#dawninlatin QoP

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 20

A manorian High School AU

Words: 2,5k | AO3 Link | Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

cw: animal abuse, verbal abuse, violence, panic attack

I feel nervous in a way that can’t be named

I dreamt last night of a sign that read «The End of Love»

-Florence + The Machine, The End of Love

Dorian was normally against the concept of Sundays. Aside from being the most boring day of the week, Sundays always made him feel weirdly sad and anxious. Another weekend was coming to an end, and he hadn’t enjoyed it to the fullest, and then there was Monday, getting nearer and nearer, looming over him with all its responsibilities and assignments.

This Sunday, though, could last forever, and Dorian wouldn’t mind at all. 

He was cuddled up in bed, watching some trashy reality show. That in itself wasn’t unusual for him, but what made this Sunday so different was the fact that Manon was cuddled up with him, currently leaning against his chest and laughing from the show she «could watch for his sake but would need to bleach her eyes, ears and brain after being exposed to».

It was well past noon, but neither cared to get up just yet. They’d left the party at Aelin’s at an ungodly hour, after all, making it back to Dorian’s and sneaking in as quietly as possible to avoid waking his mother and brother.

«I wish this weekend could last forever,» Manon sighed after a while, twisting in his arms until they were face to face.

She looked breathtaking in that moment, Dorian thought, with her swollen lips and tousled hair, her golden eyes bright. Images from last night flashed through Dorian’s mind, and he felt himself harden at the memory of how her bare skin had felt against his.

Manon must have felt it too, judging by the way she now smirked and shifted a little, so that she was fully straddling him. Dorian let out a groan at the sudden friction, his cock going from half-hard to ready and aching in a matter of moments, and his hands moved to grip Manon’s hips, guiding her against him in a rhythm that had them both panting.

«We could just never leave my room? School can go fuck itself, for all I care» Dorian suggested with a shrug. Manon’s answering chuckle was quickly interrupted as Dorian brought his lips to hers in a hungry kiss, a gasp escaping her she tasted him. 

«Sounds like a great idea,» Manon managed to get out between kisses, still grinding against his hard cock. Dorian let a hand drift under the t-shirt she was wearing, his t-shirt, and moved it upwards, until he found one of her breasts. He brushed a finger against her peaked nipple, and Manon let out a low moan at the sensation.

Manon sat up, hands moving to lift the t-shirt over her head, and gods, the day Dorian died, he wanted this to be the last image he saw; Manon, sitting astride him, arms lifted and glorious tits on display, face flushed and moon-white hair falling down her back.

Sundays might not be so bad after all.

-

It was already dark outside, by the time Manon left Dorian’s, having spent all day cuddled up in bed, alternating between sleeping, mindlessly watching TV and exploring each other’s bodies. 

She’d even met Dorian’s mother, Georgina, which had been a surprisingly pleasant experience. They’d had to venture into the kitchen to get something to eat eventually, and Dorian had been sure they were home alone, from how quiet it was, but the moment they’d stepped out of his room, the front door had opened, his mother and brother back from wherever they’d been.

Dorian had assured her, earlier, that if they ran into his mom, she wouldn’t mind, but Manon still felt mortified as she stood there, hand-in-hand with Dorian, her cheeks bright red. She’d been wearing his shirt, for fuck’s sake! They might as well have had a blinking sign over their heads saying «We’ve spent all night having sex!»

Luckily, Dorian’s mother had been nice enough to not make any teasing comments (at least not while Manon was there, but she’d gotten a text from Dorian exactly one minute after she’d left, begging her to come back and save him). 

Instead, she’d pulled a blushing, mortified Manon into a warm hug, telling her how nice it was to finally meet this «friend» Dorian kept talking about. 

She’d been even more delighted when Dorian, just as blushing, had stammered out a «she’s my girlfriend, actually». The conversation had ended with Dorian’s mother insisting she come over for dinner some day, and Manon surprising herself by finding she actually wanted to.

All in all, it might have been the most embarrassing experience of her life, but it had also been kinda nice. It helped that Dorian was absolutely adorable when flustered.

As she walked home,Manon tried to think of the last time she’d had this lazy of a Sunday,  and quickly found that she couldn’t. It didn’t fill her with panic and restless energy, though, like it normally would have. A weekend like this was exactly what she’d needed, after a long, stressful week. Especially when next week would be just as bad, with her grandmother coming back and all. 

Merely thinking about it was enough to ruin Manon’s good mood. She’d be back to constantly walking on eggshells, constantly keeping her mask on, constantly lying to keep her grandmother pleased.

Only a few more months, Manon reminded herself. Then she’d be free.

Gods, if her grandmother had known what she’d been up to for the past day-

Manon smiled to herself as she thought back to last night, already looking forward to the next time she’d be home alone, but then she turned down her own street, her house becoming visible, and the smile quickly disappeared, along with any joy she felt, dread taking it’s place instead. 

The lights were on.

Could her grandmother have come home early? Manon’s heart raced at the possibility, especially when she had no idea of knowing how early.

As she got closer and closer, she tried to rationalize, tried to keep the panic at bay.

She could have forgotten to turn the lights off yesterday? But Manon knew that wasn’t the case. She never forgot.

Some small part of her hoped that Asterin had come back, and she pictured walking into the house, her cousin greeting her, asking her what she’d been up to, as if nothing had happened. They would make dinner together, like they’d used to, and when Asterin suggested they watch a movie together, Manon would finally say yes, forgetting her homework for once.

It was that delusional hope that drove her forward, kept the fear from consuming her, even if she deep down knew the truth already.

Because as she entered the house, as she stepped into the living room, it wasn’t Asterin greeting her.

Manon forced herself to look her grandmother in the eye, to seem as unbothered and unafraid as possible, as the elder woman demanded, «Where have you been? It’s late.»

«Just dancing, I forgot the time,» Manon hastily replied, the lie easily slipping off her tongue. It had become so rehearsed lately she didn’t even have to think, and she begged whatever higher power might listen that it would work this time as well.

But Manon realized, before her grandmother had even spoken, that it wouldn’t, from the way her grandmother’s eyes darkened. 

«You’ve been dancing since last night?»

Shit. 

This was the moment she’d been waiting for. Dreading.

Manon swallowed audibly, trying to come up with a good answer, something to get her out of this mess. «I-»

«Don’t even try lying to me, you ungrateful brat!»

Her heart was racing, and she was sure it would burst out of her chest at any moment, but all she could do was stand there and take the verbal beating that was sure to come. There was no way she could lie her way out of this, no plausible reason for why she’d been away all night.

«The moment I go out of town, you start acting like an irresponsible slut, is that it? You are nothing but a disappointment! I expected you to do better, be better, but then you go and whore yourself just like your mother and that pathetic cousin of yours, throwing away everything I have done for you!»

«I’m sorry,» Manon whispered, eyes locked on her feet as she wished for the ground to open and swallow her whole. The familiar feel of shame and panic filled her, like all the other times she’d stood before her grandmother like this. Frozen. Powerless. And this time, there was no way out of it.

Manon thought of the countless times she’d been in this exact position, apologizing for whatever wrongdoing had aggravated her grandmother this time, of how she time and time again pushed herself beyond her limits to please her, yet it was never enough, and suddenly found herself feeling angry, more than anything. 

The anger filled her veins, drowning out the fear and giving her courage. Enough courage for Manon to do something she’d never done before. 

Lifting her head and meeting her grandmother’s furious gaze, Manon spoke with a surprisingly calm voice, «If you’ve done such a good job at raising me, you should trust that I know what I’m doing. Having fun and being a teenager for one gods damned night doesn’t mean I’m throwing away my whole future.»

Her grandmother seethed, her expression shifting into something darker, something dangerous, but Manon must have lost her mind already, because she didn’t back down, didn’t cower, even as her grandmother yelled, «How dare you talk back to me?! You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit! I should-» 

But before she could continue her furious rant, she was interrupted by a loud yowling, Abraxos marching into the room at the worst possible moment.

And just like that, Manon’s heart stopped, her courage reduced to nothing as her grandmother’s hateful gaze slowly shifted from Manon to the cat. The woman tolerated his presence in the house at best, but for him to interrupt her like this, when she was already so angry…

Before Manon could react, her grandmother harshly grabbed Abraxos by the neck, yanking him up from the floor. The cat hissed and scrambled to get free, but her grandmother’s grip was too tight. Manon couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t happening-

«I never should have allowed this fucking creature into my house!» 

«STOP! Please, you’re hurting him!» Manon begged, her vision blurring from the tears gathering, threatening to spill over. 

Her grandmother’s eyes focused back on Manon as she screamed, Abraxos still being held in an iron grip, and the panic in his features shattered Manon’s heart into a million little pieces. She would never be able to forgive herself for this. 

«Please,» she tried once more, willing her voice to calm. «I’ll do better, I promise. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again! Please!» 

«Fine,» her grandmother spat out, and Manon let out a sigh of relief, hastily brushing away a stray tear that had managed to escape.

Manon had stupidly enough expected her grandmother to then gently put the cat back down, before continuing her rant, but that wasn’t what happened.

Instead Manon’s grandmother gave her a malicious smile, before she flung Abraxos at the nearest wall. Manon let out a cry as the cat hit the wall, then the floor, with a painfully loud thud. 

It was only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours, where Manon’s heart stopped beating, where her lungs stopped breathing, where Abraxos lay on the floor, completely still.

Her mind had never been so quiet before, never been so loud. This wasn’t happening, she couldn’t lose-

Then the cat moved, scrambling out of the room. 

Manon trembled, completely paralyzed as she stared at the spot where Abraxos had just been. She registered her grandmother stalking closer, until she was right up in Manon’s face, registered the hissed «If you ever cross me again, I’ll make sure that pest doesn’t make it out alive», registered her grandmother then walking away, but Manon couldn’t bring herself to answer, to move.

All she could do was stare, and stare, and hope she woke up from this nightmare soon.

It wasn’t until she heard the door of her grandmother’s study slam shut that her body started moving, taking her to her room. Manon had no control over her movements, feeling as if she was viewing her body from the outside.

As soon as she’d crossed the threshold, she carefully closed the door behind her, then made her way towards the bed with robotic movements, slowly lying down on her side. 

He’s not dead, she repeated to herself, over and over again, as her breaths became more hurried, more shallow. He’s not dead, he’s okay, he’s notdeadhesokayhesokay-

Even in her panic, Manon could feel something warm settle against her, and it was this that finally broke her.

Between quiet sobs, she managed to whisper, «I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean to get you hurt. She’ll never hurt you again. I promise. I’m so sorry.» 

Tears blurred her vision, and she couldn’t fill her lungs properly, but she kept stroking the soft fur, kept apologizing, hoping he would understand. 

This had all been Manon’s fault. Abraxos had been home alone for 24 hours, and Manon had left him plenty of food, but of course he would want attention as soon as he heard someone in the house. She shouldn’t have stayed so long, shouldn’t have been there at all-

She was careless, stupid, worthless-

The tears kept falling and her body kept shaking. She tried to gather her thoughts, tried to come up with a plan, but her mind was utter chaos. Everything had gone so wrong in such little time. The only thing grounding her was the steady rise and fall of Abraxos’ chest, proof he was okay, proof he didn’t hate her for letting her grandmother-

She’d almost lost him today.

And had the rational part of her mind worked in that moment, she might have felt a little pathetic for being this attached to a pet, but Abraxos had been there since she was a child. In periods of her life, he’d been her only companion, her only comfort, while growing up under the roof of this monster. 

She’d almost lost him today.

Manon couldn’t let it happen again.

Even if it meant going back to spending every waking hour working to meet her grandmother’s expectations, going back to being careful, never stepping out of line.

She couldn’t risk anyone else getting caught up in this mess, getting hurt because of her. 

She only hoped he would understand, if not tomorrow, but some day, that this was for the best. Him hating her, was for the best.

Only for a few more months, she repeated to herself, like a mantra, through the hours of the night, until she finally fell asleep, Abraxos having settled on top of her chest.

A/N:

Where do I even start?

First of all, it feels good to be back with my yearly update of this fic (I wish I was joking, at this pace I'll finish my college degree before I finish this fic...) As usual, the chapter is posted in the middle of the night, no editing, half asleep-

Second, Abraxos, my boi, you'll get revenge, I promise!!! I'm so sorry and I love you<3<3<3 I was in high school when I outlined this fic, and remember thinking "This chapter will hurt to write but you can give your cat lots of cuddles after<3" What 16-year-old me didn't think was that it might take me a while to write (4 years), and that I would be moved out at that point, really far away from my cat *crying*

Anyways- Feel free to leave a comment, either here or on tumblr, even if it's just yelling at me:):):)

See you next year I guess

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @celestialend @darklingswhxore @onfma @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @wishfulimaginings @dreamlandreader

#manorian #dawninlatin qop #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manon x dorian #throne of glass #sarah j maas #manorian fanfiction

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 19

A manorian High School AU

Words: 4,7k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

cw: sexually explicit content

that's right guys, you're getting smut;););)

please excuse any mistakes though (and how bad the smut is) because it's 4am here, i just finished the longest chapter i've ever written, and i need to fucking sleep<3

You only get one night upon the shore

So dance like you’ve never danced before

And the dance floor is filling up with blood

But, oh, Lord, you’ve never been so in love

- Florence + The Machine, Mermaids

Dorian glanced at Manon for what was probably the hundredth time in the fifteen minutes they’d been sitting in the library, working on their homework together. 

She looked entirely consumed by her math problems, but Dorian knew her well enough by now to notice the tension in her jaw, how high her shoulders were. The whole day, really, she’d seemed…off.

He’d wanted to ask her about it earlier, but the whole day had been a whirlwind of catching up with friends he hadn’t seen for weeks, teachers bombarding them with fresh assignments, and just trying to stay awake after waking up so early again.

Now, though, things had calmed down at the end of the day, and Dorian finally asked, «Is everything alright?»

Manon didn’t even look up from her notebook, she just shrugged. «Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?»

To anyone else, she might have been convincing, but Dorian noted how hard she stared at the book in front of her, how her voice was a little too light.

«Are you sure? You just seem a little…tired today.»

She sighed, before finally looking up, meeting his eyes. Her own had dark circles underneath, giving further confirmation to Dorian’s worries. 

«I didn’t get enough sleep last night, and then I show up here and we get way more assignments than I had expected, and we’re not where we should be with the dance team, and-»

Manon halted, squeezing her eyes shut. «Sorry, you don’t wanna hear about all this.» 

The last words came out as a whisper, and she looked down at the table once more. Reaching over and taking her hand in his, Dorian said, «Don’t apologize, please. You can always talk to me.»

She didn’t answer, only stroked his hand once, twice. He could tell that there was something else on her mind, but Dorian knew when to stop pushing. They could talk about it later, when Manon was ready.

