#creating fucked up lil guys and putting them in environments is my hobby

[andr0nap-wf]

this is a "warframe" blog and im trying to keep it that way but im fighting for my life to not be a specbio nerd here too

#andro talks #im already very annoying about it on main #i cant help it speculative biology is SO much fun!! #esp with half-human creatures like centaurs and merfolk thats an extra fun challenge #trying to balance out the human/animal ratio just right to avoid the “human taped to an animal with duct tape” effect #both in terms of morphology and psychology #creating fucked up lil guys and putting them in environments is my hobby #but also this is my blog and i can do whatever i want here forever #if i turn gay old men into fucked up lil creatures im allowed to and you cannot stop me

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning 

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad 

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you 

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength 

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests 

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic 

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff 

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time 

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village 

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person 

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive 

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg 

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no 

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point 

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so 

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it 

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion 

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty 

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait 

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way  

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent 

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself 

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise 

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you 

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex 

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts 

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice 

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with 

having a good time 

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together 

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent 

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for 

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM 

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta 

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies 

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best 

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know 

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin��?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode 

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure 

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed. 

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard 

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble 

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on 

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner 

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway 

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

#super m #super m smut #super m fluff #super m x reader #superm #superm x reader #superm scenario #baekhyun smut #kai smut #lucas smut #mark lee smut #ten smut #taeyong smut #taemin smut #superm fluff #baekhyun x reader #taemin x reader #lucas x reader #kai x reader #mark lee x reader #taeyong x reader #ten x reader

[blkwidowsweb]

A Conversation with Jamie 3:26!!!

Hailing from the Beverly area on the South Side of Chicago, Jamie 3:26 has garnered recognition in his own right as a master selector capable of lighting any dance floor on fire. Driven by the deep desire to make people to lose themselves in the dance and forget their problems, Jamie keeps his irons burning hot. He always seeks out new and fresh sounds. It could be an overlooked gem from 30 years ago or a new jam and as long as it has a great groove, he’s interested. Anyone who has seen Jamie 3:26 play, can testify to the effect he has on a dancefloor – he is a true force of nature.  

There is a reason they call him “The Beast”. 

2018 has seen Jamie 3:26 take his career to a new a level, touring globally with a consistency matched by few others on the circuit and is revered by clubs and festivals all over. Recent remixes on ‘Heist’ have gathered huge support and his classic ‘Hit It N Quit It’ was released on the revered ‘Salsoul’ records. Jamie recently had the honor of headlining Boiler Room’s ‘Final Night in Paradise’ extravaganza – a unique homage to Larry Levan and the scene he created. This truly demonstrates to the world how highly he is regarded and his current status in the scene. He not only captures the past of those eras gone by but he is also the future of Chicago House music. (Courtesy of www.bbemusic.com)

I caught up with Jamie during a recent return to Chicago and chatted with him about his career, his future and his love of music and world experiences.

Black Widow:  You’ve been doing this for quite a while.  How were you introduced to House Music?

Jamie 3:26:  I was introduced to this from my family. My uncle was really into disco, my cousin loved funk and my mom loved disco, funk and soul.   We would have a lot of parties at our house.  I would play a lot of music at those parties. It was at one of my mom’s parties that I actually saw a DJ mix. I was exposed to this in the 70s. Then in the early 80s, I was listening to the radio mixes on WBMX, WKKC, and the college radio stations.  I remember seeing John Mason, who was a DJ from my neighborhood mix, Disco Don and Clever Clear from High Fidelity Productions. They were the first guys I saw mixing and they would DJ a lot of the house parties in the neighborhood.  Eventually, I began sneaking out to some of those basement parties. That’s when I started really getting into going to the parties and dancing. That was around 1985.

Black Widow:  What made you decide you wanted to DJ/Mix?

Jamie 3:26:  I was taught how to operate and use DJ equipment at a young age by watching those DJs I mentioned before. I’m self-taught. No one sat me down and taught me how to mix.   I learned from studying mixes on radio and watching DJs mix and seeing what they were doing. I was able to just soak it up.  I started mixing in 1985, but I took it very seriously around 1988. That’s when I began really studying this craft.  I would always try to get as close to the booth wherever I was at.  I would hang out at the Music Box/Powerhouse on 22nd and Michigan. When they would DJ downstairs, Ron (Hardy) would let me get in the back and check him out.  I would want to check out as many DJs as I could.  Around 1988/1989 I would go out and study Andre Hatchett, Lil Louis, Disco Don, Ron Hardy, Pharris, Gene Hunt, Terry Hunter and Mike Williams. Those DJs were the ones I was following and studying. I learned a lot of things from them individually. It took me a while to get it all together but learned so much from studying and watching them.

