#doc's romance is good actually and i will die on this hill

[ghostace]

it's been a long while since i did the writing thing, and never really for swtor. everything is 🤷

doc x jedi knight

on ossus, sometime during the kotfe/et separation, wherein doc misses his wife

There was more grey in his hair these days. Distinguished, he'd call it, when Nadia caught him examining it in the mirror. Everyone loved a sexy, older-but-not-old-old doctor, and it just added to his charm.

Was she out there somewhere, getting older too? Laugh lines deepening, skin softening, only ever growing stronger? Any other possibility couldn't be considered, even if the ache in his chest said otherwise. Heartburn, he'd say, to wave off any concerns. The wrong diagnosis, perhaps, but who were they to argue with a doctor?

Maybe they were just too polite to point out the lie.

It wasn't like he understood how the Force worked. Maybe she was the only one who could read him; dark eyes narrowed, words cutting right through the bluster to the heart of the matter. To his heart.

There was hope, once, that she would find him, find the rest of the Jedi, that somehow his need and desperation could reach across the galaxy to bring her home. Kira insisted she was still out there, distant but alive, but Kira wasn't here to repeat those daily platitudes.

The others asked, sometimes, about travelling with the Jedi who had taken on the Sith Emperor. Before, they'd called him an ally, a friend, and he'd wink at her across the room. Now he had to smile through gritted teeth, pretend as if he wasn't her husband, vague generalisations instead of loving anecdotes, left wondering just how much they could sense he was hiding. They thought her a martyr, a mythical hero to add to the archives, and each day he came closer to slipping, to revealing just how little they knew.

Even cut off, they kept a galactic calendar, to celebrate milestones and life days. Time passed strangely on this orange planet, so occupied with the need to simply survive, that he might have missed it if it weren't for that.

Ten years.

Ten years, and more than half of it apart.

Ten years since he'd pulled himself together to admit what he really wanted.

Ten years since she took his hands and repeated those words back again.

And here he was, alone on a barren rock, surrounded by people who didn't, and couldn't know.

That was the crux of the issue, wasn’t it? The secrecy, so enforced because he couldn’t risk her position: Jedi rules. They’d argued about it, talked in circles into frustration, and now? It was time wasted instead of appreciated, time he could have spent lost in her arms, her eyes, her smile. What would even happen if he told this group of Jedi, so cut off from the galaxy? Would it tarnish her memory, or ruin a future when she returned?

If she returned.

More than half the colony weren’t Jedi, other regular people fleeing the destruction and seeking protection. There’d been looks, moments when tending a sprained ankle could have turned into something else, but the charm wasn’t always there when he reached for it these days. What would be the point? His heart had been ruined– saved– so it didn’t matter how hard they flirted, no one else could hold his attention now.

The colony had a working still, which was built approximately ten seconds after the first building’s roof was installed, and it pumped out some sort of clear alcohol that would knock even Gnost-Dural on his back. It lived now in a spot dubbed “the watering hole”, and most nights that was the place to be, with both Jedi and civilians sharing stories, dancing, playing cards– whatever sort of pleasure they could derive from this hellhole of a planet. He’d gotten to know a lot of them over a drink, but tonight he waved a polite decline to the usual carousers inviting him in.

There was a rock near the perimeter sensors that he’d spotted a while back, wide and flat and out of sight of most of the habitation buildings, the perfect size to stretch out and watch the stars. When he’d arrived, he’d tucked away a bottle of good Ralltiir rum with an ever-despairing hope that he might crack it open someday, to share in a reunion, a celebration. This might be as close as he’d ever get.

He could taste the memories as he sipped directly from the bottle, could almost see her eyes in the stars reflecting off the glass. Darkening cheeks, unrestrained laughter, falling into each others’ arms; it used to be so easy to love her.

It still was.

“Ten years, beautiful,” he said into the night. “You better be raising a glass wherever you are.”

Not that he’d hold it against her if she wasn’t.

“Remember the first time we went to Ralltiir together?” he chuckled to himself. “My parents hated both of us so much that we just got a hotel and stayed in bed all week.” The humour felt hollow even to him. “Then we dressed up to go to the ritziest restaurant on the entire planet and you, you looked like a princess from a holonovel, but you couldn’t stop worrying about how expensive it was or whether you’d get recognised…”

We really shouldn’t be wasting credits on such frivolous things, she’d fret. Jedi are supposed to live frugally, Archie.

Archie. He missed that name, as ridiculous as it was. From her lips it wasn’t a curse, but a gift. What he’d give to hear her say it, even one more time…

“Sounds like someone who means a lot to you.” Shit. Gnost-Dural’s filtered voice floated over the breeze, and like a teenager caught out, he instinctively hid the bottle of rum in his coat. Idiot, the Jedi don’t care about that.

“Something like that.” He leaned back, but Gnost-Dural waited, patient yet present. He wasn’t going to accept the deflection.

“My wife’s been missing a long time now,” he admitted, eventually, trying to shut down the line of questioning. If the Jedi really could read lies there was probably a holosign above his head right now.

“You’ve mentioned her, on occasion.”

“She’s a very private person, even if she’s…” he struggled to get the word out, “even if she’s gone. I wouldn’t want to…” He sighed, trailing off. What could he say? He would shout from the very highest point of this planet, plaster the holonet with hearts, graffiti their names on the walls if he could, but he’d made a promise.

Even if it was going to kill him.

“Well, I hope there is someone here you can talk to.” Gnost-Dural’s voice grew sorrowful. “We all need support sometimes.”

“I’m fine, really,” he lied. “It’s just an anniversary.”

#swtor #swtor fic #swtor doc #jedi knight #doc's romance is good actually and i will die on this hill #don't follow me expecting more of this my next fic blurb will be in approx 2028 at this rate #i've just been having teness/doc feelings as of late and i love them

[meibemeibelline]

part 3 (FINAL) of highlights from that 32k word doc i wrote when i marathoned gazette songs (2012-2018)

PART 1 | PART 2

once again:

This is a combo of thoughts on music, lyrics and other random things I wrote while listening. Not every song will be featured, sorry.

I sometimes directly quote translations and when I do, I’ll specify whose it was. Here are the masterposts of lyrics by Heresiarchy , Defective Tragedy and Trauma Radio

I will write song titles for which there are warnings in bold and all caps

So this part will be a bit different because mental health and The Band became really prominent themes in their music in a way it wasn’t really before, so rather than simply writing about songs as they come, I do (attempt to) connect some dots between songs and albums

Also this is REALLY LONG (~5k words)

If you read any of these posts, thank you <3

CONTENT WARNINGS: murder (In Blossom), reference to abuse (In Blossom), suicide/suicidal thoughts (Kagefumi, Deux/Blemish), reference to PTSD (Incubus). Overall LOTS of discussions about mental health.

buckle up folks it’s gonna be a long one

So I listened to Division according to the limited edition version where the songs got split into the ‘story-like songs’ and the ‘hype songs’. Just while we’re on that, I like to think that Vein is the story part because these songs (the blood) are meant to go TO our hearts, while Artery, which is the ‘raw emotion’, is the heart doing the talking and supplying the oxygen that will do its thing. LIKE HEADBANGING.

“Ibitsu is not the first song they’ve written about changes in the music industry, but it’s quite different from others like 13Stairs[-]1 and Dim Scene. They were quite angry about the state of things, lamenting it. But here, Ruki is writing his and the band’s place in all of that. It’s like in the other two songs he’s like, “wow look at all this rubble. This sucks.” But in Ibitsu he’s writing about how he’s also in that rubble and thinks about what HE feels about it in relation to himself and the GazettE. And I find that quite interesting. Also hell YES imagery – skies as ideals, the world around them collapsing into ruin, the band as a flower amidst the rubble that can’t reach the sky. It sounds like he’s trying to navigate how he’s supposed to move forward when his ideals and what’s happening in the industry oppose each other quite a lot. He doesn’t reach an answer in this song and ends by asking whether it is actually in ruins or whether he’s just afraid of change, I think.” - interestingly, he uses this same imagery in Kuroku Sunda Sora to Zangai to Katahane to write about anxiety and not feeling good enough.