After a few moments, she gave him a teasing smile, glancing up at him. «As soon as I finish these math problems things will get ten times better. You don’t happen to be an expert on differential equations, do you?»

Dorian snorted. «I sit next to Aelin in that class, so I rarely have any idea what Mr. Kelley is talking about.»

«He’s the teacher who doesn’t give a shit, right?» Manon said with a chuckle, the she cringed. «I was lucky enough to get Mrs. Hughes for the second year in a row.»

«You have my deepest condolences,» Dorian said, putting a fist to his heart as he recalled countless horror stories from other students about the teacher. She loved giving huge assignments without warning and with way too little time to finish them, rarely gave anyone above a B- out of principle, and should have retired about twenty years ago.

Manon was laughing though, her eyes seeming a bit more alive. «I heard she actually got fired once, but they couldn’t get anyone else, so they had to rehire her.»

«This gives me a newfound admiration of Mr. Kelley, you know? He wants to be there as little as we do, and honestly, he’s so real for that.»

«Is it true that he just let someone sleep through an entire lesson once?»

Grinning, Dorian said, «Not just once. He believes that if someone doesn’t want to learn, then that’s not his problem, and if they’re not disturbing him, he doesn’t give a shit.»

«Ugh, why did you get all the fun teachers?» Manon fake-whined, rolling her eyes.

Dorian batted his lashes as he joked, «I guess someone as talented and good-looking as me simply deserve it.»

«Can you make out with a mirror somewhere else, please? I’m trying to do math here.» Manon gagged for emphasis, and then they both lost it, dissolving into giggles, homework forgotten. 

These study dates were fun, but they also had a habit of distracting each other so much they rarely got any work done. Not that Dorian minded, though.

«Hey, do you have any plans this Saturday?» Dorian asked when the laughter had died down, suddenly remembering another question he’d been meaning to ask.

Manon closed her book, giving up on the homework for now. Raising a single eyebrow, she replied, «Nope. I’m actually home alone this weekend.»

«Well so is Aelin, and she’s throwing a party, obviously,» Dorian smirked, remembering Aelin’s excited rambling from earlier that day:

«Those idiots has asked my cousin Aedion to ‘keep an eye on me’, so he’s obviously getting us booze and not saying a word about the party as long as he gets to join!»

«Would you perhaps like to go with me?» He gave Manon his best pleading eyes as he asked, hoping and praying she would say yes. When she didn’t answer, he added, «I promise it’ll be fun, and we can leave whenever you want.»

Humming, as if deep in thought, Manon stood up, walking over to Dorian’s side of the table. He pushed his chair out to stand up as well, but before he got the chance, she gracefully sat down on his lap, hands resting on his shoulders.

«I suppose I could…» Manon replied. «Would your friends even want me there?» The question was careful.

Dorian brought his hands to her back, going up and down in lazy strokes. That she even worried about this brought a stinging sensation to his chest. «Of course they would. They know I care about you, and I think you’ll get along pretty well, once you get to know each other.»

He actually worried a little, for the chaos that would unfold when Manon and Aelin eventually became friends and ganged up on the rest of them. He was mostly excited, though, because no doubt Chaol would be the one suffering the most. 

«How much have you told them about us?» Manon chewed on her lip as she asked, playing with his hair.

«That we’re friends, but also…more.» They still hadn’t defined whatever was between them, even if Dorian knew exactly what he wanted. He had known for a while though, he just needed to find the right moment to ask…

Fuck it…

Holding Manon’s gaze, her eyes like golden flames, he took a deep breath. «I would love to introduce you as my girlfriend, though?»

He’d known from the second he’d wanted to ask that there was a big chance she’d say no, but part of him had still hoped, and that hope grew as she smiled slightly.

Then she crashed her lips to his in a hungry kiss. While her hands cupped his face, his own traveled down her back until he got a good hold of her magnificent ass. Manon let out a low moan as he squeezed, and the sound sent a jolt of pleasure straight to his dick.

Her tongue pushed against his mouth, and he opened for her, yearning for the taste of her. 

Dorian wanted more, needed more, but then they both seemed to remember that they actually were in the middle of the school library, and even if they were alone right now, anyone could walk by and see them.

They managed to force themselves apart, and Dorian was surprised he could even speak, since he was in the midst of the single fucking hottest moment of his life, and all that. «Is that a yes, then?»

Her forehead resting against his, Manon breathed, «Yes, I’ll go to the party with you…as your girlfriend.»

A grin spread on Dorian’s face, one that was mirrored on Manon’s, and she let out a bright laugh, the sound of it the most wonderful Dorian had ever heard.

«Can’t wait,» he murmured back, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

«Me neither,» Manon replied, then she stood up, moving back to her own side.

Before Dorian could even register what was happening, she’d gathered up all her things, putting them in her bag. «What…why…» he stammered out.

Giving him a teasing look, Manon said, «We should probably leave before someone catches us and gives us detention. I also have to be home soon.» Her tone got more serious as she said that last part, and Dorian wished they could have stayed in this bubble forever.

He didn’t move, though, and when Manon was done packing, ready to leave, she asked, «Are you coming too?»

Dorian glanced down, then shifted, trying to hide the boner he was currently sporting. «I can not walk out in front of other people right now.» His face was burning as he said the words.

Manon looked confused for a few seconds, before she broke into a taunting smirk, throwing a pointed glance at his lap. «That sounds like your problem to deal with.»

Then she turned around and left, throwing a careless «Goodbye» over her shoulder. Dorian was sure she swung her hips as much as she did on purpose, knowing his eyes would stay locked on them (and her ass, let’s be real here) until she was out of sight, It certainly didn’t help his situation.

Oh, how he fucking needed it to be Saturday already.

-

When Manon had agreed to go to the party with Dorian, she had still been a little skeptical, but now, as she walked up to Aelin’s house, hand in hand with her boyfriend, she felt nothing but excitement.

Naturally, meeting and hanging out with his friends made her a little nervous, but she trusted Dorian, believed in him, when he said everything would be fine.

Already, it was filling up with people, the bass of some pop song pulsating out into the cold January night.

Dorian stopped right before the porch, turning towards Manon. «Ready?»

Letting out a foggy breath, Manon gave him a bright smile, reaching up on her toes to press a kiss to his mouth. «Lead the way,» she said, before Dorian brought his arm around her shoulders, tucking her in close.

Together, they entered the house, Dorian taking them right to a spacious kitchen, where Aelin, Chaol, and a few other people Manon recognized from school, were in the midst of an eager discussion.

Immediately, Aelin spotted them and leapt from where she was cozied up to Rowan Whitethorn. «You made it!» she exclaimed, throwing herself around Dorian. Manon didn’t really know what to do with herself, so she just stood there, giving Aelin an awkard hi once she was done embracing Dorian.

Manon had expected a short, somewhat friendly greeting in return, but Aelin had to be pretty drunk already, because to Manon’s great surprise, she threw her arms around her as well. Manon stiffened at first, unsure what to do, but then decided to just roll with it and return the hug. She threw a questioning look at Dorian, but he simply shrugged, giving her a warm smile.

«I’m so glad you wanted to come, too!» Aelin said as she took a step back. Then she turned towards Dorian again, pointing a finger at him. «It was about time you brought your girlfriend around!»

Dorian smirked in answer, and it quickly became clear that Aelin had said it as a taunt, having no idea that as of five days ago, they actually were official, because she went entirely still, then her eyes slowly widened, mouth gaping.

«You ass! You have a girlfriend now and you didn’t tell me?! When did this happen? Give. Me. All. The. Details.» Aelin punctuated those last words by whacking his arm, Dorian twisting away, walking further into the kitchen, to escape the interrogation.

Manon took in the spectacle with a grin, feeling giddy and light, both at being referred to as Dorian’s girlfriend and at the warm welcome. Looking around, she met the eyes of Chaol, Dorian’s other best friend, who gave her a wry smile, then gestured towards Aelin and Dorian. «Good to see you, just help yourself to anything in the fridge while these two wrestle.»

-

They stayed in the kitchen for a while longer, chatting, drinking and laughing together, music blasting through the house as even more people arrived. Aelin had shrugged when Chaol asked, a simple «Aedion» being her only explanation. 

Happy to mostly observe the friendly banter, Manon stuck to Dorian’s side, taking the occasional sip from her second beer. She found herself relaxing more and more, and not only because of the alcohol. 

It was so nice to not worry about anything for once, to just be. No expectations, no demands. Manon needed this after the week she’d had, full of important assignments, tests, and…everything else churning in her mind. She’d promised herself not to think about that tonight, and she would keep that promise.

Instead, she leaned further into Dorian, snorting as he told the story of how him and Aelin had made a bet on how long they could keep a carton of milk hidden in their middle school classroom, and how in the end, it had smelled so bad they needed to have class in the library for three days.

«The best part is, we never even got caught,» Aelin stated proudly, high-fiving Dorian.

«I think putting you two in detention would have caused more trouble than it was worth,» Manon found herself replying, earning a slightly maniacal grin from Aelin. 

Dorian laughed, his whole body shaking against hers. «It would have been absolute chaos.»

«And you two would probably have found some way to pull me into it,» Chaol sighed, which made them all howl.

Soon after, Rowan announced he was going to see if Lorcan had showed up yet.

Aelin grimaced. «Ew, tell him to fuck off, will you?»

He knocked back his drink, then pressed a kiss to Aelin’s lips. «Anything for you, babe.»

Both Dorian and Chaol pretended to gag at the sight, but Aelin just blew Rowan a kiss as he left, then turned her attention back to the rest of the group.

«Anyone wanna play beer pong?»

-

Dorian and Chaol more or less got their asses kicked. Dorian had first tried to team up with Manon, but Aelin had protested, claiming that both him and Chaol sucked, and therefore she wanted to be on Manon’s team. Manon had just smirked, flipping them off over her shoulder as she joined Aelin.

It was a terrifying sight, really, but it was also everything he had wanted for tonight, to see Manon getting along with his friends, having fun, even. And after their massive win, Aelin had dragged her towards the dance floor, claiming they had to celebrate, and that this song was amazing!

Manon had easily followed, laughing the entire time.

«You two seem really good together,» Chaol now said from next to him, nodding towards the two girls.

Dorian smiled, savoring the warm, fuzzy feeling in his body. «Yeah, she is just…»

Everything, he wanted to say, but one look at Chaol told him that his best friend knew exactly what Dorian meant. 

Chaol’s expression softened. «It’s nice to finally see you so happy. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.»

«Thanks, man,» Dorian whispered back, suddenly getting emotional. Because he was happy.

He was so indescribably happy. 

Looking over at Manon only heightened the feeling. She was dancing with Aelin, and he could see that she definitely knew what she was doing, her lithe body moving smoothly in time with the music, but it was also something carefree over her, something relaxed. 

She looked luminous where she moved in the middle of the room, head tipped back in laughter even while she still danced, her hair cascading down her back, glowing in the low light. She was surrounded by dozens of people, but Dorian only saw her.

Then Manon turned around, her eyes locking with his, giving him a bright smile. Dorian wished he had taken a photograph of her in that exact moment, cheeks tinged with pink, golden eyes shining with joy, but he knew if he had, he would have never stopped looking at it.

All Dorian wanted was to close the distance between them and crush his lips against hers, then find somewhere they could be alone. He needed to feel her, taste her. 

Manon must have seen the hunger in his eyes, because her smile fell, replaced by something just as wanting, something intense, all-consuming. She motioned towards the dimly lit, less-crowded hallway, and Dorian gave her a confirming nod. 

He watched as Manon said something to Aelin, then left the room. Dorian made himself count to ten, before he made up some excuse to Chaol as well, then followed her. 

As soon as he stepped away from the crowd, into the more private hallway, Manon was on him, pulling him against her. Their lips met in a hungry kiss, tongue’s clashing, eager to taste one another. Dorian’s hands immediately went to her hair, the long strands like the softest silk against his fingers.

While Dorian slowly backed them towards the wall, Manon’s hands roamed up and down his chest, exploring. She hit the wall with a soft thud, her body flush with his.

Dorian sucked on her lower lip, which made Manon let out a low moan, the sound going straight to Dorian’s hardening cock. 

Needing a moment to breathe, Dorian forced himself to pull away. He braced his arms on either side of her head, both of them panting.

«Is there somewhere we can…» Manon began, chewing on her lip.

 It took everything in Dorian to not lean down and capture that lip between his own teeth. Instead he nodded, leading her towards what he knew was the guest room.

-

Manon needed to be as close to Dorian as possible right now. She had never been so sure of anything in her life.

Holding her hands in his, he led them up the stairs, and into an empty bedroom, door closing behind them and reducing the noise of the party to a low, thrumming heartbeat.

Her own heart was hammering right now, but not from nerves, only from pure need.

So Manon reached up, claiming Dorian’s mouth while pushing him towards the bed in the center of the room with hurried steps.

He sat down, pulling her with him so that her knees rested on either side of him.

Manon could feel his erection pressing against her core, the sensation sending a wave of pleasure through her. She rolled her hips once, drawing a groan out of Dorian, who started trailing kisses down her neck.

His hands moved beneath her shirt, slowly lifting it, and Manon found herself panting, «Just so you know, I haven’t done this before.»

He abruptly stopped, Manon mentally cursing herself for opening her stupid mouth. He looked up at her, his hungry expression replaced by that caring gaze she knew so well.

«It’s okay, we don’t have to-»

«I didn’t say I didn’t want to,» Manon interrupted, because she definitely wanted to have sex with him right now. It had been the only thing on her mind as she’d locked eyes with him across the room when she’d been dancing earlier. He’d been smiling from his conversation with Chaol, his deep blue eyes twinkling, his hair perfectly messy. Manon had wanted to brush her fingers through it, see how much more messy she could make it. Had wanted to feel his skin against hers with nothing between them.

Now, though, she felt herself blush under his attentive gaze.

«It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,» Dorian murmured, brushing a featherlight finger over her burning cheek.

Manon knew it was nothing to be embarrassed about. There weren’t that many opportunities to lose your virginity when you spent all your time at home, doing schoolwork, and she was fine with that, but being so unsure of what to do, what to say, was an unusual feeling for her, when she was so used to being in control all the time.

As if reading her thoughts, Dorian said, «If you tell me when something feels good, or when it doesn’t, and I’ll do the same, we’ll be fine. I promise.» He pressed a light kiss to her lips. «And we can stop at any moment if you need to.» Another kiss.

She had never felt so vulnerable before, but that was the thing about Dorian; being vulnerable with him never felt scary or overwhelming, it felt safe, good, even. It made her feel free.

So Manon reached down, taking the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head, before claiming Dorian’s mouth. His hands immediately went to her lace-covered breasts, fingers brushing over her hardening nipples.