Black Widow:   During the time when you are learning, what were you doing to expose yourself and get your name out there?

Jamie 3:26:  Our crew (The Lust Corp) started throwing our own events, picnics, parties.  We went from doing that to doing our own event at AKA’s in 1990.  I remember it was John Hunt (Gucci promotions), Galaxy promotions, and CSP production doing college nights at AKAs.    We would hire Chris Underwood, Terry Hunter, Ron Hardy, and Pharris. It was a 21 and up club but we were all under 21 putting on these events.

Black Widow:  Did word just spread about who you were?

Jamie 3:26:  Yea we were a pretty deep crew. We had the gift of gab and would talk our way in.  That’s where those relationships started with some of those DJs. We ended up doing a lot on the college party circuit, especially at Northern IL University. Even if we weren’t actually playing at the event, we would set up the sound system and one of us might DJ as well.

Black Widow:  When did you decide that this was more than a hobby? When did you decide this was something you wanted to do as a career?

Jamie 3:26: It started in 1989 and came from doing a lot of house parties for people from my old HS, Morgan Park. I started my own mobile DJ Company and I was DJ'ing homecomings, sock hops and such.   It kept growing from there and I knew I wanted to do this. I got my own full setup and sound system in 1991.  My grandmother helped me get it. If it wasn’t’ for her, I wouldn’t’ be where I am today. She believed in me.

Black Widow:  Back then people were digging in crates, looking for music. It’s not the same now.  Your musical style is so varied.  What was your process for choosing music and has it changed now that so much of it is digital?

Jamie 3:26:  You didn’t have the power of the internet so everything wasn’t at your fingertips.  There are a lot of records that I initially thought may have been one title and I would buy it and discover it wasn’t the one I wanted. That was before they had listening stations and the people who worked at the record store didn’t want to open the record and play it.  I have a lot of records that I bought that ended up being something I didn’t want or something I thought I didn’t want.  That’s just how digging was back then.  We would listen to music and be like, “Aww that sounds like something Frankie would play or Ron may play”.   We were looking for that gem, something to set you apart that no one had.   I also learned this music from listening to mix shows on the radio, especially the Sunday show with Bobby Q Bobby on WKKC.  You also had to go out.  If it was a certain sound that you were into or wanted to get turned on to, then you checked out certain DJs.  Back then, everyone mixed and DJ’d what they could. A lot of DJs got their start off their parent’s record collection. That’s how it was with me. I would find records and go through them and find my own groove. We would dig and discover music.  Nowadays, with technology, you don’t really have to go out to hear and discover new sounds if you don’t want to, but I’m still a student and a fan of new sounds and music. 

I still get excited looking for music and finding new music.  No one person is going to know all the jams…they may act like it but no one knows every record known to man.

Black Widow:  There are certain DJs that really know music. I’m not just talking house music, they know music, the history…you know they are the ones who would actually read the album covers…

Jamie 3:26:  Yes…that’s exactly what I did!

Black Widow:  I think that’s reflected in your musical style. When you are starting out you are obviously influenced by other DJs, but when did you get to the point where you knew who you were as a DJ and identified your personal style?

Jamie 3:26:  It boils down to having musical balls.  Back in the day, if you were an opening DJ you were limited to a certain degree, especially if you were playing with certain DJs. It was almost an unwritten code. You weren’t supposed to play all the hits or the hot shit.  You were supposed to keep it at a certain tempo, etc.  The opening DJ was supposed to keep it mellow and they didn’t really build it up. Back then, it may have been 2-3 DJs max for a certain event. Now it may be 5 or 6 DJs for a 6 hour party and you have every DJ trying to out bang each other because they want a chance to play.  They want to make the most out of the moment.  The problem is it becomes a pissing contest because everyone is trying to outdo each other.  The result of that is the party suffers. What I learned and what I was schooled on from my elders like Robert Williams is that it’s about the party first.

“That’s the most important thing…it’s about the party first”!

The most important part of a night is the opening. The opening DJ sets the vibe, atmosphere and environment.  Everyone cannot play that position correctly. You have to be flexible and have musical knowledge.  If you only know and play bangin ass house music and you don’t have that knowledge, you can’t play anything mid-tempo and build up.  Sometimes it’s all they know or all that they think is what makes shit hot and hype.  Speed doesn’t always equal energy.  I’ve been at parties where it’s mid-tempo all night and people are losing. You don’t always have to bang it out. I remember feeling like I had to play like this or I have to play around the DJ and things like that. I realized I wasn’t doing me. I had to find a way to do me but still be respectful and play my position.  There are rules to this shit.

That’s hard because I’m human. We all are and we all have an ego. If people say they don’t have an ego, that’s bullshit.  You have to find a way to play your position and know how to do it correctly and respectfully.   I had to work my way up from doing some opening spots to doing some prime spots. When I got those opportunities, I took advantage of it and made the most of it. 

