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yellowharrington · 2 months

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wildflower and barley -- joel miller x reader

pairing + fandom: joel miller x reader, the last of us (hbo)

word count: 5k+ oops

warnings/notes: smut smut smut!!! minors DNI, 18+!!! no outbreak!au. age gap (it's implied reader is in her 20s while joel is 45) and mentions of joel being kinda perverted and liking it lol. drinking (both reader and joel, not excessive), use of a dating app like tinder but not specified, unprotected PIV w creampie and oral (m+f receiving), do not fuck your tinder hookups without protection i'm just horny and gross. excessive use of darlin' as a nickname. implied that reader likes men. she/her pronouns used, afab!reader (with mentions of body parts), no use of y/n. if i missed anything lmk!

a/n: heavily inspired by this post by @yesttoheaven about joel's tinder profile!! it has been rotting my brain since i saw it which literally inspired me to write my first fic in the tlou fandom ever so please be gentle with me. i imagined show!joel because i've never played the game so do with that what you will. please reblog and leave comments if u enjoy it <3333

divider by @cafekitsune

summary: after deciding to change your age range on a dating app in hope of a change of scenery, you stumble across joel miller.

No one likes using dating apps.

Swiping left, left, left mindlessly at troves of men holding fish, showing off their trucks, or with deer heads mounted to the walls behind their selfies holding guns.

This was Texas, after all.

Having just moved here, it was a little shocking, to say the least. But you were getting used to the “eligible” bachelors that were your age generally looking and acting the same. When you did end up finding someone of interest, you were usually turned off pretty quickly by whatever shitty pick-up line they had chosen. Or, your personal favourite, “wanna fuck?”

No thanks.

It was an idyllic summer evening, the hot stuffy air of Austin flowing in through your windows. You laid in bed, propped up on the pillows against your headboard and sorting through the faces that adorned your screen. No one particularly interesting, as usual, and every profile was starting to melt together to look the same.

You sighed, looking into your settings, adjusting and increasing different metrics to hopefully change the pool just enough for there to be someone new or interesting.

Age range: 25-30

Your eyebrow cocked as you looked onto the screen, pulling the slider more to the right experimentally. No one was here to see you, and even though it was slightly embarassing to be interested in older men, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t pique your interest to imagine it. Even just to try, and see, if they ever really did grow up. You imagined it was wishful thinking, but increased the range anyways.

Age range: 35-45

Feeling the need to throw your phone across the room after doing that, you placed it face down under your pillow and slid out of bed. No use in swiping through them now, and you were getting tired of looking. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a new episode of your favourite show was waiting for you downstairs.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel Miller does not use dating apps.

He barely knows how to send a text on his phone, let alone navigate the world of online women. Not to say he didn’t explore the options, so to speak, but they usually were not ones that were single, his age, and in his area. Unless the ads on those sites were real, that is.

“It’s starting to get sad,” Sarah had remarked at breakfast, when they got on the topic, and Joel feigned hurt. Hand over his heart, he dropped his fork onto the plate. “It’s not sad, Jesus. I’m just busy, is all.”

“Busy not gettin’ busy,” Sarah remarked, and Joel’s eyes widened. “Hey now! None of that.”

A blush spread up his cheeks and ears as they continued to eat breakfast in slightly awkward silence, before Joel took his plate to the sink. “Okay, off to school, you. And no more conversations about my dating life. Ever.”

Sarah laughed as she finished off the last of the juice in her glass. “I’m just saying, dad. You can if you want to. Might be nice for you.”

Joel planted a soft kiss to her head before she bounded out the door, rolling his eyes and calling out a ‘love you’ before she closed the door swiftly behind her. Joel stared at his cell phone on the table. Maybe it would be nice.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

The following evening, you were a little too excited to see the dating app specimens you had acquired. Not sure what to expect, really, and you went in with no expectations. It’s not like they’d magically all be tall, dark, and handsome, but some variety never killed anybody.

Paul, 41

Daddy, but not yours. No libs allowed. 6’ because that matters.

You sighed deeply. Some things never change.

After swiping through much of what you were used to, a profile managed to catch your eye among the sea of disappointment.

Joel, 45

Just a Southern gentleman trying this out for the first time. Contractor of over 10 years. I love my daughter, BBQ, strong coffee, and sleeping in.

Now that was the most interesting thing you’d seen in a while.

He didn’t look a day over 40. His eyes creased at the corners when he smiled wide in his photos. He looked tan, a product of the Texas heat and his job, you thought. His features were accompanied by salt-and-pepper facial hair and messy curls that looked soft and pliable. His photos showed off his physique incredibly, tight wash-worn t-shirts pulling over his arms and shoulders, looking big, broad. He was no doubt the most handsome man you’d seen on an app, maybe ever.

When you swiped right before you could think too hard, you were surprised to see the green “Match!” Flash across your screen.

Your fingers ghosted over the keyboard on your phone, thinking of a witty thing to say, probably for too long.

Your phone buzzed as you saw a notification pop up.

Joel has sent you a message.

Hey, darlin’. How are ya?

You felt your face warm at the sweet message, when was the last time someone had called you darlin’? Ever?

Hey cowboy. I’m great, how are you?

He was certainly an eager responder, taking only a few seconds to reply. You found yourself smiling down at your phone screen.

Cowboy… I like that. I’m better now that I’m talking to you.

Oh, Joel, who told you to say that? 😂

No good?

Not bad. 6/10.

Only 6/10? I’ll work on it. I like to think I’m better in person.

I would love to find out.

You found yourself emboldened by how easy the conversation was flowing. Joel was certainly easy to talk to, easier than the other matches you had going for you, and infinitely more handsome.

Oh, would you? Alright. I’d love to take you to dinner sometime. If you don’t mind being seen with an old man such as myself in public. Or meeting a stranger from the internet.

He’s a very handsome stranger. I would love to go to dinner with you. Know any good spots? I’m new around here.

There’s a great barbecue spot in downtown Austin. If you’d prefer something fancier, let me know.

I love bbq. Just tell me where and when, cowboy.

Tomorrow, 7pm ok?

You sent him your phone number in the message. Fuck it.

Sounds great. Text me the address, I’ll be there. :)

Joel’s reply didn’t come. Instead, a text appeared at the top of your screen with an unknown number.

It’s Joel. This the right number?

Yup. You found me.

Great. Talk tomorrow sweetheart. Looking forward to it. :)

He texted you the address of the restaurant, right before you opened the contact card, saving his name as “cowboy ♡”.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Cowboy. Cowboy. Cowboy. It was playing over in his head like a broken fuckin’ record.

Joel was positively freaking out about this date.

Sarah had managed to secure a sleepover at her friend’s place, so the house would be empty for the night. He had been busying himself with cleaning the entirety of the house, even taking the time to mow the grass before work and vacuum the family room. He can’t remember the last time he vacuumed anywhere.

Would she even make it back here? How does this work? Will she want to sleep over or hang out on the couch or should he be making a dessert for after?

His mind was brought out of it’s craze by Sarah jumping down the stairs. She plopped her bag down on the freshly wiped countertop.

“Careful,” he warned, putting a hand up. “I just cleaned that off.”

“I can tell. It smells like the cleaning aisle threw up in here.”

He smirked before patting her head with his hand, as she aggressively smoothed out her hair. “Dad! Don’t!”

“When do you wanna go to Ellie’s?” He asked, more gaging how long he has left to get ready than actually asking.

“Probably soon. Why? Tryna get rid of me?” she poked her dad in the side, but when she flinched away instead, a large smile spread across her face. He was tense.

“What’s your deal?” Joel hated the way she knew him so well sometimes.

“Nothing.“

“Are you going on a date?”

Silence fell over the kitchen between the two of them, as Joel’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “How did you know?”

“Oh my god, you actually took my advice,” Sarah laughed, watching her dad’s face burn red with embarrassment. “Just don’t do anything weird on communal surfaces, please.”

Joel shook his head at her suggestion, already becoming annoyed with the whole prospect. He was so nervous, about what to wear, how to act, what the expectation was… let alone, what would happen if they made it back to his place at all.

Although, when he was able to shake his nerves for a second, he was just really fucking excited.

“Wear those dark jeans, and that green shirt you wore to Tommy’s last week. Looks good on you.” Sarah smiled as she put her arms around Joel’s middle, while his worries melted away with her touch. “She’ll love you, I promise.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

It had been such a long time since you’d been on a proper date, you were starting to lose your mind at the simple process of deciding what to wear.

Clothes were strewn across every surface of your apartment, shoes matching with jeans that matched with cardigans, tops that matched with belts and jackets.

It’s 87 degrees at 5 o’clock, idiot. You’re not wearing a jacket. Relax.

Exhausted of picking out outfits and making decisions, you collapsed on your couch and took a look at your options. You landed on an easy sundress, putting the rest of your clothes back in their respective drawers, and pulling out all of the products you were expecting to use to get ready.

You scrolled through your phone aimlessly as a notification bubble popped up on the screen.

We still on for tonight darlin’? Or did you change your mind?

No worries if you did. I respect that.

You let out a cackle at the message, thinking about how he must look right now. Was he nervous? Scared? Was he just looking for a controversially young fuck?

You weren’t… completely against that.

Didn’t change my mind, wouldn’t in a million years :)

Meet you there. Can’t wait to see you.

His eagerness to meet up would’ve been a red flag if it were any other run of the mill guy, but something about Joel felt special. There didn’t seem to be any funny business with him; too sincere to try anything other than just a good old fashioned date.

You too, cowboy.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When Joel showed up at the restaurant, he clenched a small bouquet of pink peonies in his right hand and checked his watch obsessively. The minutes ticked away, as he kept a high alert for anyone who could be his potential date. He knew what you looked like, of course, but this being his first time doing anything of this sort is making him hyperaware of anything going awry.

When he does lay eyes on you, his whole gaze softens. A pink sundress, hair pristinely styled and a bounce in your step that reminded him of summer. You looked like an angel, the sunset behind you painting the sky tangerine, which reflected off of the shine against your supple skin. So young, beautiful, it was taking his breath away.

“Joel?”

Your voice matched your sweet demeanour, and he was taken out of his waking daydream.

“Hi,” is all he can say, letting his breath out as he relaxed. “Yes, hi, sorry. I’m Joel.”

“Hi,” you laugh back, eyes darting to the flowers in his hand. They matched your dress.

“These are for you,” he gets the hint, extending his arm out, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearm. He looked so much stronger in person, it was making your knees go weak.