Manon moaned in response, urging Dorian to take his own shirt off. The rest of their clothes soon followed, leaving them in only their underwear.

Then Dorian reached behind her to unclasp her bralette, freeing her small breasts. His mouth started trailing down her chest, and right before he reached one of her nipples, he looked up at her, asking, «Is this okay?»

«Uh-huh,» Manon nodded in answer, grinding against him as he finally brought his mouth to that nipple, sucking lightly on the rosy peak. Dorian was fully hard against her now, and Manon rolled her hips, needing more, more, more.

Dorian’s back hit the bed, pulling her with him, then he rolled them over so that he was on top. 

He cupped her breasts with his hands, leaving goosebumps in their wake as they then trailed down, down, stopping right before the line of her panties. Before he could even ask, Manon lifted her hips, urging him to take them off and just touch her already. She was burning from within.

Dorian obeyed with a smirk, then brought a single finger to her center, cursing when he found her to already be soaking wet. He stroked that finger up and down her slit, before he thrust it inside her. 

Manon moaned, rolling her hips in time with his strokes, her own hands palming him through his boxers.

That finger was soon joined by a second, and when Dorian started applying pressure to her clit, Manon quickly found herself cascading towards release.

«Dorian,» she moaned as she came undone on his fingers, her body going taut, then loose, Dorian’s fingers still stroking her through the entire thing. It was all too much and not nearly enough at the same time.

As she came down from her high, Dorian brought his hand up to his mouth, licking it clean. The sight had Manon ready to go again in seconds, and she reached into his boxers, pulling the length of him free.

She’d felt it earlier, that he was big, but her eyes still widened slightly at the sight of him, hard and ready. Dorian groaned as she stroked him once, twice. Meeting his sapphire blue eyes, she said, «I want you. Now.»

Dorian blinked, then leapt off her, discarding his boxers and picking up something from his jeans lying on the floor. Manon let out a low chuckle at his eagerness, but already, she craved the feel of his skin against hers again.

When he returned, Manon saw that the object he’d retrieved was a condom. He made quick work of putting it on, and when he was done, Manon reached up, grabbing his shoulders to pull him back down to her, their mouths meeting in a deep kiss.

She spread her legs to make room for him, and Dorian lined himself up with her core, but then he stopped.

«Are you sure?» Dorian asked one final time, his gaze so intense she couldn’t look away even if she’d wanted to.

«Yes,» Manon breathed, then he so slowly, so gently, pushed into her, all while stroking her clit.

Manon moaned at the sensation, at how he filled her, stretched her open. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t a feeling she was used to.

«You feel so good, you’re so good, Manon» Dorian groaned, and his words made her center throb in pleasure. She had never felt so full. 

He gave her a moment to adjust, but Manon soon found herself needing more friction, so when she wriggled her hips, he pulled out slightly before pushing in again. «Tell me if it hurts, right?» 

Manon nodded in answer, unable to form words right now.

Dorian soon found a slow, steady rhythm, and Manon started rolling her hips to meet his thrusts.

After a few moments, he stilled, though, and when he didn’t move, Manon asked in a breathless voice, «Why did you stop?»

«Just trying to make it last longer,» Dorian panted, burying his head in her neck.

Stroking up and down his back, Manon suggested surprisingly confidently, «Can I be on top?»

«Fuck yes,» Dorian mumbled against her skin, before he slowly pulled out of her and sat up, tugging her with him.

Manon could have cried at feeling so empty after being so full mere seconds ago, but it didn’t take long before her mouth was on Dorian’s again, and she fisted his cock, positioning him against her core.

They both groaned at the sensation as she gradually sank down on him, this position allowing him to go even deeper, hitting that sweet spot inside her.

She started moving up and down in a slow rhythm, one of Dorian’s hands going back to her clit, the other to her hip, helping in guiding her.

The deep strokes paired with the pressure on her clit made that blissful wave rise again, and Manon let her forehead fall to Dorian’s, her eyes landing on where they were joined.

It was the hottest fucking thing she had ever seen, and stroke by stroke, the wave rose, nearing the edge. 

Dorian was shaking beneath her, trying to hold back his own release. «Fuck, Manon.»

«I’m close,» Manon managed to choke out. She sank down on him one final time, right as Dorian pressed his thumb down on her clit, sucking on a sensitive spot on her neck.

She cried out as she came a second time, her whole body tightening. In her pleasure-haze, she was aware of Dorian’s rhythm faltering, him moaning her name against her neck as he joined her in that glorious release.

They clung to each other, staying as close as possible, as the world went quiet. Dorian brought a hand to her face, brushing her hair out of the way, and Manon gave him a soft smile, her body feeling wondrously calm. 

«Are you okay?» Dorian whispered, always caring about her wellbeing.

Manon pressed a featherlight kiss to his lips before she whispered back, «More than okay.»

-

Later, Manon lay cradled in Dorian’s arms, listening to his steady breathing.

She felt almost giddy, even if her eyelids were heavy, moments away from falling asleep.

Tonight had been probably the best night of her life, cliché as it was.

And it had made Manon realize what she’d missed out on, all this time. Not just the partying, but having friends, joking about anything, laughing, feeling so light and free and like she could just be, and no one would fault her for it.

She deserved to feel this way, deserved to be happy. And she deserved to be happy with Dorian. Because how could she go back to her old life, where all that mattered was living up to her grandmother’s impossible expectations, when she had finally learned what it was like to actually live?

Her grandmother could go and fuck herself, Manon decided. She only had a few months left before she could leave that house for good. And until then, she could pretend, she could be good, stay in line, but she refused to give up on all the good things in her life, refused to give up on Dorian.

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks @wishfulimaginings

#manorian #manorian fic #dawninlatin QoP #manon x dorian #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #throne of glass #sarah j maas fanfiction #sarah j maas

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 18

A manorian High School AU

Words: 2,9k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

TW: mentions of abuse, past death

Hold me down, I’m so tired now

Aim your arrow at the sky

Take me down, I’m too tired now

Leave me where I lie

-Florence + The Machine, Sky Full of Song

Manon’s heart was beating so hard and fast she was sure it would crack open her chest and escape at any moment. Closing the front door as quietly as she could, she prayed to whatever god might listen that her grandmother had gone to bed early.

«And where have you been?»

Fuck.

She didn’t know why she’d even hoped, since luck clearly hadn’t been on her side lately.

Willing herself to calm the fuck down, Manon stepped into the living room, a fake smile plastered on her face. «I was just dancing.»

The lie came automatically, one she’d used countless times by now. She needed to get through this interrogation quickly, so she could lock herself inside her room and let her growing panic rise up to the surface.

Because if her grandmother found out where she had actually been, who she had seen, the things she had learned…

Merely being in the same room as the woman made her feel physically ill, but Manon needed to keep it together, needed to pretend everything was normal until she could think properly through everything that had just been revealed. And tonight was not the time for that, not when it felt as if her head was about to explode.

«Dancing?» her grandmother asked with a look that told Manon she needed to be more convincing right now or she would face dire consequences. 

«Yeah. I needed to make sure this new choreography was perfect for practice tomorrow.» It was all bullshit, of course. Dance practice had been the last thing on her mind lately, and if it continued this way they would surely lose against Iskra and her team in a few months. Though that was the least of Manon’s problems.

«And the others are working just as hard?» 

Please, just keep it together a little longer, Manon begged herself, fighting the urge to scream.

«They are.» Because it didn’t matter if Manon did her very best. If the others on her team failed, that was also her responsibility. She could practically hear her grandmother saying something along the lines of «of course they fail when you lead them like that».

Her grandmother silently looked at her for several torturous seconds, and Manon was sure that this time her lies had gone too far, this time she hadn’t been convincing enough, this time she would get caught and her whole world would come crashing down.

Still, Manon forced herself to meet her grandmother’s cruel stare, hoping she couldn’t see how she was shaking slightly, her heart thundering in her chest.

«You have school tomorrow, don’t stay up too late,» her grandmother said at last, in a displeased tone. Then she turned on her heel and left the room, luckily quick enough to miss the way Manon’s whole body seemed to sigh in relief.

It took everything in Manon to remain calm as she walked down the hall, all the way to her room, because if she sprinted like she wanted to, if she slammed her door shut, if she let out the scream that had been building up for hours, her grandmother would know for sure.

Manon wasn’t fully convinced she was off the hook, but she was safe for now. At least it bought her a little time to figure out what the fuck to do. 

Finally inside her room, Manon closed the door and twisted the lock, before slowly sinking to the floor, gasping for breath. All because of that damn phone call a week ago…

-

«Hey, Manon. This is your father.»

It took a moment for the words to register, but when they did, Manon’s heart stopped. She would have thought it was just a prank, and not a very good one, had it not been for the emotion in that voice.

«…How?» The word came out so quietly she wasn’t sure he’d heard it, but his answer was fast.

«Your cousin, Asterin, contacted me a few weeks ago.»

Manon couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All her life, she’d been told her mother had gotten pregnant young, but died around the time she was born, while her father had wanted nothing to do with her from the very beginning. 

Someone surely had to be messing with her, but her gut feeling told her otherwise, and the fact that Asterin was behind it-

«I-,» she started, but didn’t know how to finish that sentence. What did you even say in a situation like this?

In the end, she went with: «I don’t even know your name.»

«Tristan Crochan.»

This was madness. Pure madness. 

The wise thing to do would be to just hang up, but Manon was frozen, stuck between wanting to pretend this had never happened, and wanting to hear what this  complete stranger had to say.

«Look,» he said, his voice cracking. «I know this must come as a big shock to you, and I’m so incredibly sorry for not being there, but I would love to explain everything whenever you’re ready for it.»

Manon almost scoffed, thinking that she could never be ready for that conversation, but then that same voice from earlier, the one that had urged her to just pick up the phone, urged her to say yes to this.

For her own sake, she needed to say yes to this.

-

In fact, she’d said yes to meet him, her father, at a café downtown only a week later. That was where she’d been, not at dance practice like she’d told her grandmother.

And now she was left feeling confused and shaken. Manon had no idea what to believe about anything anymore. Because the things Tristan had told her-

-

Manon looked around the café, trying to find the man that apparently was her father. It wasn’t too difficult, given that it was new year’s day, and the few other people there were all in groups. So she drew a deep breath, trying to calm herself, before she strode towards the man sitting all by himself in the back of the room.

She still couldn’t believe she was doing this. What if someone was messing with her? What if this was just a creepy stranger? Who even got a call from their basically non-existent father after eighteen years of nothing?

All doubt vanished, though, as she reached the table, the man standing up to greet her.

«Manon,» he whispered, his eyes lining with silver. 

Manon just stood there, unable to speak, unable to think. The man in front of her was slightly taller, seemingly in his mid-thirties, and he had short, light hair, though not as light as hers. What really caught her attention, though, were his eyes. Everything, from the shape to the color, was identical to her own. 

«Please, have a seat.» Tristan gestured awkwardly toward the other side of the table as he spoke, seeming just as nervous as she was.

They both sat down, but Manon still didn’t say anything. Even if she managed to think of something to say, she wasn’t sure if her voice would work right now. So she kept her gaze on the table, waiting for him to start.

«I’m sorry, I just-,» Tristen began, clearing his throat before he continued. «I thought you would look like her.»

Manon looked up at that, realizing he’d meant her mom.

«Sorry to disappoint,» she shrugged, deciding to wear her usual armor of cold and uncaring. She felt too vulnerable without.

But Tristan only let out a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair. «I’m not disappointed, just surprised. I didn’t think you’d look so much like….»

«You.»

«Yeah.»

«So you really are my father?» Manon hadn’t wanted to believe it, still fought against the truth, but she couldn’t ignore the apparent evidence.

Tristan swallowed once, face suddenly very serious. «I am. If you need a DNA-test to be sure-»

Interrupting him before he could finish, Manon said, «I don’t think that’s necessary. I believe you.»

Because this was all because of Asterin, Manon reminded herself, and her cousin wouldn’t have done it if she wasn’t completely certain. No matter how much she hated Manon right now.

«Okay,» he nodded, seeming slightly relieved.

Breaking the awkward silence, Manon asked about the one thing she needed to know. «Where have you been all this time?»

«That’s a very long and complicated story,» Tristan said, letting out a shaky breath.

Manon didn’t answer, simply gave him a look that said: «I have all the time in the world right now.»

«How much do you want to know?»

«Everything,» Manon breathed.

Tristan looked down, taking a few seconds to gather himself, before he started:

«I met your mom during my freshman year of college. We had a class together, and I was instantly drawn to her, because she was beautiful, yes, but also because she was the most kind, compassionate person I had ever met.»

Manon struggled to make this image match with the one she had of her mother from before, the image her grandmother had formed of a college drop-out who’d gotten knocked up by the wrong guy.

Weak and pathetic, just like your mother…

«It didn’t take long before we started dating and fell in love, and I’ll spare you the details, but two years later Lothian got pregnant. With you.

«We were only twenty at the time, but you were so wanted, Manon. So loved, even before you were born.»

He looked at her, eyes lined with silver, and the pain in his voice was like a knife to her heart. If she’d been so wanted, why had they both left her?

«A few weeks before you were supposed to be born, Lothian was driving home from her sister, and she got into an accident…»

Tristan closed his eyes as he whispered the next part. «She died that night.»

A tear escaped as he opened them again.

«I got a call from the hospital, but they’d called her mother too, and she’d gotten there first.»

Manon felt herself pale, dread pooling in her stomach. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what happened next.

«Lothian had cut all contact with her years before, yet they still called her…»

He got this distant look, as if he’d gone over this exact detail over and over again, to figure out where it all went wrong.

«When I got to the hospital, she was waiting for me. She told me that Lothian died in that car accident, that there was nothing to be done. And then…»

Manon wasn’t sure she was breathing. It seemed like it physically pained him to talk about this, but she needed to know. If she’d been lied to her entire life…

«When I asked about the baby, she said you’d died as well. I wanted to see you, if only to say goodbye, but they wouldn’t let me, claiming some bullshit about there not being proof I was family. I tried, I tried so hard, but they refused, they threatened to call security, and in the end, I had no choice but to leave. I lost everything that night.» He was openly crying now.

Trying to hide how badly her hands were shaking, Manon breathed at last, «You thought I was dead?»

Tristan nodded once, wiping away his tears. «For eighteen years, I’ve thought you were dead. And I never got to see you, never got to attend a funeral, never got to say goodbye.» 

Tristan glanced out the nearby window for a moment. «I reached a low point after that. I quit college and had to move back in with my parents for a while. I thought I’d never come back here.

«But then Asterin called me three weeks ago. She was just a baby the last time I saw her.» His voice was filled with hope now, and he looked back at her, smililing sadly as he said that last part.

