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obsessive-ego · 4 years

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Green vibe

Musical Beetlejuice xfemreader

After you caught beetlejuice with your vibrator, you were mad at him, he trys to win you over with a replacement.

WARNING nsft content, voyeurism, possessed vibrator, yeah with a clueless reader

Part one

You couldnt help but laugh at the contents of the gift, a few days ago you caught your pal beetlejuice with your vibrator in his mouth, you were so upset at this breach of privacy, you decided to just ignore him, there was no point in being upset or angry with him, he never took anything seriously anyway, let alone your feelings. The rest of that day was so weird, it was like he wasnt even there, he avoided you, and you him, when Lydia summoned him back, there were no 'good byes' or warnings, just a cloud of smoke and silence, you thought nothing of this, eventually you'll forgive him, and things will be fine, but right now, you wanted to be upset.

But this, an apology gift? You honestly never would have guessed beetlejuice was capable of apologizing, let alone with a gift. You couldnt help but laugh through your nose when you saw the contents, a bright green vibrator, a little bottle of lube, and a note. As embarrassing as it is to have the ghoul pick out a sex toy for you, his heart was in the right place at least, maybe the Maitlands suggested this, the apology gift part at least, probably not the whole sex toy part.

The note though, his hand writing was a mess, but you've had professors with worse.

"Sorry I put your vibrator in my mouth, here is a brand new, NEVER BEEN OPENED one, and some lube to get the party started, PS this one is a tad bigger ;)"

'Never been opened' you inspect the package, factory seal still intact, you sigh, glancing back at the note, you blush rereading the part saying 'this one is a tad bigger' the idea of the demon remembering your old toy's size and deciding you needed a bigger one made a shiver run up your spine.

As awful and chaotic as he could be, there was a part of him that honestly ment well, despite all of his glaring flaws you honestly really liked him, he was so much fun to have around, he was funny, creative, attractive, and charming in his own gross way.

You bite your bottom lip, today was a shitty day at work, maybe you could try it out, let off some steam, but first, is the demon is question around? How did this box even get here? I mean he's magic, so, either way you do a sweep of your apartment just in case.

With the coast being clear you decide its safe. You take the toy out of its box, Beej wasnt kidding it was bigger, you sigh and take it to the bathroom to clean it.

As you busied yourself, you shiver, shrugged it off as nerves, unknown to you Beetlejuice was standing right beside you, giddy as can be, of course he made himself invisible to you. Earlier that day he begged Lydia to take him to your apartment so he could apologize to you, the teen couldnt take his whining, and caved. A few months back you gave the kid a key to your place so she could feed your cat when you were out of town for a weekend, and never really asked for it back. You didnt live too far from the Deetz, give or take a 10 minute bus ride, or a 20 minute walk, so having the goth drop by wasnt uncommon or have her drop by summon beetlejuice and leave wasnt uncommon either.

"Gonna give me a show sweetheart? You're gonna love this thing doll, I promise~" beetlejuice was buzzing with excitement, he honestly didnt think youd try it out right away, he WAS gonna jump out and surprise you and see if you accept his apology, but kinda got caught up in watching you he forgot to become visible again.

Beetlejuice watches you dry off the vibrator, he couldnt help but drool, he loved watching you work with your hands, would love to have them work on him.

Walking back into your room, you close the door behind you, you live alone, but old habits die hard. You slip out of your pantyhose and skirt, oblivious to the wolf whistles and lecherous eyes.

Sliding off your panties, you slingshot them at the laundry pile and miss, Beej couldnt help but laugh "nice try babes, you ever need a hand with aiming, I dont mind being a target~" pointing to his face.

You plop down on the bed, propping up some pillows to get more comfortable, you were kinda nervous, this thing WAS bigger then the old one, and you've been meaning to get an upgrade, but still, taking a deep breath you reach for the little bottle of lube that was included to the apology gift.

Beetlejuice was sitting on the edge of you bed watching like a hawk, he nearly screamed when he saw you pick up the tiny bottle, the vibrator was untouched, but the bottle, he couldnt help himself, he spat in the lube before boxing it up, call it a more personal touch, or an indirect kiss.

Taking another deep breath you squirt a bit of the lube onto you hand, gently apply it to your vagina, you gasp at the cold contact. The demon was drooling at this, hair an electric pink, you were using his spit, sorta, to get yourself ready for a toy HE got you, he had no idea what he did to get such a stroke of luck but he wasnt complaining.

As you lube up the toy, beetlejuice began palming himself through his pants "come on sugar, you're gonna love this, there is no way you wont forgive me after this" he purred, not that you could hear him.

You mumble a soft 'okay' as you carefully slide the toy in, you've done this multiple times before, but the fact that this was a new toy, a new size, made you a tad nervous, being stretched a little further then usual, did feel good.

"That's it Sugar, that's it, you're doing so well, you like that? Nice and thick, just like yours truly~"

you sigh, toy fully inside.

"Take your time sweets, make sure you're well adjust" the demon coos, freeing his cock from its prison.

You turn the toy on, buzzing to life, you jump and curse, even on the lowest setting it had power. After you regain your composure, you begin pumping the vibe in and out, already panting, and moaning, beetlejuice begins matching you pace for bit before picking it up.

"Alright sweetheart, its showtime"

With a snap of his fingers the vibrator begins pumping itself, matching the ghouls pace, buzzing harder then orginally set.

"What the fuck?!" You shriek, gasping and squirming, you let go of the vibe, watching it move on it's own, a weird mix of horror and arousal, what the fuck what going on?! Maybe you should have read the box, or instructions, your train of thought was interrupted by the vibrator picking up its pace, you roll your head back shouting curses and praise on how good it feels.

"You like that sugar?" The demon purrs leaning over you, as hot as it would be to fuck you proper, possessing a toy to fuck you was still incredibly sexy, and the fact that you were openly enjoying it was the icing on the cake.

"PLEASE Beetlejuice, thank you!" You scream, hips bucking hard.

The ghoul flinches, yes it was hot to hear you scream his name, but you didnt put two and two together did ya? You can be clueless at times, but...

"FUCK" you shout cumming hard.

"Already? Sweets? I'm still working on my own" he demon sighs, "I know you're a one and done type sweetheart, but today, how bout we change that?~" his voice drops to that low seductive tone that would make a shiver run up your spine, not that you could hear him.

The buzzing has stopped, the movement has stop, you lay there basking in the aftermath slowly regaining your breath, sighing, it hasnt been that good in a long while, you reach for the box the toy came in to see what was up with that setting, before you could reach the box the buzzing started again, you flinched still being sensitive from your first orgasm. Your old toy used to do that, turn on and off for no reason, so you didnt find it odd, you go to turn off and pull out the vibe, when the intensity ramps up and the pumping starts up again.

"Round 2 sugar" the ghoul coos "nice and sensitive, and soaking wet for me~" beetlejuice begins pumping his cock again, starting off slow, then gradually picking up speed, the vibrator matched his pace, Beej drooled at the sight of you, an absolute mess, because of him, hair a mess, legs shaking, flushed, on the brink of tears, he loved it, he wanted you so bad, to pound you into the mattress for real, but you were so clueless to his advances.

You were so nice to him all the time, you laugh at his jokes, let him scare whoever is dumb enough to knock on your door, yeah you two fought, but you always came around, but this time he thought he owed you a proper apology.

"Come on sugar, you look so good for me, you like that? Yeah you do, come for me sweetheart, give me all that you got" the ghoul whispers in your ear, bucking hard into his hand, the shout as the vibrator mimicked his actions, beetlejuice couldnt help but chuckle at the beautiful sounds he was getting from you.

Beetlejuice begins a punishing pace stocking his cock, he was close, could you blame him? The sight of his breather an absolute hot mess plus the noises you were making? He's surprised he lasted this long. But he needed you to come first since he was possessing the toy.

With the pace beetlejuice has set, had you shaking, "Fuck, I can't, I'm gonna-please, Beej!" You babbled

Beetlejuice has spied on you during your private time more then once, it was always music to his ears when he herd you say his name during that special time.

"BEETLEJUICE!" And with that you came for the second time, bucking your hips hard, beetlejuice came shortly after, helping you ride out the orgasm with the vibe, he slowly turned down the buzzing till it stopped completely. Once you came back down, you were quick to remove the toy, and good as it was, you were too exhausted for anymore, and feeling a tad dizzy.

"Have fun sweets?" Do you forgive me?~" Bj coos, not that you could hear, he straightens himself up, wiping his cum covered hand on his pants.

Once you're back together you finally pick up the box the vibrator came in, you sigh when you see the word 'Netherworld', that explains alot, he got this from the netherworld.

"A vibrator for the dead, dead or not, that was amazing" you sigh

Beetlejuice couldnt help but mimic your sigh, not that he needed to breath, thank god slash satan for oblivious nature.

"I guess I can forgive that dumbass" you mumble as you redress yourself, the demon still sitting on the edge of your bed does a little fist pump, mission accomplished, he'll probably reveal himself to you in an hour or so.

Staring at the freshly used vibrator while he waited for you to leave the room, hoping he'd get the chance to 'clean it for you' this time, but of course you were the tidy type, and snatched it right from under him.

Well at least you forgive him now.

Bonus

Later on that evening, You were in the kitchen making fried rice, simple but yummy, as you stirred around the contents of the pan you start to zone out.

"what's cooking good looking?" a familiar gravely voice whispers in your ear.

You nearly jump out of your skin

"BEETLEJUICE!" You shout, the demon couldnt help but laugh.

"Love that loud voice of yours sweetheart, bet it sounds great in the bedroom~" he laughs

You sigh, trying to collect any dignity you had left "when did you get here?"

"Lyd's and I were messing with your neighbors and she ditched me here, kid's today" he shrugs.

That wasnt the first time that has happened so you believe him.

"SO, did you get my gift? Did you like it? Did you take It for a spin?~" he purrs that last part wiggling his eyebrows.

Blushing hard at what he was implying, you look at your feet and mumble a quick yes.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Do you forgive me?~" beetlejuice's face was inches from yours, eager for the awnser he already knew. You nodded, and the demon pulls you into a tight hug and spins you around like a rag doll.

"PERFECT! So did you enjoy it?~ on a scale from 1 to me, how hot was the ride?~" he cooed finally coming to a halt.

"BEETLEJUICE!"

He laughed at your embarrased expression, he was thrilled to have his breather on his side again.

#nsft #beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader

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turtlepated · 4 years

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The Handbook for the Recently Married (to the Deceased)

Chapter 3 -

[TW: brief, loose description of a panic attack. Just tread lightly! Don’t wanna upset anybody!]