“Thank you, wow,” you held them up to your nose to smell the sweet aroma. “I love peonies.”

“Me too,” he smiled, showing off a string of pearly white teeth, that contrasted with the pink of his lips and the even tan of his skin.

“Shall we?” He extended his arm to you for you to grab onto, and you got to feel the warmth of his skin for yourself. Your hand wrapped around his forearm as he opened the door of the restaurant for you, leading you inside and catching a glimpse of the backs of your thighs as you walked in front of him.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When you were finally sitting, the conversation flowed easily. He was truly a Southern gentleman, like he had said. It wasn’t normal for you to open up so quickly, but Joel was so easy going and smart, he asked the right questions and knew when to listen. He knew how to listen, a warm gaze and a nod along, asking follow up questions to your answers and easily getting to know you.

You asked about his daughter, his family, his work. He was happy to tell you.

“So, what’s a man like you doing being single in this city?” You take a sip of the wine in the glass in front of you, burgundy staining your bottom lip.

He takes a bite of the food in front of him, a napkin pressing to his lips quickly after. “Been busy,” he started to say, honey brown eyes meeting yours for a second. His gaze sent an electrifying pulse down your spine.

“And, well, when Sarah’s mom left there was a ton to do,” he says it nonchalantly, as if that should be something normal to happen. “House, work, school, she keeps my hands full. Hasn’t been a lot of time.” His syrupy drawl is pulling you in, you’re enticed by the way he speaks to you. So easy, warm, soft. You wonder what his hands feel like on your body, lips pressed to your neck, torso pressed against yours.

“Sorry, that’s a lot of information for a first date,” he laughs to cover the awkwardness, and quietly curses himself for going into so much detail about his precarious family situation and basically admitting to you that he hasn’t fucked anything other than his hand in the last 5 or so years.

“No, it’s okay,” you slide your hand across the table, palm up, urging him to slot his hand into it. He takes it, easily, enveloping yours. His fingers find the pulse point on your wrist. You let your eyes drift up to his, drinking in the way his chest fills out the shirt he chose.

“What’s your story?” He asks earnestly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Can’t imagine there isn’t a long line of people outside waiting to take my place, darlin’.”

You blush furiously at the nickname, and let your eyes meet his once again. “You have no idea the… mess that is out there,” the wine is calling your name to take another sip at the mere thought, but you refrain. “Certainly not too many I am interested in.”

“So, is that why you’re on a date with an old man on a beautiful summer night in Austin?”

You could tell Joel, in a twisted way, liked that you were younger than him. It made him feel younger by admission, that you’d want to spend time with him.

“You’re not that much older,” you laugh, not even believing it yourself as the words left your lips. “And I like to try new things. Don’t you like trying new things, sometimes?”

It was his turn to let his face go red at your insinuation. If only you knew how ‘new’ this really was for him, how much he was pushed out of his comfort zone right now.

You didn’t notice.

A little more polite small talk and exchanging of stories was all you could take before the tension was becoming too much. After another glass of wine and a shared plate of sky-high chocolate cake for dessert, you were enjoying his company and could tell he was enjoying yours all the same. When you met his gaze again, hands still intertwined, you could tell there was a question on the tip of his tongue.

“Would you want to…“ - a nervous pause, with a halo of lust - “come back to mine for a nightcap? I’ve got an empty house this evening.”

You couldn’t help but smirk, knowing in your heart that Joel must’ve made arrangements for his family not to be home in anticipation. He had to have planned for you, known in his heart you’d say yes.

“I’d love that.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel’s home is unmistakably him. It smells like a pine candle that sits near the front door and a faint aroma of laundry detergent. There’s photos everywhere, him and his daughter, his brother’s family. Big windows were letting in the twinkling lights of the city outside, the inky sky making them look brighter against its canvas.

“You have a beautiful home,” you say, although it seems a little formal for the situation. What else do you say to a grown-up in their house?

“Thank you,” he takes a bottle of whiskey from the bar cart and pours two rock glasses, handing you one. He flicks on a lamp, ambient light filling the room and painting his skin amber orange, as he joins your side by his kitchen table.

“I did a lot of the construction myself, the decorations are my daughter.” He points lazily to the trinkets on the shelves and photos on the wall. “I don’t really have a good eye for that type of stuff.”

You take a sip from the drink and it coats your throat, burning down as you suppress a cough at the taste. You nod along as he explains the design choices he made in the home, and you play along, knowing it’s likely out of anxiety.

“What about upstairs?”

Your eyes are innocent as they meet his, although you understand the implication you’re making whole-heartedly. He puts his glass down on the kitchen table and you follow his lead, his strong hand around your wrist as he leads you up the stairs wordlessly.

“It’s not anything,” - he clears his throat - “special,” he shows you around the second floor, finishing at the door of his bedroom that has been left slightly ajar.

You step in quietly, leading him inside as you take in the bedroom. Neatly folded clothes, a made bed that looks well loved. Blue sheets and fluffy pillows, big bay windows that let the moonlight in.

“I think it’s nice,” you say simply, letting yourself turn around to meet his broad frame. He looks down at you slightly, eyes meeting yours as your hand drops from his grasp and snakes around his neck. His hands come up the sides of your dress, pulling it up slightly, but landing on your waist.

“Is this okay?” He asks tentatively in the dark of the room, his lips so close to yours already you can practically taste the whiskey on his lips for yourself. You answer him by pressing your tentative lips to his, slotting them together easily.

Joel’s grip on your waist tightens momentarily as he takes you in, pulling you as close as he possibly can. He can smell the perfume on your neck and the wine on your lips from earlier, and it’s making his need for you increase tenfold.

You pull him into you as you stumble back to let your knees hit his mattress, sitting down and letting your hands come to his belt buckle. Your hands came to undo it as he pulled his t-shirt off to throw onto the floor beside him, bending down to help you pull the dress over your shoulders to meet his t-shirt.

You made quick work of his jeans, pushing them to the ground and looking up at him with a keen glance. You could see the breath making his belly rise and fall, anticipating your touch on him any second.

When your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, his breath hitched and his head rolled back. He was already half-hard only from kissing you, so a few pumps made him easily ready for your mouth.

“You’re so big,” is all you can think to say, head spinning from the sheer size of him right in front of your face. Your mouth watered at the way his hand palmed through your hair, pulling you in closer to him for some relief.

It was intoxicating to him, the way your mouth fit around his cock. Such a beautiful sight to see, your head licking and sucking at his tip, gathering spit there to lubricate him. His knees were going weak as he watched intently, no thought able to cross his mind, other than maybe how long it had been since he’d had anyone to do this with. He was going to have to pace himself if it was all like this.

Your mouth constrained around the length of him, taking him deeper and deeper with every bob of your head. Filthy sounds were filling the room now, of your eager mouth pulling him in as best you could. His hand stayed steady at the back of your head, not pushing, just softly pressed there for support. His other hand found your shoulder, pushing down your bra strap.

“God, darlin’,” was all he could choke out, using his hand to pull you off of him. Your hand lazily stroked him as you looked up at him, spit collecting at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep doin’ that,” his laugh eased some of the tension in the room, as you took your other hand and wiped the spit away.

He leaned down, pressing a fervent kiss to your lips before using his own hands to unclasp your bra and let your breasts free. His lips traveled to the side of your neck, before he was kneeled down between your legs, sucking your nipple into his mouth. He lapped at you, all consuming, as his hand came up to grasp the other breast that wasn’t being serviced. He moaned at the noises you were making, lewd whines into the night air that only encouraged him.

His lips made their way down your body to your clothed centre, your back against his soft sheets. You looked down at him intently, watching as he pulled your panties down your legs and immediately delved into your pussy with broad strokes of his tongue.

Your body jerked upwards at the contact, hand fisting the sheet beside you as he lapped at you, like a man starved. His expert tongue found your clit easily, sucking and licking at you for what felt like hours. You thought about his heavy cock between his legs, begging to be touched, hard as ever as he licked at you desperately.

“Joel,” you whined out, feeling your hand reach down to grab at his curls and push him deeper into you. That only made him moan, one hand lazily fisting his cock as the other came up to dip a finger into you, allowing you to see stars when you screwed your eyes shut.

His fingers were so large, pressed into your core as you fucked yourself on them and his tongue in tandem. He was groaning and grunting, and you hoped his neighbours couldn’t see into the window at the desperate filth that was going on in his bedroom.

“Fuck, Joel, please,” you begged, but he had no mercy, and your orgasm was creeping up on you. He was ready to watch you come undone, pushing a second finger into you and furiously sucking on your clit. His other hand left his own pleasure and wrapped around your breast, pressing and playing with the hard nub there, pinching to provide a little bit of sting to it. It was sending you into another dimension.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” and his voice is gravely and debauched, enough to send you into your first orgasm, chanting his name and pulling on his hair. He was happily licking at you, fingers still pressing in and out as to not mess up the rhythm, as you rode out your orgasm against his face.

When you started to come down, he finally detached himself from you before standing up between your legs and pressing his broad palms to your thighs. He stayed there for a moment, cock still hard and heavy between his legs as you gazed up at him, out of breath from his work.

“You’re really good at that,” was all you could think to say, head clouded with arousal. You moved up on the bed a little, opening your legs and pressing your knees apart to show your pussy to him again.

“Please fuck me, Joel,” you breathe out, letting your hand find your own clit to rub it teasingly for him. It was still so sensitive, but the way he was looking down at you, eyes dark and stormy with need, you could almost come again just from that.

He put a knee down on the bed and crawled on top of you, his lips finding yours once again as your hands found his face. You held him there, savouring the kiss as his tongue crashed against yours, all warmth and spit and the taste of you. His hand found your breast and continued to play with your nipples, softly, coaxing more moans into his mouth from yours.

He leaned back and slipped his cock inside of you, filling you up immediately and making you gasp. He groaned into the side of your neck, tonguing the side of your ear and kissing you feverishly as he pumped in and out of you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly close, your moans filling the room as he rocked in and out of you. He kissed your jaw and chest, before reaching down between your bodies and pressing his thick finger to your clit again, using the wetness there to draw circles around your sensitive nub.

“So pretty,” he smiles into your neck, your hand on the back of his, playing with the now-sweaty strands of hair on the nape. “So pretty for me, taking my cock,” the dirty talking is welcome as he continues to bring you closer to a second orgasm, your breath hitching once again.

“Come inside of me,” you say it like a whisper, a secret in the stillness of the room, and Joel is unsure he even heard you correctly.

“Are you sure?” He says it not accusingly, but in a way that conveys he feels like he just won the lottery.