«I was so shocked to hear you were alive. And that you thought I’d left…that I didn’t want anything to do with you…»

Manon blinked furiously to keep her own tears at bay. She believed him, because this, it sounded exactly like a thing her grandmother would do, either to punish her own daughter, or to get a second chance to raise this twisted image she had of an heir or something. Manon felt sick at the mere thought of it.

«I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Manon. I should have done more.»

«I- I don’t know what to say right now,» Manon whispered, sounding out of breath. It was too much-

Tristan gave her a soft smile, and Manon flinched at how fatherly it felt.

«I understand how much of a shock this must be for you. I felt the exact same way, that’s why it took me a few weeks to call. I was so terrified…» He shook his head, letting the sentence remain unfinished.

Then Manon was hit with another shocking revelation.

«You also have a sister. Her name is Rhiannon. She’s four.»

She definitely wasn’t breathing now.

«I live about 45 minutes away, with Rhia and her mother, Hannah. It took me years after your mother-»

«You don’t have to justify it,» Manon interrupted, before he could make some sappy excuse about how he thought he’d never love someone again. She didn’t care. And this was all too much for her to process at once. «I don’t even know you.»

Tristan hid his disappointment well, saying, «I know. But I’d love to get to know you when you’re ready for it.»

She had a father. One who cared about her, who wanted to get to know her, and her grandmother had been lying to her for her entire life-

«My grandmother…» Manon began, not even realizing what she’d said until after she’d spoken.

«…are you safe with her?» He was hesitant to ask, and she couldn’t take the concern in those damn eyes that looked too much like her own.

No, she wasn’t fucking safe! Her grandmother was a psychopath, and Manon was an idiot to not realize it sooner, but she needed to process all of this on her own, needed some space to fucking think.

So she muttered a quick «yeah», unable to meet Tristan’s piercing gaze. 

None of them said anything after that, and the silence was killing her. Manon couldn’t do this anymore, she needed space, needed to breathe-

«I need some time,» she mumbled, before she abruptly stood up and bolted. She was half convinced her dad would come running after her, but thankfully he didn’t. So she simply left, a million thoughts rushing through her mind.

-

Sitting on her bedroom floor on the verge of a panic attack, Manon tried desperately to figure out a plan. 

Her grandmother would go on another «business trip» the next day, if that was even what she did whenever she left, so at least it gave Manon some time. 

Right now, though, all she could do was breathe.

What she really wanted to do was to call Asterin, to ask her why she’d searched for Manon’s father, why she’d contacted him. But in order for that conversation to happen, they first had to talk about the fact that Asterin had been right about their grandmother all along, and then Manon had to apologize, something she wasn’t ready for just yet.

She had to gather up the courage first.

And she had to deal with the whole fact that she had a father who’d believed she was dead for eighteen years all because of her grandmother. And she had a sister-

The mere thought made her dizzy. Stuff like this didn’t happen in real life, to real people-

Still, Manon knew it was true. She could feel it with her whole heart. 

It filled her with such rage and sorrow, to know her grandmother had robbed her of an entire childhood feeling loved and safe and happy. 

She thought of that little girl, who’d only wanted someone to hold her, to tell her they were proud of her, that they loved her. A tear escaped, then another, then another, until she was full-on sobbing.

Manon sobbed for the mother she’d lost.

For the father she’d been taken from.

For the childhood she never got to have.

For the monster her grandmother had made her into.

For the cousin she’d hurt so badly, whom she missed so badly.

And for the boy she loved, whom she was bound to hurt someday in the future.

Oh, how Manon wished Dorian was here right now, to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her everything would be alright.

She wanted to tell him everything, but she knew she couldn’t. It was all too complicated, too fucked up, and he didn’t deserve this mess, not when he’d been through so much of his own.

Manon would let herself pretend for a little longer though, would let herself keep this one good thing in her life, even if it couldn’t last.

Because soon, everything would come crashing down.

A/N: i have to admit, i'm a little relieved to have finished this chapter, as it was the one i thought would be the hardest to write...i'm still not sure whether i'm happy with how it turned out or not, but it's here, and that's good enough for now<3

also a big thank you to everyone who comments, it's such a huge motivation to keep writing!

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks​ @wishfulimaginings​

#manorian #dawninlatin QoP #manon x dorian #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manorian fanfiction #throne of glass #sarah j maas

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 17

A manorian High School AU

Words: 1,9k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

Then it tries to find a home

With people or when I’m alone

Picking it apart

And staring at your phone

-Florence + The Machine, Hunger

Dorian broke into a huge grin as he opened his Christmas present. He’d been saving this one for last, knowing it would be something good.

And he’d been right.

Inside the messily wrapped box was a special edition of his favorite book, one he’d tried to find for years without success. How she’d even gotten this-

He lifted the book, admiring the gorgeous sprayed edges, then picked up the second item. It was a custom library stamp, saying From the library of Dorian Havilliard. Dorian felt almost giddy, wanting to use it on all of his books immediately.

It really was the perfect gift, and the fact that it was from Manon made him all warm inside.

«Show me what you got,» Dorian’s mother urged from her spot next to him on the couch, trying to look over his shoulder. 

On the floor, aunt Philippa was helping Hollin build his new Lego’s.

It had been over a month now, since that faithful night that had begun with Dorian coming out to his parents, and ended with his mother leaving his father, basically starting a new life for her family.

Things weren’t perfect, they’d had plenty of bad days, but they were doing better. His mother had managed to stay sober, as far as Dorian knew, and she still went to her meetings, still saw a therapist on the regular. 

Sometimes, the three of them even saw a family therapist together, and Dorian found that having someone to guide them through all the difficult conversations really helped. It had most definitely helped Hollin, who seemed like an entirely different kid now. He hardly had tantrums anymore, he did way better in school, and overall he seemed much happier.

He also seemed to adore his new aunt, whom he’d not even met before, but who’d stayed with them for three weeks after the fight, and now visited as often as possible.

Thankfully, their father had left them alone. Dorian hoped it stayed that way, that he never had to see the bastard ever again. 

Looking around, Dorian took in the small, but cozy living room he was sitting in. 

They’d moved here about a month ago, their old house being too big, too empty, too full of bad memories, and things were finally settling. Already, this felt more like a home than their old house ever had.

«Is that from Dorian’s secret girlfriend?» Philippa asked just as Dorian handed his nosy mother the book and library stamp. 

The nosiness didn’t bother him, though, not in the slightest, because it meant she cared.

«She’s not secret, and she’s also not my girlfriend,» Dorian pointed out, but his aunt just waggled her eyebrows and then joined them on the couch to take a closer look at the gift.

His mom gave him a playful look. «If she’s not secret, why does she only have time to visit when you’re home alone?»

Dorian simply shrugged, feigning innocence.

«Give it a few years, Georgie, and you’ll be planning their wedding.»

«Okay-» Dorian said, plucking his things from the hands of his gushing mother and aunt. «That’s my cue to leave.»

He quickly stood up, trying to hide the fact that he was very much blushing, and announced, «I’m going to my room, alone, so I can call my not-secret not-girlfriend.»

Then he left, hurrying as he heard his aunt quip, «Did you see how red he got?»

Dorian let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him, pulling his hand through his hair. 

After carefully placing his gift on his desk, he flung himself down on the bed and pulled out his phone, dialing Manon’s number from memory (which was an absolutely normal thing to remember about a person that absolutely wasn’t one’s girlfriend).

She picked up almost immediately, and Dorian let himself imagine that maybe she’d been waiting for him to call.

«Merry Christmas,» Manon greeted, her voice so bright.

Grinning, Dorian returned the words, then asked, «What did you think of your present?»

«It’s beatiful,» Manon breathed on the other end of the line. «Thank you.»

He ‘d gotten her a necklace. It was simple, really, just a silver chain with a shining star in the middle, two smaller ones on each side, but Dorian knew he had to get it as soon as he saw it. 

«I’m actually wearing it right now,» Manon added.

«The shirt? Sexy.»

Because as Dorian stood there with the necklace, he’d also thought that while it was perfect, it was a little too cliché, too couple-y, se he’d needed to get something else as well, something less serious.

It had taken a few days of searching, but he’d found it eventually: A hot pink shirt that said the words «You’re looking at a crazy cat lady». The letters were black, in fucking comic sans, and the message was underlined by rainbow-colored paw prints. It was honestly the ugliest shirt Dorian had ever seen, but he knew Manon would love it.

She chuckled, before saying, «The necklace, dumbass. I’m saving the t-shirt for prom.»

They’d seen each other just two days ago, but it had been long enough for Dorian to miss talking to her, miss their playful banter.

Cold, unapproachable, mean, bitchy. They were all words he’d heard to describe Manon, but as he’d gotten to know her, he knew she was none of those things. She might let the world believe otherwise, but Manon was kind, caring, clever, and downright hilarious.

«I’d expect nothing less. Thank you very much for the book and library stamp, by the way. You couldn’t have given me a better gift.» Dorian glanced over at said gift, smiling at how well she knew him.

«Maybe Aelin won’t steal all your books now, if she’s constantly reminded of who they actually belong to. And if it looked like your gift was wrapped by a child who loves tape too much, it was all Abraxos’ fault! He just took over, insisting he did it!»

Dorian laughed, picturing a very frustrated Manon trying to wrap a Christmas present. «Don’t bring Abraxos into this, he probably wraps his gifts beautifully!»

They kept going back and forth like this, Dorian’s facial muscles beginning to strain from all the smiling he was doing.

«What are you doing right now?» Dorian asked after Manon had given a detailed description of how she’d tried, and epically failed, to make gingerbread cookies last night.

«I’m chilling in my PJs, watching the greatest Christmas movie of all time.» 

«Let me guess…The Grinch?»

«Shut up, he’s my literal soulmate!» Manon claimed, sounding as if she tried not to laugh. 

«You probably love something annoying like Elf or Home Alone.» Dorian could hear the eye-roll.

«And what if I do?» he teased, even if those two were among his favorites.

Manon’s reply came quickly. «Then I’m afraid I can’t be seen in public with you anymore.»

Just as Dorian was about to make a retort, his mom knocked on the door, asking if he wanted to play Mario Kart with them. As much as he wanted to keep speaking with Manon, he had a title as reigning champion to defend, so they made their goodbyes, promising to talk again the following day.

Then Dorian went to join his family, ignoring how he’d felt the urge to end that phone call with three very significant words.

-

After ending the phone call with Dorian, Manon returned to her movie, snuggled up with Abraxos on her bed. 

She’d felt so light, mere moments ago, laughing and bickering, but as soon as she’d hung up, a heaviness had settled over her again.

To her, Christmas had never been the warm, joyful holiday everyone else believed it to be, but this year was particularly depressing.

All morning, she’d tried not to cry as she thought about how different it would be if Asterin was still here. They would have opened their few presents together, Asterin waking her up at some ungodly hour, then they would have watched movies in one of their beds, gorging themselves on candy, before they went ice skating, and returned to a not-horrible dinner with their grandmother.

It physically hurt, to be doing it all alone this year. 

Especially when Manon knew it was all her fault.

She was the one who’d pushed Asterin away, who’d answered with insult after insult when all Asterin had done was care about her.

Manon hoped she was okay, hoped she was happy with her new family.

Her grandmother was still making dinner later today, but Manon wasn’t sure she could sit there and pretend something vital wasn’t missing. It was becoming more and more clear how Asterin had been the one bringing some light to this house.

In addition, Manon was beginning to run out of plausible lies as to why she was spending more time out, and less time in her room studying. It was hard to keep someone hidden, when they had become such a huge part of her life.

At least she still had Dorian, Manon thought, touching a hand to her new necklace.

She’d been so relieved when he’d called her after he’d gone home that morning, telling her all about how his mother had finally stood up against his father, how she’d promised things would change. His voice had been full of disbelief back then, but his mother had kept her promises so far, and it showed, because Dorian seemed happier and happier by every day.

As he’d retold their conversation, though, Manon couldn’t help but draw parallels to her own situation, a heavy feeling settling deep within her.

She wished she had the strength to stand up for the ones she cared about like that. To do something, say something. Maybe then-

But you’ll never manage to do that, stupid girl! You’re nothing more than a pathetic coward, exactly like your mother-

That fucking voice… Manon would give anything for it to shut up. 

She turned up the volume of the movie in a feeble attempt to drown it out, but it only reminded her of how she didn’t have Asterin beside her, making funny comments the entire time.

Manon contemplated calling Dorian again, but he was spending time with his family, and she knew how much he valued that time, so she quickly let go of that thought, instead choosing to let herself mope some more.

«Christmas is overrated, anyway,» she said to a snoring Abraxos, who continued to ignore her.

Sighing, Manon mentally prepared herself to go and get more snacks, but then her phone started buzzing somewhere underneath all her blankets. 

Shen frantically searched for it, thinking it was Dorian calling, but her face fell as she saw that it was an unknown number.

Normally, Manon would have just ignored it, letting it go to voicemail, but this time, it was as if a voice urged her to pick up, just this once, pick up!

So she did, trying to remain calm as she said, «This is Manon speaking.»

The person on the other end drew a deep breath, before replying in a shaking voice, «Hey, Manon. This is your father.»

A/N: We have finally reached the chapter, that when plotting it out, I thought "I'll have plenty of time to have this out around Christmas...in 2020"

A win is a win though!

This one's more of a filler, and therefore a little short, but I hope you appreciated the ending...*cue evil laughter*

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks​ @wishfulimaginings​

#dawninlatin QoP #manorian #manon x dorian #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manorian fic #throne of glass #sarah j maas

[dawninlatin]

No new chapter tonight, but I've written quite a bit, so I thought I'd share a snippet:):)

He was cuddled up in bed, watching some trashy reality show. That in itself wasn’t unusual for him, but what made this Sunday so different was the fact that Manon was cuddled up with him, currently leaning against his chest and laughing from the show she «could watch for his sake but would need to bleach her eyes, ears and brain after being exposed to».

#dawninlatin qop #manorian

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 16

A manorian high school AU 

Words: 3,5k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

TRIGGER WARNING: References homophobia from previous chapter, emotional abuse, alcoholism

Gone are the days of begging

The days of theft

No more gasping for a breath

The air has filled me head to toe

-Florence + The Machine, Between Two Lungs

When Manon had fallen asleep, she and Dorian had been resting side by side, their shoulders barely brushing against each other, but their hands intertwined. 

Now, as she slowly woke up, she was lying on her side, a pair of arms wrapped around her middle. Dorian had to be asleep, still, because she could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest against her back.

Twisting around, Manon allowed herself to shamelessly study his face. He looked so peaceful, such a contrast from the pain and panic she’d seen in him last night.

What his parents had said and done… It filled her with such rage she wanted to scream, but that wasn’t what Dorian needed right now, so she pushed it down.