Tag list: @sapphic-florals , @beetlejuicebeadoll , @do-ya-hear-that-sound , @imtherain , @imsuchahobbit , @pastelnacht , @tialanderrol , @sammyskip

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At my pronouncement Beetlejuice whipped around to face me so quickly that his head actually spun on his shoulders like a top for a moment before he stopped it by clapping both palms to either side. There was also an audible record scratch followed by complete silence. “I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked, jamming a finger into his ear and wiggling it vigorously as though a blockage may have caused him to mishear me. “I said I’ll marry you. If you want, that is.” He blinked slowly a few times, his mouth opening and then shutting again. His brow furrowed deeply, his eyes narrowing as he fixed me with a doubtful look. “This is a trick, but I’m not sure how.” Despite the complete absurdity of the situation, or maybe because of it, I laughed through my nose at the blunt certainty in his statement. “No trick, you have my word.” Beetlejuice scoffed incredulously and I recoiled from the spray of saliva, wiping the wetness off my cheek. “Nice try, dollface,” he sneered, pacing around me so that I had to turn to keep him in sight. “I’m not fallin’ for that one.”

“But I really mean it,” I insisted. “You said you wanted life, right?” Eyes still narrowed, Beetlejuice gave a jerky affirmative nod. “Yeah…?” “And the only way for you to… become alive is to marry a living person?” He turned his head, fixing me with a mistrustful side eye. “Yeah…?.” I nodded along, shrugging one shoulder as though it were the most casual suggestion possible. “So then, why not marry me?”

I could practically hear the wheels in his head turning, his expression softening from skepticism into slack-jawed surprise and back again as he debated internally. I watched, amazed and curious, as shoots of different colors flared in his hair like a neon sign: purple and red and blue and yellow. After taking a long moment to think it over, he looked back at me with eyes wide and round.

“Why?” he asked, his raspy voice so quiet it came out like a croak. My throat tightened and I had to swallow hard to force the feeling back down. No one had ever looked at me with that kind of vulnerability, no one had ever spoken to me with such bald openness, and I wondered if he was even aware of just how transparent he was in this moment.

I flashed him a lopsided smile, relieved when my lips didn’t tremble and the burning in my eyes subsided. “You said you were tired of being alone,” I explained, taking a deep breath and mustering my courage. It was my turn to be open. “I am, too. So… let’s get married.” His brows knitted together, his eyes darting back and forth as he thought, his tongue darting out to wet his parted lips. “You’re… you’re serious?” I nodded firmly. “That way, neither of us has to be alone anymore.” From above and behind us, someone cleared their throat. Beetlejuice turned to look and I leaned sideways, peering over his shoulder at the man on the platform. He was still sweating bullets and pale as milk, but he was trying to smile in a friendly way that ended up more of a grimace.

“It just so happens, I’m ordained,” he announced. “I could marry you right now!” At the podiums, Delia let out a sharp cry of alarm. “Otho!” she chastised, aghast. “What are you doing?!” “Oh, shut up, Delia!” Otho nearly shrieked, his voice ratcheting about an octave higher. “I can’t die in Connecticut! Mr. Ghost Demon, sir, if you’ll let me down I’ll gladly perform a civil ceremony!” Beetlejuice beamed, his previously serious and rather melancholy demeanor wiped away as easily dry erase marker off a board. With a snap of his fingers and a tremendous puff of brilliantly green smoke, the scaffold and gallows disappeared and left Otho standing on solid ground, his hands patting himself down all over as if to make sure it was still in one piece.

“Anything can happen in a live show, folks!” Beetlejuice said into his mic, turning once again as if addressing an audience. “We’ll be right back with the wedding of the century! Eat your hearts out, Will and Kate!” Tossing the mic carelessly over his shoulder (it landed somewhere with a shrill scream of electronic feedback) Beetlejuice reached up and began fussing with his bow tie, smoothing the ruffles down the front of his green polyester button-down shirt. “Let’s get this show on the road, Skippy! What’s first?” he asked, practically bouncing over to Otho and slinging an arm around his shoulders like they were old school friends. Jumping and uttering a tiny frightened sound, Otho cleared his throat and took a moment to compose himself before turning on a winning, charismatic smile of perfectly white teeth. While they worked out the particulars, Delia and the Maitlands converged on me like a flock of extremely concerned birds.

They all began speaking at the same time. “You don’t have to do this!” Adam insisted, whispering vehemently so Beetlejuice wouldn’t overhear. “He’s right, we can figure something out together!” Barbara agreed. “We can’t let you go through with this!” Delia tittered anxiously. “He’s a demon!” “He’s dangerous!” “His vibes are atrocious!” I raised my hands in a supplicant gesture, trying to get them to calm down when I felt a cold, clammy hand take me by the elbow. “Shake a leg, babes! It’s showtime!” Beetlejuice tugged me resolutely after him to where Otho stood with his hands clasped loosely in front of him like a very posh reverend. The specter had undergone another wardrobe change, now wearing a somewhat shabby and extraordinarily garish tuxedo of red crushed velvet, his verdant hair slicked back flat against his head. It took a very long moment for me to realize that since pulling me away from the three distraught sympathizers, Beetlejuice had been talking animatedly.

I had thought that I was making, if not a rational decision, then the only logical choice I could make. Now that the moment was upon me, I found that I wasn’t quite as at peace with the whole arrangement as I’d thought I was. Beetlejuice’s words, which were still issuing from his mouth at a startling rate, did not penetrate the cottony fluff that seemed stuffed in my ears as he steered me forward. Was this what getting cold feet felt like? I wasn’t sure, I’d never been engaged before, I’d never been anything before. What had I gotten myself into?

Beetlejuice pulled me up short beside him, turning and glancing me up and down. “Hmm,” he murmured thoughtfully to himself. “Just a sec, doll. Needs a little…” He trailed off, snapping his fingers and enveloping me in a puff of red smoke. It cleared a moment later and I looked down at myself to see that I was now clothed in a long-sleeved dressed of frilled layers with a high, lacey collar. It was also bright red to match his tux. At my right side, Beetlejuice grinned toothily and took my hand, tucking it into the crook of his left elbow and turning us both to face Otho. “All right, sunshine,” he said, grinning ear to ear and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. “Do your stuff!”

Otho’s eyes darted from Beetlejuice’s to mine, his mouth pulling into a thin line and his eyebrows rising marginally as if to say, “Sorry”, and then he cleared his throat and began to speak. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today before these witnesses to join this… erm…man and this woman in wedded bliss!” Behind us I heard scrambling footsteps, craning back over my shoulder to see Delia and the Maitlands rushing forward as if to put a stop to the proceedings. Without turning, Beetlejuice made a sharp, dismissive gesture with his free hand and the three of them stopped suddenly as if they’d collided with an invisible wall. “Can we just, uh, skip to the important parts?” he asked/instructed the reluctant officiant. Flustered and put on the spot, Otho’s mouth opened and closed like a fish a few times but he did as he was asked.

“If you’ll both just sign your full names to this marriage certificate,” he said, withdrawing a flat leather pouch from an interior pocket of his jacket. He opened it, rifled through for a moment, and pulled out a single slip. “Got a pen, pal?” Beetlejuice asked, plucking it deftly from Otho’s fingers as he dove into another pocket in search of a pen. When Otho produced a pen, Beetlejuice gestured for him to turn around and pressed the certificate to the man’s back, signing his name on a line at the bottom of the document before presenting the pen to me with a flourish. “M’dear,” he said with an enormous rakish grin. I watched my hand reach mechanically forward and take it from him but it wasn’t acting on any conscious input from me. I raised the pen to the paper and wrote my name on the dotted line. Otho spun back around, Beetlejuice insistently stuffing the paper back into his hands. He read the document carefully, shot one last sorrowful look at me, and added his own signature to the final line before shoving the pen back into his pocket without replacing its cap. “Very well then. Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth; do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?” Beetlejuice was beaming at me, his hair such a vibrant shade of green it was practically glowing. “I do!”

I blinked dumbly, momentarily thrown by the unexpected normalcy of at least part of his full name as Otho turned at last to me. “And do you… yada yada yada, so long as you both shall live?” he asked, cutting an anxious glance to Beetlejuice who was making an impatient “hurry it up!” gesture. I opened my mouth but couldn’t make a sound, my mind going totally blank. I could hear muffled thumps and voices behind us, as if Barbara, Adam and Delia were trying to get through whatever invisible barrier Beetlejuice had erected between them and us. My eyes turned to the expectant face of the man beside me. Beetlejuice’s eyes were fixed on me, his grin slipping slightly as I kept my silence. I heard myself say the words in my head before they made it to my lips: “I do.”

Exhaling quietly, Otho concluded, “Then by the power vested in me by the state of whatever, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” Without further adieu, Beetlejuice slipped one arm around my waist, grasped the back of my head with the other hand and crushed his mouth against mine as he spun me dizzyingly around, dipping me so severely I gasped against his lips, sure that I was about to hit the floor. But he held me up with apparent ease, cantilevered at a steep angle to the floor, and took my gasp as an opportunity to slip his chilly tongue into my mouth. The scent and taste of him flooded my senses; damp soil and stagnant, mildewy water, dead leaves and the sickly-sweet odor of long-wilted flowers. It was wet and melodramatic, slightly musty and interspersed with an almost painful press of teeth. He was also making no attempt to be quiet about it, moaning lewdly against my mouth.

How much longer was he planning this to go on, I wondered? Laughing softly through my nose, I figured I might as well play along and raised my hands to his face, cupping his jaw. His bristly scruff was rough against my thumbs as I ran them up and over his cheeks, my fingers coming to rest in the short, thick hair at the base of his skull. A jolt passed through him as he sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and his eyes snapped wide open. Just as quickly and easily as I’d gone down he swung me upright, separating from me with a sound like a plunger being pulled from a sink. We looked at one another in silence for a beat, my eyes rising to the top of his head where I could swear strands of his hair were turning a soft cotton candy pink. Clearing his throat and averting his gaze, Beetlejuice lifted his hands up to his face. He spread and wiggled his fingers, rotating them at the wrist to scrutinize the front and back of his palms. “Huh,” he grunted, underwhelmed. “That seems pretty anticlimactic.” “Was something supposed to happen?” I asked. He gave a noncommittal, one-shouldered shrug. “I mean, I thought so, but maybe-”

Beetlejuice cut himself off with a sharp cry, doubling over, his face crinkling as if in pain and his hands pressed flat against his chest. All of us jumped back, alarmed, unsure what to do as he let out a strangled gasp, curling further in on himself, staggering unsteadily and grunting, his eyes pinched tightly shut and his teeth bared. After a moment he relaxed, head hanging down, trembling arms braced against his thighs as his back rose and fell in deep, shuddering breaths. “Wow,” he said, somehow even raspier than before. “That was a thing.” Blowing out one last hard exhale he righted himself, hands on his hips. “So! When do we eat the cake – oh….” Beetlejuice froze in place, his mouth a tiny o, his eyes the size of saucers. “What was…? There it is again!” He dashed the few feet over to me, so fast I thought he might bowl me right over, seizing one of my hands in both of his and mashing my palm firmly against his chest. “Do you feel that?!”