“Yes, please, fill me up.”

You can see the way his eyes darken more, shifting so he’s on his knees and using your body to fuck himself on his thick cock. His hand continued to play with your clit, bringing you so close to your orgasm that tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. His cheeks were getting hot as he thrusted in and out furiously, and you could almost see the stress melt off of his face as he came close to his own undoing.

The white-hot feeling washes over you once again, eyes shutting before you’re back on your elbows and watching intently. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire as his thrusts become sloppy, your name pouring out of his lips like a prayer. You’re clenching around him and letting him ride out his high alongside you, slowing after his hot cum coats your walls and leaves you full of him.

He collapses on top of you, cock softening inside as you both catch your breath together. Your chests are sticky with sweat as you breathe, taking in the smell of him, and the feel of his warmth on your body.

He pulls himself from you and flops beside you, still taking a moment to admire you. You look over at him, a lazy smile on your face as your hand reaches out to caress the skin of his chest. He takes the time to run his fingertips up your arms and back as you lay there in silence together, just soaking in the moment in a post-sex glow.

“I guess I should get going,” you say after a few beats, sitting up to grab your dress off the floor. You cringe at the thought of throwing your underwear on and leaving, this being just another random hookup for you that never lead to anything. Joel was sweet.

A confused look spreads across his features and his brows knit together, before sitting up next to you at the edge of the bed.

“I mean, I don’t know how these things usually go,” he laughs, as his hand finds your lower back. “But you don’t gotta run outta here like a scared animal or somethin’.”

You look up at him again, unsure of what to do next. In your, albeit limited, experience with dating app hookups, you were expected to leave pretty much right after.

“Oh, um,” you look around the room at the soft worn-in sheets and the TV across from Joel’s bed. You take a look at him again, your eyes meeting his to match his gaze, where you can tell he’s mentally begging that you’ll stay the night.

“I mean, if you don’t mind, I’d be happy to stay.” Joel smiled lopsidedly and let his hand rub soothing circles at your lower back.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” he laughs, stepping over to go into the bathroom and warm up a cloth for the mess spilling out from between your legs. “I wouldn’t mind wakin’ up and doing all that again tomorrow.”

You laugh and lay back onto his bed as he presses the warm cloth to your pussy, his lips once again finding yours to pull you in for a sweet kiss.

You nod, sliding between the comfortable sheets as Joel runs downstairs to grab your abandoned drinks as well as a couple of bottles of ice cold water. He slips into the sheets next to you, not bothering to throw on any pajamas (not that you were complaining), and settling in beside you. After a few gulps of water, you nestled into his chest and let your hand find his tummy, resting on it as you listened to the even pattern of his breath.

“We should do this again. Like, after tomorrow morning.” you say quietly as you’re drifting in and out of sleep. His fingertips continues to slide across your arm and give you goosebumps as you snuggled closer into him, hearing a laugh exhale out of his nose and feeling a kiss press to the top of your head.

In his sleepy, deep southern drawl, he replies. “Don’t have to ask me twice, darlin’.”

#joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x female reader #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic

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wildlife4life · 3 months

Text

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by the super amazing @cal-daisies-and-briars @daffi-990 @bekkachaos @tizniz @diazsdimples @wikiangela and @theotherbuckley

SURPRISE!!!! In honor of the Kansas City Chiefs winning back to back super bowls, I have posted the first chapter of Three Taps for the Lombardi aka NFL Buck! Woooooo! The biggest and loudest shout out to @hippolotamus who so graciously beta read this, was one of my biggest supporters, and kept my secret! You are so amazing! This fic is my pride and joy and I am so excited to share it! Hope you all enjoy!

Three Taps for the Lombardi

Mature // 3.8K // Chapter 1

Eddie Diaz is the 118's new transfer from Houston and he is a bit of mystery. The team knows a few things about the stoic man. He's was a medic in the army with a silver star, he has a son, a dead ex-wife, is gay, and has long term boyfriend named Buck who he moved to L.A. with. Oh, and Eddie is never on shift when there is a home game for the L.A. Rams. Evan Buckley has been traded to the L.A. Rams from the Houston Texans. He has amazing stats, awards, and been named one of America's most eligible bachelors. All he's missing is a super bowl win and a WAG to cheer for him alongside his sister in the stands. Or at least, that's what he's led the world to believe. Almost ten years ago Paramedic Diaz ran onto the Texas Longhorn's field to help college football star Evan Buckley after he was knocked unconscious. Months later, secrets are made so dreams can come true. Can they keep those secrets intact as Eddie takes on the challenges of being a firefighter in L.A. while Buck battles for the Lombardi with a new team?

Tagging for WIP Wednesday (no pressure): @watchyourbuck @lover-of-mine @spotsandsocks @devirnis @buddierights @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @exhuastedpigeon @aroeddiediaz @giddyupbuck @rainbow-nerdss @loserdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @eddiescowboy @eddiebabygirldiaz @spaceprincessem @athenagranted @evanbegins @elvensorceress @malewifediaz @911onabc @911-on-abc @hoodie-buck @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @thekristen999 @spagheddiediaz @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @doublecheekeddiaz @buck-coded @prosperdemeter2 @lemonzestywrites @gayedmundodiaz @transboybuckley @nmcggg

#wip wednesday #tag game #my fic #a03 fic #first chapter #911 abc #911 show #911 on abc #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #nfl #quarterback buck #firefighter eddie #secret relationship #my pride and joy #chiefs kingdom baby

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sudoscience · 1 year

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Okay, can someone explain this to me, please? I applied for a job at the IRS ("Revenue Officer", to be specific). The job announcement said to be eligible I needed 3 years of experience in the field OR a bachelor's degree in any field. I have a bachelor's, so I applied, and they said I wasn't qualified. I told them that's not what their announcement said, and they emailed me back and said I "lacked the required specialized experience and, therefore, were not eligible for the position and would not be referred." Am I reading something wrong, or is their HR department just stupid?

Here's the exact text from the announcement:

SPECIALIZED EXPERIENCE: GS-05 LEVEL:

You must have three (3) years of general experience, one (1) year of which was at a level of difficulty and responsibility equivalent to the GS-04 grade level in the Federal service. General experience for this position includes having a general knowledge and understanding of business and financial practices, and that demonstrated the ability to deal effectively with others. Examples of this experience may have been gained in work such as financial, accounting, purchasing, merchandising, investigative, civil or criminal law enforcement, data processing, or similar activities in commercial or government enterprises. It also may have been gained in work that provided knowledge of credit operations and practices related to the collection of delinquent accounts;

Four (4) year course of study leading to a Bachelor's or higher degree in any field of study from an accredited college or university;

Certificate as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) obtained through written examination or membership in the bar in State, territory or the District of Columbia;

You may qualify by a combination of experience and education.

I mean, I'm pretty sure working as a cashier/assistant manager at a gas station for four years doesn't count as the kind of specialized experience that they're looking for, but I have a bachelor's degree in linguistics (which is definitely a field, the last time I checked), and I'm quite certain the University of Texas at Austin is accredited. Wouldn't you think that meets the requirements? America, explain!

#jobs #govt jobs #job help #human resources #usajobs #irs #internal revenue service #idk what else to tag #i am confusion

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uuponastarr · 1 year

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[ claudia walsh, cis woman, she/her. ] ✧·ﾟ is that [ CORALIE LA BOUFF ] who just stumbled into town? rumour has it that they’re the [ TWENTY-THREE ] year old child of [ CHARLOTTE LA BOUFF ] from [ THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG ]. i’ve also heard that they’re [ OUTGOING ] but [ DITZY ] and have [ 2 ] siblings. i could almost swear i heard [ MELTING - KALI UCHIS ] playing when they appeared.

basics

full name: coralie estelle la bouff.

nicknames: cora.

zodiac sign: aries - april 9th.

sexuality: bisexual.

skills/hobbies: shopping, dancing, flirting.

aesthetics: pink champagne overflowing from a bottle, knotted pearl necklaces, dresses decorated with fringe, a letter sealed by a kiss, acting with the outmost southern hospitality.

[ pinterest board link here ]

bio tws; none!

cora’s mother had always dreamed of her happily ever after, dreaming that one day she would get her fairytale ending and luckily for her she had done just that. charlotte found her prince charming in the form of coralie’s father, son of a wealthy oil tycoon from texas. after exchanging several letters as pen pals, he traveled from texas to louisiana to be with her mother. cora’s father eventually worked up the courage to purpose and the two were soon married, eventually welcoming three beautiful children together, coralie being one of them.

growing up, coralie was given everything a girl of her status could possibly ever ask for. her mother never deprived her or her siblings of their desires and both her and cora’s grandfather showered them each with gifts, love and affection. coralie was particularly dotted on by her mother, who saw coralie as a mini version of herself. she was constantly dressed in all the finest and given only the best toys. as coralie got older she grew in beauty, catching the eyes of many eligible bachelors in new orleans. as a socialite, her time was mostly spent frequenting parties, and trying to find the right person who would make her theirs. cora had gotten just that when she unexpectedly met a handsome young man at party that her grandfather had thrown for her birthday.

he was everything coralie could have possibly asked for, charming, handsome, smooth talking. of course she should have known that he was too good to be true, for unbenounced to her, she was only being used for her status and wealth so that he could further his career. once he had gotten what he wanted, he abandoned her to be with someone else. coralie was left devastated and blindsided by the unexpected heartbreak but soon brushed herself off and focused on getting revenge instead, leading her to approach dr dr facilier’s daughter for help to cast a spell on her ex boyfriend.

she was no longer the same hopeless romantic that she had once been, embittered by the heartbreak she had experienced. instead she took to flirting and having flings with those that she desired, it was far less painful that way.

wanted connections:

her siblings.

her mother: charlotte la bouff.

childhood friends: children of tiana & naveen, louis ect...

flings.

someone she can flirt with no strings attached.

people she can party with.

her ex boyfriend.

someone that she unexpectedly falls for that she fervently denies having feelings for.