Even if it had felt like a punch in the gut when he’d told her how his mother had just stood there, doing nothing, while his father kicked him out. It felt too close to her own situation. Was Asterin just as hurt by how Manon had done nothing? Right now, however, it wasn’t about her, so she wouldn’t think about it.

Instead, Manon lifted her hand, gently brushing a finger against Dorian’s lips. They were so soft, and something within her stirred at the thought of kissing them.

The featherlight touch was enough to stir Dorian awake too, though, and his eyes fluttered for a moment, before blinking open. They were still slightly red and puffy, along with his cheeks, Manon now noticed, but Dorian gave her a lazy smile as he found her studying him.

«Hi,» he said in a raspy voice.

«Hey,» Manon answered, her own voice just as raw.

For a long moment they just stared at each other, neither of them saying anything. They had too much to talk about, too little time to stay in this bubble they had created.

One of Dorian’s hands, which were still wrapped around Manon, began stroking up and down her back in soothing motions.

«How did you sleep?» 

The way Dorian winced was answer enough on its own, along with the dark circles under his eyes, but he said, «Better than I thought I would.»

Manon could see the exact moment he decided to cover up the gravity of the situation with his usual teasing and swagger, and his smirk wasn’t fully convincing, but she played along. They could talk later.

«I would have slept much better if you didn’t snore so loudly though.»

Manon gasped, clutching her non-existent pearls. «I do not snore! That you would even suggest such a thing-»

But she smiled, feeling a little lighter, and she could glimpse the usual humor in Dorian’s eyes.

«Why do you think Abraxos left in the middle of the night?»

Throwing a glance at the foot of the bed, Manon confirmed it was indeed empty. She hadn’t even realized her cat wasn’t in the bed with them anymore. Oops…

«He probably left because you take up all the space.»

Dorian scoffed. «What?! That is absurd. Outrageous. Absolute tomfoolery-»

That made Manon snort with laughter, and Dorian soon joined her. They were both grinning now.

«You’re pretty cute when you sleep, though. Even if you snore…»

He still smiled, but his eyes bored into her with a sudden intensity. One that made butterflies appear in her stomach.

«I told you I don’t snore, so I don’t know who you slept with last night,» Manon claimed, fluttering her eyelashes for emphasis.

Raising one eyebrow, Dorian said, «Are you trying to tell me you get possessed by a seventy-year-old man every night? Because that’s actually what you sound like.»

«Oh shut up!»

«Make me.»

So Manon did, by crashing her lips against his.

-

A while later, they were both standing in the kitchen, Manon watching as Dorian made scrambled eggs, Abraxos snaking himself against their legs in hope of getting a treat. It was almost 11 already, but seeing that it was a Sunday, they had all the time in the world to avoid talking about everything.

Or at least until Monday, when they both had school and Manon’s grandmother came back.

As if sensing her thoughts, Dorian turned away from the eggs, asking, «Your grandmother was coming back tomorrow, right?»

And just like that, their bubble was burst.

«Yeah…» Manon looked down as she spoke, unable to meet his eyes. They both knew he couldn’t stay here forever, but Manon felt awful for it. He’d just been kicked out of his own home, for fuck’s sake. 

«I want to let you stay, I really do, but my grandmother-» Before she could continue, Dorian stepped closer, cupping her face.

«I know. You’ve already done so much for me, Manon. Don’t feel bad.»

Manon placed her hands over his, getting lost in his blue eyes.

«I’ll call Chaol or Aelin later today. I can stay with one of them for a while, until I figure out what to do.» It amazed her how he managed to sound so certain, so reassured, after yesterday’s events, so she told him as much.

«You’re amazing, you know that?»

Dorian beamed at her, but then the moment was interrupted when a phone started ringing in the distance.

«Shit, that’s mine,» Dorian said, but he didn’t pull away. 

Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Manon urged him, «Go. I’ll finish breakfast for us.»

Dorian obeyed, disappearing down the hallway, and Manon shifted her attention to the forgotten eggs on the stove, which were moments away from burning.

It didn’t take long before Dorian returned to the kitchen, ringing phone in hand and a look of shock and disbelief on his face.

«It’s my mom.»

-

Dorian just stared at his phone, letting it ring for what seemed like forever, before it finally went silent. He hadn’t believed it at first, when he’d seen who was calling, but it was his mother. He couldn’t even remember the last time she’d called him.

A moment passed, and then it started again, the display still reading Mom. Dorian was frozen, fearing what would happen if he answered.

«Hey,» Manon said in a soft voice, having walked over to him without his notice. «If you don’t like what she has to say, you can just hang up.»

Her words gave him the courage to press answer before it stopped ringing again.

With shaking hands, he lifted the phone to his ear, but he didn’t say anything. 

«Dorian?» The voice on the other sounded like his mom’s, but also not. It was too present, too caring.

He nodded at first, but then realized she couldn’t actually see him, and forced out a quiet «Yeah?»

Manon took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

His mother went silent for a little while, but then he heard her sniffle, as if she was crying, before she said, «Are you far away?»

Dorian wasn’t sure what was happening right now. His mother didn’t call to ask where he was. His mother was too deep in her wine glass to care about anything. His mother had just sat there last night while his father basically disowned him simply for being bisexual.

Except she hadn’t.

Dorian remembered now, how she’d tried to stop him. And it hit him, all of a sudden, that it hadn’t been to avoid an argument during family dinner. No, the intensity, the alertness in those eyes…that had been a mother desperately trying to protect her child.

That moment of action didn’t undo all the other times when she’d remained silent during his father’s constant berating, but it mattered.

To Dorian, it mattered.

«No.»

His heart was still hammering, but he managed short, simple answers.

«I-, I would like to talk to you, to apologize.»

«Okay.»

«But maybe it’s best in person?»

«Yeah.»

«Do you think you could come home? When you’re ready?»

«Mom-»

«Your dad isn’t here….He left last night. I’ll explain later.»

That got his attention. What the fuck had happened after he’d been thrown out? 

«What?»

«I’ll explain in person. I promise, Dorian.»

He looked to Manon, who’d remained by his side this whole time, breakfast forgotten. He still held her hand, as if it was a lifeline, but when she gave him a fierce look, along with a nod of encouragement, he knew what he had to do, even if it scared him.

Taking a deep breath, Dorian finally answered, «Okay. Give me an hour.»

Then he hung up.

-

An hour later, Dorian was walking up to his house with no idea what to expect. Did he even live here, still?

He refused to get his hopes up, for his own sake, refused to believe his mom would finally start being…well, a mom.

Not even 24 hours ago, he’d stood in this very spot, feeling empty and alone, betrayed, thinking he’d just lost his home.

Now, he was just as shocked, but his time with Manon had left him with a little more courage.

After he’d hung up, he’d shared a quiet breakfast with Manon. She’d offered to go with him, and he’d wanted to say yes, but deep down he knew he had to do this on his own. 

So they’d finished their breakfast, and after a long embrace (and a few kisses), he’d left, Manon wishing him good luck and telling him to call at any moment if he needed to.

What would meet him inside that house, no one knew, but it couldn’t get much worse than last night, and he’d survived that, so he could survive this too.

Dorian gave himself one more minute to try and calm down, then he stepped through the front door.

At first, there was nothing but silence, but then his mother rushed into the hallway, coming to a halt a few feet away from him. Hollin came in after her, still in his pajamas, and stopped to hide behind her legs.

Standing there, Dorian looked at his mom, not sure what he was seeing. She seemed more awake, more present, than she had in years, glad to see him whole by the way she smiled, but also nervous by the way her hands shook.

Then she spoke, the words so shocking that for a moment, Dorian believed his mother had actually been abducted by aliens, and this was the impostor they’d sent to take her place.

«Do you want pancakes?»

Dorian just blinked, and he must have looked as clueless as he felt, because his mother/alien-impostor explained, «Pancakes. Hollin and I made them for breakfast.» As she said the last part, she reached out to stroke Hollin’s hair.

Shaking his head, Dorian stammered, «I- Uh…I just had breakfast…actually.»

«Oh, okay.» His mom gestured towards the kitchen. «Would you like to sit down, so we can talk?»

«Yeah,» Dorian breathed, then he followed her into the kitchen.

He sat down by the small table, nothing like the huge, too-formal one in the dining room. Dorian couldn’t help but feel relieved they weren’t having this conversation there. Throwing a nervous glance at the room, it seemed like the mess from last night had been cleaned up.

«Just give me a moment,» his mom said, then she led Hollin into the living room. The way she spoke to him, so gentle and caring, baffled him.

«Why don’t you watch a movie while me and Dorian have a chat? We’ll be right in the kitchen if you need anything, alright? You can come and get me at any moment.»

Dorian could vaguely recall a time when his mother had been this soft and gentle person, but the few good years had easily been overshadowed by the later years, when she’d been distant and drunk most of the time.

Those early years had been good years, though, Dorian thought. He remembered being a pretty happy child, feeling safe and loved. His father had been gone a lot of the time, either at work or traveling, but he’d had his mom and her family.

Then something had changed, seemingly out of the blue. His dad became more controlling, his mom more distant. Their relatives stopped visiting. Then Hollin had been born, and things had gotten even worse.

Lost in thought, Dorian didn’t notice that his mother was back until the noise of a chair scraping against the floor filled the otherwise quiet room.

She sat down across from him, and to his great shock, yet again, she was cupping not a glass of wine, but a mug of coffee. It was into said cup she stared as she spoke. «I don’t even know where to start.»

Not knowing either, Dorian just asked the question he needed the answer to the most: «Where’s dad?»

«I told him to leave last night, so he did.»

His mother finally looked him in the eyes, then, her expression so awake, despite the dark circles. She looked like she’d slept just as little as him.

It sounded so simple, but he knew there was no way it could have been. A million possible replies went through Dorian’s head, but in the end he chose to go with «How?»

She took a long sip of her coffee, before she started explaining.

«As soon as you’d closed the door last night, Hollin completely lost it. He flung himself to the floor and started screaming, hands covering his head. Your dad told me to deal with it, then shut himself inside his office. It took forever to calm your brother down, and I swear I have never seen anyone so terrified…the look on his face-»

His mother stopped for a moment, as if lost in thought, but Dorian didn’t say anything, only waited for her to continue.

«After he’d calmed down in his room, and I’d assured him you were okay, I went to talk to your father, told him I wanted him gone immediately. He just laughed it off at first, but then I reminded him that I actually own this house, that he was nothing before me, that he would still be nothing without me, and it seemed to resonate with him, if only a little.»

Dorian was too stunned to speak. He knew that his mother came from a rich family, and that his father absolutely didn’t, but this-

«Then, I threatened to call the police if he didn’t get out of my house. I don’t think he would have been charged with anything, but it would have damaged his reputation greatly, so he packed a few bags and took off like the coward he is.»

There was no remorse in her voice, no fear, only steely resolve.

«What if he comes back?» Dorian found himself whispering.

«Then he’ll be met with a locked door. I’ll even get a restraining order if I need to.»

Dorian needed a moment to reconcile this woman sitting in front of him with the mother he knew. It was too good to be true. She couldn’t have just decided she wanted to try from now on. It couldn’t be that easy.

«What changed?»

She swallowed. «I’m not sure you’re aware of it, but you looked at me last night, as if begging me to do something, say something, and then when I didn’t, the disappointment in your eyes…as if you knew I wouldn’t act, yet you hoped-»

A tear escaped, then another. «I have never felt so ashamed of myself. Someone was hurting my child, and I just sat there and did nothing. Then it hit me, how I barely even know you anymore. You’ve grown into a wonderful, bright young man, and I can take no credit for it.»

Dorian felt tears of his own fall down his cheeks, and as he sniffled, his mom reached out to grab his hand.

«I’m so sorry, Dorian. For last night, for all the other nights, for the previous years-»

The tears kept falling, but he let them.

«It also hit me that while it might be too late for me to be the mom you deserve, it’s not too late for Hollin. He’s still so young-»

«It’s not too late,» Dorian managed to choke out. 

His mom let out a sob at that, and for a while, they just sat there, crying together over everything they’d lost.

«I can’t promise you things will be perfect, but I’m gonna try, Dorian. For you and Hollin, I’m gonna try.»

Dorian nodded.

«I’m seeing a therapist on Tuesday, already, and I’ve made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.»

He’d promised himself he wouldn’t, but her words filled him with such hope. Maybe things would actually change for the better.

«I also spent a few hours on the phone last night, with your aunt Philippa. Do you remember her?»

Nodding once more, Dorian recalled the image of his aunt. His mother had lost touch with her sister several years ago, but they’d been close when he was little. She was a few years younger than his mom, and as far as he knew, still unmarried with no kids. He’d liked aunt Philippa.

«She’s coming to stay for a while,» his mom said, smiling faintly now. Things really were changing.

Her smile quickly fell, though, at what she said next. «I’ll also start attending AA-meetings.» She looked down. «I know I have a problem, but I’ll try my best to get better.» Dorian looked over her shoulder, towards the wine rack hanging on the wall, but it was empty.

Squeezing his mother’s hand, Dorian whispered, «That sounds like a good idea.»

They talked some more, having a lot to work through, but then his mom asked, «Did you stay with Chaol last night? Or Aelin? You are still friends with them, right?»

Dorian let out a chuckle. «Yeah, I am.» Then his face went warm as he thought of how he’d woken up this morning, the body he’d been pressed against. «I stayed with Manon, though.»

«Is she your girlfriend?»

Dorian quickly shook his head, slightly mortified.

«But she’s more than a friend?» his mom pried, raising an eyebrow.

Was he that obvious?

As if reading his mind, she said, «Your whole face changed when you said her name. In a good way, though.»

That made him blush even more, and he mumbled something about them not labeling anything.

«As long as she makes you happy. Though I always thought you would end up with Chaol.»

Her words didn’t register at first, but when they did, he burst into tears once more. After last night-

It was such a subtle, casual way to let him know she fully accepted his sexuality, and it meant the world to Dorian. He hadn’t known how much he needed this.

As he sobbed, his mom stood up and came around to his side of the table, pulling him into a tight hug. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d hugged his mom.

And as she whispered «My brave, beautiful boy. I love you so much», he finally believed everything would be alright.

-

A while later, Dorian entered the living room, where Hollin was sprawled on the couch, hypnotized by what seemed to be a Cars movie.

The seven-year-old was so transfixed he didn’t even notice when Dorian sat down next to him. 

«Is that the one with the spies?»

Hollin nodded absentmindedly. 

«Awesome! I love that one.»

That seemed to catch his attention, because the kid twisted his entire body, frowning at Dorian. «Really?»

«Yeah,» Dorian shrugged. In fact, he’d watched it with Chaol and Aelin just a few weeks ago. Their movie night may or may not have also involved alcohol, but it had still been hilarious.

Hollin stared at him for a long moment, before he flung himself at him. Dorian was stunned for a few seconds, but quickly returned the embrace.

