#dont worry im not actively s-word because death scares me

[awkward-radar-tech]

It is depresso hours, my dudes.... because at this point, idk when I'll be able to finally get my certificate to be a lab assistant... all I need is one damn chemistry class, but I refuse to take it rn when it is online because I need the experience of measuring and pouring and working out the equations (something I currently somewhat struggle with) and since CSUs have announced spring is going to be online, it is a matter of weeks before my community college district annouces the same... and then even after that, idk when I'll move on to UCI because of how the rest of the classes I need work out, and I'll also be working, and with work I can only currently handle one class at a time... so I don't even know if I'd be able to go to UCI and get to where I want to be. And I'm afraid if I say I want to start going to therapy again (which I've been wanting to for like a year now desperately) I'm going to be told I have to pay for any extra co-pays, which I can't possibly do without a second job... money is stupid and all the important shit should be free....

#a-r-t ramblings #life of a-r-t #depression #anxiety #and im just tired of being told by my step mom how she moved cross country at 21 #and how she wants me paying for everything 100% like 2 years ago #and how at 25 i should be paying for all my shit and be out of the house #like rn i dont even know if ill survive to then #dont worry im not actively s-word because death scares me #but sometimes im just so exhausted and done im afraid i wont wake up #or if im kicked out or forced to 'run away' idk if I'll be able to make it #like sorry i was nerfed at 5 years old with everything exploding at 16 #i like to think i had a normal childhood #but what i had was far from normal or healthy #i just want to skip to the part where im happy and healthy