I stiffened at the unexpected closeness and contact, but I tried to figure out what he was talking about. Truthfully, I didn’t feel anything at all at first, but when I concentrated I did indeed distinguish a rhythmic thump. “Your… your heartbeat?” I asked. A harsh gasp tore from him, his face going totally slack in shock. “I have a heartbeat?” he repeated numbly. “I’m… alive?” He let out a bark of laughter, then another, then launched into a full-on bout of hysterics ranging from deep belly laughter to high, tittering giggles as he flung both arms around my waist, lifted me up and spun me around, so overcome by his elation. “I’m alive! I’m aliiiiive! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’ve never been so happy!” With another loud gasp he stopped again, the skirt of my dress swinging around us as he plopped me unceremoniously back on my feet. “I’m happy!” he said, the word coming out as a reedy squeak.

His joy was so contagious I couldn’t help smiling myself. Even the others, glancing uncertainly to me and one another, were looking at the very least hopeful that maybe it was smooth sailing from here on out.

It was not.

“Oh God, what if it doesn’t last?” he whined, twisting his hands together anxiously. “Oh God, it’s gone! The happiness is gone! What if it never comes back?! Now I feel bad! Ugh, why does it feel like I swallowed a bowling ball? And like somebody melon-balled out my heart?! That’s not fair, those feelings don’t even go together! Now I’m mad!” We all stood stupefied by the intensity and speed of his emotional 180. He rounded on us in a fury, charging towards no one in particular and raving about how society failed to teach men how to properly process their anger. The others clustered loosely together, safety in numbers after all, and I stepped toward him, laying a hand lightly on his arm and making a soft shushing motion with the other. He stopped when I touched him, chest heaving, jaw clenched, eying me hard. “Just take a deep breath,” I urged, taking care to keep my voice as calm as possible, demonstrating for him the long slow inhale through the nose, the long slow exhale through the mouth. “Try it,” I said when he looked doubtful, still practically panting but at my insistence he begrudgingly copied me, sucking in a huge lungful of air and puffing his cheeks out. We exhaled at the same time and repeated the exercise and I was relieved to note the tension draining out of the set of his shoulders and the forearm which I still had my hand curled loosely around.

“Better?” I asked. He grumbled something under his breath. All eyes turned in the same direction then as a door opened in the wall, emitting drifting mist that glowed faintly green. Lydia emerged from the murk, followed closely by the tall man who had run through after her, presumably her father. Both of them stopped dead, faces freezing into nearly identical masks of confusion as they took in the scene before them: Delia and the Maitlands huddled, Otho hiding behind them, while Beetlejuice and I stood together in ostentatious red wedding apparel. “What the hell?” said Lydia, her father too befuddled to reprimand her for the swear. The door swung silently closed of its own accord behind them, awkward silence filling the room until I cleared my throat. “Are you Charles Deetz?” I asked. Charles Deetz nodded mutely. I raised my hand in a half-hearted wave. “Hi. I’m your neighbor. I brought your mail.”

Delia raced forward then to Charles and Lydia, flinging her arms around them while the Maitlands kept their distance for the time being, turning their attention to myself. “What’re you gonna do now?” Barbara asked, trying not to make it obvious that she was talking about the now no-longer-dead demon standing next to me. I raised my eyebrows. I hadn’t even stopped long enough yet to think about what would happen now. “I… have absolutely no idea,” I admitted, turning to see that Lydia had pried herself free from Delia and had marched over to Beetlejuice. She stopped right in front of him, glaring defiantly, arms crossed over her chest. “That was a crappy stunt you pulled,” she said matter of factly. Beetlejuice, unimpressed by her demeanor, held his ground. “Don’t gimme that, half pint. You started it!” he growled back. Lydia’s glower faltered, replaced with total incomprehension. “What? What are you talking about?” Beetlejuice pointed triumphantly, nearly poking her in the face as he said, “See! There you go again!” She batted his hand away and considering his shaky handle on the whole emotions thing, I thought it best to intervene before things got out of control. I looped my arm through Beetlejuice’s and steered him purposefully away from the irate teen and towards the door. “Come on, honey, we don’t want to overstay our welcome.” Charles and Delia, who’d been cooing and fussing at one another, seemed to remember their unexpected guest at that point and called after me. “Wait!” Charles began, bringing himself up short, unsure of what to say. “Will you… be all right?” He shot a quick glance at Beetlejuice as if to add “with him?” I felt Beetlejuice tensing again next to me, leaning into him and laying my other hand against his bicep. “We’ll be just fine. It was, er… very nice to meet you all!”

With that, I opened the front door and walked out with a husband in tow. As we descended the steps, from inside I heard someone, it sounded like Delia, shout, “Congratulations!”

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Ah, weddings. Tears, emotions, full blown meltdowns and threats of physical violence...

Thanks for reading! Up next, domestic bliss with the Juice man! PFT!

If you’d like to be tagged, gimme a shout!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice broadway #beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice x self insert #my writing #Pate writes #The Handbook

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deck-of-cards-arc · 4 years

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The sun shines down upon the base, the rays sweltering and blinding. The one star in the sky looming over the entirety of Carterre. Yet somehow, the darkness still consumed the very likeness of the fortress. Every corner seemed like a shadow with its claws grasping onto the stone brick walls of the place. In the middle of it all, it was all but silence. The wind was still, yet the air was heavy. I was told this place used to be a place of common commerce, market stalls of produce and food used to line the stone walls. It was never intended to be a place reckoned as a fortress, now with the crimson banners and stains on the walls. This was the only place that blocked access form the Noir Kingdom. Hopefully, soon, it would change. And it will, as a lone soldier donned in red metal armour decided to patrol right into my line of sight. They walked too close, possibly could’ve seen the frightened eyes hidden in the darkness of the fortress, so I might as well have struck. One good smack to the head by the hilt of my sword later, that was at least taken care of. The other eyes stepped forward, the one with clubs for her brown irises simply poking the unconscious body with the handle of her dagger.

🌹 “Well, that was easy.”

🔥 “Too easy?”

🌹 “No, because we aren’t spouting clichés today, Ai.”

♦ “Besides, the real difficulty is taking the rest of them out. There's about a hundred of them here”

🃏 “Yeah…so many and so spread out.”

♠ “Focus, the stairway isn’t far ahead. We just have to move further”

🔥 “We’re near the gates, I think I can set the fire there. Should be enough to lead them off.”

♠ “Alright. Rose, get Ai over there. We’ll get into position to move up.”

🌹 “Roger.”

🃏 “Who’s Roger?”

🌹 “No I mean-, nevermind”

I huffed a breath, taking Ai by the forearm and guiding her through the shadows. Shuffling near the walls, hiding behind the mess of clutter surrounding the place, and soon we reached the gates. Ai stood by it, her hands rubbing together as if she were creating a spark. And unsurprisingly, it worked. The fire in her hand was bright and burning, remained as such whilst she lowered it to the grass. It was a good thing she got the endorsement from Morgan, otherwise, this would set him off. Once the fire was set, I grabbed Ai’s arm again. This time, with a finger snap, we were back in the shadows. I peeked around the wall, watching them all act like moths as they were drawn to the flame. From the opposite side, a few of those moths were tied up with vines before they could even move. Morgan raised a thumb at us before continuing up the stairs with Lou. I heard grunts and punches thrown from above us. Sounded like Jacques was in position too. All the pieces were set in place.

🔥 “It’s showtime.”

🌹 “You ready?”

🔥 “Born ready, let’s go”

And with that, we split. Ai ducked and rolled to her position. I snapped my fingers to get in position, the whole of the second floor now in my sight and area.

The floor was clear of guards, thought the walls were a whole different story. Every inch of them was covered in the crimson flags and banners that dominated the fortress. I scoffed at the tacky decorations and moved on ahead. Through the openings of the wall, I could see the bursts of the fire from above on roofs. Accompanying the heated rage was the strong whirlwind just as planned. And according to that plan as well, the soldiers were absolutely demolished. I felt the smile grow on my face hearing the hermit’s cheery laughter so loudly before I reset my mind back to the task at hand. I kept scouring on the second floor. Passing by the grown flora around and the cracks against the walls. Soon enough, the familiar heads of brunet covered by a green hood and of twilight blending with his cape were in view. I whistled, turning them around to face me.

🌹 “You said there were a lot of guards around, no?”

♠ “Yeah, we took them down. Didn’t you seem them when running here?”

🌹 “What are you talking about, the floors were clean”

Morgan flashed a confused expression before he returned to his usual.

♦ “Nevermind that, the ones leading this platoon of soldiers should be here. For all we know, they may also be a Card-bound.”

♠ “Right. Let’s focus, we’ve got a serious target. Be on guard, Rosie, Morrie”

♦ “Pff-”

♠ “Now what's with the giggle?”

♦ “Nothing, nothing, you're too cute when you say our names like that”

♠ “AM NOT!”

I couldn’t help but giggle too as I marched on ahead. Morgan’s not wrong after all, he’s the one puffing up his cheeks and pouting. Nevertheless, we slowly made our way through the halls. It was strangely quiet. Strangely dark. As if this whole thing wasn’t as strange. Trailing my hand across the stone, I huffed a shaky breath. I stopped for just a second, feeling the flow of the soldiers come in rapidly. But it was just a platoon, no? Luckily, I could bring in more help form myself, just with a finger snap. I was spreading myself, or rather my selves, out a little thin but it was enough to slow it down. Such a large flow of the Rouge soldiers, it was unsettling nonetheless.

It wasn’t until I took a turn, seeing the open ajar wooden door that it hitched. I held up a fist to stop the two behind me before I readied my sword. Slow, steady steps in the quiet hall down to the door. Palm against the wood, pushing it slowly to reveal the room. With openings for windows that reached almost the ceiling. With makeshift tables made out of empty crates and sheets of cloth. With boxes of parchments, books and charms. That what drew my eyes first, as I reached a hand to inspect the objects. The books were scriptures of the Cards. From their words contained within them, detail archaic events or quotes I couldn’t exactly grasp. For all those bound by either the Clubs or Spades. The charms were like dreamcatchers, in away. They all were strung by either string or wool, with small jewels for what I assume, good vibes. I placed the things back, looking back to Lou and Morgan. The Diamond-bound was busy inspecting the rolls of parchment on the table. The Spades-bound was preoccupied with swiping the unscathed map of the land. One thing was for certain with the room, the leader wasn’t here.

Or so we thought, as the echoes of clicking, clacking against the stone caught our attention. My hands reached for my sword instinctively and my legs lunged towards the door. Morgan took the initiative too and ducked behind the table, Lou hiding with him only a second later.

As soon as the door swung open, as soon as the figure took a one…two…three steps, the door shut tight

“NOW!”

The arrows were shot, just beside her cheek. The shock was enough to freeze her, giving me nice ample time to position my blade under her chin. The adrenaline hit us too hard since it was second before we realised who we were pinning against the door.