«I’m glad you’re still my brother,» Hollin mumbled into his chest, burrowing even closer.

His words broke Dorian’s heart, and he held back a fresh wave of tears as he said, «I’ll always be your brother, dude.»

Then they both settled on the couch, Hollin snuggling against Dorian’s side, to watch the rest of the movie. All throughout, Hollin excitedly told Dorian about which cars were his favorites and why.

Dorian’s phone buzzed once, and he picked it up to find a text from Manon:

Manon: How did it go? Are you okay?

His heart warmed at her concern, and he found himself smiling at his phone.

Dorian: We’re all good for now

Dorian: Had a really long talk

Dorian: I’ll call you later tonight

Dorian: Thank you, btw, for yesterday<3

Dorian: And this morning<3<3

Manon: <3<3

A/N: An uncommon Georgina W? What is this?

I would just like to say that getting out of an abusive marriage is rarely as easy as portrayed here, but this fic is about Dorian, not Georgina, and he deserved some love and healing for once<3

Stay safe guys<3<3

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks​ @wishfulimaginings​

#manorian #dawninlatin QoP #manon x dorian #manorian fic #manorian au #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #throne of glass #sarah j maas

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 14

A manorian high school AU

Words: 2,3k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

tw: mentions of abuse. glee.

But I hear music

I feel the beat

And for a moment

When I'm dancing, I am free

-Florence + The Machine, Free

Manon stared at the blank document, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if she stared at it long enough, all the words would magically write themselves. 

It was Saturday, and she still hadn’t started on that damn history paper, which was due in no less than four days.

She had never been this late with anything, usually it would be handed in by now, but Manon was too stressed about everything else to be stressed about this. It was only two pages, anyway, and history was easy once she got started.

I wonder when that is gonna be…

Groaning, Manon slammed her laptop shut and turned on the TV instead. She would just do something else, and then inspiration would suddenly strike or the last-minute panic would work it’s magic.

If her grandmother had seen her now, slacking like this…

This is not how you get into college, Manon.

She cursed, and reopened her laptop. Hesitantly, she started on a headline. The…

«For fucks sake! Just pick something!» Manon scolded herself, willing her brain to focus. Abraxos shot her a look from the other end of the couch, probably wondering why she was yelling at herself like a crazy person. 

The…

The Cold War

There! Now she had something and Manon could take a well-earned phone break, knowing deep down she hadn’t accomplished shit. 

Her phone lit up as she pressed the home-button, and she was met with a picture of the dance team from a competition last year. Immediately, she latched onto the image of a grinning Asterin, her face so bright it was nearly glowing.

It was a huge contrast to the way she had looked the last time Manon had seen her.

With a sigh, Manon opened her latest message-thread with Asterin. She had lost count of how many times she’d opened this thread now, meaning to say something, anything, only to close it again. The last text had been sent before their grandmother had found out that Asterin was pregnant, and kicked her out.

Won’t make it to practice today:/ Talk when you get home?<3

It had only been weeks a few, yet it felt like years since Manon had come home to her cousin cooking dinner, or barging into Manon’s room, talking her into at least watching a movie since it was a Friday night, and school could wait another day.

God, Manon missed her cousin.

Her stomach churned with anxiety and guilt, worrying whether Asterin was okay or not, and she ached with longing, missing something she hadn’t even known she’d had. Not really.

All this pain, and still, that small, evil part of Manon was angry, too. Angry that Asterin had been so stupid when she knew the risks, knew what their grandmother was capable of. 

Before she had even written anything, Manon exited the thread. Her grandmother had made it clear what would happen if she so much as looked at Asterin, and Asterin had every right to never speak with Manon, ever again, after how she’d treated her.

Instead, she opened her thread with Dorian, already feeling a little better as she thought of talking with him, laughing with him, kissing him.

She knew it was stupid, knew this thing between them had an expiration date, not far into the future, but she wasn’t getting any work done anyway, and being with him was the only thing she could think of to make her feel just a little bit better. No matter how much these feelings scared her. 

So Manon sucked in a sharp breath, and typed: Do you want to hang out at my place today? 

After the text had been sent, she turned off her phone and threw it away, nearly hitting a grumpy Abraxos in the process.

«Sorry,» she grimaced, reaching over to pet him as her phone chimed once, twice, three times in a row.

Rolling her eyes, Manon picked it back up, not at all surprised, when she thought about it, that he had answered so fast, and so…enthusiastically. 

Dorian: Uhmmmm

Dorian: Is glee season three the best????

Manon had to smile a little even if she was very confused. As annoying as his rambling could be, it was also kinda cute.

Dorian: The answer is yes, if I wasn’t being clear enough:):)

Dorian: So what’s your super exclusive, super secret address?;)

Chuckling, Manon gave him her address, Dorian immediately replying with a Be there in 15<3.

-

«What’s up?» Dorian said as soon as Manon opened the door. He was leaning against the door frame, hair pulled down halfway over his eyes, looking down at her with smoldering eyes. He looked like the guy from literally every cheesy high school rom-com ever made.

«Oh my god, just get inside you idiot,» Manon answered, not sounding as annoyed as she’d intended to. 

Dorian shut the door behind him. «Yeah, no, I promise to never do that again.»

«Swear it, or I’ll make you leave again.» Manon met his eyes, and her death stare caved the moment he grinned at her. 

«I swear it on season three of glee,» Dorian said, voice solemn as he placed a hand over his heart.

Manon shook her head, but she was grinning now too, and then she turned and walked back into the living room. «I have no idea what that even means.»

«Don’t tell me you’ve never seen glee?» Dorian asked from behind her, apparently very shocked she’d never seen this show, or whatever it was.

«Uhm no, and judging by the look on your face, I’m not going to either.»

Manon prepared herself for the battle of wills she’d probably, okay certainly, lose in the end, but it never came.

Instead, Dorian gasped, and beelined towards where Abraxos was still laying on the couch. «Is this the famous Abraxos?!»

«Yeah, though he’s very shy around most people, especially strangers, so he’ll probably run and hide somewhere in any moment.»

Dorian still reached out to pet him, thus waking the cat from his slumber, but he didn’t run for his life, like Manon had expected. 

No, the tiny fucker purred louder than ever as soon as Dorian touched him, and when Dorian sat down next to the cat, he got up, walked the few steps onto Dorian’s lap, and stayed there.

Manon was sure she looked like an idiot as she stared down on the pair and simply gaped, but Dorian was too busy telling Abraxos how he was «the cutest cat in the whole world» to notice.

«He loves me!» Dorian exclaimed, looking annoyingly proud of himself.

«I wouldn’t be that happy, he also loves dead bugs.»

«Yeah right, you can just call me the cat whisperer from now on, because this handsome little man totally adores me.»

Abraxos purred even louder at that.

And no matter how much it annoyed her, the sight also made Manon feel all warm and tingly, easing her anxiety for now.

Still, later, when Dorian left for a moment to get a glass of water, Manon locked eyes with a smug Abraxos and mouthed traitor. 

-

The last thing Dorian had expected on this boring Saturday was a text from Manon, asking him to hang out, but he was very happy for it now. They were sprawled on her couch, halfway through the first episode of glee, and Dorian didn’t know what was more entertaining, watching the show itself, or watching Manon watch it.

«I don’t even have words,» Manon said for probably the fifth time in twenty minutes. He turned away from the TV to look at her, and had to smile at the look of pure disgust mixed with confusion on her face. 

«You could try and express your feelings through song instead.»

Manon shifted her eyes to him, her stare promising death if he made one more joke about spontaneously breaking out into song, and said, «This is the worst show I have watched in my whole life, I think. It’s even worse than Riverdale.» She shuddered as she said the last bit.

«But in a good way, right?» Dorian couldn’t help but tease her.

«Absolutely not,» Manon frowned, though she looked back at the TV.

«I bet you secretly loooove it,» Dorian kept going.

«I will throw a pillow at you.»

«Wouldn’t that distract you from your new favourite show?»

«I’m serious, I will throw it at you. I throw hard,» Manon threatened, but they were both laughing now, and she was so beautiful when she laughed, and they both leaned closer, and then their lips met, show forgotten, and Dorian could do this all day, and-

Manon was the first to draw back, panting slightly. Of course, they had to breathe, Dorian had forgotten. 

He swept his gaze over her flushed face, lingering on her lips, so pink and swollen.

Mere seconds later, he leaned forward again, tasting her sweet mouth, his hands finding her hair, stroking her cheeks, her arms, pulling her closer. He could feel her own hands clinging to him, exploring his back, his chest, moving lower…

«We should probably stop,» Manon whispered against his lips, but then she kissed him again, her tongue finding it’s way into his mouth, and nothing had ever tasted so good, felt so good, and he could feel his dick getting harder and harder, and then Manon let out a low moan, and they probably should stop, but-

A thud sounded, and Manon practically jumped to the other end of the couch. Dorian quickly sobered, looking around to find the source of the noise, but all he could see was Abraxos heading towards the kitchen. Why would that startle Manon so much?

Then it hit him. She’d asked him to hang out today, at her place, which meant that her grandmother, who was very strict, from what he’d gathered, probably wasn’t around.

He searched Manon’s face, and to his relief, saw that she’d relaxed a little, probably coming to the same conclusion as to where the sound came from as him. Carefully, he asked, «Is your grandmother coming home soon?»

It was as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over them both, but Manon shook her head, cringing slightly. «She’s on a business trip until Monday, but…»

When she never finished the sentence, Dorian tried again, «Would you be in a lot of trouble if she knew I was here right now?»

Something in her eyes darkened slightly, but he’d barely registered it before it was gone again, and she smiled. «No, no, don’t worry. By the way, how far have you gotten on that history paper?»

-

Later that day, Dorian was sitting in his room, writing some more on his history paper. They’d gotten started at Manon’s, after she’d so elegantly changed the subject to avoid talking about her grandmother. 

Dorian’s gut feeling told him he should have asked more. He still hadn’t gotten over that look on her face, or how scared she’d seemed when she thought someone had come home. Maybe he was overreacting, but he would ask her again the next time he saw her. She’d seemed okay for now, at least. 

When they’d gotten started on their papers together, they’d quickly returned to that easy, carefree chemistry Dorian had gotten so used to over the past few weeks, laughing and teasing each other. They’d even been surprisingly productive, and now Dorian only had a page left.

Before he got started on the next paragraph, he sent a quick text to Manon.

Dorian: Halfway done now. I believe I might actually finish it before deadline this time!

Dorian couldn’t help but smile at how quickly she replied, as if she’d been waiting for him to text her.

Manon: Who even are you?

Dorian: Some people call me the cat whisperer

That had easily been the highlight of his day, maybe even his week, Dorian thought, when Manon’s very shy cat had liked him instantly and refused to leave his side. He wished he’d gotten a picture of Manon’s face as the cat crawled into his lap.

Manon: Never heard of him.

Dorian: Ask Abraxos:)

Manon: [redacted]

Dorian laughed out loud at that, the sound echoing in his empty room. He truly hadn’t laughed as much as he did with Manon in ages. Of course, he had Aelin and Chaol, but he felt like Manon saw him in a way no one else did.

He could be both funny or happy and sad or anxious with her, and she never demanded or expected anything from him. He could talk to her about everything, serious or not, and she would understand. With Manon, he could just be.

Suddenly more serious, he sent her another text.

Dorian: I really enjoyed being with you today, you know

The typing bubbles appeared, disappeared, appeared again, for what felt like forever, until she answered.

Manon: Me too<3

It filled Dorian with a new kind of warmth. The words, the heart, all of it. 

He stepped away from the desk, history project abandoned, and fell down on his bed instead. Closing his eyes, Dorian let himself think for a moment, how grateful he was that he’d met Manon. 

For the first time in a long while, he believed that everything could actually be okay in the end.

And as his mom called from downstairs to say that dinner was ready, Dorian decided that he would come out to his parents. Tonight.

A/N: Surprised? Me too! It's been over a year since I updated this, so I'm excited to see if anyone even remembers it, but if you're constantly thinking; "man, I hope dawninlatin updates that manorian fic soon", here you go;);) I hope this fic still feels the same, even though it might be a bit more mature now (I was only 16 when I started writing it, after all), but it is difficult to get back into it after so long. I also try to not be repetitive with my writing, but that's nearly impossible when you write it chapter-by-chapter over such a long time, so bear with me.... Still not making any promises regarding finishing it, or a timeline etc. but I will say that I just finished high school and suddenly have a lot of time on my hands;) Feel free to leave a comment or reblog! Even though I suck at answering them, they mean the world to me<3<3<3

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane​

I keep a separate taglist for each ship, so let me know if you want to be added to any of them!

#dawninlatin QoP #manorian #manorian fic #manorian fanfiction #manorian modern au #manon x dorian #dorian x mano #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #abraxos #sarah j maas #sjm #throne of glass #tog #kingdom of ash #tbh i'd nearly forgotten how to do this...

[dawninlatin]

sorry for the lack of updates lately guys…

i decided to spend my entire summer being an absolute #girlboss and thus i’m working almost every day💀✌️

i have no idea when i’ll have the time to write again, but i hope it’s soon<3

#dawninlatin qop

[dawninlatin]

I just finished rereading the "queen of peace", it's fine<3<3

right in time for 4,5k words of badly written smut! should be up in 30 minutes-ish:):)

#then i need to fucking sleep it's 3am here #dawninlatin qop

[dawninlatin]

Decided to stick to my original plan and don’t split chapter 19 into two parts, so it’s coming tomorrow, hopefully!!!!

But here’s a lil’ snippet for those of you waiting:):)

Dorian glanced down, then shifted, trying to hide the boner he was currently sporting. «I can not walk out in front of other people right now.» His face was burning as he said the words.

Manon looked confused for a few seconds, before she broke into a taunting smirk, shooting a pointed glance at his lap. «That sounds like your problem to deal with.»

Then she turned around and left, throwing a careless «Goodbye» over her shoulder. Dorian was sure she swung her hips as much as she did on purpose, knowing his eyes would stay locked on them (and her ass, let’s be real here) until she was out of sight, It certainly didn’t help his situation.

#dawninlatin QoP #manorian #are we finally getting some spice??

[dawninlatin]

hello, will you continue to "prepare for landing" and "queen of peace"? I want more baby Beatrice😭😭

hi anon<3

if i ever get the idea for another fic in the "prepare for landing" universe, i would love to write it!! i miss baby beatrice too<3<3<3

as for "queen of peace", i may have started writing chapter 16 earlier today? and the paragraphs below may be the beginning of that chapter.....

When Manon had fallen asleep, she and Dorian had been lying side by side, their shoulders barely brushing against each other, but their hands intertwined. 

Now, as she slowly woke up, she was lying on her side, a pair of arms wrapped around her middle. Dorian had to be asleep, still, because she could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest against her back.