#{ ~ melting like ice cream when you smile / ♡ coralie; bio }#{ / ♡ general; bio }

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digitaltariq · 2 months

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Jack Burke Jr., Who Gained 2 Main Golf Titles in a Season, Dies at 100

Jack Burke Jr., a high participant on the P.G.A. tour within the postwar years who received two main golf championships in a single season, then turned a sought-after teacher to among the sport’s best stars, died on Friday in Houston. He was 100 and the oldest residing winner of the Masters and P.G.A. championships. A consultant of the Texas Sports activities Corridor of Fame, which inducted him in 1978, confirmed the loss of life. Burke’s banner yr was 1956, when he received each the Masters and P.G.A. titles and was named the P.G.A.’s golfer of the yr. His Masters victory stunned nearly everybody. Solely weeks earlier, having gone winless because the Inverness open in Ohio in 1953, Burke, who was 33, had introduced that he was contemplating retiring. And going into the ultimate spherical at Augusta Nationwide Golf Membership, he was eight strokes behind the Masters chief, Ken Venturi, and had not drawn a lot consideration. All eyes had been on Venturi, who at 24 was vying to grow to be the primary newbie to win the Masters. However as Venturi faltered, Burke crept up the leaderboard, passing eight gamers, and received by a stroke. He had acquired some meteorological assist. “I had a downhill putt on the seventeenth gap that was lightning fast, and it was made even sooner as a result of the 40-mile-per-hour wind had blown sand out onto the inexperienced,” Burke told Golf Digest in 2004. “I simply touched that putt, and I instantly thought, ‘Oh, no, I didn’t get it midway there.’ Then the wind grabbed that factor and saved blowing it down the hill, till it plunked lifeless in the midst of the outlet. It was a miracle — the most effective break of my profession.” That June, Burke received the P.G.A. championship, defeating Ted Kroll on the Blue Hill Nation Membership in Canton, Mass., in match-play format, which relies on holes received in a head-to-head contest and never the variety of strokes on a scorecard. All informed, Burke received 16 tournaments on the Skilled Golfers’ Affiliation of America tour, together with 4 in 4 weeks in 1952. The son of a Houston golf membership professional, Burke turned skilled at 17 and joined the tour at 23, hailed as probably the most promising golfers of his technology. In 1949, Burke, by then residing in Kiamesha Lake, N.Y., in Sullivan County, recorded his first skilled win, within the Metropolitan Open, on his house course, the Metropolis Nation Membership, in White Plains, defeating the veteran Gene Sarazen. The victory got here 24 years to the day after Burke’s father defeated Sarazen in a match, as Sarazen ruefully however good-naturedly identified to Jack Jr. In 1952, after his 4 straight tour victories and a second-place end on the Masters, behind Sam Snead, Burke was profiled by Collier’s journal as “Golf’s New Scorching-Shot.” At 5-foot-9 and 170 kilos, he may hit 265 yards off the tee and was a superb putter. His boyish beauty solely added to his enchantment. “His curly faintly auburn hair, blue eyes and occasional shy smile have made him the darling of the female hyperlinks addicts,” the journal wrote, figuring out Burke as “considered one of golf’s most eligible bachelors.” In 1957, Burke joined his mentor, Jimmy Demaret, the primary three-time Masters champion, in founding the Champions Golf Club in Houston. Demaret had been an assistant professional below Burke’s father since Jack Jr. was 10. Burke and Demaret instituted a membership coverage — nonetheless in power — below which solely golfers with a handicap of 14 or decrease are admitted. “I liken us to Stanford College, or Yale or Harvard,” Burke informed Golf Digest. “They don’t settle for D college students academically, and we don’t settle for folks with a D common in golf.” The membership hosted the 1969 United States Open and the 2020 U.S. Girls’s Open Championship, amongst different tournaments. Burke went on to earn distinction as a longtime teacher of Phil Mickelson, Hal Sutton, Steve Elkington and different professionals. In his 70s, Arnold Palmer dropped by for a lesson. Jack Nicklaus as soon as mentioned of Burke, “I can’t inform you what number of occasions we have been enjoying golf and he’d say, ‘Jack, how are you going to play from that place?’” John Joseph Burke Jr. was born on Jan. 29, 1923, in Fort Value, the eldest of eight siblings, considered one of whom died younger. He grew up in Houston, the place his father, who had tied for second within the 1920 U.S. Open, was the professional on the River Oaks Nation Membership. Jack Jr. first performed golf at age 6. At 12, he shot a 69 on a troublesome par-71 course. At 16, he certified for the U.S. Open. However at 17, on the insistence of his mom, he entered Rice Institute (now Rice College) in Houston. He left earlier than he accomplished his freshman yr, nevertheless, and have become the top professional on the Galveston Nation Membership. When World Warfare II broke out, Burke joined the Marine Corps and taught fight conditioning, together with judo. He joined the P.G.A. tour after the battle (it formally turned the PGA Tour in 1968), moved to New York State and in addition taught golf at golf equipment in New Jersey and New York Metropolis. He first gained broad consideration in 1951, when he recorded two commanding victories in that yr’s Ryder Cup competitors. That led to his choice to 4 extra Ryder Cup occasions within the Nineteen Fifties, during which he compiled a 7-1 match report towards his European competitors. He was twice Ryder Cup captain, shedding in 1957 and profitable in 1973. In 1952, he received the Vardon Trophy, given to the tour chief in scoring common. (His was 70.54.) When Burke was 81, Hal Sutton, the 2004 United States Ryder Cup captain, named him an assistant captain. Burke was elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame in 2000. In 2003, he was voted the recipient of the PGA Tour’s Lifetime Achievement Award and america Golf Affiliation’s Bob Jones Award. In 2007, he acquired the P.G.A. Distinguished Service Award. Burke married Ielene Lang in 1952. She died within the mid-Eighties. He had turned 60 when, in 1984, he met Robin Moran, a freshman golfer on the College of Texas, on the placing inexperienced on the Champions Golf Membership, the place her father had despatched her for a golf lesson, in line with the P.G.A. historian Bob Denney. The couple married in 1987. She was a finalist within the 1997 United States ladies’s newbie championship and was additionally inducted into the Texas Golf Hall of Fame. She survives him. Burke had a daughter together with his second spouse and 5 kids together with his first, together with a son, John J. Burke III, who died in 2017. Full info on his survivors was not instantly out there. Burke joined elite firm by profitable two majors in a single season, however by his personal alternative he would by no means have a shot at a grand slam, as it's understood right now, by profitable all 4, both in a single season or in a profession. He missed the lower on the 1956 U.S. Open, at Oak Hill Nation Membership, outdoors Rochester, and he by no means performed within the British Open. Frank Litsky, a longtime Instances sportswriter, died in 2018. William McDonald and Sofia Poznansky contributed reporting. Read the full article

#Burke #Dies #Golf #Jack #Major #season #Titles #Won

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kley-blog · 3 months

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Hilarious . . . ??

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

BUT…

In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector.

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate." In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

AND, OF COURSE . . .

In Texas, he'd just be "a guy who's a little short on Ammo.

(H/T Ronny B)

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rundransh-k · 8 months

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Master Your Data Science Journey: Exploring UNT's MS in Data Science Program

In the modern day facts-driven world, pursuing a Master of Science (MS) in Data Science may be a transformative step in the direction of a profitable profession. The University of North Texas (UNT) gives a stellar MS in Data Science application that is gaining recognition for its comprehensive curriculum and promising career potentialities. In this weblog submission, we will delve into the splendid features of UNT's MS in Data Science software and why it should be your top preference.

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To be eligible for UNT's MS in Data Science application, applicants normally need a bachelor's degree in an associated area, strong quantitative capabilities, and an aggressive GRE score. Additionally, a well-crafted assertion of cause, letters of recommendation, and relevant paintings can beef up your software.

conclusion:

In summary, UNT's MS in Data Science software gives a global-class education, a strong foundation in information technological know-how standards, entry to modern-day assets, and a gateway to exciting career opportunities. Whether you are a recent graduate or a professional seeking to enhance your talents, UNT's program can offer the understanding and gear you want to excel within the dynamic area of statistics technological know-how.

If you are ready to embark on an adventure to a satisfying career in information science, explore UNT's MS in Data Science application these days. UNT's MS in Data Science: Where Data Meets Destiny.

#study abroad #study abroad usa #abroad consultancy #online education

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westoverlaw22 · 1 year

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Nashville Domestic Violence Lawyers Need To Beat A Charge? Name Us

Family or family members embrace spouses, individuals dwelling together, people associated by blood or marriage, individuals who have children together, or individuals who're in a relationship or have dated. Sexual orientation is irrelevant to the functions of the household or household members. At Alabama Divorce & Family Lawyers, LLC, we imagine in each the importance of protecting orders for domestic abuse victims and due course for those accused of violence.

Meltzer & Bell is a client-driven agency that believes your life comes earlier than all else. We battle, scratch, and claw so that it does not matter what our clients’ lives aren’t modified for the worst. With your future in mind, we are able to aggressively tackle your case, day or night, no matter how easy or complicated. Domestic violence just isn't restricted to those typical cases where a husband beats his spouse.

In contrast, hundreds of harmless women and men are wrongly accused of household assault and domestic violence. Family violence charges are severe, carrying heavy punishments and prison sentences if convicted in Texas. It’s important domestic violence attorney to remember that simply because your or someone you know is accused of domestic violence doesn’t imply that she or he is mechanically responsible.

Defense Victory at trial for a restraining order, Judge dismissed criticism towards the consumer, finding victims’ allegations and testimony not credible. Such intimidation or violations don't have to be proven particularly but may be alleged as a “continuous course of conduct” offense. The prosecutor can try and show this by showing a number of situations lawyer for domestic violence of intimidation or criminal threat beneath CA Penal Code 422 or stalking underneath California Penal Code 646.9. Especially in instances that place it's one person’s word towards another’s, along with false testament in the courtroom, these instances can lead to false imprisonment and eternally change a person’s life.

By taking a motion toward your attacker, you are not only defending your self however other potential victims. Without our staff, we wouldn’t be capable of providing our shoppers with something near the level of service they receive after they work with us. AFFF Firefighting Foam lawsuits aim to hold manufacturers accountable for placing peoples’ well-being at risk. Legal action is being strategized by our attorneys for Horizon Therapeutics’ failure to correctly warn sufferers of potential hearing loss and unwanted side effects. The barriers ladies face to leaving, the most important of which is financial dependence on their abuser, these ladies want applicable assistance that may make it economically possible to go away from their abusers.

An involved reader wrote to ask Parent24 about his duty in a state of affairs where he suspects a neighbor is a victim of domestic violence. To turn out to be a lawyer, you should first earn a bachelor's diploma from an accredited school or college. Arizona, for instance, in 2011, adopted Attorney Diversion Guidelines. Cases eligible for diversion usually domestic violence lawyer concerned with “minor misconduct” related to poor workplace management and supervision. Cases involving domestic violence are expressly excluded from the Arizona Supreme Court’s attorney diversion program. Keep your Address Confidential- Inform your attorney that you do not want your current handle listed on any documents that your abuser might receive or view.