Even in those moments, it wasn’t about “I’m gonna shit on everybody” or “I’m gonna make him work tonight” or any of that bullshit…NO...that’s not what it was about. It was about turning the party out and making people know who the fuck I am in the process. 

Eventually, I started to come into my own. I had to learn from experience.

Black Widow:  Do you think that protocol is missing nowadays? 

Jamie 3:26:  You have people who aren’t experienced with playing in public. They can make a dope mix at home in their own environment but when you are in different club environments, you aren’t prepared for a mishap with the equipment or you may not know how to play on a dope sound system.  Things like that can throw you off and then you may sound horrible.   Honestly, there are a lot of DJs who should just practice more at home and get their craft up before they come out in public. There are lot of people practicing in public.  That’s no diss… but it’s the truth.  There are people anxious to get out and play and I totally understand that because I was that way.

I didn’t come out the gate with guns blazing and playing as the sickest fuckin DJ. There were times when I’d get out there and fuck up! I’d crash and burn and they’d tell my ass to get off and go dance.  {Laughter}  I had to get over the nerves, develop my craft and get experience under my belt.  You gotta have experience to learn how to read a room. You also have to have that musical knowledge so you know when to change the music, or build and change the vibe.  If you are only used to playing a certain set or program and the DJ before you plays a song that you had in the set you’ve been planning for weeks, you’ll be messed up because you haven’t built up your skills on how to improvise.

Black Widow:  Would you say the club was your training ground? It seems like you can only learn those things when you are actually in the environment.

Jamie 3:26:  Yeah it was but now it’s harder.   You have such an oversaturated market of DJs because of technology and you have places that don’t give you a chance to build a night.  If you don’t have your shit poppin within a week or two, they are movin on to the next DJ.  It’s hard to develop some of these skills because nightlife is a business and folks want to make money.   I was able to develop those skills when I was younger because of the number of house parties, basement parties and such that I did.   Also, I had to DJ and play various types of music, when I had my mobile DJ business. It wasn’t just house music. I was playing house, disco, hip hop, reggae, slow jams…I did parties for gang bangers, wedding receptions…all of that.  It taught me how to be diverse and I feel like it gave me an advantage. I learned how to be versatile.  It’s hard these days to develop yourself because everyone has a microwave mentality.  People think they are good because they have a hard drive full of music.

If you aren’t studying the music;  knowing who the producers are, knowing the remixes, studying the history of this genre…if you don’t know about these legendary DJs, clubs and sounds all around the world… you can have all the music in the world but you may not know what version to play. You haven’t studied and done your research. It’s a lot different playing digital file vs a record. If someone was DJing a record and playing the wrong version, you’d tell them to turn that shit over.  You can’t do that to someone playing digital. You still have to learn…you really have to learn all aspects of this.  It’s just like anything else. You have to learn the fundamentals.

Black Widow:  I agree. I think it’s like anything you really want to excel at. That’s what makes the greats…so great!  I think those are the ones who remain students. They are always studying. They never get to the point where they think they know everything. I see you on social media still looking and digging for new music in record stores all around the world. You are always looking for something new to play.  That’s why your sets never sound the same.

Jamie 3:26:  Yup…I’m always digging and studying. I love music…every aspect of it. There’s always something new to learn.

Black Widow:  Let’s talk about your evolution as a DJ.  What are some of the greatest lessons you’ve learned in your career?

Jamie 3:26:  Oh wow… I’d have to say first I had to realize that although this culture and music started in Chicago, its way beyond Chicago.  I always knew that because I was into certain sounds but I had to experience it. I remember being humbled during my first trip to NYC around 2000/2001.  I went to my first Shelter party.  Of course, I was familiar with the place, the sound and the parties that happened there but when I got there it was such an eye opening experience. At the time, it was one of the biggest clubs I’d ever been in with one of the most amazing sound system.  I was there just watching all these people from different backgrounds getting down. They were breakdancing to house music. I mean it was a dude spinning on his head to house music!!! I remember just looking at all of this and had to sit down. I was overwhelmed. I was like well DAMN!  It was so much more than what I thought it was.

You know coming from Chicago, we can be a little cocky because this genre started here but that entire experience changed me in a lot of ways. I realized the music was global and finally experienced it on that level outside of Chicago for the first time. That was some powerful shit. It made me want to see it and experience it from everywhere else and that’s exactly what I did.  I heard about the festivals and WMC and things like that but it was important that I experienced it as a patron, not a DJ. It wasn’t about going to these places so I could DJ. I mean, of course that was part of it, but it wasn’t the main objective. I was going to check this shit out. It sparked something in me and it shaped me and made me start playing differently.  I got it. This shit was worldwide.