#coming later today if i write fast enough #dawninlatin qop #ask

[dawninlatin]

will there be a sequel to "queen of peace"? you have wonderful works, and this fan fiction is my favorite<3

first of all, thank you very, very much for reading and enjoying my fanfics🥰❤️

second of all…. the short answer to that question is maybe😬

the long answer is that while i do really want to finish it, i rarely have the time and motivation to write nowadays😔 at this rate, i write like one chapter a year, and this fall i’m starting uni (again because i dropped out the first time lol🫣) which means i’ll get even busier…. i still wanna try, but i’m not making any promises😬

there is also the problem that i mapped out the entire plot of the story chapter-by-chapter three years ago, and i don’t necessarily agree anymore with everything my sixteen-year-old self came up with👀

i still hope to finish it someday though, and knowing that people still read it and care about it really helps❤️❤️❤️

#ask #dawninlatin qop

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 15

A manorian high school AU

Words: 2,8k

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, coming-out ending badly

This chapter is a heavy one, since, as you've probably guessed from the previous chapter, Dorian comes out to his parents. It does not end well, and there are both homophobia and biphobia graphically described. I would like to state that I do not, under any circumstance, support this (I am bisexual myself), and Dorian's father will always be a villain in this story. If you worry that this chapter could trigger you, I advise you to either skip it entirely, or scroll down to the -, where the POV shifts to Manon's. Previous events will be discussed here, but not as graphic. If you struggle with some of the same things as Dorian, know that you are valid, you are loved, and you are never, ever alone. Stay safe, and have a happy pride month guys<3<3

And it’s breaking over me

A thousand miles down to the seabed

Found the place to rest my head

Never let me go, never let me go

-Florence + The Machine, Never Let Me Go

«Family dinner» was the usual, and Dorian was starting to rethink his decision from earlier. The only sounds that could be heard in the spacious dining room was a fork clinking against a plate, or Hollin chewing with his mouth open. 

His mom had poured herself a generous glass of wine before dinner even started, saying this kid keeps giving me headaches, because Hollin had thrown a tantrum when he couldn’t have pizza for dinner. 

Dorian’s father was scrolling on his phone, ignoring his family, and seemingly oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. Occasionally, he would make some snide comment about whatever «politically correct bullshit» he read on Facebook.

In other words, Dorian was moments away from losing it. 

He’d felt so great earlier, riding the high of just being in Manon Blackbeak’s presence, that he’d even decided he would come out to his parents, tonight.

Now, he wasn’t sure how he’d be able to form a single sound.

All he wanted was to finish his dinner and head back upstairs as fast as possible. Yet he kept trying to speak up, kept trying to find the words. He would open his mouth, willing his voice to just work, but it wouldn’t, and Dorian feared this attempt would end like all the others.

He felt angry, frustrated, but also pathetic. Why was it such a big deal to him? It wasn’t like he was the first bisexual person to ever walk the earth, and his parents probably wouldn’t even care, at best, and maybe he shouldn’t-

Dorian stopped himself before he finished that thought. Coming out was important to him, because while his sexuality didn’t define him, it was still a big part of him, and he was done tip-toeing around his own family, anxious they would somehow find out on their own.

Without thinking, Dorian stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. It had been so abrupt he even got his father’s attention, and the man was now staring at him, expecting him to leave the table.

But Dorian remained, completely frozen. 

His hands were clammy, and he could feel his heart racing. Now, he had to do it now. 

Before Dorian could even try to speak, his father asked in a bored voice, «Did you want anything, Dorian?» 

Dorian was just as tall as his father, taller, even, and the man was currently sitting down, for fuck’s sake, but right now he made Dorian feel smaller than ever. Insignificant.

«Yeah, I…» This was worse than imagined, and Dorian felt himself slowly beginning to panic. «I-»

Even his mom was staring at him now, her gaze more alert than it had been in a long, long time. There was a sort of desperation there, one Dorian couldn’t decipher.

He looked down at his hands, white-knuckled from gripping the back of the chair.

What were you thinking? he asked himself, ready to just turn on his heel and leave.

Then he remembered.

He remembered how Chaol had hugged him when he’d started sobbing after telling him, so relieved to have told just one important person in his life, remembered how Aelin had grinned, getting exited over the possibility of discussing «hot boys» with her best friend, proving that nothing between them had changed.

He remembered Manon. No judgement on her face, only curiosity and a soft smile she often wasn’t aware she was making.

Dorian drew a deep breath. He could do this. He would be okay, he had to be when he had his friends, had Manon. He could do this.

«I wanted to tell you something,» he began, once more looking at his father, whom now radiated impatience. Say it! Say it now!

«I’ve been trying to tell you for a while, actually…» 

Just rip off the band-aid, Dorian.

«I’m bisexual.»

It went quiet, even Hollin freezing momentarily, and the stillness was so loud Dorian worried it would choke him.

The first person to say something was his mother, to Dorian’s great surprise. «Dorian, you shouldn’t joke about this.» She was smiling stiffly, her voice light, but her eyes were still pleading, boring into him with a burning intensity. Unease spread in his body, and it confused him, seeing her so present, like she actually cared about something. Cared about him.

Shaking his head, Dorian stammered, «W-what? I’m not-»

But before he could finish, his father stood up slowly, his hard gaze sweeping over Dorian once. «Get out.»

The unease turned into a knife, stabbing him once, twice.

«Please-»

It was his mother again, and her words shocked Dorian to his core. His father quickly dragged him back to reality, though, and ice spread through him at the cruel words.

«If you’re gay, son, at least have the balls to fully admit it. Not this…What did you call it again? Bi-sexual bullshit. I can barely even stomach to look at you right now, the way you dare disrespect me like this. You can come back when you’ve decided to be a man. Now. Get. Out. Of. My. House!»

What unnerved Dorian the most, was how his voice stayed completely calm, cold, until those last words. Then his father picked up his wine-glass and chucked it into the wall behind Dorian, making him flinch as the glass broke into a thousand little pieces.

His mother stayed silent this time, and Dorian didn’t know which betrayal hurt the most.

Heart pounding, ears ringing, he turned and quietly left, avoiding the glass-shards on the floor. 

Dorian felt empty. Drained.

He’d expected himself to start sobbing the moment he was alone, but as the front-door shut behind him, the emptiness remained.

Was this what it was like to be in shock?

Lifting his phone, Dorian tried to debate his options, who to call, but the buzzing in his mind was too loud.

He was cold, too, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of his father’s words, or because it was November and he’d forgotten his jacket.

Instead of calling someone, Dorian started walking.

-

Manon had just settled under her blanket when someone knocked on her window.

She froze, breaths turning uneven. Asterin.

The last time Asterin had come knocking on her window, it had been the night before school started. She’d been at a party, and had been giggling as she’d laid down in Manon’s bed, telling her about Hunter for the first time.

So much had changed from that night. 

The knocking came again, and Manon realized she still hadn’t moved. She was afraid of what she would find on the other side, honestly, and what if her grandmother came home early, or found out in some other way?

Manon threw the blanket aside and got up, slowly walking towards the window. She couldn’t see anything, it was too dark, but she knew what she would find. Asterin, heartbroken or injured or-

She shouldn’t have trusted Hunter, Manon’d had a bad feeling from the start, and now Asterin was all alone, kicked out of their home, fucking pregnant.

But then Manon opened the window, and her heart stopped, because it wasn’t Asterin, it was Dorian.

Stepping back slightly, she took in the sight of him.

His eyes were wide, his face pale, but she couldn’t see that he was in pain in any way, and it didn’t look like he’d been crying. He was shivering though, and she noticed he was only wearing a thin sweater, outside, in November!

«Jesus Christ! Get inside before you freeze to death!» She stepped back even further to give him enough space to climb in, not knowing what to say or do.

Dorian didn’t say anything either, as he slowly climbed through the window, then slowly walked toward her bed in the middle of the room, then slowly slid down to the floor, sitting with his back against the bed.

And then he sat there, staring at a spot on the floor.

Hesitantly, Manon moved, crouching down in front of him, trying to meet his eyes. She felt sick with worry, trying to figure out what had made him like…this. 

«Dorian?» she tried carefully, but she got no reaction. Was he drunk? Had he taken drugs? Manon couldn’t make sense of it. He’d been fine when he left earlier. «What happened?» she then whispered, lifting a hand to his cheek, the touch featherlight.

That’s when he finally looked up at her, and Manon’s heart broke for the boy she had come to care so much for as his face crumpled almost in slow motion, and he broke down into choked sobs.

Pure instinct made her pull him into a tight hug, and Dorian simply buried his head between her neck and shoulder, breaths heaving as he wept. She could feel his tears soaking through her shirt at some point, but she didn’t mind.

Instead, she sat there, holding him and stroking his back, telling him to breathe, telling him it would be okay, until the sobs died down, and the world was once more quiet. Manon had no idea how long they sat there on the floor.

When Dorian lifted his head, Manon pulled away slightly to survey him. His eyes were read and puffy, and he looked exhausted, but at least he didn’t have that distant look anymore. It had terrified her to see him like that. 

«Are you cold?» Though Manon had no idea what she was doing, it was the most logic thing to ask him right now. He’d been outside without a jacket, after all, and by the looks of it, he’d walked all the way here, which meant he’d been outside for a long time.

Dorian looked at her for a moment, before answering. «Not anymore.»

They were both whispering, afraid to disturb the calm that had now fallen over them. 

«Would you like to sleep, then? You look tired…» Manon chewed her lip, looking down as she waited for his answer. He just nodded, but none of them moved.

It was madness to have a boy sleeping over, but her grandmother wasn’t coming home in another two days, anyway, and frankly…Manon didn’t care right now. Dorian was more important.

Things had changed. Manon knew that, but she hadn’t realized until that moment how much.

«You can take my bed, and I’ll, uh-»

Manon didn’t know what to say next. She had been about to offer taking Asterin’s old room for the night, but she’d gotten insecure, and hesitated. They hadn’t defined whatever was between them, but would it be so weird to share a bed when you’d been making out non-stop for weeks?

Not the moment to think about this! she chastised herself. Dorian needed to sleep, that was her mission.

Before she could overthink it any more, Dorian pulled her out of it, like he had read her mind or something. «Please, will you stay with me?»

He pressed his forehead to hers, and Manon nodded, before placing a soft kiss on his lips. 

Then she got up and started to move a few of the million pillows she had, off the bed, and onto the floor, so her double bed actually had room for two people. Dorian stood up too, limbs heavy with weariness. 

Their eyes met from across the room, and lingered on one another. Manon cleared her throat, her cheeks warming from what she was about to say next. «It’s okay if you wanna take off your pants. Sleeping in jeans can’t be comfortable.» 

«Trying to get me naked already, Blackbeak?» Manon nearly wept in relief at the bit of normality. His smirk didn’t fully convince her, but he was trying, he was making his usual jokes.

«I’ll go get you a glass of water while you-» she gestured vaguely in his direction, «-undress.» Then she left the room.

When she got back, glass in hand, Dorian was already under the covers, laying on his side, though not asleep yet. She placed the water on the nightstand on his side, then climbed in herself, noticing his pants discarded on the floor. 

Manon was wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, so it wasn’t like they were naked, but it still felt awkward. The bed wasn’t so big they could go a whole night without brushing against one another.

They both shifted, now laying face-to-face, and then Dorian said, words so quiet they were barely audible, «I came out to my parents tonight.»

«Oh?» His words, the way he’d looked standing outside her window, made dread pool in her belly. She didn’t like where this was going…

«My father told me to get out.» A tear slipped down his cheek, and Manon lifted a trembling hand to brush it away. 

«Dorian…»

He then told her the rest of the cruel, hateful words his disgusting father had said, and how his mother had tried at first, but ultimately just stood there as his father kicked out his own son. Tears had been steadily running down his cheeks as he whispered, and by the time he was done, Manon had pulled him into another hug, wanting to strangle his father.

«What I can’t stop thinking about, though, is how she looked like she actually cared about me for a moment. Why didn’t she do more?»

The question made Manon nauseous. Was she much better? Hadn’t she let the same exact thing happen to Asterin?

«Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not like they have to know, right?»

At that, Manon pulled away abruptly. «This wasn’t your fault, Dorian.» Just like it hadn’t been Asterin’s fault.

«I know, I just-»

«No, if you don’t want to keep your sexuality a secret, you shouldn’t have to, and it fucking sucks that there are people like your father who doesn’t respect that. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.» Manon sounded angry, almost, but it was important to her that Dorian understood this.

Another tear landed on his cheek as he nodded, lips forming an almost-smile. «Thank you. And I’m sorry to bother you with my problems like this-»

Manon placed a finger on his lips this time, shushing him. «Don’t you dare. I’m glad you’re here. I wish it was under better circumstances, but I’m glad to have you here.»

Dorian didn’t answer her, but his eyes told her enough. I’m glad to be with you, too.

They both went quiet for a while, when Dorian suddenly said, «You know, this was not how I imagined us sharing a bed for the first time.» Manon could feel herself go bright red, thinking of what his words implied. He imagines us sharing a bed. She quickly shut that thought down, though, because now was not the time.

«Weren’t you tired?»

«Tell me something, to help me fall asleep.»

«Like what?»

«I don’t know…Tell me about your parents.»

Manon blew out a long breath, though she didn’t mind the question. After what he’d told her tonight, she owed him a bit of naked truth, and Manon even found that she wanted to open up to him. «There’s not really much to tell. My mom died when I was very, very little, and my dad has never been in the picture.»

«So it’s always been just you and your grandmother?» 

«Yeah.» And Asterin.

«Don’t you wonder what they were like?»

«I mean of course, but not really. They’re both practically strangers. My grandmother barely talks about my mom. She made a lot of bad choices, I think.» 

Dorian nodded, eyes closing.

Manon did wonder, though. She often wondered who she looked like the most, who she acted like the most, or if she was all her grandmother’s influence at this point. 

When she was little, she’d fantasized about what it would be like if she’d been raised by her mother and father instead.

Guilt struck her. Her grandmother had always made sure she’d had everything she needed, had kept her fed, clothed, made sure she had a roof over her head. Manon should be grateful for the sacrifices she’d made.

Yet her mind kept spinning, images forming of a soft voice asking her how her day had been, two proud faces smiling at her from the audience of a dance recital, a fridge covered in childish drawings and then tests, even if a bright red B adorned them. 

Manon tried to ignore the way her eyes stung as she found Dorian’s hand under the blanket, taking it in hers. 

The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was Dorian mouthing thank you, and Abraxos suddenly appearing, curling against them both at the foot of the bed.

