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antigonenikk · 1 month

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do i dare//disturb the universe?

words: 1621

chapter 1/?

pairing: eugene sledge/john “bucky” egan

summary: Eugene Sledge and John Egan are both adrift in the wake of the War. They find each other in a small bar in a small corner of Chinatown. And the rest, as they say, is history.

also posted on my ao3: @wintersangels69

"And indeed there will be time

To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”

Time to turn back and descend the stair,

With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —

(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)

My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,

My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —

(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)

Do I dare

Disturb the universe?

In a minute there is time

For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

-The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

—————————————————————

There were certain things he couldn’t do anymore. Certain things he couldn’t take. And one of them was sitting still. After- well, after, there had been talk of sending him back stateside. Buck had headed back to Wyoming soon as V-E Day and went, and Bucky was right behind him. That was, before the goddamned Docs put a stop to it. As they so helpfully pointed out, Buck had had time to recover. Had been fed and watered and was back to looking like a real human being in between his rescue and his transfer back to East Anglia. Not so with Bucky. According to medical personal on base, Bucky wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere for at least six months. See, Bucky was down to 125 lbs, half his teeth had rotted out somewhere between Bremen and Berlin, he had sores all on his feet infected and peeling from frostbite, and to top it all off he had what the Docs were calling “mono-nueropathy of the upper limb” which really just meant that his left arm kept fucking twitching. Wouldn’t goddamn stay still. All of this combined meant that Bucky himself would have to stay still. And for a long time.

It was killing him, honest to God. Buck had given him a sort of sympathetic look before he was set to leave, standing awkward by his bedside. Like he was asking John for forgiveness. For what, he couldn’t be quite sure. For leaving maybe. But it seemed lately like Buck was always leaving. Those last few months marching from one camp to the next, he had started to forget Buck’s face. The color of his eyes. The way his eyebrow would twitch when he thought something was especially funny. All he could remember was the back of his head, gleaming and golden and leaving him. Always, always leaving. But that’s how it was, wasn’t it? With people like him. Unnatural, too loud, too brash, cloying and clinging and desperate for an ounce of human touch or feeling. It never worked. No matter what he did. Whether he was loud or quiet, strong or weak, joyful or stoic. He’d made himself into a million different men between the time of his birth and the time of his discharge from the military hospital, and none of them had ever warranted anything but the back of some poor fucker’s head. He’d had a lot of time to think on that, while recovering. He’d heard the boys in the middle of the night cry out, and he’d try and pace with his stupid fucking feet, and he’d stare out the windows as the nurses fussed over him, and he’d think. About Buck. About Leaving. About Home. About what any of it all meant now that he’d survived. What were you supposed to do, after you had spent years sure you would die, trying desperately to do anything you could to survive? What did it mean to live after all of that? It seemed to Bucky like everyone around him had it figured out. Everyone but him.

He wasn’t pathetic enough to follow Gale to Wyoming. He’d had a letter delivered two weeks before his release about the wedding. And that was great. Real great. He wanted to be angry, but he knew he wouldn’t have come to the thing even if he’d been able to, even if the wedding had been held off until he could walk on his own two feet. They were young, and in love, Gale and Marge, like two fucking little Dresden Dolls, perfect happy life perfect happy family. He would have ruined it anyways. And now there was no place for him. All those nights, the soft brush of a hand in his hair, whispering, love you, Buck, love you, and never once hearing it in return. There was no place for him there. They discharged him in April 1946, after months of grueling recovery and only a handful of letters, and he headed out for somewhere. Somewhere else.

From the top deck of the boat, crowded on all sides, he could feel the breeze in his hair, and it didn’t feel like freedom should have. It just felt like more nothing.