A false accusation of domestic violence can have severe consequences for everyone concerned. You should work with a Pittsburgh violence victim lawyer all through this process. Doing so can prevent additional victimization in the courtroom and give you space to heal from everything you've skilled. If the choose believes that a victim uncovered their kids to an unsafe environment by staying in an abusive relationship, they may doubt the victim’s ability to father or mother. This places an unfair burden on abuse victims, who often cannot depart for monetary or safety reasons. I was arrested for allegedly hitting my wife, I had a previous for the same count, and I was dealing with jail time.

This dynamic, nevertheless, tends to perpetuate a cycle of abuse; the abuser can take out his or her aggression on the spouse with impunity, and the abused spouse could find it, as a practical matter, inconceivable to flee. Having a skilled domestic violence lawyer who is conscious of all of the ins and outs of how to defend against felony expenses with the “domestic violence” label is one of the best moves. For occasion, with two strangers, a law enforcement officer may have probable trigger to consider that one person domestic violence law committed an assault towards the other stranger that resulted in bodily harm. While the law enforcement officer may arrest the particular person, they could or might not select to do further investigation earlier than seeking to arrest the individual. If it's an intra-family offense, law enforcement should arrest the person. As your legal counsel, we are going to reach out to your accuser, as applicable.

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sandythereadingcafe · 1 year

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COVER REVEAL CRUEL KING by K.A. Linde Release Date: March 28 A new stand alone fake relationship romance set in the glitz and glamour of the Cruel world from USA Today bestselling author K.A. Linde... The most eligible bachelor in New York City just asked me to be his fake fiancé. Gavin King is six and a half feet of delectable billionaire with a devil’s smile that says he knows exactly what he’s going to do to me later. Because he has. Three years ago, I caught him in the shower and promptly fell into his bed. But neither of us were relationship material. Not to mention I’d just broken up with his best friend. Now, I’m back in the city and he has a plan: Go to his cousin’s wedding. Convince his family that he’s not an eternal bachelor. Post a huge elaborate break up later. With those big puppy dog eyes begging me to agree, claiming I’m the only one who can pull it off, I say yes. What could go wrong? Other than pulling it off so successfully that the line between real and fake blurs. When my family flips the whole script, I can’t see a way out. And I’m starting to wonder if I even want one. Pre-Order Links: ✦ Amazon → https://amzn.to/3WNy97l ✦ B&N → https://geni.us/NookCK ✦ Apple → https://geni.us/AppleCK ✦ Kobo → https://geni.us/KoboCK ✦ Google Play → https://geni.us/GoogleCK ✦ Audible→ https://geni.us/AudibleCK (coming release day! narrated by Erin Mallon & Joe Arden) Goodreads Link https://bit.ly/3Chatjw Meet K.A. Linde: K.A. Linde is the USA Today bestselling author of the Avoiding Series, Wrights, and more than thirty other novels. She has a Masters degree in political science from the University of Georgia, was the head campaign worker for the 2012 presidential campaign at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and served as the head coach of the Duke University dance team. She loves reading fantasy novels, binge-watching Supernatural, traveling, and dancing in her spare time. She currently lives in Lubbock, Texas, with her husband and two super-adorable puppies. Visit her online at Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @authorkalinde. Join her newsletter for exclusive content, free books, and giveaways every month. Wildfire Marketing Solutions

#books #cover reveals #Cruel King #KA Linde

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laresearchette · 1 year

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Saturday, November 25, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: A TALE OF TWO CHRISTMASES (W Network) 6:00pm HAUL OUT THE HOLLY (W Network) 8:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT? BYRON ALLEN PRESENTS THEGRIO AWARDS (CBS Feed) I’M GLAD IT’S CHRISTMAS (Premiering on November 28 on CTV Life at 7:00pm) TIME FOR HIM TO COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (Premiering on December 03 on W Network on 6:00pm)

FIFA WORLD CUP SOCCER (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 4:45am: Tunisia vs. Australia (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 7:45am: Poland vs. Saudi Arabia (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 10:45am: France vs. Denmark (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 1:45pm: Argentina vs. Mexico (TSN/TSN3) 8:00pm: Match of the Day

NCAA FOOTBALL (TSN2) 12:00pm: Georgia Tech vs. Georgia (TSN2) 3:30pm: Minnesota vs. Wisconsin (TSN2) 7:00pm: LSU vs. Texas A&M (TSN2) 10:30pm: Washington vs. Washington State

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 1:00pm: Oilers vs. Rangers (SN) 4:00pm: Flames vs. Hurricanes (CBC/SN/City) 7:00pm: Leafs vs. Penguins (CBC/SN) 10:00pm: Canucks vs. Knights

MUCH ADO ABOUT CHRISTMAS (CTV2) 6:00pm: After Haley Lloyd has been burned by countless suitors, it's refreshing when shy but handsome Claud falls for her, unaware of her true identity: However, when that truth inevitably comes out, it puts their budding Christmas romance at risk.

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 5:00pm: Mavericks vs. Raptors (TSN4/TSN5) 8:00pm: Lakers vs. Spurs (SN1) 9:00pm: Jazz vs. Suns

W5 (CTV) 7:00pm: The shocking human toll the 2022 World Cup exacted under Qatar's watch; the unique perspective of three Canadian star players.

CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE (CTV2) 7:00pm: A small-town real estate agent desperately tries to convince her widowed father not to sell the family resort to a prospective buyer.

KING TWEETY (Teletoon) 7:00pm: Tweety, Sylvester, and Granny travel to the Canary Islands, where Tweety is crowned king.

WELL SUITED FOR CHRISTMAS (Lifetime Canada) 8:00pm: Sparks fly between a fashion designer and one of the city's most eligible bachelors as she creates a tuxedo for him for a Christmas gala.

A CHRISTMAS MYSTERY (Crave) 7:00pm: Rebecca (Esmé Bianco) finds correspondence from a mysterious suitor in the attic of her late mother, and she hires a handsome detective to help her solve the mystery behind the letters.

COUNTRY ROADS CHRISTMAS (Super Channel Heart & Home) 8:00pm: When the daughter of a country singer loses her job at a record label, she goes off to become her estranged father's manager and finds love along the way.

ROYALLY WRAPPED FOR CHRISTMAS (CTV2) 9:00pm: Lindsay, the NY director of an international charity organization, is called to the Kingdom of Veronia by the royal family to interview for the job of overseeing the whole operation. During the interview process, she finds true love with the prince.

THE BOB’S BURGERS MOVIE (Crave) 9:00pm: A ruptured water main creates an enormous sinkhole right in front of Bob's Burgers, blocking the entrance indefinitely. As Bob and Linda struggle to keep the business afloat, the kids try to solve a mystery that could save their family's restaurant.

FOR MADMEN ONLY: THE STORIES OF DEL CLOSE (Super Channel Fuse) 9:00pm: Comedy guru Del Close, mentor to everyone from Bill Murray to Tina Fey, sets out to write his autobiography for DC Comics.

PERFECT WORLD: A DEADLY GAME (Crime + Investigation) 10:15pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Menhaz, an internet troll, tells his gamer friends that he's going to kill his own family; the gamers think it's just another one of Mehaz's twisted pranks until he sends pictures of what he claims are his brutally slaughtered mother and grandmother.

DC SHOWCASE: CONSTANTINE: THE HOUSE OF MYSTERY (adult swim) 12:00am: An interactive film based on the character John Constantine from DC Comics.

BLOOD IN THE SNOW FILM FESTIVAL (Super Channel Fuse) 12:00am: Jess Peters secretly films interactions she encounters via online job listings, then a screenwriter hands her a script in which they are the main characters, but he isn't what he seems, and the real payment could cost her life.

#cdntv #cancon #canadian tv #W5 #blood in the snow #fifa world cup #ncaa football #nhl hockey #nba basketball

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dallasnurseattorney · 2 years

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League City Nurse Attorney

Earning a nursing career can be the most important achievement nursers have. This has been considered as one of the most wanted jobs by utmost people. Having survived all the training and studying just to come a nanny can be quite an achievement that they will be proud of. There's so important in store for nursing graduates, with a lot of openings that will present to them. All of which give fiscal as well as career security. Besides from the usual nursing jobs, there are some openings open to nursers which are veritably instigative. League City Nurse Attorney Yong J. An Can Provide Legal Counsel to Protect Your Nursing License Texas Board and contact him directly at (832) 428-5679.

Different kinds of nursers have different jobs. There are different kinds of nursers available. There are registered nursers, certified practical nursers, and other nursing instruments that will allow you to work in different nursing jobs.

A license practical nanny ( LPN) is earned by attending vocational seminaries or community council for a time. As an LPN, you're faced with different career openings, especially when it comes to home health care.

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nearly all the nursing universities offer three major programs including RN( Registered nursers), BSN( Bachelor's of Science in Nursing) and MSN( Master's of Science in Nursing). All these online nursing degree programs center on complaint forestallment, health creation, information and health care technologies, ethics, mortal diversity, health care systems, health programs and operation propositions. occasionally there are also added features like a needful clinical course, a culmination course and professional development plan that involves career planning. There are different types of online nursing degree programs that help you to come professional nursers in veritably lower time. When you want to come a Registered nanny ( RN), they enhance your foundation in the natural, physical and social lores through educational program with behavioral objects that concentrate on the development of the nanny 's part as caregiver, director of care and schoolteacher. The working registered nursers are prepared as generalists who come technical in professional chops and knowledge in nursing, guests and health care systems.

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The Bachelorette of wisdom in Nursing Degree is extensively considered a standard demand for registered nursers who are especially seeking for broader professional liabilities and career openings. The online nursing degree programs offer you to complete your degree with an educational format that's especially designed for adult learners. The benefits of studying BSN Degree in online nursing degree programs are focus on core content, accessible scheduling and commerce with peers who partake numerous analogous professional gests . Both nursing preceptors and nursing service directors design the class. It advances the pupil's critical thinking, patient assessment, leadership and exploration capacities.

