching Blue Planet. He's a little wobbly, even seated. Billy's shoulder picks up the slack again.

Billy is controlling himself to a degree even he rarely has to reach for; he desperately wants to curl around Goody and kiss him and touch him the way lovers touch each other, make Goody feel at least a little more protected. But he can’t do that, obviously. And then at the same time he still has to stay relaxed and comforting for Goody's sake, minimize the stress Goody might sense in him. Without going outside the bounds of platonic affection. While watching Goody die in front of him. More slowly than usual, sure, but he recognizes the same progression.

He's seen his partner dead. He's never had to stand by and watch him take that last breath. Sometimes the hand-off to the doc - Helen - has been with minutes to spare, with Goodnight barely on his feet. Not this time. He's here for the duration. He doesn't know how many times Goodnight has been through this. He can be there for him this once. He'll hold it together, for Goody's sake.

Goody shudders against him, a quiet spasm. Billy squeezes his shoulder, resists the urge to stroke his face.

"It's all right. Don't think about it."

“Doubt it’s a walk in the park for you, either,” Goody mumbles quietly into Billy’s shoulder. “Just feels like passin’ out on my end, these days. But you’re gonna feel my heart stop.”

Billy contemplates him for a long moment, thinking all the things he can’t say, not in front of the cameras and mics, not in front of the blank stretch of two-way glass.

He finally settles on a deliberate, exaggeratedly dismissive, “Eh. I’ll live.”

Goody shakes against him again, but from laughter this time. “Jesus H. Christ, Rocks, that’s cold, even for you. Didn’t know you had it in you,” and Billy snickers with him. Neither of them mention the faint whistle in Goody’s voice or the fainter rattle in his lungs.

"Son of a bitch," Goodnight mutters, lingering laughter twisting the curse into affection. "No wonder the fish don't like you."

Billy blinks. This is new. "What?"

"Something my father-in-law told me once. Explaining why I was so shit at fishing. Animals are drawn to the light of men's souls or some shit. And I don't have a soul, so I never could catch a fucking fish."

"Gee, thanks." Goodnight's fully resting against him now; Billy shrugs hard enough to jostle him in retaliation. "Asshole."

"Two of a kind..." He sits up with a jolt. His tired eyes are wide and confused as he glances around the room. "Shit. Shit. Rocks, what are you doing here?" He tries to stand and somehow manages it.

"Hey. Goodnight." Billy can see his partner's pulse hammering stubbornly away in his throat. "Hey. Sit back down. I'm supposed to stay with you, remember?"

"They're going to be home soon... you can't be here. Shit."

Billy almost asks, but the answer comes to him. The wife and kid. Goody never even says their names, but he's told Billy what happened to them. He's hallucinating a memory. It's on the tip of his tongue to tell Goodnight that they're dead. But there's no point. He'll remember soon enough.

"You're right. I'm not here," he murmurs. "I'm your fucked up mind playing tricks on you. So just relax and wait until your family gets in, all right?"

He’s expecting a repeat of the first round of hallucinations, braces himself against it. Instead, he gets an uncertain look and a long exhale, and then the line of Goody’s shoulders smooths out and he smiles all wry and lopsided at Billy. Billy ignores his heart flopping over in his chest and looks back up at him, steady and waiting.

“Well,” Goody says, almost to himself, “I’ve had uglier hallucinations show up on my couch, I guess. And you...” he reaches out suddenly, rests the tips of his fingers on the side of Billy’s neck with a tiny caress that sends arousal quicksilvering through Billy’s veins, bright and shocking. Like he’s a fucking teenager again. He manages to keep his eyes open, but it’s a close call. “You feel near enough to real it almost don’t make a difference. Wish we could...”

His eyes are fucking gorgeous even under the shitty fluorescent lighting. Blue and vital. Billy holds himself ruthlessly still. “Could what?”

(Have we stumbled on this fandom’s very first fuck or die scenario?)

(I think we may have created a whole new one - fuck and die. On repeat. XD)

"I wish we could have known each other out in the world, man," Goodnight sighs. "Before everything went to shit. When I could still stand the sound of my own fucking name. You ever seen the Keys?"

His hand is still on Billy's neck; he can feel his own pulse against Goody's fingers, the subtle electricity running between the two of them.

"I never got that far south," he manages. He wants to take Goody out of this fucking room and let him have some kind of dignity. He wants to curl up around him and keep him safe while the clock ticks down. He doesn't want to think of how he's thrown his heart for dogs to tear, falling for this ghost of a man. They just... need to get through this.

"You should go. Fishing's shit, but... sunlight and sand and wide, blue ocean. You'd like it." He quiets for a time. "Kate and Adam aren't coming. I know that."