Quick disclaimer on KAGEFUMI: I do want to say first that I’m talking about this purely as a piece of art. Not as in, like, “this is peak romance”, but just as an artwork I can have Opinions™ about, even if they’re possibly in disagreement with that of the creator. “The shadow tag metaphor for a couple committing double suicide meaning that they’re ‘becoming one’ and being together in death is A Lot. There’s an incredibly strong belief in an afterlife where they can be together makes (what Ruki describes) this stronger bond between them that literally lasts or even transcends the boundaries between life and death, rather than a tragic end (unlike Tokyo Shinjuu). Musically, I love this song and think it’s gorgeous, the way it’s sad yet hopeful. We over here with that bittersweet stuff again but lyrically it’s a WILDLY different route than others before it.”

“Yoin is such a heavy end to disc 1. The ending lines, “The sea of loss / Understanding of helplessness / That day we grieved” about the Tohoku earthquake/tsunami and the nuclear disaster is just so ……. And not only that, but how even though people still struggle to survive, people are moving on like it’s a thing of the past. It’s SO heavy.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“I think [Derangement] is about a massive internal struggle between wanting longing for the past, knowing it won’t come back, but also wanting to destroy the past out of self-hatred. There are aspects of the past, perhaps ambition and drive for example, that are good, but other parts that are not. It’s almost like a continuation of Remember the Urge but like…angrier and with more hatred towards his own past rather than only the longing of it. Which is also really interesting.” – this is definitely one of the themes that comes up A LOT from now, ESPECIALLY in Ninth. We’ll get to that.

“IS KAI GOOD??? That man is NOT human. I swear to god his drums in Required Malfunction are INSANE. ANYWAY, this song is about how people cannot be perfect and we all have flaws, especially in the context of relationships. I like that even though people argue and butt heads sometimes, there’s that Japanese verse where he sings “Let’s send a song without stains / to that innocence without lies / so you can swallow those wounds” and the last lines “Because you are always here, I can advance” to mean like…them being together can ultimately make them better and it can be a good relationship (if they work on it, imo). Also, I love the language he uses here – viruses and malfunctions and inputs – a very non-human way to write about human relationships.” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

(Dripping Insanity) “Solitude drenched in red laughs / in the insanity dripping in silence” is SUCH a good line yes hello I appreciate this. (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“EYYY HAVEN’T HEARD FORBIDDEN BEAVER IN FOREVER. At first I was wondering if this might be judgmental but honestly? I think this is satirical, especially from the line “May the truth you spew on taboos going frantically around / Shred the rhythm of high society”. Like the fact they’re gossiping about a famous woman who has a lot of sex and just TARNISHING her name bc of it, to Ruki, is a load of bullshit. Also, some of the lyrics in the chorus are funny coming from Ruki – “She has a sex addiction / Bang! Bang! / Cute luv machine” – like he does NOT ever write like this and this song is just a huge satirical joke I’m YELLING.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The transition from Malformed Box to Inside Beast >>>>”

“[Inside Beast] is definitely about having a ‘beast’ inside you that’s like all your demons and ugly feelings and to let them all out. He wrote about demons in Derangement, but the way he writes about acceptance is like…empowering and freeing. Not necessarily through words but through the music and just how hard this song slaps.”

“I really love the lyrics of [Until it Burns Out] and its whole thing about valuing the time they have as a band and to be together making music precisely because it’s going to end someday, and it’s going to be their last shot at living their dreams, which is to make music and perform TOGETHER as the GazettE. Like that’s so meaningful, and powerful in the way they just…grab it by the fucking throat. Breaking down the walls that hold them back, TOGETHER, towards the future in which they see their dreams. Like they’re not letting this be the end. They won’t allow it. UGH. UGHHH. The middle eight is so beautiful and I love the lines “The light that colours this irreplaceable scenery / burns the significance of standing here into me / Until the last” like they just love performing SO MUCH UGGGHHH FEELINGS”. (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“[REDO] IS SO GODDAMN SENTIMENTAL I’M IN MY FEELINGSSSSS. Kai being the composer, I can’t help but feel this is him paying homage to jazz, which is the music his mother plays and he loves her so so much. I’m probably reaching but THAT’S JUST HOW I FEEL.”

“EVERBODY SHUT UPPPP IT’S LAST HEAVEN TIMEEEE. It’s so gd gorgeous and sweet. I’M GETTING REALLY EMO WHAT THE FUCKKKK. BRUH. BRUUUUHHH. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL //THROWS. SHUT UPPPP. TOO MANY SKY, STAR AND FOREVER REFERENCES FOR THIS TO BE OKAY BITCH. This is Ruki’s love song to the cosmos, wishing to be eternal like the stars but acknowledging that all he can do is chase it knowing his life will end, BUT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO GRIEVE BECAUSE THEY WILL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE IN SOME WAY WE /ARE/ ETERNAL. IT’S LOVING AND INNOCENT AND WISTFUL. This song is the goddess to all the GazettE love songs. THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. “The distant sky, this infinite moment / I now wish from the visible stars / in this youthful merry-go-round / that continues to turn endlessly / I want to be eternal like you” – is just…such a beautiful image. “Let’s stay like this, having dreams we cannot reach / Long road which leads to the calm hill / I go, leaving my sadness behind / Good night…my beloved / Last heaven of mine” – it’s yearning but it’s the yearning for LIFE. And to leave behind sadness…Ruki very rarely writes about pain like this. And to call the ‘beloved’ his last heaven, the last thing in his life that’s just THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO HIM AND THE THING HE WANTS TO BE ETERNAL WITH goodbye………GOODBYE. “Love without shape changing day by day / Close together / we become / one shooting star” – AAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Also, for him to say ‘memento mori’ which means “Remember, you must die” in the middle eight of a song about wanting to be eternal just gives the entire sentiment a new meaning ;-;” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“There’s a particular sound to Division and Beautiful Deformity (but more in BD). It sounds like rushing water. Loss in particular sounds like this. Like, the sound isn’t just ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’, it moves A LOT and there is sooo much emotionality in the songs on this album. It’s really dynamic.”

“The Stupid Tiny Insect revisits the theme of inner demons. Specifically, in this song it sounds like negative internal self-talk. It’s interesting though, the way that Ruki writes it as an entirely separate being to how he writes inner demons and whatnot in other songs, where it’s either another entity within a person that is part of them OR just…themselves. Here, they are VERY separate, and that probably allows him to feel and express rage instead of helplessness or confusion. I also love the reference to pretending to be okay – “I get high on delusion / And act as if I made them die out / ‘Just like a summer moth to a flame”.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“IN BLOSSOM is pretty fucking brilliant lyrically imo. It reminds me a lot of 32 Koukei no Pistol in that a protagonist who was abused/neglected by the parents kills them, and in the latter’s case only, also themselves. Some other differences: In Blossom is WAY angrier (and a lot more loaded) and the protagonist is trying to ‘make their own life’ (even if the way they choose to do that DOESN’T WORK), whereas the narrator in 32 Calibre Pistol was mostly lamenting that they’ve ‘lost their way’ and deep-down were wishing for their family to be happy together. I can’t say WHY that is. But it’s interesting that in In Blossom, the abuse just…DESTROYED their concept of family that they used to believe in entirely, and the fact they cannot separate themselves from their abusers neither by dying nor killing them is A Lot. So, they try to free themselves and ‘get hope’ by killing their abusers as revenge (“Die away, along with these wounds I’d counted”), but it doesn’t bring them happiness or heal them (“Even if I slash so much it’s unparalleled by the wounds I’d counted, it still starts to ache / It doesn’t even fight off the decay, much less heal me”). It’s very much saying that despite pain, revenge is not the answer. I also love the line “They adorn vividly – have blossomed beautifully / The sun that has started to set makes sure of it” to describe the wounds as the narrator kills their abusers and their loss of sanity as they do so.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“To Dazzling Darkness is about that moment when a concert is over and the lights start to come on. It’s so gorgeous. This is sort of like, the other side of Until it Burns Out. If UIBO is about the band then TDD is about the fans, and the band’s place in the world. I love the imagery in the first verse – darkness is usually associated with bad things, but here darkness is peace, escapism and unity that are part of the happiness of a concert, while the light symbolises the continuation of life. The scenery here is the same scenery in UIBO, which is the scenery of a concert that this band cherishes. There’s also the acknowledgement that time is fleeting and nothing is forever. Like, this is really the other side of the coin and I love it.”

“Dogma defines their new (2015) sound so well, which is HEAVY AND DIRTY AS FUCK. Like, it is SO conceptual and experimental and the painting is just GORGEOUS. I love the harpsichord in this song – as the predecessor of the piano, it was used in a lot of churches and religious music in the Baroque period (1600-1750ish), so using it here in a song where the band is likened to idols (the religious type) is super cool. And to combine it with these really low and heavy guitars just gives the DARKEST image.