—————————————————————

He was back on Peleliu in the dream, for some reason. Sid was above him, blood leaking from his open mouth. He hadn’t known what to do. He tried to call for a Corpsman, but the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t move his arms couldn’t move his legs just the oppressive heat drowning him. And then he’d felt fingers in his mouth, and he’d looked up, and there was Merriell, his glacier blue eyes wide with unhinged glee, a knife in hand, tearing out his back molar. He tried to scream, tried to tell him. It’s me. It’s me. But the image shifted. And instead of Merriell it was him, Eugene, grinning at him beneath the pelting rain. He pulled out his own teeth, one by one, his face in an approximation of a smile, laughing, and then-

He woke up silently. He couldn’t help it if he tried. The memory of that noise, the shovel hitting the poor fucker whose name he never learnt, the memory wouldn’t let him ever get to anything but a choked out whine in his sleep. No matter how bad the dreams got. His mind knew, vaguely, that he was back home. But his body was still on that airfield, in the middle of a warm wet hell, saying, “It was him or us.”

He wasn’t gonna be able to sleep. So instead he wandered downstairs, watching the sun rise through the curtains. College, of course, had been a bust. He was technically on break and set to return in the fall, but he knew deep down he wasn’t going back. Couldn’t stand to look in the eyes of people his age and see souls lurking back there. The resentment within him bubbled up each time he saw souls that still lived and breathed and hadn’t been left back with a crying baby in Okinawa. And besides, he couldn't stand their smug indifference, as if any of them knew what it had been like in the thick of it. Half of them hadn’t even served, and the other half kept talking about the European Theatre like it meant something to him. They’d been back home for a year before he’d had an inkling of returning to the waking world, and it showed. While they celebrated Hitler’s defeat he was in a foxhole being shot at, losing his humanity inch by inch.

Part of him wanted to go to New Orleans. To ask why. Why. Why wasn’t he good enough for Merriell? Why did he leave him there, sleeping, on that train bound for Alabama? Part of him wanted to run down the street to Sid and Mary’s house and start screaming at the both of them. “I used to fuck your husband! I used to fuck him! And he left me there without saying fucking goodbye! He didn’t warn me!”

He didn’t warn me. And now it was all too late. He wouldn’t go back to school. And he’d been trying to survive for so long he couldn’t kill himself. And he couldn’t stand the thought of New Orleans and the rejection he’d find there. And going to Sid’s was really just a funny little fantasy, something to indulge in when he was feeling real low and wanted to cry for the sake of crying. There was nowhere left to go, nowhere really. And he couldn’t stay here.

The urge to flee came inside of him and started tapping at the walls of his chest. He had to get out of Mobile. He had to leave, now.

In his room he spent an hour packing the essentials. His Bible from the War tucked into his back pocket. A few changes of clothes. Soap and a razor and a second pair of shoes. A book by Eliot. It was funny. Before the war, he always thought Eliot was a real sop. Could never get into the lilting rhymes. But now, it seemed reading Four Quartets or Alfred Prufrock was the only thing that could get him to calm down when the noise reached unbearable levels inside his own head.

There was only one thing for it, really. New York. The idea called to him, deep in his bones. He could feel it. He could belong in New York. He could be as inverted as he wanted to be and no one would bat an eye if he picked the right neighborhood. He could hide among the faces of strangers and forget that the word sledgehammer existed in the English dictionary. It would be like Peking. Which he had learned to love so dearly. The noise and the beautiful tonal language, the bright lights and the rickshaws. Maybe he’d move to Chinatown even. He knew the language alright, and he’d never felt as at home as when he was dining with one of the host families last winter. Yes. Yes. This would be good. This would be a fresh start.

He left a letter to his parents. He didn’t want to give it more thought than it needed. A swift separation was for the best. It was only a matter of time before they too got sick of him, and sent him to the hospital, having seen the weakness and the black ooze at the heart of him.

By noon he was on a train headed due North, set to run into the open embrace of a new city. Set to run straight into the back of one John Egan.