"All right, Goody." He squeezes Goodnight's wrist. The kill switch embedded in Goody's flesh is cold, even under a layer of skin. He commits the names of the dead to memory. "Sorry. Thought it'd be good for you to forget a while."

"I don't. Not really." Another span of quiet, longer this time. "How long's it been?"

"I don't know. Longer than a day, I guess. You're doing all right. I haven't had to carry your ass anywhere, at least." Billy grins when Goodnight snorts a laugh. "Tell The Boss to send you along with a suitcase next time, just in case." Because he's not leaving Goody behind again now that he knows, not ever.

#mag7 #billy rocks #goodnight robicheaux #goodnight x billy #dead man banging au

28 notes · View notes

fandomgarbitch · 6 years

Text

Faking It (Ethan Dolan)

@spiffydolan requested: maybe something based around the prompt “in my defense, I didn’t know how invested I was going to get when I said yes.”

“wait you did what?” Ethan asked looking at me.

“I told my cousin we were dating.” I said flopping on his bed.

“why did you do that?” Ethan asked flopping down next to me.

“ugh, she just makes me so angry, she always has to be better at everything than me, including boys, and well it just kind of slipped. Can’t you just pretend for one family picnic?” I begged giving him my puppy dog eyes.

“when even is it?” He asked looking at me.

“it’s sort of tonight.” I said hopeful.

“Tonight? I was supposed to take Hollie out, you know my actual girlfriend.” Ethan said.

oh great.

“oh, that’s fine I’ll uh just tell her I lied, thanks anyways.” I said getting up to leave.

I heard Ethan sigh from behind me.

“wait.” Ethan called.

I stopped in the doorway and turned towards him.

“I’ll do it.” He sighed.

“really?” I asked turning towards him.

“yeah, I mean that’s what best friends do right?” He said as if he were unsure of himself.

“It means a lot, I’ll see you later.” I said smiling.

I wasn’t even completely out the door when my phone lit up with a text from Ethan.

Ethan: how do we even fake date? Do we have to kiss I don’t want to cheat on Hollie? What do I do with my hands?

I laughed at his questions before quickly typing a reply

: just like real dating, except it’s not real. No we don’t have to kiss, and you can just hold my hand, just enough to convince her we’re dating.

I smiled as I got ready for our family picnic. It was a few hours later and everyone started to arrive to the park including my very annoying cousin.

“hi where’s your boyfriend?” She asked as soon as got out of the car.

“uh he’ll be here.” I said a little intimidated.

I came earlier with my parents so Ethan had more time to prepare.

“we’ll see about that.” She said rolling her eyes.

I’ve never had a boyfriend before so she didn’t exactly believe that I had one now. I quickly sent Ethan a text.

: where are you? my cousin is already getting on my nerves!

I quickly received a reply.

Ethan: almost there don’t worry I’m going to be the best fake boyfriend you have ever had.

I sighed, gosh I hope this works. I bit my nails nervously as I waited for Ethan. He rolled up wearing a dress shirt and tie, some black jeans and his nicest shoes. I resisted the urge to face palm as he got out the car.

“what are you wearing?” I whispered yelled to him.

“oh this, it’s nothing.” He shrugged.

I bit my lip as I looked at him. I couldn’t deny that he looked super hot. Wait, did I just call my bestfriend hot?

“let’s just please make this convincing.” I said.

“convincing is my middle name, babe.” Ethan said smirking.

Oh god here we go. I sighed before lacing my fingers with Ethan’s and dragging him to the gathering. Ethan politely said hello to my family.

“so he is real.” A voice said coming from behind me.

I turned around giving her my fakest smile, but before I could talk Ethan spoke up.

“I’m Ethan, its nice to finally meet you.” Ethan smiled shaking her hand.

“Ethan is it? how long have you guys been dating?” she asked eyeing him

“a year.” I said.

“eight months.” Ethan said at the same time.

“a year and eight months.” Ethan corrected smiling.

Damn he was good. She was about to respond when Ethan interrupted her.

“that reminds me beautiful, I have a surprise for you in my car.” Ethan said dragging me towards his car.

I could hear the clicking of heels which meant my cousin was following. We got to Ethan’s car and he pulled out a bouquet of roses from the front seat. I instantly felt a blush rise to my cheeks.

“what are these for?” I asked completely forgetting about the fake dating thing.

“because you make me super happy.” He said kissing my rosy red cheek.

“wow thank you, no one has ever done anything this nice for me before.” I said looking at the roses.

“well I am your boyfriend remember?” Ethan said giving me a look.

“uh yeah of course thanks boyfriend.” I said giving him a hug.

“wow, that’s sweet my boyfriends have never done anything that nice for me.” my cousin said huffing.