♠ “Ms…Le fond..?”

♦ “Evequeline, what are you doing here? Rose, lower your sword”

I followed the orders, the sword now at my side instead. The High Priestess heaved a deep breath and moved a few steps forwards away from me.

♥ “I came here to deliver urgent news”

♦ “Couldn’t it wait for after the mission?”

♥ “It affects this mission too, your highness”

♠ “Don’t call me that”

🌹 “What does it have to do with the mission?”

♥ “It’s important, you must listen”

♠ “Okay, okay, what is it.

My gaze shifted from Evequeline’s gentle but worried expression to her firm grasp on her staff. That small moment, as I saw that hand move, as that worry shifted to darkened face…

The realisation hit me too late.

♥ “You have already lost.”

I couldn’t swing my sword fast enough. But Lou could. His rapier knocked the staff away before she could even land her strike, his card pushed her against the wall firmly with the winds. I pointed my sword back to her, now with Lou’s blade and soon Morgan’s arrow also holding her back

♠ “LE FOND, HOW COULD YOU?”

♥ “I am not sorry, your highness.”

♠ “STOP CALLING ME THAT, YOU TRAITOR!”

♥ “Since when was I on your side?”

🌹 “…The Hearts Sisters…They were always with the Rouge kingdom…YOU were always with the Rouge kingdom. They weren't insurgent, and YOU knew that!”

♥ “How else did the armies find your base?”

🌹 “Not without a spy.”

♦ “Everyone died…BECAUSE OF YOU”

♠ “You're supposed to Priestess, yet you killed hundreds…Why? Why are you hurting us, why are you fighting for imbalance!?”

♥ “My reasons are none of your business. And besides, there’s in knowing now. Now when you’re losing”

At that very second, I reeled back. The sight was flooding back to me as she spoke of the devil.

Ai was on the ground, barely able to stand. Not with a figure’s foot pushing her down with a loud and agonising crack. The figure was chuckling away as I saw the hermit crying eyes and throat out for someone, anyone…

Jacques was grounded too, arms clutched and unable to reach for their card. It was only just a small rach away, but the deep crimson wounds all over their body made moving seem like hell.

Me? I was pushed against the wall, staring up the soldiers pinning me. I could barely breathe.

Even in the room with my actual self, I couldn’t breathe. Morgan was calling my name, but I couldn’t hear it. The vertigo was surrounding me, I spread my selves too thin. And of course, that was her chance. With a swing, she knocked back into the table. Lou was incidentally knocked back too, right into the boxes. Morgan was the only one still standing. Just before she delivered another blow, he dropped a seed. Vines of flowers shot up to knock the staff right out of her hands and into his. The plants were staring to wrap around the Priestess, to which she countered with a finger snap. The room became blinding, just as I was getting out of my blackening out before the light disappeared. Evequeline had moved to just behind Morgan. He wasn’t fast enough to stop her from knocking his card out of his hand. He wasn't fast enough to stop her from kicking him down to the floor. He wasn't fast enough to stop her point a card at him square on his bowed head

♥ “I’m sorry, Diamant…but this is the king’s orders. Do not take this personally.”

She flicked it, I didn’t know what to expect

Explains how I didn’t see Lou lunge towards Morgan as soon as it happened.

It was like déjà vu, seeing those ice crystals poking out of Lou’s stomach, the crimson that spilt from there. So much so, my short of breath came back around. And I only at the side to witness it. So I couldn’t imagine Morgan’s position at all.

What I could see was Evequeline backing up slowly, even she was taken aback by her actions. I panted, heavy and fast, I couldn’t regain any breath of mine. All I could do was crawling towards Lou, the pain already seeping in harshly. Morgan was clutching the body in his arms, the glow from his hands doing almost nothing to him. The tears were already beginning to roll down his face as he pleaded. I came closer, using my own white light to surround him. But he still was coughing up blood, whimpering under his own movements. Lou tried turned around, groaning and heaving dryly.

♦ “Please, please, please, p-please, p-p-please, p-please…”

♠ “M…or…rie…it…hu…rts…i…t…hu…rts…”

♦ “I know, chérie, l-Look at m-me, okay? L-Look at me, please, p-please”

🌹 “I-I can’t do anything! It’s not working!”

♦ “What do you mean!?”

I looked closer at the crystals in his stomach, trying not to let the choking screams hurt me even more. The crystals themselves were crimson, but the blood didn’t stain it. It was as if it flowed within the ice itself.

🌹 “…She froze his blood…”

♦ “B-But, that’s fucking impossible, not unless she’s higher than a…a ten…”

My head turned to Evequeline. She turned the card in her hand around to show us. It wasn’t the Five of Hearts

It was Queen.

♦ “H-How…”

♥ “We’re done here”

Her calm and peaceful silence returned, as she took the staff from the ground and flicked it to tear a sliver of light. She stepped in, back facing us. I took that last chance to get her as my feet and arms acted on their own. It was too late to take the action, however, my body and sword meeting the cold stone instead. Huffing, slamming my fist down and cursing almost everything. I turned back to Lou being cradled in arms. His frail weak whines were haunting, they floated and hung in the air even if they were quiet. The Spades-bound curled up, his hand grasping at the grassy green cloak. Breaths were getting shorter by the second, the shines of the sapphires dulled. No waterworks escaped his eyes, but he was already in pained and stinging tears. How do I even bear to watch it all end like this, without my own tears blurring my vision and sobs clogging up my throat? Morgan was barely able to bear it at all. His words were scattered, stuttered. His hand was still over the puncture in the stomach, the glow losing its luminance. His pleas were repeating, over and over and over through his voice. Emeralds searching for at least some sign, any sign something could work at all. One slice of a chance, something to reach for to save just one soul. Hopeless and wishful thinking was all it was, though…

♦ “Chérie, chérie, p-please, please-”

♠ “I…I’m…sorry…”

♦ “What’s there t-to be sorry for, don’t say t-that please”

♠ “I…I’m sorry t…that I can’t…can’t keep…our promise…”

♦ “Please, p-please, don’t say y-you’re sorry, please!”

♠ “Then…I should say, M…orrie…t…thank…you for everything…for being…my everything…”

♦ “C-Chérie…Lou, p-please don’t go, please don’t go.”

♠ “I…said the same…to you, when…you had to l…leave…what a…turnaround…huh? S…sorry…I just noticed it…”

♦ “F-Fuck, you’re r-right, I shouldn’t have l-left you, a-all alone in t-the c-capital, with a-all those fuckers, I s-should be sorry, I should b-be-”

♠ “Shus…shhh…it’s okay…you're still here…with me…and hey…”

♠ “You got…your kiss…in due time…”

♦ “Chérie, c-chérie-“

♠ “See…there’s the…the smile I love…”

He shifted himself, laid against Morgan’s arm and smiled too. His love couldn’t help but ruffle his twilight hair softly, as he tried to stop his sobs.

♠ “Rose…”

🌹 “Y-Yeah-?”

♠ “You know…I never thought…I’d say it like this…right now…but… you’re one of my…bestest friends…too…you showed me…so much…Thank you…”

🌹 “L-Lou…please, s-stay, ple-please”

♠ “I…I want to…so badly…”

🌹 “ I don’t w-want you t-to d-die like this! You s-still have so m-much to l-live for…”

♠ “I’ll b…be okay…I’ll see…mother, a…again…she’ll take c…care of me…I won’t have…to see…The King…ever again”

🌹 “Y-Yeah, y-you’ll n-never see that dick, a-again”

♠ “Heh..he...You two…are the best…I couldn’t h…have asked for better…friends…in the uni…verse”

🌹 “L-Lou-“

♦ “Chérie…”

♠ “I…love…you”

With that, silence. His hand fell limp, his sapphire eyes were gone, his pale skin lost the lively glow it once had.

The only thing left, was a scream from the one holding him piercing through the dead air.

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#the end #ep 1 #rose #evequeline #morgan #lou #HOLDS MY HEAD

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years

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“Dope A-F” - 4/25-4/30- “Host Battle Shuts It Down”

Let’s jump right in. I need to get caught up because I am a sassy man! So let’s start with a raucous time at Pro Re Nata!

4/25

I got to do Host Battle as an open mic for one last time before we shut it down. Chris and I are both moving and neither of us really want to do the show without the other. I get to Crozet and write for a while at Pro Re Nata. A few other comics eventually show up, and we get a good hang going. JR who usually runs the show talks about what the night was going to be like. We all order some food and wait for the audience to show up. It is a rainy night and it is going to be a light crowd. Which is ok. This show rules when it is packed, but it is at least entertaining no matter what.

We have a pretty fun list. There are some people who are veterans, and some newbies to Host Battle. JR goes up and gets us started by introducing the show, and we hop right into it. Right away we had an annoying lady in the front. Who asked how raunchy it was going to be, and then Chris let her know. It was going to be an insane show.

Up first was David McCallie. His set didn’t go great, but we got a few good lines. He seemed pissed that he went first, but someone had to switch and he was the one. Paige Campbell had a pretty good set with a few good lines. A dude ran in and a dog barked at him, and Paige said, “that dog hates pedophiles.” This got a pretty good laugh.

JR went up and just listed off the grossest things he had ever done. IT was one of the nastiest things I had ever heard. I almost vomited on stage. People were dry heaving and it was so much fun.

John Marg had a pretty good set and Heather Kilburn talked about hypothetically murdering her child so that was fun. Each set had at least a few good lines and the audience that was there seemed to enjoy it.

Sam Padgett had a wild story about a gay hypnotist that made me laugh harder than I had laughed in a really long time. We had a good running gag about Charles Bill being a serial killer, and Sean Wells had a good set (he is new but trying). We had some great riffs about him being a psychologist. He got me really good when I said I was getting anxiety, and he just started listing off the different types of anxiety. It got a big laugh.

We didn’t have a huge list, and everybody all did pretty well. It was one of my favorite nights of comedy in a while. It was tough and not everything was working. It was uncomfortable, but it was definitely funny. I’d give the show a C.

The next morning JR messaged Chris and I and said that Pro Re Nata had cancelled comedy effective immediately. They said this last show was too offensive (even though the people there definitely enjoyed it). They also said they hadn’t been getting consistent audience or returns. I feel like they needed a scapegoat and we were it. That’s ok it was a fun show and JR wasn’t upset. The last Host Battle open mic shutting down a room is a memory I will have forever.

4/26

The next night I was booked at Southern Eats in Norfolk. Jose Roman runs that show and he booked me to do 15 to 20. I had never been there before so I was super stoked to see how it was going to go.

I get to the show and the venue is like a restaurant/coffee/cigar bar. It has a dope vibe, and I am hopeful people are going to show up. Jose is there and we talk a bit. I then go and see/meet the other comics. Bobby Stephens, Mindy Ess, Ian Nightengale, and a couple other guys I don’t know at all are on the show. Everyone is nice to talk to, but we are all ready for the show to get started.

