so I’ve read through the first chapter of Crimes: The Proposal twice, and here are my thoughts:
First, let's start off with the...not so good.
Why did the narration say Trystan’s full government name every 2 seconds for the first half?? Trust me, I’m PAINFULLY aware that they’re a Thorne at this point, that was the whole point of book 2 💀
Thankfully they cut it out once Rose left the apartment, but honestly, that's even more confusing. Did they just not proofread the first half???
This thing has so many typos it's looking like a chapter of My Immortal ☹️
Bonus points for that second example also having an unnecessary surname!
Disappointed but not surprised that apparently there were gender mistakes where female Trystan was referred to as male (I don’t have this problem since I do the MLM route, but MLW and WLW solidarity!!)
IMO, it seems out of character for Rose to want to marry someone after only a few months?? Like yeah obviously they and Trystan have had experiences most couples haven't, but still, it's been less than half a year 💀
Speaking of out of character, some of the dialogue seemed a bit...off, for Rose. Honestly, I was expecting worse - all the choosable dialogue options at least had something I could easily see Rose saying - but it's still kinda disappointing that Rose's characterization is a lot weaker than in Book 1.
Now, onto the stuff I liked:
How every place Trystan took Rose down memory lane would have been an awful place to propose (because of the Funny Factor). Only place I think would be better (funnier) is the greenhouse.
Those stupid cowboy boots
Obviously this isn't how New York is, but I think that's on purpose as a joke. Honestly, it's not too far off, either. Someone once asked me if I said yeehaw since I'm American. I live in Connecticut.
My favorite pieces of dialogue:
Now there is the Rose I know and love.
And finally, for my predictions:
Bird stealing the ring was absolutely set up by Trystan.
Really? Not even hiding his face? This is either amateur hour or he's doing this on purpose. So, because I love this series, I've convinced myself it has to be the second one. Trystan set this all up so that their proposal to Rose would be a mystery to solve. I think that's both adorable and in-character!
Mafalda is definitely in on it. Ruby is probably in on it. I think Luke was left out of the loop 💀 but tbh I wouldn't trust him to keep the secret either lmao
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I just couldn't let the first chapter stand. This story is not part of my headcanon. In my HC, Trystan is in tune enough with Carolina to know she'd consider an engagement premature at this stage. But, I can conceivably see Trystan wanting to propose for... reasons. So, I wanted to do a little fix it... and here it is in two parts. Oh, and since I can suck at getting subsequent parts up, part two will be posted later today. :)
Book: Crimes of Passion: The Proposal
Pairing: m!Trystan Thorne x Carolina Rose (F!MC)
Characters: Ruby Webster, Luke Watanabe, Mafalda Ginovesi
Words: 2,074
Rating: Teen
Summary: Carolina makes an unexpected discovery in Trystan's kitchen, then runs out to seek advice from her friends.
A/N: Participating in @choicesmaychallenge24 Hera: Marriage
Part Two
Crimes of Passion Masterlist
Complete Masterlist
There’s something special about early mornings in New York City - before the sun peeks through the clouds and the first bird has yet to sing its song. It’s the only time you’ll find the City that never sleeps at rest and it can be intoxicating. But the serenity on the streets of New York at this early hour was nothing compared to the tranquility inside Trystan Thorne’s apartment.
There, he slept peacefully with the love of his life nuzzled closely at his side. But while Trystan was adrift in dreamland, he awakened Carolina from hers, courtesy of somniloquy, or as the masses would call it... talking in his sleep.
“Yes, Your Majesty... Right away... I’ll find it...”
Carolina opened her eyes with a smile; she had seen this show before and found it quite entertaining. It rarely had a repeat, so she never knew what was in store.
“Unhand me, you beast! Otherwise, I can’t promise the search will be thorough!”
She cocked a brow at that one, gently rubbing Trystan's back. “What the hell are you dreaming about, my prince.”
With a quick jerk, he rolled over, desperately reaching out in his sleep. “Don’t go, Carolina! I love you!”
The level of desperation in his voice tugged at Carolina’s heart, and she quickly pulled him into a protective embrace.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered, kissing the top of his sleepy head. “You silly man. I love you, too.”
Still sleeping, Trystan's face visibly changed as he snuggled closer; peace and contentment were the rules for the day. Once she was certain he was sleeping soundly, Carolina decided returning to her slumber was the best thing to do, and she was just about to reach that goal when the ring of her phone jolted her awake. Not wanting to disturb Trystan, she lowered the volume and quickly tiptoed out of his room, grumbling the whole way. She saw Mafalda’s name on her screen and answered with an exaggerated yawn.
“Who’s dead?” she asked, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“Excuse me?”