And there’s so much going on in the lyrics – MANY MOTIFS, MANY MEANINGS. They bring back the concept of darkness as a symbol for escape from harsh life and of unity during concerts. As for death, Reita has an iconic quote where he said something along the lines of: “we often say in lives ‘to die’, but what we actually mean is to live. Live and be free”. I see death for GazettE as a kind of transformation – and end, yet also a beginning to become something or someone new.

Ruki hasn’t really mentioned god since Ogre in Dim, in which he basically wrote “idk if God exists but I don’t really care – all I need is me”. But here he likens the band to an idol of worship. We as the fans worship the GazettE, and they are also gods to us, their followers, in the sense that they provide us with life and unity (referred to here as death and darkness, respectively). The GazettE as a band brings darkness and death to the world (with their own meanings, of course).

This is also a song about the band breaking away from current gods and dogmas of the music industry, and from its greed. I also love the line, “The rite I must face is cloaked in darkness and isolation” – this process of their journey to finding their truth is lonely, and no one but them can do it for themselves. To do so also isolates them from everything they once knew. It’s them navigating what is expected of them by the masses and those they work with vs doing what they want without getting shunned for it.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

 “DAWN IS ABOUT REDISCOVERING THEMSELVES. I love the number of metaphors he brings back in this song – 13 stairs, death, merry-go-rounds and again dogma. Death here is about the transformation of them as a band, which occurs at the top of the 13 stairs to the gallows. And I find that so interesting because he uses the image of gallows (eg: 13 Stairs[-]1 and Forbidden Beaver) as like…an actual Death that means the end of a genre or a person’s reputation, but here it’s a place of transformation. In Last Heaven, the merry-go-round is a symbol of life – it comes back here but this time it’s red instead of blue (youthful) and is paired with the image of a mad banquet with emotions running wild (ie concerts). Basically, this is about the band’s life and, like, their life being about concerts. My favourite part is “Overcoming a period of confusion, I took those stirring emotions / And hung them up high on the 13 stairs” because there’s also the line “I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune / The ruined gallows towers above me” -> WE WENT THROUGH SOME SHIT BUT WE FOUND OURSELVES AND SURPRISE BITCH, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.” (Cr1: Heresiarchy, Cr2: Defective Tragedy)

Not from my notes directly but I feel like the difference between Bizarre to Juuyonsai no Knife (ie the only two songs about Real juvenile criminals) is a REALLY good representation of how Ruki’s lyrics have changed over the years. He went from taking perspectives of people who perpetrators of violence (to write horror stories, imo, but also to generally Explore their minds through art) to making comments about society and how systems affect people in real life. Not to say he doesn’t write about killers anymore or that social commentary is NEW for him, but just…a big change in what’s PROMINENT.

“Interesting that Wasteland is next, which is about Justice on the Internet. I know Ruki has always been really critical of the internet and the kind of social processes that occur online (see: Nakigahara) and here it’s about morality and justice, but more importantly the way it’s about crowd mindsets and CONTROL. And he just summarises it SO WELL in the first verse: “The thousand eyes that can kill even God / Transform into rebels that lust for control / If the time comes when right and wrong disappear / It will all end with a blood-red moon”. There’s also the line “Innocence gives way to sinful judgment” ie the innocent go along with their ways or it’s the innocent (the weak, as he says later) that are scrutinised. And I think about this a lot considering…some other fandoms I’m in >.>” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(INCUBUS) “The song is a lot of wondering what they did to deserve their trauma and how they want the dreams/nightmares to go away. I do like that at the end of the song they come to the conclusion that they cannot change what happened and decide “fuck the why”, accepting they didn’t deserve it. Even though the narrator is still stuck in the maze (of trauma), the letting go of asking why it happened is like, a really important step in healing. Because it’s the end of self-blame. So, I hope narrator can heal :( “

(DEUX) “My dumbass never realised this but the music of Deux itself has DUALITY. Metal with solo piano. IT REALLY TOOK ME FIVE YEARS TO REALISE THAT HUH. It’s about two conflicting selves (which to me sound more like intrusive thoughts, considering Blemish’s VERY LOUD “These days I’m better dead”) and the effect that has on like, your emotionality and how it leads to loneliness. His use of nightmares in this song is fascinating – the Japanese word he uses (sakayume) is like…a reverse dream, like if a child has a nightmare you tell them it’s a sakayume so it means what happened in their dream definitely won’t happen AND something good will happen instead. And this is something Ruki prays for.”

(Ominous) “The imagery is really dark in this – “A prayer crushed under wreckage / Reflects in your eyes as you start to fly / I see you in the sky thick with shadows / Spinning around with nightmares” – there’s a desperate attempt to fly and get better and do Well but still they’re surrounded by darkness and nightmares, unable to escape. “Don’t forget that a heart cannot die / Don’t forget that dreams aren’t predictions of the future” –There’s hopefulness in a heart not dying yet a very strong despair when he says dreams don’t predict the future, not even reverse dreams. “It steals away my still-unformed future, and whenever I step forth / I can’t see a thing in that shadowed sky / My screaming can’t save anything / when I’m killing myself with sadness” – oh that hurts, that hurts A LOT. He wants to fly but he can’t. This is just SO MUCH. And they didn’t even have an instrumental outro, IT JUST ENDS WITH ACCEPTANCE OF HOPELESSNESS AND DEPRESSION.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The drums in Goddess uggghhh UGGGHHH. AND THE GUITAR TOOOOOO. Lyrically, this is really a mid-point between depression and healing. It’s A Lot. He writes about his suffering, wanting to make something of his mistakes and his sins and actually WANTING TO LIVE. But it’s so sad that in the end he still feels really helpless – the subtle changes between “I want to become the stars that fill the silence” vs “I can’t become the stars that fill the silence”. But I think that on some level he knows what the next step is. He wishes in the last two lines, “If only I could share my grief that can’t be put to words / If only I could face reality and live accepting my crippling despair”. THAT’S THE FIRST STEP!!!! THAT’S A STEP!!!! TO HEALING!!!! “These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart” – this line is fucking LOADED. Like, he sacrifices his bleak thoughts by expressing them and by making art out of his pain in hopes that he will be able to acknowledge and accept his suffering and his pain as a means to heal, as a way of allowing him to have a selfless and smiling heart. Like, this is SO much of what his art is about and what it has been for SUCH a long time it makes me so emotional that this is what he’s saying about his own lyrics.” I realise too that the goddess is likely the same goddess from Blemish. I’m still unsure what to make of it because Blemish ends in Ruki writing he doesn’t wants to be reborn, and not abandoned. But here he ends with wanting to heal. Wanting to move on and live.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO UNDYING.

“WHEN HE BROUGHT BACK “SLEEP, COUNT ME DOWN AGAIN” >>> God, this song is so powerful. THERE ARE SO MANY CALL-BACKS TO DOGMA. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS BUT STILL. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. It’s a direct continuation of Ominous (“I won’t arise from this”). I think in this song he’s becoming that figure that is flying in Ominous, and the one that is surrounded by nightmares and shadows – the first verses are about how the future is drenched in misfortune yet we must continue to live (and suffer, but WE CAN AT LEAST BE A BIT HOPEFUL). Ruki says this YET HE IS STILL DREAMING, EVEN AS THE END COMES (“My heart starts to disappear along with the spirit of my words / And though it knew the end was near / It dreamt of things it shouldn’t want / And even now I am still—“). There’s also his mentions of sins again that he continues to drown in :( But overall, this song is really about living despite all the pain, which is really meaningful after Dogma ended on such a note of hopelessness. There’s so much power in this song.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“Vacant doesn’t necessarily sound like a romantic relationship breaking down as much as it is about making a mistake and being unable to fix it between you and someone else (or other people), even if Ruki said he wrote it with a band’s image in mind. But the gist is is that there is yet again a struggle within the self (“Self-condemnation distorts the answer / And I lose sight of what I should be / Because of those unconscious actions / I can’t even dream”). The line “In the pain of not being able to tie back the undone thread / The traces left by stopping time keep piling up” really got to me – being stuck in time and constantly wishing for something that was and being hurt by the fact it’s gone is something I personally relate to. But even as the narrator is stuck in time, their grip on the past is loosening – they are forgetting, memories fade, and they lose their strength (“Vacant, you are withering”).” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