It is raining a lot. So much so that the Something In The Water music festival at the VB waterfront was cancelled for its first day. We sit around for like 30 minutes past showtime to get people in there and finally we get started .It is an ok sized crowd. Maybe 12 people, some are pretty wasted and loud. They aren’t being mean, but they are definitely disrupting the show.

Jose does a few minutes then brings up the first comic who does ok. Then the next dude goes up and has a few laughs, but the audience is being pretty rowdy. The dude after him is named Drew and he goes up and is a little edgier. You can tell all of these dudes are pretty new to comedy. Which is fine, but it means they haven’t done a lot of rooms like this so they might not be as prepared to handle it. He has a joke about where do you put your dick when having sex with a gay dude with a colostomy bag.

Michael Ridley then shows up. He is going to be going last. We talk a bit and then I get ready because I am up soon. The new dude Ian goes up and they are not into his shit at all. They just aren’t vibing and it’s tough to watch. I am not hopeful for my set, but I decide that I’m just going to have fun.

I go up and get right into it. I go into crowd work because it is this one lady’s birthday. I get some big laughs about where she met her wife (on craigslist). The drunkest chick (who also works there) sits down and already hates me. She is heckling and being rude. Apparently there was a military band festival going on. She told me I should be proud and I was like why should I be proud of the bands.

She then went off and got upset (I thought it was a festival of bands for military vets). I bust her balls and get some huge laughs and eventually win her over. I continue the crowd work shitting on her and riffing on the show for about 15 minutes before I close out with a few jokes. I got some huge pops and had the hottest set. Which felt good to go on the road and be able to put my rowdy room chops to the test. I’d give this set a B.

I went outside after this and ended up getting in a discussion with a comic outside the show. He talks about trying to trigger me and bring my Richmond out, and I bust his balls back asking about if “Richmond means successful”. He kind of came for me pretty hard to start. I think because there is a lot of weird comedy drama going on down there that I don’t participate in. It cools down a bit and ends up being fine, but it definitely was some weird tension there. Not a big deal, but I also felt like it was a weird flex the way it happened. It felt like the kind of thing he had been waiting to say to a comic from Richmond since the scene up here for the most part is PC and full of SJWs (which I am not at all), but I know my value and worth and I wasn’t going to just take it.

I went back in to watch a couple more sets and before I left I talked with this comic again about the way I operate business. Why I choose to associate who I associate with, and how I am not public about it nor do I drag anyones name through the mud. If there is someone I don’t mess with on a show I don't want to hurt my brand or reputation by being on that show. I’ll never ask anyone to get bumped off a show for me, but I just quietly explain why I can’t do the show and tell them to keep me in mind for next time. It was a good respectful conversation that didn’t involve any of the tension of the earlier one. We disagreed on certain things, but it ended up being a good conversation and I left feeling good about it and hope they did too.

After this I grabbed my stuff and headed out. I had got to say my peace, have a hot ass set, and it just reaffirmed how long I have come from when I started.

4/28

I had Saturday off so I didn’t get to perform until Sunday. I only got to do one set on Sunday, but I was very excited for it. I was going to be doing a spot at Tasty’s on Southside. I have done this mic once and it was fun but the PA sucked.

The host is a dude named Carsen Young and he had been complaining online that not a ton of comics had been coming out. I get there and I am the only comic there about 30 minutes before showtime. It is a nice crowd for an open mic. There is about 15 people there and it is pretty diverse. It is about half black and half white, but it is almost an entirely gay crowd which is dope. I had a joke about Gay Conversation Therapy I had been dying to do in front of a bunch of gay people to make sure it wasn’t offensive.

Carson and I shoot the shit and have a pretty fun conversation. He is a super nice guy, and I wish this mic was more often because I have enjoyed it both times. By the time the show starts the only comics there are myself, a new girl, and Remo.

The new girl goes up first and has an ok set. There is a table of gay black guys, and one in particular is a hell of a heckler. He isn’t being mean, but he is being sassy and has something funny to say after everything. She does well and people like her.

I go up next and do about ten minutes. I go right into the sassy dude and say he looks like Tiger Woods gay uncle. This makes all of his friend’s laugh and I really start giving it to him. They call him Tiger the rest of the night, and he is attentive. We joke around and they all love my material. I got a huge pop on Gay Conversion Therapy and I finally feel like that joke is about 90% done. It feels good. I’d give this set a solid B.

I get off stage and head home. I get some food from En Su Boca and watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones (even though I haven’t seen any of them). It was a huge battle and I enjoyed it. Then I passed out. I was ready for a hopefully fun week.

4/29

The next night I was at The Southern in Charlottesville. I had a few friends that were coming out and I was really dying to try some new material. I got to the show early and was in a really good mood. I got to joke around with the staff, and the gm. After a while a few of my friends showed up like Heather, Paige, and some others.

Colby Knight shows dup with a new girl named Harley. She was there to watch but I had overheard her mention to Colby she wanted to try it one day. So I took it upon myself to tell her she was performing that night. I signed her up and told her it was either perform or she could leave. She seemed nervous, but she agreed to do it.

Chris got there about an hour early and joined in on the hang. Padgett, Abdulla, Luzader, Keaton, Berthelsen, JR, McCallie, Marg, and some new faces. It was a fun and exciting hang. Kenn also showed up but something came up and he had to dip out early before performing.

The best part was Brett Leake was there. Brett is a great comic and a better person. He asked me about JFL and my writing process. We talked about this blog, and just all things comedy. He had so many encouraging words to say to me and we talked about 15 minutes. He is one of the nicest and most genuine humans I have ever met. He is a clean comic, and his observational stuff is simple and elegant. I won’t go too into detail about what we talked about, but needless to say it was a great time.

We have a nice little crowd and both of my friends came. Chris has the comic’s meeting and we decide to piggyback the show. I am up fifth. I am after JR, and before Harley.

The show starts and Chris goes up and does about 15 minutes trying to warm people up. They are into it, but it takes him a while. He does crowd work, but also tries some new jokes. He then brings up Brett and he has a good set. A few more comics go and then I get brought up.

I have a very productive set. I get some big laughs, and try a brand new joke that I riffed talking to Chris. I wasn’t going to do it on stage, but he told me to and it worked really well. I am excited about how it turned out. The rest of my set went well and I’d give it a B. I then bring up Harley and she has a good first set. It is pretty neat to be the reason someone gets on stage for the first time. Being that push for a person is dope.

I hung around a bit longer and filmed a quick vid for IG. I’ve been doing this thing Called #IsComedyHappening? where I ask someone is comedy happening and then I film myself running to the show. It is dumb, but fun.

I stick around and watch Paige’s set, and he works his tail off. People have left by the time he is up but he powers through and does new material. I’m proud of him. It was all and all a solid set.

I grab why stuff and head home. I am exhausted and need a good nights rest for the next day at work!

4/30

This was going to be a chill night. As far as I knew there was only going to be the one mic at City Dogs in Shockoe Slip, and I had asked host Ben Braman if I could go super early.

I get to the show at 7:30 because. I got to see Nate Izquierdo and Rachel Murphy for a bit since they were hanging with Braman. The show didn’t start until nine and there was another mic 5 minutes away. So my buddy Bryan Williams and I ubered over there first.

We get there and it is like 7:45. There is a few comics there but absolutely no audience. It is all newer comics and I have super new stuff to work out so I am ok with it. The host of the show is the bartender and he is a super cool dude.

He asks who wants to start the show so I say I do and I go for it. I do about 10 minutes and get some solid laughs. My R. Kelly joke hit super hard, so I know that once I get the wording right this will be a really good joke. I do some more new and It goes super well. For this room I give it a solid B+ set. I then bring Bryan up and he tries some new stuff, and works out some of his old. He has a fine set as well. We dip out and I get the uber back to City Dogs.

We get there and Ryan Mather, and Jason Kusterer had showed up. Kate Carroll was also there, and then Stella Naulo popped in. We all talked comedy for a bit. Aaron Shoemaker came in after that. Stella, Bryan, and I talked about the value of comedy classes, or books. It was a good talk, and I definitely enjoyed it.

I went up first and it was a rougher set. People were not really paying attention during Braman’s set and they continued it during mine. I had to work really hard to get their attention,. Some of the jokes worked, and some didn’t. A couple hit really hard at the end and by the time I was done people were at least laughing and paying attention. It was productive and I’d give this set a B-

I got Kusterer to do the #IsComedyHappening? bit with me and it turned out amazing. I loved it so much! I ‘m going to keep doing it every night! After kusterer’s set I hung out with my friends a bit and headed out. As I was leaving Jarvis showed up and I said goodbye. I met a homeless dude named Clinton and talked to him for about 15 minutes before finally getting in my car and getting out of there. I had a few shows the next night and I was ready for them.

So that’s it laydees! We are caught up again. I love comedy and I love this blog. I love you baybees so much! xoxoxo I have some fun shows coming up and can’t wait to write about them for you. Thanks for checking in and I’ll see y’all soon!

#comedy #roast #jokes #crozet #bomb #cancelled #cancel #standup

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mikotyzini · 6 years

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What Defines Us - Ch. 28

Link to ff.net. I’ll work on setting up AO3 eventually...not really feeling the writing/posting vibe at the moment.

It was showtime!

Well, not yet, but it would be showtime in just a few days! Crunch time! Whatever time!

The Beacon Invite was right around the corner! Training hours and practice times would be cranked up by a factor of ten. All non-essential hobbies were now non-essential! Sleeping in? Non-essential. Watching TV? Non-essential. Walking? Non-essential!!

Especially that last one. Walking sucked.

To avoid making a fool of herself in front of a huge crowd of strangers (and the television audience), Ruby needed to buckle down and focus on getting as good as possible in the next couple days. Sure, it was only a couple of days, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t improve by leaps and bounds if she tried hard enough. She realized people said ‘Vale wasn’t built in a day’ or whatever, but she wasn’t trying to build all of Vale - just a tiny portion of it!

With her current level of determination through the roof, she was back to the grind of early mornings and late nights stuffed with training. Waking up earlier, going to bed later, and spending every moment in between figuring out how to make herself better. There was going to be pain - and lots of it - but it’d be pain that came from a hard day’s work - not the lingering pain from nearly severed hands. And one of those things was clearly better than the other.

Her new schedule was to wake up, train, train, train, train, and then temporarily get distracted whenever Weiss sent a message. Not that there was any problem with that. Weiss had already been deemed a very essential part of the day. The most essential, in fact!

But the second most essential was training, which Ruby started bright and early this morning. Well, technically it wasn’t bright at all since she was already outside with Thorn and Crescent Rose by the time the sun woke up.