I tried to bite down a laugh. She was jealous.... of me.

“let’s go get food, I’m starving.” Ethan said grabbing my hand and pushing past my cousin.

Ethan continued to be really sweet throughout the day. He told me I looked beautiful more than once, he held my hand and kissed it every so often. He made me laugh and in return laughed at all of my jokes. I kind of felt sad. Sad that it wasn’t real, that this was all just pretend.

“I’ll be right back.” Ethan said kissing my forehead and heading towards the bathroom.

As soon as he left his seat was overtaken by my cousin.

“you know for being so happily in love, I haven't seen you guys kiss yet?” She said looking at her perfect polished finger nails.

“we don’t want to kiss in front of family.” I said easily.

“do you really think I’m that stupid?” She asked looking at me.

“excuse me?” I scoffed.

“lets be real for a second, a guy like Ethan with a girl like you? I’m sorry but I don’t believe it for a single second. He’s way too good for you.” She said degrading me.

I could feel my face heat up and tears were threatening to spill from my eyes.

“do we have a problem here?” Ethan asked standing there with his arms crossed.

“no, what makes you think that?” my cousin said sweetly.

“you’re wrong about her you know.” Ethan said.

I looked up at him confused, matching the look my cousin had.

“if anything she’s too good for me. She’s smart, funny, and so beautiful, but that isn’t even the half of it. I love how selfless she is, she always puts other people first and never expects anything in return. I love how she can turn any situation in to something positive just by her attitude. I love the feeling I get when I’m around her, it’s something that I could never quite describe. Your totally wrong about her and wrong about us.” He said.

I stood there with my mouth hung open blushing like an idiot. Did Ethan really mean those things?

“kiss her then.” my cousin scoffed.

Ethan didn’t even pause for a second. He came over wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his lips. His lips were so soft as they moved with mine. I felt a feeling in my stomach that was hard to describe. I saw from the corner of my eye my cousin stomping away in annoyance. I broke the kiss with Ethan as soon as she was out of sight. I felt empty as soon as his lips left mine.

“wow you should’ve seen her face.” I said laughing.

“It was priceless.” He laughed.

Ethan and I decided to leave after that. We joked the whole ride home about how jealous my cousin was. Our laughter died down and there was an awkward silence as he pulled in to my driveway.

“uh thank you for everything you did today.” I said nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“are you kidding me? I live for this shit.” Ethan said smiling.

I was about to get out when I suddenly had a jolt of confidence to ask him something that was weighing heavily on my mind.

“Ethan, did you really mean what you said back there about me?” I asked biting my lip.

“about you being smart, funny, beautiful, selfless, bubbly, and overall amazing? Of course I meant every word.” He said smiling at me.

I could feel my breath getting heavier as Ethan and I looked at each other. Ethan looked at me and then my lips. He started to lean in and so did I. I could almost feel his lips touching mine when a loud ringtone went off. Ethan and I quickly pulled apart, looking down with red cheeks.

“it’s uh Hollie, I better go.” Ethan said showing me his phone where his caller idea said girlfriend with a heart.

I shook my head before getting out of the car.

“uh thanks again.” I said clearing my throat.

“you’re welcome.” He said before driving away.

what was happening? were Ethan and I about to kiss for real this time? was it real the first time? I mean I know we were pretending but the way he kissed me was different, I felt different. I couldn’t sleep as a million thoughts raced through my mind. I never thought of Ethan as anything other than my best friend but here I was keeping myself up at night with the thoughts of him. I looked at my clock on the nightstand which now read 3:04 AM.

“I wonder if you’re thinking about me too?” I asked nobody.

As soon as the words left my lips I heard a light knocking on the window. I quickly got out of bed and went over to my window. Ethan stood there waiting to be let in. I quickly opened the window.

“Ethan it’s three in the morning what are you doing here?” I asked stepping aside so he could come in.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He said simply.

“so you’re just going to climb through my window at three in the morning?” I asked looking at him.

“in my defense, I didn’t know how invested I was going to get when I said yes.” He said simply.

“wait what are you talking about?” I asked confused.

“I’m talking about this.” Ethan said before crashing his lips on to mine.

I immediately kissed him back, craving that feeling that I got earlier. I then remembered about his girlfriend and quickly pushed him off.

“Ethan we can’t what about Hollie?” I asked looking at him.

“I broke up with her.” He said simply.

“but why?” I asked.

“because do you remember what I said before, that I love the feeling I get when I’m around you, it’s something that I could never quite describe, Well I can describe it now. I knew when I kissed you.” He said quietly.

“knew what?” I said my face dangerously close to his.

“that I was never faking it.” He said kissing my lips again.