2nd thing I’ve learned over the years is don’t be an Asshole.

Black widow:  [Laughter] Can you elaborate please? [Laughter]

Jamie 3:26:  [Laughter] One line! That’s it! [Laughter] No seriously, I’ve said this to people quite a bit but what has helped me throughout my entire career has been who I am as person vs my musical talent. How you treat people and how you are to people. Some people lack social skills. You have to k now how to interact with people, have good people skills and know how to network with your peers.  Being a decent person has allowed me to form and develop relationships that have carried me throughout my entire career. I mean…be cool!  Don’t be an asshole!   I’m a very observant person and over the years, I’ve learned from many about what to do and what not to do.  Some people think if you are someone with manners, talk with people professionally and such you are “kissing ass” but just like in any profession, there’s a standard and way you go about things. You got to find your own way and not be a fake.  It’s about how you are as a person, your personality.

Most people who are creative are introverts. We spend more time in dark rooms in front of computers, books, instruments and such. We are self-professed nerds. I’m definitely one of them but I’m also a people person. I know if I’m out and at a gig, I can’t be an asshole to people, even when I may feel like shit. 

“After a while, you realize you belong to the people.   You can’t come out and say stuff like; I want my privacy or leave me alone…if that’s the case, stay your ass at home”.

Black Widow:  From one fellow introvert to another, I couldn’t’ agree more. I’m much more comfortable with my journal then in public sometimes.   They say writing is show business for introverts! [LAUGHTER] It’s so true but I’m also a performer so I’m learning how to navigate those public spaces more.  Don’t be an asshole! A simple gem from Jamie 3:26! [LAUGHTER]

Jamie 3:26:  Exactly! Be cool and don’t be an asshole and you’ll be alright!

Black Widow:   When did you decide you didn’t just want to play music but you wanted to make music? 

Jamie 3:26:  I’ve always kinda fooled around with tracks and productions when I was younger and in high school. That’s how house music started; DJs started making their own stuff to separate themselves and to be different.  I actually had a hip-hop group in the early 90s and I first learned about sampling and stuff like that from my man, Coolie Mac. I started learning more about production hanging out with Glen Underground.  He used to live around the corner from me. I was there when some of his early hits were created. I was doing stuff with Paul Johnson when he was making tracks in the kitchen. Those who know remember the kitchen. [Laughter] I actually did stuff here and there but in early 2000s, Chip E really turned me on to doing things digitally; digital music production and digital editing.  Chip E and Leonard Remix Roy really got me into that. Chip E especially got me into learning how to create and make music on a computer.  I did a lot of tracks and made things at home but it wasn’t until around 2008/2009, I sent a track I made to a label in the UK just to see what the response would be.  They loved it and they wanted to put it out. That got my confidence up with production. Since then, I’ve had a nice amount of remixes and releases with my own production. I’m glad I was able to get out of that mode that I needed all this equipment in order to make my own music. Chip E showed me another way.

Black Widow:  Is your creative process different as a producer vs a DJ?

Jamie 3:26:  When I’m producing, I’m definitely approaching it as if I’m DJ’ing.  Sometimes it can start with some drums and I build around it. Sometimes I have to stop it and go back to it and something will come back to me. I don’t have a set formula for doing things.  It can be a loop and I may listen to it for some time before it comes to me.  I think that’s why they say most musicians are crazy because we’ll listen to the same thing over and over again. Sometimes an entire idea will hit me and I’ll lay it out in one rip, then other times, it may be completely different from what I envisioned it.  There are plenty of tracks that I’ve created where the original format is totally different than what was released. I’ve done 10 different versions of some things I’ve made.  There’s no formula.  I build around it. It’s like a puzzle.

Black Widow:  I think writing is similar in ways. Sometimes it comes out all at once and other times it’s just a word or a phrase that I stare at for the longest until I’m able to put it together. I totally get it.

Jamie 3:26:  Right! That’s exactly how it goes sometimes. It’s not a recipe.

Black Widow:   Is it about creating your own music or are you doing more collaboration with other artists?

Jamie 3:26:  Actually I’ve noticed as of recent, some of the things I’ve done where I’ve collaborated has been a much more fun process.  I feed off of their energy love bouncing ideas off of one another. Even if we aren’t in the same room, we can bounce those ideas off one another. That’s what I’ve done with my partner Bobby from Amsterdam. We’ve made a few things and those ideas have started from us bouncing ideas back and forth. Once we get together we lay it all down and knock it out.   I prefer working with others right now. I really love co-creating with certain people because it’s a different challenge and its fun.

Black Widow:  What inspires you to create? And how to you stay creative? I say this because creative people are constantly pouring themselves out into the world through their art. That’ How do you stay full and inspired?