“If you’re calling me this early in the morning, I’m assuming someone died, and you need me to find out who did it.”
Mafalda’s sarcastic grin was so powerful Carolina could hear in her voice. “It doesn’t always have to be that deep... or tragic... But I have a case I want you to start on immediately.”
She went on to explain that one of New York’s wealthiest and most influential socialites had her dog stolen while strolling in Central Park; time was of the essence, and the heiress was willing to pay handsomely to have her precious poodle back home.
“Really?” Carolina asked. “This sounds like an easy payday to me!”
“I admire your confidence; now, see it through. The client’s name is Nina Ricci, and her address is....”
“Hold on a second,” Carolina replied, fumbling through a kitchen drawer. “I need to find a pen.”
Still groggy, she was quickly awakened when her fingers brushed over a soft, velvet box. Her heart stopped when she looked down—after all, she had only seen that color blue in movies... and she knew what it meant. It wasn’t nosiness as much as her detective’s acumen that made her open the box at once, and she gasped loud enough for Mafalda to hear when she saw what was inside.
“Carolina... are you OK?”
It was a ring. Not any old ring, but an engagement ring fit for royalty glistening in her hands.
“No... this... this can’t be....” she muttered.
“Carolina, what can’t be?”
“Oh, uh... Mafalda... it’s uh... it’s nothing. Uhm... I’ll be at the office within the hour.”
She hung up without waiting for a reply, her heart racing as she stared at the glittering gem in her hand.
“This can’t be...” she repeated. “He’s not planning on proposing... is he?”
She brought the ring closer, the radiant light it emanated assaulting her startled eyes. She had never been one of those girls who dreamed about engagements from childhood, so she couldn’t even begin to guess how many carats this was, though she knew it eclipsed the two-carat boulder that graced Mafalda’s left hand.
“This had to cost him more than I’ve earned in my lifetime,” she muttered. “This is crazy! And he has it in the kitchen drawer... the kitchen drawer. The man has, like... five safes in this apartment! And he keeps this in the kitchen drawer?”
She let out a shaky breath as a million thoughts raced in her mind. She’d be lying if she said she never thought about the two of them getting married...someday... in the future. The distant future, but this... this was far too soon!
“Is he really ready for this? Am I?”
A vision of Trystan on one knee appeared before her. He cradled the precious gem in his hand, and that sweet, doe-eyed look she had become unable to deny was all over his face. She broke into a sweat. She considered Googling her symptoms. Dizziness, nausea, and a rapid heartbeat could indicate many things, but she felt guilty for hoping to find "discovering an engagement ring in your lover’s kitchen drawer" among the culprits.
The sound of footsteps plodding down the hall pulled her from her panicked state. She returned the ring to the exact spot where she found it and grabbed a container of orange juice from the fridge. Jumping into a chair at the kitchen counter, she scrolled through her phone, attempting to look nonchalant.
That's where a groggy Trystan found her. "Look at you!" He mumbled as his arms encircled her. “It should be against the law to look that good so early in the morning.”
“Really?” She grinned. “You look pretty good in the mornings, too, sir. If they make it illegal, I would have to arrest you.”
“Kinky,” he growled. “As long as we’re in the same cell, I wouldn’t mind one bit.”
He shuffled to the counter to make a pot of coffee. “What are you doing up so early?”
“Mafalda called. She has a case for me. I’ll be heading into the office momentarily.”
Trystan’s face fell. “Today! But we just got back from Drakovia! Surely, Mafalda can spare you for a day!”
“You have a lot to learn about Mafalda... and what it’s like to be a working person,” Carolina grinned.
“Then it's time I learn. I’ll get dressed and go with you.”
“NO!” Carolina yelled, halting him in his path.
“Why? We are partners, aren’t we?”
“Uh, yeah. But Mafalda only requested me, and, uh, hon... life’s been a whirlwind lately. I think I need a few hours to focus on myself and my work... is that OK?”
“Of course it is. Maybe we could meet up later, at...”
“Oh, look at the time!” Carolina interrupted, planting a quick kiss on Trystan’s cheek before bolting toward the door. “I have to go! Talk to you later!”
“Carolina, wait...” he hollered after her, but it was pointless. She was already gone, and Trystan’s dazed look turned into one of pure amusement.
“I always knew it would be interesting to date an American,” he grinned, raising his coffee cup to his lips. “I just had no idea how interesting.”
~~~~~
A short time after, Carolina burst into the agency, startling Ruby and Luke, who were already there.
“Carolina,” Ruby chuckled. “Is someone chasing you?”
“Ruby!” a red-faced Carolina panted. “I need your help! I need your help right now! It’s an...emergency!”