Her morning training went well, but she had lots of time to regret the missed opportunities she’d had at dinner to ask if Weiss liked anyone. Seriously, she’d chickened out big time - more than once, too! There’d been so many chances to bring it up, but each time she ended up sputtering like a tugboat before asking a different question instead. It was horrible! It was like...knowing exactly what question you wanted to ask, but asking a different one instead.

Ok, maybe Ruby hadn’t asked what she wanted to ask...and she hadn’t brought up anything remotely close to the topic...but she had asked Weiss to come to the Beacon Invite! And Weiss said yes!

As an extra-added, cherry-on-top bonus, she was also coming over soon to help Ruby practice.

Essential + essential = essential squared!

Essential x essential = …she was a huntress, not a mathematician!

Either way, there were a lot of essential things happening at once. Ruby was going to train hard, and she was going to ask Weiss today. She was definitely going to. That was her daily goal, and she hated not reaching her goals. If she chickened out again...then she would voluntarily ask Yang to explain the plot of whatever show she currently loved watching. That was like five hours of punishment, minimum.

Wait, did Ruby really want to enforce a punishment that could potentially be everlasting?

Yes, she would because there was no way she wanted to listen to that! So she had to ask Weiss today. It would be easy! ‘Hey, do you happen to like anyone?’ It was only like...six words. Six little words that would reveal so much information. Like, most importantly, whether or not Ruby even had a shot.

But if Weiss replied with ‘oh yeah, this guy at my office…’ or something like that, Ruby was going to knock her head against the nearest wall to put herself back into the hospital.

Just kidding. Kind of...

‘Hey, do you happen to like anyone?’

The answer would either lead to very happy Ruby or really bummed Ruby.

Oh, it’s seven words. Well, whatever - it wasn’t many! She’d used more than that to greet her toothbrush this morning. Because who didn’t greet their toothbrush in the morning? It was only the thing that kept her teeth nice and white and clean. Wasn’t that deserving of a ‘good morning?’

Oral hygiene was very essential, which meant that Timmy-Too was a big part of her day! And he was extra special because Yang had driven around town to find him after his twin brother, Timmy, had grown a bit too old and frazzled. That had been a sad day...but now Timmy-Too was here, and there were six more Timmy’s in the closet waiting to be opened!

Humming a tune to herself, Ruby dashed into the kitchen to fill up a bottle of water for training (fairly essential - dehydration was no joke). Hearing a buzz from her pocket, she set down the partially-filled bottle and pulled out her scroll to find a message...from Weiss!

Wait, why was that surprising? Weiss was the only one who messaged her besides Yang and sometimes Blake.

Anyway, the message said...‘Is now be a good time to come over? I can leave the office in a few minutes.’

Yes! The best part of the day had finally arrived. Ruby had only waited alllll day for this very moment. Typing a happy response filled with exclamation points, she sent it off and stared down at the scroll for a second. When she saw that the message had been received, she slipped the device back into her pocket and continued her humming, adding in a few whistles to boot.

Weiss was comin’ over, yeah, yeah, yeah! Weiss was comin’ over toni-i-iight.

Reaching over the sink to fill her water bottle all the way up - whistling all the while - she glanced over her shoulder when she felt eyes watching her - and found both Yang and Blake staring at her. Blake was impossible to read, as usual, but Yang had this smile that said she was pleased to see something.

“What?” Ruby asked, shutting off the faucet and screwing the cap back on her bottle. The question made Yang’s smile turn into an outright grin.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“I’m always in a good mood!”

“Uh huh…” Yang replied in a teasing tone. “So it wouldn’t be a certain short-tempered heiress that’s got you all chipper?”

“Weiss?” Ruby asked, her cheeks warming just from just the mention of Weiss’ name. “She’s not short-tempered.”

“Not with you,” Blake remarked before grinning. “And you dodged the question.”

Ruby grimaced at the accurate observation. Nothing slipped by Blake. Once, Ruby had seen the girl grab a fish right out of the water! Like...if that little bugger couldn’t slip past on its own turf, nothing ever would.

Of course, Ruby was far more cunning than a fish!

“I’m just having a good day,” she stated as nonchalantly as possible, throwing in a high-level shoulder shrug to boot. “Isn’t that allowed?”

It absolutely was allowed. It was! But the question clearly didn’t work. Instead, Yang and Blake exchanged big smiles before turning back to her.

“Ruby’s got a crushhhhhh.”

Ruby’s cheeks instantly heated up when Yang said the word in a sing-song voice and reached out to try to tickle her in the ribs.

“Come on, Yang,” Ruby said while wiggling away. “We’re just friends. It’s nice to have a friend.”

Yang nodded understandingly. “You’re right; it’s great to have friends - especially ones you can crush on.”

“We’re friends!” Ruby reiterated. Technically, she was telling the truth. She and Weiss were just friends, but that little technicality didn’t keep her cheeks from turning as red as her name.

“Are you feeling ok?” Yang asked, her eyes teasing while she faked concern. Stepping closer, she tried to press the back of her hand to Ruby’s forehead, but Ruby backed away. “Because you’re looking a little warm there.”

“It’s really hot in here!” Lifting her hands to her cheeks, Ruby could feel the heat radiating from them. It only got worse when Yang laughed and tried to reach out again, only for Ruby to knock her hand away.

“Give her a break, Yang,” Blake finally said, tapping Yang on the shoulder before walking over to the refrigerator. “Ruby, I made some lemonade this afternoon - your favorite. Want some?”

“Thank you, Blake,” Ruby replied before sticking her tongue out at her sister. “And yeah, that’d be awesome! I didn’t know you made any!”

“Sure did,” Blake replied while pulling a glass from the cupboard. “Oh, but how would you like your ice? Cubed or crushed?”

As soon as the word left Blake’s lips, Yang doubled over in laughter.

“Oh man,” she managed to say between laughs, holding up a fist for Blake to tap. “You really crushed that one.”

They were super pleased with themselves, but Ruby rolled her eyes.

“You guys are dorks.”

“Come on, Ruby!” Yang said between giggles that made Blake beam with pride. “Admit it - I know you think she’s cute!”

Pursing her lips together, Ruby refused to respond. But that didn’t stop her cheeks from burning even hotter in embarrassment. Weiss was one of the most beautiful girls Ruby had ever seen. It was like she’d stepped right out of a fairytale - a princess who was born to be pretty.

But Weiss wasn’t just a princess, and she wasn’t just pretty. She was super smart with a great sense of humor. She was generous and thoughtful and whenever she smiled, Ruby’s heart cartwheeled in her chest.

No way Ruby was ever telling Yang that though!

“I mean, I guess she’s pretty.” Ruby shrugged one shoulder and felt her blush darken. “Anyone would think that though.”

“Anyone?” Yang repeated with a grin while Ruby nodded.

“Yeah, anyone! So no need to make a huge deal about it, gosh…”

“You should know, Ruby, that your blush might as well be a signed confession,” Blake commented as she put the empty glass back into the cupboard.

“You didn’t even make lemonade??” Ruby gasped in shock. “You lied so that you could make a crappy joke?”

Blake returned Ruby’s consternation with what was probably supposed to be an innocent expression, but it was anything but.

“Hey now,” Yang cut in as she predictably came to Blake’s aid. “I’m the master of crappy jokes around here and that was not a bad one. A bad one would be something like - Ruby, your cheeks are as red as crushed tomatoes right now.”

While both of them laughed, Ruby raised her hands to feel her warm cheeks. Yup, they were definitely redder than red.

“So you think she’s cute! That’s adorable,” Yang said, wrapping an arm around Ruby’s shoulders and giving her a little shake. “I guess that means you’re finally old enough to have the talk.”

Blake let out a small snort of laughter before waving at Yang to continue. Turning her head, Ruby looked at her sister curiously.

“What talk?”

“You know...the birds and the bees.”

“Aw Yang!” she immediately whined, pushing Yang off of her.

“I believe it would be the birds and birds?” Blake asked, the question causing Yang’s brow to crease in thought before she grinned.

“Either way, I gotta give you the talk. It’s a rite of passage!”

“That’s not a thing!” Ruby protested.

“Yeah, it is! Everyone has to go through it!”

“Who gave you the talk then?” Ruby demanded. The smile dropped right off of Yang’s face as she glanced a Blake then shivered in fake horror.

“Dad did...and believe me - you’d much rather I did this than him.”

The idea of their dad giving any kind of serious talk made Ruby laugh, especially seeing Yang’s expression. Dad sucked with that type of stuff! He always used the worst things for comparison. Once, he tried to explain how rainbows worked using a teaspoon. Ruby had listened to the entire made-up spiel before Yang interrupted with the much more understandable version she’d just learned in school.

So yes - if Ruby actually wanted to learn something, Yang was the better option. But not in this case!

“I don't need any talk!” Ruby insisted instead. “I’m old enough to figure this out on my own!”

“Oh really? Ok, Miss Independent, then tell the truth - do you wanna kiss her?”

“Yang!” she shouted, her cheeks growing about a hundred times warmer in under a second.

“Oh she does,” Blake said with a grin.

“You’re blushingggg!” Yang added, gleefully poking at Ruby’s cheek.

“No, I’m - that’s not - this conversation is non-essential!” Ruby finally yelled, only succeeding in making both of her dumb housemates burst into more laughter before she rushed off to her room to find her boots. Weiss would be here any minute, and Ruby didn’t want to be stuck with those two dumb-dumbs any longer.

If blushing was an admission of how she felt...then she’d just admitted a whole heck of a lot. Curse her cheeks for giving away her feelings! And curse Yang for seeing right through her! Was it that obvious? Sure, she might have an itty, bitty, little crush. And yeah, maybe that also meant that sometimes she wanted to - yeah, Yang was just right about everything.

“But she’s a big stupid-head,” Ruby muttered to herself while pulling on one of her boots and tightening the laces.

“Ohhh guess who’s here!” Yang’s voice called out a few seconds later.

“Yang!” Ruby shouted out of her room while hastily stomping a foot into her second boot and stumbling into the hall. By the time she made it to the living room, Yang was pulling open the front door to let Weiss inside.

“Hey Weiss!” Yang said - way too cheerfully.

“Hello Yang,” Weiss replied, eyeing the girl suspiciously.

“We were just talking about you!”

Rushing over, Ruby used both hands to shove Yang out of the doorway. Not at all annoyed, Yang walked away chuckling with Weiss looked after her.

“Don’t listen to her,” Ruby said, sending a glare towards her sister. “She’s just upset because Blake didn’t make her any lemonade today.”

“Oh don’t worry, Ruby. Blake makes me lemonade every day,” Yang replied with a wink and grin that didn’t even fade from the look of disbelief Blake gave her.

“How did you manage to make that dirty?”

“I have no idea,” Yang answered with a shrug. “It’s all in the tone, I guess!”

“Come on, Weiss,” Ruby said, taking Weiss’ hand and heading towards the garage. “Those two are being super weird right now.”