Jamie 3:26:  It’s not easy.  Some people are just so naturally creative.  They just get inspired, knock things out and spill out an album or two. With me I don’t want to rush it. It’s a piece of me and a representative of me.  I get inspired by so many different things.  It can be hearing something interesting, watching a movie, walking down the street or seeing folks interact.  It can be a memory of a party I was at or an event I’ve played. Sometimes I think about that and want to recreate that same energy or vibe.  I just can’t turn on my creativity like a light switch. Sometimes I wish I could but that’s not how I am. I prefer to let it flow and see what happens.  The best forms of inspiration for me sometimes involve me just going out.  Sometimes it can even be hearing a bad DJ or going to a party that sucks.  It makes me want to create something that would make people go crazy!

Black Widow:  I’ve told people that whenever I have a creative rut or some writer’s block, I have to get out and live.    The best inspiration comes to me from just living my life authentically and fully. I have to experience new things or it can be the complete opposite. Sometimes I just need to be still because I’ve become too busy.  Does that make sense?  

Jamie 3:26:  Right…that’s it.  Sometimes you just have to take a break and step away and not force it. Get out and take a walk, or be in silence and boom…something may come.  You just can’t force it either way.

Black Widow:  You’ve been fortunate to travel the world.   How does that influence how you play?

Jamie 3:26:  It goes back to always being a student. I’ve actually learned a lot not just about music but traveling has broadened my views of the world and people. It’s been a huge blessing and I understand so much more about people. I’ve met so many beautiful and amazing people and the connection is all through music. I know it sounds cliché but it’s so true.   It made me see how universal this language music is. I’ve been around people who can’t speak English but can sing every word to the song and that’ amazing to experience. I’ve also been able to hear many DJs from around the world who have some serious stank and soul.  Once again, I see how global this music is.   It’s way beyond Chicago.  Now don’t’ get me wrong,

“I can’t forget the roots and I’m going to represent the culture and make sure people know that Chicago is the birthplace, but I also cannot deny how far reaching this music is. I’ve been turned on to so many different sounds in my travels”. 

It’s such a blessing.   I’m thankful for it all.

Being open minded helps a lot because there are things that work here that may not work somewhere else.  Again, I do my research.  I check out what’s happening and what people are into. I’m still going to put my own spin on it.   I can’t just cater to them and play a certain sound.  I have to remember that I’ve been hired to bring the sound that I’m known for, not just the sound that they are used to. I had to learn this in my very first trip to Europe the hard way. If anyone brings you anywhere, you play how you play.  That’s why they brought you there. That’s how they heard you and that’s what they want.  They want your sound.

Black Widow:  Being a DJ, producer, etc., isn’t just about being creative anymore. You have to learn this business. What lessons did you learn along the way about the business of making music?

Jamie 3:26:  Own your publishing!!!!!  Have your business set up, have an attorney to overlook documents. Don’t sign anything without looking at it.   If someone offers you an advance, that’s usually all you are going to get. 

“Value your art...don’t sacrifice your art for being able to get out there because that’s your intellectual property”.

Black Widow:  It seems you spend more time learning the business and trying to protect yourself instead of creating.  Isn’t that frustrating sometimes as an artist?

Jamie 3:26:  Oh yeah!!! But these are the steps you have to do and it does can be hard to find that balance. That’s why it’s best if you can hire someone and get help. If you are trying to wear so many hats, it’s easy to overlook one little thing and that thing could be detrimental to you.  You have to figure it all out…the music, the art and the business.

Black Widow:  What do you say to those who say you left Chicago because you hated it?  What would you say to them?

Jamie 3:26:  [Laughter] OHHHH WEE!!! That’s what the streets are saying huh?  To a lot of people, they may think I left out of frustration but that’s not true.  People don’t realize but I was living between Chicago and the Netherlands for 3 years.  I would spin 3-5 months of the year overseas and come back and forth. I left because I outgrew it.  It wasn’t’ an easy decision either.   I was going to leave 5 years ago and now I know it would have been a disaster and I wasn’t ready. 

“It’s not that I’m over Chicago at all… I’m just looking at the world as my residency”

Black Widow:  What do you love about being a DJ from Chicago?

Jamie 3:26: We got funk! We are the originators.  Our sound is Midwest fresh.  The dopest DJs come from the Midwest, especially from Chicago and Detroit. We’ve always stressed technical skills, being tight and being musically diverse. We can come from this area and come many different ways, especially if they are seasoned.  The dopest thing about being a Chicago DJ is being from Chicago!  This is mecca and the world looks at Chicago as such. We need to realize the power we hold being from this place and how people look up to us and our city.  It’s way beyond Chicago and we have a powerful gift we take for granted. Some don’t even understand the power we hold and how we are looked at across the world because no one goes outside of Chicago to see it and experience it.