#Youtube

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citizentrust · 2 years

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Medical laboratory technician

Keiser University – The associate degree program in MLT offered through Keiser University is available at its Fort Lauderdale, Florida location. Location: Cumberland, MD, and Everett and Somerset, PA.Students should be prepared to sit for certification through the ASCP upon completion of their medical laboratory technician school program, according to the school website. Students at Allegany can join the MLT Club at the school. Students also take a trip to the Regional Red Cross Facility in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, during their blood banking class. In the traditional track, students complete 13 courses specific to MLT, one of which includes an internship. Allegany College offers a traditional associate’s degree route, a biotechnology degree option, a biotechnology certificate, and a fast-track MLT program for those who have already completed their general education courses. If admitted, students begin their medical lab technician coursework mid-May, finishing over a 16-month period that features lectures, labs, and clinical coursework.Īllegany College of Maryland – With locations in Cumberland, Maryland, and Everett and Somerset, Pennsylvania, Allegany College of Maryland gives students the opportunity to complete an MLT program in a few different ways. The application period is January 1 to March 15 annually. From there, students can apply for acceptance into the program, but admission is fairly competitive, given that there are just 20 spaces each year. Accreditation: National Accrediting Agency for Clinical Laboratory Sciences (NAACLS)Įl Centro College – Located in Dallas, Texas, El Centro College offers an associate of applied science (AAS) degree in MLT but requires students to complete 39 credits in general education courses and health-related courses in the first two semesters.Location: Folsom, Placerville, and Rancho Cordova, CA.Folsom Lake’s MLT degree should help prepare students to sit for the national certifying exam available through the ASCP. Sample courses include clinical microbiology, hematology, and clinical chemistry and urinalysis. In all, ten med tech classes, including four practicums, are completed in the program. The first two semesters consist of didactic coursework followed by a semester of rotations, but these rotations do not align with the school’s typical fall/spring calendar. There are many different programs available in the U.S.īelow are listed just six of the medical lab technician schools offering programs, although there are many more to choose from:įolsom Lake College – With campuses in Folsom, Placerville, and Rancho Cordova, the MLT program at this California-based school leads to an associate of science (AS) degree in medical technology and can take anywhere between 18 to 24 months to complete. Most associate degree programs can be completed in about two years, but some fast-track programs are also available to students, particularly those who already have training in a related healthcare field, such as nursing. Medical lab technicians typically need an associate’s degree to obtain entry-level work in the field, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Medical Lab Technician (MLT) Degree & Certification Programs Keep reading for details on MLT programs in the U.S., including online options for working professionals.Īssociate's Degree (Technician) or Bachelor's Degree (Technologist) In order to become eligible for an entry-level position, prospective MLTs typically must complete a minimum of a two-year associate’s degree program. These can range from hospital labs to research labs as well as veterinary labs and even public health facilities. Once medical lab technicians have the skills needed for employment, one of the exciting aspects of their job is the ability to work in a wide variety of environments. Not the least of these is the medical laboratory technician, or MLT, who conducts a variety of lab tests to help with the diagnosis, treatment, and monitoring of conditions as varied as AIDS, cancer, and diabetes.Įntry-level MLTs perform routine clinical lab tests that include hematology, clinical chemistry, microbiology, serology/immunology, and other diagnostic tests. While no one can deny the importance of physicians, surgeons, and nurses, there are a number of other healthcare professionals who work behind the scenes, often unnoticed, making significant contributions to healthcare. Certification Guides Career Guides Interviews & Features

#Medical laboratory technician

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sunshinecoast-members · 2 years

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✘✘✘ Meet Ivy Sinclair, a Clearwater, Florida transplant from Dallas, Texas .

Birthdate & Age: November 25th -- 28 years old.

Social Media Handle: @likepoison

Occupation: Florist at A Floral Arrangement

learn a bit about her:

From the minute she entered the world Ivy Noelle Sinclair was a spitfire who demanded attention, and everyones eyes on her. Her parents were in the spotlight, her mother an actress, where her father had been a sucsessful doctor who excelled in his field. Ivy was the last ditch attempt for the strained relationship to do well, the two had simply out grown each other and it was a heavy burden for anyone let alone a child. The newborn would also be the downfall of her mother, after a few months of new born bliss and familial happiness, the actress attempted to hurt the chubby cheek baby girl and the rest opened an investigation when the same actress was found dead, deemed an overdose. Growing up Ivy would be doted on by her father from a distance and loved in the way of shiny new things, the best name brands and material items to keep her quiet and satisfied.

Her rather cold up bringing has left her to be the girl who was always seeking her father's approval and attention. Ivy grew up with a holiday home in at least three different cities, and a rather selfish exterior to those who don't know her. She's competitive and very self concious with not only her appearances but how others see her as well. Before finding herself at one of the only people she's trusts doorstep she had everything she could want, and now? She's an absolute no one and she can't help but finally find some room to breathe.

dive a little deeper:

Five months ago Ivy couldn't imagine ever stepping foot in Clearwater ever again, she'd have everything she could want, she was on track for becoming partner at a rather prestigious law firm, while engaged to one of the most eligible bachelors in town, her family was proud of her, and by any means the girl was headed to her own happily ever after all before the age of thirty. That was until one day she came home to her shared penthouse apartment and found her fiancé in bed with her rival from the law firm. In her attempt to keep the story spun in her favor she broke things off and has been traveling the world going on her honeymoon. The reality of it all? Ivy found solace with her childhood best friend, stepping into Clearwater where no one cared who she was, or the ridiculous rumors of her fiancé moving onto someone even more beautiful, and Ivy having been a woman scorned. The brunette has taken herself out of the narrative and settled in the tourist down and finally finding out exactly who she is.

#females #transplants

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

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Emp-ire “The Angel On My Side.”

Hope everyone is having a good day. And I hope you all like seeing Ramirez a little more because he is going to be present a lot in these next stories. I hope you find this fun because I had fun writing it :)

“Relax would you, you look like…. Well you look like you're sitting in the dentist's office waiting for a root canal.”

Adam looked up from his hands as the shuttle rocked from side to side, “Sory, I just generally prefer to drive. This guy keeps dipping too shallow and it's making me nervous.”

Ramirez rolled his eyes and kicked back to take a look at the pamphlet he was reading, “Listen to this. I picked this up back on the station and it's pretty interesting read.” He cleared his throat, “Within the last eighteen months GA xeno planetary analysts have green lit twenty potential colony planets for human habitation. According to xeno-scientific experts, these planets are all perfectly habitable, and unlikely to ever produce sentient life of its own. Each of these planets has a suitable climate for a large population though xeno experts will be strictly limiting colonization in an effort to not destabilize the planetary ecosystem. Each colony will be heavily monitored by members of the xeno colonization taskforce. Efforts will be made to keep the natural landscapes of the planet as intact as possible. For these reasons the use of technology, and natural gasses are being strictly limited by the Interplanetary Energy Association. Some experts postulated that these limits on technological use might have a hand in deterring colonists, however this theory has proven to be false as slots for planetary habitation fill up quickly. Furthermore xeno cultural experts have been stunned at the sudden and rapid development of micro cultures within the colonies. The term they are using is called Rapid Microcultural Evolution, often these cultures are very specific and very niche to each planet often based on dead or outdated human cultures from history largely influenced by popular media.”

He set down the pamphlet, “Isn’t that cool, I was reading in here at it seems like there are “themed” Colonies now. Like the one we are going to is like wild west, but there is also a sort of greek/roman style one that popped up in the milky way, and even a victorian one out somewhere in andromeda.” Adam tilted his head, “Guess you and I are going to have to start a colony.”

“Alright, what theme are we gonna pick, can’t be sci fi because we live in that.”

Adam leaned back in his seat, “You ever stop to think that we only consider it sci fi because I watched too many space movies from the 2000s. Technically it's not sci fi its sci fact. I have a house on the moon, and fly a spaceship.”

“Good point.” He walked to sit over next to Adam, “So what time period do you think is cool.”

Adam tapped his foot on the ground, “how about…. Renaissance?”

“I was thinking vikings or WAIT Aztec.”

“Mmmm some of my ancestors were viking.

“And twenty bucks says some of my relatives were Aztec.”

Adam shrugged, “Just mix them together and make Aztec vikings and ‘bam’ you have the craziest space culture ever. Big ass viking men who drag you back to the ziggurat to pull your beating heart out of your chest for a good Maze harvist.”

The two of them laughed for a second until the shuttle dropped into upper atmosphere, and then the two of them went relatively silent as they prayed to make a safe landing as the shuttle rocked and bumped through the upper atmosphere. The sky on the planet was a very vibrant blue, almost more so than earth, and as they descended towards the barren open desert, they thought they might have seen a oup of horses riding north over the barren, rocky landscape.

When they landed, Ramirez stumbled from the shuttle and out into sunlight throwing a hand up to protect hi face.

It was hot, and the croaking of strange alien insects rose up around them. The site they were at was arid and mostly deserted with a single wooden building before them and a shiny new set of train tracks.

The two of them stared, “Awesome.”

Looking around, they could see miles and miles of open plane, mostly desert, but some tufts of strange looking scrub brush and more than a few rocky plateaus rising into the sky.

Then they looked around at the people.

They were not disappointed.

Men and women alike in jeans and suspenders, with wide brim hats and gun belts. Some of the women had on long skirts and decorative hats or even bonnets on a few occasions. There were a few horses tethered to the side of what they assumed to be the train station.

“I think we are a bit overdressed.” Ramirez said, leaning over to whisper to Adam.

He nodded, lets go change and then buy some train tickets to the capital. We have to find somewhere to get horses if we want to make this any sort of experience.”

Ramirez frowned as they made their way towards the train station, kicking up dirt in his wake, “Wait, horses, hold on I thought we were just going to kick up around town, go to the saloon, get drunk and maybe hit on a couple of bar maids or something.”

Adam snorted, “Please we can’t go to the cowboy planet and not put our equipment to use.’

They shoulder their way through the double doors, their feet clattering on the wooden flooring. A few faces looked up at them from the waiting benches, but mostly they ignored the two strangers.

Adam motioned ramirez towards the bathrooms and the two of them made their way over, Glad that this was at least one modern convenience that they got to keep. Ramirez took a little while to get his gear on, and when he stepped out of the bathroom Adam was already waiting for him.

Waiting for him leaned up against the wall, the brim of his hat low over his eyes. Ramirez was a bit surprised at how well the other man fit into the role. He was wearing a light blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up at the elbows, and a black vest over that, his hat was black and he had blue jeans tucked into black boots. A brown leather gunbelt hung at a canted angle on his hips.

When he looked up Ramirez grinned And adam shook his head, “You dumbass, do you even know how to put that on.”

Ramirez looked down, “What!”

Adam walked over, “I thought you lived in texas.”

He grabbed Ramirez by the shoulders and began adjusting his clothes, “Come on, If you are making me spend time with you, the best you could do is not look like a dumbass.”