NO MORE REQUESTS AT THIS TIME.

#ethan dolan #ethan grant dolan #ethan dolan imagines #ethan dolan imagine #grayson dolan #grayson bailey dolan #grayson and ethan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan imagines #the dolan twins #the dolan twins imagine #the dolan twins imagines #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine

961 notes · View notes

imaginedolanscribbles · 7 years

Text

Fine

Ethan x reader

warnings: none (maybe underage drinking? depends on where you’re from though)

words:4.838

note: this isn’t as fluffy and happy as my other imagines! there’s no happy ending and quite a bit of hurt … hope you still like it?

When Ethan mentions her the first time, you don’t really notice anything. Only in hindsight, you realize how your world shifted that day and it never shifted back into its previous position since.

You’re playing scrabble with Gray – which is always really fun because he tends to forget that spelling is his weakness – when Ethan comes in, his hair dripping wet from the shower he just took.

Gray is only halfway listening, the tip of his tongue peeking out between his lips, his brow furrowed as he tries to lay the word ‘visible’. The second ‘i’ is an ‘a’, though, which you would’ve pointed out had Ethan not started talking at that moment.

“Hey, where’s the grey vans sweater?” He runs his fingers through his hair, until it’s flopping to the side. The first dark strands have sprung back into curls already.

“Uh … left it somewhere in the bathroom”, Grayson replies distractedly while squinting at his spelling, like he can tell there’s something wrong with it. “Why?” “I wanna wear it”, Ethan shrugs, already on the way out. “Obviously.”

Gray frowns and switches the ‘l’ and ‘e’ up. “But it’s mine.”

“It still looks good on me”, Ethan smirks looking over Gray’s shoulder.

“Hot date?”, you tease and send an overexaggerated wink his way. He snorts in laughter, warmth spreading over you like a safety blanket.

“Something like that”, he nods and claps Gray’s shoulder. Your stomach drops at his words and you have to fight to keep your smile in place.

“Whoa, hey, do I know her?”, Gray turns around to him and Ethan pauses in the doorway.

“The one we ran into at that ice cream place you dragged me to.”

Gray thinks for a moment. “Latina-girl in the yoga pants?”

“Her name’s Ana”, Ethan laughs. You’re almost sure his cheeks are a bit pinker than before.

“Behave!”, Gray orders him sternly, but Ethan just flips him off and vanishes through the door.

Your fingers are numb as you resume playing and only hours later do you realize you never corrected Gray’s ‘visable’.

oooo

“Stop touching your hair!” Gray slaps Ethan’s hand hard enough for the noise to make some heads turn your way.

The three of you are in a small café Ana picked out. No one has met her yet, but Ethan was so awkward trying to arrange a meeting that you’re almost surprised it is taking place at all.

It wasn’t your suggestion to join them, but Gray thought it would maybe relieve the tension a bit if it wasn’t just Ethan’s twin brother Ana would meet, but also a close friend. Ethan looked so hopeful you couldn’t say no. His whole face lit up and he actually lifted you off your feet as he encased you in a tight hug. After he let you go there had been a faint sting in your chest, like there was something fragile located in your chest and he’d squeezed too hard and now it had a crack or something.

You helplessly smiled back as he grinned so wide, his cheeks had to start to hurt any second now.

You’re sitting across from Gray, who grabbed the chair next to Ethan the moment he sat down. Ethan’s hands are fidgeting in front of him and his lips twitch into a nervous smile when the waitress comes up and Gray explains you’re waiting for another friend. Gray has his hand on Ethan’s shoulder, just resting it there, like an anchor to remind Ethan he’s there. It feels like there’s a thousand bugs crawling in your stomach, and you’re almost ready to throw up. You just hope Ana is as great as Ethan says she is. Ethan deserves a nice girl, someone to cheer him up when he’s brooding again or being moody; someone to remind him not to worry so much all the time; someone to help him relax.

The door dings when it’s opened and Gray drops his hand casually to the menu lying in front of him. Ethan isn’t as smooth as he turns around in his seat to investigate who just entered the café, and yes, it’s her. You can tell from the way his eyes light up. It feels as though there’s a fist squeezing your heart a bit too tight as you nervously watch her approach.

She is beautiful. Of course she is. Her hair falls in soft, dark waves around her small frame, and you can see immediately what caught Ethan’s eye: she is practically buzzing with energy, her dimpled smile looks equally angelical and mischievous, and her eyes are big and dark and warm. Her walk is confident as she comes up to your table and tugs on Ethan’s snapback when he gets up and pecks her on the lips in greeting. They fit so well, you struggle even looking at them directly.

