#comfortforfainting

[winter-soldier-vibes]

One Step at a Time (Sebastian Stan x reader)

One Step at a Time

Summary: You are filming with Russo brothers and Sebastian etc and you feel insecure because of all the other actors and work out too much and slowly stop eating; one day on set you almost pass out and they call it for the day. Sebastian gets worried because he’s a great guy and comes to help you.

Sebastian Stan x reader

Word count 2536

Warnings: eating disorder (working out too much and restriction), fainting, insecurities

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When you found out you had landed the role of Tony Stark’s daughter in the new Avenger movie, you were beyond stoked. You had been an actress since you were little, but this was your first big role. And not to mention you’d be working with some of your favorite actors and actresses. 

Your first day on set, you were...overwhelmed. You were ecstatic, but it was a lot to take in. Seeing these big movie stars that you had grown up with, you felt like everyone was looking at you. You had a lot of expectations to fill. 

Everyone of course was extremely nice to you. The first person to see you and introduce themselves was Sebastian Stan. He already had his ‘metal’ arm on his left arm. He gave you a warm smile and said “Hey, you’re the new kid, right?” You nodded and held out your hand. “Yes  I am. Y/n.” He took it. “Sebastian.”

You laughed a little and said “Yeah, I know.” Your eyes widened and you added “I mean - not in a creepy way, just like a ‘you’re a huge movie star’ kind of way” He laughed too and said “Yeah, I know what you mean. Good to meet you.” he said as he walked away.

As soon as he was far away enough, you let out a breath and internally face-palmed. You just made a fool of yourself in front of your favorite actor. Great. This was a great start.

The first few days were a little awkward, being the new person on set. But after that you settled into a routine. You and Sebastian bonded pretty quickly, him treating you as your on-set father figure. And being so close with Sebastian came hand in hand with being close with Anthony Mackie and Chris Evans. You couldn’t complain. It was all you could hope for.

There was only one issue.

Being around all these movie stars playing all these superheroes could be tough. Everyone was ripped and in great shape, and you couldn’t help but feel like you looked soft compared to them. Anthony always talked about his obsession with leg day and his thighs, often ranting about how “You ain’t never seen a tree without a trunk,” whenever anyone would give him crap about it. This always ended in laughs, but you couldn't help but feel like you should be working out more than you were.

You started tagging along with the others to the gym, and began going for walks or jogs on lunch breaks or when you weren’t needed on set. When you didn’t see any changes, you cut out all junk food too. You still ate, just everything had to be clean. What started in good spirits ended up getting you way in over your head.

You began only eating if you were asked to tag along to eat with the others. This happened pretty often, so you started making excuses, saying you had work to catch up on or you were going to go over your lines. But most of the time you would either go for a run or be so tired that you just fell asleep before you could put on your running shoes. 

You could see changes within the first few weeks. You were toning up and losing weight too. And the others noticed too, saying “Hey, lookin’ good kid.” You liked it, and if anything it made you want to keep going. Your portions got smaller and you stayed steady with the cardio. But if you were honest, you were exhausted.

All you wanted to do was sleep but you wouldn’t let yourself. You would force yourself to keep up your routine. You didn’t feel hungry anymore and couldn’t really bring yourself to eat much of anything. No one really suspected anything to begin with, but they noticed how you were lacking energy lately. They chalked it up to anxiety or just not sleeping well. 

One day, you were filming a fight scene, and it was you and Sebastian fighting against a bunch of extras playing Hydra agents. The scene entailed some of the others, but for right now they just needed the two of you. There were a lot of stunts in the scene that shouldn’t have been an issue for you. You could do them in your sleep. At least, that was what was true over a few weeks ago. 

You could feel the exhaustion that hadn’t left you in days putting you off your game. You kept trying to shake your head or dig your nails into your palms trying to wake up. Sebastian looked over at you as you slapped your face lightly. He gave you a puzzled look. “You okay there y/n?” You looked over at him and plastered on a smile. “Yeah, just didn’t sleep well last night I guess.” He smiled and laughed a little. “Yep. Been there more times than I’d like to admit.”

As the Russo brothers called action again, you attempted your sequence for what seemed like the 10th time. When you missed your punch you sighed, and called out “Sorry!” with frustration. 

“Cut!” The Russo brothers looked at each other and said “How about everyone take 10.”

The crowd started to disperse and you walked off set to your water bottle. Sebastian followed you, and gave you a concerned look. “You sure you’re doing okay? You used to be able to do this kind of thing no problem. Seriously, what’s up?”

You shook your head and took a sip of your water. “I was thinking the same thing. I don’t know what’s going on,” you lied.  You set your water back down on the ground, but when you straightened up again, a wave of dizziness hit you. You reached out for something to grab onto, but the only thing was Sebastian’s arm. He straightened up and held one hand on your arm and the other on your back to support you. “Woah, you okay there?”

You nodded, even though you couldn’t really hear what he had said. You knew what he asked. A wave of nausea hit you and you got this weird taste in your mouth. You got tunnel vision, and started seeing spots. You shook your head and your legs gave out. Sebastian caught you and helped you down to the ground.

Not knowing exactly what to do, he tried to figure out what had just happened and why. He called out for one of the set medics, and they rushed over, checking you over. You came to after a few minutes, confused as to why there were now 2 people standing over you and how you had gotten to the ground. You tried to sit up but the medic and Sebastian stopped you, gently pushing you back on the ground. 

The medic packed up, saying “Your blood pressure is extremely low. I’ll tell the Russo brothers to have you sit the rest of the day out. You should get some rest, and eat a decent meal tonight.” You widen your eyes and sat up, ignoring their protests. “No, I’m fine, really. I just got up too fast. No big deal.”