Ramirez held up his hands Grinning as Adam grabbed the pistol from his holster and adjusted the belt.

“Hey Adam, is that your gun belt or are you just happy to see me.”

Adam looked up at him with a withering gaze, “I hate you you know that.”

Ramirez grinned, “I know.”

Adam flipped the gun around, “Holster Like this if you want to be authentic, now quit being a dumbass or we are going to find out what it feels like to get a bootheel to the balls.”

“Kinky.”

He didn’t see the short side handed slap that came for the side of his head but still felt it was worth it as he tugged on his hat.

His poison of choice was a white shirt and no vest with brown boots and the light tan hat from earlier. He thought he looked sexy as hell. In fact he would go so far as to say the both of them looked pretty hot. Two eligible bachelors out on the town…. Well one eligible bachelor and a slightly less eligible bachelor with huge baggage issues still hung up on his one and only love, but that was more of a mouthful.

Adam left Ramirez standing by the door and walked over to buy some tickets, which were also being purchased using credits as anywhere else. When he walked, his boots clomped over the floor and jangled lightly. No one bothered to look up as he went past making it clear just how common that occurrence was around here.

He came back later with two train tickets and sat on the bench next to ramirez leaning his head back against the wall.

Adam crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to be asleep, while some alien insects buzzed around the room rather annoyingly.

It was hot and Ramirez tugged at the collar of his shirt.

They were there for probably thirty or forty minutes before a distant train whistle jolted the two of them back into wakefulness.

Adam stood and so did Ramirez, the two of them jogging noisily outside onto the wooden platform in order to watch the train.

Though the train had wheels and ran on tracks, big, black and impressive, it clearly wasn’t run on coal or natural gas. However, whoever had designed the thing had clearly put great emphasis into making it look as realistic as possible, and the thundering roar as it rolled over the tracks was something to behold, vibrating in their bones in a way that just wasn’t captured by the maglevs of earth.

“Damn, that is cool.”

Adam smirked a little, “hey think the train will get robbed on our way back to town.”

Ramirez grinned, “If we don’t, I want my money back.

The platform around them started to fill up some, and they stepped back as the train pulled to a stop, urged back by a few conductors as a couple of passengers stepped out carrying bags. Some of them were cleary tourists, though there were a fwe who looked like citizens.

Stepping onto the train, the two of them were ushered into a car in the back and sat in an uncomfortable wooden bench as they watched the other passengers slowly filter onto the train. No one even looked at them twice, except, Ramirez noticed, a very pretty cowgirl who stepped o second to last and sat a few rows behind.”

He grinned and elbowed Adam in the ribs, who looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I think this planet is going to really benefit from….. A latin lover.” he whispered seductively.

Adam punched him in the leg.

He yelped, “Ouch, dude, no sense of humor.”

“I don’t know, I thought that was pretty funny.” The two of them shared a laugh as the train began to chug forward over the tracks, slow at first and then faster and faster until the landscape was rushing by below them.

The ride was rather bumpy and sort of loud, but they were ok with that.

The sun inched towards the horizon as the train moved, and the sky faded from blue to a delicate violent towards the horizon.

At some point Adam drifted off at his side and ended up slumping against the window.

Ramirez let the poor guy sleep and sighed.

It had been a rough time for the crew, and for him, but he hoped he was doing the right thing by coming out here and taking him on some sort of adventure. Sure he had selfish motives, and wanted to see cool things, but he liked to think this was mostly for his friend.

The entire sky was almost purple now, and the light of a distant city sprung up before them.

He nudged Adam awake, and the other man sat up blinking owlishly as he looked around. Little lanterns on the carriage had been lit, illuminating the interior of the train with dim yellow light. The train began to slow, and then pulled to a stop as they got to their feet and stepped off.

Walking off the wooden planks of the train station and down into the muddied dirt road of the Bramble Colony Capital: Two Sun.

The streetlights had already been lit though horse drawn carts and carriages were still being pulled through the streets.

Dogs barked on occasion and voices rose up from houses and establishments on either side of the wooden boardwalk street.

“Where to?” Adam wondered/

“The Saloon!”

“You are such a dumbass.” Adam said, shaking his head, but he followed after Ramirez. Walking down the street their boots clattering voer wooden boards and through mud the leather of gun belts creaking slightly as they walked.

“Dude I feel like such a badass.”

Ramirez turned to look at Adam eyebrow raised, for the first time since their trip started, he seemed genuinely excited.

“Glad I’m not the only one!’

“Hey!”

The two of them drew to a halt in the mud turning to the side where they spotted a man sitting on one of the wooden porches. Ramirez’s eyes widened as he saw the shiny golden star on the left side of the man’s chest, “Sheriff!”

The man Raised an eyebrow probably not used to being greeted so enthusiastically.

“You two new around here?”

The two of them grinned at each other as the man’s exaggerated rural drawl fell over them.”

The man narrowed his eyes.

“Yes sir, just visiting.”

“Well you see this building behind me.”

“Yes sir.”

“You two fools get into any trouble and you'll be behind bars faster than a thoroughbred from the starting gate, you hear me.”

Ramirez jumped up and down in his boots turning to look at Adam, “Wild west jail.”

“Not a tourist attraction Ramirez.” He turned to look at the Sheriff who was still eying them and grabbed his friend by the shoulders steering them clear, “We’ll keep our noses out of trouble Sheriff.”

Ramirez was still grinning as they made their way down the street, “Do you have a death wish?”

“He won’t kill me, but wouldn’t going to cowboy jail be a great story.”

“Getting dragged would also be a great story when all my skin pealed off.”

“Dragged?”

“Old west form of punishment where you get dragged behind a horse till dead.”

Ramirez shook his head, “I will go with a no on that one, also not a big fan of hanging, but I could do a firing squad as long as I was allowed to make a really bad pun before I go.”

Adam snorted with some amusement as they made their way towards the loudest building on the street. From the sound of the out of tune piano on the inside and the drunken singing , they were in the right palace.

Adam Grabbed Ramirez by the back of the shirt and dragged him away from the swinging doors, “Hold on, hold on.”

Ramirez stopped, “What.’

“Ive always wanted to do ths.”

“Do what?”

Adam cracked his neck and his knuckles before stepping towards the door and pushing both open. The clatter of his boots was loud on the floor and Ramirez waited for that expected moment when all of the sound would stop and everyone would turn to look at them.

That…. Did not happen.

In fact, no one noticed the two young men as they made their way inside the hot, cramped room smelling of liquor and sweat.

“My disappointment is immeasurable and my day has been ruined.” Ramirez whispered.

Adam frowned, “yeah my expectations were, well, expecting something better than that.”

Together the two of them made their way over to the bar, both leaning against it in exaggerated nonchalance before bursting into laughter. The bartender, a stern looking redhead walked over, “And what do you boys want.”

Ramirez patted Adam on the back, “me and my friend are looking to get very drunk very quick, think you can help us.”

The woman sighed, but ducked behind the bar.

Adam tilted his head at Ramirez, “I thought you didn’t like it when I drank.”

“When you drink alone, yes, but when you drink with me, we have a party.”

“Sure we do.” Adam snorted

The woman came back a moment later with two shot glasses and bottle which she set on the bar, “This will get you drunk.”

Adam flipped over the bottle to take a look, “Shit, Ramirez, this is practically paint thinner.”

“Tastes like to too.” The woman said as she poured two shots of the stuff and slid it over to them.”

Adam took it gingerly like it was a snake about to bite him.

Ramirez raised the glass, “Ready when you are, cowboy.”

“Don’t call me that.” Adam said raising the glass, and together they kicked it back bith grimacing and sputtering as they came back up to set the shots back on the bar.

Adam wiped his eyes, “Damn, Like…. Rubbing alcohol.”

Ramirez waved a hand in front of his face “Makes my eyes burn just thinking about it. Another!”

“Sweet heavens above.”” Adam Implored, but slid his glass back to the bartender, who seemed very amused.

“Are we going to end up in jail by the time this is over.”

“Probably.”

They took another shot.

It was about ten or so minutes later when Adam started to feel the warm fuzzy sensation inside his chest. Ramirez had already vanished somewhere tryin to woo the local population. No one was safe.

He took a seat at the bar head down staring at his glass.

Why was he thinking about Sunny all of a sudden.

“Someone break your heart.” The bartender said dryly. When he looked up, he expected her to be wiping at the same greasy spot of counter with an even greasier rag, but she was simply leaned against the bar staring at him.

“That obvious?”

“Nine out of ten times its the best guess, besides, most of the time two shots from that bottle can lighten anyone’s mood.”

“You got something….. Strong but like…. Good tasting?”

“You mean something brightly colored and fruity?”

“Yeah, something brightly colored and fruity.” She Smirked, “You're braver than most men at this bar.”

“I knew we were dressing as cowboys, but I didn’t know the 1800s let us borrow their views on drinks too.”

She laughed, and returned a few second later with a martini glass full of bright green liquid, “There that should do for yah.”

He sipped at it a little, and satisfied it wasn’t going to peel the first layer of his insides began to drink.

“So, this girl of yours… she leave you.”

“No uh…. I sort of left her.”

“You some kind of simpleton…. Idiot maybe/”

He sighed and slumped down in his chair. “That’s what I’m told… I left her…. So I wouldn’t hurt her. I don’t think she understood but….. I’ve been pretty messed up since the war.”

“A soldier huh.”

“Not much of one.”

“ANd your friend over there, the one dancing on the table, is he a soldier too?”

Adam turned around to look towards where Ramirez was standing on a table and dancing around like a moron to the flight of the drunken crowd below, “He sighed, do you know what a synonym for moron is?”

“What/”

“A marine.” He stood, “Hold on a second while I go get him, “

He walked over to the table hands on hips and looked up,”Ramirez, Get down from there.”

“Or, or you could come up here.”

“Or I damn well won’t.”

He turned around in a circle stamping his boot and clapping his hands.

“Come on! Have some fun.” off in the corner the piano was going loudly getting faster and faster.”

“If you don’t come here I pull out the shoe.”

Adam looked back at the bartender who looked more amused than she did annoyed. So he sighed and held up a hand, “help me up.”

Ramirez grinned and grabbed him by the hand, helping to haul him into the table, where the two of them linked arms and began dancing around in a circle in some horrible tandem rendition of square dancing mixed with swing dancing. The table wobbled dangerously back and forth threatening to tip over as their weight distribution swayed around and around. Laughing and Drunken chanting started up as the piano started to go faster and faster.