A/N: This was a very heavy chapter to write, and I've been dreading it for a long time, knowing it would be difficult. Don't hesitate to let me know if there was anything you found offensive, hurtful, or just not okay. I'm always open to learn, and the good thing about fanfiction is that it can be edited anytime;) On another note, there are brighter times ahead (for a little while, at least), and next chapter revolves around a long-awaited conversation. A huge thank you to everyone who still reads even though I sorta neglected this baby...:)

Peace&Love Dawninlatin

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @gwynethhberdara @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks​ 

I keep a separate taglist for each ship, so let me know if you’d like to be added!

#dawninlatin QoP #manorian #manon x dorian #dorian x manon #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manorian fanfiction #manorian au #manorian multichapter #manorian fic #sjm #sarah j maas #tog #throne of glass

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace teaser:)

Ya girl is basically done with high school, and while waiting to graduate, she has no idea what to do with her life, so here is a teaser from chapter 14 of the fic I promised to finish, then abandoned immediately after:) (the chapter will hopefully be posted today, but monday at the very latest!!) 

Teaser below the cut:

She knew it was stupid, knew this thing between them had an expiration date, not far into the future, but she wasn’t getting any work done anyway, and being with him was the only thing she could think of to make her feel just a little bit better. No matter how much these feelings scared her. 

So Manon sucked in a sharp breath, and typed: Do you want to hang out at my place today? 

#if anyone even remembers this?? #i almost don't lmao #oops #dawninlatin QoP

[dawninlatin]

Hi, sweet <3 the chapter was just gorgeous❤️ I'm so glad Dorian made up with his mom. I want to see Dorian introduce Manon to Mom. and the main question is, will we wait for the obscenities of the Manorians?🫣

Thank you so much anon! I'm loving writing their current family dynamic, and I'm also looking forward to writing her meeting with Manon, sometime in the future<3

As for obscenities, I'm not entirely sure what you mean, but if you're wondering if we'll see any smut in future chapters (feel free to correct me if i'm wrong!!!), I'm honestly not sure... I have a few chapters where it could fit, but I still haven't decided if that's something I want to write for them in this AU or not. I probably won't know for sure until I'm actually writing it.

But thank you so much for reading! Feedback in any way, shape or form means the world to me<3<3<3

#ask #dawninlatin qop

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 13

A manorian high school AU

Words: 2563

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

Oh, the queen of peace

Always does her best to please

But is it any use?

Somebody’s gotta lose

-Florence + The Machine, Queen of Peace

The music roared out of the speakers, and Manon moved her body to the rhythm, letting herself get lost in the upbeat tones. She had done this a dozen times by now, memorized this choreography weeks ago. 

But then she turned to the right, and it wasn’t Asterin dancing beside her - as it had always been - it was Sorrel. 

It startled her enough that she halted and messed up a few steps. Manon caught up with the others, but she was unable to pour her heart into it like she usually did. Her mind was too busy thinking about Asterin, worrying whether she was okay or not after their grandmother had kicked her out.

Manon had seen her at school a few times in the following weeks, but they hadn’t talked, and she doubted they would. Asterin probably hated her now, after all the horrible things Manon had said to her. 

Getting kicked out is the least you deserve after getting yourself knocked up by a boy who will leave at the first sign of some real responsibility. Don’t come crawling to me when you find yourself homeless and heartbroken. You’re off the dance team, by the way.

Manon hadn’t meant what she said, not really, but maybe this was for the better…

Her grandmother had made it very clear that she was not to talk with Asterin anymore, and Asterin avoiding her, hating her, made everything much easier.

Yet, if it made things easier, why did it also make her so sad? The house had been awfully quiet these weeks, so quiet it was near-stifling. Manon hadn’t realized how different, how empty, home would be without Asterin there.

Stop moping around you sad, pathetic fool!

Manon mentally scolded herself, forcing her attention back to the dancing. She couldn’t keep letting this distract her. Asterin was simply an obstacle who no longer stood in the way of her future.

Finishing the rest of the choreography, she ignored the desperate, disappointed voice inside her head that whispered; you’re beginning to sound like her.

When the music faded into nothing and her body stopped moving, Manon put on her usual mask of cold, calculating boredom and turned towards her team. She immediately knew something was up, as they were all looking at her as if they had something to say, but didn’t dare say it.

«What,» Manon said, more an order than a question. If they had all decided to gang up against her, she only wanted to get it over with. 

The girls exchanged wary glances, before Sorrel took a step forward and said, «We need Asterin on this choreo.» Manon was surprised when Vesta, who leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, stayed silent for once.

With a sigh, Manon answered Sorrel, «And why the hell do we need Asterin?» 

Yet again did they all look at each other, as if this was something they’d discussed behind her back. The icy feeling of betrayal snaked its way up Manon’s spine.

«Because it’s always been the thirteen of us. We’re off-balance without Asterin.» It was Ghislaine who spoke this time.

«You’ve said it yourself,» Briar shot in from the back of the room. «If just one of us is missing, the entire team falls apart!»

It was when Vesta finally opened her mouth that she snapped. «And you slipped up today, Manon. Several times!» 

«I have no idea what you’re talking about,» Manon hissed, clenching her fists so hard it hurt. «You have been distracted today, hell, you’ve been distracted, lazy and off-beat all week!»

«Because Asterin-» Vesta begun, but Manon didn’t let her finish.

«I don’t wanna hear another word about Asterin! It was her own stupidity that got her kicked off the team, and if you, all of you, don’t start working a bit harder, I won’t hesitate to replace you with someone else!»

The room was unbearably quiet when she was done talking, and Manon could hear her own heart thundering inside her chest. She had to stay calm, couldn’t let them see her fall apart, even if that was what she felt like doing right now. She was losing control, she was-

«I can talk to Asterin today if-»

«GET OUT!» 

Manon’s blood was boiling at the audacity of Vesta. Why couldn’t they understand that Asterin, with her carelessness, was jeopardizing everything they had worked towards? 

Her grandmother had been clear in her orders: everything had to be perfect, so they had to win nationals, which they couldn’t do when one of the teammates first of all didn’t bother showing up to half of the rehearsals, and second of all, would be heavily pregnant come spring.

When everyone had left, and Manon was alone once more, she didn’t let herself brood over the fight they’d just had, didn’t let herself recognize how awful this made her feel. She simply turned the music back on, and forgot.

She forgot everything she’d promised her grandmother, forgot the math test she’d butchered earlier today, forgot the fact that her whole dance team had probably just quit, forgot that she had no control over anything in her life anymore.

Yet as she kept moving her exhausted body, one thought remained. One of piercing blue eyes and soft lips.

And when she remembered that she had an actual date with him the next day, Manon smiled, despite everything.

-

«Why are you looking at me like that?»

How am I supposed to not look at you? Dorian wondered. Manon was radiant where she sat with her body leaned back, eyes closed, face tipped towards the sky. She was smiling softly, the autumn sun making her white-blonde hair glow.

Instead of telling her that, Dorian went with: «I’m just wondering what you’re thinking. You went quiet all of a sudden.»

She had. They’d been sitting here for hours now, under the huge oak tree in the park, eating and laughing and talking, but now she was silent, a calm, contemplating aura around her. 

Manon hummed in answer, before opening her eyes and twisting towards him. «I’m just…savoring the moment, I guess.» Her mouth quirked to the side, the movement making her nose scrunch, and Dorian had to let out a chuckle.

«Now who’s the cliché?» 

She’d been playfully mocking him for his picnic this whole time, even asking him if he was aware that they weren’t in every high school movie ever made. Dorian had begged to differ, telling her that the only reason it was a cliché, was because it worked.

And it did. After a while, Manon had reluctantly agreed that yes, maybe it was a little romantic. The admission had been accompanied by an eye-roll, of course, but what else could you expect?

«What time is it?» Manon asked after a moment. 

Dorian scrambled for his phone, finding it half-lodged under the picnic basket. «It’s almost 3pm,» he said, marveling over how much time had passed. He could spend all day like this, just talking about all and nothing with Manon. No matter what they discussed, she surprised him with her answers, whether it be a funny joke or an unusually deep thought, offering a new perspective on things. 

«I should head home soon,» she sighed, but Manon made no sign of getting up. Instead she laid down, Dorian joining her. «My grandmother will start to ask questions if I’m late.»

From what he’d gathered, Manon’s grandmother was very strict, especially when it came to boys, and Manon had told her she was studying at the library today. She rarely talked about her family, and whenever they touched on the subject, she quickly started talking about something else. Dorian knew not to ask questions, though. She would open up when and if she was ready, and those moments often came at the most unexpected times. 

«I had a lot of fun today, you know. Even if I still think you just googled date ideas and went with the first hit.» Dorian laughed at that, his stomach filling with what could only be described as butterflies. 

«Does that mean you would want to do it again?» They were lying on their backs, face to face, and all Dorian could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss her.

It had been weeks since their kiss in the library, but they hadn’t been able to do it again. All they’d gotten was stolen moments in between classes and late-night texts, their busy schedules making sure of that. Until now, that was.

«I would love to,» Manon offered, answering his question. «But next time I decide what we’re doing.»

«Deal,» Dorian grinned, his eyes staying fixed on her lips as she spoke.

Moments passed, the tension between them tangible, and then Manon whispered, «Is it weird that I really wanna kiss you right now?»

That was all it took for Dorian to crash his lips into hers. 

The kiss was exploring at first, her lips so soft and so perfect. He’d thought about their moment in the library constantly in the past weeks, but his memory could never do it justice, he knew now. This was the real thing, the real Manon, and she was bewitching. No other word could describe the experience that was kissing her.

Dorian pulled her closer, and Manon placed her hands in his hair. He had to continuously remind himself that they were outside, in the middle of a park, and anyone could walk by at any moment.

Yet he couldn’t stop either. Their mouths had gone from searching to ravenous, both of them trying to get closer to the other. Manon nudged him with her tongue, and he opened up for her, the taste of her exquisite.

His blood heated, skin becoming incredibly tight all of a sudden. He could keep doing this forever.

But they had to pull apart at some point to simply just breathe. And they did.

Manon let her forehead rest against his as they both panted slightly, Dorian reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of her face. «I really should go now,» she murmured against his lips, leaning in to kiss him once more. 

It was Dorian who pulled away this time, stroking her cheek. «I’ll see you later then.»

«Yeah,» she sighed, standing up in one smooth movement. The air around Dorian suddenly became unbearably cold. 

After Manon had picked up her jacket, ready to leave, she halted for a moment, and said, «I meant it when I said today was fun.» 

Then she leaned down to place a swift kiss on his cheek, stood back up and walked away, leaving him alone, all flustered. 

Dorian had to wait a moment before he could get up himself, because his pants had just become very tight. His face was burning at the fact, but he forced himself to think of dead puppies and his parents fighting and his gym teacher in those tiny shorts he insisted on wearing.

That last image was particularly horrifying, but it seemed to do the trick. Then, Dorian picked up his phone, only to find fifty new messages from Aelin in their group chat.

Sighing, he began to skim through the thread.

Aelin: Do you guys have plans for today?

Aelin: Rowan is busy

Aelin: And I’m bored

Aelin: Hellooooo

Chaol: I’m guessing I have plans now…

Aelin: I can actually hear how hard you’re sighing right now Chaol

Aelin: We’re seeing a movie today

Chaol: When?

Then there was a lot of planning back and forth, and both Chaol and Aelin trying to reach Dorian. The last message he got was a selfie of his best friends glaring at him, the text reading: Come hang out with us loser.

So Dorian stood, feeling lighter than ever, and began calling Aelin to hear where they were.

-

Stepping into the narrow hallway of her home, Manon carefully closed the door behind her, trying to stay as quiet as possible in case her grandmother was working. 

She hung her coat on the rack and turned her phone on silent. She rarely got any notifications, but that was before Dorian. Now they sent messages back and forth at all hours, most of it silly nonsense.

«Manon, is that you?» her grandmother called from the kitchen. Letting out a shaky breath, Manon made her facial expression that of someone who had studied in a library for hours and definitely hadn’t just made out with a hot boy.

Listen to yourself, you sound like some lovesick girl from those movies you hate so much, Manon mentally yelled, rolling her eyes at how annoying her internal monologue was becoming.

«Yeah, I’m back.» She stopped by the doorway to the kitchen on the way to her room, where her grandmother was sitting by the table, laptop open in front of her.

The woman glanced up at the clock on the wall, before looking back at Manon, her eyes searching. «You stayed at the library for a long time.»

Manon had to fight to stay fully still, to not flinch at her grandmothers words. She couldn’t know, could she? Putting on a fake smile, Manon said, «I just got into a really good workflow, didn’t wanna quit.»

Her breaths were getting faster, and she could feel the panic sneaking up on her.

Just keep it together until you’re alone! She always asks questions like these.

«I’m almost done with the history assignment,» she added to make sure her grandmother bought it. Even if it was all a lie. She hadn’t even started on the history paper.

«Good. I already made dinner, but there are some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.» Her grandmother’s tone was pleasant, almost happy. She had to be in a good mood today, then. The whole thing felt deeply unsettling.

At least she was safe, for now.

«Thanks, but I’m not hungry. I’ll be in my room,» Manon said before turning and hurrying down the hall. Once she’d closed the door, she finally let out the breath of relief she’d benne holding, throwing away all pretense.

She couldn’t keep lying to her grandmother like this…

Not only did it make her feel awful, but the consequences would also be too great. She was putting her whole future at risk when she was acting like this, sneaking around and prioritizing boys over her schoolwork. 

Frustrated, she threw herself down on her bed, startling Abraxos who was sleeping on her pillow. Dorian made everything so much more complicated. Agreeing to go out with him had been a mistake. A huge, huge mistake.

Yet she’d felt better today, happier, than she’d had in a long time. She’d even managed to forget the catastrophe that was her dance team, if only for a few hours. And with this light, fluttery feeling, everything seemed more manageable. 

For now, she could do this, wanted to do this. The thought of not being with Dorian anymore… It didn’t feel right, and she was actually looking forward to Monday, when she would see him again.

She knew this, they, would have to end one way or another, but she couldn’t let go just yet.

A/N: That break really got longer than I anticipated...

It's been nearly a year now, since I first got the idea for this fic and started writing it, and here I was, believing I could be done with it by summer 2020. In all honesty, it feels like I posted chapter 12, blinked, and then 4 months had passed. But here it is, at least:) We have reached the halfway point, and a little progress is better than none. I'm still not making any promises regarding this fic, other than I will finish it, someday, whether that be in 2 months or 2 years. And to all of you who still read, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH<3<3 I could not have done it without you!

All the love, Aurora<3

Taglist: @fireheartdreamerstarborn @bookishwitchling @hellasblessed @kit-12 @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp

I keep a separate taglist for each ship, so let me know if you want to be on any of them!

#dawninlatin QoP #manorian #manorian fic #manorian fanfiction #manorian au #manon x dorian #dorian x manon #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #sjm #sarah j maas #throne of glass #tog #throne of glass au