#fanfiction #cranked this bad boy out at 4am lmaoooo #im dedicated to this crossover pairing now so beware!!!!!#john bucky egan #john egan #eugene sledge #the pacific #masters of the air #post canon au #i love u buck i love u snafu i love u sid but u guys r not in this one !!#i decided to singlehandedly END the yearning train #yearning js out being madly in love with ur boyfriend in new york is IN #they should have been at the club and so im writing them at the club!!! in the next chapter lmao #its going to be giving scudder maurice vibes ok its going to be giving second chance at love love at first sight vibes #i promise ill finish this fic it wont be like my stranger things one

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abiik · 4 years

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OH MY GOD THE BOYS THEY'RE OKAY THEY'RE SAFE DAD IS FEEDING THEM GIVING THEM SOUP

#h talks.#joo meok's big smile when jeong hyeok added more to his bowl despite having a busted up face #dont think about pyo mentionin way back in the 1st ep his abusive father dont think about it dont do it h dont do it dont do it dont do it d #cloy lb

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mejomonster · 2 years

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Still watching 1000 stars and

Genuinely this is really good. Very much Like Crash Landing On You, I am expecting tians secret to come out about either torfun or his health condition or both and require him to go back to his family in the city, and switch the plot location somewhat to there instead. With the big contrast between the village and the city highlighted again

Love that chief loved torfun as a sister because that decouples her from the romance focus a bit, Tian falls for chief on his own and vice versa, and AGAIN like crash landing on yous commander-fiance there's a 3rd party in the picture as far as affecting things but not feelings wise. I just see a LOT of similarities to crash landing on you, if you loved that kdrama and would like some reminiscent vibes check out 1000 stars. Or if you'd like similar story beats but in a bl, or with less high stakes action tension.

In a way I very much fear Tian is the one who drove the car that hit torfun. Because he was planning to race that night. I am very afraid but also feel that is probably the case. Because it would be like destiny, connect them even more than just sharing a heart. He could've randomly got sick, randomly needed an organ, a random death donates it. That's how it is for generally all people who get organ transplants. Tian could have still found out who the person was and admired how they lived and wanted to emulate them.

But what's going to hit hardest in the plot and in my heart? If he was driving the car. If his playing his life away got her killed. Almost got them both killed. That's heavy on my heart and a dark place for the story to go but I'm betting that's where it's headed. Tians guilty dream? The thing he doesnr admit Even in the dream so he wakes up? I think it's that he might have been driving a car that night she died.

Also Tian is such a fascinating character to me. When he gets to the village it reminds me a lot of CLOY protagonist, except hes already willing to adjust and adapt for personal reasons, so he does quickly. And he wasn't all bad as scenes with Tul from the past show. But he also put up with corruption until after his life was saved, he got angry when he was sick. And most curious is hes a very good liar. Good at lying to torfuns aunt, good at lying to his parents. Good at lying to chief about how he knows torfun in a somewhat true fashion. Good at presenting things in the best way for him possible. I don't think he tried being honest to people he cared about as much until after the heart transplant. And for a protagonist it's an interesting quality, to be such a natural liar, in a situation built by his lies, but also wanting to minimize his own lying when possible. He's not a pure hearted hero, and we just see glimpses of what he thought of himself before. But we are seeing him on a path of growth.

The chief Really reminds me of CLOYs love interest. Except he's got less family baggage (tians got the cloy love interests rich family baggage lol). This show really has a nice mix and variation on CLOYs story setup. But the personal nature of torfun dying and the heart transplant and who killed her is going to make this uniquely personal with Tian holding a lot of guilt, in a way CLOYs love story didn't have.

Also his friend Tul. Love that actor so much since seeing him in theory of love. Love him in this. He's phenomenal. I want him in more shows ToT

#1000 stars lb #1000 stars #if u cant tell im loving this drama i highly recommend #crash landing on you #it reminds me a TON of CLOY while still being uniquely its own thing #now see like. i like bad buddy as a rom com but to me 1000 stars has more solid writing #all the side characters are fleshed out. the main characters lives outside romance i GET

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stormkrigeren · 4 years

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Clark: *carries all the groceries in both arms*

Lois: *reaches out to help*

Clark: *switches all the groceries to one arm to hold Lois' hand*

Lois: That's not what I- okay

#lois lane #clark kent #lois lane x clark kent #clois #smallville #240 lbs of Kansas Beef #fluff

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feral-gaze · 4 years

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i haven’t trusted lee ji hoon ever since his role in the legend of the blue sea. i knew that guy was batshit crazy

#dinner mate #kdrama #lee ji hoon #seo ji hye #lb #also the CLOY reference really hit differently #i literally screamed

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iamfitzwilliamdarcy · 4 years

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LOIS LANE SWEPT OFF HER FEET

#lnc #lois & clark lb #clois #katie watches lnc

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eye-searing · 5 years

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i had this idea/started this like a week ago and IVE FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!

its an oc meme!!!