(Faling) ““Together, embracing the same pain: it’s only temporary / Don’t forget that this is not the end / So come on, let’s open our eyes and fall / We just believe in ourselves to die / Sometimes it’s okay to be broken” THIS MEANS SO FUCKING MUCH AFTER THE AMOUNT OF TIMES RUKI ENDED DOGMA SONGS WITH HOPELESSNESS AND AT BEST “WE HAVE TO KEEP LIVING AND SUFFERING AND BEING IN PAIN” BUT IN FALLING, PAIN IS TEMPORARY. PAIN IS TEMPORARY. WE WILL HEAL, BITCH. WE WILL GET BETTER, BITCH.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

Can’t find my notes bc it’s somewhere else in my Tumblr drafts but basically: I consider Mortal, Utsusemi and Sono Kore wa Moroku like a Depression Trilogy™ in Ninth. Mortal is about depression, loneliness and loss but like, tying it to a singular person or event in which the narrator felt grief. Utsusemi is about loneliness and depression as well, AND RUKI USES THE CICADA SHELL METAPHOR, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CRUCIFY SORROW (ALSO ABOUT DEPRESSION, BUT SOMEONE ELSE’S). But then, Sono Koe wa Moroku is THE turning point and where he first mentions (in this album) and actual DESIRE to heal and like, ON HIS OWN. IT’S ABOUT BEING STRONG FOR HIMSELF AND THAT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. And as I mentioned before, Falling also ends on a hopeful note about sadness not lasting forever – it’s like he’s prefacing the album with the fact sadness IS temporary and that there IS a turning point.

“Babylon’s Taboo is interesting…so apparently Babylon is a figure of western imperialism and capitalism in the Rastafari movement (an afro-centric anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist movement from Jamaica). The narrator is COMPLETELY aware of the oppression and injustice that goes on around him but confesses to doing nothing. I interpreted this as complacency to violence, which Ruki has written about before. Also, he describes a starry sky (which I presume represents wealth and happiness) as a lie, and that they are actually black eyes that watch and look down upon you. In the context of anti-capitalism, my interpretation is that the ‘guaranteed fate’ he writes about is the life-long struggle to attain wealth and happiness – we are doomed to dedicate our lives to this, futilely, to no end. and there’s nothing we can do about it. Another line that stood out to me most is “all I need is sanity but uncertainty will do”. this, along with the rest of the song, implies that the narrator is PRETTY DAMN SURE that we’re all fucked so like....HAHA COOL.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Two of a Kind) Okay so…another motif I noticed in this album is an I and a You. And I know this sounds weird considering almost EVERY SINGLE GAZETTE SONG uses first and second pronouns, but mental health is SUCH a prominent, overarching theme in a way no album concept has been before, hence why I’m saying this. Two of a Kind is really solidifying this for me, but they appear in almost every song (but the You is known as ‘she’ in The Mortal). This pair are connected in an extremely emotionally intimate way. For one, they share pain and understand each other’s pain. Secondly, the narrator falls into depression after they’re gone. A part of me thinks it could be a past self and a current self, considering Ruki’s said this album involved the Most introspection from him and Falling writes about sins and past mistakes again. So, it could be a way of separating a past and current self – a past self that was perhaps lost, and made mistakes, but ultimately creates his current self.

But it could also be another person, as this You figure is also a source of light – someone Ruki shares his wounds with, in Two of a Kind. If it’s another person, it may also make sense that the depression and loneliness written about in The Mortal and Utsusemi is triggered by someone extremely close leaving him. Either way, it is this understanding and connection between the I and the You that also bring hope for the future and I REALLY love the way that hope is conveyed in the chorus of Two of a Kind. There’s so much light in it compared to the parts of the song where ruki calls himself filthy and ugly, and when he writes about negative feelings that never go away and bleed into this other person. but i think this other person understands it, and that’s why he can move on.

“Abhor God is a REALLY dark and heavy take on MOVING FORWARD. Like there’s so much rage in the way he writes about killing his lust, pride and anxiety and stringing up his nightmares in a noose, yet so much power in how he moves forward and sings victory with his music and his art. This is likely connected to Ninth Odd Smell and Uragiru Bero - where he writes about the band’s history and his imposter syndrome as an artist despite the band never going to die just because of that. He contrasts ‘too fast to live’ and ‘too young to die’ like, he’s really in a sort of purgatory where he’s constantly making too many mistakes to be happy but has too much to do for him to give up. So it’s here that he chooses to keep going no matter how weak the beat is. Imagery-wise this feels like.....continuing to live not because you have happiness to look forward to but just out of sheer willpower. Like it’s just so angry. Angry at the world, at yourself, but carrying that anger to try to be better and move forward.”

“And Unfinished is about the fans being his reasons to live and IT MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL THAT THIS IS HOW THE ALBUM ENDS!!!!!!! WITH HOPE!!!!! AND MOVING FORWARD!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ENDED THEIR ALBUM THAT’S ABOUT THEM ‘MAKING THEIR MARK ON THEIR WORLD’ WITH LIGHT AND HOPE AFTER LIKE TWO STRAIGHT ALBUMS OF /DEPRESSION/. EVERYBODY GO HOME WE LOVE HEALING IN THIS HOUSE.”

AND THAT’S THE END FOLKS!!!! if you made it here thank you so much for reading my ramblings and i appreciate u so so much <3 i hope you learned something new about the gazette’s music (i sure did - it’s why i went on this marathon in the first place!!) and again i have a list of posts i might write (which will definitely be shorter than these) so! yeah! anyway!! it’s past 11pm and i have no more brain cells. thanks again love ya have a good day/night <3 <3

#the gazette #gazetto #ruki #uruha #aoi #reita #the gazette kai #kai #the gazette ruki #the gazette uruha #the gazette aoi #the gazette reita #why am i tagging this #anyway i just want to say #i tried to stream bts' new song while putting this together #but i physically COULD NOT #the dissonance was too much #anw i love dynamite it's such a great serotonin boost haha <3

[forkanna]

Back To The Future and related concepts © Robert Zemeckis/Bob Gale/Universal. Frozen and related concepts © Diznee. This story, plot, and prose © Jessica X and Fruipit. Artwork ©Captnducky. All rights reserved.

WARNING: This story will contain coarse language, incestuous romance between a mother and daughter, and some smut. Also contains Punzanna (Rapunzel/Anna) content. If you have a problem with any of those things, DO NOT READ.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is where the plot begins to diverge a lot more from that of the films. Part I followed the movie very closely, but the many little differences made it impossible to stick that close to the Part II script – or close to it at all. So we went where the writing took us. Sorry for it taking so long for us to get it out there to you, but we hope you are still along for the ride!

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

---------------------------------------------

The sky flashed. The lightning struck.

Time seemed to freeze for a moment. All ten fingers clamped down around the steering wheel as Anna accelerated toward the thick cable strung between the lampposts, sparks erupting all around the DeLorean. The flux capacitor was ready and only needed the nuclear reaction to power the time-jump. And it was getting it; no sooner had Doc connected two wires at the last possible moment was he blown back from the force of the electricity racing through the connection into a shrub.

Anna McFly squeezed her eyes shut, praying she made it home.

…And then suddenly she was coming to a stop, skidding sideways into a bus stop bench. It made an awful screeching din as it was uprooted from the ground and sent flying back into the nearest building, cracking a single brick with its corner before clattering to the ground.

That could be worried about later. For now… she had to look around and hold her breath.

Cafe 80s. GameStop. Verizon.

She was in 2015. It worked. Despite all the odds, she and Doc had got the stupid time machine working and sent her back to the future.

"FUCK YEAH!" she screamed, slamming the heel of her hand into the steering wheel. "I didn't die!"

Opening the door to the car, she was seconds from jumping out and doing a happy little dance when a familiar van came tearing down the street. Oh no. She didn't die, but someone else would, and soon, if she didn't get a wriggle on.

But it was okay. She could do this. They were from out of town. There were multiple shortcuts she could use to get there before they did. She could do this. Twisting the key in the ignition, the engine roared to life. Briefly.

"No, no, no!" Anna screamed, whacking the steering wheel with her hand. She tried again; once more, the engine sputtered, and died. Why? Of all the times for an engine failure…

She didn't have a car. She didn't even have a skateboard. As she took off running down the street, she had only one thing: desperation.