“Let me know when you wanna have that talk, Ruby!” Yang called after them, her joyful laughter filtering through the garage door even after Ruby closed it with a disgruntled huff.

“They’re teasing you again?” Weiss asked.

“What else is new!”

When Ruby tried to throw her hands up in defeat, she realized that Weiss’ fingers were still intertwined with her own. Her mind also chose that moment to remind her of all the thoughts and feelings that had been rushing through her head for what felt like forever now. And that one other word that began with the letter ‘c’ - a capital one, at that.

If Yang could read Ruby’s mind right now, there’d be no end to the teasing. It didn’t help that Weiss was so pretty. Somehow she was even prettier today than when they’d gone out to dinner. Was Weiss getting prettier? Because that’d be really unfair to the rest of the world. And bad for Ruby.

When she realized she was staring, she blushed and released Weiss’ hand before moving to the other side of the workbench as if she was searching for something. Which she was! Where was Thorn? He was always a good distraction.

“Uh, so...how have you been?” she asked while opening a few drawers and closing them without looking inside.

Great. Now she was awkward Ruby. Well, technically she was always awkward Ruby, but sometimes she hid it better than others. This was not one of those times...

“I’ve been doing well - how have you been?”

Erg. Weiss had the most put together answers ever! How did she talk like that? Ruby couldn’t even convince her mind to think like that, let alone get her lips to cooperate stringing the words together.

“I’ve been busy!” she answered quickly, a rush of pent-up energy making her words tumble out faster than normal. “I got up super early this morning and ran like a bazillion miles, then ate breakfast, then trained with Thorn, then ate lunch, then read through a strategy guide on Beowolves, then fiddled with Thorn - and that’s basically it until you showed up!”

While Ruby spoke, she shoved several odds and ends around on the workbench so that Thorn could lay in the middle without anything crowding his space. Quickly pressing a couple of metal plates back in place on the back of the glove and screwing them in, she pulled it on to show Weiss.

“I added some new features!”

“Did you? Such as..?” Weiss asked, her eyes trained on the glove as if searching for whatever changes had been made. And her interest in Thorn was genuine, which made her the most perfect person ever.

“Uh, like...a tracking device!” Ruby answered while pointing to nothing more than a pinprick in one of the knuckles of the glove. “Cuz ya never know when you might need to be found, right?”

“That would be very useful if you were separated from your scroll.”

“Or if I got kidnapped!” Ruby joked, drawing a horrified expression onto Weiss’ face.

“I...I don’t even know what I’d do if that happened…”

“You’d come to my rescue, of course!”

“Well, I’d try…”

“On a unicorn!” Ruby added, grinning when the word succeeded in making Weiss look less serious about the matter. Except she still tried to look serious while dutifully nodding and hiding a smile.

“It has been a while since I’ve taken Ignacio out of the stables…”

The answer made Ruby burst into giggles.

“The unicorn stables?” she asked.

“Oh yes. We breed them, you know.”

“For racing?”

“No, they’re just nice to look at.”

Imagining a field of unicorns whose only purpose was to be looked at, Ruby laughed so hard that Weiss finally broke her serious expression and chuckled too.

“I’d love to see those!” Ruby quipped before turning her hand over and flexing her fingers. Satisfied with Thorn’s immediate response, she nodded. It was crazy to think that it hadn’t been too long ago that Thorn had felt like some alien attached to her hand. Now it was just...Thorn being Thorn!

“It sounds like you’ve had a busy day,” Weiss commented, casually resting her hands on top of the workbench.

Glancing over, Ruby grinned when the painted thorns began to glow from their proximity. That was so freaking cool. It was like she and Weiss were connected by these little lines of paint. Or...uh...Thorn and Weiss’ ring were connected by the paint, but that was essentially the same thing, right?

Subtly moving her gloved hand closer so the lines glowed even brighter, Ruby smiled up at Weiss. The smile she received in return was warm and friendly - such a big contrast to when they’d first met! There was still a hint of guardedness, but Weiss had changed a lot.

A lot of things had been changing recently, and they all seemed for the better!

“I, yeah, I was busy,” Ruby answered when she realized staring wasn’t going to advance their conversation. “But, uh, what’d you do today?”

Apparently, it was a sucky question to ask because it made Weiss’ smile disappear. Note to self...don’t ask that again!

“I worked all day. There’s a never-ending stream of approvals that I’m somehow needed for.” Glancing down at Ruby’s hand, Weiss sighed, her shoulders rising and falling from the weight of it. “I miss the days when I wasn’t involved in the family business…”

“What did you do before?” Ruby asked curiously, the question drawing Weiss’ eyes back to her.

After studying Ruby for a few seconds, Weiss shrugged and glanced away. The gesture was so weird! It was something Ruby did all the time, but for someone so proper it looked strange!

“When I was younger, I wasn’t expected to be involved due to school,” Weiss answered casually. “Those were the days.”

“I miss being a kid too. All play, no work!” Pausing for a second, Ruby wrinkled her brow before chuckling. “Although I guess that’s kinda what I do now…”

“I wouldn’t call training all day ‘play.’ Especially not how you do it.”

“Eh...I guess…” Ruby wasn’t entirely convinced, but it was nice of Weiss to try to make her feel better about not doing any sort of work. Her ‘job’ was to get healthy - that’s what Yang always said. “But soon I can go on hunts again! Yang said after the Beacon Invite we’d go on another one. My choice this time!”

Smiling, Weiss remained uncharacteristically silent after Ruby’s words. And after a few seconds, she glanced down at their hands resting on the workbench, appearing almost uncomfortable with what had just been said.

“You’re totally invited to come, if you want!” Ruby quickly added. To her, it seemed like a foregone conclusion that Weiss could come with them on any hunt, but maybe it wasn’t as clear to Weiss. That’s why Ruby had asked Weiss to join their team! Then there wouldn’t be any confusion or uncertainty.

But it made sense that Weiss was a very important person at work and wouldn’t be able to make that type of commitment as easily as someone like Ruby could. Maybe one day though...that’d be super cool.

“I’d love to come with you, if you still want me to...at that time,” Weiss finally answered with a hopeful smile that made Ruby let out a scoff of disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? Of course I’ll want you there! Nothing’s ever gonna change that!”

When Ruby beamed, Weiss only met her eyes for a split second before turning away.

Weiss was talking like a crazy person though! They hadn’t known each other that long, but they were already so close. So close that Ruby was feeling things for Weiss that she’d never felt for another person before.

Coughing lightly into one hand, Ruby’s cheeks decided to preemptively heat up when she realized that now might be a good time to ask the question. It was an ok time, right? She could ask - she would ask. It was only six little words. No, seven. How was she going to ask again??

“Hey, so I’ve been kinda wondering…” she managed to say, gaining Weiss’ attention only for crystal blue eyes to make her even more nervous. But she could do this - she could ask right now. Right now.

Seriously, ask now.

“Uh, you know, I’ve been wondering...do you happen to...like anyone?”

Ok, that was way more than seven words. But yay, she’d done it! Although from the look on Weiss’ face, that wasn’t at all the question she’d been expecting Ruby to ask. Not in the slightest. Unless Weiss’ ‘pure shock’ expression was the same as her ‘was totally expecting that’ one.

“I-I mean, it just seems like, you know, you’d have a ton of options - i-if you were interested.”

Ruby sputtering like a fish out of water did little to wipe the shock from Weiss’ gaze. Maybe Ruby should’ve thought of something to say after she’d asked the question. Or she should’ve talked to Yang about this first because she had absolutely no idea what she was doing.

“Well,” Weiss finally responded, pausing for a second to clear her throat before continuing. “I...like you…”

“Yeah! Of course.” Ruby chuckled nervously while her cheeks blushed even harder. “I mean, I know that cuz we’re friends n’ all. I was more wondering like...uh, like more than that?”

With each second that passed with Weiss stared in open surprise, Ruby grew more and more embarrassed.

“You totally don’t have to answer that!” she finally said when she realized that she shouldn’t pry into Weiss’ personal life. “It’s really none of my business.”

“No, I...Ruby -”

“Ruby!”

At the sound of Ruby’s name, both of them turned towards the house - where Yang poked her head through the garage door a second later.

“Hey Ruby,” Yang said with a smile. “Can you help me with something real quick?”

Glancing at Weiss, who gave a half smile and nod, Ruby turned back to her sister.

“Uh, yeah! Sure!”

Meeting Yang at the door, Ruby looked over her shoulder before they left the garage behind, but Weiss was staring down at the workbench.

“Sorry, Blake - what did you need?” Yang asked as soon as they walked inside. Sitting on the sofa with one hand covering her eyes, Blake lowered it slowly and looked at them with a blank expression.

“Oh, nothing...was just trying to get your attention before you went out there…” she muttered before burying her nose in her book.

“As soon as Ruby helps me with this, my attention is all yours - promise!” Yang replied happily, taking Ruby’s shoulder in one hand and guiding her down the hallway towards the backyard.

The two of them navigated down the narrow hallway before Yang pushed open the back door and held it for Ruby to walk through.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Yang said as she hopped off the porch step and grabbed Ember Celica from the ground. “I’m having a little problem clearing a cartridge and thought I should ask you for help before I blew my good hand off.”

Chuckling, Ruby took one of the gauntlets from her sister and looked it over. Of course it was the right one having issues again. The right one had been the problem child for the longest time now...it didn’t make any sense either! Ruby fixed it all the time, but then it miraculously broke itself again.

“How did this even happen??” she asked, poking at a severely jammed rotating cylinder.

“I was...ya know...trying out those DEBs Weiss gave us. Blake told me not to put the red ones right after the blue, but I did anyway and mucked it up.” Running a hand through her hair, Yang let out a big sigh. “I guess I should’ve learned by now to always listen to her…”

“Probably should,” Ruby mumbled in the midst of her analysis. “You’d get in trouble less.”

“Yeah...but you know why I can’t? Because doing that would be admitting that all the years of school we dragged ourselves to was for nothing! Why did we go through all that torture if we were just gonna let the women in our lives tell us what to do anyway?? If I listen to Blake all the time, I’m admitting I wasted my life!”

“I would listen to Weiss,” Ruby replied. “She’s way smarter than me!”

“She’s not. She just thinks she is.”

When Ruby rolled her eyes, Yang continued.

“Ok, ok. So I’d say that Weiss is right a lot, but Blake is always right.”

“For your safety, I won’t tell either of them you said that,” Ruby joked, making Yang laugh. Tugging one more time at the gauntlet she was holding, Ruby dropped her arms and sighed.

“I’m gonna need some tools to get this out,” she concluded. “Won’t take long, but I don’t want to blow my hand off either.”

“Cool. Thank you!” When Ruby turned towards the house, Yang’s hand reached out to stop her. “But hey, before you go...how’s it going in there?” Nodding in the general direction of the house, Yang grinned.

“With Weiss?” Ruby asked after following her sister’s nod.

“Yeah - you two having fun?”