“If it’s about finding the poodle, I’m not your woman. I don’t know much about dogs.”
“It’s not about the dog! It’s about the ring!”
Ruby scrunched her nose. “Did someone lose a ring?”
“No! No, it’s not about a lost ring; it’s about a FOUND ring! An engagement ring! In Trystan’s drawer!”
The room fell silent as the couple’s eyes grew wide. They exchanged a shocked look before Luke turned to his friend with alarm.
“You’re right. This is an emergency!”
“I know!” Carolina screeched, crumbling into a nearby chair. “This has never happened to me! What am I supposed to do with this?”
Ruby sat at her friend’s side, resting a comforting hand atop her knee.
“ Carolina, I realize this is... soon... and it's a bit of a shock, but the man you adore is planning on proposing. You may not be ready, but this isn’t exactly a tragedy.”
“Well, that depends on how you define tragedy,” Luke injected.
“Honestly, it’s not even all that surprising,” Ruby stated, glowering in Luke’s direction.
“It’s not?” Carolina questioned. “We’ve been together three months, Ruby!”
“Sure. But if you kept up with the latest royal gossip like I do, you’d know that royals operate a much different playing field than us mere mortals. Engagements tend to happen pretty quickly in their world. Granted, most of them are arranged, but still.”
“Well, I’m not a royal!” Carolina huffed. “And I haven’t talked to my Uncle Tommy today, but I’m comfortable saying that he hasn’t been having late-night conversations with Viktoria and Maksim to discuss my dowry!”
Anxiety overwhelming her, she jumped to her feet, pacing the floor furiously before her friends.
“Who does this! Who goes and buys a ring... a very expensive ring, from TIFFANY’S, I might add...”
“Oh! It’s from Tiffany’s!” Ruby cooed.
“.... without even talking about it first! In the year of our lord 2024!” She motioned for Luke to get out of his seat. “I need to sit... I’m hyperventilating!”
Knowing better than to fight her, Luke acquiesced. “Carolina, you could always just tell him you found the ring and, you know, talk about it like grown-ups?”
The three friends turned toward the sound of an exasperated sigh and found Mafalda leaning against the frame of her office door. She crossed the room and placed a steaming cup of coffee before her beleaguered employee. “You need to calm down.”
“How much did you hear?” Caronlina asked wearily.
“All of it.”
“You heard all of it, and you’re telling me to calm down!”
“Yes. Get yourself together! You’ve faced down mobsters, cult killers, and murderous evil brothers; for fucks sake, you can handle coming face to face with a ring in Trystan's apartment!"
“She has a point,” Luke agreed.
“Mafalda, you’re the only expert on marriage present,” Ruby interjected. “What advice do you have?”
“Please,” Mafalda scoffed. “The only marriage I’m an expert on is my own.” She turned to Carolina, arms crossed and a look that was both comforting and commanding on her face. “I know you love Trystan, but have you given any thought to marrying him?”
“I mean... maybe a couple times... in passing. But I imagined it the future... the distant future... Even if marriage was important to me, in the three months I’ve known him, we’ve been busy chasing down those killers and murders you mentioned... never mind clearing Trystan's name and keeping him out of a Drakovian prison! When would I have had time to be thinking about... marriage?”
Mafalda screwed her eyes shut as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. “You need to talk to him. He needs to hear these things from you, not us. Look, some people have whirlwind courtships, get married, and go on to have a beautiful life together, but Carolina, a marriage takes two people, and if you’re not ready for it yet... that’s fine. But tell him that.”
“Yeah, it’s not like he’s going to up and leave you if you say you’re not ready,” Luke added.
Carolina turned to him, and for the first time today the anxious look in her eyes was replaced with one of fear. “How... how do you know that?”
“Because I have eyes,” he half-smiled. “He’s crazy about you, and you’re crazy about him. Just... go get your timelines straight.”
“He’s right,” Mafalda agreed. I always say that if people in a relationship are honest and love each other, they’ll get through anything.”
Carolina gulped down the rest of her coffee, appearing more at ease than she had since this morning’s discovery. “You’re right. Now, do I tell him I found the ring and have this conversation with him now? Or wait until he proposes and say...no.”
“Offh! That’s a tough one,” Ruby jumped in. “You know Trystan... he’s go big or go home. If he’s proposing, I’m sure he has a flash mob planned.”
Carolina ran a hand down her face. "Thanks for that, Ruby," she groaned.
“You’ll have to make that call,” Maflada smiled, tossing a file Carolina’s way. “But you have some time to mull it over because, right now, you have a poodle to find.”
Part Two will be up later today. :)
@choicesficwriterscreations
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