Her eyes linger on his face for a second and you can see she is just as infatuated with him, as he is with her. Your insides feel frozen under a thick layer of ice, but you remind yourself to be happy for him. She is everything you would want for him – well, almost. But you can’t very well let your own personal agenda stand in the way of his happiness, can you? This isn’t about you, it’s about what Ethan wants, what he chose for himself.

Ana’s cheeks are a little pink when she greets Grayson and you. Ethan’s arm is slung casually around her as she waves a bit awkwardly at the two of you. Grayson laughs and opens his arms for a hug, which she accepts with a shy smile. You follow Gray’s example and Ana seems a bit more at ease when you all sit down and order your drinks.

“So, are you … ?”, Ana asks halfway through her piece of chocolate cake, and gestures with her fork between you and Grayson.

You freeze for a moment and stare back at Gray’s wide eyes. Realization hits both of you at the same time and you laugh in unison. “Ah, no. No, we’re not – together or anything. I’m just a friend.”

“She’s one of our oldest friends, actually”, Ethan corrects and smiles warmly at you, making your insides twist. “We’ve been friends for years, she’s practically family.”

“Other than when she’s abandoning us to go to college and study”, Gray adds and pokes his tongue out at your pout.

You smile as wide as you can and shake your head, so they won’t see how static it feels on your face. It seems good enough for everyone, they all laugh and Gray reaches over to ruffle your hair. Ana’s eyes follow the exchgange closely and she even offers you a hairband when you try to tame the mess Gray made of your hair.

Their fingers are entwined when Ethan announces – to no one’s surprise – he’ll accompany her back home. She hugs you again and says: “It was really nice to meet you. Hope I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah”, you say, your throat painfully dry at her honest smile. Ethan actually found a real one, here, a girl who means what she says instead of hiding behind niceties and fake smiles.

Gray likes her too, and keeps talking about how proud he is of Ethan for having found Ana during the whole way back. “I mean, not that I don’t believe in him or anything, but … like, Ana? She’s great, she actually is. Funny and nice and easy going and everything. Ethan said she’s really into skateboarding even. I’m almost a bit jealous”, Gray laughs, his fingers drumming over the steering wheel. “They really fit. I hope this works out for him.”

“Me too”, you agree as you stare straight ahead through the window, feeling like you might throw up. The dread in your chest didn’t go away, if anything it grew more and more intense and you feel about ready to burst. Your fists close tightly and your eyes feel too dry, but you keep up the mantra in your head, reminding yourself to stop being so selfish. Why can’t you just be happy for him? That’s what real friends are supposed to do, after all. You should really get over yourself.

“You okay?”, Gray asks as he pulls up into your drive way. “You look a bit pale.”

“Think I’m coming down with something”, you mumble and throw a tight smile his way as you open the door. Your head is spinning as you step out, and you’recareful not to stumble. It feels like someone dropped a wagonload of ice blocks right into your stomach, transforming it into an icy, heavy weight pulling you towards the floor. Stop being dramatic.

“Hope you’re up and healthy again for next week, though”, Gray says, his forehead pulled into a worried frown. “You still planning that ‘good-bye party’?”

“Of course”, you say, but when you try another smile your stomach actually lurches. “It’s tradition, right?”

oooo

The ‘good-bye party’ is usually just an evening with your friends before everyone travels back to wherever their college is, until you meet again when the semester ends. You started it when you first moved out and now every time you come home you organize a get together with whoever is in your hometown at the time. Gray and Ethan have been there since the beginning and so far they haven’t missed a single one. You’re actually kind of looking forward to it. It’ll be just like old times.

You have everything ready, your family is away for the night – they know about the tradition, obviously, and always give you this one night just for you and your friends – and you have locked everything breakable away. Just now you’re hanging out at Ethan’s and Gray’s place since they promised to drive you and the load of food you bought at the supermarket right next to their place back to your house and help you set everything up.

You’re in the kitchen storing away the frozen chicken wings in their freezer, when there are suddenly two arms curling around your middle and you’re pressed to a broad chest. It’s Ethan. You immediately know it’s Ethan, from the way he smells just a bit different than Gray, and the way he nuzzles the back of your head. Gray always rests his chin on the top of your head. While Gray may be the more tactile one of the two, always touching, nudging, tickling, Ethan is the cuddlier one. He breathes in deep and lifts you off your feet for a second.

“I don’t want you to go”, he whines into your hair. You half heartedly try and free yourself from his grip, but his arms just squeeze you tighter. Your heart is fluttering in your chest and your cheeks are probably blazing red. As heavy as your heart has been feeling these past weeks, right now with his arms around you, his breath in your neck, so close to you, it feels light, lighter than ever before. “Why do you have to leave … it’s boring here without you.”