Never before in her life had Anna run that fast. She lost sight of the van, of course, but she knew Dell Valley like the back of her hand. She was heading straight for Twin Pines Mall.

But one lone teenage girl couldn't outmatch angry armed nationalists in a van, and as she rounded the hill that led to the mall, she knew she was too late. No time to call out, no time to warn Doc the way she had hoped. Only enough time to see bullets raining down onto his chest, blowing him backwards and onto the pavement from the far side of the parking lot.

Before she could even cry out, she heard her other self scream. That was eerie; even worse was watching a radiation suit-clad Anna come around the corner of the truck, shaking with anger and grief. The newly-arrived Anna shared the rage, and could only look on helplessly as she peeled out in the DeLorean. She wanted to do something else, but what could she do? If she interrupted, it would be one of those paradox things. No… all she could do was wait until the flashes of light and fire-trails gave proof of her disappearance.

Then she saw the nationalists firing off the rocket from their launcher, which streaked for the car… and instead blew a huge crater in the ground in front of them. Unable to swerve in time, they drove straight into the crater, totalling the van and probably knocking everyone inside unconscious.

"Good," she managed to mumble through her veil of tears. Hastily, she started running down the grassy hill, tripped, and rolled the rest of the way down. Then she hopped up to sprint for Doc's side.

It only took a few seconds for her to reach him. Collapsing on the pavement next to him, she brought a hand up to press at his face. "Doc…" she whispered. But no answer came.

Goddammit. Barking out a rough sob, she removed her hand. It had other things to do, like wipe at her tear-streaked face. God life wasn't fair. There was a cough – and it must have been her. After all, she was completely alone now…

"Anna…?"

Fuck, she could even hear his voice…

"Anna!"

Her hands were pulled roughly away, and Anna found herself staring at a very surprised, very not-dead Doc Pabbie. His eyes were wide and concerned, and he looked as though he were expecting Anna to say something. But she was entirely mute. Finally letting go of her hands, he brought his own up to his chest, slowly peeling away the lapels of the hazard suit. There was something underneath, and when Anna realised what it was, she felt she could have sobbed again.

"A bullet-proof vest," she croaked. "How… how did you know?"

He looked away at that question, lined features a little ashamed. "Back in '85, your video. And then your insistence to tell me something. Even if you didn't specify… it really doesn't take a genius to figure out something truly heinous would befall me." She looked at him, and he smiled. "Also… an elf left me this."

And from his pocket he pulled out a letter, weathered and yellow. Anna recognised it immediately. She had left her plan B, which had felt as pathetic a backup as a Plan Z when she left it; had he truly found it? She was a little surprised he hadn't just thrown it out.

"The letter," she breathed, eyes streaming so much that she could barely see it. "Oh… it's ripped down the middle…"

"I did start to tear it up when I first found it," he sighed. "No man should know too much about his own destiny. But then I figured…" A little shrug. "What the hell?"

Laughing, she threw herself into a hug, gripping him tightly – full of so much more happiness than the last time she had. The man hugged her back, even though his laughter was punctuated by a groan of pain. After a minute, she pulled back to ask if he was alright.

"Just fine," he grunted, pushing upward and onto his feet as they gathered up their things and prepped the truck to drive away. Olaf had to be coaxed out from underneath, but eventually he responded to his master. "Though I'm sure I'll have some beautiful bruises from the impact of the bullets, at least they didn't puncture."

"Right; guess that would still hurt, even with the vest. But… I'm so gla-"

"Please, Anna," he chuckled softly, though his eyes were full of an almost grandfatherly affection as he opened the door for her to hop into the passenger's seat. "I'm fine. But I do believe we have some debriefing to do."

"Right… guess that's true." Taking out her phone to call the police about the terrorists, she hesitantly muttered, "But I'm just so damn glad to be home."

CHAPTER 1

By the time they got back to Lyon Estates, the non-functional DeLorean stowed safely back in the confines of the truck, Doc looked quite a bit more sober than he had after cheating death. She had debriefed him about her adventure into the past, understanding that the details were much fresher to her than to him, leaving out some of the more risqué parts that he certainly wouldn't have approved of – but still filling in more details now that they could freely discuss them instead of worrying about past-Doc knowing too much. She felt a blush rising to her face as she recounted what had happened at the dance, leaving out the grisly details from their romp in Elsa's car. Of course, he was there, and knew about the attraction from Elsa's perspective. He did a very good job of not blaming Anna for everything that had happened in 1985, but he certainly didn't look pleased about the turn of events.

"I suppose I should have warned you about the Butterfly Effect when I was doing my demonstration in present day," he sighed. "Well, you're here now, so at least our attempts to correct the issue went off without a hitch…"

"Yeah… at least there's that."

Silence fell thick, and quite uncomfortable. She was sure he could – and probably already had – filled in the gaps that she'd left out. Bone-weary exhaustion was setting in, along with some sadness. The near-miss of the universe ending was now minuscule when compared with the reality of losing her Elsa. The one she'd actually come to know. It would be hard, she thought, adjusting to her new-old life here… but she didn't have any choice. Might as well start getting used to it.

With nothing else worth sharing – at least, not that night – Anna bid Doc farewell as he pulled alongside the kerb in front of her house. Creeping inside, she half-expected to see her mother still waiting up for her, but there was no one. When Anna finally got to her bedroom, she collapsed on the covers, still fully dressed. It only felt like it was about 10:30 – which it was, according to her body.

It still didn't take very long to drift off, despite apprehension for the coming day filling her dreams. But she needed sleep or dealing with reality would be impossible.

                                                       ~ o ~

When she awoke the next morning, Anna's bones ached from the awkward position in which she slept. At some point, her shoes had fallen off so at least she didn't dirty up her sheets, and she had thrown off her vest before crashing. Could have been worse. Her clock radio had probably been blaring out an old Huey Lewis song for almost a full two minutes before she sat up.

Was it a nightmare? She had to at least address that possibility as she rubbed at her face, stood up shakily. She was definitely starving; she hadn't eaten much last night… whether or not last night was the same night Adult Hans wrecked her dad's car, or the Enchantment Under The Sea dance. So she decided to turn off her brain and go get something to eat.

She only got as far as the living room.

It took a few moments to figure out why she felt an impending sense of disorientation, and when she did, it hit her like a freight train. Everything was different. The bare layout of the house was the same, including the furniture placement and one or two of the art pieces, but the furniture itself was completely different; much more high-end than anything her family ever owned. Some of the uglier paintings were gone, replaced with more tasteful, simple ones, or family photos that looked much less depressing than the ones Anna remembered. The wallpaper was gone, replaced with an elegant coat of paint that couldn't be more than a few years old. And sitting at the breakfast table were John and Wendy…

Except… since when did John wear a suit this early in the morning? Or at all?! And since when did they have grapefruit and muesli on the table instead of Pop Tarts and Froot Loops? Not only that, but there was also a quiche that definitely looked freshly-made, with a few wedges already cut out.

"Uhhhh," Wendy began when she saw Anna pause, staring at her siblings. She probably looked as confused as she felt. "Are you okay, Anna?"

"What- what's all this?" she asked as she slid into a barstool, staring at them. Wendy stared back.

"Breakfast."

"In a suit?!"

At that, John gave a light chuckle. "You know I've been pulling long days at the office," he said.

"Oh, yeah. Hah. Right. The office."

Obviously this wasn't exactly the same world that she had left. Her brother was, at least mildly, successful – at any rate, he no longer seemed to work at the local Pizza Planet. When Wendy stood up from her seat, the differences with her also became obvious; Anna hadn't noticed, but her glasses actually looked… nice, expensive trendy frames. Her hair wasn't an oily, limp mess; instead, it bobbed about her chin in tight curls. Definitely with a curling iron – but they'd never been able to afford stupid luxuries like that.

Maybe she needed to call Doc and have a conversation about that Butterfly Effect thing. Because she had a feeling somewhere, something she had messed up had made a huge difference.

She was just about to ask where her parents were when she heard the front door open. Mr McFly's voice rang through the house, though it was missing some of the reediness. Elsa's voice came through with a reply, and she sounded different, too.

And then they rounded the corner and Anna fell off her seat.

Her dad was in the lead, reaching out to lay his keys on a sideboard in the hallway. He looked to be in great shape, lacking the potbelly of the father she knew, and his grey-streaked blonde hair was in a rugged "rock" style that hung just past his ears instead of slicked back with oil to get it out of the way. On top of that, the pale blue button-up was open at the collar to show off a fine gold chain over his broad, toned chest.