Characters in order: Treasure, Wolf, Belladonna, Solar, Cloy, Mewko, Nightwave, Wither, Flora, Suncrash, Ricochet.

This is eleven of the twelve mc’s in Logicbomb. Chirop isn’t here, shes very probably the one saying “i love you” and would also prolly just respond with an “i love you too”

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darthspideys · 5 years

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CLOIS THEYRE BACK THANK GOD. I MISSED THEM SO MUCH

#mom and dad are back #clois #elseworlds #elseworlds crossover #gabby lb esleworlds #supergirl

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atanearerdistance · 6 years

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Karamels, I present to you the dream scenario of how Kara finds out about the power of the Legion Rings (also known as: if this actually happened with Kara and Mon-El I would explode from feels).

#karamel #clois #smallville 10x04 #supergirl #karamel lb #pro karamel #karamel club soda #supergirl lb #clois 10x04 #mon-el defense squad #kara and mon-el #clark and lois #mon-el and kara #mon-el x kara #kara x mon-el

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zitkaplushie · 4 years

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i feel like i've said this before but holy fuck jensen and kristin have a ridiculous amount of chemistry

#i checked my lb tag and yup i've said this before #i stand by it #i wish they would've done a movie together or something else where they were a couple #i mean hey it's not too late!! @ hollywood make it happen #reyes.txt #reyes watches smallville #i'm rewatching it rn bc i miss clois #i started from s4 bc i cannot deal with chloe

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melonypanda · 10 months

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My Adventures with Superman 1x4 You Will Believe A Man Can Lie

(also i have fixed the numbering cuz I did not realize there was a part 1 and 2 of the first episode so they were off)

The idea of Jimmy and Clark sharing an apartment is so comedic I love it I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before

Jimmy is the 3rd wheel to Lois knowing his secret and Clark trying to hide it it’s great

SHE DID THE GLASSES DRAWING ON CLARK

Clark is so bad at hiding his powers lmao I love it

Neither of them have a subtle bone in their body I love them sm

Update: my dad came in and sat with me and watched half the episode i call this a win (re: my last post)

This Steve dude is so Sea Hawk Coded

Why does Lois lane have handcuffs. I love that she has handcuffs but why

Also I keep only seeing the yellow part of the S and I can’t unsee it

[im sorry Superman pls don’t kidnap me like the others]

[tell us what you know or my friend here will worry excessively about your welfare]

They know exactly the fans they are writing this for

[superman suPerManNnN cLaRKkKkKKkK!!!]

Aughhh the writing is so good and clear I actually understand the villain’s reasoning for once

Also I knew it was slade but like actually seeing his suit aksjkdjfkjg’gkmgkgm

When he came out with his flaming swords they slap

Also idk entirely slade’s backstory but him being aGeNT wilSoN is just idk something daddy fuck

also whoever does the closed captioning is great cuz they do not just put the words but also the speaker if they’re off screen and it really helps with my auditory processing so I’m not confused so props to them

BLUDHAVEN THE REFERENCE TO MY NIGHTWING CITY

they really thought about every single scene like I have found 0 plot holes so far and I’m usually so critical of them

Amanda Waller looked exactly like imagined her

Classic Lois trust fall for Clark I love it

Adjfkfjklfjfkjj the angst i cri they’re fighting

Also rip to Jimmy I kinda forgor about him also

The fact that he actually found Bigfoot

Notice how this episode ended on a sad note and the ending credits are actually sad and there’s no walking human

The writers thought of everything oh my god

#my adventures with superman spoilers #my adventures with superman #maws lb #maws jimmy olsen #maws #mawsm #maws clark kent #maws clois #maws lois lane #maws spoilers #maws superman

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