The question sounded innocent, but Yang’s expression was a dead giveaway that she wanted to tease Ruby again. Maybe. Sometimes it was so hard to tell! Maybe Yang wanted to tease, or maybe she was curious because she’d sensed the extreme wave of awkwardness wash over the house when Ruby attempted to find out if Weiss was already interested in someone.

“It’s fun! I like when Weiss comes over!” Ruby responded truthfully. “And I’m glad you two aren’t mad at each other anymore.”

“Me too, kiddo, me too,” Yang replied with a genuine smile, patting Ruby’s shoulder before turning to head inside.

Apparently, that hadn’t been meant as an opportunity to tease, but now this might be Ruby’s only chance to ask Yang for some advice.

“Uh, Yang?” Ruby asked, the question causing her sister to turn back to her.

Did she really want to ask Yang about this? Her sister might use the knowledge to tease her until the end of time, but Yang was also really good with people, so…

“I was wondering…” Ruby began slowly, her cheeks blushing from merely thinking about the topic. “If you, like, do you happen to know - or maybe have an idea - or something, uh…”

Yang’s expression grew more amused the longer Ruby stuttered. But how did she want to ask? And why were these questions so dang hard to get out??

“How do you know,” she tried again. “Or how do you guess, or, ya know, have some sort idea if - if another person -”

Groaning, she put her head in her hands. This was so embarrassing!

“I hope the ends of these questions are good,” Yang finally said with a light chuckle. “What’s up, Ruby? What’s got your tongue tied in knots?”

The friendly reaction immediately put Ruby at ease. Yang always had that way about her - if she sensed that something was difficult for another person to get through, she found a way to make it easier with nothing more than a few short words or a little laugh. People skills...Yang had gotten all of them.

“Ok,” Ruby attempted a third time, now feeling far more assured in her decision to seek Yang’s advice. “How do you know if someone...uh...likes you?”

Blinking once in surprise, Yang tried to stop a growing smile - failing miserably, by the way.

“Are you talking about -?” Pausing, Yang nodded towards the house, and Ruby felt her cheeks grow redder.

“Um...yes?”

Laughing, Yang pulled Ruby in for a big hug.

“Of course Blake likes you!” Yang said while ruffling Ruby’s hair. “You’re practically her sister!”

“Yangggg!” Ruby whined, shoving her sister away and straightening out her hair. “You know I mean - you know…” Looking around as if someone might be watching them, she ducked her head and lowered her voice. “I mean Weiss.”

“I know. Just wanted to hear you say it,” Yang replied with a grin. “Because you like her, don’t you?”

“Maybe…” Ruby muttered, making Yang reach out and tickle at her ribs, forcing her to laugh.

“You do, don’t ya? Come on, spill, Ruby! You gotta tell me!”

“Yangggg!” Ruby squealed while wiggling in her sister’s grasp. “Ok - ok, yes! I do!”

Letting go, Yang beamed in satisfaction while Ruby straightened her shirt and huffed in indignation.

“There - are you happy now?”

“Yup!” Yang replied, not at all perturbed by Ruby’s pretend agitation. “Ok, how to tell if someone likes you...well, normally if someone doesn’t like you, they’ll try to punch you. At least that’s always been the case for me.”

When Ruby rolled her eyes, Yang dropped her grin and kept talking - finally taking on a more serious and thoughtful expression.

“I guess it’s more of a feeling...or a hunch. It’s kinda hard to describe, but I guess the easiest way to find out is to see if they treat you differently than other people.”

“Differently how?”

“Like...maybe they make eye contact with you more, or they laugh at more of your jokes, or when they’re around you, you can just feel that they like being there.”

“Like how Blake laughs at your jokes even when they’re not funny,” Ruby teased.

“Ha ha - very funny,” Yang replied cheekily. “I’ll have you know that Blake thinks I’m hilarious.”

“Uh huh…”

“That’s only one part though!” Yang added, quickly changing the subject. “You can compare how they act with you versus other people. That’ll tell you most of the story, right? But honestly, Ruby, the easiest thing is just to tell her how you feel.”

“Just...flat out tell her that I like her??” Ruby asked in surprise. It had been nearly impossible for her to ask if Weiss liked anyone - how could she ever spill all these feelings out into the open??

“That’s the fastest way. And then hopefully she’ll tell you how she feels in return.”

Thinking about Yang’s words, which were not as wisdomous as she might’ve hoped, Ruby could already feel her nerves growing second and third cousins. Yang was wrong - the easiest route was to secretly and slyly figure out if Weiss liked anyone, then figure out who that person might be. Scratch that. The easiest route was actually to do nothing, and maybe Weiss would eventually ask Ruby who she liked. What Yang was suggesting was the opposite of easy.

“But that sounds impossible!” Ruby wailed.

“Yeah, I know,” Yang replied with a reassuring smile and nod of understanding. “But that’s the best way to know for sure. Like with Blake...I thought she might like me, but I wasn’t sure until I bit the bullet and asked her out.”

“But you at least had an idea that she might like you first!” Ruby pointed out, which made Yang nod again.

“Sure, there were hints. Like how she seemed like a loner, but then she stuck to my side like glue. She refused to stop reading in the middle of a chapter for anyone, except for me. Like seriously, if you interrupted her before she got to the end of a page, she could kill you with a glare. But, for some reason, I got special treatment. And then the more we got to know each other, the more she opened up about her past - her hopes and dreams and failures and fears...things she’d never told anyone before, she told me.”

Briefly pausing, Yang looked towards the house - where Blake was probably still sitting on the sofa with a book in hand.

“I kept her secrets,” Yang continued in a soft tone. “I protected them. Treasured them, even. That was what made me special - and that was a feeling unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. For this guarded, mysterious girl to trust her darkest secrets with me, of all people…”

Finally turning back to Ruby, there wasn’t a drop of humor left in Yang’s eyes.

“Do you feel like Weiss treats you differently?”

“I’ve only ever seen her around you and Blake…”

“Yeah, but does she treat you differently than us? Does she kinda gravitate more towards you?”

Furrowing her brow, Ruby tried to decide if that was true. Weiss did seem to stay closer to Ruby than Blake or Yang, but that could have more to do with them than with Ruby. Especially when Yang hadn’t been very welcoming for a while.

“I guess…” Ruby replied, even though she wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Does she trust you with things she hasn’t told anyone else?”

“I think so? Or she’s tried…” Ruby mumbled, remembering the conversation they’d had in the garage when she’d first looked over Myrtenaster. Weiss had been guarded, but it seemed like she’d made an effort to open up. It hadn’t been entirely descriptive or detailed, but she’d allowed Ruby to see a bit of the pain she almost always hid from view.

“And when she turns those pretty blue eyes on you, do shivers go up and down your spine?”

“Yang!” she whined at the unexpected tease. Still, she couldn’t help but smile when Yang chuckled.

“You know what I see, Ruby? I see a girl who goes out of her way to make sure you’re happy. Even if it makes her uncomfortable or if it’s something she doesn’t think she can do, she does it for you. Everything she does seems to have you in mind.”

“Do you really think so?” Ruby asked, earning a nod in reply.

“You can tell her,” Yang said, setting one hand on Ruby’s shoulder and smiling down at her. “She’d be crazy not to like you too.”

Yang might be the master of bad jokes, but she was also the queen of pep talks.

“Thanks, Yang,” Ruby replied, relief beginning to swirl through her. “And, uh, you don’t think it’s weird or anything? Since she’s your friend?”

“Do you think it’s weird to be friends with Blake?” Yang asked in return, causing Ruby to pause for a second before shaking her head.

“No, I guess not...”

“And you know I’m even less likely to be weirded out by that type of thing, so don’t worry! But...if she says she doesn’t like you or makes you sad, I’m going to beat up on her a bit.”

“Yangggg.”

“Ok, ok, I won’t! But if you’re crying, no promises.”

After sharing a grin, Ruby leaned into her sister’s shoulder for a firm sideways hug and kiss on the head.

“So when ya gonna tell her?” Yang teased, making Ruby let out a big sigh as they walked back into the house together.

“I have no idea…”

It had taken her an entire day to work up the courage to ask a somewhat related question. How long would it take her to come right out and tell Weiss how she felt?

‘Hey Weiss, I kinda, sorta, maybe like you. Like you, like you.’

When they walked into the living room, Ruby saw that Weiss had come in from the garage and was talking to Blake about something. Maybe it was the sound of footsteps, but something caused both of them to turn towards Ruby and Yang at the same moment. Leaving Ruby behind, Yang walked right over to Blake and pulled her into a loving hug, burying her face in the crook of Blake’s neck.

“Oh, hey there,” Blake murmured in surprise before lifting a hand to gently run through Yang’s hair.

Weiss didn’t seem to notice the two. Instead, her attention was solely for Ruby as she stared with clear blue eyes that seemed to finish the incomplete smile resting on her lips. Chills ran up and down Ruby’s arms, and her skin tingled with happiness for no other reason than that Weiss was right there - within reach. The best part was that Weiss looked just as happy to see Ruby too - as if they’d been apart for a really long time even though it was only a few minutes.

And suddenly...Ruby understood what Yang had been trying to explain.

Holy Grimm...Weiss might like her.

“I need to fix this! I’ll be right back!” Ruby said quickly while holding up Ember. Weiss barely managed to nod in response before Ruby raced into the garage and closed the door behind her. Taking deep breaths, she braced her back against the door like she might blow away in the nonexistent wind, while her heart threatened the beat out of her chest and run a few marathons unsupervised.

Weiss might like her though! Her! Ruby - the awkward one? Yeah, her. How had that happened? Who cared! If it was true…

If it was true, then Weiss liked her - and Ruby already knew that she liked Weiss - so they liked each other! Ok, so what was supposed to happen next?

Ruby needed to tell Weiss how she felt. Ah, shoot. Did that mean she should start thinking of some elaborate plan to ask Weiss out - like what Yang had done with Blake?

Did this mean that Weiss wanted to...kiss Ruby too?

Someone must’ve glued wings to Ruby’s feet because she nearly flew over to the workbench to fix Ember Celica. Tossing Yang’s weapon down, she found the proper tools to pry it open and started unscrewing some of the parts to fix the jam. By now, she’d taken the gauntlets apart and put them back together so many times she could probably do it with her eyes closed. Which was good because her mind was reeling at the moment.

Ok, one thing at a time. Just one thing at a time. First, she’d train as hard as possible for the Beacon Invite. Then, after the Invite was over, she could plan a way to ask Weiss out. Or to just confess all of these butterfly-y feelings fluttering through her chest.

What if Weiss asked her first???

Focus, Ruby! Beacon Invite first, then Weiss. Maybe she could invite Weiss to the Invite.

Lame. She should keep thinking. And maybe stop smiling like an idiot.

Or just keep thinking.

#RWBY #White Rose #Weiss Schnee #Ruby Rose #What Defines Us

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