"I… what… you…"

"What's the matter, honey?" he chuckled at her with a slight smile, reaching down to pull her back to her feet. It was still a gentle hand, but a lot more self-assured than he had ever been with her before; the grip was firm, his biceps more than enough to haul her upward.

"What are you wearing? What is anybody wearing?!" she burst out, knowing how stupid she sounded.

"Sweetheart," her mom sighed as she rounded her husband. "Did you fall out of bed and hit your noggin' again?"

And then she saw her. Not her mother… not frumpy Mrs. McFly. This was Elsa, aged thirty more years. Blonde hair in a much more tasteful braid than the younger model, but still braided, still well-maintained and elegant. She was a little plumper, but definitely not out of shape; this Elsa had shed her pregnancy pounds in the name of keeping healthy. Once she pulled her sunglasses off, she saw that there were still slight crows feet at the corners of her eyes, but not the enormous bags that her mother had always been sporting.

This was a woman who loved life rather than suffered through it. And she was beautiful.

"Mom?" she breathed softly, completely confused.

"Ohhh, sweetie," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. When Anna froze solid to feel the lips there, Elsa did draw back to look at her for a moment, curious. "Sweetie?"

"Wh-what?"

Then Elsa's expression changed completely – as if she were seeing her for the first time. "Oh."

However, they didn't have much time to exchange that look, or for Anna to respond. Not with the family hovering – and Anna had caught the attention of everyone in the house with her glaringly unusual behaviour.

"By the way, Anna," Wendy was saying behind her, prompting her to whirl around in a circle and look at her sister. "We're not your answering service; that Jennifer Punzel dropped by while you were still asleep and asked what happened to you last night."

"Oh, that's right," Kristoff was saying as he sat down and drew half a grapefruit toward himself. "Wasn't last night supposed to be the big trip up to the lake?"

Anna frowned at him. It was, but… "Yeah, but the car was totalled, Dad."

Immediately, everyone sprung into action. There were cries of, "what?!" and "the car!" as everyone bundled out the door. Anna was swept up with the movement, pushed along until soft hands came from behind, securing her.

"Careful," her mother murmured. Anna swallowed and nodded, trying not to pay any mind to the butterflies. This wasn't fair! She was supposed to have left this Elsa behind, back in 1985. She was supposed to get her alcoholic, depressed mother. She was supposed to help her.

Anna wasn't given time to think on that, though, because soon she was peering out the fly-screen. "Anna Victoria McFly. Don't scare us like that," Kristoff chastised – which was strange enough on its own! If she'd still been sitting, she probably would have fallen from her chair again when Kristoff leaned forward, and called out to the man kneeling in front of the bumper of a distinctly not-totalled car, one that was much nicer than she was used to seeing out front of her house. "Now, Hans, I want to see two coats of wax on that car."

What? Hans? What was that lowlife doing to their car- and Victoria? That wasn't her middle name! Everything was too weird!

Even as Anna looked out, she felt Elsa step closer behind her. "He's lucky he could even get a job after that night," she said, voice low. "A little ironic that it's with cars… since he seems to have so much trouble with them."

Kristoff gave a light chuckle, then moved away, saying something about saving the grapefruit. Elsa didn't move, which meant that Anna couldn't move. Coughing, she cleared her voice. "What night?" she asked softly. Elsa's hands tightened briefly on her arms.

"Oh, you know. You were there, right?"

A spasm of electricity shot through her stomach when she heard those words. What could her mother mean? It didn't make any sense… unless…

"I don't have time to finish it," her father's voice cut through her thoughts. "I'm going to be late for my flight. Just wrap it up."

"Okay, okay, Dad," Wendy sighed. "But I hope you're all packed and ready to go, because I'm meeting Craig for lunch and I don't want to stand him up again."

"Okay, okay, slavedriver." As he passed Anna, he did a brief double-take – seemingly when he saw her hair in its semi-ornate bun. Then he glanced over at his wife, who nodded the barest amount. "Hmm… maybe I should cancel this stop on the tour."

"Tour?" Anna rasped, clutching at the sideboard for stability. Just then, as if he had been waiting for the cue, Hans burst into the house carrying a large cardboard box.

"Guys! Mr. McFly, I think this is it! The proofs for your new one!"

"Proofs? New one?" Anna felt dizzy. Her head was spinning, hands shaking. She was powerless to stop when Elsa pushed her forward again, back towards the kitchen.

"Don't you dare cancel," Elsa said, smiling fondly at him. "You've worked too hard. Leave the… domestics… to me."

Anna had a very strong feeling that Elsa was talking about her, and the panic from mere seconds ago rose up again. There was no room – or time – to make any sort of escape. Kristoff ripped open the box, eyes lighting up as he lifted something from inside of it. And it was…

A book?

"Wow…" he said, giving a low whistle. "Damn, that illustrator is good." Passing it over, Anna's mouth went dry. Her father's name was on the cover. This was his book! So he had continued his passion, after all! This Kristoff certainly did seem happier.

That wasn't what caused the lump rising in her throat, though. Splashed across the cover was the title, jagged future-font displaying the words Blast to the Past. Below that was a girl, clambering from a very stereotypical alien aircraft.

Oh shit.

A loud beep broke the silence, and Kristoff hissed. "Sh…oot," he said, glancing at Anna. "I better get going if I don't wanna miss my flight. Hon, are you sure…?"

It was Elsa's turn to smile. She finally let go of Anna, moving over to her husband to place a peck at the corner of his mouth. "I'm sure. Go enlighten the world, or whatever."

He gave a nod and a smile, eyes flicking between Anna and her mother before he turned away. "Wendy? Are you ready to get going?"

"Psh, yeah, Dad. Just waiting on you. If you moved any slower you'd be a glacier."

So out they finally went. John went along with them, kissing the top of his mother's head in a way that made her sigh and roll her eyes; he wasn't that much taller than her. There were a few scattered goodbyes, but Anna didn't participate; she was too shell-shocked.

Then she and Elsa were alone in the house. For a few seconds, her mother remained at the open front door, watching Hans' auto detailing truck trail away and John and Wendy's cars pulling off toward bigger and better things. Then she gently pushed the door closed.

"Mom? I… are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she sighed, turning back to smile at her. Her eyes held an odd mixture of excitement, dread, and curiosity. "But… I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about… Tori."

                                       TO BE CONTINUED…

#Fractal The Future #elsanna fanfiction #elsanna #fruipit #forkanna writes #jess the writer #Back to the Future

[sunsetstudiesx]

Film Recommendations!

I thought I’d recommend some of my absolute favourite movies, because I love sharing my love of movies and just things in general with people. So, in no particular order, here is my list of recommendations:

1. Tombstone (1993)

So I just watched this movie a couple days ago and absolutely loved it. Yes, it is a western. Do you need to like westerns to watch it? Nope. That’s why it’s great. And, it’s based on real people/real events. I sobbed hysterically at the end, but I’m also a huge sap. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday is perfection. I love love love him.

Here’s the plot summary: Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) and his brothers, Morgan (Bill Paxton) and Virgil (Sam Elliott), have left their gunslinger ways behind them to settle down and start a business in the town of Tombstone, Ariz. While they aren't looking to find trouble, trouble soon finds them when they become targets of the ruthless Cowboy gang. Now, together with Wyatt's best friend, Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), the brothers pick up their guns once more to restore order to a lawless land.

Quotes:

“I’m your huckleberry.”

“Why, Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.”

“You gonna do somethin’ or just stand there and bleed?”

2. Fight Club (1999)

Okay. Okay. I just watched this one, too, and let me tell you. If you haven’t seen it/haven’t been spoiled for it, you have no idea what it’s really about. Honestly. It’s so fuckin’ weird and it blew my mind which is something I thought only M. Night Shyamalan could do. Wow, just. . . wow. Watch it, I implore you. I think everyone essentially knows the basic plot, but here it is if you want it, straight from google:

A depressed man (Edward Norton) suffering from insomnia meets a strange soap salesman named Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and soon finds himself living in his squalid house after his perfect apartment is destroyed. The two bored men form an underground club with strict rules and fight other men who are fed up with their mundane lives. Their perfect partnership frays when Marla (Helena Bonham Carter), a fellow support group crasher, attracts Tyler's attention.