Black Widow:  What does the future hold for Jamie 3:26?  What dreams do you still want to accomplish?

Jamie 3:26:  I want to release an album of original music and continue mentoring younger DJs of color abroad.

Black Widow: Mentoring? Oh I had no idea…

Jamie 3:26:  Oh yeah… I have been showing some of the younger DJs, sharing experiences, wisdom and knowledge with them. No one really did that with me and I have a lot of knots upside my head because I had to learn that stuff on my own. In this game, women and people of color are the minorities. This is a male dominated industry. We have to make some changes and stick together and work together. Especially with women.  Women Promoters, Marketing and PR professionals, label owners, etc. This is a boy’s game and we need that feminine energy. 

Black Widow:  Yes we do!!!  It’s all about diversity and inclusion! I couldn’t agree with you more.   I’ve enjoyed speaking with you so much! I know you are only home for a short time so I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me!

Jamie 3:26:  Not a problem!  I enjoyed it!

Black Widow: Safe Travels and Good luck to you with your future endeavors!

Jamie 3:26: I appreciate that!

You can find Jamie 3:26 at the following:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamie3too6/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamiethreetwosix/?hl=en

Twitter: https://twitter.com/jamie3too6?lang=en

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/jamie2too6

Mixcloud:  https://www.mixcloud.com/discover/jamie-326/

Traxsource: https://www.traxsource.com/artist/407056/jamie-326

Beatport:  https://www.beatport.com/artist/jamie-3-26/298570

#ChicagoSpotlight #Jamie326 #Blkwidowsweb #BlackWidowsWeb

[issei-ice-k]

How to Love (not ft. Lil’ Wayne)

Feb. 5th, 2018

Growing up, I was afraid of making mistakes due to my father always negatively criticizing me. However, I’ve definitely seen him soften around the edges over the years and although he has never directly told me he loves me, I don’t doubt for a second that he does because his actions back it up. It should be verbally communicated as well but I’ve accepted him to let his actions speak for him. But as a boy, timid by nature, my father’s criticism caused me to form a bad habit of second guessing myself, and calculating my decisions became my defense mechanism to prevent myself from making mistakes. This obviously stunts growth, because making mistakes and learning from them is part of the learning curve. But I managed to learn this fact through my teen years, and practiced not fearing to fail in my past decade of my life. The results have shown me that things usually work out when listening to your heart and going with your gut feeling. My decision to quit competitive ice hockey, and explore the world of arts gave me the opportunity to study abroad in the country of my heritage, where I eventually landed a stable job in Tokyo with a thriving company and made some of the best friends of my life during my time there. Listening to my heart was working for me, but this was much easier to do when it wasn’t about love. With love, someone else’s heart is on the line. My decisions impact someone else’s life and feelings. What used to be a fork in the road for just my life, now suddenly brings another’s. It was a scary thought when thinking about it that way.

My life continued to attract exciting opportunities. While I was working in Tokyo, I had been offered a job that guaranteed me to move to Los Angeles within 6 months to a year. Ever since diving into the arts, LA had been a place I wanted to explore to see all kinds of art. With a passion to pursue acting and dance, it seemed like this new job was an opportunity of a lifetime. I placed my bet and signed the dotted line.

At that time, I had just gotten out of a 3.5 year relationship and was starting this new job that guaranteed my move to pursue my passion. My life was about to change drastically. I was ready to invest time into myself to see how I could become a better me and how to love myself, which to me, meant exploring what I did and didn’t like about myself, and diving deeper into my hobbies/passions. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but I wanted to meet other women to find out what qualities I wanted in a significant other. But fate didn’t know or care. 

A few weeks into my new job, I was introduced to a cute girl through a mutual friend. Her name, Miku. I couldn’t resist but to ask her out to dinner and unexpectedly, sparks ignited on our first date. I had disclosed that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship due to my current situation but that didn’t stop us from continuing to see each other. The more time we spent together, the more I saw her playfulness and throughout our little laughter-filled adventures, by some miracle, she chose to give me her heart. I saw this and reciprocated to give her some of mine as well because why not? She was cute, kind, humble, artistic, spontaneous, free-spirited… should I keep going? Okay, one more... her pursed lips doe ;) But it was my first time not labeling a relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend that got intimate. Eventually, although we didn’t agree to label it as bf/gf, I offered for us to be exclusive between each other and we agreed to not see other people. 