Don’t you have Ana now? You swallow but your throat still feels sore. “It’s college, I don’t really have a choice, E.”

“Yes”, he insists and you can hear his playful grin in his voice. “I can just lock you up here. Then you can never leave.”

“Apart from that pretty much being kidnapping I think I would bore you quite quickly”, you retort, fighting and failing to keep the corners of your mouth from pulling up in a helpless smile.

“Never”, Ethan chuckles and your heart feels almost mended now, all warm and just whole. Maybe … it has to mean something, right? All those touches and smiles and late night calls can’t mean nothing to him. Right? Maybe there might be a chance, he realizes … ?

Ethan lets go of you and sets you down to your feet softly. Your heart is fluttering in your chest and your head is spinning, torn between hopefulness and could he maybe … ? and don’t be stupid, you’re seeing things where there’s nothing on the other side.

And you’re tired. Tired of holding everything in and pasting fake smiles on your face until it feels like you’re suffocating unter the thick layer of fakeness. You’re done with acting and talking yourself down all the time. If there ever was atime to find out, it’s now – before you’re states away again for the upcoming semester. You’re in the process of turning around when you see Gray out of the corner of your eye, leaning against the doorframe, smirking at you just out of Ethan’s field of vision. He mouths “s’cute” to you and you grimace even though there’s warmth rushing through your veins and thawing every fiber that seemed frozen as of lately.

Then the doorbell rings.

“Hey, it’s okay I bring Ana along, yeah?”, Ethan says from behind you and you freeze. “I totally forgot to ask you, but I invited her as you guys got along so well last time. She was so happy when I invited her.”

You’re glad you’re not facing him, because you’re sure all the colour just drained out of your face. It feels like someone just dropped you into the vast emptyness of the universe, all the oxygen punched from your lungs, and your stomach just keeps dropping, deeper and deeper with no end in sight. You can feel your mouth drop open but no sound comes out, even though your hands shoot up to wrap around your middle like they’re trying to keep you together despite the fact you just got shattered into a million pieces (again).

“ … sure”, you manage to get out and it’s flat and breathless but Ethan doesn’t hear you anyway. He’s already rushing to open the door for Ana. You can’t move. Your feet seem to have frozen into blocks of ice and you can’t move, can’t breathe as your lungs have stopped working, you can’t even blink as reality hits you right across the face once more. You stare at the tiles in front of you, your vision gets blurry and for a moment you think it’s because of lack of oxygen before you realize it’s a hot, salty layer that obstructs your view.

There are footsteps. They’re not Ethan’s or Ana’s, you can hear them talking in the hallway. They’re Grayson’s. Shit. His socks come into your view and he’s talking to you, but you can’t register what he’s saying, not over the unrelenting chant of stupid, stupid, you’re so stupid, why did you get your hopes up in the first place, Ethan would never –

There’s a hand on your shoulder.

“You alright?” Grayson sounds concerned.

You force yourself to take a breath. It sounds hollow in your ears, but you’re too focused on keeping the tears from falling. “’m gonna throw up”, you gasp out and shoulder past him.

You don’t want to cross the hallway right by Ethan and Ana, so you stumble towards Gray’s room and lock yourself in his bathroom. You’re gasping for breath desperately as you double over and fall to your knees as soon as the lock clicked shut. Stupid, stupid … stupid heart, stupid feelings, stupid you.

Your knees are numb, you don’t even feel the impact, but you can hear your throaty cough echo from the tiles in disturbing clearness as you try and hold back the sobs fighting their way up your throat. You clench your teeth and curl into a ball on the floor, your nails digging into your palms as you focus on keeping in the sounds. You succeed, all you can hear now are irregular breaths, that hopefully won’t be audible from the other side of the door. You only realize how badly you’re shaking when you feel hot streaks running down your face, the tremors running down your body freeing them from where you’d held them in. Your vision clears but you don’t want to see, you don’t want to hear or even feel anything right now, so you close your eyes and let the silent sobs wrack through your body. Hot drops of salt keep falling until the side of your face that you’re resting on is drenched in them, and your teeth start hurting. That pain is easier to focus on, and you manage to take a few deep breaths. Your nails are digging sharply into your palms. You focus on each individual jolt of physical pain, just to forget the one that aches in your chest. Stupid, stupid, stupid …

There are knocks on the door.

“Hey!” It’s Gray. Still Gray. “If you don’t answer right now imma get Ethan to kick the door in.”

No. “I – I’m okay.” You wince at how wrecked your voice sounds.

Gray snorts. “Yeah right.”

“I am”, you insist and hold your breath when another silent sob shakes your body and a new wave of tears comes crashing down over you. You try desperately to breathe.