Sebastian looked at you, concern and confusion on his face. “y/n, you just fainted. You need to take the day. It’s not exactly a suggestion.”

You sighed and brought a hand to your pounding head. Sebastian nodded to the medic, silently telling him that he could handle it from here, and he left, leaving the two of you.

Sebastian sighed. “Hey, since I won’t be needed for what they work on, why don’t we chill out for the rest of the day? Might be nice to have some downtime together.”

You looked at him for a few seconds, weighing your options. There was no way anyone would let you do anything but rest. Might as well not be alone. Nodding, he helped you up gently, heading to your trailer. You were grateful it was just the two of you, and no one else had seen what had just happened. It was embarrassing to say the least, and a really close call. No one knew how sick you actually were.

The two of you decided to have a movie marathon of the previous Marvel movies. Sebastian would add funny commentary or fun behind the scenes information as the two of you watched, and despite what had just happened, you were having a great time.

That is, until it was getting late enough for dinner. Sebastian paused the movie mid-credits and turned to you. “Now, what do you want? I can head down to where the caterers are and grab something while you stay here.”

You tried not to look completely panicked while also looking for a response quickly. You knew you couldn’t talk yourself out of this, but you also didn’t think you could eat something even if you wanted to. You decided to try to avoid the situation by saying “I, uh… I’m not crazy hungry. I’m just like, super nauseous from earlier.”

He gave you a strange look. “You didn’t join us for lunch earlier today though. And you heard the medic earlier today. You need to eat something.”

You looked down at your lap. Yep. That didn’t work. You cleared your throat and crossed your arms, standing up and walking around a little. “I dunno I guess.”

He shifted his weight before stepping closer. “What’s really going on here?” he asked gently, and you averted your gaze.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know -”

“I think you do,” he said, stepping closer and making you look at him. “What am I missing here?”

You sighed and looked down at your feet which weren’t far from Sebastian’s. You tried to look for the right words to say, opening your mouth but no words coming out. You didn’t know how to tell him, but you couldn’t talk yourself around this any other way.

“I just don’t really want anything to eat right now, is that a crime?” you tried. He tilted his head and asked “When was the last time you ate something?”

You snapped your head up and gulped. You shook your head. “Seb -”

“Y/n.” he said more firmly, and you knew this was it. You looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze out of shame. “A few days ago,” you whispered.

But Sebastian heard you and took a step forward. “What - what do you mean a few days ago?” You stepped back and turned your back to him, feeling incredibly uncomfortable right now. You could feel anxiety building up inside you, “Look, I’m sorry okay? I’m - I can’t… I’m sorry, it’s just -”

He turned you around and you searched his face for anger, disappointment, disapproval, something, but all there was was genuine concern.”You don’t have to apologize, I just...Why? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

You sighed, trying to look for a better answer than the one you were about to give. When it was obvious that you couldn’t, you hang your head a little, saying “ It’s just - everyone here has their place. And everyone here is perfect. And I don’t know… Everyone’s just so ripped, Anthony being obsessed with his thighs, it’s just a lot. I don’t know… I just don’t feel like I’m worthy of being here. And I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do so I tried to fix it.”

It was then that you looked back up at Sebastian, and you didn’t know how it was possible, but now he looked even more concerned. He didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to know the right thing to say. “What made you think that?”

You shrugged. “I dunno. I just felt like I had to earn my spot here.”

He shook his head. “Y/n, listen to me. You don’t need to earn your spot here. You’re already a part of this family. You were casted for a reason and you prove that every damn day you’re here.”

You shook your head for a moment. “Also, where’d you get the idea that we’re all perfect? Because we’re not.” He laughed for a second. “We’re all far from it. And don’t mind Anthony, that’s just a thing he does. I don’t really get it either. But none of us are perfect.”

You bit your lip for a second. “I don’t know, it’s just… Like it started as a small thing but now...I’m just not even sure I could fix this if I tried. I just wanted to be better than I was I guess.” You shook your head. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“That’s okay,” he said. You looked at him with a confused expression. “It’s okay that you don’t know what to do. But it’s not okay to keep hurting yourself like this. You’ll get sick and days like today will happen more often. No one wants that. We all love you here.”

You laughed for a second, not believing him. “We do,” he said a little more firmly. “You’re a part of our team now. Our crazy, chaotic, mess of a team that we are. No escaping us now,” he said, smiling at you. You laughed a little, nodding your head. “Thank you,” you said, looking up at him.

He shrugged it off. “Nothing to thank me for. Now, how about I go down to catering, get us both something, and then we can go from there. Okay?” Sensing your hesitancy, he added, “I’ll be here to talk you through it if you need. We can watch a movie or just talk, whichever you prefer. Yeah?” 

You paused, looking between the floor and Sebastian, while he looked at you hopefully. Slowly, you nodded your head. “Yeah,” you said. A little more sure of yourself, you said, “Yeah, sounds good.”

He smiled at you and gave his head a nob. “Alright, I’ll be right back then.” You gave him another smile and sat back down as he left, leaving you alone in your trailer. You let out the breath you didn’t know you had been holding and put your head between your hands. When Sebastian came back, you sat up again, trying to hide the tears in your eyes. He smiled at you and sat down next to you, handing you a container of y/f/f. You just held it, staring at it. You had no idea how you were supposed to eat that. It’s like you had forgotten how.

Sebastian sensed your building anxiety. “Hey,” he said, and you looked at him. “One step at a time, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah. One step.”

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