You may be thinking, “if we were exclusive to each other, how was it any different from bf/gf?” This caused a lot of confusion, not only to her, but to me as well. No matter how I tried to answer that question, it never made sense because the defense mechanism of my mind created this barrier of an idea that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work and I needed time to self invest, but my heart really wanted to be with her. The best conclusion that my inner conflict came to was to commit to each other with an expiration date of when I move to LA. But Miku didn’t hesitate at thoughts of long distance. Why? Because Miku has ears the size of Dumbo’s when it came to listening to her heart. *This is a figure of speech guys. Her ears aren’t actually huge. They are very cute.* But just imagine being able to hear every flutter, chirp, and whisper of your heart when it speaks. It would make life much easier to make decisions. Miku loved me fully with no barriers. Her love was pure. She knew how to love far more than I did.

My time to move to LA inevitably came but I was still unable to process my inner conflict. I was naive in that I kept following my mind instead of my heart and I continued to push her away despite her continued effort to try to keep us together. In the end, I ended up breaking her heart, the very thing I thought I could prevent. In doing that, I know I must’ve made her feel like a complete fool for giving me her heart, and made her second guess not only herself but how to love. It was the most unfair thing I could’ve done, which consequently put me in my position now…

Fast forward to today, now in LA a few months after Miku and I broke up and I had still been following the mind that had told me that love will come after focusing energy inward on myself. But my heart for her had been growing louder and more unsettling. I was even reaching out to mutual friends to see how she was doing in prior months. I was really dying to reach out to her but I wanted to respect that she wanted space. Over the past couple months I’ve been trying to understand why I was feeling this. Maybe moving to a new city without friends was harder than I thought? Realistically, I love the LA weather and I’ve been meeting a ton of new people here and I moved to new cities almost every other year since I was 13 and in my hockey days. I couldn’t be happier with my housemates and living situation. I’ve gained a true brother in one of my housemates and I've lived with tons of roommates since I was 14. Trust me, I know what shitty roommates can be like. However, I do recall my move to Tokyo to work for SoftBank being very tough. But much of that was due to being placed in a very traditional Japanese working environment and forcing myself to learn business level Japanese. When I moved to LA, my job, my boss, and my responsibilities didn’t change at all. There was no stress in those departments. I had to look deeper. Maybe because I hadn’t found my partner yet? So I started to look around but when I was trying to look for qualities in the girls I was talking to, I realized I was literally envisioning Miku in my head. And it hit me that deep down my heart knew of a love that was already there. It showed me exactly what qualities I want in a woman. 

I need a partner humble and grounded enough to not need to flaunt her looks, but rather, let me proudly flaunt her around. I need someone wise enough to listen before assuming, who will always self reflect on her words/actions, someone artistic, to have the viewpoint to see beauty in the smallest things, to support my passions, to be spontaneous enough to get up and go on a weekend getaway, to have a similar amount of a Japanese/Western blend as me, to be able to really share the dopamine high of music, to show immense care through the tough times, to share everyday laughter through the smallest corny jokes and puns (like the title of this post), and to have a pure smile of elation. Not only that but I need to really be able to vibe with my partner. Like when something funny occurs and a word doesn’t have to be spoken to know exactly what the other person is thinking, and simultaneous eye contact becomes the punchline to a burst of stomach-clenching laughter. Or when you can nerd out on things that you both grew up on that shaped your childhood, despite growing up in different places. I’m sure some of you can relate. Miku possesses all of these traits and even showed me how to care for those I truly love through the way she gives love.

I remember how excited I was to introduce her to my sister, Reina. My sister was my figure who helped guide me and teach me from her experiences growing up. The one who always had my back, even though she felt like a bully at times ;P But I was excited because she was the closest person to me in my life and I wanted just the three of us to meet so Reina could get a glimpse of Miku’s amazing personality; cute, innocent, and easily amused with a hint of Kanye, who can’t find a fuck to give even if she wanted to about what others think, but will also melt toward any cute animal within sight. It was truly healing to see them get along and sing their hearts out to some of our childhood tunes at karaoke together. And my sister approved. It was the first time she genuinely liked a girl I introduced her to.

During our time, I even mentioned to Miku that she had marriage potential to me but my understanding of those reasons have come crisp into focus. Is it possible to love someone once you are away from them? Many might say no, but this experience has told me yes. Love grows differently for everyone. If love had a template, there would be a lot less relationships in this world.

But here I am trying to pick up the pieces to the heart I shattered... but I know exactly why I failed. You can’t calculate love or half ass it. You just need to listen to your heart and if it gives you the signal, you need to act on what it says, not the thoughts of doubt that your mind creates. The rest will work out if both people fully love each other, because if you try to calculate your moves, you won’t be able to focus on the present moment and what your heart is telling you. I know Miku already knows this if she hasn’t changed how she loves. 