“Bullshit.” The way Gray says it is almost too soft.

You clench your eyes shut and press your forehead hard enough against the cool tiles that it hurts. “Go away.”

You can hear him sigh and then there’s a faint scratching sound when he slides down the door with his back against it. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and you actually manage to get up on your knees to grab some toilet paper and dry your face.

“I didn’t … I didn’t know.” Gray’s voice is almost inaudible. The wave of sympathy that seeps through the door hits you almost physically. Your eyes well up again and you dig your fingernails into your palms again, the sharp pain keeping you here. He didn’t know, but then you didn’t either, did you? You only realized when it was too late. Far too late. “I – I’m sorry.”

You have to wait a few seconds until you trust your voice to not break. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Your voice is rough and your nose is clearly blocked from the crying.

Gray sighs again and you’re pretty sure he’s tugging on his hair right now. He always tugs on his hair when he’s unhappy and doesn’t know what to do about it.

“Look, just … just leave me alone, okay”, you suggest and struggle to your feet. You don’t even look into the mirror, just soak a towel with ice cold water and lay it over your eyes to stop them from getting too puffy and red. “Just for a moment. I’ll … I’m gonna be out of here in a minute. Promise.”

He hesitates and this time your voice does break after all. “Please, Gray. Just … please?”

His footsteps retreat a moment later.

oooo

Ethan and Ana buy into your story of an upset stomach, but you can’t even look at Gray the whole ride to your house. You feel like now that the tears have already fallen once, they could just burst out at anytime. The ‘upset stomach’ is a great excuse to not have to hug or even touch anyone, at least, because you feel like crying all over again when Ana smiles at you in sympathy and offers to make some tea.

They help you put the chicken wings into the oven and set up bowls of chips and sweets, and with each step you feel more exhausted, each hollow smile drains you a bit more until you just want to crawl into your bed and hide under your blanket until the oxygen runs out.

It’s a mess until the first people arrive. They relieve some of the tension that’s holding your body up and you’re already playing with the idea to sneak away when you notice Gray lingering in the hallway, his eyes fixed on you face, worry etched into each line on his face. You stay with the group from then on, avoiding Gray at each opportunity. A few hours later some of your friends have noticed your fake smile too, so you decide to start drinking. You usually don’t drink that much, some of your friends don’t drink at all, but right now you welcome everything that numbs you and shuts up your brain for a while. That’s how you find yourself alone in the kitchen on your fourth gin-tonic, your head floaty, the feeling of being shredded up from the inside almost drowned out in angry indifference. When you turn around to store the tonic away in the fridge Gray is leaning in the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Shit”, you mumble with a resigned sigh.

“You’ve had enough”, he decides with a disapproving look at the gin-bottle.

You weren’t planning on drinking more anyways, but the anger that’s layering the hurt splitting your chest open is too prominent. So you roll your eyes at him and cross your arms as well. “You know, just because you ‘always want to be yourself’ doesn’t mean everyone else does, too.”

Gray lifts one eyebrow and steps closer. “You shouldn’t.”

You’re not entirely sure what he means but you snort like you do, still. “What do you know anyway … “

“I know you’re good the way you are”, he retorts and ducks down a bit to stay in your line of vision when you avert your eyes, already feeling the hot prickling behind them. “You shouldn’t try and drown that in alcohol.”

“Well, you should mind your own business”, you shoot back and refuse to look into his eyes, the counter beside you blurring before your eyes. “Fuck this.” You wipe at your face angrily when you feel the first hot streak down your cheek.

Gray’s arms are closing around you and he smells like home and warmth and love and safe. You shove his arms away before they can hold you, and blindly push against his chest when he only comes even closer. Too vulnerable, too hurt already, you feel raw and open and defenseless, and you just want to left alone, okay?

“Fuck off”, you bite out, wishing you were anywhere but here, surrounded by people who actually care about your well-being. You just need to feel miserable for a while, just hide somewhere on your own without anyone nearby to play happy for. “Just leave me alone!”

Gray makes shushing sounds and you can’t see through the layer of tears, can’t hold him back when he ducks down and scoops you up in his arms. Instinctively you turn into him, you hand coming up to curl in his collar as you hide your face between his neck and shoulder. He keeps making low shushing sounds that only serve to make the tears fall faster until his shirt is soaked and you hit him with your fist to make him stop, keep going, you don’t even know yourself anymore. Your head is swirling, everything aches, and the only way you can breathe is by pressing your face into Gray’s shirt and inhaling shakily.

“Hey, Gray, did you – oh shit, is she okay?” That’s Ethan and - no. Nononono. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupid … You pull your knees closer to your chest and Gray’s grip grows tighter immediately. He’s halfway up the stairs already, Ethan must be at the foot still.