Quotes:

“You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

“The things you own end up owning you.”

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

3. Unbreakable (2000)

Speaking of M. Night Shyamalan. While every one of his movies I’ve seen (Split, Glass, Lady in the Water, The Visit) have all been fantastic and mind-blowing, Unbreakable still has my favourite premise and my favourite Shyamalan twist ending. I love this one, even though I don’t really care for Bruce Willis.

Plot summary: A security guard, having been the sole survivor of a high-fatality train crash, finds himself at the centre of a mysterious theory that explains his consistent physical good fortune. When news of his survival is made public, a man whose own body is excessively weak tracks him down in an attempt to explain his unique unbreakable nature.

Quotes:

“Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world. To not know why you’re here.”

4. This is the End (2013)

Seth Rogen. Jay Baruchel. James Franco. Jonah Hill. Danny McBride. Craig Robinson. Playing themselves. The apocalypse. Hilarity ensues. Cameos from Emma Watson, Kevin Hart, Michael Cera, Rihanna, Paul Rudd, Channing Tatum, Aziz Ansari, Jason Segel, Mindy Kaling, and the Backstreet Boys. It’s so funny, I absolutely love it.

Plot summary: In Hollywood, actor James Franco is throwing a party with a slew of celebrity pals. Among those in attendance are his buddies Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson. Suddenly, an apocalypse of biblical proportions erupts, causing untold carnage among Tinseltown's elite and trapping Franco's party in his home. As the world they knew disintegrates outside, cabin fever and dwindling supplies threaten to tear the six friends apart.

Quotes:

“I don’t want to die at James Franco’s house.”

“Oh, no, no, no. I’m drinking and smoking weed. I’m on a cleanse, I’m not psychotic.”

“Take it easy, Dumbledore.”

5. You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. This might be my favourite romantic comedy, and I watch a lot. They’re adorable, and Meg Ryan is everything. This one made me cry twice. Once from sadness, once from happiness. Also it has Dave Chappelle in it, who I absolutely love.

Plot summary: Struggling boutique bookseller Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) hates Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), the owner of a corporate Foxbooks chain store that just moved in across the street. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Joe learns that the enchanting woman he's involved with is actually his business rival. He must now struggle to reconcile his real-life dislike for her with the cyber love he's come to feel.

Quotes:

“There’s the dream of someone else.”

“But I just wanted to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

“I love daisies. They’re so friendly. Don’t you think daisies are the friendliest flower?”

6. A Hard Day’s Night (1964)

For anyone who loves The Beatles. Here they play themselves, and show what their lives are like. It’s ridiculous and hilarious and god, if I didn’t love them before I loved them dearly after watching. It’s such a fun, easy watch and I adore it.

Plot summary: Over two "typical" days in the life of The Beatles, the boys struggle to keep themselves and Sir Paul McCartney's mischievous grandfather in check while preparing for a live television performance.

Quotes:

“How did you find America?” “Turned left at Greenland.”

“Hey mister can we have our ball back!”

“You’re a swine.”

7. Dazed and Confused (1993)

My favourite movie to watch at the beginning and end of the school year, and let’s be honest, every month in between. I’ve seen this movie more times than I can say. I love the ‘70’s setting, the actors, the plot. Another wonderful, easy watch that just makes me happy. Killer soundtrack, too.

Plot summary: The adventures of high school and junior high students on the last day of school in May 1976.

Quotes:

“You just gotta keep livin’, man. L-i-v-i-n.”

“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”

“I just wanna look back and say that I did it the best that I could while I was stuck in this place.”

“I’d like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, is some minor, insignificant preamble to somethin’ else.”

8. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Anything with Patrick Swayze is wonderful, and this is no exception. Johnny and Baby are perfect. This movie also has the best soundtrack of any movie I’ve ever watched. Fantastic love story, fantastic movie. Watch it.

Plot summary: Baby (Jennifer Grey) is one listless summer away from the Peace Corps. Hoping to enjoy her youth while it lasts, she's disappointed when her summer plans deposit her at a sleepy resort in the Catskills with her parents. Her luck turns around, however, when the resort's dance instructor, Johnny (Patrick Swayze), enlists Baby as his new partner, and the two fall in love. Baby's father forbids her from seeing Johnny, but she's determined to help him perform the last big dance of the summer.

Quotes:

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

“Fight harder, huh? I don’t see you fighting so hard, Baby. I don’t see you running up to daddy telling him I’m your guy.”

“You’re right, Johnny. You can’t win no matter what you do.”

“Go back to your playpen, Baby.”

9. The Sound of Music (1965)

This is such a beautiful movie, and I love it so much. My mom and I try to watch it every Christmas as our little tradition. Julie Andrews as Maria is so wonderful, and all of the songs are so, so good. I love all of the children dearly, and oh, do I love Captain VonTrapp.

Plot summary: A tuneful, heartwarming story, it is based on the real life story of the Von Trapp Family singers, one of the world's best-known concert groups in the era immediately preceding World War II. Julie Andrews plays the role of Maria, the tomboyish postulant at an Austrian abbey who becomes a governess in the home of a widowed naval captain with seven children, and brings a new love of life and music into the home.

Quotes:

“You cry a little, and then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does.”

“God bless Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, and little Gretl. Oh, I forgot the other boy. What’s his name? Well, god bless what’s-his-name.”

“I want you to stay. I ask you to stay.”

10. Gladiator (2000)

“Are you not entertained?” I think everyone has heard that line, from this amazing movie. One of the many that has made me cry, it’s such a beautiful story. Also, gladiators. That immediately sells it for me. All of the performances by the actors are top notch as well.

Plot summary: Set in Roman times, the story of a once-powerful general forced to become a common gladiator. The emperor's son is enraged when he is passed over as heir in favour of his father's favourite general. He kills his father and arranges the murder of the general's family, and the general is sold into slavery to be trained as a gladiator - but his subsequent popularity in the arena threatens the throne.

Quotes:

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next.”

“What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

“Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.”

#studyblr #mine #movies #tombstone #fight club #dazed and confused #favourite movies #gladiator #this is the end #dirty dancing #you’ve got mail #unbreakable #a hard day's night #the beatles #the sound of music #80s #90s #80s movies #90s movies #john hughes

[spaceshipkat]

I've run out of tv shows to watch,,, do you have anything you'd recommend?

I DO INDEED BUT THIS LIST WILL BE LONG BC I AM IN A RAMBLING MOOD TONIGHT OH MY GOD I NEED TO STOP WITH THE ALL CAPS

sorry about that. i actually started answering this ask eeeeeons ago, but then tumblr crashed and i lost the entire post, so i had to set it aside for the time being. nevertheless, i am finally here

1) Black Sails: 

to date, it is one of the most inclusive shows on TV, and now the entire show is done so you don’t have to wait between seasons. not only are there several canon wlw relationships, the main character Flint is bi (some argue gay, but i’m not sure bc it’s never fully clear), Silver is eventually disabled and he proves that strength is not in a body with all of its limbs but what you do with that body and the brain it contains (it’s a lesson i have to teach myself a lot thanks to my fucked up hand), an endgame relationship is between a white man and a black woman,  it is chock-full of badass female characters who come in all difference sizes of strength, there’s a pretty spectacular polyamorous relationship, Anne Bonny exists and she is my queen, i ship SilverFlint and yes it’s a crackship sorry…there’s more, but this could take up the entire ask so i’ll stop. 

trigger warnings: it’s incredibly graphic in sex, violence, and gore, and there is a lot of nudity (even male nudity! take that, GOT, Black Sails isn’t afraid to show a dick or boobs)

2) Wynonna Earp: 

guys i binged the first two season in a matter of days bc this show is just fucking amazing. there’s a canon f/f relationship (wayhaught is just asdhakghakafd) that is not relegated to sex symbols (they don’t even have sex until much later into the show and it’s not glorified bc Emily Andras knows what she’s doing). Doc Holliday is in it and he’s a big soft gooey boy who needs protection and just let him have some dynamite is that too much to ask. i will die for Wynonna. the sister relationship between Wynonna and Waverly is up there with Sam and Dean in terms of how much they hurt me physically. it’s fairly dark and fairly scary, even if the animation is kinda silly. also, they actually bring in a pregnancy plot and i fucking loved it. it’s so rare for a show to manage that with grace. 

3) Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries: 

Phryne for president, yo. Dot is fantastic, Hugh is fantastic, Mac is a lesbian queen, Jack will kill me, and Phrack (Phryne and Jack) have reinvented slow burn romance. this is a hill i will die on go watch the show. there are only three seasons and there’s some issues with the third season (they basically shove the side characters away so their stories don’t matter as much, but i think that had more to do with how short the season was in comparison to the others). 

4) I Love Lucy:

okay yes this one is from the 1950s but i grew up watching this show (my mom did as well, so she passed that gene on to me and my eldest brother) and Lucy Ricardo is my lord and savior. fun fact: the laugh track from I Love Lucy is the laugh track for all shows that have laugh tracks bc the laughs were perfect. go watch it and come chat with me later bc i can hold conversations in Lucy quotes. (like supernatural has a gif for everything, Lucy has a quote for everything)

5) Peaky Blinders:

like Black Sails, this show has a lot of graphic violence and sex, but it is so good and still remains one of my favorite shows. it handles PTSD really well, and is dark and twisty and Tommy Shelby is too pure. the relationship he has with his family is too good for words, bc even when they fight they’re still utterly loyal to each other. it does some questionable things (for example, it romanticizes an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship), but it’s overall incredibly twisty and dark and engrossing. 

trigger warnings: violence, gore, drug and alcohol consumption

6) Supernatural:

if you have ever even just glanced at my blog, it’s clear that i really love Supernatural. there’s no one season in particular i enjoy more than the others, since i tend to just like episodes throughout rather than as a whole. when the show started, it did some questionable things (such as queerbaiting) but it’s gotten infinitely better in recent years. there have been many canonical queer relationships (one confirmed just in last week’s episode, a f/f pairing of secondary characters who are practically mains), the female representation has gotten a lot better (aka it doesn’t kill off its female characters willy-nilly), Sam is a treasure now that he’s moved beyond the annoying little brother stage (i know people will misread that, so let me be clear: i have always loved Sam, but as he reminds me of my younger sister, he used to have that “ugh younger siblings” relationship with me, but as he’s grown up into his own person, he’s much better imo), Cas is a cuddlebug, i will die for Dean, destiel gives me life, Jody and Donna are too precious for this world, i’ll stop now. 

(yes this gif is from an actual episode in the show, it’s not from the gag reels)

7) Grantchester: 

it’s another murder mystery show, but i love it regardless. Sidney (a vicar) and Geordie (a police inspector) have such a great friendship and when they hugged i died bc it was too pure, one of the secondary characters is gay and there’s a canon m/m relationship by the end of season 3, Amanda is such a cool character, as is Margaret, who deserves so much better, as does Cathy. it’s a calming sort of show, while still being incredibly interesting

8) Downton Abbey

and i’ll end here bc this is getting way too long, hence the cut ^^^. everyone and their mother has either watched or heard of Downton Abbey, but i love this show beyond words. Lady Mary is definitely my favorite character, largely bc she’s unlikable from beginning to end but she still has so much growth as a character and her arc is one i can’t get enough of. i mean there are a ton of amazing things in this show (although i really don’t like how they treat the lone gay character, though he does have a happy ending; and Lord Grantham is far too sexist), but Lady Mary is up there for a fav character, as is the Dowager Countess who could insult me every time she sees me and i’d thank her bc she’s so fantastic

#ask #anonymous #show recommendations #black sails #wynonna earp #i love lucy #downton abbey #peaky blinders #grantchester #supernatural #miss fisher's murder mysteries #tw: queer

[kagetsukai]

Writing Process Meme

So I got tagged by several people for this meme (thank you @jonogueira, @ladydracarysao3, @roguelioness & @princessvicky01) and I finally got the wherewithal to get it done.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Writing? Short stories, hands down. My sweet spot seems to be between 1500 and 5000 words. It's not a bad place to be :)

Reading? Novels, always. Gimme a good book to get lost in.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Urban fantasy tends to be my preferred poison, though I hate vampires and zombies. I also enjoy high fantasy, but those get very cheesy very fast. I also dabble in dystopian YA.

What genre do you prefer writing?

Fanfiction. I have a plan for two non-fanfic stories and one is a romance story and the other is this... multi-genre epic that starts as a fantasy, becomes steam punk and then sci-fi. Don't ask, I don't know either.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

I guess it really depends on what kind of a story I am writing. Usually for short stories I will have an idea and I'll just sit down and start writing. If I'm working on something multi-chaptered, I will make an outline and have notes on all sorts of things.

What music do you listen to while writing?

My writing music largely depends on my mood and what I'm writing. I will generally have electropop for smut, softer/melodic music for my dance!fic and Weirder Shit gets what I call "emotional music", which usually means a lot of Within Temptation, Trespasser Williams and Vienna Teng. I also love having Dead Can Dance as background for just about anything.

Fave books/movies?

Fave movies: Love, Actually; Imagine Me & You; Moana; A-Team (I will die on that hill and I don't care)

Fave books: I love Mercy Thompson series, Dresden Files, books by Carol Berg for emotional wringing; Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede; Old Man's War by John Scalzi; Alex Verus series, etc. I could probably go for a while. I used to read a lot ;)

Any current WIPs?

Ugh. So many. I have Weirder Shit, dance!fic, my end of the art trade with @elalavella, two fairy tale retellings, and Cute Bisexuals story that wants to get written but I refuse to start because OMG TOO MANY WIPs.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Jeans (knee-length shorts in the summer), a t-shirt with something clever on it, ponytail, black flats

Create a character description for yourself:

On an average day, Shan would say she dressed casually: jeans and a t-shirt with some comfy shoes. Occasionally, she liked to go all out and get crazy with her appearance: put on a dress and do her make using her favorite purple color. Unfortunately, today was not that kind of a day.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Absolutely, though never in their entirety. I mean, even my self-insert is no longer like myself! A good writer will observe their friends/family/people they know so they can understand how any given person would behave in a certain situation, then apply it to their writing. Otherwise, your characters will suffer from what artists like to call “Same Face Syndrome”.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

Moment of truth: I haven't really killed a character yet? Not really? There was that one drabble with Josephine and Mahanon but I can't call it being 'kill-happy'. That being said, I love teasing my friends that I'm going to kill someone in one of my stories. Their terror brings me lots of joy *maniacal laughter*

Coffee or tea while writing?

Usually neither. When I'm in the zone, I'm so absorbed that I don't eat or drink anything. Granted, I usually write at night so any of these would prevent me from sleeping at night as well. So, water?

Slow or fast writer?

Is 'both' a good answer? I am extremely slow to get my ass in gear, figure out what is happening and actually sit down to write. Once I'm writing, I'm WRITING. I once banged out 3K words in less than 2 hours. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm a fast typist, but not so great with getting ideas flowing.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

If I want to get inspired to write, there are three different things I do to potentially get inspired: 1) I go and read someone else's fic. With good stuff, I get so inspired to write my story I will usually close AO3 and immediately open Google Docs. Occasionally I'll open the bad!fic section, cuz that usually gets my "I can totally do better than THAT" juices flowing; 2) I go and reread what I have written to get into the groove of where I'm at in the story and remember where I wanted to go. It also gives me a chance to look at my writing with a fresh eye and see if I messed something up (this is my most common source of inspiration); 3) I put on my "Inspirational Music" playlist and hope it works. This one is the most fickle and I try not to rely on this method.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

A hot mess. No? I would like to think that if I ended up in a fantasy world, I'd train myself to be like Cassandra, but with a two-handed sword. Or a sword and a dagger. Anyway, I'd try to train to be a warrior and die horribly in the first encounter :P

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Fave cliche: I don't think I have one? I love when books take an overused cliche and do something cool with it. Just saying.

Least fave cliche: Love fixes all. God, I hate that one. Having the support of your lover is super important if you're trying to deal with shit (ie. past trauma), but it doesn't mean that you're automatically cured of your XYZ. I hate that.

Fave scenes to write?

Anything with dialogue, really. I love when things are happening, people are interacting, secrets come out, etc. Human interactions are my favorite to write about.

Most productive time of day for writing?

Early to late evening. Or at 10am, right as I really get going at work (THANK YOU ASSHOLE MUSES).

Reason for writing:

I like making people happy with my stories. I enjoy finishing a story, releasing it out and seeing people's reactions to it, bad OR good. I don't necessarily want praise for what I do (I mean, it's nice to get, let's not kid ourselves), but I'm more about putting a smile on someone's face and having them enjoy something.

#writing process meme #about me #on writing #about my writing #asshole muses