One could argue that I just want the old memories to become the present again, but to be honest, I want it to be different this time around, because previously everything revolved around me. There is nothing that will comfort her in trusting that version of me again. This time I’d show her what my heart truly feels through my actions, as my dad does. To show that I love her. Actions like not being on my phone when we are supposed to be enjoying each other’s time. Staying aware of how people can be perceived on social media and being careful of what kind of women I spend time with. Managing and making time for our alone time. Planning out not only spontaneous dates or events but even planning trips/events ahead of time, including those that she would really enjoy, not just me. I really want to explore the rest of the world with her, and especially Hawaii because I know it’s her second home. My mom had even agreed to put her on flight benefits to make this affordable and possible when I asked her. I want to experience more of what molded her before I met her. But not just her past, I want to show her and lead her to things she still hasn’t experienced during our limited time on this planet. I accept her for who she is and how she thinks and I want to hear more not just about the beauty she sees in things, but her deeper thoughts in life as well. 

I hate to assume, but my heart also tells me that some of her heart is still with me. If she still believes in the way she loves, I’d beg her to dig down and look into her heart to see if there is any sense of love still there for me, even if it’s just a glimmer. Without barriers, I'll provide tenfold through the promise to protect our love for each other. The characteristics she displayed to me are those that will make me happy for life.

I know she thinks that feelings should build from the get go in a relationship, which may turn into love at some point, and I respect her view. I wish I was wiser to have understood my own feelings and actions from the start but I can’t rewind time. But my love for her is clear to me. I can’t control what may happen in the future but I know for a fact that I will regret not giving my all for her. Do I deserve a second chance? Many may say no. But the only thing I can do is to convey my love and hope that she is willing to see through my lens, in the eye of the beholder.

[adoublenwithwh-blog]

Hello World....

Let me get this straight now, i am not the only one who’s blogging just to share how incredible my vacation nor beautiful place that i’ve been visited or the handsome guy that i met, you named it. Not at all....

You’re on my site now and we’re talking about Me...

How if i tell you one big shot to know who exactly i am, what i have been dealing with, how messed-up my life and how cute i am?

First of all, this is not my hobby (to write), i just had lot of things running in my head and i couldn’t handled it anymore. Not anymore Baby... I’ll put that things into this blog and hope you’ll take some lessons here.

Maybe i am the pathetic one who’s sitting in the corner of coffee shop and enjoying my Vanilla Latte then writing here and say HI to you all. But don’t get me wrong, i loved every second i’ve been here. Probably you’ll enjoy it and say This Gals is out of mind... yep! You’re right... I am out of mind.

Well, i think you have to know a little bit more about me (WOT? A lil bit more???!!!) 

Anyway, my name is Anny. A-double N-Y. Do not ever spell my name wrong. Just call me Ann much easier for you guys. I am coffee addict, INFJ personality, Workaholic, Silly as hell, Crazy as well and i HATE Chocolate. also, ice cream. I am adventurous, love nature, love the quiet beach also places. I love me.

I can’t remember how much cup of coffee that i drank everyday but i do love coffee for every single moments in my life, there is always coffee first. 

I am not the book-lover, but i do read books. As long as i think that build myself up, i am gonna buy it. Also, intelligent is attractive for me. A lot. I don’t need handsome or beautiful friend around if they’re not intelligent enough because i thought i am not smart enough as a person (including at school, social, environment and work situation) so i would love to stick around you if youre the intelligent one as my perspective. Could be anything. 

I am not really interesting with women who’s wearing make up always to keep their beatuiful face-mode still on, i mean i am woman but not the type of those women. Did i wrote beautiful wrong? No, i didn’t. Because the beautiful is not about what you’re outfit, what’s the brand that you used for your lips. Not at all. I respect woman who the way they are. Same like me, i love myself and i want people love myself just the way i am. 

I am 26 yo, came from west Kalimantan, living in Yogyakarta for almost 6 years till graduated (why it took so long? I’ll tell you later), living in Jakarta with the crowded and fake friends around for 2 years then moved to Bali and start to be settle as a super independent woman. well, i am temporary jobless for now, single (no man in my life), i’am freaky-pink lover i am writing my own biography for my future kids. Hey hey...Stop laughing, i am still working on it. 

Here is the thing, you might be call me Silly or whatever about those stuff but i want my future kids read my biography someday and they’ll gonna appreciated themself more than me now, and if you guys think it was too early to started with my own biography to my future kids meantime you don’t have a man in your life also you have many problems, that’s pathetic, but for me, it’s priceless. I created my own journey and still counting. And when the time is coming, i am ready to tell the real story to my next ME which is i want them more stronger than me, educated than me, generous than me, cutie as fuck like me (not more than me) also, my future husband will living with nothing to doubt how i can be raise our children’s. 

So, Welcome reader, i hope this entertaining you. I’ll get back soon 

With love,

Ann...

#introduced #newblog startwriting newblogger indonesianwoman dayaknese balinesia wonderfulindonesia lovelywoman crazyasfuck myownbiography hel