“Yeah”, Gray replies, his tone strangely flat. He doesn’t turn around, but you still burrow further into him. “Just the stomach bug, I reckon.”

“Did she drink?”

Your face burns in shame. You’ve never felt more pathetic in your life.

“Nah”, Gray lies. Stupid, perfect, lovely Gray. There’s a thumb stroking where he’s holding you behind your knees and you can’t hold back the gasp when a fresh wave of tears comes over you. “Really just the stomach bug, I think.”

“That’s shit timing”, Ethan says and Gray shrugs.

He lays you down on your bed gently. You don’t let go of his collar and you know your face is shining with tears, and you have a runny nose, but you still have to get this out. “Thank you.”

Gray’s smile is lopsided. He stays crouched down and weaves his fingers through your hair. “I really am sorry.”

You try a watery smile. No use faking real happiness now, anyway. “I know. But you don’t have anything to do with it. ‘s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either, though”, he replies softly and rubs the corner of your eye where tears keep spilling down your cheek. “No one can control that kind of thing.”

You think about that for a second. “’s not Ethan’s fault either. It’s nobody’s fault, would you look at that. No one to blame … ” Gray doesn’t miss the bitterness in your voice.

“It’s shit, I know”, he says with a resigned sigh.

oooo

He doesn’t leave until you’re asleep, because you don’t remember him leaving but when you blink your eyes open again it’s not Grayson stroking your forehead. It’s Ethan. You recoil instinctively.

“Oh. Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you”, he says and reaches out again, obviously assuming you simply didn’t recognize him. You don’t have the energy to pull away again. Stupid. “You cried.”

You shrug. That much is obvious, probably, but you’re not going to tell him all about it.

“I knew it wasn’t a stomach bug.” Even in the dim light that spills from the hallway you can see the honest concern on his face. It rips a new crack right into your heart. You’re almost surprised he doesn’t hear it splinter. “Is it … because of a guy?” He runs his fingers through his hair nervously. “I mean, I know we haven’t been that close lately, you’ve been pretty close to Gray and I was busy with Ana, but … you want to tell me about it?”

Ana. Where is she by the way? You don’t hate her, despite it all. She seems nice and goes well with Ethan, probably better than you ever could. Still, you’re glad if you never have to see her again, just to save yourself the pain.

You shake your head no when Ethan keeps looking at you questioningly.

His smile is tinged with sadness. “Okay. I’ll still kick his ass, if I ever meet him.” He winks. “He’s probably not worth it, anyway.”

The laugh that breaks out of you at that is raw and painful. If only you knew. Ethan’s smile deepens a tiny bit. He touches your cheek gently before getting up. In the doorway he halts and looks back once more. “You gonna be alright?”

You look at his silhouette, so familiar you could draw him with your eyes closed, distinguish his touch from everyone else’s, find him in a crowd of hundreds, and your chest aches.

Because he’s happy. He’s finally found someone who fits, someone honest and funny and just plain good. You could never destroy that for him.

“Sure”, you say and hope with all the splintered pieces of your heart, he never finds out what tore you open like this.

oooo

It’s only one week into the new semester, you’re still feeling miserable, even though not seeing Ethan does actually help a lot. You’re walking across campus home from your last lecture for the day when you spot him, hands in his pockets and that lopsided smile on his lips. He’s spotted you before you saw him but still he lets you come to him.

“Hey”, he says and pulls you in as soon as you’re close enough.

“What’re you doing here, Gray?”, you ask but it’s muffled into his chest against which you’re pressed.

He lets go of you and holds you away from him to look you up and down. “I’m making sure you’re okay. Obviously.”

Your throat feels a bit tight at those words. Grayson is the kind of person you sometimes would like to just make yourself a home in, just so you could always be encased in his warmth and care and love.

“I’m okay”, you say and your voice contradicts your words, but having him here, just a little piece of home within arms reach, is sowing some of the pieces back together already. “How long are you staying?”

“A few days”, he says and doesn’t mention the obvious lie in your voice. “I just have to make sure my friend isn’t upset anymore, you know? One vital criteria for being my friend is to be happy, and I’m here to make sure that’s the case.”

He nudges you playfully and you shake your head, mouth curling into a smile without your permission. You’re more thankful for him showing up like this than you could ever express, but you’re pretty sure he can tell. So you just nudge him back and mumble: “Asshole.”

You’re going to be fine. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but eventually … eventually everything will be fine.

Part II: Numb

My Masterlist

#dolan twins imagine #dolan twins #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan x reader #fanfiction #my fic #hurt #crying #no happy ending #no warnings #grayson dolan #drinking #light swearing #fine

200 notes · View notes