Those who were able to sing along in time with the words, soon stumbled over them, their lips tripping over the words that spilled from their mouths.

Adam and Ramirez stomped their boots and kicked up their heels in a wild tornado, both of them having surprisingly good rhythm. The piano grew faster and faster and faster until they were simply spinning around in a wild circle.

And then the door slammed open.

The piano cut off, and Ramirez went tumbling into Adam causing the two of them to pitch backward off the table and hit the floor with a loud “thud”. The room was dead silent except for the sound of boots rattling over the ground.

Adam ad Ramirez groaned rolling into sitting positions as they looked up at the intruder.

The man they saw was…. Greasy and unkempt with a snarled black beard and a pockmarked face. He wore a tatty black leather jacket and grimy fingerless gloves. His clothing was travel stained and filthy. When he walked into the room, his smell was just as present as he was.

“Don’t stop on my account.” He said, “it looked like we were just getting to the fun part.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing back here Louis.” the bartender snarled,”I thought we made it very clear that you weren’t welcome last time.”

The man raised his hands innocently, “Oh please, I am just here to/...collect charitable donations.”

“Get out! Or we call the sherif.”

“Sheriff is busy…. Chasing outlaws outside of town.”

Adam and Ramirez exchanged looks as they slowly got to their feet.

The man reached towards his belt, “You boys stay right where you are.”

Adam raised his hands, “Woah, no harm done.”

Adam glanced towards Ramirez, giving him a look as he began to inch quietly to the side. Adam moved strategically in the opposite direction keeping his hands up.

He tried to look as shifty as possible to keep the man’s attention, “I think you should leave like the lady said.”

“Oh ho so one of the twinkle toes dancing boys thinks I should leave.”

“I do, so i am going to ask politely first.”

“And then what.” his hand inched down hovering over the grip of his gun. Adam did the same, though his fingers had gone numb. He was a good shot, but dueling! He knew he would fumble! He just knew it.

“I’m going to stop you.”

He laughed, “Oh you wil,l will you.”

Adam stared hard at the man’s face watching Ramirez move into position behind the man’s back, “I will…. I have the angel’s on my side.”

The man started to laugh.

Ramirez struck, grabbing a bottle from the nearest table and cracking the man across the back of the head with it. The man went down hard but Ramirez doubled over clutching his hand,”Fuck….. My hand! I thought those were so supposed to break! Shit.”

Adam leaped forward pinning the man to the ground.

A few other men and women rushed forward to help and soon enough they had him hog tied on the floor.

He stood up heart beating with exhilaration.

Ramirez rubbed his hand and groaned in pain.

Adam pressed his knee into the man’s back.

The bar tender came around from behind the bar, “That was a dumb move boys brave but dumb.”

Adam looked over to where ramirez was still nursing his wound, “yeah, I think that describes us pretty well doesn’t it. I got this guy, the rest of you can go back to drinking.”

The bartender shook her head, “You buys drink free tonight.”

Ramirez grinned, “how can I say no to that! Drinks on me!”

Adam ignored the cheering of the bar for a moment, as he pulled the guns from the mn’s belt, and…. A very large knife. He noticed the decorative handle and, out of curiosity, pulled it out. It felt heavy in his grip, with good heft. He tested the edge against the hairs on the back of his arm, and they fell away smooth.

“Not bad.” he muttered.

Sunny would like…..

He paused

Looked down, looked around and then back down fighting with himself internally before.

Discreetly tucking the knife into his own, empty, knife sheath.”

Looking up he saw one of the serving girls staring at him.

He blushed and held up a finger to his lips.

She smiled, ruby red lips parting slightly, and winked at him, turning away exaggeratedly as if she hadn’t seen anything.

The door crashed open again a few moments later, and the Sheriff came barging into the room huffing and puffing like a bull, covered in dust, fingers stained with cordite. He paused in te doorway frowned at the scene before him and walked over, “Louis Grey.”

He looked down at Adam, and then Over at Ramirez who was taking advantage of his momentary glory.

“Thought I told you not to get into trouble.”

“You never told us not to stop it.”

He grunted and motioned to a few men to help him drag the body back to the jail, “Guess this is a thanks I owe you then. He has outstanding warrants in several counties, can never catch him though greasy little weasel.”

The unconscious man was dragged away only just beginning to stir. The sheriff shook his hand. “You boys be safe, and try not to do something so dumb next time.”

Adam touched the brim of his hat. “Yes sir.” He reached down to touch the knife at his belt, “We will make sure of it.”

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ocw-archive · 3 years

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Rolling Stone, July 2005

Wedding Crashers Owen & Vince are Hollywood's reigning pranksters and most eligible bachelors By ERIK HEDEGAARD At first, it's a little disconcerting hanging out with Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn at Dodger Stadium, in Los Angeles, watching a ballgame. Given what you know about them from their movies, you expect a few things. You expect Owen to act lazy, goofy and stoned-out, and Vince to be tossing off raised- eyebrow wisecracks, and girls to be gathered around, hoping for a ride home. Instead, after ordering two hot dogs, two bottles of water, two Cokes, nachos and a bag of peanuts, they turn to each other and start riffing in a Gauloise-smoking, grad-student kind of way, not a joke in sight. "What exactly does the word 'circa' mean, do you think?" Vince says to Owen, apropos of nothing, really. "It means 'around,' " Owen says to Vince.

"Right. But what exactly does it mean?" "It's just a bullshit kind of thing to say to sound kind of smart. 'Presupposes' is another." " 'Presupposes.' " "And 'Cite your sources.' " " 'Cite your sources.' " Then Vince offers up an example of his own. " 'Parenthetically speaking.' " " Oh, yeah," says Owen, savoring the phrase. "That's a good one." Briefly, both are silent. But then, suddenly, Vince erupts with another random query: "Who was the president of the Confederacy?" Owen: "Jefferson Davis. Who wouldn't know that?" This is all very well and good, but it isn't exactly what you want to hear from these two, especially since they've got a movie coming out called Wedding Crashers, about a pair of pickup artists who specialize in hooking up at weddings. Skip the history lesson. Let's talk chicks. But that would be so crass, so expected. So, the conversation veers off in any number of different directions. They both firmly deny that they, along with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Will Ferrell and Owen's actor-brother Luke, are part of some highly organized, tightknit, power-consolidating, new- order comedy mafia, as recently postulated by the thinking heads at the New York Times. Getting back to the game, they both say that as kids they stunk at baseball. "I just wasn't any good," Owen says, looking a bit down. "I'm afraid of the ball." Licking nacho goo off his fingers, Vince says, "On my team, they called me Eagle Eye. At first, I was excited, like, 'Hey, Dad, they love my eye!' And then, when I'm at bat, they tell me, 'Come on, Eagle Eye. A walk's as good as a hit.' And then I sort of figure it out: 'Hey, wait a minute. They're not cheering me on to swing but to not swing!' It wasn't exactly flattering." Owen is about to add more of his two cents when out of the blue a dolled-up, exceedingly top-heavy brunette makes an appearance a few rows away. All talk of childhood traumas comes to an end. Vince checks her out. "There'll be no babies starving on her shift!" he says. Owen grins. And suddenly all is right with the world again. Owen Wilson is most often seen around L.A. wearing jeans and a T-shirt, chewing peppermint Altoids gum, maybe sitting on the lap of some Playboy Bunny or other, his blunted, twice-broken nose not holding him back any, flopsy- mopsy blond hair looking beach-boy-slacker perfect. On the Internet, Wilson watchers refer to him as "the Butterscotch Stallion," for the color of his hair and his presumed wild, wild ways. It's well known but bears repeating: He's a writer as well as an actor, and with senior-year University of Texas roommate Wes Anderson has penned three great movies, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore and the Oscar-nominated Royal Tenenbaums, all of them featuring the roundabout loopy dialogue that suits him so well when he speaks it. His snappy flapping lip single-handedly saved Armageddon from being totally unwatchable, and he's not a bad flyboy-hero-under-pressure, either (Behind Enemy Lines). Vince Vaughn is staggeringly tall and pretty beefy, with a sometimes puffy-looking face and an odd penchant for wearing fatherly wingtip shoes. Whereas Wilson's laugh is honk-honk-honk, Vaughn's can be a nearly girlish squeal. His first major movie role, playing fast-talking semi- loutish Trent in 1996's Swingers, made him an instant star, though in the movies that followed (way-serious acting roles in The Locusts, the dreadful Gus Van Sant remake of Psycho, The Cell, etc.) he lost his way, only to find it again starting in 2003, in comedies like Old School and then DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story. Nowadays he's most often seen playing a softer, mellower version of his old Swingers self, a welcome sight. In the past, Wilson has dated Sheryl Crow and, most recently, Argentine burlesque dancer Carolina Cerisola. Vaughn once dated Ashley Judd, Joey Lauren Adams and Janeane Garofalo. At the moment, however, neither is seeing anybody. They're single, out there, on the loose, a couple of ladies' men who are pleased to be free and, of course, free to be pleased, just like their characters in

Wedding Crashers. On the lush green grounds of the Getty Museum, in Los Angeles, Wilson is sitting in the shade, at a table, munching away on a Rice Krispie Treat, just hanging out and talking about some of his preferences in women. He is, he says, primarily an ass man. "It seems to me if a girl has a good ass, she has a good body," he's saying, "but I'd almost just as soon not have sex if you're going to have to wear one of those, even though it's hard to find the moral high ground when making that argument to a girl. Anyway, there are other ways." As it turns out, this overall general attitude of his recently made the news, in a half-blind item in the New York Post, as follows: "Which blond stud, nicknamed the 'Butterscotch Stallion,' has a perverse sexual bent? He recently picked up a girl at a wedding [!], and the two went back to his hotel room. When the woman asked if he had a condom, the actor replied, 'I don't want to have sex with you, but I do want to do something else' -- and proceeded to lick her buttocks for 'over two hours.' " OK, so Wilson's real interest in butts is allegedly as objects to be licked. It's nothing to be ashamed of, really, and Wilson probably isn't, nor is he likely to be upset by his fling's loose talk. It comes with the territory, and he's got a sunny attitude about such things. "It's like, 'Who cares?' " he says. "I play it as it lays. OK, so I may not be the greatest lover in the world. Well, let's make that angle work. There's lots of different paths to the waterfall. You don't have to be Don Juan. And wasn't it Gloria Steinem who said that women have to be responsible for their own orgasms? Well, I take her at her word. I'll do my best, OK, but at a certain point you've got to, like, you know...."

#2005 #interview

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